Morning Good - Divine Breasts - Episode 272

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

News from Bed steals Michael's podcast from him. I wonder what will happen???

Waking up in the morning and it's time for morning good. That's time for morning good. A morning good. James, you see where your ass is? Yeah. That's like the edge of the frame. Okay. So people are going to want that ass.

Yeah. We'll start like... Oh, we started. Yeah, now we're redoing it. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. No, we're redoing it.

This is officially now the beginning of the morning good podcast. Welcome to the morning. Oh, there we go. You're a coyote d'enis. You got a... Keep your headphones, I don't want to make the headphones like to make my hair look so cool.

No, you just keep... Keep this behind the fluke. Okay, okay, there you go. You look like Diplo. Yeah, now listen to this. Welcome to Horton you. Ooh, I like that. Doesn't that fire you up?

Dude, the soundboard's fucking sick, man. Fires me up. Can we, we should get my dad to have, like, to have, like, a nice thing he says about me that we put on there. Yeah. I love you, Michael. I actually support you.

So this is a boomer story. I actually saw them live. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Were you rolling? Yeah, I was on Molly. Yeah, I toured. I followed them, you know.

Dude, I always thought it'd be so funny to get like a Taylor Swift concert. He's like, full idiot-duty-during face. And just like talking to people like, bro, do you have any... Do you have more Molly dude? I'm like coming down. I need like point four more. And your hair like drips down and so they're like, oh shoot, we gotta get Michael some ketamine. Yeah.

Ding! Dude, I got a cell tower in here. I'm hearing everyone's phone calls. Michael's hair is 5G. Five good. Wait, I do want to see it. It's a puppet lemur? So it's a puppet that also they have a real lemur that it'll like...

Because that one looks real. That's a real lemur. They'll be like, they'll be like, oh, yeah, Zabu running away. And then he'll just be a real lemur. And then he'll come and talk to them and he'll be a puppet. Oh, okay. Oh, I see it. You know what?

I will say this as a big monkey guy. I kind of got an issue with lemurs. I think they're just like a discounted bunker. Like it's like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got wild lemurs in there. Are you serious? Yeah.

Dude, when did that happen? Wait, there's wild lemurs. There's wild lemurs here. And wild parrots. We live in a tropical hellscape of animals. I know there's wild parrots here. I didn't know wild lemurs. Wait, where they fucking live?

In the trees. Well, I'm saying, like, what part of... Like, what is it? Like, where do you go to see them? Dude, I don't know. I was in a park, like, maybe 30 minutes north. and there was just like three lemurs in the park. Oh, wow.

Are you fucking serious? That's fucking insane. Yeah, for real. I know there's wild macaque monkeys like in Ocala. Right. But what now? Macac. Macac.

So fucking, Macac monkeys. We went, I went with my family and it was like a whole day they planned. They still will do, I visit town the perfect amount where they still want to like, it's special when I come to town. It's starting to become unspecial.

Like there's a couple times. It's special to us. Thank you. I'll tell you that. Yeah. Well, that's why I, that's why I want. to eat a tequito here because I wanted to

last time I was here I was like I have food I want to have the air Yeah I wanted to show you guys that I am Me again but then immediately I'm like Oh you have a gym here I'm gonna go hit it right afterwards Yeah with your hair you were Last time you're here you reminded me of that

Chocolate lady from SpongeBob Oh yeah yeah We had to rub stuff all over you Yeah yeah You were like a pet Yeah I was dying yeah To like bomb Michael Yeah but the macaques is so fucking funny

because we went there and everybody at the park's like, oh, you just missed him. They were just, there was just a pack of monkeys here. And you're fucking, they're migrating. You can't even catch them? Yeah.

Oh my God. They have fucking really bad diseases because they're closer to humans. And they, yeah, they can give you like herpes and shit. Really? If you have sex with them? Without a condom,

yeah. Welcome to morning. That's crazy. Really. Yeah. You should get up. Tell the lemur. You have to be like,

hey, look. You do that anonymous text website? Bro, I got one of those. You ever get one of those? I don't know if it was just a prank. But I got one where it was like, it was right after I did raw dog somebody. Yeah. I got one of those like test yourself for a chlamydia.

I've never got an SDD. Oh, really? Yeah, no, I'm very, I'm like terrified of getting SDDs. I like wear condoms all the time. That probably works if you're like scared enough. Like your penis will be like, I'm not going to allow this. Also, it doesn't, if I might be wrong about STDs in general, but like, doesn't like, don't you need to have like a bloody penis? Yes.

Because you have to put like a bloody penis into. A bloody ass? A bloody ass. Well, for 80s. Yeah. There's other ones that are fluid or like just skin touch base. Ooh. Yeah, I mean, I have herpes one, but everybody has herpes one.

355% of the population has herpes one. That's the mouth sore one? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got it in like eighth grade, which was a cool time to get it. Right. And I've never real early. Yeah, yeah, I've never had one since. So it's like I got one cold sore.

Is it? But I've had them on the insides. So does that mean I have it? It's a canker sore. It's a cancors. It's a cancors. It's when you got like on the side here and it looks like. Oh, it looks like I have herpes zero.

That's good. It's funny that this is so much louder than. It's also so funny that you were like, we're going to do my podcast on Michael's podcast. You're like, if we're recording my apartment, I'm putting in the soundboard at every two seconds. Yeah. Well, it is funny. You mentioned that because, you know, when you decided you wanted to come over here and do the pod, you know, last time it was great. But me and James kind of looked at each other and we're like, we should have something ready to go up.

Present. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe not a present, but like a surprise. Maybe not a. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I like never. I never come to town. So you guys kind of shit out. Yeah. Yeah. We got to like step it up. That's why I bought you the tequito. Like,

Michael's in town. That was, that was really nice. I haven't eaten a 7-11 tequito in so long. I used to, okay, morning hood, y'all. Okay, let's see what this is.

Let's see what this is. Maybe she'll, so I prepared a little presentation here. It's the five worst episodes of morning. Okay. Here we go. I just thought it would be a fun little thing. This is, you might zoom in a little bit?

Yeah, I want to, can I zoom in or I wonder if I should download? How is Paxton going to edit this into the episode? Paxton is not going to touch this episode? I'm doing everything. Okay. Just scroll. You don't have to, you can just scroll. We're just going to scroll.

So these are the five worst episodes. So you told me, this is what Michael did, by the way. He was like, hey, guys, can you do the pot on Monday? Make sure you watch all the modern newest stuff to make sure you're caught up. Right. As if there's some narrative. What's narrative? Michael Skinny.

a slut. It's been like a two-year narrative. I got the idea. What is this? HBO's girls. So me and James, we like sat down and we had, you should have seen it.

We had like six different TVs going at the same time. Oh, yeah. And we were watching it. And we had bunch of different headphones. Ironically, it was easier to set that up than this episode. Right.

Yeah. But now, it's funny because I, I didn't do any of this. This was all. Oh, yeah. So I actually, We watched most of like the last year just to make sure we caught up.

And then I just kept going. I couldn't stop myself. So I actually just started listening to all of your older episodes that maybe some of your newer listeners. Haven't heard. Haven't heard of. And I want to show a spotlight to you because you're a smaller podcast than us. And I want to make sure that you get that, you know, that bump. Oh, I appreciate that.

You know, because we're at 1,000 and you're still at 989. Right. And I made sure to check that before I left the house. And so maybe those 11, you know, this will bump you those 11. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I miss this guy. This is the one that got you fired from jobs I mean that's...

Look at this fat. Look at all that fat under my chin. This is like... Like this, I think, Michael, if you... I think it's time for like an update because this is like, got to go. Every single person is like, you need to change your headshot. You do need to change the other way.

I want to get a fatter headshot. Yeah. Put like a filter on it? Dude, like an old guy filter. Oh, yeah. That is kind of fun. Also, Michael, word on the street. let me make a little edit to this here

are you going to make the penis smaller just a little make the boner on the cover a little smaller yeah your your boner starts like here and then it has like a real down okay but you know the thing you're not realizing a real economic downturn the Dow Jones is crashing

I'm gonna stop you criminals right here a boner people also don't realize is coming up so it looks like it's just going out That's actually... Oh, right, right, right. Let me... A bonner goes up. Yeah.

So you're actually missing... It looks like it'll... You think, oh, it just goes across. But you're actually getting all that length down there as well. Right. So this image... Your dick starts at your upper five. Yes.

Yes. And it goes like this. Yes. Sorry, this is hard to draw up. But it kind of comes up here. By the way, if you're an audio listener, how about you just watch the YouTube video of this one? Because it's a very interactive visual podcast.

Yes, that is what might be. That's an exact replica. Like a child's fist. Like a toddler's arm and a fist. Yes. Yeah. It is a little bit like the stick shift in my PT Cruiser that I'm probably going to buy. Is it a stick?

It's not a stick, but it has like, the parking gear is like this long. Yeah. So you're like, time to reverse. That's kind of fun. That's like a, what's that, what's that thing with the, where there were the crazy glasses, like the space punk? Not space punk. What's it called? Cyberpunk.

Not cyberpunk. the other punk thing, the steam punk. Steam punk. Yeah, you're like a weird conductor from like Maddemex. Oh yeah. You're just like hit a button in wings play. Yeah, yeah. The PT Cruiser is the most steampunk vehicle. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I drove a fucking Tesla today. That was a fucking nightmare, dude. It's worst day. I like Haiti-Lon Musk. Fuck that guy.

What's wrong with the Tesla? I couldn't find a charging port, so now I hate him completely. Oh. There's one at the Wawa, but... Yeah, yeah. There's some Wawaws don't have them, so it's up to multiple Wawwawwals. And it is funny to be driving a Tesla and you're like, no, I can't find a charger. I am a giant cut. Also, what the fuck happened with him? Not to deal real.

He had a son punch him in the face. Did you see that? No. Was that his son? Apparently he asked his son to punch him in the face. Right. He had like a black eye or like a fat lip or something. Yeah, yeah.

He wanted to like show his son. Dude, it's insane. That guy's on fucking ketamine every day. Oh yeah. And you can tell. There's like videos where he's like, yeah. Like he's like, ugh. By the way, now that that Tesla thing out,

I'm actually anti-ketamine. Every previous morning good. I'm like, it's not even bad for you. No, no. Now it's an Elon Musk thing. I don't like him because Tesla's. Okay, it means bad. Anyways, the worst episodes of Morning Good.

Right. So these are the top five worst episodes of Morning Good. Starting with number five. Everyone's favorite, the Menendez brothers. Oh, yeah. This one, this was post-murder Menendez. Yeah, I thought it was an odd timing because once you found out about the court case and that they had murdered both their parents, you were like, well, it's going to want the show.

Well, I kind of thought I wanted to hear their side of the murder because I've never killed somebody. So I kind of want to know what it's like from the killer's perspective. Right, right. And, you know, it might actually get some more views now because they put that show on Netflix about them. You know what's... I try to interview their parents, but if you put a microphone up to a grave,

it doesn't really say anything. Right, right. Ghost interview. You know what's funny to me is Jackson Menendez. I don't know their names, but the guy in the left has... Jackson and Wyoming Menendez. He has the exact same lower body as me, I noticed. Yeah, kind of the same shaped head.

hair. And the same Clarkson baseball shorts, which seems to be the same number. That's interesting. Strange. Well, maybe he borrowed your clothes. That is your old apartment. Yeah, that's true. They were in prison.

Maybe they showed up in the, did they show up in the orange? I'm asking as if Michael isn't here. Okay, so when the Menendez brother showed up to my apartment, I'm so bad at him. It's okay. We'll go to the next one. Once again, if you're listening on podcasts, hop on to YouTube. Number four, you know, Keanu Reeves and Adolf Hitler. I think this one was more of like a failure on your part for like matching your guests.

I think after this one you really figured out like, let me make sure these people have like a vibe. Let me make sure that they can like have a conversation. True, true. Because I mean, Keanu and Hitler have almost nothing in common. Kanye and Hitler would be a good one. And the hard part is like I thought they knew each other. Right. What happened was sometimes I do very last minute things with guests where I'm like, okay, I got to get people on and I got to just reach out of people on Instagram.

and I saw that Hitler liked a couple of Keanu Reeves' videos I thought... Uncle Lager is a faggit. Sorry. I loved... There was no part of your eyes

that were listening to me when I was talking. Your hand is just on the soundboard and I could just see your eyes go like, wait till he stops talking and I'm going to hit this button. That is a big problem I will say. That says Uncle Lager is a faggit.

That's a big problem with news from bed. I'll go and edit the episode and I'll like laugh at something James said. I'm like, this was pretty funny. I didn't even notice you said it during the podcast. It's so focused. So focused on the production. Yeah, well, I do appreciate the production value.

And yeah, as I said, I saw Hitler liked a couple of Kiana. Kianu, right? Keanu. Yeah, he liked a couple things. He had some tweets about The Matrix. So I thought that maybe they would know each other and they do not. Yeah. So just no vibe, you know?

I would love to see Michael tell Hitler. He's got to hold the mic above the corner. Hey, hey, these are shitty my guns. You got to... Also, I like how Keanu elected to not sit on the couch and said he would kneel before the couch. That's really nice.

Do you want to say this? He was kneeling to me not to Adolf. Right. He was like, I support the Michael good... Experience. Yes, I do not... He never disavowed Hitler, but he was kind of like

I'm more a Michael guy. Right, right. I would love to see a picture of you, like in this order, Hitler, Keanu and you, and Keanu's got his arms like hovering above your bodies. Because you know how he's... Yeah, he doesn't touch women. He notably does not sexually assault women. Like in photos and press who like always have like just his hand just over there.

Yeah, it's just kind of nearby. Oh, great to meet you. Well, great to meet you, Mr. Hitler. Why is he kind of Asian, but he's not? He is Asian. Oh, he is? Yeah, he is Asian. Okay, just making sure.

Yeah, he's got a part of him. Reaves, most Asian. Nice name. Yeah. I think he's got, he's like a, he's like an eighth Asian or something. He's got like a distant Asian in him. He definitely has the Asian charisma where he just kind of doesn't express himself very much. Yeah, that's an, if you, everything about him is Asian other than his eyes.

Yeah. Like everything about him is like Korean film director. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's go on number three. Number three, one of my, I think this one was probably the worst one I had seen for my personal taste. Okay. One of my least favorites, it's Patty DeFino and Matt Bow. Okay.

These, oh, this was in my, I forgot, this was in my jeans era. Oh, yeah. I luckily escaped that era. A nice light wash gene? A nice light wash gene. You know, this was, I'm very pale. Matt Bowman, very uninterested. I think he was in the midst of having a child around this time.

Yeah. So could you imagine, by way, can you imagine doing a podcast when you're about to have a kid? You're like, I don't know, man. You're like, why would you? I don't. Yeah, yeah. Sure. Maybe people Down syndrome could go.

to the moon. I don't care. I'm about to be a father. And it's like, yeah, you and me are like, what if, like, you had, like, boobs on your back? Yeah. Like, I don't know, dude. I'm like... Yeah, yeah. He's, like, holding her hand through labor, and he gets a thing. Hey, man, someone just dropped out. Can you come

doing the pod? Can you do the pod today? Well, I actually... This is, this brings me to another point. How are you going to get any views on this episode with your feet not showing and you have shoes on? That's true. How are any views going to Are you going to rely on these sweaty puppies up here? I do kind of like you guys doing the dirty work.

You guys are kind of like... We are doing literally the leg work. Yeah. You guys are the... We're like the two go-go dancers on your... Like... Yeah. Love shake, baby!

Just feet dancers. That would be really funny. The B-52 has just had guys with their feet. Just oiled up feet around them. All right, let's go to number four. By the way, I was it is. I fucking hate the B-50. My brother fucking...

I remember I went to school University of Georgia So he's like, dude, we have so much good music Comes out of Athens, the B-52s, R-E-M. I'm like, neither of those are good. Just the love check. R-E-M is good. B-52s is just not something you put in the same conversation as them. All right, this is the number two worst podcast.

Probably one of your least... By the way, I go through R-E-M sleep when I fucking was in R-A-M-A-H-H-A. So do you hit that every time there's a punchline? Listen, don't look in the weeds here. Okay, okay. Don't look in the june. Jimmy Weeds.

Isn't that a guy in New York? No. Was that your drug dealer? Hold on a second. You're going to look at Jimmy Weed? Why do I feel like it's a, it's another podcast you were breaking down? Yeah,

it's one of our fellow enemies. Yeah, this guy, right? Well, I don't know him. I don't like him immediately. Oh, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no. I like him. I like him. What do you mean?

Oh, no, no, no, no, scroll up, scroops. Oh, he's on very good. Cool. Oh, he's at the stand. Cool. No, no, no, please scroll up. don't know this guy at all. His face does suck. He looks like a fucking nerd politician.

He's a nice guy. There's a picture of him. His profile picture is amazing. It's him like Supermanning on a chair. So basically his penis, it's his penis against the top of a stool. And he's like got his hands. It looks like he's flying. And the penis is kind of like his stool. We should all individually recreate this photo and make it our profile picture.

Everyone in his script starts to have that as their profile. Patty Weeds. Patty. You know, he's also funny. Jimmy Weeds. You're not even following him back, dude. I know. He's following you and you're not following him back?

Yes, yes, yes. Wait. You review. Come on, give it a follow. I've never met this guy. I love New York for that reason. You'll just be like, you'll see a guy who's been doing stand-up and like, like, Patty has a hundred and three mutual friends with this guy.

I've never, I've never heard of two years, yeah. Never even seen him wander into Star Bar. So this is your, these are my personal opinions. It's not really any metric here. This is when you had 23 dogs on the show. Oh, this was a classic. I mean, it was just barking and you were trying. You were also frustrated.

Like, you can tell by his picture. You're like, they wouldn't hold a microphone close enough to their mouth. It's so annoying. Right. I mean, this is a tough one. It's hard to like, because everyone wants to talk at the same time. Right. Yeah.

And one squirrel goes by and immediately you lose track. Yeah, well, and then Jake, our roommate was vacuum cleaning the whole time. And they were scared. They were freaking out. They all got on the couch. Let's get a good. look at some of these dogs. Oh, yeah.

Well, some of them were exploding. This was, yeah. This is... Dying dogs? Yeah. Their face is looking... This is terrified. This one is just a lump of a dog.

I mean, I don't know. The one in front of it is just a goat. That just is a ghost face. Yeah. And then this one is close. It's kind of got an eye. None of them have eyes. All right.

This was one of your audio exclusive episodes. I had to do a little bit of... That's true. You have to do a little imagination. This is earlier on the podcast. So, yeah, I was like, who cares if they have eyes? But look at the one in the corner. These two on the left look great.

And the one facing a white, perfect dog. This, yeah, that one, yeah, that looks good. You can see a lot of frustration in my eyes for sure. Yeah, you look sad. But I'll tell you what, this was back in the days when you had the best living room in New York comedy. Oh, yes. Beautiful. Look at this.

You had even plants. Well, that's when, yeah, I was in a relationship. Right. Women had plants to the apartment. Yeah. And then she's like, why the fuck do you have 23 blind dogs? And I'm like, babe, it's literally for the podcast. You literally don't support anything.

I do. You literally, could you literally just believe in me for once? Come on, babe. 23 dogs. I don't know how they lost their eyes, but none of them have eyes. Well, that's good that you had them on to tell their story. Yeah. And then I think the number one worst episode, it was a very strange turn of events for you,

but maybe one of your earliest episodes, it was the Iraq War. Yes. Very strange. Just kind of you running around. Just weighing in on things. Just weighing in there. Just like, whoa, dude. You just blew up a hospital.

Yeah, that was not. I didn't, I wasn't a big fan of the Iraq War, but I will say it was kind of a double-edged sword. There were some really fun guys. Me and my buddies were listening to Call on Me by Eric Brides. Okay. And yeah, I mean, it did suck. I saw a lot of people lose their legs, but. That's where you met all those blind dogs. They were all Iraq War dogs. He had back to back the worst episodes in his podcast history. It was the Iraq War immediately followed by 23 dogs he met there. they were going to stone a woman to death for like, I don't know, trying to like read. And I think they hit all the dogs in the eyes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were going to stone that woman and you're like, wait, like, could a guy with Down syndrome drive a big truck?

This is like around the time, though, that me and James were like looking at Michael's podcast and we're like, we got to be on this thing because, you know, this is like the next big thing. Right. Yeah. Is Patty the most reoccurring guest on Morning Good? 100%.

There's no way he's not. I mean, he was on. It'll be gone. soon though. Who's your... It'll have to be. Let's lock the gates real quick. Go full Mark Byrne.

Who are your guys? Who are my guys? Gorman's on a lot. Oh, Joe's probably great. He is great. He is a... Yeah, he's great. He's very reliable.

He's always down to do it. He will say the most racist things and then just walk out into the street with a smile on his face. And he's like, yeah, don't edit any of that. I'm like, oh, okay. Okay, you're sure? but

the great part about him is everything he says is insane so people understand he's joking where me yeah I don't know I'm just terrified of people thinking

I'm racist all the time that is noise I heard a lot in Iraq war dude every time every time a woman was shot yeah it was that followed by

that you know what I'll be honest I did that last episode, just that, that little, everybody knows what that is. That is like a racist, uh, Islamic terrorist. That is maybe just the funnest voice. Just, just that, that

noise. Yeah. Is it racist or are they like, like, when they make that sound, are they like, hey, I'm going to the market. Do you want me to grab anything for you? That is a good point. Yeah, yeah. Because we don't know. I don't speak. Or they start, I think they're about to sing, um, self-esteem about the offspring. Oh.

La la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la i am brown and covered in sand We got to keep them separated The women from the men Uh yeah which one which i will say this I didn't know a lot of what was going on in the iraq war Was that was was that bad Because I had fun

Is that the bad one? Dude i had too much fun there And there's just one last slide that's not where the nine year old dudes were in dresses right Where was Kite Runner? That was around there in that area. Give me $45. James Donlin Venmo. Okay.

You know, I just added like a considerable amount of, you know, production value. Yeah, yeah. Is that for the Takedo that you got me? Yeah, the Takedo cost is calculated in with interest. That's factored. That's factored in. Okay, that's fair. James was actually on his way.

And when you said Takedo, he updated the PowerPoint in his car. Yeah, the cops tried to pull me over, but they're like, oh, he's not texting. He's making a power point. He's power. He slides. and driving. That is a good classic

like common stand-up comedy bit where they're like we're on our phones but these cops are on their laptops.

Like oh that's fair what are they doing on their laptops? Yeah it's illegal drink and drive only if I get caught Ah dude you know what happens

a lot down here I mean it happened in New York too but like I'll be like sitting at an open mic mic or a show I'm in the back and a guy will like

start a bit and then I'll be like in my head I'll be like the punchline is this and then they just says it like yep that was what I thought there's this guy he's a very nice guy but I always like remember that moment of like he was doing a bit and it was like

oh they're rebooting the rebooting saving private Ryan but it's about a guy that got his dick blown off it's called saving Ryan's privates oh yeah and I was like I called it and I was like all right sometimes the stand-up joke is just a tweet

you know some people should just tweet some stuff I think you should pull that guy aside and said what you have is different then look I'm gonna be I'm gonna be that would be a really just mean prank oh yeah to the worst comedian just like look I do not say this to people a lot and I want you to really listen you're insanely fucking talented and you need to never quit stand-up comedy look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me look I feel like black guys do that sometimes they're like bro you got it yeah whatever the thing is it's in you yeah and they're like hitting a blunt and I'm like I don't know

of like, I don't know if you're the arbiter of who's got it. I always use the word arbiter. Maybe if you were like a, wait, what's up? Is the word arbiter or word? Yeah, look it up. That is what we do have the thing up here. You know, you can't look up fucking Pornhub. I actually weirdly got on it the other day here.

I randomly like typed in Pornhub and it just took me to the website and I was like, how? I'm not even using a VPN. Really? Yeah, it just took me right there. Yeah, I feel like sometimes there's like a blind spot. Yeah, I love to say it's being like, give him a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Just give him a little bit.

A couple people can sneak through the border. Maybe it was Memorial Day. Maybe he did it as like a... Yeah, on holidays. Yeah. On troop-based American holiday. Fourth of July. Ah, I needed it.

They're going to shoot their family because of the fireworks if they don't jerk off. I'm sure people have talked about this, but it's so, like, incredible that porn hub, like, if it's on a holiday, they give you, like, that holiday's porn. Yeah. Like, there's people who are like, oh, it's Christmas. I'm going to get in the... the spirit of Christmas. It does like and whack off to like Mia Khalifa

stuck in a chimney. Yeah. But it does feel nice though. Like I barely watch like high production porn. Um, thank you sir. Um,

I barely watch high. He hates. Before being totally honest. I absolutely hate it. But, but I do see. Well, welcome to our domain.

That's right. I do see how much fun you're having. So I'm like, You know what I mean? It's like when your kids like hit you use a squirt gun And you're like this is annoying But I see how much they're enjoying it

Exactly Right We're just your kids hitting you with a squirt gun Yeah Which by the way That brings us to our second surprise James Get out the squirt gun

It's full of piss You have to guess Who's piss this is Open up Open up Oh how would I Okay I want to put myself

This scenario I'm drinking a glass of James's piss And then a glass of patty's piss You know what? I'm thinking which one am I thinking taste better?

Patty just weirdly has like delicious urine Like it tastes like Cotton Candy Yeah it's just something that It's just a weird thing That happened I could see that

I mean I Maybe not right now But when I was like Having a lot of sugar and stuff Yeah It was probably pretty fucking sick Did you eat pineapple Does that make your piss taste good too

Because I know it makes your cum taste good I think so You know Interesting I don't know Yeah, you know, you said I know. See, I've heard that. I don't know.

I don't know that. Well, yeah. You're like, I know for a fact. All right. Hey, hey, you know, they say, this is another hacky joke. Hey, you know, they say they pineapple makes you semen taste better. But semen makes pineapple taste horrible. If I see another guy say that, I'm bringing a gun to the show.

I'm going to shoot you from the crown. Yeah, that is a very fair thing to do to somebody. Have you tasted your cum? No, I'm one of those guys, man. I'm just one of those guys. I'm just one of those guys. None for me. I'm full, thanks.

I've had my fill. She's like, you want to bite? You're like, no, I'm actually good. Now, look, I put my pants on one leg at a time. I don't drink my own cum. Drink. I love the idea of drinking cum. Why, I see most guys try it with other things.

Like you put it like a protein shake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Jimmy Churry gum sauce? Yeah, yeah, like a tequila, maybe. Oh, how did you, how did it taste? I loved it, man. Really? I used to live off those.

Even with the sauce inside? Did you come in? I came in your tequito. Okay, well, then I guess I have tasted somebody else He didn't see me. Welcome to morning good. Wait, say that again, Jeff. I came in your tequito.

James, James. You don't know how many sounds he has. He reveals like three every week. You know what I kind of like? He's nailing the same ones, but then he's like, I'm going to wait for the other ones. You got to save the good ones. In case we end up doing like something crazy,

like a Chinese accent. Uncle Laser is a faggot. Is that a Chinese guy calling me a faggot? No, Uncle Laser. Which you are New York's Uncle Laser. I don't know if you knew that. I am. I got a lot of, I'm strong, I'm handsome, I'm smart.

Right. That's what we think of when we think of Mr. Laser. Naturally talented, very big writer. I stand to write a lot. Right. Hey, I got a question. What about Ant Laser? Where is she?

Yeah. Why is she? She just shoved out of the picture. Yeah. What about nephew? Oh, I could be nephew. Dude, we should be niece and nephew laser. I want to be niece, niece,

Lisa Laser. My new rap name. Nees laser. Nephew Laser does sound like a cool black guy thing. Oh, yeah. What's your name? Oh, nephew. Black guys are always inventing a new, like, moniker.

Yeah. Yeah, no, y'all just call me nephew. Nephew. Yeah. No, my full name's nephew laser, but y'all just call me neff. You know what? I was thinking of, like, if Louis J. Gomez was to do, like, a James Bond thing, would he go, like, would he say, the name's Gomez, Lewis J. Gomez? Or would he go, the name's J. Gomez, Lewis, Jay Gomez. That's a really good point. We also, we never find out what James Bond middle name is. No. Maybe he's in the books. My dad loves bring up the book. He's like, well, actually in the books, I'm like, I don't believe those exist. Yeah, I know they do, but I'm like, I'm just going to refuse to think that's a thing. I also, I, I hate James Bond.

I don't like him at all. Why? You don't even like the new Daniel Craig ones? Because he looks like my dad. That's why I hate him. That's why I hate him. My dad bought you dinner that one time. You're like, this fucking guy.

He sucks. Yeah. So I think there's a thing about him where I really like cockney British people because I feel like they can relate to me. And you're a man of the people. Thank you, sir. Yeah. And I think that there's something about like a posh British guy that I'm like, this guy's a fucking douche. And I like the way he shoots people.

is too like. Like, I prefer like somebody who's like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I prefer curving the bullets like it wanted. Right.

Or like Schwartz, we're not doing this again. Schwarzenegger? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what, I saw that movie. It's not hard. What?

You don't have to hit it too fast and then you just make sure. I do trivia. Dorbin was fucking. Yeah, what's his last name? Arnold Schwartz. Jesus Christ. Mike.

God. Oh, dang. It's not very nephew laser of you. Oh, my God. That was good. You're going to do the thing where you're going to make it look like I'm saying. I gave you an opportunity to hit the beep right there. That was such a good.

Well, I don't know what you. I don't know what you said. I just think this town is very full of a bunch of shit. It's a little literally about it. I'll tell you what, when I saw that movie wanted, the only thing I wanted was for Amelia where whatever her name is Jolita

Emilio Estevan To dump those tits That's what I wanted Angelina Angelina Yeah I like how Yeah she just showed her butt And it was like

Because normally like women only show their tits in movies But she just showed fucking cheek I know And I was like horny She has cheek out She was still snot falling out I last when I laughed I don't remember

I'm not on Mr. Skin like you guys Is it all Florida has now All we got is Mr. Skin. Florida's great, dude. I mean, we can watch HBO Max. I'm like, hey, James, I found a cool side boob on Cruella DeVille the other day. Terminator Rise of the Fallen. There's a nice toe shot.

I do like the idea of Florida becoming like that where it's like, becomes a Muslim country. Yeah, what's up with the porn thing? You've been here for like six months now. You should know. Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, why get rid of? I don't know. There's a woman here who like she apparently she's on Theo

Vaughn's podcast and she came on and talked about why she helped get Florida or porn band in Florida. So what it is is there's an age thing where you're supposed to put in your driver's license. And Porn Hub said we don't want to do that so any state that does have like a, they're like our porn is for the children. That's a porn hub. That's really bad. That's really bad for

Pornhub. Like why would they not? I mean I know they don't want to have people's ID or something uploaded but it's like You gotta give the children gifts. James. Children really don't need... The children get a lot of gifts. Yeah, we were like the first generation raised on unlimited pornography,

and I don't think it's done wonders. And what happened to me? I haven't done anything weird sexually since then. Yeah, you don't have big spoiny hair, and you look like Voldemort with John Lennon sunglasses on his way to a boat dealership. It's done nothing weird for me. No, yeah, I think that was the whole thing. but yeah no I get I get both sides of it because it's kind of like yeah I get why you put your driver's list in

which you should you should register your phone with your age when you get your fucking phone and then you're it's like okay this is the phone of a 10 year old so you can steal just like you stole your parents playboy match you can steal your dad's phone and watch porn on it so you don't watch porn that weird you're not going to watch you know chicks getting fucked by horses

and your dad's so maybe like right yeah just once again I looked at his eyes mid mid thing not a single not a chance he was Listen to what I say. See, that's one where in the bed I face forward. I can't look him in the end. Yeah, yeah. He's just got his finger on the on the trigger. Yeah. I almost like, it's like in my dreams. I'll like be having like normal regular conversations in life and I'll be like, morning good, good. Dude. Dude, people love the morning good drop. Thank you. Like people like come to me and they're like, dude, every time I hear the morning good drop, it's the fucking best thing ever. Thank you. Well, do you want to hear how insane I am? That is literally my favorite song. I'm not even kidding.

I know it's completely insane. I will be in my car and I'll occasionally just throw on just the intro to my podcast. That's great. You have to get that onto like touch tunes. So we can play it at bars. Yeah, exactly. We haven't heard the whole version of it. You know, it's one of those things where there's a whole couple verses that come out.

Is there really? Yeah. You spit some bars? Yeah. Hold the microphone closer to your face while you're talking. These are shitty mics. Wait, the version on your YouTube isn't the full version? No, no.

Who made me? What? Yeah, there's a full morning good. Look at it up on YouTube. Paxton? Yeah, he made a whole... Send me the full version. There's a full version.

It's an hour long. There is, uh... It's on YouTube? Backup singers. No, I just never have it. Oh, I'm completely kidding. Oh, dude, I was so excited. I do.

I should ask him to make it, make a full one. Oh, he made it? Yeah, Paxton made that. It sounds good. So it would be self-indulgent, but I'm like, oh, Paxton. It's somebody else's music. I just like the, I like the... I like the...

Bamp, shp bam, bam. He reminds me of an old radio intro. Yeah, yeah, and I think he, like, knows me. That's like Opie and Anthony kind of. Yeah, yeah. He, like, knows me very well. So he's like, oh, this is like something Michael's kind of style. Right.

And he changed it. Like last year, right? He put Patty fucking up in it. Yeah, he'll always, like, throw different things in it and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, because he listens to the show, which is really funny when we catch up about life. And he's like, yeah, I know about the ringworm and all that and everything. Yeah.

I know about the baby. Yeah, yeah. Did you talk about your bachelor party at all? Oh, yeah. we got covered the last one. Okay. I mean, we knew that. We just wanted to make sure.

Oh, did you know that? Yeah. Well, it looks like I'm improving because... How was that last episode? I didn't catch it. Just ask you about last week. Well, the white guy, I don't remember his name. Joe.

Joe. He came over here to do a roast battle, and he roasted, I believe, a girl who is like his ex-girlfriend. And I remember him. He comes to town a lot. It's a funny guy. But this woman he was roasting, it was like the, the, worst roast performance I'd ever seen

in my life. Like he came prepared. She like had nothing and it was like it was like red hot humiliation. Oh wow. It was pretty bad. Red hot humiliation. That is a fucking porny title. Yeah. That's what I watch porn off. It's red hot humiliation. Yeah, that is the point part too. People

were like, hey you know you could just like go to like other websites, right? I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. Oh, I got to drink Pepsi now too. Yeah. Yeah, I like was never a porn hop guy. I'm not really. I'm normally like X videos, ex-hamster kind of dirty boy. But, um... But sometimes you, I don't know,

something, I don't know, something feels nice to get a porn. Because you like something, like, more like underground grunchy. You like it to feel like a guy, like, recorded it on his cell phone and uploaded it himself. Thank you for saying underground. Yeah, it's underground. These are the up-and-coming people that... You're going to know about them one day.

Right. But, like, right now. What do you watch mole people for? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're all blind. Oh, yeah. Put that snout so I can feel your snout.

Put your five-star snout on my asshole. Let's make a couple of stars with our faces. Dude, the fucking mole people are out of it. There's one where this guy came over here from fucking Cuba, and he's like, he's like showing off his house. It's so funny to like escape Cuba and then just like be homeless and live underground in the United States. And he's like, take your shoes up. Take your shoes up.

Before you come under the earth. He has a printer. I'm like, what are you fucking doing with a print? You're applying for jobs and you're living in a hole. You're fucking weirdo. You can't have colors underground. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I'm really looking to work from whole.

That should be the James one. I'm sorry. I'm not, no, no, no, you're right. The problem is, like... I hate the James. I'm not going to tell you. James doesn't like the James one. I like it.

What are these? Oh, yeah. You brought them? I brought some... How do you activate them? Do you guys not know how to play a kazoo? No. How do you do it? You got to, you almost have to, like...

I don't know if I'm a thing around that. Like, huh. I've heard he's won. You have to go, like... Wait, oh Oh, you can't do it either Welcome to the F-Shack Oh, there we go

Welcome to spit all over Dude, I just saw like literally like Like a woman taking a dick out of her mouth There was just one of the- Don't sexualize me like that Oh, Michael! Don't you do that to me Don't you come eyes

There was a string of spit going from the Sorry I salivate, dude. Sorry my mouth is moist and free of bacterial. Red Hot humiliation right there. Put that on Red Hot Humiliation. Zero guys will jerk off to it. I live in a hole in the ground. I'll spit where I want.

It's funny the whole guy's jerking off to thing because on news from bed, I'll be like, I'll have my, you know, we did like that comments episode where we put the comments of people that would say stuff and we like reviewed the comments. Because we're trying to like, be like, hey this is ridiculous the stuff that you're just commenting on YouTube yeah but then like

you should docks him you should find their job and be like you know you got a fucking pervert work but like it's funny because like they like this stuff they like being like humiliated they like the feet yeah it's like is there any is there literally anything we can do that won't make this guy come you know it's such a good like it's like the joker when batman's beating him up and he's like loving it yeah you're like where's he goes he goes you have nothing. He's like, you have nothing against me with all your power. Nothing to do

with it. Yeah. You're like, oh yeah, but if I'm going embarrass you, they're like, yes. I'm the Jim Gordon and he's the Batman. And we have a thousand jokers fighting us at all times. You have nothing for me. I will jerk off. You can cut out the feet and I'll still jerk off.

They're like, I'll just jerk off to the audio. Oh my God. You guys are the sick of. We can hear your feet move on the couch. Oh, my God. Like, they're like sonic, like... We're going to get the wrong guy, though. Like, that guy... Who's the guy that saying to sign, Alex?

Yeah. We're going to, like, mess with him too much, and he's going to burn half his face. He's going to shoot on the big cops. So it's about what's fair! Everyone else gets to jerk off to the feet. Yeah. There's nothing for me to come on this podcast.

He's like... You're like the scarecrow. You're like, we've all. lost things. He's like, I dare you try to justify yourself knowing what I lost. The things we've done! I love the Dark Night. How old? Did you see a Dark Night when it came out? It's all in theater like multiple. I saw it in theater

and then I went back and saw it in IMAX. I was in like fifth grade. I became obsessed with the Joker. Yeah. Yes. Insanely obsessed. I was like, why was I as a fifth grader obsessed with a fictional terrorist? It was the greatest performance there's ever been in a movie. I stand by that. And I think it's better and more iconic because he's dead.

For sure. He's not like rolling around as like Captain America now. He's not rolling at all. Yeah. Yeah, imagine how gay and political Heath Ledger would be right now. It would be out of control. He'd be like, um, I stand with Palestine. And you're like, uh, you burned a pile of money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you should stand with Ukraine. Hey, dude, that was good. Do you have a political one? Like, kind of like a. Yeah, I got a. James James James. Oh, wait, no, no, not that one.

I have, uh. Mexican mode Don't clear the city Safakop Avocados from Mexico I don't think it was Jesus Christ That's the best thing

I've ever fucking heard In my life That's basically the morning Good intro Wait Mexican mode Does that mean we all have to Oh shit Oh

Oh man What the fuck bro Senio Oh yeah I like I like bro You know I like doing bro

I like fucking watching videos of girls of PC Yeah Oh really Yeah man Dude, yeah, I was driving over here in my Mustang, and I parked right next to both your guys' Mustangs

with, like, the lights underneath. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's pretty sick. Yeah. Now, Patty, do a Mexican thing. Yeah, the other day, I went to a bank, and I deposited a taco. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I got interest on the taco. I was going to try to still do Morning Good Michael as Mexican. I mean, let me lean. Just give me a second. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be Morning Good Michael as Mexico. clapping before they're all right

it's you yeah yeah what's up buddy how you're doing man yeah money bro. It's trying to be a clown. That she don't

work, man. So they just hang me from a string and that keys beat the shit. Yeah, can you hold the microphone closer to your face? Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. Can you hold the microphone closer to your face? Yeah, yeah. You see. I feel like I'm slower today, man. I feel like I, I, this is a bad bug. You just, I'm always saying some shit like that. I'm like, I feel like I'm not hosting well. I don't know, man. Yeah, I don't know, man.

I don't know, man. That's my impression. I don't know, man. So, like, what's up with you guys? Yeah. Two guys. What's up with you guys, man? What's up with chuse? Hold you, yeah,

hold the micro telephone closer to your face. So, dude, like the thing about, like, Batman is like, he's got like a nanny. Yeah.

But like, he's like an old British nanny. And like, it would make a lot more sense, you know, if like the nanny was like Jamaican. Oh shit, bro.

That's like cerebral, well. Thank you, Joe Gorman. Thank you, Jose Gorman. Gorman. That's like next level shit, bro.

But that's like, do I love Marvel movies Spanish Joe Gorman He's just like El I'm very confused by You doing the Mexican Because I thought you were doing Mexican

You and you started doing Mexican me With the Jamaican Yeah Alfred bit Right Right Right You know what's crazy

I have deja vu I feel like this has happened Before What the fuck are you talking about? There's no way I've came in here With gelled up hair Driving a van with blue sunglasses on

doing a Mexican version of myself. Maybe it's a dream. That had to have a dream. Was it in your Mario Kart dream that made you late for work? Yeah, dude, I woke up late for work. So I worked like a stupid job right now. I have to be at work at 3 a.m.

I work 3 to 11. And I was late to work today because I was fast asleep dreaming about just playing Mario Kart. I just did three laps, one, woke up an hour late for work. That's crazy. Like my brain was like,

No, no, no, you have to... Okay, so the Mexican stuff's done because you were not working hard. Because I have a job. Oh, no, I was saying it's the opposite because you're not working hard. Right, because I'm late to work. Yeah, that's not Mexican. Really? They're early to work.

Right. They're early. They have like 11 lunches in a bag. Yes. This can do. It brings so much food to work. Yeah. There's like whole, like, women on Instagram and TikTok, they're like, this is when I made my husband for his work today.

And they're just like, have like a giant. Yeah. They like wrap their firstborn child in a burrito. A whole hog. You have like so many kids. It's like kind of weird to not eat one of them. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I mean, if you get hungry.

Yeah, yeah. Just pop them open like a beer can. Like a moldo. Yeah. Especially if it's like if it's a black kid. Dude, I used to roll with the crew of Mexicans. You're like, oh, it's already. It's already burned.

Cooked. Meadien well. You know what? Manuel. You made it really long into this out making me uncomfortable. I think you made it, what are we, 45 minutes in? I have no idea. I'm having so much fun that time doesn't matter to me.

I think we've been doing this for 15 minutes. I think your brain is fried. You're missing work because of Mario Kart dreams. You think you've been in this scenario before. Dude, I used to roll with a crew of Mexican guys. They would like invite me to their like kinseneras. Like, oh, my distant cousins getting a kinsenera. Then I'd show up and they used to rent out this like Muslim, like community hall that was right next to a mosque.

and I would show up and like every other weekend they just, this family just had, had access to the place. And you would go and there would be like literally like 250 to 300

like Mexican people and there would be like a DJ and it would be like this guy's birthday, this woman's Kincinio, they just do everything there. Yeah. You just go in the kitchen

there's just like 11 pots of different kinds of like beans and sauces. Dude you know what? I'll be honest. I haven't been invited to a single Mexican party. Really?

And it kind of hurts my feelings a little bit now that I'm hearing about. I'm like, I wish, I don't know. My friend Hoseway is very Mexican and he's a really nice guy, so he should invite me to like, every time I see him on Instagram, he's just doing like his whole family is just like doing

fun stuff. Oh yeah. Yeah. Or those are just other Mexicans that I think they're related to. Like, oh, they've got 11 brother. Yeah. Yeah. A Mexican. MS-13 brother. A Mexican Kinsen, you're at a mosque. I'm imagining

like the pinata is just the twin tower. There we go. And they just have a model airplane that they're beating the shit Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the pinata's a woman and everyone has a lot. I like that a lot. Yeah, yeah.

And they beat it and they're like, congrats, you are a woman now. You know, I will fucking say it, there's a zero percent chance this makes anybody's ever list of Morning Good's worst episodes. No, for sure. I told, like I told you coming in there. I was like, this is going to be fucking gold. It's a fucking

smack dab heater, dude. Yeah, and it's a lot due to that thing right there. you do kind of remind me of an iPad kid a little bit because I could just feel how much fun you're having with technology, but... Yeah, when we do Newsombed, he has subway surfer up there too. Yeah, I'm just like... Flicking.

Yeah, he just has like a twizzler in his mouth. Yeah. If he's a twizzler as a straw. Bro, I saw it the other day, it's like, you're like fucking your kid. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, but it's just... You look at every iPad kid. You're like, this cannot be good for... Of having a kid?

No, yeah, we'll just... They're the iPad kids. Oh, the iPad kids. Oh, yeah. You know, to be fair, you know what it's funny? I also took Adderall for like a decade and jerked out to like tons of internet porn. And I'm like, God forbid these kids look at a little bit of like fucking cocoa melon on a fucking computer. Yeah, I guess that's right.

But I don't know, they're like completely addicted to it. I've been looking at some cocoa melons, you know, on a black lady. What was that woman we found on Amazon? Wait, what? That woman we found on Amazon? Oh, yeah. James just Googled big tits. Big tits.

And there was a Amazon. on just a photo gallery of a woman with enormous tits should we try to find it? Yeah just look up big tits I by the way this is my favorite thing to Google put your driver's license in there

so that we don't get in trouble the picture is really funny it's really funny when like you you exist facial recognition too because it's got to make sure your face matches Oh god so it's like you gotta do your O face yeah yeah your license

I'm at the DMV like oh You know what? This is really nostalgic. Being with two of my friends looking up images. Riverfront times 10. Can we go to boo?

Oh, dude. Look at this. Buddy, she spent on Morning Good. Wait, this. That's Martina Big. That's the woman who was born white. She spent on Morning Good. I thought you did research.

That's her? With the big curly black hair, you're on Zoom with her? Well, I like to use her African name, My Laca Cuba. But. Wait. My lack of Kubewa. Really?

Yes, but Martina big. Did she, were those in frame? Yes, but it didn't come out until like five minutes in. It was so funny because we just tried not to die laugh because we zoomed her in. And then it was like a Zoom call. And then she gets up and then like half the screen is just her tits. And you can see like maybe like her chin. Good interview?

No. Yeah, great interview. Yeah, she should have been on the worst episode. You can't hear a word she's fucking saying because she's like, yeah, I was like, I'm like a black person on the inside. but like technically I was white. That's not her too, right? Well, that's a guy with pillows. Oh.

Still hot. Still hot. Still hot. Still hot. Still hot. Love those little hats, dude. The shower hats? No, it's not a shower hat.

It's a bonnet that black people wear to bed so their hair stays nice. And you know that if you've ever had sex with a black person. Excuse me, I'm sorry, we just had sex, but I have to put a hat on. I'm like, it's fine. And I just put on my Make America Creek hat. I also wear a hat to bed every night. I also protect my vision. at night.

Yeah, I guess it's not showing up. I thought I just Googled Big Tits. That's crazy. Like this is, man. There's something about... No, no, no, no, no. Patty, second photo, go up, go up, go up, go up, go up, second photo and huge tits and big boobs.

We're gonna go... This is like the feed we... No, no, no, right next to it. Big Boob's Alice. I kind of like that girl looks more... Like, her face looks like... She looked like she'd work at, like, an office I'd work at. I like that one.

Yeah. Tits.com. Okay, yes. This is it. This is it. So it's like, they're selling, like, Kindle books that are just photos of them with giant tits. That's awesome. On Amazon. And then they're like, yeah, we can read more.

Yeah, let's read more. Big boobs, Alice. Oh, I like to read the first. Divine Breast.com. Oh, go to divinebreasts.com, Patty. I would, what if it redirects to news from bed, YouTube? Should I go to Divine Breast? What if, what if I got hard right now? No, what if, um...

Your hair got taller with their breastplate? Yeah, when she types... The council activate it so it'll... Man, bold, they're fucking tease, bro. Okay, should we get a good look at this? Yeah, what's this video? Some of our hottest models. What if DeSantis was just a Tits guy?

So, like, he had, like, very specific porn that was allowed. He's, like, just no ass stuff. No black guy. J-O-I's are illegal. Like, just certain things. That's like the almost harmless one. Yeah, he's like, I just don't like it. He's just no J-O-I.

You ever listen to audio porn? Yeah, I kind of like it. Dude, I like them. You know, there's something, I kind of like Tits better in a bra, because there's a surprise you and you haven't seen to do it? It's like a, uh, like a, a, a stork dropping off a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Weird metaphor, but sure. Let's take a look. Dude, what's the video? She's going to sing. She looks like confused. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. This one's like a thousand.

Who is this? It's a bit of a squeeze, but that's a little bit of a squeeze, but that's the fun of it. Divine Breast.com is home to women with the biggest breasts in the world. If you don't believe me, just look at these safe for work. Clips from some of them. our sexy videos. Dude, I'm just in the fucking office.

By the way, that's what we're doing right now. We're... No, safe for work. Yeah, we're... It's safe for work. It's not NSW. It's SFW. It's SIFW.

You're just watching women shake their tits in bra. What's wrong with that? It's tagged SFW. Safe for work. And you're like, why? Jerry has a podcast on. Jerry is listening to Joe Rogan. Yeah.

Look at Joe Rogan's big tits. Michael, please sit down. Go get the Sprinter van. Please, dude. Keep it coming. I like the voice. Clothing, you can tell these women have huge tits. And I thought you can tell as if you'd ever be confused.

Yes, M as a Mary. M cup breasts. And they are all natural. Morning good. When you get a membership to divine breath. Dude, that's nice. Dude, mother daughter. The body listeners, yes, that does look like a mother daughter.

There's an old lady with saggy tits. In like a vintage bra. That's like the sale from the Titanic. Yeah, that's like the things you hang over the side of the boat's. so it can bump into the dog. That's like a pillow where you're, it looks like one of those pillows where you're like,

that looks like a sleepy, like it looks like an itchy pillow. Oh yeah, that's, that's a buckwheat pillow. Yeah, you can sleep my guest room. And you're like,

oh, the pillows got like flowers. It's just that lady. She's the bed. Hi. Hey. Oh, I remember you. You're from itchy pillows.com.

Divine breast. Devine breast. You get uncensored videos of giant breasts bouncing, jiggling, tit, like, happy.

Michael just appeared in the middle of the video. Hey guys, I'm the founder of divinebreast.com. He's got like a tape measured. Yeah, once it hits like 75 inches, it just says divine. Yeah, those measure divine. I call those double Ds, double divine. That'd be very funny to pull out a measuring tape when a woman takes your tits out. A protractor.

Okay, okay, hey, you know what? Yeah, we can do that. 10 more. Oh, you see the nipple there. Even just talking about this is making me horny. And all our models love to hear about how you fans play with yourselves while watching our video. They don't know what to do with the tits though. They all just kind of moved them.

But what do you? Yeah, what do you need to do it? Like if these tits arrive, that's it. It's over. But you know what's unfortunate? These women all look like they have beer guns. They just kind of. Yeah, I don't care, man.

I like fatties, man. They look like their tits ruin them. their lives. And I just say that as someone who doesn't have big tits to them, they might look at a guy like me and be like, you ruined your life. Really? Yeah. Wow. You know, the skinnier you get, I imagine fatter women are now more attracted to you. 100%. Because I was always confused when I was at my fattest why like no heavy women would ever be interested in me. And then I lost some weight and then they got interested in me. It's like, they're like coveting what they don't have. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, that's why you like walk outside and fly.

Florida and it's just like a 700 pound white woman with like a black guy that looks like a twizzler going back to the twizzler a black liquorish twizzler keep it going oh I could I touch myself every night reading the comments about how I've gotten so many guys off with my pictures and when you join I promise the audio stroke yourself real good and come real hard you promise I'll be waiting in the members area for you okay that's fine they combine professional and amateur content Oh, they're just standing in the bathtub. Why are they standing in the bathtub? Why are they don't waste time with fancy?

Why are they got rocks on their bathtub? It doesn't get old. I love this so much. Why are there so many women who are like, yeah, I'll just go on divine breasts. I'll put these things on there. Do you think they have open mics? Like they have to work their way up to divine breath. Like, dude, Cynthia got divine breasts.

This is their J.F. Those things are so fucking antiquated, though. You always get a fucking judge who like, yeah. Every, every, you know what I mean? It's like, it's like, it's very political. Yeah. I heard she's connected. Divine breast got woke, you know.

I will say this, it has only been white women. Yeah. Yeah, they need a couple. These are probably all women that live in Eastern Europe, too. That's likely, yeah. Yeah, because they're actually like, at least the girl on the right is in pretty good shape for having tits that big. Yeah, they're insane. Yeah.

Like, I wouldn't, like, you know, bully her. I mean, every time she gets up, it's like doing a citizen. I know you only care about soft jiggly titties. That's all I care about. What do you get when you join? You ask. Divine breasts has been around for over 10 years with multiple updates a week. That means you get hundreds of videos and thousands of pictures of huge breasted women.

Okay. These busty ladies range in age from 18 to 70 years old. 70 years old. 70 years old. You know what I thought? I would say a 70 year old with big tits looks so much less gross than like a thin, 70 year old. Yeah?

I think so. I mean, what do you guys think? This is an open platform. Thanks. Thanks for the... Like, if you're fucking 70 year old, you want to be thin or do you want to be like kind of fat? Like, I kind of like this.

Yeah. I'm like, you know what I mean? I'm like, you know what I'm like? Nobody dies looking like that. You know what I'm saying? Like, she's not going to die. She's got to die. You know what I'm kind of realizing? What?

Divine breasts to us is what news from bed and morning good is to the foot people. Oh, my God. So we need a website. we do need a website. We've collected men, male comedian podcasters with feet.

Well, it's also like, yeah, it is interesting because I'm like, this is how like, I'm, I, look, I'm not like horned up, but I'm like, I just like seeing this. Exactly. It brings this joy in my heart. Because that's what people, when people watch our podcast for the feet, a lot of them are not whacking on. A lot of them are just watching it because they like, they're like, I love the socks. I love this and that. We're like the gay Lauren Comden or whatever. You know, her, like, first date podcast with her tits out?

Yeah. Yeah, no, it's, there's something going on in me, like, mentally that feels just really like a, like a blanket. Like, I'm at the beach. There's something very comfort. Well, probably because there's a couple of beach balls. Yeah, so funny watching basically born. I'm like, what's going on to my brain? It's almost like there's dopamine.

Yeah. I feel like interested in what I'm doing that. Yeah. And all of them have swollen, soft, giant breasts. just begging to be grabbed. If you are a real tit man and the biggest boobs will do, divine breaths.com will get you hard as a rock.

Yeah, they tried to bomb her house, but they just bombed bounced right back down. Now, I don't... You paused her mid, mid, you know, mid-bounce. Because I'm about to say something that I'm going to regret. Okay. At least you're editing this one.

And I know he just got in a horrific accident, but I could see this being the girlfriend of Adam Hamada. Now, I don't know why. You just are shipping them? I could see him being with like a girl like this. Really?

With huge big tits. I could see that. I will say this. He gets some, he gets some good pussy. So this girl's a little bit. I like that she has a tattoo of a guy eating a sandwich on her arms.

No, I think it's a guy. Is that what he is? It looks like he's eating something. It's probably like a family member. I don't know. Yeah. It's Adam Hamada. He looks like.

No, it looks like Bob Marley blowing into like a conch shell. Yeah, that is exactly what that looks like, yeah. But that is definitely... That's Bob Marley exhaling a weed smoke, which is like the worst tattoo you could ever get. It really is. He was super pro-Palestine always.

Really? Yeah. That's cool. Get those Jews out of the country. This is probably... I don't want to see a Jew. No Jews in that country. Do you know what's really...

No Jews in the country. It's funny looking at this and then looking at my computer monitors. Yeah, Patty has like a Batman, a Batcave setup behind us where there's multiple tool monitors which is just giant tits on it. This is like as big of tits I think I'll ever have. I think I'll ever have in my... Well, this is life sentence now. This isn't she's actually in the room. That's true.

That makes you larger. Yeah, I guess let's finish this video. Two little tits sat on my daughter. Step. Oh. So this is just, they just went all in on AI on divinebreast.com. I mean, that's, I say joined now three times. That's pretty cool.

You see how much it is? Sure. Yeah, I don't think I can click this video. Let me, uh. Can you, is my wallet here? Yeah. Oh, verify your age to continue. Let me just go to join now.

Yeah, I got to be honest, though. Like, porn's free. It's $26. Not divine. This is such a. fucking, this is such a James take, he's like, oh, poor, not divine breast porn. Yeah, James.

That's divine breast porn, you fucking idiot. What did I keep calling it? Divine Beasts? Yeah. These are the best tits on the internet, dude. You think that just comes, you think this is there. Actually, look at Brandy Taylor. She does have basically these bigot tits. That was my go-to. We don't got it. Just start Googling porn stars

Michael, you guys, you can't watch a little bit of porn with your friends. Well, we have been. That was a little bit. When we Google Brandi. I want more! Don't get the tints off the screen. I need it. God damn it. You know what's like really funny is like I am gonna Google this site when everyone leaves.

On the TV. This is how it always started the sleepovers. You're like, wouldn't be fucking funny? You're watching it. And then the guy throw the sleepover. It's like, all right. I'll see. You guys go sleep in my room.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, I was in a sleepover once and there was like a knock at a window, which turned out to be the guy whose house we were at dad trying to prank us. But one of the kids did the sleepover. who's like really like we all got scared and he was like if i'm going to die i want to die like happy so he like went under a blanket and started jerking off to a picture of Vanessa Hudgens i can't blame him i was like hey man like there was a knock on a window you don't have to like immediately start jerking off in front of us because you're afraid you're going to die i think like i've probably whacked off under a blanket to Vanessa Hudgens more than

anyone else. Because that was like around the time of like high school musical two when you got to do it under a blanket. There's different culture back then. It was a blanket jerkin. Why you zoomed in on this woman like laying? Because I just think that would be a funny thing to see. Hey, wait, this for sure. By the way, Paxton,

please get a picture of this and this has to be like the photo. Or you're editing this. I'm at it. Yeah. Yeah, please have this. You want this? The thumbnail. Yeah. That's us three. Wait, tag. That's me and Patty and that's Michael. Yeah, and we're like this. Can you... Everyone do your creep face. Oh, dude.

Can you still set it to him? Yeah. We'll figure all this out later. I can edit the whole thing. Yeah, we'll figure. And I have your YouTube. We'll figure it. Why do you have his YouTube?

Because he uploaded one time. I don't trust you guys with that after the pranks you've been pulling. Well, you've trusted us this long. You're going to delete the all of morning good off of it just so you can be the top Foot podcast. Oh, you guys are already beating me. But you guys would just rub salt in the wounds by deleting my whole archive. Imagine.

Hey, Michael, I pulled a prank. I deleted you off of the internet. He was looking at his hands. He's fading away. Well, that was fun. That was fun. That was a fun venture. This lady's pretty hot.

The Indian one, they got one Indian woman. She looks like angry. Wow. That's pretty cool. I saw your set today. It was very good. You are so funny. You are so funny, Nickier, Meta.

Oh, come to put your penis right in my... I like how she is an Indian guy when we're doing it. Let's give... A guy just can't do an Indian woman's voice. Let's give every one of these a New York comic boyfriend. Okay. Number one? Michael Good.

Michael Good. I wish, man. I was going to say Nathan Orton. Oh, yeah, for sure. Number two, that's my girlfriend, Patty Defino. I was going to say maybe like Steve Yensel, but that's very... Nope, that's me. No, Steve gets a...

Steve gets the black one. This one. Maybe Nico Catania? I don't know. Nico Catania for this one? Nah, maybe not. Yeah. That's more of an Alex Tauben.

Yeah, that's a real. Put the coin around, that duo, like, give Alex some love. That, that goes right on the doorstep of Joey Rinaldi. I don't quite see that because it's a black lady, but... Hey, man. Joey has, let's just say he has mysterious ways. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying. I thought these were like, them as a woman.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, this is, we're shipping people we know. This is great content for people. I thought you just thought Joey was black. No, I didn't think Joey Rinaldi was black. I wasn't saying he couldn't be with a black one. My longtime comedy collaborator, Joseph Rinaldi. I just want to clarify, I wasn't saying I don't think Joey would never be with a black woman.

Can I have that one? I am now saying. Can I have the one in the wetsuit? You want this one? That is, oh my God, yeah. She looks like a weather woman. So the boats are shaking. Doesn't need a life jacket.

There was a flood at the marina when I got in the water and my tits displaced four million gallons of water. All right. So that's James's. Oh, this one, Michael. Jesus. I love her. Do you want her, Michael? I love her.

Do you want her, Michael? I love her. We've just turned this into a strip club. I'm falling in love with all these women right now. I'm like, she's fucking beautiful. Do you gamble? No, not all. I feel like you'd be a really fun guy to go gamble with.

Thank you. Like smoking a cigar at like the blackjack table. You're like, bro, you got to go all in. And I'm like asking my girlfriend for money on Venmo. Dude, you got it. You have two tens. He's like, you got to hit. I'm like, I'm like one of the most financially irresponsible people.

So I like, I think I hold myself just away from gambling. Yeah, I actually just like this year discovered gambling. I like stayed off in for like 20, 28 years. It's great for people that are slowing down on alcohol and drugs. It's a really great outlet. Yeah, it's something. You got to ruin your life somehow. Exactly, yeah.

No, dude. When your clown business takes off, we'll go to the hard rock down here in Tampa. I'll tell you what's a hard rock is between my legs right now. Looking at Kiwi's wife. That's a Kiwi girl for sure. Kiwi's wife, Melons. I wish I had a... Welcome to the morning.

At least I still have my personality. Okay. and then So we already got Nikiel is over there One of those two twins Like Oh the

The two bald guy twins The Sclar brother No what are their names They do like Eastville all the time They remind me of the Sclar brothers Rob and Greg and Rob One for Greg One for Rob

Yeah those are some big old Gagongas They are Yeah they are big I think both of I actually rip Okay. I like that.

Great rubber funny shit. Who is this? Oh, yeah, they're really good. Who is that? I like the really motherly look that one in the bottom left-hand corner has. Oh, yeah. Like, she looks like she's for sure going to make me like a fucking, uh... Y'all want slurpees?

Yeah, oh, yeah. Nothing good. She's doing like a dejorn of pizza, but it's still going to taste delicious. She's not putting any real work into it because she's, you know, a whore, but... I can't get a name for this one. Jake Timothy. This woman doesn't have a face. Dude, this is kind of a Jake Timothy mystery one.

Yeah. He doesn't want to be named on any podcast. Right. And we just named him. Jake is like hiding in there. Like he's just like he just got out of the shower. He's got a towel on. I know this is no longer my podcast, but do you know how long we've gone?

I have no idea. I assume we did the bare minimum. The divine. Why, are you not having fun? Assigning a boyfriend? I'm getting very much. Okay. We'll do this row.

Milk? This has got, what's his name, written all over it. I don't know, there's about 4 million options. I like to write all over it with my penis pen. Come on, Patty. Who is, oh, I can, like. Describe them to me. He's like, he's the guy who's friends with Pete Alonzo.

Oh, by the way, for the audio. Oh, Dan Lamor. This is, go to patreon.com. Kelly's 36m. I like that her name is her size. My Instagram should be James 38. 38 by 32. James Michael's 5.9 inches good.

This one. Let us always stop myself. Almost at six. This one's doing it for me. So that's your lady? It's because she's like not paying attention to you. You know what, don't? This is my lady.

Oh. But this is your son. The one piece is my side lady. My mom would run pieces. I don't really like that. Okay. Well, let's not get Freudian about it. Okay.

Oh, I just said I didn't want to fuck my mom? I mean, I don't know. Do you want to have sex with your mom, James? I don't want to have sex with your mom. Okay, that's fair. She's a nice lady. You want to do a mom swap? 100% bro.

Mom swap. You know, wife swap? Yeah, dude. That's what bros do. That is. Wife swap was more of a mom swap. It was always more about like the relationship between the kids and the mom. Because the husband's like, yeah, I'll sleep in a bed with a lady.

I don't know. Who cares? That was a weirder show. They don't fuck. I mean, they probably do, but you're not supposed to. You're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to fuck my wife. That'd be really funny if your wife cheating.

You're not supposed to do that. That's not the rules of the show. Luke Davis. All right, Patty, you gotta go for this. Hey, well, that's your podcast. Did you have fun getting shows behind? How was that? I loved not worrying about the momentum once.

I was like, you guys brought everything to the table. You guys have put more effort to this. anybody has in anything in my life, so this is really nice. Hey man, every time you come to town, we'll do this. We'll go on to Divine Prestock.

Dude, and match a couple of these ladies with a bunch of guys, nobody knows. Well, if that's the case, then I'm going to move back. Yeah, come back. Just for that.

Come on. I mean, you're really convincing. We can watch porn on your couch. Yeah. We can watch almost porn. Yeah, almost porn. Yeah.

This is like more porn. Patty, did you even hit record? Is this all just some setup for us to all jerk off on this couch? imagine I did. When he said that, I was like, did I? I did.

All right. Yeah. Well, I had a fucking fantastic time. Hey, yeah. Where can they find you guys online? News from bed podcast, baby. That's all we need. I tried to delete my Instagram on News from Bed live.

Didn't work. Didn't work. Didn't take. So, yeah, News from Bed. Check that out. Yeah, go to News from Bed. That's the collab here. Michael.

Thanks for having me on, man. And by the way, genuinely from by my heart, thank you for the F-Shack. Yeah, there's nothing I appreciate more than the F-Shack. Yeah. Thanks for the F-Shack, Marco. Love. The F-Shack. Dirty Mike.

Dirty Mike. Love. With lots of love. Oh, we're the boys. Wait a second. You guys are the boys. We're the boys? He's dirty Mike.

You're dirty Mike and we're the boys. You were the boys the whole time, James. Oh, wow. The whole time you guys, the boys. It's so beautiful, poetic. Wow. Well, let's get something. to eat, huh? Yes, listeners,

with lots of love, this has been Dirty Mike, and the boys. You know, there's this great restaurant. It's called... Oh, you cocksucker. That was the perfect way to end this. You could still end it there. What were you going to say? There's this great restaurant I thought we could go try. It's called the F. Shack.

With lots of love.