Morning Good - Don't Deny Him His Birthright - Episode 147

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Kevin McGloin and Matt McCoy return to the show for today's episode. They talk about 3rd grade female bullies, getting sexually harassed by other men, and the Deep State's One World Government Agenda.Thanks to Kevin and Matt for coming back on the show for another good time. Check them out together on earlier episodes of the show and follow them on social media for more. Matt's on Instagram @realmatt_mccoy and co-hosts the Gen X to Z Podcast.  Kevin is Instagram as well @kevinmcgloinn. Also, they both co-host a show at New York Comedy Club called @prohibition_comedy.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are. What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here with Kevin McLean. Hey, how's it going? All right. And Matt McCoy. You just brought the most low amount of energy. I just took a shit.

Hey, how's it going? I'm coming back. You should be pumped. You're lighter now. See, I'm like the fucking Rick Fluck. I got to fucking bring energy to this kid. Every time. Before you start talking, can you be introduced?

All right? I don't need to be introduced. I don't even need it. People know. People know it is. That's Matt McCoy. They don't. Yeah, no introduction needed.

Yeah. And you guys are drinking. I'm doing dry January, which is horrendous. It is. It fucking blows, dude. I ended up, I had of realizing how much I don't like pot last night. Like, I do it every night. And then last night I smoked more than usual

I was like, I feel horrible. Buddy, you still have advice though. You're good. Yeah, yeah, you need something. But it's like I was smoking pot last night and I wasn't even enjoying it. We watched that show. Have you seen The Circle?

No. No, what's that? It's this weird, like, reality TV show where it's like you go, it's like people living inside of a house and they're in this giant hotel. Yeah. And the only way they can communicate through

is like text message. They're by themselves for like hours. You're supposed to be like a scary movie? No, no, it's like a reality TV show. I think it's voted off the island or whatever. And then you just forget how insane reality TV people want. Yeah, dude. I want to see, like, I can't wait until they start, like, killing people, like, live on reality TV.

Yeah, like the Hunger Games. Like, that's going to happen. Let's do reality TV, but in Saudi Arabia. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, just send over fucking journalists. We'll whack him right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like they've already kind of tested our feelings towards it with, like, Hunger Games, like Squid Game.

Yeah, that we take to it, you know. Yeah. And those are always the biggest shows. Those always do the best ratings. So it's like, let's just why not make it true? It's high stakes, man. It's high stakes. Then again, though, the NFL kind of showed.

We're not that cool with like watching people die. People, yeah, people are like, that was obviously a serious thing. But I was very surprised at the Facebook posts. Like, there are people that, like, maybe didn't say have any comments on 9-11. And then, like, this guy got hit and people were like, moment of silence for the whole country. You're like, I mean, it is a big deal. It is, bro. But I was also like, there's also like, all right, come.

Come on, guys. Like, this, like, this. I, I, the fucking Jags and the Titans played yesterday. And there were people that showed up to the game with pray for Demar signs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's not, it has, what are you, what are you doing? Like, it's that, you're not even at the Bills game. Like, this is just purely so you can get on TV.

Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you stop. And I'm not against, like, like, having a good heart and doing good things. No. There's the occasional thing we were like, you're like, all right, this got like really. You know what?

Wait, what's the update, by the way, real quick. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's going to be all right. Most likely. He's like, he's off the ventilator. He's right.

He's right. My thing, my thing with the whole, all this shit is like, this shit always happens. Remember during the pandemic and they had the fucking actors who were like, I take blame. Yeah. Like this shit always, there's always something that celebrities make into a huge issue. Yeah, and they got to ride the waves. They're like, what's hot right now. That's what it is.

I'm thinking, though, it's got to be a distraction. Like, I'm wondering if Jerry Jones, called somebody the N-word and they, like, caught it on tape, and it's going to get released. It has to, like, distract everybody. It's, like, getting pushed under the rug right now. The attention, it is amazing the attention span, though, because it lasts about four days on every big thing. Dude, Kanye, who even, no one's even thinking about that anymore. He went missing for a little bit.

Yeah. He wasn't sure where he was. He drops a good album. All that shit's forgotten. We literally do not even, we're like, oh, remember that Hitler thing? Yeah, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, also, like, I think the thing with him is, like, we just need to take it for what it is.

He's crazy. And that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I think also too, like there is always something. Honestly, they did prove his point for him. What part? What part?

The fucking banks canceled him. What part of Asian are you, by the way? Korean. Corrine, okay. Because that's the weird thing that drives me very odd about Hitler is that he was like a white supremacist, but he was like, the Germans were siding with the Japanese. Yeah. He had these weird things where there's nothing in his thing that's like anti-Asian at all.

See, that's my thing, though, too, is that, Like people always create loopholes for like certain things. Like they'll be like, um, uh, yeah, you can't hit your wife, blah, blah, blah. But if you want, as long as you did it in college, you can come to the NFL. But then if you do it when you're in the NFL, like, it's over. Yeah, yeah, you're, you're gone. I will straight up say this for years. This can be the worst thing I've said on this podcast.

For years, I was like, there's no situation where you can ever hit a woman. And then I'm like, and then you got a girlfriend and you were like, every situation. Every day. Every opportunity. Yeah. Because it's like, dude, if a woman comes at you with a woman. knife, like, I have no idea what you do. Like, you should be able to punch her in the face.

Beat the fuck out of it. Oh, yeah. No, that's not any question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm no problem. Yeah. In the third grade, I hit a girl. Really?

For what? In what way? Shouldn't, whatever. Okay, recess. She was in the fifth grade. She was a larger black girl. And what she would do, so it was a hate crime. So it wasn't just because she was a woman.

She was black. Yeah. She would just, like, grab, like, little, like, fucking boys that were smaller than her and just like fucking like pull up their, you know, the back of their shirt, like over their head and just like fucking ragged all them. And, uh, she was going to do it to me. And I was like, I'm not having this. I like get a hold of her. Wait, that is a quick question real quick. I was going to say it's a hate crime, but you're half Asian. So how does that?

Well, the, the, the, the Korean black rivalry has been going on in grocery stores for years. For years. Yeah. So, you know, we were just, uh, doing what our parents did. But yeah, I, I, I, what you did? You punched her? Yes. Three times. Right. on the button of the nose. Sean Connery has this, has this, I guess a quote that he said from the 70s.

She was old in the 80s. No, no, no. I was just 50 pounds. Hey, hey. 50 pounds, you know. Hey, I'm trying not to get fired from my day. That would be so trying to get fired

for punching a girl in third grade. Now, Sean Carnegie has this thing that he said where he goes, sometimes, it was like in the 70s. He goes, sometimes women just need to reset.

I was like, damn. You know what's crazy, though? Is that he said that, and they, They went back and tried to cancel John Wayne and all these people. Never Sean Connery. He avoided all this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a pretty crazy thing

to say. Clearly hitting women. Yeah, yeah. You didn't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Never got canceled. What was, real quick, were your parents pissed about you hitting the girl? Because my dad would be show... My dad, like, I'd play video games or he hit girls, and he'd be like, we're not playing this video. Like, he was really intense about not hitting women. Really? What a pussy.

I went home, and it was like the scene in Goodfellas when he, you know, doesn't rat in court when he's a kid. And they're like, hey, you popped your cherry. Congrats. Yeah, no. It was, it was, I don't really, it was, it was one of those, like, when you were a kid, I feel like you could just deny everything to the end. If you had everybody saw it and get away with it. I don't even really remember what happened. Like,

in terms of like getting in trouble and stuff. She did have a reputation though. So maybe they were happy that I did it. Damn, yeah. My dad would be so fucking pissed by a girl. Someone has to teach that bitch a lesson. I getting fistfights by dad would never be like mad that I fought my friends. Because like that's just habit.

You end up fighting your friends. But if I hit a girl, my dad would be fucking livid. Really? Yeah. What if he, what if it was dependent upon the scenario, though? What if she fucking hit you with a bat,

an aluminum bat? Then can you hit a girl? Like, what is, you know what I mean? Like, what's the... I bet you he would say no, but I think that's crazy. I think at some point, you should be able to, like, do something to defend yourself. To defend yourself, right, right, right, right.

I think I might have taken it a little bit too far. But... He's like, I might have when he had a fucking hockey situation where he's got a fucking shirt over ahead. Because that's what she was going to do to me. She would just, like, she'd, like, rip, like, shirts off. Like, it was bad, so, you know,

I had to take care of it. But... Take matters in your... own hands. That's the Italian The last fight I've been in. Is it really? Not actually. What is the last fight that you've been in?

As a grown man? Have you been in? Like, I mean, I've like, like, boxed, like, full speed with gloves on and stuff, people, but never, I haven't gotten into, like, a real fight in, like, a long time. Actually, it was like, I punched someone at a bar and then it kind of just, like, got broken up. So, like, it wasn't like...

Did you knock him down? I don't even... I don't even... I've never punched somebody and been like, that was a great, ever my whole entire life. Really? I'm always just like, I punch me and like, God damn, I got a lift. Really? Every time I swing, it's just lighter than...

You ever punch someone in a dream? And you're like... Yeah, that's what real life punching people feels like for me. Yeah. Damn, dude. But I do how to wrestle. So like, anytime I've been in a fight, I've just put him in like a headlock or something. Did you wrestle in high school?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I don't count those... Gators or... Yeah, yeah. That is one thing that annoys me. People think, people who aren't from Florida think that gators are like a real danger. And like, unless you're like a toddler or like a chihuahua, like you're, you're fine. They're really not that bad.

Crocs. Crocs are pieces of shit. Yeah, there are crocs in Florida. But you have to, you have to go from a certain angle, though, correct from the back because they're not maneuverable, right? Oh, I'm not saying I would wrestle one. Would you say, what's up? Would you? If I paid you a thousand dollars, would you wrestle them? A baby, maybe. Like a really, yeah, yeah. I feel like those guys are quick and snippy, though, you know, they're more likely to just, get a good, get a, get a, get a, get a, get a, yeah, I'd probably do you three thousand. Three thousand? Because I'm like, That's baseline, $3,000?

Yeah, yeah, because there's no way that I'm going to die from a baby alligator. Damn, you'd suck a dick for not much money than probably $4,000? That's always the question with, would you suck a dick? The real question is, would I be gay in a hypothetical scenario? That's always, you know what I mean? Because it's like prison. Yeah, yeah. None of us are going to prison and have a, yeah, you don't have a say.

Yeah, yeah, there's no way you're, there's a way out of that. That's why when comics are, I don't know, I'm going to say that, but like, when people who, go to prison, like, ah, I didn't have to suck dick. I'm looking, I'm like, yeah, there's, I think that there's almost like yeah, unless you went in like, I don't know, yeah, unless you went in like the hardest motherfucker.

You know what I mean? You went in, like, tough as hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, you fucking killed a couple people and had like a good rep. And then people were like, I'm not fucking with this guy at all, yeah. But if you went for hitting your wife or a third grader, it's not, you know what you know? Yeah, dude, dude, you're dying. Yeah, it's over for you. Yeah, that's always thing with the pedophiles They said pedophiles are like the first to get fucking fucked up.

Facts. Facts. Well, what do you guys think about Dana White hitting his wife? It's kind of crazy, right? Do you guys actually see the video? Yeah, he slapped her, right?

Yeah, she slapped him and then he slapped her twice and pushed her down, which seems like a lot, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think that, with your wife slaps you, you, uh, my thing is, if my girlfriend ever hit me, I just immediately break up with her. Really? 100%. There's no, like, I'm like, you're starting something that, like, this doesn't end well.

I don't think I can hit my, my girlfriend. And if she, like, I mean, I mean, mean, if she, like, hit me with a bat, yeah, sure. If it's, like, actually threatening. Like, if I got slapped, I can't hit her, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just, like, restrain her. Yeah, but your girlfriend's tiny.

What if it's, like, a big girl? What if you're dating, like a fucking... I told you guys what I would do if it's a girl that's bigger than me. Yeah, you punch her in the face. Yeah, I would, like, yeah, my girlfriend slapped me. I mean, it'd be like... And by the way, any scenario where you're my girlfriend break up, I'm moving out of the apartment besides that.

She slashed me. I'm straight up going, you're leaving or I'm literally calling the police on you and filing a domestic dispute. Because it's like, dude, the second you start, that's not where that shit ends. Like Dana White's saying he's like, his wife's like,

this is the only time this has happened. You're like, really? She put that statement out, but it wasn't like virtual or anything. It was like a written statement. So I'm like, that was a coerced fucking. I'm like, most of those couples, it's like, you know what I mean?

You're like, there's another thing. And I mean, honestly, when it comes down to it's like, I know nothing about him. Like, for sure, if somebody, a girl slaps you, it's that much smaller. I do not think you should hit the bag. It's kind of great.

You can't be that ball, though, and your face can't get that red, like, at all times. You got some anger issues. You hit women. He's from Boston, too. I forgot about that. He's from Boston.

It's a cultural. It's part of his culture. I'm not going to deny a Boston game. Yeah. You're going to deny him his birthright? I don't think so, too. What's the next? I'm going to tell people they can't eat lobster?

You know what I'm so disrespect. Yeah, where do we stop that? Yeah, you can't hate black people. Yeah, come on. Marky, Marky, Marky Mark. Yeah, come on. Yeah, all that's two things they like to do in Boston, and none of them are legal anywhere else.

All that TRT is on, too. You know, it's just, that's... Actually, I was like, how good is it feel to hit a bald guy? Because there's so much surface area. Right, you're like, I can hit him on the top of the head. Have you ever... I, like, always fantasized about slapping a bald guy on the head.

But, like, not somebody that I know, either. I want to be a random ballger in the street. Just some guy likes being slapped. He's like, I'm your little fucking bitch. You just slap the top of his ball head. That would be a, like, a set of bongos, but it's just bald guys, you slap whack them all. What pops up.

My turn, Daddy. Yeah, I don't know, man. I feel like he's an interesting scenario. I feel like because I watched a video recently after all this happened. I forgot about this. He meant his mom don't get along. And she kind of comes out and says,

oh, no, no, no, no. She said, this isn't the first time that he's been, he's like abusive to women and shit. I was like, oh, shit, I forgot about that. Well, he apparently isn't his first time. His mom also said that he fucked his brothers. wife. Yes. Yes. Oh, Dana White

fucked his brother's wife. See, that is that's almost worse than hitting with. Now, his mom could be a dumb Boston, like, crack horror. Like, we don't know. Yeah, we have no idea. Yeah. She did like a pro wrestling. Dana's mom said outside the 7-11. She was asking for change

from her. You're like, I don't know. She did write a tell-all book, so it does say a little bit about her. She does, like, want some fucking attention. Yeah. Yeah, but what was it written on? Like, crayon and crayon. from the local diner. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You never know, and that stuff gets so complicated with the domestic abuse stuff. But, like, it's also like, I mean, I don't, as I said, unless it's like one of those situations where if the person has a weapon, then it's like, come on. And also, it gets tough because you're like, all right, I think a man hitting a woman is bad because women are weaker on average.

That's why it's morally wrong. No matter what, it's morally wrong to hit somebody you're in. Michael, equality. Okay. First of all, equality. Well, the thing is, it's bad to hit someone. you're in relationship with because it's like a fucked up thing because you're like oh we're living under the same route it's kind of all those things versus like hitting a girl at the bar i mean either

way's not good or in third grade it's okay sometimes you just got to release the anger i i i don't regret what it did really good i don't you shouldn't what else you're supposed to do let her just let her you shouldn't you know what's interesting here's the theory what if you punching her in the face made her never attack yeah it's what i'm saying she could have gotten murdered absolutely she might have gone on yeah to fucking do something crazy now she's at home in the kitchen where she belongs so you get a time machine you're like i want to go back and stop this they're like no this is you have to hit a woman that's what saves the future it's the day i became a man yeah yeah yeah hey look without hitler you don't have martin luther king junior yeah that's facts actually i have no

idea that sounds like a Kanye quote yeah I don't know connected at all. That was his whole point. Are they connected? He was like, without slavery, we wouldn't have MLK.

So slavery is bad that you should have the worst take possible. People are like, what? Yeah. Okay. Yeah,

I don't, I don't stand by that. Just heads up. Yeah, that's all complicated. I don't know. Because it's like, you wonder about your own life

because people always say they're like, you know, would you change anything about your life? And every motherfucker, including myself, turns into a douche

where you're like, I want to change. shit because this is who I am. You know what I mean? And you're like... What was that voice? You're like... No, it was Marlithere King.

No, but it's like... I was actually... In my head, I pictured the no regrets guy. I have a dream. Okay. That's what I pictured the no regrets guy. Who was white, Kevin.

Right, right, right. But... No regrets. Yeah, no regrets. But it's like, that's how I feel like, no regrets, because you're like, all your mistakes kind of do lead you

to becoming a better person. True. But also, too, you can't tell me there's not stuff in your life I can write out a little bit of life. Oh there's daily I'm like fuck! Yeah, it'll be shit from like middle school and I'm like God fucking damn. I think about it all the time. I think of

just cringe embarrassing stuff. I think of like moments where it was like where I was like really soft you know and maybe this is like toxic masculinity or whatever but I remember a guy who hit a woman. I remember a moment where I like cried just like a little bitch when I shouldn't have and I'm just like I wish I could have that one back.

D.C. where that guy tried to kiss you. What's that? Or that D.C. where that guy Oh, you guys try to kiss you? I got fucking, like, rates in D.C. Really? Yeah. We were at this bar after a show.

You know, it was great. Is it president? Joe Biden? Yeah, I smelled them first. Get over here. I was, I was 16, so six, six years too old. But, no, no, this was like, it was a couple months ago.

We're at this bar after this show, chilling. And there's this big gay dude. Like, doesn't, he looks like just like a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. Right. Like, kind of a man. Yeah. But like, even, he's a gay man, but he's also an actual man.

He's not a woman. Yeah. Gay men are women. Even, I get what you're saying. He's what you would suspect, a straight acting gay. Yeah. But like, like, like, tailgating, like, fucking, like, Steelers fan type of guy, you know. And, like, when you said Tim Dillon, like, Tim Dillon, you don't, you're like, oh, that guy, you think initially that guy's not gay.

But then, like, there are, they are subtle. You see him going on, like, rants. You go, all right, you're a little, you're talking a little too much, you know. Well, it is very much like a gay guy. The reason Tim Dillon's so good at tearing shit apart is because it's the same way a gay man can like roast. You know what I mean? That way you can break down things.

Like, what are you doing with these fucking shoes on? You're like, oh shit, you really. Yeah. You're looking at a lot of stuff. Yeah. But anyway, this guy, one of those dudes, like, huge belly. He kept, like, yelling at people, getting everybody's face. Like, he'd lift his stomach up and do, like, roll his stomach.

The roll thing. Right? So he comes over at our table. He's fucking screaming at us. And he starts, like, looking at me. He's like, yeah, you. you're really fucking cute, just like shit like that.

We're all hammered. I'm laughing my ass off. He goes in for a kiss. I don't think he's actually gonna kiss me. Like, this is crazy. He just, fuck, kisses me right in the mouth.

I'm, paralyzed in shock. I'm laughing. And then he comes in and does it again. And I didn't move out of the way. So afterwards, I was, like, contemplating,

like, I'm getting shit on for, like, the next hour. And then I'm just thinking, like, am I gay for letting that happen? Like, wow. What just happened here? I didn't even mean, to bring that up, but that's one of those scenarios we think

about and you're like, fuck, should I have done something? No, no, no, best part, he makes out with me for the second time in a row and he goes, ooh! It starts rolling in the stomach, like in my face. I'm like, dude, oh my God. Honestly, he was one of those guys too where he's like, should I have hit him? I was like, I don't know, he was, he might have been,

that might have been a really tough fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if I went out in the street and fought him, I might have been bent over on the hood of a car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting it a lot worse, you know? Yeah, yeah. So you can't have to take it, dude.

Yeah, that's also the thing, though, too, where it's like, dude, there's something about, like, I don't know, it's tough. Because when you're kind of being, when you're in the party aspect of things, you're kind of like, ah, whatever. Yeah. Like, that was definitely wild on his part to do. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure that's what frat guys say when they rape girls, too. It's like, ah, what do you know? It's part of the party.

That's my thing with gay guy, too. It's like sexual harassment. Like, that's sexual harassment. But, like, no, we're not going to say shit. You know what I mean? No, no, for sure. For sure, I mean, like, dude, so I did a, I did a show at a gay bar a week ago, and I had a tough time. I picture you're just getting nervous.

They're like, hey, how's you're like, ooh. No, no, no, no. Some guy just goes, oh, dude, stop. PTSD. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe that's what it was. I get on stage immediately, uh, this one gay dude yells like, bend over. And then another one go, and I'm just like, what?

And then another one's like, oh, because you're a bottom. And it was like, I don't know anything about this world. And they're like, sure you don't. Like, just like, okay. Like, you're like, you fucking. If straight guys did that to a female comic on stage, immediately just started yelling, like, sexual stuff at her. Yeah.

Like, it would be like, holy fun. But the difference is that women are weaker. Yeah. It's like they can't defend themselves as well. The funny part about a dude kidding sexually harassed is right. Right. It's fun. You can, but it's like, it's like, there's four, there's four of them, though.

They still have testosterone. I mean, come. No, I know. It's definitely wrong. Yeah. But there's some part of me that will always still find, dude, I've said this a hundred times. You know, matter what,

gay, it's just funny to me. It is funny. It is funny. Something about them doing it is funny because it is. It's like it's the reverse of like what is stereotypically like. What's like to be a woman? Yeah. Yeah. You're getting sexually like like it.

Yeah. It's wrong. By way, it's it's totally wrong. I don't know. I think they I think they get a free pass with it and they do it a lot more than straight guys do to girls. Yeah. I don't know about that. I don't know. It's percentage wise. I'd have to see. Not in Boston, buddy. I'll tell you.

It's not in Boston. Yeah, I don't know you have math on it. Because I'm like, I get what you're saying. So I totally get what you're saying. It was funny. I did see there was one show where like, uh, or it was like an open mic and then, uh, one comic had like a trans joke and this gay comic got really mad at him for it. And then proceeded to sexually harass every dude on the show.

And you're like, well, I mean, that's kind of dope actually. Yeah. But I was like, I was kind of like, I do. My whole thing is this. I know somebody that had like some shit stolen from a gay guy. And then by a gay guy and they were like, oh, is, it wrong for me to call out this gay guy for stealing stuff? It's like, no. No. It's like definitely treat them

like you should have roasted them. Yeah. And been like, oh, I, I yeah, yeah, yeah. But in a gay bar, that doesn't go well probably. Yeah, but also, there is some point though when they're overpassed, like, when I always go on this back and forth where you're like, do I lose the whole audience? And sometimes it's worth it. Oh, no, that's what I did.

That's what I did. So I kind of, I, I fend them off at first. I get into some jokes. They see me as just like, even though I'm fucking half Asian, they're like, oh, I'm this idea of a straight white guy that they fucking hate. So I think that's the reason they started yelling stuff out.

It's like a, it's like a puff in your chest out type of thing. Like, oh, like, fuck you, like, whatever. Like, you just went to write into a Korean accent. Like, was he talking like that?

Yeah, yeah. No, you do it subtly? So they're like, wait, because they're drunk and shit at the bar, they're like, are we harassing a Korean man? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I did,

I went into the Asian material and they never fucking hated and then, you know, wait, what was the response to that? The Asian material. So there was like, okay, it was a small, it was a small show.

So there was like two tables up front that were causing the most trouble. And then there was a couple. There was just a couple in the back. So it was like fucking 10 people. A couple in the back was loving everything I was saying. And they were being respectful. The tables up front were just like horrendous. And they were groaning and everything.

I do other stuff groaning at it. And then at one point I'm like getting into it with them and it gets awkward and I'm like, how did it get here? And then I end with like a Britney Griner joke. I just say like, you know, the conspiracy theory that she's a biological man. Right. I'm like, that's absolutely ridiculous. just look at her.

She's 6-9 and needs a running start to dunk. Like, that's clearly... This guy literally stands up in his seat and goes, are you kidding me? It's 2023 and you're on the west side and you're telling a misogynistic joke. By the way, that's the same equivalency of... You're in the wrong part of town.

Tell those jokes. Hey, buddy, you're in the wrong part of town. We don't take too... We don't know. It's like the... It's like the Chappellee thing. You better get out of here before something bad ass. No. So he's yelling all that.

And then he goes... By will say this, I didn't mean to catch you up. But the whole premise of your joke is you're saying that... Like, you're basically... There's nothing like... No, there's really nothing that bad about it. It's whatever. That's the funniest argument, by the way.

That's the reason it's wrong to hit a woman because they are weaker. Right. That's the... Not all of them. Britney Briner could fuck me up, but like the whole point is on average. They're weaker.

Yeah. And that's why it's wrong for people. Anyways. No, no, no. And so he's yelling all that stuff out. And he's like, as a straight comic, you should know. not to make jokes about women in a gay bar.

And I go, I would think this is the one place where I can't. I feel like that would be cool. What do you mean? So in the middle of this, the couple in the back that fucks with me, they're yelling at the tables up front being like, shut up, like, you're ruining the show. It's comedy. Like, stop being so sensitive. I'm just like, to the host, I'm like, hey, I can't dig us out of this because I got

lit already. I was like, I was like, all right, I got to go see it. And then the host is up there trying to, like, calm everything down. the tables are yelling at each other the host is like you know not doing a great job of calming it down and so for six minutes

before the next comic gets brought on there's this commotion everybody's yelling at each other and I'm just sitting there To be fair though what the fuck did I do Like how did this happen In that moment

To even calm it down And make it better I wouldn't to be fair I'm trying to sit in here and think No no no I'm not saying I'm not saying I'm not blaming the host for And I'm just saying like he was like He would say something to calm him down a little bit

And then he would backtrack on it Try and make a joke and then they would get more mad. And then the comic... You got it. Like, it's a weird balance. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get another one of these guys. It's a weird balance because you're kind of like, if you shit on people too hard, they will, you will lose them. But honestly, your job as a host

is not to get everybody to like you. Right. You know, you've already done your time so you can be mean so that the other people have a good... Right. I mean, this is just...

This is just a shit show because when you get, you know, eight people mad in a big crowd, you know, you can figure that out. Eight people mad in a 10-person crowd.

It's like, what are you going to do? So the next comic, he's just sitting there next to me. I just look at him. I'm like, I'm sorry. Like, I don't know what the fuck happened here, but good luck. And it was just, you know, whatever. The rest of the show is weird. But I, yeah, I just, it's crazy.

I didn't even say anything that crazy. And it, like, got to that point. I was like, they're acting like I pulled a Kramer up there. Like, it was, I didn't say anything. I didn't make one joke about gay people, like, like, nothing. Well, they didn't like you from the start. Yeah. And that was the whole part.

They didn't like you from the start. Right. Right. Right. the way, they just didn't want... I think they wanted me to come up there. Oh, I'm a little white cock. Like, I don't get laid.

You know, that's all they wanted for me. And, you know, I don't... Inevitably, I see that a lot, too. And I wonder if New York City makes white comics, like, if you're maybe in the middle and you're just like, you're looking for laughs and you're trying to learn this business. And you're like, fuck, I have to kind of appease or, like, appeal to... Yeah, you'll start going like, oh, I'm sorry.

And I've seen that happen. And I've even, I'd be lying if I said... I've been guilty of it, too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're all do some, like, fucking pandering type shit For like this city sometimes

Where I'm like, fuck, I don't really believe that Why am I saying this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny too Because no matter what you get put in one box or the other, you're like, you go too far this way, People think you're that or the, it's whatever. But most people are cool.

That's things you have bad crowds, but it's like, I don't know, it's like, you know what I mean? You're like, yeah, that was one percentage Because I was thinking like, I definitely had some gay hecklers and then you're like, yeah, but I wonder how many gay dudes haven't heckled me? You just wouldn't know. You don't know what I mean?

you're like, you're like, you have no idea who's not heckling you. You only know who is heckling. They really, really, really love talking during shows. It's one of their favorite things to do. Like, maybe, yeah. There is, there is a percentage of gay men. White women. Attention.

No, they, they love talking during comedy shows. Yeah, it's a thing. But yeah. Really mean the guy in the sequence t-shirt wanted attention? Yeah, it's crazy. Oh, man. But yeah, it is interesting. I wonder because, like,

I think that there is this thing in the gay community where, like, they have, people have been so bad at them for a while. So they have this fuck you mentality where they want to go and go like, because I really wonder, because I do know gay guys that, like, maybe they have slightly a gay accent, but you, you wonder what divides that from, like, a gay guy who's like, you know what I mean? And I'm like, by the way, it is, there is like, I have no problem anybody doing anything. Because there are people that are like, why do they have to be so gay? And I'm like, well, if you're having, I don't mind anybody dressed anyway or acting a certain way,

as long as I'm being dick. The second you start being a dick, then it's annoying. Yeah, like, if you're protesting and laying in front of, like, traffic, yeah, yeah. For people who aren't even doing anything, like, that's, that's too gay.

That's, that's... Who's... Like, you ever see, like, a protest, like, climate change protests where they lay in front of cars? Right, right, yeah. Like, that's, like, that's... You're being too gay.

Yeah. I like that we have, yeah, we have these fucking, put them in, like, certain boxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can do this, but you can do this. Well, because this will have me mentally, I'll start putting groups

like gay people in a box and then I'm like, wait, no, but I know 10 gay guys that aren't like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But I think it's also hard too, because it's like the second you have a negative interaction with somebody, like, it's human nature. You start to just... Facts, but they do it, but people do it to white people as well.

We're like, like, they'll just... Dude, I'm sure I've cut somebody out there with this fucking white douche. And I don't hate you for thinking it because that was just like, sort of, you know what I mean? You just sort of like start to... Or probably even the reason they started talking to you in the first place, they're like, look, this white kid. Yeah, no, I was the only white comic. on the show too.

Yeah. So I think like it made me really like stand out. Yeah. Um, I think that was a part of the problem. Like it's just a bunch of why you guys are like, hey, we're getting picked on too. Turned to Jordan Peterson. Yeah. Oh, we're gonna stand up for us.

That guy has been crying. Wait. Yeah. Holy shit. Holy shit. Any like I hate, I love these like, you know, like, like quote unquote tough like conservative guys. And they like like suck Jordan Peterson off. And this guy's just crying all over the place on every podcast.

I also have been popping on my Instagram so much. Some of it's kind of funny because you're really weird. But then I ironically watch it. Now my whole feed is just like... Dude, I watched one fucking Andrew Tate video recently and all of my shit now is just... Dude, he is... That is so funny.

The second he got D-platformed, he started showing up... I didn't even know who he was. Yeah. Trouble. And now he's in all my shit. Yeah, I watched one fucking video, dude, and that's all my suggested stuff is now. Yeah.

It's like they're like... Hey, you look like him. Yeah, come on. You know, you like it. Yahlgren's like... He's been in my feed, like, since last year. They must have known something about me. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. His brother looks so much like him. He looks like him with his hair on him. Yeah. That was a crazy situation, too, where I feel like I don't know enough about the guy. And then all of a sudden he's arrested for, like, what's it called? Rape and trafficking. Rape and human trafficking.

I'm like, holy fuck. What is going on here? Yeah, yeah. I have no idea. Allegedly, he wasn't actually charged with that, though. He said he got swatted. You know, he's been listening to the tape pocket. He knows the details.

No, he's been listening to fucking InfoWars. You donate to InfoWars. I saw the Alex Jones movie, which I... You know what? Yes, I have donated. You got the supplements right over there. I got a rack of supplements. No, but it's like, to be fair, I have...

I bought the Alex Jones movie and I... I went to go see in theaters and I bought it on YouTube. So that's like... Listen, man, curiosity is an interesting thing, dude, because I do get curious about everything. And I'm on both sides. releases a special and it's like $5 online. I would watch it, dude. I would watch it,

but would I pay for it. That's a tough part. I would pay for it for sure. I watched the Nanky Pelosi thing. Don't act like it's a tough. You would absolutely pay for it. It's tough. Just to see. I mean, like, he's got a fucking gillian dollars anyway. Like, you know. Yeah, I think about this all the time because it's like, dude, there's no. Also, you got to support black businesses. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. It's funny. Yeah, it's funny. There's no, like, I have no idea where I draw that line because I'm like, dude,

if you, like, everything's made by slaves. It's just true. Like, it's like everything... Anything good. These microphones, for sure, were made by slaves. Yeah. Wait, didn't Hitler? No, no, no.

He invented it. It was crazy. I feel like anything Kanye hears, he reverberates him. Yeah, well, it's also tough, too, because, like, that is something I haven't been able to find any evidence on the Hitler. But I wonder if the deep state just took it all off the internet. The second Cagio said it. I don't know, man. Did we talk about this last time?

Hitler did invent the microphone, like his Wikipedia bio, would it be like Adolf Hitler? You know how right now it probably says Adolf Hitler was a German dictator. Can you pull it up? I'm curious is what it says on this stuff. Because I'm wondering if it's like,

all right, let's pull it up. Dude, you'd be surprised. Some Wikipedia pages, there's some people, like, I bet you look up Cosby's, I guarantee you the sexual assault thing will not show up until Wikipedia kind of is an interesting job. They'll do what he's most, like,

like, they do accomplishments, and then personal life is where they put the crowd. But can't individuals update that themselves? Like, couldn't I go into somebody's I used to say, I used to always. Adolf Hitler was an Austrian-born German politician. Oh, here we are. Who was dictator of Germany from 1933 until his death in 1945.

Now, if he did invent the microphone, it's a very, like, it's a very important thing in our history. Would it be Adolf Hitler was an Austrian-German inventor and politician? Like, would it make top billing? I don't know. I don't know. No. No, because I think that, like, I don't know how Wikipedia works, though.

Yeah, but it hasn't. By way, it says nothing about Jews in there, doesn't it? Yeah. It's just all the way at the bottom. It's like an asterisk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always killed six million Jews. Yeah, it's always a personal, it's like personal life.

The Holocaust does not mention till the fourth sentence. Wow. Okay, that's reasonable. That's kind of a lot, though. That's kind of a lot of information before we get to what everyone knows. Right, but we can put Adolf Hitler, parentheses, Holocaust guy. I got to give it to.

I'm going to give it to Wikipedia. I think this is fair. Other than politician before a dictator. Like you should just say dictator. Like, we get the point. Yeah. No, no, dictator is not a politician.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, yeah. Isn't also Wikipedia is their donation base, correct? Yeah, yeah. So, like, if you, hold on, so this is my question.

If you don't, if you donate more, can you have more say in? For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guarantee you, yeah, you could donate and have the sickest Wikipedia page. Yeah.

they might be run by the deep state though. You think so? Yeah, because like every, they have like a lot of like, like on like Alex Jones's thing. Or it says like he runs, it literally says he runs the fake news like platform info wars. That's so funny. Which is just like Hillary,

which is just a fourth line. Alex Jones are like monster. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. They're definitely,

they have to be like. My question is is the deep state. Because, like, you always hear the deep state coming out of, like, Alex Jones or, like, a conservative side. But is the deep state left or what are they? No, they want the one, they want the, you know, one world government. One world government, yeah. Okay, so what's the, uh, what's the thought process behind that? You probably know more than I do.

But it is like, it's like under, everything's under one currency. Right. They want us to have one digital currency that they can turn on and off if we're saying things we shouldn't. Right. You know, like kind of like how they have in China. Like, if you talk shit about the government, they can literally cut off your spending ability, so you can't, like, buy shit that you need. Yeah.

So that's how they control it. Yeah, that is tough. It's annoying that that becomes a conservative talking point when you're like, no, I don't think they should have a one currency. And people are like, what do you use something like? You know what I mean? You start sounding like this. You say deep state people align you with that, but you're like, everybody should be.

And so it's like... That's the problem with people, like, hating against, like, these theories about, like, conspiracy theories. because it's like, you think that a government in every form and fashion is doing the right thing by you at all times? Yeah, yeah, right, right. You can't tell me there's not one conspiracy theory

that there's not some legitimacy to this. For sure. Like, so, and, you know, Tate, all the bullshit, what all the bullshit aside. One thing he said that is, like, very true, and it's about this stuff. He goes, uh... His women are dumb horns.

Yes. Yes. You should be punched in the face. In third grade. And then this. To set them straight. He says, if you, uh, if you're playing like a, car game, right, for, like to say,

a couple hundred dollars, and someone's not looking. Most likely the person is going to cheat when they see the other person's not looking. So it's like relatively low stakes, they're going to cheat to get ahead. So you think people with all this power in the world, when people aren't noticing, aren't going

to fucking abuse the shit out of it for their own game. You're out of your mind. So it's like this idea that people just blindly trust government, you're fucking idiot. It's insane. Yeah, yeah. But it starts getting so lumped into the right wing thing where it's like, I'm not a political guy. Right, right. But that's what they, that's what they, I think that's what they want. Oh, that's so smart. So we don't, so we don't, so we don't, some right wing fascists. Yeah. So they use, so it's like,

liberals aren't, like, liberals aren't a part of the deep state. It's they're using like the liberal shit to kind of help get their agenda across and then divide the people so we don't all get together and be like, what the fuck? Like, what the fuck's going on here? So it's too late. You know, so we just fight each other about, you know, bullshit, like abortion and whatever, you know. I do kind of agree with that theory that like there is some sort of deep state just pushing arguments that really don't matter like teaching gay stuff in school and they're like, are you about this shit

now? You know what I mean? Because it's like who? Yeah. That really doesn't affect a lot of shit. And you know what's interesting too is like when I watched, uh, I watched, so I watched Nancy Pelosi's documentary on Netflix recently and I was like, let me see what this shit's about. Yeah, let me see those. She got some fucking mom's daughters. Like I mean, those things are fucking and her, and her gay husband. And her husband loves talking during comedy shows. Yeah.

Wait, what's this? Gay husband. No, because he's gay. Wait, is this... Wait, well, let's talk about her tits first. They're big, right? I mean, they're gigantic. Really big. They're a huge...

Is that in the documentary? Yes, and she's hot. When she's younger, Nancy Pelosi's a fucking... For sure. Yeah, it's the adrenachrome. Yeah, she's fucking hot. But here's the thing. I was watching this shit, and it was interesting

because they kind of went over the January 6th shit or whatever, and where they they were all. And it's interesting because all these motherfuckers were in a room, Republicans, Democrats, and they were all together, bro. I'm telling you, they were fucking best of... friends. I'm like, that's probably what they do all the time. For sure. Where it's like, oh, we hate each other, we hate you. And then they get

in a room and like, hey, what's up? Mitch, how you doing, buddy? And like, you know, it's just like, fucking, they're just, it's all bullshit and it's all like, they're all on the same side of, but they're not at the same time. You know, it's not on the same side as everyone? Trump. Donald. Jay, Trump. The best fucking cards in the game. Four more years.

The best, the best enough T's in the game, son. Better than Lincoln. I hope I'm your favorite. What do you say? I hope I'm your favorite president. Better than Abraham Lincoln. The best, the guy who freed the slaves. The best thing is when he was talking about

giving away the prizes and he's like, and you'll get a, you'll get dinner with me. I don't know if that's interesting. That's the only side of weakness. Yeah, I've ever shown. Right. Yeah.

Dude, out of this whole career, I've never seen him backtrack when he says like, dinner with me. I don't know if that's the best. I don't know if you guys would like that. Have you ever seen the clip of him on Stern? after his roast and Artie Lang

was on his roast and he compliments Artie and then some about his roast and someone tells Ardy to repeat some of his jokes. He repeats it about Trump like losing one of his casinos in Atlantic City Trump gets fucking pissed. That's so funny. Turns on him and goes, he goes, he goes, he goes

he's like already I was lying you had the worst roast. He goes, it was uncomfortable I was being nice to you. It was fucking terrible. He's a loser. He'll just be like you're the best, you're great. you're so great and then I'm like actually your shit Yeah

Yeah I'm like You're like What? He is like Like there's There's a little bit of respect I have for people who only look out

For their self interest To the point that they'll like They're like Annie and it works Yeah What he did works And it worked well You know what I mean

It's like we're like This is a really likable podcast We spend 30 minutes And beating women Now we're like Dude Trump you know It's a really smart guy Alex Jones

Andrew Tate Those intertage are pretty dope Let's be honest Watch you out for the deep state This one's going to be a fan favorite For the women out there If they're women listeners I appreciate it

I would guess that there's two maybe Yeah They probably don't have front teeth Yeah It's that fucking Shane Gillis You'd be surprised So people like your lips It's that Shane Gillis

A stand-up clip Where he's like he's like a Republican dad That's a good dad He's like Republican mom He's like conservative mom She smokes in the house That's bad Yeah

You're like fuck yeah There's probably about one of them You'd be surprised There's some hot girls that like my eclipse. I'm like, I don't expect you to like this at all. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, dude, I watched, you guys see that Knives Out movie Glass Onion?

Yes, that was great. I liked it. The COVID stuff was weird in the beginning, though. I think they thought COVID was not going to be a thing forever. Or no, they thought the opposite. They thought it was going to be a thing forever. Because there's a weird thing they spray people's mouths and they just solve COVID. Yeah.

And don't worry about COVID. And you're like, huh, that's interesting. I saw that. I thought that was another one of those things we were talking about earlier, where it's like, oh, they're playing these little seeds in your mind. I was like, what the fuck does that mean? Yeah, yeah. I would like know when it was filmed.

Because I am curious because it was like... It was filmed during COVID for sure, I bet. Yeah, because it was like, probably in their mind, they're like, we have to... Address it. Yeah, but it's like, you could have just put a date on it. Like, you didn't have to... By the way, COVID played zero into the plot of that movie, and they brought into the movie.

Yeah. What was the point of that? Yeah. I also, I love, but also dislike Daniel Craig's character. Because I have a weird thing about people that... Because he's gay. No. Another one to be a gay.

I love the gay foghorn, leghorn character. He's like, I'm a split your cheeks, boy. I'm a ripple open like an onion. I'm going to spread him. Get in there. Fucking Kevin's having PTSD. That is a very funny gay man.

Well, it's like, get over you, boy. How about you sit on my lap? Give you some smooches. But, that's literally southern prison. probably. Oh, for sure. Yeah, that's where that is. Dude, I knew, I knew

an Asian guy who did stir fry that had that accent. Really? Is that we going to cook him up to here? Yes, we are. Really? And it was in, he was in Tallahassee, Florida. And I guess he was from Alabama. And dude, fully Asian, but like... Talk like that. Full, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that... And you're like, his eyes look like that.

And he looks like... That he, like, live there. Like, yeah. It is a mind fuck, though, when it's like that deep of a southern accent, you're like, damn. Yeah, right, right. Because it's weird. Because you hear it's on an accent, you think black or white. Because a black guy doing that accent, you're like, yeah. Yeah, right.

But I get weird when it's slightly off in like a movie. Like, he, I don't know why. It's so funny, because I'll do the most offensive accents of this podcast. And I'm like, how dare Daniel Craig not nail the southern accent? But it does, I don't know, weirdly like, I'm like, ah, you kind of fucked that up a little bit. But yeah. Yeah. Now, he, he was interesting in that movie.

But, like, that movie just in general was kind of all over the fucking place, man. I thought it was good, but it was just, it was just, it was just, it It was too much almost a little bit. Yeah, yeah. I don't think you need it. Like, the political stuff just did not play it all into the film. But I was like, whatever, you know,

do what you have to. I'll tell you what was a good-ass fucking movie that I watched, because I've watched both of these recently. I watched The Pierce Blue Eye or something like that with Christian Bale. Have you guys seen that? No.

It just came out on Netflix. It's fucking fire. Really? Oh, it's really, really good. It's one of the first movies I've seen because I don't think Hollywood's really doing anything good anymore. Yeah, yeah. It's one of the first movie I was like,

oh, that's original. which of course it was a book and oh it was well done too yeah yeah yeah no you'll catch some here and there that you're like I think there was what did I enjoy re-thew I like I like bullet train you see that which is a constant action movie

I saw yeah I did see that that's where they fucking the the guy got kicked out by the Asian clan and like he wanted his revenge yeah yeah it was what's his name Michael Shannon dude that guy's so badass you know I'm talking about yeah that was dope I did see that

that was a good movie yeah but there's very few things that I watch now I go oh that's good or oh that's creative Oh, that's unique. I also like the gentleman. That was in the same category of movies. Like a guy Ritchie movie. I feel like a lot of these are probably books, too, though.

That's where the only unique things are coming from is people who are writing books. Yeah, which are just somebody else's idea. Matt Damon actually broke this down about why, like, we don't get a lot of those, like, good cult classics anymore. And it's just because how expensive it is to create a profitable movie and how much you have to invest in it. So it's like you can't make a story about. something that's not mainstream, that's not going to capture, like, fucking stupid people in middle America. That's not, because you're going to, because you have to make a certain amount of money.

Goodwill Hunting now, it's going to have to be, like, a superhero movie with, like, explosions. Agreed. Yeah, like, trans people. But also, too, like, Napoleon Dynamite was, like, a $250,000 budget. I fuck with Napoleon Dynamite. But they were saying they could, they could take that chance because just to get a movie out there, they didn't have to put in as much money.

Or they didn't have to make as much money back to be profitable. So now it's like. Agreed, but it's also like. And like lack of DVDs and stuff, it's like, because of these, like, restrictions or things that are more expensive, it's like, you can't take as many chances. It's actually, now we're just getting a plethora of just, like, mainstream garbage, just like, superheroes. Like, remakes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's also, that's on the network, so that's not, I mean, there's probably creative projects like Napoleon.

I'm not going to watch them. That just aren't getting greenlit. You know what I mean? Advertis them or something? You're like, yeah, I don't know. Like, again, if I saw an advertisement for Napoleon Diamondite now, I wouldn't, you'd have to, those things have to be word of mouth, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, this is good, see it. Because the comedy is so cheap to shoot. Yeah. It's just, but nobody goes to see it in theater and everybody's trying to get the box office money. Right. But it's also like you could put it out in like, like, I don't know if they thought fucking Joe, what's Joe Exotic fucking, fucking. Tiger King.

That was incredible. I don't think, I don't think that they thought, oh, this is going to be a hit. And maybe it was just because of the pandemic when we were all in the house. I don't know. But like, I don't think they made that and go. this is a fucking killer hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point to you.

So as you don't know what it's going to be. There is a good genre with like murder, mystery, documentary. It's like white women like love that shit. For sure. Yeah, yeah. That is true. That's why you got to beat him and tell them, you know what? First of all, we're not going to watch this.

Yeah. Second of all. Yeah, those are my two reasons to hit a woman. She comes out of the knife or she grabs the TV remote. Both things. Both things? A knife in hand or a TV remote? Understandable.

Other than that, it's wrong. I don't. I don't agree. Under than that, it's wrong. I don't agree with either of those things. Yeah. I think you guys are... Kevin at the fourth quarter is about to redeem.

All the shit. He's about to go on an apology tour to this podcast. Unless they burn dinner. That is fucking... All that's wrong. Thanks. I don't know. I was talking about this with Mike when I first came in, dude.

You're... Having a girl will drive you insane. Yeah, yeah. Like, my girl fucking is driving me insane with the emotions, dude. this almost sounds like I'm trying to advocate for a beer now it seems like I'm going too far I want to take your side because my girlfriend would drive me crazy

but I also drive my girlfriend fucking nuts and I'm like this is because like saying this like after 40 minutes of that's what I'm saying it seems like a lot now now I'm like I'm done caring about like we can say whatever we want on here yeah yeah but wait how much time do we have left 15 minutes why

all right I can crack a beer yeah crack a beer fucking stop my pussy dude yeah no it is it is one of those where I think it's insane to fucking live like it's so hard because like I always get pissed to my girlfriend because she'll get mad at me

for leaving shit around. I'm like, why she's so naggy about this? You know, like I'm also, my standards of living are just way shittier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is why I'm sitting in a fucking beach chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, what's wrong with this, baby? A couple beach chairs. We don't have enough chairs in the house? What do you mean? That has been the reversal. I've been the one complaining about no couch. Dude, this is the most like Florida white trash shit I've ever seen by white.

I'm still trying. I miss Florida so much that I have to trick my brain. It's okay, yeah. Dude, I was almost beating off the idea of getting drunk at the beach the other day.

I was like, it sounds so nice. Are you a beach guy? You're the kind of guy that water guy. Got to be near water. All the, dude, when I was a kid,

it was like the beach, because you're just teenagers, you just get fucked up at the beach and have like the most lawless, like, weekends. Sometimes it's weeks. Our spring break would be a week of just us going to the beach

and just getting drunk, doing drugs, being menaces to society, getting fights, trying to get our dick sucked. Florida sounds great. It's amazing. It's amazing. Well, that's the best part.

Especially for, like, you know, like teen years and stuff. That's, like, fucking. And it seems like it's really easy to, like, blow, like, responsibilities off and just, like, go to the beach, drink all the time. It's like California. It's the same way. Yeah. And you don't work out there.

They don't give a fuck, dude. Yeah. And you realize, uh, because, like, New York is such grind mentality. You're like, I got to do this. And then you realize you're like, I'm going to be okay. Like, you get fucked up on a beach. you're like, we're going to be fine. Yeah.

And you might not be, but you're like, nobody, I love that nobody can take away the fucking beach. A public beach, nobody can take that away from you. I don't think you can permanently get banned from there. Maybe if you fuck like a horse at the beach, I don't know. But it's one of those things that, like, you can like, it's so funny how much New York shits on Florida because they're like, everybody in New York's freezing and depressed.

Like, thank God I'm not into beach right now. Yeah. You're like, dude. Yeah, they are. It's like this mindset. It's like, shut the fuck up, dude. This place ain't that great. We're like saying how great New York is.

I look around half the time. New Yorkers are always complaining about New York. Yeah, I have seasonal deprive. I had to get a fucking lamp. By the way, those things don't work. I've only tried it for one day. It's 20 minutes. I'm just sitting in front of this lamp.

It is not. Really? Yeah, yeah. You're just sitting there just fucking. Yeah. You have it looked so deep at that right now. What are you? Were you guys like really trying to say Florida was better than New York?

Yes. Yes. I actually believe it is. To be honest with you, this isn't even a hot take. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Where?

First off, all right. Miami is, like, fun for a weekend, but living there. Fort Lauderdale. Living here sucks. Fort Lauderdale is better than here. In what way? Every way. Beach.

Where are you going to get, like, pizza? You can find pizza. There's so many New Yorkers down there. They've actually fucking replicated it. Not to a tea, but it's, you know, they've done all right. What about the Jews and Boker atone? Come on. Kanye's like, fuck.

This is, this is my argument. for why I like Florida, but you're right. I'm not going to say it is better. They covered up Epstein's like operation. Yeah, what is that? Yeah, yeah, West Palm Beach. Oh, deep state thought. I mean, they killed him here.

Yeah, so it's true, exactly. Yeah. So my thing with this is New York is an incredible place. Yeah. There's so much opportunity. But living here is, you know what they say? If you can make it here, you can make it anyway. Oh, yeah.

Look how people are failing here, though, live terrible lives. True. That's why everyone leaves. as soon as they get fucking rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the thing too is, they go to Connecticut or they go to Florida.

Yeah, they're out, dude. But I think you, like, this is where you make the money, you know what I mean? Sure. No, I agree. I agree with that. I would not,

if I lived in Florida, there's a zero percent chance I will ever become a successful stand-up comedian. 100%. 100%. I've always thought that. But in today's internet age,

you don't think that's possible? No, I think it's possible for other people to do it. I don't think it's possible for me to do it. Because the people, this is the thing why I defend Florida a lot. It's not just one beach. It is a state filled with beaches. Everybody's like, oh, just Miami.

I'm like, no, it's not Miami. They're amazing beach towns with all different flavor. You got people with no teeth. You got people with some more teeth. You got people with, you might have a surf town. You have all these kind of different things. Then you have coral reefs. You have all this beautiful stuff.

And it's like, I'll sacrifice the food just for that. But I love that his pitch for my phone is. He's got coral reefs. Yeah, yeah. He don't like a good coral reef. Also, you're like there's beaches around the whole state. Like you're using all the beaches around the whole state. It's so far to get to.

No, it's not. It takes 40 minutes. From where to where? Orlando, Florida is the center of the state. You can go to an hour beach on this side, hour beach on that side. Yeah. So on either side of you.

And if you're in like a nice place, like, Fort Lauderdale, you're right there. Wait, wait, wait, we're defending Orlando now. Yeah, I'll defend Orlando. Oh, no. No, no. I'll defend Orlando. That's right.

I draw the line. No, no. That's crazy. The theme park's fucking awesome. There's so much goddamn phone. That's it. Now you're done. Now you have nothing.

This is if you're like fucking 17, dude. Okay. Let's say you're a pedophile. Let's say, yes, if you're pedophile, it's a great place to be. I mean, Disney's fucking right there. That's perfect. The beaches are great. Let's say you're 70.

Okay. You can run a pontoon foot for the day. Go boating. There's 17 and then 70. Let's say you're 26. There's the downtown, a ton of fucking bars. Yeah. The downtown area, there's a ton of bars.

There's different pockets of bars. You want to go to some suburban bars. You can go over here. Look, I agree. Oh, dude, come on. I'm going to make him work for it. I agree with him. There's probably a couple decent bars in Orlando.

But like here, there's every kind of bar. There's live music bars. There's rave bars. They close it 12, though. No, they don't. Two in the morning. Yeah. Yeah.

Suck my dick. See, this is, New York. New Yorkers will never fucking agree that anywhere's good. They won't move an inch on New York. They're not even like... Dude, I'm not saying Orlando's the worst place in the world. It's not better than New York. No, I agree.

I agree with that. I agree with that. But there are parts of Florida that are. We're fucking closer to beaches than you are in Orlando. I know it's not year round. Those beaches should not even be called beaches. What a beautiful. What a beautiful scene.

Those should not even be called beaches. Listen, listen, you go to Rockway Beach. Sometimes there's a skank that isn't where... They walk the beach naked. Like, that's not bad. That's not bad. How much better is it in fucking Florida? Yeah.

No, I will say this. New York City is a better city than New Orlando. I totally. That is fair. I agree with both of you guys too. That is fair. My problem, though, is that comparing, you can't compare,

New York City is the best city in the world. I will say that. I would say it's one of the best cities in the world. It's incredible. There's nothing like it. But living here, I think, is atrocious. Yes.

Living here is atrocious. Because if you were most, you would live a happier life. in others in Florida. Your life would be happier. You would be less successful. You would be less great. Because the shittiness makes you great here.

It's like, I'm on the subway and I'm like, I fucking hate this. I got to go home and write an hour worth of jokes so that I can get out of this shitty fucking apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that's the reason New York's incredible because it sucks. Yeah. Because of the competitiveness, the, all of that stuff, it makes it a better place to live. Yeah.

But it also sucked at the same time because then it's like everyone's stepping on each. other to fucking get to where they want to go. For sure, for sure. You know what I mean? Yeah. And also, the one thing I will also say is that it's hard because everybody says New York versus another state, but it's kind of an unfair comparison because New York City is New York. Yeah. And then, like, it's like then are you comparing, you know what I mean? It's like one city. First of all, New York outside of the city is fucking amazing. It's beautiful. Yeah. Go to the Adirondacks. You go to all these. It's fucking amazing. The city is, it is, it is, when you say New York, you think of the city. And that's the only thing.

And it does suck, but it's also great. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. And that's the problem. Yeah. There's just a... I got Kevin revved up there, which is fair. It's fair. It's fair. It's fair. It's not revved up. I don't give a fuck.

I mean, like, I'm just, you know, it's just... Like, if you were going to go, like, hey, maybe like Chicago is better, like, Orlando, you know? Chicago. That's overrated, too. I've never been. I was just throwing that out as a major city. I think New Orleans is probably my second favorite city. New Orleans is my favorite city in the world.

I've never been. Dude, there's live music on a fucking... Tell me right now. Sell me right now on why New Orleans is better than Nashville, though. I've never been to Nashville. Okay. I feel like Nashville wasn't really a thing. What's closing time in Nashville?

Until COVID. Closing time in Nashville. I'm using his arguments now. I'm like, yeah. Oh, you guys stay open until four. That's cool. And I'm like, well, New Orleans is good because it stays open. No, people act like New York parties the hardest.

Like, dude, New Orleans by far, like, you could get a whiskey at like six in the morning on a Sunday. Yeah, yeah. Past COVID, there's something about New York where a lot. A lot of things are less popping on weekdays. And they're, like, closing earlier now. There's a lot of places that you. There's a shit that I'm like,

you guys are closed at midnight on a Monday. Yes. Right. Yeah, I've noticed that. It's weird. Yeah. I think my thing is it's mostly just the, the lack of sunlight here.

It's hard. It rains once a week here too. Once a week minimum. And more often than not, probably a few times a week. Yeah. If you average it out over like the course of a year, you need a little rain.

You need a little rain, you need a little rain. It rained. It rained. past week. Four days. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Even if it was just a little bit, it rained four fucking times. To be fair, Florida has the same, though.

Florida's rain all the time. Florida's a lot of rain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's wrap up here. Let's shut on New York for the last five minutes. I mean, yeah, we got to fend, well, no, we got to wrap up on a better. We were just like talking. That was a, I feel like, should I go back to the glass onion voice? The women's cell, I think was really, I think that was really good.

I feel like we kind of lost the funny on the last 10 minutes there. If you could hit a woman, and this is what happens, right? So God says, I love this where this is going. Yes, God says, you have to hit one woman or all women will be murdered. You have to hit one woman. Or a woman. Okay, but let's let's let's live. Let's make this okay for our more left-leaning listeners.

If Fauci says, you have to hit. to hit one women or the rest of them are going to get sick and die. All right. Either one. There you go. You believe in God or if you believe in Fauci, you know. Yeah. Okay.

Depending on how you're really leading here. Yeah. He's got a lot of, he's got an apology to. Wait, so the first 40 minutes. Save all the women? Yeah. That's easy. No, no, no.

I'm not saying would you, I'm saying, who are you hitting? A nice reset. It's got to be your, hold on. It's got to be your mother. I have to pick a, no, no, no, no. That's a different discussion. Oh, okay. This is you hit a woman to save all the.

women. Who's the woman you're hitting? Because this is justifiable hitting a woman. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. In my mind, I was like, I should say, what woman do you want to hit? And then I'm like, see, this depends on what side drone also, though, too, if you want to go sides. If I go, he's going to say Hillary, Owens. He's going to say Clinton. Yeah. If I go

Canis Owens, the left goes, fuck yeah. Yeah. If he says Hillary, right, it's like, yeah. It depends on him. I like Hillary. I think she's a good person. Yeah. I didn't expect that coming out of your mouth. This is the apology to her. starting now. I mean, you guys are free to jump in with a, I got to think.

If I'm going to hit one woman. Still alive. Still alive. Let's say, let's say, let's say this, she has to be, you can't say my girl. You know who I'd love to hit? You know who I'd love to fuck up if I'm being honest with you? Barbara Walters right before she went. Yeah. The second before she dies. That's actually

the most moral thing to hit her. Yeah. Well, then again, you'd send Betty White to the gray. Sock, man. I'd like to do what they did to her in W.E. fucking double powerbombing through a table.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could send somebody that age to the grave with something like that. Oh, yeah, for sure. If you just came off the top rope to the clothes line. Yeah, who's really...

What's really feeble these days? I don't know. This is the only one of you win against. This is you're in a human to save all the other women. Oh, you know who I'd like to hit that bitch from Theranos? Something about her pisses me off.

Remember the girl who... You guys don't know about this? She created Theranos. It was like to detect, like, your blood. If, like, like, you could do... do certain things. And it was like an entirely fake company.

How do you not know about this? You know about the deep state? No, I don't know. Buddy, this was crazy. Never heard. You should look into this. Her name's Elizabeth something. It was a crazy, crazy.

They called her like the next Steve Jobs and shit. It was this crazy story. But now people watch this one though, but you guys don't know. Elizabeth Holmes, I believe, the name of us. Oh, I think I've heard about this slightly. Yes. How fuck. I'm surprised you guys don't know about this.

Yeah. Interesting. I think. I think open hand slapping Greta Thunberg would be pretty much. and she has that always has that that like, that like angry face and then you smack her and it's still the same thing.

Hey buddy, that's the autism. You piece of shit. He was trying to redeem himself. Hold on. Hold on. You act like I didn't know she was autistic. Yeah, obviously. Look at her. You remember the Trump?

That's terrible. You and Andrew Tate. No, but you and Andrew Tate. Do you remember the Trump? Do you remember the Trump tweet? about her when he first met her and he was like, Greta's so serious, like, needs to go

just watch a movie with a friend and relax. Chill, Greta, chill. That's what he said? Yeah. That's so many coming from him. That's terrible you'd hit an autistic person. So I would hit the Victoria's Secret model who has Down syndrome. I'm just kidding. Is there really one that they Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where are you talking about the one with the fat ass? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I'm telling you right now, there's, I watch

dwarf porn and it's nice. I'm more of a nugget porn guy myself. No arms, no legs. I saw something like that. It was just a girl in the arms legs. It goes, it said fleshlight under it. That's wild. Dude, I know a lot of people get into the Dorf stuff now.

Because it's getting promoted on Instagram. Like, they're always twerking on there. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you I fucked a porn star? No. Yeah, I fucked a porn star. We may have actually been getting into this on the last episode. How much time do we have?

What times are right now? And I never. actually ended this story. Let's hear it. Let's do four more minutes. Four more minutes. I want to hear this story. No, just real quick.

I'll keep it very simple. Basically, I grew up with this bitch in our town because my town is only called her bitch, dude. Yeah, so disrespectful. Sorry, I know. We've been respectful. She's a sex worker.

What podcast do you think you came up? She's a sex worker. This is a left-leaning podcast. Yeah, so we grew up together and I found that she was a porn star later in like of the game, right? And so I hit her up on Facebook. I was like, yo, remember when we used to hang out?

We never hung out. And she's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm great, Matt, to hear from you. I'm like, oh, what are you doing these days? She's like, I'm in Cleveland. And I was like, oh, me too. And she's like, really? And I was like, no, went to Southwest and bought to take it real quick. And fucking went out there, dude.

That's such a hilarious movie. I went out there, dude. And we met up, dude, of course we had sex and blah, blah, here's the thing. The only thing I wanted to say about this. Like, you think, like, a porn star, there's no things like off, you can do whatever you want to do Dude, I threw two fingers in her ass

And fucking pulled out And it was one of those things where I could feel stuff Came out with it And I didn't want to look And I went and I went like this in the corner And I could feel things fly off of it And I definitely pulled out just like a log of shit And bro, she didn't miss a beat

She literally goes What? Did you think I had an enema? She's like, this is not in season I'm like, yo, damn. That's insane. So you, anyway, for anyone watching this, if you think that, yeah, if you think that having sex with a porn star is going to be a great experience. Let's make my...

Not all the time. Dude, I'm a friend in college. Was 69ing this girl and just, like, could just, you know, it's like, didn't even smell like an asshole. He's on the brink, actually. It smells like, like, shit that's, like, stuck on the toilet. That's right, you know, right there. Hey, keep going.

I can handle it. Yeah. I watched videos of women taking dumps before. On men? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like in middle squad, I was like, let me see if this is for me. And I was like, man, now. I'm going to be honest you.

Two girls, one cup? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the case for getting. It's more people eating shit. Like, I'm like, all right, that's where. But the woman that I would hit. I love how he went back. Yeah, got to talk about hitting.

Yeah. I'm trying to think, yeah, I don't know. Because, like, who's the, I don't know. I feel like there was recently a face that just, like, annoyed me. Oh, the FTX girl. I don't even know. Yeah. It's probably some TikToker that who's just like,

here if I play this day in New York City and I'm like, why does this anger me? Yeah. What about the girl who's with Epstein? What was her name? She's lame back. She deserves a smack. That's true.

That's a good point. That's one that I think. That's actually one. Oh, smack or smash? She ain't bad. I'm going to be honest you. That's one that universally. That girl looks like a movie too.

You know how you could universally say that you could hit a woman and people would agree with? That's one. If you were like, I would like to smack glen. Maxwell. I think a majority of people would be like, fuck yeah. Casey Anthony, another good one. Florida's finest. Yeah, Florida's fines. We got a wrap here. Sorry, guys. What do you guys want to promote?

Fucking Nothing, dude. Instagram handle. Yeah, Instagram Follow me at Real Matt underscore. Both hilarious comics, by the way. Very funny guys. You can follow me at Kevin McGloin. Two ends at the end there. You have double in? No,

I mean, I guess some kid in Ireland has my real name, but. Let's go find him. Yeah, dude. Let's smack him or I'm not hitting him unless he's a woman. Wait, I was this randomly, what happened? There's one point of this podcast that you just started staring into space. Yeah. Are you reflecting on the things? No, no, no, no. He was having a moment. It was when you guys were talking those movies. Like, I didn't, I, I, I, I don't like, I got up to date on that stuff. You're tuned out. Yeah. Yeah.

Damn. You're running a podcast too, right? I am, yeah. Promote that. Yeah. Um, yeah. Um, follow. I believe is Gen X-Extasy. Perfect. It's a good podcast with Oneika McClain. She's hilarious.

Yeah, yeah. It's funny as fuck, man. It's funny as fuck. We talk about like generational type shit. So if you're all over the map, like come in, we get, we got you. Fuck yeah. All right.

Sweet. Fuck yeah, babes.