Morning Good - How To Get People To Like You - Episode 114

Episode Date: September 11, 2022

Thanks to Artan X. and Jake Timothy for returning to the show. Check them both out on previous episodes of the show and make sure to give them a follow at their links down below to stay up-to-date with shows and stuff they have coming out. Jake is on Instagram @jake_timothy, and Artan is on Instagram @artan_x. Artan would also like to give a shoutout to 9/11.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right. And we're started. We're here with Arden, motherfucking X, Professor Xavier. What's up? What are some other nicknames?

Uh, Triple X. Vin Diesel. That's a great fucking film. Triple X. Malcolm X. Malcolm X. Yeah.

X is going to give it to your daughter. X equals Y E squared. Ah shit. D.M. Arden. Yeah. D.M.R. X.

The Exorcist. X rated. Did we already do X rated? Am I X rated? Yeah. Depends, dude. I could get X. That'd be just cringe thing.

Just say to grow up. Sometimes I get a little X-rated. Sometimes I get a little X-rated. That's the best thing with my girlfriend. I know the kind of things they'll make her like cringe so I will just say this to her all the time. It's probably ruining the relationship a little bit.

But we're also your Jake, Jake Tomofy, as a black man would say it. Hey, what's up? Yeah. Is that how they do that? No, I didn't introduce you at all. We were just talking about X and his sexy ass name. Tomof.

How do you actually pronounce your last name? Me? Jureta. Timothy. It's Arden. Yeah, he got it. Arden Jaret. That's my man.

Jretta? Yeah, that's what's up. Oh, nice. X-H-U-R-E-T-A. he got it. Every single letter you go. You know my man over here. You know what's good.

He knows. I, what was I saying? Yeah, I've had a horrible day, but you ever just like kind of turn it around when you stop caring about everything? Like,

it's one of those where like, I have so much poop on my plate that I'm like at this point, I might as well just... Do we have a sponsor? You can't say shit? Can you not swear anymore? What?

Shit on my plate? I felt like mixed up. I kept saying shit on my plate today, and I was like, let me, I kept saying, I told like 10 people I have a lot of shit. Let me say weird

when I'm recording something. Yeah. Let me just say it like a fucking dumbass. But it's like, dude, the fucking fight with girlfriend, then fucking like job. I just think they're going to fire me like every single day. Do you ever get that feeling? And then... It's been...

I've been right about that too. Yeah, that's the worst. Like every time. That was especially with this podcast, like every time they call me to their office. I'm like, here it is. And the clips I'm posting are getting worse and worse. Like I was talking about how I fucked the sock puppet thing.

And then that woman started commenting. What was her name? It was a very funny name. It was like, uh, June Bug Jackson. It's like her with her baby in her profile picture. She's like,

jizzing in children's books is not okay and all this fun stuff. Yeah, of course it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe people.

I think she thinks, because I jokingly say I did it last week, I think she, like, does none. It thinks that I'm like going around to the dentist's office. Just like fucking sock puppet books and putting it back on the shelves. I think this was in middle school.

Me and my friends would, like, take condoms and, like, take them out and like whatever, do it on them, open them up. Yeah, and put them into textbooks. Yeah,

that's funny. That's a great bookmark. Any random page. That's a funny bookmark just like a cum-filled condom. You're like, all right, now the page 23.

But, yeah, no, it was like her with her baby and her profile, which I love, any woman with her baby in the profile picture,

she's about to say some annoying shit on Facebook. Yeah. Woman, that dumb baby. Dude with sunglasses and a woman with baby and pictures.

That's the same fucking person. It's just somebody who's just going to say the most annoying shit. And then dude, like 15, year old with a shirtless picture. I get a lot of that on TikTok.

Like somebody would be like, yo, you're not funny. And then it's like a child with a shirt off. Gold chain. And I'm like, but then also the dudes that think I am funny are like 15 year old boys. They're like, yo, this podcast is rad. I'm like, I guess my audience is just kids. It's not.

It also would be funny if like just like some intellectual follow in my podcast. It's like somebody who's like, I don't know why I just went to Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peterson is a huge. huge fan. That would be, I'm not sure how I feel it.

Michael, you're such a man, you have purpose. Yeah. But it's also... With all that poop on your plate, and you just keep pushing. You have doo-doo on your tray?

And you're handling it? It's also like, I don't know, I get really like obsessed about who likes my podcast or who doesn't. Really, it's like, I don't know, because I'll have like a family member,

like, like, like, that I post in my podcast. I'm like, don't listen to this episode. You're going to fucking hate it. Like, you out of all people would think

this is the worst thing you've ever heard. But then I'm, I'm like, I don't really care. Everybody always says that they're like, oh, look who likes this. It means me they're bad. Like, if the Klan started liking my podcast, I don't think that necessarily means I'm a bad guy. Also, thank you for listening out there. I don't know, dude.

That's like, that's a huge thing with, like, political campaigns. If someone donates to the campaign that's like, has a weird background, they'll just give them the donation back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like Louis CK donated by Biden. Oh, yeah, I heard of that. That's right. Yeah. It happens a lot.

Yeah, that's weird. I mean, I bet that should. It also probably happens, like, Like they just, they get a donation and they just lie about giving it back. Oh, yeah. Easily, yeah. Well, it's like, dude, if I was like, if a pedophile came up to me and he goes, here's $400, I fuck kids.

What am I going to do? I'm going to not take the $400? Like, yeah, you want to take it away from him. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You know, you're taking money from. Yeah. What's your budget for fucking kids though?

Yeah. He's a dollar. Fuck you. Well, is he, that depends. Is it hush, hush money? If he's like, here's 400 euros, don't tell him about I would go to the 30s. Bro. And trust me, it costs a lot of money.

Yeah, yeah. Like, would you... That's why I stopped. How much money would it take for pedophile to go? Actually, I guess it cost Michael Jackson like the most money. Yeah, yeah.

It builds Disneyland. So he got sex with kids. Dude, that's fucking courtship right there. Just building a fucking... Yeah, that's a straight man will be like... I wonder if there's any smart... I'll give you the moon. Yeah.

I wonder if there's any, like, really intelligent. I'm not saying the ones that got raped, we're not intelligent. But, like, one of those kids that, like, knew what we're up and we're like, dude, I'm fucking blue ball on the fucking. out of Mr. Jackson right now.

Like he's giving me, if I, if I stay in here long enough and don't fuck him, I think I might get a Royce. Let me go on the roller coaster two more times. Just getting,

yeah, getting raped. Yeah, yeah. That's it. Yeah. That's a, yeah, that's a tough discussion.

I was, I was fucking back home. And, man, when the, when the drinks fly, me, my parents,

just, we get this full political thing. Like, I always say, I don't want to talk about you all things. Yeah, yeah.

We get into these whole, like, things. Like, my mom will have some wine, and then I will have been drinking beers all day. And then, like, I started, like, at one point, like, yelling at my mom defending Alex Jones. And I'm like, what is it going on here? She's like, Michael, I love Alex Jones.

No, no, it was the other way around. She's like, he lied about Sandy Hook. I was like, he thought it was the truth. And my girlfriend's just like, I fucking hate this family. Yeah. Do you guys argue about politics at all with your family? No. I think, I like listen to people, do it.

They all agree with each other. Yeah, they just want to get a, like, But they just argue, and I don't care. I'm like, it's very politically neutral. Yeah. So I don't care really at all about anything. Like, but I'll listen to like my dad get really mad about something. And I'm like, you have like personal things in your life you could deal with.

Yeah, no, of course. But it's way more fun to be like, get into something else. Do whenever I get like, whenever I'm, that's how I know I'm going to like a mess, I start Googling UFOs. Like I'm like, let me just throw myself into something else right now. Or I like, look up something else. celebrities now knew we're like in trouble on a big eye let me see what's going on with our killing news this week because i'm like it's very nice to like disassociate from what's going on in my own life

i get that totally it's a i don't know it just makes me laugh i can't really imagine caring that much about politics yeah until it's like we're talking about like people getting killed or whatever then i'm like it's not good yeah and that's about as far as it goes it's not good but that's like everyone on both sides is kind of involved in that yeah for sure yeah so it's not like one side what side are you on pro kill or against it i'm against murder. That's my stance. Come at me. Liberal media. Fucking have me.

Yeah. Like one time my dad was talking to me about how he he went to JFK to protest the Muslim ban. He was like there like with a sign protest in the Muslim ban. And I was like, I haven't talked to you in like 10 months. Yeah. Why did you do that? Yeah. That's crazy. It's like this is what you're, you can't worry about this than your own son. Yeah. What is it in his 50s?

yeah, yeah, 50s. I could see you just start wearing... Yeah, yeah, he start wearing a... You're like, Dad, do you care about me? He wears like a kilt in his blue hair. Do dad's a kilt guy? No, no, no, no. Oh, that'd be fucking badass.

I'm just joshing on him. It was a nice thing he did, I guess. No, for sure. Yeah, yeah. That's a moral. I think that's more than most people's dad. Like, most people, I think disagree with your dad's politics. I don't fully...

Like, I think me and my parents, we have this thing we're like, we're both such assholes and that, like, we do devil's assholes. advocate all the time. Like, whoever I'm arguing with, I just, I can agree with them completely. Like, I'll argue against a liberal person and a conservative person about the same thing to just different levels of the issue. And I'm like, I'm just really a horrible person. I don't disagree with my dad's politics. I disagree with like the way he gets at it. Also, what was the JFK Muslim ban?

At the JFK airport. He went to the airport to protest Trump's Muslim man. Oh, okay. He had like a huge protest. I thought JFK was like, no, not like. not doing this again. Nope. Sorry. Not fucking this time. It's crazy about the internet is like everyone goes after like the president now. But they do it in different ways.

They're like, I'm going to go protest in front of my local capital. They're like your local capital. That's the way that anyone will tell you. If like if you're like a citizen and you want to start enacting some change, it's within your local government. But sometimes it's unrelated. But that's what you have to do is you get the local level and that. it'll ripple up into the higher

at like echelons of government. There's just a 0% chance. But now everyone is fucking to the president. Yeah. I want the president to hear what I'm saying. You gotta start with the Muslim band at your local pizzeria. The Muslim band?

I like that. I always say a Muslim band. How about a Muslim band? The band? Yeah, I like that. Has there been a Muslim band? Yeah, there is. It's probably just like the,

what's that genre of music? The guys who did 9-11 had some good songs. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. Helter, skilter, too. I can look past. There's fucking, you know, Riz Ahmed, the actor.

Yeah. He's like a rapper. Oh, I guess every fucking... A ton of people. Ice Cube is a great Muslim musician. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking, uh...

Yeah, but do we count on those guys? Yeah. Because isn't the nation of Islam like a different... It's like a way different state. It's like only black Muslims. Isn't it kind of like the black... Israelites in a way? I don't know.

You're Muslim. You should know... They're not... They're not only the same thing. They're like different sects of it. Right. But I don't... It seems like the nation of Islam is like only for black,

people. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. I think generally, yeah. There are, because there are, there's a contention of those guys that will, like, hang out by Penn Station and just yell at you. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's probably not. Like, I think, no. Like, there's, uh, yeah, there's no, like, uh, yeah, there's no, like, uh, I think you never see, like a white guy shave his head and grow a beard in prison and come back as Muslim. Like, they always, we always go crazy. I had to do what I had to do. Yeah. You see a guy walking his, uh, uh, you see a guy walking his,

his first day, he looks at a lunch table of, like, white guys with swastikas, and then black guys, like reading the Quran, and he's like, I'm going over there. Yeah. You know, like, your first day in prison, you try to convert to Islam. The guy's going to be like, whoa, dude. Yeah.

You have to, like, build up. You have to go through some shit in prison. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I watch, like, the Mike Tyson documentary, and even that, the last episode is about him, like, being, like, a fuck. running shit in jail. And then he like comes to Islam on his own terms.

That's like a big thing. Yeah. But yeah, that's like every, every story where you see that. It's like this guy gets like, the shit kicked out of him in jail. Oh, yeah. Didn't he go to jail for like, it's a parent? Not a parent. It's called alleged, right?

Not a parent. It's like apparently. He raped his parent. Yeah. When you rape a parent. You raped. No. No.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if he did or not. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know what? I'd hate to believe it because he had a great comeback, though. No one gives a shit about that anymore.

What was his comeback? Like, no one talks about that. He's a convicted rapist and no one cares. That way, that's, oh, I think you're saying that that was his comeback. Like, you're like, you're right when he goes. Nobody cares. How of the way to get back into the media.

Yeah. Yeah, no, he just left prison and was like the guy again. But I guess he did his, how much time did he do? Three years of a six-year sentence. Oh, yeah. For rape, that's a very small. But I know so little about the case. that it's like I can't, I have no idea what happened.

But I know he also, like, didn't he beat up like five prostitutes when he was speedballing? Uh, maybe. I don't know. He's a fucking out of his mind for a while. Yeah. When you hear in like an interview with him now and he just seems like the sweetest guy? He's like a baby. Oh, yeah.

He cries so easily. Like, he's like a child. He gets so sensitive. That's like CT. Yeah. He's so sensitive. It's like, now he's just emotionally unstable as fuck. Slurs his words like a baby.

Prane is permanently bruised. Yeah, he used to, yeah, he used to do crazy amounts of drugs. And now he's like, now I just do like the good. I can't do my, I can't do Mike Tyson, but you get what I was saying. He does like, I think now he does like a lot of mushrooms and acid, he's turning into a guy, which I don't know if that was. I'm just for some people it works, but you never know where that, because I feel like a lot of people, they are like, okay, I'm sober now,

but I do acid and stuff. And then they just kind of, then they go into a little ketamine. He likes wheat. That's his thing. I don't like he does acid. He does shrooms. He just smokes. Yeah, probably some shrimp, but he just smokes a lot of weed. yeah i mean i to be fair it's like his own cannabis brand and stuff some people brought up the point

that like some people like need to be on massive amounts of pot so they don't like go crazy and like because like you don't know what i mean like if somebody's like has a history of like a crazy temper and he's you're like if you're like a violent guy i would imagine yeah you're like i need to smoke a pot to like just relax i don't think i've ever fought in somebody on pot ever foughtin yeah fought fought yeah fought is fought not a word i fought it foughted Foughton is not a word No Foughton

What is it Is it like a southern thing The fuck is not I wasn't saying I was the right word I have no idea Dude I'm a fucking dumb ass

I'm learning more and more From this job I took a micro dose of Adderall today Which is just a small amount And yeah I don't know It's one of those things

That I'm like I hadn't taken it months But I'm just failing at my job And I'm like I need anything And it works Like anybody who says that drug does not like if you're doing busy work it'll make you get it done at a faster

speed it's literally like the limitless pill I've never done adderil massive side I just started smoking cigarettes so I might start doing adderall. If you crush them up, put them in your cigarettes yeah do you fucking take some adderol if you have cigarettes on you you will go you'll rip through them oh yeah dude I used to fucking my exam week in college would literally be like

I take Adderall and because it was getting later at night I'd have to snort it because it lasts less long if you snort it and because it's just, you know, you're snorting it. And, uh, dude, I would, I would literally like be snorting Adderall and then chain smoking cigarettes, like writing papers on my girlfriend's back porch and just like, like, like, like, in some crazy mode. And then I would start to drink to fall asleep. So I'm literally just like smoking cigarettes. I'm like, all right, now time to turn the lights

off and then just start drinking. And I have no idea if I slept at all or if I just blacked out. It was just, dude, it was, it was nuts the way I used to fucking live my life. And now I'm like, you know, a couple steps back from. I'm not like. And you graduated, right? Yeah. If I did not take Adderall, I would not have gone to college. Like, it's a tough thing because, like, I don't think my parents should have put me on that drug at all. But also, I'm like, I don't know.

It's like I would not have, I think I would have found comedy. You wouldn't be the man you were. No, yeah, yeah. I don't think I would have found comedy, but like, I think, or I think I would have found it faster. Because of all that or all. You were fast. No, no, no, I'm saying if I wasn't taking it. Because I would have been like, oh, now, like, I suck at this.

Now I got to do this instead of, like, going to school for, like, that long. And then eventually. Oh, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, who knows? Because I also met people in college doing stand-up, and that's how I got into it. There was like a guy in my fraternity doing stand-up, and I was like, oh, there's already a stand-up guy here.

This guy sucks. Yeah, I was like, I'll be a better stand-up. I mean, he was funny and stuff, but I was like... What was it, Dan? No, no, there's a guy other than Dan. I didn't even know Dan did stand-up. There's another guy in my fraternity that was doing stand-up, and then I was like, okay, so I'm going to start doing stand-up.

And then I came back over the summers when I started doing stand-up, going into my junior year. So I think I was 20. And then I found out Dan was doing it too. And then we started doing it together. That's sweet. That's nice. Did you want to just stand up when you were a kid?

Yeah, when I was like 14, I'd write horrible jokes. Like, I was like, but I was, I liked that I knew they weren't good. I was like, fuck. I was like, I didn't realize I was like, oh, you just have to get on stage. I was like, I'm going to wait until I write something great. And then I'll start doing stand up. Yeah, dude. There are some people that follow like, like, they'll follow like the advice of like older comedians, like, too.

they think it like that they just follow the rules it makes them a good comic. Yeah, I took Steve Martin's masterclass My business can put me way ahead of everybody And I was like, it's the worst Sand Advice I've ever gotten And one of his advice he goes,

find other comics That you think you're similar to We start emulating them. I'm like, that's horrible. It's like, I'm supposed to look. So I'm like, am I like, Tosh?

Am I like this? And then I did Carlin for like a year where I was just like, what's the deal with religion? Ha? People are like, you're fucking 20 years old. You look ridiculous. Yeah, it's fucking.

I mean, you can get a lot. lot of bad advice. But I mean, like, there are people that read a stand-up comedy book where, like, it's like step one. It's like, write every day. Yeah. Yeah. So they'll just write a bunch of jokes. And they're like, these are all great. Because I did, I wrote every day. Yeah, yeah. These are great jokes. And then they just never get better. No, yeah. It's like you got to do it. Yeah. It's like you got to do it. Yeah. And it was like, really the only thing is like talking to a microphone and make people laugh. Yeah. Yeah. Like keep trying to do that until you understand how to do it. Yeah. Yeah. It's that fucking simple. Yeah. Yeah. And it was like he, uh, there was another. He's like, read your local newspaper, you know, get some ideas from that. Which is funny because his stand-up was just show on newspaper. Like, he was just doing balloon an. I mean, not he was just doing balloon nails. I don't know how you would have gotten that from that.

There was some, my aunt gave me that masterclass. And there, I remember watching the one episode where he like has like a writer's room. He has like four people. He's like, let's jokes to him. If it doesn't, if you say fuck, what does he say about fuck? Yeah, he has like the fuck meter rule and all that shit. Yeah, yeah. There's one, he, I remember him so, like, he is like,

Steve Martin's stand-up is so absurd and wacky and weird and he's reading these jokes that are so like fucking right over the plate like this is one guy is like I smoked my alarm clock went off and I was like oh it's time to smoke

weed like shit like that it's like Steve Martin is reading it like this is good have you ever thought about killing yourself that would be the funniest

you guys fucking suck I'm saying you guys fucking suck. I'm Steve goddamn Martin, okay? You think I have time that you know how much they're fucking pain he does? There's a master class on how to be a fucking astronaut. And I'm like, yeah. There's one for like basketball.

That's awesome. It's fucking retarded. Yeah, there's one for being like a like a barbecue pit master, which is like no one has this. Yeah, yeah. No one fucking a barbecue pit to like slow cook like a pig for fucking 10 hours. Oh yeah, it's fucking. Yeah, there's no, nobody has that.

but uh what would you if you were teaching a master class what would you want to teach you getting motherfucking pussy no um i would get in motherfucking pussy with michael good yeah getting fucking puss um i just to be fair i think i was really good at like bar band too i don't know uh getting people to like you by michael that's a really cocky thing i don't know what i don't want to say i'm like good enough and stand up to getting people to like you yeah Masterclass. I'm the master at that shit. I'm the master.

Being charming. No, I don't fucking know. Yeah, I don't know. I'm failing in almost everything in my life right now. I don't think I can teach a masterclass.

By the shirt. I have podcasting. Michael Goodt teaches podcasting. Oh, oh my God. I'm so, it's so funny how bad I am at podcast. Like,

I'm good at keeping a conversation going. But like my phone is, look at my phone. It's smashed right now. Because the amount of time I try to set it up as a camera. The tripod I have is broken. Every time I try to set it up, I drop my phone. You did today. Yeah, I draw every time before the podcast, it gets a chuckle. It's not intentional, but I always just, I'm like, we're ready to go, guys, and the phone just falls out. And everybody's

like, ooh, that sucks. Also, I don't even know how I'm going to pay for a new phone. You don't even have a phone case. No, you need to take it off for it to fit in the tripod. Oh, word. Yeah. Also, I didn't escape. That is the one thing. Adderall, I do want to take Adderall and go to an escape room and just crush at it. Have you guys done escape rooms? I've done a long time ago. Yeah? I think they're a good time.

Well, it's a blast. What was the theme of yours? What was like a haunted doll house? Oh, okay. That's kind of creepy. It was a scary one. I'm trying to think what else. I've never done a scary one because my girlfriend is like scary things.

What do you do? Like it's like... I thought the whole point was that they're scary. No, no, no. They're like, escape the museum. You know, escape Oschwitz, stuff like that. It's lots of... That'd be fun. I would do that one.

Yeah. I would fucking love to. We're not allowed to eat 10 hours before the escape room. What the fuck? Yeah, I'd fucking always wanted to do this if this was like a real thing. Like when I was like at like 12 or 13, I would play like cod zombies all the time. Yeah. They made like a paintball course that was like a replica of one of those. Oh, that'd be cool. I'd fucking love that.

Yeah, yeah. So much fun. Well, I feel like we're moving more into that. I think the escapeism stuff's just growing. Like I started with escape rooms and then now people are like, like, all right, VR. It's coming in. Apparently it's cool now.

I don't know if it's actually good. But it's weird just doing the escape room with my girlfriend and my family. And I'm like, I fuck this person and now me and my family are solving mysteries with her. It's such a weird. Like, I was just randomly had that. She like figured out a puzzle. I'm like, you, I fuck you good. And then now we're solving riddles with my family.

That's your contribution. Yeah. They're solving the puzzles and you're like, I fuck you good. I fuck this bitch so good. She solved puzzles and shit. Yeah, you find the clues, bitch. I found the clue in your pussy. Well, like, clearly this is not horrible.

Your whole family's like, help us. I'm already helping you. I brought her here, didn't I? Did it with my dick. I brought a well-fucked lady to the table. She ain't stressed out about nothing. Mine is right. Yeah, I've never done one of those.

Yeah, I don't think I have fun. What's fun for you besides stand-up? Besides stand-up, like literally nothing. Yeah, because I was like, oh, there was fun for Jake Timothy. I like, I do like, like, just doing, I like, like, going on a long road trip and stopping in, like, a weird town

and going in the shops and seeing what they're selling. Yeah, that's cool. That's stuff that I, that, because when you're on, like, Confederate flags, by the, yeah, when you're on a, yeah, when you're on a, like a road trip, but it's like everything is so funny for some reason. Dude, agreed. When I went to fucking Portland. Yeah, that whole car ride basically was just Keith Chase being mad at me all the time. I'm like, I'm like, dude, this guy, I love Keith,

but I'm like, he's always mad. He's always just, the whole car ride is him just being like, you're stupid. And I'm like, I wonder, I wonder what to be like to actually piss him off because he's always mad. And I'm like, what would the next level that be? And it's just funny to see him be mad. But then it's also like, the jokes were flying. And it's like, we're just going to like a rest stop and it's just funny. You know what I mean? Oh, fucking, I love a rest stop. Oh, a highway restop dude.

Dude, because you get excited about fucking food. You're like, dude, I get, there's fucking McDonald's here. You're like, oh, I can't wait. Might be fucking hide? And it's like, it's like the airport if no one in the airport could afford a plane ticket. Yes. Yeah. Everyone in there is fucking crazy looking.

Oh, yeah. It's insane. Yeah. Dude, we went to one and there was like, just so many fucking old people in line for something. And then just the people working there were just, not top tier. Just, you know, just the, like, it was bad.

It was like, I was like, imagine working at one of it? Like, you literally have to go to a rest stop for work. That's, that's so depressing. Yeah. But the thing is,

I don't know if you adapt to that. You probably do. I guess. I don't know. I went to this restaurant in, like, in like Pennsylvania ones. And there is like, you know, there are like different like kiosks or restaurants.

It's like a subway, Roy Rogers, and Arthur Treacher's And one of them's always closed for some reason? Why do they do that? I don't know. But they had that. They had an all-town convenience, right?

And there was fucking one guy just running between all of them. I was kidding like, oh, I was working there. He's like in subway and then he sees a guy like looking at peanuts in the convenience store and he's like, ugh. Just working everything.

He has to change outfits. Yeah, I'm like not even hungry. watching him do that. Yeah, yeah. He's like, tearing off a McDonald's apron thrown on and stuff.

This guy fucking works way too hard to get, he definitely does not get paid well to work here. That shit's horrible, bro. When I used to work

at a sandwich shop, my boss, like, she had like a seizure from like anxiety because she's working like 40-hour shifts at a sandwich shop

at Tallahassee. I'm like, that's so rough. And she had like a kid and I'm like, you're just, that's hard shit. Yeah,

it fucking sucks. Yeah, and it doesn't get better. That's like the escape room of, life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's only one way out.

Here's the clue. Gun. Here's just a strobe light. Here's the clue. And epilepsy. You're having a seizure because you can't drink that much coffee and not sleep for dying is when you die a guy in a fucking polo that says world escape room is like, you did it.

You made it out. Congratulations. You want a picture? I always wonder about that is like a friend that like, how my friend like killed himself. I wonder if he's ever in how, like, because it's, if he's, if he's, if he goes to heaven, right? If he's in hell, because that's where he is. No, no, no.

But like, if he goes to heaven, it's like, part of them has to be like, thank God, I fucking did that. This is awesome. But like, obviously, you don't know, like, as horrible as that is, it's like, You want to tell people. You want to tell people. Yeah, he's like, fucking kill yourself.

I mean, go back here. Dude, where are your beliefs at? Do you believe in, like, a heaven and hell? I don't know. I'm very agnostic about it, which makes it really hard, like, losing a bunch of fucking people. Because you're like, I don't know. I don't think they're in hell.

I don't believe in hell. Because I don't know. I think that... I don't know why I don't believe in hell. It's kind of just a crazy concept that you're just going to be punished for eternity because it's the way you behaved and like a... You know what I mean?

Because also like God made you that way. It's weird. Like God's like, yeah, I'm going to make you this way. But then it's like, okay, if he's all powerful, why is he making some people fuck? Like, I've never heard a single Christian explain the Holocaust correctly. Or Jewish person, be fair.

But I mean, I haven't asked a lot of Jews about it. But I'm like, it's always the most sidesteppy fucking answer. they're like, well, look, I free will. I don't think God controls everything. He lets, I'm like, what do you explain the hall? Like, just explain it to me. I don't know. Yeah, that's true.

But where's my beliefs? I think that there's some sort of heaven just because, like. Heaven or just afterlife in general? I feel like heaven implies like you're being rewarded or something. Like you go into like the best place. Yeah. Is that what you believe or do you believe it's just something else? think I do, but that might just be wishful thinking.

You know, it might be like I've, I've just thought in such a sad way that I'm like, there's got to be a heaven, right, guys? And that's what my brain is done for like 25 years now. Because like, I genuinely just have no idea. But it's like, I don't know, it's like when I, I don't know, I don't know. Because the near death

experience is weird, because some people do experience hell. Like, nobody talks about it, but like, you watch these. There are people that are like, I was raped by demons for like four weeks. And then I came back to, and they were like, oh, you overdosed on heroin. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, hell is like, the idea of it is scary until you start describing it. That's because you're like goth.

You're not goth, but I feel like you're like, you're like a kind of like, goff? The fuck you're talking about? These bags are under my, just because of literal human misery. It's not, that's human misery. That's what I mean.

It's like, you're not goth, but like, I feel like you, you like darkness in a way. I don't like you. You're so goth. No.

I don't like, you don't even know how gothous you are. That is the lamest thing. That is such an indictment. You feel you like darkness. I'm the prince of the knight. Okay, well, what do you... What I'm saying is, it's like...

It's not, like, it's scary when you imagine, like, oh, what could it be? If it's so bad, it must be so bad, I can't even imagine it. It's, like, terrible. And so that's scary is, like, the unknowing of how bad it is. And then when someone describes it, they went, and they're like, yeah, I was just raped by demons for a while and everything was on fire. You're like, oh, all right. That's like, wait, I'm not grasping your point of view on this.

That sounds horrible. It sounds bad, but it's also like, torture, like, it's like if they discovered. You don't think being raped by demons is torture? Yeah, but you're like, you know, like the shit that they do to terrorists, that sounds way worse. Bigfoot is like kind of a scary thing because you don't know if it's real or not. But if they found out Bigfoot was real and then you just saw Bigfoot at the zoo, you'd be like, oh, it's fucking.

Yeah, yeah. It's not like a monster anymore. Yeah, yeah. It's just another fucking animal. When you're saying after the demon rapes you and you see him clocking out, you're like, he's just a guy like anybody else. That's what happens to you.

It's just you get to hell and you figure out you're there. And then everyone's like, you're going to get raped a lot. You know, you are going to get it. After a while, you just get, it's not pleasant,

but you get used to it. And you're like, it stinks. I knew a comic about a day who had a bit about that. We're like, if hell is eternal rape, eventually you'd have to force yourself. Yeah,

wouldn't hurt all, time. There's no way it could. Even like the fire, like the internal burning. Like how could it hurt forever? I mean, we're talking about mysticism though. It's like not a real thing. So it's like they could make it hurt.

That's why I don't like about when you like I like talking about shit like this. Just like yeah, what if how did it guys go? When you talk to someone who's like a real mystic they get to a point where they they're acting more enlightened than you but every answer is just like

Because that's, it's, it's beyond what you know. Yeah, yeah, because any magic you could just say that. Shut the, yeah, you're just talking. Just talk to me. Yeah, I also have a hard time like grasping heaven because people are like, it's everything you want in the world. I was like, well, some of the things you like, like, for example, like, I mean, like drug addicts that die is like, do they just, they love heroin?

Do they get to heaven? And they're just like, is there heroin here? You know what I mean? Like, how does that work? Do they get the things they like? Because like, or are they like, I no longer want to do heroin anymore because I am an angel. You know, how does that work? That'll be funny. You see an angel just like shooting up.

Angel heroin? Oh, fuck. Yeah. This is a good shit. God's like, that's what he likes. It's what he likes. Seems like so dirty. Like, you could, I feel like you could experience heroin without fucking having a rubber band around your arm and it's just like, lean it against a building. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like just so dirty, you know. But that's how, I mean, that's how I'm doing. If I ever do heroin, there's Leonard Skinner.

I think I talked to somebody else about this and then like one of those, when he was talking about, I forgot who said it, but like, one of those closets where there's a light bulb with a string. You know what I'm talking about? One of those like, just like, oh, that smell. And I'm just like, ah. What would you do when you get to heaven?

What are you going to do first? I think I'm going to second guess everything. I think that's just part of me would be like, all right, is this going to turn into hell? Because I always feel like that's like the good prank of hell. Like I feel like, you went to heaven and half it's like,

nope. Because I saw Twilight Zone episode where this guy, he goes to heaven. And then everything's, perfect and he's like oh and starts to drive him crazy and then eventually like his like spirit guide is like you're in the other place

he's like playing pool to all of him go in and every chick wants to fuck him and he's just like yeah which still that that does not seem as bad as being raped by demons but I get to heaven was the first thing I'm doing I'm hope I this is how I hope there's jet skis in heaven like I just I

really for me heaven I picture jet skis and God's holding onto your hips Isn't it awesome, Michael? Isn't it everything you ever imagine? It's on the bag, just like holding my chest. On the back, like on those fucking skis. It's just like in your ear like, you're so good at this. I never, I bought these a while ago.

I never figured out I'd never figured out I'd use them. Yeah. I jet skiing is exhilarating. I fucking love. I couldn't, I couldn't wait till the guy who does the, masterclass of how to get people to like you got to heaven. Yeah, that's a good masterclass. How to get to heaven.

It's just like a religious guy. He's like, don't be a homo. Just like all this is like, Jesus Christ. Or it's you. It's like not built as a religious thing. It's you not religious. Just like, look, we all want to get to heaven. I'm going to church every week.

We don't want to fucking do it. You get to heaven without. Yeah, yeah. Easy way. give a homeless guy buck once a week. That's all you got to do. Just once a week. Once a week,

whisper all your secrets into his ear. Yeah. That's so funny. Instead of going to a preach, just being like, listen, I fucked up. Just like,

just got to tell someone so you tell like insane persons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's not gonna fucking. Just confession that way. I hope there's jet skis.

I'm trying to think of what else. I hope there's there. Because like when I go to bed, my happy place is on a jet ski or a snowboard. I can't really snowboard that well, but in that world, kind of weight. I think the weightlessness thing, I hate gravity. Like, with my phone falling like, I just hate the weight of things. Because like when you're watching a movie, it almost

feels weightless. Does that make any sense? Like you're watching a movie or you're in a dream. Everything's kind of like weightless in a sense that you're like, man, I think the actual weight of gravity sometimes is like a lot. So I would like, like, not no gravity, but just like, you know, turn down a little bit. So I can get some air on the jet skis. I've never had this problem. I hate gravity. I don't know. Yeah, dude, go fucking move to Venus. Maybe I just need to lose weight. I love that.

I'm like a fat person. I'm like, gravity sucks. I'm like, hey, well. What are you, TJ? Yeah.

Oh, but gravity makes me so sweaty. Yeah, though it's me eating fucking trash. Trying to think of what else. Yeah, I don't know, like bands I like,

which are not good either. I like sublime a lot. So it's sublime and jet skis combined. You're going to hell, dude. Yeah. What's in your heaven? Hot topic.

Darkness. I could do stand-up. You do stand-up? Yeah. I can do stand-up and then... Yeah. Fingerless gloves. You're going to show up tomorrow.

You're going to cut all your hair and have like a blonde haircut. Just to overcorrect me, say, you're gone. I'd want to be able to eat anything and not feel sick. Oh, yeah. That would be great. Okay. So like, it all makes me, it all, it's everything I eat is healthy. It feels good.

But I can eat whatever I want. That's a good one. So yeah, that's good. So you can eat complete shit. Yeah. Because I eat, I don't eat great right now. And when I eat like, anything that isn't healthy, I just feel sick. Yeah.

It's fucking sucks. And I, I, I'm 23. I'm not even that old. Yeah. But it's already starting for me where I can't eat like bread. Oh, that's rough. Yeah. Yeah, I'm 25.

And I'm experiencing some of that where it's like, yeah, you just eat food and you feel like shit a lot. Yeah, like I had Taco Bell last night and I'm trying to fix my life slowly. But what's, okay, so that's anything else you can think of the top of your head? X.

Oh, Arden's there. We're chilling. You can ski over too. Oh, dude, this sounds sick. Right. Now I'm so into. The second you mentioned the boys, I'm like, oh, that sounds fucking.

Well, we're going to heaven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's make a pact. If one of us doesn't get into heaven, we're all going hell. Yeah, that's also the hard part. Like, is hell, I always think of hell like you get to, like, they show you videos of heaven and your friends just have like a blast without you.

I always had like fear of missing out. Like, that's what's, like, that's the best joke I ever heard. Man, we're going to all remember this guy's in heaven. Everybody else is fucking lame. Oh, man. Can I guess what's in your heaven? You already know? I already know.

Front row. You're prophet. Yeah, yeah. You get to meet. The prophet Muhammad does them. I just want to meet him. Yeah, you just want to meet the guy. Hey, what's up, dude?

That'd be funny of him or Jesus were like really standoff. Like, you know, you meet like a big celebrity, like a big comic or something like that. Hey, can I get a picture? No. Yeah. I'm so sick of it. It's fucking exhausting. Like, I've never been like, there's some bigger comics.

I'm like, oh, you die and like, Jesus is like washed up. Oh, you die and like some like cool shoes, like new Jordans. And you meet him. You're like, what's up? Jesus? He's like, yeah, let me get those shoes. Yeah. Let me get those feats, kids.

Yeah. Why, Jesus. Can't make those here? I want those. Yeah. I wonder what. He tries to sell him to Mohammed for $15. But you're at UFC front of round?

Yeah, all the time. Yeah. And, uh, pogs. That has why. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I'm starting to like his. Yeah.

Trying to go to X seven, dude. We're going to need some fucking weight balancers on those jet skis. Yeah. It's fucking right. I see all with like a fat. I'm sinking. Wouldn't it suck if this is God tunes in right now.

And this is what he's like, all right, what are these guys want in heaven? And he gets, he just gets what you and me want and X is gets the best one. Yeah. And you would me show up and you're like fucking. That's it.

Jesse. Yeah. He gets all the pogs. That's all I get. Arden is chilling with fucking all these bogs. Literally. at the court, like ringside UFC. By the way, my dad listens to this podcast,

Pog stands for fat-ass white girls. Dad, if you're listening right now. Fat is not spelled with a pH. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as in fat booties, not their fat-out. But they're, some of them are thick. They're thick women. Oh, yeah, if you search Pog,

they're fat girls. You get some B-B-Ws. It's hard to differentiate from that. You know what I mean? I don't discriminate. All right. Well, God does. So.

He's like, Hardin, is this? This is we met by Pog? No, okay, I'll send her back. Just like, girl, he's like, it's too thick for you. All right. Go to hell, bitch. Yeah.

Go to hell, bitch. What's the booty to titty ratio? Okay. Yeah. What's heaven? It's a good ratio. Yeah. Dude, fucking.

It's not too many. Solid ratio. Fucking three chicks to a guy. Yeah. Just three sims. That thing I wonder. Mickelow Bolcher. One of the things I really wonder is, like,

what your age is. I'm like, does my. grandma go to heaven and then she's like young and attractive. Do I get to deal with like meeting like a hot grandma? You know what I mean? Of mine? I feel like it's everyone is you. I mean, I would never be attracted to her because she's my grandma.

You perceive them how you perceive them in your life probably. Ooh, that's interesting. That makes sense. So he would see you as like a black cloak. Because you're all, you're just going to be souls there. But if there's still some sort of like per, like subjective perception, it's not just like all love. So the last time I saw my, my grandma, she was like, dying of Alzheimer's.

So do I see her that or I see her in my best perspective of her. I bet your best perspective. Okay. So her when she's like 70. I'm also, I don't even know if any of this is real or not.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I am not. This is all hypothetical. But you're like asking me what your grandma's going to look like. What is it?

I don't want to like disappoint you when you're dying and you're like, oh my God, she looks like Hitler. Yeah. It's funny. It's like my ideal version of my grandma is like seeing her like probably 75.

But her husband's ideal is like, he can be so mad if he gets there and he's like, you're serious? Oh. Your husband's ideal is like when she was 21 and with a huge debts. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait, dude.

I can't wait to see your grandma. My dad's just going to attack you. You don't say it by my mom. but Arden, okay, we got some Pogs there. I like that. I always feel like I need to bring this on track. I'm like guys, we need to circle back up. Yeah, we were, we were following.

Let's get to the bulk of the conversation. Pog, UFC? Yeah. Are the Pogs holding up on the signs in between where they're like round three? We're all chilling. Oh, yeah, they're the ring girls. Yeah. They're like stomping on the guy.

Are you a fighter? Oh, I'm kicking ass all the time. I'm stopping fights. That's what I don't want to, I don't like, My fantasies aren't starting fights. They're like seeing something going on and saving the day. Oh, that's, yeah, yeah. With a flying knee.

Yeah, you're like, I do that all the time. You're like, is everything all right here? Is everything cool here? Yeah. You break it up and they're like, after I knock out the guy. Yeah, yeah. But you're pulling that, you're like, man, I didn't even want to do it. I really, all of me did not want to do that.

But I had to. I had to. Like, you really had to fucking knee him in the face 12 times. You're like, yes. It was the only way to know. Yeah. It's the coolest shit. So you're participating.

Okay, so are you breaking up the fights in the UFC? So usually they all go with like some guys bullying Jake. That's your fantasy. He's calling him God. And I was like, what's the fuck are you doing? You're off. Flying knee accidentally hit Jake in the face. And then me and the guy, go get a beer.

Because he's like, dude, that was a sick, sick maneuver. Oh, yeah. I have, I have dude fantasies all the time about like bigger comics being like, man, that was great. set. You want me to take you on the road? Like, that's what I fantasize about, which is so fun. All the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a huge one. Dude, I, I fucking every, I have all these glimpses

of me. I was talking to you about the glimpses you have of you on Joe Rogan explaining your life. Like, yeah, you know, my child, that it wasn't hard, but it was different, you know? Just like me, say, shit. Dude, I was listening to Joe Rogan today, and he was playing another episode of Joe Rogan. Like, he's like, look at this time. Yeah, I know, this is absurd right now. This is, like, I'll bomb

so badly and feel so depressing. And then in the shower, I'll be, like, talking to Joe Rogan and be like, yeah, one time at the pair. I bombed so bad. Dude, if he ever listens to this? I mean, not that would ever happen. It's so funny that you're like, how lame we are with this. I wouldn't be able to hold it together.

Joe Rogan, too, like, you read about him in the news and people just hate him. They hate him. Yeah, but if you're comic, you're like, this is a great platform. But then also you watch literally any episode of his podcast. I think I was talking to you about this the other day. Watch any episode. And it's like the most ridiculous. fucking like i like him and i like the conversations he has but he always hits on the same

couple of topics oh yeah yeah like i'll have fucking sanjay gupta and it'll be like what's going with the vaccine and sanjay's like i don't know then jozs are like you're into jiu jihitsu yeah that's that that that juzzi talk i wish you could just that's why i like that he started doing the mama episodes you're like all right if i want to listen that's i can listen to that i know what to you are you into that shit no i don't it all i know it's hardin's face i love this much. I wrestled in high school because I was bad at football and middle school, and I thought that maybe

that was something I could still be tough and do. And then like, if it's on, it's exciting to watch, but I just don't follow it. Because sometimes when people are, I think I, I don't know, sometimes people are so good at blocking, but I'm like, I kind of want to watch people really beat the shit.

So I like watching the end of a fight when somebody just getting the shit being out of them or something like that. But I like, you know, I really like I'm going to start getting into more, team fighting. Have you seen that? Oh, I've seen like those Yeah, and Russian dudes Bad ass, just like 10 dudes

Just run at each other It starts being the fuck out of each other And I don't know if there's rules That you have to fight one on one, are there? I think once one guy's out Then you could jump on the next guy Yeah, it's fucking, it's so much fun I love sports like that

Like, uh They do a lot of dumb shit Like they'll get like some hot model lady To like beat up a really fat guy Wait, what? They do the dumbest shit in Russia That's all. That's awesome.

I feel like that would weirdly turn me on. I don't know. I don't know when. How is that a thing? It's like in a lot of like Eastern cultures. They do shit like that on TV all the time. Yeah, which is way better than we're over here.

They'll just have a show. Did you guys hear what the president said are fucking pussy's over here? I want to watch a fat or won't beat the shit of a fat guy. Yeah. That's just what TV is supposed to be. Yeah. It's like like in Japan. They'll have a show.

All those are awesome. Best. They'll just like put a fat guy in public. and have, like, beautiful women just make fun of him. And then that's the show. It's fucking half an hour. Did you ever see the one

that was the porta potty? And what it does is the top opens and then it just lifts you up and exposes you to everybody. And I'm like, what? And there's just like a Japanese guy guy like, what you're like?

And I'm like, isn't this like assault in a way? I mean, the same concept is pantsing somebody but they're taking dumps. So it is, it is. And the guy is like,

oh! Yeah, yeah. It's for sure sexual harassment, but it's the funniest thing I've seen. Seeing somebody in the middle of the world taking a poop is the funniest thing. And then they're like, yeah, wait, it's a game show. We're going to arrest us for this.

It's always in a place where a porta potty wouldn't be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like in the middle of a Sears. It's like, oh, I'm going to use this portapati. Yeah. That's my favorite thing. When I watch like a Japanese show or like a clip from something, you'll see something as simple as like there's a girl in a grocery store

and she picks up something she wants. And then the camera turns to a. guy looking at her and he's going like and then the whoever is narrating just goes, what, what could you be saying? Yeah. There's nothing happening here. Dude, you know who it is such a good? You guys have watched, you know, you've watched Brandon Puff do stand up?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So fucking funny. He does like a Japanese hentai Seinfeld and it's the funniest thing. I never heard you. What do you like, Jerry? And he just does like all the characters. And Jerry's like, hooshio, who do you, who's your, ho's your ho groceries.

I don't want to Bush's bit, but it's the funniest, because he's like, I can't do it, so it just sounds raised. But when you nail, like, you have to put so much effort into a Japanese accent because it's like so, like, it's just a loud, boisterous way of speak. It's just the way that it is. So it's like so funny to hear somebody like, just go all in doing a Japanese, like, yelling thing. Yeah, it is also, it's the easiest language to do like gibberish in, though. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, oh, should, just cool people like, oh, is that Spanish? Yeah, yeah.

I would. interesting to do a podcast. I've always thought about like you take a language and somebody has to pretend to speak that language, but they can't know any words in it. So like French, I'll be like, disque about who's the whole and like, John, I think, Faich not those who's how do

I've been trying to do this bit on stage. I didn't realize how this wasn't that simple. I've been trying to do this bit on stage where part of it is I do like Spanish gibberish, like Mexican accent gibberish. It's not that easy. No, no, that's not.

No, but what you do is funny still. I've seen you do the joke, and even though it's like, booby-boot-boop-poop-poop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still funny. Yeah, I can't. It was almost like would be, that's funnier than if you actually did a good Spanish gibber.

Dude, a lot of people do in Spain. Like, some of it's funny, but, like, I've seen a lot of people that do bad Spanish-comedy. Like, not, like, sometimes it's fucking hilarious. Some people can nail it, but it is something that you see some people do poorly sometimes. And then you're like, this guy's just speaking a different language now. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it's crushing, I guess, if you speak Spanish,

but everybody else's like, what's going on again? I don't know, I don't get what's... Yeah. Some people can nail out, though. Not me. I've tried it multiple times. I did this joke the other day, the one that I was talking about. At the pair, and it's like the full house.

It's like a pretty good show. But I start doing the joke and it's kind of a longer buildup. And while I'm telling the story, like, everyone thinks I'm about to be like super racist. is how I set it up. And I don't, I'm not really being that racist. But as I'm telling the story,

there's a black guy up front, and he's just going like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. He's just like, really? I can't even look me in the eye. And then I get to the punch and he's like, oh, shit.

And I was like, okay, that's a good bit. All right, I'm good. The black guy, like that. Okay. We're good. Yeah. Yeah.

We want black people to like. us deeply. That's having... That's having a black guy and say, cool shoes, man. Yeah, fuck. Afterwards, after that show, a black lady came up to me

and she was like, you were so funny. I was like, I'll never not do that joke again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll never think that's not funny. Even if someone tells me like, you are not funny,

I'll be like, no, you have no idea what you're talking about. That's the thing. You know that lady's not lying. She's not lying. Yeah, because there's honesty and it's also like,

they know comedy. Like the funniest comics alive for Black people. It was clearly understood, yeah. Oh, geez, I just randomly, fuck me. What happened? I just feel a pain in my asshole. I don't know what that is, paralyzed.

Are you pooping? Are you got to poop right now? You know what it is? Yeah. I think I might have to poop. And then also, I was, I sat like this for hours. You ever just sit weird for a super long time? And then, yeah, I don't know what that is.

This is scary. We'll see what happens. My stomachs felt like shit all day today because yesterday was terrible. We were watching the football game, and I had the deli sandwich, three slices of pizza, like four beers and three cigarettes. Yeah. And I just felt like I had rocks in my stomach all day. Yeah. That's the best way to describe it.

Sometimes you get a stomach cake and you're like, it's just, they rocks. That's just a good feeling. You're like, something feels off. But sometimes they occasionally feel like fulfilling. Like that felt kind of good when it went away. You know what I mean? When you have like pain and it kind of goes away a little bit. Yeah.

Then it comes out of your asshole. Yeah. Oh, now my stomach. Oh, geez, dude. I don't know what I fucking. You know what? To be fair, I had a fucking, uh, what's it called the noodles you microwave?

Probably not good, right? The noodles you might... Microwaveable... Ramen, whatever? It's just a random microwavable Asian dish that probably has... The college good thing? I don't know.

No? You don't know? I don't know. Yeah. I said Taco Bell last night. I'm trying to be better. I don't know. I'm trying to quit.

I had Taco Bell. I'm like, I'm going to be better. You put some noodles in the microwave. I don't know. For breakfast, I did egg. like that's something at least different. There's no healthy breakfast. I mean, like, there's like very few.

It's like egg whites. Yeah. That's like one thing. Yeah. And then every other like breakfast food is just candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like greasy meat or fucking candy. It's like French toast, pancakes, fucking.

Well, that's what dude. I had, I had the best fucking meal. There's a place called the Coupe in Orlando. And it's, uh, you haven't ever been to Four Rivers, have you? If you ever in like Florida, four rivers is a great barbecue. But they have this restaurant's like real southern food. And I had chicken and one. waffles with

eggs benedict on it and then just covered in fucking syrup and stuff which is just like so sweet and salty and everything and then I just felt like shit for like hours

but it was worth it because it was on my vacation I don't know but I also say vacation and then I just go to Florida like every three months and get really fucked up and like it's my vacation

okay yeah you gotta do it somewhere though no for sure yeah but also like I'm starting to love the city more like I just had I had a great set on a show the other night

and I was walking by this bar I always see security guard's like hey man you want to come check it out and I was like yeah and go in he shows me the different celtzers he's like man just come around here anytime you want which obviously that doesn't mean anything because obviously I was always invited to this restaurant but I just had that real sense of community I was like you know what I like it here

but it like I feel like it's little moments where you like it it's right when you're about to be like I'm gonna I'm never coming back here yeah yeah yeah this is something happens it's not so bad yeah yeah yeah there's always one little thing like dude my favorite is FaceTime my therapist and I'm like yeah which is always hilarious because I'm just talking my problems just around the city because I'm like, who are these people going to tell?

But I was like, yeah, they'd raise my rent a bunch in the neighborhood, just getting more dangerous and worse. And I looked down and there's a guy on the ground. I go, sorry, one second. I have to check to make sure the guy's not dead while I'm like FaceTime my therapist. So I put her on pause. I'm like, sir, are you okay?

And you're like, oh, huh, huh. I'm like, okay, he's fine. Anyways. And I'm like, this is insane. I'm literally like checking a man's pulse. That's what a healthy human's breath sounds like, too. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I mean, I don't know, what do you do?

Because it's hard with a homeless guy because he could just be drunk and asleep. I'm like, I don't know if he's going to come out and attack me. Because like some of those, if you're like mixing uppers and downers, you could just come up and be,

you know what I mean? Like it's like waking a lion. You know what I mean? Like this could be dangerous. Adrenaline needle through the heart and location. I mean, I finished my, when I came back,

he was gone. But I don't know if, I don't know if that means. It could have meant, I don't know. I watched a guy die in front of my girlfriend's apartment. Really? I didn't tell her.

Because I was just awake all night And there's a homeless guy that during the winter there's like a subway grate outside of apartment. He sleeps on it because it's like warm, like blows hair up. And one night he just like he like stopped moving. And then

like the blanket he was on like blew off of him and he was just like fucking Jack Nicholson in the Shining. Just like frozen. Jesus. And then these guys came and just put his body on a truck. Damn. And then fucking my girlfriend woke up and she's like

up. I'm like, I'm like, oh, you know. I've been trouble sleeping and I. I don't know. I think it's just regular stress. I can just watch a man die. Yeah, I never watched anybody die. I've seen like a dead body, but only like a funeral.

I was almost positive. That guy was dead today. And I was like, fuck. Because I'm just like looking at him. And he was in such a stiff position. You know when there's that like, there's that position where you're like, oh, it's not like he's like relaxed. It's like, his body's like stiff.

And then I'm like, fuck. And then he's breathing. And then somebody else like, I was like, is he breathing? And the other guy's like, yeah, I think he's breathing. and I was like, sir, are you breathing? I'm like, okay, I guess he's breathing. But I'm like, probably should have hung up and called down. I mean, it's hard because I'm like, this guy's just drunk and shit.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But I guess he wasn't drunk because his hands were stiff. I don't know. Yeah, it's tough to know when to get involved in anything. Yeah, yeah. Especially, you're going to calling cops. Yeah, because I'm like, I don't want like, like, I nudged him and made sure he was alive.

But I'm like, I don't know if he's going to like, I don't know. He could very easily pull out a piece of glass and stab me in the neck. I guess not that easily. It would have been there. With ease, he could have done that. That would have been nothing to him. Damn, B. I think that's about an hour, though.

Is there anything you guys want to promote? Coming to my show, I'm doing my 9-11 show at the Grizzly Pier. Five. Oh, nice. This Sunday. Wait, I think I'm on. No, no, I'm not. Are you on a show tonight?

I'm on three shows on 9-11. The 10? You just got a spot? No, no, I help see. Oh, okay, okay. Sick. Yeah, yeah. That's tight. Are you going to be there all the night?

No. Okay. I got to get in on that seeding thing. I go down there. Yeah. Yeah. Are you want to promote anything? 9-11.

Sick. Yeah. It's coming up. Yeah. Mark of calendars. The queen almost died on 9-11. Did you imagine? What a crazy.

That would have made me care about it so much more. Rip Queen. Yeah. That would have made everyone would have been more. I just know nothing about it. I was talking about this. Babies and really old people are just like an animated objects to me. I know it's fucked up.

But like in my head, somebody talks about an old person like getting thrown out of a window. I don't know. I don't know, or like a baby. Like, it's so... Just getting an old person out of a window. I don't know why you do that, but like, it's such an inanimate thing to me. Like, obviously, like, when I saw my grandma,

I was like, this is a person, but like when somebody just... It seems so inanimate. Especially like the queen. I'm like, there's like barely any life left in her. And the other side of that spectrum of a baby... Yeah, she's dead. Who, like, has no... And then you think, like, heaven is so close jet skis.

Like, just go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fucking get out of here. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's... If you can't have a conversation with someone, then, then, that's really what it is

well how you know you're barely a person to me you really are yeah yeah it's like I don't know you're not having a lot of lots right now you believe there could still be a little bit in their mind though they're still like seeing stuff that are cool like they're still enjoying stuff even though they can't

old people yeah for sure or anyone that's just like sure even like he cleans their diaper my grandpa is 94 does he watch TV he can carry a pretty good conversation oh I thought you were going to say I'm saying like a different thing If you're so old that you're just like...

Yeah, because you could always be younger than your grandpa and have that. Like, the ageing is just so different. You know what you see some... I mean, you'll most likely be younger than your grandpa. What's up? It's a pretty... I think it's a possible to be older than your grandpa. No, no, I'm saying like people that are older than your grandpa.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, there are people that are younger than him that, like, look like shit and just are worse, because that's just how genes work. All right. All right. This has been the Gene podcast. I go good. Peace.