Morning Good - I'm Gonna Do It - Episode 275

Episode Date: June 29, 2025

Joe Gorman and Kelly Taylor join the show for today's episode. They talk about stacking overdraft fees, Love Island Season 7, and hiding comedy from your co-workers.Thanks to Joe for coming back on the show and to Kelly for joining us for the first time. They're our new favorite comedy couple. Check Joe out on previous episodes of the show and hit the links down below for even more. Kelly is on Instagram @hellothisiskelly and hosts the podcast I Feel Fat Today. Joe is on Instagram @joewgorman and hosts the Super Selli Joe's podcast.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here with Kelly Taylor and Joe Gorman. Hell yeah. And I'm denying all steroid allegations they've been thrown at me. No, I don't believe you. Those fucking Python.

tell another story, brother. Yeah, it is really funny because, like, I don't know, I, uh, yeah, I don't know, like I, I, for a decade was like, everybody that goes to the gym is gay. Yeah. And then I, like, I, like, started going to the gym

and I'm like, I don't know. I think it's still gay. Like, I can't, like, I see myself in the mirror and I'm like, that guy's kind of gay now. And so I've actually become almost more insecure by going to the gym. Right.

Well, it's funny because, like, the only people that are, like, going to the gym is gay or people that look like me, just like a disgusting piece of shit. It's like, that's fucking gay to have low blood pressure and be able to see your toes. Well, I guess there's probably an amount

that is healthy than there's a mouth that's like too much. It's a balance. You can get addicted to the gym for sure. Yeah. Well, I'm coming into this recording with questions. Last we spoke was when you did my podcast and you talked about how you were getting shredded on a bet. Yes, I did not get the six-pack,

but I lost so much weight that he paid anyways. Oh, okay. Hell yeah. Free Bachelter Party. That's right. Huge. The Michael Good Lord. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah. And then I, yeah, I did a lot of drinking and drugs over the last month. Isn't that fun? You're back. I'm back. Yes. And I feel better than ever. It is.

It's about balance, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hear it. That's like the, that's like the Andy Dick approach. Yes. Because he's like, I'll take multivitamins. I'll have a green drink, but I'll also do a fuck ton of Coke and drink and drink and drink alcohol.

He's still going. He's still kicking. He's still out there. Barely. I heard he's like, assaulting. He's like, he's like, he's gotten so many like, he's like,

he should have been me too. Of all the people that have been like me toed, he should have gotten me too and he got me tooed, but people were like, he didn't get me too. He got, of course he did. Like,

yeah, nobody was blown away by. They're just like, yeah, of course Andy Dick is out there's sexually arrasic. I fucking loved his show, the assistant. Oh, I've ever seen that one. Oh, it modeled. It was like right after.

the apprentice came out and he basically did an apprentice style show where he was trying to find an assistant. So he would like make these people who were just struggling actors who did this show to try to be his assistant. It was so funny. He's one of those people that's like, oh, I hate that you're a terrible person that makes me laugh. Yeah. Yeah. You're so funny. Well, it's like there was like, I forget what podcast it was, but like Andy Dick was telling these guys like, yeah, you couldn't record at my house.

And like they go home and like his like 25 year old son is like, dad, what do you? do and you got to knock this off. Like, it's that kind of situation where the children need to be the parents. Right. Yeah. Like, dad's fall down drunk. So, like, come on, dad. Let's go to bed.

Yeah, but you can stay up all night and eat ice cream. So when I was a kid, I'd be like, hey, it would be cool if I could be. What if I was a big boy? Hey, they left me some money for pizza. I'm good. I feel like having Andy Dick as a dad was like a much more dangerous, living in a much more dangerous peewee's playhouse. Oh, yeah.

I bet you there's just moments where he's just coked up with the revolvers. Like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. And then 10 things later, he's like, I don't know what that was about. Why would you believe that? Yeah. Yikes. Everyone relax.

One of my favorites was he did do like Norm's podcast one time. And he's like, yeah, Jud Apatow says I have to like clean my act up. He's like, oh, yeah, because that's a funny guy to Lairz. I sound like that. Nice, dude, Judapital. Thanks for those tasty little daughters. But why don't you sit this one down? Well, he's really those people too.

It's like, I never know what he created or what he just threw his name on. He just threw his name on like everything. He's kind of like the Thomas Edison of like comedy things where he's just like... And then like, remember when like Will Smith slapped Chris Rock and then he was like, he could have killed somebody. It's like, damn, dude, you need to not be a pussy for three seconds. I think I said to somebody like, this is the most Jewish reaction ever. Somebody could have died.

It's like, oh my God. You got to sue him. Yeah. Well, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's not a family guy where they're making foot of Thomas Edison. And he's like, uh, he's like, here's my venture for his like, oh, I know. I invented that. Like, everything he's like, I did that. Yeah, dude.

Because it's like, I'm not saying like, I don't know, maybe I never, obviously I've never worked with the guy because, you know, I mean, Andy Dick or Judapitow. Either of these successful people. But it is one of those things, too, that you're like, all right, well, what is he done without other people? And then you're like, everything he does without other people sucks. Like, every, like, funny people was not. Funny people was more like not funny people.

Hey, there we go. There we go. There we go. Watch the fuck out. Listen, this is why they don't pay him the big bucks. Yeah, exactly. I say what needs to be said. Like, I'm not going to, like, fucking suck people's dick. I'm certainly not going to, like, be nice to somebody. No, you're like, you're, you're like a venomous python where, like, people want to watch from the distance, but they don't want to get too close. Oh, yeah. The industry doesn't want to get hurt. The phrase is necessary evil, Michael.

Yes. I'm a necessary. People said about slavery. Well, that too. Yeah. I mean, can you imagine how cheap shit would be? If we still had slaves, we would be making iPhones state side. Yeah. Is that negative minimum wage or how does that work? Oh, no. It's like a, it's a problem. It eats into the deficit. Yeah. Slaver is actually pretty cool. Yeah. From like a Moolaw point of view. Just with the sunglasses.

If I had slaves, I would have a whole fucking podcast production crew. I'd have like one slave that was like bread just to be like a sound operator, you know? We should sell like a business 101 master class. Yeah. Yeah. Have you tried slaves? Just like an old southern gentleman's like, this is your masterclass on. I haven't slaves.

Yeah, we can't say masterclass anymore. that's that like that it's a it's a master class yeah I've been doing the master class yeah yeah how to be a better overseer yeah you want to get the strong ones but not smart strong and small it's a deadly combination

damn dude it's fucking cool man there's something I had a really oh yeah well the funny part being from the um being from the south you occasionally hear people say this they're like you know like not all slave over some of them like treated their slaves like oh yeah which is the funniest argument to I'd be a fucking, dude, we'd have

pizza Fridays if I was a slave owner. Hey, come in around like 10 a.m. Monday. It's fine. Don't even worry about it, you know? You see like a slave journal? He's like, I almost forgot I was a slave sometimes because, you know, Fridays were casual. And I can wear.

That's so cool. There's slave journals like, great macaroni and cheese for dinner tonight. Yeah, yeah. Who is it that's like, well, he actually loved his slaves. Oh, Thomas Jefferson. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he loved him a little.

too much, though. Yeah, yeah. That's why we have all these black people named Jefferson. That is true. Yeah, I would, it's weird that, I feel like I would drop the name if that was the, right? Yeah. Yeah. Go back, go to your authentic, like, native African last name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Magubi. Magubi? Yeah, it's, the great tribe of Guibi of Africa. Possibly. I, uh, I, uh, there's something, man, my brain is not. You're having a, it's, it's Friday afternoon. You're starving.

Your blood sugar. is low. I'm back to it. I'm feeding the beast. Barely, dude. Come on. You still have like that nice cut to you.

Yeah, yeah. This will be a couple more weeks of this and then. Nice. It is, I mean, it is fun getting

fucking fat, dude. It's like nothing. You get to lose it again. Yeah, but I think there's some weird thing where like, I think my insulin low,

I mean, this is me lying to myself, but I think my insulin levels of like, people say that there's something, I'm like reverse dieting where I'm slowly eating more and more and more. Yeah. And people say that like,

there's something where if you lose a lot of weight, after a while can stabilize. So I can actually start eating garbage. I don't know. That's what somebody said. I did have a Papa John's pizza and I almost came in my pants. Papa John's is so fucking the garlic sauce. Dude, I had one to myself and I was just hammered after like me and my brother went to go see Metallica.

Fucking that's cool. That's the best night ever. Oh, it was. And then I'm just like folding Papa Johns onto itself with garlic sauce. Just like watching like Heath Ledger. Watch the dark night. Oh, nice. Oh my God.

You want to know how I got these scars? I fucking stuffed an entire pizza in my mouth a little too fast. my father was a papa and a John. And said the N-word. Yeah. One day he says the N-word louder than ever. And they took away his franchise, gave it to Shaquille O'Neal. That is kind of a hilarious move.

It's like we got to give it to the very thing he's against. The biggest black guy. They said reparations are going to be done. Although the chakaroni pizza is a fucking work of art. Is it like macaroni on it? No, it's just a big fucking... Chacononi. It's just big pepperoni pizza.

But it's chacononi, not pepperoni. I got to try one of their casidias. The papadillas? I'm afraid to venture outside of the pizza. Fuck, I think, actually, I think we're getting Papa John's for dinner tonight. Here's the thing about Papa John. This fucking woman, Michael never... It ruined my, like, okay, when you ate that Papa Johns, did you, like, pay for it in the bathroom?

Because there's something that Papa John's does to my body. I have diarrhea almost every day. No, but it's, it's like an exorcist level of diarrhea from Papa John's specifically. I think everybody's body's different. For me, Papa John's, I think it kind of like, Michael, never get in a relationship. You never get to eat the food you want to eat. It's like, it's like, I want to eat McDonald's every day and Papa John, I'd eat, I want to eat

McDonald's every day and Papa John's every night. But like, it's like, we have to eat like salad and stuff every once in a while. Yeah, well, I mean, I feel like it's not, see, my body gets confused. Like, now it's, now it knows what's going on, but there's a while I was just eating shitty. And then when I would eat salad, that's when I would have diarrhea. my body be like, what do you do? What is this? What is this vitamins?

When I try not to drink, I like immediately get the flu. Yeah, I try to take like weeks off of drinking. Yeah, she shakes uncontrollably if she goes like a day. And she's like, I need my medicine. And I'm like, oh, yes, dear. And I have to pull a ball of vodka out of the freezer. Yeah, just what is that movie with Nicholas Cage leaving Las Vegas? Where she's like, I gotta get my energy back.

Yeah. Well, that was kind of me. I mean, I drank a lot this week. And I had this annoying thing with Wells Fargo. I love, by the way, I love just blaming Wells Fargo. from me drinking too much this weekend. They were like... They gave me free money.

They kept doing the thing where like... It's so funny because I keep starting sentences with momentum against them. And really, I just drank so much alcohol. But it was like, they weren't posting transactions. So I would wake up and be like, I guess I'm a millionaire. I was like, look how responsible I was.

And then like when it goes through and you're like, uh-oh. I went from 100 on Monday. So I was like, oh, right, Monday. You're 100 air. Yeah, yeah. Which for me, I'm like, hey, look, this will give me through the week.

plasma, so I got a little card on that. Oh, hell yeah. I did this weird research thing. Yeah. Like, for two hours, I got $150 just by putting on a weird wristband, um, and joining a cult. But anyways. They're going to clone you.

Yeah. They're going to clone you. Yeah. Worth it. And then Tuesday, I had negative $77. Oh, yikes. It just all went through it once. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Now you got a $35. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to ding you for that. Yeah. That sucks. And you don't have like a savings account.

Uh, no, no, no. I borrow money from somebody. somebody whose name starts with an M and M's with an M. And it's three letters. Yeah. And there's an L in the middle. And she lives in Florida. Yeah, yeah. Well, because what happened, too, is I use a lot of money to pay off my credit card. And you can't reverse that? No. You can be like, hey, can I have some of that back to put in my checking?

No. So I have money to spend on my credit, which is good. And then I have, like, plasma money. It's very funny big. All my money's in plasma. Like, people are like, all my money is in like. Well, pay days next Friday, right? Yeah, yeah. So in theory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine. fine. Yeah, I got groceries. I'm good. It was just one of those things that I was like, fuck, I don't want to do this call.

We're going to ask my mom. Oh, the worst. I'm like, I'm going to send it to you back and I will. But it's like, as I said, like, I can't send her credit. I can't send her. Yeah. I could mail her my plasma card. There you go. Thank God. Venmo doesn't allow you to take credit out against yourself. Oh, my gosh. That would be the word. I think legally they couldn't because everyone would do that. Well, there's all that stuff going on now with those like Klarna and AfterPag. you know all about all those,

those, like pay loans. It's, it's, people are just not paying them because they, apparently, I don't know if this is true,

but they don't count against your credit score. And so people are like, wow the fuck would I pay this. It's like, because like the reason why you pay your credit card is so that it doesn't affect your credit score.

Right. But with Klarna and after pay, it's like, well, I can buy my Coachella ticket using this and just not pay it. Can you send me a link? It's going to start counting on your,

on your credit card. But it hasn't yet. But it hasn't yet. yet. How long does it take you sign up? You could get approved at the checkout point for like whatever you're buying. And if you're like a total retard who spends a lot of money as horrible credit, you could

still use this? What's your credit score right now? It was 600 like last time of check. That's fair. No, yeah, it's not terrible. I mean like... Literally categories is fair? Yeah. No, and as I said it was like the big mistake I made was like moving money to, like I tried to pay off my credit card too fast and I'm like, now I just

don't, I have money in that, but I'm like now I don't have physical money. and I couldn't pay off the other one. It's hard. It's hard to fucking live in New York, dude. It's such a fucking expensive city. I would say that, but it's like I went out like crazy. There was dance battles.

I won. Okay, that's a little money in your pocket. It should have been. It was really funny because I've lost a couple dance battles. Yeah. That's got to suck. It does suck. And I also, I have like three dance moves.

And then by the end of it, people are like, oh, he's repeating these. But like the first 30 seconds being dancing, people were like, oh, he's got some moves. but this is so funny because we're out in Long Island we had like a beach day which is so much fun Oh fun yeah Like an impromptu one Yeah yeah and then we're out in that town And like I have this dance battle against this girl

And then I win And then she tells me she's like my friends told me It was a bad idea to go against you And I was like what? I don't even like live here What reputation have I like They just saw me dancing for three minutes They're like you're gonna get hurt out there

This guy's too much He's too much Yeah he's got their sunglasses on I was wearing these things Oh hell yeah dude made a name for yourself. That's cool, man. Did you get her number?

No, no, no. Did you love her? No, but there was somebody I fell in love with. I forgot who it was. Oh, Michael. There was somebody recently. Oh, you know what it was? It was a comic who has a boyfriend.

That's who it was. That's how it is, dude. It wasn't Kelly, was it? It was not, okay, thank God. Yeah. Yeah. What? What was that?

No, my buddy likes to be a real of like this woman does a guy love her. Nice. Is Florida? No, here, here. Yeah, I don't know. I think, like, it's weird. You should book her on the pod.

And just be like, you know what sucks having a boyfriend? I would never have a boyfriend. You got to lose that guy. Yeah, these side effects of having a boyfriend. I'm like, yeah, it's pretty dangerous. He could hit you. That could happen. That could happen.

Your boyfriend can't hit you for example. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. This guy's trouble. You go up to her, she's on a date with her boyfriend. You're like, who's this clown? This guy giving you a problem? Hey, she's with me. Is she dating another comic?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you got a joke battle. Tale as old as time, dude. That's how I won Kelly over. She was dating like this other guy, Pete Davidson. And I was like, I'm going to challenge you to a roast battle. And I fucking annihilated him. I'm like, my dad never died in 9-11.

Yeah, and that's why Dave Cyrus hates you. Yeah, it's true. And that's why Finney hates Dave Cyrus. Did, so everybody's confirmed that Davidson does have a hog. It's like a confirmed thing. Like a black man. Okay, interesting. Yeah, like a black man's penis.

Is that why he kind of acts black? that a thing? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. It's got it's, it's, BD energy is also called. Wasn't he the originator of B, big dick energy? Wasn't he like, I feel like that was coined because of him. But that was also because of Ariana Grande. Well, they were like, how did he get Ariana Grande? It's like, oh, big dick energy. Big Dick energy. But then it's also like, you got to remember, like, Ariana Grande was relentlessly and brutally sexually assaulted throughout the course of her childhood on Nickelodeon by Dan Snyder. So her whole perspective on sex, love and relationship. is deeply, deeply flawed.

But she kept her mouth shut and that's why she has a career now. A lot of those kids that spoke out. Also, okay, I will say this, didn't Dan Schneider, didn't, I watched the documentary. I didn't see anything fully convicting him. Look at him. Open at him. Open and shuttick. You know, I'll present to you.

You know, fucking section A. Fucking look at him. Exhibit A. His fucking mate, his face. That's fair. Yeah, he is guilty of being a disgusting looking sloth. And then, like, you watch some of, like, the shit, even out of context, like, the Icarly shit. And, like, they're, like, giving hand jobs to shit.

And it's like, damn, dude. Yeah, like, the white stuff splooging on their bases. He was the one that changed the Nickelodeon slime from, like, neon green to come white. Oh, yeah. I remember those days. Yeah, remember that was nuts, dude. That's why Mark Summers was like, yeah. You're like, why is it cloudy?

Yeah, what is this? Yeah. They tried to spray it off and, like, there's still, like, big white chunks still there. Like, oh, wash up. off. Is it a bubble in there? Ew. You know that Nickelodeon studios now is just like a regular fucking play.

It's like not even fun anymore. Really? All that fucking cool shit from the 90s is gone. Like the WB animation studio is just like playing now. Nickelodeon studios. Like all of that shit's gone. Like there's not. You know, like we're like, okay, you get to be an iPad baby.

That's cool. But there's no like kid culture. Yeah. You know, like we had like Nickelode. We had the Disney channel and like, you know, I remember as a kid like I wanted to do the Nickelodeon kids toy run. What was this? Fuck, dude, you're a little too young to remember this.

They probably, you probably had your little Pokemon and whatnot. But in my day as a kid, there was the Nickelodeon toy run where you could go to Toys R Us and have five minutes to like push a shopping cart through Toys R Us and load up your shopping cart and whatever you got. And they were like, this guy got $300,000 like $300,000 worth of toys. And like you got like a Nintendo 64. You could put like all kinds of toys in there, Jurassic Park shit. And you just have to put your feet in Dan Snyder's mouth. Nothing. Oh, that's all I had to do.

That's a pretty cheap. You had to send a postcard to stick Stigley. Pretty cool, huh? Yeah. No, that, that, because I remember, I remember, like, like, there was a nicolone, because I'm from Orlando. Oh, shit, you're in the heart of it, dude. That is mecca.

So they had Nickelodeon hotel, which I always wanted to go to. Because I was like, dude, the room is like SpongeBob. Yes. And it's like orange. Yeah. And then they had, they, they filmed like some. show there, like one of the, within the slimy shows.

They had all the shows. The one with the, where the kids would, the panel would have to, like, guess the word. It was kind of like Madlibs and it was Summer Sanders. Yeah, I remember that. Figure it out. Yeah, figure it out. That's right.

And like, they're, and like, I always want to be on figure it out. Yeah, the kid was like, oh, this kid has a hidden talent and he's like, I can whistle out of my asshole. They had to like ask questions about it, you know, like Amanda Binds would be like, is it something you can share with other people.

He was like, yeah. And then like if they couldn't figure it out, they're like, he has to take another prize home. Yeah, you guys don't have that. They just have like YouTube, which is fine. You know, YouTube's fucking cool. Yeah, yeah. But there was like, basically like ideally,

like my ideal childhood would be all the shit I had as a child plus an iPad. See, I would be more like, what I wanted more than everything. I asked for every single Christmas I never got it. It was the Batman, like, you know, the Barbie jeeps. Yeah.

They had like a Batman car. Oh yeah. It was like electric and you could see inside of it and just go. Like the Hot Wheels Batmobile. Yes. You would have like cross county lines if you had that I feel as a child. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have been out on the open road.

Yeah, it would have been bad. Like it was a Tesla or something. Yeah, I thought I was going to be Batman for too long. Like I think that my mom would like let me go dressed everywhere as Batman. So like I'd go to get my haircut as Batman and pull the things off. Classic undiagnosed autism. 100% And then like

Yeah No And then eventually It was like yeah What made you stop What made you turn your back on that? I'm trying to think of like Where I stopped Batman

I think I stopped Batman When I started Wanting to be a skater But not being good at skateboarding Classic You must have played a lot A Tony Hawk Pro Skater Dude I think my brother

I had pro skater And then I was just watching lots of like Bamar Jarrah Yeah I was like he's so mean to his mom. He's like the coolest. Yeah. And then you just realize he's like, oh, that was just like a rich kid. Yeah.

Like now as an adult, I read, oh, that was just like classic fucking rich kid and parents that don't establish boundaries. And as an adult, he is a classic fucking spoiled rich kid. Oh, well, that's the hard part too is like season like in like 2003, nobody was cooler than Bamar Jarrett. Oh, 100%. And now nobody is less cool than Barger. I don't know. I kind of started turning on him when he got into like that Icelandic rock band him and he was like

You got the lips of a bird of black and she'll be right here in my arm so I'm like this guy's a faggot I thought he was the coolest I was like this guy's so fucking it's like damn what happened to like just like rubbing your shit on another person yeah CKY2K is still an absolute masterpiece

that was did you ever watch that one is that the uh was that like so was that before Jacket so I know CKY was like obviously the band CKY but like they had like this sort of like it was almost like a mini production right so there was basically like the two schools

like so Johnny Knoxville and Steveo were doing like the Big Brother videos and stuff and that's where he was like testing the you know self-defense equipment where he was getting like tased and shit hit by a car and then Bamarajara all liked all like dilauded too which is really fun so like in the late 90s early 2000s like that's when

like digital camcorders were getting like more popular and so a lot of skaters were like self-producing their own skate compilation. Yeah, so it was like him, Brandon and Rake, right? Yeah, yeah, Rick Yorne and Ryan Dunn.

I've seen these, it's where they're throwing like dummies off Bridges onto college. Yes, yes, yes, and so, and then like, they're in Iceland at one point, and Brendan D. Camillo would do like freestyle wraps and stuff. Yeah, and they were weirdly hanging out with the Bloodhound gang. That's right, yeah.

Well, they were all Philly. They were all in, like, Philadelphia and shit. I remember I had later, later Bam, I had the Bam, him audios so they were a dude it had a heart pentagram oh yeah I remember that that's what he was like right on his I would always draw it on my ankles

like going I'm gonna get that as a tattoo yeah yeah dude I bet all of his tattoos are all stretched out now too oh for sure like it just all all stretched out just like unrecognizable it just looks like a fucking circle at this point doesn't even look like the heartogram

or whatever yeah yeah no they're all fucked down I remember having to argue with my dad I'm like it's not a pentagram because there's a heart to gram it's a let it's just this really gay thing I want. It's not like, that's why. He's like, yeah, no, I don't know my son to be some gay.

It's like, no, I'd much rather you worship Satan. I'd much prefer that. Yeah, my style was so funny. I had like either those or etneys. Oh, etneys. I had one of those belts that had like the studs. The studs. Yeah, I had that.

Yeah, it was like at the pyramid studs. Yeah. Yeah. Double belt. I had that. I never got that crazy, but I'd wear the t-shirt. I'd have like a green day t-shirt and then underwards was like a long sleeve shirt. What about the,

did you ever wear like the leather bands that you could just like, oh, random leather bands? Talk about Livestrong. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But like, there was like Livestrong Lance Armstrong strong, but then it was cool to have like seven of them. Yeah, and like I heart boobies. Yes. All kinds of fun of shit.

For the breast cancer fund foundation. Yeah. And then I remember I showed up one time to a party and I had like, not a party, but like, you know, somebody's birth. A rave.

Yeah. No, it was more of like a ketamine orgy. Oh, fuck yeah. No, no. It was like for some like fifth grade. sixth grade birthday parties, something like that. And then I had like, I had like maybe like four Livestrongs

and this would be rolled up just with fucking like nine. And I'm like, you're making me look like, I'm a fucking loser. I was like he's got nine on his arm. Some kids have him way up. You know what I'm talking about? You got to put them around your neck like one of those Africans with like long ass fucking necks. That's the way to do it.

Just have it all stretched out and shit. Like you can't take them off. Otherwise your neck won't be able to support it. I remember silly bands. Remember silly bands? The little animal figures. and all the cool girls at school would have like 20 silly bands on. They should have meant serious bands.

It's just like miscarriage. Just like really serious. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to think of what else. Like, I remember I had a... And then I wanted to be a little taller.

So then I moved up to I would wear gym shorts and then Nike shocks because it would give you an extra, like, inch of high. Yeah, yeah. Because all the women were like 90 feet taller than you when you were like 14. In middle school. They still are for me. Yeah. Kelly Tower's over me.

Yeah, I'm your protector. I also, I have like a weird thing where I hunch so much that like, I don't know, I am technically a shortcut. I am 510, but I am a shortcut because I hunched down here. I'd kill to be 510. I would give anything to be 510. I'm going to get that surgery where they fucking break my shins and break my arms. Dude, if you got like, we just got like a 6 foot 5, Joe randomly.

That'd be fucking, but like, just your legs. Just my arms and legs. So like I still have like this stumpy little body. so I just look like a perfect circle with like long ass arms and shit I can't even fucking move because it's like it's just all weird so I'm just like moving like this

maybe I'll just do it for my arm so I'm like a gorilla like my arms will let go down I can I just like be like quadrupedal and shit like running faster and shit and that'd be tight I like the idea it's like more than a gorilla like your legs aren't even touching the ground

like it's just like a I'm like what I've been fucking I get my arms extended I replace my feet with my head hands and my hands with my feet. And then I just like use my feet as like kind of like hand. Oh, your listeners would love that. Your viewers, dude. They love

that. I have like little fucking hand feet. You're like what is that? Give me that. I'm like subalba in episode one of Star Wars. Yeah, I was, I don't know why I was thinking of way different. I was thinking of one of those machines from war of the worlds because I was watching that today. Oh, nice. The Tom Cruise one, right? Yeah. I was thinking of the

toy from Toy Story that has the sexy legs, but it's a crane. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. dude. Sid was a pretty cool guy making all those cool toys. Yeah, that's what my mom would always call me a Sid when I break my toys. She's like, don't be a Sid. Who cares? Sid inspired me. I was like,

damn, I could probably get like second life out of a lot of these things. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, give me a sustainable king. Yeah. Well, I remember. Let me attach this Spider-Man head to a double-sided dildo. Yeah. Wow, cool. I got this double-sided dildo got new life now. Yeah. Yeah, you get more

banker. But I think my mom would tell me too, is I break my toys. And then she'd be like, you know your toys are like alive right so like if you break them you're like killing them is my mom my brother somebody told me that and then when my toys would break I'd be like no because I'm like I thought they had like life and like my grandma died at some point I'm like I already watch Batman die like yeah it's like hey I was able to get I was able to get over my pet monster like you're an ER doctor working in the pit just get a she's so many lives just grab a new grandma toys are us big deal easy come easy go no I not I think my grandma died like a decade later

But I remember something happened where I was just like, I've seen so much pain. I've buried so many men. I'm so desensitized to this at this point. I feel like that's how you, that's like the foundation of creating a hoarder. Of like, I can't get rid of any of this stuff.

They all have souls. Yeah, it's like actually pro-capitalism and pro-consumerism. It's like you got to buy these toys. They need a home. Yeah, yeah. It's like the whole point of like the toy story moves, like a toy's greatest joy is to be bought and used.

And like, never get rid of it. Never get rid of it. Then it was funny too, because then what my parents do is they'd take my toys and they'd slowly give him away to Salvation Army, but they do it like one by one. So I didn't notice until all I had left was the Alfred action figure. I was like, who the fuck wants to play with Alfred?

Damn. Yeah, that's like nothing. That's awful. Yeah. He just comes with like, like, like, I think it's like a, it's like a little dish. Yeah. And I'm like, this is, I can't do anything with this. Oh, Master Wayne, your batterang? Yeah. It's like it's nothing without the bat cave. No, no. And it was almost like, yeah i don't know i remember like i don't i don't think i played with him much even when bad man was there i was

like this is kind of a pointless to like yeah that alfred never really saw action he he's almost he he he's almost like an accessory yeah i'd give him to like the maids kid i beg you this is you this is gonna be more it's like oh you just like he's like garnish for the bat cave you know i think he's like who would buy that shit separately an alfred action figure like you just buy it to be a completionist yeah it's like the april o'neal action figure no you want the ninja turtles. You don't need this bitch. Yeah. I was, well, the one thing I did like though is because I think

Alfred came with like the Batcave and that was sick having like a Batcave because I had one where like one was Bruce Wayne and then there was a Batman action figure and you like you put it in like almost like a little cup thing and spin it so it's like he's changing into like the Batman out. Oh that's cool. Yeah. I think I remember that

commercial. Yeah. Fuck. But now it's like now it's like toys aren't even meant for kids anymore. Now like toys are meant to be like collectors items. And Yeah, yeah. Like, every once in a while, like, I'll walk through, like, a toy department and be like, what's going on now? And now everything's, like, 20 bucks. Yeah.

An action figure is, like, 20 bucks. And it's like, damn, dude. There's also adults that are, like, obsessed with toys. Like, now the new thing on the block is, I think they're called Lubu's or something. Have you heard of these? Are these the little baby things? The little baby things that people wear as, like, accessories on their purses and purses and stuff. So I haven't seen that, but there's somebody I know who she has, like, the little, um, I tried hard on to

say this chick I'm banging, but, um, it feels like somebody who knows, this guy fucks. This bitch I'm sticking it in. Yeah. But she, someone you love. Yes.

She has these little like, uh, they're like little babies, but you put them on like things. But like some of them have like, I think this is what you're talking about. I think it sounds like you get, you,

there's this place called pop mark that you can get them from. And it's, I fucking hate them. And people are obsessed with them. And the allure of them is that you go to the store and like you get it, you pick a box, you know, You pick up the box and there's a selection of what you could get.

So it's like, I definitely want this one. I hope I don't get that one. And then that just keeps you buying and buying and buying. Oh, that's such a good move. It's like a happy meal. We're like, did you ever have that? We're like, you'd be like, mom, no, can you ask them? I want the one that like has the spaceship.

And then you're like, yeah, I would get really frustrated because I. Yeah. Oh, then, do you remember how fucking lame chickfilet was? Okay, where are you guys from? Jersey? I'm a, my childhood was in Leavenworth cans. I was an adult when I had Chick-filet. Okay.

Because a lot of people, like, we had Chick-fil-A from day one in Florida. Wow. You guys have it all-back? No, it didn't ever have it. Yeah. Yeah, it kind of, it spread. So, like, it used to be when you go to Chick-fil-A, instead of a toy, they'd give you, like, a Bible, like a little mini-bibble thing.

Fucking, I'd burn that shit immediately. Get the fuck out of here. But you could trade it in for ice cream. And so every kid is like, no, I don't want the fucking little Bible. It was like a little Bible picture book. What kind of gay ward kept the fucking Bible, dude? Yeah, it was, yeah, it was horrendous. Every kid that kept that Bible probably went on to, like, commit a mass shooting.

I would say absolutely. Yeah. No doubt. Open and shut case. Yeah. Yeah. That's funny. You could exchange it for ice cream.

Yeah. And so every kid would you be like, Holy cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably like how they were like, well, we've got to give them something. But it's like, why even bother with a fucking kids? Well, it had to be so funny when like the founder was finding out. They're like, we're just giving out ice cream.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, and also, but it's like now like happy meals and shit. Like, you don't even get like good. toys anymore. I don't even advertise the fucking commercials. I remember like McDonald's used to be like, oh, and the Happy Meal, these are the toys and the Happy Meal. Yeah, yeah.

This is the season of the Happy Me. It was like sick and it was like the Barbie era or the Hot Wheels era. Or the Transformers where it was like, oh, here's a Big Mac, but it also turns into a fucking robot. They had Spider Man action figures at one point. You get like a little like three inch Spider Man action figure. That was fucking awesome. I think I had the green goblin with the board on it.

Like, you'd be like, that was pretty cool. Yeah. It was fucking tight, man. There had been so many kids choking on those. Who cares? It's three and up. It's three and up. They knew the rules.

Don't fucking make me have a shitty toy just because you can't fucking read. Yeah. I love those. You know, can't handle the heat. Get out of the kitchen. They got to fucking bring back good, make good. You know, it's all because these fucking, like, health nuts are like, there need to be healthy options.

It's McDonald's. Now when you order a happy meal at McDonald's, they serve you apple slices and milk. with your burger. Get the fuck out of my face. Give me a Coke. Give me a fries. Give me a cheese burger. And a little cheeseburger.

Well, you don't have a rip soon. I've been to White Castle in forever. And I think they have one. Where's the, you only near there's white Castle? There's one kind of near here. Off the Marcy.

Yeah, yeah. There's one is really not too far. Because they have, see, in the South of they have Crystal. They don't have White Castle in South. They have Crystal, which is basically just the same thing as White Castle. Okay.

But I like those. Disgusting steamed hamburgers. Yes. Seven. it's weird because they're bad but good of the same you know what I mean it's like oh I know exactly they're good in the moment but like like I've never immediately regretted something faster than what I was like oh this is like it literally just goes right through me yeah I don't I've had White Castle wasted many a time nothing nothing has been more detrimental of society than Harold and Kumar go to

White Castle oh because you're always thinking about it it it upsells it upsels like the fucking fast food and it also is like oh yeah that's when people are like, oh yeah, Indians are fucking Asian people. And it's like, Indians are not Asian. Indians are Indians. I still will not accept it. No one does. I stand by it.

No. And now they get on the Asian comedy festivals and shit. Get the fuck out of here, dude. I'm Asian. I don't get in. They're like, I am sorry, my friend. You are not Asian enough. I get to talk about my flying carpet and taking a shit on the street.

But you do not get to do that. It's not fair. Yeah, it's like, but I'm fucking Japanese. I'm a proud Japanese. Well, if you're so proud, why are you hiding those eyes behind the sunglasses? And not applying for Asian comedy festivals. I'm too shy. Have you seen that?

Wait, I think I showed you the Japanese Spider-Man where they made his eyes even smaller. Oh, yeah, yeah. He already has, like, slanty kind of eyes, and they make it just basically like, I can do whatever a spider can. Yeah. There's a girl on Love Island right now that's getting, it's crazy about the show Love Island is that... It's every night, right?

It's every night, for the most part. It's like two nights a week. I lose my wife when she watches this. She's like, I'm going to go watch this awful show. And so because, like, they're currently in Fiji filming. And, like, we get the episode from, like, the 48, 24 to 48 hours prior, right? So, like, when they're on there, they don't know about, like, Iran bomb strikes. They don't know about ice rays.

And so they're all on, like, social. They're like, did you know Kanye's an anti-Semi? Check out this new jam. They, uh, Hitler. there's this one girl on there who had a racist-ish post come out that it's like she's getting flamed for online but do you want to know what it was she goes she like it was a story that she posted from 2023

so I'm like how the fuck do these people find this? They didn't they fucking dig they screenshot it at the time they go out of their way to fucking or they use like the way back machine to like pull up like deleted shit yeah you can do that that should be illegal too it's like sorry I would fucking racist 20 years ago, but people can change. She goes,

she goes, she was like letting people know, like, the different work that she gets on her face, Botox wise. And she's like, and I also do this, you know, my under eye bags, because I find that when I smile, I can get, my, my eyes can get a little chinky and then, da, da, da, da, da, da, and because she said that, like, people are like,

she's a racist. But it's true. That's literally what it's called. It's scientifically. It's called chinky eyes. Yeah, well, you prefer. a gook look. But it is so funny that like why would you think to describe that

like that? I will say this like look none of that is bothersome but in the context of society I get why that's a lot. Yeah you know

for sure. It is a wild thing to say. In 2023 but it's also crazy that a post from 20203 gets pulled up like that. Totally yeah. I thought I thought you were like

why is it crazy to say your eyes look cheek? No no no no. No what I'm saying is that she's in Fiji right now. Right, right, right. No, she's going to get off the island and be like,

oh, fuck. Oh, shit. I don't know. I think it's fine. Like, I used to date a, in San Francisco, I dated a Japanese girl, and my nickname for her was squints. Okay. Yeah.

It's like, hey, squints. What's up? Squint word. Squint word. Squintz. Yeah, because she looks like she's always squinting. Yeah. You know?

That is the thing that is like, that's a weird one because, like, it's like, they do have, or, sorry, you do have smaller eyes. So it's like, really. small eye. That is not a good or bad thing. I mean, I just, it is what it is.

Like black people have giant lips and flat noses. Okay. I'm not engaging in that conjo. Irish have fucking blotched red skin. The sweats I've had on this podcast. It's so awful. It's so awful. Get out of here.

You're not funny. You're a hack. You're a fucking disingenuous hack. This is awesome. Sorry. No, no, I've never. Because it's always me trying to like,

it's like a game of volleyball or like, I don't, I went like this and said volleyball. It's like a game of ping pong because you'll say something crazy. I'm like, how do I, how do I return the serve?

Yeah, exactly. Keep the funny, but also like, not seem like a horrible person. Because he's, the thing is, everything that comes out of his mouth is completely insane.

So you can't be like, he said this, you're like, yeah, but then he said Tuesdays before that. Yeah. But then him saying something crazy and then me nodding,

I'm like, yeah, everyone's in trouble now. She's agree. They were great. We're living in a brand new age, man. It's okay for everyone to do whatever they want now. It kind of does feel like that.

I mean, I think... It's over, dude. President Trump said it's that we can do whatever we want now. That's what he said. You can do what you want to do. Say what you want to say. Yeah. Yeah, I really did use the Iran thing to go too hard this weekend.

I was like, the world's going to end. It is one million percent. Oh, it really is a good way to write off your fucking... The horrible thing. Because there was like a ceasefire for like two minutes and that's already over. Yeah, yeah. So, like, we're already back in it. I've been off my phone all day.

Didn't even see that. Oh, they're back out again? I mean, they broke the ceasefire, like, as soon as it happened. And now, well, like, the whole reason it happened, the whole reason Trump is trying to get a ceasefire is he wants a Nobel Peace Prize. And now he's nominated for it, which is. No, that wasn't true. Oh, really? Yeah.

Really? Wait, where did you, where did you read that? Right. It was it liberal. It was liberal. I didn't even say we're liberal. I read that he was nominated on the post. And then I was texting people about that, like, LOL.

And they were like, that's actually fake. Thank Christ. He's already a WWE Hall of Famer. Does he really need a Nobel base prize on top of it? He was in Home Alone, too. It's like, he got everything, dude. Yeah. It's like, it's so funny.

Have you seen that one where, sorry, there's really funny edit? It's like, he's like, do you know where Mr. Epstein's room is? He goes, third door on the right. That, I, before I cut you up, because I do want you to hold that thought. One of the really funny ones that I kind of agree with, but also is a crazy thing to say as a newscaster, is Jesse Waters, that Fox guy, did you see what he said? Because Elon was obviously like Trump's pedophile.

Jesse goes, look, guys, sometimes we call our friends pedophiles. And I was like, that is true, but not in that content. Not in that content. I don't go on Facebook and I'm like, I jokingly will be like, you're probably a pedophile, but I'm not going to go on Facebook or Instagram be like, this guy's a pedophile. I've been on multiple podcasts and people no longer work with me because I would constantly joke

about them being a pedophile. And they're like, stop calling me a pedophile. I'm like, bro, if people like, if your reaction to being called a pedophile is to not laugh, but rather say, nothing makes me think you're a pedophile more than when you say, don't call me a pedophile. Right. Well, it's the

Like Michael, you're a pedophile. Classic response to. In those glasses you are, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just like, but you kind of like laugh at off because it's like actually, no, I'm not. If they've gone through puberty, it's not technically a No, 15 and up. That's a heapophile.

You know what is? If there's grass on the field, play ball, that's actually a legal response. Yes. That will hold up in a court of law. Yeah. Well, there's three things. You're racist, you're gay, and you're a pedophile. Those are the three things that the harder you try to fight them, you did.

It proves the point even more. You're not going to beat those allegations. It's like struggling in quicksand. Yeah. You've got to be chill. Hey, throw me a rope. Yeah. I can get out of this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was, did Elon ever go back on like, it'd be like, you're actually not a pedophile? I was just having a bad day. What, to Trump?

No, I think all he said was, I regret what I said about the president. I went to, yeah, he said, he did tweet like, I regret what I said. I went a little too far.

But, like, imagine just be on a bunch of special gay in the White House. It's so, it's so wild. That must have been fucking, I mean,

like, how else could you fucking handle? But I mean, like, Elon Musk, he's lived privilege his whole, it's not like he, he like, worked himself up from the bottom.

Yeah. And now he's like, wow, I can't believe it. I'm in the White House. It was like, he's been rich his entire fucking life. Like the idea of, the idea of like him, like having to pay rent somewhere or just like even like one, like having to go one day without one meal is unfathomable to him. So it's different. Like a guy like me in the White House, I couldn't be on K because it's already like, what the fuck am I doing here? Right.

But for him, it's like, that's not even like, he's probably been in the White House so many. Like to him, it's like, I don't know, it's, yeah. The White House is probably like a step down. He's probably used to like giant fucking mansions and shit. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. He lives in apartheid Africa. And now we're letting all these like fucking like white Africans come into America.

These African refugees, which is also fucking crazy. If they acted African, I'd be for it. But I don't think they do. No, I'm, I, it's like, it's very funny. It's like, well, we can let in immigrants as long as they look like fucking white Americans. Yeah, yeah. It's very funny. But any other thing is like, oh, that's a huge problem.

Yeah, I wish, do they, see, they all probably talk like Elon. They don't have, like, African accent. No, they just all are like little. I mean, it's all, it's colonialism. Yeah. So, like, they're just like regular fucking, like Charlie Steron is, uh, is an African technically. Oh, who else? And it's white, white Jamaicans are, they have Jamaican accents.

It's fun. Right. Brat. Like, Chet Hank's. Yes. Yes, he's a white Jamaican. He is like, notoriously. I think that he actually got Jamaican citizenship.

They liked him so much. That's awesome. Yeah, he's under the Botty boy. That rules. It's so fucking cool. Well, I had a weird one where I met this guy in Florida. Indies from Trinidad, so he's like in Trinidad, we have DeBest Food, and, you know, I'm not

great at accents, but you get the point. That's pretty good. Yeah. And he was Indian. And I didn't know that most people in Trinidad are Indian. Did you know that? Oh, shit. Yes, I did know that.

See, she's, this is why? She's a worldly woman. We got to have smarter people on this podcast. I just, like, haven't said many words, and you're like, she's a genius. Sorry. We're steamrolling. We're fine. No, no, I'm chilling.

We caffeine peeled it up. Did you take one too? I did. I always take one before this one. See, I'm on a downer. I had a glass of wine before this. You got wine in there too? No, this is just water.

Sure. That's what I tell the cops. Hell yeah, man. As far as the judge, it's just is concerned. Well, the thing I'm, okay, it's like, what is the appeal of Love Island versus other shows? Like, why is it like, so this is my first season getting into Love Island. And the literally, because the sheer amount of episodes to watch,

was too overwhelming for me. Because I like to be a completionist. If a show was on season five, I like to go back to season one, even if it's a reality TV show. Just get the whole context of the show. But the girls at work were, you know, getting on the Zoom every day talking about Love Island

and I felt left out. So I started watching it. And I'm just hooked, man. It just is really good. Like it's a show where the only premise is staying in a couple so that you can stay on the island longer. And it's just interesting. the way that like seeing the way that people tick and you know the way that men are awful to women

and the way that women can be like kind of crazy and crash out and it's it's the second part seems accurate. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I just, I don't know. And they're all competing actually. And an aspect of the show that gets forgotten, but has never been more present than the the season is the fact that like there is a hundred thousand dollar prize at the end of it,

which is insane that you can do. that for $100,000. You know, it's not like it's a survivor. Yeah, you're just making out with hot people. You're literally just like, oh, I'm a fucking hot person that, you know. The challenges are all like making out with each other. Yeah, like, oh, you got to dry hump this fucking person. It's very like he, it's basically porn on peacock.

Right. Well, it's also funny too because you said you didn't want to be left out. And I'm just putting myself in this context. It's very funny because I never watch sports. I never have. Yeah. And I just accept to be totally like, like people talk about sports. and then I just be like,

and I just walk right. And I never will, there's a part of me that I go, I never will watch sports. I prefer that, you know? Like, unfortunately, like, but I will lie. Do you ever, like,

because I will lie about sports. Like, I will try to mirror what they're saying sometimes. Right. And I'll be like, yeah, look, I agree that they, they're just not that strong this year. And I have no idea what the fuck this guy's talking.

See it. Like, great game last night. And they're like, yeah, fuck. And then I'm like, who's your favorite player? I'm like, I don't want to get got so I don't lie. Like I think it was a, was it, not Jimmy Fallon.

Who's the, Kimmel? There was a Kimmel bit where they would ask people like, because I think they from that in LA, right? They'd go out to the streets of LA being like, we're asking people about their favorite bands at Coachella. Did you love like the Sky's romance? And they're like, I love the Sky's Romance. And it's all fake bands.

And I remember watching that as like a 12 year old being like, that's so embarrassing. Yeah, yeah. I never want to get caught up in that, so I don't lie. So, but, like, I enjoy reality television. I'm just, the dating shows are, like, not my first pick. And there is, like, it's every fucking night. But then you get into it, you get into it and you watch it.

Like, the episode tonight is what's called an after sun, which is just, like, kind of a recap of the week. And it's like, no one fucking watches the after sun. And it's like, God, I wish that there was just a real episode on tonight. Yeah. You know? I'm, I just like, it's nice to connect, but. For instance, like, unfortunately, like, some of my coworkers found out I do stand-up comedy. It's the worst.

Because they saw me on, like, a podcast I was on showed up in their algorithm. And now, like, because they're based in Texas, they're like, I'm going to the comedy mothership in Austin to see Joe Rogan. And I'm like, fuck, Joe Rogan sucks, but I can't say Joe Rogan is not funny. Right. And now he's like, you know, he's saying, like, I'm going to go see Kill Tony. And it's like, oh, my God. Like, he's asking, like, if I know Hans Kim.

Yeah. And it's like, yeah, I know Hans Kim. I just hate when people ask, like, what's your comedy style? And like, neo-Nazi? People are afraid I'm going to kill myself on stage. The verbalization of a cross-burning. Yeah. Well, do you like, do your coworkers know that you do comedy?

So I've been trying to keep it under wraps, but I actually have this week, I had to take the middle of the day. off from work because I had this like comedy intensive thing that um I wanted to do and so I had to explain to my manager that like I'm going to work in the morning but I have to take off the after and I'm to try to log back on after and they ask well what are you doing and it's just like so hard to lie that I just I've been at this job since November so it's like it just kind of starts coming out but if if I had a I've been trying to me. make it so that like it's not like people don't know I do comedy yeah you know I don't want to

follow people on socials I don't yeah you can't follow that like dude I had like a coworker try to add me on PlayStation no no I'm like brother yeah this is like my lowest self on playstation my my my I am I am peak I am a KKK member when I'm on PlayStation like yeah I think everybody is oh absolutely I mean that's the culture that it really does like which with Xbox because I'm very un, like, I haven't really got on the video games. So Xbox Live used to be like where people would say crazy shit. Oh yeah, because it was like unmoderated. But now it's moderated.

It is. Well, like they have like an AI thing that detects like certain words. Okay. And shit. So you got to be careful. But the workaround is you don't go on the audio. You just use Discord. So I'm on Discord with my friends because and then we're just getting like insane.

And you have like a black guy emoji. So you can say whatever you want? We do have when we have black guys in the Discord. He's like, man, can you like not say the N word for like five minutes? Right. very tough for you. Hell no. You're Papa John's kind of guy.

I'm a full on Papa John's too. I really do like him. I think that's why I support Papa John's. Well, it's very funny because I think like he, it was, the best response is like, I'm really trying to unlearn saying to the other word. That is the funniest.

Well, they kind of had a gotcha moment because he wasn't like, look at this NWRd over here. He was like, what if I, what if they said it in the context of like, he was trying to like, I mean,

it was still like, didn't he say Popeyes is basically calling black people? Yeah, yeah. He was like basically like in there, they shouldn't be like that. And it's like, why should they get away with being able to essentially call them, you know,

blah, blah, and it was like a private conversation. And if it's a private conversation, it shouldn't be held against you. If it's something you say on like a podcast, yeah, then like, okay,

well, you put that out into the ether. Yeah, well, and, and it's the, it's the time of, even if you think you're in good company or you're with people

that won't out, private conversations. You're wrong. We live in a surveillance state. Yeah, you're in bad company. I was right to say the N-word behind closed doors. I'm going to tell on you. Yeah, dude, everyone's a tattletail now, dude. You have to be your best self 1,000%

of the time or you're an awful person. And I think I will never understand what it's like to have my ancestors enslaved and to put you guys. But they will never understand what it's like to say a word you're not supposed to. Like, the consequences have created this

crazy rush around it where it's like it's like hopping a turnstown. It's like a kink. I can't believe I got away with that. Yeah. Oh my God. Not only did I save $2.90. I also got to say the N word.

Yeah. Well, it's like it's like you're like if I say the N word, this is what could happen, right? I get fired. I get punched in the face. Publicly shamed. Shamed. Ostracized. So to say it when I'm alone in my apartment rapping in a song is like you will net.

It's a crazy rush of like, who like it's just. feel like the Joker. I don't know. It's like and yeah, I don't know. That's just what it is. I'm not saying I should but I'm saying I have and I'm saying it weirdly feels good and nobody in that got hurt. So I don't know. It's a victim's

crime, maybe it's like you know what you really don't want to try heroin. Maybe that's why I stay away from it. You just don't want to get addicted. But I want to, I do want to try before I die. Heroin? Yeah, just like I want to say the N word before I die. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Now I'm going to die pure. you type here. Go to heaven. You go to heaven. You can't go to heaven if you say the N word. You can't go to, you go there, God's black. I'm like, you know what? You know what?

I'd rather send me to hell, Porfavor, because yikes, dude. I just, I just, I'd pull up pictures. I'm like, you didn't see me at this rally this one time? Come on you. Give me a little bit of leeway on this. He was like, free Palestine? Yeah. He was like in high school, you soft aid all the time.

Yeah. It was a different time. man. The good old days. Early 2000s. Yeah. That was kind of cool. Like, you know,

there was a stretch where like a lot of comics would say the, a lot of like alt comics. Oh yeah. Zach Galaphanacus. Zach Alfonacus, Eugene Murman,

Sarah Silverman. Like they all said the N-Words. They was actually spelled differently back then. It was Zach Gallifah. Gailpha N-word. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think people just kind of need to accept that like, yeah, there was a world in which Sarah Silverman did a blackface bit and and for and there was like the always sunny episode with the black face bit and it's like why did they do that well the terms were more lax then and it's an absolute no go now for

for slurs for anything like that and it's like just accept it and move on like I hate this fighting to use the the word it's just like well I think there's so many other words right but okay I take this stance where I think that uh just saying it and take the consequences of it. Like, if you're going to say it, like, either it's funny or not. And, like, I've said faggot in contexts that are not funny at all. Like, you faggot, I'm going to kill you. Right.

Like, to gay people as you were driving through their parade. It's awful. It's like if it's not funny, then I should. I'm going to face the... Yeah, the consequences. I don't want the consequences. By the way, I don't want consequences for any match. There shouldn't be.

What happened? What happened to freedom of speech? Well, freedom of speech doesn't... It doesn't mean freedom from consequences? It fucking should. Because then it's not fucking. free. You're free to say it and accept the

consequence. Sometimes you land the trick on the skateboard though. Sometimes you can do it. And you're like, oh shit, he did it. Okay, you got away with it. They fucking golf clap when you pull it off. But it doesn't, more often not, you hit your head.

Yeah, you got to land that plane. You pull a Bamargerald. But also to all the white guys out there listening that want to say the N-word, it's going to feel really cool if you'll land that trick. Yeah. How about you keep trying? You gotta try, man.

It takes 10,000 hours to get good at something. Yeah, so if you're not trying. Try in the mirror and then maybe try it. Try a little harder. Yeah. But I love that. I feel like I have to tie everything off in a bow. Yeah, right, right, right.

With podcasts, you're like, now that we've done this in conclusion. We've covered a lot of topics today. Well, that's one thing that is annoying is that I do, I don't like that comedy is really angled now, like music where it's like two genres. Where you used to be like, you watch like a family. guy and it's like there's a dark joke and there's a silly joke

it's like all kinds of different things. Now it's like you want to listen to edgy comedy, you come here, you want to listen to anti-edgey comedy, you go here. It's like you know, it doesn't have to be so... Comedy should just be comedy. Yeah. It should be funny. It doesn't need to be gendered. It doesn't need to be racially divided. Yeah. It should bring everyone together and we should all have fun saying the N-word.

Because it's a funny word. It's a funny word that makes people laugh and brings joy to hearts. Patty Braddard the best point. He goes, he goes, if it wasn't, it wouldn't be funny if it wasn't in a, like, it's not, it's not always funny. Yeah, it's like, that's what makes it funny when like, somebody who is really

talented gets away with it. It's like, yeah, it's only funny because like, yeah. Context is king. Like, context is so important to the joke and, you know, what, what's the bit and, you know, what's the intention behind you saying it? Are you saying it because you don't like black people? Or you're saying it because it's

funny. Right, or both. Yeah. It could be definitely, but, and that's like when it's... That was one thing that was really a bummer is I was like, I've been defensive of certain racist jokes, because like sometimes you're like, it's a good joke and it's, you know, whatever. But then one time I just like checked out the Klan's website and they had a whole section of racist jokes and I'm like, oh, come on.

You're like, they're still in my pit. What is this? Wait a minute. They just have like a link to your YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is, this was funny things too where I was like, let's see what's going on on their site. And it's like very outdated, not like obviously the views. It's like kind of like boomer.

The format. Yeah. Their SEO is unreal. Yeah. It was like you guys would really benefit from hiring an Indian guy. Like you would. Just be a little less racist. After you went to the KKK website, did, uh, what was your like, uh, suggested, uh,

stuff on Amazon different, you know, where it's like, you might like these robes. You might like this carousine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is funny. You ever see the funniest are ads on YouTube videos. So like there was academics was the guy.

who interviewed Kanye. I think academics was his name that rapper he doesn't want to interview Kanye when he was in like the clan outfit.

Yeah. And then there was like a commercial for like Uber Eats and I'm like do you guys know what you're advertising? No,

they don't. They don't. They don't. They don't. They don't. I think they base like it's like oh this video got

X amount of views. Yeah. So that means they get to, they pay for like it's so funny. I don't get monetized if I say con in the first three seconds but then the

Hal Hitler song by Kanye can get like the Uber at. eats money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It just depends on how many

views you have. Yeah. I mean, money is also like a big factor and all of that too. Yeah. It is, I think it's really funny

that he backtrack. It's so funny to backtrack because like, imagine like blacking out and you're like, oh shit. Did I become a Nazi for a month? You're like,

oh, that's like a bad blackout. Yeah. That's heavy. Hope I didn't do anything embarrassing when I was having a bipolar episode of doing Whipitz. You're like,

yeah, just a very manic public breakdown. Yeah. His schizophrenic break, he finds out one of his personalities is a racist. Yeah. Well, the thing I have it's kind of note, so he changed it back to now the song lyrics are Hallelujah.

But it's like, you went too far. You can't like, first of all. When I first heard the song, I was like, oh, okay. He did like the black eyepie's Let's get retarded. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then they're like, what do you mean?

We never said let's get retarded. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's a Mandela effect. Yeah. He just tries to pull that. What are you talking? It's always been, hallelujah. That would be really.

It just tries to gaslight himself back into the mainstream. Everybody's like, a Nazi, I'm black. You're talking about it. That is so good. You were crazy. What do you talk?

That never happened. Yeah. Never happened. Never happened. Completely false. Did you see that AI video of Kanye being an Orthodox Jew with the hat and the curls? No, but that is also.

Oh my God, there's an AI video circulating of him being completely orthodox Jewish and like he just tries to play that off. Like, this was real, like him in South Brooklyn and not AI. AI is pretty fucking funny now. I want to learn how to use it just to make silly stuff. You just have to type in like a code into like a website and they'll make it for you.

They'll make anything you want now. There's some silly stuff out there. Let me tell you. It wouldn't do a picture of me with a six-pack though. It would, dude. I must have been using the wrong one. You could do Photoshop at this point with that. Come on now.

You just have to go on like one of those like AI things and be like, hey, here's a picture of me. Please add like, please combine it with an image to make me look like Brad Pitt and Fight Club. Right. You'll get like the fucking eight-pack. the fucking V-thing. This is for the bed. I was not like sending this out

to people. I was like, joking. No, that's going to I was not going to put it on like his. That's going to be like

your fucking photo that they're going to hang at the comedy cellar someday. That would be so funny. Just regular pictures and then just like a Photoshop six bag. That's the way to go,

man. It would be funny if it was somebody like, uh, somebody like Louis who like clearly doesn't have a six bag. Like all these pictures of people that just hate with a six bag. You're like what?

shirtless Louis. He has like Calvin Klein underwear and saggy jeans type shit. You know? do one of those. Not to be a mom about it, but I think you're... We're exactly at an hour. We did it, baby.

Thank you guys so much. I had a fucking blast. Oh, where can they find you guys? You can find me on my Instagram at Hello, this is Kelly, and you can listen to my podcast. I feel fat today. It's on YouTube. It's on Apple.

It's wherever you listen to podcasts. The Instagram page for that is I Feel Fat today. And I've had both Joe Gorman and Michael Good on separately. Was I not tagged during the initial episode? You were, but I was traveling that. week and so I always tag everything goes out on Friday which I probably should change anyways but everything

goes out on Friday and I was late to post about the show and I I follow all of my guests from the Instagram page and for some reason because I guess traveling or whatever I wasn't following you so maybe that's why you missed it. Okay because I did do want to promote it I was not like I was not like and I still need to

clip it and whatever but who's got the fucking time yeah you use AI for that anyways yeah so that's hell yeah and you can follow me online at Joe W. Gorman on all social media platforms. PlayStation Xbox. Joe W. Gorman, man. And I got a podcast.

I do it with Alex Thomas Selly. It's called Super Selly Jos. I've had Michael Good on. And I've done podcasts with Kelly Taylor. Maybe she'll be on Super Sully Joe someday. Anything's possible, man. You go to the same apartment. It's like, maybe it could happen.

Yeah, yeah. If they could, you know. She plays your cards right. Yeah. How do I submit? You can send me your tape. All right. Well, thank you guys.

Thanks, man. There was, I will say this. Yeah. I had a great time. And then randomly we just had the most awkward last second of the podcast. I know. That was so funny. I were like, yep.

And we all just stared at each other for one second. All right. Thank you.