Morning Good - Heroes - Episode 300

Episode Date: January 25, 2026

Jimmy McCullough, Alex Ramirez, and Joey Rinaldi join the show for today's episode. They talk about Looksmaxxing, the downfall of Nicki Minaj, and how to be an academic super soldier.Thanks to Jimmy for coming on the show for the first time, and to Joey and Alex for coming back. Catch them on previous episodes or click their links below for more.Alex is on Instagram @asapangry_ , and she runs a monthly comedy show called Only Friends at Flophouse Comedy Club in Brooklyn. Jimmy is on Instagram @jimmymccullough_, and he is also bringing back his monthly show Voltage Comedy at Stand Up NY.  Joey is on Instagram @theJoeyRinaldi, and is headlining The Commodore in Tampa, FL on Dec. 30th. He has other dates in Rochester, Fresno and more so follow him for updates. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Oh, yeah. It's diagnosed. We're here with, uh, that's really funny because last couple episodes, we're trying to figure out if I have herpes or not. So it's really funny for the, I guess diagnosed.

No, we're talking about OCD. Herpes, I got a week to test. Wait, mouth herpes are like dick herpes. It doesn't work that way. There's one and two. Yeah, there's A and B one and two. So you could get HSV1 in your dick, HSV2 on your mouth.

I'm just saying where is the herpes you're worried located. On my dick, but that doesn't mean it's the bad one. Could be the good one. No, no, no, no, no. You could have... SV2 is the bad one. Yes. I have herpes v.

Herpes is SVU. Special victim. Because I have the mouth herpes And my mom gave it to me Because I was born with it Because my mom has mouth herpes Yeah Yeah, but if some girl blew you

Who also has mouth herpes You could get mouth herpes on your dick That doesn't mean you have a new herpes That just means Yeah, that's why when I have an outbreak I can't go down on my girlfriend She's like can't Don't do it.

You get them that often? I get like twice a year I think Two to three times a year That's making people feel better About my penis But by the way, Joey Renault Let's do introductions Is it taste weird?

The pussy big time Yeah They're like no we want to talk about herpes Joey Rinaldi, HSV-1, got you here. Jimmy McCullough, AIDS? What do you got going on? I got nothing, but I feel like... Okay.

I'm new to the game. Okay. So I'm figuring out. He's just started fucking recently. I love it. Chronic liar, I guess. Yeah, Virgin. Virgin, Jimmy McCullough.

And Alexis Ramirez. I had chlamydia. Thank you. Okay, perfect. I heard about that? I didn't believe it. Yeah, this was before we met, but yeah. No, no, I trust me, I still heard about it.

Is that just pills? Pills, yeah. Just one pill. Okay, so is most of these pills, and what's the one that you can't, or you just fucked? Is that AIDS? Herpes and AIDS. No, no, AIDS are not really fucked anymore. You can just take prep.

But you can take pills now and you're not fucked. HIV is chill. AIDS is the one way. I don't know if HIV is chill. They have really good, you know about prep dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is like, yeah, yeah. Also, if you have HIV, it means you're fucking gay dudes and dudes care.

less than we're like they're like yeah whatever like you I told the gay guy I was worried I had herpes he's like who cares who gives a shit well I always say like an SDD is kind of like a battle score it's like dude I was cool a couple months ago you know yeah I think of it that way yeah yeah thank you yeah we should spread that thing around not not that SDD but yeah let's stop making people feel bad about it like if you're pregnant I mean you got some dick dude that's kind of cool that's right yeah you're active yeah yeah I got chlamydia from the basketball team in high school. Wait, the whole basketball team?

One of them, and then I gave it to the rest of them. How many guys? My bad. How many guys on the basketball team did you fuck? I would say five. That's the starting lineup right there. They were all starters, thank you. Let's go.

None of the bench, okay, fuck out of here. The six man couldn't get love? No. Who mug the hardest, though? Who is mock? What is mock? What is mock? I've gotten really into cliquicular.

I'm not in the street. What's mock? What is that? Clivicular is this? guy who has like this this guy you're talking about? Yes. He spent his whole life trying to become the most attractive guy and everything is like

like he does bone smashing where he smashes his face to make micro fracture so it grows back. He does crystal meth to make sure his cheeks are hollow. He's working on surgery to break his... Does he look good? He looks very handsome. But not... Do women fuck him?

Yeah, but I'll say this. He was like out. He did some live stream with like fucking sneako all his weird like... I don't know who's Sneako is, I am I a boomer? I think we're boomers, dude. I don't know who Sneaker's. What you professing? Am I a boomer?

Wait, please. Do you know who Steinie is? Is that the black? I know Steinway pianos, dude. That's pretty chill. Streamer? No, no, no. The black streamers is my red and gains, I think.

Oh, okay. Stani's a Nelkeye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. And Sneiko's, Stinko used to try to do stand-up, right? Yes. And then he apparently sucked at it.

I would love to see Stiko. Are you guys talking about Steveo? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. We said that the same time. Nice, let's go. I have recently gotten into content that, like, 18-year-olds watch. I think it's so funny.

That's funny, because I recently got inside an 18-year-old. Okay, nice. Wow. Yeah, I'm bragging. Nice. I did it. I'm sorry. I just wanted to sound cool for Michael.

Whenever I'm on the show, I'm like, I got to really impress Michael today. Yeah, I mean, you're talking to a guy who might have herpes. You know, you got to step up at the game. Yeah, we're talking about who has herpes. Yeah, yeah. But, no, he's one of those, like, there's this whole just generation of the people. And then Sniko's funny, too, because he looks so Asian.

I guess he's half black, so he's a fade. But his fade really angers me because he doesn't look black enough to have a fade. Does he use the half black? I mean, he says the N-word all with that, but he would either way. That's just a group of guys that used the end. I mean, I just feel like, if you're with close friends, listen to rap music, it's fine. The right-wing guy? Thanks.

The right-wing guy, Nick, Nick, sick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the last name? Fuentes. Yeah. What's his stick? He's a Jewish guy. No, he hates the Jews.

He hates the Jews. He's like a white nationalist. It's like Mexican. Right. Yeah. These, I just love all the characters. They all got their own little ridiculous backstory.

Yeah. But clavicular is the guy who just recently got in all this whole thing. He ran over a guy with his cyber truck. Oh, good. There's a streamer who kept bugging him. And then he literally was like, ran over the guy. And he's like,

he put an ice. Oh, yeah. And there's some woman. She's like, I hope he's all right. he's like, I hope he's dead. He's the funniest guy. Also, what do the girls he bangs call them? Do they call him convicular?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or clav. Clav? Yeah, yeah. It's so funny how I'm just talking. Clav, these cheeks. Sounds like a new SCD. Yeah, yeah, got the clav.

Yeah. It really does. But in my mind, I'm like, it's hilarious because, like, these political, like, podcasters will have them on. And they're like, who are you voting for? He's like, I'm voting for your, I'd never vote for your, JD Vance because he's subhuman. He has no upper orbital structure.

Like a recessed upper maxilla. It's like, he's like, I want to vote for him. He's ugly. Later, that's what he's saying. He's like, he's like Gavin News and Mogg's so much harder.

So like, what about his politics? He goes, I don't give a shit about that. He's like just. So who like does he want to bang in the political spectrum then? Like who's like,

nobody, dude. They don't mug hard. Not hard enough for any. Like Mundani? Does he a game or no? I don't know. Oh, you're saying who? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, who does he think is good? because he cares about good luck, apparently. Yeah, he's very pro-nuch. Is he fans of the Kardashians? I don't know. He did say Sidney's ugly, though. He's got these, hmm. Yeah, yeah.

He's got some hot takes. He's just said, her upper maxis. Jimmy would be the only one he likes on this podcast. What's up? Jimmy would be the only one he'd like on this podcast. For real. Maybe, wait. Let me.

I would love to hop on the guy's stream and just see what he says about, baby. It would be so funny. I think if I shave my beard, I would actually look a little bit better, but... I like the beard. You haven't seen me without the beard. That's true.

I have a baby face. Well, she likes the beard, so I'm keeping it. But I have a baby face, but no one knows. Hey, Jimmy, can you hold the microphone closer? With the beard, you're the sexiest man on this podcast. We need you mogging hard.

Dude, honestly, the city's sweet anything. I don't think she's out. Net down I would bang, for sure. Yes. But the whole thing. And also, who's the girl that keeps dropping in an S&L? The blonde girl.

She sings. Sabrina Carpenter? Same thing. No, Sabrina Carpenter is so hot. I don't see it. I think both of them are hot, but I could see why other people wouldn't think. Like, Megan Fox, I think, is like the hot. Oh, my God, dude.

Megan Fox. I'm a big fan of. Megan the Saliant. Oh, Megan Saliant's pretty hot. I like that. Yeah. Cardi B sucks now. Do we know this?

What does she suck? Oh, no, not Cardi B. No, Nikki Mina. No, Nikki Minas. She's a fucking lesbian. That's my bad. Sorry. Dude,

she just, like, she just, like, did a lap dance on, on Kirk. On Christy, what's her name? Yes,

on Christy doll. On Charlie Kirk's grave. What's only done? Kirk's his girlfriend, wife's name? Yes, Erica Kirk. Eric Kirk, thank you. Yes.

Yes, she does. She stops the hole from bleeding. Yeah. She just, get over here. We need a big booty. Plug the hole. No,

like, Nikki Menonaz is, like, loving Erica Kirk. Get a bucket. Get a bucket. I think Eric's a bucket. I think Eric's going to be featured on, like her new album or some shit. I don't know. That's crazy. That's great.

Oh my gosh. That whole thing is weird. How like excited she was at the funeral and like happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I saw in the news it was like Erica Kirk is looking for a speedy trial. Yeah. I think Erica Kirk planned the shooter. Well, she already got a speedy divorce. So I'm sure she'll get a speedy trial. Pen and paper. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. I think it is, it's definitely like a weird thing. I'm just like I, somebody, I was so tired of the like, Trump said something inappropriate, this is that. And I don't like Trump, I never voted for him.

But I love now that it's like Nikki Minaj twerking on stage of a widowed, like, it's so much more fun now that it was fucking like, like, years, I mean, not if you're like Mexican, but like honestly, outside of that, it's like very fun. Yeah, like the most like weird shit that would happen, like, in normal politic time, like, we don't have like Bill Moore go to the White

House to, like, roast the president. Like, ooh, Billmore Rosa the president. Yeah. He called him out for war crimes. And now it's like, no, now we're just doing war crimes and no one can do anything. And there's more ass going around. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Love the ass going around. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, people are fun. People are complex. I don't know. It's, uh, complex is funny when people are just retards. You're like, they're really complex. You're like, nah, I'm just fucking stupid.

You know what? I'm shocked. Anthony Wiener is not in Trump's, like, campaign. Not campaign cabinet. Is that the hot dog guy? No, Anthony Wiener. How do you got? He was like that?

fucking New York governor who was sending dick picks to everyone. Right, right, right. And his last name's Wiener. We're sending the wiener picks. Yes. I'm doing that as a winner. I want him back, kind of. Trump was like, this isn't big enough.

You better get the fuck out of here. I needed to be at least 10 times a size. Well, Clav does dick injections. You know, he's got to keep it. Yeah, lemon juice. Like, yeah, it's thick. Botox? He puts lemon juice into his cock because it makes it thicker.

With like a needle. Into the hole? In the hole? That's how you injecting. But lemon juice would sting. Like this. in that that would sting your penis. Yeah, but he's trying to look smacks, dude.

It's like, I just, yeah, I don't think you get it. It's about being the optimal male. You have to ascend. He's actually very feminine if you think about it because Oh, of course, it's the gayest. All women are like, beauty is pain. He wears makeup and he's like, Crystal Mess. Sister, hold my beer.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He finds his feet to fit in, like, nice of shoes. Oh, yeah, he wears inserts to look. He does all these kind of crazy shit. It's very gay. Are you going to get into this? buddy I'm starting

bro you say hammer over there he said I put lemon juice to my dick this morning what are you talking about? Dude I shot it dude dude stop I think that thing that's really funny is like so in my mind at first I was like oh this guy's just this funny guy

who's trolling doing all the stuff they have he start there's videos of him for he's 14 doing steroids and like Botox and shit how old is he? I think he's 19 or 21 I hear this guy's young I was picturing like a Gary Bucy 35 year

I was thinking 20s, 30s, damn. No. I don't know why. I'm picturing hot Gary Buse for some reason. He doesn't look like hot Gary Bucie? No, no. But the funniest thing is... Are you looking at him like Jimmy?

They go to like his... Oh my God. Yeah, let me see this fucking guy. He's hot, right? He is pretty hot. He just looks like a frat guy. The lips are crazy. What is it?

Braided... Braden Peters. Shout out. That's his real name. Oh, so people call him Brady. December 7th. No, no. He's 20.

He's 20. I don't know why I'm so. interested in what the girls call them during sex. I need to know. We got to get one of them on the phone. It's like stobby. Clubby. Yeah. Well, the funniest is they've gone through it because I was like, this has to be a

troll. There's no way this guy's smashing his face with a hammer. It's all real. They've gone down to like earlier forms of him. They're like, okay, what was his page saying about looks maxing when he was like 15? And this is the funniest entry. He goes, I was,

does anybody else not like peeing in public? He's like, I went to pee in public in this, you know, restroom and this BBC walk next to me and he started piss mogging me so hard. His stream was so much. Big black cock. Big black cock. Oh my God. Come on. You knew that one. No, I know BBW. I know some of the terms. You've never, what are you talking about? I don't

believe this. I think I know what BBC is. I thought you said baby C. I think that's right. Yeah. That's a baby cock. But what is BBCW? Big black woman. No, big beautiful women. Oh. Yeah. BBBBW is babyiful. The girl literally don't like to be called. Sorry, black and beautiful are synonyms to me. I don't know what a cinnamon.

Sinom-a-man. Those commercials were great. Oh, yeah. Cinnamon, yeah. But I don't know what a synonyms. Sinom? It means the same thing. It means like a parallel.

Like beautiful, gorgeous. There's a mean the same thing. You're like a walking thesaurus. I love that about you. Yeah. Do you know what the source is? No. Come on.

That stuff did not like enter my head. Thesaurus is like a dictionary, but instead of definitions, you get synonyons. Sinanins. Oh my God. Can you just say the word for me? Synonyms. Synonyms. Sinonyms.

There we go. Accronymic. Cynonym. Simile. What is a simile? Like as. Fuck. And metaphor is the same thing without the like or as.

Yes. Which is what we do in stand up. Yeah. Were you guys good in school? Were you guys good at school? English was the only cause I was going to. I was pumped full of. I guess I kind of was looks maxing early on because I was pumped with anepidamine

which suppressed my appetite. Like Adderall or like something? Yeah, Adderall. And the funniest thing is I was just thinking about this. I used to have this tutor. Hot? She was hot? We had some hot ones, yeah.

But, um. I love that we always have the same questions. I know, like, I could walk out the room and this same should be accomplished. Yeah. Well, it was like, we had like a thing where like my mom kept hiring these like hot tutors and babysitters. And like everybody's looking around like, where are you finding these who this is fucking insane.

But then this one guy was terrible because he was like... Not hot. Not hot at all. And not a woman. Subhuman. Really fucking does not mock. Not a gig of Chad. Yeah.

I hate that. Wait, terrible. Chad's bad. Chad's good. All right, good. I'm a Chad? You're Joey. Yeah, you're Joey.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, Joey's a thing now? Yeah. I'm a Joey? Right now. Yeah.

Sorry. It's okay. It's okay. No, no, his upper maximal was recessing and his very low ocular structure. So what happened with the tutor? No, I just showed somebody because I was just on, like, so much amphetamines. And then, like, this one tutor was just terrible. You know those people that try to prep too hard?

He's like, we're going to take 30 minutes listening to Mozart. And I'm going to spray cinnamon spray and we're going to do breath exercises. I'm like, dude, I'm on so much fucking speed right now. Teach me the fucking presidents. Right. I was just so like. Just the president. That's all you care about.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was like, tell me about Grover and Cleveland now. Yeah, I need to know, yeah. But it's funny, too,

because I was realized this. The other day, I was like, I got extended time, but I had such bad OCD, and that, like, gets exasperated by being on Adderall. Yeah.

The extended time was me just weirdly choosing answers. I'd be like, all right, if the clock strikes three, then the answer is B. And it was like, I wasn't using it to think any harder.

I was just like, let me flip my pencil. And if it lands upside, then it'll be B or... Right. You what's funny about kids with Adderol an extra time, like at least because I had Adderall an extra time.

So, like, kids, to me would be like, oh, like, you're sped, you're an idiot. But what it really means is that my mom, like, loves me. Like, your mom loved you because, like, you have to, like, have to, like, sign you up for all that shit. So many other kids who are making fun of me, I'm like, you actually should use Adderall and have extra time and just, your parents don't give a fuck about you like that. Yeah. Yeah. They don't want to pay for anphetamine.

Yeah. They don't want to talk to their insurance provider. Yeah. Yeah. My mom was like, you better pray. Yeah. You better pray that you get the answers right. And did you get the answers right? Yeah, I was valedictorian.

And how you stand up? And you banged the whole basketball team? And I banged them. Yes, that's right. I was cool as fuck. I've gone downhill a lot. No, but yeah. Morgan Stanley.

What are you doing being a standup? You were a valeditorian. I dropped out of college and, like, realized that life is pointless. And then that's basically why, I guess. I don't know. That's a really smart person thing to say. It's just to be that nihilistic. You're like, well, nothing really matters.

You graduated college? Yeah. Yeah, okay, this is a problem. You shouldn't be the college dropout. You should be the college dropout. Why the fuck is this happening? He was the invalid Victorian. You were the valid Victorian.

I did, like, all. I feel like you were good at school, though. No, I think I cheated all the time. Like my, I remember my SAT. I think it's universal of the score, right? Yeah, SAT. Oh, yeah. I think that even like everybody gets the same score.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, Mom Donnie's getting us universal SATs. The ACT I did so bad and I had to tutor for that. I did the option. I did really well on ACT, so I was, like, proud of that terrible SAT. Same. I think we got, like, a 21. Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

That's not good. I got a 27. Actually, I got a 29. Dude, I did so much Adderall in one of my SATs that I had a panic attack because I was like, because my cousin was like, oh, you could take Adderall? Just like triple up with SAT. You'll get perfect score. Oh my God.

And so I tripped up on Adderall, I was just fucking dry mouth just being like, uh, uh, if you don't know the information, it doesn't help. Yeah. You're just on speed in a fucking room that sucks. and you're having a bad time. Yeah. And like everyone's quiet. I'm like, everyone can hear me breathing. Like I told myself that.

I was like, I'm breathing loud. Everyone knows. Everyone's looking at me. Did you take Adderall in high school or ever? No. No. I got it for like two years because I just went into my doctor. I was in South Carolina.

So they were like, what's up? What's wrong with you? Have you prayed? And I was like, I want Adderall. And then he was like, okay, cool. You can have it. And that was it. I didn't take any tests or anything.

Yeah. And then I had it for like two years. And then I stopped going to the day. doctor. Yeah. Well, now it's like so hard to get. It's like, I call like nine pharmacies. Like, we don't have it.

I'm like, I know you guys. You guys are just saving it for your favorite clients to give you kisses on the cheek. Right. Is it an Adderall shortage, I think. Aggressfully chill, Dean and Alex always give away. Right? Yeah. Adderall at every show.

So just go to the show. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who his supplier is, but. Yeah. I got like independent pharmacy. I don't know if I could say their name. Shout out Daily Dose.

They got the... Is it blue or is it orange? Blue, it's less. I only take a little bit. The orange shit is often, like, I heard like sometimes fake and, like, actually consider it just like, I don't know.

Well, if you're getting from a drug dealer, I'm getting it from a legitimate pharmacy, so they're not. You just said it's sketchy. You were just like, it's kind of a sketchy pharmacy. No, no, no, no, no. It's just independent.

Okay, that's chill. Yeah, it's an 824 kind of... It's the 824 pharmacy. Yeah, none of that corporate bullshit, dude. You got a bottle cracked over your head when you walk in? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're using

fucking mortar and pestle to make my Adderall in the back. Wait, there's tears to Adderall? No, there's just different strengths. Extended release,

instant release. Wow. And there's different milligrams. Yeah, exactly, yeah. So, instant release is like, I have a test right now.

Yes. Extended release is like, I want to be working on stuff for nine straight hours. Wow. I had friends that were on Adderall and they would be like, yeah,

I take an extended release in the morning and then when I get home from school, I take an instant release. That was me. That was me. It was like, why? Like, I don't know. I feel like, why do you need Adderall for after school? Because I would study for, like, five hours. Oh, okay.

I would study for, yeah, I tried so hard to be like a C student and it was fucked up. Yeah, you and me were the same. School was so hard. Like, like, I did decent and I got to college, but it's only because of like, they were super soldiering me with Adderall. Yep. Yeah. Super soldier. Yeah, we were African soldiers. They just fucking. Yeah. Dude, yeah. We tried our best. Yeah, we were in the Congo, basically. You guys did it. You graduated, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I had five different tutors at the same time, and they would all say the information at me while I'm just speeded it out. Yeah, dude, I had a Spanish tutor, a science tutor, and then another tutor just for, like, math. And then another tutor for like SAT, A-C-T when it got closer to, like, that part of high school. Oh, cool. So, yeah, I had like four or five tutors, too, yeah. Were any of those hot? No, I had all guy tutors.

I'm trying to think, yeah, they were all guy tutors. But I had a math teacher. Shout out Miss Temple. my God, I was in love with Ms. Temple so hard that every year she's my math teacher in high school because my mom would like fight to have her as my math teacher. I remember my senior year, I didn't have her listed and my mom came to school and like fought with the dean of school or whatever. And she's like, why are you fighting so hard? You know like Joey, like everyone knows Joey has a crush on her. He goes, yeah, he listens to her because he actually listens to when she speaks.

I'm going to use his biology with him. Yeah, my mom said, the teachers who, who are aren't hot, he like zones down and fucks off with his friends. That's so funny. Dude, I used to have dreams that like one day, like an elementary school, there was this really hot teacher who dated a WWE wrestler while we were in school. Oh shit. Where'd you grow up? Nassau County.

That makes sense. I think his name is like Zach Ryder or some shit. Like just like a cool, like hot guy. But anyway, like she was so hot. And I used to have dreams that I would just walk into school and be like, this is actually a naked school now. but my mom was also teaching

school. So I was like, I don't know, maybe just the upper class. She was in the basement with the pre-K kids. So you look her up? What's she do now? I actually, I should look her up.

I don't know. She might, my mom is still there. She's one more year left. She could be a morning good listener. Yeah. She probably is, dude. She probably is.

She probably is. Mrs. Judd. What's your name? This is Judd. I think it was like Judy Judd. God, you're getting nervous. Just like talking about it. I'm not like you

I think of you as a very confident guy you talking about this teacher you see so humble I'm just like you think she's listening I actually think so I'm just my shadow if you can hear me baby

I still love you She's not even here She can live in fucking Canada I'm like where is she You get a visa Go to Canada find her She probably get body slammed by Mr. Ryder

What's his name? It was Zach Ryder I think was his name Yeah Yeah, she's probably getting fucking... She's getting triple vaulted or whatever. What's a wrestling move? She's a suplex.

She's getting suplexed. You ever do the walls of Jericho to someone? What's that one? Yeah, she's getting the walls of Jericho all right. He's hitting the back walls of Jericho. It's like if someone's laying on the floor, right, you like look, you sit on their back, looking at their feet and pull their feet over your shoulders and pull it. It hurts so bad.

Dude, I bet you pro wresters are so good at fucking. I thought you're the oldest brother. Aren't you the oldest brother? No, I'm the youngest. Oh, so your brothers have tried this on you before. Yeah, I really used to beat the shit out of me, dude. Yeah, I'm the youngest brother, so I'm the youngest brother. Yeah, he used to like, besides beating me up, he would like, he would spit.

Oh. And then, like, let it almost hit my nose and then suck it back up. And for some reason. What's better then? One time I peed on my brother. I was like, I think I was probably like five. Wouldn't you have a jellyfish thing? What happened?

No, I think I was probably like five. And he was like, I love you. I was like five. He was probably like, really young. I was probably five. I guess he was probably like seven. And he was like being me and I'm like, dude, if you're going to keep being like a dick, I want to fucking pee on you. He's like, you're not going to pee on me. I'm like fucking watch me. I just fucking peed on him. How bad do you have to go? Were you forcing it?

I think I was forcing it. A little bit of blood came out. He's like, oh no. Yeah. The two things of my brother. You were younger, you did it to your older brother? Yeah, yeah. That's a boss move. That's cool.

That's pretty cool. I should really start pulling that up more. I know you have a family and I asked to borrow money, but remember, I... This is my territory, bitch. The two things that my brother did that I hated is he would sometimes, like, take my sock off or his sock off. It didn't matter. He would take socks, like use socks and, like, shove it down my mouth when we were wrestling. Yeah, that's crazy.

hand? Yeah, like his hand, like his, yeah, because it was wrestling movie. And then the other thing he would do is I had, so my oldest brother, I have a middle brother and me, so he would pick me up my oldest brother and use me as like a hammer to hit my other brother. That's hilarious. Yeah, it was the worst. I just got to be like, I'm sorry, because you're like the weapon, but you're also like.

Yeah, I'm sorry. But the fucked up thing, I was so young. I was like five or six when this was happening. So I was like, at least my brother's like want to hang out with me. This is awesome. I know, I know, I know. I get that. You're the cool.

coolest. Yeah. I'll do whatever you guys want, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So funny. I never had siblings, but I have that feeling a lot, just in general, in the world. I think it helps. I'm like, yeah, whatever you guys want to do.

Yeah, what, getting your ass kicked? Yeah. No, but also like being like, oh, I have to be cool and not weird to hang out with older kids. Yes. You know. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it like helps you socially. 100%. Yeah. Because I would learn from my brother's mistake huge. Like, yeah, everybody made. fun me for the shit's like don't do this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but like, I also feel like looking back, I kind of hated the way I acted

people in my own age because I try to be like, I know more than you. Like, I'd be like elitist about it, but like, actually, this is what cool people do. And I look back, I'm like, I was just copying my brother who I now know, it's kind of a loser. Like, I was getting bad advice. Were you into the dead that early? No, I got into the dead like in college. Okay. Well, I was always a classic rock guy.

Yeah. So when I got into the dead, I was like, oh, this is everything I've wanted out of music. ever and like now like there's a whole group of people who do this yeah yeah we're all into the dead right i like them i'm not like a dead head okay so did you guys cry more when bob weir died or when uh the lady john may have shot in the face oh oh the minnesota lady yeah i think about like someone in the grateful head one i'm like what great i was that i was crazy it's a bad question no no no i'm sending you guys up for failure oh you know the minnesota thing i was actually sad about The Bob Weir thing I wasn't sad about because I'm like, I freak who watches Bob Weir interviews all the time.

And Bob Weir for the past 30 years has tons of interviews where he's like, oh, I just can't wait for my time to come because when my time comes, I can ascend to the next level of life. So he was ready. So you were ready. No, he was like, he was fully, there's interviews of him being like, death is just the next part of this life. I'm not. He was like, I, Joey, that was pretty good. No, he was like totally like, because Jerry, he's been around. so much death.

Yeah. Like there's... And acid. Yeah. And actually give people... Sorry. You're good. No, they give people acid in Switzerland to, like, deal with death.

Like, people that are, like, cancer. Because they're, like... End of life care. So what does he say about Jerry? Not just Jerry, but, like, I think Jerry was, like, the big one for... Because it was, like, a huge death. It was his best friend and his, like, older brother. And I think that just, like, helped him understand it so much more.

And also, like, every... You're right. Every interview he... Someone asked about, how do you feel about Ken Keesey dying? Jerry dying or Brett dying. He's like, oh, it's just like, they're all in their fourth dimension. I'll meet them soon. Yeah. Yeah.

He was, every interview was like, he was like, everything he said was like perfect. Yeah. He was such a weird guy. Yeah. Then he goes to hell and Jerry Garcia's just getting like mouth fucked by the devil. He's like, fuck, I was so wrong. Wait, I'm a question. Why would hell? Maybe this is a heck premise to ask, but why would hell be like

a torture place? Like, if the devil hates Jesus and shit, wouldn't he be like, yo, you made it? You're fucking drugs. This is the main flaw in like all religion. That is such a good point because he likes badness, but it's not like he would, unless I guess kind of

maybe there's an angle of like he wants to feed on their negativity. So like if he's, if he gets the bad ones but why would you, I'm going with you, why would he tempt us on earth with sex and all the sins or whatever that are great things that people enjoy

And then when you get to hell, he's like, okay, now I'm going to punish you. Wouldn't it just be more like, here's more sex and drugs and like all the cool stuff that got you here? He's like a southern prison guard who like wants more people working on his like, what's it called? Like a chain gang. Right. Yeah. Yeah. What's a chain gang?

What is that? It's an old thing from the south where they would chain people up and make them do work, but they're all chained up. Oh, yeah. I like the community aspect. The community aspect sounds nice, but I don't like the chains. Oh, cool. Yep. It's not cool.

That song's not cool anymore. Yeah. They're like working on the chain. Yeah, that sounds fun. No, I think it all depends who you're chained up next to. Like, you were sitting next to a total nerd. You're like, can we switch chain spots?

This guy fucking sucks. Like, if I was sharing up to Michael, I'd be like really happy. If I think, I would get on your nerve. You get chained up next to Candace Owens. You're like, please move me. Yeah. Charlie Kirk.

Yeah. You just work, Charlie. No, Charlie could be like, Charlie Kirk, can you lead the chain game? He'd be like, this is an honor and an opportunity for me to do my best. Actually, everyone should have the right to a chain.

Yeah, they should do a chain game with like all those people that are in Rikers right now, right? It's like fucking Diddy. Or it's Manhattan Correctional. It's like Diddy. Who is it? Mangione.

What's the guy? Venezuela. Venezuela. Maduro, R. Kelly. Just laying. Maxwell. Right. Is she still there? Epstein's dead body. The sheet. Is that what he died? I don't know.

He died somewhere. Yeah, no, I think he was. Yeah, I think he's been in correctional. Do you think he meant Tupac are chilling somewhere right now? I think so. No, because I think there was crossover. So Tupac would have probably been, when did Tupac die? Ninety-four.

No, but the way, like, people... He may have just missed the F-C-N-Party error. No, but I'm just saying those are the two people that, like, people say are still alive. He's Epstein and Tupac, right? And Hitler. I mean, Hitler would be so old at this point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also like

there's been every photo of people like Hitler still live, which is him on like a public bus. Like if there was real Hitler live pictures, it'd be him in South America on like a jet ski or like an ATV. Like he'd be like doing it. He'd have a tan now. He'd be Charlie Kirk. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

There's other people. Who do the people think is still live? Nelson Mandela? Yeah. No, that's the Mandela effect, my friend. Oh, right. He is still alive? No, he died, didn't he? He died like recently.

He died like a week ago. Right, but people thought he was always dead. That's the Mandala effect. That's the Mandela effect. It's the Mandela, the Mandala. It's the Mandala effect. Mandala is Indian. His name is Nelson Mandela, so it's the Mandela effect.

Then what's the Mandala effect? There's no Mandala effect. That's the Mandela effect. You think it was called the Mandala effect. I go to restaurants, I order the chicken Mondala, dude. They're like, okay. And I'm like, you know about the effect?

I want it. Extra effect on the side. It was a side effect. I need it. Did you guys, I was just thinking about this as cool. You remember when you pass up the quizzes? This is where,

you're talking about cheating. This is where I would cheat the hardest. When you're passing up the quizzes and you realize your answer was wrong because everybody would pass it up and then I would always try to erase and change the answers as it was going up. That's where your heart was like, yeah. I was like, that kid behind me.

That's like mission impossible for teenagers. Yeah. Oh yeah. You're like, fuck. Dude, my SAT was like. it wasn't my school, like went to another school for it, like one of the schools that did it.

Right. And there was like two old ladies, like proctoring, is that the right way? Yeah. And they were like just reading books. Like not... The whole time. They didn't look up at all.

Yeah. And like... That's chill. I had no, like... That's goaded. I didn't prep. I think I had to tutor, but I was so out of it.

But I, the same thing is everyone gets different test. There's a girl next to me. She had like two number two pencils, two blue pens, two black pens, yes. Snacks.

Two water bottles. No, it was just, you could tell it was like this girl's smart. Yeah, yeah. Prepared. So I copied off her. I was like, she's got a better, half of hers is better than all of mine. Yeah. And I got a 1240.

I think I, yeah. I think I happened. It might have been like the same test. That's so funny. It was every answer was off of her. Because sometimes they would change the things. Like you look over at something next to you, be like, fuck, they number these differently. Did she ever look at you being like, dude.

I think so. I would just, what was the, the. Scantron? Scantron. Holy shit. Wow. Yeah, the Scantron. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah. I just copied her Scantron. You know, the craziest Scantron hack was if you put chapstick on it, apparently if you put it over all the answers, it would incorrectly read all of them is correct. So they're having out of school. Yeah. Who did that? Who did that?

Somebody did somebody at my high school, they just... Just to fuck people over? No, no, no. If you put chapsic on it for some reason, there was a time period where the Scantrons would read that as the correct answer, just for some odd reason. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's awesome. I want to go back in time and, like, and like, take that CTT.

again and chapsic the fuck up i always let people cheat off of me so i always like one of these smart fucker bullshit yeah that's how the basketball team started fucking you exactly yeah honestly i never you want to cheat on my test you have to get you can also cheat on your girlfriend no but yeah i feel like that's the way like you should always share info yeah because it's not unless i kind of get if it was great on a curve all my dogs eat you know that's fucking yeah that's that's way to be that's that's my mindset I agree. No, I agree. You went to a Catholic school, right?

I went to a private Christian school for like the first eight years and then I went to public school. For high school? That's where I fucked the basketball team. Okay. Nice. So I went to fucking private school basketball team, but just small dick white guys. I would do like college prep school. Much of point guards.

Yeah. I would know a college prep school where like they get cared about college like so hard. Like that's like you'd be at lunch and people just be like cool kids would be like, oh, I really want to go to this college. I'm like, we're like sophomores in high school. Like, let's smoke weed and like fuck girls. Were you like getting credits for college and high school kind of thing? The other kids were, I was dumb. I was so dumb.

Dude, I was thinking about like. I was trying to being the math teacher. He had bigger goals in college. He was thinking about his future. On Tuesday, like, during COVID, I was very anxious. It was like a very anxious time. And on Tuesday, I felt like that anxious again for like the first time in five years. Because why?

I was just like out of it. Because of me? I was mine. I do like power washing. on Long Island. So I was buying a van this week and I think that was like stressing me out just like the financial commitment of it. But I was, I only had

frosted flakes that day. Right? Yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, maybe it's probably because I didn't eat. And my brother was like, yeah, you have to eat. You know, it's probably it. But it made me think of like when I was in school as a kid, like, that's all I used to have. It was frosted flakes in the morning. It was used to That's crazy. Yeah. Either frosted flakes

or if my dad was making me breakfast, it was like cold egos with like it just, you know, like, how when you put butter on eggos, it could be like just like a brick. My dad would just give me the brick. That's so funny. My mom would like make it hot

and like toast it and I had a little bit better a day of school. It was frozen. I was running on nothing. Just, that's nuts. Dude, I see this all the time. Food is like the cure to so many things. I know.

It's nuts. Like I saw my friend other day like to have like a suicidal like panic attack. But I was like, dude, can I buy you five guys right now? And he was like, I don't feel good. I'm like, I'm buying you five guys. And literally after we eat five guys,

he was like, whoa. Life's good. Yeah. I'm gonna go home to my wife now. No, but seriously. I was just say, I had a crazy, I remember my breakfast was like, my mom was so good.

It was like peanut butter on an ego with eggs. And then... Gotta have the eggs. Your mom loves you, dude. She loves me. And then sometimes I would have like pudding with Vivance on top.

Like, she would pull the Vibands on top. That's a joke. I'm swearing up. She would break up the V V Vance putting the pudding? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dog. Because I already was about a sick.

Come on. Come on. Oh my God. That's a power. That's a breakfast for champions. Michael used to be in like a seven-year relationship. And I like hung out with him like the day after the breakup. And your parents were like in town.

I was like, why are they here? They're like, they just want to check up on me. Yeah, they got a hotel. That's so sweet. Your parents are awesome, dude. Like, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, I ended up banging some fat chick.

And then the next night, I've told a story a bunch, but they were like, we're paying for, because I was going to couch her for like three months because I gave my ex the apartment. And they got me a hotel room. And I got a domination. in the hotel. Are you listening, ladies? This guy's chauvelrous.

What's a dominatirus? Come on. This is crazy. I don't know. This is crazy. Of course, the the thesaurus will take this one. This is all you. So basically a dominatrix is a woman that you pay.

And it doesn't have to be sexual, but it can be. But it's like they tell you what to do. They make you do things. Yeah, I got spanked. Did you jerk me off? Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But then when I, further on, I was like, oh, I don't have to pay for that. Like, women are just nice and we'll do the. Like, in my mind, I was like, you got to pay somebody to do with it. You just got to get on field, bro. Yeah, yeah. It's like, most women are cool. They're like, yeah, sure, I'll do all this shit.

Like, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll call you a little stinky baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so weird after a relationship, you're like, that's never going to happen again. And then it's like a couple months later, you're like, oh, I could see how that happens again. Yeah, yeah. I fell for like the third girl I had sex I was like I was like

this is the next thing and then she got ghosted and I was like I feel like breakup are like like breakups are like hangovers you know you know when you're like

I'm never drinking again and then like three days later you're like I can't want a beer yeah yeah that's like what breakup song you're like you're broken up you're like oh fuck this I don't let you see

Sydney Sweden and you're like oh maybe I can do this I can do this yeah I'm a big believer of fucking after a breakup I think it needs to happen I think it needs to happen

because you you do this thing with this person and then whatever happens, you know, there's all different stories. But I think you need to like reset and be like, hey, I can, I can still do this. And this is like, this is a me thing. Like it wasn't an us thing. It's a me thing. Yeah. And like, come back to that. 100%. And I can't agree more because like the people do that thing. They're like, well, it won't fix it. I'm like, nobody made it so much better. Exactly. It makes it easier. It's a break. Yeah. Yeah. In your head. Because I think after a break up, you're selling a loop

about it. Yeah. And if you're like with also just being with a girl. for the first time you're like, I think you're so focused on that that it takes you out and then you can have fun. And yeah, kind of like, it's like, same with like just life in general.

That's what I used to be huge on like meditating and stuff. It was like if shit was like chaotic, if you just like it was because Go to five guys. Meditating and getting your dick sucked is the same thing. It's like, yeah.

Just like seeing that there's another out is so nice to know. Yeah. Like when you're spiraling, you're like, I know I can get to that calm place. And I think like literally after a break up just getting what someone can bring you there.

Like the way mushrooms can get you somewhere quick, but you can get to the same place as mushrooms on meditation with years of experience. Wait, what's that like? Because people say like meditation can be like trippy. I've never gotten to that. Yeah, it's weird, man. I've only, yeah, I've got into what I used to.

I would do yoga for a half hour and then meditate for 20 minutes. And I would lay on the floor for an hour after. No thoughts. Just like, it was like blames. like bliss. Huh. Like having, that's kind of the farthest

I've got. My brother used to like really meditate and he would get to places where he would like see stuff or like feel things. Really weird. He took a class.

What did he like see? I think he would just, it would just be like, like my grandpa being like, how are you doing? Like shit, like weird. That's wild.

Yeah. Like just think of like mushroom stuff. Well, you seem like a really chill guy. It seems like it seems to be working. Yeah. It's weird though because it's like I have phases of it.

but like now it's like I feel like I'm like okay sober and during the day I'm like I don't need it right now you know yeah but there's times where I'm like I should probably go like meditate just reset for a sec yeah doesn't always do it right but it gets you closer yeah it's funny that you brought the grandpa thing because like I'm not like

an everyday meditator I actually have not meditated like in like six seven months at this point but like when I was in my phases like you said I wasn't like tripping or having anything crazy happen but like things that like my dad or like my parents or my grandparents said to me would weirdly like start like echoing my head. I'm like, I haven't thought about that conversation like 10 years. It's because you're, yeah, there's like, there's no blunt like thoughts coming in. And I think you get to such a place where it's like

you have so much, you give your, you give your brain room almost. Right. And it like brings up old stuff that you usually don't have the time to even think about. Also, sometimes you can like use a mantra. Yeah. And that gets you to a place where you're only saying that mantra and like the point is to like not let any other thoughts in. Like Hari Krishna. Basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

But it could be anything, which I like that. Yeah, it could be any word. It could be a word. There's also this thing where you can make up a fake word and you repeat that and you don't tell anyone the word. And that's like sometimes... Could it be a slur? Of course. You're thinking about it.

Of course it can. I'm not gay. I want to know if any of you guys have ever had this before where like I've like had like these moments, like these breakthroughs where I'm like, wow, like that was really next. thing that like my mom said to you like my grandpa said to me like I would like see like my grandma like a family party I did like pull her aside and like hey I just want to thank you like had this like emotional like one-on-one moment where I'm like I'm gonna really show gratitude right now and whatever they're like I don't remember that yeah no no no it's not that they don't like that they don't like remember it it's more like oh that's nice and I'm like no let's talk about it and they're like oh so how's

school I'm like no fuck you I'm trying to talk to you about life right now I want to get there and My dad's just like, so what games are on tonight? I'm like, do you hear anything I just said to you? I'm your son trying to show gratitude. Yeah, and just be friends. Right. I have that with seeing people. Like, I think I was at the comedy shop last night.

I saw one comic and we're hanging out having a good time. I'm like, dude, I got to say what's up to Dylan. And I'm like, oh my God, Dylan! He's like, what's up, dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fucking kidding me? I just love this conversation. Yeah.

I'm so excited. Yeah. Damn, that's the worst. Yeah. because I like making people I get a lot of love so when I see people I'm so excited and some people are just like, it's fun, it's up

and you're like, okay it can vary though, like the next week they could give you that energy back. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a give and take because. Yeah, especially the comics. There's lots of days I walk into the comedy shop no one says hello, I'm like, okay, well I'll kill myself.

Or some days like that happens and I'm like thank God. Yeah. Like it's just like there's days where I want it there's days where I'm like, I just kind of want to be here alone, you know. I, dude, the shop could be too much sometimes. I don't hang there enough. It's a good hang. It's a good hang, but it's like, I go into the basement just for like 10 minute intervals

just to like decompress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially with the music and like all the people running through. It's just like looking at notes before sets, like I can't even like focus. Yeah. Just so much going on. And the music is blast. My biggest pet peeve is like, you're out of show and you like calmly tell the person

you're worth like, hey, I'm like just looking at my notes for a second because I'm going on soon. And they go, oh, totally. So what's on your notebook? I'm like, dude, I just said I need a moment. What the fuck is going on? I did that to Jimmy Carr one time at the comedy store. I was pretty new to comedy and I saw him.

I'm like, I'm a huge fan. He's looking in his notes. He was super nice about it. But I'm like, that would have been so annoying on like the other side of that if you're looking at it. And I totally fucked up because we were talking about standing for like probably 20 minutes. And then he's like, I'll do my favorite joke here is. I'll do it tonight.

And then I just completely drew a blank. And I was like, I got to go. I just drew a blank. Well, his jokes are hard because they're also a quick one. Is it like on the spot? You're like, which one liner? He's the British guy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you start it now? No, no, I was just there. My ex had like an internship there, so we went to the comedy store for like, for like a night. And it was like, uh, but I'd say out of any comedian I met, probably, he was probably the nicest.

Nice. He seems like a nice guy. It's like the more dark you are on stage, the nicer you typically are. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like most comics are pretty nice. Except Anthony Jessel, Nick.

I feel like he's the same. Yeah, but that's because he's just like the prince of darkness and he's the best of what he does. No, I think even the podcast, I think it's all an act. I think like when there's not a mic, I feel like he's really chill. Maybe. Most people, I think, are way meaner than you. Like, at least my experiences, like, I think some people put on an act when there's

younger comics, like, oh, I'll be nice to you. And then you just hear, like, the shit I've heard about people I really look up to. I'm like, I can't. There's not a single person I can look up to anymore. I think the people who seem nice on stage are typically dicks. Like, for instance, like, Babigley are so nice on stage. I feel like he'd be an asshole. I can see that.

But, like, someone, like, just. Jimmy Carr who says like the most heinous things on stage. I'm like, that guy's gonna be really sweet. It's probably a good time. Yeah. Well, because there's also an aspect of like, I used to think when I was on stage, I was like, oh, if I show them I'm a good person, this is a nice thing to do because I'll make them feel better.

But I'm like, it actually makes the audience feel better if you show them you're a piece of shit in a way because you're like more opening up and that guy might feel less alone. Right. Because he wants to bang his girlfriend's mom or whatever thought you're saying that's like vulgar and appropriate. It's like you're actually being a better person. It's not like hugely better.

Like you're not like saving people, but you are like, Oh, I can relate to that fucked up thought. To make this more grandiose, it's like we're setting ourselves on fire for the audience, you know. We're trying to be like, hey, I'm a pedophile, I'm a rapist, I'm all the bad things you guys secretly think you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always thought you were those things. I'm glad you just confess to that. Yeah, that's me.

No, but I was just trying to be, you know, theatrical. Yeah, we take the bullet. We're heroes. We're heroes. We're first responders. Right. Braver than the truth. Comedy has gotten me through a lot of shows.

I think that's the big reason why I got into stand-up is because comedy got me through a lot of weird times in my life. Seriously. I mean, I started doing stand-up and then my best friend for, like, my entire life got in a really bad accident. And I don't think I would have been able to, like, handle that whole thing without having this outlet.

Yeah. Because it helped a lot. Yeah, I talked about it on stage. I'm trying to work it out. It's just so depressing. Like, no one wants to hear about it. But when you, like, finally break through that and actually turn into something that, like, you're proud of, I feel like it's, like, so much more worth it than just, like, some dick joke you've been working on for a year, you know? Right. Or, like, you know, my take on whatever political thing or whatever.

Well, you know what kind of, at least for me, what kind of works? So, like, a lot of my friends have committed suicide. No, I don't know what he used to are a lot. But so I would have these jokes, I'd be like, my friend committed suicide. And the audience to go, aw. But then I made it way further away. and I just start talking about suicide in general. And then they're like, yeah, yeah, that shit is funny.

Right. But if you say this, because, like, when I started stand-up, it was all fucking sympathy points where, like, you would say something like, oh, I'm like a this or that, or like, you know, gay or whatever in the audience. You'd be like, oh, okay, whatever you say. Right, right. So I thought I could only talk about suicide

if I made it personal, but it actually made them so much more uncomfortable than if I was just like, fucking, people kill themselves. They're like, yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. I think it's your vibe that just makes people uncomfortable, honestly. That's possible. No, but I think that's true.

Like, sometimes you need to, sometimes you need to make it like, oh, this is a story that I went through or my friend went through. And then sometimes you're like, actually, this will make you uncomfortable. So maybe we should put some distance or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Well, I was an open book when I first started doing stand-up. And I remember like I posted a video like early, early on. And like my best one from childhood just calls me and be like, dude, no, you cannot talk about that on stage. And I was like, but it's hilarious.

He goes, yeah, it's, no. Like, he got so mad at me. What was the bad? I talked about how he will not watch this podcast, hopefully. I talked about how, like, his ex-girlfriend, we're at his aunt's wedding. His aunt's, like, my very close family. And we're at his aunt's wedding. And she gets in a huge fight with him.

So it's punching my friend at the wedding. And the maid of honor goes to, like, break up the fight. Be like, hey, like, we should not be, like, having a physical fight out of wedding right now. And she kicks her in the cuder. Oh, my God. So I had a whole, like, joke about, like, how I think, like, that's, like, the best wrestling move ever, just kicking another, a girl kicking another girl on the vagina.

I was a really dumb new comedy joke. But I love this joke, and he was like, dude, no. And he was dating the girl. I'm just like, yeah, my girlfriend's, like, crying right now. Oh, God. That you fucking posted that video. I'm like, yeah, but I'm saying it's awesome. I'm saying she, she fucking, like, the balls on this girl to kick the maid of honor

in the vagina. Yeah. Well, also, like, if you're not putting names, it's like, oh, I put names. names. Oh, you did? That's what I was going to say. Yeah, as long as you just

change the name. I said, like, my best friend, Eric, that's what I said. Dude, I know two comics that would fuck, and they would, like, stopped fucking, and they would literally, they would use the name on stage. That's crazy.

It's always to change your name. Then, oh, you can almost use, like, the hacky little tag of, like, I shouldn't say the name. That's the real name. And it always gets, like, a little thing. But you said you used to be an open book? Do you think you're closed now?

What? You said you used to be an open book on stage? Well, no, no, I, I, I know, I'm still an open book, but I'm not gonna, but I'm gonna censor myself if I know. He's more like the Jeffrey Epstein Files, a little bit redacted. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just not your friends. Like, you talk about yourself. No, I'll talk about my friends still, but like I'm a better writer now and a more confident writer now where like I can make things funny without selling out somebody who doesn't want to be sold out, you know?

Yeah. But when I was new at comedy, I wasn't confident. I was like, I'll sell out anybody to be funny. Yeah. Yeah, my friend that, like, got in the accident, woke up and I told her all the jokes

and she likes she likes being a part of it but if she didn't like it then I wouldn't talk about it and I think if Charlie Kirk was alive today he would like to be part of this podcast He would like that we said Nikki Minaj could save this

Yeah yeah Do you think he's jerking off to Nicky Minaj grinding on his wife up in heaven Do you think he's liking that? Oh yeah Weird ass smile Yeah yeah

Just gritting Yeah yeah Yeah I mean I don't know it's like a, I just drew a blank there mentally. That's okay. I'm sure Charlie Kirk drew a, drew some blanks, blank guns, blink, fuck, shit, fuck. I hate myself.

I like, sorry listeners. Yeah, that's gotta be, I don't know. I know, I know, like, friends that have, like, buy girlfriends. They just, like, make out girls at bars, and they're like, it doesn't buy, like, it doesn't buy, like. Oh, my sister would, like, kill her girlfriend if she made out with some girl at a bar. Well, that's a little different because. They're lesbians. Yeah, yeah.

Like, if I had a bisexual girlfriend, I'd be so into her making out with girls and bars. But it's some of that sex. Isn't so funny? I'd be cool with that too. Yeah, but I think some of it's sexist. Some of it would me be, some of that would be me being like,

what is she gonna fucking, what is she gonna fucking fall in love with a woman? Like, I just, like, I think it's sexy. Right? It's so weird. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm also like, I'll just,

I've never says the podcast. I'm like weirdly cucky. So I think, like, the other way would be kind. Like, if it was understood. You would like a girl you're dating to just get railed by some dude? Yeah, probably. But it would have to be like organized.

The guy would have to have some extreme flaw that I'm like this guy's just a human dildo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'd want to be like a P. Diddy kind of cuck. I wouldn't want to be like, oh, you're a fucking loser. I'd be like, yeah. I'm in charge. I'm the loser because I want to be.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, my bitch is high. It's like that's for a spin. Go to the bathroom now. Yeah. Yeah. Take it back now, y'all. Yeah.

It's like the idea of Michael Good watching the fucking PDF being like, I'm unlocking a lot about myself right now. Take it some notes. Well, the cuckport that's really not hot is when somebody's like, I'm going to, you know, like, I'm going to have my, what is it like my ex-girlfriend's fucking her new boyfriend. Like, that's not hot because they're in a relationship. That's not taboo.

That's just kind of like, because it's hot what a woman's kind of mean sometimes. So I think that aspect's hot. Like I watch cuck porn and she's just like, eh. And I'm like, oh, this is evil. But this kind of, like, oh, this is evil. That's kind of hot because it's like, I like this. Yeah, but like the couple's in a relationship, but she's like, I brought my ex-boyfriend to watch us fuck.

I'm like, that's not really. That's emotional abuse. I think he's still like him. That's what's going on. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. That's like a, I'll have anxiety about that. Yeah, yeah.

You still like him. That's what's going on. Yeah. He's like retarded. I'm like, get in your belt. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. That's fun.

I don't think I could ever cuck. I can't do that. I don't know if a lot of women are into cucking. because I feel like it's too personal. But that's just me, but I don't know. I think they go the other way. I think they're like, why don't you want to fuck?

Like, I think it goes that way, yeah. Because I've been the bull, like I've fucked guys' wives in front of them. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Michael's really cool. I don't know if you do. I have herpes. I have herpes.

Allegedly. No, I really don't think I do because I... I didn't worry. I didn't give you herpes if you really want. I have one, but no, no. I literally, the only girl I didn't work on them with, like, in the last year,

like, tested negative and, like, went to the doctors. They're like, there's no open things here. There's also this, like, one of the guys I had sex with, like, a long time ago. He was, like, I... It's like some weird, like, just, like, skin thing,

where it's, like, you get, like, basically, like, pimples. Yeah. It is herpes, though. They just don't know which kind. Like, what was on my dick? They tested it was herpes. Oh, I see. But if you have HSV-1, your blood can contaminate the sample.

So it's possible that that happened. And the sample tested positive because my blood already has herpes. Oh, okay. Yeah, there's no. And Chad GBT said there's a 3% chance I have to. I give them every bit of information from my whole life. They're like, you most likely just have one on your dick. Is that a picture in?

You're crazy? I thought I had hepatitis. Not hepatitis. What the fuck? What's the one you had? Chlamydia. I thought I had chlamydia once and I got tested. And the doctor was like, you don't have chlamydia, but you have like type 1 at herpes?

whatever it's called. And I was like, dude, I know that. That's not why I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like giving you bad news.

Yeah, he like thought like, she was like, I'm giving this guy bad news. I'm about to ruin his life. And I'm like, I know that about myself. You're not doing your job.

I want to know about the climidias. You go, oh, Chlamydia, you don't got that. I'm like, can you not feel herpes? What's that?

Yeah, you feel it down here. You feel it down here. You feel like, it's like, it's like, it's like burning and shit. Yeah.

Yeah, so herpes, you feel, apparently two, you feel more. I had just one doubt on my dick that only hurt if I touched it. Also, too, you get, like, lesions and shit. Legeons is crazy. It sucks. No, it was, it was an open sword. But it was, like, very small, and it was, like, it only hurt if I touched it. It was not like.

Yeah. And I'm on. You're throw up. I looked under. Check under the hood. I looked, too. It wasn't bad. I went silent for a second.

I was like, wait, that one girl, I didn't. Oh, yeah, dude. Every time I've not worn a condom, which is very minimal, I was like, fucking I got herpes. Like, it's just as scary. Like, I thought I had herpes before. I even had a bump in my dick. I was like. But you also have like OCD, like obsession shit.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. So I feel like you probably like go through this like once a month. Yeah. Well, I also have a thing where it's like I'd rather live in a world where I think I have herpes too than so like I'm leaning on the side if I have it just so I get used to all that. You're like on a first day with a girl and you're like, I may have herpes. She's like, why do you say that?

Yeah, yeah. I just like to live a life where I may have herpes. I like to live in the edge. What condoms do you use? Bare skin, raw, the thin as possible condom that breaks sometimes. Those are good, though? I have no problem using condoms. I have to feel my dick to be like, is the condom on?

Yeah, I've always had a... I literally have a joke about it right now that I thought I was gay in high school because I had sex like a handful of times with a condom and never... Like, I didn't finish because I couldn't feel it. Yeah, yeah. I remember the first time, it was with my ex. I probably shouldn't say that. Sure.

But name names. That she kicked someone in the vagina. Yeah. I don't know. No, I remember it was like the first time without a condom. I was like, oh, I'm okay.

But yeah, yeah. I really don't even feel a dramatic difference. I was just like, the person gave me their test results. They're like, these are all negative. I'm totally negative.

I don't have any STDs. And then I looked at pictures of them later. And, I'm such a dumb bitch. I'll be like, are you clean? And then I'm like, that's cool. Yeah.

Come on. You played basketball in high school. Yeah. But I've been blessed, so no, nothing yet. That's whatever. Everything's going to be fine. Always is. What's up?

Always is. Always is. Yeah, I need to meditate more about this. But, yeah, I don't know. It definitely was like a wake-up call, like with everything. I'm like, all right, you know, I should not snort ketamine that's not tested. All this stuff. I was like, I got to, I was like, yeah, I got to live a little differently.

Yeah, yeah. You're on the edge, but safely on the edge. Yeah, but I'm also like, I'm like, I need to pull back a bunch of notches because I'm like, it's, yeah, you can't just be out there doing certain things. I don't know. And it's like, now I'm going to be like so much pickier about who I have sex with them and be like, all right. Like, you know. Only if you have herpes. Only if you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm just going to be like, like, do I, is a person like really cool or attractive or like, is it going to be good? Like it's like just going to be yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because I'll like, I don't know, early on, like if I'm on a date, I'll just start saying like crazy shit. Just see if they're fun. Like, you know what I'm like?

If you seem like uptight, then I'm like, eh. Yeah. Yeah, I have a prostitute at my apartment waiting for us for you to do lines cocaine on. Are you into that? Is that what you want to do? Is that the sort of thing you tell them? And if she if she flinches, you're like, all right, you can take the bill.

See you later, bitch. We'll split. Dude, I like, I had a one night stand one time. I've had a couple one night stands with her like, yeah, don't wear a condom and come inside, man. I'm like, this is so crazy. You have no, you have no idea who I am as a person. And, like, it's also easier for women to get STDs,

letting is for men. So it's like, you're open holes. And it's harder to tell. Yeah, yeah. Symptoms are typically less visible in women. Like, you know, if you have chlamydia and you have a penis, it'll, like, come out of your penis. Like a genie.

Right. It's like the grossest genie ever. Grand She three wishes. Can I not have chlamydia? That's not something we can do. You got to call each R for that. Yeah. I don't know.

I feel like there's a lot of, I feel like now it's like way less stigmatized having STDs. Everyone now is like, if you haven't had an STD, it's actually not cool. Yeah, it's like the battle squad thing against. Like you're not fucking dude?

Yeah. You haven't gotten an abortion scare? What are you talking about? Right. What's an abortion scare? You know what? I mix pregnancy scare and abortion together.

And as that came out, We were looking at them, as I feel like you tell that I were actually plucked up. Oh, yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, we're keeping it. Okay, sweet, yeah, sorry. Oh, sweet, so I didn't know. I have, like, uh...

Dude, I went to the abortion and the baby came out fine. I don't know. Worst abortion ever. So fucking scary. It's so scary. I've only came inside one without a condom, and, like, I made her show me her birth control and the day that she took it because I was like...

I have an I have an IUD now, so I can... You didn't drive her to CVS at the plan B and be like, take the... pill, take it. I have done plan B just from a condo breaking, but I've been like, hey, are you cool with this? Like, I'm just really uncomfortable. You put it in her bagel.

Yeah. Yeah, I think before I've done it. You're like, my mom used to do this. It's fine. Yeah, in the first time, right? When I goes with peanut butter, we like that. Have you done plan B before? I've done plan B and I had an abortion last year.

First abortion. Oh my God. That's crazy. Yeah. It was... I remember you came up to me in the... We used to live together and she was like, I have news. I was like, oh, cool, where are you going to pass somewhere?

She was like, abortion. I was like, okay. Yeah. How did it like feel? So, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was interesting because like I grew up Southern Baptist, so like that was never an option, you know, for my family. But I, it was with my boyfriend of like six months.

So I was obviously like, I'm not keeping this. Yeah, yeah. And so he was very supportive and whatever. but then I went by myself. I'm sure he was. I'm sure he was like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Did he pay? But please do it. And we broke up. So he was very supportive. But who paid? The state. Let's go. What state? New York. New York State. I'm on Medicaid or care, whichever one is for young people, young

pores. And I went by myself. I think David actually went with me to one of the appointments. What a sweetheart. He is a sweetheart. You told him, he's like, Jesus, Alexis! Well, my grandma think. Can't be associated with this. But yeah, and the actual process was not horrible. You have to stick pills up your vagina if you want it to happen faster. You can take it by mouth, but it takes longer.

And I only had one day off of work. You can't do that in the office? No, you have to go home and do it. Okay. There's different ones. It's not literally just going like this with a pill, right? You literally, like, I had to lay down on the bed and like, whatever. And then, like, stick it as far as I could up my vagina, which I have small hands, so that was hard.

And then, um... I thought the small hands would help. And then you aren't supposed to move. So you have to, like, sit like that. I thought you could just be in the opposite. Like, give me to say, I'm aborting a fetus. Wait, why is... I thought it was surgery this whole time.

There's vacuum ones. Like, so if it's early enough, you could just take the pill and then, no. Normally it'll just like come out of you like a period, right? Okay. And then... Is it a heavier period? Yeah. It's like painful.

You have like cramping and shit. But it wasn't too bad. It was like eight hours of cramping. And then after that it was kind of like just fine. But then if you like, you know, you're three months or whatever, then they have to like vacuum. Thank you. Because I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to ask if you're like, you're like, it was like the week before.

I was like. And Michael, who was yours? Yeah. I was like, see in the corner of cats. What's the next step? Right before the cutoff for like all of the other states that aren't New York. So like even if I was like not here, I could have gotten it taken care of, which is lucky. Because normally you don't find out until like maybe six, seven weeks.

And then that's the cutoff in some states. So that's scary. Oh, so it was super early. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, you can get back of the podcast. Like you're awesome.

Well, I think you're awesome that you went through that. and are telling the tale and I think I think if you have an abortion I think more of you. I'm like wow, you went to battle. Feminist. No, but like I feel like it is like

kind of like some women I feel like don't, I don't know. It's like it's a weird thing to talk about because like it's so taboo in some places but I think it's a you know do whatever you want is by opinion.

I draw the line somewhere but I don't know where the line is. I think I draw the line at maybe like six months. It's like at that point, give it up for adoption. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At that point, maybe give it up for adoption, but also like... But then if somebody's like, what about 5.9 and a half? I'm like, I just don't know enough about it. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also, if you get raped, I'm like, kill it whenever. Kill it when it comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care. Interesting. This is crazy, yeah. I don't know. You know what's weird about...

I have a lot of radical opinions. You know, it's like tripping about comedy recently is that in my, like, act right now, I have an abortion joke, an incest joke. I have all these jokes that I think are taboo that always land. Yeah. But even with old people, it will land. But then consistently I have this Jesus joke that I do that's like a very harmless Jesus joke that I consistently will have people come up to me at the shows being like,

you kind of crossed the line there. And I'm like, I saw you laugh at the abortion and incest stuff. What are we doing? Well, Jesus is very sensitive. His feelings get hurt very easily. Why is that? I don't know. He hasn't been through enough.

I think it's not like he was. A little more persecution. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like he's been nailed through a cross. That's why it's such a funny thing. People are just like trying to be so like, if you're talking about, don't use the words of the name of name. I'm like the fact you really think he fucking cares.

Right. My mom always does that. She'll always like, I've said God damn in front of her a couple times and she's like, G. Yeah. We don't say GD. I'm like, you literally said the N word. Shut up.

Yeah. Yeah. Shut up. Yeah, there's no way he can't. Because it's like he's this all powerful being. that's above insecurity and stuff like that. And then I can't say something that would hurt his feelings.

Right. So like, wait, so you're like from a religious background. So like, can you... We gotta have it up soon, by the way. Okay. Should I not ask you? No, no, no. No, yeah.

Joey, shut the fuck up. I'm sick of your shit. So, you're from a religious background. So, like, can you, like, walk me through this? Like, why, like, is Jesus worse than, like, anything about abortion? Like, I feel like an abortion, Joe, is worse, right? So, I feel like, a lot of... religious people are like

kind of the thing of just like it's uh you're going to hell it's like blasphemy blasphemy is worse than laughing at an abortion joke so blasphemy is like taking the Lord's name in vain or like you know saying he isn't real

or like shit like that um and I feel like that that is caused for going straight to hell in their mind yeah that's like the one the one thing you're not supposed to say is like fuck you God which I did when I was like a teenager one and then it's like you're going to hell. Like there's no.

Like somewhere in the Bible is like that that's like an unforgiving. And like when they talk about it, they don't even say the word Jesus. They'll be like, it's that one where you crossed the line where you made the reference about you know who. I'm like, what though? Just, what? Why are you treating him like Voldemort? Yeah. His name wasn't Jesus

Christ. His name was like. Jesus of Nazareth. Something like that. He spoke parcel tongue. What is on the cross? Yeah. Yeah, it's very funny. Like nobody was saying like his name is Jesus.

of Nazareth. They're like, what was his name? Jesus? No, that's Spanish. Can we look up how you say Jesus in, were they speak Arabic? Was that it? Hebrew. Hebrew. Hebrew. I don't know. Probably a little mix of both. Yeah. I mean, he walked all around the world, but he went to Italy too for a little bit. Maybe look up what did the disciples, what was Jesus's name? Maybe Latin. Latin Hebrew or Arabic? Yeah, Latin's old.

It's probably Latin. I would love to being a Latin. Sejuishus, pig last. Who speaks pig latin? It might be. Sejuishis. It might be. Seizucus. I don't think I'm doing that way.

The disciples called Jesus by titles like rabbi, master, and lord, which meant teacher or the person I serve. Yezua. What? Yezua. That's the Hebrew name. Were there other Yejua? Like, you know, there's other Adolphs? Like, was Jezua?

Because there's no way that there were, did God say name him Yezua? Or was it like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they gave him. Mary's like, if I ever had a boy, it was. going to be. Yeah. Yeah. My sister like she's having a kid soon and she doesn't know the gender and they also haven't like told anyone the names because she doesn't want everyone getting in her head but she has two for each gender.

Yeah. It's so funny if Mary's like it's either Ja'Ijua or John. Yeah. Or Johannesburg. Yeah. We do got to wrap it up. Where can they find you online? A.S. I'm Angry on Instagram with an underscore at the end and I

have a comedy show only friends every month at Flop House. Come, look on their website, get tickets. Especially if you're a high school basketball team. Especially, yeah. If you want to fight me or fuck me after the show, come to the show. We didn't talk about that, but yeah. Yeah.

My turn? Yeah. Hey, hey. You got this? Jimmy McCullough on Instagram, TikTok. And I'm bringing back my show. Okay, sweet. Yeah.

Voltage comedy at the comedy shop every month. and then that's it. Joey has a big show coming up. Yeah. I requested to come on this podcast because I know Michael Good is a Floridian. So any Floridians watching this, my name is Joey Rinaldi,

and I'm doing the Commodore. I'm headlining the Commodore in Tampa on Friday, January 30th, which is like a week from today. Nice, dude. Get them out of here. Yeah, and then I'm also being in Rochester and Fresno in February.

You can look that shit up. You just look me up. I'm the Joy, Dudger and all day on Instagram and TikTok. Perfect. Thank you so much. Fuck yeah.