Morning Good - Double-D Day - Episode 265

Episode Date: April 13, 2025

Joe Gorman and a mystery guest join the show for today's episode. They talk about accidentally doing meth, Cool Runnings (1993), and the ethics of hopping the turnstile.Thanks to Joe for coming back on the show. Check him out on previous episodes and follow him for even more. Joe is on Instagram @joewgorman and hosts the Super Selli Joe's podcast.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They call it the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to morning. Michael, people say that. I'm here to say. What are you here to say? That I want to have sex in a very gay way. That, you know. Fucking a man between his cheeks.

open up that butthal eating something sweet. I'm Michael Good and I'm fucking gay. And that is all I want to say. Damn, dude, I didn't even know I had that skill. You know what? That's incredible. The thing I liked about it is you did a very good, like, 80s white rapper. That was almost like a vanilla ice kind of...

In the character of Michael Good. Literally something you would say in a rap battle. Are you going to respond or are you going to choke? You got to rap back as me now. Yeah, this is where he just leaves the mic on stage, Anthony Mac at 8 Mile. Yeah. I can't. This white guy's too good. He's too good.

He's too good at calling me again. That is the ultimate white fantasy. He kind of got my voice down. Yeah. Is it what? Eight Mile just like, what if a white guy was even better or something of black guy? That's all the movie Colvin.

It's like, this is why Eminem is legit. He's better than a black guy. A black guy couldn't even come to a fucking Eminem, dude. What if the best rapper Detroit was a white guy and his life was harder than everyone else's? Yeah. I don't know. He got to fuck Britney. Murphy before she was killed by Ashton Coucher.

Wait, what was this? You didn't know that? No, I love this. Okay, by the way, Joe Gorman's here and so was mystery guest, but anyways. Yeah, dude, Britney Murphy was killed by Ashton Coucher and he covered it up. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God, it's huge. How did he, uh, what, what are the allegations and how is it?

Oh, my God. Very serious allegations, dude. Okay. Basically like Ashton Coucher, it was a punked gone horribly wrong. Really? Yeah. Is that what happened? Yeah.

He's like, so we're going to cut Britney Murphy. breaks, man. It's going to be fucking crazy. Right? And he's like, Brit, Brit. Why do I have a weird feeling like this? Not what happened. You think I made that up? What, for clicks? Possibly. Every time Michael is like, like and subscribe to find out

how Britney Murphy is like. Also, third roommate is cooking in the background. If you hear that, just be thankful that you get to hear that. They're not going to pick up any of it, dude. They're not going to pick that up. Oh, it's fine. Don't even worry about it. What are you making? Nice.

I was, it sounds like a Benny Hahn is. Why is pasta sizzling like that? That's sweet if he brought a Japanese guy. Wouldn't it be cool? He like he flicked shrimp into our mouths and we catch it? He's like, uh-uh-uh. That shit fucking rules, dude.

Dude, I love, yeah. It's always so fun. We had one in Tallahassee. And the guy who ran it was a big Asian guy, but he talked loud as he had a thick southern accent and be like, open your mouth. And he throw eggs in it and stuff like that. Oh, hell yeah, dude.

All sexual jokes because he's like, this is a college town. We say wild things. I like that. Dude, we should go to Benny Hanas after this. If don't, you're already. trying to form an excuse. It's not going to happen. We won't accept that. I'm on a crazy diet.

Unless you want to give me some meth. That's third part of the diet plan. Diet's everybody thinks it's one thing. They're like, oh, you just cut out this, you cut out that. No, it's a fifth week. Crystal meth for a week straight. Yeah, a little crystal meth drink some avian water. You're good to go. Yeah. It is, yeah, it's one of the things where everybody tries to tell me a different plan. But I've, I haven't seen a lot of fat meth heads. It's the tried and true method. Damn, wouldn't that be cool? The fattest meth head. Bro, just running through walls like fucking the juggerna. You're methed out, but it just makes you eat even faster. Like, oh my God, I'm wearing out the cartilage in my jaw going through all of these hamburgers. It is apparently on meth like you, I mean, I guess I've done it, but not like done it, done it. I've only like taken an Adderall pill that I've met in it.

I've never like... I mean, all Adderall pills have a little bit of meth. Not when the doctor gives it to you. Oh, really? You think the doctor puts crystal meth in an animal? Yeah, it's all like... Why it's not crystal meth? They say it's like, what, like one chemical away from like pure meth?

Yeah, but it's... Because of that, meth passes the blood-brain barrier faster. So meth is, like, way stronger. Nice, dude. I want some of that, then. Yeah. And some of that super adderal. Yeah.

And additionally, I think if you're smoking it, it's more of a... Well, how else would you take it? Like, pill-foy... You could snore meth. You could do it. You can do a lot of stuff for that. Maybe it may be one of those meth suppositories I've heard so much about. Yeah.

Can you just eat it? Yeah. Yeah. Because if you take, like, I've taken an Adderall pill out of met in it. A lot of Mali used to have meth in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's like the mall that makes you grind your teeth. Yeah, it was really funny.

In college, I had like a testing kit. One time it was meth. And then everybody just took it anyways. Now it's like, what was the point of my whole science experiment? Just to find out. It's like, it's like Ancestry.com. It's not going to make you less racist. It's just like, oh, cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much closer am I to being able to say the N-word now? Oh, 0.03% African? Very nice. I feel like a mile. Oh, this is all meth? Yeah. I'm saying, yeah.

Yeah. I'm saying, yeah. I have it. I have ancestry and 23 in me, but I never sent that shit in. Really? Yeah. I just have it. It was one of those things.

It was like, I think it was like stoned and made an impulse. Yeah, I'm going to find out where I come from. And then I was like, I'm not going to fucking give him my spit. Yeah. And now like those companies went bankrupt

and they're selling out all the data that they had. Yeah, which is crazy. My brother did it luckily. But to be fair, they could just take his and be like that. Did he ask to get his information removed? Because you can do that. too. He probably should. I don't know. Yeah, we, we, he did it so I don't have to. But I think,

I don't know, you know, it's crazy. I got kind of hopping and turn style. And I've never given my information out to anybody. The cop just pulled up their phone and they were like, oh, you're over it, you know, and they said my address. And I was like, that's wild. I didn't know they just have my address like that. I didn't know that either. That's actually fucking scary. But you know what? I bet it's because if you have a real ID. Yeah, you're giving your license. Yeah, my, my address isn't on there. It's my old address. It's like, it's like, it's like three addresses ago. No, but they probably have like, if they have your driver's license, you gave them a driver's license? Yeah. Oh, they entered your driver's license into the system. And even if you're

addressed, like, it'll say like your current residence or like where you've received mail, shit like that. The NYPD is very efficient. You're just lucky you're not a black guy. They would have killed you. Probably love killing black people, dude. That hasn't happened here in a while. If that, you know what, call me fucking officer Gorman, if that's the case. You know what I'm saying? I like, I was washing my dish earlier. I was thinking General, Joe. I like that. General Joe. I like that. Would that be cool if I like, because I broke family tradition

and didn't join the military. You're, you're, you're, my grandfather was in the army, my dad was in the army. I have an uncle that served in Vietnam. You're,

I'm not doing, I don't roll that way. Yeah, he was watching those Vietnam documentaries. You've been ripping those. Nice. I'm big on those, yeah.

Yeah, dude. My dad would like jump out of the airplanes and shit. No shoot. I pictured him cannonballing. Can you do that with the parent? He would say, who, he was like,

Tommy and the Power Rangers movie where you had like a fucking snowboard tied to the parachute and he goes, Kaabunga! It's like, Gorman, you're so cool! Dude, I talked to this one guy who what do you do is like

this guy came to our Boy Scouts one time. Uh-oh. And yeah, and butt-fucked all of us. Classic Michael Good. Yeah. Classic me getting, bud. You're always catching yourself in the other end of things.

I know. But what happened was he was like Vietnam War, or no, no, it was War II. and this guy, he was on the other he was like the guys on the other side of Normandy like the guys who got dropped because there's people that stormed the beaches and there's a bunch of cowards who came around the other side. I would have done that.

Yeah. So can I do the one that doesn't kill me immediately? But apparently it was like still fucking nuts. Like what happened was he, uh, the, the parachute opening was so much like a jerk that he dropped his gun like in enemy lines. Oh, that sucks. And they had to kill a guy with a knife.

And then that's tight. Yeah, that is cool. And then he told us when we were like just little kids. And he's like, in his face and he looked just like my brother when I killed that guy. And we were like, damn. Does he know what his brother look like when he killed his brother? What's up? Huh? Do you know what his brother?

He said like he looked just like his brother when he died. It's like, does he know what his brother looked like when he died? Yeah, I don't know how to that's fucking dark, right? It's like, damn, this reminds me when I killed my brother. Yeah. I mean, we're all brothers in the eyes of God according to black people. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm money on the bus. Like, hey, brother, can I get a dollar? Yeah, that is true. So we are all related. One, one race. I mean, we're all. children of God. We're all from Pangea. Apparently everyone comes from Africa at some point or another. Like that's where human life began. Yeah. I don't

that's it. Yeah. But then when did Pangea split? Like were there people in Pangea split? Or was it before humans? It was probably like Neolithic humans. Okay. Like early as primal fucking man. Because it's weird that there's dinosaurs in different continents, right? That's like weird to me. Are they the same dinosaurs?

No, there's were dinosaurs that existed over millions of years apart to Okay. So it's like, you know, there was like millions of years between like triceratops and T-Rex walking. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you grew up in Florida, so they told you that humans and dinosaurs coexisted like 3,000 years ago. They turned on the Flintstones and be like, here's your history lesson. You see how he says yabadaboo at the end of his workday? They're very similar to us. Yeah. That's Satan speak before Christ came into the picture. It is really funny because I legit thought humans lived with dinosaurs because that show for like a...

Everyone did. Like kids did it because and then, you know, it's like, yeah, that makes sense, you know? And then it's until you fucking go to school and they fucking teach you the shit. Dinosaurs existed separate from the rise of man. Unless you read the Dynotopia books. You ever read that shit? No. What is there?

It's like fucking people coexisting with dinosaurs and like there's like cool ass. I never read the books, but I would always look at the pictures. They lived very cool. Dino Topia. Check it out at your local schoolastic book fair. Yeah. I'm sorry, who was the guy that you just said jumped out of a plane and dropped his gun on the shoot-off? Just some guy when to speak at our boys' guns.

Oh, damn. What? I thought it was like, uncle or something. Officer coward. No, I don't know. That's such like a fucking slipping on a banana peel way of being war. Shoot opens. Gun falls.

You fall upside down. Your pants rip. the Via Kong's like, I think I'm going to kill that guy. I'm going to fucking shit this goofball. Put him out of his misery. Punch him to death. Well, I bet you there was so many fucking like, there's probably so many. They're like, Darrell, are you listening?

What I'm saying is if you're not holding your gun enough when the parachute drops and he just completely. Like, there's no way he wasn't told that like five times. Right. Like to not do that. Also, don't you normally have like a thing. Like, I don't know. I feel like normally you have like a thing with your gun, right? A strap.

Yeah. Probably. But maybe they, maybe like, because of so many. people fucking up like that. They invented it for a later war. Maybe, you said it was World War II? Yeah, yeah. So it was probably like in Vietnam.

They had it figured out. Yeah. I remember I was really fucking pissed when I went to Normandy because I was told the French beaches were topless. And like my family, like my dad was just like talking about like, you know, this is serious. Like, you know, so many Americans died. I'm like, there's no fucking boobs here. I'm like, this is.

Where are the boobs, dad? I want to look at some boobs. I want to look at some sick European boobs. Yeah, I was so bummed. And you get to see uncircised penises and fucking unshaved pussies. I like unshaved pussies a lot. You love unshaved pussies. Yeah, yeah.

You want to give Gene Shalad a big old open-mouth kiss. Who's this? Gene Shalotte. He's just a dude with a giant fucking mustache. Oh, okay. He would, like, review movies and shit. Ask your parents about Gene Shalick. Maybe he was like one of those guys, though, that did full beard and then nothing down there.

No, maybe. Yeah, you think he, like, he grew his full, he grew his full, he grew, he, grew facial hair and then he's like, I got to compensate and wax every other part of my body. Yeah, yeah, that's a confusing way to be, but. That's, yeah, I think that's how some gaming prefer to be. Yeah, like beard and then like, yeah. My favorite move is the beard to cover up that you're like, the fake jawline beard. I have a couple friends that do that.

It's like just clearly a very fat guy, but he's like, no, I'm not fat because look at my, look at my chin. Look at my chin. Fascinating, fascinating. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. A lot of bald, fat beard guys. They're kind of jacked.

I don't know. I feel like it is not a bad look because you do look very strong. You got to do something because if you're bald you got to like compensate. I think I'm balding, dude. Are you balding?

I think I'm starting to get a little... Michael, Michael, no. Oh, no, you just got the... You just have a widow speak. Yeah. You're gonna look like Agent Smith in a few years.

That's not an answer. It's kind of sick. Yeah, there you go. I kind of don't mind that. You're kind of fucking sick. I look like, what is it? The count? Yeah.

Doesn't he have like something like that? Or Walton Goggins, worst case scenario. I mean, that's like a foot back. He has like nothing. It's like the worst airline. Yeah. That's the worst case scenario, dude.

And people find him sexy as fuck. Yeah, but that's because he's like, all right. That's what you got to do. You go to end up good. I'm on ecstasy. Yeah, I don't know. I think we'll figure it out.

But I also, yeah, I am bummed because I thought I'd be able to have cornrows for this bachelor party and I'm not. Your hair's too short. It's too short. And it's because it's because of like, haircut two months ago. It's like literally such a thing where I was like, hey, can you not cut it too short? You just thin it out.

And then he cut it too short and then like, oh, this fucks me up for six months of trying to grow cornrows. Damn, dude, you shouldn't, why did you get your haircut? Because I was like, it was, my hair grows out a bunch. Yeah. Like, it just gets like, like, like, like this and bulky. So I was like, oh, I'll cut some of the weight out. And then he just cut the length and then I didn't, where do you get your haircut?

Men's best haircut over there. Same place is Sal Valcona. You got to check out this place, great clip. they'll hook it up is it one of those where I remember the first time I found out a place like gave you like a diet Coke and put had TVs it was like mind blowing I was like that's so sick dude

yeah I didn't even watch sports but I was like dude look at me just get my hair cut drinking a thing yeah that was like that was kind of a resurgence in like the mid 2000s which like the gentleman's barber shop and shit you know now it's like the whiskey ones where it's like you got one of those where like it's nice they all got

like the the World War II McLem more haircut. Yeah, yeah. Sipping, like, fucking sleeve tattoos. Everyone's, like, cutting it up and shit. There's Andrew Tate videos in the TV.

Yeah. I went to one. My favorite is this is one where this guy is definitely closeted, but there was this like, anywhere between, you know, he could be

Pakistani, he could be Kazakhstanie, just somewhere in, I don't know where he's from. I'm very scared to stand. Yeah. but he would just be like

you're so handsome man you're so handsome and then they went around with a plastic bottle of vodka for us to swig like instead of like beer and I'm like this is not this is like a $10 vodka you've been giving to like yeah so like we're kind of piece of just like getting backwash into it and shit I'm like even for me this is disgusting

that guy like got the call he's going to prison in two days he just hasn't told anyone to shave everyone's head we're all going to black out you say you would kill yourself if you were sentenced to prison, right? Absolutely in a heartbeat. Yeah.

I'd take the cyanide pill in the middle of the court. Yeah. I think I might too. Yeah. Shale doesn't sound like something like that. It does not sound enjoyable at all. No, I don't think it is, but I think like,

I don't know, I still, I see like, I just see a character arc. I mean, I'm just, like, dying for some sort of character arc and, like, depth to my story. You think, you think, no, no, I don't think it's a good thing,

but I'm like, I just picture immediately like a Joey Diaz thing where I was like and then I was in prison and I used my jokes to defend myself. Yeah.

But I think I would probably just get the shit kick down. Like a bunch of white supremacists are like holding you down in the shower is about to fucking rape you and then you're like, Dayton's weird, right? They're like, hold on, hold on.

I want to see where he's going with this, right? Richard Pryor used to say, hold on, there's tension building. There's always like a hood comic that's like my only defense was humor. It's like not, I don't see how they would, happen because most time if you roast somebody, they'll just kick

your ass. They won't be like, that was a great roast. Yeah. Yeah, the idea of... You really got me with your wit. Yeah, that fucking boomer idea of like, if you make a turn a bully into your friend with your humor, it's like, no, they'll still kick my ass. Did you, did you ever have a bully? No, I bullied people. Yeah, what's the meanest thing you've done

something? Fucking shoved a guy in a locker. Did you really? Yeah, I ever did that. I would fucking throw people down like flights of stairs and shit all the time. I'd be like, give me your fucking lunch money, dude. Yeah. I go, I find out, like, let me see your wall. find his address, go over there, fuck his mom.

Yeah, it's a good movie. Crazy, dude. This one time. That's a, by way, that is a very, that is, there's a big category of porn I've discovered of that. I watch a lot of cuckold porn.

And there's a lot of like, mom fucks bully. And so it's like, the guy who's like bullying you. Or like the mom, yeah, the mom's gonna like confront the bully and then he like pulls out his dick and she's like,

oh my God. Yeah. I didn't know dicks were that big. I guess I have to fuck it. Yeah. Yeah, that shit fucking rules. Yeah. One time I brought a gun to school.

Yeah. It was pretty crazy. What did you do next? I unloaded on a couple of people. I asked this one bitch if she believed in God. Yeah. Because you're about to meet him. Yeah.

Do you believe in God? Yeah. I stole that from the Columbine kids. They did it first. They did say that. They asked. You kind of a hack. I did.

But I was inspired. I did a cover of it. I did a little, I put my own twist on it where I said, do you worship a law? Yeah. They somehow just think now you're a, Muslim.

Yeah, I'm just a fucking chill-ass Muslim. I guess nobody's gotten away with a school shooting ever. No, they have. They just like, because they don't report them. But how could you fucking not report a school shoot? You know,

like how would you get away with like, you'd have to kill the entire school? That's like the only crime that nobody's gotten away. It's such a public crime. Right. Well, it's usually not. I don't think they, I don't think they're thinking

they're going to get away with it. No, I know, but it's what you say when you're shooting the school up, you're like, don't report this. Don't you dare tell. I mean, what would be, I mean, with special effects these days, I mean, you got to drop some money and make yourself just look like another kid. Yeah, we'll see, you deep fake your face to look like somebody else. Or just, just crazy prosthetics missed out fire level.

Yeah. Look like whoever your bully is. You're about to shoot somebody. And you take the mask off in the bathroom. You do like the whole like, you find some blood and you put it on yourself. That's what I used to do with a paintball. I was such a coward that I would break the paintballs and like put them on me and be like, oh, you got me. Damn, dude. I used a paint knife.

Yeah. Dude, I were getting into argument. There's not much of a pussy I was. Somebody called me a pussy because I was like, I wanted to sit out a paintball. And I literally said, I'm better at hand-to-hand combat. That'd be the fucking labor. Oh, my God. That's awesome.

I was kind of a pussy as a kid. I don't know. There was, like, things that, like, would just get overhyped. Like, I remember the tennis shot, dude. My brother was like, dude, the tennis shot is like three feet long. and it goes into your belly. Yeah. They tell you that shit, right?

It goes into your belly button and shit. It's like, what? I remember, like, trying to get out of it when I was a kid, like years before I was going to get the tennis shot. I was like, can I just not do it, mom? And she's like, no, you got to get your tennis. I'm like, apparently it's like a foot long. Like I thought, I didn't realize like, yeah, sure, the needles long, but only like

the, the base goes in. They should have explained that, but like, only this much goes into your arm versus being like, I thought it was going to go like through my arm and out the other side, like, like a skewer. Yeah, it's because it's like the fucking rumors. and then you kind of want to perpetuate that lie to other people because it's funny to get them to believe it. Yeah.

Wait, do you have any siblings? Yeah, I have a little sister. Did you ever lie to her about stuff? All the time, dude. I told her our parents were getting it back together.

Yeah. I told her God's real. Yeah. You know, all kinds of fucking bullshit. Oh, fucking bullshit. My brother told me once he said that all my friends,

my parents pay them to hang out with me, and they pay them extra to laugh at jokes. And I believed it for like three years. That's a really long time. Dude, it like just fucked me out. Because I listened to them laugh. I made some fake laugh. And then one of my friends, like, is just a liar.

And he just like agreed. He's like, yeah, yeah, they do pay me. And I was like, fuck, dude. That's very funny. Well, how can you, that's the perfect response to somebody's like, are my parents paying you to hang out with me and extra if you laugh at my joke? Yeah. Like, you have to say yes.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, this is a golden opportunity to cause irreparable psychological damage. Yeah, he was one of those, like, just, you know, just liar kids. I don't know, I've always. Yes. I've talked about this. I want to start lying as an adult. You should. It's so much fun.

Just like the kind of lie where it's like, yeah, no, I fought Donald Trump the other day. Like, I saw him down the street and I just like punched him in the face really hard. But there's like nobody around him. So like nobody like saw her about it. You get a little smack on the back of the head and said knock it off of this tariff bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Which is something I, it's so funny. I've watched probably like 30 seconds of a clip on tariff.

Well, I've asked people about it. Like, can you explain the whole tariff thing to me? And then they do. And I'm just like, do you stop explaining it? I'm just not. Explain it if I was retarded. Yeah. That's like the level of explaining.

people should teach me at. Yeah. Well, they say, like, you're only educated in something if you can explain it to a mentally disabled person. That's pretty accurate. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think I ever learned anything from sitting in class. Like, I would always just, like, zone out in class, take a fuck ton of Adderall and then sit with a tutor who would just explain it to me.

Yeah. And it would take a very long time. How do they explain shit? Like, do they make it, like, cool? Yeah, of course. They'd be like, okay, so you're going out on the boat with your friends, you're drinking a couple beers, right?

Oh, that's cool. I'm listening. Yeah, yeah. Okay. That's like the Mayflower, right? Going to the United States of America. So, like, these pilgrims were partying so hard in Europe with their strict religious views that Europe was like, hey, you crazy kids, get out of here and get on this party boat,

the Mayflower, and go to this fucking frat party on Plymouth Rock. Oh, my God. That's so cool. Yeah, dude. You thought we landed on Plymouth Rock, but Plymouth Rock indeed landed on them.

Yeah. Malcolm Sex. Who is Malcolm X? I don't know. Wait, wait, wait. I know what Malcolm X was. Who were you? Malcolm Sex.

Malcolm Sex. He's basically a guy that believed that you had to sec. He invented like black cuckold porn where black men dominate white women as reparations. Interesting. You ever watch those pornoes? I don't think I've ever seen. I see a lot of POVs calling the end. N-word. It's for black guys that like

being called the N-word, but I... Who doesn't? They love it. Yeah, that's favorite. Especially like when you're, like, in the passenger car and you, like, lean out and you scream it at a group of them as you drive by. Always a good move. Oh, that's a fucking... That's so much. Like, I see your license. Like, all right, whatever. It just also says the N-word on it.

N-1-663R. There's no winning. Kind of unrelated, but my dad's buying a Tesla right now, I think. And I'm like, that's the worst eyed. It's a terrible idea. This is an awful time. It's not a bad. It's going to get keyed. Yeah. Worse case. I mean, I feel like there's

like an influx of Teslas lately too. I see them all the time now. I don't think I've ever seen them as much. Cyber trucks or just like General Teslas? General Teslas. I have seen more cyber trucks than I'm used to. Yeah. I've seen a couple and like, I don't know. They look dumb. I think they

they look so cool. The cyber trucks? They look like Batmobiles. That's why they're cool. They look like how a fucking director in the 80s would have envisioned cars in the year 2025. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like, but it's like that retro futuristic kind of look. Which I think is, I think it's cool. I mean, it's like, I don't know.

I like, I like the regular look. The regular just Tesla's look really slick. You know what they do look like? So there's the thing with like, this is where I was telling him about this. I used to be a big UFO alien guy. And over the last couple weeks, I've just completely changed my views, basically. I was at like a 60% thing and it's all legit. Not all legit, but some of it.

Now I'm down to like a 40. And it's very funny that if you look at like 80s or 70s UFO like descriptions, they're what people would, like, like the way you're saying the Tesla looks like a, like an 80s retro tech. It's like an 80s UFO does look like an 80s. Like, you know what I mean? It's like there's no reason it would look like that because that's just stylistically what, like, you know what I mean?

Like the general consensus is this is what it looks like. This is what the future looks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, no, I don't know. I think your car is just going to get fucked up. So it's something. I mean, initially I was like, oh, this is a tape. terrible idea of people that just like vandalized Tesla.

But then I was also like, you know what? It kind of does incentivize people to not buy Tesla. Like if you were going to get a Tesla, now you're like, I mean, we do need a solution away from fossil fuels, but I don't want to be orchestrated by this retard fucking Elon Musk. Dude, I'd rather fucking the earth be plagued and we go back to horse and carriage than I help a fucking man from Africa. I don't fucking think so, dude.

America first, baby. Yeah, yeah. Go back to, I'm sorry, Elon Musk. Go back to Africa, dude. Go the fuck back to Africa. We don't want you here. Go back to Africa. Who is that?

Was it Marcus Garvey that had the back to Africa movement? And then they sent him, like, he had this back to Africa movement where he was like, he was a black guy. He's like, all of us need to go back to Africa. And then the U.S. deported him to Jamaica. That's like an upgrade, though. Jamaica's fucking chill, dude. Have you been?

No. I watched a documentary about it. But it was true. Yeah, it seems. You ever seen that cool runnings? Yeah. It's fucking tight. It was a great movie.

That was a banger of a film. You want to watch it now? I actually would like to. Let's stop to it. Let's just watch cool running. He just intersect like cool runnings in it for like a nice hour and a half. Isn't that like based on a true story? It was to the first ever Jamaican bobsled team.

Yeah. It's a fucking banger, dude. Yeah. Who do he thinks the next fat comedian to die? Me? Honestly. Dude, I think I think Tim Dillon's got weight on you. I think, I hope you're right.

Yeah, there's, there's, he's going to get that. O-Zempic shit. Yeah. Who do you think is going to be the next community to die, period? Man. Pete Davidson. That guy's been hanging on for a while. I know.

He's going to join his daddy up in heaven. Well, his dad went to hell. Was it? Because, dude, he tried to stop the fucking will of a law, dude. You think the firefighters, you think as the firefighters from 9-11 are in hell because they stop the grand vision of the one true God, a law. I don't know why the idea of somebody trying to stop one of the planes is very funny to me.

Because in a moment like that, you just don't know what to do. And there's got to be a guy who's like, I'm going to be remembered. I've got to do something to like it. One guy jumping out of the tower to try to punch the fucking... That's how the movie ends. He's jumping out of the tower, fist pulled back. And it's like directed by Michael Bay. The unsung hero of 9-11.

Yeah, that's fucking tight, dude. No. It's like the end of it square type shit where it's like, no. just like, wow, he courageously stopped. They're like, yeah, in the office somewhere holding groceries,

like, there's always like a school shooting guy like that, right? They're like, the gym teacher, like, ran towards the gunfire. Right. But I'm like, I don't, a janitor fucking,

yeah, if I was a janitor, I'd take the mop and start twirling around like a fucking bow staff. Oh, yeah. You know, fucking stop that school shooter.

That's why I always had the coolest story. Just dump the mop bucket out and make the floor really slippery. Well, I can't shoot anyone. Who! School shooter, but, shoots himself in that.

Home alone style school shooter. Yeah. He just, the home alone kid just takes the slippery sign off the floor. Yeah.

This is our, this is our high school. We have to defend it. Oh, David, I'm in here, ready to get shot in the face. There's a little here on the door.

All right. It spells a bunch of marbles on the ground. They told me I was cool and not to go to school tomorrow. So we know when it's going down. We have, they stay in over, night fucking setting up traps and stuff.

They put the rope that you climb in gym class. They dip that in kerosene and shit. They put like thumbtacks on like the horse that you, the gymnastics horse and shit. What's a gymnastics horse? You know that little thing that like the gymnastics

Oh yeah. I think that's just for gym teachers to watch young girls. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Anyone that does like gymnastics and their man. come on

or you're gay there's always like a gay I remember I didn't know gymnastics were gay until like the second week of doing it because my thing is

I went to gymnastics for two weeks because I just wanted to learn how to do a front flip and there was like oh you gotta take gymnastics classes for that so I was like

okay let me go and try to do that and then like they're doing like cartwheels and stuff and I was like it's so fucking gay I don't want to do this

I just want to do a flip like Batman yeah and then but all the dudes there were like it was just obviously like gay guys or disguised

maybe disguised straight pedophiles as gay guys it's a good disguise A hell of a disguise Yeah The foam pit was sick though Those things are amazing

Yeah I really do need like a Foam ball or marble pit in my life That I can just kind of You gotta get into CrossFit Do they have phone pits in CrossFit? Yeah they're jumping around and shit Yeah They have trampolines

That was that was popular for a hot minute Yeah dude And it's such a great idea too Because you could just have like a fucking warehouse And you'd be like we have all these Like the tire flipping dude I had like a workout trainer In high school

And he would give me the worst advice The first advice he gave me is you never back down from a fight no matter what, even the guy has a gun or a knife. That's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the worst advice at her. And he goes, he goes,

you know you like never back down, right? You like, would never. And I'm like, yeah, I guess. He goes, yeah, it doesn't matter if he's got a gun and knife, doesn't matter. I love that. Guy pulls a gun on you, first move, drop kick to the face.

He's like, I never back down from a fight. You never back down. And then we, I remember us just doing tire flips in the parking. He's like, CrossFit, man. It's this new style. And I'm like, it's so funny. that he was just like, just got like one, like a phase affects that guy.

Like his job as a personal trainer has been studying this for years. He's like, wait, no, no, no, actually we've been doing it completely wrong. We have to flip tires now. Some guy on the internet who's really strong told me this is what we have to do now. And then, uh, I remember one time he's very religious

and he told me one time he's like, I just saw the cruz with my family that like movie with like the, the cave people. It's like a like a Disney Pixar thing. And he's like, I want to see that my family, but it's not like anti-God, is it? It's like anti-adamene Eve and stuff.

that. I'm like, I don't think so, no. But I guess in theory, cave people, but, yeah. I mean, yeah, they're on a front. I mean, like, cave people can exist in the continuity of Adam and Eve. Yeah, weird. The Flintstones could, in theory. Yeah, yeah, they're just later

cave people, right? Yeah. Well, they were, like, descendants of Adam and Eve, ideally. Yeah. They should make a Flintstones movie about that, how they realize, like, they're the children, like, the third generation removed from Adam and Eve. Yeah, one thing I don't understand by the Bible, why do they always say like everybody's like a thousand years?

Every character of the Bible is like so old. Because Christians don't know how to count. Have you ever talked to a Christian? I'm fucking retarded dude. They're probably like, God, he's got to be a hundred million years old. It's like, I'm 37. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like fucking dumb asses.

Everybody was so old until like Jesus. Jesus died at like what? Yeah. Like everyone lived to be like 900 years old, but like Jesus was killed at 33. Yeah. And they're like, oh, he was so old. What is this story? And then like,

then suddenly, like, everyone started fucking dying around, like, 25 and, like, colonial times. Like, the average age was, like, 28 or something. Yeah. You know? It's like, get it right.

Yeah, it's very odd to me. Well, then it's like, I don't know if that's, like, to make people, like, sound more historically, like, impressive if they're like, oh, David was 8404 years old. They counted time a little different back then, probably, too.

That is a good point. They didn't have, like, a standardized calendar until, like, what, like Augustus Caesar or something like that? Yeah. something like that. Like they gave like all these months and shit.

I do want to like start from finish. I don't know. Apparently there's a Johnny Cash reads the Bible and I do kind of want to listen to it. Hello, I'm Johnny Cash. Adam and Eve and a little place called the Garden of Eden. If you could do like little songs in between you two

about each of them, that'd be fun. It's such an interesting story. I literally just want to read it so I can argue with people. Like there's no, I don't actually want to be like, ooh, that's cool. I just want to be like, oh, actually verse 35 says this. Oh, you're like a Bible nerd that can like just quote like, remember Job 817,

he gave them wood and fucking leaves. Yeah, so actually this says I can get a rim job and still go to heaven. So, yeah, how do you think of that? You get slaves in the Bible. You get them or? I know people had them, but. You get slaves. It's covered in the fucking Ten Commandments.

Like, it's like, don't take another man's slave. Yeah, there were definitely rules about that. But I wonder if it's like, I don't think it's like you just, inherently get them. Really? That's lame. What kind of God would make that happen? Yeah, you should ask the Pope

about that. Yeah, where are my slaves? Where are my slaves? He has all these defangled ways of looking at homosexuality and he's like trying to explain to you and you're like, yeah, but do I get slaves? He's like, yeah, you get slaves. Don't talk about this. No one has brought up the slaves.

So as far as I'm concerned, you can have a few. Everyone's getting a slave. You get a slave and you get a slave. Don't go crazy with it, though. Everyone's waiting for the Pope on Easter to walk on his thing. He walks out and he goes, everyone can have slaves. Oh shit.

Everybody's, woo! Finally. Yeah, the funny thing, too, is when they're like, you know, the Pope is like four gay marriage now. I'm like, yeah, but nobody who is anti-gay marriage and Christian is now like, oh, I agree to it because the Pope said it was cool, so now it's cool. Who is listening to the Pope? Is that a thing?

Nobody listens to the Pope. Yeah. I guess, like, fucking, like Catholics. But even that it's like people in the Vagic. It's more like a celebrity kind of thing rather than like an authority on shit. So if anything,

it's like, well, I can still hate gay people and it's okay like the Pope is like chill with it so it's for God to decide but I fucking hate gay people. Right. Yeah. I've heard people say the past few years are like we have a good Pope now. Yeah. I don't know what that. It's like what does that mean? Is it

going to sway God's opinion on shit? Yeah. God's like, all right, I guess I don't have to condemn gay people to hell anymore, but the gay people that are already in hell or stay in there. I can't. I'm not going to bring it back. I can't. I can't reverse it. It's like, it's like, it's not.

Isn't that kind of what happened with marijuana where, like, they legalized it? But isn't everybody still in jail for marijuana? They're working on getting shit. Like, I think like if you were in trouble, like, it's expunged from your record if you got out. But if you're currently in jail for that, it's like. I love they're like they're working on it. It's like while they're working on it, you've been butt raped 45 times. They're like, we're getting to.

getting you out of jail. I get jumped in with like the white supremacist to protect me. But like I have all these like fucking swastika tattoos and shit. Yeah. But they're like, we're working on it. And then like I get addicted to crack while I'm in the fucking prison. Did you ever watch?

That's like, that actually happened to a guy. It was like called like it was like called the night before. It was on HBO and it was about this guy that was like driving a woman around in a taxi cab. And he like blacked out. And like when he woke up, the woman was dead. And he was like,

I didn't kill her. And it slept like open ended on if he killed her or not. But while he was in prison. he gets in with like these racists to stay safe. Yeah. While he's doing that, he gets like addicted to crack.

That sucks. Yeah, is it? I don't know. I'd be fucking chilling there, dude. I know I said I'd kill myself, but I think if I didn't, I'd definitely chill with the white supremac and smoke a little crackola. Do you think they'd find out you're partially Japanese?

Actually, I think there's some alignment there. I think Hitler was like a big Japanese guy. Yeah, he was huge. He loved the Japanese. He really did. Japanese are cool. They go with everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, what the Supreme. I just like, I just shave like the sides of my head and like I tie the rest in like a little bushito bun. Like they fucking like, you know, you know, fucking chopping people up and shit. That is kind of a fun idea of like a picturing a white supremacist group, but it's like half white, half Asian. It's like a bunch of Chinese guys and swan. I mean, kind of. Gross enough. I think they do make like adjustments now.

Like just like the way the Catholics are now letting gays in. think white supremacists are like letting in some Hispanics. Can you believe that? I'm a white supremacist. I'm like, look at all these DEI hires. Come on, dude. I've been, I've been here for fucking years, man. When do I get to be moved up? A lieutenant of the fucking white supremacist army or something.

They're going to give it to Manuel? Come on. Come on. Yeah, that's a thing where I think some Hispanics, like, because like, Hispanics just weren't around during the Civil War or during, like, Nazi Germany. So, like, they really were kind of left out of the discussion of, like, a lot of this.

They were just doing their own thing. There were no Mexican people in Nazi Germany, that you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, but the point I'm saying is, like, Hitler didn't have a stance on this. So it's kind of like when they're like, well, this wasn't like written down in the Bible. So, like, we kind of like, we kind of don't have to hate Mexicans because they're kind of like not.

Yeah, we're not included. Yeah, they're kind of, Hitler said nothing about Mexicans. So let him in, yeah. He's all good. Hitler never got to meet you guys, so we never got his take on. Yeah. I bet they're like, I bet if you met us, you think were cool. Yeah.

Well, I mean, a lot of them went to South America. So it's like, at some point they had to get along with them. Yeah, you're telling me they went in like a cassidia? Yeah. Come on, man. Everyone was a good-ass casadia. The idea of a Nazi enjoying a cassidia, I could see it. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Yeah, that's, uh, I don't know. I, uh, drawing complete blanks now. It's fucking... About being a white supremacist. Yeah. Having second thoughts? No, I don't think.

I mean, if I was in prison, I think, I think, I mean, if I was in prison, I think, I would, I would. But in my mind, this is how I would justify it. I'd be like, yeah, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to, like, join them to survive, obviously. But then what I'm going to do is, like, I'm going to slowly make them less racist. That would be my little plan. Changing from the inside. Yeah, that would be my little plan.

I'm like, I actually have my secret little progressive operation. Put on a little talent show to fucking... Yeah, yeah. Just like, randomly be like, look, I know we hate black guys, but like, I actually met a cool in the other day. I'm just going to say, I met a cool on the other day. This would just be me justifying my... I think I'm very good at

Not always, but sometimes I am good. It's a bad thing to be good at, but good at justifying my own, like, mistakes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, I don't know what you do when you're in, like, a prison. And they're like, you die if you don't join the white supremacist. It's a tough. No, I am. I guess I'm in.

Yeah. Well, I think there's like, I mean, I assume it's like you could be like a blood, a Crip or like. A jet, a shark. Yeah, one of the snappers. The warriors. The outsiders. Yeah. Those stories were so funny.

Stories, like, written about gangs by clearly somebody who's never been in a gang. Or met a criminal even. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We read one like that. It was about, like, a fighter, like this guy who's a fighter. And it was, like, all these hood kids. And they would smoke this thing called, like, rhino. And it was, like, marijuana lace with cocaine, which just does not work.

You can't smoke cocaine unless it's in crack form. You're free-based in it. Yeah, yeah. So they would just be, like, smoke and joints. He got addicted to cocaine by smoking. cocaine-laced reefer cigarettes. And you're like, this guy's never. This guy's never touched a drug in his life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it'd be such like a common thing. I used to smoke Coke. I thought it would do. Because you're snorting it. It's called a cocoa puff. You lick a cigarette, dip it in Coke, and smoke it. But it's like you've already done so much Coke

if you're doing that decision that you're like totally feeling it extra. It hits a little bit harder. I do kind of wish when I did coke, I smoked crack once. I don't know. I think that like it is over. exaggerated how bad it is. Yeah, you think you can beat it? I think I could, yeah.

Yeah, you can just white knuckle through the addiction. Yeah, I don't know. It just seems like, I've heard enough people talk about it that I'm like, I think there's a lot of things that happen with a lot of drugs where people that are crazy do certain drugs. So crack has such a bad reputation that if you smoke crack, you're usually somebody who's like,

I don't give a fuck, I'll fucking smoke crack. You know what I mean? But I think that if somebody was just like, I've done all the research, like that Hamilton guy, he's always in the vicings, glasses. Yeah, yeah. But you, that guy smokes crack, but you was fine. That guy does all kinds of weird drugs. And he's just like, yeah, you know, whatever.

You should hit him up on X, dude, see what he says. Yeah, I think he's done this crazy stuff. That show was sick. He's, like, smoking, like, towed venom and, like, just. Yeah, whatever happened of, Vice used to be cool, man. They're coming back. They know what they did wrong. Yeah.

Now they're kind of like, all right, we'll start doing. We'll start doing it. We'll start making these fucking Gen Z kids do drugs. We'll start filming ourselves doing drugs again. We know what we got wrong the first time. Yeah. No more political shit. Just us doing drugs.

Yeah, yeah. They're all like in their 50s and 60s now. Yeah. Well, then it's like the Gavin McGinnis thing's so funny because of that guy. Yeah. But he was not even the cool. He was like when they were just writing articles. Like once the video stuff, and he's like pretty up front about that, he's like,

oh yeah, once we started doing video. It's like most things people like about Vice, he's like was after I got there. He's like it was when it was like, uh, I mean, it would just be like the cool cartel shit. One of my favorites is there's one about like, um, it was like Mexicans, Mormons in Mexico. And it's like these, like, Mormon guys, but they're totally white, but they, like, talk like this. And it's so funny, just because

they grew up in Mexico. Oh, that's fucking funny. And they got like, they got, like, machine gun turrets. They got, like, a Mormon compound with, like, machine gun turrets and shit. Yeah, wasn't that, like, John Carey's family was like... Yeah, no, no. And they're like, bro, he's, like, fucked up for, like, wanted to close the border man. And it's, like, so funny, because they're just, like,

super white Utah dudes who've just grown up there. And they dress, they got, like, giant cowboy hats and, like, they look like so funny. Yeah, yeah. Just, just bullets across the chest.

And then, but they have like a Mormon compound of like machine gun turrets on it because they have to like fight with the cartel or whatever. Okay. Yeah.

Scary. Yeah. Um, I don't know. I don't know if we'll ever go to war with the cartel the way. No. It seems like we've crushed them immediately.

You think so? Yeah. You don't think so? I think the cartels a necessary evil in our society. Why is that? Because I want to do drugs. drugs.

That's true, but we bring the jobs here. I mean, I think it would make sense to legalize all the drugs so you could just bring it all over here. Yeah, but there's too much money in the prison department system. That's what I think more than like, there's not more money than the fucking illegal drug business. I think they're both, they both complement one another.

Yeah, but it's like, dude, if you fucking like, if you could sell cocaine, you can make more, like every single drug that's illegal, if you could sell that, you can make way more money than the prisons. I assume. How do prisons make money? Is it the labor?

The labor. They fucking outsource the labor. Yeah. I mean, private prisons are paid to house inmates. By the government? Yeah. I don't know about any of this.

I remember what is really funny I went to the George Floyd protest. Why? You know he kicked like a pregnant woman in the belly or something like that? I love taking a stance like that and not even knowing where you are with it. Didn't he like one time Tripah? Wait, what was the story? Taking a serious take on something, but just with not all the information.

I think he kicked a lady in the phone. No, he was not a good guy. He was a monster. Yeah, I don't know about it. I don't know his whole story. He was a fentanyl addicted monster. They found fentanyl in his system, dude. But I feel like you've done fentanyl.

Probably. Just based on the amount of Coke I've done. Like, yeah, there's probably a lot of fentanyl in that. The point is, I don't think cops should. be able to the public. I know you're fucking with it. Wait, you think it's not okay for cops to publicly execute somebody? No, it's kind of one of my... I'm okay with it.

All right. What about Judge Dredd? I think that was a film and... Well, I think it's like, the cops should be like, I'm Judge, the jury and the executioner. I tried watching that recently. I can't... Judge Dred? I tried watching the old one and then the new one. Is it Rob Schneider's in the original? Yeah, the Rob Schneider was in the

original one. Yeah, he was like the fucking comic release. It was Sylvester Stallone. Yeah. I judged my own brother. yeah that drug they did looked fun as hell was it called slow-mo yeah I think just yeah shit's tight dude but the point what I was saying is I remember going to the protest and I was like yeah this is wrong and I was like asked my buddy I'm like what exactly are we trying to like I know this thing was bad like cops shouldn't execute people but like what is the I don't really know see the video beforehand of him doing what apparently like things got

fucking intense he grabbed a woman and started climbing up the side of the empire state building. People were having, like, they brought in, like, airplanes and shit, and he started fucking swatting at that shit, dude. It was insane. Joe, that's the film King Kong. What? Yeah.

Watching the entire King Kong movie on Twitter. If that was King Kong, then... Picture. I owe the Floyd family a huge apology. Deeply worded email. I am so sorry. I thought that the

1930 yeah no it's you're such a good job making me uncomfortable I don't know what to do you just

you take it so far and I'm like and I'm like it's funny but um we're probably both going to get fired from our jobs

no eventually I'm getting fired from my job why not because I work for my cousin nice dude can I work for your cousin

too if he's got an opening I got you yeah I don't think he does though um damn it

I'm gonna to your cousin and be like, you got to fire this guy. This is what he said on the podcast. It's just this. It's like, look at all these things he endorses. He fires me for endorsing George Floyd. For being pro- Floyd.

Somebody had to have written him for president, right? Absolutely, dude. George Floyd, BLM. But, no, I remember going to the protest and being like, I don't know what, and my buddy's like, oh, it's the loophole in the 13th Amendment where it allows slavery slavery through pro. I was like, oh, okay. Oh yeah, yeah, that's why they can have like the prisons make you work and shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you can still be a slave to pay off debt. Right, yeah. It's pretty cool. Weren't there debtor prisons? That was the big thing, right? Yeah. Or like if you owed money, you could just do that.

Like if you try to dine and dash and they catch you, you got to be a slave. Dude, I had a friend do that. Fucking retard. He fucking left his hat. He was like a sick flat for him and he's like, dude, I got to go back. So they're like dying and dashed. And then he like went back and tried to like be like, like, no, we didn't just dynadash.

They're like, we just saw you do that. He did like the Indiana Jones or he like, remember where he left his hat? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I had to go back. Just walk back and get it. How much, how expensive was the meal? I don't know. I think they really went for it because they planned on dining dash.

They were just that friend group. Probably would have been cheaper to buy a new hat. Yeah, well, they were also that friend group where it was like what they were trying to do is like, I was always like, I had to do drugs and try to finger women. But they were like very into like, let's just do everything that is bad. They're like the opposite of good.

Like, you know, it's like, see a trash can. Like, let me kick it over. Yeah, yeah. They just see, like, water. They just, like, pour it on the ground. Like, just everything they would do, it would be like, let's do the bad thing of that. The rough crown. And you're Michael good.

Yeah. How could you even fraternize with these people? His name was Michael bad. It was really funny. I was called the mom of the friend group. But yeah, just wild stuff. They're like, we're not even to fucking wipe our asses, dude. So much we don't give a fuck.

Damn, dude. That's crazy level of not giving a fuck. I'm going to give myself diaper rash. Yeah. Fuck you societal norms. Yeah. It was everything like that. At one point I was like, why do we have to,

what does everything have to be like? Why can we just, you know we're going to get caught getting high because you also like fucking break everything in this neighborhood. Yeah, but, yeah, no,

I was always like, I was very anti-stealing. I only stole one thing. I stole a beer from Universal Studios. It's like the only thing I've stolen in my whole life. That's good. Hopping the turn style. Hoping the turn style.

It's not bad. Stealing from like massive corporate locations isn't bad, like stealing from like Walmart or Target? Yeah, but doesn't like then something happened where that now doesn't make enough money, so now they can't pay the people and they're now like. That will never happen. They have like a, like businesses plan on like having like a certain amount of surplus that gets stolen.

Yeah, but because so many people steal from places, now it takes me so long to get fucking deodorant. Like how? Oh, because everything's locked up. Everybody, all my fucking friends are like, dude, you can steal from Target. Who gives a fuck? And I'm like, now because everybody has that mentality. Now it's so hard for me to...

It's just such a pain in the ass. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was always behind, like, a glass case. No. They, like, they reintroduced, like, so much. Everything's behind some plastic thing.

That's so funny. Yeah. Damn, it's getting harder and harder to steal, man. Yeah. What's the, what's the biggest thing you've stolen? Your heart. Aw. I don't know.

Car. You still a car? Yeah. Hot wire it. Gone in 60 seconds, baby. If I can't, if I can't, if I can't, steal a car in under 60 seconds. You don't steal it?

I don't steal it. Yeah. Is it really that easy as red to blue or something like that? Pretty much. Red to blue, that's all you do. Tell me the story of you stealing a car. Michael, how much time do you have? We're actually, we are at a, we actually do got to wrap like 30 seconds.

I usually like steal like phone chargers and shit, you know, easy stuff. That's good to know. Sometimes while we have this thing that normally has like nine phone chargers in it. Yeah, dude, that. Podcast likes. I still... I still... I don't know.

It just... Stuff on Amazon. Like, sometimes, like... You're a package dealer. No, not other people's packages, but, like, my package, like, sometimes it won't arrive, and I open a case with Amazon,

and then they refund me, and then that thing arrives, and I don't report it. Ah, that's a good move. It's the widest stealing possible. Then you get two of it, and then you could sell the other one. Or just keep both, hoard them all.

That's not a bad idea. We do got to wrap up, though, because we had to run an early one. Where can they find you besides? I don't know. Well, the only place you can find me is online, baby. I'm perpetually online. So follow me at Joe W. Gorman on all social medias, on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube. It's all there, dude.

Even PlayStation. Joe W. Gorman. By the way, we're doing a shorter episode. That's because if you're listening to this, there was 35 minutes cut out where Joe Gorman just went on a racist ran. I had to. We didn't know what to do. There's actually a three-hour podcast. We cut out three hours.

That's why it's 50 minutes. No, I just got to go. I have a very tight schedule of day. Very tight, like your butthole. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think my butthole's that tight. Nice.

All those whippets you've been doing. That loosens your buttles? You're thinking of poppers. That too. I think whivots tight in your butthole. No, I think they fucking get you loose as a fucking goose. All right. Thank you.