Morning Good - India Rules - Episode 160

Episode Date: March 12, 2023

Ryan O'Toole and Paddy Defino return to the show for this week's episode. They talk about Paddy getting banned from Tik Tok, Ryan's trip to Mumbai, and making random jokes in public that kill.Thanks to Ryan and Paddy for coming back on the show. Check them out on earlier episodes, and for even more, check their links below.Ryan is on Instagram as well @itsryanotoole and livestreams the latest deals on items you might from Amazon.com, so make sure to check. that out and The Ryan O'Toole Podcast. Paddy is on Instagram as well @paddy_is_funky and runs a show every week at Pianos in Manhattan.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Hello, partner. Keep on rolling, baby. You know what time it is. Throw your hands up. You guys like Limbiscuit? Fuck yeah.

I never listen to Limbiscuit. Oh, dude. Rebs me the fuck up. Are you going here with Rhino Tool and we're here with Patty DeFina? Am I going where? Are you going sunglasses mode? Nah, because then it gets a reflecties. So like you're, so Patty has terrible pink eye, which is why you're-show the camera.

So now it's breaking the illusion. The thing is I only do clips for cameras. So there's no way we're just going to clip you showing pink eye. Oh, you don't put this thing on YouTube? No, it's exhausting. It takes like 10 hours. Does it really? To load the whole thing, right?

It's insane. Yeah, yeah. I also use eye movie, which fucking sucks. Yeah. But Destiny's neither here and there. You did mushrooms the other day? Yesterday. How was that? Awesome, dude.

It's so fun. Just laughing my balls off the entire day. Were you by yourself? No, I was with my friend Katie. We just, she, I gave her a chocolate bar. Like, let me get a little bit down. Probably like six months ago. And we were going to go to the museum.

We were like, yeah, let's do mushrooms and go to the museum. And then we, we were just walking around in like midtown. And then I'm like, there's no way. She was, she said it first. She's like, there's no way we're going in a museum right now. You know what I mean? She's tripped you a hard to go. Bro.

It was just, we took the train for a couple stops Because we were walking and like, let's just take the train That sounds terrible. I would hate to be on a train on mushroom. Dude, I just couldn't stop laughing. I can't imagine like looking at human shit. Bro. Or whenever I see a homeless guy on mushrooms, I think I'm gonna like become him.

Yeah, it was the sixth train too and it was packed. And it was just, we took it for like three stops. I'm like, let's just go to the fucking park, dude. And it was, that was the right choice. But yeah, it was hilarious, dude. These like, we walk on the train, right? And these like three girls are getting off. There's like a group of four, one of them staying on the train, three of them getting off.

And they're like, okay, call me when you're home. Like they're all saying like, they all go to each other. Like, love you, love you, love you. And they're saying this as they, first of all, I walked in because these fucking idiots didn't walk out when the train stopped. And I'm like, the door's like about to close. So she tells everyone else, they're all telling each other to love you. And I'm like, what? No love you for me.

And then everyone started laughing. I meant to say it in my head, though. I didn't mean to say it too. You know what I mean? And then there was like five people around me in the train just looking. looking at me and like a few people laughing, but everyone's like, what the fuck is wrong with this dude? Oh, that's always good to like crush with a joke.

I couldn't stop laughing, dude. I couldn't stop laughing. I did the same thing where like you just say something. Like I was in the, I got like my laundry. I picked it up and I like threw it over my shoulder and I was like walking out of the laundromat and I opened the door. And I always like, like as men, we always do this thing where we open the door and then just check to see if someone's coming because they're like, maybe they'll fuck me if I

open this door for him. So I like held it. open and there was this woman like kind of like a middle age woman like pushing a cart like maybe 10 feet away and I was kind of like looking at her and I just like in my head I was like is this lady coming but I just said it out loud I was like is this lady coming and she was like excuse me and I like could not I was like oh shit I said that out loud and I was like are you coming? Yeah. Yeah. I I uh dude I I I I'll try to like make like little small jokes here and there

in public but I was doing the other day and I was doing the other day and I was. I was like buying wine for me and my girlfriend. And the guy at the wine store, he goes, I got to see an ID if I want to sell you that. Just because you can sell it to me, doesn't mean you should. He goes, oh,

you're telling me. Dude, I was drinking vodka on the train by myself the other day. It was just like, it was just a little point to have like a casual small talk thing. The guy would be like, yeah, my life is a fucking wreck.

Dude, they are just waiting to unload their, you know, the despair of their life on the year. Yeah, it's a weird mix. It's like there's like an effeminate gay guy and then, or maybe gay guy,

I have no idea. What at the wine store? Yeah, and then there's like this dude who like has like dog tags And I'm like that's like the That's almost like a sitcom Motherfuckers got to pay the bills dude Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah

I worked at a liquor store a few years ago Did you ever worry about it getting shot up? I always thought about it getting robbed Because it was in the hood And um But yeah, it sucked honestly I would just chill downstairs and not do a lot all day You know?

Yeah I was like stocking shelves I never did the cash register They just needed someone They had to like stock shelves and if there was like a delivery just to like put it in a box till they came and picked it up or something. That's crazy that that's a separate job from like working.

Because the stocking shelves seems like it would be like part of another job. But it's crazy like just like one task like that could be a full job. Yeah, I never understood it because it was like they only wanted to have like six of the bottles on the shelves at a time and then you had a like a count for. I'm like, why don't we just put it all on the shelves when there's space? You know what I mean? I'm like, I got fired actually. I didn't really, well, I kind of got fired.

They pretty much made me choose between work and full time. or not working at all. I only worked there for like maybe two, three months. And I'm like, yeah, I'm out of here, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah. What about a... It was full time, 40 hours.

That's insane, dude. Basically clocking and like... It was like right in the summertime, too. And the people were fucking scumbags, too. Columbia Wineco, that's what it's called in Washington Heights. They were nice to me, but like, they will like make people sign papers being like, yeah, if you get hurt at work, you can't sue us. I'm like, that's not...

I'm like, this shit doesn't fucking work. I'm like, you're trying to scare people? I'm like, what do you think this is? And then I found out they had this thing. You know, when you go to the store and they have like a giant like jar or like bucket and it's like donate money to like some charity or something? They were just keeping it for themselves. I was like these fucking pieces of shit, dude.

What about? I've always wondered like the accuracy of that because it's only just like a, I'm sure. I'm sure most places probably do bring it to a place. But the manager told me that. And I'm like, you fucking, I'm like, I don't want to work for these fucking people, you know? And they could tell I was kind of like Giving up, you know Not giving up, but I was just like

Bro, it was a fucking job Stock and Shell's at a liquor store Like, I did my job like well enough, you know? It was never like, oh, we don't have this booze here or anything You know what I mean? Crushing boxes throwing shit in the trash Yeah, my job now they're getting like, I was telling him they're like impressed by me

I've gotten a lot of jobs where they think I'm mentally challenged and it fucking rules I don't know if they ever sure thing they have But the bar is so low Like I really made like a like an Excel chart And they were like you've Blown out expectations Really?

We are so impressed. And, like, half the Excel chart was made by somebody else. Yeah. And I just took over the project. You just added colors to it? Yeah, literally. I did, like, literally nothing. And they're like, you're blowing us away.

We should start a wine store called Weinstein. Instead of showing your ID, you have to show a mangled penis. And how mangled it is, is how cheap you get the wine for. Yeah, he had like a really gross penis. Yeah. Yeah. It was arguably not a penis. There was like a crumpled peanut shell glued to his body.

Yeah, was he in a car accident or something? No, I heard. So if you get, like, like, it was like, like Viagra stops working at some point and then you have to inject a different thing into your penis and you get gangrene it and so I guess the dick was like infected and all kinds of stuff so a lot of people said they were like

dude I think he had like a vagina they're like imagine doing so much Viagra you get like a disease that you got in like the fucking Korean War yeah yeah yeah yeah well it's also what of those things too it's like dude it's like it's so funny to be so horny that you break your dick and then you're still like just rubbing

whatever's left in it yeah that was like dude when I would take Adderon your dick barely gets hard you still just like like tear at it basically. You're just kind of like pulling it whatever is there. Fuck. God, dude. Dude, penises, I complain about vaginas a lot, but penises have their own problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, Michael, good?

Yeah, I got a rash on mine. I get a rash on mine. You got a rash on your car. Always. Always. Not always, but like once a month. Because if I get sweaty, it's this thing where like, I've had it looked at multiple times. If it's like, if I get sweaty and you lay in like sweaty pants, if you get a rash in it like basically like that's what it is. So it's like I'll go running on my lunch break.

Dude, change your fucking clothes, you animal. Yeah, but it's like I go running on my lunch break and I run for exactly 30 minutes. My lunch breaks 30 minutes. So it's like I'm kind of like, I don't know. I forget about it all the time. But at this point I've had a rash on my dick for like on and off for like over a year. So I'm like, yeah, I should probably do. It's not like that bad.

It's just like, you know, like reddish. Yeah. That's not too bad, dude. No, no. It's also weird that like rash is. What are you talking about it's not too bad? What the fuck is. wrong with you guys? As long as it's not like an open wound.

It's not. It's not. Like, rashes are weird. Rashes sound gross, but it's not really, it's just red skin. Yeah. Do you feel it? Uh, not really, no. So if your penis is in use, you don't feel, no, no. See, I don't see that, because what is a vagina but a giant open wound? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you're shoving your dick into. And it's got fluids. It's got multiple fluids coming out of it, like a penis, but like uncontrollable. Yeah. Well, the craziest is the fucking, what's it called, the penis vagina, or the butt hole, pisshole, shithole.

It's called the... The thing animals have? Steve Yensel with now. Colica. Cloaca. Dude, like, alligators have... Like, that's disgusting. It's just a hole where you're shitting. Yeah. farting, maybe, too. Is this funny about alligator farting?

Do you think some alligators are like, oh, this guy's fucking cloaca was disgusting? That's awesome. I don't even want to go. Dude, did you hear about the alligator in Florida that just dragged an 85-year-old woman underwater.

So it's so funny. It was on video, right? Yeah, I think so. I've spent hours of this podcast defending alligators and how they never eat humans and you're totally fine. Yeah, but you gotta realize

it's like, bro, this is starting to happen in like Cape Cod all the time with shocks where it's like, bro, if you go into their territory and it happens, I think it's fair game. It is. Yeah, I think she tried to save her dog because I've always said in this podcast,

I say they eat dogs and babies. It's the small dogs' fault. How common is it to see alligators in Florida? Very common. Really? All the time. They're usually kind of more scared of you.

You know what's saying? Dude, we go swimming with alligators, not like next to them, but like if you go, the lake we go in, I've seen alligators in and you just go swimming there because they're not going to eat you. Like they're, they will. Fuck that. Yeah, I would be too scared. I don't even like lakes.

I don't even like bass swimming around me. Really? Yeah, dude. Fish freak me out. They're not, they're not going to like, like, there's a zero percent chance you get unless you're like, it's eating your, what's it called? Like, that's the only reason because it went for their, their dog. Yeah.

And then she's like now probably. Yeah. But in that one chance, though, that it, like you, because I've read that a lot of, sharks, you will bite people, but they don't eat them. They test it out. They want to see what it's about. But I've read with Alligators is like, a lot of times when people get attacked by them, it's because people, like, unintentionally buy, like, where their nest is and where the kids are and stuff. So it's like, the instinct to attack is almost like, get the fuck away from my kids and, like, it's a regular animal instinct. You know what I mean?

Right. But it's like, how do you know it's safe when you go in there? So it's like, this is the lake I go to. you hop on the boat and there's rarely alligators at the dock area. It's just not like where they live because there's so many people there that they're not going to put their like nest there.

And then we go on this island in the middle of the lake. They know it's just boats going around their constantly so then they're in our area. And this is common that people swim in this place? All the time. But is it just you and you retod friends? I mean, it's a lot of people. There's a nurse with nipple piercings

who used to be in a house. Just coating your legs and barbecue sauce. Yeah. But the best is like the alligator hunter guy because the country club, there was one there, and there's this guy just walking through with like an alligator tooth on his neck. And it's just supposed to see them like, oh, Sturkey, please take care of the alligator. He's like, I've killed 45 alligators. You're seeing those two worlds collide is funny.

So you see them pretty common. Like I would say I've seen, no, not really. I'd see two alligators in that lake. But like if you're, there's retention pod by my house that I've seen alligators there before. A what? Retention bond. What the fuck's that? So it's like when all the runoff like rainwater goes in.

Okay. Yeah, it's like meant for that. And I've seen alligators there. I've seen them I mean, I always say it depends where you are. Like there are certain lakes. Like my cousins, they lived in Tallahassee. And that lake, like if you go out of night, you will just see eyes. Like you can see, like you don't. That one's pretty infested at the point where you shouldn't swim in.

Dude, I could never, if I, like, if I'm within 20 feet of an alligator, I'm like grabbing my purse. Really? My purse. I've never seen. I don't think I've ever seen one in person. I held one over, I mean, a lot of like, there's a Congo River golf place. It's like a mini golf place. And we got to hold alligators. That is like one of the calling cards of being a Floridian is like you're going to have to hold a python and an alligator.

Oh yeah. Before you turn 13 years. That was the thing. It's like they'll bring around kids. They'll have like a thing where like a guy comes by and there's a giant anaconda and the kids put it on them. What's the snake situation in Florida? It's horrible. The wildlife in Florida is like, Jurassic Park.

in one of the forests. In Silver Springs National Forest, there's wild monkeys. Oh, my God. From, like, carnivals and stuff like that. They just, like, released them, and they, like, couldn't get them back. So there's, like,

and they have a really bad type of herpes. It's, like, dangerous for people. Really? So, like, I know. Is that how you got your sore? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best case scenario you get for fucking a monkey as a sore.

Yeah, yeah. Definitely wrap up if you're banging. Well, you're just going to say, you know someone who got it? No, no, no. I know some guy who, like, his high school got shut down for a day because, like, there was a,

there's a monkey on top like the trailer where, like, the special needs kids. Like, yeah. That's a Florida snow day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That, did you guys have the trailer for the special needs kids? No. It was always weird to me. You guys kept them in a trailer. Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. We had,

pulled by a tractor. Yeah, yeah. So, like, the private school I had, obviously didn't have them because you're not paying for that. But the public school was like, they,

it was, yeah, there were trailers outside. Like, not like a trailer, like, where you smoke meth in. but like a construction trailer where it's like...

That's arguably worse. I had... You know, I actually... My high school I went to was a fucking shithole and, like, they had like those construction type trailers. With like, I guess a little more advanced than a construction type trailer, but not much. We had classrooms in there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I guess there wasn't space or something and they couldn't build it and, like, we just had classrooms in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sucked. They were always freezing and stuff. Yeah, they probably shouldn't... It is very disrespectful, though, for them to have just... kids in that trailer.

Because they're kind of like, I don't know. Were they charging people to go in and look at them? Throw gumballs at them. It's fucking terrible. You, by the way, the thing I wanted to tell

about this whole thing is you just got back from fucking India. Oh, what was that like? Bro. A lot of 7-Elevens? No. No 7-Elevens,

but a lot of people selling shit, dude. It makes sense. My buddy told me, dude, I asked him one time. My buddy's, he's Indian American, and I asked him one time, I was like, how come Indians just own every fucking convenience store? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he explained to me that they just sell everything. Like, he goes, you can pretty much just sell whatever you want in India.

And they just have it down, like, what's needed for what area and, like, what makes sense to have in what store. When I went to India, I saw, I mean, dude, anything, like, you could just keep walking places and you'll just see a store for something. And it's not even like a store. It's almost like a shableness. or like a room. Yeah. Like, they just like

Like this is what we have and we're set. Dude, there used to be... They're like underrated in like their salesmanship. Like people don't talk about it.

Dude, I think they're the best because if you go anywhere in America, anywhere in Europe as well, everywhere I've been in, I've only been in, well,

Spain and the United Kingdom is Indians work and all the stores there too. Yeah, yeah. Like they are dominant at it. They're the best at it. Yeah, we should have known that

when we came to the United States first that they weren't Indians because there were no convenience stores at all. They were actually the most inconvenient people ever if you read the textbooks. Yeah, dude. How long were you there for? For three weeks.

Was it like eye-opening? Did you go like some really shitty parts, I assume? I mean, so I was only in Mumbai, which is a major city there. But it's a very major city. First of all, the amount of people that are there, it doesn't even make sense. Like the amount of people, it's fucking insane.

It makes New York look like nothing. I can't stress that enough. Like, the amount of people is insane. Like, I just don't understand it. But yeah, I mean, the shit that was, like, eye-opening to me was, like, the poverty you see. What was, like, the poorest thing you saw? I mean, bro, I saw a baby sleeping on the street. Like, a fucking, like, straight up this baby couldn't have been older than, like, one year, one years old.

multiple times I saw this, but one night we were walking around and it was like a nice area too, South Bombay. And I remember I was just like eat an ice cream walking down the street. We were going to the train and there's just like a family on the street and just a baby just sleeping on a sidewalk.

But you see that like a lot. Like you see like babies? Yeah, like entire families. You know, it's weird that we don't, we adopt the other Asians, but not a lot of people are adopting Indians. No. And there's a.

surplus of them. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a, I mean, there's so many people, dude. The way they, like, the move through the street is, it's just sporadic, but, like, none of them touch. It's like, you know when you see those, like, those drone videos of just, like, all the drones, like, interweeping and stuff? Yeah, yeah.

Or, like, satellites or something. Yeah, yeah. It was crazy to me that I didn't see one car accident or anything because, like, a lot of people just don't listen to red lights. Like, there's no lines in the road. There's motorcycles everywhere. People are just going, like, it doesn't matter. Like, you'll see people.

like, there are, I guess, like, rules of the road, but you'll see people are just like, now, fuck it. I'm just going to drive on this side of the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bikes, you see it a lot. And it's like, are they well paved roads or is it? Because I picture like, it's a third world's country. It's like, I mean, the roads are like, some of the roads are brutal going through.

And then like, some places just don't have sidewalks. So people are also walking in the street. Yeah. You see anybody get wrecked by a car or anything? I couldn't believe I didn't see one person. Because it's like, dude, and that's the thing is like all of them will, not all of them, but they'll come here and be like cab drivers and they're actually really good

yeah yeah dude they're basically like they're running with weights on there yeah it's like playing madden on expert and then going down to like rookie you know like I have this dude that's why there's so many of them because they're sperm just knows how to fucking dodge

and how you're being it's nuts it's fucking crazy but amazing place I can't wait to go back and just a did you find your princess Jasmine over there Right? I'm just like, I came back with like a wife that that would kind of rule.

It was nuts. It was insane, dude. It was, I'm like, just the amount of shit I saw, like, it's weird because I've tried talking about it and stand up and stuff and I, like, can't even get to the point of, like, joking about it yet because I don't even think I've processed it yet. Like, dude, that's always, you go somewhere interesting and you don't realize what's funny about it until you leave and you're like, wait, that was fucking weird. I had people walking up to me just taking pictures of me because I was white. people just take it. I wouldn't mind kind of being a... Like, if you live somewhere, it's different, right? Because, like, when people come here,

they're like, I don't want to be racially treated as novelty. Because, like, I'm trying to go to work. But if I'm on vacation, I'll be, like... I'll menstrual it up, dude. I'll be, like, the whitest white guy. I'll get, like, a fucking, like... Yeah. I'll have one of those... those collared shirts with pens in the pockets, and then just... I had a buddy who went to China, and he's,

like, a big, fat, white guy. And while he was there, they would pay him to sit in, like, a club, like a nightclub, because it would just attract people to come in. And the best part is, one of the nightclubs he went to, they're like, hey, can you just wear this jersey and just take pictures with people?

So they gave him a Stephen Jackson jersey who was like a black running back in the NFL. And he just took pictures. Was it the Rams one? I think it was he on the Bills at all? He might have, yeah. He bounced around towards the end. I think he did play a Buffalo actually.

I think it was a Bills one. And like, so he's just wearing a Buffalo Bill's Stephen Jackson jersey with like, He's like a financial guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heavy white guy and people just come up and they, because they don't know.

They just like, they just see a jersey and a white guy. They're like, that must be a football player. Who cares what position, you know? He's going to give like speeches at local high schools and stuff like that. It's crazy. I've heard blonde, if you're blonde, especially, like, I think you could become like a movie star. And I'm just, this is, I have no fucking idea.

But I feel like it's one of these, especially, you have blue eyes, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's like a big thing. A lot of people were talking about my eyes when I was there, like, a lot of people doing that. And they're just like, we were, there were a few times. It was funny.

Imagine how fucked up if we did, like, even an albino guy, like, you know what I mean? If we started treating them that way, just be like, oh, my God, can't touch your hair? I know, I mean, I guess we did that for black people for, like, a very long time. But not like this, I don't think it was like this, though. Like, people were just walking up to me just taking selfies. Like, literally, like, that's not as.

Wait, you know what I noticed the India guys? Sometimes they'll take pictures and not smiling them. Oh, they love it, dude. Dude, I was in Time Square one time this guy. They love it. guy thumbs up. Yeah. Straight his face.

They love it. And they want the background. They're all about the background, dude. You know what I mean? Indians rule. Just no smile. It's so, the most serious face and then like thumbs up on vacation.

They rule, dude. I fucking love Indians, dude. They're like maybe my favorite group of people just in the sense of how funny they are and just like everything like over there. Like I love the chaos. Like I wanted to ride the trains over there. I mean, motherfuckers are literally hanging off the train. Like, bro, then they're jumping off while it still moves.

Like, fucking, there's no, like, you know, like in the train here, like, you wait till people get off, then go on. Like, that doesn't exist. It's just like a bum rush to get out, bro. They have separate trains for men and women. Really? Well, I know women used to get, like, raped on the bus. I'm sure that's what it is, too, but it's like, bro, when you're on the train, like- That's a funny solution.

They're like, well, women keep getting raped on buses. Would you have men on different buses? Bro, you get packed, like, you just like packed in. When you're on the, they are pink actually. Like the walls and seats and stuff are actually pink on the women's ones. But like, you're like literally packed in like to the point where you can't like, dude, if you say you stood with your arms up, you wouldn't be able to put your arms down. That's how many people are.

There's like no, you're never in a place where it's like, yeah, there's a capacity limit here. Like that's just, it just doesn't exist, dude. Yeah. Are there a lot of fires? Um, I saw. That's the only capacity thing here. It's like, there's always weird rules. Like, even in comedy clubs, they're like, we can't put one extra chair on the show because it's a fire.

hazard. We're very intense about fire hazards. Well, you got the shit find out of you. When I used to bartend, the fire inspectors used to come in and always be on like a Saturday night and check like the capacity of the build, all that shit. And like, that'd be so hard to count people, dude. I get, they're professionals. I'm terrible accounting. Like one, two, three. Did I count that guy? Yeah. Well, I know in Boston at least, like the door guys used to have to keep a, um, oh, the little things. And they have to present that first and then they'd look inside and stuff. But, um, I don't know. The thing I saw a lot of fires was a lot of people just burn trash and like burn plants to get rid of it and stuff.

Like, I saw a lot of that. Yeah. I know the drug laws there were strict, right? You got caught smoking pot. They, like, shoot you. I still had in one movie. No, I don't know about that. You can go to, like, jail for it, but what I heard from people is, like, you could just bribe them. I didn't smoke. We were with people who was smoking weed over there. I was with someone one night, and they were smoking weed, and we were, like, in a

house, you know what I mean? So, or we were, like, on a roof. And I was, like, I wasn't smoking anyways. And I'm like, I don't think I'd be able to handle it. handle that, like being able to go to jail for being high in another country, being white. Because like I said, like, I stood out when I was there. Like I was smoking pot and you walk in the crowd. They're like, we can see him. Yeah.

Like people were like constantly asking me where I'm from, what I'm doing. Like constant. Every single day, dude. Like in the morning I would go, usually by myself, I'd walk to this coffee shop. It's like, I don't know, maybe like a mile away. But it was a nice walk in the morning. and on the street people would just

want to talk to me the entire walk you know what I mean like you're multiple times but people would just walk with me and be like how do you everyone was super nice

you know what I mean like everyone like I'm like trying to joke about it about how like people I'm like yeah being white and India rules dude like but everyone was

extremely yeah yeah yeah it's pretty sick it does maybe not the Congo I don't know though I've never been there yeah

maybe it's cool but people were so fucking nice to me but they just like I think it was curious, too, because a lot of places I was, like, where I was staying isn't, like, a tourist area by any means. You know what I mean?

It's just, like, a fucking neighborhood, you know? Yeah, yeah. And people would see me and be like, you could tell us, like, yo. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it was, it was pretty wild. What would be the equivalent of that, like, in New York? It would have to be, like, an alien or something. Dude, it isn't, you can look so ridiculous here.

And nobody is fucking shit. Yeah. There was, I saw some guy recently. I was like, really, I forgot what he was doing. Dude, this guy had, like, he had, he had, five piercings on his eyebrows. Then he had a Fumann shoe. The top of his head was shaved and the bottom half was like a mollet down here. And he was wearing like everything was weird. He had like crazy boots on. His socks were like over his pants. And then his pants were like bright purple. And then I was like, it's like a PGA tour creative character. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You get kind of crazy. You're like this guy look wild. I was like,

this guy looks insane. People try. You can tell though a lot of times like people really try to go. overboard for attention and shit here. You know what I mean? Where it's like, you could tell a lot of people get here and it's like they, and I don't blame them. It's like if you're from,

I don't know, bum fuck Wyoming or something and then you come to a place like here. It's like it makes sense. You're not gonna know how to control yourself. You know what I mean? You start putting needles into your face. Yeah, bro.

Yeah. But it's like, I also like the fact I'm like, do what the fuck you want. I don't really care, but it's like you can see some people. It's like, you're not even thinking about style.

You're just like fucking. Oh, yeah, yeah. be it is you're just mad at your dad yeah yeah and you want it you need like some sort of attention goes together though like you see guys dresses

like Van Helsing you're like that's sick he's got the leather jacket with the Indiana Jones yeah sure maybe a cross bell I'm like that's something that makes sense together

I remember I saw a bunch of a group of punks one time and it was on St. Mox and they just like I'm like dude these people looked like out of central casting like 1985 New York just wearing like all the punk clothes

and stuff like that and they just smoking cigarettes screaming about like their neighbors and nonsense, I'm like, these people rule. Yeah. These dudes, like, I'm like, I like that these people exist on this blog. They were very appropriate for the set of.

There is like a comfortable feeling when people who are totally insane, they always only have one outfit. You ever notice that? Yeah. They just wear, they have one look and that's it. And it's like, you've nailed it. You really know who you are. You've dialed it in.

And you're not going to fuck with anything. It's nice that those people exist. Yeah. Because they're just like, they're just things. It gives you something like, like, I saw this guy recently, and it was like a black guy wearing a Dorothy dress. And he wasn't, you know, you could tell you're like, okay, you're transgender. Maybe he was non-binary. But Dorothy dress, face was just a regular black guy besides rosy cheeks.

Like no lipstick, no long hair, just like an afro, full on Wizard of Oz outfit in rosy cheeks. But I was like, in his face, it was not like he was like presenting as a woman. Like he didn't have like a wig. He didn't have like fake tits. It was none of that. It was just like full Dorothy. Black people were kind of the original trans people. in a way.

Let's see where this goes. I'm not touching this one. They would, you know, just like from a style perspective, they would kind of push gender barriers and it would look cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, you talk about like prints and like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And then like, you know, Harry Styles tried to appropriate that culture. Yeah. Everyone got mad. I hate Harry Styles. Really? Dude, it's just there's something about, I don't know why. It's like, I hate when people try to do something to stand out,

but they've done it like a doubt. Like, it's like, it's like, a guy who's like, I'm a straight guy wearing a dress. Isn't this like, you're like, people. It's like an addiction to need to be in the news every week. For sure. There's those people who just do things just to stay right there at the top of whatever's going on. And they just keep, they like, like Rebel Wilson, like out of nowhere, she's just like, oh, I'm, like, she just came out as being like this weird LGBTQ thing.

She's like, I'm this. And everyone's like, great, like, whatever. You know, we need more terms for specific kinds of people. So, like, for example, like, I don't know, like a Chinese guy who dresses black. We need more specific molds of people, you know what I mean? I almost had a word for that way. No, no, no, no. But, like, like, like, I feel like there's all these different genders and stuff.

And I'm not against classifying thing. Like, it does make some things interesting, like, it gives. Yeah, because they classify, everyone's classifying themselves. Like, everyone, if you're all, like, on the LGBTQ fucking whatever that thing's called, like, if you fit that circle or whatever it is, your class, people class, They're just to classify themselves all the time. That's like the whole thing with like pronouns and shit. That is a classification.

But like they need to extend it to like things like me. Like I'm not quite a bro because my hair's a little long. I'm a little laid back. You know what I mean? They need terms for that. Like each individual person should have a term. Yeah. I think for you it's fag.

Yeah. I was literally thinking. I was, that sentence was going to come out of my mouth. You literally beat. That's right. I dove on the grenade. My favorites, were you, were you going to hold back on the joke?

Or were you? No, I was going to say it. I like literally, I think, attempted to say it and you just... Dude, one of my biggest regrets was like, I was at a wedding one time, and one of my cousins' friends, like, lost a lot of weight. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I should make an age joke. I'm like, that would be inappropriate.

My uncle comes up like, goes, Jesus Christ, what did you get fucking AIDS? And I was like, God damn it. That would have been a great. And he said that. Yes, everybody laughed. They're like, ah, you're crazy, Uncle so-and-so. I was like, God damn it. I should have got for it.

Dude, you always got to go for it. Because the worst thing that happens that people are like, Jesus Christ. But then like later on that night, they'll be like, that was pretty good. Yeah, that was pretty good. No one will care about this until we get on a television show or something

and then we'll go back and they'll play this. They'll care for about 14 minutes. Yeah. Television is going to be gone. I've already said I'm lying about my backstory. I've ever got on Jimmy Fallon, I'm 100% saying that I grew up homeless all. Just for fun.

Dude, Jimmy Fallon is a drunk. He's a Coke. Yeah, he will totally, he's from my hometown. Is he like in my hometown is big drink everyone's an alcoholic who stays there and like he's like a party guy. He would be, he's down for people like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but the network won't be though. It's not like he chooses who gets on.

Yeah, but I'm saying you lie on something like that. They're not going to fact check it. But by the time the episode airs, nobody's done the reason. You know what I mean? It's like nobody's you know that I grew up in a nice suburb of Orlando. Yeah. Like by the time the episode airs, it's like, yeah. And at that point, you've done the thing.

It's already out there. And it's like, then if someone's like, he said this, all it does is bring. millions of eyeballs to you. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, he's a funny guy. And then everyone

who wouldn't like you anyway continues to not like you. And anyone who didn't know who you were, like now knows who. Dude, if I could just cry and say my father was like

eaten by wolves or something, that would be fucking awesome. A lot of people, a lot of people, it seems like, a lot of, like, I never have that need.

I don't have that need in comedy to do late night stand up. Like, people always like... I mean, it would be great. I like saying,

I have nothing going on life. It would be cool if someone just came up to to do. Like what would be better? Like, you think about it, it's like, what's better? Like, a clip going viral, getting on fucking Jimmy Kimmel or whatever. It's like, no one watches that shit.

But my whole thing is, like, it's so, like, so manufactured. Like, I've, I never grew up watching it. I don't think I ever saw a comedian do stand-up on a... Now, granted, I'm 29 years old. It's not like I was watching TV in the 80s, but I never seen, like, a comedian do stand-up on any of the shows we had grown up and be like, oh, my God, this is amazing. Like, I saw it. It was always on, like, Comedy Central at 8.

HBO or some shit. But also, you can watch really funny comics just do bad sets and those, because they're not doing their best jokes. Yeah, but you watch people be funny on it. You know what I mean? But it's like, you can't say fuck on ABC. Like, you know what I mean? That's the thing I think you see. Like, you, it's like all those jokes are always like, yeah, like, and then you hear the stories

about the people that do it. It's like, you got to put word for word what you're going to say. And it's like, dude, I don't know what the fuck. I don't write my shit like that. You think I write every, I can't do that, you know? Yeah. No. Yeah, that's it's a whole thing. I could. I think I could. but it's just like, I don't, I like it for the fact that just doing it, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, Matt Rife didn't get anywhere with late. Is that where that guy's not in? Greatest comedian. You know what? I hate shit talk other comedians, but he is so funny to shit talk. So he's this, like, very hot dude who, like, uh, he's somehow doing like hack black comedy and hack like, uh, like conservative.

But he's getting very popular right now, right? He's like super popular. millioner probably. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, he does do that thing where he's like, I hate how people don't give a fuck about he's like, PC culture's fucking bullshit. Yeah, he's like,

the black folks in the front road, they know what I'm talking. I'm like, you for sure just sat the black people in the front. You can't say that and wear like a tight V neck with like a hot haircut. He's like, man, people get so offended these days, you know, comedy's so PC. So he's doing like that like, you know, weird kind of could, you know, Stephen Crowder angle. But then he's also just like,

man, the white people real uncomfortable about this shit. You're like, what's going right now? Yeah. I mean, are people from Ohio? I don't know. To be fair, I think there is like black guys that want to be white culture in Ohio. Of course there is. Yeah, because there's all those chemicals in the air. They're all fucked up.

That'd be awesome if that was the result. The whole town of white dudes with fucking duwrecks. Yeah. I even know what they talk about, bro. I feel good. Black dudes wearing vineyard vines and shit like that. Yeah. It just reverses completely. Bo shoes, dude.

The white people want reparations and the black dudes are just like, no, you're not getting this shit. You know what I mean? Dude, I had to... That'd be awesome. That would be awesome. Black dudes can, though, way easier transition. Like, I'll see black dudes wearing, like,

Vineyard vines and, like, sparries. And I'm like... Sure. It, like, doesn't... I don't even bat an eye. But then you see a white guy walk by with a fucking du rag. You're like, I'm... Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, I tried to tell... There was, like, this black cop who does stay in. up at the tiny cupboard once in a while. And I tried to like explain to him. NYPD, dude. And I tried to explain to him like I can't go into a bodega and buy a du wreck.

Yeah. Like I'm sure I could and it would be fine. But like it's not, that's not like what I, how I should require. Dude, I'm getting cornrows for this beach trip in a couple months. And I'm terrible. I'm terrified. I'm so scared. You should be.

Yeah. I'm like, why? Well, because it's like, that's not going to be a regular conversation. Like you're getting cornrows and I'm like, yes. Oh, you're scared for that. moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And then it's like five hours of somebody being like, so. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to feel kind of nice. You know, like kind of like a sensory thing to get cornered them. Yeah, the second time I jerked off was in a hair salon. Not like,

just under the thing. No, it was like a nice woman touching my hair and I was like, I was like 12 or something. I was like, I'm gonna go fucking rub it out of the bathroom. Yeah. First time was in a bar.

Wait, you went into the bathroom and. Yeah, yeah. Dude, that's badass. How was that badass? It's like criminal behavior.

Yeah, bad ass. That is interesting. Pretty wild. My first time I was in a barn. I totally forgot about that. I'm like, oh yeah, the first I was jerked off was in a barn. Was it a hot lady? Or was it like? Of course. Yeah, yeah. See, for me, if it's like a really hot lady, I'm like, I got to get out of here and then maybe later that night. But I would get that feeling if it was kind of like a thicker.

I was like 12 years old. So you can be a sex criminal at 12 years old. That's basically. Yeah. That's true. You can reverse pedophile someone. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. You rape an old guy into being a petrify. How do you trick him into it? Yeah. But more on India, though. What else?

Like, what else? Is it drinking there? Do you drink there? Oh, bro. I was getting fucking shit face there. What's like the go-to? Because we're on reverse schedules because I like, you said you came back from India and you're like, I'm not drinking a lot. And I came off a dry January and I've gone too hard.

Yeah, I think I've had two beers. I've had three beers since I've been back. But I'm also working on some acting stuff right now. So I'm staying away. That's like the main reason I'm staying away from stuff right now. Yeah. but yeah dude like everything's so cheap there too like especially when you trade in american dollars for rupees it's like you get a fuck ton of i think of rubies when he says that rupee i know i i still picture them giving you like a bag of jewels and you're like this is our currency yeah um but this should be worth way more It's fucking sick, dude

But like the first night we went out and got We got shit faced I wouldn't say we got shit faced But I had like What's the dancing? Because I remember I went to Spain When I was a kid And I started grinding on people

And they're like you can't do that Oh Indian people dance like crazy Yeah Yeah yeah Yeah Yeah People dance in the movie theaters They are crazy

People dance in the movie theaters? Yeah What? That's awesome Dude See in a movie Was like I saw this movie called Patan

It was with their biggest actor Sharu Khan And Shats out Sharu Kha Rha Rhaer Khan Shad Rha Rha the show. We'll tag him in this. He only has like 35 million followers

on Instagram. Yeah, you forget how big that country? It's like a movie star there is like, yeah, yeah. Same with their athletes. I've thought about this a comedy all the time, dude, just going to like a,

like, I guess it doesn't happen as well as you think. They'd have to know English. So like, a lot of people there do know. A lot of people there do know English, though. Okay, there's like 80 languages there. I'm not sure how many there is, but yeah,

I mean, there's a good amount of languages. Because Nakea was saying there's like hundreds of languages. I'm sure there is. I'm sure there is. But we fucking What was I talking about?

Oh, the movies are just like Because there's music in the movies and stuff Like people just get up and dance and scream And like I felt like when you go to the movies there It's almost like watching a sporting event at a bar Except in a movie theater. Damn. It's like Bollywood, right?

Yeah. Yeah, it is Bollywood. Is there a dance number at the end of the movie? Yeah, so they had a song at the end of the movie That's awesome. I love something like that you hear rumors about it. No, no, it's real. Bro, it's real.

Imagine a dance number at the end of The whale. This was like a... A bunch of fat gay dudes in the movie theater. This was like a crazy... This was a crazy action movie I saw. And people were just fucking jam... Dude, that would rule so hard.

It was. Statham just started like breakdancing. Yeah. Because they have like music videos in their movies. You know what I mean? Like that's the way they make movies. It's like, yeah. It's like, it's not like a musical.

But like a lot of these movies, like a lot of music you hear on the radio and stuff is from movies and shit. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's like they'd be playing like the soundtracks from the movies. Yeah. It's like live anime. They have to do like a music at the end. I've never watched like a full anime. Yeah, they're kind of. I really, I really, it's still me reverting to the fact that weird kids liked anime and I can't get over it.

It's weird because I have a stack of comic books. I'll read that and like, no, this is a dirty. It's insane. Bro, it's insane with anime how people are like, oh yeah, it's like cool and shit. I'm like, bro, when you were a kid and you watch anime in school, like we like, everyone was like, oh, this dude's weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No matter how. cool you were people like talk about dragon ball z like you and listen it's fine i'm not into it i don't give i don't again i watch at dragon balls yeah i guess that technically counts but but people like fucking go back and like talk about all this fucking anime shit like it was like the glories and stuff

was like only like nerds and shit liked it yeah those kids that were into that that that's why it's so dumb to take anime now and be like i'm a bad anime it's like no no those kids earned it those kids got yeah a million percent a million percent you just started liking it now that it's okay yeah you started like in like 2019 yeah yeah when it's okay It's gay to like it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's gay to go in late and be like,

oh, you know what's cool is attack on Titan. It's like going back to have some balls. You knew it was cool when you were kid, but you were scared to express you. Yeah, see, me, I never, I still don't have an interest in it. So I'm not going to watch. I know people that watch anime.

It's all about the big anime boobs. They're giant. They're giant and they're... It's fucking cartoon. I think cartoons are hot, dude. It's weird, but I really. Yeah, it's like cartoons where I'm like, if I was a cartoon, like that Lola Racken.

Abbott brought, I'm like, if I was a cartoon, I would fuck her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, I'm not a fucking cartoon. Yeah, but that means you still find her attractive. Yeah, but it's not like, but I would never fucking, like, crank my shit to her. You know what I mean? Yeah, what you have to do is you have to flatten your dick so it's 2D. You know?

I'll just go like this. Yeah, I don't know, but there is something that like, I think you do revert to child, like, thinking. Because it's like you watch like, yeah, I was watching Delma. There's a bunch of soapy cartoon titties, and I'm like, oh, damn, this is hot. Because your brain remembers, oh, I thought. I thought Daphne was hot when I was a kid, and now she's like, this Asian woman with big tits on the show. They made Daphne Asian? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. From Scooby-Doo? Yeah. They made her Asian? Yeah. So now do they solve all the crimes? Yeah.

Very fast. Yeah, very fast. Damn. Why the fuck they make her Asian for? Well, because they, it's like the, the Velma is like the reboots. They have like a black. And Velma's black, right? Uh, Velma's Indian, because it's Mindy.

Oh, okay. I guarantee you Scooby stayed white because he was just a dumb pothead, right? No, no. You mean Shaggy. Oh, Shaggy. No, no, they were, they made it really fun. People were mad by this. They made Shaggy a black guy who's, like, anti-drugs.

It's actually very funny. What? Dude, it's funny. No, I kind of want to watch this. Dude, yeah, it doesn't suck as bad as people said it suck. What about Fred? Is he still white? Yeah, it's, uh, Dennis from Always Sunny.

All right. At least, like, our leader still needs to be white. Yeah, yeah. They're like, we can't cut out everybody. Someone needs to get to the bottom. It's strange to me how they do this where it's like we need to show. It really is. It's like I understand like the thing behind it where it's like we need to change the color to like show people they could be this and stuff like that.

But it's like there's more Asian people in the world than white people. I think people forget that a lot where it's like more people are going to watch Scooby-Doo. And now if that's why they're doing it, I understand totally. Like I understand like it makes more sense. The thing I understood the first time is I saw Wonder Woman. I was getting furious. Whenever it came out, like, 10 years ago, I was like, where do I fit into this movie?

Like, I started to get, like, genuine. Why were all the superheroes not white? Well, they're women. And I was, I was like, what the fuck? And then I was like, oh, yeah, this is what watching a superhero movie is for a girl. So I kind of understood. I'm like, I get why. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not fun. Dude, wait till Wonder Woman has hairy armpits, too. Yuck. But, like, wait, cartoons, I think it's different. Like, cartoons is strange because it's like they're not even real fucking people. Right. It's a cartoon. It's like, I get like the Black Panther movie, it's like when people were saying that was a big deal and stuff, I'm like, okay, I get, I was older at the time. So it's like I don't, and I don't really care about Super Air movies, but I get like why like a young black kid would be pumped. Yeah. Like I totally. I totally understand that dude. Scooby-Doo is weird because like they were all of rich. Like there was an original Scooby-Doo where there, like if you change it all after, then it's like, oh, you're clearly trying to do this. Yes. But if it's like a new IP and you then you make everyone, you know, different. That's.

I think that's like, well, they call the monsters different races. So they're like, all right, we have to go with the characters.

Oh, you got me again. I see you have gotten to the bottom of my plane. But it is, it's always been strange to me. It's like, yeah,

like, Gigi ping. I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you matter in keys. Like the Asian stuff, it's like when people always say like, oh, like the Asian accent and stuff,

it's like, bro, it's like Asian people aren't oppressed. I'm like, there's way more of them than they are us. Like we need it, like maybe in America there's not, but it's like, majority of the world, every piece of art form or sports or entertainment and stuff that gets

taken in, the Chinese audience and the Asian audience is much larger than what's in the United States. That's like what's where we pan to do it. Like the dark night, there's this whole scene where they go to Hong Kong that has nothing to do with the movie at all. It's just so we could sell it in China. Yeah. And they did the same thing with like Tom Cruise, the new top gun. He took off his like Taiwan badge that he had on like his jacket. It was in the original. Oh, we can't recognize that as a country. So that, that, that John Cena thing was the funniest thing in the world. Where he goes and speaks Chinese.

Yeah, he apologizes for... What did he apologize for again? He's like, yeah, I hope the movie does well in the country of Taiwan. And they're like, no, no, you can't say that. He's like, I'm so sorry. I thought Taiwan was a country. Like, I apologize.

But it is a country though, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But China doesn't acknowledge it as a country? That's so funny. There's such fucking cock suckers, dude, because they'll fucking... These fucking Hollywood scumbags are like the first ones to start all this shit about like

what's right and what's wrong. And then when their fucking money gets, fucking potentially affected at all. They're the first ones to like fucking bald a shit. Oh, if it went the other way

and they're like now we're gonna be racist against Chinese people. All of them too would be like I've always hated Chinese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Without a doubt. They would.

They don't give a fucking they're actors. It makes sense. They bring their own popcorn. But like the thing is like for all I know like John Cino like not like obvious

there's obviously pressure on him from someone else to do that. Oh for sure. It's just like with the NBA with Darrell Mori a couple years ago, the GM of the Houston

Rockets. He tweeted out about, um, was it Hong Kong and China? Like he was tweeting out against China about how like the people are being like their voices are being shut off and stuff. And the NBA was like, no, we can't do this because there's more people that watch the NBA in China than thing. But then it's like then the NBA is the first one's telling us about black lives matter and all this other shit. You know what I mean? It's like, well, what the fuck are you picking and choosing for? You fucking cunts. It's because you can't lose the Asian audience. You know what I mean? You're prioritizing the Chinese audience. This many people listen to it, so we have to appease that group.

A million percent. Talk about getting silence. Patty over here got silence from TikTok. Do you hear about this? Yeah, I got permanently banned. He very normally posted gay pornography. And then he's surprised he got banned from TikTok. Yeah, I kind of had a burn it down moment on my TikTok account. He just posted two to do.

Can you explain it? I posted, so I did news from bed. He told me this and he goes, yeah, I got taken off TikTok. And I went on for 10 minutes. And I was like, dude, they're cutting off everybody. You say it's like defending me. I'm like, well, they are. Pat, I know, but then he just posts gay porn on there.

He's like, why they, I guess you knew they were going to take it that. What was this? I kind of had a feeling they would, but I posted this video after I had finished my news from bed. I did 100 episodes of that. I was like, I can't do this anymore. It's ruining my life. It's taking all my time.

So a few days went by, I posted this video. It was just kind of me walking with a voiceover that said, like, this is how I stay fit by eating only 69 calories a day. The first step is, and then I cut to two gay guys blowing each other. and I just voiceover, Gagg, gha, gha. But I, like, kind of blurred it out, but you could still see it.

The funny thing is, like, I sent it to a bunch of people first, and I was like, isn't this funny? And they're like, that is funny. But, like, you can't post it. It's such bullshit, though. You can't fucking post it. Bro, you can't post, like,

it's such fucking bullshit. You can't say fuck. You can't type out fuck on Instagram and all this shit. It's like, what the fuck is this shit? Well, that's why I think, I mean, Twitter, like, honest, I think I don't go on Twitter much,

but, like, I think Twitter could rule if they were like if they, I mean, I think now they're getting more cool. Twitter might become the big thing. Like, if you had something like TikTok, but you could just post like whatever. Yeah. Because the best for those internet videos, there's something funny. Like, there's one where it's like this guy with a thumb going through his house going, bea, for a couple minutes, and it just lands

on a girl's asshole. Like, this is funny. I'm going to send this to all my friends. Like the Thanksgiving one where it's like a woman with really long pussy lips and it's going, go, go, go, go, go, I'm like, this is the funniest thing. It's such bullshit. Yeah, but it's not even that stuff, right? Take, like, I mean, in a way it is, but take that out of it.

It's like, you see it's like that you can't say like fuck or like shit or anything like That's not even like controversial or anything you can't say like you could say like the weather fucking sucks today it's like that's like that's not offensive to anybody but for whatever reason you can't say that on like a real on instagram that makes zero Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's like the internet was where you could say things you can't say on TV and now the internet's given this weird thing and then Woody Harrelson is like don't take the vaccine. You're like, wait, how did he say that on TV? But I can't say that on Instagram. It's crazy to me how like whenever someone posted something about like vaccines and masks, and I think it still does it. They'll post that there'll be a little thing on the Instagram story that says like, click here for COVID-19. It's like, okay, well, what if I'm talking about having like unprotected sex? Why don't you give me anything for fucking, I don't know, HIV or STDs or something like that?

It's like all this other shit where it's like, why is it only fucking COVID? Why is it like this selective fucking choosing that it's like, look? he bombed. That was kind of funny, though, because he just totally bombed. It was a terrible joke. He's like, I read this script where all the pharmaceutical companies were cartels. Yeah. And guess what I thought? That's a pretty script. Who's going to believe that? That's stupid. He goes, and then we did. And you're like, but there's like, TikTok is, it's just totally backwards because there's nothing more offensive than like a 15 year old girl flashing her tits for the camera. And now it's on me to like, now I'm in trouble.

Right. I can't get into TikTok, bro. I just can't... I can't get into using it, watching it. When I was in India, it's actually banned there. It's gonna be banned here, too, I think. I don't think so. I think it's, well, it's like, about to be banned in Canada.

I think it's just gonna come down to... Me too, but I start, like, having these opinions just based off what I'm doing. They'll just, they'll comply. Because I don't do well on there. They should ban it. They'll comply. They won't ban it in the United States.

They'll comply and make them change their... They'll make them change all the shit is what they do. I can't see them banning TikTok in the United States. We don't take anything away from people here. We really don't take anything away from people in the United States. Yeah. I think we're starting to take away the fact that people can't say fucking shit on an Instagram video, even though it has no fucking or YouTube as well.

All this shit like you got to click all this parental bullshit. You know what I? Why do I have to click on a fucking parental thing? You know what I mean? Why do I need to be logged in with my fucking email? Why can't I just fucking have a phone unless you're like old enough. No, but people don't want to people don't want to. Yeah, the thing is, though, is parents don't...

Yeah, but it's a tough thing because, like, kids could, like, get into bad stuff on the internet, but also, like, I think it could get into bad stuff. You think they're all not watching porn 24-7? It will. But also, at the same time, it's like, your kid can also call if he's getting kidnapped. So it's like, what do you, you know what, it's a... Like, how many kids you think haven't gotten kidnapped because people are like, dude, this kid's got a phone tracking him everywhere.

So, you know what I mean? It's kind of like a good thing to... It's a permanent tracker. Yeah, maybe, but it's also like, yeah, but do you need... How many kids, what's the difference between kidnappings, now versus 1985. I don't know the answer,

but is it that much different? But also how many kids wouldn't get kidnapped because child porn was regularly available? Yeah, I don't know the answer on that either.

And I definitely not looking at it. We should do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a hard part too. If you start arguing one side, you're like, yeah, no, they should have

CGI for pedophiles. And then you're like, now you're the CGI pedophile guy. There's no way, whatever else you do in your life, people are like, that's the guy who was fighting for pedic.

Like, it's the one thing, like it's kind of similar at how homosexuality used to be. We're like, you used to defend homosexuality. I understand their fucking kids. People be like, what are you getting? Yeah, you're like, no, I'm not. I'm not a pedophile, okay?

I'm trying to fix the problem. I start loading a shotgun. Yeah. It's true, though. Like, bro, I'll say it's straight up. I think pedophiles should be put to sleep. Like, straight up, I think they should be... Do you really, you think this? Or are you just trying to not look like a pedophile?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because this is what it is... I do that there's a lot of guys that are like, I think we should kill all the pedophiles. I'm like, some people are just saying that to try to look like they're not a pedophile. No, I don't, being 100% serious. The fact, like, pedophiles don't get life in jail when people murder people and get life in jail, to me, is insane, right? Okay, so I do think you should probably get life in jail for fucking.

A million percent you should. But the hard part is, what do you, are you saying a pedophile is in somebody who's committed? Because pedophers, I'm not saying that. I'm saying, like Patty over here. I'm saying if you give a pedophile, if you give a pedophile, CGI. Sorry, this sounds like if you give a mouse to. cookie. Yeah.

If you give a pedophile CGI, you'll want to fuck a real kid to take food. I don't think so. You know, a moose is eating

spaghetti. I don't know. But if you give a pedophile CGI child porn and who is that like harming? Zero people.

Except the guy who's got to spend hours detailing a child's pussy. Yeah, but then you get those pedophiles jobs there instead of jobs

in schools. That's true. Yeah, it can be like an in-house network. And again, I'm not

pro-petit. When I listen to these people, say like, oh, it's not their fault, this and that's like, I don't care. It's not a lot of people's fault that they grow up in a ghetto and shoot six people and they gang banging and selling crack on a corner. But it's like, we also can't have the motherfuckers on the street. Like, we can't have the society. It's like, the hard part is, I think there needs to be better thing in place for pedophiles who haven't molested kids who like...

Without it, that, well, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. So you're saying a child molester who's been like, because pedophile, I think is just like the fad. Not the fad, but like, that's just a phase, mom. Yeah. But that's like the, what's the word like the mindset but then the pet you know what I mean like the people who actually do it are like child molesters yes if you molester which child molester sounds less bad than pedophile yeah when I hear molest I don't know why I picture like to me it's like thick yeah yeah yeah but I think like child like child molest is just like you should get the death penalty for being a child molester like you're not gonna no one's gonna sit here and convince me that a child molest is not worse than a murderer like they just

to me I think it's pretty close yeah I don't know it depended on what also I don't know if you should the death penalty for murder. I don't know how I feel the death penalty at all. That's the hard part. You know what I mean? So then you start taking it to each crime and I'm like, I do think you should get life in jail for fucking... It depends what kind of. Like, I'm, I always equated, like, I'm equating it to like murder in the sense of like, like, gang

members, right? We're like, two gang members shoot each other, one of them dies. They both know the line of work they're in. They're both sign up for that. Now, I know they don't like subscribe to like certain rules of the law and shit, but it's part of the life they're in, right? Yeah, yeah. Now, not saying

that that person's life who dies is worth less than mine of anyone else's in the world. But they sign up knowing that that's part of the fucking game, right? Right. And then a child molester who just is fucking just getting it in with kids, dude, like fucking really get,

like, like you, that shouldn't, the fact that a child molester, like, some of these motherfuckers only go to jail for a few years. And then it's whatever. And then they're back out. You know what I mean? Like, that to me is nuts, dude. And it's one of those things. that we're not even close to like like I think these two problems police killing black people or like

mistreat just in general and kids getting molested we're not even like an inch closer to solving either of those things it seems like no what we should do is have those megan dolls from that movie and just like seven of them in each city it's like you know how they have those things where you could charge your phone like a public port yeah yeah but it's like but no they just look like real kids and they kind of like they're on the playground by themselves and yeah you get the thrill of still kidnapped and you get to like kidnap but then the Megindoll murders them so then

the word goes around inside the pedophile community I don't know how they speak to each other with like pigeons or whatever but they know that there's murderous so the next time they're on the playground they communicate yeah that shit's only a matter of time I'm telling you all this AI like all these

these AI shit it's like the first thing they're gonna do when they can really make these things to just make women that are so beautiful that you could just fuck a supermodel. Yeah, but I do think that there will be like a thing with it. Though it's like, people say it's only a matter of time, but that matter of time, I think, is 100 years before there's a... Sure, maybe we don't see it.

Maybe we don't see it. It will happen eventually. Yeah, yeah. No, we're gonna. That's chat GPT shit or whatever the fuck it's called is insane. Yeah, what is it? Well, it's like the most impressive thing it's done. They just write stories in your sense of view and the click of a fucking second.

I mean, look at these sex dolls, it's like, other than the way they move and stuff and, like, really just their eyes, they already look. look very real. You know what I mean? It's like that technology is just gonna keep advancing. Right, but I'm saying the guys,

you have to have so much money to buy one of those that like, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah. Like the iPhone, everybody was like, we'll buy one and they somehow

made. Not for the first few years because it was so expensive. But then when like the iPhone 4 came out then it was like, oh, I can afford this right now. Yeah. Not only that's gonna be,

because we always think of the creeps, the guy with the sex talk, I wonder if it should be your most techie friend. It's like the guy with like the I think it's gonna be, I think it's gonna be, people. Yeah.

I really do think it's way more sad to have like a friend like a girlfriend's kind of like yeah. But yeah, it's gonna get to the point though. If you want just like a quick blow job

or something, it's just like oh, fucking whatever, you know what I mean? I'll just go fire up the Shinnequa 5,000. Yeah. You wouldn't get like a fucking

Courtney 35 six. No, I've had the, I've had the Courtney model. I need some stories and hardship in my blowout. Program that in.

Yeah. I think we're about at an hour. Cool. Wow, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. That flew. Did go by fast.

That flew. What do you guys want to promote? I got nothing. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. I run a show now every week at pianos. Yeah.

Which is right around the corner from some place. Ah, here. You can say it's around the corner. Okay. It's around the corner. He was over here saying, you live above key bar. that's a little different thing you're around the corner Oh my dad I didn't even realize I was saying that

Yeah Thursday nights at 8 o'clock And it's a free comedy show So Michael did it We'll have you on soon Nice It's a tough room Fuck yeah It's a tough room but it is a lot of fun

I had fun until that woman got really mad at me Did you see that? No I was like reaching against the bar And this woman's like Oh yeah She's like do not know the words Excuse me

And I was like At that point I was like Excuse me me. Like, I don't know what to say. You should be like, excuse me. She's like, I am so sorry. I didn't realize. It was funny too, because like James, so James girlfriend, Kendra's black, right?

Yeah. So she was laughing about it because she goes, oh, James gets roasted by black women all the time and he doesn't know how to respond either. Because I was like, I was like, dude, I don't know. Like, I was like, to be fair, I should have said excuse me, but I also like wasn't trying to disrupt the show. So it was like a weird. Yeah, yeah.

But your set itself was. good. Yeah, I had a great time. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I had my favorite thing happened recently with comedy. So I had that dead baby

or baby funeral joke that like that couple got really upset about. Fuck them. No, no, I know. I know, I know. But recently, I don't even know the joke.

I'm sure I've heard it but I don't know it off the top of that. Yeah, but anyways, I had a couple, I had a guy this time go up to me. Because I've had, ever since that happened, I dip out of shows immediately.

I'm like, dude, I don't want to see fucking anybody. I don't want to talk to anybody. Because I've just been having issues with that. And then this guy comes up to be this foreign guy, he goes, the dead kids, the dead kids, I love it. I love the dead kids.

And I was like, dude, you have no idea how much that means to me. That's just erased that couple entire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was like, fuck them. This fucking Israeli guys loves the joke. It rules when that happens to me. Yeah, it feels so nice. Because it's always like, yeah, you realize you're like, oh, there are people that really love things.

And there's people that fucking hate it, but it's not for the people to hate it. But it's nice when both of those people are there to experience it. dude. These are two different nights. Oh, yeah, sure. But like, when it's the same time, my favorite time when I'm performing is when I'm talking about something in the room so uncomfortable because people are really enjoying themselves. And then a group doesn't know what the fuck to think. And then people like, fuck this fucking scumbag on stage. That's the best fucking time. Well, it's also, it's so hard too because it's like, if the joke bombed completely, it would be one thing. Yeah. But this joke, it's 6040 with doing well, which is kind of annoying. But there's always,

at least five people love. Hell yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. Loving. And I'm like, you have to do it

because like, dude, that's what comedy is, dude. It's not for everyone. No. It's not supposed to be. But I'm trying to figure out

a way to make it work. Because I'm like, I'm trying to think, I think if I make the baby look like a douchebag, then I can make it maybe like work. Because I'm like,

like it's all about, you know what I mean, trying to figure out like the puzzle. But dude, those are the 60-40 joke are the most fun ones to tell. When they're 60. When they're 40, It kind of sucks because you're like, but you always get that feeling in your gut, like before you're about to start it.

We're like, all right, like, let's see how this. And that's like, that's the best part of stand-up. And this one has changed so much because I used to be so nervous to say it. And now I'll do it at the comedy shop where it's like six people just staring at me eating cheesecake. I'm looking at him straight in the face. Yeah. You should, what you should do is if it's like really bombing, just like in the middle of telling it, like take out like a Snickers bar and just like, like you really don't give up. It's so much fucking fun though, dude.

The ups and downs. I'll tell you guys later about this, but I had a woman just go off the other night. She's like, you're terrible, blah, blah, blah, all this shit. And then the joke, I was like, what is the... I'm not going to get into the joke, but it's like about transgender stuff. And she was like, I was like, what is your problem with the joke? Couldn't give me shit.

No. Fucking three minutes. She's like, I'm like, you can't tell me what's wrong with it. You cannot tell me what wrong with it. And then she goes, you're using her identity. as a joke. And I'm like, you just read that on some fuck. That's not a real sentence.

Yeah, yeah. I had that happen when I was in Scotland. I did a joke about pretty much if a trans person murders someone in your family, do you have to still respect their pronoun? Right, right, yeah. And this lady was going off on me. And she's telling me like, yeah, I would. And I'm like, so if someone went into your family, just raped your dad, murdered them,

all this in front of you while you're watching. You're tied up. A hilarious. I picture just a trans woman in heels just bending over your dad. some fucking fat fucking English moron, dude. And I go, you would still respect that person's pronoun. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to go to your house, rape your dad, murder your entire family event.

And then change my name. Dude, the entire room was just like, fuck you, you fucking. I'm like, oh, I guess I, this isn't going to work. You know what I mean? Did you guys say your Instagram's already? Patty is funky on Instagram. It's Ryan O'Toole. Every Tuesday I'm on Amazon selling shit.

The Ryan O'Toole podcast. I love that, by the way. Thank you. That should pop off. Every time I see those. Soon enough, it will. I'm doing it for Billy Mays. The Ryan O'Toole podcast.

It's Ryan O'Toole. Fucking do that shit on there. All right. Peace. All right.