Morning Good - Everything Dr. Denzel Did or Said is Alleged - Episode 15

Episode Date: February 28, 2021

Thanks to Lucas and Sadras for coming on the show and being hilarious people! Lucas and another repeat guest, Nathan Ortan, have a podcast together called "Monkey Don't." Make sure to check that out and follow Lucas on Instagram @hinderloser for updates about the show and anything else he has coming up.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They call it the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to the morning. All right, we'll start now with Lucas. And we're with Denzel, the doctor, because we're using aliases, because everything on this podcast that Denzel, the doctor did, is allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for having me on, Michael.

Yeah, no, by the way, am I the first person who's been naked on a show here? It's a good question, actually. That's a good question.

Yes. But you weren't even really naked. I just mooned them and I had a sharpie my ass in a bunch of words on my. Oh yeah,

you wrote, I forgot you were the one that wrote the jokes. Because the whole show, like the setup is like one person, two people are sober, two people are drunk, two people are high.

And I got like blackout drunk. And then it was funny for like a second. Did your team win? No. Okay, our team won. Really? Yeah. We were you on a different night.

You bombed so hard. They only voted for you because your bomb was so funny. It was so funny how you bombed. How did you bomb? Dude, it was just. He was just hammered. Like, he really, the idea for the people listening is like there's two people on each comedy team. One's drunk.

One team's drunk. One team's high. The other's sober. and everyone goes up and does their set and the audience votes for the best team. Sadra took it to the extreme. Sadra, about 10 minutes before the show. Who's Sadra?

We'll beep it. We'll beep it. Denzel. Dr. Dinsel. This is so stupid. 10 minutes before the show, we're like, where the fuck is he? And I go into his room, he's passed out in like downward-facing dog position on his bed.

I'm like, dude, you have to perform soon. And he was like, I had to get drunk. I'm like, you took it overboard. Yeah, dude, I did the same thing. I got show. And yeah, I was drinking just like early that day. My girlfriend's like, what are you doing? I remember you told me about this.

Yeah, and I was just doing the whole thing where I was just like, I'm working on my craft. I was like, I'm yelling at yon girlfriend. I'm like, this is part. I'm dedicated to the show. I had to get. Oh, wait, shit. Somebody's calling me right now.

Let's see this. Hello? You want a badgerment? Hi, who's this? I'm doing good. one quick second. You want to Pagetit? Go to Bluetooth.

Oh, right. On your Bluetooth features, you should have a Roadcaster Pro option. Actually, I got a discount. Perfect. This is going to be good. They called me earlier. It's like some bullshit. Let's see.

It's called Road what? Go to. It's got to pop up here somewhere. Yeah, I discriminate. Sometimes I need to do this real quick. Oh, wait, here we go. This will be worth it. All right.

There is. Hi, am I speaking to Brian? Hold on. Sorry, one quick second. I just want to make sure I can hear you well. Uh-huh. Here we go. Yes, Brian, how's it going?

So what do you call me about today? I'm good. Oh, I didn't ask you doing. What did you call me about today? I'm curious. All right. So when should I give you a call back? Oh, no, you can call me right now.

We're good. So what are you calling about? Oh, my God. Are you serious? this changes everything I actually I got fired yesterday my life has been really bad actually this is great

yeah that's what I fucking thought he knew what was up yeah usually I like I don't know have you I love watching those scam videos you ever watch those like the guy scams the scammers yeah that's fun those are fun to watch because like

what you'll do is they'll tell him like he'll pretend to be like an old lady and they're like, okay, well, you need to download this on your computer. It's a screen share and then once you screen share with them, they like steal all your information. Oh, hell yeah. What he does is he like reverses it. That sounds less funny of a prank. Oh, oh, I thought you think that was his prank.

He's like, I steal all the money from the scammers. Well, he reverses it, so he's like steals all their files. Oh, hell yeah. But he's like playing along the whole time like as he's stupid. Yeah. And then they they lose their fucking minds when he, like when they

realize that their computer's been totally wiped. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Well, my thing is, I've always wanted to go, because I always get, people always ask me to do interviews for, like, pyramid scheme companies. And I was like, dude, I want to do a web series where I just go in and do crazy interviews because they'll hire you no matter what. I got brought into a pyramid scheme one time. And the woman's like, so when was the time you show leadership? And I literally was like, I couldn't think of anything because I never had a time where I've led to anybody. So I was like, what I lack in leadership I make up foreign

communication skills. She's like, wow, that was great. I think you're hired. And then I found out later. It's one of those things they constantly just change the name of the company. But like you're literally in line with like hundreds of people interviewing. So I got it's clearly a pyramid scheme. But like I would love to go in there than just like piss my pants or something.

Like there's so much you could do with it. Because like you have no stakes, but it's a funny situation because they have to react to it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's the worst that happens is you don't get paid. And then you just ruined like someone's dead. But you're not going to get paid anyway. That's the whole point of the pyramid scheme. Or I would go into it because there's one.

There's like door-to-door knives sales in Florida. That's a big thing. It's called like Vector. And I'm like, dude, bro, I would just take the job for a week and just shoot videos of me doing like weird shit going door-to-door. But just to hire you, don't you have to like buy the knives up front? Yeah, but I don't know. That's a good point.

Yeah, I don't know how worth it it would be. Well, this is a funny topic because I don't know how much of what we previously said is going to get kept, but I just quit my job. None of it's going to be kept. So first of hair, you just quit your job. I just quit my job literally about 20 minutes ago. I was tired of it. Well,

you can start working for Vector. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. If you guys got any ideas for jobs, like I'm a great salesman. I sell the shit out of stuff. But I want like, I mean,

like a mailroom gig like you have would be perfect. Are they hiring? No, they're not. But it's great. How'd you get that job? Just through a temp agency. Really?

Yeah, yeah. No, it's fucking the greatest job in the world. But you're not a temp anymore. No, I'm still a temp. But I'm going to eventually be,

brought into full if I don't like fuck things up. Gotcha. But it's kind of hard to fuck things up because like nobody's in the office right now. So it's kind of just me walking around the floor is like doing literally. It's fucking dope, man. Yeah, I want a job like that. I'm sick of sales. Yeah.

Sales sucks. You always have to be thinking about it. And while I'm good at it, like I want to do comedy. I want to write jokes. So like the best jokes I've ever written were when I was working in warehouses and like landscaping because it's such a mindless job. You can just think about other stuff. while doing your job.

And then people who meet her fun. I remember I did landscaping one time. And this guy, we helped them. And he's like, you guys want to get fucked up? I'm like, yeah, she's drinking this guy's thing. And we found these rats. And he had one of those potato guns. And he almost like started launching these dead rats out of the potato gun.

Because actually, I'll be honest. They were, they were alive and they were baby rats. I was the one that I was the one that was like, we shouldn't do this. The guy's like, come on, it would be sick. And I'm like, I don't think we should launch baby. rats out of the thing. He's like, my neighbor's a fucking cock sucker. We got to do it to him.

I'm like, that's hilarious. Did you think that would be hilarious? Could you imagine that? Okay, as fucked up as that would be, could you imagine just your window? And then you see like a rat just like explode on it. That's New York baby.

Especially your beer. Oh my God. It would be like one of the stuff. I've seen those army men things where their hands are sticky and they kind of like, you know, you'm talking about? They kind of like fall down, but they stay on the wall.

Yeah. I don't know. Dude. I was in Florida. Speaking of rats and sticky. Like, you know those sticky pads they use as like, rat traps.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, instead of an actual rat trap, like, you put some shit on the sticky pad and the rag gets on it. And it's like a lie of just stuck and you trapped it. But like, what do you do with it now? So this happened to us once when I was in college. And Zach, we all know Zach. Zach was like, all.

Do we all know Zach? All my guests, you guys know Zach, right? No, they don't know Zach. But anyway. He likes cocaine. Just filming in a little bit about Zach. You pitch Zach to the audience. Okay.

How do I pitch? Well, Zach, I should say this, one of the smartest. quick, though. Let's get back to the story. One of the smartest, nicest guys I've ever met that kind of went off the rails and now he's doing better. And now he's pregnant. So that's good for him. He's pregnant? Well, his wife is. But you know how like some dude back. I like how you're a doctor, Denzel, and you still think that people get pregnant on that. All right, all right. So in college, Zach has the bright idea where he's just like, you know what guys? What do we do

about this? I think I know. And he just like takes a broomstick, shoves it into a bucket of water. And we just watch Bubbles come out of this rat's face until it just fucking... Jesus. You guys... What? That's a terrible story. Why did you tell that story? I thought it was going to be a funny prank.

Because he... No, it wasn't a fun prank. It just... No, it was just fucking traumatized. Is that where his lives went off the rail or he's like... He got a ride from it and he's like... He just went to rehab for murder. That rat thing was where it started.

That's got to be weird those people that find out of their serial killer. Like, that's got to be weird. late in life, like the late bloomer serial killers. Did you ever see that documentary? Don't fuck with cats? No, isn't about some guy who like... He started posting videos of him doing stuff like that to cats. Like, drowning them. Like, he put him in a vacuum seal bag and sucked all the air out of it.

Oh, my God. Like, while they're... Yeah. And then, so this group, like this animal rights group started freaking out on him, like, trying to figure out who he is to report him for all this animal abuse. Turns out they actually busted him for being a serial killer. like he was killing humans We're like yeah

But I don't care about We care about rats Yeah If he wasn't killing animals In the past year We don't care The cops couldn't find this guy And this animal rights group

Found him Just because they were so mad That he was killing cats Yeah Yeah Dude I mean They're so persistent Those animal people

Oh my God man It's like scary to a point Like you don't want to fuck with them Not that I would fuck with animals But like Well there usually a lot of them Are people that are like Disconnected to humans in a way

They don't get along with humans That much But animals Because people don't want to listen to them talk But animals will just fucking hear them yap for like hours. That's why I feel bad for certain people that just like throw their entire lives

into cats, dogs, etc. And I'm just like, I don't get it. Yeah, but it gives them like, it gives them something to. Oh, God, I don't know. It's just so pathetic. I just can't stand it. I hunt like regularly. Like, I've killed a lot of animals.

In New York City? No, whenever I go back to Illinois where I'm from, I hunt a lot. And I've gotten a lot of flack from these. Out in New York when I tell people that, Like, even like comedians who are like super into animals, they can't, they can't comprehend the idea of hunting. Or conservation soup, though, because like you're like saving some populations, right? We are, I mean, deer is the main thing I hunt.

And they're so overpopulated in Illinois that, I mean, car wrecks are a big issue. Crops, they're devastating crops. And then, yeah, it's a big issue. So it is conservation, but also like we eat them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. eat, we would eat like five deer a year. Like, and that's like 200 pounds of meat. Anything that you cook beef with, you can replace with deer meat. I cooked, uh, Dr. Denzel. Yeah, I just, I just tried deer meat for the first time. Hell yeah.

Because he brought some back home and, uh, it did taste just like beef. Like, no, yeah, it tastes way better than beef. Yeah. Yeah. I yeah, I've been hunting for you too. For sure. I hunted, uh, I found a quail though, which doesn't feel like, we like, release them. And it wasn't that fun because like, you just release them in a field and then I'm kind of like this. Yeah. That's kind of like sport fishing. Yeah, yeah. But I'm like, yeah. Yeah, that's kind of-

shooting, though. That's the kind of hunting where people get pissed about. Yeah, like, I go into a field, like, I just go into, like, the woods or the field that there's just wild deer running around, and I have to get close enough to them to shoot them. Yeah, you got to be point blank with your hand. I mean, I do a- How does you see you in a field? Just like, pop, bah, pah, I've shot deer with handguns.

I've shot deer with shotguns, bow, bow and arrow. Yeah, I've done all that. I was supposed to go with the. them and then this idiot had to get into a motorcycle. I wrecked my motorcycle. I couldn't go. So annoying. Are there any places to go shooting in New York?

I have no idea. I feel like they're not. I don't think you can own a gun on a me. I've shot guns in New York, but like upstate on a farm. Yeah. Upstate, of course. The city, I highly doubt there's a shooting range. Yeah.

We can look into it. Yeah, yeah. You want to go? I'm trying to do. I was telling him, bro, you know laser tagging is like 37 bucks? Isn't that nuts? What? Is it like a, is that, are you saying that's,

expensive or not? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know what you were saying. I was going along with it. I want to say the one time I went here, the, I don't know if we're thinking of the same

spot, but again, it was Zach. Not to bring up Zach. Before he started killing. For his birthday, yeah. He wanted to go laser tagging. So we went. And I'm not going to lie. It was a sick experience.

Like, I've been laser tagging before. But not like this. But this was legit. Yeah. Did they give you like a whole backstory where they're like, you guys are this, this and it's one of those? It wasn't like that. Shooting each other. The levels were cool.

shooting each other. We have different teams. We switch it up. Did it have like a terrain? Like there was like a like a. Yeah. Like I had a whole like halo type level that you were just like going through with legit looking guns.

Like they legit look like assault rifles. Like it wasn't like these puny little laser tag. Yeah. I went to one like that. They went in Orlando. It was called Hard Knocks. And they would do like, one was like an office, which is cool because you're like hiding behind desk.

But that's a weird like theme. I don't know if it's like. Shootery. Yeah. It's like, co-worker ghost post. school, you got a shooting. He's like, I'm not getting fired today. You're like, this is weirdly accurate

for real life. I bet you in 40 years from now they'd have a school shooting laser tear. I don't know. They have a school shooting level where you just go in with a laser gun and kill all the kids. I think you'd probably be the one defending.

Yeah, I was going to say they could reverse it. Like the gym teacher is like the hero. I would just turn it on them and be like, I joined them. That's the thing I've always wondered if there's like, I think I said this a lot, it's such a stupid idea, but the idea of like one school shooter going to school and then there's another kid that planned it that same day. And he's like, God damn it. That was like my idea. He gets there just a little early and he's like, well, now I can't start shooting. But the other side of it, you could be like happy.

He could be like, oh, I was going to do this already. Thank you for. Yeah. Or he transfers schools and shoots that one up. Yeah. He's like, he's like, I'm committed to this idea. Send me to a different school. So like, and then everyone's going to be like.

And then everyone's going to be like, why is the new kid shooting us? Like, we didn't even bully him. We didn't even do anything. Who are you? He's like, you guys are like, who the fuck is this guy? I'm committed. I was, you're getting me thinking, though, like, what? I hope not.

No, I was just thinking what percentage of school shooters actually went to that school? I don't know. Most of them, right? Is it? I have no idea. I know the Sandy Hook deal. His mom was a teacher at the school. At the school? So he hated his mom. Columbine, they definitely went to that school. Virginia Tech. He definitely went to that school.

Yeah. I would say most of them. Yeah, I guess there's a romance. I like the idea of somebody's never been to school. And he's just shooting up. He's like, this is a great campus. I get no idea. He's like, wow, these are solid facilities. I wish I didn't start this. I have to finish now.

but yeah no because he's like in the cafeteria's like oh my god the steak for lunch like this is a I killed him on a good day yeah but there's I guess there's something intimate about it because like you have a connection to that school so of course that's where you're gonna just fucking lose your mind and like take life the dark thing about the combine besides all of it was that like they're fucking did you see their class picture they're holding gun like fake guns like they're doing like uh yeah like those kids yeah it's so funny how little i've looked into school shootings i'm like so detached from it i'm very curious about like it's it's something like you don't people get obsessed

to serial care. Like I'm curious about that. And then I'm also curious about pedophiles, but you can't be as curious about pedophiles you are about serial killers. Because like girls would be like, I'm listening to a serial killer documentary, but you can't just be like,

like if somebody asked you if like you watched a Michael Jackson documentary, you can't be like, yeah, nine times. It's like a way, but I'm curious of what causes it. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. You're like, I wonder why they're into this

and you're just looking up naked pictures of shit. And you're like, I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. I guess I have to pull myself in their shoes first. I have to... That's funny you say that. That'd be so funny detective.

He's like just standing in like a church. He's like, wait. Officer, can you get down on your knees? Okay, so this is where the thing would have happened. I need to put myself in the mind of the cereal. Give me a little boy. See, I can't do it with serial, but I can do it with pedophiles because for some strange reason, I have this like sympathy for what the fuck they're meant to be going to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get that too, but I'm not like, I don't get why. Like, you can, like, I'm saying, like, I like weird sex things. So, like, I'm like, oh, I'm glad my weird sex thing isn't that. Yeah, but I'm like, thank God it's not that. Um, Dr. Denzel, you're a, you're a guy, uh, no, you're a gastroenterologist. Have you ever had to, um, work on a child's asshole? Jesus Christ. A child. Uh, I have actually, but when you, when I say child, I mean, the kid was 17. Okay. Yeah. Because I don't. I don't. I don't think I want to go into this. I don't know. I started it as a joke. It's funny because it's my job, I'm never sexual at it.

You would think I would get sexual at it because it's all anal all the time. Yeah, but it's gross, though, because it's like a bottle. Like it's like. It's not even gross to me. It's just like, here's my job is what I do. Like, it's very motorized. Joey Rinaldi's calling me. I'll put them on.

Hey, Joey, you're on the podcast. Wait, you got to reconnect to the look. One second. One second. One second. we'll get you on here. You're calling in. My phone's connected to the,

uh, this is a dope feature. Wait, don't say anything horrible yet. It's got to be roadcaster pro. This is, it's going to be worth it. And if you're listening to this and you're complaining,

fuck you. Yeah, we're trying this cool. So we're trying to be better. Yeah, yeah, there we go. Give it a second.

No, no, no, you're, you're, you're almost on. We're connecting. Yeah, stop talking.

Here we go. Wait. Right again. Here we go. I'm sorry. There we go. I was at your birthday party. Yeah, yeah.

You went to my birthday party. He was fucking sick. He was it Dave and Busters. We did poppers. We did poppers in a 3-D video game ride. But I'm calling you because I am your friend. You don't need to DM me. Like I'm some IG whore that you're trying to hang behind your girlfriend's back.

Fucking text me, dude. Text me. I have my number. First of all, I contact everybody on IG, okay? I do both. Yeah, I don't care.

Yeah, because if I'm already on Instagram, I'm very lazy about that. But, yeah, what's the big deal, Joey? The big deal is,

I don't want to, like, be sucked into social media, so I don't have my notifications on for Instagram and Twitter and TikTok and shit. So, like, if my good friend Michael Good messages me on Instagram,

I don't see it right away because I'm not trying to be glued to social media. So give me a phone, call it. Text me. Text me. Michael Goodfriend. Hey, Joey, this is Lucas. How you doing? I feel like I haven't seen you around lately.

Where are you been? Yeah, what's that about? You are in the hot. Wait, wait. Who are you with? Lucas and Dr. Denzo. We can't tell you who the other person is because you're going by an alias. You know the doctor. You know the doctor. Is it someone I had beef with? If I have beef, tell them I'm coming out of a hundred drugs. You have beef. It's your childhood pediatrician.

The one that said your dick's small. We got you on the line. What do you want to say to this doctor now? I want to say he gave me a lot of confidence when I was really young. By saying your penis was small? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he, like, motivated me to, like, be better if he turned like. It gave me a chip on my shoulder. I love you to death.

We're going to call you back, though. Don't call me back. Just text me and be my friend, Dan. I miss you. I will. I will. I'll see you. I love having to clarify that I don't cheat on my girlfriend

Because obviously he was kidding Yeah I haven't seen that guy around in a while What's that doing? What is what doing? It's counting two minutes now Oh, that that was how long I don't know

It's still going I mean it's still recording All right who gives a shit then But that's the first time I've seen that I think I might have hit a button when I Oh you hit the record button I think that's So now it's just double No no it's just double

Yeah it's still okay Oh, yeah, because with a memory card, you can record straight into that. I feel like I haven't seen that guy around lately. He's been going on. It's been out of the rough time. Really? Actually, his dad passed away and he got in it. Now, I'm just saying all his personal stuff.

Yeah. So tell me, he's been really thinking about killing himself. And, uh, but no, I love that. I always feel like I have to clarify, anytime anybody makes a joke about me cheating on my girlfriend, I'm like, I don't. You know what I mean? Yeah. I just stop fucking with it. It's good.

Well, I'm just wondering now why these levels are so high. That was from the phone call. But it's so funny at the same time, if somebody makes a joke about me fucking my dog, I won't feel like I have to defend myself. Why? Because I'm like, they know I don't do that, but like, you make a joke about me cheating. I don't cheat.

Interesting. I don't fuck dogs. You look like you would cheat. Thank you. I look attractive. Yeah. No, I can't deal with the guilt of anything. Like, literally, like, I tell my girlfriend every time I've been to a strip club, like,

I feel very guilty if I do anything that's... Yeah. You feel guilty about, well, why do you go then? No, I don't feel... Because, like, I... Well, the first off, they're fun. I like seeing... Are they, though?

I've been a few times, and I'm just like... I have fun. No, the only thing I would feel guilty about is if I, like, like, uh, like, once... Like, last time I went to a strip club, I threw a... I tried to throw a one on a stage, but it was at 20. And I tried to ask her for the money back.

And I was like, it changed. Yeah, I was like, like, threw a 20 on stage. And then my rule with my girlfriend is I can go strip club because everybody else. is going but i can't get a lap dance but what happened was the girl was like i will give you her twenty dollars back come over here and i was like okay and she starts dancing i'm she's like here's her twenty dollars and i was like smart no but then i felt guilty about that because like i don't know why

i feel guilty about so told my girlfriend she's like okay as long as you didn't like consciously go out for lap dance because i was hammered too i mixed up medications i accidentally took uh sleeping pills i have uh i have cheated in my past i have a girlfriend now who i don't cheat on but I realized I cheated in the past because I didn't love any of those hoes. And I love this. I love this. I love this one.

Yeah. But I feel like even if you love a girl, it's hard not to cheat. Like, I get tempted all the, I was just talking about this on another podcast recently. Like,

it's getting painful. Like, I still get nudes. I still get titty sent to me. Like, girls send me their numbers and shit. And I'm just like, I don't live in a sick of 10 house.

No, but I get what you're saying. But like, I think it's like, I don't know. I think that like if you're hammered, yeah, there's like attractive girls. And you're like, oh, if I was single, this would be fun. But I feel like for me, I'm not like, I know how guilty I will feel. So I don't.

Like, I have a relationship with myself and I know I'd feel like shit if I ever cheated. So that's why I've never done it because I'm like. And I don't know. I think it's one of those things that like I also, how much how did you jerk off? That depends, man. So like, I'll go through stretches. I'm talking over a month where I just won't touch my dick. And then.

Fucking psychopath. Yeah. And but then. Like I'll tell you recently, I'm out in Tennessee working, and then I'm playing allegedly poker in the evenings. And as a therapy from or as a, as a therapeutic thing, I'm like jerking off like three, four times as I'm getting ready to go to these things. Yeah, I know. It's so straight. I'm just going.

Aren't they at like an apple bees though? Okay. Like that waitress. No, no. Not. So that's the free league or whatever. That's like the Disneyland League. That's not the big ones now.

I went up to the farm minor leagues where like they. play for hundreds of dollars. There's crazier games out there where they play for literally $1,000, like, there's $30,000 on the table. Do you ever watch people, like, ruin their lives? Dude, it's strange. I guess it's only hundreds. Yeah, so, so it's strange because, like, I have proper bankroll management.

Like, I know not to overextend. And if anything, I'm playing less than I should because I know, I know I make, like, God knows how many X multiples of what these guys are playing. I mean, I'm playing with, like, $400 in one. Yeah. Yeah, like there was a week. I lost $900. But there was another week where I won over a thousand.

So, like, it's fine. But, like, it's strange to me because there'll be this one guy who was just like a maniac. He's always bent and always been. He's not even that good of a player, but he's always been. And he's always buying back in for 500 at a time, 300 at a time. And I've come to find out a couple of these guys that run these games out there, they're fucking loan sharks. Oh, yeah, yeah. So I can only imagine how much.

Oh, wait. So they're loan sharks. So they're spending other people's money? No, no, no. They're given the players that come to their games money. to gamble with and then taking some kind of interest on it. And it's like, I mean, I guess it's a good business model because you know they're going to keep coming back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, Andrew lost $300 last night. I think it wasn't $300. Yeah, this other guy, Saundra. But Denzel, you lost about $300 also. No, no, I was doing horrendous last night. And I made a comeback. I kept playing after you guys left. Like, I've recovered something.

I only lost $187, which is still terrible. it because I won $180. Okay, there was multiple other people at the table. It wasn't as crazy as last time I walked in here after you guys had a poker night. You guys were, there was, like, did you clean up or did you sound like that crazy last night? I forgot you, because you messaged me the day before.

You're like, hey, can I come do a podcast there around noon? I'm like, yeah, sure, absolutely. And then I was, I was a different podcast being recorded here. I fell asleep at 1130. Yeah, I don't kind of like that school shooter who comes to school and there's somebody else on his turf. What was that? I think it was your phone.

Oh. because you're still connected Maybe Nick Taylor Thanks for the invite though homie fuck you Piece of shit So he's in Ohio But so this is what we started doing

So I think like we're gonna Juan wants to do it every week Well no no no One wants to do a podcast with me Once a week That's different The come down The come down podcast

No that's your thing Is Juan? Juan Madrano You look so white He looks so white He's super white But his dad's Mexican Okay

So our idea is Maybe like once a a month because I can't do every week. We get super fucked up. Like, we do drugs, alcohol, and then we just record in the morning when we're coming down. And that's what we were doing. Are you sure? But I think y'all's come down is probably good because my, I think I start crying and stuff. Like I was doing coke on. No, dude, I passed, like, I passed out about a half hour before you got here. And the last hour I spent yelling at, uh, the doctor didn't sell, yelling at him, telling him to get his life together. But meanwhile, I live in a

shoe closet. And you like just quit your job. Get your life together. Well, that's a doctor. That's different. But yeah, I don't know. It's the come down podcast. Look for it.

Yeah, it was fun. I thought it was called the. Oh, no, no. That's so his thing that he just talked about that he wants to do once a month. That's the come down podcast. What me and one are going to do,

which we kind of did after he passed out and as you showed up, that's the take a personal podcast. Oh, that's so stupid. You can't with a four names for it. Dupid. By the way, do you guys know anything about talking about the serial killers? Do you guys the A-Train killer?

Yeah. No. Yeah. I know he killed some guys on the A-Train. But they caught him. So that's all. They caught him? Yeah, yeah.

They called him like that night. It was just like a homeless guy killing people, right? Yeah, I didn't look into. I don't know. I don't look into, you know how like bitches are into murder and shit? Yeah. Like murder mystery? I have zero interest in murder.

Pedophilia, though. I look into that. No, I don't even look into that. But like, for some strange reason, I have this like, oh, they, they don't mean it, but like when someone's like killing someone, you're like, although I guess how different is it? Like you're fucking up some kids' life forever. Yeah.

Well, I think we never get like full motives for this school shooter. Like I think I never Like you never interview a fucking school shooter, right? Yeah. They're like, they get bullied or whatever. Their dad hits them. I don't know. Why to get quiet? Look, I don't know. People, girls, women just have to start blowing

guys more. Like, if there would be a lot less school shooters. Absolutely. This is the men's rights podcast now. You owe us. Everything. I think a lot of it has to do like the kids like gay and like he gets outed. Like that's been the motivation. Really? Yeah. Or like, yeah, there's stuff like that. But dude, like people just start giving out blow jobs. And I promise there will be less school shootings. Well, I feel like it's difficult to give up your mouth is a school. That was good. We're back. We're back.

We're three now. All right. Oh my God. Dude, I can kind of speak to that because I remember not getting blown in high school and I was like, why there's no one doing anything with me?

But I don't think that's somebody's fault for not sucking your dick. That's what I was trying to say is like, it's not her fault that I come across like this idiot. Yeah. You know? It is funny. Cut him some slack, though, ladies.

It is funny how there's like a little bit of a, side between it because there's girls like anytime we start talking about stuff we look like like bitchers. I'm like same with guys. Any guy that's like I don't do why am I not getting my dick like it. Like it's the same side of it. You look like the same person. Well there's like I don't think there's a lot of girls out there who are like why why am I not getting fucked? Absolutely. There's so much. Okay. So the body positivity stuff. There's so when thin girls start promoting the body positivity stuff I'm like okay maybe there's the but when a fat girl is like I'm beautiful. Why aren't you fuck? It's like all right. You just.

want to get late. Like, how is that not? But also, there's a guy who will fuck her. Yeah, absolutely. I was just about to say, I feel like fat chicks get more dick than skinny chick. They put it out? Yeah, yeah. It's scientific. I mean, I'm not even really into blow jobs like that, never have been. What? I just, I just don't get

it. Like, it's, it feels nice. Somebody's dick is on your mouth. What do you know? I've come. I've come only once from a blowjob. What is you? Someone's dick is in his mouth? We said blowjob. We didn't say what end we're on. Yeah. I don't I don't get blow jobs. Like, well, you're doing You're doing it wrong.

I'm not anti-body positivity, but the ads are so dumb because they're just like big women are beautiful. They're like, I'm like, you know who doesn't have to say I'm beautiful 40 times? Somebody who's actually attractive. Like, if you actually think you're attractive, and I think there are attractive overweight girls, but like you're not fooling anybody with the fake confidence where you're like, and like if I went around town, I'm like, I got an average dick. I got an average dick.

It's not small. You guys big, you don't think you think you think your dick's small. Yeah. Like if, you know what I mean? Like just I'm totally cool with like overweight girls posting pictures of them and thought. and stuff being like, look at this ass, but don't say like, I'm fat and I'm attractive and like keep having to force it. Well, it's an insecurity thing, right?

Because think about like how many beautiful women you know that are, a, insecure. And then think about how many beautiful women you know that are secure. And you can tell just by looking at their Instagram feeds because one has all their pictures up there, bikinis. And the other one doesn't post anything about herself. The insecure. But I think there's two sides of it, though, because you could be secure, but you just want dick.

You know what I mean? Because you could be like, there could be confident. girls are like, I like my dm's blown up. But that's a different thing than like the girls are like, I'm not even seeking reassurance. I'm like you definitely are posting and like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't really care.

I also hate the other side of it where guys will randomly just be like, like I saw something or was like some like 18 year old girl posting on Facebook like a picture for overweight and some guys commenting like, you know, childhood obesity is like a big thing. I'm like, what are you fucking pediatrician? Why do you care? Like are you running a fitness clinic for children? Why do you care? I'm guessing that was Nathan.

He's upset. Guys like that aren't getting laid. Like, if you're getting laid, you have no, you're like, yeah. You don't care. Yeah, exactly. So again, yes, Nathan, yeah. Yeah. He just hates fat people and he makes it very well known.

It's weird. It is weird. I like, I like big girls. I've been with, like, I've been with beautiful thin women. I've been with beautiful, um, big girls. I, I, I, my dick does not discriminate. Like, there you go. I agree with that.

Mine does. My girlfriend. That's, she's. Oh, yeah. I have my girlfriend. too. She's great. But back in the day, you know? Yeah. I was going to see it. Yeah. Back in my day, allegedly.

I would say, to your point, that fat girls give better blowjubs, I would say fat girls have tighter pussies. I like how we went from the A-trained serial killer. Do you think that's because there's so much fat between their thighs that it pushes the pussy tire? Yeah, I thought about that. And I'm like, is that what it is? And then I started to do an extensive research and like, you're just fucking like multiple fat girls. You're like way. Is this it? She's doing clinical trials.

No. He's like staying up in the lab, like crumbling papers. Like, God damn it. This isn't conclusive enough. I need my control group. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, my God. Man, I'll never forget the one girlfriend who, like,

I was supposed to marry because she, like, checked all the boxes, but then, like, I just couldn't stay hard because she was so loose. And it bothered me. Like, I was like, I can't marry this bitch. Have you ever encountered that person? problem, Michael? I don't know because my dick's so big. No, you're right. I got no loose pussy. No, well, I think I got an average dick. So I guess I've never really encountered.

But because like before I got my girlfriend out, all my drug hookups were like drunk. Like I was drunk. They were totally sober and they signed. No, but like I'd be hammered when a sober girl. Like I want that drunk. I was like, I don't know. But no, there's definitely times. Like there are there are times where I woke up in the middle of sex because I was so hammered. But I don't, I'm sure other people that's dramatic for it. But like for me, I didn't care about who was.

What? Have you ever cried during sex? No. I have. I cried jerking off yesterday, though. I cried jerking off. Yes. That's hilarious.

I wasn't sad. You was like a joy. I swear to God, it was like a religious experience. It was nuts. So like, I've been jerked off without porn and it makes it way harder. But when you come, it's like this like thing. And I was, I don't know what it was.

I was just like, I also, I talk when I come. I let me say, I'm like, yeah. Like, I say shit. I'm like, I'm a fucking pervert. Yeah, yeah, totally. Like, nobody in that. I don't know what it is.

But I don't do that during sex, but like, I literally am like, yeah. Interesting. And this one was like, like, I'm not even kidding. Dude, like, it was like I was like on, it was like I was peeking on it. It was like,

I don't know what it was. They say talking to yourself is crazy, but talking to yourself as you come, you're a fucking suck. Yeah. I always say stuff like, I'm a pervert or like I'm a sick fuck. You say that?

Yeah, I don't know what it is. But it's like I, it's, it's like almost like subconscious, but like I know it's happening, but I know it's weird coming out of my mouth, but I'm like, just think it real loud. I don't know why I have to say it there. You know what's funny though? It's, it's funny hearing you talk about that because like I'm just putting it together now. Like I've never looked at a friend of mine and like pictured them jerking off. Like you're giving me visuals now.

Visuals. I was sitting on the toilet yesterday. On my girlfriend's in the room, I don't like jerking off in front of it. Yeah, of course. That's, yeah. I'm not like, I've never done it, but. So you, what, you just say you're going to poop, like pretend you're pooping? No, I was just like, I'm going to jerk off.

It's going to be a little bit. You said that? Yeah, yeah. Well, I've never done that. I've never told a girl. You're like, I never jerk off. I'm a good Christian man. It goes hunting.

It's just, I've never told my girl. Have you done in the woods? Oh, yeah. Yeah, because you're a hunt. Wait, so I assume you're in the tree stand for a while. I've done in the tree stand for sure. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah.

I'm up there all day. Just as you're shooting of the deer, you're like, actually, fun fact, last time I went hunting was New Year's Eve a couple months ago. I brought my girlfriend, my current girlfriend back home to meet my parents and stuff. And I was like, hey, I'm going hunting tomorrow morning. Do you want to come, do you want to experience that? Do you want to like, she's like, yeah, sure. So she comes out hunting with me.

We start fucking in the tree blind. It's like an enclosed deer blind. Where are the guns in this? I like to think that you got one hand. We fuck. Like 10 minutes after I come, I killed a deer. Like, I came, put, we put our pants back on, and then I shot a deer. That is pretty well.

I feel like I'd want to come while shoot. Like that would be like very exhilarating. Yeah. That'd be difficult. Not really. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, yeah.

We just have to not aim at something specific. But I just thought you just like, Nobody's around you. But I mean, you're jerking off. So I assume there's probably, hopefully nobody around you as it is. So your girlfriend, like when you tell her, I'm going to go jerk off, like, I don't know. I feel like a girl would be offended. Like, why wouldn't you just want to try to fuck me?

No, it's like if she's tired. Like if it's like midnight and like she's like, it's like a weeknight. I was like a school night. It's a school night for her. But no, I get what you're saying because, yeah, why wouldn't you just fuck me? But I feel like it is different. Especially we've been dating for like... Nailed it on the head.

Yeah. We've been dating for like four and a half years too. So it's like... It's not like if we don't have sex every single night. It's a big deal. We're like we've had sex. I'm not even talking about the relationship.

I'm just purely talking about like the jizzing I do what I'm fucking and the jizzing I do when I jerk off completely different jizzes. Yeah. Yeah. You know? I agree with you. There's separate situations. Yeah.

It's just different. But I also like I, uh, sorry. I was looking at the amounts. Sorry, I was just thinking about the Cuomo thing. He's booking a comedy club. No, no. Hey, you know when you kill people's grandparents, everybody gets pissed off.

You guys are a bunch of pussies. I don't know. He was like, I saw an article that said Cuomo's producing comedy shows. Like socially distanced, somebody, I think it was James Pontell. Somebody commented some shit.

They're like, Cuomo's the type of guy who would do 30 minutes up front. He's on comedy show. Oh, for sure. Dude, your buddy James is hilarious. Oh, he's very funny. He's got such a ridiculous face. You know James Pontell?

Yeah, I know. No, Jans, yeah. I did a podcast, my podcast, and it's never going to come out. But that one went off the rails. Which one? I was on a bender for that period. The Monkey Don't podcast. Hey, check on my podcast.

Yeah, but I can't release that episode because I was fucked up. And it was literally after Nathan just got punched. Like, it was 10 minutes after Nathan just got punched in the face downstairs. Yeah, I already know where that's going. Yeah. Yeah. I can't release that. Yeah.

Although, I feel like you still could release it because, nope. Dude, we were sitting here while he was doing. his podcast. I was on. And then, I forget what drug you allegedly took, but like... It's not allegedly for Lucas, is it? No, I take drugs. And it started hitting as we were wrapping up the podcast. You're like, guys, guys, I can't do this. No. Yeah, I took a bunch of Molly, and we started the podcast. And like, about, we tried to do a half hour podcast. About 17 minutes in, I just like, my eyes widened. And I'm like, I can't keep, I can't continue the podcast. But it was going

fine. Like I was there. It was going just fine. Yeah, I couldn't. Yeah, well, I think he got very overwhelmed the first like 10 minutes of Molly, but you're like, you can't do anything. It was too much, yeah. I was like, I have to stop. Yeah. Who's Molly? Shut up.

What, um, Cuomo? Well, he also got me too, though, recently. Did he? I'm not, I don't know why I'm trying to get to politics. I just thought it was. Oh, I don't know. People are, like, surprised that like, a middle-aged Italian man is sexually harassing people. I don't know shit about politics at all. I literally don't know what Cuomo does. What does he does he

do? He sexually harasses people. Okay. What's his job? He's the governor. He's the one. He's the reason that, uh... He's the governor of New York. Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. But he's got like nipple rings and grease back there. He's just fucking weird. Yeah. I have to look up a picture this. Oh, you can see his nipple rings, yeah.

And his dad used to be the governor. Yeah. So he's like the son governor. That sounds like a movie, the governor's son. Starring Cuomo and he's like this Polly Shore character. Oh, my God. Yeah, but he's got a nip. I don't know. He got like me-toed.

But like I'm not saying every time you get me to that necessarily only means you did it. But it's just, it's funny because he's just, look at his nipple rings, bro. Yeah, I remember that. That's fucking, why would you still have them in? Bro, he's also, he's wearing like a, like, what do you call those?

Like the sweatshirts. What do you call that? Not a sweatshirt, but like a cold sweatshirt. Like the, the, the underarmored things. Oh, like, long johns? The dry fit. Dry fit. Yeah.

Yeah. He looks silk to me. Oh, he didn't, he needs to, like, tighten those abs. yeah i don't know you probably eats garbage why that why that catch your attention did you got me too i have notes of things wherever things are going off the rails and i want to talk about but you guys don't have any opinions neither do i i don't really care yeah because i'm i'm team lucas on this i i don't give a shit about politics i don't care i'm the same way but i hate this guy so it feels good why do people why do people hate him i don't know because

he like first off he did this thing where he uh put all the covid patients in like nursing homes or something like that. I got to kill the old people. I'm on board with this. I am on board with this. But old people, apparently, I don't know if that's for sure what happened, but that's the whole scandal.

And then he lied about the numbers of old people who got killed. And then he also was the reason New York was shut down for so long. He's only kept shutting it down and stuff like that. And people were mad about that because, like, a lot of small businesses got fucked. And then at the same time, I think the other thing was he wrote a book about, it's called Leadership and Crisis.

So he wrote a book about how he saved everybody from COVID, but New York still has the highest COVID death rate. So why do you think he did? all that. The theory now is that he wrote the book because he knew the story was going to get leaked and then he was trying to sell his side of it first. So stupid. Oh, did he

talk about the Me Too thing in his book? No, no. I totally don't sexually harass anybody at the office. Yeah, sure, there was an occasion where I kissed a girl who was an intern, but... I mean, that guy, he has... Yeah, he has nipple rings. He looks like he likes the party. Why would...

Why would he shut down stuff? Like, was his your motivation? Dude, just my block alone. Like, it's so sad. Oh, dude. This, yeah, this is bad. Oh, yeah, you used to live around here. Oh, my God.

It's, dude, you walk by on, this is ninth. You walk by on eighth, bro. It's, like, I took a video the other day. It's like, restaurant closed, restaurant closed. Like, boarded up, boarded up. Like, classic institute. Like, you've heard of Rudy's that bar. Yeah.

Oh, that place is closed? Dude, it's boarded up. It's gone. Oh, I love that. But, bro, it's like the cheapest place to drink in New York. Every time I brought up that I live in this neighborhood, people would be like, oh, you go to Rudy? I was like, what the fuck is really?

I didn't care. Dude, you get free hot dogs. Oh, really? I didn't know that. But yeah, it's all gone now. Thanks, Cuomo. It's over. Yeah.

It feels good to blame somebody, though. Like, I was never super anti-Trump. I mean, I think he's a piece of shit. But I never, I didn't vote for him. But I'm also like, I never go on those people that's like, did you see what he did today. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. Well, see, that's why. I get why people do it because it feels good to take your anger out on somebody.

I just, I just hate putting any kind of additional energy or emotion into politics because of that reason. Like, I don't want to, I have to blame my problems on this man. It is so easy to just be like, he's the reason. I'm not succeeding. Same with Cuomo. You're like, he's the reason. It's like, well, okay. I know this is supposed to be a comedy podcast, right?

Let's hear it. I have a couple questions about politics. Let's hear it. One, who is pressuring these people to make these restrictions when it comes to mass and stuff? Like, if the governor has that power, who's telling the governor to do that? Two, what's the people are saying it was to secure the election. So, like, they were saying the state. that like didn't it was a weird thing where like the states that locked down thought they were going to have

lower i have no idea honestly my my theory was that it was all amazon like amazon has gotten so big and they were so i like this by this by this whole thing they just grew right and so of course they're going to lobby every politician to keep every restaurant shut down so that they can just keep delivering people's food through whole foods oh i like this there and they almost moved to queens right but then aOC was like no it's not where i thought that was going but that makes sense okay I mean, I don't know that it's true. It's just my theory because I'm like, I'm, I had the same exact question. I'm like, what fucking motivation do we have to keep these motherfuckers closed down?

Like, what are we doing? And that's the best I could come up with is like, clearly you're getting pressured by the companies that are doing well to keep everybody else. Okay, so that was my follow up question was, what are the repercussions if they do open up? None. Yeah. Yeah. I honestly, I could be totally wrong. By the way, anybody listening to this, it's like, he's wrong.

I'm a fucking dick hit. I don't know anything about politics. but I will say Florida's been open and they still have way less death than New York and people who... The cases are weekly cases are lower. People who want to stay home and be safe are going to already stay home and be safe.

Why not let the people who are over it out? Well, that's the other hilarious part is we do let people out. People still go to the grocery store. People still go into whatever is open right now. You know, these restaurants that do takeouts. Like, you're still getting exposed. Yeah. You know, shit.

I agree. It's all stupid. That was the wrong button. Which one is it? Exposed. Exposed. It sounds so much like Alex Jones. It's him. I know, Dr. Denzel.

I don't know. It sounds like a porn star name. Someone says something funny. I feel like I really brought this conversation down. I disagree, man. No, I brought in politics. It was stupid. How do your fans feel about getting serious?

Do you ever get serious? I open up to them deep sometimes, guys. I'm going through a really tough time. Well, on my episode, you opened up. the episode you open it up. Oh yeah, my friend dying. Yeah, no, they're cool. I don't really have, I have 30 listeners probably. Um, they matter. Like, please keep listening. By the way, I also, I swear to God, I'm going to start getting crazy guests on again. I just had to save up money. I'm getting a Satanist on. I'm going to get a dominatrix on. They're going to pee on

dude. Seriously, I'll be down with that. Your girlfriend would care of a dominator's pey on you. If it's for the show. For the show. She won't give a fuck. You get like pegged in the ass track. It's for the show, babe. Uh, aren't you big and like, the Netherlands or something, I see you post something about... Yeah, I'm big in Norway. It's not Norway. What's not Norway?

What's not Norway? What are some slurs for Norwegian people? Let's look into that. Norries. It's going to be Norway and then N-word. Just like all of them. Dude, I had a for an exchange unit from Spain and we were asking him racial slurs over there and everything is of shit.

He was like, what do you? What's like a slur for Chinese people? He's like, Chino de Mirada. And I was like, okay, what about Mexicans? He's like, Mexican. And we're like, everything was just of shit. I'm like, that's very uncreative. I was going to say, actually, Michael, do you feel like, I don't know how many foreigners

you've ever met, but like... It's New York, dude. Too many. Honestly. I'm just saying in terms of being funny, I feel like the sense of... Yeah, the sense of humor. Great humor in Iran, right?

No. The sense of humor is, that's exactly my point. I remember growing up with my dad's family friends and, like, the jokes I would hear. Like, you can't... I couldn't even repeat them now, because they're so bad. I just feel like,

have you noticed that foreigners in general just don't have as creative of a sense of humor? No, it's just different. Well, they also have a different language that's harder to, like, connect with them. Because I went to Spain and nothing I was saying was landing,

but I'm also like, all right, well, they don't know the language. It's cultural differences. And even if they did know that, like, if you could translate your jokes into a different language, they still might not necessarily get it because it's like a different,

um, they're just raised different. They're raised to think different things are funny. Like, and it has to do, with religion. It has to do with, like, the economy. Like, like, you, like, making jokes about poor people isn't really funny in a poor country,

you know, like, stuff like that. I would like it if it was, though, like everybody thinks. Because, like, I wonder if it's whole perception. Like, I wonder if, like, in, like, the third world, if you have, like, working water or something like that, you're, like, the rich guy. Someone has a TV with an antenna on it. Yeah, you're like, he's fucking drawing pictures over there. Like there's got to be like a fucking country club for like Uganda or something

Is Uganda the third world? I mean every yeah I would say so But I would say every country has their mega rich too Yeah no of course yeah yeah no I went to Haiti and I saw like some mansions and I was like fuck Yeah yeah but dude just stand-up comedy in general like it's a growing thing Outside of the US like even though the US is obviously the birth of it Yeah we're definitely we're so ahead yeah comedy wise that's what I mean it's just like you know But yeah they have other things

priorities, I suppose. I don't know. Have you ever heard Croatian comedy? No. I don't know. I don't even know we're Croatian. I would love to see like, I want to see, it would be funny if there's like just exact mimics.

There's like a Chinese. There are. There are. Really? Yeah, dude, there was that one French dude that got busted because he was literally just copy pasting Seinfeld jokes and just telling Seinfeld jokes on stage. You got arrested for that? I don't think he got arrested, but he got busted.

I say busts like busted. He's not getting arrested for, they're not, you can't copyright jokes. Like, there's cover bands out there. They're not getting in trouble. You can play the music. No, when I said bust it, I meant like, hey, dude, that's not cool. That's not cool for comedy. What's the deal?

With hamburgers. Oh, my God. Actually, that became a thing, too, not too long ago with Seinfeld and stand-up, New York, kind of going back and forth, like, oh, the city's dead, comedy's dead because of the whole COVID thing. Yeah. They started going back and forth. I didn't even pay attention to that whole thing. I was just like,

he's definitely like an asshole, but like I don't really care. Yeah, I love what people like try to care. Like he's an asshole, man, I don't, so.

Yeah, I don't care who's an asshole or not. Like, I didn't give a fuck about the Ellen stuff. Everybody's like, oh my God, she's so mean to her co-work. I'm like,

I don't, okay. If you watch his stand-up, like, you might think it's funny all these observations he's making and you might think like, oh,

he's just like a fun guy. But he molested Lucas, so he's not. No, well, you break, well, that's, I'm not mad about that.

But you break down his material, it's all just him complaining about stuff. Yeah, it's got a joke. Yeah, yeah. You just have to think, yeah, of course he's an asshole. Yeah. I mean, he admits to himself. He's like, yeah, I will skip the line. I am fucking Jerry Seinfeld.

Yeah. All right, well, thanks. Him dating a 15-year-old's still hilarious, too. Oh, yeah, I remember that. That was kind of weird. What? Yeah, he dated a 15-year-old. While she was 15.

Yeah. In the prime of his Seinfeld days, like, he could literally do any better. and he chose that 15 year. Well, that was a different time. That was the best at that time. I was just saying. He's like, yeah, there's a sexual peak. Yeah, the 90s.

You could do stuff like that. I think. I don't know. Yeah, no, no. It was like totally. Dude, there was somebody else listening to some other podcast. Somebody was talking about the Armond brothers,

like gang banged a 15 year old. But she was like one of those groupies. And she's like, yeah, it was so cool. Yeah, I mean. Sounds cool. I mean, I wouldn't do it. It doesn't sound. I don't think it's,

I don't know what opinion to take on that. Like, do I go, well, that's what the girl wanted, so what the fuck. Or it's hard when somebody becomes an adult. And then they're like, that was totally cool with it. You're like, I don't know. Well, you still, again, you have to think about the times. Like, if cool.

I don't think the Allman Brothers now would be cool with that because. No, but okay, it's so funny because they all are like big Confederate flag. How funny would it be today if these guys are like, we're going to bang 15 year olds and fly the confederate flag? No 15 year olds know who they are. Yeah. What is going on? What fuck are you? You want a bang?

They're on TikTok. Yeah. Hitting up 15 year olds. It's just what we do. We're from the South. We like to rock and roll. They're like having sex with kids and flying. It's not.

Making a 15 year old is fine if it's related to you. Actually, I know Litter flu the Confederate flag. I don't know about all my brothers. But also being from the South, it's like, I have such complicated opinions on the Confederate flag. Because like I think it like, I think it's like most of the time I do think most people are racist. But I think there are non-racist people that fly it.

No, I agree. I grew up in rural Illinois. That is funny. People flew it there. And people all the time. And I'm like, we were part of the fucking union. We weren't even part of that. And y'all are fucking. Well, then you're just racist if you fly it in a place that's not the South.

Because you can't say Southern Heritage because you're not from the South. And I'm like, who are you doing this for? There's no black people here. There's no black people in this town. Who are you proving that you're racist to? Well, maybe it's like something that got passed down to them as like an heirloom. Yeah, they're racist parents, of course. No, there's a lot of racist-ass people where I'm from.

Yeah. But I do see, dude, I know black people who had Confederate flag stuff in Florida. Like it, and it's a weird thing where I'm like, because like, I go back and forth to this. They're just trying to get like a job or something. Yeah, sure. I'm cool with it. Like, yeah, past pro shop. I would love to work here.

Yeah, exactly, yeah. No, but it's, I think it's one of those things that's like, because I go back and forth because a lot of people were mad at the Colin Kaepernett thing and they're like, he kneel for, like federal flag or the American flag or the pledge allegiance or whatever and then he

National Anthropos whatever he's like and the pledge of allegiance so awful like it's fucking like middle school yeah everyone's

out of the middle school and you can't be in the building he's like no I'm taking a stand other than like schools where do you hear the pledge of allegiance anymore do you even remember it

now like do they still do it in schools there was a flag of the United States of America and to the Republic For which it stands, One Nation, Under God, Indivisible, with justice and liberty. You had to learn it in Iran or here? Of course.

Yeah, every day. And there was like a move to get it taken out. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't care. Well, my thing is this, though. So when Colin Kaepernan took the knee for the national anthem. Thank you.

His thing was he says, he goes, taking a need for the national anthem, to me is a symbol of, he goes, this is a great country. He said that. He's like, it's a great country. But I don't believe our values that were originally. of this country are being presented today. Yeah. And then the people said, no, to me, it means this.

And I think the same argument can be made for the Confederate flag or people say, to me it means this. How can you tell me what something means? But you have people who are like, love Confederate flag. So like, no, this is what it means to me. They see him. They all like, that's not what it means to me. It's like everything.

Now, I think it's like the swastika thing where like the, you are a dick if you start flying the swastika and be like, no, it's the Hindu symbol of it. It's like, okay, yeah, but also it is. You have to be aware of what it means. And like even if. But I'm saying, essentially, symbol means something different to everybody.

But at the same time, if something is heavily used by this, maybe it's not cool to keep using. But I don't know. Put it up like in your house or something. Like don't. Yeah, yeah. Fly it. But it's part of its pride, like sort of like, okay.

You watch someone's house and just swastikas. Like I have all these fancy sneakers. But like, what's the point if I can't like rock them and show them off at, you know, this event or whatever. Yeah. These are antiques. This one was in the war. That we lost, by the way.

Heritage. But dude, I had a feeling. about that whole Colin Kaepernick situation when it happened because I'm a 49ers fan and I'm a I was a big Colin Kaepernick fan so I was like following his progression he was killing he leads him to a Super Bowl like he's killing it right all of a sudden he starts getting bench he's not playing well and that's when the whole knee started coming out and I started to wonder like did he really care all that much like he was right just being this petty dude that just took a knee cool and they just became this whole big thing right next you know he's got this Nike campaign people are like calling him the savior of race relations and shit. And meanwhile, you never hear him give a speech. You never hear. And I feel like part of it's because he's sitting at home telling his agent like, dude, I did not expect this to go like this. Yeah. He's like I don't do this again. I don't know what to say. No, and I'm at the point where like I can't have besides enough. Like, I'm very against police brutality. But of course. But I hate when people don't stop and question like, what are we doing? Yeah. Yeah. You know, like I went to, I went to protest by the, I post that black square. By the way, the funny thing about the black square is I think it's hilarious because I thought I was showing like the only things I was like, I want my black friends to know that I support. them. Right. But now all my black friends

is like, that shit's so corny. I feel like every time. But I can't take it down now. Yeah. I look like I got cut off in traffic by a black guy and I'm like, I was wrong about all of them. So that's the thing. In no way you're going to win because if you come out and support them, they're like, why you support and it's like that, what you think? You board of those. Like it's the thing. I know which side of the protest you were on? Either way, well, again, I didn't care. You're Denzel. Yeah.

I was speaking of Zach again, you know what he posted on when everyone was posting the black sports. Oh, Zach is fucking. He posted a white square. He just, that is kind of funny. He got so much he for, but he was like, dude, this is the best joke. I have a friend that wanted to post, you know, the Metallica album that's black, but you can faintly see the words Metallica on it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He was going to do that, which is so funny. Wait, is that the Metallica square. I got in trouble for a Facebook joke I made because everyone started posting those black, you know, just black pictures. And I, it was so stupid. I got in trouble because I just posted a, man, I spent about 45 minutes today waiting for people's new profile pictures to load.

That's funny. But people got mad at me because they're like, it's a serious fucking, I'm like, fuck you, it's funny. Yeah, that's a funny thing to pose. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of like my mom, right? Like, my mom doesn't get comedy.

Do you want to get that by the one? Yeah, sure. How long have we been going for, by the way? We're at an hour four. All right. We're cutting off the first like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. But yeah, like my mom.

Love gold, Keith. My mom watches comedy. She'll laugh at stuff. She'll even make a joke every now and again. that makes me fucking lose it laughing. But like she just doesn't get comedy. So like a thing like that or like me using a dick joke. You know, like some people just aren't going to.

These were comedians getting mad at me too. They're like, that's the thing. They're like, no, not today, man. It's a sense of subject. Go fuck yourself. That's why I was so happy to get back to New York because I didn't know I was like, a race joke's going to be like just off the table now. And I came back.

I was like, oh, no, people are stopping fun. Yeah. But like, obviously, like, it's so dumb to the concept that you can't like, like it would be different if you were at the protest. that's fucking around. Yeah. Yeah. But like when there's a time in place for comedy,

there's a time, and it's like, the time is just not at somebody's funeral or not at like a movement thing. But it's like if you're being funny outside of that, especially on stage. Like, you're not there to send a message.

Like, you're just there to be funny. And like if you want to send a message to do that too, but like people who don't understand that. Like there's, there's, if there's something set up, like a comedy club,

a stage, a microphone with the intentions of, hey, we're telling jokes up here. I don't know. Actually, there's something happened in St. St. Louis last week that I saw all my old St. Louis comedian friends posting about.

Someone signed up for the open mic at the Funny Bone. As the name George Floyd? No, it was his first time performing. He went up. He said like something about Black History Month and then just screamed the inward into the microphone. That's not quite a joke. Yeah, this white guy. Well, there's something to shock humor because there's that one.

This is St. Louis, by the way, where racial tensions are way higher. He got booed off the stage, kicked out of the club. club and and then uh what was the crowd mostly white he's like you guys missed the setup i said i hate black people and then i said the end word you got to listen to you're the full joke so it's it's usually mixed at in st louis but again st louis i mean that's st louis is where black lives matters started yeah true the racial tensions that are a little higher way higher than in new york orlando's weird because we're like we get too distracted by like disney and going to the beach that were like, this is serious, but the cops are wearing flip-lops.

No, it's not that crazy. You said something about race jokes. Like, I actually had a couple of jokes involving race that are just stupid. Like, you know, it's nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just stupid, but I couldn't even tell them in St. Louis because there's actual racist people there. Yeah. That's the other side of it where you tell like a racial joke and people are like,

hell yeah, brother. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't actually. So when you say that stuff like in a place like St. Louis, they're like, well, are you actually racist? where like New York, you have to work hard to be racist. In New York, like, just because you're like always around. Yeah, it's not even feasible to be racist. Like, it just gets in your own way. Like, okay, I'm not going to work with so-and-so because he's black.

Like, okay, if he's a good worker, hire him. Like, yeah, I can look past it. Yeah. Yeah, just dealing with businesses. Like, you go into a deli and it's run by, you know, Hispanic. Yeah, everywhere. Like, well, I hate Hispanic. can't eat at this deli. Okay, you just got in your own way.

My favorite are the racist people, though, the race people in this city are so angry. It's a different thing. Because they can't escape it everywhere they go. I know somebody like that who's like super racist and everywhere they're like everywhere. They're like everywhere. But that's what I'm saying. You're getting in your own way. You're stressing yourself out because you're racist. Like it's so stupid. As an I do you experience any discrimination? Well, you could pass for a lot of things. Dude, I got called a say all the time. Yeah, I was going to say, don't say the end. I'm just saying, I got called it.

So what the fuck you're going to do? I escape it. I got called. That is, I have heard it. Camel jockey, sand nigger, fucking. I got called all that shit growing up. And I can't do anything about it. Like, well, I'm going to be shy about what I got bullied about.

Like, fuck off. I mean. I guess, yeah. Yeah. I'm, I can't have an opinion on that. But I have heard people say it is funny because it is a slur. The slur, you're the one group that can't use your own slur people saying. And honestly, that bothers me because I get to see all these black dudes get up and be funny just by

using the word and I can't use it. And it's like, why not? I got called it. Yeah, I can't have an opinion on it, but. Well, no, you can have an opinion on it. And I'm respectful. I'm respectful to the fact that, like, listen, you didn't go through the 400 years of this, this and that. And I'm like, and I'm sympathetic to that. But at the same time, it's like, why you're in a funny voice? No, it's, that's Robert Downey Jr.

Oh, wait, I forgot. You're also with Denzel, so you can't say it. No, I just, it just bothers me because like, again, in the context of comedy, we put up of stage and we're all up here to be funny. But like now I can't use this word because, ooh, like... It's funny that you bring that up because I was called a white N-word my whole life. And now I think I'm going to start using it. Well, you got used it, but you didn't really get bullied.

Wait, so what was the... So people would call you that and then like... And just giggle and laugh and run away. Dude, I would get nacho cheese poured down my neck and I have to apologize to the kid in the principal's office. I'm just like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? I apologize for being Muslim. Will you raise Muslim? Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, that sucks, man. Not getting raised. You're right. You're right. You know, it's funny. I agree with them. Like, it did suck, man.

Like, you know how many restrictions I had to deal with? At the airport? No. I'm curious. I'm curious. Wait, airport, they have to be tougher, though, right? Dude, my bag would get random checked all the time. I would get pulled outside for random.

But that stuff doesn't bother me. It's just like, it's all the restrictions I had growing up. like you can't touch a woman. You can't... You can't sexually raspy. You can't... You can't sleep over at your white friends house. You can't have white friends.

You can't have white friends. You can't eat this. You can't eat that. Even though everything here is not halal. Halal is like the term for... Yeah, I know. Yeah. Like Muslim kosher. There's a watering can in the bathroom

for when his parents visit because you don't you have to wash... Yeah, you have to wash your penis. You have to wash your dick. I'm sorry. Now to laugh at other cultures. That's a... Wait.

Wait. It's a can... It's a watering can. I can tell you... I can tell you so many funny things. Like, you have to have, like... It doesn't have to be a watering can. Like, in Muslim countries,

there's hoses in the bathroom stalls. To wash your dick. It's kind of dope. Like, imagine that, like, for your butthole after your poop, I would love that. There's actually a lot more bidet... It's called a boudoir. Yeah.

That's a bedet. Did you think you just invented a bouquet? He's like, you'd imagine you could get in a toilet. And, uh... But, dude, there's so many funny rules. Like, I'll tell you, like, if you jizz or touch jizz or touch jizz, or calm at all. You have to take a special kind of shower

where you wash the... I'm not kidding about this. You have to wash the right side of your head. Then the left side of your head. Then the right side of your body. Then the left side of your body. It sounds like an obsessive-compulsive disorder thing. Yeah, I guess.

I mean, it's... And then if you're in the middle of the desert, because that's where Islam started and you don't have access to water. What do you do instead? You have to do a special sand thing where you have to pat the sand with your right hand, pat the sand with your left hand,

rub your face. There's so many things I had to do growing up. I did not know that. And I was so... And I was so devout. And, dude, I was like, I was killing it in Muslim school. Like, I memorized half the Quran. I fucking knew all the rules.

Like, I was always raising my head. Yeah, that's what we do in this situation. Yeah. That's how I grew up. And it just was all restrictions. And it sucked. But I'm over. Yeah.

Well, were there any things that Islam is particularly loose about that people wouldn't expect? Oh, that's a good question. No, no, no. Can you give me an example? Like, I'm saying, like, I think there's weird things that like, like, like, okay. So there's no like Ram Springer where the honest like it's a party for a year and then come back to religion.

Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing like that. I mean, it's just like women got to cover their head. Dude, I got in trouble, speaking of airports, I got in trouble in the Iran airport coming back from Kish Island, which is in the Persian Gulf, one of the best places ever. And. Sounds like it. Yeah, no, it was dope. And I was coming back and I'm wearing shorts and I get pulled aside by the fucking TSA dude.

He's like, why are you in shorts? I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, you see these women out here with Caprize at least? Like, a little bit of their hair showing and you're going to give me shit. Why? Because my legs are that hairy at disgusty. Did you want you to wear a burka? No, that's probably, it had nothing to do with the religion.

It was fucking disgusting. My gross hair. Wait, what about like white people come through there? Same shit. They love white people. Wait, so isn't it? I've heard this thing about Iran. Isn't it true that you can't be gay?

So there's a lot of transgender people because I heard this. I heard this. Yeah. So you can transition and they accept that and you can marry another man. if you transition to a woman. To be honest, I don't know. I guess it's not another man. I can't honestly speak to that because I just, you know,

I never got exposed to anything like semi-risk A and Iran. Like there's no bars. There's no, like, I see guys in the street holding hands. But like a guy would walk with a girl that he's clearly dating, but like they have to like walk separate in the mall. But you can't hold hands with the guy. And they can't hold hands with the girl. But with the guy, you see guys holding hands all the time.

But is it not? Maybe it's not a homosexual thing. It probably isn't either because like a regular group. reading in Iran is a kiss on the cheeks three ways. I think two gay guys fucking is less gay than two guys holding hands. Two straight guys holding hands is gayer than two gay guys fucking. For sure. Yeah.

Fucking's a manly act. Holding hands. Yeah. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry if I've been off this podcast. I've been thinking about your job. My boss has been calling me. He's like, dude, you're really.

Plug him in. Let's get him on the line. He's really like, dude, you're really, fucking us for like the next couple days. One time I quit a job and I put in my two weeks now, so somebody got fired for my job because they shit talked me. Like literally this guy was like, the only person's ever really hated me. This guy had like a big issue with me and he said, um, he goes, uh, he was, I just had a fucking stroke.

He, like, he was talking shit about me. And then I come in the next day and he's gone. And my boss is like, oh yeah, he got fired. I was like, why? Like, he was talking shit about you and so you don't talk shit about Michael. And I was like, and that was the day I was just my two weeks notice. sitting and I was like, God damn it. All right, by the way, I'm leaving.

You have two less people. Maybe bring him back. You must be, because I'm not going to be here. You must be super cool at your job because it's such a weird excuse to fire someone. Yeah, they liked me. I don't know. Well, she thought it was a bad attitude thing because she's like, you're complaining about me. So like, here's the reason.

So first of all, my schedule was bullshit. They didn't pay me enough for what I was doing. I was pretty much a boss without boss pay. And today, it's only me like doing my part of the job today. Like, I have to cover everything. Yeah, so I mean, maybe use it as a negotiation to be like, listen, dude, this is why I'm quick. I don't, I don't care. My boss wasn't working today, but my boss's boss was working.

And he was talking to me, like, I was a fucking, he was, he was showing me a lot of disrespect today. And I'm like, you know, go fuck yourself. Today's the day. Like, I'm like, you know what? You showed him. Whatever, man. I can get a dude with my. Well, actually, you did show him because he said you fucked me.

So you won. Yeah, well, it's actually, he's actually, he's like, well, you fucked us. I'm like, yeah, dude, you were. complaining about the work I was doing. Now you do the work, you fucking asshole. There you go. I have sales experience, man. I can get a new job next week.

No problem. Guaranteed. That's why it's funny to me. You say, like, dude, yeah, I'm good at sales, but like I need a mindless job like landscaping. Like, you can't be mindless doing sales. No, no. If you want to be good at it, you have to put effort.

No, I'm saying you can be a good salesman and be, like, I'm good at my job, but I'm mindless at it. I have to always be thinking about how I'm going to make this deal, who I have to talk to. Like, no, you're my, like, when I was landscaping, I can, like, just, just stare off and fucking just driving a straight line on a lawnmower. Like, no, it's totally different. Can you, I mean, you're so good of being a doctor. Can you fucking...

I do sales up my job, too. Yeah, no, but that's not what I'm saying. You're so good at being a doctor. Can you mindlessly diagnose someone's ill? You're an idiot. Well, I have a question. So I went to a GI doctor and what happened was GI. That's, yeah.

Okay, so I, uh, G. Just like a G. G. Yeah. Some of the, some of the coroner. nerd doctors call themselves G.I. Joe's, yo, we're the G.I. Joe's. I'm like, all right, cool. Yeah, that's, I don't support any of that. I supported using the N-word. No, but, um, no, I think, uh, it's one of those weird things where like, so I went because,

and then she's like, she's like, come back and I just didn't use them. And then I came back. She's like, did you still bleed? And I lied to her. I was like, yeah. And she goes, if you bled with the stool softeners, then we're going to have to do a, yeah, but I didn't lie to her in I didn't take the school. So I just kind of never saw her again. Yeah, well, you have to understand, too. It's more than anything, at least in my opinion, a liability thing. Like, you come to a GI doctor.

You tell them you're bleeding out of your eyes. You come back to the doctor. You tell them you're still bleeding out of your ass. Dude, I got to go up there and make sure there's no cancer up there because I'm not going to... So should I still do it or should I take the stool softener see if I'm still bleeding in the ass and then go back. Well, let's get into it. What kind of blood is it? I don't want to get into it.

I don't know. That's fine. That's fine. Have you ever gotten a glove, like, stuck in someone's butt? No. And I account for it. Like, I have a whole method I use to, you know, fucking do it. Plus, there's lube involved and shit.

But, but, yeah, no, dude, I'm so good at my job. Yeah. I'm just mindlessly doing it autopilot. What's hard is comedy. What's hard is poker. What's hard is, like, trying to make it on YouTube. Like, to me, those are the hard things. Yeah.

Playing guitar, learning the guitar. That's hard. You know, at my job, I'm just like, yep, I got this. Like, I've never show up at work ever in panic or having anxiety. You just do it, yeah. Show up and do it. Actually, Dr. Denzel is the only, I'm so sorry, I keep doing it. We'll beep it.

He's the only man I've ever met in this world. He doesn't live with anxiety. He has no anxiety. Yeah, and you do a ton of, you allegedly. Allegedly do other stuff. Yeah. Gonzo does. Yeah, it's insane.

And it almost, it actually, he and I have been budding heads a little recently. Dr. Denzel, my roommate here. Because he's a bitch. Because. Get into it. Go ahead. I don't care. Because you're living your life like a child man.

You're a 33-year-old man. And you got to get your shit together, dog. I'm surprised you're living in his house. It's hard for you to tell. It doesn't. Like, I'm still like, I don't pour a glass of wine at nine in the morning, dog. I don't either. Bullshit.

Does that look like what? Today. Today. And it's only. There is something special, though, about drinking when nobody else is drinking. It feels awesome. Oh, you were talking about that. You guys are fucking sober idiots.

I'm drunk right now. This is awesome. I used to be, like, drunk in class the next day, and it was such a good fee. Like, I remember I one time got in a Facebook fight with some little person wrestlers because they canceled. They were going to come to Tallahassee and they canceled. And I was in class. I was like, lay out the mats in Kmart parking lot this weekend.

I'll come wrestle these fuckers myself. Did you do it? No, no, they didn't answer. But I saw them next year. And they party with this and stuff. It was a good time. Nice. Yeah, man, I got to commend you for your sobriety lately. That's, that's tough. Yeah, yeah. It's been third. And I'm starting to, it's so funny, I had withdrawals from the colonnipin, I think, and I had no idea because like my ear was ringing. I had chest pain. And I was like, this is a weird thing of allergies. But then I googled a clonopin withdrawal. And these are, yeah. Well, I mean, because you know how it works. Like, it's a benz-a-benz-right. And it works on the same receptors that alcohol does. So when you drink all the time or if you're doing Xanax all the time, if you cut it out cold turkey with enough of a threshold, of tolerance, your brain just goes into hyperactive more.

That's why the seizures come on. That's why the jitters come on. Like, that's where all that comes from. For me, it's, I couldn't decide if I was taking a very small amount, but I think still over a long period of time, it was like at some point, even if it's a small amount, I think your body is still going to have some withdrawals. And it's just not good for you, man. Like, that's, that's why I, I mean, I looked into them, I'll say.

Yeah. But, like, I never, I'm so happy. I don't take those kinds of things because even, even I feel bad for people that take them as sleeping aids. like that's that's how i take it i don't take it for anxiety but it's like now i go to sleep i now have a panic attack every night before bed but i kind of just sleep like i just my body yeah and it probably got worse because you're off that well no you're still taking them no i've taken them three weeks yeah so like you're off that stuff so like not only do you have your own

anxieties but now they're compounded because your brain is just hyperacted yeah like the last week i was like why am i hang it i go yeah because i quit yeah this yeah it's kind of like cigarettes too like when you quit cigarettes and then you start getting these jitters and it's just it's very similar speaking of which where's that fucking puff bar. It's gone. Okay. He put it in your ass.

He's a GI doctor and a magician. Dude, so, oh, you guys want to hear what just happened? What? So my, they've been texting me and calling me, like off their work numbers,

and I have their work number saved. And then I got to call in a text from like a number I don't have saved. So I thought it was my boss and not my boss's boss. So you were texting your, I thought I was texting my boss and not my boss's boss. Not the head, Honcho. Yeah.

But so he was like, hey, man, we need you. Like, can you just finish out this next day? And so I text back. I'm like, hey, I'm on a show. When I finish a show, I'll hop on. I'll finish this a little bit of work. But I didn't like how blank boss's boss was disrespecting me like that. I don't take that shit.

And when he's texting me back, he's like, this is him. Oh, God. You text him. Oh, my God. Yeah, I didn't know it was him. So I just texted him. I'm like, well, I still don't take your shit. Oh, God.

Yeah. That is awesome. Have you ever been fired? Only because of COVID. Like when everything shut down, it's the only time I've been fired. Furlode, if you will. I was, only time I ever had the experience of getting fired

is when I got bald from a fraternity. So I was a pledge. And then they weren't fucking with me and they let me go. Interesting. But I was like, okay. See you guys. And they're like, you were held that surprisingly calm.

And I'm like, yeah, because I'm a cool guy and you guys fucking missed out. No, it was funny because I thought, I thought it would be so funny if I just showed up the next day and I'm like, this is part of the process, isn't it? You guys. Oh, you're kicked out of the fraternity, a little hazing. I get it.

Dude, I've been thinking. I'm like, shut up. You want to start a fraternity here like an old school? I mean, we pretty much already did. I call us the coup crew. Nice. Yeah. That's what I tell all my friends back home like,

yo, you guys are missing out. We got the coup crew. Was the two not cool the way you say. That's like the worst name for the cool crew. I automatically assume we're all versions. It's C-O-O-C-O. crew, crew. Like how Carmen says it, like,

Q, Q. Cue. Cue. I want to be Q. I'm like having a mini panic. I don't know why I'm so worried about this. Because you don't have a job. No,

no, no, no, no. I'm truly not worried about that at all. I can get a new job. For some reason, like, I feel like I'm in trouble, even though I already quit. Like, what's this guy going to,

I don't know. I have no, like, I didn't mean to do that. But I'm having a panic attack. Like, now I'm in trouble. But like, what's? Yeah, you're not in trouble. Yeah.

What if he tells you to come back? He's like, no, you better be in my office today. You're working. Like, he doesn't accept your resignation. I do have about $800, about $1,500 worth of equipment that I have to return to the office. Oh, that's so awkward. Yeah. Just leaving in like a box.

He's just like, Lucas, come on. Yeah. Come back. It's like, like, a pimp or something. It's like, you know, you don't want to leave me. They still have my Harlem address, so that's where they're going. Good luck. Why would they go to your place?

No, I'm just, just yelling at you. No, but they can, like, I think they can, like, if I don't return those equipment, me. I don't know what. I mean, I have to, obviously. I mean, his ex-girlfriend just pops in here on the random, just... I guess that's, they can call the cops on me and say I stole it, like, if I don't return it. Technically, yeah. You just say you forgot, though. It'd be like, here it is. I just totally forgot. They gave me an iPhone and like a big-ass computer with the... You gotta get it back. Yeah, like, what were you planning to do?

No, I never said I wasn't going to turn, like, give it back. That's what I just, I just don't want to go in there. He doesn't want to go to Greenpoint. Think of where we have with time? Like, we're at an hour 20 folk. Let's call it there. But let me finish my one thought because you were talking about fraternity life. And dude, I've been thinking about it.

Like, when I go home, I should just pop in and see what they're up to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they, because obviously I'm not going to know anyone there. But like I just wanted to. Somebody's probably died since it. A pledge died. Somebody got a DUI. Someone definitely died.

He had a heart condition. And we all felt bad for him and shit. But, uh, but that was, that was while I was there. But yeah, I'm just so curious to see what the landscape is now. Because you know how it is. Like you started a frat and everything. I literally just got an interview set up. Hell yeah.

That's how fucking easy it is. Continue. At my frat? But no, it's just interesting because, like, I'm sure you experienced this where, like, even not being in a frat, just being in college. And then, you know, you get the seniors that are like, oh, it was so much better when I was a freshman. Oh, yeah.

So, like, it's completely changed before I left. And then I'm just curious a decade later what the fuck is going on up there. Yeah, no, I'm curious about it, too. Like, I, yeah, I think our fraternity luckily got better. Not after I left because I left, but like, they just, after a while, like it's because it's kind of a cycle where like some get kicked off. And so when those first ones come, when they first come back,

they suck because they have to start a new thing. Some people, like basically you only get people who's like dad was that. And so it starts out very, and it builds and builds. Yeah. But I think that. Well,

you also went to a party school. I did it. I went to a fucking nerd tech institution. Were you in a frat? Yeah. You look like you're in a frat. You have frat boys. It was a great time.

I love when people don't get it. They're like, why would I do want to talk? Because there's hot girls and you're getting fucked up. and there's great part. If I said sit down and like, like, draw me a picture of a guy at a frat. He just literally be you. You do have perfect Florida Frat college.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And you're still young, so you can still represent it. Oh, it was amazing. But, dude, me going to this tech institution, like, that's actually all we had. So the cool thing to do was join a frat. If you weren't in a sport or frat or both, you were a nobody. Yeah. And I think she was cool, though, because you didn't have to be in one to still, like, you can still do stuff.

Yeah, you could still, like, we could still, like, we had. had cool guys that would come around but they never joined but they were actually cool but they still had to come to the fray house to have their fun yeah yeah you know that movie revenge are the nerds yeah imagine that at like a tech medical school it's like just nerds getting revenge on like just slightly cooler nerds yeah i always wonder one character i love the idea of is like the bad boy of improv i don't know why i was thinking about that because you know a stand-up always says like the guy is like oh he's dark did you call rhino too that maybe i did on another episode because that's what that would make sense yeah But just like some guy who's like wearing a leather jacket, like smoking cigarettes and like putting them out and then just does a see.

And I fucked your mother. Hey, I don't know. I've started doing a who's that? Dice. Dude, he had his show on Long Island on Valentine's Day. I'm like, could you imagine how much of a scumbag you are? Take your girlfriend to go see Andrew Dice Clay on Valentine's Day. I mean, they might be into it.

Maybe. You didn't she wants to be called a hoard like her face probably. Who is this fucking girl sucking you? Some women are into it. Dude, I was dating a pregnant. chick and she was like let's go to the strip club like you know she also worked there all right uh where can they buy you lucas she got a child uh children's discount you can find me at hinder loser on instagram check out um check out my podcast that michael's been

on the monkey don't podcast it's a great show with my co-hosts wwe superstar randy orton's brother not randy ordn it's his brother um yeah so check that out check out the last episode I did with Michael. That was a fantastic episode. I got a lot of compliments on that one. Thank you. That was a lot of fun. With Charlie Dawson.

Yeah, check it out. I feel like I need to create an Instagram page for Dr. Denzel to like plug. Yeah, yeah, because we can't. So you were here and we enjoyed it,

but don't try to find it because he has a real job. No, you can, you can check me out. I'm at a Dr. Soul's 11 on YouTube and Instagram, playing the comeback soon, just working out a few kinks.

Why did I go through all the trouble saying Denzel, if you're just going to drop that. Whatever. I mean, if they listen to the whole thing, they deserve it. No one, no, none of your doctor friends are listening to this. I know. But somebody might hear something and then want to get you fired. I don't care.

All right, whatever, we'll call it. Fuck you. All right.