Morning Good - Fool Me Twice? I'm Gay - Episode 215

Episode Date: March 31, 2024

On the road in Orlando, Florida, Sean Madden and Joe Censabella join the show for today's episode. They talk about the Baltimore bridge collapse conspiracy theories, anti-standup comic dating apps, and the Nickelodeon/P. Diddy situation.Thanks to Joe for coming back on the show and to Sean for joining for the first time. Catch these guys live in Florida or on the road in your area by following at the links below for dates and more.Sean is on Instagram @imseanmadden and has some great standup clips and more on his YouTube page @imseanmaden. Joe is on Instagram @joecomedyy and also @justjoeking22.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They call it the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here with Sean Madden. Yeah, he goes, I don't want to, I don't want to perform on the podcast. Or on stage, John, I don't even know why I do this. He goes, I don't want to, you're like, you're going to put some clips, your reels? And he's like, I don't want to perform.

Oh, dude. If you have a good reel, fucking. No, I will. But also, we're here with Joe Sensabella. What's all right? But that's what I don't want to like, dude, sometimes you do a podcast and you're like, you're like, you're feeling a clip coming. You know what I mean?

Like it's a shit. You're like, you're like, yeah, that would be like, yeah, that would be like if, clip that. Yeah. But listeners don't know, we're recording in my dad's office space. And this is like the most, first, I always feel like a little kid when I go to my dad's office. I feel like, I don't know, I feel like somebody's going to give you like a pat on the back. How's your comedy career going? Are they good?

Hey, let's know when you want a real job. Yeah. There is a thing when you come into an office and you're just like, no matter how old you are, you're just like, I shouldn't be in here. Yeah, dude. Yeah. How long, has your dad had this place? And once again, I don't know if he owns a building. He might. He might. And this isn't me trying to look poor than I have. My dad's doing fine. But I don't, yeah, which is granite? No, I think it's a marble. Fake green marble. No, this is nice, dude. Well, don't talk shit about my dad's building. Now it's his building now you attack it.

The building is structurally nice, but this table, I don't know. We're not talking about the building. Well, you're like a classy guy. I feel like you're... I cover up the trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're pulling up in your new truck, dude. Fuck yeah, dude.

Scott, I just hit 200,000 miles. On that thing? Yeah. You used to have a sport of your car, right? Well, I put 100 miles on. Yeah. You used to have a sport of your car, right? I did.

Yeah, yeah. What did you have? I was like an Audi A4 And then What happened to that? Total did No No, I've actually never

Wrecked the car Knock on fake marble The They wanted it back, dude Before I Before I could pay for it So you got a repo Yeah, it happened

I like that they wanted it back It's a funny way to say like They took it from it Yeah, they kind of wanted Yeah, they were like Yeah, they were like, you We'll just say you like Yeah, so

Fucking Hey, shit happens, bro cars out for repo and you hear like an Amazon backing up you fucking run outside oh yeah yeah gosh just Amazon you constantly just feel like

I had fucking PTSD this was like this was over a year ago dude I was down bad bro like a little after the pandemic yeah I'm not ashamed of the pandemic yeah I'm not ashamed dude I was like all right it's either the apartment

or the car you know you come out with your apartment's towed I like I know Hey, people that live in their car, they get their apartment total all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. Dude, that shit's so fucking wild. I don't know.

It's like, for me, I sold my car and that was like my savings. And then I lost my day job. And, dude, I was just going through this time period for a little bit where I was like getting New York unemployment, blowing through my car money. I had no apartment. I had just broken up my girlfriend. So it was just like technically homeless couch surfing with a bunch of money that didn't feel like real money. Because I'm like, it's unemployed.

You have to put technically. What's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because, like, I would start saying I'm hobos, people were like, yeah, but you're not. I'm like, yeah, yeah, not on the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long ago was this?

This is like six months ago. Oh, shit, dude, hell yeah. Dude, I went, I went to unemployment to, like, the very end where, like, it was one of those things where they're like, they're like, they're like, you don't, I was on the phone. They're like, you do not qualify. No, any longer for unemployment. I was like, that's the end of that.

And, uh, and then it was so funny, too, because it was like, that combined with, like, it just didn't feel like I had money or I didn't feel like I had real, come. Not like all of it, but you know, as much as I could. Not all. Yeah.

But I feel like W-9s and like the unemployment office like wouldn't, they like wouldn't answer emails. I was like, all right, well then I'm fucking whatever. But,

uh, you got a job now? What do you do not? No, now I'm, I'm coasting and then I still, yeah, dude,

yeah, I'm coasting. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude, it is pretty, uh, that's why I'm in town

visiting my parents. I'm like, how many free meals can I get to get to get through the next couple of bro. Coasting instead of saying unemployed is fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah. I'm coasting now. I'm coasting by. We're coasting, dude. Yeah.

Fuck, dude. Well, it's like, uh, how do you pay rent, though, in New York? Uh, yeah, enough to say, no. Well, I, I, I, look, I'm at the end of my row now. I'll be honest. It was one of those things where things were going, like, right? Now it's like, I will, I will do extra work for my dad to make some money. I do make a certain amount of money to stand up. I'm not going to say the exact number on here, but that'll pay for like. Yeah, we don't want the IRS knowing about that $400. Yeah.

Fuck. But it was like, dude, there was this type period. It was literally like, I would. just spending money on the dumbest shit. First I was boosting the fuck out of myself on all the dating app. It's like my unemployment would go towards me trying to get laid and like just bars and like just stupid shit. And then like it just seemed like never ending money when you sell your car.

You're like, oh, dude, this is like fucking this is like not even real money. And then I was like, oh, now I like want a car. Like after I've gone through all the money, I'm like, oh, car would be so convenient right now. No, it's amazing how you realize like how important a car is when you don't have one. You're like, God name, bro. Well, in New York, it's like, you. You go, oh, I don't need a car.

Yeah, New York. But then it's like, I'm trying to apply for all this, like, road work. And I'm like, oh, well, a new car would be fucking sick. Oh, as soon as you leave the city, yeah, you're fucking. Yeah, which I'm trying to do as much as possible. And it's, like, I'm like, now it's like I'm having to send two tapes because I'm like, oh, can this guy also do time on the show who's going to drive me there and shit like that? And it's a lot harder.

I think people to be like, okay, we have to now okay, two people versus just one. True. Yeah, but that money I thought never was going to end. And then I'm just now at the very end. And I'll do a little extra work for my dad. Like I help my brother move today. And I'm just doing a lot of shit like that. Bro, yeah, you have to.

I mean, even if you have a job, bro, some people still have to do fucking help their brother move. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Like, it's the land of the hustle now. Would you sell fee pictures online? Dude, I don't know. I don't know.

It's one of these things where I know it's not wrong, but a little piece of me feels like, gross. Get your money. Dude. You got nice fee. I know exactly what you mean Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, have you guys Have you guys Have you guys Like that feel weird Like that's shit all the time, dude Really? I'm like, yeah, that's me Yeah, yeah, I'm fucking inside of her

Let's go Maybe if it leaked, I like I wouldn't care if it leaked No, I'm saying if it leaked Maybe you could You would care? Maybe you'd be able to tour Well, say

Say you're doing a sex tape And the girl's like Threat him gonna put the sex tape out Like, do you care? Or no? Then she's just, like, exploiting you herself. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. The idea of it being on somebody else's phone is a little bit. Like, on my phone, like, whatever. Because I've spent, like, a ton of dickpicks. I don't, who cares? There's some where I'm like, oh, you know. Yeah. But, uh, there's videos of being fucking straight up jizzing.

And I'm like, who cares? Oh, my gosh. But for me, it's like, but it's so funny, too, because in my head, I go, well, it's on my phone. And I go, no, it's not. It's on other. I just realized I said that to other people. I totally forgot about there.

But I think it's, there's something about having sex on camera that I think there's that extra, like, weird feeling to it where you're like, I'm like, now it's porn. But it's like, it's like a sense of like, ooh, I can get in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then it's like, is you're a celebrity, like, does just, you have sex on camera, somebody's going to find it at some point. Or, like, I don't know, you got to, I feel like you got to be always on edge because a lot of people like will purposely do a sex, like, fuck a celebrity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever watch, like, a bunch of porn and then you get, like, yeah. So, you're watching the porn.

Oh, no, it just happened. And then you'll make a video and you're like, damn, my, I don't look like that. You're like, your dick don't look like that. Oh, yeah. I try to hit the right angles a lot with dick picks. And then I'm like, the thing that was, too, I had this weird thing where sometimes I like girls saying my dick is small. It's like a camera.

Your fetishes that? Oh, I got a bunch, dude. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? But it's like, so it's like, but it'll have to be a thing where like the girl knows, I never said to somebody who hasn't seen my penis before. So that's like, that'll be somebody who's seen my penis, but I'll take it a small angle and I'll be like, doesn't this look small?

Because how small this dick is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you're like, you're into that shit, when you're fucking a girl, like, what's her dirty talk to you? Some of them are really bad. Like, it's like, it doesn't, for me, it's like this. It's like, I, they could say my dick's, like, I don't know, it's more of like, I have an average dick, so it could go either way. So I've had girls, I go, it's big.

I like both. I like some girls saying it's big, but then sometimes it's hot just for a girl that particularly be mean and be like, I look small. But, uh, I hate one when I'm fucking a girl and she's like, give me that big fucking cock. I'm like, it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's not believable. Don't hype me up. Don't hype me up like that. Yeah, it's Sean's staying quiet.

You're like, you got a fucking harm. You're like, you're not really selling it. I think he does. Oh, baby, you're not really selling the big day thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Sean's probably got a hammer. I haven't seen it, but, uh, I do all right. I've never had any complaints. Yeah, then you're fine.

You're probably above that. Yeah, that's got to suck to have an actual complaint. Like a, like a, like a, like a, does that happen? Like, do you have a dick? Like, how old do you think girls are literally like, this is too Or do you think more they're just like, oh, I'm actually on my period. I think three inches, then they're like, this is small. They'll tell their friends, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's small enough, I feel like if it's big enough, they'll tell their friends, and if it's small enough, they'll tell their friends. Yeah. But if you're at, you know what I mean? I have a friend with a huge dick, and this one time this girl walked down the stairs and was like, that thing belongs in the museum. Like, it was like Indian Jones.

And she put an ice pack on her, and we've seen his fucking dick. Is it Robin? What's up? What? What? Would you tell me it's a big dick? It's so funny. It's like you're wishing somebody happy birthday with these like, like, I can't get settled down.

Like it's so like. What was it? Like tennis is probably? Bro, this thing, you know those rubber torpedoes you throw in the pool? Limp, limp. Limp it looks like that. Yeah. God damn.

You know what, to be honest, you throw in the pool. That's the fucking limp dick, dude. Yeah, you can write that down. Yeah. That's funny. Bro, I haven't. Those were the best in the world. Bro, you fucking fling them.

You can fucking hit. You could actually... You're talking about big black dicks. Oh, no, no, no. The pool torpedoes. Bro, you could stop your little brother's heart or some shit if you fucking hit it right with you? Dude, did you guys ever have that thing?

There was one thing like... Bro, first off, the shark ones are the shark goggles with the shark fins. Bro, I'm still stuck on the rubber fucking thing. That's the perfect fucking visual. Yeah, dude. You're like, this thing is just fucking big. Oh, fuck.

That is huge. Yeah, yeah. That's it soft, dude. It's like fucking wild. Fucked. Peace. Yeah. All right, damn. So that's...

That's gotta be annoying, though. Oh, no, no. He was saying he has to fuck girls really slowly. Oh, I'm just saying, like... I'm just saying, like... I'm just saying for, like, jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He probably wore, like, bigger baggy jeans.

He goes to the black guy's section of... They have an extra pocket inside of it. He keeps it coming up. Well, they have K and G. You ever been there? What's this? It's like black jeans? No, K&G is...

I think there's only like 10 of them. They might have built more. But, dude, it's like, Pimps. and preachers shop there. Oh, fuck, yeah. I ended up in one in Ohio. It's because some dude was like, yo, K&G,

they got, you know what I'm like? All right, bro, let's roll. You just come to show in a green suit. Dude, we go to K&G. I got some, like, I had some tassel loafers, some purple, like, suede, like,

loaf, dude, just the weird, they have the Steve Harvey collection, and then the Trump collection right next to it. Yeah. You can get like a freaking yellow suit. Like, they just have all. Dude, like that Steve,

what is that? Is that his first special where he's wearing the yellow suit? It's all that shit. Yeah. Oh my God. It's the Steve Harvey collection. You go in there and you're like, oh, what can I slap a bitch in? That's what the thing is, where they have the cane, all that shit.

Oh, my God. That's fucking awesome. You get dice for your, like your little, your, uh, rearview mirror. It's like the cane with the cobra head. Oh, like the ruby eyes. I want a cane so bad, dude. Yeah? I feel like you'd pull it off.

You could pull it off. Dude, well, I've, the podcast has heard this, but who cares? Let's make this an organic conversation. I would just tell you guys information you haven't heard. When I get older, I'm moving back here. I have this Florida old guy look, which is somewhat... I visited my grandparents this weekend. My grandpa kind of looks like this, but not quiet.

But you've got to dress like... I want to dress like the Jurassic Park guy. You know what I'm talking about? John? From Jurassic Park, John? The main guy. Like buttoned up fishing shirt almost? Yes, button up fishing shirt. I got like a gold chain.

You can see all the chest hair coming out. I got like a fedora beard. Maybe beard, maybe beard, maybe not beard. Cigar that's like falling apart. My eyes just have this yellow tint from drinking My skin is like hot doggy I can see you go on bucket hat too That could that could work too

You could definitely go bucket hat Yeah wife giant fake tits She's fucking the pool boy I'm fucking the secretary It's all cool though because we're just Florida swing Right right You don't even talk about it No

Yeah it just happens Yeah yeah yeah yeah You came home and she's getting railed out by the pool boy On the lanai And then you just sit down and you turn on fucking Jeopardy Like it's not even And I throw a big bottle of whiskey and he walks out.

Yeah, it's just not even a thing. You sit down like, he walks out. You're like, all right, bro, have a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. How's the pH? Yeah. Well, he's the pool boy, so he was checking the pH balance on her pussy.

Oh, yeah. It's good. For sure. But then I got like, that it's like, maybe I'm driving like a Rolls Royce or something kind of old manny. And you always, my grandpa always has this, he always has a bandaid on like a, on like a spot. It's not working. Like, it's still, there's still blood dripping down his lake,

but there's a band-aid there. So, like, you know he's, like, trying. Oh, is he, like, at that old where, like, you just bleed? Yes. God, dude. You know you've made it, bro? That's the only thing based on him. He's not banging.

When you, like, outlive your own skin. Yeah, yeah. Like, you're like, all people just bleed. Yeah. Here comes a clip. No. Yeah, dude, it's so crazy, too, because it's like, yeah, I was visiting them. And it was crazy to see.

They live in Marco Island. So I was in Naples doing shows. And Marco Island's, like, just like, I mean, self-explanth, which is Nileland below Naples. But, um... And Naples is just slow. Oh, it's all old as far. Did you go to Blue Martini?

No, I heard that's a bunch of just like, uh, sugar babies and sugar daddies. Yeah. It's a cool spot. It's like, it's the only, like, clubs to do in Naples. Yeah. Everybody always talked about it. You go there and just like old ass fucking people and, like, young girls trying to find, like, old grandpas.

Damn. Well, I wonder, I wonder how much you could trick a girl and think of your rich, just a fucker in one night. They have the minors helmet on. Well, because it's like, it's so funny too, because like every, like, the clubs are always like, oh, girls are only being rich guys there. It's like, I can easily cosplay a rich guy and just trick some like dumb chick at the bar.

Yeah, just fucking put something in her drink. And it's great idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe take that part. Clip, I'll clip that. Don't clip that. That'd be somebody to do clips and it's just people saying bad things and you zoom in on their face and do black and white. Like, it's like where you do? This is the they know the guy on TV is getting fired.

They just like... Yeah, you scoot over towards me. I was totally joking. But you could dress as like... You could dress nice and they wouldn't... Dude, what if... Dude, I should go to blue martini. Dressed is like a fucking black pimp.

It's all old guys and me with like a gold tooth and like a purple hat. You probably pull. You look like a Pixar character. Does anybody ever told you that? No, I don't know. You just have like... Yeah, very happy.

Disney. Like you're always just... I like that you used to the most retarded look on your face. You're always just like, oh. No, it's like you could be like a rich preacher or like, okay. You know what I mean? Maybe it's just your nose. It's like very distinct.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. What are you Italian or? I thought I was. Turns out I'm Croatian. It's like my mom's Italian. I'm half Italian, half Irish.

Or like I guess like there's some Swiss and other shit in there. But yeah. My mom, I really did like a 23 in me. It turns out he was. Croatian, because our great-great-grandmother was probably just like a whore that you got plowed out by fishermen. And when you live on the Mediterranean, that's just what it is. It's like, it's just fishermen coming to town and banging chicks.

And then they're like, that's a man there has been, whatever. Michael, I don't appreciate it. She can fucking hear that. That's a great, great-great-great-great-this is, if my grandma's listening, this is your great-grandmother. So don't be, whatever. But she's still alive? My grandma's still alive.

It's not my great-great-girl. Oh, yeah, yeah. Hold your grandma. my grandma is 80 something my grandpa's 90 the old bitch she didn't hear that fuck my bad

what's her name they did listen to the podcast and got like disgusted like they were like this is terrible and I invited it to my stand-up show and they were like we're good they just didn't want to cover

that's gonna hate me what's her name damn um joanne sorry joanne we're just kidding here yeah yeah yeah no she's good

we're not talking about you grandma we're talking about other grandmas we're talking about great great grandma. Great grandma. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bro, that's, like, that's why I just love fishing. Yeah. It's in my blood. But those are just those port, dude, it's like those ports.

It's like, they're like, it's just dudes coming in, banging and leaving. And, I mean, I don't know anything. I've never read a book,

but I assume this is what's happening in the Mediterranean Sea in like, what, fucking 17, 18, 19, last year. Still happening. It's true,

dude. My grandma fucking. Because you're Italian, right? Yeah, I'm 100% time. I was trying to make this, I'm trying to make this to a bit, but like, it's actually like, because my grandma's 99.

And I, this is true. I did. I was talking to her like a couple months ago. And she mentioned to me, like, she misses, like, getting cat called as like a young woman, like when she was 30, 25. And I just, I didn't understand it. And it makes sense now because she misses her youth. Yeah.

Yeah. And I had this funny idea of like, man, I should only cat call like old grandmas now. Oh, yeah. I was driving in the car and I was actually. on Instagram live. I was stuck in, like, around this area, Winter Park, like, when the school zone was getting out, and there was this fucking old lady on her fucking walker

going to the mailbox. And I have, like, maybe 15 people in the live. And I was so close to her. And I had the opportunity to just rolled down my window and say the most nastiest shit to her to, like, make her feel good about herself. And I just didn't do it. Oh.

I fucking pussyed out. And I'm like, that wrinkly ass dude, ma. I do, yeah, exactly. Just fucking rolled down the window and just big, hey nice titty's grandma just to make her fucking day you know yeah yeah yeah didn't fucking do it well they're out there like uh i mean i've been on some of those dating apps there's some fucking old ass women would that make her day 100% think about that bro titty's grandma think about she's 90 and she hears that she's like she's at home with the rosary

yeah yeah please lord let this be the day dude i i had a crazy thing like this this is a couple months ago i was at a bar with one of my friends and i was going to see his girlfriend's band play. And there was this woman who was at least above 60. Beautiful. I took some pictures with her. Huge tits. Like huge fake tits. And we're hitting off at the bar a little bit. And it started off as wouldn't it be hilarious if I fuck this old. Like, I would never do that. And then I get a couple drinks in and I'm like, I'm going to try to have sex at this kid. I was like, that's I'm going to be your grandma. Dude, I'm putting like the number into my, I'm, she putting her number to my phone. She's like squinting because like she like, it's, can you make it bigger? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's doing the one thing? Yes, of course. Yeah, she's doing that thing. And then she loved talking about, like, you know, she went off about Elvis and how she's, she's seen Elvis live. She was 60? No, she was above. I have no idea how. I would guess probably.

She was like 70. Okay, so say, okay, so say she was 70. Well, he died in the 70s, though. So, like. So she was born in what, 1950? I was trying to gauge it. So she's like, yeah, I went to Woodstock when I was 19. So, or she went to a Vietnam War.

protest in college and I was like I didn't figure out. So that was the mid-60s probably. Yeah. So she's probably, okay. She's fucking 170. We're doing the math. She's like over 100. No, she's probably, I would guess she's probably 74 or whatever. But it came down to it. When the planes attacked Pearl Harbor.

I was in college. And it was, she was going off about Elvis, Woodstock, and immigrants. Not a fan of immigrants. My favorite shit she fucking said, dude. She was texting this old guy. And she's like, yeah,

this guy, like, he ghosted me. And I was like, okay, well, uh, what you do,

die? Man. And he, uh, the funny shit she did. Dude, she goes, uh,

she's like, he didn't talk to me for like weeks. And then I kept texting him, texting him, and then I sent him a picture, video of Biden. And then he finally responded to me,

which I love as like, I was like, a fucking cat's, yeah, yeah, he's like, come on. He's like, come on.

He's like, he's like, I'm fucking fine, fine, fine. He's too old. Facebook baited him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny. And then, dude, it was so funny because we took an Uber.

She, like, got a little drunk, and I was like, I'm probably not going to have sexist lady. Oh, you took her home? He gave her ride. Yeah, I called her an Uber because I was like, fucking gentleman, dude. Yeah, yeah, I was like. You walked her up her ramp?

I'm on the second floor. Yeah. Well, she was like, we were in an Uber back, and I was asking her, I was like, you're not, like, drunk? Because I didn't know where that I was going, but I'm very much, I was like, you're not drunk. She's like, no, I'm good. Because it's hard to tell because she doesn't walk great.

So I'm like, is that from... She's like, come to my bedroom. She takes a stairs. She goes up that... The fucking acorn thing. The fucking rail. She has a... Oh, you're going to get it.

She has a fucking life alert, bro. She has a dildo on that thing that she just sits on that chair and rides up. That's fucking great. But, dude, we're in the... We're in the Uber. It was so funny because she, like... As in my mind, I'm like, I don't know. I was just whatever. I'm going to get this whole lady.

We're going roughly the same direction. And the Uber driver is this guy from Africa. And she says the funniest racist thing ever in my life. No, no, what was it? I can't. No. He was from, I can't do. How are you doing today? Yeah.

I'm for, the only thing I can say in African is the Bible. The Bible. And that's not like his Christoph came on and we were talking about something. But I was just mimicking his African accent. But she was like, she goes, are you, she goes, are you from Africa? was, yeah. And she goes, oh, that's so cool. Were you married in Africa? And he goes, yeah. And she goes, did a medicine man marry you

and your wife? A medicine man? We're just so insane. Like, she's like, oh. Yeah, it was wild. You're married by a witch doctor. Yeah, literally, that's what she was asking if he was married by a wish doctor. But, okay, yeah, just hold it as close

as possible. The mic sucks. What is it? What are you, who are you texting? I was writing, I was writing something down that funny what we said. I might riff on it. That about the grandmas. Oh, okay. I see you on stage. My friend was trying to bang a grain in here.

You know what is weird? Guilf is not a good term because there's no term for grandpa I like the fuck, because it's the same initial. So there's Milf and Dilf and Gilf, but Gilf is intertangible. So will women say that guy's a gilf and guys that say that woman's a gilf? What's a trans? I don't think. I think you can't. I think it's not, it's interchangeable because you're just, it's not supposed to be a thing.

What do you mean? Oh, you're not supposed to fuck old people. So like you just should have that. And then there's going to be the they grandparents, the trans parents. Oh, God. Well, I don't think they're going to make it that long. Well, there's dude, do you know who Buck Angel is?

I've heard the name. So he's the one that changed my opinion on his trans stuff because he's on Joe Rogan. This dude, let me just show you a fucking picture. This dude has a pussy. But I was like, that is a dude. But he's a trans grandpa, so he's a hat that says, Trampo.

I don't care how hot you are if there's a cock. No, no, no, this is the other way around. This guy has a pussy. But I was like, he's a man with a pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's it. Like, in my mind, I'm like, that's a dude. That dude has a pussy, but I'm like, that guy's more of a dude than me.

Let me see? That's a... That's a... That's a... Oh, trust me. This is... No, no, no, not confused about this. I'm not straight.

If I fuck that guy, I'm fucking gay. Born a man or born a woman? Born a woman. He thinks he was born a woman. No, dude, this person has a pussy. This dude has a pussy. A real pussy or a surrogene? A real fucking pussy.

Bro, I'm fucking lost. Right? This is what changed my whole view on this. If you fuck that dude, you're fucking gay. Meaning that's a dude. No, no, no. But he has a... You're definitely gay.

But he has a pussy. What if it feels good. Yeah. Yeah, so dudes... Wait, I respect everybody's opinion. Born a woman? Born a woman. What if he has like that...

You guys want your mind blow? You want to see the pussy? What do you... No, they don't have it, bro. I don't want to see it. Wait, wait. What are we saw? What are you saying?

I'm showing you Buck Angel's pussy. I want to see it. I'll look at it first. Is it a penis that is now a vagina? No, no, dude. I'll look at it and I'll let you know how it is. This kind of stuff. Bro, you're about to have your fucking mind blown.

Okay, wasn't prepared for that. Your brain, it's confusing. When you see a hot chick with a dick, you're like, oh, that's, you're, I think you're more used to seeing it. You're like, well, it surprises you. It still catch you off guard. It's a little disturbing at first. So he was born with this.

Yeah. And then transitioned into a dude. Wait, so this is this is a vagina turned into a, a penis? No, no, it's just I don't, you shouldn't look at it. That's, oh, that's, I mean, if he's, it's just weird, because he has a fucking, okay, so this is a woman's vagina that I'm going to be looking at. Yeah, it's a dude. I think it's a dude. On a man's body.

It's, you just said she was born, it's a she. It was a she, it was transition. Now it looks like a man. I would say it's a, look, I, I respect everybody's point of view. I guess he should just look at the photo. I was asking like a sheer, like, it's not what, will you think it is. was born, born a woman. Yeah. Okay.

So what I'm looking at is just a regular vagina attached to a dude. You have to make it straight for yourself. That's what's going on? You're like, I'm not fucking one of these fucking queer. I don't even want to see it. It's fucking. I want to show you now that you don't want to see it. I don't want to see Stone Cold Steve Austin's pussy.

Dude, it looks crazy. Literally kind of what it looks like. That's not even like a good looking vagina. No, it's like. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Looks like chopped liver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a dude's a vagina.

Dudes aren't going to have now that. But is that. Was that a penis before? No. This was a woman. Cut her tits off. Had surgery. Grew a beard.

Got bald. She looks so much like, or he looks so much like fucking Walter White that you're like, this is mind-blown. Like that's what fucking. Yeah, but see,

like they were on Joe Rogan. Yeah. Like years ago. And they were cool as, he was cool as fuck. He's like, yeah, no, call me,

whatever, you know, just very open and very much like, this is just what it's like, it's like, I'm happier as a dude, I'm a dude, and it's what it is. And I was like,

oh, that kind of, I was like, that kind of makes sense. Because I think there are people that transition that aren't that. They just, like, have issues. And they're like, oh, okay. But I'm like, that is a dude to me. I'm like, that guy's more of a dude than me. I mean, he is a pussy.

But I'm like, if somebody fucked that guy, I would say you were gay as shit. Even though you fucked him in your vagina. I was like, that's a fucking dude. Bro, imagine you're at the bar and you're gay. Yeah. And you think that guy's gay. And you take him home and you're like, what the fuck? You're just, oh, yeah, yeah.

It's like the reverse of when you bang a trans woman is a straight guy. You're like, ew, he has a pussy. Oh, fucking gross. All these hardcore Christian communities, they want to talk about like, or even like Catholic. What is it like the therapy? What's it called?

No. The therapy. Oh, gay conversion therapy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe that woman. Is the transition into fucking. It's,

no, that's the gateway back to vagina. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's like, you were saying, Joe, like, oh, you take that man home. And you're like,

well, I'm gonna get some dick tonight. What the fuck? last night. Yeah. How was it? They're like confusing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That is like... I think I like vagina, dude. Yeah. I think I might not be... Attached to fucking... Attached to fucking...

Attached. Yeah. Dude, it's so insane because you're like, I'm like, dude, that's a fucking... To me, that's a dude. Do I regret looking at that photo? Dude, I already look at me. 100%. You know what?

It actually just looked photoshopped. Yeah, yeah, it does. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it does. But that's... real. Well, and the other one is, I mean, the listeners know this. I accidentally banged a trans one with a pussy one time. You did? I remember this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, you got to tell. I guess you don't know about this, but I've talked about it a bunch of the podcast. All right, so what is the, when someone says something like that, I just can't compute it. Yeah, yeah, it's that. Because when you say trans woman or man, I don't know. I don't know what's the full story. I don't know what the base level was. I've said this story a thousand, so I got to speak through it.

Met a cougar online when I was 19. She was like around 47, something like that. And I thought because she was like She was very She had confidence I was like oh this is like an older lady thing Part of me thought maybe she's trans Because there was something a little

Like a little bit The Adams apple Yeah dude I didn't notice one So did you fuck the woman or a man I mean I would say a woman Because the person had a vagina But they used to be a dick And I didn't know and I found out years later

I found out three years later So you fucked like imitation crab vagina Yeah Yeah You fucked impossible pussy Yeah fucked a ingrown dick

I fucked the inside of a penis How did it feel? Tight as fucking She was 47 The vagina was fucking 17 But you still talk to this They don't match up the age

With the face That'd be so rude They're like Like ma'am Nobody's gonna believe This is a Wait We gotta stretch it out

We gotta blow on it We gotta Isn't that your joke Where you talk about She might have been 47 But the pussy Yeah Yeah

Yeah yeah Yeah You still do that joke Yeah Yeah I mean It's never not funny It did you Years later

Like this is still funny. Yeah, that's funny. You're like, technically it's statutory. Yeah. Well, it's funny, because people take both sides where people were like, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm like, it's one of my favorite bits and it's fine. Like, it's like, she should have told me for sure. Like, it's fucked up. You should tell people.

You didn't know? You just went like, damn, that's what happens to. And I fucked her ass cheeks too, which no operation was done on that. So it's a man's ass. That's, that is like, it's furnished. Like, it comes with the unit. Like, that's like, that's like a built-in oven. It's like that was there before. That's been there the whole time.

It's a built-in oven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, um, and people act like... No, that's the original ass. Yeah. Yeah. Well, people fucking like, uh... Wild!

Dude, people want to act like they're like, even in the progressive side of it. It's like, no, it's still foxed with you a little bit. Like, first when I found out, I was doing comedy when I found out, so I was like, whoa, I was like, this is fucking... You're like, whoa, a new five minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm the most progressive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can never be canceled.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's... That's... That's, that's not. Dude. Yep. No nuts. No nuts.

No nuts. Nuts were cut off. What do they do with your nuts when you transition? I wonder. Yeah. Where do they go?

Yeah. I don't know. I flash back to On her bed. There's just a jar with Tesla. It's a mason jar? They're floating

like a lava lamp. Do you have any way of getting a contact with her? Yeah. No. That's how I found out. Like, I started working at a call center and there was a trans chick there.

And I like didn't know trans people. but like before that. So I was like... Pork? Yeah, yeah. And I started like noticing her mannerisms.

I was like, ooh, you remind me a lot of that old lady I had sex a couple years ago. And I was like, pieces are coming together because it was,

this is 2015, dude. It was like, you're like, Caitlin Jenner's doing that shit out there. You're like, nobody else is doing that. You're like, that's like one person. And then you start seeing it

more and more. You go, oh, that's what that, like, that like, that mannerisms, that confidence, that's sort of like, they're like, they're like, oh, okay, that's always where that,

that's what that is. And, yeah, yeah, dude. And then I reached out there. I was like, are you transgender by chance? I don't know if I say by chance the joke. I don't know if I said. I bet you're on Facebook. And she goes, well, technically I've been a woman my whole life.

And then that's my joke is like, yeah, I don't think my buddies are going to see it that way. But, oh, yeah. She was cool as fuck, dude. She's like, yeah, let me know if you want me to bring you on stage. She's like, I see her comic, make all the jokes you want it. She was like very upfront about it. And I don't want to bring up. I mean, it's very, like, the second I bring on it.

They'd be like, how did you not know? Everybody, because hindsight bias. But the truth is I showed my whole fraternity and got like, before I found out she was trans. And everybody was like, dude, fucking getting fucking cougars. Hell yeah, brother. And then when they found out, you're like, you fucking sicko. The fuck's it matter with you. What the fuck, bro?

You kicked out of our club. They called me in and, like, yeah, expelled me from the fraternity. I didn't have me. Called you in an office like this. Well, I didn't find out until, like, after college. So 2015, you banged her. When did you find out? Like 2018, I think.

That was at the height of everybody transitioning, too, bro. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why it's on your head, and you're like, oh. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. That's wild. I've learned a lot about you guys.

30 minutes. I don't know you that well. It's like, it's been a fun Greyhound ride to Vegas. Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's funny because no matter how progressive people act like, it's like, no, it still throws you off guard. And part of you's like, what's going on, like, mentally?

But that's why I'll say I know I'm straight as fuck Because I have I've looked over the cliff of heterosexuality I've seen the other side I know I'm like I know where I stand I'm on this side Yeah I'm like I've looked over the edge of go Nah Like the maze runner

I've seen the other side Yeah yeah yeah yeah There's more out there Yeah yeah well it's in my mind I'm like it's so funny too Because like now that I'm on dating apps Like I'll match like a super hot chick And then it's like always

Now I guess it's suspicious I'm like hey fool me twice I'm gay. But also, like, it's one of those things, dude, it's like, I don't know. I think there are, like, hot, like, there's hot trans chicks. Like, that's just what it is. What if you go, you meet, like, a hot, beautiful girl and take her back to your place,

she pulls out a dick. I'm not, dude, chicks of dicks, not for me. Would you let it blow you? No, it's really, it's like, I don't know, it's like, same with women if they find out, like, a guy's, like a DJ and they don't like that. It's like, that doesn't mean you hate the guy, but you can find out. out information about people that makes you unattractive to them. It's like, having a penis is unattractive to me. It's just what it is.

As a DJ. You're like, everything was going great. He held the door for me. And I got home, it's a fucking DJ deck on his bed. Oh, let me put that away. How about you don't? How about I get the fuck out of here? He's like, oh, real quick, this is my new mix. Yeah. I always go right to do it. Dude, that was the funniest thing. I saw it's dating app. I saw it's dating app and it said, it said no cops, no Republicans and no stand-up comedians. And I was like, what the Why are we on that list now? What happened? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow. I mean, to be fair, I don't know. You look at the news. It's like every other week. She's like, I've been hit by all three. Yeah. We get a bad rap, but there's some nice. Yeah, but there's a lot of fucking creeps.

I mean, it's like, it's like the, uh, I mean, the one of the biggest rapists of all time is a stand comedian. I don't think that helps. Yeah, I feel out of place a lot. Not raping. You're like, am I really a comic? Yeah. I haven't really done anything with my career.

Yeah. Yeah, you got Cosby and. Delea got a lot of shit for his thing. Well, his thing didn't seem that bad, but then somebody makes it... Once somebody makes a documentary... You start believing the documentary. You play a little piano music,

and you start to like... You start to take podcast clips out of context, and then you're like, I don't know. Not to defend any... They could say anything, bro. And it's like, oh, my God, did you hear the dramatic music in the background? Yeah, yeah, I was like, dude,

he's a documentary about you. You're just a rapist now. He's guilty. It's tough. Yeah, once they bring out the camera crew, you're like, oh, it's fun. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Those stories were so... Not like him, like raping women. And none of it was that. It was just, like, weird, kind of controlling behavior and, like, kind of pedophile-ish. I think he was kind of like a pedophile, but... I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

But the funny part was, like, both women had the same story. They're like, I went to his room. He was eating shrimp scampy and watching cops. And the next one was like, I went to his room and he was eating shrimp scampy and watching cops. Which is so... I don't know why that's just a funny thing that, like... That was Cosby?

No, that was... Chris Alia. Oh, Delea? Yeah, yeah. I thought his was like a texting thing. His was like underage. Right. But then the other stuff...

Apparently, there's some shit. Well, it was like... Some of the women they were coming out, they were like, oh, he came to my hotel room and was like, he wanted to, like, dominate me and he wanted to like... I was like, well, it's not... That's not a cry. I mean, the underage stuff is a crime, but it's like, I don't know. It's all...

Some people are into some weird shit. Yeah, yeah. Well, the crazy... Oh my God. Did you guys see the Nickelodeon documentary? No. I've been hearing about it, dude. Dude, Drake Bell was like brutally raped.

And it's like finding out that SpongeBob was raped. Because you're like all that time he was holding it in. Like in my mind, I'm like, it's just so wild. Wait, who's that guy? Drake and Bell? You see Drake and Josh? Really? Dang.

He's a great show. Isn't it weird to watch? He was raped by who? This guy named Brian Peck. No, like Nickelodeon. Rape them? All of Nickelodeon. Like executives, bro.

It was like the janitor in the office. It was like a play thing for them. Like, oh, like, this is our network of kids. And the one dude had like a crazy foot fetish and the logo of Nickelodeonel for some time was like a foot. Yeah, yeah. I remember that. Fucking nuts, bro.

But imagine, like, growing up, dude, we were all, like, at least I was, I'm watching Drake and Josh, and you're like, dude, how cool was it? Like, you find out of- I wanted to be him so bad. Now my guy, I'm glad I was not him. These kids, like, skip school and, like, just act. Yeah. And you're like, I want to, like, I want to do that.

And then it turns out they're all getting fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I never realized that he was brushing his teeth with the producer's cock. And that was, like, just what, that's what your life. is. And then you're like, here you are, like in the fifth grade, like, yo, I have it better. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's so funny too, because like you wonder, you're like, dude, I bet you that darkness is what fueled all seasons of Drake and Josh. I bet you there's one of those things where he's like, he's like, I need to escape all of that. I need to pretend that me and my stepbrother

are going to get into some shenanigans because it's the only way for me to like escape that level. It's fucking crazy, dude. Great television. Great television. Nickelodeon had a... Nickelodeon. Keep it up is what I'm saying. Look, you guys are juggernauts. Don't stop now. It's just the side effects of great quality. You got to crack a few 15-year-olds to make an omelet. What do you think he's going on with P. Did he right now?

I will say this. You think he's locked up? No, he's just gay. He's in the Bahamas. He took his plane. He got out of the U.S. Oh, wait. I do want to surger on that.

The one thing I will say is crazy because it's like, I think Drake Bell, though, is on like crazy mood stable. And I feel horrible. I mean, like, he is, he got in trouble for, like, texting an underage girl. But I'm also like, dude, this guy had, like, the hardest life, like, imagine. I was like, dude, like, it was bad. Just to, like, I mean, there's no reason for me to explain this. But it was like, he, like, was like, imagine the worst things that have been done.

Just picture the worst things. Like, that's literally what happened to me. It was, like, fucking horrendous. But he's on mood stabilizers. So he's really, I'm sure, because he's just like, yeah. And then, you know, horrible things happened. And I got, you know, brutally abused about it. Oh, yeah.

There's no emotion in his face. I'm like, this is crazy. Yeah, p. Diddy. This is what I think about P. Diddy. It's terrible. But, okay, so it's pretty fucking gangster. I didn't realize how much of a real gangster he is. I'm not, Chappelle has a bit about this. Him, look, I'm not saying it's good behavior. Killing people's terrible. Raping people's terrible. Raping gangster rappers is gangster. It's more gang. It is. It is. It is. It's, it is. It's like fucking like...

I see what you were saying. He has power. He wants to have power. Yeah, well, look, he should be thrown in prison. He's disgusting human being. Like, real gangsters are terrible people. Like, but it's still gangster. He blew up Kid Cody's car.

Did you hear about that? Yeah, I did, but I didn't really look into it. That's fucking gangster. He's scary, which is cool, but, you know, it's like, it's like finding out, like, you know, it's like when you read about Gangus Kong, you're like, it's cool. I mean, it's horrible human being, like, one of the worst people live. Right. But you're like, there is a coolness to this.

Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. I'm really just trying to take a weird angle on this. I don't actually think it's cool. No, no, no, I see exactly your point. But he is, in my mind, I'm like, oh, this is really a scary human being. Right. He gets off on it.

Like, it's his power. Yeah, he took, like, 50 cents shopping. And he's like, told 50 cents. Like, yeah, get whatever you want. Do these cents. Like, man, I bought that shit. Yeah. Yeah.

He did he wants that power over him. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, which is kind of, dude, to, like, have power over 50 cent, is gangster, dude. That is fucking like... He's like 50 Cent is my bitch. Is the most like... Is the most like a show called power?

Oh, maybe. Oh, yeah, maybe. But it's also funny too because it's like a... It's funny too because 50 Cent is just now getting away with being so homophobic because Pete Dity's a piece of shit. Yeah.

Because now 50 cents like I'm not about that one of the, I'm not one of those fucking queers out there. Like fucking Pete Ditty ever's like, yeah, Pete Ditty is a piece of shit. Just ignoring 50 Cent in 2024 being like, yeah, fucking homoes out there. I think that is the term. It's called the homo thug, right?

That's the... I think so. Yeah, yeah. DMX had a lyric thing. He's like, show no love for homo thugs. He's probably talking

about fucking Pete Diddy. That might, that, maybe, yeah, yeah. We'll never know. Well, dude,

and then they have the video in the Joker face panel. Like, this guy's like a true villain. Like, in a really like, like, he's gonna be stuck.

There's gonna be, that documentary is gonna be very, I don't know if it came out yet. He's gonna come out like he did kill Biggie. Dude, that's what I'm hearing.

I'm like, this guy is really like a fucking blowing up somebody's car is the coolest shit you can do. That is so fucking gangster. Pretty fucking wild, yeah. Dude, he's literally just his character from Get him to the Greek.

Like, spot on. Yeah, dude. Yeah, once again, let me emphasize. This is a bad person who should be thrown in place. Bad, bad. I don't know. Rape is bad. I don't know why I have to... Let me reiterate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's one of those things, too, where it's like, yeah, it's like... He's a scary motherfucker and it's like... And I never... I don't know. I always thought of him as intimidating, but not as like...

I didn't realize he was like that fucking wild. He's like a big guy too. Really? I always thought he's smaller. It's like 6'1 but like jacked. He's 6'1. I don't know why I thought of him as tiny. Maybe I just saw him and get into the Greek and Russell Brand's like fucking 8 feet tall. How tall is P did he?

That's 511. He's like 1 inch tall than me. And three inches longer. How old is P did he, dude? He's been around a while. God damn. At least 50. The one thing I thought that was cool was I thought he was left the country because there's a bunch of

like articles about that. And then he didn't. Like, it was just, you know, it was just fake news articles. So he didn't leave the country when his house was rated? No. Oh. I'm like, that was, that was, oh, he's 54. Yeah, so he's my dad's age, yeah.

So 20 years? A lot more gangster than my dad. So, wow, 30 years ago, he was, he was still, like, present of his little fucking bad boy records or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Well, and I don't know. I want to watch more documentaries about that because I want to learn kind of, like, about all the Tupac conspiracies. Those are fun. Those are crazy.

Oh, yeah. The conspiracies are. Well, because nobody got charged. with his death, right? I think they recently just charged somebody. Yeah, but it's one of those things. Like, too much time has passed for people to be like...

Yeah. Like, the new one I'm on, dude, is the Baltimore Bridge. Okay, what's the conspiracy on this? I haven't heard that one. You didn't see that? I saw the bridge accident. What's the conspiracy? Just like another distraction.

Who was... What was on that boat? Oh. Why did the bridge fall like that so easily? Why, why Baltimore? I don't know. Could have just been an accident. But it's always at 50-50.

It could just be. a freak accident or something more sinister. Yeah. And normally it's something. Yeah. Well, it's like that pipeline that like, fuck it. Well, because a lot of stuff you realize is like, there's a lot of fucking dumbasses out there, but a lot of stuff is like, like a bridge, I assume

there's thousands of people's jobs is making sure the bridge doesn't collapse. Right. Like, there's, like, that's such an important thing that it's like, there's like, really thousands of people fucked up that inspection. I'm sure there's not one guy who's just like, yeah, it looks pretty good to me, man. You know what I mean? It's like probably like so many people that are like

But we also don't give a fuck about our infrastructure anymore. Oh, yeah. The United States is on some, like, we'll just build more shit. On top of the shit that's collapsing. Yeah, that's all it is. That's really all it is. They're like, wow, they're cleaning this area up. It's like, no, they're just putting new shit where there's land.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess things aren't really sturdy. But they look nice. So it's kind of like, yeah, yeah, it looks like this whole new area is like, because it happened at night. I was like, it just looked like a tiny boat and then you saw the day forward

and you're like, that's a big ass. Dude, and it went ping, ping, ping, it broke from like, yeah, it was weird, dude. I mean, it was either like some drunk guy. How many people died? Like five. How? Falling off the bridge.

Well, that also makes it crazy, too. The fact that it happened, no, no, not how do they die? How did only five die? I'm not like, how do you die with a collapsing bridge? What was a cargo ship? So, you know, the cargo ship went through it, or what happened? It just went through it pretty much

I don't know how the five people died It doesn't make sense kind of Maybe they were on the bridge Probably in their car Yeah I'm saying like I've been on that bridge I think Do you have to drive to it to get to south Like okay have you driven from New York to Florida

You're from New York right No I just moved there to do comedy Oh are you from here originally Yeah I'm from Florida Oh I didn't know that Like Bradington Oh shit okay Well I've driven I'm pretty sure the ball

Is that the same bridge you drive Because I think I've I mean If I remember it correctly It's a fucking does it go from Baltimore Do you cut through Baltimore or like Virginia bro look how big that fucking thing is the ship

why did you show me Buck Angel's pussy again what dude that is so crazy like so it's like what cargo was on that shit yeah the comments are wild

they're like I bet there's a bunch of kids in there yeah yeah I was going back to bed probably how would you just raid Nickelodeon that's where all the pedophiles are

Drake bells in there yeah probably dude fuck What are we at? 45. We'll do a little bit more. Beautiful. It's been a bit of fun.

So who do you think election is going to win Trump? Who do you? I bet you Trump's going to win. Trump's probably going to. I'm probably not voting. Oh, another conspiracy though. Didn't look into it too much. But the whole thing about them like pulling Trump off the ballot.

And they were saying like if he was removed off the ballot completely, how fucking crazy their rednecks would get. Oh, do you know, like his party? No, just people that are like, you can't take them off the ballot. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, that would start, like, like, Jan 6, another one, part 3.

Well, somebody, too, because I was talking to a conservative guy when, what's it called, when Trump was like, it was like that height of BLM, and he's talking about the election. And the guy's like, yeah, man, dude, if, if Trump wins the election, he's like, these liberals are going to go crazy

and, like, lose shit. It's just so funny in hindsight, I'm like, that's not what. I'm like, actually went the other way. He lost in the fucking conservative. but it's like it's the same shit I'm very much two sides the same coin I'm like it's the same fucking shit

oh well both sides are out of their fucking yeah yeah it's that's why it's like people are like they're the bad ones it's like no you all suck it's just so big because I remember the guy in your own way he's like he's like I swear to God he's like I can't deal with when Trump wins and these liberals are going to go crazy and they're going to break everything and you're like cut to

the other way around yeah yeah yeah I remember watching that at work and I was like that looks so much fucking fun because I was like it was like I worked to work in a mail room and New York was all shut down and I was like dude that looks like a fucking like dude if I lived in D.C. I would have went.

A fuck yeah. They drove there. People were like. People from Sanford drove. People crossed state lines together. Yeah, dude. That was an event called Rittenhouse dude. Yeah, totally. Those people are going to be in the fucking history books and nobody's gonna remember us. Yeah, what's written house up to dude? You got a hot ass girlfriend? Does he have a podcast? Oh, dude, I love

the I mean. He's kind of fucking lame though. Like you kind of see him, he's like, I think it we can't. Fucking pussy. Yeah, you know what? The conservatives is what they need is a young, cool, like... Carverness. That's the guy. No, dude, that guy's so fucking lame. It's like, they need a guy with a mullet who's literally like, I'm about fucking three

things. Getting fucking pussy, making money. Because, like, when I was in high school, those were my run in this country ride. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. But now... Bringing back jobs! Yeah, now these guys go on like podcasts and they're just like mean to only fans girls. And there's just some guy, he's like, well, actually nobody's ever going to respect you. I'm like, you

fucking loser. What's your body count? Hoare. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, dude. Yeah, you should be out there trying to get... Whoa, red-pilled. He's so based. Yeah, yeah. You remember when he shot those people? Three pedophiles.

Yeah. People who were like, he's a fucking... He also happened to be pissed like he knew. Dude, when he heard that news, though, covering... Oh, dude, could you imagine that, dude? He's just like, yes, fucking go. Dude, imagine hitting somebody through your car and you find out they're a fucking murder. That's gonna be the best day of your fucking life.

Or they're, like, a rapist. Yeah, yeah. Convicted of, like, raping five, where you're like, yeah, that would be... You're like, oh, my God. What have I done? Yeah. And then they're like, we got them. sir you've done a great service to your country

you're a goddamn hero that's funny yeah that'd be the best fucking day yeah yeah it's a yeah I don't know I think that Trump will Trump will definitely win I think he will win too I think I'm going to come down here so I don't have to be in New York for that

I think I'm going to plan a trip around what is that November 11th or something like that you might get stuck down here though I'm fine with that dude I was down here for COVID the country wants it splinters in half Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be like the South. I'm taking here over fucking there.

Why do you think I'm back here? Yeah. I was in LA during the lockdown, bro. They had the, they had the National Guard going down the streets and like the Humvees with the turrets, bro. And I was like, in my mind, over there, it was over. I thought that was it because I was just so like,

and then I come to Florida with PTSD and everyone's like, yeah, we're going to the beach. Yeah. Like, where's the National Guard? Yeah. like no one's burning their swim trunks. They're like no one's burning down the Supreme store in Florida.

I'm like, oh, gosh. Well, that's what I feel. I feel like I'm redoing COVID right now with just like being down here, like, dude, I landed and I was like, there's something about landing in Florida.

I was like, dude, I want to play pit bull and drink massive amounts of liquor. Like the second night, I was like, I love this place. But I'll say this. I went to the beach.

The beach now gives me anxiety because I associate it with being violently hungover instead of like a relaxing place. Like in my head, I'm like, oh, it's time to drink gallons of liquor. And I'm like, oh, I can just sit on the beach. I get that, dude.

Like, when I see the beach, too, you get a weird feeling of like, dude, I could just throw my life away. And just, dude, it's so unproductive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so unproductive. But it feels fine. You could just be a piece of shit at the beach. You're like, yeah, we're a beach trip with the boys. Your life, like, a mile behind you just completely falling apart.

I've been there, dude. I threw my life away like 2022 at the beach, bro. for a good six months I was still going to mics Yeah But I just Yeah

Every day at the beach Some girl I was dating Her parents Lived in Seattle And they bought a beach house But they never moved into it Aw dude Because they were just were on like some like

Oh we love home too much Maybe we live there like later on So it was just like me and this Girl from Tinder Just fucking living in the beach house And dude I like I think I like Just called off

work so much. Dude, if I was China and I was like, how could I destroy America's youth? I'd be like, we're gonna get them all hot tinder chicks

in a beach house and just watch. That's their jersey shore, bro. Yeah. Completely crumbled. Oh, dude, that is like, that's,

because nobody talks about that. It's like, the beach is a fun thing, but it's like, if you get like, because I have some friends that like, if you get like,

it's like the friends, I have some friends that didn't go to college, but they lived in the college town and they just fucked their life up so hard because they were like, they were like,

oh, okay, I'm just going to party like these people were partying, but these people are also like taking Adderall and like studying and applying for jobs. But they're like, oh, I'm just going to do all the things people are doing without that. And it's like, it's really bad for you because it's like, you're like, oh, yeah, I'll just like, yeah,

it's inspiring because you're around people that are doing well. You think you're doing well because you're with people that. It's like, I'll do that. This is what I'm doing right now on this trip. I'm going to like park ab to have some drinks after this. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm doing fine. I'm like, that's not, my bank account has no money in it. I'm just tricking myself into thinking that I'm doing well

because I'm around something nice. That's what it was was like, it's also like the high of like, wow, I'm getting so far and I have so many connections with zero money. Yeah. Like this is like, it's almost like it became like a sick self-sabotage game. Yeah.

I would drive an hour, do a spot for like 50 bucks, put 10 in the tank, get like some crab dip at Publix and then just be on a balcony looking at the beach. Yeah. I mean like, oh, I fucking like, I did it, dude.

I'm making. I'm Kevin Hart, basically. Yeah, I go, there's no difference. There's no difference. I'm just not on Netflix. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Yeah, yeah.

I do feel about we got to wrap up. What do you guys want to promote? Oh, dude. I don't know. I'm not familiar. I don't know. Follow me on Instagram. Joe Comedy, too wise.

DM me anytime. Anybody, if you got friends in Orlando, they want to come to shows. Yeah, Joe's fucking hilarious. He's a great guy to see. Yeah, Joe and I've been doing a lot of shows. I want to, I want to. Sean is awesome.

I got to get you on something while you're out here. Dude, I'll have to. Two weeks. Oh, yeah, I'm definitely going to get you on something. But yeah, follow me. I'm Sean Mad on all platforms. I am, S-E-A-N, M-A-D-E-N, and, yeah, dude, thanks for having me alone. Of course.

Yeah, both great, fucking very funny comics. Thank you, guys. Thank you, bro.