Morning Good - Island Time - Episode 271

Episode Date: June 1, 2025

In Orlando, Florida, Joe Censabella and Antoine P. join the show for today's episode. They talk about Michael's Key West trip, shark attacks, and the existence of an omnipotent God.Thanks to Joe for coming back on the show and to Antoine for joining for the first time. Joe's been on a ton of episodes in Orlando so check those out, and hit the links down below for even more.Antoine is on Instagram @antoine228. Joe is on Instagram @joecomedyy and also @justjoeking22.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the morning. All right. I'm here with Antoine Pradone and Joe Sensibela. Is it on? Yeah, we're good. Are we live? Yeah, we're live. Oh, hey.

Also, the people are fucking anticipating. I took a week off of podcast. Really? That's good. Everything was just like, dude, everything in my fucking life was like, I don't know, I had too much going,

let me make sure it's recording. From your phone? Oh. All right. My fucking life, dude, was like, I was just going through the motions. You ever just doing stand-up

and you're like, it was weirdly, it goes well sometimes if I just go through the motions because I'm just like, I'm not caring on stage, but sometimes it's just like everybody's looking at me

and everything's going well, but I'm like, oh, I don't have any new ideas about anything. Yeah. And I feel like I've just just have gone through my whole brain. So I was like, I didn't take a fucking week off podcast and a week off a stand-up.

That's good to do. I mean, I've done it before, too. Yeah, I came back and I was fine. Like, I think when you first start, you're kind of fucked. But I was like, all right, well, I've just drank in for basically six days straight. I was like, I've done a fuck ton of drugs. I was like, there's no way I'm going to even do okay. And I did the moon room and just worked out.

I mean, it's a hot room too. That was moving last night. Did you go? No, I didn't go. It was blessed. By the way, I still went through the motions again because I was like, I'm on fucking one brain cell right now. I thought, I convinced myself yesterday that I had like every fucking disease. Like it was one of those two where like I had, I came back from the bachelor party.

I sit down naked and, uh, why were you? Well, I was about, I was about taking a shower, but the shower was extended because like I'm in the back of my buddy's car on the way back. And I, I, the hangover was so bad with anxiety that I was like, I want to download a dating app just to distract myself. And like, you can push through a hangover if you kind of just get yourself horny. enough to distract your brain. Because, like, horniness will make you forget about everything.

So I'm like, let me go on fucking field. I got a cool new picture with me with a parrot on my shoulder. And I'm like, this will be... I think I saw that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Did you post it online too? Yeah, I posted by story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, fuck, okay, this is... I'll see if this parrot picture. I red downloaded a dating app, Field, which is like the weird one. And then fucking... So I'm basically, like, not edging in the back of my buddy's car, but just, like, looking at pictures. Wait, so you were naked in the back of your buddy's car? No, no, no, no, I'd be a naked later.

I got to tell stories in better fucking order. Because next, I sound like a sex criminal if you tell a story. I was like, what the fuck? Why are you naked in his car? Yeah, yeah. No, I was not wearing boxers and pants,

which is where I think I got these fucking rashes from. But it could be anything. When you go to fucking Key West, you're like, I eat shellfish. That's where you were Key West. Yeah. The amount of pools I was in, I'm like, I was in fucking gross pools the whole time.

Yeah. Me and him, we were in a gross pool last Monday. Well, we did a lazy river. Oh, that's so nice, though. It was, it was cool. We went to, where the fuck? The volcano bay. I went to Volcano Bay.

We did like a work thing and it was fun. And we went in the Lazy River last where we should have went in first because it was so relaxing. Yeah. But then you're in the Lazy River and I was just, I had like all these like kind of like comedy thoughts in a way. Yeah. You see the same guy go around like five times. This is like a, this is like being at the DMV, dude. Yeah.

It's so fucking weird. So I know what you're talking about where like you're in like, in the, bro. Who knows what was in that water? I've never thought about it until I got rich. So, like, I sit down. I'm in my parents' house. And by the way, I threw all my clothes together in such a mess that, like, I was in a car for nine hours from QS to Orlando. Oh, you drove?

Wow. I didn't drive. I took a little of a clon of pen and sat in the fucking back seat. Oh, nice. I'm just going to fucking zonk out. You have like a big car you guys rented or something? Yeah, it was just my buddy's car who lives here. Oh, okay.

So I like, uh, this is just like a, this is just like a. like a couple people from the group, but like I'm naked in, not naked. I swear to go, I'm naked under my pants. Dude, stays naked. Yeah. So we're like tight, cool guy pants that are probably just rubbing against my legs. And then I get down, you know, I, I'm playing on my phone all the time, my parents' house. I see them for like five minutes. I'm like, yeah, great to see you guys. Here's a story. I'm going to go in my room and I've been jerked off in a few days. So I'm kind of like just in the- Tell that to him? No. But like, that's what was going through my head. I was like, love you guys. great to see you. I didn't die on this Patrick party. I did the perfect amount of drugs.

And I'll see you later. And I just go into the room, kind of like sexed in a little bit with this girl online. I go down to the toilet before I go shower. My calves or my fucking ankle, I can't see my ankle. Really? It's like so swollen. It looks like Patrick Starr's fucking ankles. Is that still swollen right now? No, no, it's back. But I just didn't recognize my ankles. And I was like, what the fuck's going on? Then I look at my fies. And they're just both red with like red dot rashes. And then I was like, Oh, I don't know what this is, but like, I'm probably allergic to something and dying. I think you might have had monkey pox.

Is that what monkeypox does? I don't know, but it's around gays and Key West is gay. That is positive. You know what? A lot of gays and Key West. A lot of gays and gayes in Key West. A lot of gays. And nude beaches, right?

There's nude bar, which we will. Oh, nice. We will get to. You know, it's funny. My friend, he went there to, well, I mean, you know, Nick. You know, the story with Nick Swartson? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He lived there.

He got diabetes there, which is so fucking funny. You know, COVID happened. Yeah. He's like, oh, it's going to be like two weeks, whatever. You listen to the government. So he took a vacation in Key West, and he stayed there for two years. Yeah. And just partied.

Oh, yeah. It's the best place on her. The funny part was not funny, but like, I knew this like a year before he talked about it. Yeah. So now it doesn't. He's like, yeah, I don't care if you talk about it. He put it on a podcast. That was his Chappelle, like Africa thing.

Like, like, the Africa, like in like. It was kind of mysterious because Nick Swartson was just kind of missing for a couple years. Yeah. And nobody knew who he was. Only the close people knew. And he was in Key West. And then I was like, I was like, well, like, I've heard stories. Like, there was like a rumor like you lost like a couple million dollars.

And he just like looks at me. He goes, oh yeah. Yeah. He's like, he rented a hotel for the whole time he was there. That's so fucking funny. Like monthly, just partied the drugs. Yeah. That's crazy.

And it was first when he came back in 2020, two, like, Like end of 2022, his Orlando was his first shows. Yeah. That's where I met him. And then he's like talked about it a little bit. Yeah. I was like, that's pretty cool. But Key West is fucking, dude.

You ever been to Key West, dude? Yeah, once or twice. Just for like a good day. But they have comedy down there too. Yeah, I was just like. You should have tried to get on a show in Key West. I'm going to go back down because like I'm dude, buddy. I'm like, there's a little piece of me that's like, what if I just lived there?

Like there's, I've been so, I've been enough times. It's my favorite place on earth. There's that little part of me that wants to... Key West is your favorite place on her? Yeah. I was in my favorite series in New York. And then Key West and New Orleans are like tied. But as far as like, I don't know.

Now, I'm fucking lying. Key West is my favorite place on fucking Earth. I love that fucking city. Now, to be fair, I'm so small. Yeah, to be fair, I've only been there on a bachelor party. But I also just love the lure. Dude, if I got like a... If I went to Key West for like a year and grew like the longest beard possible...

Oh, you just tan as fucking became like a different guy. You have stories. Yeah, dude. I mean, you could live there for a year, bro. And there's comedy you could do there. I know. That's why I'm kind of like, I mean, the part that sucks is the airport.

Yeah. Because it's like you're not getting a lot of flights out of there. So it's like, it would be hard to do. Yeah, you have to go to Miami for flights probably. Yeah. So I'm like, I'll be taking four hours to get to. But I'm like, dude, for the fucking, like, I don't know. It's like you had like fucking Jimmy Buffett or Ernest Hemingway.

Like, there's a lot of famous people that vacation on there and have houses down there, dude. I know. Yeah. But it is one of those things too where I'm like, I probably also wouldn't get anything. I probably would literally be a fucking retarded person with any, like you guys would see me again, like, oh,

that's a house that man. Like I would just, my brain would rot out, dude, because it's like, and, no, never apologize for farting this podcast.

Fucking do that. That was, I held two in to not be rude. Dude, these chairs are so leather that that was so farty. Like, that was almost like a fetish level fart. Like,

I bet you people look up like fart. Sorry, that's, nah, it's, it'll hit me when it hits me, dude. Yeah.

Trust me. I'm on island time, brother. I don't care. I'm on island time. Yeah, fart everywhere. I don't care. I'm on island time. Yeah, dude. It was like in the locals there rule so fucking are. We met some guy in a pool. It was like, first off, I was at the other side of the pool and there's just like swinger looking couple. And they're like, you got to meet these guys. They're going to love you. Yeah. And we meet these kind of swingery vibe people where like the guy just looks like a pro wrestling. He's got like silk white hair like down to like your shoulders. And I got like a fake tramp stamp. I got a, it's like, it's like, like, it's like, like,

You got a tattoo? It's a, it's a, it's fake. What the fuck? It's four weeks. I don't know if they'll see it on there. Yeah. But how long is I stay on there for? Four weeks.

But it's like, was it needleed or like, no, no, no, no. It's just like a temporary, it looks kind of real, though, right? Does it look real? Yeah, so like, we're just joking. By the way, I almost got a Mike Tyson one. Like, I was so close. Oh, you should have been, dude. Yeah.

Face would have been better, man. I know, right? Because my job is remote. And I'm like, I do stand up. I'm like, this literally would not affect my life. at all. Like, I would be fine. The only way to affect my life is people would just be like,

that guy's fucking crazy. But I am almost, I almost want to like fucking, I'm almost like, dude, who get, like who, that would be so fucking funny. You should do it because like, you still can't wonder how people would treat you with a face that too. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's like, you've had coroneros before. I've had corners. People treat you different.

As a white guy with coroneros, people look at you and they're like, people are a little bit like scared. Yeah. This guy is, he sells them. Other people just think. you're famous because they're like there's no way you're trying to do a move like this unless

you're like rapping or something dude my buddy told me for juneenth he's like dude you got to do your hair and then my other girl i went to high school that she messes me on facebook she goes so you're doing your hair again for juneth and i'm like i'm fucking might well long enough now it's long enough to do it on this i did it for like a memorial day weekend trip and i was like oh i'll look like riffraff and i'll get but i got a haircut like five months ago that like fucked it up for this because you got to grow it out for a while yeah yeah yeah you do but uh i was just like everybody would forget that I have a Mike Tyson face tat until or I would forget until everybody brings it up every through.

Like it's one of those things there's no way you'd remember you had it. And then randomly you're like, oh yeah, why does everybody mean to me in public? But then I told my mom about it. I'm like, would that be fucking, because she saw the trap stamp. And then, because I'm crashing my parents for like a week. And like, it was so funny for my mom would just be like, you literally, I would have not let you sleep in this house if you got a fucking Mike Tyson's face dad for four weeks. That's so funny.

Yeah. I think she said I'm out of the will if I get like. like a real tat. Really? Yeah. My mom's like so anti-tent. But she wouldn't have been, like if it was a fake Mike Tyson face that,

she wouldn't have cared. If it was for like a week, she wouldn't care, but for four weeks. For some reason, that makes it different. So she didn't care about the tramp stamp. No,

she thought was funny. She was like, but this couple had a real matching tramp stamps. So it was like the typical like Florida Swinger couple where like the wife's blonde with like giant fake tits. And they're like, oh, hell yeah,

we got real ones. Both them had matching tramp stamps. And then they were cool as fuck. We were just bonding. And I was talking to them about some shit. like the weird thing was they did have like a, they had a fucking like 20 year old guy with them who I guess works for them and they got him a fake ID

so he can go to bars with them. And I was like, is this guy being sex trafficked? I don't know exactly what's going on. He might be. That's what it sounds like. Yeah, but who I'm not fucking the Liam Neeson of Twinks. Like I'm not going to, it's not my job to save the day if this 20 year old guy is getting sex trafficked by this couple. Did you get drunk every day here there? Oh yeah. Dude drunk. Fuckton of ketamine. I went snorkeling.

on ketamine is the best day of my fucking life, dude. Literally, I just got a tube and through the, by the way, zero fish. I saw two fish and was like, they disappeared on the ketamine. Yeah, they just took it away, but it was so funny because I was just like, you know fucking rules? Sand. Sand is so cool, which is just not, but I was just on drug and I was like, sand is fucking awesome. So what is, what is ketamine? Yeah, I don't know.

What is that like? So it's like a, they use it as like an anesthetic. So it makes you feel like really numb. but it also has, it has, like, very, like, trippy effects where, like, it makes you feel fucking, first off, like, the joy is, like, crazy. Like, you're just in such a good mood. I was in an incredible mood. I need to do ketamine.

It's so fun. I don't believe that. Is it better than mushrooms? I like it. You know what? I would say it's comparable to a good trip on mushrooms, but it's very hard to have a bad trip on ketamine. I had one bad trip on ketamine while I was there, and it was just, it was actually kind of

what I needed. I walked out to the pool bar, and it's playing, I just took a bump in the bathroom. I got these like yellow sunglasses on. Yeah, I snored it. And then I'm like, we're at this pool barn's playing. Like, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be. And I'm dancing around the pool. I'm like, dude, I am the fucking shit.

I thought I was so cool. I was like, dude, literally we run this fucking city. We fucking. You've been here for two days. We run to us. We fucking owe this place. And then I go by the pool and I'm dancing like this. And my boys are like, yeah.

And then all of a sudden, like, because you have auditory like hallucinations. So also it goes, I'm a be. I'm a be. And that time just like slowed down. And it was like, oh, my, and I was just like, oh, fuck. I was like, this is bad. And then I fucking went to a chair where all my buddies are sitting this table. And I just said, guys, I'm just going to apologize for whatever's about to happen.

I did way too much. I mean, I don't know what's going to happen. And literally nothing happened. It was just more of fear of anticipation. I was like, whatever. I did way too much. And then I, dude, I talked to my buddy. and they use it for like therapy

and I don't really believe in like I don't believe in this whole psychedelic therapy thing in the sense that like I think all it does is the same way alcohol does it just puts you in a mindset that might be different you might be able to view things in your life differently I don't think God like put ketamine on this planet to like fix your brain

Is ketamine natural? What is it? No no very not Mushrooms are natural? Yeah but I do believe mushrooms do actually can change your Yeah they I think it's been proven and they some can. Yeah, I mean, like, in some ways,

ketamine does, like, rewire your brain. But I think a lot of the progress people face on drugs is just you seeing something from a different perspective. Like, if you're stoned or drunk, even in that scenario, you can go, like, oh, shit, I never thought about my relationship with my father that way. Or, like, I think any time you just distort your brain, it'll just do that.

So, like, I just sit down with one of my friends and just, I'm just crying by this pool bar. I'm just, like, the wheel, I don't know if the wheels are falling off just because we've been parting, or if it's the ketamine, but I'm just like, dude, and like the breakup, it's just been so long, and I'm trying my hardest. And I'm talking about, like, friends that have died.

I'm just like, really. But it was like a, it was like a mental diarrhea. Was he on ketamine? No. There were other people there, but he was not, he was just sitting there. He's like, you're a good guy, Mike. Everything's good. You're a good guy, Mike.

No idea. You're tripping balls on ketamine. No, no. He knew. He knew. I just told him, I was like, dude, I don't know if I'm going to pass out. I was like, I just got to get all this out. And it was like, it was a mental diarrhea, which is, I needed.

Like, I just, I needed to just cry. It was like three minutes. But I sort of needed to just get that all out. And the next thing, you know, I'm like, by the pool bar, I'm like, well, that was fucking weird. How are you guys doing? It's very, like, short-lasting. So immediately I was like, oh, hey, what's up?

And I'm good. And I told that couple about that. They were like, no way, bro. Like, that middle-aged guy's like, do you got any more? And he's just trying to, they were on, like, shrooms or some shit. And then this other guy we fucking met at the pool bar, he's like, they're talking about. They're like, yeah, dude, there's some guy who fucking, like, last night we saw some guy who got titty milk squirt in his mouth at the fucking bar.

And this is just like, that's just like Key West Local shit. It's like people are like that where they're just wild parties. I guess this guy was at a fucking bar. And this woman was going to go lactate in the bathroom. And she's like, no, does anybody want to suck titty milk? And she just sprayed titty milk in this guy's fucking mouth. And then later on, about the pool. And then this guy's talking about her brother.

And he's like, yeah, my brother got fucking titty milk sprayed in his mouth. I was like, yo, that couple last night just fucking saw that and told me the story and he said the woman sprayed it in his mouth and I was like yo yo yo

it's the titty milk guy and they're like oh my god from last night and then I fucking yeah he fucking yeah he told me that happened and he said apparently like they said like the rest of the bar

just took their tits out and it was just like a fucking he's like next thing you know it was just a sea of fucking titties around me damn but yeah I definitely did too much party

because there was one point where I'm just walking around my room just in my boxers with my yellow sunglasses on. I'm completely alone. Yeah. And on ketamine. I look in the mirror and I just go, I am Key West. And then like I'm Walter White.

Like I'm not in Key West. I am Key West. And then two minutes later, I was like, what the fuck was that? Like it was one of those things where like, I was like, all right, this is getting a little bit, a party and a little hard here. Let me pump the brakes. But, you know, it was a fucking incredible trip. And it's just a fun fucking city.

Yeah. Was that your first time then? No, I went from my brother's bachelor party and acted exactly the same way. But that time, that time I left and had, like, horrible anxiety. I was in a relationship and I, like, put my face in too many tities in the strip club. And then I had all this anxiety. And I, like, went to my ex and was like, oh, my face, I did I know. How long did you break up her?

How long have you been working on her? Almost two years. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You still talk to her? We even talked in, like, two years. We're about to both be at his weddings. Oh, when's the wedding?

The wedding's, like, two months. And she's got a new boyfriend. And his name is Michael. And apparently he could kick my ass. He's going to the wedding? Yep. Will you bring it? I'm bringing nobody because I'm like, unless like, I don't know, I just don't like,

it's one of those things where I'm like, what if you hired a, like, if you brought a girl, like I hired one of them like, hey. I like, that's your first thing. You're like, what if, okay, we know you're not going to bring a hot chick. What if you, what if you're bad a problem? Well, no, I mean, you could bring a hot chick, but it might take you a while to meet her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Well, that's the thing, too, is like, I don't want to do anything in spite. There's obviously my brain, I'm like, oh, I should bring like the honest girl. I'm looking up with it. Or, you know what? You mind fucker. You find the ugliest chick. Fat.

That would be, well, I like fat chicks, but I'm listening. I'm just like the most ratchet fucking just face tattoos and you bring her and you just introduce her as your girlfriend and you just pretend me love her. That would be objectively amazing because she would not know what to do. That is true. She would be like... She would be like, what the fuck? And if you generally go with it and sell it the whole time, and you're just super nice to her.

Hey, I mean, I don't know her name. She's her name. Angelina, yeah. Hey, and she don't listen. I mean, you told me she doesn't listen to any of this shit, right? She's going to listen to this. No, I mean, this is the thing is like, she either does or she doesn't. She says she doesn't, but there's no fucking way.

She has... Dude, my ex-grover had a fucking podcast. I listen to all the fucking bad. I know. She definitely does. You don't think she does? No, I think she does. She might.

I think she listens to her. She probably tunes in one time. She's like, oh, yeah, you're still retarded. I'm glad we broke up. And then probably ups. Yeah. All right. Well, let's say she doesn't listen to this episode.

You just, you just bring her, bring this girl to the wedding. Be so nice. Hey, Angelina. It's my girlfriend. You know, Pamela or whatever. Yeah. And you just hold her hand and everything. And she would just be like, the text that you would probably receive that night from her.

It would be so funny. Oh, it would just fuck her brain so hard. That's that would be, it would be like, what the fuck? Like, she went from me to her? Yeah. She'll break up with fucking other Michael. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would definitely, like, if I brought a hot girl, I think it would raise her self-esteem because she's like, oh, okay, I pulled like a hot guy.

But if I brought an ugly girl, she'd be like, do I look like that bitch? Yeah, yeah. That is what it would happen. Which is a way smarter move. But my thing is that I have those thoughts. Don't get me wrong. I have those thoughts all the time. I'm like, how can I fucking, you know, kind of say fuck you to this person?

But at the end of the day, I'm like, I don't actually want to do that. I'm kind of like, no, I mean, if you show more, like, you're more, like,

moved on and, yeah, like shit, you know. Which I basically, like, I kind of don't have any negative feelings.

Like, I had him here and there and then like, for the most part, I'm like, no, we're pretty like, yeah,

like it's like, I was gonna send the text and I was like, oh, I just say we're clear and like good and I have no negative feelings, but I'm like,

what's the fucking, no, no, no, you gotta just fucking. You'll see her. Yeah, It'll be cool.

It's been two years. It's a long time. Yeah, exactly. It would be kind of insane. It would be like, if it was more recent than I was like, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, no, I've moved on.

She's moved on. I mean, I think I, look, for the sake of the fucking wedding, she's a bridesmaid, I'm a groomsman. I would love to walk her down the aisle because that's what the people want to see. They would, you know how you pair off? Yeah. It would, she probably won't do it. But I'm like, people would be like, no.

fucking way. I'm just such a showman that I'm like, this would be the shit. That would be the greatest. Yeah. Her boyfriend would lose it. Oh, totally. And then when you guys are supposed to separate, you just kiss her. I miss you. I love you. Just give her a kiss on the cheek and let's see if her boyfriend ruins the wedding. Yeah. There's so many

that'd be his fault if you did it. Yeah. Well, I had a dream, dude. I had a dream a fucking couple weeks ago that, uh, because apparently he's a big guy. I had a dream. He wrestled me, put me in an arm bar, made me tap and said I sucked at wrestling and everybody at the wedding was just disappointed in me. Like they weren't even like, they weren't, they didn't even like that guy's an asshole. They're like, how do you not know how to get up an arm bar through?

They're like, yeah, this might happen. Well, I've all, it's so funny too because I'm a fucking psycho. I've planned out like mentally. I've thought of scenarios that are never going to happen. Like, what's going to happen is it can be totally normal. There's going to be no drama. Yeah, of course. But in my mind, there's a scenario where he's just like, hey, you didn't fucking treat her right,

man. And then I get to come back at him and I'm like, oh, well, I'm sure she didn't tell you this part of the story. And all this just would never happen. But like, your brain, you play through all these, like, hypotheticals. And most of them are him just kicking my ass. But if you went to the wedding on ketamine

and he says that to you, then you'd be like, oh, I didn't treat her right? Well, I fucked her right. Yeah, I would say something so stupid. I'm like, I am Key West. I was just, yeah, I would lose my body. Yeah, that was like, whoa, dude. This guy's crazy. Yeah, that was with a funny

part, too. One of my fucking friends, he, like, was tired after like four beers and sleeping on the, uh, on the, uh, boat. And I was just ranting. I was like,

I've been doing fucking horse trangleizers all day and I'm still up. You're a fucking pussy. Where do people get horse trancelizers, bro? That's like the second one this week I've heard. Isn't that ketamine? Yeah. So this is what it.

Oh. Yeah. It's, it's a big hyperbole because it's like they use ketamine for babies, but they also use it on horses. Because I think what, what happens is horses are giant. So veterinarians.

have like a ton of fucking ketamine. So people would sell ketamine as like, they'd be like, you know, these are horse-drangelizers. But it would be like, if they had fucking any other, if they had Xanax for horses, they put,

you know what I mean? It's like, but it just got a weird rep as a horse tranquilizer. But it just sounds cool and scary to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hors chrygalizing. You think Xanax would work on a horse? Yeah, they use all that shit on horses.

But, that's fucking crazy. I'm also definitely not going to do ketamine for a while. No, I don't think you should. Yeah, yeah. But I will say this. Like,

it was the most fun day of my fucking life and I was like there was a certain about anxiety where I started getting a little anxious and I was like fuck that dude

I was like I had so much goddamn fun this weekend I was like I'm still alive nobody died that was the most fun I've had so who cares if I like acted like an idiot

yeah do you know I think it was Key West or something a guy I don't know if it was ketamine or like mushrooms or some other drug

he jumps off the boat like a cruise like near the coast the Key West close to it, and he just, I think he got eaten by, like, sharks. No, but his friends were filming it, and I'm like, bro, that sounds like a story Michael would do. Just jump off a boat and like, I'm fucking swimming the shore, dude. Yeah, just getting eaten by sharks.

But I think he was, like, they never found him, but he had, like, some ketamine. His friend said he did ketamine or some one of the weird drugs before he jumped off. To be fair, that would also be like somebody smoked a cigarette that got hit by a, bus. You're like, I don't know if the bus is the fault of... Unless he was like on ketamine, you think like he jumped in because he was on, that's maybe he was tripping. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's fucking crazy. The video is wild here. Every time I hear somebody dies getting eaten by sharks, I just die laughing. Like, how do you tell? Like, how do you tell anybody? They're like, Stephanie died.

How did she do? She got to eat by sharks. What was that? And you're like, she got to eat by sharks. And then fucking in, I think it was off the coast of Egypt, the guy. No, I don't know. There's just a person recording it. Yeah, and you see him just get mauled. Well, also, like, what are you going to do? Fight the shark. You kind of got to just be like, all right?

That's my question. Like, if you see your friend getting eaten by sharks. You got to be like, look, I got to get the last picture of my friend. Do you record or do you just, like, let him die without recording? The recording's kind of funny because you're like, what are you going to use this as evidence against the shark? Like, you know what I mean? Well, yeah, because like, you see, I watch, like, a memorial. I watch the shark video and you, of course, you read the comments and every single

comment is like pro shark. That's so funny. It's like, oh, man, because you feel like, dude, it's a terrible death. Like, you see this guy, like, you just see his head above water and you're like, oh, why is, like, trying to swim his arms? They ripped his arms off. Yeah. And then they just, you see blood and you just see him get taken away and you're like, fuck.

It's terrible. But then you're like, let me just open the comments. It was like 3,000 comments. And you open them, you're like, yeah, pro shark. Yeah. Is a shark okay? Yeah.

You're like, God damn, dude. Like, fuck, it's so bad. You're like, father of four. Never found again. You're like, God, dude. What a terrible death. Oh, it's horrendous. Yeah.

And I will say this. The Keys is a place that people do get attacked by sharks. Yeah, like Keys, Miami and like New Smirna are like the, like, very popular places. Yeah. Yeah. And it is because it, like, like, it's like, I don't know, it's usually they're not. it's usually they're not it's one of those things that like

I don't think they love going on the shore I don't know anything about sharks he's completely talking about this guy was he was like maybe maybe 60 feet out dang like really oh I did see that video that guy got binned in the leg by a shark recently

there was a chick on like I think Miami or something like that do you go far on the ocean yeah I'm kind of like do you? No do you go in the ocean? Yeah I don't go past like knee deep I don't yeah

go like long up to like here. Oh, that's, that's too far. But I've had, I know, I know,

die. Drowling? Yeah. Bro. Like, you know, like a storm starts or something.

They'll take them out to it. Two, yeah, two people I know died like that a couple years ago. They just never, yeah,

because the surge, they didn't get eaten by sharks, so it's not funny. Oh, yeah. They just drowned, they found them?

I don't remember. Maybe they did get eaten by sharks. I don't remember if they, because usually when, if you get taken out by the current, they,

you just don't get found because you get eaten by a shark. Yeah, well, the riptide is terrified. The riptide, yeah. I remember as a kid, there was a riptide, and I'm just like, it just pulls you under. And I'm looking at my family, and they're just like eating like pub subs on the beach, like completely ignoring me. Because they think I'm just like having fun out there. Yeah, I'm watching everybody just like listen to fucking, I'm a smoker. I'm a joker.

Just have like a great beach day. And I'm just like, help. And like, nobody can hear me. I was like, dude, I'm going to die with my family just like, 40 feet away. Just enjoying a fucking buffalo chicken sandwich, having no idea I'm dying. Oh, wow, dude.

Yeah, it's one of those things that, like, I think when I was a kid, I was really scared of certain things. Like, I was really scared of sharks. Now it's like my own brain or like something like that or like my ex's new boyfriend. Like, there's like, there's lots of like, but sharks is something where it's like,

yeah, you don't have the fear. Because if you don't go in the ocean, you're fine. That is, that's really funny. I'm bragging about not being afraid of sharks. I live in New York City. I'm like, yeah, certainly something I'm scared of. It's like I go to the beach

like once a year. It's like, yeah. I was like my old roommate, I remember I asked him what his biggest fear was. Or somebody asked him what his biggest fear was and it was octopuses. And I was like, you are a faggid. What was like? Like when do you ever encounter an octopus?

Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen one in real life. Yeah, I have like not a lot of like fears. Like I, and as a kid, I used to be scared of shit like that all the time. Like I'd be like, I don't want to go swimming in the lake because of alligators.

And then like, I've just like through, I think through weirdly enough, like living in New York and everybody's like, Florida, I never go swimming in late. There are tons of alligators. And I'm like, allegations are fine. And then I'm like, sharks are fine. Like, I've just talked so much about like they're not going to fuck with you and fuck with them. Which isn't really true. No, dude.

The lady was attacked like three weeks ago and I'm fucking close to here. Yeah, but was you trying to save a dog? That's always the story. Nah. She was swimming by the gate. You brought this video of it too. Well, you see the gator coming. It was the last video she ever took.

you see the gator just swim at her and then just blank What do you mean? She was on a small canoe with her husband and she's swimming by the gator and then the gator like turn huge gator just turns

gets in the water and just comes right at them and then like the video ends and then they found the theater killed her. That's crazy. Her and not him? Yeah.

Oh, he killed her. I mean she had like bite marks and like she was her body was fucked up. That's possible. It would be hilarious for husband to stage an alligator. His friends in the water with one of those hats that you get from like SeaWorld where it's like an alligator head and he's just like, whoa.

He's an taxidermy gator head and just put the teeth in him. Oh yeah, exactly. You could just have it. But I will say this. It's so funny. I say a lot of retarded shit of this podcast and half of it is me defending alligators and being like nobody actually gets attacked. It's always just a lady saving a dog or you missed the word. Oh, that one was crazy too.

Yeah, but that's also it's like you got to get a new dog. You see an alligator bite your dog. Your dog is done. Yeah. Start thinking about their dog names on your way back to your car. And then just tell every, because it's one of those things you're like, you're not going to win.

It's like, I don't know. It's like when you fucking drop a penny and like a fucking. You can win. You could kill a gator with a gun. Right. But this is, it's always like an old lady. She's not.

Well, the girl, the late, I think the one you're talking about, the old lady, she was walking by the lake. The gator came after her dog. Yeah. Small dog. Yeah. She pulled.

it and the gator grabs the lady. Yeah, of course. Crazy. Dude, ladies is like 85 years old. Yeah. Insane. Yeah. But I think it's like that's, it's pretty rare, but also like I've talked way

too much shit. I'm going to die getting eaten by alligator because the amount of shit I've top. I'm like, do they're fine. I mean, I'm going to die on ketamine after defending how safe it is and with an alligator because of the hours I've spent saying both of those things aren't that dangerous. While your ex and her boyfriend around the beach watching it. Yeah, yeah. He's getting a sandy hand job.

I'm just fucking, he's like, oh, now, there's too much fucking rocks in this. Yeah. Well, I'm just dying in the rift tides. They're like, he's probably fine out there. So what is your, what was your biggest fear? Is it raining? Is it rain? I think it is raining.

Oh, by the way, for the listeners, we're recording in my dad's office again. But I actually like that. It's really cozy. I kind of almost wish it rained. I listen to rain noises to go to sleep. I watch YouTube. I do like rain in a car. What are what YouTube do watch?

Just any, try and like informational YouTube, like, oh man, the other night I watched why God is real. Oh, okay. Who is saying it?

Oh, just some random, philosopher, like a YouTuber, and I'll just watch that and fall in and sleep. But if you, that's also funny

because you're like, that's a nice thought to have before you go to bed. So it's almost like you look up the reverse of your fears. Like me, I fear that God might not be real. So that would be a great video to me watch before by that.

I'm like, God's totally real. Let me watch evidence of why he's real. They're like, oh, I can sleep great because God's real. But I've read this online too. I guess psychologists, there have been studies. Like psychologists have said, you're more likely to have a dream about something you're watching or viewing as you fall asleep. Yeah, yeah.

It's like almost every night. And I had like a weird dream like I saw God. You just fix this. I'm listening. What do you look like? just like a random guy but he was like it was cool it's peaceful

race was he yeah um there we go yeah we get the important question I couldn't tell you what race was it was it wasn't I saw him as like like a blurry image almost like seeing Bigfoot but I just feel like it was a cholo

and he's just trying to like Hey fucker yeah bro you're in there wrong fuck it don't you go you're just trying to get into heaven this shit ain't for you he's like blocking

here just like yeah how could you fucking go down there to hell bitch I think Oh and then It's probably Middle Eastern And then I watched another one was like

Like how was God create Like where did God come from? Yeah Yeah And it was just like It was like It was like No he's got

They were basically saying He's always been there Yeah Yeah There was no one point where I was like okay Well like Yeah I can't grasp that concept

I can't I understand Well you can't Yeah It's like not in I mean At some point Something had to always

been there. Not technically. Well, because it's either something or nothing. It's only two. Right. But it's superpowers like if there's no limit. Like if God's all powerful, then he could always be. He's just always, yeah, he's basically this whole premise was like, he's just always been. And I'm like, yeah, but like

think about like the Big Bang. They're like, oh, the Big Bang happened created the universe. It's like, yeah, but what started the Big Bang? Yeah, that never made sense to me. Nothing can't come from something. Yeah, yeah. But they're like, oh, your mind, humans can't comprehend it because it's out of this realm. I'm like, all right, dude.

I mean, it could be like, let's say, like, you start playing the Sims, and then you're, we're, we're sims characters, and then we're asking, like, hey, how's God? God's always been there, because he's been there from the time. He created, yeah, beginning to our creation.

Yeah, this could be like the 12th God. We could be on the 12th God right now. The first two died, or it was like a father's son thing. I've always wondered of this, because we always think of God is super powerful. Yeah. What if God is like an infant and earth is just like his macaroni art.

Like our god is one of the weakest gods and it's literally, that's why everything's so fucked up. It's like, this was just a science experiment by like a very small god. Like a god that's not like, he's powerful to us because we're tiny.

But in the realm of gods, he's like fucking nothing. So like that's the reason why I'm talking so much shit right now. I'm like, alligators can't kill you. God's fucking nothing. He's a toddler.

I feel like when you die, like you just go to, I feel like you will go to heaven or wherever and you look in the mirror and you kind of, you are God and you judge yourself. That's a fun idea. I just, I had that thought one day I was writing. I was like, this is kind of weird. Like, what if, what if, like, what if, like, somebody else, I love, I think something's a good idea. And person's like, oh, yeah, that's the plot of this movie. Like, every time I think I have a good idea.

Oh, you mean like this? Oh, you mean like inception? Fuck, somebody thought of that. This is definitely a movie or something, but I also thought of it. I thought of it outside of it. But I was like, what if God is, what if I'm God or your God?

But what happened was the universe was absolutely nothing. So you invented everything just for there to be meaning. So like you were completely alone because everything's just completely blank white. And it made you so sad that your brain went crazy and you created a whole entire world where you're actually smaller because it gives you life more purpose.

So like, I'm God, let's say, right? I'm in a blank nothingness because nothingness exists. And I either create everything to make myself feel happy or I just go so crazy that the most fulfilling life is to be a 28-year-old guy who has to donate plasma for money. Even though his parents were rich and everything was set up perfectly for him. And he's still doing it. And he gets a tattoo on his.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that was the most meaningful thing that my brain. I really like there's one where like There's a Batman comic where Batman Went crazy And Alfred actually is all the villains And he just plays all the villains to make Batman like feel like he has a sense of purpose

That's a real comic? Yeah, because life is so sad You guys want to Zen? I've never Zen before. Okay, this might be the time. What is it? It's just nicotine. How do I do it?

You just throw it in your upper lip. So like dipping? Yeah, but you don't know You can swallow it if you want. Really? Not you done it for? Nah. I'm not going to do it.

I was to say, that's white people stuff. I'm doing it. I'm not going to. Black people's in? I don't know. Some. Like the only one I know that Zins is fucking Sean Fleet.

Dude, we had a guy a couple weeks on. He was talking about, he was at a gas station. And the Indian guy was telling him, he was like, only white people buy these. Pointing to Zins. He's like, only white people.

I feel like it is a very white only thing. It is. Yeah, that's pretty. Yeah, I guess it does. We were doing this joke on the Bachelor party. We were talking about like, it's just a sketch idea. Like,

there's a what do you call him like I went to a private school it's like very rich complaining parents and we were saying what if there was a private school and the principal's office was all just middle age no nonsense black guys and they had to just bring their whiny kid in that's funny I love that idea

of them just being like he failed his test back that's because he's dumb as fuck just they're just smoking cigs and play a dominoes and then they just have like the preppyest white parents come in they're like he ain't going to be motherfucking astronaut that kid dumb as hell just telling it how it is any more legs on that

I'm trying to write this sketch out that probably will never be made I feel like no nonsense black woman funnier but it's probably harder to get no nonsense black woman to be in the sketch like hood black mothers as like the guidance counselor

that is funny too bring him in you know look at this motherfucker yeah he and crayons all day just like I like doing actouts of like black women that's why well I think the thing is to me just the concept of like whiny white parents

and then the no-nonsense old black guy or old black woman is a funny thing because like the parents are going to try to complain always and just be like Ethan actually I think maybe he's smart but he's just not applying himself that was a shit I heard all the time but like he's just not applying himself I'm like nah I'm just fucking dumb it reminds me of this well Tony Wallens has like a similar joke and I asked him I was like yo I'm gonna literally do I want to do like the same route he goes like do it's like and this is a true story when I was I bought I bought condoms from a 7-11 one time and like a black lady was behind it and I just didn't tell her what condoms I needed because I haven't bought calms in a while so she just gave me like magnum condoms

and I did not need him at all but you couldn't like go back now I'd be like so I literally bought I just bought the condoms and I didn't want to I just didn't want to be like I think there was like there might have been two girls behind me but they weren't like they're just like moms but I didn't want to be like no I need the other ones so I literally bought these magnum condoms and I still have them to this day they're my they're my room just like three years ago. But like, the whole thing is like, man, like, what if I did use one? And like, I open the drawer and I just hear her voice like, you got it. You got it, baby. Put that thing on. No, you got to beat one. And I'm just like, yeah, yeah, I do. And I put it on. It's like, duh. Shit, that's

ain't going to work. Because they're fucking huge, bro. But somebody told me the thing with Magnums is they're meant to be. They're meant for like nine inch cocks. Totally. But that's the roll. Totally. But that's the role dad. Totally. But that's the roll down. But that's the roll down. So like it's kind of like almost wearing like a beanie that rolls up. You could wear it if you don't have a giant head. You know what I mean? I think there's just excess. So like you could wear,

I think you could just wear magnums and fuck chicks and make them think you had kind of a big dick. But you're just kind of like, do you get what I'm saying? It's like it rolls down really far. Yeah, yeah. Not roll it down. But I don't know how they are wide wise because I've never bought in one because I have an average penis. Same.

Yeah, yeah. Average penis gang. Yeah, dude. White guys, dude, we fucking. Yeah. Black guys over here. Yeah, bringing the big dick

on the podcast. Yeah, dude. One inch bigger. He kind of does that big dick energy. He's kind of just been sitting. One inch bigger, maybe.

What's up? He's got one inch bigger, probably. Probably at least. He's got a five incher. Yeah, yeah, too. There's no way.

No way. No, fucking. That's fucking huge, dude. Well, I check out of the dick talk. Yeah, black people don't like, he don't like the gay shit. No, that's cool.

I was talking about it. How cool is y'all being gay? That's cool. There was so many. dude, because it was so, in the way we grew up, if you were like, if you got uncomfortable with gay shit, people would just call you gay. Well, I'm not uncomfortable with it. I'm just like,

it's not even, well, you have in a conversation, it's not even gay, it's just, I don't know. He don't like the dick talk. You don't like, but I'm saying, also, magnums are the same size. As other condoms? Yeah. Fuck, no, dude. Yeah, they are. I've tried them on a magnum and a regular condom. You don't even close? You know, it's kind of a good idea

to act like magnums are different condoms, because it would take technically more money to make bigger condoms, I think. I mean, maybe, probably not, but like, you could just charge more for other condoms. And every guy's going to buy the bigger dick condoms so he could impress girls. Because I saw, I'm not making that up. I saw there's a video on it. It was like a video about like marketing or whatever on how they, that is exactly what they do. Yeah, that makes so much sense.

They're like, these are the big dick condoms. Everybody's like, do I got to have the big dick condoms to show girls they got a big dick. You can fucking take a regular condom and stick your whole arm in it. That's a great fucking point. I blew them up and make balloons. Yeah. That's so wild because it's like one of those things we were like, I've never put a condom on and had it too big or too small.

I'm like, this just perfectly fits my penis. Because I think all of them are one size fits all because it's like, nobody's had a rubber glove that's like, oh, this is too fucking small. I don't think. I feel like unless you got to get like an extra small one or something like that. They do have tuxed.

Yeah, that's what they're called. Midget, midget hands. I've heard they're called tuxedos for the small big friends. I don't ever know. Midget hands. Imagine them trying on a condom. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, they got average dicks, which is so funny. Too small. Yeah. They're small. Yeah. Yeah, I think like the fucking... Where was I see? Yeah, I would wear a tuxedo condom if it had a t-suito on it.

Like, if you put it on and it looks like a t-shirt, that would be kind of sick. I don't know where you can get those from. I don't know. The tiny dick store. Oh. I don't know that. Yeah. I don't know that. It's good knowledge.

I never heard of it. Yeah. Yeah. I, it's so funny. I'm not, I'm not a tiny penis guy, but it sounds like I am. Because I'm like,

I just, I've never like fluttered so hard in the podcast and just fumbled. I'm like, yeah, I've heard of it's fucking, somewhere. Right there you did.

Yeah, I might have to clip that. I just get a call on my phone right now. It's like, we got an order for Michael. It is fucking, you know what ads you're going to have after this, dude?

Just. What ads? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my phone's a good thing I have the smallest.

We needer in the place. Take this pill. You can grow two inches. Yeah. Guaranteed. Yeah. In like alligator videos. Yeah.

Does gelking work? No, I've tried it. You have? Yeah. It doesn't work. It's a fucking scam. Well, but how would you benefit, though? Because if you do it with like six months, it's stretching exercise and massaging it

and like pulling it in warm water in the shower. So is it like you get a book on jelking? Because like, how are they selling jelking if there's no, if it's something you could do by yourself? Just videos. They're like, oh, okay, subscribe to my. gelking channel. So for those you don't know,

gelking's pulling your dick to make it look bigger. So it's just like jerking off? No, well, kind of. It's like massaging it, but like hard in a way. You massage it in a way

that like makes it extend to look bigger. Yeah. What I did hear that works. I've never tried. I've never personally tried it. The contraption, there's a contraption where you stretch it. I've seen one of those.

Yeah, yeah. You know people in like India or like Africa they wear on their neck? Yes, you wear that on your dick. It's like a bunch of rings. Or surgery. Yeah. No, it is funny.

There's more dick inside of you. Yeah, under the shaft. Yes. You could pull it out. It's like inception. So you get a surgery and they could bring out another two inches. Yeah. Which I would need help with like thickness.

Interesting. Yeah. I got a decent thickness. I would, an extra inch on my dick just for like flexing purposes. Because I don't think it would make a big difference during sex, but just to be like, I know, right? Yeah. just for that purpose. By the way, the fucking,

this Key West had a nudist bar. You saw some dicks? I saw my own dick, brother. Oh, you were nude? Me and my buddy went and, just two of you guys? No, there was a couple of guys, too. We were the only ones that got naked, so...

That sounds worse. Yeah. That sounds gay now. It's just two of y'all that got naked. I mean, I ended up making out with a couple chicks. Oh, that's not... Yeah, it's fucking gay that, you fucking homos? I did.

So what happened was, dude, the night before I took a little bit of Adderall and my dick. Adderall is a vasodiliter so it shrinks your dick. And I was like, fuck dude. Some people were like, hey, we should check out the nudist bar. And I was like, fuck, man. I'm going to take a Seales just to even it out to get it normal. Seattle's last two days. I forgot about that.

So we go to the nudist bar. My buddy all weekend was dressing a karate ghi. So people have, at one point some guy tried to fight him, which was really funny, because he's wearing a karate guy. And the bartender just defends my friend while also offending him. He goes, how dare you pick a fight with him? He has the balls to wear something that stupid out. And you're going to try to fight him right now.

And my buddy's just like, thanks, but also that's kind of mean. Yeah. The next night, we go to the nudist bar. He's wearing the karate headband and a fanny pack. And his dick is just hanging below the fanny pack. And then I just have yellow sunglasses on. And we're just on the dance floor on ketamine and just doing karate. Like, just fucking.

And this bar is love. They're like a fun. It's a good bar outside of that. So it's like a great dance floor. You feel so inappropriate when you're talking to women that are fully clothed. Because you're like, this feels like a sex crime right now because I'm completely naked talking to a girl. You're grinding on girls.

And this girl's wearing a full dress. And you guys are grinding and you're just naked. And you don't realize how much your dick flops around when you're dancing because you're wearing boxers that holds it in. Your dick's just hitting your thighs. Your balls are bouncing around. And people, I just forget I was naked. And my friend would just look at me dying.

laughing. I don't think I could do that. So what's the ratio of naked to clothed people? It's probably like 40 people in there. Probably seven people are naked. But there's people, yeah, dude, yeah. It's not a nude bar. It's just you and a couple guys.

You and a couple of guys. And they can't kick you out because there's too many of y'all. But I got kicked out twice or once. But it was so funny. So I was on my phone texting. And you can't have phones there. Just guys like, can't have your phone there. I'm like, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, fucking pussy. I'm going to text anyway. I text again. And it's so funny when you're getting kicked out of a place while your dicks out, but that's not why you're getting kicked out. Like, you're like, are you sure it's because my penis isn't right now? Because this feels like the wrong thing for me to be doing, not the fucking phone. And then fucking, yeah, I ended up making it out with a girl. And my buddy's like, dude, I saw you talking to this chick.

And your dick was just completely hard at the bar. Like, you just rock hard talking to some girl. And it feels, but some girls started taking their tits out and there was like hot chicks that took their tits out and stuff. What's this bar called? Garden of Eden. And one of my friends made a sweet shirt with AI. It's like naked karate

at the Garden of Eden and I'm like, we gotta fucking get these. But yeah, it was fucking crazy. And it was like everybody struck out besides one guy who,

two guys. So one guy went to the strip club. Not everybody went to the strip club. At one point three of us went to a strip club or waiting for our other friend because we walked into one strip club and they're like $40 for lap dance.

I was like, no, thank you. and we just walked to the next one and then we're at this strip club and I take my phone out again I'm just, I'm on my phone too much I try to take it cool because you can smoke in there so I took a picture of me

my buddy smoking Sigs and this Eastern European stripper was like you cannot do that she's like you are in big trouble give me phone and she took it all off and then she's like you are a bad boy and she just started spanking me with my head between her thighs and then one point I just go

I love Key West and then dude she said something weird she said something weird she like do you want mommy's milk Like, he's like, I know you on Mommy's Milk. And I was like, I do. And I put my fucking face or tits.

I'm like, I love Mommy's milk. And then fucking, um, the next, dude, the next stripper comes in. She's like, you look like you've been a bad boy. You need a spank. Spank's me again. Like four strippers ended up just spank. I don't know if they talked. They had to have talked.

There's no way. Or unless you really look like a bad boy. Yeah, yeah. They definitely talked. I mean, to be fair, I looked cool. I was smoking six. They're like, he's a bad boy. But they're also Eastern Europeans.

Their dad probably has like no eyeballs and probably like his staff tonight. people. Oh, yeah. But yeah, it was fucking funny because then my other friend who didn't meet us there ended up paying two grand to try to fuck the strippers and they like blindfolded him. Apparently could not get his dick hard. Just like blew his soft dick and like didn't come for like $2,000. And then there was some chick like apparently there was like it was like this like kind of hood black chick that's like I'm going to shove a pine cone up your ass.

Like all this crazy shit. One of the other friends, we left the strip club. one guy stayed. By the way, it's really funny because we just told him we were at the other one. If he would have just walked in the next door, he just wouldn't have paid two grand

to have that happen. But he's like, my friends are here. I guess I'm going to try to fuck a hooker. Then fucking, the next day we find out the one friend who didn't leave just paid four.

He's like, dude, I paid $400. He's just fucked one. And the other guys are you fucking kidding me. I paid two grand. Damn. Got a blindfolded to threaten to have a pine going up my ass

and couldn't even get my dick hard. But outside of that like, no guys got laid. And it's funny too, when I was talking to that Swinger couple, they're like, yeah, apparently all the dudes

are striking out this weekend. They're like, we've talked to everybody all week and like, dudes just aren't getting pussy this week. I don't know what's happening. They're going to fuck my wife. Crazy.

You could just pay a regular girl. You can cross-th. Oh, yeah, yeah. But he wanted like the double. I think he wanted the double experience. But then fucking, yeah, it was so funny because like,

there was two girls in the news bar I made out with. And then this one girl we're making out of the news bar. She's seen me fully, fully naked. We get them back to the Airbnb. and I just, I don't know what happened,

but I'm like, how did, how did I get a girl back to the Airbnb and not, she's seen me naked, we've made out at a bar. And I guess I was, I guess I was just, everybody's like, you were so drunk.

And I was like, you know what? That's fair. Like, I'm a little disappointed to myself. I'm also like, it was the third night of the bachelor party at like 4 a.m. Like,

that's fair that I was too drunk. Yeah. Damn, you also did like, you did most of the work to get her back. Yeah. You're already naked. I mean,

if she's already seen you naked at that point, she'd get back. she's going there to do something. Yeah, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But maybe you got like raped. You remember? I hope so, man. She was beautiful.

I like fell in love with this. Like there was like the next day I was like listening to You're Beautiful in the car the other day and I'm like, you're beautiful. She was so pretty. I asked her friend. I was like, hey, can I get so-and-so's number? Because I was really drunk and I want to apologize. She just didn't answer it.

I was like, nah, whatever. But yeah, it was funny that the couple was just like, these are just striking out. And then we did get cocked at one point. It was very funny. There was these girls we were talking to the pool bar and then these eight dudes

just come up that are like jacked as hell and we were like, I, you know, we'll try to befriend the dudes because I think that's always like a good move to try to like de, what do you call it? Deescalate and show them

that you're not scared and intimidated by these guys. And then we find out these guys are like, they're friends from high school who are all green berets. And then we're like, nope, we're like,

we're fucking out. We're not competing with these fucking heroes. Like, there's no way. But we're joking about them all gangbang and one of the chicks, but letting me fuck her

like I'm like Rudy or like radio. They're like, get in there, Mike. Get in there. Get in there. Get in there. Get in there. And they're just like, Michael. Michael.

I'm just giving mediocre. Dick. Like, good try, bud. Get out of here. But yeah, that was one of those things. I was like, yeah, there's no fucking way. Have you ever paid for sex? No, I've gotten jerked off by a dominate jerk,

which I didn't know she was going to jerk me out. Oh, yeah. That was like a week out of the breakup. I was like going crazy. I would like to fuck a stripper once. I don't think I'd fucking Eastern European one because I'm like, I wouldn't just fuck a stripper. I'd fuck like a, well, I just, when I went to Aruba, I would hook up with all them girls, bro, like 150 a night.

Yeah, that's, yeah, it's cheap. They were beautiful, beautiful models, bro. Bro, you look at videos like the streets of like Costa Rica or something like that, and it's like fucking hot chicks. Yeah. Somebody was telling me they went on a bachelor party with her uncle from Mexico, and he was like so confused by the concept of the strip club. He's like, wait, you don't fuck them. He's like, what is this building? He's like, what is the point?

Why does this exist? Yeah. And they're like, I don't know, it's kind of fun. You dance with them. And he's like, what? Damn. That is true. Like in South America, the strip clubs are like basically just like advertising. They're just trying to get you to pay for sex. Yeah, like lab dances there are like 50 cents. What? Yeah. South America? Like Columbia, Brazil.

Columbia, Brazil. Here it's like you don't. I think like it's like half of them you can fuck them. The other half you can't. Like it's like you just got to pick and choose, I guess, like which you got to feel them out like which ones you think you can or you ask. Yeah. And you also got to be like, you can. You can't. can't be like, what could I get for this much money? You got to be like, hey. Just like a discreet language. Yeah, you got to kind of like pull out a con and be like how much? Happy ending?

Yeah, you can't just be like, hey, if I gave you $500, what will happen? They're like, oh, I'll show you it. It'll happen for $500. And they'll like, lick the side of your ear. And you're like, well, that was not worth it at all. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just glad I'm not in a financial business. Because if I had fucking money, I'd want 100%.

Oh, you would for sure. Yeah, but I just don't like have the money. And I'm also like, I don't know, the Eastern European thing freaks me out. I'd want to fuck somebody that I'm like, okay, you're for sure, like, here, like, you know, you were like midway through a stake-and-shake application. You're like, what am I doing? I'm just going to show my two. It's like just because somebody, you know, you got like a GED.

You're like, you know what? Fucking this is, this is, you know what I mean? Yeah. Because some strip, people, there's such a distorted concept. It's like, strip goes from sad. It's like, some of them, yeah. Yeah. Some of them, though, the women are making so much fucking money and they like what they do.

And I'm like, that's fine. Like, who cares? All the strippers I know are happy. Yeah, yeah. A lot of them are happier than regular people I know. I have a lot of rich friends that are like, yeah, man, I'm just really depressed. I'm like, you're so loaded.

But then the strippers are like, it's a mix. It's like, I'm not going to say every stripper's dumb, but there are some dumb strippers. And I'm like, dumb people are happier. But I'm sure there's also smart strippers that are just like, yeah, this is a fun job. And yeah, I get to hang out in bars all day and make a fuck ton of money. So I'm like, that's fine.

Who cares? I was Uber a couple years ago. I picked up a stripper from her, from Rachel's, Yeah, I dropped her off her apartment and then she's like, what are you doing after her? I was like, nothing. You want to go get a drink with me? I was like, yeah, took her to get a drink. She got wasted.

And I brought her back to her house. She had the fucking nicest tits. She was so drunk. And I guess I took a shit at the bar and she went down and gave me a head and she's like pulled back up. She goes, you smell. So I should have, moral of the story is like, I should have went to. her bathroom and clean myself up. I think moral of the story is if she was hammered,

you shouldn't have tried to fuck her. She was going to give me. I thought he was going to be like, yeah, so then I like, you know, didn't want to rape her. I got a black y'all drunk. I wanted to fuck her, but she wants to give me a head and she's like, you smell. I was like, oh, and I just kind of, uh, yeah, I was working today earlier.

She's, now, you smell bad. And then, like, she came up and then she, like, pretended to pass out. I should, I should have robbed her. You should have robbed her? Yeah. You're done to reverse. What's that Cardi B movie?

It's where they rob all the rich guys. Oh. That were Britney Spears did? Cardi B. I've never seen it. I don't know. Cardi B had a movie. It was either about her life or something.

That was really funny. People got really upset at Cardi B. They're like, you know, she used to get guys really drunk. Oh, she would rob them. Oh, yeah. She's a gangster rapper. Like, oh, yeah, yeah. I would hope she's actually, like, real.

Like, that's fucking. It's so funny. Yeah, she has a song about it, too. And then she got backlash for it. Yeah, Snoop Dog, killed a guy. I'm like, why is fucking Snoop Dog Dickle guy? Yeah, and I'm like, that's why I want to listen to their music.

It's also like, you know how fucking insane it would be for me to judge a gangster rapper given the life I've had? Like, I grew up rich and be like, you know, they shouldn't be committing crimes. It's like, dude, people could change. If I grew up in that environment, dude, I would for sure be doing gangster shit.

Yeah, of course. Or I'd be a giant pussy. I don't know. Yeah. I don't have a ditty. Me and my mom have been following. My favorite is my brother broke down everything. It's like, our family is just a woman.

white as people possible. And my brother's like, we're sitting at dinner the other night. He's like, so there's the East Coast and the West Coast rapper, okay? Sean Diddy Combs and two-pot, or no, and Biggie Smalls, mom, East Coast. Okay, he's still listening? Okay. And then you have Shug Knight

West Coast. He starts death row. And he just, and he just broke down the whole thing and then me my mom works in CNN like, at the, when they were just kind of breaking down the thing. I think the what's her name, the Cassie situation complicated because it's like it's fucked up.

I mean, you obviously should never kick a woman. That's the only part of I was like, with a closed toe, you know, open open, open,

I'm very, you can open toe kick a woman. No, it's like, that's fucked up. But then also like, a lot's gonna have to come out because it's also possible

she was like a just lane Maxwell kind of person. It was like part of a lot of like the shit. I have no idea. Yeah. It's really tricky with like women in like abusive relationships. It's like obviously the guy's a piece of shit.

But like, if you truly believe that men and women are equal, it's like at some point you're like, well, at what point did you get out of this? And what point were you involved with this? She stayed for a long time. Yeah, I don't know.

But it's possible he was like, I will destroy your life if you leave me. And I'm like, he could have threatened a killer. Like if you, I mean, maybe he could, maybe he did.

Yeah. But it also like it seems like she is playing some part of the victim role. Yeah, but also like she's responsible for some shit that, like, happened. Yeah,

yeah, I haven't watched it close enough. I haven't watched it close to me this so I can't really speak on it. But that's just, just... There were some funny parts. So they said that Diddy used to hire male prostitues off Craigslist to sleep with Cassie. And then he would come out in a burqa.

Like, you know, the thing Muslim would wear just a burqa, no bottoms and just jerk off the corner. Doing an offensive voice. He's like, al-la-la-la-la-la-la. Just while she's getting begged. Yeah, that's it. That's really funny. She's beautiful, yeah. She's fucking 38.

And this is what? Oh, she looks insanely. She was 19, 20 when she first met him. Yeah. The craziest videos that's leaking now is that machine gun Kelly won. I've been seen that one with him talking about one of the Jenner's. He's like, bro, I ain't going to wait until she's fucking. He's like, he's like, you're going to wait until she's 18?

And he says, I ain't waiting. She's fucking beautiful. He's like, I'll go to Hollywood immediately have sex with her. On 23, she's 17. Who gives his shit? He's like, Robert Plant, one of the best rock stars was sleeping with a 15. year old. And you're like, dude,

you're making very bad points right now. You're like, you're like, just because you're literally like, somebody else was a pedophile and a good, that'd be like, you'd be like, Michael Jackson fucked little boys.

So I should fuck little boys. You're like, like I don't really care about a 23 year old fucking a 17 year old because I don't think it's like, it's creepy and gross and like, no, I'm not going to invite you to my daughter's 16th birthday party.

But, uh, I don't think like you've really like harmed anybody really. Like, it's gross and creepy, but I'm like, I could still be your friend.

Potentially. You gotta bring a lot at the table. Yeah. You gotta be like, hey man, we go out. You're paying for drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you got to own a jet ski. Yeah, because teenager is still attached to her name. Yeah. By the way, I'm telling everybody, I'm not friends with you. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, well, yeah. Depending on how famous you are.

See, about 23. If you are a famous child molester, let's be friends. I'm just kidding. See, he's 23. She was 23. she was 17 at the time that's what six years yeah he was 30 she's 24 it doesn't translate that way an 18 year old can't fucking fucking 12 year old

that's still the same age difference nobody says anything then I think people say I think I think the the state of Florida has a lot to say about that I'm not defending this I was just kidding yeah yeah no everybody knows we're goofing I never even went to Key West but yeah I don't know

more has to come out for me to actually like form my ideas on it what are they actually charging him with Do you know? Being a gay nigga. That's what I've been saying for weeks. People get mad at me. No, I'm kidding.

No, I don't know. It's racketeering or something. Racquetarian, sex trafficking. Sex trafficking. Yeah, it's funny. They did bring up all the drugs they were using. You know who the funniest person is who hates him and just trolls in his 50 cents? Yes.

He's so good at it. He is so funny, bro. Oh, it's amazing, yeah. He'll, like, I think he paid people to go to the courthouse and just stand. outside with like funny shirts of him. Oh, that's awesome. Like 20 people had just given like $200 each just to go like fuck

with him like at his team like as they're coming out of the courthouse. He's got such I love when somebody who's really tough has a good sense of humor because there's the occasional tough guy who like just has a bad sense of him. Who will stand up to like somebody like P. Diddy. Right, right. Because like what does PD like what would PDD do to 50 cents? Yeah, you could try and hard

but do 50 cents and stabbed and shot and from the fucking street. He's not afraid of PDA. He also basically admits he killed that guy who he's like he's like let's just say that guy wasn't seen again after he shot me I think he was like it was a Spanish guy who actually like Roberto something shot

shot in raw 50 cent and then a year later for the same recovered and he found the guy and like he doesn't say he killed him but he's like yeah he doesn't exist anymore yeah for legal reasons that's so but he just doesn't and then he wrote a fucking song about it which is crazy yeah many men or whatever was yeah

I love 50 cent that's gonna be like this podcast they're going to be like pulling up stuff from the record i'm going to be like no dude it's on the wax isn't that what you say it's on the wax yeah i don't know what he says on the wax means like on the on like the like in a rap song but now they started doing a thing where they're you can now charge people from things they said in rap songs and uses evidence in court oh yeah bobby smarter yeah uh free him Chicago he got official morning good take free him he's been free for a while he got a couple years ago yeah he got locked up for

There's a song called Hot. Yeah, yeah. Say it. What? Hot. I'm sorry. Endward. I'm not really with the song.

It's called Hot Enword. What's the N word? I don't know. It's called Hot N-word. Never heard of it. And in the song. What is it? You know, it's funny.

You were pointing him to say the N-word, but it looked like you were pointing at him calling. Oh, no. You should go, hot. This guy right here. Hot Antoine. No, it's called Hot Antoine. word.

I know exactly the soccer door. It's great song. And he raps about shooting people in the song. And that song, he got charged for fucking. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't know that. But it's also, isn't that what Who I Smoke is about?

That was a couple of years later where they wrapped about killing the people on them. Over the tune of fucking a thousand miles. Yeah. And they were at there like, they're on a golf course or their grave? Yeah, they're on a golf course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're naming the names. People that, and then they all got charged.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Great fucking song, though. Yeah. We are, uh, we were an hour? we're over an hour yeah yeah what do you guys want to promote um i don't follow me on instagram antoine 228 joe comedy two wise we're doing a show when's this coming out uh it's coming out

sunday we did a show uh let's have this podcast if you're listening to this i headlined we did a show friday it was dope it was pretty good a lot of our people from work came yeah i heard you guys crushed. Thank you, man. Appreciate that. I've heard standing ovation. Appreciate it. My birthday is in five days. Send him some fucking cash. Send him, yeah. DME or head. Come

have sex with Joe. Yeah. DME on Instagram and then you wipe your ass after taking her. Shit, yeah, shit. Yeah, I was sweaty. It was gross. I don't blame her. Wipe your ass before you date rape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the part of the story. That was

yeah that's it's all i got to promote all right sweet bye love you thank you for listening