Morning Good - Ice Cream, Cock, and Lead - Episode 63

Episode Date: February 13, 2022

Big thanks to Dan and Chris for coming on the show, check them out to see any shows they have coming up including the one they're doing together in Astoria called Dan and Chris Keep it Dark, which may have already passed by the time this episode airs.Follow Dan Frank on IG @notannefrankk and Chris too @chris_shurr.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. And we are rolling. We're here with Dan Frank. Hey. And Chris Scher. What's up? And, yeah, we were talking about COVID.

But the craziest thing is somebody posted the other day about a, can you guys, y'all talk real quick just to check. Check. Check, check one, two. Oh, Dan's is off. Oh, there we go. Oh, there we go. We're rolling. Hey, what's up? But I got COVID tested.

Like, I think it was when I had it. And this place for four weeks now is not giving me our results back. And somebody posted, they're like, hey, I think. Four weeks? Two places. Two places. And Jake Timothy also never got his results back from the same. place. My girlfriend never got her results back. And then I saw like, somebody posted, they're like,

I think this place is just stealing people's identities. And I was like, taking people's mucus. Oh, yeah. Well, not with that, like, because you have your driver's license. I don't think they're doing like an elite science project. That'd be cool, though, if they're like making clones. But I think it's probably just like, they have my driver's license. They don't have my insurance because they don't have insurance, which is great. But I feel, I guarantee you they're just like selling that information because it's like, just like a tent. Like, do you I think cops really go by and they're like, hey, is this like a certified tent? Oh, they don't care.

Yeah, there's so many of them. I had something stolen from my car weeks ago and like I couldn't get them to come out to that even. The way you said it sounds like friends like you're inviting. Like, I couldn't get them to come out to like the case. I just needed a police report filed for insurance and they couldn't even like, come on. Get you coffee, guys. There's like, are there chips there? We're paying you by taxes.

Like, you're not in a walk up, right? Yeah. We don't come for walk up. You can have anything in my car you want. I just need to report this thing. They're like, is it a nice car? Yeah. Is it worth?

Well, like, can we get a picture with it? You know, I have a thousand followers on Instagram. Yeah, all right, maybe it's worth it. That's my favorite. I don't know why that reminds me of, I'm trying to like plan an Airbnb, like way in advance. Like, moral day, me and high school friends, we always do like a thing in the beach. And one of the places says no parties, like, without our approval, which is the funniest thing. like,

they're like, this isn't lit enough. Like, you guys shut it down. They're like, what's the ratio? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're like, no, that's not good enough. You need to get the fuck out of this house. Yeah, it's not lit. Just like some guy with like a visors, just backwards.

That was the crazy thing is there was a bar in college that like literally would like check ratio. They're like, you can't come in unless you got like one, two to three chicks. Like that's a wild thing. Like you guys, I assume you guys are just care about making money.

Like they're a crop or something. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. But yeah, I never got my COVID results back. I don't know. And I daily just fear, I'm like, did I not have COVID? But also, like, I have OCD.

So, like, I tested myself like five times that week. And then at some point you're like, okay, maybe this is like getting a little excessive. Yeah, five times. You're just nose is bleeding. You're like, okay, maybe I'm addicted to this at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, that was the hard part too is because I have a sinus infection. I'm like, maybe it's from jamming shit up my nose every other day.

You're just putting dirt up there essentially at some point. point because dust has to get in there at some point. Oh yeah, that would be a chance. Well, no, it's like sealed. Yeah,

but like, I don't know, like, if you're doing it that many times, something has to like, I wouldn't be that careful after five times, you know? Yeah.

Especially that doctors ended up to so many people's faces that day that like, yeah. Damn. I was I saying, yeah, that's a weird thing. I don't know. I, it's funny because at first they were like,

we're going to go way up your nose. And now they're like, some of them just like barely go in there. And I'm like, how is this? Like, You hear a different thing from different doctors. Things change so much.

Oh, day to day, yeah. I got a mouth test. I didn't even know they did that. Yeah, neither day. He's like, oh, yeah, it's a mouth test. You got lucky. And I was like, lucky. I got COVID.

Yeah. He was like, he got real. He's like, yeah, I'm from California. We've just been driving around the country testing people. He said it like he was following like the dead head. Yeah, he's like, following fishery. He's like, we take acid. We test people.

We sell tuna fish sandwich sandwich. which is it's a real fun time. He's like, it's been a great summer. He's like, do you want a grilled cheese while you go? He's like, we tried to test in the Midwest. It just didn't pan out. It was a pretty light day, if you know what I'm saying. It's not a good market for us.

That's so funny. They're like vigilante doctors. Played by the rules. Yeah, they're like the, it's so funny. Yeah, that definitely sounds like a traveling band. They're like, yeah, every region we get different styles. Like a medicine show or something. I go from town to town, singing songs and selling elixirs.

That was the thing back of the day, right? There was little wagons that would come by with, like, different, like... You're just trying to find ourselves, man, like our pioneer ancestors. Testing people for COVID. I'm just imagining he's not actually testing people. He's like, yeah, I've been driving around the country. Everyone thinks we're testing them. It's the greatest prank ever.

Well, that's the funny part of some of these places don't even make money. So I'm like, then they have to be stealing my... Like, how do they... Wait, the clinics don't make money? Some of them, no, no. So the ones I went to, the ones that never got memory of results back, maybe you should pay because that gives them some incentive to get your results. Yeah, yeah, please.

They get reimbursed by the state. Okay, that makes sense. So, like, you're not seeing the money happen, but the money's happening. It's happening somewhere, yeah. There's a medical, like, issue. There's going to be large amounts of money being taken. Yeah, that's America. Yeah, it's a good point, yeah.

But they, I don't know, I picture them with my license. I don't know why. Yeah, but they have so many people. I bet you they, like, steal, like, one out of every, like, thousand persons information. I don't know. I'm into this conspiracy theory now. I just, dude, if that was my life, I would get so fucking bored. Oh, yeah, you're just, like, I would get, like, guy, like, day after day, you just see someone's, like, face get contorted from shoving something in their nose.

That sounds miserable. Yeah. That sounds like, like, I heard that's why dentists, like, have a high suicide rate is because they see people. Dentists have a high suicide rate. Huge suicide range. Really? Because they see people's faces in pain constantly.

It's like, it just affects their psyche so much. I thought it was like they tell everyone to floss and no one flosses. Yeah, and they're like, they're just like, I try so hard to get these people

to take care of their teeth and they don't care. Yeah. They're like, I feel so fucking useless all the time. Then they treat me like the asshole when I ask them if they floss. Yeah.

I ask them like, When was the last time you went to a dentist and they were like, oh, what are you judging me now? Why do you be so judgmental? You dentish teeth shaming me? Isn't it like dentists can tell if you suck dick based on your teeth? Really? I'm pretty sure. Chris, is this you trying to trick, trick me again?

No, no, no, no, no. This one's actually, I'm pretty sure. How paranoid what did you just get? I have a history of just telling Dan. You're doing this to the gay man now? I'm a history of just telling Dan random things. to see if he'll believe it. Some of it's believable.

I told Dan, I'm like, yeah, I sold insurance when I was 15. No, and the thing is, you said 10 to 15. And then I got a little suspicions. But, but no, I'm, like, pretty sure that dentists, like, they can tell if you suck dick just by, like, the alignment of your teeth.

Wow. Doesn't sound real. I like how I said, I believe it immediately. You swear I read it so much. Dick, it distorted. your jawline. Sounds like a fucking road. Maybe it's like a smell thing.

Like, I could just smell the cock on your breath. Dude, your teeth are so fucking white. How much cum do you drink? They're like, why is your mouth open wider? Let me stick my fingers in. You're like, why is the plaque taken off just like in and out right in the middle?

I love the idea of them like looking at it. Like, oh, interesting. Now how much do you suck cock? Like, just asking him the most like, Oh man, your teeth are bent. That was a hard cock. You just chipped on. You fucking slut.

I just like, this keeps calling you dirty shit. Dentist is just like, this is the straightest teeth I've ever seen. You suck so many dicks. That's the straightest woman I've ever seen. And then she gets another. She's like, oh, so you eat mad pussy, right? Yeah. You got the teeth of a big dyke.

It's a love, like a dentist looked into a gay man's mouth. Like straightest teeth that are seen. fucking virgin. What do you just do missionary? Catholic? You're so uncool. You know when you put the x-ray in? You got to bite down on something?

They just put like a dildo like in your mouth for you to just bite into it. Gets the whole thing then, too. There's cameras on all angles. Just open wider. What? There you go. Are you sure this is necessary? Now look at my eyes.

You got to look at my eyes the whole time. That's the only way it works. I don't know why that reminded me of when I was a kid I was so blown away when somebody told me the first time that women can tell when you stare at their tits. Like I had no idea my whole life. And then somebody told me, this sounds like it happened like a week ago. This happened when I was like 15.

I was like, are you serious? And then somebody's like, yeah, look. And then I stared and I was like, like they stared at my chest. And I was like, oh my God, that's so noticeable. And I had no idea. They're aware of their bodies. Yeah. I'm just a minute you're like, thanks for telling me, mom.

Yeah. Yeah, so stop staring at my tits now. I can see. Just putting sunglasses on, but I still bend my neck aggressively. They can't tell if you put shades on, just like staring. That's why creeps are sunglasses. Oh, yeah, that's like a thing. Trench coats and sunglasses, not just to hide their identity so that no one can see them staring at people's, their tits and their genitals.

It's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see, I got like a rack of sunglasses right inside. Yeah, I don't do that. That's crazy, yeah. It feels like you could sell sunglasses out of this room.

It's very nice. Oh, thank you. I don't know. It feels like a store. Does this have like sunglasses hut kiosk energy? Yeah, it's like they got some shit at West Elm. I like, really pretty. I've always wanted, I've looked, it's funny you say that because I've looked at stores and I've been like, I want to live in there.

Like an Apple store. I'm like, that looks so nice to like live inside. An Apple store? Yeah. Apple stores look like, like, bare and cold. They're so sterile. Yeah. It's like a hospital room.

of a store. Yeah, that's true. But like a trendy hospital room where they send the rich people. Yeah, it feels like you go into the back and there's like doctors operating on a computer sterilizing shit. I think more like, that was a bad example,

like a wine store. I've seen some wine stores and I see like a wooden floor and like that looks like a nice place. Because Apple stores, yeah. That can't feel weird. Like it feels more like I'm in click. That was the worst shit is like my parents moved and like they're in like a rental house now

and it has like all these fake things which is weird like display items that, like, clearly aren't, like, a part of their actual house. Like, what do you mean fake things? Not like fake, like, I don't know, maybe they're just fake for them. Like a globe. I'm like, my dad doesn't look at the globe. Oh, okay.

It's just not something. And I felt, I felt like Adam Sandler and Click because the house, like, was slightly futuristic. And I was like, I want my old life back. Like, it just felt like weird visiting. I don't know. I have trouble moving on in life. It's weird.

That went from us talking about dentists sucking cock. And now I'm like, some Michael's issues. Yeah. I'm like, I have trouble moving forward. That was the funniest thing because, like, I don't know if I peaked in high school, but it's sad how much I liked high school and how much randomly I'm like, what a good time. And I'm like, I'm about 25.

I got to get over that at some point. But how much fun I had. I feel like I'm the only queer person who's like, I had a good time in high school. Oh, yeah. That's probably, yeah. I feel like you had a good time. I don't know if that's like a trans thing. Like, I didn't transition until after high school, so I just missed all the hard.

parts about being a queer person in high school. Oh yeah, you dodged that completely. Like, I played football and shit. I was really bad. I didn't really play. And it was stupid, but I played. Yeah. I didn't either. I didn't, like, come out until, like, I think junior year of college. So, like, high school, I just, like, didn't have that, like, queer bullying experience.

You were on the other side of it. Both y'all are like, yeah, I had a great time in high school. I made fun of all the gay kids. We just kept it quiet until later until we were adults. yeah that's uh yeah i don't know i'm trying to think i think we only knowingly had like one gay guy at our whole height because it was like florida in like 2010 but and then there's this one gay guy who just like was cool but he would like bully the straight guys yeah so that was kind of like that's so cool yeah he shoved the dildo into yeah the thing i think is funny is my girlfriend it's so funny

those like revert like non-typical bullies like my girlfriend had this religious group at her school called the god squad. They were apparently. Fucking Florida. I was happy we didn't have that because I was like that would be lame. Apparently they were just like, yeah, I heard you had sex before marriage last night. Pussy. Just like what?

They were like bully people like religiously. Like that's bizarre. We never had that. God, that sounds like, wow, that's weird. It's like religion. Like you hear like religion. and being violent and stuff, but it's at like a weird

high school MTV level. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's fucked up because, like, if you start talking shit about them,

you're like, it's a hate crime. You're just like, yeah, religion's fucking stupid. Yeah, and then you're like, whoa,

hey. You're like, wait, what, you just bully me. They said I was going to hell because I fuck Brad. Like,

yeah, that wasn't worth it. Brad came in like 30 seconds. I don't think I should go to hell for that. The God squad sounds like they're going to go beat someone. up. Oh yeah, exactly. Like, God's quote. That sounds like anti-Semitic, homophobic.

Yeah. It sounds like a lot of bad things. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I, um, yeah, I know we didn't have because it was different from my high school. Like, my high school was not like that. Like, people brought up religion you big. Why are you bringing that up? I was weird, though, because I was religious until I was like 16, but I was like a weird version. Like, I still do drugs. And I'd be like, no, no, I think the Bible's like kind of right. I was like, they're right about like a couple things.

Yeah, it was a weird time. I don't know. Yeah, I went to religious camps and stuff. I went to some of those, too. Yeah, with like, like, the big arenas. Oh, I never went to those. Oh, really? Like, have you seen the righteous gemstones? It was like that?

No, I never seen that. Oh, wait, is that on HBO Max? Yeah, it's great. I just got that. I'm just, I'm getting through euphoria right now. Did you say big arenas? Yeah. You never see one of those?

Chris is like, I need to speak at one of those. I've been an atheist since I was like five. So I don't know anything religious. But you go to music festivals, so you're, like arena. This sounds like, no, I was just curious.

Like what is it like... At five, Chris found out Santa's not real. Atheist ever since. Like is it like a Tony Robbins like event this camp? Yeah. Oh yeah. But they're priests.

So they're not even as cool as Tony Robbins. Oh, so it's not like a Jewish summer camp. It's more like a culty kind of Tony Robbins day event. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was this one like session or whatever we had where like all the boys were together in this room and this guy's starts playing guitar and talking about how masturbation is horrible.

And, like, porn sets up these unrealistic expectations. We're like, we know. That's why we're watching it because it's not what we're going to get real life, dude. You could apply it to literally anything, be like movies set up unrealistic expectations. Food, like food at a restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't cook this shit. Yeah, that's a great boy.

We had, we had youth, I remember my dad sent me to youth group, and then they told me I, the first, the one day they took me, they're like, you shouldn't have sex before marriage. And I was like, I don't like this place. It's not cool. Fucking nerds. The guy was still funny. Gonna hang out with the gay bully now. He knows what's up.

My favorite was the, they showed a picture of like a strip club. They say this is a gentleman's club. But gentlemen is far from the men that go to this place. It was like so serious. It was like, it's not a gentleman's club. Those aren't gentlemen. We are gentlemen.

That's a horse club. And guess who the whores are? But it's funny, too, because everybody's, like, on, like, beanbag chairs. And, like, they'll try to, like, it's so funny what they'll try to make cool. They'll take, like, Jenny, they're like, we have pizza. Like, they'll take every, you know what I mean? Like, they'll, every way that they can make it cool. We'll give you pizza if you don't jerk off.

Yeah. How many days have you made it? No, that forearm looks strong. No, sorry. You can have some garlic sticks, but. I think it's weird. You can't have a serious conversation on a beanbag. Yeah.

So you're just like, you're like, you're all going to burn in hell, just playing ping pong. You can tell someone to not jerk off when they're sitting in the most comfortable chair to jerk off. And it's like a beam bag, you sink.

So you're like trying to crane your neck up and you're like, so your immortal soul will go to damnation forever. It's just, it's a weird way to like talk about the most important shit ever. Oh, yes. Like, could you imagine going to an accountant and he's just like,

take a squat on the beam bag chair. You'd be like, I don't trust you. Yeah, you should set him up in like, like imagine, yeah, like a police officer. Like, all right, here's some coffee. Did you murder her?

He's like, if you confess, we can get to the pizza party. We've got beanback chairs out back and ping pong. By the way, don't check. Always like an outdated game system that like nobody uses anymore. That's what I should have offered the cops. Oh, yeah. To come out to my car. I got a game cube.

He's like, you got smash bros. Yeah. Fuck yeah, I got smash bros. Let's get this police report underway. I don't know why I was thinking of... So you said... You were just riffing when you said you found out about Santa Claus

when you were five, or was that like... Oh, I was just joking. No, I don't know. I think I... I think I found out about Santa Claus pretty early because, like, my brother just told me. Yeah. He's just like...

Where are you from, by the way? Connecticut. Okay. Born in London from Connecticut. Oh, shit. When did you moved from London? When I was like two months old. Oh, so...

Don't remember it. My force getting stayed in London longer than I did. Wait. Because they don't circumcise over there. but my parents are American, so they circumcised. Oh, that was like what they had. It was part of like moving here.

They're flying an American doctor. Oh, yeah. They requested it. I guess so. I don't know. Like, if I'm kind of bummed because if I had the, what do you call it, like the flap of skin, you get rid of like the four skin? Four skin, yeah.

You said it like four times. And then you're like, what do you call that thing that I just said 10 times in the last sentence? If you have like the four skin, that's extra nerves. So if you get the bottom surgery, they have more to work with to give you like a more sensitive vagina. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, so if I get a vagina, it's going to be less sensitive. So it's like a real fucking bummer. Because isn't like the whole thing with like foreskin? It's like, they say if you get like, if you're uncircumcised, you can feel way more down there. And if

you do, apparently it's like, it's like, it's like for religious purposes, but also it's like genital mutilation in a way that like you are losing. I think it was original purpose was for sanitation reasons when people didn't shower every day. But we live in a society where we like hopefully we can shower every day. Yeah. Could you imagine you're just like, yeah, like this part of your body smells like shit and they're just like cut it off. Yeah.

Just get it. Why didn't they're rid of it? And then everybody was like, yeah. Yeah. Just agree. They used to do it with like a rock. Yeah, like, they would just like stretch it out and like beat it off. That's wild.

They're just like, get a tack and nail it to a stump. Jesus Christ. That's horrific. Yeah. Yeah. We had a guy in our college town. He was like the only person because nobody really gets behind any circumstance. Just because I don't know, it's like, because there is like general mutilation in like other parts of the world.

And there's this guy in Florida State of Tallahassee. He has his acoustic guitar. And he has his big sign that says save the clitoris or something like that. And it's about that. But he's just like the funnest guy ever. And you almost forget the message. It's like something that's like seriously fucked up going on. Yeah.

You're like, oh, let's take a picture with a fun guitar guy with the sign. But low-key, it's like a serious thing. Like, what does the sign save the clitoris or some shit? Yeah, I don't know. I'm just, yeah. It helps me get pussy, so I wear, you know, the fun side. There was a, the Santa Claus thing I was thinking of it was, because for some reason that remind me the way my dad told me, which is the best.

My dad's like the most, like, sentimental person. I remember he's like, I was like, is Santa Claus real? He's like, do you think Santa Claus is real? All right, redirect. Don't answer my question with a question. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, yes, he goes, the spirit of St. Nicholas is very real. And then I was like, fuck.

That's fucking. But I wasn't even like bad. I was like, damn, that's deep. But I guess he's not real. Wow. No, my dad is straight up. I just asked my dad and he was like, he's not real. No.

My mom wanted to keep, they were not on the same page about that. My mom wanted to keep the spirit of Santa alive like your dad. And my dad was like, what stop lying? Just. he's four he's a man now he doesn't have time for this silly nonsense it's got to go work on the coal mine you're from upstate right

I'm from Vermont I was I was born in Long Island and then we moved to Vermont when I was about six years old and then I moved to Albany upstate for college like nine years ago or something yeah yeah

so you all are both from cold places, right? Connecticut. Connecticut's not necessarily that cold. Really? Would you call New York cold? Yeah, I'm from Florida.

This is horrible for me. I'm from a cold place. No, I've not adapted to this at all. I take my D3 vitamins because it's supposed to like pretend to be the sun. I got, no, it's like so real. I once had a vitamin D deficiency so bad. I was having panic

attacks every day. Yeah. Because like my anxiety was just like on the, like, fritz. and then I went to my doctor and she said like, I had a really low vitamin D and apparently low vitamin D is between 10 and 21%. Mine was at like 3%.

Holy shit. I was on 3% battery. Yeah, that's terrible. I needed to get a charger and she gave me like these super vitamin D pills. Yeah. I just skyrocketed it because it's like really bad if you get slow.

No, yeah. And it's so funny because I'm like, every time of year, I'm like, it's weird. I have these horrible panic attacks and I get really depressed in December and January. What can this be? I just like never pieced together

Oh, it's New York City. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, oh, yeah, this makes sense. Yeah. But this year I'm preparing. I don't know, but I don't know how many, do you know how many milligrams you take or it's like U.I?

It's like a micrograms, right? Yeah, U.I, uh, I don't know, 3,000 or something. I get it from Trader Joe's now. I don't get like a prescription. Yeah. I just take it like a daily pill every day. That's always weird when the doctor's like, I'm going to fill you our prescription. And then you see what it is.

Like, this is just Advil, but like a weird, like, version. Yeah, it's free Advil because I prescribed it to you. You're welcome. That shit is crazy. Like, I had a friend in high school. He was prescribed like five sticks of Xanax a day, which if you know Xanax, like, I've never taken a full stick. I'm only taking three, fours.

I'm like, it's... Oh, really? Yeah. You take that whole stick. You just chill. Yeah. Well, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's awesome. If you have a lot going on in your life, you're doing well, and you're anxious.

But if you're a loser, it's the worst drug to take because you won't care that you're a loser. Maybe it should take Xanax. Yeah. I like, that was your way of brag, right? I got a lot going on right now. No, I just like, I feel happy most of the time, but then I'll just get anxious out of nowhere. Yeah. You know, I'm like, what's the, I want to be 100%, you know? Yeah, but it is a mix, though, because it will make it is like very temporary because, like, you can have rebound anxiety if you take it too much.

We're like, if you take Xanax and stop, you will like, all that will just come back. It's very much like a crutch. But in that moment, it's perfect. My favorite one is I was having horrible anxiety and we went to Disney and not because of Disney. I was just having horrible anxiety, and then me and my girlfriend went to Disney. Why is goofy so goofy? But we went on all the rides they break down. Like Disney sucks.

I'm from Orlando. Universal is where you got to go. Or Islands of Adventure. It's like a combined theme park. But we went to the first ride, I went on and got stuck, and I started getting a little anxious. And then we went on to this ride called the Carousel of Progress. And... Whoa.

But for me, I was like, that's not why I was freaking out. I wasn't like, I like, I like the way things you. used to be. I don't even know what to say about that. What is it's like, it's funny because it's technological. It's not like social. Is that like Epcot like the center part? No, no, no. But there is something, it's like a similar thing in that where it's like an animatronic move around thing. So it's like you start out and like it's like the traditional household in like whatever time. I mean they remain like white and straight the whole. It's not like, wait. So is it like technology advances? Is it just going with

representation? So like it's a nuclear straight family. then the 80s hits and it's like a gay guy and he's just slowly dying in a hospital bed. And then by 2020, it's just only gay people. No, no, no, it's like... And there's a non-binary president. No, it's still Disney. So they're like, no, it's just a traditional fan.

But it's so funny because it goes... It's just the technology that changes. It's like, we used to use a kitchen. Like, we used to use microwave and now we're using, like... It sounds like a ride in like communist Russia. Oh, yeah. And then Comrade Stalin came. And on progress was fulfilled forever.

Like a re-education ride. We need to put you on the Carousel of Progress. That would be a nice way to... Just like the re-education camps are like actual theme parks. That would be a weird... They would disguise it as a theme park and then they just hypnotize you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like the Carousel of Progress should just be an ad.

So, like, you get on and it's just like an ad for like Apple and KitchenAid and like just a few different companies. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, we were nowhere, and then we had an iPhone, and this is, now life's good. Yeah, yeah. And this is the kid that made it across seas. And then they have, like, one kid who's just, like, crying, and they're like, and he got a Samsung. Yeah. He's a fucking loser.

His parents are poor. Did either of you have, they weren't droids, Zoom. I remember my cousin is big into, like, stuff like that, where he is, like, a Samsung-only person. I'm an Apple person. I know people like that. My family's all Apple people. people. Yeah. It conformed. My daddy and his daddy and his daddy's daddy. Steve Jobs. I was like mad. I remember being like mad at my dad when I was little because I heard everybody who worked with Bill Gates when he

started out. They're all millionaires now. And I was like, why didn't you get in on that? Why didn't you know Steve Jobs, dad? Oh, I'm sorry, Bill Gates. Did he have a job with Bill Gates? No, not at all. Oh, just in general. I was just an eight-year-old kid. Like, I wanted to be a millionaire. I was like, Why didn't you get in on the ground floor with Bill Gates when you could? You idiot. Why didn't you know him? They probably lived on like totally different parts of America. Oh, yeah.

Bill Gates isn't like, where was he like Seattle or something? Something like that, yeah. Your dad's like, I just didn't want to go to Epstein Island. You're just like, what the fuck is that? Just way ahead of town. I'll go with you. I can probably find a job there. Little St. James.

That was funny. Did you see the Bill Gates interview about Epstein? It was kind of funny. He's just like, they're like, so, uh, you're friend Jeffrey Epstein. He's like, yeah, you know, he donated a bunch of money to us. So, like, do you regret being friends with him? He's like, well, you know, he's dead now. So it's like, that's a weird side step. I mean, we had some beers. We had a good time.

The best is the Prince Andrew one. That's my favorite because it's like the interview starts. I can't believe he did that. Wait, you saw that one, right? Oh, my God. I haven't seen it. It's the most insane thing because he's like, so you were friends with Jeffrey Epsey. He's like, no, no, he says you met with him during his indictment. He's like, yeah, I met with him to say, hey, Jeff. We're not friends anymore. Nope, we got, I put my foot down. And he's like, you're going Australian now, too.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's not, yeah, I'm bad. I say, mate, jumping that kangaroo pouch, get all, don't by asking me these questions. I'm going to lock the kipper in the duney if you keep asking me these questions. I'm Prince Anthony. Manalsi. The Queen's like, he's getting anxious. He's going Australian. Every time he has an Australian, he's getting anxious.

That's how you do. She must have hated that he did that. Oh, my God. Gosh, it's so insane because, yeah, he's, it's like, in his mind, he's like, I'm going to fix it. I'm going to sit this to bed. And it starts, because if you see it, it starts out with him saying, like, I told him, like, we're not friends anymore. It's like, it says, then you stayed at his house that whole week. He's like, yeah, it was like a convenient place to stay.

Yeah, he's at different corners of the house. Mad. And by the end of it, she's literally like, she's like, it says you had a party with him at the end of the week. And he goes, it wasn't really a party. It was like eight people. It was just, I got drunk and I wandered in the room. Would you call that a party? Yeah.

That's just so funny. He's like, we're doing Coke. It wasn't really a party. No, I was trying to score. Just admitting to like things that aren't quite as bad. He's like, listen, I was there partying. I was having sex to people. They were of age, though.

18, not 17. I mean, I wouldn't call it a party. Yeah. Have you been to a party lately? The ratio was way off. He's like, sure, there were a lot of 15-year-olds there, but I wasn't fucking them. I was just telling them out to commit tax fraud. Yeah.

And like traveling across borders with them. That is a weird thing that like the second you cross state lines, like whatever crime you're doing just becomes way worse. Like even just like a little bit of weed. It's like now it's like trafficking. Dude, yeah. Like in Vermont. Like I lived in,

I grew up in like rural Vermont and there was like you'd see like all these like flea market sales on the side. And there's just guns just sitting at the flea market. And if like you go and you could go to like be from New York just cross over. over to Vermont, buy a gun there and bring it back with you. Yeah, yeah. And no one, I don't know what the gun laws are like here, but just like, you can't have a gun in New York. No, you can't here.

I never try. I don't think you got to have a knife in New York. There's like, you can't have a switchblade. Yeah, well, that's most places, though. But it's weird. It's like, the switchblades laws are so weird because like if it comes out this way, it's like, I think if it comes out straight, that's a problem. But if it comes out sideways, it's like.

No, because so in New York, it can't come out either way. So a butterfly knife count is illegal. Oh, really? It's considered a concealed weapon. Every other state that's not the case. New York goes like... Yeah, I was the Boy Scouts. There's always people twirling the butterfly knives, like, doing like a cool...

I remember a kid like that. Yeah, yeah. When I school, my best friend, had like a butter and fly knife. He was like, this is illegal to have. Cool. New York's got like a real problem about people getting charged with, like, felony weapons possessions, and all they had was like a four-inch blade that they used for fishing. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like, that's the kind of stuff. It happens a lot, so you've got to be careful. Yeah, you got to know the rules. There was a kid in my high school. school did um he like it was funny because he was like a big time drug dealer but then he got caught with like a fishing knife which is like a weird thing is like you're expelled he's like oh okay yeah yeah yeah that's where that was my one crime i had a fishing knife on school property he got expelled for a fishing yeah yeah yeah yeah because it was like i don't know it was like on so that's a weird

thing like i don't know it's like whatever you have if it's on school property like it's which is really bad because my brother was like big into hunting and i borrowed his car one time and there was just bullets all and i never realized i drove to high school with like there's my bullets like falling out of the door. I'm like, Jesus Christ. So I was just borrowing a car and I was like, oh shit, this is bad. We have a trail of bullets. Yeah.

Canceling Gretel. Yeah. Yeah. No, we, uh, yeah, I'm trying to think. We, uh, we had like a bomb threat one time. It was my favorite. I've talked about the podcast, but it was my favorite though, because I will say it was funny because it was like a random Facebook thing was taught, like a random Facebook

probably bought. I know I think it was a legit person was talking to some kid in my school. And it was just a back and forth between them like, you pussy, you suck. And then the guy's like, I'm going to come and bomb your school tomorrow. The guy goes, all right, lit, L-O-L. And then the kid put it on Facebook. He's like, look at this idiot saying he's going to bomb the school tomorrow. And then we're like, God damn it, Ethan or whatever.

I would like imagine like one of those billboards that said like, this is the last text she said. All right, late. This is the last text. Before the school blew up. I swear to it. It was all right, lit or okay, law. just like one of those like All right

LMAO A little weirdo Yeah Yeah that was Funny yeah I didn't Yeah I was one of those things I never even thought about school shootings When I was in high school

But when I got out It was when I started Like I worry about it all the time At comedy shows Like I'm constantly like Oh really? Oh I mean also I get paranoid about you Like I'll constantly look at an exit

And be like all right That's where it is I only get paranoid I do that in movie theaters Ever since that guy in Was it Aurora Colorado? Yeah Yeah

Batman film. Like, the next movie I saw after that was Lincoln. Yeah. Which is a horrible movie when you're scared of. Someone shooting you. And it was just a guy of like 18, or whatever, like century clothes.

I don't know. She's somebody with a musket. I don't know why. But if I heard someone be like, yeah, you hear about that movie theater sheeting, they'd be like, I'd be like, no,

what happened? They're like, oh, they shot up the premiere of Lincoln. Yeah. I'd be like, really? Lincoln. Why? Yeah.

I'm like, was it just one guy? Did they shoot one guy in the back of the head? I was like, yeah, it wasn't a big deal. They're like, no, they shot everyone. I'm just like, that's not the movie that I think would like be, yeah. Like Batman made sense. He had the Joker and. Yeah, yeah.

It's also funny, too, like how somebody decides what movie. They're like, this movie is going to be a success. So we got to shoot that. You know, they have to do it based off of like train wreck. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, this movie will it be a commercial success? They're like, we have to figure out how many people are grossing the movie before we decide if we're going to, like, shoot it up or not.

They have to, like, no. But I don't know. I guess any movie theater you know it's going to be full on, like, opening night. Yeah. I mean, Lincoln did do great, but no one took that. Yeah, no one took that opportunity, missed opportunity. I was, like, looking for exits. I was, like, looking for, like, seats to slide through.

Yeah. I'm like, I hope I'm not too fat. No, I'm getting self-conscious of how, like, fat I look. I remember I went to go see Spider-Man and it was 3D glasses. I was worried about getting shot. I don't know why the idea was funny of me of my parents identifying me with 3D glasses on if they got shot out.

For some reason, like, in my open casket, there's still 3D glasses on it. I just thought the bullets were in the movie. They didn't know they're actually coming for me. Yeah, this is really accurate. Yeah. Yeah, I worry about that. I don't know, it's always like, I don't know,

I get over paranoid. It's always like, there's also this one guy. I mean, I'll just not call him out really, but there's this guy that would wear a Joker face paint to open mics. and I was like, this is creepy. This is... In New York?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so curious of this night. And he would drink wine out of like a chalice. Oh, yeah, you should be scared. Yeah, right? That's not good vibes. How was it set? Like, was he funny or was he...

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's what you get more. That's more joker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He laughed at all of his jokes. No, oh, God. I took ZandaX for it. I remember we were sitting there,

and it's so funny because they were like, that night I saw in New York, and they're like, we have, police officers in every single movie theater for like the Joker showing. And I remember I was like, I wonder who it is. And there was just this yoked guy in like a suit standing in the back who had like an earpiece. And we're like, all right, that's obviously like the undercover cop right there. But I remember I took Xana because like there's a guy in front of me who looks sketchy and he literally had like a guitar case on his back and they didn't search it at the movie theater. I'm like,

all right, that's the perfect size for a gun. A giant gun. Yeah. Yeah. A rifle. Yeah. I was freaking out. And they're like halfway through. It was also like it made the movie better Because I was on edge the whole time And I was like, okay, this is So much hotter Yeah Oh man, the risk

I could feel the cold gun against my head Oh man Somebody has a joke Who is that joke about It's like a sex party Where some guy wanted to bring a gun in Somebody used to run things for sex parties And the guy wanted to bring a gun in

Because he said the only way he can come Is if a gun is pointed to his head I've heard of that I've never heard someone joke about that. Yeah. Yes. How does that start? Yeah.

Like, I want to know what the situation was where the first time someone put a gun to your head and you're just like, you're getting robbed and you're like, oh, okay, just take it all, take it all. And they're like, what? Oh, weirdo get away from me. The gunman just like, he's like, I'm calling the cops and reporting you for like sexual assault. This is not cool, man. You came all over my legs, dude. Not cool.

I was just trying to have a good time with a gun and robbing you and... I guess that's how you find out. Yeah, I don't know any other way you would... Maybe like... Or you're, maybe you're killing yourself. Like, you're getting ready to kill yourself and you're like, this is... Oh, maybe I've got something to live full. I can just do this once a week.

I'll be fine for the rest of my life. I imagine it's got to be like this, like, like having thrills turning you on. Yeah, yeah. It's the most raw sense. Yeah, yeah. It probably starts with somebody choking you, and then you're like, eh, they're not strong enough, so they need something else to really take me out. Yeah, it's a weird way. I was thinking, we're talking about Xanax.

Last time I took Xanax was hilarious because it was like, not the last time, but one of my most memorable, forgettable times, because if it's memorable, you probably forget it. That's the other part of Xanax. You don't remember anything. But I remember it was like peak COVID. And me and my buddy were on a canoe in Florida. and we were drinking on the lake

and like not totally recreationally using Xanax. There was no anxiety involved. There was like a nice lake day. My buddy's like, I want to take a bunch of Xanax and go on the lake? I'm like,

that sounds nice and safe. And I remember he was shit-faced and he had Xanax. He's like, you got to take some more Xanax. I was like, what are you going to take me, make me take it and drive?

And I was like, the weirdest form of peer pressure and I was like, I guess you're right. I guess I have to take more. I was like, fine, I'll take more Xanax and drive. Twist my arm.

that was a disaster and then we went to like a strip club and this is a bad like this is not safe COVID behavior because this was like 2020 and it was that weird time period where strippers had masks on but they were naked

yeah which is just the weirdest thing to like witness that and I remember one of my friends he was like a UFC fighter and he had two black eyes and he was just throwing money it was just the funniest thing to have like an expressionless man

with just two black eyes just throwing money of people and that's uh yeah it's last time I remember remember taking Xanax. Yeah. Actually, I think I took it

for actual anxiety sometime before that because you actually have a panic attack. It's a great, like, I don't know, it just makes you not care, which is good. Yeah, it works well.

But if you're doing nothing with your life, you also won't care, and it'll be awesome. But it's also sketchy now with like fentanyl and like literally everything. Yeah.

Because people don't realize they can just press pills. Like you could literally take like, you could make, everybody's like, oh no, this looks like the one that the doctor gives you.

I'm like, yeah, but they can just have like a machine that presses in. Oh, dude, my friend Nick, he's a, well, he's dead now, but, uh, he was going to get dark. He was going to get dark. Because he's Xanax, then he died of a heroin overdose. But, yeah.

Regar, he was big on the dark web. Yeah. And so he would buy, his big thing was Xanax. So he would buy, like, either, like, 2,000 pills worth of powder and he would just, like, guess it. Or you'd buy it in liquid form. But it was just like, fuck, my friend ended up taking, like, a whole vial fill, and he ended up hitting, like, five bars to the fill. face. That's insane. Then he went into my room and took some Adderall for me. And he ended up having a

psychotic break. He took an XR 30 after taking like five bars. And so he was awake, but like blacked out. He couldn't remember anything. It was like pretty scary. Was there ever a recovery after that? Yeah, he's doing better now. It was so like he kind of got real fucked up. And then he, he called his parents and he's like, I need to get out of school because like, I'm doing tons. He's like, I did heroin. He didn't do heroin. He just told them that he did heroin. He's like, I wanted to think I'm like really into it. And so me and him were supposed to go see a Tom Segura show the day, the night before he left. That would have been to Z.

Oh, I was saying that night. No, no. So, yeah, he was fucked up. But like, he wasn't, he was there and he wanted to see the Tom Segura show. And so his parents called me and they're like, can you make sure like he gets homes stay? I'm like, yeah, he'll be fine. Like, I was like, it's not that big a deal. He'll be fine.

So we go see Tom Scura. He was great. great. We're walking out of the show. I'm like, man, that was great. What'd you think of it? And he's like, I don't know. It was really funny, but I don't get why every single joke was specifically about me. Jesus Christ. And I was like, oh, buddy, we got to get you. You just kept pointing at me. You're going down. You. That's a little. Because you hear like the crazy. Like psychotic breaks, people were like, man, that movie's about Jesus or something like that. Like low key.

He's like, no, this comedy special all about me. Tom is talking to me. He came up to me in the audience. Five big jokes about like farts and pooping. I just imagine. I fart and poop. I just imagined it matches being like, I fart and poop. Oh, no.

Yeah. You have more fun in high school, I think. No, that was college. Oh, okay. But that shit happened in high school, too. Not like the psychotic break part, but we were doing Molly and shit in high school a lot. Yeah, I had the same thing. We did a lot.

It was annoying because I did so many shrooms in high school. I never learned to enjoy psychedelic drugs. First time I did it, I freaked out and told them myself. I've told the podcast. I was... I was on a show with you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, so then I would constantly take shrooms in high school and just constantly worry, I'd be like, fuck, my parents are going to find out.

So then, like, when I do shrooms as an adult, it's so nostalgic for me. to that shitty, like, negative nostalgia. Now when I take shrooms, I'm like, oh, my parents are going to find out when really, they don't care and they live in Florida. So it's like... That's always my fear is my parents know I'm doing drugs or something. Well, mine found out, which is the best, which was kind of the best thing because like the worst

fear happened when I was on the shrooms, I was like, oh, I guess now, I mean, we're already fucked, so... Yeah. Before you take shrooms, you just got to call up your parents. You're like, hey, I'm about to take shrooms. Yeah. You found out. Now I'm going to have a great time.

Yeah. Oh, that was great. Got to get that off my conscience. they're like, stop calling and telling us. We don't care. He's like, I'm blocking your number just to make sure. They're like, we're taking acid, but we aren't fucking telling you. It was somebody, because I think my parents grew up in a weird era where like, if you grew up like after the 60s, like psychedelics actually had like a bad, like, a horrible reputation.

They're like, no, acid. They're like, it's super day. It does this, this isn't that. Because it was like there was all those like weird horror stories. My favorite is one where people were like, this guy thought he was a glass. of orange juice forever. And I was like, I remember that shit.

Someone's like, yeah, he's a potato forever. Yeah, yeah. And it's always like, it's like an urban legend that got passed on forever because everybody, everybody knew somebody who knew somebody.

I'm like, okay. And then I originally found out because I went to a camp in Colorado, like a religious camp. So he was like, yeah, a friend of mine, he, uh, he, uh,

thought he was orange juice after taking acid permanently. I was like, that's what hell is. Yeah. You just think you're just so acidic and citrusy. All of the time. He's like, I'm so acidic. Every time you brush your teeth, you're miserable.

You're so miserable. And that's the video they show in high schools. He has no teeth anymore. Jesus. I remember both my parents are pretty anti-drug people. And they took, like, different approaches. Like, my mom, she would tell me about, like, people she knew who had history. of addiction and try to scare me out of it and stuff.

I mean, I never, like, drank until, like, college. Yeah. But, um. Well, they found a successful method because my parents tried to do stuff. I did so many drugs in high school, like, despite all of their, that's weird that it works. Do you think that's what they did not? I was just so fear-based.

I was scared what drugs would do to me, too. I'm just like, and also, like, I've smoked weed before, and that just makes me anxious. I'm scared, like, what more hardcore stuff is going to do to me. I think weed makes me more anxious than most drugs. Like, I think weed is weirdly, like. I keep hearing that. Yeah.

Like shrooms is easier. I kind of weed's this weird drug where it's like every time I smoke I'm just like chancing it that I'm gonna be anxious and have no fun. Oh yeah. There's like times I'll smoke

and I have like such a lovely time like I eat food and I'm watching TV and cracking up and then like the next night I'll smoke a little and I'll just be like why did I do this to yourself? Oh my God.

Especially you're like I can enjoy this without weed I would have been way happier if I didn't and like you just wait it out and like 30 minutes later you've calmed down but it's just such a weird fucking drug. Yeah. Well, that's why I faced it immediately.

I was talking about this in the last episode. What I do, when I smoke pot or take an edible, 15 minutes in, I purposely give myself a panic attack. I blast heavy metal into my face, like in my ear. Not my face. This face next to speaker. And I just, I literally made myself as anxious as possible because I'm like, I'm going to have a panic attack.

So if I give it to myself five minutes in, then it'll go away. Because like how... Wow, you like rip off the Band-Aid. Yeah, yeah. Because like how anxiety works, at least for me, it's like, you have to like peak... It has to have peak anxiety for it to go down a little bit. Because you have to be like, this is the worst I'm going to feel.

And then now, yeah. That's intense. Yeah. I'm literally like in line. I was in a bodega the other day, just blaring metal. Just like, mm. And the guy's like, what do you want in your sandwich? I'm like, cheese.

Dude, I get this weird thing where if I get too high, like, if I eat an edible and I'm on a train, I will sit there and have, like, overwhelming fear that I'm about to shit my pants. And, like, I'll convince myself that I already have shit my pants. pants. I've done that. And then I'll have to go sit in the bathroom for the rest of the train ride because I'll go in there. I'm like, did I shit my pants?

I'm like, no, I didn't shit my pants. So I must have to shit. Yeah. And then I'm like, I don't even have to shit. What's wrong with me? Once in high school, I did something similar to that. I was with my friends in my car. And I was convinced, I got so high.

I was like scared to drive. So they drove me. And then I thought I shit my pants in the back of my car. So I demanded we go to, or like, the grocery store. so I could use the bathroom and wipe the shit out. And there's nothing in there? I was like, I just want snacks.

And they're like, we can go to like the bodega for that. No, we got to go to the supermarket. And the bodega had a bathroom too, but I was fixated on going to the gross supermarket bathroom. Yeah, you're like, I need to do this one. That was like my bum. And there was no shit too. Oh, yeah.

I was like convinced. And then you feel like you're like, I'm such a bitch. Yeah. And then I had a fun night the rest of the night. It was like, ah, I'm so sick. God, thinking I'm pooping everywhere. My buddy had that where he took like a, he took this ecstasy pill and it was funny because we drug tested the next day

because my parents used drug test me and they had like the little urine sample thing and nothing showed up. So he was just on weird research chemicals that nobody knew about. But remember he took the ecstasy pill and at this concert he's like, I need a shit, I need a shit. And then apparently he's like, I'm shit in my pants. I'm shit in my pants. And then he went in the bathroom.

He's like, I don't know. There's no shit there. He's like, I don't know. He just like, in his mind he was shitting his pants. But there was just no. He's like, why can't my body in my mind? work together. Dude, I had that happen to me recently.

I took a bunch of Molly, and I'm, like, rolled in a while, and I was just like, oh, dude, I've got a shit. And I just, like, ran to the bathroom. And, like, do I shit? And I've never felt, like, such velvety shit come out of my ass. Like, I was like, boy, that feels good. Yeah. It's so smooth. You actually did shit. It wasn't like an

magic. Oh, yeah. No, I didn't know. There's nothing coming out. I didn't have shitting immediately. Oh, man. That feels amazing. That's like every time we take Molly, you're just shitting and put what you think you are, but just nothing's coming up. I'm like, why is he just groaning? Yeah. Yeah, I haven't taken Molly a while because I get really bad anxiety the next day for Molly.

Oh, I don't get. I lost my phone last time I did Molly. Oh, yeah. I was feeling shit about that. Yeah. But like, I would feel pretty good. I just smoke weed the next day. That's my big thing.

Yeah. I get home at 4 in the morning. I sleep for a few hours. I wake up and just get so high and eat as much food as possible. Yeah. That's like my escape. for anxiety with weed too. Like, if I find food,

I'm like, this will calm me down a little bit. But then I just end up eating massive amounts of food and ice cream. And then I'm like, I feel like shit now. Yeah. It's deceiving.

I think we're, I normally do 50 minutes. So is there anything y'all want to promote? Oh. That looks like something. We actually, we run a, we have a show coming up called

Dan and Chris, keep it dark. Yeah. January or February 2nd. What time? 8 p.m. at Grove 34 in Astoria. We got Adrian Appalucci headlined. Oh, she's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah.

And, yeah. It should be fun. I don't have any other big things to promote, really. That was such a fast ending. I feel like I was like, and we're there. Instagram handles Twitters. Chris underscore sure. Mine's not Anne Frank with 2Ks. not because someone took the

1K. And you can't go for 3Ks. No. Yeah, that's a bad look. I tried that for a second and someone was like, you should reconsider. I was like, yeah, I didn't see that. Wait, can I just like take, can I promote taking baths? I think everyone should take baths. Like, they're the best. Every time my video chat, Chris, she's in the bath. I love baths. They're fucking amazing.

I'm scared of baths. They're just so, like, dirty. Do you just get it? I mean, yeah. I never cleaned The bath before I take it. I took it aggressive. I'd take enough bath. I'd take good care of my bath. I set up like a stool. I watch, like I'll watch anime in the bath, have a beer or coffee if it's the morning. It's great. You have rituals. Yeah. Warm water and beer is like the best combo. Like a shower beer. I don't know what it. Somebody said it's like from something. I just started doing it. And then apparently it's like from a TV show. No. People just like drinking. Yeah. Have you seen that thing? It's like a suction cup with a cup holder. Yeah. I need to get one of those.

People just wanted to drink all the time. In addition to, like, bringing their phone into the bathroom. They want to bring their phone in the shower and text. I shower Jule. Oh, that sounds like a nice. Bathtub Jule. I'll shower eat. I'll bring, like, an apple into the bathroom.

I don't know why I pictured a burrito. I'm just the messiest thing. You're just getting soggy and just, like, eating it. I was doing a bagel in the bath once. I was real hungry. That sounds good. It's nice, except I got, like, poppy seeds in my bathtub. That sounds impossible to get out.

No, like, some of them. went down the drain. The rest I just kind of like scooped up with a paper towel. But I definitely maybe I shouldn't eat in the bathtub. Like I don't know. Maybe that's a boundary I shouldn't cross. It seems something just go well together though. Like I don't know why eating in sex, it sounds gross, but that seems like something that would go together. Yeah. Just at the same moment. No. No. I don't think I've tried that before. Like eating ice cream while coming seems like the perfect just like, boom. I don't know. I don't think I'm ever hungry when I have sex.

Yeah, that's a good point, too. I don't know. I think I'd just focus on the ice cream. I'd be like, I don't have to move as much when I eat ice cream. Oh, this is so, babe, hold on, hold on. I'm like, babe, get on top. I'm eating ice cream. It's my birthday.

She's like, it's my birthday. That was my ice cream. Not anymore. I'm like, yeah, but you're at top. This can't work. Is that a power move or a sub move? ice cream. I guess that's more of a... That's a power mode. Yeah. No, I feel

it's the bottom. You're just like receiving. You're just like receiving cream in both holes. But that's like being like a... But you're like a king in that position. You're just like eating and someone's like doing something to you. You're just that little pig slut

who needs your slap. Eat your sweet slap, pig slut while I abuse your hole. You need a gunshot. into the head, too. That's an intense That's the only way I can come.

I'm being fed ice cream and fed dick. And being fed metal, too. Get some lead. That's a lot going on. Yeah. That should be the clip. It's just that for the podcast. Ice cream, cock, and lead.

That's definitely the name. Ice cream cock and lead. That's all a man needs. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. All right. Perfect. Yeah. Thanks for having us, Michael. You're really great at this too. Yeah. Thank you. You've got like a, you've got a great smooth voice. Oh, thank you. I get told that when I promote comedy club takes.

Oh my God. I love coming out seeing you bark. And you're like, live comedy. How's it going, everybody? Like you're going to sell them life insurance or something. And check it. Before we go, do you have anything to promote? No. I don't. That was that was all of it. Yeah, so funny, because I had a great time, but there were random moments where, like, as the podcast host, I had, like, a panic attack randomly in this podcast, one episode, because I was like, fuck, we hit dead air. But we didn't. It was, like, more like, you think, like, I don't know how to describe it. It's like, if you're driving a car, they say, don't look off the cliff, because then you're going to drive off. That's how dead air is for me. It's like, I'll see it way over here. And I'm like, fuck, are we going to hit that? But y'all have such good chemistry, because I told Chris, I was like, bring somebody you can riff. Or I told it, damn. We're just interchangeable. I told Dan, I was like, bring somebody you could rip with.

And he brought you in. Like, I felt like... I really coordinated this, too. I like texted both parties. It's like, Michael says this time. Then, okay, Chris is good with that. And then I'm like your secretary. She might be able to pencil you in, but...

We're a pretty busy person. I got baths to take and animates to watch. Do you have a bath? Do you have ice cream? Do you have dick? And do you have guns? Because that's what Chris needs. What is it for Belle?

Like, she needs to be 30. degrees in the... Not 302, but it was like... It was like... Yeah, it was like... I think it was like 92 degrees of the room. Actually, it couldn't have been that.

Yeah. It was like 81 or something. But yeah, she needs like... She's all these weird asks. Yeah. She needs like stuffed animals in the room. What is it? The musicians always get it's like...

M&Ms, but only this color. Only the three ones. Yeah. I heard like Mariah Carey or something does that. Didn't Mariah Carey just say she's like, if I'm performing, I'm not walking. She's like it... What?

She's like, when I get off stage, you need to have a wheelchair to, like, bring me everywhere I need to go. I refuse to walk when I'm not on stage. Oh, that's why? I don't know if it's true, but I remember reading that somewhere. I mean, at that level, she has the money where she can do all of that. But that's also such a-treated like a queen. Yeah, that's also such a funny thing to, I don't know, to do, too, because, like, she probably gets, like, pushed by the wheelchair section of, because that's probably a section of the concert. And they're like, oh, she's one.

Oh, no. She's being rolled up the, the accessibility. And everyone's like, wait, does she break a leg? Yeah. She has like muscular dystrophy or something? The craziest thing I saw is I saw on McDoo. I love how I was like, it's a, we could do four more minutes. Now that we're rocking and rolling.

Strapping for another hour, everybody. Yeah. The best part is there's probably somebody that turned it off when plugs happened. I'm like, oh, you're missing. We don't need this. They're going to start promoting vitamins or something. By the other, also, my buddy that sells weed wants, promote high priority NYC.

So that's a... Does he have good weed? Yes. I'll send you over that information. Is it like expensive weed? I don't know because like I think I'm in. So I'm like, oh, it's great deals for me, but I don't know. Does he deliver to Brooklyn?

I don't know. All right. I'm just immediately realizing it's a backup. But my favorite thing, I don't know why we were talking about wheelchairs, but there was this homeless guy that pretends to be in a wheelchair. And I saw somebody at Cafe Waude dump the person out of the wheelchair and toss it and I was like, because at first you thought the guy Cafe Wall was an asshole. And then you saw the guy

walked to go get the wheelchair. You're like, oh, that was a complete reversal because you're like, look at this asshole dumping somebody out of a wheelchair. And you're like, oh, look at the guy, run and go grab the wheelchair. You got to know that you're right. You're like, oh, wait, I mixed you up for somebody else. That's a whole level of canceled.

Oh, yeah. Right there. Look at that hero exposing the con men. Dude, my dad when he went to college used to, he remembers when like, like handicapped signs and accessibility signs, they, like, were not taken seriously at all. Like in the 70s, he'd go to college. And he would part, he would, like, wave a crutch at the parking guard. And the parking guard would let him, like, park in the, like, handicapped space.

And then he'd, like, crutch into the building. And then he just put it in the closet and then go to classes and stuff and then come back. So then, like, later, he told me that story because, like, I broke my ankle when I was a kid. And he'd use that to park in the handicapped space. You used that. And we didn't have a sign, like a handicapped tag. I'm like, Dad, you're going to get a ticket. And he's like, no, you're handicapped.

It's fine. I'm literally not handicapped. This is, I have a cast on. That's like a serious fine, isn't it? It's like $300. Yes. He's like, we'll just bring you in and show you to the guys. It's $300 and they tow your car.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because they can't just leave it there. Which is probably great. Because once your car gets towed, don't you have to pay a crazy amount? It's like $200 a day. It depends where you. you are, but it's a daily basis. They can keep

throwing tickets on it too. Yeah, it fucking sucks. They just want to make money too at that point. Yeah. Well, we're going to end there. Okay. Thank you for listening. Yeah, thank you. And bye.