Morning Good - Extended Release Mike - Episode 150

Episode Date: January 22, 2023

Jess Levin and Jake Timothy return to the show for today's episode. They talk about manchild comedians, drug pushing psychiatrists, and Michael preferring Disney World and Las Vegas over Europe. Thanks to Jess and Jake for coming back on the show and trying to promote culture, art, and history. Follow them at their links below to see them tell dick and fart jokes in comedy clubs.Jess is on Instagram @jlevcomedy and you can find her in New York at  @fowlmouthcomedybk and @toughlovecomedy. Jake is on Instagram @jake_timothy. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here with Jess Levin. Yep. And Jake Timothy. Hey. And you're talking about private schools? You went to private school for a little bit?

No, no. No, no. It was college. You're talking about like just shitty rich kids being mean. Yeah, rich kids are the worst. What was your experience with that? I grew up rich. I'm kidding, but.

Yeah, well, you know that. I, um, I, well, I went to marry my Manhattan College, which is not a fucking, you know, whatever. Yeah, stupid art school. But my friend at the time, who's rich, was from Connecticut, Connecticut. And she had friends that went to Trinity. And I'm like, I've always, like, I was like kind of the jock of my school because was like all ballerinas and freaking nerds. So she was like, hey, you want to go to a homecoming?

So we went to Trinity. And they were just all a bunch of just like, I remember I was like looking for a cigarette. And I went up to this one girl. I was like, hey, you guys have a cigarette? And they were like, we don't smoke. And I'm like, all right, you stupid bitches. And, but I didn't. Yeah.

Yeah, but they don't smoke. But I didn't care. Because, yeah. Sorry. That's a roast. I'm rusty. Oh, okay. That's sorry.

Sorry. Jesus Christ. I know. I'm in a mood, dude. I didn't take a bike. I did kind of. I'm taking it out of you. I,

but yeah, they were whatever, but I didn't care because I was just going there to party, you know, like I was just using their shit. Yeah, yeah. So I just was kind of a dick

completely to them. Like, I don't remember what I said it was so long ago. So I just was just kind of like, I drank their drinks. I think I stole a bottle from them, you know?

That is a funny thing that like, that's like how I felt like, I just like, I don't give a fuck. Once people would treat me like, oh, you're like scum. I was like, yeah, fuck you, I am. So I stayed by, you remember the one part I remember

is I stayed by the, the, uh, Jesus, the beer, basically the, uh, freaking, uh, keg. Ceg, thank you, Jesus Christ, the keg. And I just basically hoarded the keg. They're like, give me that. I'm like, give them like, no. So I'm like, I could give a fuck.

So I started like squirting from my mouth. I just started fucking with them. I'd spray them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great to be a girl. Because if I was a dude, I would have gotten my ass kicked. Oh, for sure. Completely.

But that's also, it's a funny thing you were talking about drinking all their booze. Because I remember I went to public school and my buddy went to a different private school and I was shown up to the party like holding my beer like very hidden. And he's like, you don't have to do that. They're like, it's one of those things where everybody drinks that. They're not going to take your alcohol. Yeah, right, right, right. You're going to be fine.

And I was like, I don't want to. Because like in my high school, if you left your fucking box of beer on a table, it'll be gone and fucking. And you can't even piss to people. They're like, why'd you leave it there? Like, that was like the thing. That's, yeah. They're going to pillage it.

Yeah. So, like, every house party in high school, I would, like, be, like, hugging a beer while, like, yeah, I'm having a great time and, like, not even, like... Well, I don't know the numbers, man. I think rich people steal more from, like, like, public school kids versus private kids? Uh, I don't think so. That's just because my friends would steal so much. And they were, like, but my poorer friends would steal, like, everything. Well, I don't trust your pool of people, but...

Yeah, yeah, I'm not like the demographic for, like, poor rich people. But, like, my friend group, we had some people that were, like, I want to say poor. Yeah, but like some friends that like didn't have as much money. Like one of my friends that was like poor, he lived in like, for a little bit, he lived in like, his mom like lived in the garage of his house. Okay. And then him and his brother lived in, I think they had one bedroom or something like that. But there's like very small house.

Right. Like for Florida that's like very small. Like there was a bedroom and the mom slabs in the garage. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, the mom slipped in the garage? The mom slept in the garage. What's going on with that?

Yeah, seriously. What's up with that? Well, because I have no idea. She just wanted her kids to like not be in the garage, I guess. Aw. Yeah, it's very sweet. Yeah, it's very sweet. Yeah.

This poor woman, dude. Yeah, no, it was insane. Yeah. And my friend's dad was, like, single one. Apparently, but like wouldn't give them money. What a scumbat, dude? And that was Steve Jobs.

Yeah. Dude, Steve Jobs barely shitty, but I remember this guy. And it was Alec Baldwin. He was one of my poor friends, this dude would steal everything. But, like, he also, like, I feel like he wasn't like, he was one of those dudes that just like, he's kind of angry at the world.

Like, one time we just saw him throw a rock at a car window. That would be angry at the door. Well, yeah. My mom's sleeping in a garage. I was like, I'm not sleeping in a garage. I'm like, how would you chill out, bud? Yeah, I know, exactly. You know, like, but things are not so bad, bro.

You're playing like a new Sony PlayStation. You're like, bro, you need to chill out. But. And then one of my other friends, he would just take Xanax and just like steal everything. But then you black out. He'd be like, I don't remember stealing anything. He's like, I just woke up with all this shit in my pockets. I used to steal shit when I got hammered.

That used to be a thing I used to do. I'll steal things for fun. Like, if there was like a, like a, you know, like, I was... Do you believe the kid who would black out on Xanax and steal shit? Do you believe that you didn't know what he was? Was there alcohol about to? Absolutely. He was drinking, too?

Of course. I forgot it's Florida. You're just drinking anyway. The given is drinking. Everyone's drunk at all times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When there's palm trees, drunk.

Yeah, he's still like a bunch of shit. I'm just discounted. Oh, yeah. He's still a bunch of shit from this girl. And then crashed his, car into a tree. So, like, nobody can be, like, mad for stealing the shit. They're like, I don't know. He's got other shit to deal with right now.

Or is a telephone pole? You know, big difference. Wow. Is he still around? No, he's dead. Jesus Christ. Great guy, though. Was a great guy. Yeah, I guess. R. IP. Jesus Christ. That's not how he died. Fucking Florida, dude. Yeah. Yeah, no, yeah. He didn't die crashing his car. Dude, he crashed

his car twice and hammered. And then at our last friend's funeral before he died. He was at a, we were at a different funeral. and he was trying to drive drunk without a license. He's like, yeah, dude, I'm just going to take my car and go home. We're like, you don't have a license to drive and you can't even like look straight right now. Oh, my God. All right.

Well, this kid had mental. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, a lot of mental issues, dude. That's crazy. I hope you're all of your friends are getting help, bro. I really do hope for that. Yeah.

I mean, fucking north, dude. Guys, we're five minutes in. How about they're all gay because they're dead? I know. I know. Fucking stupid. Yeah. You're bored with your lives.

Fucking figure it out. I don't know. No, it does blow dick, though. But I can't even put myself there mentally. Like, not learning my lesson, drunk driving? Yeah,

I think, yeah, it's crazy. But I think it's one of those things, though, where you don't care. Because one time he carved into a table with a knife,

fuck everything. And then that was before the DUIs. Yeah, okay. That's one of those where it's not like, he's not like, yeah, I'll just drive home drug, it'll be fun.

It's like, I don't care about. I wonder what the line is between going for the void. Yeah, for sure. Correct. That's it. But I wonder what the line is between becoming a mass shooter and just getting drunk and fucking crashing your car.

Because I get what you're saying. Maybe because you had good friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe a good thing that you're around good. Well, yeah, yeah. No, I agree. But it's, I saved everybody. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, otherwise there would be mass shooting everywhere in Florida. The reason you don't become a mass shooter is because you get pussy. Like, I think there's an, and I'm not saying you shouldn't, like, it's like all those guys. It's like, I'm not saying. I've heard this premise so many times Yeah, but what I'm saying is like I do feel bad for mass shooters because you look at all their diaries

and they are these saddest people. Like it's not like nobody shoots up because everybody gets so mad at them because they're doing the worst thing imaginable, right? But I'm like, you have to understand what pushes somebody to do this worst thing imaginable is normally a horrific life. So it's like that person, that most people,

not all of them. I get their sociopaths, they just don't have feelings and they just kill people because they have like a sexy thrill to it. They get like, I don't think it's sexy that they do it, but they get horned up. I guarantee you. You think they get horned up? For sure.

Fuck off. Check one of those. My girlfriend got it's happening. What was the magic word that caused that to go off? Yeah, yeah. Sexy thrill. Horn up. The thing's like, I can't.

Your echo goes off on horned up. That's fantastic. I know what you're saying, okay? But there's holes in it because it's like, first off, there's, I think there's not one thing. It's not just because they're horny. as fuck, unless you're saying every mass shooter's an in-sell. No, no, no, no. What I'm saying is this. So I think

that, uh, so first off, I think that you get a percentage of them that are probably like Jeffrey Dahmer types where they get off to like killing people. Right. And that there's no like, uh, there's no part of me that's like, oh, I feel bad for them. But then some of them are like deeply depressed people that I think

have actual feelings. They're not sociopaths. Like the Colorado guy was crazy. I was looking through like his like manifesto. Yeah. And he was like, does any of this matter? Like, none of this matters. Like, I agree with this. I agree with this. I think it's just, you can't, like, be on the internet too much.

First, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she'll start to, like, dissociate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're, like, depressed, she'll just start to be, like, none of, it's all video game and shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's, like, it's like a big... It is annoying, though, that every single time one of these happens, we move

on and then we're like, we never learn... Like, I could name... I had to do extensive research to find out about this guy, like, the Colorado guy. Like, you know what I mean? It's not one of these things. Like we should be like as a culture like studying this more instead of just the news people. I get they don't want to like romanticize these people. Because I think there is a copycat thing.

People are like, oh, I want to be like this guy now. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there is, there are people like studying these guys. It's just why would you need to study? That's a good point. I have no idea. What are you going to do, right? You're just studying it for a joke.

You're like, my dick joke needs a little bit of something in there. Maybe I'll look up in Colorado school or see if we have anything comment. I know what this dick joke could use a gun in school. school. Sandy Hook, I got another hook. Yeah, that's going to be deleted. I don't know. I don't care.

I hooked up with a girl who's, what's it called? Her name, I think it was her, not niece, not nephew. It just sounded like I was going to say the end word there. I was like her, but her cousin died in Sandy Hook. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, yeah. So that's the only reason I don't believe Alex Jones. I'm like, hey, look.

I have first evidence. You know, I sometimes, you know, I stand and help out Florida, but sometimes it just realized I shouldn't. Because it's, what a fucking cesspool. It was bad because I was like midway through hooking up this girl. I was like, I was trying to be sexy. And I'm like, oh, you got a narwhal tattoo. That's pretty sexy. What's that about?

My cousin got shot in Sandy Hook and died. And you like narwhals. God, dude. How is that being sexy? What's your narwhal tattoo about? I was that even sexy. I was trying to be whatever. And then it's like the worst thing you could imagine.

Yeah. What's with the R-R-R-R-R-R-P on there, man? It's like, that's R-I-P. I'm about to rip up with that pussy. Oh, my God, dude. I was 18 years old. I had no idea what I was doing. I was in high school and I was hooking up with this, like, college girl.

I was in her dormant. I'm like, tattoos are pretty sick. I'm thinking about getting with myself. I can't even imagine. How old are you again? I'm 26 now. Okay. Wow.

man, how old are you again? 24. Wow, you hold yourself like a fort, like a man. Dude, he's like, Jake Timothy is like the old guy, I know. You're like a man. But he's not. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. You should get my dad lectures. Like, you should sit my dad down and give him advice. You just, he's got so much, it's not even just the way you talk. Everything you say is intelligent,

but it's the way you hold yourself. It's like very deliberate. I like being, I like being a man. Yeah. I did the opposite. My style is like hanging out of my shirt. there's not enough men comics

so good for you no they're all boys I don't think I don't want to be like a man child that's like the worst thing I think if you're like 30 years old

you have no control of your life at all that's like that's exactly who I'm gonna be when I'm 30 just like worry about that's all comics yeah yeah

yeah yeah it's everybody across the board they're all men child those are all my friends yeah dude I get an argues my girl about folding now because it's like

it's one of these things we're like I'm almost like taking a stance against her being like like, I fold things shitty and that's what I'm going to do the rest of my life. Instead of just learning how to fold. Oh, you've given up already? At 26, you've given up the folding. I'm basically just like, I'm talking

to like, it's like I've tried like every... Like a t-shirt. Fitted sheet, get it. I get it. I get it. I fold a t-shirt so bad. I can't fold anything. It's not even, it's not like a neural pathway that you can't override. Dude, it's just folding a fucking shirt. I know, but like the conversation gets so bad because she's like,

how do you not know how to fold shirts? And eventually I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I want to do better. And for some reason, this is totally wrong of me. But I get to the point where I've said sorry so many times. Then I go, you know what? Maybe I just fold shirts a different way. And then I realize I'm like, nah, that's not it.

I'm just lazy as shit. But I started getting on defense. And I'm like, this is how I'm going to fold. I don't call her babe, but I was like, this is how I'm going to fold shirts forever now. And this is, you know, you're going to have to get used to that. And then I'm like, nah, I should probably just learn to, I don't know, I got so much shit going on in my brain. It's like, it's not. Oh, Kim you a boy.

Shut. What are you got going on in your brain? I'm not saying... I'm not saying it's positive stuff, but I'm just saying like my brain's constantly like just firing it like, how are you going to fall asleep tonight, huh? You got to take your melatonin at 1230

or else you won't fall asleep till 2 o'clock and then all this crazy shit. And the next thing you know, it's like, yeah, yeah, I'm a disaster. Like always. Like anxiety short-circuiting kind of thing. For sure, yeah, yeah. Come over the anxiety excuse.

Your generation's taken out. Right. I hear like these 22-year-olds now, 23s, all-year-olds, all-year-old age group that's like, oh, man, my anxiety's kicking in. It's like, shut the fuck up, dude. I know, like, it's not something that's supposed to happen. Right. It should happen.

I mean, handle it. No, I agree. Look, I'm not saying my brain's a mess where I have an excuse. I'm just explaining why I'm a dumbass when it comes to stuff. I'm not saying like, oh, I should be able to like fucking act like an idiot. I'm like, no, this is why I'm acting like an idiot. right on. I was like that for a long time and it took me a long time to figure the shit out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But are you trying to figure it out? Uh, yeah. I mean, I got a sun lamp there. It's supposed to help a seasonal depression. That's about as far as I'm going. Thank you. He was in seasonal depression. Dude, I just... I just want to be in Florida fucking kick it back. I'm trying to figure out. I stare at a lamp. Yeah, I stand a lamp. And then I look up the Colorado

shooter. That's what I can't learn how to... But I feel bad for them, but I won't learn how to fold a a fucking shirt. Yeah. Like, you see where your priority? No, I agree. I agree. God. But in my mind, it's so funny because when I go to fold a shirt, I'm like, why is this

fuck it? Like, I just, you know what I'm just like, why is this even? I wonder what triggers the, like, what is it? So this is where I get anxiety. I wake up depressed. Okay. Are you on medication? I'm doing great. No, no, no. I was on colanapin, but I haven't taken that in a month. Why? So that's anxiety

medicine because it's a drug. So it's like, you're not supposed to take it for long periods of time. And I didn't notice that until I was three years into taking. I'm like, this is too long. describing it. A doctor? Yeah. And the doctor didn't tell you what the fuck to do? No, so it has a place in time. So like, it's like a Xanax. So it's like there's a purpose of it. But what happens is if you just have it in your back pocket, you'll be like, yeah, I'll just take it more.

I used to go to sleep. So I deal with my panic attacks. But if I don't sleep, I'll have panic attacks. So I'll take it a couple times a week. And then it ended up just me taking it for three years. And I'm like, oh, I really only supposed to have this for a short period of time. So I'll go on and off. I'm not completely going to be like, I'm not going to take Kalon. No, I'd hear you. But this kind of drugs, like, I'm on Zoloft, right? Yeah, yeah. But I'm with my shrink while I'm doing it.

Do you have a shrink? No, yeah, I have a therapist, yeah. And do they, like, tell you, like, yo, bro, maybe... It's tough. So what I have is I have OCD, so I have anxiety. Jesus, you're a fucking petri dish. But this is what happens, though. I'll start having OCD that I'm addicted to my anxiety medicine, which is tough because

it's like... It is dangerous shit. Like, it's a controlled substance. Yeah, I know. take it for fun. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They're great.

By the pool, fucking awesome. Yeah, yeah. Amazing. I was talking about... A couple of beers? Oh, baby, you're a slinky. It's fucking awesome. Was I talking to you about it?

I was like, I was talking to you one time I was like, dude, I took Xanax, smoked a bowl and had three beers last night. I was like, it felt amazing. You're like, obviously, it feels amazing. You're like, and then you're like, and today I had it feel bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, yeah, yeah. You're like, no shit.

I know, right. You depleted all the good chemicals in your brain. Dude, the feeling of taking Xanax and drinking together is like incredible. I don't care. I've done that on an airplane. Amazing. My flight was delayed like seven hours and I was like, who gives a fuck? Oh, dude, you could be on.

You could be on the 9-11 flight and you're like, I know. You know there was somebody who took it for anxiety? I did. And it had some drinks. It was like, fuck, yeah, we're going down. You know how astronauts, they have this thing in their pocket. If someone goes bad, they take it so they just dies. So they just kills them automatically.

That's badass. Well, they do. So that's what they. So I always thought about. what my kit would be. Yeah, yeah. If that would happen if you're on a plane

or something like that. That's why they should allow. Just an Fenn filled with heroin. Exactly. That's why it's like, seriously. That's what I'm saying. You do whatever.

That's why it's like, you know, it should be like a chastity belt but made like in a thing where you can only open it if there's something drastic happen. We should be able to bring that shit on planes or some shit in case it's going to go down

or something like that. Somebody would take it too early though. Yeah, you just on a plane. You would take it too early. You would. I'm just shooting heroin into my venus. Like I'm suicidal. I'm going to kill myself by just going on a plane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give you the drugs. You said, you said chastity belt. I don't know why I pictured you, because you're like, just right before you die. I picture one that, like, made you come right before you die. Because the way you described it, you're like, as you're going down, you got to have one.

It's not what a chat. That's the opposite of a chesty belt. No, I know, but also the way you were described was, I guess it was a chasty belt from the thing. I get what you were saying. Yeah, you don't say. It's like something like locked key in whatever that has to be, you know, a lockbox.

How about Al Gore? Lockbox. Is that better? Yeah, yeah. Okay. But yeah, you're an addict. But anyway. But yeah, I used to pop colotopins like that was going out of style.

I think they're very underrated. They're awesome. People don't talk about them enough. No, no, yeah, yeah. I think there might be harder to find. Yeah. Because Xanax were everywhere when I was your age. They were everywhere.

They were easy to get. Yeah. But without the other ones are a trickier. All the time. Like, you'll get fake Xanax. Like, that's how people die a lot. Yeah, yeah, I know. So it's one of those things where it's like a, yeah, yeah.

You got to make sure you have a good connect. with it. Right. Or else you're getting like... Right. So anyway, your fucking issues are... You're on meds. So now, yeah, I haven't...

No, I'm not on anything. So I haven't taken colanipin in a month. And I haven't had a beer in three weeks now. That's great. How do you feel? Not better. I know. Wait, you don't feel better?

No, not really. Because it's like... Energy-wise or anything? A little bit. So energy-wise, I feel slightly more productive. Like all alcohol. You're off. Not for permanent.

I'm doing dry January. Yeah, but... Yeah, yeah, I haven't had any alcohol. I drink non-alcoholics, but that's like 0.5% alcohol. Right, right, right. Guinness Mexico one. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm doing that. But it's also like, it's funny because I think I've lied to myself because I'm going, I haven't even been that much more productive. But I think in the back of my mind, I'm just saying that so that I like don't do drudging. Yeah, I think it's because I'm not going to knock it.

My partying used to be my identity. That's for, dude, for like, yeah, for like 10 years, I was like the drunk fun guy. Yeah. I drink way less. And it's, yeah. Yeah, so I think it's that more than anything. Because I tell you, when I stopped drinking for two,

I did it two and a half. half months, nothing. And I felt really, really good. Now I'm back on that wagon. And I'm not drinking now. And I feel a lot better, dude. Really? Yes. Yeah. I think for me, though, it's like I look forward to drinking so much that it does give me

that a little bit of excitement that I need in my life right now. Right. Well, also, I was going to say, too, not to make this a freaking therapy, but like when you lose your, your alcohol is your coping mechanism. Yes. And you don't realize. It's not like you're now, I'm not saying you're going to go and fucking get potato vodka at a fucking grocery.

store because you need to get things. But when you don't have your coping met, like your fun, whatever mechanism it is, like mine's food, alcohol, coke, whatever, when you lose that, you're in, you have to sit in your emotions. Oh, for sure. Yeah. You know, men want to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 24-year-old men look down at 26 years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're wearing dead shirts. It's fucking from what, 20 years ago. I knew. I almost didn't wear this because I was like, every time you've been on, I've wore it. I wore a Sump 41 sure last time. She's like, those fucking gay pussies.

And then I have to, I have to, uh, even if I disagree with it, it's just like the shirt folding. I have to defend things that I don't even stand by half the time. And I'm like, I love Soul 41. They're amazing. They're the lead zeppelin of the 2003s. Oh, God. I used to listen to the dead.

So I'm not hanging out. It's just funny. I just, it's fun. But you wear one of these shirts and then like, you're going to, you have to. I mean, you have to. But then some middle age guy will talk to you about. He's like, did you see their con. monster in 97 and I'm like, no, I didn't.

I was born in 96, so that would be fucking wild. They went into sugar magnolia, man. And oh my God, yes, it started kicking it. I know. I've got deadhead friends and fish head friends. They do the same gay shit. They go so into it. They got a whole language, apparently.

No, they do. Yeah, yeah. They have a word called wooks for people that are like newbies and all this shit like that. Yeah, yeah. One of my friends, it was funny. He went to a therapist. He was into that show. You know what I mean?

He went to a therapist in high school, I think. And the guy had a grateful dead tie. And he's like, and then I have a, immediately bonded with him. And I was like, I can talk to this guy. And I'm like, do you think maybe your mom told him that you like the Grateful Dead? And he just put the time on. And he's like, oh, dude, this guy's cool.

Oh, my God. That's so funny. He told things predicated on a lie. Yeah. Oh, shit. That's funny. I always thought about like, because like, there was a time period where I wanted to be a therapist. Because I'm like, I like helping people.

My shit's not together so I could never do it. But I was like. Well, no. Usually that maybe make you a good one. Right. Yeah. So I thought about it. Right.

And then I started doing comedy. And then I have this weird. weird. You know when you have like fantasies of a life it's not actually like attainable but you're like this. I picture me as like a, it's never had but like a 50 year old therapist who's had a full comedy career. Basically and then there's just like some

tough like like Mark Walt, not Mark Wahlberg, uh, fucking uh, what's his name? Matt Damon kind of guy who's just like sitting there. He's like, come on mixed up in the head and I'm like, look, I'm not like these other therapists and I'm talking to him and I'm like just talking about yourself. Yeah. I can't even

really relate because I'm awesome. I used to be mixed up That doesn't sound like a bad You better get some real help for that shit Yeah I don't know what to do, man But I picture I picture just like one of those guys

That like I'm like look This is the book they told me to Just throw it out Be like look I curse okay I'm a cool I'm a hip guy just like Sitting backwards on your chair And then the kids like

Nobody's ever talk to me that way The adults just don't understand me And I'm like yeah I do Fuck I was just fantasizing that the other day I'm like I'd be such a cool therapist did. I'm like,

this went off for like 30 minutes in my head. I'm just walking home from a spot. I'm like, that's what I'll do. I'll make a full career in comedy, which is already assuming so much success for myself.

I'm like on top of that. I'll go somehow get my, uh, doctor or whatever you call. I don't even know what it's called. Yeah, you know, I think,

well, I got to admit, like, you're 24. What made like, we, I mean, I don't know you that well,

but you seem like you have your shit together, right? You think you're emotionally, like you have your things? Uh, yeah, I think I was a lot more fucked up when I was younger. Younger.

Okay. I figured it out of the way. And then I, the last time I went to like a psychiatrist. Yeah. You can't even say the word. I feel like. Whichever one prescribes shit. Yeah.

I went to a guy who he was like 80 years old. Right. And he just, any of the farmer rep that came in his office, he just like took like took their Of course. Yeah. So he would every time I go in he give me three new like prescriptions. Fucking. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's why. He gave me the first time I went, he gave me Ambien, Clonopinopin and Proz Prozac. Which all three together you could die from. Like, what the fuck? This fucking guy. And so I just took Ambien

Klonop at the same time. I was like 18. I've done that. It's like never been that fucked up ever. Dude, you will, like, it's insane. I did that, dude. I did that, uh, like probably like four months ago. I was sleeping on an air mattress in my buddy's place in Boston.

And then I went up in the middle of the night to jerk off. And I was like, I was jerking off in the bathroom at his house. He's all sleeping. I'm like, I really hope I'm actually in his bathroom right now. Because I was like, this is. is like the most insane. Oh my god. Yeah, dude. You're gonna get that dude's gonna meet to you. Yeah. Well, it's just like, that is

a level of fucked up that you're like literally like you're like, I don't know how I remembered it, but I was really like, oh, horrific. I remember thinking like, well, this guy's a doctor, so this must be what I need. And I'm looking at myself in the mirror and there's just a black hole. Like, this is making my, this is working. Yeah. And then after like a

month, I was like, this is definitely not wrong. That's why I got so. So I just like, you know, just take care. Exercise. Take care. yourself. If you're nervous, usually it's because, like, you need to do something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's also, it is funny that that's why I get so, I got, I hate to fucking bring up COVID shit, but I got so

annoyed when people should be like, you think you know more than a doctor? I'm like, look, I'm not getting into any of that shit specifically, but it's like those people that have that blanket statement about doctors, I'm like, some of them are fucking either retards or psychopaths. I was like, the amount of people, dude, I got put on Adderall when I was like, so young. I was like, do you understand

Adderall is illegal in the UK? Like, it's illegal there. and you can give it to a four-year-old the United States. It's like, does that not show you that maybe some of these doctors are wrong? Like, either the UK ones are wrong or ours are wrong. That is something that like a complete basket case would say, though.

You're like, doctors are either retards or sociopaths. There's no in between. Yeah, of course, there's genius doc. Most of them are very smart. Most blanket statement. It's like, if a 45-year-old is not allowed to take Adderall in the UK and a five-year-old's allowed to take it here, there's a giant disagreement on what that drug is.

There's a lot of problems. Yeah. No, I hear you, dude. I mean, let's be real. It's all money-making scheme. But at the end of the day, you can't, whatever. We're not going to get into a fucking Q and not and not fucking discussion over it. But I mean, it's what there's, that's why anything in life, dude, you got to find the good people and then stick with them.

If they're fucking scumbags, just like, I'm glad I've got a really good bullshit radar, usually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I can usually, you know, when it's someone's like, or the thing is you got to just be an advocate for the whole bullshit. So if you got a doctor, I mean, I know you're 18, so it's hard to say. Plus also, now I know why you're kind of fucked up because getting prescribed drugs that young, that's so fucked up to me. I was in third grade when I could put on amphetamines. That is so fucked up to me because it's like, I know people too that have got prescribed

drugs. And it's like your brain's not even fully fucking developed. That's insane to me, dude. Yeah, yeah. That is fucked up. Why were you a kid getting that shit? Oh, because, like, I was putting in private school first. And so I was the dumbest kid there.

And I feel like everybody was like, why is this kid not grasping complex geometry in the third grade? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't like this shit. And then I was like doing very bad in private school, which is insane because like those kids like it's a wild system. And then. Wait, why? What is private school like? I don't know.

It's just intense. Like they're they expect the kids to like just like learn it like the fast. It's very. At a fast level. Yeah. All the kids are wearing like little like shirts that have like the same logo on them. You're wearing like a uniform. Right.

Yeah. No, I feel you. They made a rule at some point where kids can't have, they have a uniform of lunchboxes because kids get jealous of each other's lunchbox. It's just crazy. Jesus Christ, dude. That's because they actually,

it's because they expect you to like be somebody. That's why you're here because you're going to be someone. And in public school, they're like, you have to go here. Yeah, yeah. And then we'd have music class and I'd be just on

infatomines as a child like, yeah. I was so weird because we had a music class and we'd have songs that were like, nobody had the rights to. So they were, they were like random songs just like, I like hanging out with my friends.

On the piano And I'm like, this shit slaps Because I'm just like Because if you take amphetamines They're actually really similar So MD amazing amphetamine And the beginning of Adderall kicking in

Feels exactly like The beginning of Molly where if you listen to music You get so in. You have a more appreciation for music. Yeah, no, I feel it. It gets more intense. I took Vi-Avance for the first time I was described it when I was like 14.

Yeah, yeah. I remember that. Wait, what were you described? Vi-Avance. It's an extended release version of Adderall, basically. Oh, really? It's like the same thing. Okay, I've only heard it as time released Adderall.

One thing I was good at, same shit. I was bad. So, what were you saying? Yeah, I remember that. Like, shit, I never would, I could pay attention to school shit. But little things when it would kick in, if I was, like, drawing something, I would just draw for like fucking five hours. Oh, yeah, yeah. Or music, where are you from again?

Long Island. Okay, well, okay. But you're from Florida, like Florida, born and raised, right? Yeah, I also, I think this is an our generation thing where it's like a lot of those kids get put on that shit. Yeah. Overmedicated. Over-medicated. Over, yeah.

One thing somebody brought up, though, though, I remember in middle school, my buddy got put on it too, and he's like, yo, I'm, like, really good when somebody insults me at coming up with comebacks. Because you're, like, on anepphetamines and you're mean. So you're like, you're literally, like, riled up. Like, some kid will be like, nice shoes, be like, come over here. Your breath smells like your dad's cock. You fucking, you just go so aggressive on people because you have so much like, but you are sharper. So I remember, like, I was bad socially because you go to talk to a girl and you be like, hey, what's up?

How you doing? Like, you just have, like, this energy going. But then somebody would say something mean to me to me. That is just makes you Italian. Hey, hey, sweet dog, get over you. Hey, how you doing? How are you doing? New mic today.

Extended release mic today. Just the third grade was slip back hair. I know. Maranara on the shirt with the t-shirt. Yeah, yeah. Or go in the bathroom. Every, exactly. You keep on coming out different.

Like you got a pinky ring on. And your cologne is really smelled. I'm just eating like a whole Italian meal at like a table. Got that. What's that? What's that look? it's like the wife beater tucked into dress pants.

There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The gold chain out. Dude, he's from a while and he knows it. Yeah, there you go. Pauley Walnuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I go to that. I could see you being a Pauley Walnuts.

My mom's pretty Italian. All right, yeah, you got the thing. I don't, uh, I don't identify anything that. Well, yeah, you got, I could see your eyebrows thing, but you got Irish in you too, right? Yeah, yeah. I also, I don't have any pride in anything that I'm, you know what I mean? It's like one of those things that, like, I don't feel any, like, I think

it's cool when like I'm mostly Irish. Right. I think it's cool. And I'm like, oh, yeah, Ireland, that's cool. You know, it's fun drinking and being stuff like that. But then I'm never just like, these are my people. You know what I mean? Like, I don't have to feel that. Yeah, I think that's slowly trickling away too. I think like my older generation, like, I know

a lot of people that are older than me that are all like for it. They're all very proud of it and all that. And it becomes their identity. Because again, anything like I don't know, fan, fan, fanatical. Short for that reason, dude. It's like whatever. Like, when people are into it. I have to say, though, when I go to a certain city, like, that's why I found

LA to be very boring, because there's just, like, no, like, culture like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, Chicago has a St. Paddy's Day parade. They have a Polish parade. They have, like, you know, they have a Puerto Rican Day parade. They should have a Puerto Rican. They have a lot of Puerto Rican's there. But they have a lot of shit like that. New York has forget about it. You know what I mean? L.A. had none of that, man. So, I mean, I don't know. It's, it kind of, it's, we're just weird. I mean, I don't know. As Mexican culture. L. L. L. But it seems like. like the fucking all of those types of people from every other city just went to

LA. Basically. Yeah, that's what it is. Just wanting to be famous, no identity. Yeah, kind of, like, kind of like that. Like, mostly Midwest people move out there. Like, you know, you get a couple of, like, when I was out there, a couple of New York people. But every New Yorker I met was like, don't get stuck out here. Go back. Go back. Every one of them I met. They were like, don't get, like, real New Yorkers. So I was like, oh, shit. It fucking sucks out there. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of L.A. I'm not a big, I'm not going to hold due the argument. Find people. You're like,

it out there. You're about the fall in the Pacific Ocean, so keep having fun. Not even worth talking about, really. I always plan to move there. Dude, it's like 45 degrees out. It's January. This thing, it's like everyone's arguing about like, you know, their genders. It's like the world's going to end soon. So, I mean, everyone's just have fun.

There's thunderstorms last night. It's January, what is it, night, 20th? That was a loud of shit. It was a loud as shit. I'm like, is it thundering outside? It's January. Boring rain, thunder lightning. Yeah. So, yeah, everyone keep arguing about your stupid shit. Trump's getting

reelected or whatever the fuck. Doesn't matter. This thing is just going to go. I don't care. It's going to be DeSantis probably. Which is fine. I don't care. Me and Eli always, we take the queue home from Union Square. Right. And so in Union Square, they have the climate countdown clock. Oh, they have it there too? I thought they had it in Union Square, but that's cool. They have it there too. That's what I'm saying. Oh, they just said Times Square. It's like a doomsday clock. It's saying like we have this much time before

climate change is irreversible. Yeah, where are we at now? And you look, I don't know. But it's like it's already irreversible. Yeah. Well, it is. It's like the clock's going down. Yeah, it's also funny. We're not going to change now. No. Like four years left?

And I love it how. Yeah. Yeah. I know. We can never get it happened. Plus, I love it how like I get it, California. Like, they're the ones that are freaking out the most. But meanwhile, it's like L.A., you're not even supposed to be a city that exists.

Yeah. It's a desert. You're sucking the state dry. You're sucking the state dry. It's ridiculous. Your whole city is not supposed to be. Those palm trees aren't natural, my friends. Insane.

Okay. When I was out there over the summer, they were like, I would drive through like, the nicer neighborhoods. Yeah. there were people who just had their sprinklers on like 20. 24 hours of a day. Because their yards are like lush. It's like the jungle. Do it look so nice?

Right. It's just like gaudy and ridiculous. It does look nice, but it's like you're in the middle of the fucking desert. I know. How is this happening? Exactly. I know.

It doesn't make any freaking sense, dude. And like every day I woke up, there's always like, how is there like sand on my car? Like, you know what I mean? It's like, it's like they want to be like, nothing to see here. We're not a desert. You're a desert.

I'm looking at the mountains. There's snow right there. It's like, what is going on, man? Yeah, I know. So, I mean, whatever. So fuck LA. The smog looks fucking horrible there. Smog was ridiculous.

It just, it wasn't my scene. It just, I don't like the weather. I was just there for three days and I was like, fuck this place. Like, I wasn't that long.

Just not my scene. But also, I hate New York. I hate this place so much. Yeah, I know. You don't like you. You want to go back to Florida.

For sure. I want to get shit done. But like, I, I, I fantasize. Like, daily,

I'm not even kidding. I'll put myself in like at like a water park but not even the best part of Florida I'm just like I picture myself like a lazy You're such trash I know it's such trash It is so funny

But you are trash Oh completely I fantasize about I have this fantasy I'm going to Volcano Bay Which is this so You know you should move You should move to Vegas

Oh I would love Vegas That is right up your alley That is right up your alley That would be right there dude And you can do comedy And everything For sure Yeah, no, I fantasize about, like, so Volcano Bay basically is, there's ginormous theme park district in Florida.

And by the way, I'm tired of people saying it's not, they're like, it's like, it's pretty impressed. It's almost its own land now. Did you say it's gigantic amusement park? Yeah, you got a couple of them. There's, yeah, it's like, it's a whole section of the state that is amusement parks. Yeah. And it's just growing more and more. So, like, everybody's like, oh, it's like fake.

It's like, it's not really fake. There really, really is a castle at Disney. There's something magical about that. And as an adult, there is, there is a magical. there's a giant castle. I don't give a shit. I like that. That's as impressive to me

as a real castle. I like it. That is pathetic. Are you serious? I love it. That is impressive as a medieval castle from the 14th century

that has existed beyond years and like some like, you know, Jew-hating dude made a mouse and now is creating castles, a fake castle with a princess.

That is like just on top of that. It's a castle. To be fair, whoever lived in the actual historical castle, but they probably also have hated. Jews. Oh, yeah. Probably.

All the same Jew, Hayden. But, you know, they, you know, they, they've murdered and they did, you know what I mean, they led through polio, whatever the hell. There's real blood on the walls. There's real blood on the wall. You know what I mean? You know, you had, you know, there's some action involved instead of, you know. For sure. But once, when the human civilization crumbles and the aliens come down, they're going to look at that castle and be like, this is the same as the ones in Europe. Yeah. And they're going to see, they're going to see Walt Disney's symbol.

No, no, they're going to go to everybody's fucking house and they're going to see Walt Disney DVDs. they're going to think that Walt Disney was an actual fucking king. Because, like, the amount of shit that Disney rules now is crazy. They're in our houses. They're everywhere. It's crazy. I sound so schizophrenic right now.

The mice, they're in our houses. They're in our spirits, goofy. Have you ever been to Europe? Yes, I've been to Europe. I thought it was so fucking gay. Not in a homosexual way. When I was a kid, I went to Europe and I was like... Wait, as a kid, though, as an adult, have you gone to Europe?

No, I'm sure I think it's cool. But honestly, I've been to a castle. I like America the best. I love this place. I'm not saying it we need it. You see, this is what... It doesn't matter. If you go to Europe,

doesn't mean you hate America. But if you went and saw a castle, you fucking, because you're an immigrant from Florida. Being in New York means he hates America. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I go back home and the comics will be like, hey, he's coming here from New York.

There's comics down there? Yeah, yeah. The host of the show will be like, all the way from New York City. I'm like, don't, don't say that. Don't let them know that I live there. Oh, my God. You can leave.

It's no big deal. It's fine. No, for my career, I have to stay here. Your career, don't worry about it. Go be a short. drink. In Florida, you can just be a shrink. You can be a shrink today in Florida.

You go right down there. You open office. Baby, you're in business. I'll be fine. Usually some of the shrinks I had here, though. There's some fucking hippie-dip-jerkies shrinks I have here. They're worse than the ones of Florida. I bet there are.

There's tons of because there's so many more assholes here. So the percentage of number of you getting an asshole, yeah, of course. Yeah, there's this woman for 10 sessions. She did the Freud stuff where she was like, how does that make you feel? And I was like, you haven't told me anything to do in my fucking life. Like, she literally would be like, Oh, so why do you think? I was like, yeah, I got a mustache, you know,

because I think it looks funny. She goes, why do you think mustaches look funny? I'm like, I don't know because they do. What the fuck? Why is this? But, that's like how you know she's just fucking with you. Yeah, she's terrible. How do you think?

Well, no, hold on. There's different kinds of psychiatric shit that they could do to you. Maybe it's because you're not that deep and maybe there's nothing there. So maybe you need to find another shrink. But, I mean, Freud, I mean, that guy did a lot of cocaine. I was watching a show with him last night, actually. So funny that you brought him up.

There's a show on Netflix called Freud. Didn't realize how much cocaine that dude did. He drank cocaine. You would have loved him. Yeah. You would have partied with Freud. Like no fucking other problem. Also, weird sexually.

Yeah, weird sexually, dude. I mean, the whole sexual thing's a little too fucking much. I'm just saying that there's some shrinks that are like out there like this. What kind of therapist would you rather have like them be like, all right, here, take this, prescribe this? No, no, no. I need an edge of assertiveness where somebody's like, look, you're kind of piece of shit if you're doing this. Or you're not a piece of shit. or this is why you're doing this

and stuff like that. The only way to know why is to understand how you fucking... For sure, but 10 sessions in. Yeah. Oh, no, 10 sessions in. Yeah, I know by two. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

It was like, I'm out. I'm out. I'm like, fuck this. No, fuck that. But the thing I want to go back to Disney. The thing I want to say about... Oh, fuck Disney. No, no, no.

The thing I love about this place, too, is... As a kid, I used to like theme parks, but I think I like the more as adults. Because now, when I'm in, like, Harry Potter world, it's like, they don't... I'm like, nothing's, it doesn't matter. None of this matters because I'm hanging out right now

and that guy's dressed up as Ron Weasley. Like it just, it's almost more... It doesn't make any sense, we just said. No, I'm saying. I find it more pathetic, but go on. Because of... Really, it's just, it's like you're on the verge of tears. You're like, you're actually better when you're an adult.

Because you don't have to hold anyone's hand and just experience it. You can push people out of the way. And it's because it's your turn to see them to see them. And I want to see him. And I see him. And I don't have. to weigh in line. What I'm saying is the escapeism element.

Like when you're a kid, it's like, if you'd bring me to the beach, I would think that's really cool and exciting. Or like, go to the park, you're like, like, that's exciting. But I'm saying Disney, it's like as an adult. I don't like Disney. I like Universal. But I'm saying like that. I don't care.

Either one. I'm sorry. I see Harry, all right, I just watched Harry Potter for the first time. I was, I hate Harry Potter, by the way. I'm just using things in examples. I hate Harry Potter and I hate Disney. Then why the hell are you break? Like the theme park more than the store?

Correct. So you, wow, you are trash. We are completely the antithesis of each other. Because like, you don't appreciate the art. You just appreciate the ride you can go. The ride, the stupid ride you can take. Correct. Actually, I hate all amusement parks.

I don't like any of them. Of course. Yeah. When I was a kid, I was maybe uncomfortable. There's too many people and shit. I can see that happen. And they're like you. They're just looking like, hey, like fucking stupid.

Dude, that's me. It's like, drooling. I was in Times Square the day. I fucking love it. I love Times Square with a passion, dude. I see the colorful lights and I'm like, it's like I'm hypnotized. Yeah, you need to move to Vegas. Oh, I would love Vegas.

You need to move to Vegas. Like my fan. You might be hit it big in Vegas too. I could see you having a tux with like white sneakers and like something stupid tie and doing a whole thing. I like that idea, but I think I'm more like a button down. No one looks better in a t-shirt than you do. Yeah. I agree.

That's like your whole thing. Dude, my full potential I've already decided is I'm dressing up like the Jurassic Park guy, like the guy who found the park and he's being a drunk piece of shit all the time. Like that level of like But like for a living? How do you do? No, no, no, no. You got to gain a certain amount of success.

In Times Square, he'll take a picture with the guy who does. Yeah, dude, that would be six. The billionaire who funded Jurassic Park. Dude, that would be fucking darn. I've been, I mean, there's a guy that dresses up his, uh, uh, doc from back to the future. You know that guy, right? Yeah. He drives to the loin. That's like a more iconic character.

Oh, way more. I know, is you like, are you the guy from Jurassic Park? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I say is Volcano Bay? I will, so this is the most, maybe the most disgusting

looking theme park. I never heard of this park. So where is it, though? Can you give us a layout? Literally, okay, so you're going, there's downtown Orlando, and if you keep going, you hit the theme park district.

Okay. This is on the way to the theme park district. Ridiculous. Oh, it's ridiculous, but I love it. The theme park district. Yeah, yeah. By the way, you're on the way there,

you're on the highways, and then you see this giant volcano. with nothing else around it, it looks completely insane. Like it literally is a giant volcano that you can see from the road and you're like, what is that? And I've never been to Volcano Bay, but I fantasize about going there.

You've never been there. No, because there's one of those, I kept trying to get people to go and it's hard to get a bunch of people to go because nobody wants to go to a water park because it's fucking disgusting. Yeah, it is. That's really crotty. But I love that kind of stuff. So I've been trying to get people to go. And I just have this vision of me drunk on the lazy river,

just having the best day in my life. Why don't you go to a real lazy river? like the outdoor one? Like an outdoor one? Um, because I, I like that. I like that. Talking about a river,

the outdoor one. Yeah. Yeah. Like an outdoor one. Of course the outdoor river. Yeah. Did you grow up in, do you like the ones in the Marriott pool?

Like I don't know you guys are talking about. Barbie house. I don't even understand. Like what did you grow up it, dude? Like everything. And I don't know where it happened. Are you the Truman show come to life? I'm telling you it's insane.

Like, I like, I fucking, I love Scarface. There's a new song that came out. Kodag Black Diplo and some country guy and I was like, this is the greatest stuff. You sent me that video, I loved it. It's like the worst song I've ever heard. Dude, it's terrible. And I can, so I can recognize that things are terrible, but

I love it. And it's not ironic. I'm not like, oh, this ironic. I know it's not. I know it's that's why I like being friends of you. It's like, I don't know anyone like it. There is, you need all types, dude. And I, even though you, you dry me up the wall. But, yeah,

I guess. I just, I hate all that. I hate fake shit. I hate Madam Suss. Oh, I love Madame Thuss. I hate... I hate... Like, it gets me... Like, that gets me anxious, just thinking about it. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? That, all that, like... Yeah. All the, like, time square.

Oh, my God. I love... Where everything around me is, like, trying to make me have fun. Right. Like, not even fun. I just think it's like an epileptic, like... Yeah. It's way... It's not natural. It's just way too much. It's gross. Now, to be fair, I also like nature. Okay. I like nature. Like the river. the real nature? Yes. What I don't like is old shit. So that's why I think I like the cheesy shit. Wait, what's old shit? So like in Europe, the architecture is very old looking and it's very, so I don't mind outdoors.

It's old looking because it's older. It's old. I agree. I agree. How do you not respect the essence of like, especially in New York, it's older. Everything's older. They didn't open Europe in the 195. I know. I know. I know. I like it, but I don't, sorry, I don't respect it. I respect what it is. Try to formulate my points. I don't even comparing Europe and Disneyland. Because I've been to both and I don't like Europe at all. So let me tell you, I've been, I've been to, by the way, I went to Spain for a full summer when I was 14, got blackout drunk. I stayed with a 16 year old. I went and I thought, this is how fucking, I get mad when people don't put ice cubes in water.

And that will ruin a whole country from it. It's insane. I'm like, I don't like this place because. I like ice in my water. And a lot of Europe doesn't do ice in the waters. That bug me. It's one thing. That's insane.

I think that a lot of, like, art is cool, but it never blows my mind when I see it. When I see a giant volcano made out of cement on the side of the road, that's impressive to me. When I see a statue of a man that I've already seen in a textbook, it doesn't impress me. You know, like Salvador dolly art? Dolly squad. I've been to the dolly museum. I liked it. Okay.

I like Dolly. There are certain things that. So the reason I like Dolly is because it's colorful and almost like chival. cheesy. Are you, are you retarded? Like, seriously, are you autistic? You're autistic. No, it's, it's, I can, we can't make fun of him.

He's autistic. Fuck you. No, it's, it's, I, I, I, I, I, you can suck my balls right now. I like it, it's, the colors are bright. It's my attention. And it tastes good. It tastes like melted cheese. Yeah.

It seems like it. I tasted like melted cheese. Look, Dolly is cool, but I'm saying it's, I like Dolly because it's colorful. It's, dolly's the time square of painters. It's colorful. It's flashy. It's in your face. It's there's no, there's not this crazy, normally deeper meaning to it. Yeah, it is. There's tons of meaning in this art. Are you out of your mind? I'm not saying, so what I'm saying is like, it's like you look at it and you see what's

interesting about it. I don't like shit where it's like a woman sitting at a table with an egg and she's staring at it and you're like, oh, well, this means this, this, blah, blah, it's like this means this. I like, Dahlia because you look at me, you're like, oh, this is cool, this is trippy. It's exciting to look at it. I don't like... But you're not an idiot. You're not a dumb guy. Yeah, you're not.

Correct. So you can't look at a painting like that or a piece of art and have like a moment where you think about it, what it means to you? Or it just pisses you off that you have to think about it. No, no, no, no, no, no. So I think that it... I do like Dolly and I do like stuff like that. I don't like stuff like the Mona Lisa. I've seen the Mona Lisa.

Didn't think it was that cool. Right. And I think a lot of art in Europe is like the Mona Lisa where it's not a lot of... as cool as you'd think it is. I think there's a lot of art you didn't see. That's possible, too. I would say that because there's a lot of art that's not just Mona Lisa and all that shit,

especially in Spain, bro. Yeah, I was mostly just getting hammered and smoking cigarettes. And also you're 14, exactly. You're 14 years old. I'm blacked out. You can't judge how you would relate to Europe now. For sure. Being who you are now.

For sure. For sure. For sure. That's totally fair. At 18, I went to Germany and Ireland. And that was awesome. I got hammered, but I was still able to appreciate the Boca Kel's at Ireland at the University of Dublin. You know what I mean? You can do both things.

I agree with that. I went to, I went to Denmark when I was 19. Oh, cool. How was Denmark, man? Awesome. I mean, I was 19, so it was like I'm drinking legally. Yeah, dude. And they get really fucked up there.

And I went for like this like festival. They had some huge, I don't even know what it was happening because I didn't, they could know what to get to explain to me. It's like midsummer. Old people are jumping off of a fucking. Yeah. these women were trying to have you fuck them and then it got really weird.

I brigated like 90 women. And they're yelling. They gave me a mallet and I just bashed his old guys head in. And they would breathe different and we went into like, yeah, dude, that is funny. Yeah, that's a hell of a time in Denmark there. Those things. It was awesome. And then I saw I went to like a castle, an old castle, which was fucking sick.

You're an idiot if you don't think that's cool. Yeah. and they had the cool art and shit in the cat that I had yeah it was like experience I'll never forget tapestries and shit tapestry massive tapestries they had stained glass windows like huge things and you have to think that maybe the colors didn't exist and how they had to make the pigments of that

and where did they get the products then because there was no fucking Amazon and like you know I just don't give a fuck about history I don't give a shit I love history I've been brought into so many churches I've been into what's it called what's the big one in Italy. It's like supposed to be the Vatican? The Vatican? I thought it was

fucking so lame. I hated the Vatican. It's a city. It's not even a church. It's a fucking whole city. St. Paul's Basilica. What's the one with the giant? St. Peter's Bistillica? Whatever the fuck that's called. I hate it. I had diarrhea and didn't even go to the the road. Diary in the Vatican?

Yeah. It was terrible. That's Satan, dude. Satan trying to crawl out of your asshole. Yeah. Because that's Vatican's in Rome, right? We went to the Vatican, and then we were going to go see the Coliseum, and I was like, I got a shit so bad. And I was like, I don't even, it's not even worth it for me. And to be fair, I was like, I was like, 12. Oh, my God. Did your family take you? Yeah, they, I'm sure we're like, we should have waited until he was older to take him.

But I remember, I had a flip phone. I remember just trying to text my girlfriend because I had this girlfriend. She was a year older, which was like the shit back then. And I was like, I'm the man. And I would be like, it's so fucking stupid. I'm here with my family. You're like National Lampoon's European Vacation. You ever seen that film? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, the daughter's like, I got to go home and see Jack. Yeah, that was a little time. Jack. Actually, I went to Europe with a girl like that too, and I went there because her sister was studying in Germany.

And the whole time she was like, I miss my boyfriend. I'm like, you're pathetic. You're rooting for everything. Because even at that age, I was like, your boyfriend's cheating on you. It's like, relax. Yeah, but it's like, this is going to. I didn't want to. You're in Europe right now.

You're in Europe right now. You can fuck whatever the fuck you want. We can drink. What are you doing? I've always, you and me, we would have partied a lot there back in the day. This fucking guy. I remember just looking at the Michelangelo. I'm like, I could be getting fucking tugged off right now.

Oh, my God. Tugged off? Yes. I would have, I would have. By the way, I came back and she cheated on me. So you were right about that. Good. I'm glad she did.

You just fucking tore my heart out. Good. I'm glad. But, uh, the Vatican did that. I hope it did. I, uh, and the food, I was just like, I, I, I don't. I didn't like the food. Oh, my.

I was 12. I was 12. I was 12. And that is, that is, that is an experience that's wasted on you. Because you don't get, when you're like, for sure. appreciate what's going on around. Yeah, yeah.

But also, still my taste of food if you're asking. What do you want? Especially if you're autistic. Did you go to, do you ever been to, I'm not a socialist?

Not every retardation is autism. I have something else going on. There's a Disneyland. There we're just, you're just retired. That's fair. Call me retarded. I'm not autistic.

I'm very social. There's a Disneyland in France. Did you ever go there? No, but I'm sure I would have loved it. Yeah. They'd be like, I like Europe now.

Yeah. This is culture. My God. I think there's this, though. So I like the theme park aspect. I don't like Disney's whole, like, vibe, though. There's something creepy about it to me. Do you guys ever feel that?

Like, I watch it. Yeah, that's why I hate it there. Right, right, right. You just said you loved it as an adult, you like it. So, I like certain things. So, like, the idea of, like, I've been to Epcon an adult, but an idea of that sounds exciting to me where it's not too childish. The thing, Disney movies even, so when I say, when I say,

It's just go to Europe. You're in Europe. Why do you have to go to Epcon? Yeah, go to Europe. That's what Europe is. because good shut up just go to Europe I got to go but yeah go to Europe get your head out of your ass I mean you're unbelievable go live I mean what does your girlfriend do with you I'm my god man Jesus Christ if you told me right now and not even kidding you go you could go with all your best

friends actually you know I'd probably take Europe but in my head I'm like I want to go to New somewhere in a beach Florida and just get drunk with my best friends like that's that's what excites me I can't I'm not going to argue if you told me right now I could go to Vegas with my best friends or Italy I would choose Vegas 100 percent Okay. And I hope you go there because you're the reason when I go to Italy, they're like fucking America. Exactly. I'm just saying.

I know. Ruining so totally. That's why it's like you need Britney Spears fans. Keep them away from, you know, me listening to my music. So it's like, that's fine. You need those fandoms, okay? You know? Keep on those avatar nerds.

Go ahead. Keep watching them so you don't come to my Moran Scorsese movies. You know what I mean? That's fine. So I'm perfectly down with that. Enjoy Vegas, buddy. You guys enjoy your culture. Yeah, we will enjoy our culture.

I'm enjoying my culture. Look, it takes a lot less to make me excited artistically. No, it's just shallow. It takes way less for me to get it. I can look at a painting and have a good time. And you're going to be like, this is fucking gay. Take me to Epcot. Take me to at least in Florida.

I need a collatopin and a zanny and a fucking, you know, case of Natty light. I need a Hunter S. Thompson briefcase at Epcot. Exactly. Have a good time. And a woman named Shogon. I think you gotta get going, right? Yeah, I'm sorry. What do you guys want to promote?

Europe and art. Don't go to fucking your... And have a level of thinking and, you know, levels of, you know, onions and shit, you know, like layers. That's what I want to promote. Education. Read a book. Read a book. Go see a therapist.

Be a man. Not a little boy. Anyway, that's mine. I disagree with all that. Go to Key West. Go to Dante's. I've got it. I've peed a lot of beds.

Yes. Go to Dante's beach. Go to my blue hat. No, go to Blue Heaven. Okay, Blue Havens. I've been there. Blue Heaven's a great time. Very good food. Yeah, they have a good food there.

Yeah, Rick's also. The strip club at the bottom floor of Ricks. Yeah, that was a fun time. I've been there too.