Morning Good - Facts - Episode 126

Episode Date: October 23, 2022

Huge thanks to Steve Yensel for joining the show for the first time and coming through with some insane stories. Thanks to Paddy Defino as well for always coming on the show and being hilarious. Catch Paddy on previous episodes of the show, and for more info about both of these comedians, check out their links below. Find Steve on Instagram @steveyenselcomedy and check out his art page @steveyenselart and for even more info go to steveyensel.com. Paddy is on Instagram @paddy_is_funky, and make sure to check out his blog at pink-brains.com.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, really? I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to the morning. And we're going. We're here with Patty Defino. Hey, yeah. Don't do one of those voices, you fucking bitch. No, I'm just kidding. And we're also here with Steve Yensel.

Hello. What's up? How's it going? I'm taking my glasses off, so I don't think so old. Yeah, that'll ruin the whole episode. Exactly. I'm like ancient, even though I already am ancient. But yeah.

But, yeah, dude, I was saying I got like no sleep blasts. I've been having a horrible time of sleep. It's so funny. Like, I don't know about you, but like the littlest thing could trigger my anxiety. Like, I was like, let me watch the Fantastic Four movie before going to bed. Doesn't seem like anything. And then Mr. Fantastic said a bachelor party. And it reminds me of when I acted like an idiot at the bachelor party.

And I just stayed up for like five extra. hour, just freaking the fuck out. And he's just, like, doing his little plastic thing having a great time. And somehow that caused me, like, you see the thing? And you're like, remember when I was made of rocks? Oh, my God. That was a funny thing, dude, I was watching. I've never had, like, body dysmorphia, but I was going to see, I saw a black at him,

which is fucking fun. Was it good? Dude, it was a good time. Like, it was very, uh, like, the plot was all over the place. I also, I got really high before. I, it's, it's annoying now. The high makes it good, though. Oh, absolutely.

Oh, you hold a little closer, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it definitely makes it better. But I got super high and I don't have a wallet right now. So I was like, dude, I'm making all these snacks because I was like AMC for sure does Apple Pay. Yeah. And so I'm just baked. I like didn't eat for like hours.

And I'm like, all right, sweet. I'm ready to like snack up. And they're like, yeah, we don't take Apple Pay there. So I was just sitting like high in the theater without being able to get snacks. Yeah. Which is kind of a disaster. I saw like what the? This is how shitty I was.

I saw like a nacho thing. Like, which with the cheese. There was a part of me that was like, maybe I'll just get like a little bit of that. Like just steal. Like from someone? Yeah, but we'll, no, because they have like a, the nacho stand. But that's a real piece of shit move to just get high when you're unemployed and then just eat nacho cheese and movie alone by yourself.

Yeah, it's just from a cup? Yeah. Is it called Black Adam because he's black? He wears black. Oh, yeah. He's one of those. He is a slave, though. Is he really?

Yeah, yeah. He's like a slave who, uh, he like, it's lots of stones and stuff like that and then a crown. Like, very, like, typical stuff. And then he basically like, yeah he it's like I guess the comic book was in Egypt but this is just like somewhere in the Middle East it's very vague about that that's why there's no gay characters in it um okay but I mean that's not specifically why but I was like it seems like every superhero movie they're throwing it like a gay character that's in line with black Adam yeah I can't but he's Samoan so I was like I guess he's not middle it but he Darraq could do anything yeah dude he could play a Chinese guy I think we'd all be okay with yeah yeah I think the rock could say the N word like he he yeah what is Samoan I don't know Who's going to...

It's the islands off of American Samoa. So, like... It's in the Pacific, I think. So, like, is the Philippines like Samoan? No, Philippines are different. The Samoan ads are like... I think Philippines are Filipino. Yes.

Okay. So Samoa is like American Samoa. I think it's in the middle of Bumblefuck. We own everything. It's like... It's like Hawaii. I think it's in the middle of Bumblefuck. Oh, God.

Yeah. And it's also a great cookie. Oh, Samoas? I think... Actually, no, I don't really like that. I love them, the little... It's like coconut. Coconut, yeah, chocolate, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder, because if you split an atom, it creates, like, a giant explosion. Yeah. I wonder if you split a black atom if it creates, like, a giant explosion of, like, grape soda. Yeah, is that? Oh, shit. Shake it up, like, shake it up. You know what? You know what?

We're two minutes in. Let's start this, sir. Dude, I feel bad. One of these last episodes, I, unintentionally, I had, like, Graham Cooper on who's, like, very, like... He's clean, right? He's, like, cleaner. And it was so funny. I was like, I was joking, and they're like, this is a big change of pace because we had Patty make like 30 rape jokes the last episode.

And then I was like, fuck, is Patty going to listen and then think that I'm shitting on it? No, I don't listen to your podcast. Yeah, I hope not. Yeah. Even the ones I'm on, sometimes the ones I'm on, I listen because I'm like, oh, there might be like a clip in here I could put up to try to get people to, but that's like just about it. Yeah. It's hard, it's hard to listen to like any podcast anymore. Dude, I hate, totally.

I go for a, yeah, even the good ones, you're like, this is boring and shit. Yeah. Can my question you, because I didn't see black at him, but I did see a trailer for it. Yeah. There's Cyclone, who is a black woman who controls whatever. She seems a lot like Storm and the X-Men. Oh, that's a, like, not a rip-off of... No, it is.

So there's a lot of the Marvel movies were, like, based off DC characters. Like, Deadpool is literally a joke based off of Deathstroke. Deathstroke, dude. Yeah, who literally looks exactly like Deadpool. That's... His name is Slade Will. and they literally named him Wade Wilson in Deadfield. And it, like, it was like a one for one.

Marvel really did rip off DC? Yeah, yeah, but it's like a joke. Like, they did it to the point where it's like a joke. They were like, oh, we'll have a satirical version of this character. Holy shit, I didn't know that. I thought it was all like... Yeah, no, no. DC kind of came out like before Marvel.

I had an aunt who had a death stroke. Yeah. She's gone. She didn't get any superpowers. Dude, I put the Zid pouch in it. Her superpower is remaining very still for a long... but yeah sorry I put the Zen pouch in now I feel like it's affecting my speech but I'm good so you don't dude I'm swallowing it and it's like wild

yeah I don't know if that's like I feel like the thing is I like I like I like drugs yeah and I'm trying to not do them although I did mushrooms recently and during my mushroom trip like the mushrooms because you know how mushrooms tell you things yeah mushrooms are awesome we should do mushrooms we should do a podcast on mushrooms but they told me on my podcast on mushrooms. Yeah. Oh, wow. They told me to smoke weed again. They're like, you should try smoke it. I haven't smoked this whole calendar year. But can't they give you like bad

advice too? Because you always see somebody who's like... Yeah, they also told me to kill John Lennon. Yeah. Because I feel like I have some friends like that to do mushrooms and I'm like, you're still also like an idiot. Like it hasn't like fixed a lot of things. It's like I need some... I used to, I used to go to Amsterdam before, you know, now mushrooms, now they only

have truffles there. Yeah. They don't have the regular mushrooms. They used to have great, they used to have these glass cases with all these different types of fucking mushrooms. The Hawaiians were the best. But what happened was some stupid little girl went there, took mushrooms, jumped off a bridge and died, and then they banned them. So now you can only have these truffles, which are like mushroom light. Yeah, yeah.

It's such a funny solution, though, because it's always like, oh, this kid did this, so we'll just make this slightly weaker. It's like everything, there's always one kid that dies, and then a new law comes in. Because they have to say, like, we did something about this. Yeah. Fuck that. Yeah. So they can't test you for mushrooms.

No, I do. I was told it was that. I was told and then I researched it. I ran, you know Max Marcus, you know Max Marcus comic on the scene. I ran into him on the street and he just went, he was tripping on the street because he lives like a block away from my girlfriend.

So we're like, whatever. And he's like, and he was just wired when I saw him. He goes, yeah, I took mushrooms and then someone called me out of the blue and I just went to a rage at the machine concert and it was the greatest thing ever, blah, blah, blah. And we were talking.

He's like, oh, yeah, yeah. these are out of your system in like 3-20. Because like I said, I have to do piss test. I'm going to have to go to it tonight, probably. Oh, shit. Because they send us all the time, so I can't do pot at all. What do you do for a track worker for the MTA? Oh, okay, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. That's so weird, though, because part of me would think that there'd be a lot of those guys getting high. Wish. Just because, like, I feel like blue collar where, I mean, I guess every job people are getting high all the time. Yeah. Which is different things. Like, finance guys just always take an Adderall and stuff like that. Yeah.

Grady's a machine. That sounds weird to see. mushrooms on now. Because I feel like you're like angry about the system. And I think on mushrooms, I'd be like you should be like lightly dosing anthrax. Yeah. Like kill some of your brains. Yeah. And I forget, like, I might die, but at least I get

to see Commerlo. Aren't they like giant sellouts in a way that like, aren't there tickets like insanely expensive or something like that? Basically, every concert now is insanely expensive. Dude, used to be you could see shit between $30 and $60. Dude, there's $100, $500, whatever the hell dollar tickets for shit and you're like, what the fuck?

How do you supposed to... Specifically, if you wanted to take your fucking girlfriend to a show or like whatever the hell. And it's also like, it's so funny because these artists, a lot of them are trying to be like, they're like, yeah, man, we're like not part of the system. Like, you're making so much money. And the only people they can afford these quality tickets

are fucking douchebags. Exactly. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. I know Billy, is it Billy Joel or Billy... Joel. Yeah, he had some rule where he's like the front row is like general admission because he doesn't want rich people coming and sing in the front because they get really rich

they come, they stay for a song and they fucking leave and get out there. Like piano man! Because that's the only song, man. Yeah, I got it. Let's go down. Yeah. That would be sick though, if you could have that much money to where you could just like see a couple. Like, I would love to see Smash Mouth just for All-Star and then get the fuck out. You know what I mean? Like, you're like, I'll

see three songs, get out. Like you pay a fee just to see like one song and then like security comes and takes you away. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that was... That was... I saw Dave Matthews like that. I saw Dave Matthews like that. And it's just like, you can't. All of his songs sound kind of the like, you know.

Oh, yeah. And after that, I was like, oh, I'm good. I'm out. What would you say? Shimm it how? All of them. The best. It's not the best.

There are people who follow him, like, like, they're cult following. You know, they go wherever he goes. Yeah. Like the dead, you know? Yeah. Like in, yeah. What's the craziest concert you ever have been to? Dude, fucking probably Prince.

Oh, that's sick. Wow. I was like Prince, like maybe in the fourth row. And then I took, it used to be, what you did was you camped out for tickets. And so when the tickets went on sale or whatever the hell. This is why I had Stephen fucking fucking. No, that's true. I knew you were going to go to school.

No, it was just like whatever. But then like I said, you camped out and you got tickets. And like I said, I got fourth row for fucking Prince. Purple Rain, baby. You know, like when he was like that was the shit. And then like I took some chick that I met. And like, I drove to marry in Indiana to get her, took her to the, thing and then drove her back.

And I didn't even get a bloat. Didn't get anything out of it. It was like, what? I'm the ultimate simp. I'm always getting fucked out of everything. Yeah, he was a prince, but you were a peasant. Yeah. Well, that's also like a thing.

I think that's always the story is the farther you drive to get pussy, the less likely that girl is. They're probably like, the more it seems like desperate. And they're like, I can't blow this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there's no way. That's exactly what happened. I was going to make some random guy at the bar who doesn't want to have sex.

He'll wear me as a jacket. Yeah, yeah. That is funny. You'll see that two at a bar where a girl's like show into a guy who's weird, but they're like,

he's just not into me so I want to fuck him now. That's like a thing they have. It is. Oh, yeah. And as soon as you know a girl's into you,

it's over. Like as soon as a girl, anytime a girl was ever into me, I just blow it big time. You just change? Oh, dude, yeah. I used to get so nervous talking.

See, I feel like I... That's all of us, dude. Or me, I don't know, maybe Mike's the stud here in the room. He never has any...

I always got the left. I never had any problems. Women just throw themselves up. Not that ain't me. But it is one of those things too where I think it's like when I was single, it's like, I don't know, you, if I found out somebody who's in me, I'd be the opposite. I'd be like, oh, now I don't have to try it all. And I don't care.

Yeah, that's true. I think there's also, like, maybe something in the air that happens with some kind of chemical reaction as soon as you're taken, like, girls are into you. Oh, I know. They know it. Yeah. Even if it's, like, not written on your teacher. I think you must give off some sort of funky pheromone or some shit or something.

But yeah. But otherwise, yeah, go ahead. Well, it's also when you're not in a relationship, or when you're in a relationship, you also, because you'll never find out because you'll never pursue anybody, you just think everybody is into you also, though. Yeah.

Because you'll be like, oh, somebody looked at me, well, I'm not going to go talk to them, but they probably would have wanted to have sex with me. You have no idea. Right, right, yeah, yeah. It's almost better, like, knowing someone wants to have, like, if I see, like, sometimes I'm at a concert

and there's, like, a young man who's attractive, and he's looking at me, like, boy, do I want that hot little ass, you know? It feels good. It's like that feels good to be wanted, to be wanted, even if it's by, you know. Do you think gay dudes have a different taste than stray women, though? Yes. Really?

Yeah, because I, I attract gay men much more. Oh, yeah. I kind of think, not to be a dick, but I think we all do, unfortunately. You're like, maybe just men are just hornier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think, I kind of agree with what you're saying. I think it's like, there's a sloppiness that gay dudes like is there's the thing with gay deeds where they want to fuck straight dudes. And, like, they know immediately, like, all of us look straight as hell.

That's so funny because never, we look, we look sloppy. It's the opposite of the opposite. I know. They would never, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never once have I seen, like, a butch lesbian? And I'm like, boy, do I want to turn that out. Yeah, never, never. Yeah, there's always that guy.

There are the lipstick ones that you can't tell, though. Yeah. You know, the lipstick ones that dress like, they're, they just dress like a regular chick. Yeah, yeah. That's what a lipstick shit, I don't know. They just, like, listen to too much Lana Delray. I actually, dude, I used to have a roommate, her name, was Michelle here in the East Village?

Obama? Yeah. But she, dude, she was like, one month I'm lesbian, one month I'm fucking gay or whatever the hell. And so I said to her, I was like, I was like, wait, guys don't have that flexibility. Isn't that the same thing? No, but she, anyway, so I asked her, I said, I said, Michelle, I said, what's up? She goes, Stephen, I'm loyal to the team I'm playing on at the time I'm playing for that team. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just like, what the fuck. Because guys don't have that flexibility. He's like, you blow a dude, everybody's like, you're gay. No, no, no. Once you, yeah. Also, I don't think girls like bisexual men. No, no. I've had Charlie on and Graham talk about it. They're like, yeah, no, it's a challenge. Yeah. Graham does not strike me as bisexual.

Oh, he totally does to me. Don't really? Any guy that's thin. I'm like, he probably banks, dude. I don't know why. I'm just like, I don't know why. Because obviously there are fat gay dudes. But in my mind, I'm like, that guy's not gay. He's fat. Why would he let himself go if he's a homosexual? That's so funny.

Yeah, like the whole bear thing. I don't know why. It's surprising to me when I see like, a bear. I'm like, oh shit, yeah. Yeah. Also, you know what sounds really gay? Anthony Ketilis. I never heard him, I heard him on Joe and he's like, how's it going, Joe? I'm like, whoa, I didn't, did not expect the red-hawper's guy. I think, like, you can, like,

just by doing enough drugs. No, no, no, no, he's just done a lot of drugs. That's, you kind of become gay. Because you become a softer, gentle or person if you've been through a lot of shit. Yeah. You can tell, like, there's, it's not that he's blowing dudes, but he's come to a sense of enlightenment in himself that he's like, I don't have to put on, because

this is for years. Okay, so I was a kid, and I heard some broie guy be like, oh, they did. And then that permanently became my voice. Yeah. Like, have you heard these finance bros whose voice forever is like, Oh, no, bro, dude? Like, it sounds like you have Down syndrome. They're like, we're going to go to Charles.

Charles and fuck a dude large and they go to the. It's like the equivalent of getting like a shitty tattoo and you're like 25. And then you're like, you're like 86 and you're like, why is there like a winged like serpent on your arm? Yeah. But my brother, he did say he met some guy who was like super broie in high school and his voice changed. He's like, that's crazy. Yeah. Because you got to adapt to, like, you know, the real world in some ways.

But I don't know. It's weird because, like, I was talking about this before. Accents permanently changed so fast. Or not permanently. They changed so fast. Yeah. The Valley Girl thing was not a thing like 40 years ago. But now it's a thing.

So it's like, that's like, that's a completely different accent. So it's like. Wow. And in weird positions of power, like finance. Like, we're going to have politicians that are like, yeah, dude. It's like, those are going to be powerful men. Like, the finance bros now that are like the Cokehead guys wearing the Patagonia vests. Like those guys, like those guys,

will be successful and they will interact with other people. So in order to assimilate, the rich culture will be gods and are like, oh, dude, sad, has to go. The next president is going to be, I got it. But you're a Floridian, right? Absolutely. So, no, no, the reason I say that is because my brother moved from Indiana to Florida, and when he moved down there, he started saying, you know, we don't say y'all in Indiana.

And now he's a yaller all the time. I love y'all. I love it, too. I just feel like I'm too white to say. anything cool, you know? Yeah. When I was in, like, college, I played baseball for my first year,

like a junior college, and there was, like, a lot of kids on our team that were, like, black or Hispanic or whatever, and they would say, like, facts and, like, O.D. Yeah. I remember one time I, like, caught myself saying it, and I was like, oh, my God. Dude, that's horrible.

I just don't get. I'm sorry. When somebody says something to me, I'm like, what the fuck? What does that mean? And I'm so out of the loop. Well, my thing is that's the worst is when, like, a joke,

like, you expect to laugh. just one black dude goes, facts. And I'm like, I'd love if you guys enjoyed it instead of saying that was a true movie. But like, what I'm saying? Like, I, the duchiest thing that happened to me is I, I went to Electra Daisy Carnival,

which is like a rave music festival. And I took some Xanax. I started drinking beers and I took some Molly. And I literally started talking like the biggest douche I've ever heard. Like, I literally was like, this is so lit. And I was like, I've never said the word lit ever. But the whole time I was like, this is lit. This is sick, dog.

I'm like, what happened to me for that, like, five-hour period? Don't they cancel it? Xanax makes you mellow, and Molly makes you all touchy-feely. Yeah, but what happens is you don't have the anxiety that you normally have from the stimulant if you mix it. I mean, it's very dangerous. Oh, wow. You should not do that, yeah. Wow.

What's a crazy thing? You've done some exploration, right? I've done all kinds of crazy, yeah. I mean, I've probably... You ever done meth? I've done meth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meth is just, like, cocaine times 12 hours.

So it's just like... Wow. That's like a formula. Yeah. Cocaine is just like, you know, cocaine only lasts, like only lasts a couple of minutes. Then you need another bump or whatever now. Even smoking, I don't understand.

That's what crack is. Crack is smoking it? But is crack? I have a question about this. Is it crack a pure high than meth, or does it feel just similar? Because I don't understand why meth is cheaper, and it lasts way longer.

I don't understand why people... Crack gives you... And it makes your dick hard. Crack gives you, makes you up. And then, like, but the other thing is, dude, like, it makes your fucking... It sucks the adrenaline out of your adrenal gland. So it feels like last night you were boxing

and somebody fucking just punched you in the fucking kidneys. Really? So it's yeah, yeah, because it does it. That's the up. And then then there's also the, that's the reason a lot of people do whatever the next day is because there's the physical fucking down from it, you know? Because like, you just sucked all that adrenaline out of your adrenal glands and then like

I don't know. Like I said, you're just all then you're kind of like the next day you're all depressed and shit, but that's like whatever, but yeah. Well, like what's the deal? Okay, so like you smoke a hit now with meth versus crack. What's the feeling difference? Is it like, there, I've always wondered this. Meth just kind of,

meth kind of just stays longer. Meth's good, like, dude, I used to work the overnights at fucking French Rose, which is no longer there. Sixth Avenue, 11th Street. Then we would do whatever. And then you're just wired and you're bringing, you can bring, you can bring,

everyone can ask you for shit and you can bring it to them and you're just like, you're on. So it was a restaurant? Yeah, yeah, French, it was overnight restaurant. We worked midnight till like eight in the morning or where the fuck. Oh, shit. So it's like, yeah, yeah.

There's like the witching. Those are the meth hours. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would take Adderall and I worked at Fondi restaurant. And especially tasks like that, stimulants are... Delting cheese on Adderon? Yeah.

Well, it's like stimulants in doing a task like that is so fulfilling because you're just doing the... You're just on, you gotta be on. And this guy's asking for this, this guy's asking you. I need my check, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So you're just like, you know, yeah. You're crushing it, yeah. Yeah. I think definitely your occupation kind of leads to what you do in terms of drugs.

Totally. It's like I, like, last time I took out, so I failed my life. last job, a lot of it was because I was not taking Adderall. And then one day before I got fired, I took Adderall and got like five hours worth of work done in 30 minutes. I'm like, I guess I could have been doing this all that, but it affects comedy in like a horrible way. What's peyote like, by the way? Payote, the stuff I got was, I haven't gotten, the stuff I got was from Amsterdam. You get it and like it's in the, you get it. They evidently grow it in trailers. It wasn't a crazy upward. I would say it's kind of similar to mushrooms.

but um... This is another thing I wonder It's like They say that stuff You have to get the good shit Which is grown out in the wild And whatever The stuff I had was like

You could buy the peyote buttons Which is the cactus And it was kind of a mushroomy kind of thing But what were the difference Did it feel any different? Because like I always wonder like visually What more anxiety? I've heard negative things about peyote

You know the thing I've had the craziest visuals on Is fucking special K Where's horse tranquil Really? Yeah that I had fucking crazy I might do some of that. the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would definitely recommend it. It was just like...

And at that I, like, had, like, just crazy visuals, like... Because I've, like, I've done... I've never, like, Cahold, where I had, like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were the visuals you were having, like... I don't know. I was just seeing, like, Oceanic art, which is, like, the Aboriginal-type shit. I remember I, like... I remember I was eating pasta,

and then I threw it up, but then I, like, was seeing these line drawings that look like an Aboriginal sort of... I don't know. It seemed very primitive to me. That, and then I was also... out with my friend Rachel and my friend Troy and we were all just one point we were just all kind of leaning over and it felt like we were kind of one person or whatever the fuck

it was that's pretty cool like when the transferers all come together yeah it's just like whatever I'm a leg right now I'm a leg of the human being it was cool I I loved when I was working in French Roast I had so many crazy people dude one of the guys

I worked with who I loved it was this dude I used to wait tables at this place at French Doris like I said and like there's a guy I worked with who's this guy, his name was Dan. And he was this really attractive guy with the long hair and all this other bullshit. But I would wait tables with him and I would get so jealous because he'd get like three, four, five numbers a night from chicks just throwing him phone numbers. Like, oh, I want to whatever the hell.

But anyways, one night he was supposed to be in. He was late, whatever. And then we got a phone call. Dude, there was this stuff going around called Polo a couple years ago. And Polo was a mixture of heroin and motion sickness drug. Which is... Oh, so like... What's it called?

The Defe Hydramine. Oh, I don't know what that is. So Defa Hydermine, I'm 95% sure, is what's in... With the motion sickness stuff you take. Anyways, it killed him. This guy died. Oh, yeah. He physically died.

The good-looking guy who got all the numbers, he died. And then you got all the numbers. No, I didn't. I wish I got the numbers. No, but he was just, like, dead. And then, like, I don't know, man. Like, yeah. Have you done heroin?

Yeah, I've done heroin. Heroines, like, you get like a warmness in your heart in your chest and then like there's no pain and shit like that. But a lot of times with that if you move, that's when you'll get nauseous and that. So like mixing heroin and motion sickness drug is a good thing. That's kind of a smart

decision on the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like I said, it didn't work for him. Just unleashed heroin on the street. It's like mobile heroin. But like I said, no pain, real warmness in the chest and stuff like that. Do you would you say it's the best sensation of being I like psychedelics. So like, I

I would still go more toward. I just, it's, heroin's a downer. Like I said, it's like, it's warmness in the chest, no pain,

but it's not really, there's not visual. I mean, you want visuals. I'm telling you, special K is the thing I've tripped the most on, then mushrooms.

I think people underrate how good, like a good mushroom trip feels sensationally, because your body feels good. You know, it's like, the come up is always,

there's a lot of anxiety, like nausea, what I always, get nauseous. But then you have like the reflection. Take the motion. It's drunk. Yeah.

You have like the reflection period. And then like once you're done with that, the after part of that is so nice. Yeah. And then the other thing is is I dude, I used to date this Asian chick. She was a horn dog. And banging her on. That's redundant. Banging her on fucking mushrooms.

Luckily she didn't eat herself. Banging her on mushrooms was awesome. That's all I got to say. So anyways. Banging an Asian woman on mushrooms? in Belgium in Belgium we were like on a trip that's like the most geographically like diverse thing you can I don't know we picked up the mushrooms in

whatever the hell and like I said that's like the answer to like a crew riddle that was that was the other thing in Asian woman in Belgium yeah that's the other thing in the dining room that's the other thing is in France you're gonna hang me out in piss real quick keep no go ahead in France there's a

in France there's a like dude Porn just comes on at night. Yeah. It just does. That's like their news. I know. I know. And then so like, I remember I tried like anal with her here and she was like, no, no, no, no.

But then like she saw it there on the vacation. Then so we did. Oh, then she was into it. She was into it. Lift the French are doing it. They are an influential. I might as well. They are an influential people.

That's how they got us into World War II. What was it, World War II? They're like anal. You can. One and two. I think the French and the. Dude, they are persuasive. I think it's something to do with...

It's something to do with their... Definitely the language. The French language is very persuasive. Well, that, and then also they don't... You can't say... Like, you know, they serve... Whenever a lot of places you go, they serve you meat, like, whatever the hell. They serve it super rare.

And if you send it back, it's an insult to the chef or whatever the fuck. Really? Yeah, so like... So they're just eating a bunch of raw meat. I don't think a black person could ever go to your... or to France because because they like it well done.

They want their steak. Why is the steak not fried? And I'm telling you, you get it bloody, bloody, like I said, when we were in France or whatever the hell. But you also, you said the language is sexy. I don't think French sound sexy. I don't either.

I'm with you 100%. Yeah. It does sound, it's a little rapy. Yeah, for sure. And one thing that's unavoidable, every country, if you haven't been there, you picture it in three images. Like, people would say, like,

oh, you try out to stereotype, but if you haven't been to a place, you picture, like, I think of France. I've been there, but I still picture guy on eating a thing, woman, skinny woman, smoking a cigarette. If you think of France, you don't think of, like, a guy in an office, even though that's most of the countries. Like, it's impossible to not...

You know, it's weird as thinking about, like, in France, they're being, like, even black people. You don't even think about that. They have them. I always, I'm always surprised if I, like, someone goes to another country and they send pictures and there's, like, people of multiple

of races. I'm always like, what? I love the idea. If you've seen, like, somebody's face with profile pictures, there's like one black guy in your back here, like, what's he doing there? Did you lie about going to France? Did you bring him with you? Like, in the Netherlands, they have their like, fucking, what do you go? Like, our shows, like

sex shows. No, not sex shows, just regular shows, like TV series. And those are super white. They don't have a lot. Yeah, so. But also, so were like a lot of our TV shows for a while. Like, you're like, oh, it is a lot of white people. Like, there's the occasional one where you're like, oh, that was pretty diverse, but for the most part, you look at, like, TV

before four years ago. It's like all white. It's either, it's one or the other. It's either all black people or all white people. Yeah. It's not, like, it's not, never really braided in that much. Besides, cop movies, those are always the most diverse. It's always a black cop. You need criminals. I meant as the cops, you

Oh, yeah, that too. Because there's always the black. Check one, too? Because you need criminals. What the fuck? Can't have a cop movie without criminals. Dude, there's a big case going Did you see, you're talking about, there's a woman from Algeria who killed that little kid.

Have you been following that news story in France? It's making, I don't know how it's making national news, but like a woman killed a kid who was coming into the building where she was evidently living in the basement. She killed the kid and then took the kid up in a suitcase and then took him out and stuff like that. But they say the woman's crazy, whatever the hell.

But the woman was talking about selling body parts and all this other crazy shit. Dude, I'm telling you, how do you guys not see? I don't follow the French news. No, it's not. It's in the post. I don't know why it's there, but it's a national. I think the only thing crazier than selling body parts is buying them.

Yeah. It's weird to not buy a full purse. I just want one arm. I just need a kneecap. No, but, but, but like, you don't be funny if that guy was using that to send a message to other people. He's like, I don't want to actually kill somebody, but like Italian mob guys is borrowing body parts to send other people. They're like, I'm going to pretend this is their cousin. Yeah, they're outsourcing.

their crime. What's the best country you bet to? Or what's the coolest? I don't know. Oh, one of my favorite zoos I ever went to was in it's in Amsterdam or it's in the Netherlands, but it's not in whatever.

They have this zoo dude that is like it's all primates, but they're all like basically with the guerrillas are not and the Bonobos are not and the orangutan's not. But all these other different types of monkeys are in these all little areas and they just stay there. And then like, so it's like a

free range thing, but there's like a lot. It's like the monkey jungle in Miami. Have you been there? No, but it is. So what it is is besides like the gorillas and orangutans? It's a gay sex club. Yeah. There you go. It's a jungle. But it's like, uh, it's a maze. The whole concept is the people are in the cages and the monkeys

on the outside. It's a giant sanctuary and you walk through these cages like in a, in a hallway. It's like a hallway of cages and they have these chains that go down with a cup and you put raisins in the cup and monkey pulled the chain up and they eat their raisins and you can like feed them through the bag. It's like one of the best.

You also, you've worked in zoos, right? Yeah, we've worked in Staten Island. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I haven't had a zoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we went with them, we went to pick up a castle where you down in Florida. In, uh, in, uh, it was north of Miami there. There's, the thing is.

Exotic animals in Florida, though. Wait, so you know. You went on a trip to, like, go pick up an animal? Yeah, we drove a van down. That's a pretty cool. That's got to be a cool experience. It was 18 hours down, 18 hours back. Wow.

But the thing is, they classify, cassories are these birds that are mean as shit. They will, like, kick their paws up, and they have an inner claw, like a velociraptor. They will kill you. Holy shit. But in Florida, they classify them the same thing as ostriches and emos and shit, and they're not.

Because an ostrich and emu, we have those, all that stand on it, you can just throw like a sock over an ostrich's head, and they'll be like, okay, wherever. You do that to a casseroorri. That thing will like, it'll try to kill your ass. It's like, yeah. So is that how you, like, get an ostrich?

to like do what you want. It's a hot stitch. You throw like a... It's a hostage negotiation. I love the idea of you just like, you brought the money. You got like... Are you sure that's my friend Darren? It's like, yes.

It looks like an ostrich with a bag over his head. Yeah, well, your friend Darren likes to bury his head in the sale. He can run extremely fast on solid grab. Yep. You can do that though with him. And like when they go do vet checks, you just, like I said, you just throw a fucking... You can throw like a sock over an ostrich's head and then put it in... Take it into the...

I love the idea of like a tube sock. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's a little bigger than that. But yeah, yeah, yeah, it's basically the same sort of fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's wild. Did you ever do with cats or anything like that, like tigers and shit? They have more leopards there.

Okay. And they also have servils, too, which are like... I thought that was a Pokemon. Serval. Well, well, servile. Maybe, but it's a real cat, like a long-legged cat with a little sort of bobtail from Africa. But, yeah, they have those, those. Did anybody get, like, you were seeing?

What's the craziest attack you were saying? Oh, I have. They're, I mean, I've heard stories about, like, of the Bronx Zoo. I mean, I had a girl, a friend of mine, her boyfriend, like, was putting something near one of the snow leopards up in the Bronx, and it scratched the thing of his hand. And then it, but it got so infected. So she had to, like, push it like this all time to get the puzzle. Because there's not much blood going in here. There's blood going to the veins, but there's not, like, a lot of, but for a lot, for you to get an infection out, you kind of.

you kind of have to, you need it to bleed. Bleeding is good. I mean, you don't want to bleed to death, but it cleans the shit out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but she had to do all kinds of things to like it because, like, yeah. But none of that stuff happened at Staten Island because, like, I don't know. Maybe they're just super more cautious or whatever, or you know that, like, yeah. I don't know.

They're probably tired from taking the ferry over there. Yeah. Yeah. They have, well, two stories about that. We have these things there called Benturongs, which are these... It feels the same niche as a raccoon here, but they're from Southeast Asia.

They smell like buttered popcorn, but they're big, but that little thing would try to crawl on. What was it like? What kind of animal is it? It's called Bencheron. I can pull it up on my thing because I got a picture of it.

But... Oh, it's like a little raccoon, you said. It feels the niche of that, but it's not. It's like... It's a... But, oh, the one... thing I was going to say is like they used to have a they had a chimp this was before I was there

but I was talking to the one guy I was talking to the one guy they went and picked that China everything in China town you used to go fucking pick you be able to get a chimpanzee in China town they picked up a fucking what that's the Ben-Turang oh dude that's kind of maniacal looking oh yeah but they do have a pre-ensile tail but yeah it's big

they're little imagine coming back from China with a chimpanzee that's why China yeah yeah and then they say we're talking about taking it on the ferry back to the zoo, and it was like honking on, because they, I'm sorry, they used to allow cars onto the bottom of the Staten Island ferry, but then after it's 9-11, you don't know, I don't know it no more, but

but yeah, he was talking about, like, yeah, that's the reason, like, you know. So, wait, how did the chimp thing go, though, where they, like, they saw somebody selling the chimpanzee and they bought it? They bought it from somebody in Chinatown, and then it went back to the fucking Staten Island Zoo, and it was there for a while. Because who was, who was going to Chinatown

and buying a chimpanzee? Like, that's, that's insane. Like, I get, like, a little. What, do you used to be able to get a lot of things like like Oslots, which is another cat. We had Osloats at the Staten It's a, it's bigger than that, probably about twice the size of a house cat, but it's got these really pretty spots on it

But you used to be able to get those it Dude, when I was growing up Woolworth used to fucking, like Woolworth's What's a Woolworth? Woolworth is like a department store. Oh, okay. That's their animal.

But they used to sell, they used to sell monkeys up at the little, up in cages in the 70s. And I remember telling my mom, I was like, I'm going to shave my money up all summer. I'm going to come get one of those monkeys. And then, of course, they were going on. I like the idea of Chinatown selling, like,

knockoff animals. Yeah. It's not like knockoff like Dulce and Gabon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a monkey with just like D. Her old she got to like, plus the other thing was when I was growing up, dude, we could be lied to and we just believe it.

Because you guys know what sea monkeys are, right? Which are Brian shrimp. But you could never have sea monkeys. They're like these little bitty things. things, but there was a really cool cartoon of them, and you're like, oh, this is rad, but they're just fucking little bitty tiny tiny shrimp or whatever hell.

But you could never have that today, because you little millennial fucks would be like, this doesn't look like the picture, and somebody would, somebody would sue somebody and then like... Yeah, I guess you could just buy nonsense back then, have no idea what it is. Oh, I know, exactly. You saw some people time machine. I remember when I was a kid, I saw somebody selling a time machine and I was like trying to save up for it. It was like some

online for it. In the back of comic books, they had crazy shit. Was it like the one from Napoleon Dynamite where you like... Yeah, it looked just like that. It looked just like that. And I was like, all right, well, obviously my plan is to buy this. Like I had like a lemonade stand. I'm like, I'll buy the time machine.

Go back in time. Go back in time and never do this lemonade. That's so fucking funny. That's, yeah. That's wait. So, like, that's crazy. They had monkeys in a fucking department. That's in New York City or Indiana.

No, this is Indiana. Bumble fuck Indiana where I'm from. That's insane. Yeah. I like exotic pets. I don't have the responsibility for one. They actually sell a lot of cars. crazy shit in

Florida because I remember going to a reptile show and they had these, there's a monkey called a cotton-toped hammer and they had those

and they're in danger I was bought one. I didn't know they were in danger I almost bought one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to this woman's house who's selling 40 monkeys

and two lemurs because I almost got a monkey because my dad had one when he was a kid and I mean, it's a whole story I'll get to do a different point. He had a monkey named Cornelius.

It's a whole thing. Oh wow. Cornelius from Planet of the Age. Yeah, yeah, that's what's named after. Yeah, it was a woolly monkey. Oh yeah, danger, though. I know. I've never seen that zoo, the Apahal one,

is the only zoo in America. Or it's actually in the Netherlands. That's the only zoo I've ever seen Wully monkeys at. Yeah, they're really rare. Those look like... These are sea monkeys from when I was a kid. Those look like the jets. But like... Oh, sorry. But like the cartoon. See that? You bought your little thing and you're like, oh,

they look like the little cartoon. They don't look like the cartoon. They're these fucking little bitty little things. Yeah. Anyways, but yeah. What was your job specifically at the zoo? I did photography and just whatever the hell there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I got a whole website of shit.

Does shit ever just get loose? Like, I feel like you always hear about, like, a gorilla getting loose and stuff like that. No, they would do drills for that kind of shit. Because I assume they had, like, they would do drills. I mean, like, there's, like, all stories about it. I picture a guy dressed in a gorilla suit. They don't have. They don't have it.

If a gorilla gets loose, whatever you do, don't look like a banana. That's as much as we can tell you. And don't get fucked, man. Oh, my God. Isn't that, is that a thing where people get fucked by a gorilla? Oh, I don't know. I saw in one movie, and I'm like, that also happens in that gay part. These are all shots that I shot at the Staten Island Zoo.

That's a baby bencherang. But most of these guys are venomous. Oh, wow, that looks like, are those like in studio? Those are, I shot them on seamless, which is a piece of white. You make those animals look hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, then. It's a head shot.

Is that Natalie Cuomo? That's a coral snake. That's a freaking gaboon viper. that's a Gila Monster. Those are all poisonous. Wow. So like, oh, and that's one of those scops out.

What's that? Which one? What's that one? This one? No, up one. Gila monster. What? That's the Bencheron.

That's the Bencheron. That's a baby Bencheron. Dude, that looks like, and like it's going to like try to lower you into like a bad business deal. And like I said, they smell like buttered popcorn. That's just the smell they give off. Wow. Yeah.

Crazy shit. So what do you think is a crazier job working in the zoo? You drove cabs for a while too, right? I did Uber for like a year, but that's not like a year in New York City. Like a year in New York City of cab driving has to be fucking nuts. Yeah. Well, that was always my insurance. I mean, like that was like an insurance policy.

Right. So if you ever got fired or laid off from a job, you could go get a cab tonight and drive. I thought it takes a while to get the medallion. Well, you got to get, not the medallion. The medallion you don't own. That you go to a garage. Well, you need to get a hack license. So I had a hack license up until 2005.

And then finally I was just like, fuck this. It sucks. But like, but no. once you have that hack license you can go to any garage and they'll basically give you a car and like I said it depends on the night the cheapest night was like Sunday night like $85 and then the most expensive night was Thursday Friday Saturday which was 115. Anything after that I mean any of the money after that is after you're making that is like whatever there's another $30 on gas and then you'd probably make between $150, 200 on average the best ever I think was like 300 but like and that's just if like

you know, you have asses in the seat and like, but like... If I were a cab driver, I would just never pick up white people. It's just like a little reparations. There you go. Fuck you, Whitey. Fuck you, Whitey.

No. The thing is, is like, you don't mind, but I, listen, I don't mind if you tip me at all when I was driving a cab, but like, you gotta pay me what's on the meter. I mean, but then... Oh, yeah, you'd have people run, right? Oh, a lot.

Did you track them down? sometimes I tried, but then sometimes I got assaulted, dude. I got three metal plates around my eye from driving a cab. What happened? Somebody was picking up somebody on one side of the park,

taking me the other side of the park, and then the guy conked me in the fucking head. Was that before they had the glass? You leave that open, though. Most of the time you leave that little window open so that I can hear what the fuck you're saying because if that's closed, I can't hear what you're saying.

And then most people, like I said, you can trust. Most people are just whatever, but I got conked in the head. And then like I said, I got a rights. gumatic fracture. He had to go in through my mouth. I have three metal plates here.

Did he still pay his fare? He did not. Of course not. He did not? Why do he punt? Just because did you try to get him to pay the fare and he didn't? I don't know what he was thinking. No, it was before. I think that he thought that it would knock me out or some shit. And I think he thought he could rot me

but like he didn't know the willpower of Steve Yenzo. No. By God, does he know it now? That, but like I didn't, I don't know. It was just fucked up. And then I did, when I went went to the cops after that happened. Because I finished my shift. That happened probably 11 and I still had six hours to go, whatever the fuck.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. Well, I just like, I went to, I went to a, I went to a deli and I got a bag of ice. And then I like, just got, I was popping fucking Advils all night. And then, like, I finished my shift. But I actually did, I picked up a fucking, a doctor and he was sitting in the front seat. And so he looked at me. He's like, yeah, whatever, it didn't get your job.

But it's like, whatever. But like, what happened was the next day, I took the next day off. And he charges you. He's like, yeah, my my meter is a hundred hours an hour. He didn't charge me or anything like that. But like the thing was the next day I took off work. And then I was like, I'm not going to not do anything. So I started mopping my floor in my apartment.

And then my nose started gushing blood because what happened was the zygomatics of the bones that holds your skull. one of those got ruptured and it ruptured my sinus which is the blood inside the thing inside of your nose or whatever the hell and so my nose started gushing blood so I plugged the nostril with like just paper towels or whatever the fuck but it wouldn't stop bleeding and then so like when that the blood started going down my throat and so I felt like I was suffocating so then I went that was the thing that made me go to the doctor

because I never would have went to the doctor oh you would have just had yeah I would just louching well I don't know who knows but then they no I didn't know about all that crazy shit until they went and did the x-rays and they're like, oh, you've got this. Because I didn't know. Because they said that the bone, they said, if we don't do this,

there's a possibility that the bone could get caught on the muscle of your eye. And then you're real fucked up. So that's the reason they did all that crazy shit. I like the idea that the same guy, the same guy comes your cab, tries to punch you again, and it's like a metal.

Yeah. And then I got, dude, like, that was supposed to get covered by the car's insurance. I don't know. I just kept getting all these bills. and I just fucking kind of ignored them. But like, but you get bills from the anesthesiologist, from the emergency room, from the

different doctors, like two or three different doctors. Oh, my God. And you just kept getting, there was like thousands. And I just fucking blew it off or whatever the hell. But like, you can do that. I have a buddy who put a fake name down at the hospital and you left. Yeah. But I kept getting shit.

The very end. So it's like if you leave, they don't really track you down. I got hit with like a $6,000 bill for like a surgery in my leg that was supposed to be covered by insurance. but after where the insurance company's like, nah, and they just didn't give a reason. That's the same shit when I was at Columbia, dude. Like, I had health insurance.

I had dental vision, blah, blah, blah, all that shit I paid for. And I had a cyst in my fucking mouth, which is like a fucking, like, growth coming out. And if I would have gave you a beer and a fucking pair of pliers and said, could you yank this out? You would have done it.

It was $1,000. Because they were like, oh, this isn't covered. That's not dental. That's not medical. It's in this middle ground. Between medical and mental. You got to pay out of pocket. It was like a thousand dollars.

It was like, tab this cysts removed out of it, which was like, it was just like kind of like a fucking wardy sort of thing. Yeah. Growing out or whatever the hell. And like I said, if I was like, hey man,

here's a beer. Can you take this pair of pliers? Let me just yank this out. I don't know if pliers would have been the best option. I don't know. Yeah, I have a little cyst on my face and they like will not touch it. They're like,

it's not going to kill you. So we're just not going to take it out. Like, all right, I guess I just have this forever now. You just get lumpier. You notice that when you get older, you just get flumpier. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was like my dog just had like pus balls.

You know what I mean? You just start getting different bumps in weird places. You ever see a guy like that? You see you take a shirt off and he just has weird bumps and you're like, I don't even know what that is. And he's like, I don't know what it is either. Just like an old guy. It's like, just a weird body.

What are there, were any other crazy stories, any other things? Any other things? Yeah. Any people pull guns on you or anything like that? All kinds of stupid shit. That and getting robbed and like all kinds of. I mean, I don't mean to be. You got robbed by James Gordon, right?

he's an asshole. It was gonna all your fucking money. It was after he sung karaoke too. Listen, like certain people wonder why they can't get cabs, but like I said, first generation people from, like first generation Africans do not like picking up black people.

Black Americans. Why they don't? Because like a lot of times there's either there's a attitude about everything or they're not going to, dude, people skip out a lot. So like, what you're saying is the Africans,

think that the black people are going to skip out on. Well, I'm just telling you, like, a lot of the African drivers, they're like, oh, no, no, no, I don't pick up black people. They'll say to you at the garage, at the garage. They say that to you, and you're like, what? It's like, I thought that you guys, there's some of your people. Like, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no. It's like... Yeah, no.

But the end of the day, like I said, like I said, you don't have to tip me and all, but you got to pay me what's on the fucking meter, because that's what... I mean, I'm not doing whatever the hell and everything... Yeah. But, like I said, you're paying to lease the cab. It's costing you. X amount of dollars. It's causing me X amount of dollars for gas and shit.

I picked up a lot of... One time I picked up a stripper and banged her. Took her out to fucking whatever and whatever. And then, too, like... Wait, quick question. Did you pay to bang her? Or did she... Like, how did this all work?

Because I have a friend who fucked to hook her and he goes, she's a stripper. And I paid for the room. I had sex with her in. I was like, you paid to fuck her. Yeah. Basically, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this was like...

She owned a bar out in, like, Long Island. And they did it. She had all these, like, the bathroom had all these... fucking clothes, just a pile of dirty clothes in the thing. And I fucked her on the pool table. But like the, the, the thing was, on her pocket. No, but the thing was, is like,

the, um, she got into my cab initially, dude, and she was crying. I'm just visualizing you, putting, like, chalk on the tip of your death. Exactly. There you go. I didn't even think about that. I would make sure no, man. He keeps scratching on the vagina,

missing, getting her belly. button. He's like, God damn it. More chalk. Can we re-rack? Sorry. But, um, so she was like, so she, uh, I'm trying to think. Let me give it. Oh, so dude, she gets in my cab. She's crying in the back.

Typical strippers. Yeah. But anyway, so she gets in. And she crawled through the, she crawled through the window and then she's sitting up in the front seat with no panties on with her footer. So I was like finger in her and blah, blah, blah. We get to while she's crying. Is that why she's crying?

The crying. was after. I mean, the crying was when she got in. And then afterwards, she crawled through and, like, I was fingering her. That's so funny. I don't, look, I'm a dude. I can never imagine crying in the being, like,

you want to suck my penis. Like, getting jerked off after crying, sounds insane to me. Yeah. But then the other thing was, dude, like I said, before, she gets on the thing, on the pool table. I'm, I'm getting ready.

Well, you, you, I hate to slow you down. I'm confused. Okay, so she comes in through the window. She's crying. Did you find out what she? No, no, no, no, no, no. She got in the regular way in the cab. Okay.

But then what she did. She had to leave through the window. She crawled through the, you know, that little divider window, the little, she crawled through that and got in the front seat. Wow. She was not a fatty. Like a doggy door. No, she was tiny.

But then the other thing she did was, we get there, and like I said, we ended up having sex on the pool table. I didn't understand. I hate to keep that out of the story. Why was she crying? I don't know. I don't know what. That's something that happened before she was dealing with me. So she cried.

crawled in, showed you your pussy. She cried. She cried in the back, and then she stopped crying. And then I think we chatted a little bit, but then she crawled through that fucking little window. Like, who knew you could get through that little closing door thing?

And it gets in the front seat, puts her leg up like this, and she's got her vajajay out. And so, like, I would have fingered her. Then... Like, were you driving? Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What year was this?

I got to put a soundtrack in my head to this. This is... I stopped driving in 2000. So this is probably This is probably 90s. Okay. 90s early 2000.

Okay. But, um... So you figure out and then you go back to the bar where she works and you fuck her on the pool table? Go back to the bar in Long Island, which was closed. There was nobody there.

And then like, like I said, she, dude, like I remember going into one of the bathrooms and it was just stacked with 30 fucking clothes. but ultimately, like I said, we got... I would think those are guys that she's murdered. Because it seems like... Probably.

This is how you lure people in. Probably, probably. But then ultimately, like I said, we bang her in the fool table. But I remember before we gang her, dude, she had a hemorrhoid hanging out of her ass. That looked like a rose. And that made, at one point, I did have a second thought. Do I do this or do I not? And then I was like, fuck it.

I'm doing it. That's probably why she was crying. I've had one of those. They are... Oh, I've had it. I've had a humorous, too, and I had surgery on it and everything else. Yeah. Yeah, that's bad.

By way, back to earlier, the James Corden thing, I wasn't joking about the car thing. I was joking about him being a cunt at a restaurant. Which is funny. That's a recent story. It's funny people are surprised by that. I'm like, he's the cuntiest guy in the planet. Like, he's just an annoying, fat British guy. Yeah.

I don't know how he got that position. He probably was a cunt. And that's how he got it. He was just a dick to everybody. He does that carpool karaoke with all the big celebrities or whatever the hell, where they sing together, you know? Yeah. I wonder if there's, because there's so many

like fruity kind of like just pushovery people that they're like, we want someone to like really lay into these celebrities. I don't think he really did that, right? I've never seen his show. I've never had any interest. He's for sure a behind the scenes guy. He's like, my show's all about love and acceptance. He's like, get me my fucking cherry soda. I said that bitch.

That's like fucking, what's her name? What's her name? Ellen. Yeah, same shit. But I also think you should be it canceled for being an asshole now. It's crazy. That's like a thing now that people are like, yeah, I'm not going to watch the James Gordon show. who's watching that anyways? Well, he also said he was going to... He once out of that.

He said that for a while. Oh, really? Yeah, it was going to come to an end anyways, pretty quick here, so... What other skills is he wasn't in... What was he in? I don't know. He wasn't a stand-up comedian. He kind of just...

No, he probably did the same shit in Great Britain and then came over here. Oh, yeah. So he was probably a talk show guy over there. You probably have to tone down the accent. You watch, like, British TV, and it's like, and then they bring him over here and they're like, oh, I can understand what he's saying now. But if you watch British TV, it's very hard to hear some of that.

what they're saying. Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's, who would, like, who would be a good late night, like, who would you actually watch if they were, like, a late night talk show? Of us, comics in the scene? Alex Jones. No, I'm just kidding. No, I don't, I think you kind of want the people you have. People hate

Jimmy Fallon, but I'm like, look, he's likable. That's what you want for that show. Yeah. Yeah. You also want someone who kind of, like... Also, I didn't mean to get you up. Before I totally forget, you didn't... You do a lot of photography. Were you... The one that was saying you filmed somebody banging before? Warren? Yeah. What was that? What was that? I want to hear that story.

That was just a $300 Craigslist gig that I got. Like, and then are you about to... He's a really good photographer, so I'm assuming it. Are you about to pull this video up? Yeah. What I did, no, no, no. What I did was afterwards, I gave him all... I see a dog in that picture. No, that's not it. I gave them, I gave them all their footage, but afterwards, like, still had the footage. And so what I did is I sent it the footage... I guess that's not really an invasion of

privacy, because they, you know, What it was is a porn audition. So I sent this out to my friend saying it was a toothbrush commercial And it's basically this chick blowing all these dudes or whatever the hell Wow, so she is technically, there's some oral Yeah, yeah, yeah, some toothbrushes. Some tooth should break, so be careful. Okay, so by the way, for the audience, it's a blonde, thick white girl.

No, there's two different girls there. Oh, okay. There's two different girls. Same black guy, though. Yeah, but they were like, dude, they were like set for him. Just so you know, the way porn works is like... I've always wondered the way porn works. Well, the way this worked was the girl calls the shots,

and then she says, I'm going to do this or I'm not. But then all these, like, dude, there were probably like seven or eight guys who came in, tried to do whatever, and then she was like, nah. And it was like, there was this guy. So it's just her blowing it's the whole video? Black guy, yeah, it's just... She's not getting fucked? No, it never got to that.

And then also, the guys didn't finish. Really? The guys didn't fucking pop a nut. There was just like, whatever the hell. So, dude, you'd have the bluest balls ever. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because it never, this was a... Oh, yeah.

Right. And so, like... Wait, so she's sending this. This is, like, her real. No, no, no, no. There's a guy like Michael... Who brought the girls in, and then the guys in. And this...

Dude, this was over there, like, at a... Sorry, can you hold them by close. No, that's right. This is over there, dude, like, in the 40s where they're... You don't know. You know that? No, in the 40s, around 8th Avenue, there's places where you can rent studios to, like, do your... That's very porny part of town. That used to be all, like, the porn theater. Well, I didn't know. No, this is mainly, it's usually mainly actors over there.

Oh, okay. So the actors do, there are, not audition, what's it called where you practice? Rehearsals shit. It opened minds. Yeah, they say, too, a lot like the fucking producers club. So there's, like, a lot of... I like the idea of a guy, like, facilitating a porn. audition. He's like, oh, we, we need... And be mild, dude, like, across the hall,

there's fucking little kids doing a thing. And he's like, he's like, we need two blacks, two straight white men, and maybe two girls in a transgender. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need some diversity in this. So, so the guy called, or the girl calls you in. Do you see the ad on Craigslist? You show up. Yeah, the guy is, the guy

like Michael Good here. I like, I keep getting compared to this. Was it? Was it? I think it was Michael. Michael Wood. And he's like, I'm going to give you $300. I had all these cameras rolling to do whatever the footage And like I said I ultimately just gave him the footage

But it was like about three hours of work Or whatever the hell Jesus Christ And the one thing I will say Can I tell you it's a lot Like when I also I'm an artist So I also draw a lot of naked models

By the way great great painting You're very good Yeah Thank you so much Your artist Thank you so much It's been overshadowed by these The filming the woman

The Sucking the Cock But there's also phenomenal I do appreciate that But I will say both things. When you're shooting porn auditions and when you're drawing, even if she's a beautiful naked lady, you're more concerned, it's not sexual.

So I didn't get it at Woody at all. Even though I would have liked to have fucked whoever the fuck. You're more concerned when you're shooting a porn audition, like making sure, oh, is this camera working? Is this camera working? Is that in focus? Is that whatever? So you're thinking about that the whole time.

And like I said, when you're drawing a naked model, you're not early getting, Because, like, you're being more clinical about everything. For sure. That would be wildly inappropriate. You should have the biggest heart on the world. Like, my... Just shooting loads in your pants.

You're just standing behind, like, an easel with your hands behind it. Aren't you painting? You're like, yeah, I know, I'm paying. Just put it on the tip of your day. That's so good. So is there any awkwardness? So, like, you go in there, sorry, I like to hear a start and finish. You show up to the place.

Yeah, there's the... I set up my cameras on tripods. I had like three or four rolling And then like I said Most of the things I didn't have All those were DSLR So they all like like I said They're all limited to like 20 minutes or some shit

Yeah They don't they don't They gotta change out Yeah so like but anyways They do you have trouble getting hard Is that an issue or they all chewed up Or blue chewed up or Viagrid

The girls would do the stuff To get them hard But like a lot of the guys Like dude there were like eight different guys There was only two guys That actually physically got the dick suck and the whatever the hell. Oh, so the girl look at the penis and say no?

No, they didn't even get to that. Like, the guys would come in and try to put the moves on. And then the girls like, no. Oh, wow. So the girls are calling the shots. He's like, somebody ordered a pizza? They're like, no, way too high, get out of here. This is like that's exactly what it is.

It's exactly what it is. Because the girls, like I said, the girls call the shots. And they say, yes, I'm going to and no, I'm not going to. And I've heard it's that way in real porn, too, is like, they're calling the shots as far as, I don't know. Well, that makes me feel better about watching it now. Yeah. There you go.

That there was seven other guys that got denied. Before they're like, all right, we'll get Johnny Sins in here. That's back when porn was organic. Now it's all like you got the pills and the fake tits. Well, that was recent, wasn't it? That was between Columbia and Jeff Coons. So... Wait, wait, wait.

Oh, job-wise. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah. So now I'm just... Actually, I just hit a half year at whatever this week at a track worker. But I was at Columbia for three and a half years and before that I was at Jeff Coons. And then during the interim,

I was just applying to anything photo, video, art related, I applied all that kind of shit. You know, just because it's in the realm of shit I know. Has there ever been a dude that's gotten harder when being painted or do they keep the room cold and stuff? Oh, no. That's happened like specifically. It's spring studio. I love my childish questions.

He's like a one... No, no, no, no. It's a phenomenal pain. Some dude got a boner and like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, yeah, no. So what happens when the dude gets the boner when they're painting them? Yeah, do you have to like... People just...

People just... Redraw. I'm gonna need more... I don't know. People just kind of just really don't even fucking... They don't really even acknowledge it. Because it happened... The one place I really remember it happened was at Spring Studio. Yeah.

But there's a... There used to be this French model... His name is Christoph. And Great cock. Yeah, great. No, but the thing I remember, like, he was a good model in the fact that you could joke with him. And he would always say shit, like, whatever. This was when I was going to graduate school.

And when he would come in, I would say, I'd say, oh, no, not your, I would say to him. I would say, oh, no, not your dork again. Like, saying that I didn't want to see his fucking dick. And he's like, he's like, and he'd say, he'd be over there. He'd be over there saying, oh, my dork, Steve's ass. My dork, Steve's ass. And I was just like, God. What is dork, what?

I would say, my dork, Steve's ass. And it was like, he was like, saying he was. Oh, like my dick in your ass. Yeah. I like that he doesn't know. My, my dork, your pussy. Yeah. Yeah.

He doesn't know how to say put in, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways. But he was the not hard guy. No. The, yeah, he's, yeah, he's, he's just flaccid. Because, like, there's a million.

I've drawn a million dudes. Are there any shrimp dicks? Oh, a lot. Come on, dude. Yeah, this is a ton of that shit. I saw the crazy thing. I was watching this show, and apparently, you know, there's that anti-circumcision movement. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. The next level of that is dudes that are re-circimcising your penis. Wow. So it's called the TLC Tugger. And what it is is this dude has this device that it takes the back skin, like the skin further up on your penis, and it has a little weight that goes down your pant leg. So it's just constantly pulling at your dick skin. And it shows the guy's dick. It's on the show called How To with John Wilkins.

Very funny. It's like a Nathan for you thing. He's, like, produces it. So he finds all these weird people. And the dude's, like, dickskin is, like, stretched out. And it looks completely uncircised, but he was born circumcised. And he has a nighttime routine where he lays down and the bedpost pulls his dick skin. It's the funniest thing in the world. Wow. So, but when he gets hard, it retracts back in, right?

I don't know. They didn't show him hard against his TV. It's HBO. They can only show him in tearing at his porch. You didn't write a letter. That's like, dude, my girlfriend got tickets to the fucking Tribeca Film Festival. And so, like, most of the shit's sold out.

So there's a movie, actually, you can pick it up, pulling up on YouTube. It's called Modify. And it's basically about tattooing, scarification, all that crazy shit. What's scarification? Scarification is when you do, like, you know, take a knife and do this and then make...

To make a design with it. To make scars on you or whatever the hell. Okay. But the one thing in that movie that fucking had me cringing in my seat and holding myself, they show a sex change, dude. Oh, yeah. And male to female. And dude, they fucking peel your dick like a fucking banana.

Yeah. And then whack off and then the skin goes up inside. That made me, I was like cringing in my seat like this when I was watching it. I was just like, and then I remember going home that night with her. And I was like, she was like, oh, you want to do it? And I was like, you're not very sexual after seeing someone's fucking dick. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, you don't, no, I don't want to fuck. Not tonight. Not tonight. Well, it's crazy the operation they can do, because they do that, and they can also do the dick extension thing. The dick extension thing, I was, I've talked to like three episodes about this. I'm not getting my dick extended. But they have, like, they put like a tube in your penis.

Holy shit. And make it, like, longer. Wow. Holy shit. It's crazy. I feel like no matter what size of your dick, it's a bad move to alter it in any way. I'm with you. Dude, like, there was one of those really rich dudes in Malaysia or some shit getting that done.

He was an old dude. and he died during the surgery. And he was like a billionaire. Yeah, yeah. It was just in, it was in the news a while back. I always wonder. I can see that weird surgery.

He's putting bones into his penis or something. I always wonder like at what point in your career as a doctor. Like, do you get like, because everyone learns. You should be able to say this is too wacky. I can't do this. Yeah, like because you get,

you know it's in like a textbook somewhere. It's like how to do. Like this isn't something you like learn on the fly. Like there has to be a day where you like, I think we have some tubes around. We probably take like some old copper. Like there has to be like a test. in school where you try to

do it and they're like, no, you didn't turn this man into a war, you turned this man into like a starfish. Yeah, wow. Like some kind, like, that's, it's great, because this isn't like, I'm assuming they didn't do this in like the Roman era of like, this is a relatively new thing. Oh, yeah. You know?

So, the first dude, there was that movie with, uh, what's his name? Or the first person who got his sex change? Jenner? Most popular one. No, no, no, no. This is way back. That fucking guy, you know that actor Eddie Rainman is that his name his wife in it is that

Alicia Vicander who's the chick in the the machinist or whatever the hell that really hot you I don't know okay you know what I'm talking about I know the girl from ex machinist ex machina that's it that's it that's it she's in a movie with Eddie Raynman and the movie is about he's like the first guy who gets a sex change

but it fucks and he dies from it in the end of the movie so yeah so what a movie Yeah, yeah. We're wrapping up, though. Oh, cool. Oh, shit.

What do you guys want to promote? I don't really have anything. I have nothing. We both do comedy. Yeah, yeah. Follow them on Instagram. Both very funny guys. Oh, yeah, yeah.

What's your... Steve Yensel comedy? Hell yeah. And is there any painting you want to promote, too? Or is it still on... Steve Yonsel art. What about if someone wants to bring in

seven-day gentleman to get blown? Steve Hensel photography? There you go. don't know. And then to only have chicks reject them. So like, what? Yeah, that's so that guy's going on the train. He's just all sad. Yeah. No, she didn't even see. He blew that guy, but she blew him, but she didn't blow me. What the fuck. Yeah. But the dude who got blown didn't get to finish. So, like, I don't know who's better off. Exactly. You're still going to have blue balls. I'd rather never be blown at all. Yeah. I know, because you're just going to have bluer balls.

Yeah. That question is, it's better to not get blown. And then just get almost blown and then not be able to pop but not what the hell it's better to be blown in blue ball than never blown at all it's like a lovely thank you for listening thanks