Morning Good - I Don't Care - Episode 165

Episode Date: April 16, 2023

Malia Simon and Paddy Defino return to the show for today's episode. They talk about how to avoid a movie theater shooting, the Trailer Hitch Bitch, and down syndrome Victoria Secret models.Thanks to Malia and Paddy for coming back on the show and being great guests. Check them out on previous episodes or at their links down below.Follow Paddy on Instagram @paddy_is_funky and check out his new podcast, the Untitled Podcast. Malia is on Instagram @maliasimon as well as at maliasimon.com. She's also on stage at St. Marks Comedy Club in Manhattan every Friday at 10:15. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichael and check out the show on YouTube now tooThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here with Malia Simon. Oh, you said hey before I introduce you. You're supposed to say hello. I was going to. Well, you're taking a long. Yeah, yeah. They turned it off by now.

A lot of liberties there on the show. Malia Simon and Patty DeFino. Hey, Michael, glad to be here on your podcast. Oh, wow. That's how I started. I hate it. I did somebody else recently. And they put on the podcasting, but it's so hard not to do. Yeah. It just becomes so unnatural immediately.

Yeah, because you're like, we're starting now. All right, guys, what's funny? I feel like I have four different voices because I have a stand-up voice. I have like a news from bed voice. You have like a talking. I know the news from bed. Yeah. You have like a talking to your parents voice.

What's the talking to your parents? Oh, you talk. Oh, I talk the same to my parents. Oh, really? I don't curse. I'm just like, yeah, well, what are you trying to convince that you are? But then I also have like a talking to my betrothed voice from like,

what's that? Yeah, it's so good. That's true. That's very odd. It's creepy. Yeah, it's lovey, dude. What is betrothed? What does that what word mean?

I mean, I think, girl friend. Oh, yeah. Wait, what did you think he was talking? I have no idea.

I think I'm just calling someone up in prison like, La La La La La. That'd be a hilarious movie to call a friend in prison

and do like a loud gay boys on the phone. You better not be with other boys in there. Dude, I did a really funny thing the other day. Do you know when like

you're alone and you're like some people just do funny things when they're alone? Of course. I never do that. Really? Dude, I had the perfect opportunity.

I'm like, not happy usually if I'm like alone. Yeah, I get it. So I'm like not in the mood. Yeah. But I was like on my way walking to the Staten Island ferry. That's probably why you were sad. Yeah.

That's not normally. Definitely part of a fun adventure about to happen before that. Yeah, why were you going to the Staten Island? It was for work. I have to go there for work. Oh, that's so boring. I just have to go there like three days a week for this project. What are you guys engineering?

New roof. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm the ferry terminal in the Staten Island. inside. I'm giving away who I am and where I work. Yeah. But anyway, I'm like walking over to the ferry. It's like eight in the morning. And I'm like kind of nauseous and I have this

fart brewing dude. So like there was all these people standing outside like trying to talk to people like, hey, can I have a minute? And this guy walked up to me. He's like, hey, can I have a minute? And like when he got like an arms reach away, I just ripped a fuck. Was it loud? Yeah. It was so loud. It was just like

and just kind of froze. And I just like kept walking. I was like, oh shit. I can't believe I did that. Totally work, dude. Oh, for sure. Because they're not going to, like, imagine you fart and then you stop. And then, like, they have to, like, talk to you and be like, like, yeah. We have this great program for, uh, underprivileged.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of funny to, like, do a fart prank because that's kind of embarrassing for you. Yeah. Yeah, I got, I was, I shit my pants. What a loser. That guy is so embarrassed. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, those are always funny. Like, uh, I don't know, it never gets old, though, too, like it, like a funny fart. Yeah. A well-timed fart. Yeah, yeah. Cued up. Didn't you fart at an open mic one time when someone was bombing?

No, I farted at the beginning of Michael's set one time. Oh, where was this? You did? At Eastville. You were telling a joke about James Bond. You're like, you guys know James Bond? Nobody else left but you. Oh, I remember.

Yeah. You're like, oh, that was good. That was good. And then you're like, oh, I wish I could fart right. It totally derailed your entire. Because I can't do. I've felt it. I'm like,

I'm like, I'm going to fart because like, especially when it's like a really bad audience. I'm like, this would just be great. Yeah. If they're not, if they don't laugh,

then they're terrible. Yeah. Oh, on stage? Yeah, yeah. That would be really fun. Oh,

for sure. Yeah. But it's like what happens then you get up there and then you're like, oh. And you just, it just disappears completely.

You know, I don't think anybody's been able to do it in history. No, well, you know, it would be really funny. You know, be really funny is if you go up on stage and you're talking and you like just fart but like you

don't like put the microphone up to it or anything you don't you know you don't address it so like everyone hears it but like you're not like chat gbt what even is it like they think you think that they couldn't hear it you just keep going it's like at a comedy shop where like you can hear everything have you guys been dating for a while. And they're just looking at you and you're like... It's a little spadeouts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you guys so much. That's your leaving. Yeah. Dude, speaking of comedy, I got to tell you guys the story. So last night, uh, Jeff Garland, who if you don't know, he was, he's the other guy. He's the other guy. He was in daddy daycare. You'd recognize him even saw him. Can you pull a picture of him? Yeah.

So he was in the... He talks like this. Yeah, yeah. He was in a... I was right. year. Yeah, I was a little scared there. I was already for that. But he, uh, he was in the village and do you not recognize him? Is Malia like 14? I know, I know. I know. Yeah. Also, by name, nobody really knows him. But he, uh, I'll flashback. I heard him on Rogan like six years ago. And he's

like, yeah, if you're wearing, if you have long hair, I don't think you're funny. He's like, I can tell. He goes, if you have long hair, I don't think you're funny. He's like, if you act out sex on stage, you're not funny. He goes, him saying, oh, he's him saying, oh, women are I think about dudes whatever you're saying you're just shooting you're just saying like whatever

like the same thing of my podcast I'm like people with Toyota Priuses are bitch you just say things guys with Fedora fucking suck you know what I mean it's like you're not applying this to everybody

but I took it really personally like six years ago so I've had this sort of disdain from like who the fuck does he think he is and he was in he propped into Greenwich Village last night and so somebody who was at the show who was by and like oh yeah

he sucks like yeah, fuck that guy. He sucks. And I was like, yeah, he's so, like, pretentious. Like, he thinks he's, like, better than everybody. I was, like, I've never seen a stand-up, but he's like, oh, you don't have long hair doing comedy. Dude, all this impression.

And then he walks in the door of the comedy shop. No way. And it sits down. It just starts talking to all of us after we just, like, made fun of him. That's so funny. Dude, for, like, 10 minutes is the most genuinely nice guy. He's sitting directly next to me. He's like, yeah, so how are you guys doing?

And I'm like, good. And it was such a weird, like. Nice hair. You're probably fun. And it was just like the most awkward thing Because we've never had it We're like the breadth of us talking shit It's still in the room

Like that air is still in the same room Yeah And you just all watch each other Just get your tail between your legs Oh dude Everybody's just like Oh nice to hop right on stage Yeah

Yeah it was so funny too I told the audience When I went up Because those two comics later I was like we completely just shat talking And then we're such fucking pussy Yeah Yeah

But it's like You're one of the greats man Yeah Well yeah He was like he was a really nice It's like I immediately changed my, you meet somebody for two seconds and you're like, all right, well, he's a really cool guy. I mean, it's like, you don't really mean it when you talk shit half the time. Especially about famous people.

Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, I fucking hate the Kardashians, but if you met them, you wouldn't be like mean to them. For sure, yeah, yeah. Also, it would be insane for him to sit down, like, hey, how's it going? And it'd be like, you know what you said on Joe Rogan six years ago? Really bug you. Yeah. Don't fuck yourself, Jeff.

Yeah. Which is insane because that's like the least, it's like I would not want anybody to judge me off of the things I've said. I know, right? Yeah, yeah. But it's so funny because that context just gets like... Yeah, I think it's because we know, like, we see celebrities a lot, so we kind of know their personality. So, like, you start to, like, know them, but you've never met them.

So you're like, I don't like have a relationship with him. Fuck this guy, you know. Yeah, they don't seem like a real person anymore. So you just like, develop that. Yeah, that he walks in the door and he's just like talking to you and you're like, I have no idea how to deal with this. Because I also, I didn't go over the top, it wasn't like, hey, nice to meet you on Michael.

You know, I was like, I'm going to just hang out. I'm not going to walk out of the room because that's weird too. So I was like just sitting there. And then he's like talking about movies. He's like, you know what movie had the most incontinuity in it? And then TJ's like, The Godfather,

he's like, correct. It's just like a weird thing. What? Yeah, yeah. It was just a weird thing. That's very strange. Dude, I have a very funny story that involves you and me.

I don't know if you remember this or not. But this is for the listeners. Me and Michael went and saw the movie 65. Oh my God. Yes. Yes. Let's talk about this. Dude,

we saw the Adam Driver at 65. 65, probably the worst movie I've ever seen. I've ever seen. It was so bad. So people don't know Adam Driver. You could start explaining. Adam Driver is a man who's supposed to pilot this like colonization mission with like maybe like 50 people.

It's supposed to be taking place 65 million years ago. They're in like a different solar system. Yeah, that's funny too because you didn't know. You see these people talking in English. Yeah. England is not even a country. So obviously it's whatever. It's that's dushy for me.

about that. But it goes 65 and then says million years ago. You go, oh, that's what they call that. Yeah, that's what this is about. But anyway, but he, like, basically crash lands on Earth 65 million years ago. So it's when the dinosaurs around and the meteor that, like, extinks the dinosaurs is also simultaneously coming down on the earth at the same time. And we're making kind of funny jokes where, like, he, like, beat his wife or something.

And he's like, what? It was 65 million years. He could just do anything. like a futuristic. He's like, it's like, 65 million years ago. I could do whatever I want. Just saying really racist remarks.

But, he's like, it was 65 million years ago. So we like smoked a little weed before. We were both like kind of on edge. Dude, I was so, we were walking around.

And like, I really unloaded on you. I was like, yeah, I know a lot of people that have died. And I'm like, we're just walking around. We're kind of having like,

we're like really having a talk, like about life and everything before we get in. So the vibes going into the movie, we're a little like tense. And I was thinking about it. I was like, did I unload too much on bat? No, not at all. But, so we get into the movie

and like the trailers are going, whatever. By the way, that trailer for that one movie looks terrifying. Oh, Evil Dead. There was a trailer that like, just that trailer, I was like, this is the scariest thing. I couldn't why, like, covered my eyes. This way you can't get high, dude. No, you have to. It's exciting.

You try to go to a movie, it's so fucking boring. Dude, remember? Men, we'll talk about men. Yeah, yeah. But anyway. So this is. I also can't enjoy basics. things anymore. I'm like, I have to be on drugs

for this to be... I'm like, going to the movie, so it was a very common thing. Yeah, yeah, I know. Like, you're fucking fucked up. The movie starts. Like, it starts, and they're kind of showing like Earth or whatever. Maybe, like, two minutes in, barely, like, we still have no idea what's happening. Two minutes in, this guy walks into the theater

and he's, like, in the row in front of us. And he's kind of, like, fidgeting around with something. He's got, like, a mask on. He's got, like, a mask. I get scared. I get scared. Yeah, and anything... Not because of political I'm not like, what's this country go. But I'm I'm like, this is you're covering your face. Oh, yeah.

And anything in the theater is automatically like. All the time. The amount of movies I've thought are going to get shot up. Dude, because of that thing that happened. For sure. Yeah, yeah. So, like, we're both fully leaned back because we're like stoned.

We have our snacks, whatever. We're just lean back. Without, like, leaning his seat forward, without, like, pushing the button to put it back in, Michael just climbs up out of his seat and just takes three steps to the aisle. And then turns around. I was trying to poke at the guy. I was trying to see him what's going on.

So he kicks two chefs to the aisle and then turns around to me and goes like this, like one second. Like gives me a one second. And then I see him walk out of the theater. And I'm like, okay, maybe he just had to pee or like get a concession or something. So he just thought the guy had a gun and just fucking left me. Just left me in the theater. Not only that, but he gave me like a like a just kidding. So then like, were you just like outside of the door?

listening in like just like if you were gunshots what would you have done you would have felt pretty shitty I felt horrible but you were just so

paranoid I thought so paranoid so I kind of knew you were being paranoid yeah so I saw the guy and he was holding like one hand in front imagine like somebody holding

like they're holding like a machine guns they have like one hand on like the thing and one hand here and he's like fidgeting and like this is really scary but then I walked towards them and I realized that it was a chair he was trying to open

which is first off that's why the fuck you bring their own chair through a movie Oh yeah that's already weird Right But then once I saw

as a chair I walked past him to go to the bathroom Oh okay Yeah and then I was like So that was a double Yeah Because you can't like

Look in front of the movie Oh that's a gun All right I'm gonna say Yeah yeah Once I found out What it was That's what I left

But it didn't Because back Because back Because back you're just We just gonna live You get shot In the fucking Yeah

Dude the funniest Yeah The funny Yeah I told like so many people that story because I think it's so fucking funny. And like so many people were like, what a dick. I'm like, but I'm fine.

Like I didn't give a shit. I was like, that's the funniest thing ever. Yeah, yeah. People are like probably really upset. It's one of those things when you're high where you're just like, I don't even know what's right. Like you just have to kind of get out of there. It's like, I'm probably just really paranoid.

Yeah. You were probably also like you didn't want to turn to me and be like, hey, that guy's got a gun. This guy might have a gun. Because I'm like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So I was like, I'm going to scope it out. Yeah.

And then keep walking. So when you gave me the one more, you're like, he probably doesn't have a go. Yeah, but let me go check. Let me go check. But like, from my perspective, I saw it as like, you stay here. I'm going to go take cover. Don't go anywhere. Do you leave in the movie theater?

Then he's going to come outside and shoot people. Yeah. It's also funny because there's like five people in the movie theater. I don't know why. Yeah. In the worst movie ever. Yeah, nobody's going to shoot up that movie. They wouldn't even report it.

Dude, wasn't the funny one? Was it train wreck where there was one where the guy got, but they got in a show over a cell phone. Like some guy's cell phone went off and another guy shot up because he's like, shut the fuck up, dude. I'm trying to watch Amy Schumer. I don't know if it was that, but it was like right around the time because like the dark,

uh, the, was it dark night rises or I think dark night rises was the one. Yeah. And like Aurora or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, that one happened. And I remember I went to the, uh,

if I first thought, that'd been so great if some guy dressed as Batman just beat the shit out of them. How many guys you think tried and we just don't hear those stories If the guy who like tried it Oh yeah, that's pretty sad Yeah, he's a guy don't use guns Shut up.

Yeah, they're not gonna be like 10 teenagers died And one vigilante Yeah Do you think he got buried in like their suits Like just at the funeral? They got like the Batman mask gone. Vengeance. There's like another Batman behind a tree

Like an umbrella But yeah I don't know what happened with that But it was funny too Because the guy He got kicked at Or no, the guy And then we see the guy who goes down there, and he is sitting like in his little personal chair, which looks way less comfy.

It's like a camping chair. I'm like, why wouldn't you sit in the movie? Is that even allowed? So we saw this big security guard come up. And this Hispanic, like, manager is like, eh, you can, you can. And we see them talk for like probably 15 minutes. And then the manager and the security guard just walk away. And we're like, what was that discussion?

Was it like, you can't bring your chair in here? And the guy was like, yes, I can. And he goes, no, you can. It went off for like 10 minutes. And we're like, what is going on with this guy? I love how every security situation, like, anywhere, involves, like, a big guy who doesn't say a word. And then a little guy who's like, so here's the deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just going off. Big guy can't even speak English. Yeah, he just stands there. Yeah, yeah. He's like, what's up, boss? Shut up. It would be funny if the little guy jumps on his back while he's fighting, like, a fucking, like, superhero machine or something. He makes him go.

Yeah. He, like, tells him secrets. Fire him up. Ratatouis is the guy. Just pulling at his air. Oh, yeah. I was picturing that too. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you were trying to say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you can have credit for that one. Yeah,

it's what you thought of. Yeah. That's what you were thinking. I just, I want to know what that conversation was. I think it was probably like, you can't see your own chair as the guy goes,

I'm disabled. And then he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what do you need to be, you know? I can't get a load off in front of a lake. It's a weird disability where I can't sit in a movie. chairs and I only could sit in like weird. Was it like a lawn chair?

Dude, it was a camping chair like stool like for your feet. Like you know where you put your feet? Yeah, like a Coleman, like one of those that you put like. Oh. I'm surprised you and Paul like a grill. It's like one of those old things. It starts cooking up like sausages or something.

Sorry, I have to go camping in here. It's my disability. My disability is that I need to go camping all the time. I need to feel like I'm under the star. It starts carving up a full watermelon. The, uh, they really don't check bags there at all. It's insane. That's nuts.

That fucking scares the shit out of me. Yeah. No joke. Like, I understand why you're freaked out about that. Yeah, they never do. Yeah. No, I bring full backpacks in with like drinks and guns. Guns, always.

Yeah, yeah. Child pornography. How many people can bring guns movie here but not playing on shooting people? Imagine the guy who brings child pornography into the movie. He's just like, he's like, hey, it's a most private place. Yeah. But I want to be in public still. I guess it's not.

Oh, I said that. It's not at all, yeah. So we saw men. Have you heard of that movie, Men? I forget who did it. It's a shit movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard mixed things about it.

Yeah. It was really bad. Yeah. And, like, I took some mushrooms. Yeah. Yeah, you're going. All right, perfect. I took some mushrooms and, dude, that movie fucked me up for like three weeks.

That is terrifying. Have you heard of the end of that movie? No, just ruin it. Dude, it's just a, guy who just keeps giving birth out of a vagina to another guy who then like grows They're just like crawling out of each other's assholes

Who then Then give birth to another one The next one has like a broken leg coming out And they just keep doing that And it's a deep metaphor about It's a deep metaphor about men or something Dude Honestly I left that movie theater

Hating women There's no reason That you make a movie that bad Everyone hated it. It's literally written by man and it's called men. Oh, that guy was trying to get so much pussy. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. And the whole thing is she's like,

sorry. Well, you fuck me now. It's like one of those weird you know what like a weird kid proposes to like the hottest girl in prom? Oh yeah. And he's like, I made you a statue out of tooth brushes. Get the fuck out of it. I'm going with Chad. Yeah. That's what it

was. It was like a nerdy fucking weirdo who doesn't know how to profess. himself or make any kind of, you know, who is that for besides him? Because, like, nobody is like, yeah, I don't think men are guilty of any atrocious these. It's like, we get it. It's like, I get, you know, Adolf Hill.

Dude, I wish people would shoot that movie up every single time. Dude, I felt like, if someone shot me in the head, I would have felt so much better. Yeah. It was really terrible. I was like, the whole time, like, aha. Men. Like Peter Griffin?

Ah, man. Oh, so this is the funniest part. This is maybe the funniest thing Malia's ever done. in her 20... How old are you? 24? 23. 23 year old life.

After the movie, we go to the Union Square subway station because we're all heading home. And she hops the turnstile. And I pay because I'm fucking loaded. We walk over. And she's kind of like looking around. And I was like, oh, do you want to like take the L or whatever with me?

And she's like, yeah. And she like nervously just like walks over. And we're walking down the stairs. And all of a sudden, cop comes up to the top of the steps. So I'm at the bottom. She's in the middle. The cop's at the top. And the cop goes, uh, miss,

uh, you didn't pay for the turn style. And she's like, what? He's like, can you come here a second? And she just turns to me and goes, men. Right in front of the cop. And like, it was so fucking funny. He definitely, he definitely heard it, but there's, he can't understand the nuance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He thinks that I'm just like fucking men. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Take it for hopping in first film. So funny. Yeah. Dude, sometimes sometimes some of the jokes are so simple, but they're so perfect.

Like, we went to go see Cocaine Bear, and there's a scene where the bear is, like, attacking the driver, and, like, the car crashes, and the driver's Asian. I go, Asian driver, typical. It's, like, obvious that you're getting eaten by a bear. It's like, it's insane thing, but I'm like...

It is funny, though, that, like, they elected to make that choice. Like she could have been the one in the back of the thing that got ripped out by the bear or whatever. It's one of those things where like no one can say anything because then it's like they're the one who thought it. You know, they're like, well, you want to make an Asian bear. Like, what do you mean?

What's wrong with having an Asian driver? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's funny too to be like or that was the message. They're like, look, next time you see an Asian guy driving about there might be a full grown cocaine bear in the car eating. Yeah, that's subliminal messaging. It's actually society that is causing Asians to crash.

That's just like a funny, like, that's one of those stereotypes that I don't think really like is dramatically harmful. That Asians are bad drivers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think they care. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's one of those things too. I think it's kind of cool in a way. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's like, I think the, like, I get why the math one's bad because if you say all Asians are good at math, then there's like a guy who's like, I went to Harvard for literature.

They're like, all right, buddy, we're going to have you solved. Like, that is a thing where they get sent to the math department. I'm like, that sucks. But, like, karate and being bad, they're not going to be like, we're going to have you guard the building. It's like, it's like, there's something that are so, like,

either outlandish or, like, just that it's like, yeah. I don't know what scenario that hurts an Asian person. Yeah. If anything, I feel like it helps everyone that's... To be more careful. Yeah.

Like, if I see some license... The cops are, like, nicer about it. They're like, look, you got in a crash, but I see the name on the license. Yeah. No. Yeah. If I see Godzilla on a license,

plate, dude. I'm staying two lanes clean. But I also understand the other side of it where people that are Asian are like, all right, we've heard the driving joke, come up with something new. Yeah. Because it's kind of like, I get like a lot of jokes about my last night. Like, all right, we heard the driving thing. We heard the tiny penis thing. We heard that we're good at

mad. We have sex with the octopine. Yeah, we heard that we hate black people. Every single we eat dogs. Yeah. Yum, yum, yum. They can be so just like they really don't give a fuck sometimes like I had a professor in college and he was this

Japanese guy and he taught like I think he taught like personality psych and one time he was talking about like body standards for women or something like that classic yeah yeah just the way he was talking about it like he was like he like showed all these pictures of Marilyn Monroe and he's just like hilarious yeah like he's like guys Marilyn Monroe like she was kind of fat. Swear to God he said that. Was he from Japan? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, but it's like, what point are you making right now, bro? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, everyone was like, and this was at Columbia, so everyone was like, oh my God, you know, like you're not supposed to say that kind of thing at all, but it was him so he could just say shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is funny, like, finding, like, a skinny person just being like, she looks pretty fucking

fat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, tell us, I mean, like, if you're from Japan, like, there's... Well, she is fat in Japan. Yeah. No, for women, like, they need to all be tiny. No, I know. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Outside of sumo wrestlers. What if sumers are just regular American-sized people? We're like, oh, shit. Dude, there's a place I want to go. There's a place that does, like, uh, Japanese game shows. It's called, like, Batsu or something like that in the East Village. I walked by... Bat soup. And you were like, here, you, you're like, what is going on? Not Bat soup. Yeah. It's kind of Bad So, and I was like, like, Batsu. And I was like, And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And all the windows are blacked out. And I looked it up and they do these crazy gap Japanese game shows where they're like hitting people in the balls. Whoa. Sounds like Fight Club kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. There's no way you get allowed in though.

No, you do. It's like, it's like that, the real ones of that are like, there's no advertisements outside. Like you can't find it. But this is like, it's like just right in East Village. It's like they're doing it as like a fun cultural thing. But it'll probably be gone three weeks. So you guys ever see those things on the sidewalk that say fight club? Yes.

I don't know what that is. I don't know. I think it's just like someone made a sticker thing. Yeah, it's just like a spray painted. Dude, the one that pisses me off so much is there was one in my neighborhood in Bushwick. They spray painted like the outline of this woman like holding a fucking vibrator over her pussy. Got me so mad, dude. What?

So mad. Wait, what do you mean they spray? Who spray painted where? It was just on the sidewalk. It was just like a outline of like a woman like this. And she just had a vibrate her on her pussy. What's wrong with her going to inspect her gadget on the pussy? It pissed me right off, dude.

Because there's kids walking around. Oh, you're one of these guys? Oh, dude, come on. We're lying to him about Santa. We're going to lie to him about a female orgasm. Because I don't care. I'm like, dude, if they were like, we're going to show hardcore pornography to elementary school kids, I wouldn't give a fuck. What?

I don't care. That's a crazy thing you just said. I don't get. Cause like a hardcore porn. I don't care. Even the one I don't want to want to watch. What do you mean you don't care? Okay, so first off, I grew up on.

I don't care. I can't believe you just. I can't believe you just been sitting on this take. Well, it's like, okay, it's like the person showing kids hard pornography, that's weird. Because you're like, what are you trying to fuck these kids? That's a problem. It's always a Mexican guy in a construction sign. Showing kids.

What are you? I'm very confused. No, they're like known for showing each other pornography. Like that's what this opinion needed is more something else offensive. I've never heard the stereotype. Oh, really? They actually guys watch porn of the job. Yeah, it's like a known, it's a very well-known thing.

They're like that. They're like all in on it. Yeah, yeah. Just like 10 of them crowd around one phone. Dude, literally. And it'll just be like some lady just getting fucked in the ass. And they're just like. It's been long known that they're like the horniest dudes.

The construction guys. No construction guys. Oh, yeah, for sure. It makes sense. It's like, that's a guy who can't sit in a fucking office. He's like, fuck that. I have too much testosterone. Yeah, dude.

And then so you combine that with being on a job site. Yeah. You're just doing drywall. You're fucking ready to do it. And probably like, I think exercising also like raises your testosterone. Yeah. Probably. They're out in the heat and stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. They're using spicy food. So their body's like, aye, aye, aye. Yeah. Yeah, that too. Absolutely. That's what I was going to say.

But my thing is, okay. So like. Back to. This is my opinion on it. So it's like, I do think like you shouldn't show kids hardcore pornography, obviously. Oh, you're a great guy. Thank you.

Thank you. But it's like I don't, I genuinely, I don't. I don't care. I don't care. I do not care. Don't fuck kids. But I don't think that like, everybody's like, look at this new book the kids are reading in school.

There's like a gay sexy and I'm like, I don't care. Why do I care? Interesting. Why do I care? Point A to point Z. That's the whole argument, right? It's like, I heard somebody recently. They're like, look this graphic novel that kids were reading.

And the kids are like 16. They're like, look, there's a gay sexy. And I'm like, there is, there's hardcore porn on all of their phones. There is something to showing kids at a young age, very graphic pornography. Because then from then on, you can, they can read any book. There's no banned book anymore. Yeah. Everything is on the table.

Everything's fine. Yeah. So if you're trying to open the floodgates. Dude, I watched a guy get murdered when I was like in eighth grade on video. It was weird. I was a little fucked up for a week. But, you know, you're like, that's what the internet is. And I'm like, for a week.

They're not seeing anything that's not like a real thing. Like, that is a real thing. It's like, do, do, do. But don't you think sometimes your brain is kind of not ready for all that? Like, don't you remember the first time you watched porn and you were like, it was exciting, but you were also like, what the fuck? No, I was like, this is cool. I wish somebody showed me this early.

No, dude, it's overwhelming. Like, it will overwhelm a kid. The problem is, like, the first time a kid watches porn. and it's never just like missionary sex. It's like there's like a horse and a dog and a goblin. I don't know. That's true. I remember I looked at porn pictures for like a year.

And first of up, also I think when you're a kid, like you're like, I'm not going to watch a dick in porn that's gay. That was like the whole thing. So like you watch lesbian. And then once I found out you go to videos, I was like covering up with your hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's about you could go to videos? I was like, my mind is blown. I was like, why didn't I ever think of that?

The pictures could be moving. Like it never heard of me. I started with pictures too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I just wanted to Google images. Yeah. Yeah, my brother looked up like stripped.

That was like in like fifth grade or something like that. So we just saw like naked women, which I don't think there's anything wrong. What's wrong with kids seeing naked women? Well, nothing if they seek it out, but I'm saying like if it's forced on them before they're ready. You know what I mean? Showing them is very weird. I think the word, the wrong word in the sentence was children. I think children are too young.

14 is not, you're not sure. They are too young, but also I don't care. But like, dude. But it's like if you find your way to. something, then for sure you were meant to see it at that time? I don't know. I saw two girls won't hook up when I was, like, 13. I was like, not meant to, but like, meant to in some sense.

The first one I saw was trailer hitch, bitch. What the hell is that? It was a woman whose vagina looked like, uh, there's like this, you know, in Pirates of the Caribbean, too, uh, Davy Jones, how he's got like those tentacles. Yes. Her vagina looked like that. And she put like a condom over a trailer hitch and the back. And fucked a trailer hitch.

And fucked a trailer hitch. Oh, man. That was the first thing I ever saw. And you were turned on by that. No, not at all. I had no idea what it was. I was like, you're just like kind of enthralled. You're like, what am I? I was, I think, 12 or 13.

Now, if you were 14s or if you were 10 when you saw that, I would have been rock hard. Yeah. But it's one of those things where it's like, it's like, I don't like, you know, you see two girls one couple, you're 13 and you go, wow, girls are cooler than I thought they were. And then you're good to go. Not necessarily that, but you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you see that. you're like, like, it's like, I think somebody showing kids porn is creepy as hell. Obviously, don't show kids porn. Yeah. But it's like, people love to use this word pornography and they're like, look at this book that has a sex scene in it. And they're like, because they teach graphic novels in schools or whatever. It's like, and they'll have movies that have sex scenes. And then it's like, do we really need?

Is that really like a huge, is that kid going to be fucked up for life? Because you saw that. It's like, yeah, dude, because like, I remember we saw Romeo and Juliet in school. I remember that. She had the biggest fucking tits ever. Yeah. And like, I'm pretty sure you. see him and like dude seeing tits that big it's like i wish i saw like tits like kind of on like a scale

like i wish i saw an a cup first than a b then it before seeing that because once you see that you're like what was that you know right like if i had seen him like go up i could have made sense of it in my mind yeah but there was no way i was doing that you know yeah yeah i wonder how like sexuality would progress if we didn't have access to porn i don't know because it's like Also, it's like, I don't know, it's like, you'd say that, but then also like in 1800s, people were like fucking kids. So it's like, you know what I mean? Very true. Yeah.

I think there'd be way more pedophilia. Yeah, yeah. Dude, teachers just keep, it just keeps happening where teachers just keep fucking street. Yeah, they got in trouble for like having child boy. It's insane. Yeah, dude. People did that at my school like once a week. Banked kids?

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's normally how that works. Nobody's like, I do it once in a blue moon. I think they do it. Yeah, I think it's just going to always happen. Yeah. On holidays. People were surprised.

Like, this guy who fucked kids fucked a lot of kids. It's like, yeah, I don't think people usually dip their toes. Like only on holiday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder if, like, back in the day because, like, so many people were doing it. If, like, people would do it who weren't even into it, but they're like, I got to see what the rage is. Yeah, I'm hanging out with the Rolling Stones.

That's what they do? It's not my cup of tea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My cup of tea. What am I not going to fuck this teenager? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, bro. Were you gay?

Yeah, that's got to suck to think you're into it. Spring break. Christ. I fucked the 16 year old and I don't like it. Your Honor, I pledge. I plead spring break. I plead rock and roll and spring break.

Oh, you're going to tell me. The card has decided innocent. Yeah. That's what it's like, so it's like the drag brunch with the kids, right, or whatever. That's weird. Yeah, this is actually a very progressive point

I think that you're making. Yes. Yes. In the long run. Yeah. Yes. I think that's weird. but I don't think it's going to negatively affect the kids.

You're weird for wanting to show kids certain things, but I don't think the kids are like... You know what I mean? It's like, I think that there's... Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Also, the second of school teaches me something, I'm like, what is this lame? Like, if I was a kid and they started...

I'd be like, now it sucks, because you said it was... Yes. If anything, the schools were like, do not be homosexual. And then I'll be like, I'm going to start blowing my dude friends. Take that, Mrs. Krasinski. And then they're like, that was the lesson in senior year. They're like, we wanted to me.

make you guys all gay. Yeah. They should do that with drunk driving. They should be like, what you guys want to do? This is the response. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and then just kill off all the good kids. Drink 45 Mike's hard lemonade because that's the only thing you guys can get your hands on. Get your parents' keys. They're nicest car. Immediately start it.

Drive. That's how you get on student council and they're like, you fucking pussy, you drove drunk last night? Yeah. It even's out. But yeah, I think it's one of those things

that's, Some of it is weird, but I'm like, also, I don't think kids get that fucked it. But people just assume it's like, dude, when I was like in sixth grade, I was watching porn every day. Yeah. And as I said, I'm not the best example for what's normal. But I think, I don't think it really like fucks you up that much. And it's like, it is a part of life. It's like, that kid's going to have, and it's like, I think you should teach.

Yeah. But as I said, it's also weird when there's like a teacher was like, isn't this gay sex scene cool? And you're like, that's weird. Yeah. But don't you think, just back to the porn thing, like, don't you think they're probably something fun when like you didn't know if other people were as fucked up because now there's all this fucked up shit out there and you're like oh everyone's watching crazy shit but like back probably back in the day you thought like oh no it's just me yeah but it wasn't fun it for me

it was like deep disgust to myself all right well maybe a little bit of that but also like maybe you're like and then you find one other person who's like into some freak shit and then you're like whoa but now it's like everyone's like just everyone's like just everyone's like just everyone's Everyone tells everyone that... Everyone's gone so far with it. Everyone's gone so far with it. Yeah. Dylan Mulvaney is the face of Bud Light.

Oh boy. I said this before, but like people are making a big deal about that. Like Bud Light is literally gay Budweiser. Oh, it is. Is it not? There's not a more like appropriate place. Yeah, yeah.

But it's still rednecks love it. Rednecks love it. And they're like... Yeah, that's an interesting. Why do you think they did that? I think it's funny. It's hilarious. I wish she would have gone farther

with like the what's it called and been like She was talking about March Madness But to be fair It's like March Madness I don't think That many Rednecks are into that But it would have been funny if she's like I don't even know what the SEC conference is She's like I think I'm gonna play football

Next week and then just slowly start That's why I thought like there's no way this isn't for press Yeah, yeah, for sure right? I didn't hear that they lost $4 billion in sales Because, like, half my Instagram feed is now fucking rednecks that are like, here's a song to Bud Light. Fuck you. I'm like, it's so fucking gay, dude.

It's like, yeah. Dude, it's also like it's a can, dude. And who's better at recycling than the trans community? Ah, that's a good point. Wow. Yeah. Dude, I think there's a little more going on here than Kid Rock realizes. Yeah.

Dude, what an awesome way to protest, dude. To shoot. Well, you have Adam Christopher who was talking about the last episode. It's like, he shot all this. He bought all those but lights still. But still, you got to pay a little, you got to make a little investment to make a real point.

Yeah. Yeah, it's I don't know. It's like, I don't, it's like one thing where it's like I do respect the inclusion but some of it's funny where like, like I think I sing that article about a, like the blue beetle like they're making it all Hispanic, which is cool. Like you should, I get making things diverse because it's like, especially like

the blue beetle. It's like a superhero movie. So if you're a kid, I totally get why you see gay superhero and you feel better about yourself. I'm like, I think that's, I think that's a good thing. But there's this article for the Blue Beetle and says, the new Blue Beetle movie's unapologetically Latino. And it's like, what? Oh, come on. That's hilarious. They're like, wait, and it's a gay one. No, no, no, but they're like, they said it's unapologetically Latino. As if they're like, what's in a polliatically Latino? Like, well, how would they be

apologeticly Latino? I'm sorry. Sorry. Lo see. He's like, look, this film's a little south of the border. It's not going to be for I was hoping it was the Blue Beetle and it was like a gay superhero movie. So the villain could be called the bug chaser. Do you know what bug chasing? I can tell you didn't. Yeah, you totally didn't. Just laughed along.

Do you know what it is? No. Somebody who like purposely tries to get AIDS from other people. Yeah, for the thrill of the sex. We always run it. Oh shit. Yeah, they like seek out people with AIDS because it like it makes it way hotter that they could contract. Dude, that is.

fucking. That's a crazy thing. Okay. Imagine being into that. Yeah. Like you're considering AIDS to be a bug. Yeah.

That's a little bit bigger. That's true. I'm not to get the old bug today. I'm like, bro, you know you're going to have that, right? But now it's not even like, I think AIDS is cool.

Yeah. Oh, you can cure it now kind of right? Yeah, yeah. It's like not even. Are you, well, are we sure about that?

No, no. Look, I'm not sure about anything. I've said it's okay. I don't care. Yeah. Yeah. I don't care.

But I feel like I look into that. probably the safest thing you can have right now that nobody will fuck you if they know you have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, say what? But it's like the safest thing you can, like you're not going to get, you're barely even going to have any symptom ever but still nobody will fuck you.

Oh yeah, but nobody will fuck you. So that's the thing. Because it's called AIDS. Yeah, they got to, age needs a real rebranding. They need a real re-branding. Yeah, yeah, like imagine being like, oh, I have AIDS, but like it's cool now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny. Because it's terrified, dude. So you shake

hands the homeless guy and your media thought God I hope I don't get a hits. Yeah. One time I shared a cigarette with a homeless guy. Yeah, you probably have a AIDS. That's living on the edge there. Yeah, I was just like, I was just really fucked up. He used to drink a lot.

One of my friends just passed out in Wall Street somewhere like, like didn't see him the rest of the night. Yeah. And there's just one homeless guy who smoked a cigarette. He's like, hey, you got an extra one? I was like, nah, you can just have some of mine. Yeah, yeah. Even he was like, are you sure? I'm at age.

He's like, I want that cigarette more than life itself, but I don't want you to be sick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's terrifying. I was about to sneeze. I had a guy recently that's homeless guy's, had some of guys' hand, and the homeless guy's hand was just covered in blood. And he's like, dude, what the fuck? That is terrifying.

Just making a pact. God bless you. The worst thing is in school they pulled that shit where they're like, they're like, I had this teacher and he goes, we're going to do a little test. So Sarah has AIDS. Sarah, stand up here. Sarah has sex with Bobby. Who has sex with

Oh, your teacher's a fucking creep, dude. Yeah, who has sex with me. And they all have sex with me. He's just rubbing his nipples. He's like, where was I going with that? Oh, yeah, I gave you guys all eight. But he's like, and then Lindsay has sex with Bobby or like whatever. And then all these people have AIDS.

I'm like, or if just like one of these, or if I just wore a condom, I would be fine. You know, it's like, or if one person does that. Yeah. But it's also, it's like impossible for women to. It's not impossible, but it's very hard for women to catch AIDS. Really? Insanely hard. Oh, what have I been wearing?

What have I been wearing a female condom? I've been wearing a dental dam for all these shit. No, it's like there's such a low chance of it. It's like, I think 20% of age patients are women. Where's the camera? And that's because only 20% are women. And that's probably from interviewing as drug use. So it's like if you're not sharing needles.

Oh, shit. No, but what if you have sex with a gay? guy, dude. Or a bye guy, sorry that is. If you have sex with a by guy. Women don't have sex with by guy. Well, apparently it's still... Where's the camera? Yeah, yeah. Apparently it's still less likely. I think some of it, I believe

it's anal fucking. Now, I don't know if this is just propaganda. Yeah, no, I've heard that as well. Yeah, because it's bloody. Because it makes it, it's something. Is it bloody? For some people. Dude, there's no way God wants them. There's like a built-in security system in an asshole. I don't know if you know how the vagina works, but there's

Literally, there's so many signs telling you not to do this. First, the Bible. The word of God. The tautness of an asshole. It is, but hey, but what about the pleasure center that is located? See, that is. That is like the DaVinci code. That's the ultimate curveball.

The national treasure, yeah. Yeah. We gotta get into my asshole and find out if it makes me come. That is funny because everybody talks about like homestead sexuality is like a temptation when they're religious. And it's so funny to be like, look how tempting it. Like, look, we all want to. Like, the priest who's like, look, you just got a sweaty guy behind.

Yeah. Yeah, that's totally, that's totally why they banned it because they're like, I want to do it so fucking bad. Yeah. And it's funny temptation because they're like, look, it's a temptation. They're like, you want it. It's like, do you think God is out here? Like, let me make the hottest fucking dudes so other dudes want to fuck the dudes. But then when they do fuck the dudes, they're going to go to hell.

Like, it's a crazy system. Yeah. It is. I bet like a lot of priests Like the reason a lot of priests Are because they were like They're like oh I'm not tempted by The flesh of women

They probably didn't know it about men yet But they're like They're like I don't feel like I feel like I could do this and be like abstinent For my entire life And even if they knew they were gay They're like that's like too embarrassing for me to like do Like at that time you know

So then they get into the priesthood And then they like see that there's these kids that like Kind of look up to them in a way and like do what their to, and they're like, oh, I have like some kind of power over these kids. For sure. And I also think sometimes people see darkness themselves and they try to overcorrect like

and they go, oh, I want to fuck kids, but I'm going to do something good with my life. So I'm going to become a priest because I have some weird dark. That's also true. Yeah, it's a less privileged kids. Yeah, yeah. Give them an equal opportunity. I'm going to go to the DR.

D.R. A bag of a kid waves. Yeah. Where they really need it. Yeah. being a kid with a tapeworm I ought to be good That was gross

I wish I didn't say that Dude that's me about that I'm like sweating from what I said earlier I'm like I don't care if you show kids born I think you did a good job You did a good job working your way Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah You look like a cat and like it stuck in a paper bag

For a while We're like I don't think Michael's getting out of this Yeah yeah I'm like that He definitely came in hot there for a second Yeah yeah yeah yeah well it's like there's a list of things I care about and it's, you know. For sure. Kids will be fine. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying. Yeah. I guess your just stance

was you just don't care about children, which is fine. What's the difference between you and people getting abortions? Nothing. They're doing it because they don't want to be fat. You're doing it because you just genuinely don't care. What if they're doing it to prevent all the kids from getting fucked? Getting fucked? Yeah, or reading

books about gay people. Yeah. I don't know. That's a great question there, Malia. Yeah. That's a great question. Yeah. I mean, all of it really comes down to parenting though. Nobody wants to parent their own kid.

I always fucking say this. Everybody's like, oh my God, they're teaching at school. It's like, really? Well, how about you fucking hang around the house for once in a while? They'll get fucked up to Buffalo Wild Wings every Thursday. Sit with your kid and maybe. There was the worst kid I've ever seen in my life on the subway today. He was just like kicking people next to him.

And his parents were just like looking at each other. not giving a shit. And dude, he was just like screaming stuff. And there was this like super like cracked out homeless lady. We just was just like, she's just like, she was like crumpled over like this for like 10 stops. And she just like got up and she's like, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck. Yeah.

Dude, it was so funny. And the parents were just like, ah, whatever. And the kid didn't change. And I was like, dude. Yeah. You know how many times I want to do that to a kid on the subway? Just a homeless person. Like just.

fucking eviscerates a child on the subway. Net zero gain. People are all worried about the vaccine. Stop people for having kids. I hope it does. We don't need any more fucking kids. Totally. Especially in the city where everyone got the vaccine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, New York City needs less kids. Yeah. This is a terrible place for kids. Totally. The worst. Whenever I see people like trying to like take their kids for a walk or something, I'm like, move out of the city.

Like go to a farm or something. Yeah, yeah. Whenever you see like a baby, it's like, you imagine like you see like a diamonds sitting. It's like, dude, hide that. Yeah. Put it away. There's sharp objects everywhere. Like literally, you go on the ground, there's like heroin needles. And the kids, you'd be like, what's that?

Yeah. I know. I used to walk past this smoke shop with the girl I used to babysit, and she would be like, what are those? And like, it's just so, it was like on the nose. Like, I was like, what she's literally looking at bongs and asking me what they are. And then she's like, are they trophies?

And I'm like, yeah. But like, what do you expect if you raise her kid? like oh for sure yeah but that's going back to what I was saying earlier it's like I think there's danger and that's what you should be worried about is your kids actually getting injured but I don't really have a fear of information with kids like I I kind of feel a little differently about like I think kids should be taught about sex early so they don't get molested like they should be yeah that's like it's like I don't think anybody's like yeah my dad gave him to talk super young and it just fucked me up you know what I mean it's like there's a way to do it

the kid who learns about sex then gets molested he's like he didn't even hit it right we did like missionary for like 20 minutes he didn't even try to touch my clearest You can't hit the back walls Yeah He's like scrolling on his phone after Yeah Smoking a cigarette

Yeah That was pretty quick Yeah Yeah Yeah He got a smarty crushed up smoking Yeah

Like that's like You guys like shit Was that good for you Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Just the guy It gets a kick in a boner in front of the kid. He's like, oh, okay. What is it? Yeah, you don't like my overalls or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not you, it's me. I've got a lot to drink.

It's noon. What do you have? Sorry, I'm just really full of candy. I don't know if I can go again. That's got to suck. That guy gets caught for that. He's like, I didn't even come. That'd be that funny.

He's like, I didn't even finish. Dude, I was in the bodega the other day because I just like go to the bodega all the time. I have like there's two on my block. I have to like rotate them. Oh, dude, I go like eight times. Yeah, I'm like I'll be like moderately fat at both of them.

I'm not going to be obese at one of them. But like I went in and all I got was like bleach and batteries. And I was leaving. And the lady goes, like all right, enjoy. Like she told me to enjoy. And I thought it would be so funny.

I'd like walk back in there and be like, Hey, do you have another sour milkshake I could have? I think I want another. Like I just hand her two batteries covered and shit. That's so funny. I said, enjoy. Yeah. Enjoy.

Yeah. I guess I'll just fucking kill myself. Yeah. I knew somebody older person and they said that they knew these guys in high school. That what they would do is one of them would pretend to be retarded. And the other one would pretend to be his caretaker. they go to the zoo and get pussy. And get pussy?

Not both of them. Oh, they trade off. You take it out, Jeremy. Dude, what a wingman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's the wingman of the year. They'd have to trade off, though, because I can't be the fucking guy again. Just one more week.

I just want to fucking pussy. But you're so good at it. No, no, I think you're good at being the, that's crazy. You knew these people? Is that real, though? You know the episode of Ollie's Sunny where they pretend to be crippled? That's what that reminds me of.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I never thought that was a real thing. I don't know if that hurts anybody. Who does it hurt? If anything, like, the woman probably feels pretty stupid after. It probably hurts her a little bit. That's funny. She's like, I only fucked you because you get a retarded brother.

That's like a weird thing to O me. Then you have to admit that. Oh, yeah. That's another one of those. He comes around to words, he's not retarded. Ha ha, ha, hi-five. You dumb, bitch. Oh.

He starts joining in. Wait a minute. It's cock's too small Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's crazy Because it's like Yeah, there's always these things People are like, that's fucked up

But you can't pinpoint why it is Right Because you're like, you're like, it is fucked up It doesn't really hurt Yeah, but who, right Like what if, say she doesn't find out That he's retarded even Or that he's not retarded

Then it, I think it really does hurt nobody Literally nobody gets hurt. Yeah, I mean, I guess you are kind of deceiving somebody But hurting Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think all of that. That's always an argument. Probably hurts the animals at the zoo, dude.

Why? They're like, oh, I thought we were communicating with them. Because zoo animals can speak. Kids are like Harry Potter. Yeah, they can speak to retardant. It does kind of seem like they're more connected with nature in some sense. Oh, for sure. You know?

It's a general peace with reality. Right, right. Yeah. Or kind of like less mine. I mean, more hearts. I'm ready for Marvel's least apologetic, retarded superhero. Oh, that's coming. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. But that's going to be a little awkward of it. It's always the villains. But you know how they have to have, like, for when they do a Latino thing or an Asian thing, they have to have, like, Latino writers. That's, like, also a thing. Oh, they're going to have to. Okay, it's a description crayon.

So I'm saying, how do you go about that? They're going to make the best superhero movie because those guys love superher movies. And they know all the lore. Oh. The only problem is, like, I don't know how good they are at, like, generating ideas. That's what I'm... They're just going to do movies that have already happened.

They're like, the dark night, oh, show. And then all the, like, writers are going to be, the exacts are going to be like, great idea. Yeah, that's for sure the thing, too. Yeah, he comes out with, like, a, like, a crown and, like, one of those capes. And they're like, he made the whole movie. He's on the red carpet, but they're like, he didn't. They hand him a note. They just start crying.

They're like, this is $4 million. Do you think we're going to give him that and let him do it? They're like, they give him a note. they're just like, they made a Down syndrome Victoria's Secret model. I saw that. Well, I mean,

God made a Down syndrome. God, right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah,

dude. Yeah, that's wild because it's like, it is, that person has the intelligence of a 12 year old. I did not jerk off to it. Thank you for clarity.

But I thought about it. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't be an honest man if I didn't say like, what would happen if I did this? In the afternoon. Yeah, well, she didn't even look to,

she kind of looked like your average, like, yeah. It doesn't come out. I think I have a Hollywood conspiracy because that new Woody Harrelson movie is coming out. And the lead girl is like, she looks like she has Down syndrome, but she like does interviews

and like she's really good at acting. And I'm like, this is like a hybrid. I think this is like a Hollywood hybrid. This is like a Hollywood hybrid. Yeah. And the whole is talking about the human handle and they're going to put them in movies and Woody Harrison's going to be on it

and it's going to be fucking fantastic. That was a good Alex Jones. Holy shit. Yeah, that's making hybrids so that it's not something it's not either or nothing. It's like it's there is how, like I saw a guy I was actually. Who's there really? Yeah, I was in

Macon which was just surprised at in the middle of Georgia. Actually, apparently that's not an in sexual thing. The Down syndrome apparently that's a misception. But once a again, what have I been

not doing it? Yeah. My heart on. I got a couple hot cousins. But yeah, no, it's like there was a guy and he's like just had a slight accent of like Down syndrome and I was like

oh, he's like, you could tell his eyes weren't as. Geometrically sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it wasn't, yeah, it was like half. Yeah, that's like a real thing. Yeah, no, pull up, can you pull up a photo? Do you have an intern or anything?

You can pull up a photo? No, I wish. Someone pull up a photo of the Downs Victoria's Secret model. How do you want to pull it up? No, I just want a reference right now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll take a look. Yeah.

Because to me, I remember her looking kind of like... She looks like half of it. Yeah, yeah. She looks like kind of your average... Not like two face. For like one half of the face. No, that would be something, wouldn't it? It's literally, I type in Vict and it's the first thing on my phone.

This is also news from like six months ago. Yeah. It's been covered on this podcast. She looks like every, like, uh... Every girl has like a friend in their friend group Who gets no dick and looks just like this Oh but still kind of is like the slutty one She looks fucking hot

That's what I'm saying she looks like But her face, her lips are still kind of like Yeah yeah but people have those kind of lips these days But like yeah that's kind of crazy That Dude She's like not even kind of like she's like straight up good looking Yeah I think that would be absolutely

taking advantage of somebody though oh wow yeah but it's like doesn't she know that she's a model like what is her idea of this yeah but it's like you're intelligent are you asking if people that's down syndrome are self-aware yeah not in this version chat cheap t hasn't gotten that yeah but it's like yeah no it's like that person saw the intelligence of like a 14 year olds it's kind of like is that is that true i'm looking at them crazy yeah it's insane yeah wow She might be shy of chromosome, but she's heavy where it matters. Trying to find some better way out of that. Pretty sloppy one.

Not as sloppy as, I don't know. Yes, dude. I don't know. I don't know. But, yeah, no, I don't know. Don't show kids porn and don't have sex with people with Down syndrome. Probably good. I guess that's kind of the moral.

attracted to like, like, I know somebody who knows somebody to Down syndrome. I keep, I keep not somebody who knows. Well, eventually we all know somebody who knows. But they were saying that like the girl Down syndrome, they're like, oh, you should hook up with this guy and he's like, ew. No, he's ugly. Yeah, they want

to fuck like people who don't have Down syndrome. Oh, I thought at first you were saying they don't want to fuck non-downs people. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. Just the rock in a movie, they're like, who is this big, ugly, big shit? he wasn't a wrestler. I would want nothing to do.

Look at his neck. It's so thin. Yeah, no, I think it's like, but she's like, I don't know fuck any dude's dadger, but people that out of down to him can't fuck her because it's like, that's disgusting. Could you imagine a guy pull up? He's like, I have no ill intent just with your daughter.

You're like, no. No. You can't. It's like you don't want to be happy. It's like, this is weird, dude. Yeah. Because it's like, you don't want her to be happy and for me to be really, really weirdly happy?

Probably illegally happy. Yeah. Imagine illegally blonde. It's just the same movie, but she's got Down syndrome. But it's not illegal and someone tries to fuck her. Doesn't have to make sense. Yeah, yeah. Nobody else will fuck me on a race car bed.

She's the only girl who will do it. Her race car bed. She knows the legality as to why nobody can. Yeah. It says here at article B. If you wear three condoms and don't get drunk, you are allowed to have sex with me. He's like, shit, okay. Well, it's like, my grandma, she had Alzheimer's, and there was, like, dudes trying to date her when she was, like, fucking, like, dating.

Because she's super ghostable at that point. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. So it's like, that's always going to be things. So I guarantee that Victoria, I bet you heard DMs are probably like. Oh, yeah, dude. Which, that would be a great. If she can ever figure out the passcode on her phone. I bet you Chris Hemsworth

Somebody's like slid in it These people are so nice Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah doesn't Chris Hemsworth have Alzheimer's No this shit is so lame He has he He found out he's possibly predisposed To having Alzheimer's

Oh my god He had a whole documentary where his wife wore like Makeup as an old lady and he's like I'll never get to see her as an old woman Because I might have And you're like these people are so fucking sick Yeah It's crazy

There are people with actual Alzheimer's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't care. No, I'm just kidding. And I don't care. I remember I did a joke about him because I was like, but luckily he'll forget all about Thor Love and Thunder.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was a shitty movie. And people were like, it's not funny. Dude, it's so interesting to me the stances that people take on like certain things. It's like Kanye West and Alzheimer's. I like the two things people are constantly defending. Alzheimer's?

Yeah, Alzheimer's. Yeah, Alzheimer's. People really get up in arms about Alzheimer's? Yeah, because I think it affects, like, a lot of people. Yeah, but it just kind of does. Yeah. Everything in life affects more people.

Yeah. We also, we got to wrap up. Okay. What do you guys want to promote? The Untitled Podcasts on YouTube. My YouTube is, I think it's Patty's Things He Made or something like that. I'm trying to not put my last name in it in case, you know, legality comes into play. But, yeah, check that out.

Videos on YouTube. that just started up and you guys are going to be on it Sunday. Yeah, yeah. Also, morning goods are going to start being on YouTube. They might be a little late.

If you're watching this on YouTube, I'm trying to upload them as much as possible. Also, there's video camera cutouts that's going to be like, we'll figure out what we'll do it with that. Yeah, yeah. We didn't do almost that at the end kind of skid it a little bit.

I think we'll be okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Down skid drum. Yeah, yeah. But if you don't, if you do have YouTube, follow Michael Good Comedy on YouTube. Yeah.

I got a show. I got a show at St. Mark's Comedy Club every Friday at 1015. Come out. It's a good show. Come out and enjoy yourself. That was creepy as shit. I mean it from the bottom of my arm. I'm just being...

I'm just being... I'm enjoying that. Thanks, man. Sweet.