Morning Good - High Energy Guy - Episode 301

Episode Date: February 1, 2026

Nikhil Mehta and Tom Zappia join the show for today's episode. They talk about the different archetypes of Indian guy, Michael's teen angst, and the new Epstein Files drop. Thanks to Tom and Nikhil for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes and hit their links down below for more.Nikhil is on Instagram @nikhilmehtaaah. Tom is on Instagram as well @tomzappia.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to morning. Including or not including gang violence? Gang violence? No, I was just doing a thing. We're here with Tom Zappy and the Kilmen. Jeez, you look so not ready to podcast. You were just staring at my dad.

dirty-ass carpet. That was so, dude. I've never seen you zone out that hard. What do you mean? I only know him as zone out. Hold the microphone closer. He's doing the rapper thing. He's got it like right up here.

He's like, oh, this book. By that, I haven't, you know, I haven't, you know, podcast.

You held it up higher. Hold it right below the head. Do your listeners know the comedy scene? They know everybody, dude. They're so plugged in. I haven't done this podcast in like probably what?

A year, probably. Yeah, I wonder why that is. Yeah, you can't. Late and has to leave early? Yeah. Do you want to switch spots? Dude, no, we're not. We're not, it's fine.

It's fine. You can't take your shoes off. Show some respect to the guy's house. Yeah. He said, I told him it's fine. I thought it's one of a big deal. No, no, no, just hold below the thing. I'm in, I'm in.

Yeah, yeah, hold it close to your mouth. Yeah. Are you starting? No, no, we've been going. Ben started. Oh, word, my bad. Dude, the Keel meta is the most out-to-lunch comic in New York. Word, my bad.

I didn't know we started. Yeah. All right. Well, the funny is we were at that bar, we're at the other day. I was talking about how I had how I was word at herpes and I go, yeah, then I get fucking herpes The music literally cut off

You have it? That's our starting. It's been the topic They're probably exhausted with the herpes now Just so much as I am. Oh, I haven't listened Every week I'm like cliffhanger

You know, I'm gonna get test results back Oh, you're waiting for results No, now it's like I got to retest Because it's like Everything is insane dude In my mind I was like You test for herpes You either have it or you don't

And then they're like Well, you gotta wait like 12 weeks after your sexual encounter And like that's Oh, because you can take it take that long to take effect, though. Yeah, but it's like, it's Google AI said fucking 95% likely to show up

in the first four weeks after having unprotected sex. Oh, it's been, oh, it's been a month? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's him. I don't know. But you're like, you're bumping away anyway. Like, you can see it. What's up? Not anymore. No, you have a breakout. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had a breakout, yeah. Oh, you had a breakout. Yeah, but it was, like, chat EBT.

I'm going to all these. I'm just going to which everyone says the bed is a rock. You can have a breakout, but it might not be permanent herpes. No, I have herpes one for sure. I've had it forever. And then my brother sends me shit about like, it's like baby gets blinded by herpes from somebody kissing it.

And I was just like, fucking, oh my God. You're being a dick right now. I'm like, thanks, ma'am. And then I went in comment on the video. It's like, that's why I make my kid wear sunglasses. But the problem is now he looks awesome. And now he's 100% more times likely to get herpes.

It looks like Carlos from the hangover. Yeah. Interesting. That's, it's like what, like, I guess you're not supposed to let people kiss your baby. but also like fucking, I don't know. Are you, herpes one is the mouth? It's not locational. You get one on your dig, get one on your mouth.

Most herpes one is on the mouth. Yes, most herpes one is in the mouth, yes. But if a girl blows you the cold sore. What is it? Herpes one in herpes too? That's it? That's it's it. He said he's got a giant bull on the head of his dick. It's just one giant. Wait, but that break out, though, was on your mouth or it was downstance? There's all the dick.

Oh, so I guess you have it. I don't know. No, no, no, no. You could have two on your dick. If you already have one, or you can have one on your dick. I scraped my dick on a woman's too. Well, why is this topic of discussion? You slept with a woman who had, who had, no, I just got to bump my dick. They swabbed and said it's herpes.

Could be ingrown hair? No, it is herpes. But they're like, we don't know if it's one of it. I think he says it's on the head, like, the head of his dick. I shave the head of my dick. Huh? I shave the head of your dick. I can't even not smile when saying that.

I'm so Italian, I do get hair on the head of my dick. Really? No. I'm not. I'm not. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, the amount of herpes of Fested penis is I've seen over the last, like, because you go through the images, you're like, no, that's not me, then you go, wait a second down, I can't even, when I get the hypochondrag, I can't Google something because it'll just take me to WebMD, and then I'll just start to get nervous, but I can't look at images ever, even if I'm trying to match it up. So how has, like, your life changed now that you have herpes?

Well, I always tell me to hold the microphone closer. That's one thing I, that's one thing I, that's changed. No, it really has, like, I'm just not really fucking right now. Like, I'm just like, yeah, really gentle. Well, you had that girl? yeah we're not getting into details about that I'm actually gonna cut that yeah it's fine but no yeah I'm just not really

I didn't know he's talking about herpes yeah yeah yeah I didn't think anything it would be off of limits it's really funny but this is off book yeah yeah yeah I'm just not really fucking I'm really trying to uh I mean this would jumpstart my career because I'm like dude if I have herbies and I'd be like I gotta be this rich

no other guy who has herpes who um Joe List The comic who did the special with no audience Drew Michael Drew yeah he's also another good move. Yeah. Let's do a special with no audience. Oh my God, yeah.

So I'm not like that. I don't know him. So herpes has already been taken. I think it's more known Joe List than Drew Michael. Oh my gosh. Drew Michael, I think is... Joe Liss is more known than Drew Michael. More people know Joe List than Drew Michael.

But I feel like Drew Michael made herpes more part of his special. People didn't even know what it was until Drew Michael dropped his experience. There's no audience. Who's? Nobody wants it. Yeah, that's really brave. You told nobody you have herpes. Just an empty room. I guess he told the internet.

Yeah, yeah. He's like, well, we edit out that part of the special. I do, sorry, I don't know if you have a guideline here. I do kind of understand the artistic attempt to do the special to know audience because it's like the whole point of comedy act is like or stand up as like bearing your honesty or whatever. It's just for, it's not necessarily for someone. It's just so you can kind of like express it and get it off your chest. Yeah, but then he did that other one.

It's funny too because like I shouldn't know, believe you talk to show other people. I've heard he's a great as far as like material really good. but he did the other one where it looks like it's filmed at a comedy club and then it zooms out and they built a comedy club inside of a giant and I'm like, come on this is so gay dude, this is so fucking gay why didn't he just do it in the theater?

He did it in a theater, but he built the comedy club and the surprise ending is that it's like... I meant to say, why didn't you just do it in a comedy club? That's insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. It's just one of those fucking funny things that like, I didn't watch the one with no people,

but I'm like, that was shout out to you though. That was like, you kind of went more artist. I'm surprised by that. Well, yeah, we got... He thinks you're just like a dumb guido. No, no, no, he's like... He does think that. What do you...

That's literally exactly what he thinks. Meanwhile, he thinks he's... I've been telling him to go more Italian. I've told him to go more Italian. I told you to go more Indian. You actually, I think I was there for that conversation. It's happened to me. Because you got like three options.

You got like... I don't know. There's like... I think there's four options. You go like fully white guy, fully Indian. Indian guy who thinks he's black, which is very popular these days. I think that is Nikil, though, Indian guy acting like a black guy. You've ever met an Indian guy who says brother more than Nikiel?

But have you been to a bodega? That's just how we grow up. That is true. My best friend growing up is Indian. I don't think he's ever said brother in his life. Did his father own a bodega? Did your father own a bodega? No, but like...

He came home from India. No, I don't know the Drew Michael guy that... I don't really... Wait, what were the Indian option? I do want to hear this out of now. Okay, so you got... This is a whole scale here. So you could go super Indian.

Okay. Which is never... Super Indian. What is that, a guy from India? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's from India, right?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you get a flu. He kind of, I think, almost tried to be like a little bit more westernized. What's the next one? I think he's probably not. So, first is Indian. Full-blown Indian. Full-blown Indian. Yeah.

Yes. Snake charmer, stuff like that. Second is... My personal favorite. You know what, though? It's kind of stupid to say white guy, because that's just like... Indy guy who's kind of like a... This is...

I was going to be way more racist. That's just normal. I was about that. I was about to be like that. I mean, it is. Being white is very normal. But like, okay, somebody like Osama Sadiki, like, I would say that's like a cool Indian guy who's like kind, like he's like got his own thing going. Like he's like a cool Indian guy.

But he doesn't act like a black guy and doesn't act like a white guy. He just acts like, you know what I mean? He's got his own thing going on. Yeah. And I think you fall in that category. You're like a cool Indian guy. Like Harold and Kumar. Like I wouldn't say it's a white guy.

Cal Penn? Yeah. Shout out Cal Penn. Cool Indian guy. Went to the same high school. You guys did? Yeah. What was he like in high school?

He's like 20 years older than me. Okay. Did you hear stories? about him being secretly gay I saw him recently in my neighborhood That is actually That's a big shout Cal Penn?

I mean that's huge He worked for Obama And then he's in Harrow and Kumar I don't know what else he does I think he's back in Pomer He actually he's gay now He doesn't really have any credits Yeah he was

I saw him with his boyfriend Or husband I don't know What they're married I feel like he's not gay about being gay He came out of memory Yeah I agree with that He's not gay About being gay

Like oh I'm gay Yeah I think he's giggling when he's Bud fucking guys This is crazy We're gonna put this in the fourth Harold to Kumar I can't think I'm doing this But yeah, you gotta go more Italian, dog.

Gay guys who are not don't seem gay as fascinating to me. Yeah, well, I like both ends of the spectrum. Like, I love a super gay gay gay. Like, I'm not one of those guys. Like, it's fun to me. I'm like, this guy's hilarious. When somebody comes up, like acting super gay. Oh, yeah, I kind of like it, too.

It's very funny, yeah. It can be a lot, though, especially if you work with them. I used to write a bit about this, but I had, like, Mark Norman had, like, a similar bit. It was like, I'm not homophobic 90%. of the day, but 10% like in the morning, I don't quite have the energy to be around a gay guy. But then like Friday night I don't want to be around a straight guy who's like drunk

and hammered, but then like Monday morning, it's very easy to be around like a straight guy in the office who's just like, top of the morning to you. Yeah, dude. I mean it's just, if you're around like that super gay energy all the time, it just says a lot. My manager is a gay guy.

Yeah. Shout out to Nicky's manager. Yeah, sure what's his name? We'll not edit this out. We'll leave this in. We'll put this the title of the episode to tag him. No, I like, I think it's just a high energy. High energy is hard to do with like, like, I'm a high energy guy. It's like, if you're super gay, you like love your job all the time. It's like, I'm not trying to really be, you know what I mean? It's like that fake, like, really excited energy all the time. If you're super gay. Nikki's low energy, though. He's, he's not even close to higher. Yeah. I mean, I'm like a downer.

So like that's kind of my kryptonite right there. Yeah, I don't know if, I'm trying to think if I know any like low energy gay guys. I feel like I don't really. No, there are. There for sure are. Even Dan Franklin. But they're usually older. I think the younger generation of gays is like way more. They have zest for life, dude. They're just dodging AIDS every day. They're like, I'm so happy to be alive because I don't have AIDS.

Well, you would say that like Tim Dillon is the traditional non-gay gay guy, but he's not low energy though. He's high energy just in a local rant podcast sense. He's also so comedically, I think he has like, like, people are like, okay, you look at him, talk to him for five minutes. You don't think he's gay.

But he's listening for eight hours. he's very good he's very like I'm not saying this is like always a gay thing but like critical thinking in a way that can kind of break he's also a fat gay guy that also breaks the spectrum in a lot of ways in my opinion

well it's rare because they realize so much on their looks if you go fat gay guy right like you gotta be funny personality you can't really pull off like the super eccentric gay thing I don't know though but then there's a basically the thing is like I was talking to

how often have you seen an extremely flamboyant like sort of like That's just what a bear is I say it all the time, yeah Fat gay guy It's called a bear Yeah like a fat hairy gay guy I think if they're into

But I think that's more at like a bar or something Yeah I think like I'm talking about in real life Your bar is not real life What are you talking about? You mean you're talking about famous or like known I'm just saying on the street Yeah I mean I'm sure they're there

They're not as common as like ripped gay guys But I'm sure there's fat gay guys all over There are but I'm saying They're usually not as flamboyant is what I'm saying Yeah probably but I don't know Yeah I don't know that I was watching it We watched a whole vice documentary about it was wild. This guy, like, explores subcultures,

and he goes to, like, the bear weekend. It's, like, somewhere up north, somewhere where it's, like, it's like this just kind of outdoors thing where there's all these gay guys. And I thought the guy was gay, because he's doing, like, naked yoga with all these gay guys. But he's just like, no, I'm just like a vice reporter. So it was interesting for me to go to the gay thing and do gay naked yoga. And you're like, I don't know, man. And vice in the good old...

I also, I could ever do the argument because I've done so much, like, semi-gay shit. They're, like, I've done arguing with people that I'm straight, because I think I'm 100% straight. But enough people are just like, yeah, but that's pretty gay. I'm like, I don't know. Oh, yeah, well, me and Mikey, I think you're like the kind of like how I was growing up, my crew, like with friends, some friends, and Nikki is not like this where, you know, when you're growing up with your boys, sports, school, whatever, and you kind of do the gay stuff,

you make the gay jokes because you're not afraid of it. And then you have the guys who are like, you're like, you know, you see your guys, and you're like, oh, I'll suck your dick. And then some of your buddies would laugh, but then you'd have some of people be like, dude, what the fuck? I can see Nikki will be in the guy who would be like, the hell are you talking? Like, you don't make the gay jokes. around that. You know what I'm talking about?

And then there was those clicks in that school. That guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. No, like the slightly homophobic guys. This is kind of like a white guy thing, though. That is true. Yeah, there is 100%.

But I don't think, I don't think it makes us more gay. I really, when like a black guy is homophobic, like, uncomfortably homophobic, I'm like, I view that as more homosexual. Because I'm like, you can't even joke. Like, dude, what was it fucking? Yeah, but this is like straight down the line of takes right now. Well, it's more homophobic. Like that, that's, that's, but that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like,

That's a common take. Yeah, yeah. It's like Kevin Gates we's on Theo Vaughn's podcast. He's like, I meant to watch those. He's like, I don't laugh at jokes like that

because if you grin, then you're in. And I'm like, if you, if you grinned in a gay joke. There's a spectrum to it. That's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I've seen some white guys do some, I mean, it has to be gay, like on a night out or whatever, a dude passes out or whatever. Like, well, those, I don't know, like, I was talking about this.

Like, our thing, you know, a lot of it borders sexual harassment. But one thing we would do is like, First of all, we play this game in high school where you pull your balls out at a party, and you see how long you keep a conversation going without somebody noticing that your balls are out. I've done that. I haven't personally done that, but I've seen that. It would go on for like three minutes. Somebody's like, dude, I really think my grandma is going to die of cancer.

And they just look down and be like, God damn it. That's a good bit, though. We did the kids who would like kind of pop it out like Ari Schaffir does all the time. You kind of just pop out one nut, like in the locker room or something and hold it there, wait for someone to see. Yeah. Or then we had this one kid, Matt, man, I was about to say his name. kid Matt, he had a freaking piece on him, and he would just take it out and swing it around,

like plop it on your shoulder and stuff. Like soft, it was like seven inches. So, like, yeah, it was like a snake. So he would just, he'd come up behind you when you're, like, looking, if you're, like, squatting down in your locker or something, he'd come up behind you and just plop it on your shoulder and wait for you to notice. That is, it's funny, but that is almost, because my argument is always this, always in high school, you can't rape somebody with your balls or your ass, so that's why it can be funny

and not. Wow, so this kind of drew the line for you. That drew the line for you. A little bit. Especially in Florida. Don't get me wrong. I would fucking swing my dick around jokingly all the time. I would too if it wasn't two and a half inches soft.

Yeah, yeah. You just got to fucking... I can't, like, easily helicopter. Like, if I try... No, I have to, like, get some, like, momentum going to get to helicopter. But, dude, this is more lost in the beginning of the podcast. He's just zoning. And it's crazy, though, how on the cusp me, because, I mean, you're the same age as me pretty much,

and you're maybe a little younger than us. Literally right the cusp of, like, when we were graduating high school was right around that time. where like you literally could never, right after us, you could not do that stuff. Like, we were the last, I was, I was trying to do a bit, like my history teacher would actively call me like a dumbass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, you literally can't, right after I graduated,

probably like early to mid-2010s when that, by 2016-17, if you were in high school, like, all that stuff probably shifted. Yeah, that makes sense. I graduated 2015, so I was like, at the edge of that cusp where, like, you couldn't, like, yeah. You didn't what your teachers would call you a retard? I don't know if he called me a retard. He called me dumbass more.

like idiot. Okay, yeah, yeah. I don't know if that's bad. It's not as bad as retard, but like, you know. That's such a funny argument that your parents can be like, he's not stupid. You're like, I have visual evidence with his grades that he's fucking stupid. It's like, how else to you? He was also so bad.

But he was just like that banter. Like, I literally just had this drama teacher and he hated me. Oh, that's even funnier. He's calling you a moron. You're like, this is fucking drama. You're the biggest idiot on the fucking planet. Oh, I would. Because I'd be like, I'd be like, dude, I don't care about any of this.

And I'm funnier than everyone here. But this is before I did comedy. But he was just like the guy who's like Anybody who's like even a semi-trumbaker Or does a little bit of jokes in the class He doesn't like that guy And it's like can you just not be a fucking tool Like I can't picture in high school to be honest

Picture what? I can't picture you in high school I was a fucking J bro I just picture the face on like a like a child's body I mean I can't imagine you Yeah In a youthful spirit You're just such like an old soul in my head

Old soul? Yeah I can actually High school is a little foggy for me Which I feel like it's not good But um an old soul. I don't know. Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

Well, those teachers are so funny, too, because I remember we had, like, a drama teacher who was in the movie Pearl Harbor. He, like, jumped off of a flaming boat. He doesn't that extra? Yeah, we're like, this guy's like a star. Like, when I was a kid, I was like, dude, he used a movie with fucking Ben Affleck. I'm like, he's... Well, you're from, like, an area, though, where there's, like, stuff going on, right? Like, artsy or, like, money related.

It's not like some random town. Not really. Mandy Moore went to my elementary school, but that's, like, about it. What's his name, Rivers? Who's the... Philip Rivers? Oh, Austin Rivers went to your high school, right? Yeah, yeah, I knew the rivers I worked out. Oh, he went to your high school?

Mm-hmm. So you guys were nasty at basketball? Oh, yeah. In that time period, yeah. Yeah, like, 2012, 2011, 2013, maybe? Yeah, I'd, like, work out with his brothers, and his brother was, like, dude, I was just party with him. He was a complete NBA bus, but he was nasty in high school and college. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it was insane, yeah. And then I worked out with his mom, yeah, but it wasn't, like, much, like, I feel like we didn't have, like, uh, I don't know a big, like, we have, like, weird ones. We have, like, hair at top and, like, that's big. What's your proper town? Is Winter Park? Yeah. Okay, yeah.

That's such a Florida a celebrity, a celebrity, too. A lot of people come out of Florida in the arts, I feel like and in sports, well, sports definitely,

because of football and a little bit of basketball, like especially that southern belt like Pensacola. Oh, bro, Florida. Louis, like, all those legends are from, like, Miami breeds, like,

football players, like, it's going out of business. Well, also, everybody from Florida is sort of operating on, like, the periphery of society, I feel. So it's like,

I feel like it's such a gateway into the arts, too. Well, people said that about Jersey, too. And because Jersey, I'm like, Jersey is like the most normal place to grow up, I feel like. But a lot of people come out of Jersey in the arts. Jersey, I think it's a problem. I'll say it is.

I'm acting. I fuck, you're going to hate this. I fucking hate the main jersey guy. Springsteen, I fucking hate them. I grew up down the street from each other at different times, but I watched the documentary with, well, I read it was watched the documentary about the other day. And it's like, he watched these documentaries, and they're like, then we were shooting heroin and fucking 10 hookers a day. And he was like, it got crazy. At one point, we had like

10 people on stage playing instruments. You're like, this is nothing. And then My roommate was watching the movie the other day, dude? The movie's terrible. Dude, he's just like, I'm like, what's going on there? Why is he crying? He's like, he just cries every time he writes a song. I was like, there's nothing even bad going on.

But Springsteen wasn't a badass rocker, like, doing heroin and shit, like, and doing like Coke and like fucking hookers. He was like a straight edge guy, didn't do drugs. I don't even think he really drank. Like, he was kind of boring, but he was just, like, had that, like, rock star energy to, like, make good music and perform. But, like, growing up where I grew up, like, we're from the same town Freehold, because everyone thinks he's from Asbury Park,

which is where the music scene was. so that's where you kind of had to go at that time. Because we're talking 60s. Like, nothing was... Who's a Springsteen compited at, like, today's era? Well, I don't know, because I don't know any music today at all. Yeah, yeah. But I'd say solo rock guy, he had, like, a big band behind him.

But, like, it was more, like, him being, you know, being the main, whatever. But he needed the other components to make a good record. Yeah, I also have terrible taste. So I'm not... I'm just saying... Well, I'm... So growing up where I'm from, you're supposed to love him. You're supposed to be, like, love him if you're from Jersey.

But being from the town, like, most people love him. And I'm not like a diehard, but like, I'll do like some of his stuff. And my mom was like, he's great. But it's like, who gives a shit? Like, if Michael, if you grew up down the street from where Michael Jordan did, but you... There's no reason me to take pride in Michael Jordan. Exactly. That's a bad example because he's like a legend.

And like, Springsteen's like a legend. Well, sports are different because music is influenced by culture. So you could be like, we created this. Well, so here's what I was going to get at. This could be kind of boring. Apologies. I didn't really give a shit about Bruce Spinks, you know, his music. And then I learned more about what the town was since I was growing up there.

when he grew up there 50 years earlier and how it kind of led him into music and also he had like a super bad relationship with his dad and then I understood more about that and I respected him a little bit more. I still don't like love a lot of his music but I understood like okay this guy's cool and it's like kind of cool that we're from the same town

because that's literally all we have. Freehold New Jersey literally Bruce Springsteen and J.R. Smith, that's it. Yeah, well I think I just also have like a little trouble relating to certain people that don't have sort of animalistic tendencies. Like for example, fucking kiss is a bad band but Gene Simmons did no drugs. But he was just fucking, like, crazy.

So I was like, oh, this is like, I like... You're saying guys that you're similar to in your ways. Yes, so I'm biased that way. It's like the degeneracy. Yes. I do love that about Mikey. Because I'm like a pussy. Like, I don't like to take risks.

I don't like drugs. Like, I get scared. And Michael's like the opposite. So I kind of, I get that. Like, you probably think like fucking, you know, you probably thought, um, what's it called? What's that crazy Ben in the 80s that everyone, uh, that, uh... Motley crew?

Yeah. You probably think they're, oh my God. Like, this is the coolest thing ever. Yeah. And like, Steveos. the gay influences. Like, those guys were all, like, just doing crazy. I'm like, oh, this is what there's, like, when I was, like, 15, I thought I would be

some guy that was, like, skateboarding, working at a rock climbing gym and, like, wearing Volk. I thought I'd still be wearing Volcom now. Like, I just, I pictured myself. Like, the cool guy was like, that guy has gauges in, like, a tattoo of, like, a fucking penguin on his back. It's, like, the coolest guy. But it's, like, also, like, I have retard brains.

Like, the things I think are cool are objectively ridiculous. Wait, could I ask you something about your personal life? Yeah. Or is that all? No, no, no, no, no, just not that one person. Oh, okay. Yeah, anything else. Were you doing drugs when you were in a relationship?

Yes, yeah, yeah. So, like, at the end of college, I wasn't doing a ton of coke, but I would do coke, like, every weekend. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was, I was never, like, crazy into drugs. I've just tried a lot of stuff. Also, though, if you, also, I get that from your perspective, especially, like, like, I, like, a lot of rock bands, like, some of my favorite bands, and they were drug addicts and whatever else, because of me, when you're coming up in that, era, say 80s, 70s, and you're like a rock star, and the internet's not around you and all this other stuff. It's like, that's kind of, like, that's what's cool. Like, that's what you're

supposed to be doing, I feel like, which is like, not destroying your life, but like doing the cool stuff when you're famous making music or say you're an actor or whatever. Some I like about a guy who destroys his life, though. I will say that. That's what I'm saying. It's almost like artsy kind of. It's like for comedy where it's like Bordane, like Bordane or even like comedy. Like people thought like Kinnisian or like Boulushi were cool because they were addicted to drugs and Farley, like, was so talented, but he was fucked up by the drugs, where I think you can make that fine line where you don't have to be like that,

but for whatever reason, the guys who did have the vice, say it's drugs, say it's, um, whatever, they killed some, whatever, is like, there's something cooler about that. Even the straight, even the guys who were, like, kind of educated and lace, like, my favorite guy was Geraldo, and he was, like, a genius, went to Harvard all this bullshit, but he OD and died. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, that's... And he had, like, three kids. So that's, like, the perspective is, like, how the hell did you end up here when you're, like, we're doing so well.

talking right now is so human and relatable. Does that make any sense? Like what I'm saying is you might not do drugs, you might not fuck hookers, but you have something about your personality that I relate to because you're like a, you have lots of height. Does that make any sense? Does that make any sense? So like when somebody has like no and they're just kind of like got this kind of thing,

it's like, I don't even like seeing somebody just get angry and like punch a wall, you're like, I relate to that. Like it's just that. You know what I mean? I'm like, so like you have that relatability to you. That's why I think art mediums that have some of that, I feel like is just more entertaining or interesting to like I say maybe most people but like especially when it comes to art like music acting I think what Mike is saying to I do I do kind of fall in that category too

like I like to see you yourself aren't really like that I mean I have moments of chaos but I think I don't really have the yeah I wouldn't really say I'm like that but I like to see because some of the chaos isn't just parting it's also like the fucking battles you have in your mind so I like to see a guy who's like fucking all chaos till he makes it and then he even when he makes it, he's still fucking chaotic and he's self-destructs. That's a good movie. And it's also the honesty per me.

It's like, damn, oh, okay. Even on the rise, he was fucking going through shit. So it's like, when he makes some money, that's not what fucking makes him stable. He's fucking still like, I don't know. Some about that that's like authentic, but also honest. What about the guys who are kind of fine

or healthy, whatever, quote-unquote? Then they get the fame and then they destroy it because they can get whatever they want. Is that like a different thing? Were they doing that on the way up? No. Maybe a little bit, but not to the level they do. Because once you get famous, you can do so much more.

That's a little John Mullaney-esque, I think. That's kind of like, that's less of a good story, kind of. That's a good example, yeah, because Malini was like straight-laced. He's apparently a crazy cokehead, then straight-laced all the way through his success in comedy, and then relapse, like, well into his comedy career, I feel like. Yeah, and I don't mind a success story. Like, fucking, we're watching this smashing, whatever. Smashing machine?

Yeah. Saptie, yeah. I like that, though. I was like, oh, this is cool, because this is the, he's like, you know, retired or whatever and as a family, you're like, oh, this is who is it? Who's it about, what's his name? I forget his name.

Is he boxing or wrestling? The rock, Bening Safty, it's like a... I think it was like MMA, but it was like team MMA, it looked like? Yeah, it was something different than regular. But he's like a... If those dudes are normal, that makes no sense to me. But they weren't anybody in M.M. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's on heroin doing MMA? I don't watch the whole thing on. I feel like you have to be a little... To get into, like, literally, hardcore M. fighting trying to kill someone for a living you'd be a little nuts I feel like

But like an example That okay So like fucking like What's his name I actually like John Sina now Like he does seem kind of like Maybe not the most intelligent guy

But he's straight like Like since he's like Yeah you know Every day I like you know I fold my clothes and stuff like that But I'm like I can still see in him He still is wrestling And I'm like oh that's that's a thing

Where this guy is still like Animalistic in that way So I can relate to him in that sense Where he's just like Oh dude it's just so fun When you fucking just like punch a guy Like he has having fun While like hurting other people

I'm not saying that's a thing That's a good tendency, but I'm saying he has that, like, kind of like, there's something inside of him that's, like, kind of a little bit disturbed. It's also, like, a pure form of entertainment. Yeah. Like, because the thing is now is, like, everything is basically funneled as a, as a, I feel like entertainment-ass component or, like, big idea.

Like, everybody's a podcaster, comedian now. So even the people, like, the guy down the street who's just, like, a 40-year-old with a wife who goes into being an accountant, if he doesn't have some crazy vice or something where he does drugs or he bangs hookers or whatever, like, okay, that's a guy. But then you can kind of see a guy within that lens now, like, take Jordan Belford from Wolfel Wall Street, who you just look at as like a stockbroker finance guy, but you watch

the movie Wolfel Wall Street and you realize the guy was completely nuts and he made all the people under him nuts. That just makes it more interesting than, like, if they were all just regular guy. Granted, they're not going to make a movie if they're all just regular guys, but you know what I'm saying? Like, it makes it that much more, like, entertaining and fascinating. It's like even just, you're always going to be obsessed with the shit that was, like, I was talking about this with my buddy the day because my, like, my mom.

is very, I mean, I figure most parents are, like, or moms, boring and, like, straight edge and whatever. And, like, she wouldn't, she doesn't find humor in, like, Adam Sandler movies or Jackass. Which to us is, like, mind-alteringly insane because that shit's hilarious. And I was talking about how incredible Jackass was the first time

you ever saw it. Think about the first time you ever saw it. We could I tell you about this? The greatest piece of entertainment in history. It's amazing. My thing was, I never seen the movie. I'd always watch the show, and I watched the Wild Boys, and the movie was running on TV, and I asked her mom to record it. And then she watched it. It was, like, like you can't watch.

She's like they're shoving, they're shoving like cars up their ass. Yeah, the first one. She's like, they're shoving cars up their ass. It was just so funny. I was like, all right,

well, I'm gonna keep watching the show. Eventually I watched it, but it's just so funny that like my mom T-vote it and was like, what is this? And it was like,

what the fuck is this? But my mom has a crazy, like she was really good. We watched stepbrothers and was back home. She was dying. Dude, that is a big moment

when you watch a movie with your mom and like the humor you both connect on. Well, I still remember the one that I watched with my mom. Rush hour. Oh, Rush hour.

Bro, my mom was dying. That was like a big... Rush hours in my top ten. I know the movie by heart. I mean, what's that one line that, uh, what's up my? What was the party says? What's something? My...

Dude, rush hour is so good. But that's, yeah, but my thing is my mom, I'll get... I got in her to crack on some stuff. And it's funny enough because she's so, again, like kind of hard-ass, like, boring. And I, she wouldn't laugh at my... much shit growing up or she'd be like this is childish or stupid and then one time we watched a bill burr special like one of this one of the first big ones on netflix and she was and she was laughing good and then i hadn't sat watched without anything for her to laugh in a long time and

you want to know what she laughed at like heavy what is it what count is standup stand up stay it's shane gillis live in austin like she was cackling at that and i was like and she doesn't really find stand-up funny like she doesn't like she doesn't like dirty or dark or crass stuff yeah like she likes she likes like Colin quinn and like you know freaking colbert and some the lip crap, but like, she's not like gonna laugh, like a shit joke, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. She literally doesn't, she literally, you would try to watch like Billy Madison

or Happy Gilmore with her and she would not laugh once. Well, one thing my mom has a problem understanding with those movies is really funny is, is, we're watching like, stepbrothers or like an Adam Sandler movie, she's like, so is he supposed to be like mentally impaired? And I'm like, mom, no, no, no, this is just they were just weird. Like, she's like, but he had to add like some sort of autism or something, right?

And I'm like, no, we don't, we don't do that with those characters. We're like, he's just a weird guy. That is it? Because what's his name? John C. O'Riley was that? John C. Riley? He would be autistic. Now that I look back on it. He's a genius.

For sure. I didn't even think about that. But you're just watching a funny guy, and my mom's like, Wait, so, Ace Ventura Pet Detective, what's going on with his psychological stuff? You're like, no, it's just a funny crazy guy. They're literally four... Step brothers, they're 40-year-olds acting like 12-year-olds. Like, that's why it's a hilarious movie.

Yeah. Well, they did something with that, too. They had all these psychologists, like, breakdown comedians, and so funny their jessling. They're like, I see deep childhood trauma and stuff. You're like, shut up. It's just... That's the other thing.

If you are a comic, you have to have childhood trauma. That's kind of in that vein, like, we're talking about that story of, like, a guy who makes it and he's self-destructing or whatever. That's the, like, a lot of comedians, I think, like, kind of make up that. You know what else? A lot of things don't do, though, is they don't hold the microphone close. What do you mean? They make up the chaos, so they can, like, feel better about themselves pursuing art? Yeah, they're just like, they fucking hype childhood trauma.

They hype it up to the audience. you probably I presume so like trauma is a yeah I wouldn't like once a month I wouldn't really sell myself on any of that I look in the mirror I'm like was I'm molested I'm like nah I don't think so I think I think it's hit or miss but I think I know a guy who made up being molested now that I look back on really yeah that we know uh you might like because does a bit about it he used to do a bit about being being molested and then like we were friends and he'd be like yeah I'm not because I asked I was like who molested you he's like honestly like It was one of those memories that's, like, repressed, so I don't know.

And I'm like, dude. You could have made it. Yeah, I don't, I don't know if I can buy, I mean, maybe. I have no blue. You're not a big molested comedian guy. You're like, I like, my comedian's untouched. I'm not a big belief in repressed memories. I don't believe in that.

I think it is, it makes, I think it makes sense, but it can go both ways. Like, psychiatrists can kind of, like, bring it out of people where it's not there. Like, Roseanne Barr had something like that where she got in a car accident, and then, like, she was like, I thought my brother molested me, but he, like, totally didn't. But additionally, I think if something terrible happens to, your brain. That's what dissociative identity disorder is. And people are just like, no, I'm actually like a fucking, I'm a toddler named Ryan. That is like, we learned about that in school.

It's like their dad died and they couldn't deal with it. So they took on a whole other personality because they're like. It's like hardcore trauma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, where people randomly just. That's just stuff that I can't even relate with because I feel like I just grew up so normal. Like you had the weird kids and like the whatever the dumb kid. Like, you know, the crazy kids who would like fight people outside on the trail and stuff. but like generally speaking, like you're going up, you know, in the 90s, early 2000s in suburban New Jersey.

Like it's unless you had something directly happened to you, a family member died, somebody molested you, something really crazy. I feel like nothing is too like you give some family drama and stuff. Your mom doesn't talk to her sister, whatever. Who cares? Yeah, yeah. Basic stuff, you know? Yeah, everybody has.

Well, and my thing, too, is so funny doing drugs as a teenager because I realized, like, now that we're doing them differently. Because, like, I'd be doing drugs to people and I'd, like, snort Coke. And then my buddy would snort Coke. He'd be like, I fucking hate my father. And I'm like, oh, I'm just bored. I was like, there's just nothing to do right now. I'm just bored.

Bro, I had a moment like that. Have you done that on stage? That is gold. I'm just bored. Yeah, I'm like, that's true. I feel like I've seen that with friends when they,

with drinking where it's like they start to like, you know, they start to pour out their emotions about something messed up and I'm just like, I just like the feeling. Yeah, yeah. I was like, it was same with like, like, like, I did like psychedelic drugs really.

I did shrews when I was like 14 and I didn't do them because I was like missing something. I was just like, it would be really cool with all the people. trees were like melting. Like I was like, that would just be a cool thing to look at. I didn't even know where to get mushrooms. At 14, that's insane.

I like kind of blackmailed the guy. I was kind of like, one of my brother's friends, I was like, dude, you know, we don't want to keep getting high off golf medicine. So, you know, you should probably sell us some mushrooms. Cough medicine's great sometimes. Dude, I had a moment like that, too. I think I was probably 17 or something getting fucked up in this Indian kid's basement. Oh, yeah.

Like one of those. And yeah, bro, we're like getting fucked that. And then he kept going outside to like smoke cigarette. I was like 17. I'm like, cigarettes was more uncommon than weed, I think. Yeah, it was for me too. What's this guy going through?

So I like, I go outside. I'm like smoking a cigarette with him. And he's like yelling at me about like, isn't it so hard to have like Indian parents? Like they're always like all this shit. And I'm like, dude, I'm just trying to drink your alcohol and get fucked up. I have no. That's the same thing. Yeah.

It's like, yeah. Was it hard having Indian parents? I mean, Indian parents are tough. Don't get me wrong. Hard than white parents. I wasn't, that wasn't running. through, I was just getting fucked up, but this guy's like drinking and smoking cigarette

to get over that. He's coping with it that way. You're just doing to have fun, yeah. I just had like more exhausted parents. Like, I'd be like arguing my dad. I'm like, no, mushrooms are actually like better for you than alcohol. It's like, what's your argument here? And he's like, you're 14. You shouldn't be doing fucking shirts. Yeah, you're both right, but he's more right. Bro, I remember I had

my whole family sit down and watch that documentary that's like pro weed. Yeah. That's so funny. And I was like, I don't even smoke, but you guys got to watch this. And I'm like, looking back, I'm like, God, I was one of those unbearable unbearable weed smokers. My parents are with drugs.

My dad more so. My dad is never even, I can promise you my dad is never in his entire life even seen weed in person. That's crazy. I promise you that. Yes. Yeah, my dad grew up Miami in like this late 70s.

So he saw some shit. Yeah. No, my mom was like, don't smoke weed and it fucks up your mind, whatever, blah. And now like seeing, and then you'll see like, you know, I'm like, well, my grandma's taking it for her freaking,

you know, or whatever, her arthritis. And it's like, it's like helping. And she's like, oh, all right. Yeah, no, my, my, he's got no, Well, my favorite is we had this whole thing where my dad was giving me this whole lecture. Because my dad did the opposite. He was like intense on me about drugs.

And then he would be like, he was like this one guy from our high school, like, Robbie, whatever, like make him the name. Like Robbie Anderson, he's like, he threw his life away because he smoked a bunch of pot. Now he's dead. And my aunt goes, he's not dead. And my dad goes, well, he might as well be. Meanwhile, he's a millionaire. Yeah, yeah, he's got a crypto empire.

And then my mom is just like, or my uncle's like, stay out of this. She's like, just shut your mouth. Don't get yourself in trouble. He's like, I'm telling you. Like, he's how he's like, whatever. You just like, just don't get an argument as your prayers, but like, look, like, be on the low-key. Like, don't get in trouble for this shit.

But white dads are so underrated in the humor. Like, oh, they're fucking funny. White dads are, really, crazy? I think they're very rated, very well. University of the Simpsons? Indian dads are probably underrated because they're so, like, racist and, like, hardcore. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think Indian dads are very funny. My dad, yeah, my dad is, uh, the, I feel like white dads do that thing where they kind of,

like, they don't hit you exactly with, what they're thinking, they'll kind of go around. They'll give you that little opt out. I don't know. I just find that shit. My uncle, my uncle goes in Hardy. We're at a wedding. And this one guy walks up who, like, lost much of weight. And I was like, I should say he got AIDS. I'm like, that's inappropriate.

My uncle was just, Jesus Christ. Andrew, would you get fucking AIDS? Everybody just dies laughing. I'm like, damn it. He took your life. Yeah, I was like, that would be inappropriate to say. He just fucking does it. That's great.

The amount of times I see a situation where I should make a joke and I don't. Like, I'm like, Oh, yeah. I'm like not because of the herpes I'm not like out there trying to fuck but I saw this like cute girl on the train and I was like

just as like a personal thing I should go up and try to talk to her and somebody's shat on the subway and I'm like I'm getting ready I'm going up to her I'm like because she's going like this and I said badly want to go over it be like

excuse me did you just take a shit on the subway and I'm like that would have been a fucking great line and this thing out of the way and I was like I just want to try to say more I'm real quick on the white death like one of my favorite things

is how like they'll try not to be directly racist. Like a black quarterback or something? Yeah. Like that guy's just, that guy's just running around too much. You know what I mean?

It's just like the little code words and shit. Well, it's just not racist to them because they're stuck in like a different time. Like my dad is forever stuck in like the mid-70s. Like he should have been born in the 30s or the 20s, seriously. Like he said,

he literally, well, he'd be like, where has you? He'd be like, where you go? I'm going to like my buddy, my buddy Bruce's house. He'd like the Oriental kid. He says that today.

Yeah. That would be the Italian in there, too. It's old-school Italian and just, like, beyond, you know, he's just old school. He's even that old, but he's like, he's meant to be, come up in a different era. Like, just listens to Sinatra, watch his fucking black and white TV.

Well, they're also, they're trying to appeal to us now. The funniest thing I saw on Twitter was, like, in that sort of vein where it was like, it was this video, it goes, this is what Obama took from us. And it was like Blink 182 and a bunch of white people having fun and, like, American pie clips.

And it hooked me for a second. For like one brief second, And I was like, wait, I do miss those times. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, there's nothing to do with black people. White people were just having fun back then. But I was like, that's funny, the Twitter, like, the white supremacy movement's like, what did you miss Avril Levine? And they're like, I do.

But why did white people stop making that music, though? I think. Because hip hop took over. Yeah. It was already taken over. But, bro, I just felt like that. We got so. That music went into, like, the fray and shit.

I think like real rock came back kind of a little bit. The stroke started that. If we're talking early 2000s, I think it was that era, like, Mid to late 90s to like mid-2000s, 2000s, like, mid-2000s, like, I hate my parents.

That shit is hard. That shit music is fucking, are you serious? Blink 182? I love it. Bro, that blink 182. Bro,

I like classic rock better, like just regular rock. Dude, I remember my friend gave me a simple plan, like one of those Burr's CDs. All those bands

sound exactly the same to me. Simple plan, Blink 182. Dude, I was like legit hating my parents for, like, weeks.

But you, also, that teen angst thing, I never had that. Like, did you ever hate your parents, even for like a two months span? Never once I hate the parents. I had moments, yeah. I mean, like, the pressure. That's just a way of growing up.

I'd flick him off behind a wall. If I said fuck you to my dad, he'd fucking... No, no, I would never disrespect my parents like that. I did, I had this. I have disrespecting my mom, and it was, like, bad. But, like, I would never say, like, you know, I've probably said, like, you know, the F word or something in context,

but never, like, formally disrespect him. Like, I hate you. Like, I just never got, I also think it's more of a girl thing. but I just never was one of those angsty teen things where I hated my parents for a year when I was 16. I mean, it's stereotypical for like Indian kids. Yeah, I mean, the pressure you get from my parents

is no joke. So there was like that. But that music also relates to like relationships. Like I listen to believe my tune and think about like my fifth grade girlfriend, I'd be like, we were just meant to be together. And then it was just like so fucking whatever. Yeah, that's true.

It's very tough to minority because I do, you know, I talk to my girlfriend and her parents are immigrants. My parents would not, they weren't tough on me. but they all they weren't like do whatever you want but they weren't like hardcore they kind of just like wait raised me to be like you know i think hopefully he makes the right decision in most instances and i was also always terrified of dealing with them and having my mom screaming because my mom was like the kind of the angry like haywire one and i just never would felt like dealing with her and i'd

watch my sister fuck up and deal with her and i'm like i don't want to deal with that so i would just kind of coast and make the right decision so i knew it wouldn't come back and bite me in the ass yeah i i was just like i don't know my whole thing was like I don't know what it was, but I guess in my mind I was kind of like, I didn't want to miss out on any fun. So I just do all the bad, not all the bad things. I wouldn't steal. I wouldn't like do a lot of things. Do some stuff.

What's up? Do some stuff. Yeah, I do drugs and like stay out late and stuff like that. But the funniest is my mom would always be like, I am blown away by your behavior. And I'd be like, why? I did mushrooms. I was 14. Why are you surprised by any of this?

Have you met me? I was also the mom of my friend group. I was the most responsible one of my friend group. Well, it depends on the friend group. In college, they literally called me grandpa in college because I was such a pussy. Yeah. Yeah, I was the mom.

They're like, all right, mom. And then half my friends died, the other half became lawyers. So, like, it was like just full. That's always how it works. Plus, in Florida, that's got to be how it always works. Half of them are lawyers. Half of them died.

You're always doing drugs at 14. Yeah. Well, and I think there's a... So you're kind of teetering in the middle space right now. Yeah, yeah. They're like, is he going to jail or something? You're like in fucking purgatory. I'm sure there's people worried about me.

They're just like, dude, he is. 29 and I don't know. That's classic. For sure. But you're going to get my anxiety going. Well, I got a whole argument my dad about it, which is so funny. Because, like, my teenage things came out like over Christmas. My dad was like, so, you know, you're turn 29.

You know, you have as much confidence in this comedy stuff. And I sit down and I'm like, we're never having this conversation again. You bring this up. We're not talking. Oh, wow. I'm going to make more money than you've ever made. Okay. See, dad is some white shit.

I don't. I don't, yeah, but I don't have the, I don't have the balls to do that. Let me finish this. It's so fucking funny because I go, I'm not asking you for money, you know, so we don't need to have this conversation. You don't find my life. A month later, something went bad at my day job, and I had to borrow money from him. That is comedy gold right there. We didn't get paid for like a project.

That's a great sketch. It was so by me. I was just like, hey. So you know what that stuff? Would your dad say, Mike? Can we come back and kiss the room? Is that his way of saying, like, Because, like, I, I just don't have the balls to do that.

Like, we're not having this kind of, whatever. My dad, I think, my dad secretly feels that way. But he would never say, come here, son, sit down and, like, say that to me. I think he just feels that way. And he's hoping I, whatever. I tell him that how he's hoping, you know. Everything, yeah. Yeah, he, I think he's just hoping, like, either I get a higher paying career or I get famous.

And, and, and I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, he'll always make, do you money, do you need money? Because he's, because he gets worried. And I'm like, dad, do never, I never. will never ask him for money. He'll send it to me sometimes, but I will never ask him for it because I have the pride thing where I can't do that.

But he's like, he knows I'm like just kind of getting by, but he won't like, he won't have like a man to man. We never really have like man to man to man talks where it's like, you know, you gotta figure your shit out,

whatever while. Plus now I'm gonna get married and like, you know, I got my girlfriend, I'm gonna get married to have a kid and shit. It's like,

it's go time now. It's like you can't even do like I can't even fuck around anymore. So. Oh yeah. Well, it's way different for you. Because me, I have no responsibilities. Yeah, which is awesome.

It is awesome. I do love it. But it's a constant conversation where it's like, he's like, you know, you can't be eating beans forever. I'm like, yes, I watch you. If you're single by yourself, of course you can. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And the thing is, I never, because like the last conversation we had.

He's been a good dad, though. This is all, you know what I mean? Like, this is like what you're supposed to tell your son. Well, in the last conversation we had ever about me borrowing money was like, he wrote me a check one time because he heard my credit card. He goes, never asked me for money again. And I was like, yeah, fair. But then something came up where I just didn't get paid for a month because of like some issue with the day job where it's like it's construction so like money can come in like just issues can happen.

I'm commissioned. So like I just got butt fucked. And I was like, yeah. So I think I don't think I asked. I think I borrowed for my brother. And then I think I don't think I directly asked. I think he was like, do you want to borrow something? Like yes, I will pay you back immediately.

Well, that's cool. You've got an older brother too. You can kind of like go to him before your dad for advice and for money and for questions. Yeah. But like his thing is this though. And by the way, I want to say it was not something I'm kind of. constantly doing. This is like a one time kind of thing. But even just for life advice, not money stuff, just like, because like, you know, you have you like, you kind of have to go to,

if you don't have a brother, older brother, you go to your boys, or you go to your dad. He might as well be my dad. He does not. I love my brother to death. He's very fun. We can joke around way better. But he will lecture me. So I would rather. Go to your dad. Yeah, because it's like, dude, it's like, dude, it's like, dude, he's like, dude. He's died babies and be like, maybe we're a condom. And I'm like, dude, I know. And it's like, Like he gave me, he's like, once I I had to borrow money for my sister, it was like 20 bucks, yeah,

I was like so fucking poor. I was like, I literally, I'll pay back literally tomorrow. I'm getting paid tomorrow because I was in, like, the negatives. And then, uh, she's like, she's five years younger than me. She's give you some big lecture about how I need to, like, save money more.

Oh, fuck, yeah, you do gotta, you gotta figure it out, man. I want to meet your brother though. So your brother's like pretty straight-laced? Yeah, yeah, now. I mean, he was like wilder in college, but like he's married as a kid, like, that's true. Completely.

But he also was like, I don't want to hear you worried about your fucking herpes, having fun without a con. And I'm like, it's not because he just, he's in one lens. He's like, oh, yeah. That's really kicking a guy when he's down. Yeah, yeah. That's fucked up. Yeah, yeah, because people just don't realize that you're like, it's not like a fun thing to, like worry about whether you ever. Like, it's like, no.

It's like, but it was funny too because he gave me his whole lecture about like, you know, you got to spend money better. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was making, like, a decent amount of money. And then it just dropped, like, a month ago. And it just kind of out of nowhere. But it was really funny too Because what happened was like today I was in the thrift shop

And it's all A You go over there Please don't take it $25 top gun Jacket All the patches on it And I was like This is you need to walk out of this store right

I was like this is the shit That people thought You buy this I was gonna wear it for the problem A $25 jacket would destroy you It wouldn't destroy me But I just know It just adds up

It's like I buy that Then I got to get the aviators Then I'm buying two picks That's so funny because I would never even remotely, even if I was obsessed with it, I would never even remotely consider buying that. I don't like that job. But I'll just buy coffee's food, eat out, buy candy every single day. Yeah. Like if it's edible, I justify it.

If it's retarded, I buy clothes, I won't buy dumb stuff. I won't buy gifts for my family for Christmas. I won't do any of that. But I will buy food like it's going on it like it's crazy. Yeah, I'm good about, dude, I eat fucking chicken with like ketchup on it. Yeah, I saw you eat like a double cheeseburger McDonald's and then a dollar slice. And I'm like, I go spend 40 bucks on a full meal right now. I can't like I I I just it's it's bad with me like I I don't know I'm food food it's like it's bad for me I can just

eat like but it's like it's all the same thing though because I spend money on fun you just get your fun from food like in your mind I guess that's not good though I'm I'm like him though I it's like it's in my head I'm justifying it's sustenance I'm like yeah I got to keep the body body going or whatever yeah but I also would ruin ruin myself financially over a stupid jacket or something yeah it's like if I buy one jacket I'm buying four jackets or like three reject. It's like that fucking dopamine hit. Like, I see a fucking like a belt in Florida with like a golden snake on it and like I have to walk out of the store. I don't see you like you don't dress like riffraff. They're like I don't see you wearing crazy stuff. He wore the same thing for like three years straight.

I know, but I'll buy something once because it's funny. I have a shirt that I just found in the bottom of my closet because I was looking for stuff. There was a cartel that got shot up by the DEA. They had a spider monkey named El Chankito with a bulletproof vest on who got shot and died. So I have an R-I-P-L-Chankito shirt

Or it says, do I say, P-S-S? It's like R-I-P-L-Chankito. It's like a shirt of Mexican wear if their grandma died and just has the monkey on there. And I'm like, I pay like 30 bucks for this and wore it one time.

And nobody would even know what that is unless you're like, Roll in New Mexico City, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but I'm like, no, it'll be a funny conversation. That's why I buy a shirt, though. It'd be a funny shirt.

I bought a shirt once because I thought it'd be a funny conversation. I'm not trying to have people talk to me at all about my clothes. Dude, I bought one of fucking. This is like a year ago. I bought a shirt for like 20 bucks. It has Bugs Bunny on it with like stacks of money.

And it says like bad bunny. And I'm like this would be funny just to wear for my roommates. And you just walk in with this and they're like, oh, that's kind of funny. And I'm like, 30 bucks on this. For 30 bucks it is. That's realistic. Yeah, Mikey and G and me are just very different people. Yeah.

But also like the thing is like I don't know how to use finances to move forward my comedy career. I do it on personal bits. Like I was studying to become a UFO investigator. Yeah, that one was a weird one. I'm still, I left the book of my parents, but I got to get it back because I'm still, I'm still doing it. What's the status on it? Have you taken the test yet?

No, I haven't even, I was like four pages into the book. And then I was like, but the back chapters are crazy. The back chapters are like how to remove a foreign object from a human body. And then it's like how to like study mutilated cattle. I'm like, I feel like I'm going to be doing none of this stuff. But you have that. And then it's like you go in a pot. Like in my mind,

These are long-term investments that make you an interesting person. And then you have that story to tell. But, you know, in your bank account, it's like negative $20. Are there business opportunities with being a licensed UFO inspector? No. It costs money. But there's got to be, like, you know, could you give speeches to, like, groups? That's a good point.

Yeah, that is a good point. I could get due paid, yeah. I mean, I would love, dude, if I could be like a Georgio, like an ancient alien. Because this whole start up, I'm like, how do I get on ancient aliens? I'm like, how hard is it becoming a UFOlogist? What the fuck is I talk about it? I always have the term ancient aliens. That's just the same thing as aliens?

Have you heard about it? He's fucking studying to be a UFO licensed UFO inspector. Inspector? But how does that go? Investing. He's got to take a test. No, you got to go. People call in.

They're like, I was abducted by aliens or whatever. You report all the stuff. And then you got to report whether it's explainable or unexplainable. And then if you close, I think, like, 12 cases, I get a certified license that says, and pass the exam and says, Michael Good. 12 is a lot. I find it hard to believe that it will ever be explainable. Yeah.

But you look like flight logs. You're like, oh, okay, there was like ball lightning in that area. Or there was like, you know, there was drones. I couldn't think of a more boring way to spend my time. I'm so excited about it. Dude, I am so far into aliens. I've seen a guy, like, tell his UFO abduction story in death on Rogan one time. And I was just like, I don't believe a word this guy's saying.

I'm too far with you. Like, I believe it. That's like a repressed memory to me. Like, that's the same thing as a repressed memory, where it's like you're, whatever the opposite of repress is, you're forcing yourself to believe that you did this, even though you completely made it up in your head. That guy, I'm. I'm 40-60. Travis Walden.

Who's a guy who said he worked at Area 51? That's Bob Lazar. I watched that episode a couple of times. That's more believable, but a lot of people think he's out to lunch, yeah, I've seen like the Reddits where they like counter all of his points and shit. But I'm like, man, to be...

You can't counter anything. That's the kick of him. To be that full of shit is crazy. He made a living off of it, too. He wrote books. Something. He knew something because what he described was crazy. He literally described.

He says, flying saucers. They fly belly first. and then you watch all the naval footage 50 years later, not 50, 80s to now. All the flying saucers are flying belly first. Nobody was like saying that shit in the 80s, which I guess is not like that unique of a concept, but he's like they fly this way because what they do is...

We have flying saucers now? I think we went 100. The stuff came out last year where there was like literally government documents that proved it and Trump didn't want to say anything and everyone was like... Oh, he could drop him now. Do you see the... Everyone was like, now we know it.

Hasn't it been coming out for three years? Is it actually out? It's crazy what came out. Wait, is it an actual list? Well, there was a list of like... Trump's name came out like a hundred times. Shocker. And they were crazy.

It was like... First up, it was very funny because they were like complaints. I was like, I don't know if rape accusations are complaints. You're like... Look at this bitch. I mentioned this stuff they just were redacted, but...

No, they redacted immediately. Like, it came out, people screenshoted it. Then they redacted it. And it was literally like, this woman accusing Trump of rape, with Epstein, this woman accused of Trump of rape, Epstein. How do you redact it when it's already been released?

It's already been seen. That's why it's weird. I was talking about it. It's almost like spoilers for like it's like about dropping an album. They're like, that wasn't supposed to come out and they're like,

because I'm like, I don't think it's as sloppy as people say it. I think there's some weird tactic going on. Somebody said like, okay, they released the files in like troves of databases or whatever.

But if you put it, so it was like database 10 and then everything else was redacted, but if you just put in the URL database 11 into the same like link, it'll show up. It would just show up. I'm like, dude,

there's no way the FBI is this fucking stupid. I mean, with Cash Patel at the head, it's possible. I've never seen a dumber Indian in my life. Yeah, he's a fucking dumbass. I just... 23-year-old girlfriend. His girlfriend's 23? She's in her 20s.

I don't know how. She's in her 20s, yeah. Maybe not 23rd. It just doesn't make sense to me why they would like... Wait, wait, so what did come about? I haven't seen anything. Basically, there's one thing where it was complaints against Trump, like, filed... They shouldn't be called complaints, but, like, filed, like, things.

And it was, like, Trump made me do oral on him with Epstein when I was, like, 14. That was one of them. The other one was, like, Elon Musk and Trump. Elon may not, Elon was on there a bunch. I'm not sure this one was Elon, but it was like, he would finger girls in Marlago and have like a contest to see which girl was like the tightest, but they were like Goddraged girls or something like that. I didn't even know he was in the zeitgeist yet when, oh, at Marlago.

I was going to say on Epstein's Island. I don't even know if Elon was around him. That was the funny thing my buddy brought up the other day. He's like, well, Trump never went to the island. I was like, do you think he was just doing stuff on an island? And he's like, whoa, this is only. It's like, no, it's like he had... Of course Trump went to the island.

Yeah, well, it's like, even if he didn't. It's like he had a ranch. He had his stuff. He did all kinds of shit. The crazy thing was the Djanga Tower picture. You see that? He's a painting of George W. Bush throwing... In his house, George W. Bush throwing...

It wasn't made by him, but he was throwing a paper airplane at two knocked over Djangoes. Oh, my God. Are you serious? Yeah. It's pre or post 9-11? It's got to be post. Yeah.

Well, if he did it, it could be pre. Yeah, but my thing is this, dude, he for sure was a blackmail guy. Like, the Bill Gates stuff that came out today, too, was fucking nuts, dude. It was like... Gotta be nuts, dude. be that smart and rich. Dude, it was basically, like, to be fair, it's only Epstein's email. He's like, hey, Bill, no, I won't give you antibiotics to give to your wife secretly

after you fucked a Russian hooker and gave her an STD, which is all kind of wild. But the way he's talking is absurdly terrifying. He's like, I thought we were good friends. I guess not. Is Epstein talking? Yes, it's so creepy. He's like, clearly a blackmail agent. He's like...

You think there's a chance it's doctor or fake? Do you think these guys thought they were friends with him? You think there's a chance it's doctored or fake? totally. Epstein could have just sent an email to like info at Melinda Gates Foundation and Bill and then like, so I guess you're tired of fucking nine years like he could have just done that. My thing is

if it's all real, if it's all what we're thinking okay, what happened? Nothing happens. He's dead. Trump's the president. Like who can I hate to say it but it's like not that who cares but it's like what can be done like what's the what happens next. Somebody like Elon Musk and Bill Gates can be affected I guess. Can be definitely affected. Trump I think can lose you know what?

I think he's losing hard at his own game now, where he's like, okay, I can do whatever I want, and people still love me, and I think he's starting to just... I think the approval rating's down, too. Plus, he can never run again, so after this term, he's done forever. Yeah, but I think he might be like...

I think he still wants to be liked. Like, I think he wants... Yeah, so I think he... I think this affects his ability to want to be liked, so he might start acting in certain ways because he's like, I am at the end of my rope. Oh, yeah, yeah, just fucking crashing out.

Just going nuts. Yeah, dude. But he's not mental or, like, old enough or sick yet where he's gonna die in the next couple years, so he might want to like live his last few, you know. He's not even, to me, the way he thinks is not of a, like, a normal human being. That's not. That's my whole thing was like when this term ends and he can't be president anymore, what's he going to do? Just retreat? He can't do that. He needs to be in the zeitgeist.

He wants to be likes. I'm saying if he has this much shit against him, he might, like, he just passed some bill that's like supposed to help people in, like, drug recovery. So I think he's like, he might start doing nice. Oh, dude, he's so Epsteined out. He's like, starts doing good shit. I don't see it, bro. I mean, I really don't see it. I just don't like care.

Like, everything's a mess as it is. It's like, but it's alien stuff. Okay, okay, there's proof of it as aliens. The government, all those people wasting their time spending money on this crap. It's like, who cares? I will say that. Alien walks in here right now and starts talking to us. Who cares?

The Epstein shit, though, to me. How are you worried about getting people off the streets? Bro, the Epstein shit to me, though, is so insane. Like, it really does. You know, I. He used a spy fit of Mossad. It's insane because... They were shit about that in there, too. Yeah, well...

Did they release that? Yes. I find it hard not to believe when we give billions of dollars to fucking Israel every five seconds. I mean, that... They've been trying to keep on the hush-hards... Since the beginning of time. Wait, wait, what did it say about the Mossad? I don't know exactly, but there was some sort of thing saying that, like,

Trump was blackmailed by them. I got to look into it more. I don't, you know, we don't do any misinformation on this box. The greatest area, the craziest part about this all thing is that any kind of... Damn, so do you think they released this shit? Because we're, like, about to go to war with Iraq? and somebody's probably like, fuck, we gotta get this out there?

I don't know how much if it's his team and somebody else. Like, I don't know how much, like, this could have been just one argument in the fucking office and they're like, I'm posting it. Then they post it and they go, you got a fucking redact.

He goes fine, I'll fucking redact. Like, I don't know. Maybe that goes down to that little. I don't know. American redacted on YouTube. That's a comedy thing. But my thing is, every time that they say,

every time Trump has been asked about Epstein in the last, like, whatever, 10 years, whatever, he's like, he's like, we stopped being friends a long time ago, blah, blah, blah, I'm gonna blackmail you if you ever say anything and that's why he can't say anything

and he never has and he just changes the subject every time he's asked about it Well, I mean he probably killed Epstein I don't think Trump is really capable He died when he was president I know I'm saying he I would be him I'm also one of those skeptics but the hit on I don't think Because everyone thinks it was a hit I don't think Epstein killing himself is that crazy

If he knew it was all about to come out and people were about to find out that he was a spy for him Assad and he's gonna go to prison forever and he was already 60 and he'd feel like dealing with the trial and all this bullshit, just hang yourself. The most likely thing is they came up to him and said, if you don't kill yourself, we are literally going to skin you from head to toe. But it's weird, we're joking about

there's Mark Epstein's out there, his brother. We'll just occasionally be on an interview. He's like, yeah, you know, he's friends of Trump and all this stuff and... I've seen that, yeah. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, we're not really tight me of my brother. And then you're like, my roommate was like, why is he not, like... I'm surprised this guy's not, like, chained up with, like, getting, like, waterboarded in, like,

a fucking prison. But, bro, they're... He might have had no info. Bro, there are emails between Epstein and his brother where they're talking about like... Who emails their brother? Go ahead. They're like talking like, do you have the tape of blah, blah, blah? The email from about Bill Clinton allegedly? What are they?

Bubba? Yeah, yeah. That was from Epstein to Mark. Would Mark work with him or something? That's what I'm saying. He is part of the whole operation. He's just pretending like he's not. Like, bro, there's mad people who are involved who are just like, yeah, I don't know.

I just think it's so far removed. It's like even this list comes out, whatever the case may come out. Okay, maybe you can maybe you can try to bring up Elon or guys like Elon and Bill what's his face on charges the nerd guy?

Bill Glenn. Bill Gates. Bill Gates. But like what comes of it? Epstein's dead. Trump is like, people, you either love him or you hate him.

He could murder someone tomorrow. He'll still have fans. It's like, what do you go from here? I think the Epstein shit is this thing that could get, like they always said Trump's lowest approval rating

possible is 30% because 30% of the country will roll with him no matter what. He could shoot a guy. But the Epstein thing is what could get some of them to be like, all right. And I think it has. I think I know people have been like, I am really not happy I voted for him because he ran

on this Epstein thing or like his band-based people care that enough about the Epstein stuff? Do you think because they care about it because they know it has to do with funding Israel or they just don't like that it's been hidden? Like, I feel like if you're a hardcore Trumper, Epstein list makes no difference. They think Epstein, I mean, I think that too. I think Epstein, the

answers to like how the world operates are in the Epstein file. Yeah, I think that And that's why people see that as a reason to not. And they're like, oh, Trump is not part of this cabal, so he's an outsider, so that's why we want him in. And he's getting a cat. And if they find out that he is part of the cabals on the inside, they think he's a scumbag and a traitor in a lot. He might be more involved than anybody with even, like, it's crazy. I'm hoping he is so at least like something happens.

He's such a fucking idiot, bro. I want to see something major happen, whether it's a, I almost said war, whether it's like, you know, just like, I feel like it's just been talk, talk, talk since 2016. I've been in this. And nothing really happens besides a couple of assassination attempts. and people bitching online and ICE killing people. Like, what else, you know? I've been into this for nine years, and I fucking would have never guessed as much came out ever.

Like, that's the crazy part. You figured they'd sweep enough of this away to where... But I feel like now with the internet and the leaks and the podcast and stuff, like, more stuff can come out now than ever before. So... Yeah, and it changes future elections, because it's like, instead of just brushing stuff over,

we're like... Because Epstein used to be a crazy concept. I remember I told my mom. I was like, yeah, I don't know for Hillary, Clinton, or for Trump. I ended up voting for Hillary. But I was like, I don't want to vote for either room

because both of all of this guy, Jeffrey Epstein who had an island and they fucked dude, it was like, I didn't even know what Jeffrey Epstein was until he, until he literally hung himself. Was he out before that? Bro, I remember at Thanksgiving, I was at the table and I'm like, yeah, I don't really like Bill Gates. He's involved with Epstein. I was like, come on,

this guy again, like I'm like the fucking pariah of the dinner table. Dude, this is probably like six, seven, right before COVID. Well, right before he died. He died right before COVID. He hung himself in September 2019. I would say 2019, 2018 at the Thanksgiving table. We are at an hour, though.

should wrap it up. I didn't even know who he was. Damn, bro. We're just getting started. You guys knew the name Jeffrey Epstein before 2019? You think? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, once he died, that's when I really like... I knew about him, like, probably like two years before he died, it's probably 2017. But my thing, too, was like, my favorite

conspiracy is Trevor Moore from White's Kids You Know, RIP. He was like, there's a theory out there that basically Epstein was studying with all these scientists and all this kind of stuff. And the theory was that he was a sort of had like a, was basically like a mutual assured destruction where he had like the COVID vex or the COVID virus and was like, if you kill me, there's something that'll go off

that'll set this off. Because you're studying. That's true though. No, no, but it's a fun idea. That's fun. Damn, bro. That's fun. And he's like, all right.

October, November, it starts fucking. He's like, yep, okay, you kill me this fight. Because he was studying viruses with Bill Gates and stuff. Can I throw it out there? Unless he was a small Chinese man. I don't think that. possible. I really don't put it past

that he's still alive. No, God, shut up. Yeah, but you're like, he's the conspiracy guy who's like, let's go all the way to let you know, not always, not always. Now you're a bullshit artist. Bro.

You believe conspiracies have here, like, you think the craziest ones are possible. You think, no, I'm not like a flat earther. That's true, but you, but like Epstein, there's no way to watch. But I'm saying this guy was the most powerful man on earth. Allegedly, we still don't know.

And it's getting, like, maybe he's part of this group that's that powerful. but I'm saying like I just want something to come. He probably went to prison is like I'm gonna get out like you know there's no problem yeah yeah that's

kind of a good point why would he just like they just be like like wouldn't it make more sense instead of to kill him to be like hey you shut the fuck up we will get you out of prison

doesn't that make more sense than be like we'll get you out of prison instead of we'll kill you yes we'll get you out of prison you don't say anything we'll hide you

fucking somewhere totally remote and you can live the rest of your life but you don't say anything or we'll kill you Yeah, that makes more logical. I'm not saying 100% I think that, but I'm saying a part of me does believe that is possible.

And you think he's going to transport him out of jailed down the street in Gowanis and transport to him to some private island to never be seen or heard from ever again? He would probably be in Israel. It wouldn't be found in Israel in two seconds. But these people have been missing for 30 years. He's a Hasidic man. He's just walking around the street, dude. He fully converted.

Could you imagine being in a bodegis? You see a acidic guy? It's just Jeffrey Epstein. He walks away. Yeah, it's my landlord. He's collecting, fucking three. $3,000 checks from each of my remits. We got to wrap up, though, because you got to...

I just want something to come of it, but shout out to you guys. Yeah. What do you want to promote? Please subscribe to my only fans, specifically for comedy, not other stuff, but I'll send you feet picks if you request them. Tom Zabby. Really? Because I felt shame about doing that, and I almost thought about...

I'm not going to offer them. I mean, I'll offer them, but someone will pay me, you know? Not going to... This is making me feel, because I think the only... Nothing but feet, really. Yeah, of course, yeah. I think that's the only... The only thing is what would people think of me. If, yeah, okay. I'll scratch. Please subscribe.

Hey, listen, DM me on Instagram, Michael, good comedy. I'm in a dark place. I might send you my feet. I got a set drop in March 23rd. Oh, fuck yeah. Nikki? I'll be at the pair in a few minutes. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Get a time machine. Don't stop anything that's happening besides. Yeah, go to his show. Which Instagram? Oh, Nick Hill Methah. Yeah. All right, perfect. Thank you.