Morning Good - Get Back to the Wrestling - Episode 177

Episode Date: July 9, 2023

Christophe Jean and Romy Rosner join the show for today's episode. They talk about being in the Boy Scouts, r/Meth on Reddit, and Christophe finds out he's only half circumcised.Thanks to Romy for joining the show for the very first time. Check out more from her at her links below and scroll down to some earlier episodes for more of Christophe's appearances. Christophe is on Instagram @chrisjeanofficial and hosts the Rough Week Show podcast. Romy is on Instagram @romyrosnercomedy and co-hosts the Crib Podcast with Chris Aileo.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, by way, shout out to Tim's Bray. Welcome to morning. Good. All right, we're here with Romy Rosner. Yes. And Christoph Jean. What's up, dude? And we're hot three weeks after that wrestling thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was sick as hell, dude. That was a great time. I hated it. I hated it every second. Really? It was miserable, dude.

I thought being surrounded by fit men would be fun. Yeah. And then it was gay. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was very autistic men, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was, that was kind of the funny part because they had that part where all the women were, like, twerking.

Yeah. And then every dude was just like, get a wrestling. Get back to the wrestling. Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to see those women twerking. No, no, kind of did take me out of it. I don't know. There was a little juicy J-plane. there's a moment where like sometimes you feel cool

like a brief second and you realize what's going on. You open your wallet, you had one dollar. I had no money. I had no cash. There's like these two like tiny women dancing and Michael opens his wallet with this face and there's like a $2 bill in there. Yeah, yeah. I mean to be fair there's a $2 performance. Yeah, yeah. Oh, come on

dude. Don't be nice to the ladies. What were there was like, Moomoo and Sunshine or something? Yeah, it was just like very anime looking like they look like... They might be the most clothes they've ever worn on camera. They looked like they'd be at a wrestling show.

Oh, for sure. They looked like the only women at a wrestling show. They were the toughest people there. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. That one woman

They have to face the most criticism. That white chick with the dreadlocks was pretty... Oh yeah, she was baller, dude. She came out to who I smoke. Yeah, yeah. I dipped before that. You dipped?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I left after round one. Romie left early. I don't know why, because we're just talking about wrestling. I thought you meant like you dipped tobacco. You're all.

You're already like going to wrestling. I'm like, damn, she really hangs with the boys. Put in a lip, dude. No, that was awesome, dude. I mean, the nails, they had dildos with nails in them. That was the part that didn't make sense, though. So, let me explain them more. We went to, I don't want to call it pro wrestling.

Amateur wrestling. It was amateur wrestling. It sounds like we were out of high school. Just watching like two people, like, wrestling. No, it was like amateur WWE. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So whatever, like, dad version that is. And they were breaking glass on each other.

Yeah, the tubes. The hair show the nail-covered dildos. but then they would fake punches, which I didn't understand why they would... Well, because the glass thing doesn't probably hurt that bad. It probably doesn't really hurt, but like the mist... This is what I thought happened. So, like, it turns into, like, glass, like, powder.

Yeah, the forest and light bulbs. Yeah, yeah, the floor... And it kind of has, like, an abrasion type thing. So it's, like, scraping them so they get covered in blood and it looks crazy. But really, it's just, like, seven little cuts. It's, like, nothing wild. But if you actually punched a guy on the face...

That's a good point. That's way worse. They were hitting the wall, though. Remember when we were near the wall? Yeah. That was pretty intense. Yeah, my phone almost got kicked out of my hand. That video looks so cool because it's like the sneaker almost hits my thing.

And then it's just a dude on top of another dude. Yeah, and they're wrestling and sweaty, dude, it's awesome. And there's a video of, I was getting really into The Chance. I was having fun with that. The chance were a lot of fun. Yeah, I tried to start one. I said Skull Fuck is Corpse and nobody got on board. That's too long.

Yeah, that's a song title. You need like a band name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But the funny part was that one guy, you said that one guy, he was wearing like a yellow short sleeve button down and he kept trying to start chants and nobody would try to know.

He's literally goes, he's a teacher in New Jersey. He like knows this information that nobody else knows. He knows all the lore about this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that was funny too. Like, I think there was some at one point where they were like,

eat his poop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poop on him. I think someone said poop on him. That was funny part too is everybody looked at that one guy. Like, there's a couple times everybody looked at him and nobody was churning along.

But he realized that, he had everybody's attention and they just weren't with him. It wasn't like people were ignoring him. People looked at and be like. They're like, come on, dude. Yeah, yeah. That's not a good one. I brought my kids here.

Dude, they were gay guys there. Ew. No, there were twinks, dude, in the back. Swear to God. Oh, really? But it makes sense. It's like all, you know, men in mosh pits and stuff. Why wouldn't you go?

Oh, for sure. You're like a tough twink. That's like your fucking cream pie. Yeah, yeah. I used to wrestle a guy that would get a bone on a wrestling practice. Yeah. Oh, homosexual? I mean, I don't know if he knows it, but I know it.

Well, sometimes... Because you sucked it. Oh, trust me. He came. Yeah, I trust me. I wonder if, like, maybe just rubbing's just rubbing, dude.

Yeah, he's like, it doesn't count if it's over the single. I'm just saying if, if, like, I'm mounting you. Well, here's the theory. I will defend straight guys not being gay on many occasions.

I think we draw that line too fast. Yeah, it's true. So, like, you have to stick together on this. You have sex with your hand, which is a man's hand. Yeah. So, to be fair, if a dude.

jerked you off and you were thinking about it I think you could be totally straight and get jerked off by a guy you should think Shawshank Redemption was love? Like what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, well it's like there are people in prison that like do that and then it's like I don't think that they're necessarily gay.

They say that's not gay, that's prison. Yeah, exactly. That's a good shirt. That's not gay. It's not gay, it's prison. Yeah, yeah, yeah, give that to the prisoners. Yeah, yeah. They can wear wacky t-shirts on Wednesday.

Wacky jumpsuit day? Yeah. It's silly jumpsuit day. That's my favorite thing is there's always like, there's always one person comes out of prison. They're like, they're raping there. Everybody's getting raped.

And then there's one guy who gets out. He goes, nah, I didn't get raped. You only get raped you're a pussy. And you're like, okay, either.

Wait, you've heard this from both people. Different people, yeah. You sound like, every, oh, everybody. It's like you're talking about

like in such a generality. Like, I've met so many people out of prison. How many prisoners do you know? How many prisoners? How many prisoners? How many ex prisoners do you know? Yeah, yeah.

But, You hear different things, and it's interesting because you're like, okay, either the one guy who's getting out and getting raped a lot. Yeah. Either he's the one guy getting raped a bunch. And he's like, it's happening to everybody. Or the guy who says only pussies get raped got raped. And now he's like, maybe. Well, the pretty boys get raped, I would assume.

Yeah, but I don't know if it's just based on like... You're not going to fuck the big guy, the Andre the Giant. Right. Or it's like a challenge. Maybe you're like, I don't know, I want to, like, I think it has more to do it. Some people will say if you're like a pedophile. you get like raped more. Prison justice.

Everyone likes to say that. But it's like how many, you think a guy in there for murders? Like, oh yeah, we gotta kill the pay. It's like what? Yeah, I mean, maybe. I don't know. I think I saw like a locked up episode

where it was like this dude who was like a really hardcore like serial murder. Like you'd killed a bajillion people and then he found out one dude was a pedophile and he like beat the shit out of him and he had to go to like solitary or whatever. He already had a life sentence so it made no difference to him, you know?

He's like, I heard what he did, a little kid, and I just didn't sit right with me, you know. As opposed to everyone else. Like, you killed five kids. He's like, yeah, right. Yeah, but that's not. I didn't touch them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were my children, so that's, you know, that's my thing.

That's my personal business. As a husband and a father. No, yeah, I don't know. I think people get a little too excited about that sometimes. About what? Prison justice did. no I like it I think it's cool I think they get excited like I get like a bunch of stuff on my like TikTok feed that's like

this guy you know ran over his own son and threw him in the garbage and pissed and shit on his grave and then and then the comments will be like oh he's gonna get it so good in prison like they're like almost jacking off to like imagining him getting butt fucked in prison yeah no that oh he's gonna get so fucking good yeah yeah no that is a thing dude And I'm like, relax. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, especially in comment. Like, people were just gonna comment. Oh, dude, they go off.

There was, I saw one, there was like, you know, there's that video of those people at Pride in. What a weird story. It'll relate. They're gonna get it so good in prison. All those guys. I like it. The guy could think he's being gay is illegal.

Yeah, I thought that's where he was going with it. Yeah, yeah. He's just watched them. He's like, who, wait till. Whoa. Wait till they, the cops find out. Yeah. Pride prince When did they change that law That's not a movie illegal

But there's like them like We're coming for your children They're just like fucking with people Just like doing that thing But there's a guy It's like some like yoked guy Dricking like a coffee mug With the American flag

He's like you're coming from our children huh It's like come from my child See what the fuck is Yeah Yeah Oh he like Stitch reacts to it Yeah yeah yeah Yeah

He's like coming from my family Yeah It's like to shoot you fucking drag It's like Do you really think that like these like drag queens are gonna go to your house and just butt fuck your kid.

But he's praying for it. No, he likes it. Yes, he does. He's like waiting for that like hero moment. He's like, God, I hope I have to pull up my fucking machine going to just mow down. Yeah. I'm going to throw them up.

They get so excited. Yeah, yeah. They want people to like, yeah. Yeah, it's like a revenge fantasy. Yeah. They're not going to do. They're just going to come into your house and redecorate. They're not going to fucking butt fuck your kids.

They're going to change your cushions. Yeah. But then I'm going to redecorate the wall with their blood. I'm going to paint the wall. with homo brains Do you think there's more rape in women prison or male prison? Male.

Oh, I disagree women in prison. I think it's... Women are... You were hot for males. Ladies are A P-I-N-Ging each other? How is that even possible? What are they kiss? No, I think what happens is...

They like... They finger you aggressively? I hate to ask it. There's no way. What's that? I'm really worried about not in the frame. Right, because we're talking about rape. I'm like...

You're scared. We need you in. 4K for this prison. But no, I think it's probably because women are more vulnerable. It's probably harder to, so I don't know. There's more male rapists, but there's more women rape victims. Yeah. Actually, is that true? Yes. Yes.

So then. Guy who knows nothing. Who do you think they're raping? Do you watch the news? Yeah, this is how little you know it. You're like, what is he even rape? What is it? What even is that? What even is that? Is that when you like steal a book?

Yeah. But so I would assume, I don't know, that's a tough question because more men are rapists, but more women get raped. But straight up, though. Yeah, by all men. It's a terrible way me to think of it. And every man who was raped was raped almost exclusively by men. Ninety- Yeah, yeah.

98. Not saying it doesn't happen the other way, but 90. Except for that one episode of the Mari show. Yeah. Oh, there was like an episode where like, this guy was like, they had to find out if the baby was his and the girlfriend had like raped him on his birthday. Drugged him and wrote him till pregnancy.

No. Yeah, dude. And he has a kid Like, that's so crazy. That is nuts. Would you say the Mori? How'd you say it? Mori. Mori.

Or they said the Mari show. Oh, maybe I did. Mori. Mori. I got really excited. I like, I like the idea of Mario. Running the Mori show. You're not the father.

Is that your Mari? You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're nice. I'm Mario. I'm not the father.

You just five backflips. Woo-hoo. You're a rape. My voice is all so fucked up. What happened, dude? It's been gone for, like, weeks. I mean, you go to a couple wrestling things, you start yelling. Start screaming.

Go to karaoke a couple nights ago. Screams scarred by Pop Roach because they didn't have a crazy bitch. Oh, yeah, yeah. Is that way to discard? Damn my heart. The old man. You got to throw on a butt rock classic. Yeah, of course, dude.

That's what's the best. Yeah, I should do Creed. I do Creed. I do Crete. I always do, you always got to do. With arms wide open. That one's good, but all. also hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge Those comments are great Dude look at comments on any butt rock Video it's like I was in the hospital For my 12th DUI But it was then I realized and found God Yeah

Lost my second leg Yeah Those are really good actually If you look up like There's a lot of songs that like enjoy ironically And sometimes I'll just pull them up on YouTube And it'll be like Drops of Jupiter by train

And people be like, yeah, the top comment was like, I was about to fucking kill myself. And then drops of Jupiter came on. And I put the gun on the fucking nightstand. Drops of Jupiter. Right, you could have done anything. Yeah, yeah. Red fucking green eggs and ham and you wouldn't do.

This is the level of art that's saving you. Yeah, that was on the nightstand. Yeah, I was like, this is my copy of, you know, one fish, two fish. It got me through dark times, man. That disc kind of the dark times? That's great. Crazy.

People are so stupid. I'm also the guy wearing the song 41. Some 41 rocks, though. That's the difference. Train doesn't rock. Train is stupid. No, train's all right. Train is fucking mid.

It's like white people rock. It is. All rock is what, not all of it, but I mean, black people invented it, but. Tell me. I like Soul Sister, but I remember I like how to... Soul Sister is so fun. Sorry, I just, there's that one verse in it.

Where he goes, I'm so gangster. I'm so thug. you're the one I'm dreaming of I'm like this is so he's a 70 year old white man I'm so nice or I'm so thaw I don't know I remember somebody of my my Boy Scout troop

with a ukulele playing it and I was like oh this is nice yeah that got you yeah and wait was it the master that would be suspicious that would be that's how they get you in the fucking now they get you with the scary stories yeah let's tell a scary story Everybody snobled.

And then, yeah. My tent is safe. Yeah. My sleeping bag is even safe. Coming with Master Luke. They're like suit out of existence. Boy scouts? I thought so.

Maybe not. No, they're a thing. Oh, really? I was a Cub Scout. I did the opposite. I didn't do Cub Scouts. Girl Scouts? I was a Girl Scout.

No, yeah, I did, I did like, I didn't do Cub Scouts, and then I did Boy Scouts because it looked good on, like, a college resume. Oh. Yeah. I remember there was some girl I was like texting and then her arch on Sunday we had to go do something at the church and she saw me on a Boy Scout uniform and totally ruined things. I was so fucking. Oh yeah, damn. Damn. Damn boy scout uniform. I was so furious. I was like, okay, what's, I didn't think that she'd go to, it was a Boy Scout trip in a different church completely. Yeah. Like we did a Boy Scout trip at a different school zone completely. Yeah, you try to leave the- Did you ever get Eagle Scout? Yeah, I did. You hit Eagle Scout? Yeah, yeah. That's great. I would not take you for an Eagle Scout. No, no, no, no.

Oh, I would totally take him for an Eagle Scout. No, you would not? Yeah, dude, he's got badges. Yeah, no way, bro. Every Eagle Scout I knew was such like a hard-ass dork. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're like, I know how to tie a hundred knots and start a fire with only my hands. You get a lot of those dudes who, like, they're nerds, at least now, but they worked out a bunch.

They're like, if I lift enough weights, I'll get enough pussy. Yeah, yeah, dude, gym cells. But there was also a lot of kids that were... The gym cells? I've never heard that. I like that gym cells. They're in cells that go to the gym too much? Yeah.

That's just my excuse for letting myself go I'm like if I do one of those workout Pussies It's like if I start working I'll never stop I won't get any pussy I'll work out so much I'll forget

Forget Oh fuck I forgot to get pussy For the first 20 years of my life Oh shit You're graduating high school Oh fuck I didn't tell myself that in like high school I was like okay well by the time I'm 18

I'll get pussy And then I was like that's not fucking happening Dude, be it. Tell us 20. Oh, nice. Yeah, dude. What's his name?

Oh, that's a classic, dude. I, uh... We told up boys cats. We had another thing, too, in our trip where we had, like, a lot of, like, really druggie kids. The first time I ever saw weed was in Boy Scouts. Wow.

There was this dude... How old were you? Because you were planting it. First time I ever saw it was, uh, I think I was 13. And I was one of those kids that I didn't smoke it. Yeah, I'm like, I don't smoke about fucking hang out of you guys used to. Yeah, yeah.

I'm totally, I'm so cool. But I'm chill as hell. Like an air high, it's crazy. I'll pick the music, guys. I'll get the snacks. I were just talking about it. Like, man, my friends are so high, right? Michael's only, like, ate luncheball things.

You're like, I went to Tommy's house and he got so high. He was so big, dude. He didn't even know what to do. He was like, his eyes were like, yeah, that was you, dude, you fucking nerd. Yeah, sorry, go. Well, I had a weird thing.

It says loses virginity of 20. I didn't know. So what, dude? I was waiting. Until I got married, dude. I had a weird thing where, like, I was like, I'm not going to smoke pot. I'm cool with it. But until I find out other people, and then you find out enough old people do it, you're like, I

guys fine. Yeah, yeah. It takes like one, you know, uh, 27 year old guy. And you're like, well, he's geriatric and he smokes pot. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I remember me, my friend, Sean smoked pot before me. Yeah. He smoked pot when he was like, fucking 12.

Yeah. And, uh, we were at, uh, and then I found out, you know, like, like older siblings, like, cousins smoked pot. You're like, okay, cousins fine. He smokes pot. And then like, enough people. I was like, I'll be fine. Yeah.

And then, um, I remember we were hanging out in a, it's funny how, like, once you told adults, like, you do weed, they're, they're immediately. Like, we'd have so many adults just like, camp counselors and should be like, dude, I did so much fucking Coke this week. Like, people just open up because, like, these are cool kids. Yeah. When you're, like, 16. Yeah.

No, I was way younger. When I was like, dude, I'd be like 14, but I had a quick silver shirt on and, like, long hair like this. Yeah. And people would. Sick. Maybe I was So cool

Pussy hound skateboard and smoke pot Dude I had a little Nike shocks on So I looked taller You've got to look taller You've got those Yeah those were big

Dude they gave you little The shocks were big Yeah yeah yeah But Dude I remember What time we went into like We were just hanging out Like a mattress store

Because we were just like Walking around What the fuck What do we were just We were just loiter Yeah Where you from Winter Park Florida

It's like a sip Up That makes sense It checks out There's nothing to do there. There's nothing to go to to mattress stores.

That's how little to do there is in central Florida. You're from Delaware and even that look shitty. What we do is like we'd have a 7-11 which is cool because we could walk to a 7-11

for our place. Like we'd either hang out of 7-Eleven and like bring our skateboards, smoke pod, do stuff like that or just talk to like a homeless guy there because we came from like a nice neighborhood but we're on the edge of the nice neighborhood.

So like a homeless guy is like you'd never see homeless people so I'd be like, what does this guy got to say? Yeah, yeah. What's he? Yeah. There was one guy.

I'll get back to the mattress store Don't be worried. Thank God. You piece my interest. But I remember this hopeless guy. He's like, yeah, I remember your age. I was doing so much drugs. He's like, and then my dad was the police chief, so he'd always get me out of trouble.

And I always get bailed out and bail down, bail down. And August 26, I still remember. He still remember. He's like, that's my birthday. He'd be 86 years old. He was that old? Yeah. And then 10 years later, I came by, he was like still there. I was like, this guy's like 90.

Or he's just on so much drugs. He was not. He's actually 33. There's no way. He's just a crazy guy. His dad was probably not the chief of police either Probably not Yeah

Yeah Like yeah And my cousin My cousin made Who let the dogs out Yeah It's like just as likely But in my head

I can't let my dad Become the police chief Because that's what's gonna happen And I'll just do drugs Yeah But anyways We just wander Like I don't know if you

Okay you grew up before Did you ever have a thing We were like Let's just see how far we could walk Because you'd be like Not like particularly Like something's really far away You're like let's just walk

There to the movie theaters Or something like that Yeah yeah Definitely do that Because you're just like Absurd You're like yeah We're gonna walk four miles

But it would be such an adventure and you get there and you'd be like oh hell yeah we could get like popsicles here or something like yeah yeah you'd walk to a movie here that's like three and a half miles away yeah like that was the day yeah but that or you'd sneak in see like an R-rated movie or something like that. Yeah I was too scared for that but yeah you were no yeah it makes me jumpy I'm scared what movie is this guys what are we watching? No I wasn't a pussy dude you're a fucking bad I was a huge pussy but yeah dude you're something uh was it you I was a I forget that, but there's some bit about some guy who thinks that like

action movies are horror movies. Was I talking to you about that? I'd be like, dude, I saw a new fast and fears. He was so fucking scared. Dude, the cars were in there? I was like, whoa, oh. Dude, I thought he was gonna die like the whole movie. It's fucking terrifying.

That's not a horror movie. Yeah, dude. Like screaming, slow down. He's like air breaking. Oh, you're good. I'm gonna kick the. recorder. Sorry. Sorry. The mattress tour guy,

we were just hanging on a matron with that and this guy, just like looks at it, he goes, man, you guys ever smoke weed? He's like, man, it feels like you're in a dream. I don't know why it was just such a vivid memory. It feels like you're in a dream. It was Matthew McConaughey. There's a Lincoln in the mattresses. You ever smoke weed, man? Be a lot cooler if you did.

But we'd have, like, did you have, like, the older, like, we had like these lifeguards as a country club, and a lot of them would you be like, oh, dude, I did this, this, isn't that. It'd be like, I went to, like, fucking Europe. I fingered a chick. A bunch of acid. And when we were little kids, I was like, okay, he's put together. Yeah.

So I could do all this. He's got it going on. Yeah. But my friends wouldn't understand. Like, I'd start putting age limits. I'd be like, okay, I'm not going to do exosite until I'm 16. Yeah. I start doing things.

Good for you. Yeah. This is smart. I like compartmentalize things. My friends are like, let's just do all the drugs now. Yeah. I'm like, no, if we should do this now, we'll be over here. It's a charm.

You start this here, you'll end up here. I wrote a big list of drugs I wanted to try when I was in high school. I was like, I want to try mushrooms and weed. I was like, this is so stupid. I'm such a dork. I think, yeah, I noticed me they did like a bucket list like that. Yeah, that's what I was doing. You wrote it with like a fluffy pen?

I wore, yeah, I had like a little flower on the end of it. A quill? Yeah, a quill. I was writing my diary, like, belly down on my bed. And I'm like kicking my feet. Yeah, your feet are like this? Yeah, yeah. I am like, do, do, do.

Dude, the cutest boy in school. I had a friend who made one of those bucket lists, and it was like, have sex with, like, a girl on the beach or stuff like that. And so because at the time, I was like, God damn, that's such a sick list. Like, I was like, ah. I mean, if only I had imagination, that's strong to think of about this. You're like, pussy and the beach. I never thought would put them together.

It's so smart. Let's do things together. Yeah, that sounds awful, dude. This sounds like sand in your foreskin. Yeah, I don't have foreskin. No, me neither. I don't have horse skin either, but like, I got, you know, you got a little bit there.

No. You got, like, I was skin on my penis. You don't have, like, a little lip. I don't, I don't have skin on it. You have your skinned. You know, it's just wrong. It's like a horse cock. Yeah.

It comes out. Yeah, the red rocket. Yeah, dude. Oh, that's brutal fucking lipstick, dude. No, I meant like the little fold, like right below the tip of your penis. No, I don't have that. I know I looked at her. Show me your penis.

You don't have like a little lip No And then the head of your penis You have a straight shaft I don't know what he's describing I've seen a lot of penises I think if I have four skin I have like a kiss

Everyone's got like the edge You got a little bit of leftover Yeah everyone has a little bit of left over Yeah, every penis has a lip of four skin That's been circumcised I'm leaving this No dude When you masturbate does the tip of your penis

Get covered by skin No but I pull some down That's for skin Are you just really I'm not I am circumcumcised guys I don't think you're circumcise Circumcised. I'm just maybe I got like, all right, let's see it.

Maybe like, it's like when you get a haircut, like I got a number five, you got a number three. You know what I mean? Yeah, I got a little closer to the edge, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They line my shit up, bro. I'm like a guy who got a bad haircut. Fuck my shit up, bro. It's not the one from the picture.

I got to wear a hat. Dude, your doctor gave you a fringe. Yeah, yeah, dude. He gave me like an undercut. No, everyone, what do you do with it? What do you mean what do I do with it? I mean that's like... How do you not kill yourself?

I don't have force skin. I have everyone is a little bit of where the force skin would start. You can speak for every penis. Every penis in the fucking world. You're not the lorax. You don't speak for every Pnex, bro. I speak for the trees, bro. I'm a dresser of a penis on your phone. All right. My phone is video tape.

You look a P.S. on your phone. My phones are fucking charging, dude. We'll never know what dicks look like, man. Yeah. Yeah. Can we see a picture of a penis? Lookin' out of my camera. Wait, what? Of guys who've sent pictures of their penises

to you? I'll show you exactly the... It's just the whole comedy scene with faces. It's just an open-minded ass. And I hate to do this, but can you scoot over and then her scoot over? What the hell, dude? Everyone's scooting over all the damn time.

That did not... All right, let's see. My history already says it. You should... Look a good... Oh, I have an album. different penises. Oh, wow.

We're not looking at all the penises. Wait, maybe we shouldn't look at people. Yeah, yeah. That seems like an over. I wouldn't even let a foreskin. Just look up, no, just look up circumcised penis. Adult. Yes.

Yeah. Put it over 18. Yeah. I'm through your pillow. Sorry. I should have thrown it on the other than couch. I feel like a dickhead. It's fine.

Circumcised. Okay. That's uncircumcised. See, look. Look. That little ring. We might be talking about different things. Let's look at this penis.

Let's look at this penis. Right here. We have to do it hard. We're the hard to show up. What the hell? Well, it's confusing. No, I'm gay. It's confusing.

No, I'm gay. Does your penis look like that? That's a circumcised penis. Are you getting your mind blowing right now? Yeah, a little bit. You're not circumcised. No, I'm totally circumcised. You could be half.

Nah, dude. He's half-lice. I got to look at my dick in the mirror after the... Oh, God. Uncumcised cocks are disgusting. Yeah, you got one. No, I don't have the fucking trumpet at the end. You're just a midpoint.

I think I might be, dude. This is so funny. I'm afraid of every single penis. He's his penis is Midwest, because it's like... Yeah, well, I had a conversation with the doctor who is my uncle. That's a weird start, too. I think I was molested. I

He was I was talking to him about He told me the story Of my circumcision Because he's Did your uncle do your circumcision? Yeah my uncle's a doctor Okay

He does circumcisions It's like he's that's his thing He delivers babies He gives circumcision that kind of thing Okay OBGYN or something And then You can be open with us

And he's telling me He goes yeah You know Like I was gonna go circumcise you And he was just gonna circumcise me At my house Like as a baby He just came over

Yeah that's how you you do it. Wait, that's not how you do. Rabbis go to... Yeah, rabbis. I'm talking about doctors. I'm talking about normal. I'm not some freak.

So, some fucking, yeah. But... Also, most doctors are Jewish, so are... Yeah, he was not Jewish.

Okay. How old were you when you got circumcised? I'm like 16. No, some people do get it at 16. I know, no, I was like a baby. Yeah, that's okay. I was a baby.

Comes over to my house. house. He's like gonna just like just do it in the sink, you know, just like numb it up. How do you have a vivid memory? Or is where you're told I talked to him about it. I saw him at a wedding. And he told me he's like, he was drunk. Circumcising the the groom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was cutting off. His son's a man laying on a table and tuxedo.

Yeah, yeah. He's on top of the cake. I don't. I don't. This is a Jewish family. Yeah. And you will be Jewish. Um, there was a Christoph's anti-Semitic. What? No, I'm saying you have to, if you want to be Jewish, you got to cut that shit off. I do like the idea. No, that doesn't mean you have, that doesn't make you Jewish.

But if you convert to Judaism and you're uncircumcised, you got to get it snipped. Is that true? I don't, I feel like if you're in the orthodoxy, they probably make you. Well, who knows what they're doing over there. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. Anyway. I love the Jews.

Are you sure? I love the Jews. I was talking to the guy, my uncle, and he goes, yeah, I, I fucking, I forgot a razor. I was like, I was like, I. Because I forgot a razor. I was gonna improvise. Yeah, so he had to improvise. And then my aunt was like, use the one in the bick.

Just pop it out of the bick. So he like popped out a bick razor and cut my shit. Dude, I think that explains the soul thing. Case salt. You got a jank circumcision. No. Yeah, dude. Dude, that's crazy.

So, okay, first of all you're saying your uncle's, drunk at the wedding. He likes to drink. It seems like a pattern of his life. It seems like a pattern in your life. Yeah. So no girl you've been with has not mentioned anything. By the way, I'll speak a little bit to this.

I think there are some dicks that are like, I've seen some dicks that I'm like, okay, that looks like it had a little extra four skin on it. Right. But that's not all dicks. That's like, uh, I think I have like on the base, there's a little extra meat. You know what I mean? On the base, okay. The bottom, top down.

Okay, it was funny to see your mind blown by a circumcised penis. Yeah, it didn't look how I thought it would look. I guess it's also like when you watch porn, you're only seeing it like inside of a vagina. So you don't really get to see like a moment where it comes down. Or it's in her mouth or in her ass. Yeah. And I'm looking at. And also they're both blacks.

And he's uncircumcised usually. I usually look that up. Uncircircumcised black man. Uncumcised porn. With a little bit at the base. Medium half. The Pornhub has been doing that thing where they're putting gay porn in for pride. Have you seen that?

What? They'll put gay porn gifs and be like happy pride, even though I'm on straight. On Pornhub? Yeah. Oh. I've seen the, it's like, the Pornhub is rainbow this month. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you look at the bottom, there's two dudes butt fucking.

Yeah. That might be your algorithm, dude. Yeah. I mean, half this podcast is being like, is this gay? Am I gay? I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay.

For Bumble, they have pride questions. Okay, what are they? So, like, how gay are you? No, not. No, if you match with someone, it's like a regular Bumble question, and then you can also do the pride category. So it's like, I guess if you match with the same gender. Oh, okay.

Wait, so have you matched with a man and then done Pride section? You could if you wanted to. That'd be interesting to do. I'll show you right now. Wait, so you go on Bumble and then... Pop on Bumble. Let's just, wait. Damn, dude, no matches. That sucks.

All right, there we go. There we go. So look. Okay, so... So I only have mine, obviously, I'm straight. So I only have mine for men. But still, even so, like, you can go to this. And then I do the questions.

I think it's really funny. Question game. And then look, you can go to pride. But it's for... Oh, dude, throw on one. All right. I do it. If you could time travel to any key moment in LGBT history, which would you choose? He's like Stonewall and I'd murder him.

For the other show. If you could attend any pride event, a parade in the world, which would you choose? What song would be top of your pride play? That's a good one. What's the song? It's like, I touch my son. Who's your favorite LGBTQ icon and why? Michael?

I like Lady Gaga. That's a good one. Is she actually gay, though? No, no, no, the icons don't. She's not gay. Yeah, I don't know if she's. They're usually not gay. Madonna.

LGBT show? I don't know. I used to have a bit about that because there's not like, no other community has, like, icons and aren't in the community. Very, yeah. That's not Eminem. What would your drag? What would your drag name be?

That's a good. one. That's a fun one. What's this guy? Like, Cheyenne? Fashion model. In NYC for the summer. Show me the city. Damn, dude. I'm gonna be busy after this. I'm gonna say this. I have stronger opinions.

I don't think the black community embraces him and him. No, I was just saying that because he's a white famous rapper. I don't know if I actually I don't know if I just hung out mostly. But when I was a kid, I felt like he was embraced more. And then now, there's kind of like a awakening. Well, you can see it's going, dude, no, they love him. No, he's actually there.

They know he has bars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they know he has bars. So anybody can do it. So he can say it. I do like Eminem, do you not like him? No, I love Eminem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, look at him.

Yeah, yeah. Loves Eminem this guy. You guys keep saying, look at me, I'm a boy scout. Like, what do I look like? Look at this guy. I still have my dress socks on from work, though, which are, uh, you know what I mean? I thought my, do you have the same thing, too, we were constantly worried the places you're going to get shot up?

No. Really? when I was in school? Yeah. No, I've never been worried. I hear a loud noise all the time, and I'm like, that's, this is it. Like, I just think this is it.

And I was shitting today at work. And I was like just, it was just somebody doing. You shit twice today, dude? Like four times. How many? What? I shit probably twice a day. Yeah, I meant like four.

Well, you've been in there for a while. That's fun. Yeah, yeah. I eat garbage. It's bad. Yeah, me too. And somehow I still have no money in my bank account. I was overdrawn negative money today.

And I'm like, I've been eating granola bars for like, where's this money going? Get the camera. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I just spent $1,500 and then you're like, where's my money? But I've got paid a sister.

You have like goldfish memory with money. You had the guy at 20. You got a coffee. You're like, oh, free coffee. Sorry. Oh, it's fine. But I thought I was going to lose my life today. You thought that was a joking matter.

Just you farted loud. And you're like, oh, boom. Watch my six. I was just picture the guy just gunning me down, like with a while taking a shit. You think people go in there into the bathroom? I picture. I pictured. I was like, I might actually be lucky.

because this is my OCD just going off the wheels. I'm like, I might actually be lucky because I'm the bathroom. More like anxiety than OCD though. Yeah, yeah, but it's like... Similar. It's where you imagine like absurd scenarios. That's like a lot of OCD is like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, yeah, I get what you're saying.

But the door was locked too, so I was like, oh, I'll be perfect in here. And then I'm picturing myself just like putting my legs in here. But he could smell the shit. He's like, I know somebody's in there. It smells like a ducky. You have Ravioli last night. There's a fucking life. There's a guy with a gun.

He's like, fuck, they already put a bomb in here. somebody got this bitch it smells like death that would suck dude yeah I don't know I worry about that

pants around your ankles but I never think about it was stand up I never even those happened before that one of Craig Robinson shows I think got shot up

whoa what yeah as like a terrorist attack I don't know I just ready got shot so it could have been you know

or was it like a guy coming in like darling took you he took you to the Craig Robinson show Just some guy who's cheating on his wife Yeah

He's like playing like a fun piano Yeah Yeah, dude That was sad Yeah, he just comes in I'm always worried that when I do a show Like someone I've had sex with I've been the audience

I always think of that But that for a show Yeah, I don't know I'm from Florida so Like none of the people I had sex of nobody in the city So I don't really worry about it Yeah, me neither

But I also I worry more that like I don't know friends, parents will be there and shit like that. Yeah, that's no good. I have a friend coming to see me Saturday. I'm not exactly like,

I'm just like, dude, what if I bomb? Oh, it's terrible. It's like my old high school friend. Have you bombed in front of a friend and had to hang out afterwards? It's horrible. Yes, it's the worst. It's the worst. And they're like, dude, I actually didn't even think it was that bad. Yeah, you're the only one laughing.

I'm like, shut the fuck up, dude. Shut the fuck up. Or they'll be like, that was, my parents saw me bomb last time in New York. Oh, really? Yeah, I did a spot and they came to it. I bombed my dick off, dude. And they were like, they, well, they'd only seen me do, like, the improv in Orlando,

which is, like, easy to shoot and fish in a barrel. Yeah. And this was just some show in New York. And then I think my dad said, well, it had to happen sometime. Well, that's great, because it's like, that's, you do well enough. Yeah, yeah. They've seen me do well, like, four times. That's, you're fine.

Yeah, yeah. If it's more than, if it's once, I've had some friends where I bombed, did well once and bombed once, and I'm like, this is not as bad. Yeah. But the worst of you've bombed only for them. And they only know. you from bombing. Dude, it's terrible.

Yeah, that sucks. I had a bomb a couple weeks ago. The episode's lost, so I'll just talk about this. Should I talk about the episode? There you go. But I went to Chattanooga, had a great show there.

It was a fucking blast. And then I did this show in Georgia. Thank you for putting me on. But it was kind of an ambush show. Sure. And there was a woman in a wheelchair who would not turn around to watch me. She had wheels on her chair.

That's very funny. She was spinnable and she wouldn't watch? Yeah, yeah. And she left, like, if I said, she rolled out. Yeah, literally. Dude, you rolled her. Yeah.

He rolled the crowd. But, uh... She popped a wheelie on the way out. But it was, uh... Yeah, I was, I don't know. Sometimes it, uh... I'm very good at romanticizing things. I'm like, it's the road, baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, and then I was, uh, went to the Nashville bus stop. That was terrifying. This is the most scariest bus I've ever been to. Yeah. There was an armed security there with a bulper vest on. Sure. And, uh, one guy who came up to me and goes,

it's where he goes, I watch your back, you watch mine. And I was like, what? At the bus stop? He was like, I'm 79. He's like, my dad, the chief of Belich. Wait, was this, what was this guy like, old, young? I was just like a young white guy.

Yeah. Yeah, you know, a couple Patriot tattoos. A couple eagle tattoos. Yeah. Oh, boy, did you still have a video with the Pride Boys fighting that Nazi group? No, what a weird class. You'd think they love each other.

Isn't that this a similar vein of people? Yeah, there's a lot of crossover between people. Proud Boys and Nazis. They're like, Jim? Yeah, they probably fought over like, you ate all the snacks. Yeah.

Well, they were both going to protest the gay pride parade. Yeah. It's a funny introduction, but the Proud Boys is not particularly racist. Not particularly. I'm sure there's racist people to join the crowd boys.

I don't know. But then the neo-Nazis. They hate Jews and gay people, for sure. Not publicly necessarily. No, yeah. Isn't that the whole thing? No, no, no.

There's a bunch of proud boys rolled up to, Oh, sorry, go ahead. Yeah. Wasn't there's like a, so the whole thing was started by that vice guy is like a joke. Yes. And then it ended up escalating. I don't think he's joking either.

Yeah, yeah, no, I don't think so. Gavin McEnnis, do you know? He's a fucking... Nobody's ever joking. Yeah, no, yeah. He's super far, right, dude? Yeah, no, for sure. But the leader was this Hispanic guy

that they later found out, they're finding out was like a weird... They think he's like a government agent or something. Yeah, he was informing the, yeah, I remember this. Yeah, so they watch videos of Bradboys. It's mostly white people. And then, like, a couple Dominican guys. Like it is a, it's like, yeah, but they hate Jews and gay people like, they're like, you can be black fucking whatever.

We just hate me. Maybe. They do. I don't know. That's what I thought. Go, sorry. Where did you? I was in the proud boy zone.

He's gay. Wait, what? Milo, you're not. Yeah, but he's not. He said he's not gay anymore. Yeah, but I think he joined before. Yeah, but he also says he's not gay. I also hate every episode.

I have to like correct people on like they're all right thing. I'm like, actually, uh, yeah. Ben Shapiro doesn't hate the gay. He just dislikes them. it's in the name, Boy Scouts. All-time classic don't by Ben Shapiro. Which would? Where he goes,

And what part of the Boy Scouts says they have to be a boy? And he goes, it's in the name. Boy Scouts. It's like, it still doesn't really answer the question. But anyway, I was at a show in Orlando in Winter Park and a bunch of Proud Boys, like, rolled up. And they were, like, recording everything and, like, laughing too loud to, like, cause attention to themselves. And then they were, like, get, like,

the owner was like, get out of here, dude, like, get out of here. And then he started yelling Jewish slurs and gay slurs at him. Oh, the K one? Yeah, I'm pretty sure, or just Jew, but like, just Jew, you know, like... Oh, when they say it with the hard E? Yeah, yeah, capital J, Jew.

And there's a lot of F-A-G-G-O-T's going around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's all gay people this bar. No, it was very strange. They were, like, live streaming it, and they all got into a van. Yeah. And they all had that, like, kind of Hitler. youth vibe? Yeah, well, no, that

would be my argument against them. Yeah. Is that they, I would say, most people in the proud boys are probably anti-Semitic and homophobic. Yes. But as a whole, it's not like, they're not like our values or this. So it's like, if you go to like, what are their values? They just, I think you'll be like, okay, if you go to like a like very, if you go to like an Info Wars rally.

Yeah. Alex Jones might not be saying I don't like black people, but a lot of people who like Alex Jones also don't like black people. Yeah, that's a good point. But like, in this video, they're like attack it. They're like, get out of here. racist motherfuckers. The crowd boys are yelling at the neo-Nazis. Get your racist ass out of you. Yeah, weird.

We're gonna go beat up queers, you racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Yeah, it is a funny clash, but yeah. No, that's brutal, dude. Who won? Did you see the fight? Who won't?

The proud boys. It's like Team Mobile versus AT&T. Yeah. Those shitty networks going at it. We run this block, fool. Joining a group of generals, it's just a crazy idea. It's pretty cringe to join a hate group. But it's cringe

I think the proud boys though It sounds like it could be fun Besides the gay protest Like the part Everybody agrees This storming the capital would be fun Nah dude

That one lady got shot and died Dude Knowing my luck I'd be the one guy By the way government This isn't me saying We should do it I'm saying there had to be

Some fun Yeah I mean it's like You dress up You're with your boys Yeah There's a lot of jokes That are like People was barbecuing

You know Yeah Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does look fun, dude. I mean, I don't know. I don't think there's enough if I stand before besides, like, that's, I don't know where I would do the thing where I actually go to, like, a march,

you know what I mean? I've been to March before. Yeah. I don't think I'm going to go to. I went to the BLM marches. Oh, got you. Yeah. I went to those and I was just like, keep it up, guys.

Dude, I went to, I asked my buddy, going to it. I was like, what do we fight for? Like, I know this thing was bad. We were against the George Floyd thing, but like, what do we, do we have a plan? Yeah. And he actually outlined stuff. He's like, you know, all this stuff. I was like, okay, it's makes sense.

Now I know what to say going in. And I'm like, you know what I've always thought. I've always thought that the loophole in the 13th Amendment. You're wearing a dashieky. And we will not be trodand. No flagellated. That was beautiful. Thank you, dude.

That's like HOTEP. Hotep, Michael, dude. That'd be sick of us out. When you said March, I thought you said, I thought you meant like, like the women's march. I was like, I didn't even go to that. Yeah,

no, I didn't care of the women's point. No, no. Because I'm a proud boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that looked less fun.

I don't know. What percentage of the guys? You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, they're also not listening to fun black people music there.

That's true. Right, true, true, they're listening to like, Drain. Baby you're a firework. I actually, I like that, too. Well, they listen to Drain?

No, train. Oh, train. I thought you meant, um, Blade There was a, was there a woman's march In every city

Or was it just like The big one in LA No, every city in the world No, I remember it being in like D.C. And shit. Yeah, there was a lot With the pussy hats and stuff. The pussy hats.

Yeah, the pussy hats. The plus a hat. Their hats with vaginas on them. They had hats Like 3D vaginas on them. It had like the fallopians on them. Yeah. Like, this is ours.

Don't fucking. You probably slept through it. It's fine. Yeah. Well, recently it was Roe v. Wade. Okay. But there was a women's march before that.

I don't know why. Maybe it was because it was because of Cabanel? Cabinnell, yeah. Cabinnell was a big deal. Because he was accused of sexualness. Those videos of him are very funny, though, where he's like, saying, I had a few beers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, yeah. He's like, I might have been having a good time in college. Yeah. And then, yeah. This whole argument just fell us. I was with the boys. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't even know if he's Southern. I was with the boys. I think it's an Irish name, Kavanaugh. Cabinol? Yeah, it's Irish, but I mean, what part of the U.S. is he from? I don't think he's like, I'm on the Supreme Court. Um, roll,

Cabanol. We were raping. I love to rule on women's buddies. Making so they can't get an abortion. An abortion. It's like a drink in Ireland. I'll take two abortions for table 12. We were 13.

Two guineasets and a shot of abortions. Accents are very unattractions. to me. Most people, they like... Thanks, we just did them right now. I'm trying to fuck you guys. You're not, dude. What the hell?

Seriously, what the fuck? You're not trying to bang? Wait, you don't think we're hot? No, I think you guys are hot. Dude, I was thinking, uh, what, what, wait, what, uh, accents? None of them. Not even if they're like French or something. They're like, eh, mech.

Especially not out of the French. I would chuck your penis. I won't date a guy with an accent. Actually, I did a Norwegian guy, but that's beyond the point. That's the funniest accent. Gorpi, Gorp. He'd be like, Gormi, Glor. You know what he sounded like?

No, but when I did blow him, he'd go, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, why, yeah. No, I love the Norwegian accent. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They're like, oh, they talk like this.

They're like fur de, fur de, fur de, furze, furze. Like, gorpe, gurp, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Literally. Yeah. Like when I watch, there's like, No, no, finish that sense.

No, yeah, when you watch porn. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Like, it's hard, because like, I don't know, it's like, it's, sometimes you click on a video and then it looks great, but then you You hear them talking and it's annoying. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like when they don't speak English in pornography. I'm not reading subtitles and some porn.

But even if they're, I've seen it where they're foreign, but they have an accent and they're speaking English, and that bugs me. They're like, I don't mind that at all, dude. Might even more, because I'm like, that's not you're really, really thinking. Like, the acting's almost worse because it's in different language.

You don't I mean? The action's always bad. Yeah, but it's like, it's next level back because they're like, you're like, you're like, you're dead. And I'm like, all right, now you're dead. It's like, yeah, I'm watching a movie. You're my French daughter Oh, daddy

My potee shoe What he has a shoe Still on? Is that you're saying? Keep on your timberlands When you fuck my ass Keep on your timberlands Let an hour Slip in my ass,

Who I feel so good Oh my goodness, you're fucking me Wow It's incredible It's funny because In my head, I'm hearing your voice I'm just pictured you with like a blonde

I'm a lady I just seeing him with like a chef's hat on He's like, yo damn Why this bitch got balls? I'm like, O'Divante The way you leak my anus I feel so good I got Michael

It tickles me good Maybe I should do a bit where I'm a French person getting fucked You're great at access Thanks too Is that when you bombed front of your parents Yeah That's hard you're just like My French ass father

That was disrespectful Look at me daddy This is who I am now You little boy is a clone A clone A clone They do say that. They say clune.

I have a lot of French family. So that was like when I picked up early. No, when I went to France, I was like all joking. I was like young and they would go clune. Clune. You are being a clune. Yeah, no, I like the French people, dude. You do?

What do you like about it? What's a quality of theirs? Yeah. Stinky. No, I mean, I think in general, though, you think that your uncle was potentially trying to keep a little bit of culture left. That's why he was like hesitating. He's like,

No, he's on my mom's side. My dad's the French side. Is your dad fully from France? No, he's born in America, but my grandparents are fully French. Well, they're from Morocco, but... Is your family from Louisiana? No. Okay.

My G.F. family's from Louisiana. That's what I think of. She's from Dubai. My girl talk like this. Oh, you go. Get all my hell. Let me get me so short. She goes, you, boy?

She goes, get all the way out, boy? In the bed, boy? She goes, oh, get all my house. But hell. Put your legs. Get your legs off in the air. Let me a finger your anus. I'm like, yes,

yes, mommy. Give me a swampy smooth. We call that dog. Your ass is to buy you. I'm going to put my boy in there. Boy. Yeah, my girlfriend's so creole.

She's so Cajun, dude. Could she make gumbo? She could, yeah. She actually. She made Jumbalai recently. Oh, yeah, yeah. She made Jumbollah. New Orleans were my favorite place in the world.

It's actually my favorite city. It's the best city I've been to this year. Yeah. And probably in my life. Yeah, what, uh, what comes? Like, I can't even think a second, I don't know. Uh, that I've been to. I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, New York, maybe. Yeah, that's what I was going to. No, there's really not a lot going on as far as stand-up as. There's one club. There's, like, the house of something. Yeah. There's like one club. Yeah.

Yeah. But I don't think there's much of a scene. That's the city, it's like Miami. It's like, dude, why would you have standing there? But it would be way too much to do shows there because bars are up so late. So, like, you can go out after. It's not. Oh, yeah.

That's awesome. Yeah. I mean, I was in Columbus, dude. I was like, dude, if I wanted to do something, I couldn't. Really? I mean, it was like, I guess I could Uber somewhere. Like, you could figure something out. But if it was like, I just want to walk from the venue and go do something, I could, like, walk a mile to a bar that was maybe open at midnight on a Friday.

It's like, all right. Yeah. You got an Uber. somewhere. Remember we get a pub with that? Uh, I've been kind of sick lately. You're good, you're good, okay.

Yeah. Sorry. You're fine. You're fine. I'm, I'm sick too. I'm on my leg. Let's just push through it. Yeah, my lungs have been fucked up.

I think the fire did something. Dude, that was some girl I was like doing crowd work with said that. I was talking to her. She's like, there was a fire? Yeah, dude. The fires.

Oh, just the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The airs. I thought you guys were at a show where there was a fire. I was like, I think I would have seen it on Instagram. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that building where everybody died In my face got on fire You were out and about? Yeah, I just ignored it I was like... No, I didn't do anything. I was particularly like, I was like, Fuck these pocies who aren't going to shows right now

Like, this is where I'm gonna get ahead. I lived the exact same life. Yeah. I changed absolutely nothing. Yeah, yeah. When people were saying wear masks outside Which I don't know if that helps with. I think it would, yeah.

Yeah. Mass doesn't do shit. Mass aren't real, bro. Not real. Never seen a mask in real life. I don't believe they're real. They're not real. that's my thing it's a hologram

by the way did you see a video I sent you of the guy who got raped by the aliens no oh wait did you send it to me when I was taking a shit by the way just for the lizards just now you sent it why are you taking a shit my phone's been dead for two days oh okay yeah yeah well that's what did you send it to me oh to say it's like for the listeners don't know I invited you guys to over set the whole podcast

and then just left for 10 minutes to take a shit nice and um it's upwards of 10 minutes for sure yeah I was probably closer to 15 20 but yeah I've been losing time off my life like I'm adding it And, like, yeah, dude, it's terrible. I mean, you shit four times a day. Yeah, you add.

That's an hour. Do you really shit four times a day? Probably three. Do you eat a lot? Those are 12 minutes sets. You're not a big guy. No. Dude, look like you eat a normal amount.

I think I might have like an eating thing. Yeah. Where I'm like, I eat to feel better. Yeah, I do have that. Yeah, yeah. That could be being hard. Maybe it's dramatic generation. Yeah.

I eat to feel better. Whenever my tummy. hurts and as grumbly I eat. It's abuse. I'm a piece of shit. I hate myself. I stuff myself with carrots. But, uh, no, yeah, I don't know. I just eat a lot of garbage. Yeah, me too. I eat like a fucking idiot.

Yeah, but I try to. I don't know. I'm mostly eating like, I'll eat these ramen things, like the microwaveable noodles. Sure, a cup of noodles. Yeah. And then, uh, like three cliff bars a day. That's probably, yeah, that's probably why. That's like a hundred grams of fiber. That just is a shit itself. Yeah. Yeah. They already look like a shit. Yeah.

It's just going straight through you and just shooting out a whole cliff bar. Yeah. Shooting it out. Cliff going, Cliff got come out. Yeah. But, uh, there's this guy who, uh, I think he was the guy who like made the hunger games or something like this name's like something. I bet you're getting deep into UFO stuff. Sure.

Nice. And, uh, this guy sounds out of control. He's saying that he like, uh, was like, he said he was raped by the aliens. Yeah. They all say that. Yeah. But he says they shocked him and then he got hard and they took his semen out. Yeah.

But the video's funny because he goes. they took my semen from me. He goes, they took my semen from me. He goes, they took me. They took me. I haven't seen the video, but I know that's a fucking spot-on impression.

It sounds like he's doing De Niro. You took my semen from me. Nobody else around. He took my semen for me. Christop grows a mole. It's crazy. Took my shaman for me. He took my fucking fun.

You took my fucking fun. But, But, uh, yeah, it's weird. He said this thing was shocked him. It was funny. He got to emphasize him he's not attracted to them. He's like, I would not have gotten hard. He's like, they were, they were dudes.

I'm not fucking gay for aliens. They shocked me and made me a homosexual. And they took the gun from me. I came out gay. Yeah. Dude, I got sent this like unhinged Facebook post from like a friend of a friend's uncle or something. And the Facebook post was like, they need to stop showing boys armpits in deodorant commercials.

I'm gay. It's because I watched this kind of stuff when I was gay. He was blaming, like, Axebody. It's like a 14-year-old boy spraying his armpits. He's like, that's why I'm gay. Old Spice makes you homo? What the fuck? He's doing like a whole demonstration.

Look at that. That's not going to make you gay. That's not going to make anybody gay. Look at that pre-pubescing boys' armpit. You're not stiff right now. And a hairless wonder. Look at that little pink little sweet little. I'm the pervert.

I'm the pervert. A pink armpit. Look at that pink supple armpit. Go ahead, wait for the credits. Am I on there? No, I'm not up there. I didn't make this gay. I didn't make me gay.

Someone else did this, dude. Yeah, that's insane. Facebook is awesome. Facebook's great. It's the best app. I'll just scroll through there and be like, damn, shit's going off right now. Dude, I figured I had a relative

who cut off all of his Nike symbols because this is when Colin Cabin and stuff. And then he posts a picture of him in the trash can with magnum condoms in the trash can. Nice. It's like, by the way. Just so you lady followers, no.

Hey, Colin Copernick, got a huge fucking cop. It doesn't funny too, because I don't know, does you just wear it down the skin? Just like, you know what I'm saying? There's a skin just a swoosh shape hole.

It's still a Nike symbol, yeah. Can you tell I just do it? Or you sew it up. It'd be funny if it was a giant shirt and it's just all like so. Yeah, yeah. It's super tight. It's like a Regina George thing

thing with the Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, scrunchy middle. Yeah, dude. But, uh, that's her Facebook is. I mean, I'm in Tweaker of the Week and a lot of fun pages like that. That's good stuff, dude. It's local methheads.

Yeah, have you been on the subreddits for drugs? No. So good, dude. You go to R. Meth. All right. I saw one of those. Did I show you that one? Where's the guy who's like, I smoked crystal meth.

I stole a VCR. I jerked off. I hung out in a tree for four hours. Yeah. Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah. There's so many, every post.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. awesome. There was one that was like... I'm sure you really love it. You're like, this is a great life. Yeah.

He was one... There was one that he was like... He was like, I need to stop doing meth because I keep fucking fat girls off Craigslist. He's like, I just get so horny. Yeah. Yeah, it's a crazy part because Adderall makes you like your dick like soft. Apparently meth just rocks you up.

I think it's like zero. There's a lot of other stuff too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. He'd be like, Viagoras for pussy. Smoke crystal meth. It's a weird alternative. Well, it's like, you just...

just get like, I don't know, I've been on like an Adderall high and then just like jacked off for like 12 hours. For sure, but a lot of it's you can't get hard. Yeah, but it's also like you like so focused on porn, you're like impossibly horny and yeah, you're over-stimulated. Your dick kind of doesn't work, so you're like ah, yeah, yeah, it's a good time, dude.

That was college. I love college. Yeah, that's that Asher-R-R-Raw song. I love jerkin. We're getting off and taking that raw for eight hours. I think we are about to wrap up. Okay. You didn't have to stop

Your fun riff I was gonna tell you more Oh no no tell me about your shirt You're not there's nothing more I would just finish homework in two hours But I knew I was gonna be high on Adderall for eight hours So the next six hours was just Me and my laptop dude

Just jerking making friends Making friends Make a friend from my laptop Making friends online Well that would be the point point of T's you I would always be like oh I have to I can't you know I can't study without a clear head

So I gotta jerk off Yeah The jerk off takes five hours You dick can't get hard on Adderall That's all you end up doing Yeah yeah Yeah well I would do And you hate yourself

You're like god damn it That's an insane amount of time to masturbate Five hours Yeah Thank you back me up on the accuracy It's really hard to come So and it's hard like Your dick kind of like half functions

You turn into a CIA agent You're turning up so many windows You have like your laptop You're hyper focus on porn You're like ah you can't And somehow whenever you're jergin off on Adderall, the, uh, the, uh, Wi-Fi is terribly

it's always working at its worst. It's like, no video will load. Yeah, you're talking out the little bit of skin, Google. Yeah, yeah, is this normal? It's like needing bread. I'm like, uh, getting the air bubbles up. But, uh,

yeah, no, but this was my strategy, dude, and you guys can take this at home. What you do is, you need to start studying and then take Adderall. Like get in a like be like already doing something pop the Adderall do whatever you got to do as it's kicking in and then you're like in this like You like black out and you're like five hours deep into trigonometry and you're like like you're like I know the codes that's a great move because I think the opposite is you take Adderall and then you start cleaning something Yeah you get distract You know you jack off you play I would play video games and smoke cigarettes like just do anything but but if you start it then pop it

then you can knock it out and then you can have fun time. That's a better move than I would do that you take Adderall and go back to sleep. Or then you wake up. Yeah, but then what happens is you're still kind of like half asleep on it. Oh really? Yeah, you're just shitting. I thought you just pop out. Yeah, yeah.

Just like a vampire just fully. You're just levitating on the bed. You're like a turn into a bat. You're typing, but your penis is also typing. It's like the biggest multitasker. It has little hands. Little hands, you, dude. That's the plot of the new men in black movie.

Yeah, the tip is like... The tip's French. Yeah, yeah. He's like... Oh, ho. I'm a penis. I'm a dine penis. I can't get ard.

Adderoll. Adderall. You don't see legal in Germany. Adderall? Yeah. It's fucking Nazi Germany all over. That makes no sense, because they do all those drugs at the tech now. Yeah.

They do. I'm sure they have Adderall there too, but it's illegal because I think it is, first off, Adderall is not legal in a lot of countries. Is it illegal here? Yeah, they're putting babies on it, man. Oh, that's right, they're prescred it. Or you're giving it to babies, man.

That's insane. A four-year-old, you can put a four-year-old on Adderall. And like, and like, riddlein and shit, too. Yeah, riddle in. But it's funny that, like, they're like, oh, no, this FDA approved. You're like, it's totally illegal in that country, but it's legal to put a four-year.

Yeah. It's because of fucking, it's because fucking Pfizer's making a couple bucks, They want to get that fucking... Well, that's why, dude, I heard that there. That's why Trump is like, wants to do that thing where he wants to kill the drug dealers. Did Trump say he wants to kill the drug dealers? Yeah, dude.

He says he's going to make the death penalty for drug dealers. You should, though? What? Comedy's about to get really light. Is that the Filipino dude that he was copying? Because there's a Filipino guy,

the president or dictator of Philadelphia. I don't know what position. He's probably dictator. The mango. The main man. The mango? The man. That's what they call him?

I don't know. The head honcho. in Philopines. He was like, I'm going to kill everyone who deals drugs. And I'm pretty sure Trump like saw that

was like, I like, the ideas are good ideas. You know, he's like, I think he's a very cool guy. Yeah, you know,

Trump loves to do that. Oh, for sure. And his whole argument was like, he goes, like, yeah, it'll make people stop selling drugs.

It's like, well, that's not everybody that sells, like, a lot of people who sell drugs are already like borderline, not all of them.

But you do have the craziest drug dealers are like, I don't fucking care. I'll shoot any mother. Yeah, That guy's going to get stopped by the cops And you're shooting

It's not a huge difference to him He's like facing 40 years in prison Versus the drug penalty It's like it's not a huge difference It's like you were trafficking pounds and pounds And you have a million illegal guns And you're associated in all these murders Like yeah

Yeah sure it's not a big deal to him But it's like some guy's just selling crack Yeah To make a couple hundred bucks a week Don't kill him He's just having fun dude Yeah He's just trying to make a little extra money

He's like Ubering basically You're just gonna get more money To the crazy guys Yeah dude yeah You're gonna like select, you're going to naturally select, or artificially select like the craziest people to keep doing.

And I guarantee what's going to happen is all the people that like casually, or all the drug addicts that are like successful. It's like now those guys who work at like financial companies. The Goldman Sachs guys are going to like the scariest drug dealers. Just get shot and they're fucking like what do you call those little the little, uh, what are the outfits they wear? Like the, the vests. The best.

Yeah, just shot like their Columbia. Yeah. I saw two guys. It's so funny like being, I saw two like total like, corporate bros, you know, like make eye contact on the trip. Whoa. Yeah. We're like, yeah, dude, fucking, yeah, we're doing the advance at the over at the div.

Yeah. I was like, you guys suck. You guys stink. They look like mirror images of each other. Like, yeah. I was ready to swing, dude. I have a question of this. Do you notice, like, that New York has more of that than Florida?

Way more, dude. Yeah, because it's so weird. Because, like, I, in my mind, I was like, oh, this would have been the trajectory if I would have, like, you know, not done comedy. But then I go, no, even the ones that are heat, like, it's like, it's like, it's like, the people that are here, it's a different thing. I know a lot of people in real estate and stuff like that in Florida, and they're not like that.

No. Well, the people here are like, they think they're, they probably are like the smartest version of that. Yeah. And they're like the already richest version of that. So they come in with like, I want to Yale. You know, I went to Yale. Yeah, Daddy worked. Yeah, Daddy worked for...

Chadman and Chadman. Yeah. Yeah. I'm interning at the firm. Yeah. They're all like that. There's no... There's not that much... I've got to hear about this. My hatred of people in this city. Oh, yeah. It's... I go through... It's both ways.

I don't hate them. I don't hate the finance, bros. I hate the, like, la, la, la, la. What, the Bushwick people? Yeah. No, no, no, not the gay.

It's just like the fucking, like the wannabe gays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The limp-risted men. Yeah. Yeah, the dude. They piss me off. No, no, like, I like, I like gay people,

like they're super chill, but it's like, I don't like people that are like. The fakers. The gakers. Yeah, yeah. The straight guys. Queer bait, you know. Yeah, the straight guys.

There's a lot of queer baiting straight guys around, like Bushwick who are like They have a mustache and a mullet And they're trying to look like One earring I'm like you're trying to look like a lesbian He's wearing like a full denim jumpsuit I'm like someone should beat the fuck out of you

Someone should beat the living shit out of you The tote bags dude Toad bags so gay Little earrings I'm just like dude You're the worst dude I had a there was like a barista It was like a classic bullshit I was like this is not even real

Because he was like a sassy mean barista Who looked like that in Bushwick I'm like You know you know who you are? You know where you are? Did you have any self-awareness to be like, I'm not gonna be that guy? Yeah, yeah. And still he's like, what are you thinking? Huh? Oh, really? I'm like,

Chappuccino. But it's crazy because in my mind, if he's gay, I'm cool with it because my that's who you are. It's like a white guy trying to act black. It's like, yeah, yeah, right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's. It's inauthentic. It's like, I know what you're doing it. Yeah, I love like, you'll, like, match with the guy and he's wearing, like, the fucking, you know, the hat that's just like this. And then he's like, but I'm from, you know, Chicago, like,

whatever, and you're like, you're not from New York. You're faking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Like, he's, like, blacking it up.

They're like, in the weekends, I love to go to museums and sip, you know, Aparol sprisses. It's like, fuck you, you're from Kansas. Spell apparel, asshole.

How disappointing do you think the fathers are when they come home? Yeah. Oh, my God. He's like, my son's a fucking homo. He's like, dad,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, I'm crushing day then, pussy. I don't care what you are You're gay You are a gay guy

Be more like your son His other son's like a gay finance He's like look at him He's the fattest ass on the polar man He's got a big fat BBL My other son Look at him Ralph Lauren That's what a man was

Brooks Brothers Well Chester knows who he is Chester's got to figure He's like 19 He's jacking off in the corner He's securing his identity He jacks off to Sonic the Hedgehog And he dresses up like a squirrel

And he's a homo And I love him for it You're doing I don't know what God knows what God knows who With your Milis Cyrus T-shirt Yeah

Yeah you cut the fucking sleeves off You said you're in your era Yeah You're not in any era You're a man Yeah I'm just like I always want to know I'm like

What did what were you like Where are you from How did anyone allow you to do this way? I think I could know. I think I could know. Yeah. Like, I look at a lot of people like, I know exactly where you are your whole life. Yeah, like. Genuinely.

What about, well, you know me too well. Yeah, yeah. But, like, there's people that I look at a bar. I'm like, oh, you were that guy. It wasn't cool in high school. Then you joined a fraternity. It was a shitty one, but you got put on an exec board. So now you think, I'm just to try with one of my old bosses.

And it was like a nonprofit, but the dude was like a total fucking douche. He looked like identical to, uh, bear. Not Baron Trump. He's like a 12-year-old kid. But he was like He was like Slicks back hair Maybe Don Jr.

No, no, not Don Jr. Who's the other one? Eric. Eric. He looks just like Eric. Oh, retarded? Yes. Yes. We're gonna run this company.

But Get up a good work. There's something different About our boss. What are you boss is Marlon Brando? Get along and go out. He's wearing a pinwheel hat. He's like a cat.

He's bump the good one, Michael. You pets a cat too hard to die. He just told he goes full Lenny. But yeah, he was one of those guys. I was like, I knew who you were. It was like a non-for-profit, but he's like, most people don't make money non-for-profit unless you work for me. I'm like, why are you bragging about it?

What a swag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I fucking milk these charities for all their fucking worth. Yeah, no, that's fucking But it is funny because it does I'm trying to be less Like a hater But it's so hard

I was looking at Barbick These aren't men Yeah, like I'm not fucking any of you people You're wearing slides And basketball shorts And your sum 41 t-shirt And you're like Look at these fucking queer

It's where his girlfriend socks Real men watch Bamargera videos on YouTube It's me too dude I'll be fucking Walking around in my sweatpants Around my neighborhood In Bushwick being like

Look at these losers I'm like unemployed I'm like smoking my vape Look at these fucking gay guys I'm so much better than them But I'm not I just say um that means we should wrap it up All right dude

I'm sorry that Yeah, we fucking kick us out Yeah bro whatever I thought we'd hang out dude Keep podcasting another three, four hours I'm cool that Let's rogan this John YouTube favors longer stuff Does it really?

Yeah, it does. All right, 30 more minutes, let's go. Let's just do dead silence. Nah, we can wrap it up, dude. I'm sweating my little, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My weird penis off. My, I gotta ask, I'm gonna ask my girlfriend about this. I'll be like, compared to other penises that you've seen.

It isn't normal to have a little bit of skin. She's like, oh, one sec, she calls your mom, he knows. All right? I'm gonna draw a penis and be like, this is what, this is normal, right? I'll show you guys. Looks like a deflated below. balloon. Yeah, and there's the

egg sac. He's a vagina. I just draw one that splits into. Like a snake's tongue? Yeah, like a basilisk.

Dude, that's crazy. That style where people cut their tongue in half and then it turns into two tongues. Yeah, it's pretty lit.

People do that, I know. You can move it independently too. It's like, wop-b-b-b-b-b- Yeah, you can do like it up-

my smelling, sorry. No, I was thinking about the, yeah. Yeah, I'm just worried I'm sweating. I've been sweating. So, I've been sweating all day.

Speaking of smell, I'm going to apologize for this. I came on last week as the stinky penis boys. I think that's a bit from somewhere. You called us the stinky penis boys? I just said we're here with the stinky penis boys. I've never heard that. Maybe it's my OCD, but I'm like, have I heard the stinky penis?

So I apologize. Whoever owns a stinky penis boys. Sorry to the stinky penis boys. Yeah, I did you have the stinky penis boys. The S-P-E-Bs. Yeah. Stinky penis. I looked it up online.

It's probably just my O-CD thinking that I'm stealing ideas. You're probably stealing, dude. Stealer, stealer, stealer, stealer. All right. Oh, what do you guys? You guys both got podcasts. Yeah, dude, Rough Week podcast. Check it out on YouTube, please.

Rough week, thank you. Crib podcast. Check it out, YouTube. Oh, yeah. Crib. C-R-I-B. C-R-I-B, Chris and Romy in bed. Hell yeah, let's go, crib.

Fuck, yeah. In the crib. All right, thank you guys.