Morning Good - I Got God, I'm Good - Episode 19

Episode Date: April 4, 2021

Thanks to Chris and Brian for coming on the show and getting into the tough questions. Make sure to follow them to check out some of their upcoming shows and online content.You can find Chris on Instagram @chris_waitkus, and Brian on Instagram as well @briankingfromqueensAs always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Oh, dude, it's fun. I'm fucking with you. Also, it's actually like, the pattern is actually very unique. Like, I've just been like honest, like, putting me out of it. It's not, yeah, it's not. I don't even consider it African.

It's just like orange and green and those colors. It looks very... I thought, wait, can you... I think we got it on now. What's up? I may hold a little closer. Yeah, these mics are. Got it, got, got it.

How can you tell? Yeah. Well, it's funny, because you're wearing the African headband, and I... I thought, for a second, that I told you Brian was coming. And I thought for a second, you're like... Oh, yeah. Let me just let me represent away. Whatever.

We're here with Brian King and Chris Wakes. That's it. I nailed it. I never nailed that name. You know. never have to bring me up for anything. I always have to bring you about you. He just does it for himself.

He just like, wake us, wake us, wake us, wake us. I can't buck this up. It's a great way to start. I'm going to need everyone to play this over and over and over again. Oh, yeah. I never get brought up wrong. I'm like sweating. I'm not nervous.

I'm just, I'm ready for this episode. I have nothing to talk about, but I'm just like, sometimes you're just ready for it, you know? No, that's exactly what I was thinking? I was just like, does Michael have topics? Because like, what are we going to talk about? Oh, well, trust me. I can talk about anything for hours.

We can talk about Tour de Pharmacy. Please go through the plot. I'm just going to talk about it. I'd like to find out why Andy Sandberg thinks it's cool to wear like Africa. Well, because he's playing, you know what I mean? He's playing the guy that's doing that. Andy Sandberg wasn't like, I'm just going to be a black character. Right.

Oh, that would be hilarious. Yeah. I just thought about it. I just really feel like doing blackface. I don't know what it is. But doing Essend out for like nine years. I got to switch it up. It's the next level.

That would be interesting if like all that like history of black. blackface wasn't there and everybody could just play other races. Like that would be fascinating. It's like nuanced blackface. Like someone doesn't. It's like, I've never seen that before. Yeah. There's, that's happened before. Robert Downey Jr. Yeah. Tropical Thunder is.

But really successfully too. Like, you're totally cool with it. But that also. You can't get away with that right nowadays though. That's the thing. You don't think. No fucking way. Oh, man. What if you're a great actor? What if you're... I don't think it's the acting skills as much as like the history. Well, but the only reason he was, well, First off, the reason I feel like he got away with it was because he's a white guy playing a white guy doing black.

Nobody watches that and we're like, oh, that's a black people look like. You're laughing at a white guy. It's very, no. It's very clear that it's not actually, like, offensive. But, like, the other thing is, like, I feel like it's more sensitized because, like, now people, like, got in trouble doing it, like, recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, at the time, like, it was such, like, a random thing to do. Yeah.

But it still was. Yeah. But I think it also was, like, we knew that blackface was somewhat offensive. and that's why it was, it was funny because we're like... It was like on the line, but like now it's just like, everyone's just like, I'm not touching that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if any comedy has done well, it can be accepted. Is that crazy?

No, that's not crazy at all. Not by a studio, though. Well, that's the thing is I'm also... Studios won't touch that because they don't want to take the risk because they have a brand. They have to like protect. Yeah. That's why YouTube is so fucking popular, man. We can do any, you can do anything you want on there.

I think that's why YouTube is dying, actually, because I think that YouTube is at this point where like, when YouTube first started, I feel like it was very, like, creator-oriented, like, you could do whatever you wanted.

And, like, now I feel like it's kind of getting at a point where, like, advertisers are starting to control the content that's, like, on the website. So, like,

now it's getting a little bit less free. It's kind of like what's happening with, like, TikTok and shit. Like, it's just getting, like, it's harder to monetize content and, like, not be yourself.

Oh, so you think YouTube is just going to turn to, like, what the studios were doing. Yeah, I think YouTube already is. Yeah. YouTube is slowly going to become,

like, Yeah, you guys don't have YouTube TV? What's your problem? What if it changes? Then it goes back. I have common sense. It was like, this seems like TV with like extra steps. I don't want to do this. The worst, though, is they'll put ads in the middle of like watching comedy. That's the worst. Like I'll watch like a special on YouTube. I mean, I guess it's illegally watching stuff already on there. But they're interrupting it. I don't know. Oh, because they're interrupting. It's there. Yeah. You know, I feel like advertisers have like done a horrible job adjusting to the five second ad.

Oh, yeah. Like, I don't care about your product in 15 seconds. I study advertising. Like, I majored in advertising in college. Like, I studied a lot of it. I think they've gotten a lot better at it. But, like, at first, you were 100% right. We're, like, there's a study they did where, like, they figured out the attention span for, like, normal people.

And, like, they've realized, like, the attention span is going down. So, like, 30-second ads don't fucking work anymore. Yeah. And they're trying to, like, get into, like, either. One thing they do is, like, native ads of just, like, an ad that you can't tell is an ad. Like, it just looks like it's just an article. I hate it. that. I hate that shit so much too.

I'm sucked into it and then it's like palm olive. They're just like the subtle promotion. You're just like fuck, I knew it. You biased bitches. That was the funny did you guys watch it? It's related. You see the new Justice League? No. I heard it was really like

long like four hours. Yeah, it was four hours and half the movies in slow motion. I'm not sure if that's why it takes some of other action sequences I was like I was watching I was like Jesus is this why I liked it but they went a little effects crazy. Yeah. Was it better? I saw the original cut when it was in theaters.

I was like, this is a piece of shit. Yeah, it was better than that. That was a very low bar. Like, that was like one of the worst movies. Of course. But it was so funny though,

because Cyborg is like deleting this like, uh, or he's smashing this tape recorder. And like it zooms in on it to Sony for like, very long. Yeah. You're just staring at it kind of for a second. You're like,

okay, I see it's at Sony. But it was like one of those really zoomed it on it. Dude, I, I feel the same way. Any movie is, that's any like movie with any driving.

has great car sponsorships. Oh, yeah, they'll just, like, sort of like, you see the plate. We're going to scroll right past the grill of this Mercedes. Yeah. It has nothing to do with the plot. Yeah, yeah. You know, I feel like a slow-mo's played out.

I feel like we've gotten it. Yeah. Slow-mo's last week. No, I like it to an extent, but like when it's like half the movie, you're like, I don't know. But the thing is like, you see like a good slow-mo scene, you're just like, nice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's cool. They should put it more important.

pornography instead of, I don't know why I said, ah, dude, you don't see slow-mo and porn, like, at all. You guys aren't watching the right video. They have endings where they do, like, the cum shot in three different angles, all in slow-mo. Dude, I can't imagine.

Is it exploited college girls? Damn. I like, try to be all-sique. He's like, is that barely legal? Yeah. Yeah, that's rough. Hey, they say their age at the beginning. I've never seen that shit. Who watches the beginning?

Yeah. That's, no, that's weird. I'm sorry. Dude, that would be so much effort as like an edit.

Dude, can you imagine, like, getting a degree, getting really good at editing and like, you use your time to like, do cum shots and slow-mo.

Yeah, that would be tough. But there are jobs like that where I wish I didn't have a relationship with my family. Because I'm like, it would be, where I'm like,

I'm like, I'm doing what I love. Yeah, it would be kind of cool to just like, like, like, I know it's not ideal, but like, in theory,

I would love to work in porn if I was like a single guy I know it sounds disgusting and stuff but just be a little I don't know Yeah no I've thought of it Um The only thing is like

I'm at I know I have a big enough dick And like I'm in shape But like I was just like I don't want to fucking have Just the video online Like I don't want to have Just like this everlasting shit

So I'm like nah Yeah but your family died In a car crash And then there's nobody to judge you That's how I feel about my standup clips I don't want to do I was dead because they would never see this.

I bombed so hard. Recently? Oh, my God. What happened? So it was one of those were like, I don't know what, I was already feeling kind of weird before going up. And then I was like, all right, let's just see how this goes. And I went up there, and the first couple jokes just were not, like, somebody's talking about this before. I don't know who, but like, do you ever go on?

And it almost feels like you're speaking a different language. Because I was, I was so cocky, but I was getting so confused. I was like, it's really weird that this isn't working. Like, I wasn't accepting that I was bombing. I was like, there must be something going on. Yeah. No, especially when, like, you've done the material a couple times, you know, like, it's tried and true. Like, it's got, like, some merit to it.

This is my best stuff and just nothing was connecting. Michael, did you blame the audience just? No, no, no, no. I said. I can't believe. He just breaks his head. I was like, guys, this is funny. I don't know.

That's what I felt like, I was just like, I was just confused. And then finally I started doing the jokes that I wanted, which were a little more fucked up. And then I got them back, which is funny. Because sometimes you think they're like, oh, okay, I'll ease them in. And sometimes they're the opposite. They're like, this guy's a pussy. Like, why isn't he going for it? Yeah, you got to go for it.

Yeah, and then you go for it. They're like, yeah, there we go. You're like, oh, I guess that's what they wanted the whole time. And I wanted that too, but I just, I thought I had to ease them in. I feel like most, like, if you're not the first or the last act, most crowds want you to, like, they're there to laugh. They want you to try some edgy shit. I was first, but, like, but they still were already ready for it. They were like, fuck it and go, dude.

You know, I did a show, like, yesterday and, like, just like finally getting up, like, with, like, real audience instead of just, like, being around comedians. and then just like being like genuinely happy to like, but like, oh shit, you have funny shit to say and you're black? It's like, is like, is it?

But I addressed it because like there were like two black comics in the show. It's like I had to do whatever it didn't. To be funny and black. I feel like if you're black, it's, you're probably funny. I don't know. That's like positive racism.

No. No. There's a positive. Black people do have more charisma like I think. Yes. No, it's, we talk differently.

Like, I feel like there's some, they're white people that are just like, very bland, but there are, like, I've never seen, like, a very bland black person, you know what I mean? No. Or if they do, they still make it funny, like a very monotone, slow talk. Like, Vlad is one of the funniest people because he's bland, but it's, like, so funny the way he's like, he's very, he speaks very slowly. Yeah, he's, like, stoic, yeah.

He'll be a great dad one day. Yeah. Vlad. Vlad, Coloss, man. Yeah, he's cool. Well, that's cool. So you got to do a show in front of some real audience. Yeah.

And I had a similar experience yesterday and two days ago. Brooklyn's tough, man. Brooklyn, I feel like you really don't want to go too edgy. Yeah, but it's also like... I mean, sometimes I feel like, maybe it's for me, like, I'm black so I can say whatever the fuck I want. It's kind of nice. Like, I can push the envelope and they're just like, ah, we've been waiting for someone to do this. Yeah.

Because in a way, some of those people, too, were like, my friends don't talk about any of this shit. They're like, thank God somebody's actually... So maybe there's some people in a way. Like, my friend, he's from Colorado. It was so funny because we had like a Zoom call. We were saying all this fucked up stuff and he was like, I would be killed by all my Colorado friends. We had these kind of conversations.

We're doing the Lord's work, man. Yeah, exactly. Speaking of, we had some interesting conversations. You grew up, me and him both grew up. Did you grow up religious at all? Not really. I asked about religion for the first time when I was like 13. You asked about it.

I asked me. That already answers the question. You asked them instead of like. So no. Yeah, he wasn't a bastard. He was just like, is this bullshit? My parents were mad religious. They both went to Catholic high schools, and it ruined religion for them.

They were like, God is with me somewhere else. So they were like, you can make your own decision. And then when I was 13, we started going to church in Vegas, which is like not church. It's way different than church. Oh, you're from Vegas? Yeah, man. Oh, you're from Vegas? I'm from Las Vegas.

Okay. That explains the headband. Oh, your Africa guard makes sense now. No. Yeah, man. Church in Vegas is a crazy place. Like the, this is a place called Central Christian,

and it's like a 3,000-person stadium-looking thing. And for Christmas, they hire, like, Cirque du Soleil people to be angels and, like, hang half-naked from the rafters. That is so much cooler. They brought a camel. It's crazy, man.

Anyway, so you guys are religious? Dude, that's fucking sick. I'll bring it back. It's like, you guys believe in God? Yeah. Fucking loser. Seriously. No, but I was.

I was devoutly Christian for like 20 years. Like I actually like three times a week preaching like Saturdays like every Saturday. Like I was invested. Wow. That's a long time, 20 years. Yeah. And you decided not to now. Yeah.

I mean like the thing is like even when I was like doing it like I was like I would always like read the shit like I was invested like it. Like it's really weird. Like I was Joe's witness. Yeah. I was Joe's witness like we'd have like Bible homework. I don't know if you have. thought. Not really.

Were you a Jehovah's witness? No, I was. Okay. So he was like Catholic, right? Catholic, but then my parents, my mom was like, it's kind of confusing. My dad was like, I don't, my dad's not a specific. My dad was like, I don't, my dad's not a specific kind of Christian. He's like a vague Christian, but we sometimes go to Catholic Church and my dad teach a Bible.

My dad's very religious in the sense that like, he wasn't like aggressive, like, you're all going to burn in hell. But he was like, always like, he brings up God in every sentence and the Bible and stuff like that. But, uh, so you're saying you're Jehovah in. I don't know. My brain just stopped working. Anyways, I can tell which one of you. No,

I'm a Joe's witness and, uh, we have like Bible homework and shit. It was fucking weird. Like every Sunday's like, we used to go to church, Tuesdays just for like Bible study shit. Thursdays,

like it was like not necessary, but like extra Bible study should. Saturdays, getting ready to preach to people. And then Sundays, more Bible study shit. Dude. Wait, so did you do the door to door?

Yes, that was every Saturday at 9 o'clock. It was a fucking nightmare. I hate that shit. Wait, Saturday at night, how many parties? Like, I assume you walk into, like, parties all the time, right? Like, no, no, no. You said 9 a.m. 9 p.m.?

Oh, never mind. Yeah, that's what you're fucking weird. That's what you're saying. That's what... You're in, like, the middle of, like, the evening. Like, you're just going to knock on your door or just like, have you heard the news? Yeah, that's not you were talking about it was like, no.

No, like, first thing in the morning, people would fucking hate me. one of the things is like a Catholic specifically because Catholics I feel like of all like the Christian denominations they're like I feel like the most devout and they have like a sense of security in what they believe in. So like some people like if they're Christian but like they don't necessarily like have like a strong foundation of what they believe in. They'll kind of like give me the time of day of just like hearing me out and like talking to me. But like Catholics would just be like adamantly aggressive. Just like, oh, I got God. Yeah. I'm good. You're wrong. Catholics have too much stuff banked into the church, man. You know how many things they have to get rid of in confessional and hold with them? It's not my first confession. That was the one thing we don't have.

We don't have confessional with Joe's on us. Oh, interesting. So you just have to carry that with you? No, he's got to carry the guilt. That's horrible, yeah. My first confession was that I told a dirty joke that was like literally, which wasn't even a sin at the time. Did he laugh? What?

No, I didn't. That would be funny. He was like, you. He's like, tell me the joke. I was fucking good. You're good to go. No, it was something like dumb, sex joke, but I was like six. And now I realize I'm like, that wasn't even a fucking sin.

I was like, yeah. It was kind of wild to be afterwards fighting. I was like, there was nothing wrong with what I did according to the Bible. But like, you just had to go to confession part of your first communion or whatever. So, yeah. So you've been confirmed and all that? I did the communion, but I didn't do the other stuff. Yeah.

I think I only got through one of the two before we kind of stopped. But, dude, I think I would have been more into Christianity if I had circus so lay people swinging from like that would that got me there's a can't yeah so it's part of the read part of the that's it the church that I'm talking about is a huge part of like uh the Las Vegas

Valley area like everyone that's Christian loves it like yeah yeah and they choose to like one of those new age churches yeah have you see the gemstones is it like that I don't know what the gemstones the right of the gemstones no it's like about like the big like arena preachers well I know that the preacher wears shirts with

gemstones on it. He wears like affliction and shit. He's just like this is where your donations are gone by the way. He's like a Guido. He's like, bro, dude, God is so fucking chill, dude. God wants you to fist pump. He wants you to get pussy. It's not in the Bible, but like he wants it.

I'm telling you, bro. It's so funny. He's not quite like that. But yeah, man, it's a crazy place. It's like if church was in Vegas, man. This is in Vegas. It's mad flashy. It's dude.

It is new. There's like a 10-piece band. The drummer has like those like clear screens or whatever that are around him. It's like it's legit, man. That's a weird thing. Like I feel like a lot of the... It's definitely not probably supported by the Bible.

That's exactly what I was getting into. It's like come as you are kind of thing. Everyone wears jeans. Well, like the new age shit, I feel like it's like Christianity, but like chill. Like you don't have to like follow the rules. Like I was like devoutly religious. Like everything by the book didn't do anything.

for like until I was like 17 and then it got to the point of just like I'm still religious but like I'm not doing religious shit so like yeah it's just I'm just guilty all the time it doesn't make any sense I just like I'm religious and I feel bad I'm like why am I doing yeah I feel the same way where like I don't I'm like I'm like I don't know if God's real but I still have that guilt where I'll do some shit I'm like God wouldn't be happy with that but I'm like why do I don't believe in the Bible anymore so I don't know why I'm still worried about that oh the one thing I wanted to say that about Jehovah Witness. We had a woman who, I think she was, yeah, she was like one of our nannies. And she was Jehovah Witness. And she threw away our Christmas decorations every year. And it was like, but it was like a low key thing. So randomly we'd just be like, we're all over Christmas and Halloween decorations. She's like, it's a cent. Yeah. But then randomly we drove by a house and they had like 100. They had some of the same decorations. And we're like, it's like, she's not like Joe's with us. She's just stealing your Christmas decorations. It's like, oh, I like this owner. I'm going to take it. And she's like, I'm sorry, but Jehovah's.

I had to throw them all out. But she would have tell us they're throwing them out. But, like, she was the only one because she was our babysitter. So she's the only one. It must be her. Yeah, yeah. We're like, she randomly talked about how she doesn't celebrate Christmas. And then the Christmas decorations would all come missing.

And we're like, I don't celebrate Christmas. Neither should you. I celebrate Christmas. I like it a lot. I've never celebrated it. I've never celebrated any holiday, actually. It's really weird. What?

Have you heard, like, turkey on Thanksgiving? That's actually, like, the one exception. I saw you on Thanksgiving this year. Yeah. Who did that party? Yeah. What? Joe's Witness is like...

You guys aren't with your families? There's like a, there's actual a reason of like why Joe's Witnesses like don't sell over your holidays. Because like most holidays are rooted in like some like pagan origin. Like Christmas will come from like the festival lights. So like just like everything has like something that like traces back to like something that's like not ethical with like Christian shit. So like they just don't do it. That makes actually a lot of sense. Thanksgiving shit.

It's just. it's like an American holiday. Exactly. So they're just like, oh, we can have dinner with like a turkey. It's fine. It's like they don't care.

It's like one of the few ones. Dude, I, well, you could say that there's a weird tradition in one of the Native American religions that was brought in maybe, I don't know.

Oh, you mean like the genocide? Yeah. Well, I don't know if they were celebrating that necessarily. Oh, definitely not. It'd be weird if they were.

Yeah. That was sick. Happy genocide day. He's a turkey. Yeah. There's a, as I listen to you guys talk, man, there's a lot of like guilt in Western religions.

Have you guys considered like Eastern religions? Like being. I have. The thing is like, I meditate regularly. I like read like Buddhists like shit. But like after being devoutly really just for like a very long time and then not believing, this is my perspective on at least.

It's very hard to like sink yourself in to like believe something, especially like you've been so invested into something. And then you just come to the conclusion of just. It's like, this is bullshit. Yeah. Well, I have your microphone close by that? These microphones suck by that. I'm sorry.

Oh, okay, no, I'll hold it in my face. It'd be weird if they never picked up anything I said. Yeah. I've recorded a whole entire episode with great riffs. We're like, that was sick. And I'm like, we caught none of that. It's like it happens all the time. Yeah, no.

Well, also, I know there's something about Buddhism where, like, you're not supposed to, like, enjoy things or like you can't, like, enjoy things. Yeah, that's not true. Buddhism is suffering. He says life is suffering. That is, which is. That's accurate. I mean, it's, it's the life is suffering thing.

Like, I'm actually, I'm taking, like, some class and, like, I study psychology shit, too. So I'm taking, like, a class on, like, the relevance of, like, Buddhism and, like, psychology. And, like, I'm learning, like, the foundations, like, Buddhism and shit. It's the suffering part, but there's also, like, apparently for the language thing, it's not just that. Like, that's the translation version. But, like, part of the suffering is, like, this level of, like, unsatisfaction of just, like, never being fulfilled. Yeah, and then Nirvana and, like, passing off. or whatever is total satisfaction.

Yeah. Complete, yeah. But there's another, I hate to like preach Taoism to you guys, but it's just like... You're Taoist? A little bit, man. I read the Tao of Pooh,

and now I'm like all about it. I tried to read, I tried to read the Tao Te Ching. Yeah, the Tao Te Ching. Are you read it? That's the stuff. It's basically just a bunch of little quotes on how to live your life.

But you could also be one of those... That shit is so fucking complicated. Because it's like... Yeah, I agree. It's not... Because like my dad, like, loves a Tao of Pooh. It's not...

It's not technically, I wouldn't classify it as a religion, but it's a great way to, like, live your life. You can be really happy and feel no guilt because you just let go. That's the thing. Like, now, like, I don't have, like, any religion, obviously, but, like, I still, like, I kind of feel like the fact that I grew up so religious, I need some kind of, like, normacy of, like, some, like, spiritual thing. Yeah, I need some normalcy. What about a guy who walks on water? That's normal for me. I need some stories.

about people murdering their family and incest. No, I get what you're saying with that too. And I have like a weird thing where, I think for me it's also tough because I have obsessive compulsive disorder. Oh, shit, like diagnosed? Yeah, like, full. But it's like, what do you do?

What's your compulsion? I could get into it. It's pretty wild. So check the bathroom. There's 30 jars of piss on the ship. You imagine? I just leave him just like, no way. You try to leave through the front door.

I'm like, you can't do that. No, no, you can't. Everything will be ruined. Before you leave, can you jingle the handle four times specifically? No, so I have, like, one thing I have is confession, OCD where I'll confess, like, random things to people that don't need to know things. And I'll, like, because it's like, it's like this weird sense of guilt. So I'll, like, have to confess about things that aren't that bad. I do reassurance seeking a little bit, too, where, like, I'll, like, ask my girlfriend a bunch to be like, I love you. But I won't be saying it.

I'll be like, is she going to say it back? Like, it's, like, weird things like that. I understand. And then it's like, I had this crazy thing that people are going to think I'm a serial. killer, but let me explain it. So there's a form of OCD called harm OCD. Harm OCD. So your brain, so

like most OCDs, like, the typical one is like contamination OCD. So the people will like wash their hands a bunch of times because you have these things called intrusive thoughts where like you have anxiety and it will lead to like an image of the future of you doing some of like you like people

who wash your hands a bunch, they picture themselves dying like all the time. That's what they have. Yeah, it's wild. Wait, so washing their hands, you're just like, all right, I wash my hands, but I'm not going to die. Like, that's their solution? But they keep having, like, so what it does is you have an obsessive thought or like an intrusive thought, and then you have a compulsion, and when you give into the compulsion, it gets rid of that. Okay, yeah. So that's why they wash their hands a bunch of times because they're like, oh, okay, I'm worried, I'm going to get this. And every

time you wash it, but it gives in further. So no matter what, you'll never be, like, fulfilled with that. I get it. Now, Harmos, so everybody has those random thoughts when you're driving where you don't actually want to hit somebody, but your brain goes, what if I drove into this wall. Like you know how like if you or if you're on a balcony, there's that you don't actually want to jump off, but your brain goes, what if I jumped off?

Yeah. Somebody with OCD goes, oh, what if I jumped off? And then your anxiety attached to that goes, oh, I'm going to jump off. So now I have to avoid windows. What?

So you think that because you think it, just because you think it, you're probably going to do it. Yeah. So then your brain has something called harm OCD. So you're paranoid about any situation that would put you in like harm. Yeah. Yeah.

But harm. OCD goes the other way too where like, you know how you have that thought randomly. Like sometimes you see somebody in the thought of you punching him in the face just goes in your head because you have like, I think there's some crazy number. Like you have like 5,000 thoughts per like very short periods. Apparently. Do you have harm OCD? Yeah. So what happened was like when I was doing a bunch of Coke, it really amplifies your OCD.

So I was on drugs. It made my OCD worse. That's crazy. So I had this harm OCD where I thought I was going to like hurt my family. so I had to hide knives in the house just because I had a one weird thought and then your brain goes oh I have to do all this stuff

so I don't actually do this now in all reality like I barely have been in a fight before so I'm not gonna like hurt my family but your brain gets so crazy that like I have to like my girlfriend was staying with me and I was like can you please lock yourself

in the room because like what if I go crazy she's like you never even like how's your life on the ass too hard no I get it yeah whenever I have a bad trip on acid my thought like I have like this negative thought pattern of just like I'm going to

to hurt the people around me. Yeah, yeah. And then that'll make me, like, more paranoid. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You guys got to stop doing drugs. Yeah, yeah. Are you clean?

You don't do anything? No, I've done drugs in my life many a time. But I feel like I consider myself an intellectual. I don't know if that's, like, bitchy. Yes, it is. I consider myself an intellectual and, like, the African hip, hip, I'm like, ah, that makes sense. No, but I do things.

I feel like I get what I need out of them, and then I move on. onto like a next thing. I'm like thrill-seeking, but I'm one and done kind of. Yeah. I sky dove. I did my acid. You know,

I tried all the drugs. Figured out what the effects are. And then I was like, all right. Got up. Well, my thing, too, is I don't do coke anymore

for that reason. Because it was like, I understand. Yeah, man, because shit will ruin your life. Yeah, yeah. But also like,

that was inevitably going to happen with the OCD one way or another. Because like, if I hadn't done a bunch of coke, I wouldn't have, like, had that full thing and I wouldn't have gone to a therapist.

and then now I found out, I'm like, oh, okay, I need to start dealing with this on the lower level. Now I need to like, yeah. Yeah, so now I know what the OCD is. The list of, by the way, I think it's going to be funny when they diagnose the wrong person. Like, they actually have a serial killer sitting down. He's like, I'm thinking about murdering my family. They're like, this guy has the OCD. It'll be fine.

They see him on the news. They're like, yeah. This guy just harms are just, he's just nervous. Yeah, he's just worried. He's not actually going to do it. But the funny thing is when you first, go in, they give you like a list of intrusive thoughts that other

people have, and they're hilarious. Oh, really? What? You can't disclose that shit. That's the exact other thing. Like, I'll talk to my therapist and like, like, try to comfort me by, like, telling me, like, what other patients have gone? You're like, are you using me?

You can just talk about this? Like, are you telling people my shit? It's like, you're breaking patient confidentiality right now. She doesn't have names, but it's like a list. And it's so funny because there's like 10 baby ones are like, fear I will kick baby, fear I will drown baby. Fear I will.

And then there's like... Yeah, the fact that you drop like the A and the, like the article adjective there makes that so... Oh, yeah, A baby, V baby. Fear I will kick baby. Yeah. It's so funny to me. Yeah. There's fear I will like throw baby out window.

There's like all these things. Just non-specific baby. Yeah. But there's some crazy hardcore... So my therapist I went to in Florida, she told me that somebody had Harmo CD and she literally had the guy put a unloaded gun to her head. It was unloaded, but she'd like have them like point the gun at it. This guy's a licensed therapist? There she is.

Yeah, but there's some crazy ones. Like this one guy apparently went so far that he was, his OCD was that he had, he was worried he was anti-Semitic. And what happened was he wouldn't leave his couch because his brain wrapped in such a thing that he was worried that he would like... Say something against Jews. If I leave my house, I'm going to give grace against Jews. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, that was, so maybe it was actually... What?

Yeah, because what happens is your brain goes like, oh, I had... So, like, I could kind of follow the thought pattern in the sense of the guy maybe saw something and then, like, maybe he saw something. and then, like, maybe he saw a Jewish guy pick a penny off the ground, and then the stereotype was in his head, just because, you know, the stereotypes fly around, and then he goes, oh, what if I'm a person who's anti-Semitic? It was one cent. Yeah, but that's such a far leap of just, like, seeing someone pick up a penny and just like, don't say kike, don't take kike.

But I think what happens is, like, that OCD thought starts, and then it just goes to the extreme where it's like, then it's like a snowball effect. So that guy start, that guy probably from there, goes home and he goes, okay, well, what I got to do is I have to just check up with my Jewish friends and make sure they're doing okay. And that's like the reassurance seeking. But then it builds

and more. And now he goes, oh, maybe I'm checking up on them because I am anti-Semitic. And then it just wraps and wraps. But apparently the treatment for this guy was drawing swastikas. Because he had to be like comfortable. In order to cure your anti-Semitism, we need you to be a Nazi.

Which is crazy. But it's like, but it was just funny to think about like, what The therapist also was not like, he's like, now you're not an anti-isemitic. Come with me. We'll change that real. Can you imagine someone seeing your Nazi notebook and just be like, I can explain it.

I do this to not hate you. I swear. I got to take out the energy itself. Wow, man. That's great. Did you disclose to your therapist that you were a comedian before you let them tell you these stories? It doesn't seem like a good idea.

Yeah. No, no, no. Well, they know I'm a comedian, but, like, I know it's wild. Like, I, uh, it's just the most bizarre thing. Because also when you, as I said, when you try to explain it to people who don't have it, they're like, that's bizarre. But, like, when you have it and you hear about other people's shit, you're like, oh, that makes sense. Like, even though that's crazy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That, like, it, like, makes, like, a weird. But with religion, it was very hard because I would do, like, weird things where I'd masturbate. And what? With religion, I would masturbate. Yeah. No, I would jerk off. And then I would think that the next day I would have bad luck.

But then sometimes, and I thought God was like punishing for masturbating. No, I completely understand that. Because like one of the things was like, that was like the first sin I actually feel like I committed. Like when I started jerking off, I had such immense levels of guilt. Oh, yeah. I felt like they were like, they would have like dialogues of just like in the church. It's just like, if you do this, you're a piece of shit. I'm just like, I'm a piece of shit.

Yeah. But, you know, in religion's fairness, I don't we all feel shame after we finish? I don't know, but it's like God shame. It's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I used to, for me, it's different. I actually, I'm not even kidding. I have like a happy song now when I jerk off sometimes. Happy song?

I don't know about that. You know what? You know what? It's like, it's a perfect. I don't know why. Every time that song just pops in my head. But before I used to, so I jerk off, I still occasionally get the guilt stuff, but.

Mine's like Cheryl Crow, by the way. Yeah. But I would, I would jerk off, and then the next day I would have, like, I'd fail. test or something like that. And then it started to get this weird part where occasionally I have a good day so my brain would go, okay, if you jerk off an odd amount of times, it's bad luck, which is crazy.

It's OCD, it's crazy. But if it's an even amount, it's good luck. And then, but sometimes I jerk off like three times, so to have to go to four. And I fail the test, but then I realize I'm just failing the test because I'm masturbating the day before. Yeah, that's why. It's just hours of masturbating. So many times. One is good. Yeah. A day. Yeah. Because, my parents have never told me

growing up religiously, that masturbation was a sin, but I just knew it was, like, from, like, the Bible. And then my brain was just like, I'm a bad person. But it's like, who's not going to masturbate? Like, it's physically impot. That was the thing. Like, I always, that's exactly what I feel.

Like, I feel like Christians will, like, have this level of guilt of just, like, for masturbating. But, like, everyone's fucking doing it. Like, my brother, like, I'm very close to my brother. He's also comedians. Like, we talk about shit. And he's just like, I know you masturbate. There's no way you definitely, like,

there's no way you don't. You're a human being. You're 26. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing, too. It's like, the Bible was also written at a time where people got married at 13. So, like, they're getting married and having kids.

So it's like they're not, they don't have to masturbate. A big guy. True. No, they could just fuck. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But also, I don't know when it becomes a sin because it's like, it's better for your seed to be in the belly of a whore than on the floor or something like weird like that. What?

That's definitely not a Bible. I told me that. It sounds like a rhyme. God is just like putting bars in the Bible. It's just like, listen to this one. But that's the question is, what if you're having sex with your wife and you pull out to trick off just to get a little harder? Is that a sin? Or if you're having...

You don't know. The sex is fine, but like, don't touch yourself. You are dealing in semantics there. But I don't know the answer to that. That's a good question. And that's what we do. We ask the tough questions. Yeah, we do.

This is a smart intellectual podcast here. That's not for sure. Oh, Jesus. Did you guys, did you see the Patrice documentary? You were telling me, that's what I talked to you, you were talking about how you're a fan Patrice, right? I'm a huge fan. He's not my top five, but in terms of, like, personalities, which is just like

seeing someone offstage, seeing how they actually are. You know, the massaging, that's what it is for me. He was, like, oddly proud of that. Yeah. No, he not, but like anything with Patrice, like, I legit went on like a binge of just like, during quarantine, you have so much free time

and just like, what content am I going to digest? And like, I went back and like, I would watch like Opie and Anthony clips of just like, produce so O'Neal, like, anything he was on and just like

watch it just because like conversationally, I feel like he's so organically funny. Yeah, yeah. And like,

I just feel like he's himself. And like, also like, I read philosophy and, uh, recently I've been reading like

Nietz and I got like the concept of like the Uber Mench. And like when it comes to like comedy, I feel like he's one of the Uber Mention. What's an Uber Mench?

Uh, the Uber Mench is basically this concept where they feel like it was around, uh, the Renaissance, but like the new,

I figure what it's called. It's like in the 1800s of like Voltaire and shit. There was this era of just like philosophers, just like kind of like revolutionizing thinking. It's kind of like when like religion stopped being like the main kind of thing. But people were thinking about like how like humans could evolve.

And so Nietzsche kind of came up with like this concept of just like humans can also evolve psychologically. And he had this view with, that like throughout history, there have been significant figures that are considered like Superman. So like, he's German. They're called Ubermensches? Yeah, the equivalent of Superman is like an Ubermensch. So he'll like go through history and he thinks about like these significant figures that he just feels like they've gone a higher level of like just like thought compared to like the average man.

Like they're like a little bit elevated. There's something about them that's like very unique and distinct. And he's like, I am one of these guys. No, I don't, I don't think, I don't think there's a shit guy. He's talking about me. He fucks all the chicks. Yeah, there's a, there's a human being that's better than everyone. And I am one of them.

Yeah. And so is Patrice O'Neal. Yeah, I feel like that's what I like, Patrice's like, I feel like he's one and like, when it comes to comedy, I feel like he's like an Uber Mention type of just like, his personality is so strong. Like, I feel like he's such a strong system of himself. Like, whenever you watch his clips, I don't really feel like it's a different person. than who he is on stage.

Like sometimes like, I'll watch like, I love Doug Stanhope, but then I'll like see Doug Stanhope on a podcast. And like he's like this ball of nerves. And he's just kind of like very like awkward. And I'm just like. Yeah, yeah. And then you see him on stage and he's drunk as shit and he's just like. Exactly.

He's drunk and shit because he has a, apparently he hasn't been sober on stage. It's like 2002 or something like that. No, I get it. But like Patrice, it's the same guy off stage and on stage. So you can like watch him just have like a casual conversation. See him get on stage and just be like,

I completely understand how you wrote that bit because it's so in line of you are off stage. Right. Yeah. Well, I think there's, go ahead. No, that's a really hard part about where I'm at because, like, I like the jokes I'm writing here and there, but I'm like, oh, this isn't who I am as a person. It's so hard to have that, like, thing where you're like, I don't know. This doesn't align, but it's like, if I'm just my, you haven't found what's funny about yourself yet. You know there's aspects of your personality that are silly. But it's like you have to, like, some people like, Patrice or people like that, they're so funny that they don't.

they're just themselves and everything they say is funny because of everything about them. You know what I mean? They mean it. It comes from a place of truth and heart or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a beautiful thing.

There's a lot of different types of comedy, but I think there's Maine too. There's like somebody who puts an act together and writes really good jokes and then someone that's like super personality based and Patrice is, you know, all the way on the other end of that. And there's so many shitty personality based comedians,

though, that's the thing. Yeah, I know. There's like three of them here. Yeah. No, yeah, it's tough. The one thing I didn't like about the documentary that was, I don't know, my favorite thing is his quote about how, like, a good joke and a bad joke all come from the same place

because you're just trying to make people laugh. But that wasn't, like, that, there was a lot of stuff that, like, weren't in the, it was such a short documentary, and that was kind of my issue about it. Apparently, they cut some shit. There's, like a director's cut. I haven't watched it though. Oh, sweet. Hell, yeah.

It's like the Snyder cut, like for justice thing. Apparently, yeah, it's like four hours. Yeah, it's four. Dark side comes out of nowhere. He's just like, Patrice. Slow motion. B. Slow motion.

Salmon. That bit, he does a, he does a bit about, ain't that better cold sandwich you don't want? Have you guys seen that bit? No, but I want to hear you do

in the black voice. No, that's gonna be hard. He's like, say it into the microphone. No, but I yeah, I don't know. I was also like, apparently, I get why they didn't cover it, but I was curious about, because he was falsely accused of rape, right?

Didn't he go to jail? Yes. The girl came out later and said it was like, bullshit. I learned that on the Opian Anthony shit. That was, you learned so much shit. It's crazy. One of the crazy things about him that they said in the documentary, his life is so well documented, like the way that he thinks and stuff because of the O.

Be and Anthony show. It's like they have hours and hours of like how he actually thinks. And it's inspiring for like wanting to do podcasts and stuff because then you can then live on after you die as well. Shit. There's some episodes I shouldn't have thrown out of my podcast. There's something I throw out. My kids need to know that I said to.

This is too personal. But, no, that's, yeah, that's such a good point. That's, it is so weird. Like, I've listened to too many podcasts, though, because I'm not going to say which comedians, but I've had dreams that I'm hanging out with these comedians. And I'm like, this is so weird that I felt that is so weird. This is spooky. Like, I don't want to be like this weird stand.

And it's not like, I'm obsessed to these comedians, but you just listen to their podcast all day. And you don't realize how much they're really getting into your brain. Do you just listen to a podcast all day? Yeah, I don't really listen to, like, it's kind of a lonely sad thing, but I'm feeling like I'm with people. I just listen to conversations by myself. Hey man, if you dream it, you can do it.

Yeah, you can hang out. Yeah, you know what I can. That was something I was talking about. I haven't found out how to make it a bit, but I'd talk about this in another episode, so if you're listening, who cares? But I was talking about how, like, it's got to be so weird as a white supremacist

because it's such a bad thing to be, but it's also such a confident thing. Like, it's got to feel good on the inside because your brain's going, I'm better than everybody. And then the group itself is literally like a what's it called? It's like a hype group. Like the problem is white people don't have a positive hype group.

They have the worst hype group. Yeah. Because it is a group of just a bunch of just white guilt and just like constantly like shitting on yourself. Yeah, yeah. But there's no positive version of that. So the white supremacists go to a group that unconditionally love them. Like it's a group of people that just love you for just who you are. So it's like it's such a bad thing.

But to them it's like. One of us. Yeah. You're making cults sound pretty enticely. It's like a white supremacist sympathizing. He's like, no, they're actually really good for your self-esteem. I look at what you feel? It's got to be like a Katie Perry thing.

They're like, you're perfect. You're perfect. You're perfect. Put this mask on. I don't want to look at your face. Yeah, I don't want to look at your face. Yeah, but no, yeah. I haven't found out how to make it a funny bit, but it's such a weird concept to me.

I don't know. Just that... idea that it's like it's the worst hate group but if you're inside it's an unconditional love just for these people though yeah yeah but everybody else fucking is horrible it's a it's a weird thing I don't know dude all of life is like high school and you think it's gonna get that's so true but it's the whole thing dude the more I socialize with people the more I realize that's true it's kind of ridiculous sucks you think you're gonna grow up but then you just find out you're like okay how to be cool same shit of just like clicks trying to be cool there's the cool kids I guarantee

if you work at fucking like a tech company where it is all nerds, but I guarantee you there's cool nerds in that group the same way. I feel like with like our generation, like Gen Z people, nerds are kind of like normalized. Like they're kind of like, they're established. They don't really like get shit because like I feel like Gen Z is kind of smart. Yeah, yeah. Compared to like other generations. So they're just like, I'm going to give you shit for being smart.

That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, but I'm saying there's different. There's different kinds of jocks though. So then like there are the cool people that are still exclusive, but they might be. exclusive for like different reasons. So like they're like when I say kids I don't mean like fashion wise but I bet you go to Google.

But there's people who have like preferential treatment like they get the sleep pod first and shit at Google. That's what I'm saying. And those are like the cool kids of Google where they're like oh so and so like doesn't even know how to code this and they're like and I guarantee within that there's like you're like you only know Python.

Yeah. Like that's I guarantee you it breaks down to that because like I think the thing is too it's like nobody as a grown adult you're never like That guy's a fucking nerd. But, like, there are other versions of that where, like, you'll be like, oh, this guy, in comedy, people are like, oh, that guy's not funny. And then that's now the non-cool kids of comedy.

You know what I mean? It's like a weird. Yeah. Yeah. I hate that. You know, as a grown adult, you don't get, like, your head, like, a swirly. Yeah, exactly. Like, no one's, like, dunking you in a toilet toilets.

Yeah, they just don't hang out with you. Yeah. They'll do it emotionally, man. They'll make you want to do it to yourself. Yeah. That's, you know, hey, man. That's why I think that's why we do this. That's part of the reason I started, man.

I moved to New York, and I was like, I got to do something. I love comedy. And if you get in, it's, and you don't, like, suck. Like, you know, there's love. There's love to be had, man. The community is really good to you. It can be really bad to you, but it could be really good to you. No, I think it's what makes it good, though, because, like, you get, like, the shit

and also the good parts, and that's what makes the good parts so good. Yeah, because you had to go through the shit to get, it's like initiation. But also, like, it's like comedians, though. Like even when you're getting shit on, like, it's kind of funny. Yeah. It's really, it's really funny. Yeah, no, it kind of is. And that's the, that's the thing about it too, because it's like, everybody who sticks

with comedy, you're going to be friends with those people for decades. You know what I mean? It's like an interesting thing. Yeah, I don't even think about that. But, you know, you're definitely right. As long as you don't quit, you're going to keep seeing these people. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's, the thing, too, with comedies, I try not to be like, because there are some people that are like, oh, that guy's not funny. I don't want to hang out with them. Like, I've seen that attitude, which is crazy to me because I'm like, do you know how fast it could turn around? People, like, I know some people that, like, weren't very funny. And now they're, like, funnier than me. Yes. Oh, yeah.

It's such a, like, weird. You're like, I got to set my game up. Yeah, exactly. No, I understand. Dude, I've had that where I fucking bomb or something like that. And then somebody who, like, someone you think is unfunny goes up. Denialates. Murder.

Oh, yeah. You're like, God damn it. I'm the guy that sucks now. Dude, yeah. I heard this actually through a podcast, but Hannibal Burris. Used to bomb? Yeah. Everyone used to think there was like a group of comics.

I think it was like Pete Holmes and Kumail Nanjiani or whatever. They had a big group of Chicago. Well, so I guess they were like five-year guys when he started and they were like, this kid fucking sucks. And then five years later, Kumel calls Pete and he's like, dude, Hannibal is incredible now. Yeah, yeah. And so you can't like, you never write anybody off, man. Because as soon as they find their voice, bro, the chick is crazy.

Hannibal's delivery is so unique. It's so good. And that's why some of those people are really funny because at first they don't understand, like, they can be so funny in the sense that they're unique. And that might be why they're bombing because they haven't quite grasped comedy.

Because, like, I'm definitely not one of those people that have, like, that unique voice when I start. I'm like, this is- You definitely do. What are you talking about? Well, I think I have, like, maybe funny viewpoints on stuff, but I'm not like, like, I think in the sense

that Hannibal's funny, I think, like, there are some, like, awkward comics, and they might be very bad at first. but then they're so funny once they make it click. And it might even be, when I say unique, it's kind of a, I use it unique in a weird way. But I mean like almost like altie to a sense, like, where it's like, a lot of people use that negatively. But I think like if done right, alt comedy can be like hilarious and like, oh for sure. Yeah.

Comedy so established at this point. Like, old is something that you can actually just play around with because we have such a normal idea of what it is. So like when you actually do something opposite of it, that's what makes it funny. Yeah, and I think that's the thing is like, because when an alt comic is really bad in the beginning, they're not necessarily, people are like, this guy's not even making jokes because they're doing something weird on stage. But then when they click, people are like, oh, now it's funny because they, you know what I mean? They got it. No, yeah. Because it's like, but starting out, you're like, why is this guy yodeling? You know what is it?

Well, that's too old for me. Yeah. Someone just gets on stage, starts yodeling for like five minutes. Like, all right, that's my set. Thank you. You're going to be huge in like Norway. If you imagine, though. This podcast apparently does get in Norway.

Oh, yeah. Apparently. Or yodel your sets. Yeah. That would be sick. Dude, there's a bunch of people like that. I don't want to like name names that are in the scene now. But like just a little...

Name names. I'm kidding. Can I mouth them? Yeah. For real? I can't read it. Yeah. It's whatever.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He's like really weird, but he's going to be like great. Yeah, yeah. That guy, I want to say something funny about him. I don't know if you heard the name. It doesn't matter. He, here. doing the penthouse mic

and this guy literally just takes the biggest bong rip in the middle of somebody's and he's just staring forward and then he stands up and then just exhales the bomb ring. It's just like almost face to face the guy on stage because he's just so socially unaware that he's blowing basically bong smoke

directly at the guy's face, sits down and acts like nothing happened. Everybody in the room just staring at him and they're like, what did you just... What the hell? It was just so funny. In his mind he was like, sorry, was I loud when I spoke to the bomb? You were like no, you weren't loud. You stood up and blew the smoke directly into the comic spaces. You know, Loud has two meetings, right?

Yeah, yeah. Okay, great, yeah. Yeah. I thought that was brilliant if you did that intentionally. No, no, no, no, no. All right, fine. I want to hear more about growing up in Las Vegas, though. Like, did you start partying earlier, you think, because of it?

I'd be weird if you didn't. Yeah, I guess it would be. So I will say that when I got to college, I felt like I was, like, done with all of that shit. Really? Okay. Yeah. I still don't. I still did it.

Obviously. We're comedians. I was kind of that way with some drugs. I did so many drugs when I was like 14 to like 18 that when I got to college, I was kind of like, I've gone through that. I mean, I still end up doing it, but you're not as like excited in like. I got, I'm at the opposite point. Like I grew really religious until I was like 20.

So I started smoking weed when I was like 21. And like now I do it pretty regularly. Oh, late in life. Very late. And I started doing acid like last summer. Oh my God, man. Your mind is still very fresh. Yeah, I like that.

I wish I had things to. Still got my brain cells now. That's good, man. No, but I mean, growing up in Vegas is the main thing is over exposure, right? Like, I got over exposed to sex, drugs, money, alcohol, all that stuff. Like, I was eight years old, and I was looking at some of the craziest shit. Like, they pass out the cards or whatever. Just, like, watching people lose their fucking houses.

Yeah, man. Oh, that's, yo, gambling is a fucking problem. Just dark. Like, my parents don't gamble. Just seeing someone call their wife, just like, honey, I'm sorry. Yeah, man. Dude, if you want to live in places like that, you have to have kind of like a sadistic mind. Like you see, you see oppression and it makes you not want to do it. Yeah. Or be over empathetic. Be like, man, that's so bad, I don't want it to happen to me.

Okay. Yeah. But there's this, there's this thing in Vegas. It drives around everywhere. It's a, it's a truck that has like a billboard on the back. And it's just a whole bunch of girls. and it's 696966.9.6.96. And, uh, yeah, we call that number all the time. And I don't know. That's, that's the that's the over exposure part that I'm talking about. Did you guys like bang hookers for prom? That's what I would have done that. Nah, man. We were, um, we were more normal than that. I feel like paying for hookers like paying for Groner, you know, like, I don't know. Oh, yeah. I, in, in a way, man. That's the main thing for me. Like, I just like, I know, like, if you're a hooker and like you, like, sell yourself, other people are fucking you. Like, there's no way.

I'm not going to catch me. This is the religion in you. Yeah, man, you just gotten a relationship young, which isn't a bad thing. It's just, you know, it's good. Some things are, some things are going to be different. But 20 years from now, you're going to be much happier, man. No, I'm sure. You have a rock.

Yeah, yeah. No, even now, I think I'm happy that. Yeah, three years. Bias. Bias. It's like, you're going to be so happy. He just wants someone to talk to me. There's this song that I end up listening to a lot.

I don't know if you guys know it. It's called Living Single by, uh, Big Sean, Chan, chancer rapper? No, I don't know. Not your speed? I listen to a lot of rock and shit.

I don't know any, like hip-hop show. He lives to metal, right? Yeah. Nice. So I'm, so I'm the hip-hop head? Yeah.

You're the hip-hop band wearing the African headband. Wow. And he's got the ripped jeans and listens to metal. Sweet. Okay, cool. I really feel like we nailed the dynamic.

You know, you can say the end word now. Yeah. Dude, if I could figure out how to, it's like a math equation. You're like, what are the calculations is that?

I am working. I'm working. I'm working on it. This much time helping out in the community plus. It's just... African headband plus listen to Big Sean. Equals, I could say it. I wish that was that easy.

There's definitely like a division in there or like some exponents. It's going to be hard. It's going to be years before I figure it out. Well, that was a funny thing. I should not be talking about some podcast. But where I grew up in high school, it was like, it was such a weird thing. Florida, right?

Yeah. I was taught that if you used an A, it was totally different. Like, I know it's not true, but like, and then kids, like, Asian kids would call each other the N-word and it, like, wasn't a thing. Yeah. But I think Obama was president and things were moving in the right direction. A couple things happened to that, yeah. No, like, I went to, like, a predominantly Asian school, and, like, they would actually say it all the time. I don't even joking with you.

Yeah. I went to a predominantly, believe it or not, Samoan school. Yeah. Well, Vegas is weird, man. There's a huge Mormon population. Everyone coming over from Utah. And then a whole bunch of like Samoans. Instead of the end word, everyone was calling each other Uss.

So I was calling, like Uso, like brother. Oh, interesting. We did a Haka. You know what a Haka is? What's a Haka? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. Wait, it's called Usa?

Well, for a female. Well, you've never seen the Haka should? No, no. Dude, that's just kind of hard. It's critical. Yeah, it's very cool. Are you sure you should still be saying it? I don't think it's offensive.

I think it means like, brother, I know. You imagine 10 years from now, listen to this podcast. Coursesver Wykis says Usa. You're like, I used to solve a usa. Yeah. It's a different word. You got to make an apology video. Shoot my special in Samoa.

I'm a change man. Oh, man. Yeah, so not too much. Apparently, my mom, my mom got mad to me when I was 13. I guess I was like writing the N-word on my Facebook. I got it I'm pretty sure it's gone I'm too scared to go check

Yeah Well you're 13 It's so funny too Because you don't know certain things So it's kind of hard to like It's well our lives are on the internet man Yeah Yeah

And it's my dad was like really really Fearful of that He was like yo don't Just try not to use it Tell me that all the time And I'd be like Nah it's cool mom And like I thought everything I said

Was like totally acceptable And you don't realize you're like Oh that actually is gonna be on there forever If you don't Yeah if you don't like Clean it out or whatever But that was the crazy thing to me I was gonna say

is like my girlfriend's brother had a friend just gonna get expelled from college. He was dark-skinned Hispanic guy. What do you do? It doesn't mean he could say the N-R, but he was 13. He used like the soft A on like a pastewood or a Facebook post. Like, what's up, my ends?

Yeah. He got expelled for that? No, no. Well, some girl who lived in New York was trying to get him expelled from school for using the N-word when he was 13, like, which obviously like he shouldn't say about that. Do this bitch hates her?

Yeah, but I'm like, do you imagine the amount of digging she had to go through? Just like, I got it. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm like, dude, you would not have sex with a 13-year-old. So then, because the brands haven't developed. So then to judge their decision-making skills and that and punitive, like, that's crazy to me. It is crazy.

Yeah. Because I think everybody, I mean, I'll admit, I've said some dumb shit when I was, like, in middle school. I've said terrible shit yesterday. Yeah. The, the capacity, I don't understand why we're in a cancel culture world because the capacity for people to, like, grow and change, that's life, right? Yeah, yeah. So you have to. I do understand for the people.

that don't care at all. But the funniest thing is the people that cancel people and then they immediately look back. Oh, you got the best one.

You got called out and they got the wrong black guy. Yes. Please stop this. And I feel bad when was this? This was like two years ago.

We were at like bar non, the cabar show. And one of my friends, Kai McFadden, fucking hilarious. He goes up says some like controversial shit.

Oh, Kai? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You said it. And then, halfway through the Senate. I was like,

oh, yeah, yeah. And basically, his last name was McFadden. Yeah, McFadden, yeah. Oh, you know,

that's last name. Black Irish. Yeah, that's too easy. Go ahead. But, uh, no,

like, the whole situation happens. And like, you know, Kime, like, he wears, like, glasses and shit.

So, like, she's looking for, like, a black community who wears glasses, like, she finds me. So,

like, she tagged me in this post and, like, I go to Barnone, but, like, I wasn't there that night.

And, like, she makes, like, this huge, like, cancel posts, like, two pages long. Just, like, these comedians are pieces of shit. Just talking about bullshit. Just, like, uh, a yada. Just, like, trying to get people in trouble. And then just the irony of just, you can't even tell black people apart. Yeah, she's the wrong black person. That's ridiculous.

Just like, we need to stand up for a cause. Also, I can't tell the difference between black people. that's so funny to be I know I try to make a bit out of it I love that bit Yeah but that's just such a funny thing We're like everybody just has kids And like I do agree

There are some people that don't at all care about changing And like you think out You're a piece of shit Because you don't actually want to be a better person You just Yeah But like the people then are like Okay yeah I said something wrong

And now I want to move forward Like you know It's like yeah Yeah I mean Time served is you know Important or whatever I want to talk about

I wrong black guy A guy the other day. And I felt I was like, the level of shame. Dude, I was like,

oh no, I'm about to get caught doing something racially insensitive. So I doubled down. I was like, are you sure? You're not who I think you are?

And that was so much worse. That was so much worse. Are you sure you who you are? Yeah. He was like, no, you got the wrong guy. I was like,

dude. Can you change your name so I'm not racist? You change who you are. Shit you are. Dude, it was so weird, like, afterwards if that girl who, like, did the wrong black guy to thing to me, uh, she tried to be, like, friends afterwards and be like, this is not going to happen. Yeah, it's, no way. Yeah.

I don't know. Sometimes crazy shit will bond people. Like, I have friends that hated me when we first met. Oh, yeah. I've gotten to fist fights with friends, and then we became friends after that. Oh, yeah. Sometimes you just got to, like, feel out. It's like dogs, man.

You kind of, like, have to feel out who the alpha in the room is, and then you guys can live comfortably together. Yeah, but you have to sometimes, like, I know some people that. it's so ridiculous. I have some friends that will only be friends with you. Like they are the alpha people are so annoying. I don't even like calling it. Oh, no, you're right. They are. But you have to, you have to like, people are like,

what's up, betas? People were like, I kept shooting on you and then finally when you fought me, then I realized. Then I respect you to do. I have some friends like that. I'm like, fuck you though. It's so ridiculous. I have a lot of friends like that. It's really fucking annoying. Yeah.

The thing I feel like alphas, I feel like they come from like a level of insecurity. of just like internally you feel like a beta. So now you're projecting the fact that like, I'm not a beta and then you try to like be the alpha and it's just like this isn't genuine. Yeah, yeah.

Because that's actually more insecure than somebody who doesn't give a fuck. That's what I'm saying. The real alpha is somebody like me. Yeah. They're being mentally swirley. You know, like being beta is the alpha thing to do. In today's day, man. Dude, getting cocked is real.

You're such an advocate. I'm so confident that somebody could fuck my girlfriend that you know what? I'm cool with that. Yeah. You're like, that makes me better. Yeah. That's not how the bull feels.

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, the guy's like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, they're great.

They're great. They're great. They're great. They're, nice. I like that idea, like a cuck who, like,

respects the bull. He's like, thank you for your service. Can you imagine, like, being the bull, you fuck someone's wife and you're just like, good shit,

bro. He just fucking daps you. You did something different this time. I really respected your change up. Your stroke game's gotten better. What do you, uh, you'd be doing squats?

Yeah, that would be hard, man. I don't know if I could, I don't know if I could, I'm secure enough to let it. No. I guess that makes me debate.

I can be in an open relationship. I cannot watch someone fuck my girlfriend. You said after being or? No, I can be an open relationship. I've never been in one, but like, I've never been offered.

So like, if I was down for it, like, I would be, like, I don't care. Yeah. Yeah,

but like, watching it would be kind of tough. No, it'd be fucking brutal. Yeah. Unless, I think the only thing that could work is, like, the couple swapping, because then you guys are both almost at the even playing field. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess.

There's good videos about that. Yeah. For sure. I like those ones. There's one in a sauna that's, like, really popular. We don't have to get into it. No. No, it's good.

You know, the sauna is nice. What about it do you like? No, I'm just kidding. They were already hot when they got in there. Oh, there you know what I mean? So, they're sweating. See, I'm the opposite. I need fully closed people getting fully unclosed.

Yeah. The more layers, the better. There is something great about, like, the removal of clothes. Yeah, yeah. It's like, that's a, that gets me going, man. I understand what you mean. Like, sometimes, like, you go to, like, a porn and, like, they already have the clothes off and just, like, I need some suspense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give me a storyline. Yeah, you need to build up. I agree. It's so funny because every single podcast episodes I've ever done has ended in porn somehow. Yeah. It's almost unavoidable. It's, like, yeah, all roads lead to Rome. It's 100% your fault.

Yeah. You did bring this up. This is your fault. No, I totally do. I did until I did. Are we wrapping up here? Uh, we got it. Yeah.

Let's wrap up there. Uh, where can they find you online? Uh, my Instagram is at Christopher underscore Wakis underscores, like the bane of my existence, but sorry Gen Z. just deal with it. Oh. Shots fired. That sounded like, that's it. I don't know why I picture some like Gen Z guy.

Like, you know what? Fuck you. I'm not going to deal. They hate underscors. I don't know why he has the idea that like Gen Z doesn't know how to use underscores. You're just like, what is this thing? I also like the deal with it. You're like, deal with it.

I'm going to say something a little edgy here. Deal with it, Chatsy. It's my name. None of the N-word stuff was bad, but this underscore. That's edgy. No, man, they don't like it. They don't like underscores. Yeah, I don't know that.

All right. Well, now you know. Yeah, we learned something new. You've learned something. Oh, me? Oh, yeah, sorry. You can find me on Instagram, Brian King from Queens. It's pretty simple, so I'm not going to say anything else.

Like, if you don't know how to spell Queens, I don't know what to say to you. but yeah, that's pretty much it. Perfect. All right. See you.