Morning Good - Drop the Whip-its, do Acid - Episode 23

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

Thanks to Pat and Charlie for coming on the show and being great and hilarious guests. Check them out and give them a follow to see what they have coming up. Pat Barry is on Instagram at @patbarrystandup and has a podcast called The Pat Barry Podcast. Charlie Dawson is on Instagram @charliesanglers_, follow him and his comedy channel @waytoozesty.tv.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. That wasn't recording. God damn it. It's all good. I'm still in golden on there. I've never been to the natural history. Where is it?

It's on 78th and Central Park West. I was like around the Met. It's right across. the park from the Mets. Oh, okay, cool. Okay. Honestly, I think the Mets is a better move. The Mets fun. I also, I feel comfortable at the MET. Like, I love doing drugs and going out in public, but only if I feel like comfortable

in the space. Like, I already know the MET, you know, so I can get as high as I want to get and then go to the Mets. You're not going to get lost. I'm not getting lost. Whereas Museum Natural History, like, I mean, I'd still get high and go, but at least in the MET, like I know going into it, like, oh, I don't want that exhibit sucks. That one's fun. Let's go here.

I really like the, what was it called? medieval stuff, the armor, the jousting and all that, that's like in the swords. That's my, medieval period. That's my favorite. Yeah, every time I go to the Met, I go to the 420 exhibit. It's just like a history of weed. It's just like different artistically rolled joints. It's cool.

That sounds pretty cool place. Monet, right? That's Monet. Yeah, it's Monet. Yeah. Used to blaze a lot. I wonder if old artists like that, like old artists, like 1600s smoked weed if they had weed or they just did like morphine and coke. I have no idea.

I know they did like weird drugs like laudanum and like what's laudanum what is laudanum is like a weird like people used to use it as an old aesthetic probably not as far back as the 1600s but like the eighteen hundreds oh yeah you should old aesthetic yeah i'm tired as fuck yeah an old anesthetic you off that ladenum pat dude i'm off that laudanum i had a wild night on laudanum i've never done shrooms and gone to a museum but i did do shrooms and go to a movie once that was fucking what movie uh the not a ten cloverfield lane was Is that the one with John Goodman?

Yeah. That doesn't sound like it would be a fun movie. It was fucking awesome. I'm not gonna lie. It was sick. I would have loved with you. Like, I went and saw a night at the museum on Shrooms. Yeah, exactly.

Or something really fucked. I was like the exorcist. Yeah. I got really high on shrooms. I don't like, I don't know. Well, first time I took mushrooms, I freaked out and told my parents. I don't think I've talked about this of the pod. Everybody who's listened to heard the story a million times, but I'm still going to it.

So, like, we, I remember I was like 14. I didn't eat breakfast. I didn't eat lunch. I was like, I'm going to just take these and just trip balls. And, like, I remember midway through the trip we're watching Tangled. And there's that one song that's like Mother Knows Best. And it started really like getting to me. I'm like, dude, my parents, they love me and I'm doing shrooms.

And they're going to be so mad. And I remember I started freaking out because, like, I read somewhere, by the way, I read somewhere that milk will make you stop tripping, which is total bullshit. It's not true. Yeah. But when you're 14, you believe anything. Zanax will make you stop tripping. Yeah, or at least it'll, like, calm you, right?

Yeah. But, like, I remember I was, I look over with this girl. And I'm like, do you have any milk? My buddy's like, don't fucking do it. He's like, don't fucking drink the milk. Because he thought it was, like, going to end it. And then I go into this girl's kitchen, I grab like a gallon of milk.

And I just start, like, just drinking it out of the thing. And like, it's spilling. And my buddy's like, fuck you. We're in this together. Like, what are you doing? And I'm literally yelling at. I'm like, this ends now. But I thought I was, like, stuck like that.

And then I remember we go home. And it was like a thunderstorm. So we're just like in suburban Florida, like, freaking out. Because the girl's like, you got to get the fuck out of our house. was she on trumes? No, no, she wasn't on shrooms But she was like trip-sitting us But she was like, what an awful trip sitter?

Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What'd you think y'all were gonna do? Like, I have no idea. Wait, you guys were 14? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was terrifying. And then I remember, it was so funny Because my buddy's like, I swear to God,

if you tell our fucking parents, like, I'm gonna kick your ass. And I was like, yeah, it's fine. And back in my head, I'm like, I gotta tell them. I just gotta tell them. They'll, like, know what to do. Animer, I walked in, and I, I sat down on the couch and like, so my parents, like, the windows where, like, the stairs are going upstairs.

My buddy's, like, right behind my parents going, like, don't, don't, don't say anything. And I just told them, I was like, I took some mushrooms. And I remember my mom screamed because she thought I was, like, poisoned. She thought, like, we picked him off the ground. And we're like, no, we got it from, like, a drug dealer. And then she was like, okay, I guess it's, like, better. Yeah. And then she put on, like, nomio and Juliet.

But this is a long story to get to the point. No, me and Julie. Yeah. Wait, so what did your friend do at this point after you told? your parents. Well, like, we kind of talked about it. I was like, dude, right now, the last people we want, because obviously, my parents are called his parents. Sure. But we were, like, the last person we want to know, already knows

we're on drugs. So we, like, just have to have fun at this point. Because, like, we're already fucked. So, like, we have, like, three more hours of tripping. We might as well have to have a good time. Yeah, yeah. So, like, we got, like, a little kaleidoscope in my pocket. And my dad, I remember, my dad could walk and by us and just going, like, shaking his head. He's like, tomorrow, like, like, you're so fun.

Yeah. Your dad's just walking by playing the bongos. He's like making your trip better Like My mom was trying to relax My dad was like No, you're so fucked That was like the most awful Impending Doom feeling

Like you're on Shroom's just like Three hours from now Fuck Yeah You tripping in high school Is the weirdest thing Because you're not ready for Like did you guys trip in high school

I did salvia But I never did mushrooms Salvia sounds like a terrifying It was horrible It was horrible What's Salvia like I hated it Salvia is what people

Who've never done acid Think acid is So you know how when you're on acid You don't straight up hallucinate When you're on salvia You straight up hallucinate things that are not there Really? Like I smoked like the most potent salvia

Because they do it By X, right? By X. I smoked like I think it was like 120 X. All right. All right. Bragg. Yeah.

Yeah, I smoked like pretty hardcore salvia Back of the day. No, but I was like drunk and my buddy's like, yeah, you want to do Salvia? I was like, all right, fine, why not? And so I ripped like a two liter gravity bong hit of it

And I remember the trip started just like, I heard a pop like and it just looked like a story. All I saw on my visual field was like a big storybook opening. Oh my God. And like right when the storybook opened, I was like back where I was sitting on the couch. And so I'm looking at the TV.

And all of a sudden the colors of the TV all just go off the side of the TV into the air. So like imagine like perfect straight lines. Like we're looking at a TV that says Hulu. Imagine the Hulu just like went off the TV like into the air. Like a real hallucination. Yeah. Like it was a true bugged out hallucination. And so I'm just like watching the TV.

all of a sudden I see from the center of the TV really small but getting bigger, like they're walking closer, four men in suits. Oh my God. But their heads are fish heads? Is that not the weirdest fucking thing? And they just start, like, walking closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer. And then I, like, got up to shut the TV off and then, like, just the trip ended.

It was like... It's very snappy. Like, you snap out of it, kind of like... Yeah. It just ended up to me like that, too, where, like, you're tripping and then you kind of just, like, come back very fast. But it's like a fast come up and then a fast come down. Fast come down.

Fast come down. But, like, salvi, like, DMT trips that, like, make sense that people explain them. They're like, you know,

I saw, like, this color, like, like, Salvi's just weird from what I've heard. Super fuck away. And I never wanted to do it again.

I had, I had, like, a hangover from it. It was, like, shit. My stomach or my head hurt. Yeah, it was awful. I hate it.

Yeah. My buddy said, like, everything, like, turned, like, Lego-ish. Like, it's, like,

never, like, a normal thing. It's, like, just bizarre. I've heard mad weird ones. One dude told me he felt like he was holding on to a hair follicle on the hair on a head of a giant or something. There's a million. Another one of my buddies did it one time and he's bugging out because he said like the little things, what are those called the smurfs or whatever were painting him with like painting him with paint brushes. It's a weird. That's what I'm saying is like if you've never done acid, people think that that's what acid is. Yeah, they think it's like you see shit that's like not there. And I'm sure if you took like a, if you take enough mushrooms, I've heard you can have actual hallucinations. You have to take, like, massive, like, crazy amounts that, like, nobody would really do.

Like, we should do salvia and go to the Met. We should smoke Salvia and go to the Met. Can we actually do... Can we actually do Natural History Museum? I've been to the Met a lot, so... That would be even more bugged out. You see, like, the fucking... The bear and the giant squid and all that shit.

But I think at that point, it probably doesn't even matter what's in front of you, because if you go, like, full... At least I know people with DMT, though, they say, like, the room, if they break through, they're like, it doesn't even matter what room I'm in, because, like... By the end of it. Also, people on DMT, aren't they just, like, laying down, like, asleep almost? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that salvia, too, though?

You're kind of, like, slumped? Yeah, apparently I was just, like, sitting there the whole time. Yeah. Salvia's one where, like, I'll trip acid alone or mushrooms alone, but I wouldn't do salvia alone just because it's so... You could do anything. But it's only five minutes, but you could do anything. Does it feel like five minutes, or is your perception of time different?

For me, it felt maybe, like, it honestly kind of just felt like five to ten minutes, but I've heard... Well, that's not bad. I've heard people who've had, like, salvia, Tread for the, like, it felt like a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is just, that's terrifying. Yeah, I've, I've never had it. We're obviously, like, on shrooms or, like, your perception of time will slow down.

But for me, it's more like, like, it will slow down, but it's more like I felt like I've been in a place, like my whole life. Like, is that eternal feeling. Like, I know I've been in my room for, like, 30 minutes. Yeah. But in my brain, I feel like, I'm like, this room is my life. Like, I've been here for longer. Do you ever have this when you're tripping? Sometimes I'll be tripping.

I'll be like, oh, I knew this was going to happen. Like, this trip was, regardless of whatever. I knew this trip is going to happen. It's like a very like self-assured feeling. It's weird. I haven't tripped in a while. I haven't tripped in like I think over a year. I like barely do it because I used to do it so much in high school and I never liked it.

And I would keep doing it. I'm like this time it'll be good. Sure. Because like the end of it's fun and then like the beginning I'd have fun. But I always have a bad trip somewhere in there. I think it's especially because the first time I took it was horrible and I got in trouble. So like I feel like going forward every time I've taken it as an adult, I'm still like, this reminds me of like being a.

the bad trip. Yeah. My brother, the first time he smoked weed had PCP in it, which is such a nightmare story. That like never had, it's what they tell you

happens in high school. Yeah. And it actually happened to him and he, uh, he can't smoke weed now? Yeah. Because it just brings him back to...

Can you do PCP? He's great at PCP. Dude, while he's high, he bites into a piece of Halloween candy with a needle in it. Yeah.

It's just all the bad urban legends about drugs. Dude, no, I wouldn't blame him. I would never smoke weed. All right.

After that. I mean, when it comes to, like getting baked and going to museum, I have no issue with that, but I mean, I always feel like, being, tripping in public is tough. I mean, I've only tripped in the city like three-ish times.

Yeah. And like, I don't know, I remember one time I was on acid and we like was with people we walked over the Williamsburg Bridge and we were walking through Chinatown and like it was three people who were experienced with tripping, but it was just so much. Like, it feels like when you walk through those crowds, it just feels like a bit of everybody's soul.

Yes. Yeah. I feel like shit. Yeah. I did terms of Bonarout, but that was, it's like, it's still too many people, you know what I mean? Like, you're, like, you're like, the music must help. The music helps, but you're also looking around and you're like, because you see crazy people and you're like, am I one of those guys? Like, you see some guy who's like, looks nuts and you're like, oh, we're the same. He's wearing the furry adventure time, like hood. Yeah, yeah, you're like, like, the big boots. Yeah, yeah. The crazy thing to me is, I don't, like, it sounds cool for the story, but people that

go to, like, South America and do ayahuasca. Because I'm like, I don't like tripping in public. Imagine tripping and then a native guy's just screaming in your face. banging a drum. And you're in a foreign country that you don't understand the language. You don't have the currency. You don't have a place to stay. It's terrified.

You're not even supposed to drink the water there, people say. You're not. You're like, this is probably not. That's also hilarious. Also, you're like staying at some native guy's cabin and you're just like shitting all over the place. Yeah, yeah.

You're just like shitting on his priceless cabin. Like, that's so embarrassing. Just vomiting and shitting everywhere. Yeah, yeah. At some point I would, I don't know. At some point I would like to try the whole DMT thing. Yeah, yeah. Like for me, it kind of feels like down the line.

The last time I tripped acid, I was like, I'm going to hold up on tripping for a while. Because, like, you know that feeling where you're like, when you first start tripping a bunch, you're like, oh, I'm learning things. Yeah. And I'm like, the most recent time I tripped, I was like, I'm not learning anything. I was like, this is literally just pretty lights and colors. You're like, I'm just high now. Yes. Yes.

I'm just on drugs at City Hall Park at like one o'clock at the morning. Yeah. That's my favorite DMT thing. Like, I was reading these forums and this dude was saying that like, he kept going there. And eventually the entities were like, dude, you got to. Stop. They told, they're a little like, dude, not you again. They're like, you stop smoking.

And he said it happened like five times in a row where he'd get there and they'd just be like, God fucking damn it, dude. He's like, I found God, but God was pretty disappointed in me. He really wanted me to slow down. That's hilarious. That was like, can we chill like next week? I'm busy right now. That would be funny if that was your realization on Iowa-A trip, like in South America.

You're like, what the fuck am I doing here? Or that guy's Iowa Street was like, dude, even the gods think I'm annoying. The shaman's just like, all right, you're good. The shaman's like, so what are you doing later? Like, I got plans if you want to head out. Yeah, my bad. I kind of got a heart out. Yeah.

You're like, no, I was going to chill. He's like, no, I can't really chill. He's like, dude, I'm sorry. I'm leading another trip after. They, they, when you do those ayahuasca trip sometimes, too, it's like, there can be strangers there. Because they do them in, like, big group. Yeah, there's just some guy, like, who's opening up how he was, like, raped when he was a kid.

And like that doesn't, which I mean like, that's tough on a trip. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, definitely tough on a trip. God, even like the ayahuasca gods are like,

eesh. Yikes. God damn. Fuck. That sounds like it's like, obviously, you know, that's his journey.

But like that does not sound fun to be around. Yeah. That sounds like a painful journey. Last time I did ask that there was a guy, I went to a party because I enjoy being social

on psychedelics, but the party turned into random people instead of just friends. and this one random guy sat down next to me and was really taken up my time and I was like peaking and he starts telling me the story about a grandfather

molesting his granddaughter and I had to tell him no I don't want this inside of me no you were like no that didn't happen Charlie's like nah that you're lying I was like I can see through that a hundred percent Charlie's on answer like she deserved it

she said it's his grandpa I go what was she wearing on me. That'd be the funniest. If somebody opened up about being molested, but you sounded like they're bragging. You're like, do you lie about everything. Dude, no way.

All right, fine. Or like, you're like, the dude who talking about getting raped when he's like, he's like, way to one up me, dude. I got raped from my dad. It's not as cool. Dude, when someone brings something like that up on psychedelics, I can't describe why, but you, it hits you like, we talk about rape, we talk about tough topics,

especially in comedy, but for some reason when you're on a psychedelic, it hits you. And you're like, I cannot have this in my, You know what's weird though? When I'm on Sega, it's movies don't fuck with me at all. I was once on Shrooms with a bunch of my friends. We were watching No Country for Old Men. And maybe just because I've seen the movie like 50 times,

I fucking loved it. But my friends, like, could not handle, like, the energy of, like, Anton Shogor. Oh, sure. I'm with them. I saw Mortal Kombat, like, the old one on Shrooms. It was... I couldn't handle it.

Have you seen it? No. So, like, uh, Goro is, like, the monster with, like, all the arms. Uh-huh. And I remember my buddy is like giving me this grain. He's like wait till Goro comes out. He's going to freak you out.

And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, I don't want to look at Goro. I don't look at Goro comes on. He's like, look at Goro. When I'm tripping, I have some like ingrained instinct that if anybody tries to do, like, if anyone tries to pull up one of those videos where it's like made to watch while tripping, my inner instinct is like, fuck this. Yes. Like, my inner instinct is like, I'm not a baby.

Like, I'm high on this drug, but like I'm not going to look at like a no knock on you when you were 14. But I'm not going to look on a kaleidoscope and be like, whoa. Yeah. Although I'll watch like a nature documentary and just be like the super annoying guy who's like, lions? Come on. They're huge. It's like the circle of life, dude. Everyone's like, yeah, we see it.

And it's like, can we, can you leave? Yeah. That's the same way. I don't want to watch like trippy things when I'm tripping. I just want to watch what I enjoy and be like, this is awesome. This is really cool. Like I remember we were at the beach one time. We were building sandcastles.

And that was like the most fun thing to do on shrooms because you're just like, but you get so into it, you're like, dude, this is what we did with, like, the earth. We took the rocks out of it and made it. You're, like, so smart. Charlie and I were tripping one time, and we were walking through Manhattan and, like, we're all gonna sound

like the biggest, like, psycho not. Yeah. I haven't tripped in two years. We have all these stories. Charlie and I were tripping in Manhattan one time, and, like, I had this feeling that I had never had on troops before where I was looking at the buildings

and I felt, like, proud of the human race. I was like, I was like, dude, I can't believe we built this. I haven't built any of it, but I was like, wow. Like, look at this. Like a tear comes down. We're fucking awesome.

I had a funny memory. I was in Battery Park, I guess. I was supposed to say city. I was at the park this morning. And I remember me and you tripped shrooms one time went down to Battery Park. And there's these pathways that just, they kind of loop around to like walk your dog.

And me and you, for some reason, I forget who brought up. One of us was like, hey, can we take some time apart and just walk along these paths? It was like 4 a.m. We were like peeking on shrooms. And we both agreed like,

yeah, let's just walk on our own for a minute. And we walked around for like 20. for like 20 minutes on her own, and then met up with each other, and we were like, you're good? And we were like, yeah,

you're, yeah. That was a great trip. It was a great trip. There was only one negative thing about that trip, which was we made mushroom tea. Yeah. And I opened my cabinet to grab the mugs and like five roaches just ran out of my cat.

It was awful. It was a Fort Green apartment. Crown Heights. Crown Heights. Yeah. That and also I, apparently when you make mushroom tea, you're supposed to like really slowly sip it over time.

We chugged it. We chugged it. Yeah. And like, I've, I've always made mushroom tea. tea because I'm like every time I do shrooms, my stomach hurts. And I'm like, I'm going to make mushroom tea.

It won't hurt my stomach as much. The only times I've ever thrown up on shrooms is when I made the tea. Yeah, you threw up like, not 10, but like half an hour in walking to the train. Right before we got on the tree. I always dry heave. Like I remember that beach time we were doing, me and my buddy were doing it. And there was this guy who, uh, he was like kind of a, he probably listens to the podcast, but they came to the beach with like no money, no shoes, no anything.

They were like, we're just going to survive that beach weekend. And they were just with this 30 year old guy named Uncle Mike. And we were in high school. And they see us in the beach the next day. They're like, you guys tripping? They're like, yeah, yeah. They're like, we're getting nauseous. They're like, hold it down.

Hold it down. They're like, and this one guy, Uncle Mike, he's like, you've ingested the third poison. So psilocybin turns to solosos. Those guys are the worst. It never helped. But he gets a crowd of people. And they're like, yo, they're about to throw up these shrooms. So then there's like 10 people watching us.

Just like, don't throw up the shrooms. But it's so funny though, because then some kids juggling sticks. And then I'm like, what? He's just juggling sticks? It's like a boardwalk thing, like a beach boardwalk thing. What town in Florida, by the way? New Somerna Beach. Okay.

I don't know that. Sounds like Coney Island. Yeah. It's a blast. And then the one guy with this is like, how but you fucking light those on fire, you pussy? And the kid goes, oh, okay. And then lights them on fire. It starts juggling flame, which is a great thing to look out on Shrooms.

That's fucking awesome. But I get what you're saying. It's less like, I'm like, that's visually cool. It's more like, oh, this is impressive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've never been to like, I don't get big visuals on psychedelics. It's more of those thoughts of like, this is beautiful. We have done so much as a human race.

Or the trails are obvious kind of trails. Yeah, I see patterns and stuff, like faces. But every face I see is annoying. I wish I could see, like, a fun face. Like, you know how you see patterns? I don't see an actual, like, colorful face, but, like, the same way you see patterns, I'll see, like, a face. It's almost like a ghost pattern, do you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, yeah. But it's like the faces I always see are so dumb. It's like George Washington or, like, Shakespeare. It's just like an old kind of like... My friend had, like, a big, really beautiful garden in his backyard. And so when you take shrooms, you'd see the plants and the trees, like, literally breathing. Like with the wind and that's awesome. But when you take acid, you would just see, like, little, like, streaks of light, you know?

Like, it was, it's fucking awesome. That was always a great place to trip. Like, I remember I swam on mushrooms before. That was, like, awesome. Yeah, that sounds sick. So cool. I did Whippets in a pool once. That's so different.

That was, I was, I took a Vicodin and took a bath one time. Whippets the only thing, like, I've had, like, an out-of-body experience on, which I didn't know about to, like, look it up more. Off Whippis? Yeah, yeah. It is like, it's life gas, so you kind of go under if you do enough of it. Yeah. And I did so much that I literally was like on the roof of the apartment I was on. And I was like, I could feel the rocks.

It was like the wildest thing. I could feel like the rocks like on the roof. And the only other time I had like a real like trip on Whippitz was like, I thought we were hanging out with my brother. I was randomly like, where did he go? People were like, what are you talking about? I could have sworn. That's like the saddest thing you've ever heard. It turns out his brother's been dead.

he's like, where's my brother? Here's he? There he go. That's so sad. It's like I would like be crying when I was there. No, he's still a lot. Thank God. He goes, I never had a brother.

Yo, you know what? You know how people say I'm bad with faces? Like, they're like, oh, I can't remember people's faces. I have the opposite thing where all day long I think I see somebody I know. Yeah. I do that all day long. I said hi to people and I'm like, oh, hey. And it's not them. Same, yeah.

So embarrassing. The worst are like the, the character, not characters, but like people in your brain, you're like, oh, this is some face you've seen from somewhere. And you're like, how does this person? And then you're just staring at a stranger. Yeah. I had that on the way here. I saw a guy on my block and I go, I bet you he just lives on my block. Because I know I've seen him around, but I know him.

I know that guy. I know I know. That's always a weird feeling too. It was like, my sister introduced me to one of like her friends. And I was like, dude, we've met before. Yeah. We've definitely met for. We've met for.

And he's like, no, we have it. That's some weird psychedelic energy. Yeah, that is weird. But New York, but you're from New York, so you're not from New York. No. So everybody looks like somebody from your hometown. Sure.

Especially like when you briefly see somebody. Like, it's weird. Like, I'll see somebody and I'm like, is Steve like homeless in New York? And I'm like, no, it's just a homeless guy that looks like. This is also one of those places where it makes sense where it's like, it's a place where people would visit, you know? Or something like that's like, oh, they could be here.

If you're in like Topeka, Kansas, it's like, why the fuck was this person right now? I always see people also that look like celebrities but it makes sense because you do see also a lot of celebrities in New York I was thinking also

Whippets is the drug where like you could take the most respectable person of all time and if you see them doing whippets they just look like such a different

Oh it looks if the Pope were to do whippets you'd be like this guy fucking sucks it is the most negative looking drug in the world it's the most least

flattering drug to do you look better shooting up heroin yeah yeah it's also my favorite part of it is how dumb you are on it, which is great. It's like a minute of literally being like mentally challenged.

Yeah. Which probably not good for you. But in the moment is the fun of- I've done a lot of drugs. Whippets is the one I've only done like once or twice because I'm like, that really feels like it's like killing me. Yeah. Like it feels like it's actually like decaying your brain. It cuts oxygen

to your brain. If you do it straight out of the canisters, you're supposed to do it in the balloon because the rubber warms the like the gas. This doesn't sound. I swear to God. I swear to God. I love you ever walk past like a venue when there's some sort of like Grateful Dead cover band. Oh, there's just loads. There's like a whole industry where like

a hundred guys will pull up with the canisters and it's just an open air whipit market. Oh yeah, yeah. Everyone like, how much does one canister? Not that you guys would know. So you gotta buy. I know I've done so many wippets. He's like in Taiwan, it's 43.

It's, um, you're talking about real shit? You get a 24 pack for 12 bucks. Oh, that's pretty cheap. Actually, that's in Florida. Y'all want to like, you all want to go three ways on some whips. I've won't. I just do one on the podcast and just have somebody ask me serious questions and really try to answer

that. That'd be hilarious. Well, because it's one of those things, like, I've heard if you do it correctly, it's because if you do it straight out of the thing, it freezes your lungs, that's where you don't get oxygen. But it's awful. If you have good nitrous oxide, it's the same thing as having laugh gas at the dentist. So it's not that bad for you.

It's just about how you do it and how often you do it. We should do Whippets at the Met, man. People are watching beautiful. You're like, Pekink. This is fucking sick. Yo. Yeah, why does your voice get so deep on Whipits? To everyone who I see to...

I've actually... Your vocal cords get, like, changed or something like that. Oh, okay. It's the opposite of helium. Like, helium shrinks your vocal cords or something. Yeah. Can I say they sound awesome? You guys have changed my opinion on wins.

They sound fucking sick. Dude, one time I did a shroom chocolate, like an eighth shroom chocolate, and I was walking to your apartment in Brooklyn, and I got, I guess, like, scammed. Do you remember this? I remember. I was so pissed when I heard this. Yeah, I bumped into this guy.

by mistake and he did one of these New York scams where you drop a bag or there's like some beers in there and he goes hey you broke what was in my bag you owe me I think he said $80 he said there was like Hennessy in the bag and I didn't know how to respond I'm on shrooms like I knew I was getting scammed but I didn't have the tools to respond

so I just go all right let's go to an ATM dude scammers or even worse the worst people to encounter when you're really tripping in New York City are homeless people yes because it's like When you see the craziest homeless person possible and you make eye contact with them, when you're on acid, it's like you're on their level. Yes. And it's like, you're on their level. They can see that they're like, you're like, you're like, you're playing an air game.

They can get you. Yeah. It's also so. Also when you're on mushrooms or acid, you're like, you're like, why can't I get this guy? Yeah. It's like, I mean, what is money? Yeah, come on. You wake up in your bankrupt.

Like, oh, that's why I can't do that. It's like a different hangover. It's like a friendship hangover. It's a love hangover. You give too much. You're like, God damn it. Why did I do that? Yeah, yeah.

This is, dude, this is making me want to do, like, just the time. My new attitude towards tripping, because I'm not like, you know, you never say never, but, like, I think my days of taking a full eighth might be way behind me. I think it would be, like, maybe, like, a half a gram or something. I'm just mad microdosing was around when I was in high school. Because I was in high school, it was just called being a pussy. But now it's, like, cool. That's a thing.

There's also, like, a real term. Like, so people say microdose. I got a piss real quick, by the way. I take half a jeet. You know, subscribe to Charlie Dawson at Patreon.com, everybody who watched. But, yo, there's like a real version of microdosing where, like, you get it. Sorry, I can switch topics. Yeah.

The green couch. We should just, while he's in the bathroom, we should just rob his apartment. Yeah, do you want to rob? What's the first thing genuinely that you would take? I would take. I'd take the picture of the nuns. There's a picture of a nuns smoking cigarettes, yeah. Maybe his apartment's not so nice after all because there's not that.

much I want to steal. Oh, the vacuum. Oh, the vacuum. It's like a nice Dyson. It is. It's like a hung on the wall of Dyson. I'm not mistaken. We are carrying this. Can I say we are straight up carrying this? Welcome to the QVC podcast. We're selling a vacuum for 12 dozen. But yo, Akuna used to do like the real microdosing. We're like, you get a gram of shrooms, you grind it in a coffee grinder. Who's a Kuna? Mike Akuna. You know, you definitely met him. Mike Akuna. Mike Akuna. Oh yeah. Where is he? He's like back in Canada now. Okay. Rest in peace. Yeah. Good. Good is.

dead, but you would, he would put like 0.002 grams. Wait, who died? No, he's not dead. He's not dead. You, did you ever meet Micakuna? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He used to do, like, the real microdosing where you'd put, like, 0.002 grams, where it's, like, not a detectable enough amount to actually trip, but it's supposed to be, like, the equivalent

of, like, I don't know. Like, a true microdose. Yeah, because a lot of people of our generation, I'm like, I microdose. It's like, oh, how much do you take? Do you take a little bit of thing? No, I'll take, like, half a gram. Yeah, it's like, you're not microdosing. And you also have to double your dose

Because the tolerance for psychedelics Like very fat I know at least for mushrooms It's like you pretty much have to take twice the amount In the next day to like really trip I think it's weird when you do shrooms too How like whatever you physically imagine is what you feel It's like you were talking about dry heaving

Is like if you were to just think to yourself like I'm not sick anymore You're usually just like not You're fine Yeah But if you get caught up in one of those loops Where it's like I gotta puke I got a puke

Yeah I was reading this book and I read And there's there's this there's There's this good This is this girl in the book who got dose to acid. This was in like the 70s, so it was like, cool. And she was saying how she was going inward too much. And she was like, I didn't want anyone to see me going that inward, even if it was just in my head.

But it's that thing where it's like whatever you're thinking, that is what you become. It's like manifest. Yeah, manifest. So you don't want people to see you going through that, you know? That's kind of why I always like to ask more as mushrooms. You can kind of feel like sick. Yeah. Kind of like your head can hurt.

You can feel super tired or like... Acid is like almost more of like a party drug, you know? Yeah, yeah. I've only taken acid once. And I only took like half a tab. So I've never really like done it, done it. You got to do it, man. It's my favorite.

Drop the whippets, do acid. Yeah. I don't know. I think every drug I like is just like the worst. At least reputation. Like I love Xanax. It's the part where Michael's like, I love crocodile. Yeah.

I'm like the one guy. I just love it. It eats my flesh. It's awesome. Oh my God. K2, that was something else. I never smoked that shit. God, I did it so much.

K-D-M. You ever do K-Term? I've done K-M. I've done K-M and I got, like, sick the next day. It's like, cucking. And it's legal. That's the weirdest thing. I used to smoke K-2 out of a water bottle with, like, tinfoil.

It was just like the worst possible thing you could do. Do you ever do tobacco hits out of a bong? Yeah, yeah. High school, when you're out of weed, we take the swisher sweet tobacco, the worst tobacco possible, intake tobacco, or a bong hits. See, I can't even, I remember when I was younger, that's like, my main, method of smoking is like you get a bong you put like you fill a bowl with

weed and then you put like half a cigarette on top and then you just rip it through. If I were to take one of those now I would be fucked up for like three days. Yeah, I'd be up for a week. Yeah. It makes you feel horrible. We had a foreign exchange student I remember from Spain and I was trying to show him how like a bong worked. Like a gravity bong and I did it with the tobacco and it was horrible.

Oh God. And then we gave him like an actual bong because they I don't know why they don't smoke bongs there. I thought it's so funny. Was it when you were in high school? So I was 14 and he was like 16. I love the idea of somebody who's from Spain, like the most cultured place on Earth. He's like, let me go to Florida.

Let me learn about it. I'm showing him, I'm like, we do gravity bomb ribs here at a Gatorade Row. He's like, I live by a castle. You're like, welcome to Redondo Beach. He's like, my culture is airbrushed t-shirts of Tweety Bird. And fucking corn dogs and shit like that. He goes, is there least weed in there?

You go, no, it's grizzly. We put grizzly in gravity bog. That's another thing. It's like, when you're younger, you're just so bored. Yes. I'm like, why do you even start something like, because I used to dip too? And it's like, what a dumb thing?

How many times I used to dip. But you know what? I started dipping. I had a bit. But those are like, those are like snooce. Like you can swallow it. Yeah. I'm trying to swallow it.

You can't swallow it. No, you're going to swallow the spit. Not that. Yeah. I was so confused. I was like, why would you need? Even if you could, why would you swallow it? I've been eating like a pack of these a day.

So I hope you can. I thought, no. I thought you were saying like the actual pouches. Like, you just what you're done with it? Dude, when I started dipping, I had braces, so I used to get... Oh, that's the worst. I used to... I used to...

I have a lower retainer in teeth for where I dip. I wish I got one of those. Because I had braces and I never wore my retainer, and now my teeth are more fucked up. You, I got a lower one and kept falling out. And at some point, my orthodonts was like, we're not putting it back in. He's like, I give up. He just gave up. He's got your money.

Yeah, truly. It's like your teeth aren't going to look good. Yeah. Honestly, if I were to smell like the mint skull, I could just puke at any time. Really? That could literally make me throw up at any time. I hate that shit. I drank dip spit one time.

We've done that. The dude did it into a Coca-Cola can, and I was like, swig and rum, and I was like, oh, okay, let me watch this down. That's awful, dude. We just immediately go dead air. We just, like, pause. We just, like, oh, shit. But, you know, I used to make my own pouches because, like, pouches were... Wait, you take a tea bag?

How do you take a tea bag? Oh, that's actually cool. Yeah, exactly. You just take a tea bag, emptied it out. Why wouldn't you just buy pouches, though? Because I think it was, like, a money thing was, like, pouches... More expensive? Pouches were the same price, but there was, like,

less actual dip in it. So you could make a huge pouch with the teabot. Oh, I kind of want to do that. Yeah. Do you still dip? I do Zen pouches, but like they've stopped. I think it's almost like a different buzz. I'm not as like, I don't know. I'm not as, uh, I mostly do it when I'm writing.

Because like also for me, like I quit Adderall, which I'm prescribed because I have ADD. Uh-huh. So now I'm just replacing it with the worst things. Good for you, man. That shit is the worst. Atarol and fucking all those ADD medications are the fucking worst. Yeah, I mean, it, It propelled me through high school and college, but at the same time, it's like, I don't know. It is literally just such speed.

Oh, yeah, but it's so funny when you stop, though, because, like, literally I'm realizing now that I read it like a third grade level. I didn't know. I thought I was so fucking smart for, like, reading? Yeah, I'm like, I can't read it. I just can't, I don't know how to read. It's funny is on Adderall, you're reading picture books, but faster.

Yeah, yeah. It's like much faster. You're like, the rabbit is pretty cool. That's awesome. But you think everybody that he's dumb or too, which is so funny, you get so frustrated with, other people because you're like, how do you not get this? Yes.

Adderall was like, all those like ADD drugs were like the only drugs that would like really fuck my dick up. Oh, we were talking about this earlier. They would really, you couldn't get your dick up and like... But you got to watch just like weirder and weirder porn, at least for me, to get it like hard and then you come. But then the problem is you spent like hours doing that. Yeah.

You're just watching Adderall porn. It's like people studying and shit like that. That sucked. And then also like you, I don't know, I used to like take Adderall and then like, drink on and you get so fucked up because when you take Adderall, you're just not hungry at all. Yeah. Adderall makes food, like, repulsive. Yes, it does.

It makes it nasty. I always wonder, it's like, I don't know, unless you're trying to do, like, research or whatever. Like, whenever you see someone doing Adderall at a party, it's like, why don't you just do blow? Yeah, yeah, I agree. Well, because it lasts longer. That's the thing. I remember what I did one time. It was, uh, during the SAT afterwards was Monster Jam.

Have either of you guys been to Monster Jam? It sounds like monster trucks are involved. It sounds so Florida. Yeah. Monster trucks are very involved. So, like, Monster Jam, how it was is, like, they, um, outside of the stadium, there was a funeral home that let kids tailgate in their lock. Oh, my God. So, like, it was just a hearse on huge monster truck wheels.

And, um, so, like, we, it was exam week or SAT, so, like, I took Adderall. I didn't eat all day, didn't drink, like, any water. And then I just started drinking so much. And I remember I like, first off, we get in and they scanned my ticket and I ripped it up and just threw it. Like right after they scanned it. I'm like, I'm in. You yell Monster Week afterwards. Like, yeah.

Then I threw up in the stands. And then I was asking, there's this like middle-aged man with his kids. And I was asking him for some of his beer. Because I was like 15. I was just like, dude, like give me some. This is a, most of this is just what I've, you have like dry throw up on your mouth. And I'm like, you don't be a dick. Like, just get a little.

You like, I just came from a funeral. me get some of that, yeah. And then from my understanding what happened was the security immediately was like, you all need to get the fuck

out of here. And then my buddy said like I have one arm around my buddy, one arm around his girlfriend. And I'm just yelling shit at people. Well,

I'm sorry to interrupt. What is Monster Jam? I don't think you gave us. It's a monster truck rally. And you just drive them around, right? Is that what the whole thing is? They do like flips and stuff. That's like,

we also had a Peruvian exchange student and we took that monster. That's so fucking funny. He's like, my culture is Machu Picchu. He's like ancient, beautiful cultures. He grew up on a mountain.

He was raised by birds themselves. You know, it's funny is the reason they do it next to the funeral is because when someone crashes, they just don't even have to, like, move that far. It's like, yeah, well, we got a funeral home. We'll be, we get what's awesome there?

I like how you're like, what do you do? Just like they drive the cars around. You go, no, they do flips. That's just driving the car around. Yeah, yeah. And they just, like, run over smaller cars. It's like such an American thing.

It's like, look at the big car, crush the little car. Fucking stupid little girl. You all the big car. Yeah, well, World's a big car. It has a big American flag on the side. The little car is like a swastika on it.

It's like, yeah, fuck Germany. Either that or just says like Iraq. Yeah. It's just like driving over a little car. Yeah. Wait, when I was younger, that's funny, like that whole vein of like going to these like events when you're in high school and you're fucked up. I went to a Yankee game and I was like 16 or something.

And I got so trashed. I remember I was, I know, I think I was young. I think I was 15 or 14. I think I only drank like a six pack. Literally the second I get there. like the first inning, I was just to sleep. And I was just asleep at the Yankee game the entire time. I think I spent like two innings in the bathroom, like puking.

It was just fucking an embarrassment, man. Were you with friends or family? I was with friends. I was with friends. Still an embarrassment, though. Or another time I was at a Ranger game and I was really shit-faced. And I like was like squeezing in the seat and I knocked this guy's whole beer over. Oh, God.

And he literally turns to me like, in Texas, we would have offered to buy the man another beer. And I was like, I'm 15 years old. I can't buy you a beer. Not only do I not have an ID, but I also don't have $19 to buy you a beer in MSG. My favorite one I went to... Oh, and the thing I was trying to get with the Monster Jam thing, though, was then, like, I...

A bunch of others should happen. Remember, I, like, literally, my parents... Apparently were, like, splashing water in my face, and, like, I just wasn't waking up. And they were like, did you drink a bunch last night? I was like, I think I was just really dehydrated from... But what was I saying? What was I saying?

My favorite event like that, I... Ben to was micro wrestling. So it's little people. Whoa. I've heard of that. That sounds amazing. Greatest thing. So first off, we get to the place and you can just bring drinks in.

So we got like four locoes. They don't, the venue does not care. I could not see them like drawing a line. It's little person wrestling. Oh, yeah. Like, no alcohol. Yeah, right? And then like literally people are getting like tossed.

They get tossed into the audience. Yeah, they're tiny. People get hit with little people. That's fucking awesome. And this one dude, and the ref is like this little person chick. and this one guy he had face paint on and like his headlands right in some girls like pussy and then her thighs are just covered in face paint now

that's hilarious and then we asked him afterwards we're like yo do you guys want to go get fucked up with us afterwards at our fraternity house and they're like yeah yeah just speak to our manager and their manager is like a regular height person and the guy's like yeah that's fine just have it back by nine o'clock tomorrow and that's fucking hilarious

do I ask their manager because they did they come and get fucked up with you so what happened was which is first of it was wild that he's like, yeah, I know you have them back by 9 o'clock. Like, they're just like kids. Yeah, like, just anybody have a peanut allergy. Also, you're even funnier if the little people just drive a monster truck. Yeah.

Like, the most Florida thing ever. I also like, think when the guy's face masks, like, when in the girl's crotch, there's just an imprint of like a smiling little face. Yeah, yeah. Also, if they're wrestling, can we just call them midgets? I don't know. Yeah, no, no. I was so, I was about to it.

I was, I don't know if we can. I mean, in the wrestling world, if it's like a little person who's like a Ph.D. Yes, that's a little person. Well, I had a little person stripper on And the thing that I think it's like, I think it's like On the pod. Yeah, you could say the word midget, but I don't think they like being called midgets. Like you wouldn't call a gay guy a faggot.

Yeah. But you'd still say, I at least we still say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was just not at a gay guy. I hear that. We were crossing so many boundaries. But, um, can we introduce our proving exchange to you? But the guy, it was funny because, like, sorry, we all took whippets before this. We're allowed.

But the, um, my favorite was. I didn't tell my one friend at the fraternity house that we were bringing little people. And then I was like, hey, do you know anywhere I'd get pills? Because one of the little person, he comes up, and he's, like, just angry. He has, like, cuts on him from, like, jumping off of ladders. And he's like, do you know where I get pills or Coke? How do you sound, though? Like, what was his voice?

Do you want to get pills or coke? It's like a jokey. Yeah, yeah. He's like, could have some baby ass for it or something? So little. And I was so pissed we could have found Coke. I was like, dude, if I could do coke with a little person, this would be the greatest. It would hit them so hard.

Oh, yeah. Was this FSU or University of Florida? FSU. But it's so funny because my buddy, he didn't know I was coming with little people, so he just took a fucking bong rip. And the next thing you know, I'm coming in with an angry little person who's like, dude, you know where I get some pills? And my buddy was just like, I don't know what's going on.

Yeah, I would be almost a little freaked out, man. Because, like, you know, they're tough. Yeah, yeah. You'd definitely be a little freak out. Yeah. There you go. I'm here. Those guys throw the fuck down, I bet.

Oh, yeah. I've heard of that. I've heard of the little people wrestling. I think they have that. It's a micro wrestling federation. My experience. Respect it. Well, jockeys get fucked up.

Jockey's, like, huge. They get fucked up at because they get paid. Dude, everyone involved in these weird, like, carnie sports. I had a guy in my podcast who did bull riding, and he was telling me how bull riders, not just bull riders, but the rodeo clowns. Oh, yeah. Get, like, fucked up, fucked up.

It makes sense because they're getting, like, hit by bulls and shit, right? They're looking at death every day. Rodeo clowns, like, get, he said, get super fucked. Like, Coke, pills, everything. I don't have a podcast, but when I get one, I'm gonna get a bunch of little people on it. Dude, yeah, I had a little person stripper on. The best was him talking about

how girls would fuck him just because he's a little person as like a prank. And he'd be like, yeah, great prank. You sucked my dick. Jokes on me. I've also heard that, you know, the dick is a normal size dick. Is it?

But he was talking about he would fist girls. And if you think about it, your dickhead can only go like this, but his fist can go like, he can hit all the angles. But also don't they have kind of normal sized hands or no? They have smaller hands? They're a smaller hand. So it's like,

It's like a dick. It's like a dick. But it's like a dick with a rotating head. I wish I would rotate my head. I could do a lot more with it. I could. I always thought when I was a kid, like it rotated, but like sprinkler settings. Oh, sure.

You could miss come on. Didn't you also have that, like, Swedish lady who, like, turned into a black person? Yeah, yeah. She didn't turn into one. She was watching too many Tyler Perry movies. She just accidentally turned into a black person. But she got, like, died or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's hysterical. Oh, yeah. It's permanent? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She got, like, unless she, she could probably go back. Got injected with, like,

collagen? I guess the opposite melanin. So I thought it was melanin, but then she says it's something else. And then her husband had the same operation, but he's just kind of like tan. Sure. Yeah,

really backfired. She got injected with black girl magic. Yeah. That's what they injected it with. It's talkies and mountain do. Sorry. Oh, you're good. Yeah.

Like you good. Yeah, little people are great. Whippets are great. Is that the theme of today? I was watching that. Have you seen the Sack squash thing on Hidloon? The what? Sasquoise.

It's his documentary. I'm just going to ruin it for anybody listening. No, he ruined it. So it's these, these like weird, you know what the golden triangle is? Or the Emerald Triangle. It's like in California we're like in the weed growing up. Yeah, yeah. So like there was these three guys that were like killed by a saskwash apparently.

And then the documentary guy is like trying to find out the real story. And he used to work on the pot farm that this happened on or whatever. And right now it's looking like it's just some. guy whose nickname was Bigfoot. That's like the whole thing. I'm like, I could have found this out earlier. But it's also weird because randomly the guy just drops in that he was molested, which I'm hoping it comes back to the plot, but it seems kind of random because he's like,

you know, as most of you guys know, I was molested as a kid, so I was running for my own monsters. Yeah. And it just goes on. He's like, anyway, so Sativa is pretty strong. It just goes completely unrelated. But I'm like, now I'd rather him hunt down that guy than the Sasquash. Now I don't care about the Sasquash.

Get your molester. Yeah. Yeah. He's real. Yeah, exactly. But we, I don't know. I don't know. I'm watching trying to figure it out. Yo, I've seen, dude, that whole Emerald Triangle place is supposed to be kind of crazy.

I remember I saw some documentary about that area where like the people, before weed was legal, the people who would run grow ops sometimes instead of paying the harvesters would just kill them. What? Because, yo, it's like, it's like way deep in rural northern California and shit like that. There was some place, I think it was called, the documentary is called Murder Mound. mountain or something. And, like, what they would do is, like, people would work seasonally. So, like, these hippie people who would be, like, trimers or whatever. And by the end of the summer, they'd be owed, like, 90K or something like that.

And then, like, a lot of times, because these are run by, like, loosely, like, gang-affiliated people. They would just, like, murder them. Wow. Which is also kind of funny because, like, the most chill people would be the people to go trim. It's like, I'm just going to go work in weed, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just popped.

Every trimmer I met her ex-trimmer is, like, a big pothead who was just like, yeah, we're on like a weed farm for two years, just found myself. Yeah. Every trimmer I've ever met doesn't trim their body hair. Yeah. That's the one thing. They have huge armpit hair, dreadlocks, and just nastiness. Yeah. Are you still a pot head, Michael? You seem like you don't smoke

a lot of... I just smoke at night, really. I tried smoking on 420 because somebody's like, do you guys smoke and a little bit of coffee and then you write, and I haven't, didn't write anything. Yeah, I hear that. It doesn't help me like be more creative. When I'm a high, I can maybe like think of premises, but to actually sit down and write

write a joke. Everything I write down, I'm like, that's so fucking stupid. Even if it was like good in my head, I'm like, it's just fucking stupid. You ever wake up and read what you wrote when you were super high? Like, you go to bed thinking, like, those are great premises and you look at it and you're like, water is wet and like, black people are like white people,

but they're black. Women are women shop. Oh, you literally just write white people be like? Yeah. That's right in a black voice. I've been trying to smoke pot and read. That is dope. It's dope, but it's, I get nothing done. I'll read two pages in an hour because every sentence I'm hung on it.

Yeah, I'm like, either space out or I read a sentence. I'm like, that sentence is everything. I need to reread that. High reading is definitely a good one. Or like, I'd probably just listen to a book on tape, though. I'm sure. If I do book on tape, I do salvia. That's how you do it.

Actually, I've never gotten into the book on tape game. I've never gotten into it. I don't know. I like to play this game where you put a book on tape, you get one of those erotic novels, and you go on the subway and you see how hard you can, like, get a bono. That's hilarious.

Just the voices are too much. Like, I don't know. I feel like people kind of put on the voices too much in audio. Oh, yeah. Then Gandalf went into the forest. Yeah, I was on to go to Harry Potter too. It's like when you watch an anime,

but like instead of just watching it in Japanese with English subtitles, you do the English dub. English dub. Is there, uh, how does it work though? Is there an English guy? Is he still doing Japanese voices, though? No, no, no. No, that's like.

No, it's like an English dub. So it's like very cartoonish English. It's like, where are you going? Yeah, yeah. It's hard to listen to. My favorite thing we ever watched was, this is, I shouldn't be saying this. But we watched this documentary about America, and it was, they were talking about slavery. And they had famous actors read the transcripts.

And they had, they're reading this slave thing. And then it cuts to the person reading it, and it's a white guy. That's hilarious. And he's doing the most over the top. He's like, it was a hot day. Yeah. And my leg, was a certain. That's just like Betty White.

Yeah. And I'm like dying. My buddy are dying. It's David Attenborough. We my buddy are dying laughing. And our teachers like, you think slavery is funny? And we're like, no, how do you not see how this is hilarious? That's insane. That's hysterical, man. And then like they do have black people reading stuff, but it's just like not even the black parts. Yeah. The black person's just like

the narrator. It's like, and then. Yeah. There's a black guy. He goes, the year was 1655. And this is a white guy for the rest of it. Yeah. Honestly, my, my sister went to college. in Charleston and my my mom like visited some like plantation down there for research but it's like I always thought that was weird about the south it's like it's like a tourist thing is to go to a plantation and it's so funny like it's so tense but they go to what it's clearly like the slave quarters and they call them the workers quarters oh yeah and like my mom in her head

she's like yeah workers quarters yeah they used to work work there well imagine you can tour Auschwitz and like Dakal. Like you can just tour them. Yeah. Yeah. That's something every year there's always like a one of these like fake viral outrage things. It's like, influencer girl takes sexy picture at Auschwitz. It's like what else is she gonna do?

Yeah, come on. It's like the tracks leading to Auschwitz and it's just her ass. Yeah. Literally that. Just like check out my Auschwitz. Yeah. It's like work will set you free. Yeah. They don't have like

they don't have actors though there, do they? they should that would be incredible it's like colonial Williamsburg but for Auschwitz like they can't break character they're just being super racist they're actually like 80 pounds

I would actually like to see that they're yelling at like the tourists coming in like this fun is a Jew I know like that's really God of Christ they can take their jewelry yeah coffee top

no the Holocaust was funny though Charlie's Jewish he can say that Yeah, yeah, I am. Yeah, I think so, too. Barely, but I'm kidding. I told you why I've said this on the podcast,

but my mom said it was so funny. I was having, like, a horrible panic attack time, and she's like, just think about how hard it was for people in the Holocaust. And you just start freaking out more, you're like, ah! I was like, I was having trouble sleeping, too.

I'm like, that's the worst thing. Yeah, like, damn, sweet dreams. I tried writing a joke about it, but didn't work because I was like, nobody falls asleep well thinking about the Holocaust, because even, like, the Nazis, like, they're like, oh, fuck, I've worked tomorrow. It's like, not the same.

That's fucking... The best is... I've brought in so many premises that haven't worked. I've just thrown them on the podcast for... It's great. It's a great joke. For fodder.

Well, I mean, who knows? You could maybe, like, cross-referenced and bring them back to stage. Who knows? Yeah. That's a good idea. Give us a fuck. I wish I knew my father.

These are so bad. The worst jokes. Did you ever... You ever, like, go to any weird shit like that? Have you ever seen, like, I don't know? Like, Ellis Island kind of has some of that weird, haunted energy. Yeah. We have a haunted lakehouse, or we used to.

So in Ocala, Florida, my, like, great, I guess my, I guess it's just my great grandfather. They had a house, and basically, it was like the equivalency to a beach house, but it was on a lake. It was like a lake house. That's how most lake houses were. It's the equivalent of the beach house, but it doesn't a beach. A lake. No, it's like, it's like a mountain house, but like instead of a mountain. Oh, a lake.

It's a lake. Yeah, I got you. Okay. But they, this gang called the Mar Barker gang got, like, shot down. Because, like, they, they rented it out to what it was, like, a Chicago gang that was, like, on the run. And they had, like, a full shootout. And their ghosts, like, we saw, we saw ghosts as kids. I don't know if I really believe it.

No, you definitely didn't. It was definitely some guy who was just, like, jerking off and looking. He was like, no, we go. Boo. He was like, get ready for my ghost juice. Yeah. Yeah, it's coming. That would be so, everybody, oh, that would be sad.

I'm, look, I got ghost juice off me. Honestly, dude, it goes was so nice. Florida, it has become such a. hacky thing. This one's like, you're from Florida. But like Florida always was, like when you're a kid,

I had relatives. First of all, here's the interesting thing about Florida is. The whole country thinks Florida's trashy, but trashy New Yorkers and trashy people from New Jersey

look at Florida as like Mecca. Oh, yeah. Growing up like, every Italian person I knew is like, when I'm done, bro, once I retire, bro,

move to Vero Beach. Yes. I'm going to Fort Lauderdale. It was something. So my cousin, two of my aunts moved to Florida because they're from Long Island and we're like, let's just go to Florida, no property, taxes, all that shit.

And, like, we used to visit them, and they lived in one of those, like, PGA-gated communities. And so when I was a kid, it was, like, the funnest shit ever. Everybody has a golf cart. And, like, kids aren't supposed to be driving the golf carts. But you do. Yeah, but of course, you do. And so, like, the PGA has, instead of cops, it has its own security. So it's, like, the most, like, tame little Grand Theft Auto of just, you know, driving around and party.

That's the best being in a neighborhood as a kid when they have their own security, because you can't get in real trouble unless you really fuck up. And it feels like you're in like a little kid mob movie. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, the security's here. We got to run. Yeah. We got to get them.

We had security. One of my friends lived in a, like, a gated community as a kid. We'd always go hang out there at night. And we would find security and then just start running to try to, like, get them to chase us and then run away. And if they caught us, they had nothing. Yeah, what are they going to do? Yeah, it's like, why are you running there? Now that you're older, you realize, like, how little the security actually gets a fuck.

It's literally just like, I don't know, some poor comic type of person. Yeah, it's like some college kid. It's just like some guy. I was just like, you fucking kids. I don't want to deal with you. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. That was the annoying part is we didn't have a gated community,

but I had a nice neighborhood. It was annoying because my neighborhood was the neighborhood. Everybody would come and fuck up. Oh, sure. Yeah. So, like, they would be like, I don't fucking live here. Yeah.

But then when I off to college, I had the same thing because then when I went off to college, I was like, I don't live here. I can go fuck the shit up and have a good time. I had that mentality about every house party I went to in high school. Every house I showed up at, I was like, this isn't my house. I don't give it.

Yeah. And then you throw a party at your house and you're like, Don't touch the plates. Stop! Those are the nice place. I look back in then I feel so guilty about some of that shit. I was saying. Where you're like, you're out of house,

party at high school and everyone's just like, I don't know, trashing shit. Yeah. Stealing bottles of liquor. Yeah, yeah. Just scumbag shit like that. We know, I went to one where they sunk the boat. Wow.

They took out the boat plugs on the boat and they sunk the chick's boat. That is so fucked. That's hilarious. They put sugar in the gas tank of the cars. Jesus. Sunk the boat. And then somebody had a statue. that, like, got knocked over.

What does the sugar do again? It does. It does something. It doesn't make an explode. Yeah. He's totally killed her dad. He's like, we need to cut that. Yeah, we need to cut that.

You get killed. I think sugar and the gas thing, do you have to, like, siphon the gas out of it afterward or something? It's something like annoying like that. Yeah. You know, it's funny. I don't feel any guilt about that because I never fucked anything up too bad,

but I'd, like, take little things or just, like, break little things. I would just take, like, booze is what I would take. But, yeah, of course. But, like, I feel like if you throw a party in high school, you have to know. Especially if you're an underclassman. Like I remember being a freshman and like people would throw parties and it's one of those things where it's like, it is literally like a movie where it's like yeah, it'll probably be like 20 people. And then before you know it, a hundred people are there.

And this, I remember one party in particular was in Yonkers. So like there was some like bronxie Yonkers, scumbag people who like literally stole like jewelry and shit like that. There was one dude who literally they busted a hole in her wall, but like not just like a punch hole like a huge hole. Like a dude was like body slamming the wall and shit like that And the best is you never get caught for that No No, no, never My favorite is I have some friends that vandalized a whole middle school

And then the police came to their house And they were like, here's a picture you vandalized the middle school They went No, that's not me They're just fine Yeah Yeah, I dated this girl in high school Her little brother

So we were like 16 Her little brother was like 13, 14 Just entering like adolescence, like middle school and whatnot And uh... We molested them that is such a good prank dude he still talks about it now he does slam poetry

totally keep that in keep that in by the way please I want him to know his name is Kevin Rority dude so they lived right by the elementary school that everyone in our town went to it was like a beloved elementary school

it was like you know like it was just a nice warm elementary school and usually when you go and like vandalize or prank in elementary or somewhere you like do graffiti or you like draw on the wall you draw dicks on the walls he and his friends I was dating this girl at the time. He and his friends go to the elementary school one night and they shit in the hallways

and then they grab the shit and they just smear it on everything. And it's like, that's weird. That's a different kind of vandalism, right? Yeah, that's just when you begin to realize that because when you're younger, the herds begin separating, you start to realize who's a real psychopath. Some of the kids in, like, the town over for me,

I used to hang out with them. We would do dumb missions. These are like the first kids I drank with. You know, you like dumb shit. You could see who the real crazy ones were. Like, I remember I used to take, like, ketchup and mustard, and I would put it on people's, like, car door handles. Sure.

Just, like, very lighthearted. Yeah. And then one night, dude, someone literally took a rock and threw it at somebody's window. And I was like, so you have, like, a bad streak of you. You're different. Yeah. But in that age, you're right. It's when it starts to separate.

You go, oh, we're not doing that. Yeah. It starts with diverse. And the funny thing is always the richest kids who did the most mischief. Like, the town next me is a town called Rye, New York, which is like a very rich. Ryan is such a rich name, even. Yeah. No, R-Y-E.

Oh, they say Ryan. your town. Harrison. Okay. So Harrison had its wealthy parts, but it was always viewed it as like the working class, like retarded little brother. Yeah, yeah, sure. And like the Rye kids, dude, they just, my God, they were fucking wild and reckless. I mean, I used to party with them and shit like that. And I, I would

do some mischief. You know, like stealing from stores or like egging or ding dong ditching cabs, shit like that. But like, dude, they would take it, they would go to the train station, like fuck up people's cars. Like, kick off car mirrors and like Those are very easy I've never done it but that

I know people slash tires It's like jeez tires like that tires like That's hard Hundreds of dollars or something shit And it's not easy it's not a quick crime It's like you have to slash the tire And all that shit Yeah

But you're weird when you're younger That's like those are like your funest memories Yeah Just being shit-faced running around as a kid And the worst is when you realize You can't do that anymore Like my friends They try doing that

Where they just Some guy like left his house We're like oh we're gonna go go fuck around his backyard. And then they did that. And then obviously, like, the cops get called. You know what something like that? Or they run into, like, the neighbor comes out.

And then this one's actually kind of funny because they got away with it. Because we're like 16. Because I don't know, 16, I don't know. 16 is right when it starts coming to an end. Yeah, yeah. But my friends just hop this fence. And I guess somebody's dad also hops the fence and sees him. And he thinks they're, like, breaking in.

And he starts doing, like, the, uh, he says something like, like, high school quarterback. Like, he says, like, the thing when he's coming to, like, tackle him. Yeah, he's like, I was an Allstate champ Yeah, he puts on his leatherman jacket Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, at a certain point You realize, but like that, I feel like 17 Even, I don't know, I think 16, 16 even gets to the limit

It gets to the point where like, when you're like a 14 or even 15 or 15 year old, you're like, I can't really like cut through someone's lawn anymore. Yeah, this is weird for which is the fun, you ever jump at somebody's pool that's not your, that's like fun Yeah, pool hopping. And now it's like, we're in our 20s is like the idea of doing that. It's like, that's like, stress-passed. Yeah, yeah, that's like breaking. Especially when it came to smoking weed, like my, where I grew up before people had, like, were old enough to drive.

All the smoking weed spots were just people's, other people's lawns. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had the woods. You guys have woods? There was some. We had some, but it was like, woods a lot. Woods is where the cops would, like, catch people smoking weeds. We were always like, oh, we've got to be extra careful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a friend. What's eighth grade? What age is eighth grade? 14. 13, turning 14. So, yeah, so we were like, he was probably, yeah, we were like 13, 14. We were ding-dong ditching, like, innocent.

And then he goes to hit the, you know, he goes to hit the, this one house, and he goes and does it, and he runs back, and he's naked. And we're like, yo, what the? What the fuck? And he goes, he goes, yeah, they saw me. He goes, I did it. I pull my pants down. They saw my dick.

And I was like, all right, this is weird. That's another separate. That you were saying, he dig dog just means like, they saw us wearing a red shirt and jeans. So now if I get naked, they won't be able to. It was a utility. It was a safety thing. Oh, yeah.

And that kid now works. I would go streaky, but I don't think I wouldn't, like, show a family my penis. Right. I know. Then you look back out of you're like, I wonder what, like, what goes. She works for, he's a charter fisherman now. You know what I mean? Like, of course.

Of course. There you go. He's like, that fish saw my dick. It's hilarious. This is a swordfish. Yeah, I knew a kid who, a big thing where I grew up, there's like a lot of country clubs. So, like, me and my friends would like, I would know some rich people who would, like, bring us there once or twice. And then you learn how to go there without them.

That's all my friend. I was a member of country club. Yeah. My friends would do that. Yeah. So we would sneak into the. country club that like I actually ended up working at for years but like we would go

because they had like a sauna, steam room and a shower so we would like smoke weed and then we would just like go there. We did we did a similar thing. When that whole white privilege thing started like when people first started coining the term white privilege it I remember it clicked to me because I was like oh yeah we used to go to country clubs we didn't

fucking belong to yeah yeah yeah yeah and no one would say a word yeah yeah there were two country clubs in my town growing up and they were both equally like competitive you know and I had friends and both, and so I'd do the same thing where we'd sneak in with our friend, or sometimes without our friend, we just kind of, because we'd get away with it. People would steal from them. People would open the lockers and steal, like, cigars and watches. But the saunas and the steam rooms was, oh, so nice.

A sauna is the best. Yo, oh, my God. Talk about a great thing to smoke weed and do. Yes, yes. Smoke weed and go to a sauna, yep. Be around other penises. Yeah. But there was one kid, dude, we were in the steam room one time, and this was like, you know how when you're younger, there's always one kid who always.

always pulls his dick out. Always pulled his dick out. Like, we're in the steam room, and so he pulls out his dick and starts pissing in the steam room. And, dude, the piss is becoming like piss steam. He's like choking on his piss.

Yeah, I was in a steam room in Tennessee a few months ago at a YMCA with another comic, and we're doing some shows in Tennessee, and this comic's gay, and I'm bi, and me and me and him were talking about that, and this old, like, southern man comes in east.

He had a heart attack. Well, he's butt naked, right? And me and this other comic were wearing towels, and he sits down this guy, and me and the Southern, we're still talking about, like, hooking up with dudes and stuff like that. And when this older Southern gentleman realizes that we're talking about fucking dudes, he just slowly puts the towel over his dick. He was so uncomfortable. And yeah, he was so ugly, too.

Me and this other comic are like, you're rude... Yeah, we were fighting yourself. There is a whole, like, gay steamroom culture. There is. I love it. It's a huge hookup spot. Yeah, yeah. Equinox is like a bit, yeah.

Can we put this on hold? I want to come back to this. For sure. But I don't want to forget the country club thing. Because that country club thing happened to me recently where my parents are a member of country club. And somebody at age 24 who's my age, my parents said that this guy got blackout drunk, said he was me, came to the country club. And then he threw up, he passed out. This is like apparently like a year.

Wasn't you? No. My mom is like, he's like using your name. I'm like, no, he's pretending to be. This is so weird. But then he gets, they try to call him an Uber. and I guess he hopped on a bicycle and just rode off. And then that guy texts me three months later.

He's like, yo, can we borrow your canoes? And I was like, didn't you just pretend to be me? Didn't you just borrow my identity? Yeah, fucking asshole. He's like, yeah, that was not cool. He goes, bro, that was a no. Oh, sorry. The funny thing is he goes, yeah, that was back before I moved out west, though.

I've changed a lot about how I view it things. He's like, I do all that same stuff, but now I canoe. Dude, people, you see that too, where you'd find out the country clubs, you order food with a code. Oh, yeah, you just find out their code. out somebody's code. And it's like, wrap up bills. I remember, dude, when I was younger,

I wanted, I was like so furious that I wasn't a member of a country club and I would like say that to my parents. And now that I'm older, I'm like, I mean, no disrespect to your family.

I would never join one of those fucking things. Oh, they're awful. Everybody talks shit. Everybody knows each other's business. It's not. It's just awful. Dude, we had this kid,

I grew up with him. He put gum in my hair one time and I knew his code at the country club. So I went and I ruined him. I ruined his fat. I probably racked up like $3, 400 dollars,

which at that time as like a 12 year old I was like I'm a fucking hell yeah I love that dude I love shit like that so sick when I was a kid I worked at I've always like worked at country clubs for years because like again like so I'm from Harrison and the town next door is super rich where all the country clubs are so I worked as a beach boy which is probably the worst job I've ever had what is a beach boy a beach boy is basically you set up people's chairs on the beach you dig um you dig holes in the sand for their umbrellas okay yeah yeah exactly were you waiting at all like food and beverages or just beach? No, like, you basically stand on the beach and like, okay, so you guys show up and like, you want two lounge chairs, I go get them for you. We want an umbrella and like, would we tip you in this case?

My club, no tipping allowed. The club next door, which was way richer, there was tipping loud. The beach, first of all, my club, I made 825 an hour. It was 10 and a half hour shifts. It was so hot out. First of all, this is also on the Long Island Sound, which is the most disgusting body

of water of all time. So did it like smell, bad when it was like a hot day. Oh yeah. Like I had low tide. The Long Island sound is the body of water in between this part of New York and Long Island. So you know how Long Island obviously goes out.

So it's like there's no waves. It's disgusting. It's overfished. And so I would work there. And dude, it was a nightmare man. Like kids, it puts such a chip on my shoulder because like kids that I knew would go there and they're like little brothers would be like, my parents pay your salary.

And so what I used to do is, I used to get the little kids to, and I would molest them. I would get them to shoot up their high school. I would get them to steal from the snack bar for me. Because they would only feed you once a day, and it was like the most awful food. I got food poisoning from it like three times. How did you, what was your game with them? How did you get them to steal for you?

I would literally just like ask them. I'd be like, hey, you want to get me some. I remember there was like two or three kids in particular who I would just get them to like steal. And were they into it because they were like stealing? Yeah, and shit like that. But like it was, God, that was so. such an awful job, dude. My nursing island club.

I fucking hated it. And like the, everyone would just get drunk. And it's a place for parents, rich parents to get drunk and just like abandon their kids. Ignore the kids. Oh yeah. I've never seen more drunk driving in my life.

Oh yeah. Like rich people drive drunk way more. Oh yeah. Because they're like, what am I gonna, yeah. Like what am I gonna get in trouble? They don't give a fuck.

Yeah. There was always little scandals too. Like I remember like a bunch of moms got caught like doing coke in the locker room or whatever. That's hot. It is very hot. Yeah. Bougy rich parents are just like... They're a different breed, man.

They drink ultra. Is it ultra? Mickelub Ultra. That's like their beer. Yeah, yeah. I love it. Yeah, I hated that job, man. Do we ever...

I want to... Now we can circle back to the gay hookup. Oh, yeah. Let's go back to Somas. To what? To Sanas. Oh, to Samas. Yeah, that was my first experience with a guy.

I was like A.T. And it was a sauna. And that he was a part of that gated community. And he was like, yeah, come over. And I have the... It was a fingerprint to get into the club. It was just us. I, like, won the morning.

And a perfect first hookup. Yeah. Like, couldn't have been better. You know what I mean? Like something out of a porno. It was like too young. It's like, attractive.

Yeah, and we're both kind of nervous and, like, we're into it, you know? There's a camera guy. Yeah. You were there. You remember.

I was filming it. I don't know why when you said the fingerprint. I don't know why I thought of like the gay son as you put your penis. It's a butthole. It's a little asshole. Yeah. It's like a little asshole. in there.

That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, I know. I do like steam rooms and I always think with that when I'm in there. I'm like, I don't know. I'm trying to like put their dick in my face. Like, there's a big like gay scene in the equinoxes in New York where like, is there something. Is there something weird though?

Because didn't the guys support Trump. So people wanted to like boycott it or something. Oh, I didn't hear about that. I have no idea. I don't read the news. That might have been. Equinox is supposed to be like the super nice gym. It's three in a month with a $200 down payment.

Yeah. It's insane. Jesus. Yeah. How nice of a gym is it? It's fine. My brother belongs. It's fine.

And they're all over the place, right? They're all over the place. It's more of a status thing. You know, it's you'll meet up with business, other business people at Equinox. It's like anything else. Yeah. I know some trash individuals who used to sell like Equinox Gym memberships. Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's like a low wrong on the sales career ladder. Yeah, that's like one step above selling knives. Yeah, yes, that is literally it. You graduate from Cut Co. Knivesman to Equinox. Did you guys ever fall for Cutco? No. Really?

Me neither. I've always wanted to... I've tired of this. I want to have a web series where I go in for pyramid scheme jobs and just do crazy shit in the interview and see if they still hire me

because they'll hire anybody. Yeah. Dude, I signed up for one in New York and the woman is like drawing squigglys on the paper and my girlfriend just been there like, they're blasting music and they're just hiring everybody. And this woman's like,

do you have any leadership experience? And I was like, what I lack in leadership, I make for an effort or something like that. She's like, that's great. She's going to be a great member. But I'm like, dude, if you knew you could get hired to matter what, or it doesn't matter because you don't want the job, like, you could piss your pants

in the interview. Yeah, yeah, all this crazy shit. That's hysterical. Well, it's so funny how no matter who you are, they will champion you. Like, I just remembered, I got a call in high school, and it's so funny, that guy who put gum in my hair, they go, yeah, you were recommended for this job. And I go, who recommended me? And they said his name. And I'm like, well, he doesn't like me.

Yeah. Why would he recommend? Or you're like, he turned over a new leaf. Yeah, yeah. And I called him and I go, hey, are we good? He's like, no. Oh, what a dick. I hate this guy. Yeah.

I hope his boat fucking... Oh, the penis guy worked on the boat, never mind. Yeah, different guy. I was gonna say, they hope his boat crashes. I remember one time they asked me, like, I tried to... The problem is with the trolling stuff, you got to, like, bring people in a little bit. You can't go too far first. Because they'll see it.

Yeah, because they were asking me for job, they said, do you have any references? And I started just giving them quotes from movies, like... Freight Grubbs. It's like onions have layers. Yeah, yeah. Shrek 2001 or whatever. Dude, Cutco seems like such a unique fucking scam. It's like they make you buy the knives and then you work on commission or something. One of my brothers... It's a argument scheme.

I mean, it's so... One of my brother's friends got caught up in that where like he literally... Like, you have to do a certain amount of demonstration where you don't even get paid. You have to show up and do like sales demonstrations at people's houses. And I remember my mom would like... all she did was like sign her name and whatever to prove that he did the devil. It's just, it's what a fucking awful.

It's awful. And there's always like one guy from your high school that kind of runs with it. Yeah. You know, like, he's like, yeah, I made top salesman this past month.

It's like, that doesn't mean anything. I know. And anything. Yeah. My buddy got caught up in one of these pyramid schemes, but it was like, it's one of these companies where it's like,

it's a travel company where you get points. Anytime where money is converted into points. Yeah. Yeah. You know your fuck. It's like, we already have points. It's called dollars. That's how you can buy things with them.

And it was like, it was literally a textbook pyramid's game. He's like, here's how it works. You pay us for the privilege to sell the travel point thing or whatever. And he didn't even realize it as you were saying. He's like, well, here's the thing, man. You get three people to join. Get a backpack. He's like, oh, so I get three people to join.

Meaning if I get, if I net this company $900, I get a backpack. He's like, $2. He's like, if those three people get three people, you get a pair of sunglasses. So, again, if my three people get three people, that's now nine people, nine times three hundred, it's $1,800. So $1,800, I get a pair of sunglasses. And it's like, if those three people get three people, you get a free trip to Europe. And I was like, okay, so now it's, uh, 3600. Three times three times three or whatever, whatever the fuck that is.

And it's like, it's way more than a trip to Europe. It's literally a pyramid. Yeah, yeah. Even if you do get the trip to Europe, which I'm sure they would like scam you out of somehow. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I got you guys $20,000. And I feel like the trip to Europe would be here's a one-way flight to anywhere in Europe. You figure out the rest.

Yeah, I figure out the rest. Literally. They just sell you into sex slavery. Like it's like a ticket. Exactly. Which is also a pyramid scheme. Yeah. Wait, so now.

You get three girls from U.S. Speaking of sex trafficking, now that COVID's coming to an end, are either of you trying to travel or all, trying to go anywhere. I'm trying to sex traffic. Sex traffic, yeah. Is that a sex traffic? You guys want to get sex traffic? COVID really put a halt on that. My girlfriend almost got kidnapped and probably brought into that.

When she was a kid. He's like, when she was a prostitian. Yeah, when I met her actually. She was 15 and working at a rich guys out. She was out of my league and price range. So I really got her. When she was like a kid, she was like some random guys like, hey, do you want to jump in our car?

And then she's like, yeah, sure with her friend. She runs up. And luckily her dad was coming out like just at that moment. Yeah. And then they found out the guy had a bunch of warrants and stuff. and Tampa's like very big for sex trafficking Oh totally Oh for sure

Did you imagine how bad her life She would never met me It would have been just Yeah Yeah Sounds like Yeah Tampa sex trafficking

Does she ever like Are you guys ever laying in bed And she's like God I wish Yeah I wish that guy grabbed Yeah Tampa sex driving is just like

Sex trafficking With like beads It's just weird I feel like that's New Orleans Sex Traffey You might to write Pirate culture Yeah

Well Tampa has pirate culture Because they Gasparilla What is that? I've heard that It's fun So it's basically It's just

Pirate Festival. Oh, okay. So, like, there was one pirate ship or something stupid that landed in Tampa. Sure. And they really hold on to it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so, like... I love when a town needs something. Yeah, exactly. Like, Seattle has the needle. And I bet Seattle's a beautiful, amazing town. I'm a piece of shit. I've never been. But it's like,

their whole thing is, we have a needle. We've got the needle. It's a needle. Or, like, the Tampa, it's like, we've got the Sasparilla Festival. And then this is the part where Michael Good's like, yeah, we've got an exchange student from Jordan. Yeah. The birth of human civilization And it's like, oh, well, we've got a pirate festival. But no, it's literally that you get fucked up all day.

They throw pirate beads at you. It's a parade. It's fun. No, that always looked wild. Tampa's another one of those places where, like, Hot Guido girls from New York are just like, I'm going to you Tampa. Yeah.

I get fucked up. Florida gets down, man. Florida is wild. Me and my buddy were working in Florida for the Super Bowl a couple years ago. And we showed up on, what, sunset? Oh, shit. I got to go. My bad.

Oh, you're good. Oh, no. You're good. Oh, okay, yeah. Where can they find you online? At Charlie's Anglers and at Charlie Doss on Facebook. Instagram at Charlie's Anglers. Follow me.

What's up? I'm at Pat Berry Standup, P-A-T-B-A-R-R-Y, stand-up on Instagram. Thank you very much. Sweet.