Morning Good - It's a New Day - Episode 276

Episode Date: July 6, 2025

Tanner Riley and Matt Bowman join the show for today's episode. They talk about the Zuckerberg glow up method, getting detained, and Michael's distrust of Pedro Pascal. Thanks to Tanner and Matt for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes as well as at the links below.Tanner is on Instagram @tannercomedy and hosts the Heard On Podcast, so make sure to check that out. Matt is also on Instagram as well @mattbowmancomedy and also hosts the podcast Matt Bowman is Bothered.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to the morning. All right. We're here at Tanner Riley and Matt Bowman. Hello. And, yeah, no, the defeat guys now, they're like a little bit. They're very, like, they realize when they get greedy, like, they're,

like, they're like, no, don't ask for that too much. And they're like, hey, is there like any chance? Like, maybe. Like, it's like, they know they're like in a position of weakness. There are arguments going on in your comments about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, they're like, like, fucking, uh, all over twist. They're like, please, like, have they mentioned that you've lost weight? Like, have you seen that?

No, you know what that? I think they're just whack into my feet. They don't even notice. You lost like 45 pounds. They haven't looked above the kneecap. And they're completely oblivious. Which, by the way, the last time that we were both here, you were like, yo, I'm going to do this thing where I'm going to lose a bunch of weight and Tanner and I either together or on here, we're collectively

just like, no, you're fucking not. I didn't think, first of all, I did not think you'd lose this much weight. I agree. But did you get the six-pack? No, I got like a vague four-pack. By the way, this is how insane it was. I look back at pictures of me when the bed started

and I could see text to me being like, dude, this is going to be so easy, like sending a shirtless picture to like a friend. Yeah. Not even close. I'm like, you can see the shadow. I'm like, no, you can't. Like, I saw things.

I had, like, hallucinations of a six-pack way before, like, you had body dysmorphies. It's like, but in the corrector, like, in the opposite direction. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just like, I hope this isn't happening in other aspects of my life. I hope this isn't how I see my stand-up versus how it really is. There were a couple times. Well, that's how everybody sees their stand-in-all-all-all-of-us.

I think you were, you were just like, I think after we stopped the podcast, you, like, I mean, like, look, like, you see what I'm saying, right? You see it, you see it. And then I was, I was. I don't know, I don't fucking see it at all, too. There's no way. They got nobody told me early on because I wouldn't have tried as hard. I would have been like, yeah, whatever, I'm not even close.

Yeah. But everybody was just like, yeah, man, totally. And then because of that, I pushed so hard that, like, I got close. Yeah. Well, I have more questions. Have you talked about it on here yet? Oh, every week. Yeah.

Yeah. Just real quick, was it just cut out sugar and exercise and carbs and stuff? No, it was like insane. It was like, it was unhealthy levels of weight loss. Yeah, it was digging in probably 800 calories a day. Okay. Yeah. It was mostly just protein. Like I was high on protein, but it was like no fucking fat, no carbs, ripping at all, going to the gym, just fucking lifting, running, walking around the city for hours and hours and hours.

But like, I will say this, like, I think a lot of it, too, is like, I did the math and I was eating as much protein as Arnold Schwarzenegger before. And I was like, that's way, dude. Although that's not that. Wow. Like, yeah, yeah. He was eating 250 at his peak, apparently. I was eating 300 grams of protein. Not intentionally.

I wasn't weighing out my chicken. but also I'm like that's fucking insane I was like wow yeah oh oh also did you guys hear him on theos no but I saw that he did it was he coherent totally sucked yeah not as good as this

a couple white guys talking about way loss hell yeah brother no it was just like so funny because it was like I heard him talk before and like he kind of he had a really good sense of humor I saw him in one interview where he's like they say the second million is the hottest to make so my advice to everybody is start with the first million

and everybody's like, it's like a joke. And everybody's like, everybody's like, right. He's like, no, I'm kidding. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I was just like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was just kind of like, I mean, there's nothing wrong with him, but I'm just scared if I'm like, nothing wrong with you, Mr. Schwarzenegger. You're doing your thing.

But no, he like was just, I don't know, just, you ever like hear two people talking and I, I do this sometimes, especially with like crazy people. You ever talk to a crazy person

and you're having a different discussion than them. Oh, 100%. That just sometimes happens. So I think Arnold was just kind of like in his zone about things. And then it wasn't a lot of back and forth. Interesting. Yeah, that happens with drunk people too. Like when they're insanely drunk,

like you don't even, you're just responding to what they might be talking about. Yeah. Because they don't know. They're like changing subjects. Like they're changing what they're talking about every 20 seconds. Yeah. But they don't even realize.

And I've also been on the one, I've been the one changing. Oh, yeah. I've done the thing where somebody's talking. you almost have it like, it's almost like you load something and you do this weird thing where you're like,

all right, let them know I'm listening and then I'm going to slide my thing in there as well. Yeah. You're like, okay, I hear you, but also,

uh, giraffes. Yeah. Why are they, what's going on up there? I don't know. Come down. Get out,

get down from there. A lot of times, if it's not like a comic that I like, I can't listen to Theo's podcast, but gives me anxiety. Because he's so like, unique of a mind that like if you don't know how he operates basically if you're not a comic who like just knows how he is

it gives me anxiety watching the guest try to figure out how to talk to it it just feels like they're uncomfortable and it makes me uncomfortable like watching them be uncomfortable because they don't like nada well yeah he's he's incredibly hilarious he's so talented yeah but he's so unafraid of silence so like that Zuckerberg thing is oh my god oh yeah it's so good yeah Sometimes I drink coffee on vacation, recreationally.

I don't know. I kind of like, I kind of like Zuckerberg when he kind of like tries to get swaggy and like there's like a gold chain on. Yeah, dude, he's like ripped now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like in shape. It's weird. You know what? He must have got made a bet to not have to pay for a bachelor party. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because he can't afford it. And so

there he, you know. Right. Yeah. He was like, he was about to have to pay for Bezos's wedding or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah. That was his... I bet you they made fun bets like that. Oh, of course. See, my thing is like, bro, I get fucking rich. I'm getting fucking fat as hell.

I'm the fattest motherfucker on the planet. I mean, that's how it used to be. Yeah, yeah. That was back in the day where they were like, oh, if you were fat, that means you could afford food. And if you were wealth, I'm like, yeah, that's how it should be. I want to look like a fucking plantation owner, just like fat as shit and have like a fucking just big cigar on my mouth and just kind of be like getting my dick so,

just kind of like, oh, yes, ma'am. You're going to be a... You ever sucked a dick with the man who's got a billet full of grits? You're just going to be Foghorn-Langhorn. Yeah. That's a dude, now that's a goal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.

Yeah, dude, that would be fucking sick. And, like, dress like, dude, like, why are you not dressing retarded if you're a millionaire? Like, I would dress insane all the time. Just dress like, what does Zuckerberg dress like a king? Like, he's, like, going to court? Like, why does he have to wear a suit in court? Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like, I don't know.

Don't wear a suit. Just wear a fucking insane outfit every day to court. Like, does court have a dress code? No, I think it's all about, I think it's just to be like, hey, Judge, I'm taking this seriously. Yeah, I think it's if your, things are less likely to go your way if you dress like a jackass. There was, I saw one like that. There's a judge who gets really mad because some guy had some shirt, like, I don't know, it said something about like getting bitches or something like that. Like, this is court, sir. Do you want to dress appropriately? I suppose if you show up on the day when the verdict has already been made, is that a thing?

Like the showbishop says, I'm guilty. What's they've already decided? Yeah, I totally didn't. You guys are fucking idiots. Yeah. Or just dress like. Yeah, there's a sentencing hearing. Dress like flavor,

Flav on the day the verdict is read. Oh, I'd be so sick. Yeah. Well, I also, I realized I've never been to court. So, like, I've been. Whoa. Yeah, I was talking. How have I been to court?

And you haven't been to court. Because I behave myself. Oh, sure. Yeah. I know a couple puppies that would, I don't know. I was trying to insinuate that you fucked an animal, but. Oh, okay. Yeah.

That's not that kind of show, bud. You're thinking of the old morning. This is a family shit. Completely. Now that it's a family shit. Now that it's a skinny hot boy show, we talk about like body count. We talk about like, you know, would you rather thought daughter? Yeah, what time did you wake up this morning?

That type of shit. Yeah, yeah, routines. Yeah, what kind of. Which supplements are you take? Selfie of Mark Wahlberg is on your wall, that type of shit. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was talking to Jake about it because he was like, yo, what's the, what's the name of the thing the judge stands at?

I'm like, he's like, it's called a bench, but like, there's another word for it. And I couldn't figure out. I was like, I realize I've never, only courthouse I've been to is I, like, walked into. We had like a school field trip and we like walked into a courthouse and just kind of like looked nothing was going on. It was like there was a trial going on.

Yeah. Have you ever like, so you've never been like, you never been arrested for anything? No, never my life. That's impressive. I've been detained a bunch, but I... Detained a bunch?

Yeah, probably like six times. Like you were just like fucked up or something? I think the first time I got detained. We had detained earlier. What does detained mean? Detained basically means the cops stop you and so you can't leave them until your parents pick you up

until we figure out what's going on. Okay. So first detain was, yeah, first detain was like, we would, we would just go to abandoned houses all the time and just like break shit. Yeah.

And then one time they caught us and then I think our parents had to pick us up. Those were fine because we're like, we were just exploring. Yeah. And then another time, one of my favorite ones was like, one of my buddies,

we were all 15, and one of our friends was 16 or 17, he left his car off in my friend's house. And my buddy was like, hammered. He's like, yeah, let's just drive the car around. And I was like, not a good idea, but let's do it. I was like, I was the mom of the friend group. But also like that's, my friends are dead. So it's like, the other half are lawyers, but it's still out of all of them, I'm like very well behaved. But we're like, we're driving. And then we're kind of in this car, like,

the guy who's driving, I think, gets out of the car. We're drinking wine. One of my friends has an NWA shirt also. He goes into a porta potty and the cops just stop us. And he didn't get a DUI because the car was like turned off. And we're like, oh, we're just hanging out. friend's car and I remember this Hispanic police officer, he's like, look, he's either cheap cologne or alcohol. I don't know what I spell on you guys. We're like, cheap colognes. It's the cheapest. It's the cheapest

cologne. The cheapest of cologne. And then our friend, like, as we're getting talked to, just walks out with a shirt on and they're like, he's like, are you with them? And for a moment, he's like, no. And then he goes, yeah. But I think he had like a fuck the police shirt up, which is hilarious. But, um,

yeah, and then I remember that was so funny. I was like, my life's going to change after this. I think it's like the same kind of thing next weekend. I had like a couple moments of my childhood and I was like, it's time to fucking be a different man. Wow. I used to think that I was going to stop jerking off for some reason. Oh, dude, I've had that.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, where you're like, oh, clear, I'm done. I remember this one was so funny. I made my bed while playing changes by David Bowie. And then like, and then like, I looked in the mirror and I was like, it's a new day. You just start shadow boxing. Yeah.

I think it'll probably jerked off like 30 minutes later. Yeah. I was just like, oh, fuck, what I keep doing this. Yeah, no, and then I'm trying to think other detainants. Like, there was, like, one, it was mostly just drinking to public. I kicked out of a concert one time for just being hammered, and my parents had to pick me up. And, yeah, that was shitty.

It was like, one arm was around my mom, one arm around this, like, girl I was trying to hook up at the time, which never worked out. And then I was just like... Next to your mom. Yeah, yeah, I was, like, drunk, like, yelling at people at, like, downtown Disney. Yeah, that was a disaster. Yeah, I think that's a bad. I mean, yeah.

So that's two. Okay, no, no, no, there was more. There was the time of the lake where we tried to push the beers in the water because the cops came and the water was too shallow so they just shine the flashlight. They're like, no, those beers are yours.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember our friend's dad was yelling at us and he was so inconsistent with it. He, like, you like, you guys are goddamn fucking rascals. He's like, you... You really trailed off the end of that sentence there. My friend's, they could. You guys are fucking knuckleheads.

And we're like, are you mad or not? Yeah, yeah. Really front-loading the anger on that sentence, dude. He kept doing it. hard not to be um yeah and then it was like a couple times with weed but i think somebody would always throw it um i got detained in europe one time it was crazy dude i uh we were smoking weed outside this bar and i was like probably 14 i was like an exchange doing with this guy and the cop

stopped us and i saw this guy do the best maneuver ever he had the weed baggy behind his fingers so like it was in between his two fingers but on the backside of his hand he literally they searched his waistband he went down like he was he was like he was he's he was scratching and behind the back dropped the weed into his waistband while they were searching like, I think, his socks or something like that. Well, dude, that's like some

now you see me. Dude, insane. And everybody was just like, oh, whoa. Adios mejo. So what do you mean he dropped it into his waistband? So he had his hands in the air and the weed baggy was behind his hands.

And then they went to like search, I think, his socks. So they'd already checked his waist. And so then he goes, boom. he dropped it in his pants essentially. Yeah, but somehow it had the timing to like, like, the timing had to be like, as it's falling. Yeah. He had it open.

So he was like, oh, he dropped it from the up high. Yes, like above his head. I was like, it was like the craziest thing I've seen in my fucking life. I thought you meant he just like right there. Like over like over behind his back. Wow. Yeah. Okay.

That is cool. That is cool. I was like, dude, this is maybe like the craziest thing I've seen in my life. That's a fucking legend. Yeah, I was like, that guy's awesome. I wonder what he's doing now. I don't know. It's probably being Spanish somewhere.

Hell yeah, dude. But, yeah, no, it's funny. I've talked, like, a little bit of shoot about my Spanish exchange dude, and I'm like, there's no way he listens. Like, there's no way his English is good enough to listen to a podcast. Like, it's like, I don't know, maybe he does. But, uh, he could. He was just kind of a dick because he would be like, I'm going to go hook him

with that girl and he'd just like, fuck the chick. Yeah, yeah. He would say, yeah, he would say, yeah, I'm taking care of this idiot white kid from America. Yeah, yeah. It would get him late. Totally. That's kind of a funny bit. That's a funny bit.

But then one time he like, dude, this is kind of weird. So one time he was like, we were upstairs and I was playing video games and he was like a big upstairs area. And he's like, yo, I'm going to fuck her, but you shouldn't go downstairs because my parents are going to think that like, you know, we're fucking up here. So can you just like play video games at him? I was like, no. And we argued about for like five minutes. And I was like, he wanted you to play video games in the same room. With my headphones and while he fucked some chick.

And I was like, no, dude. I don't want to fucking do that. Do, okay, thank you. Did you have the same thing with the Spanish exchange dude? No. That would be an insane parallel. Same guy.

A very similar experience. So my sophomore year of college, I was a, I was an R.A. And so I was... Rape apologist. Yes. Wow.

Yeah. Can we take a step back? Okay, okay. Fuck, what? No. So it was an all guys dorm and it was a Christian school. So girls are not a lot in the dorm room.

And so my buddy comes by and is just like, hey, down the hall, can you like fucking come by and pretend that you're Kevin, who was the RD at the time? He was just like, maybe I shouldn't say his full name, but Kevin, whatever. That's raped defender. Yes, the rape defender. The apologist is like, look, it happens. We all make mistakes. We shouldn't do it. Yeah.

But the defender's like, no, no, no, you should do it. It's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's totally okay. And so he was like, hey, just like in like five minutes, like come down and pretend that like you're Peterson for a second. And I was like, all right, that's fine. That's a stupid little bit. And so I go when I do it and Nick pokes his head out from his bed and he's like, whoa.

Oh, it's just mad. And I was like, okay, cool. The next day he was just like, dude, that was like really, that was hilarious that you made me think that you were Kevin for a second. I was like, I don't know why. And he was just like, oh, because I was like a fucking a girl in my bed. and it made no sense because there were four dudes all in the room

playing video games while he was just like having sex with her essentially a sheet and I was like one you seem like a piece of shit two what happened to that girl like as a child that would make her feel like

that that was an okay decision to make yeah well I was similar to this guy in a sense that I remember my freshman year I was like trying to plot how I would have sex with women. So I, you have like a raised bed. Yeah. And so what I did is I put my bed below my bed frame and hung like a sheet as like a, like a, like a that. Yeah. This is a great idea. And never once fucked under there because it's like a, what did you want to fucking a tent? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how much headspace did you have? Probably enough. Like it was like a

pretty elevated bed. Yeah. But usually like our thing was like people would just fuck in the bed while they were, like it was like people would just do that. Yeah. Yeah. One time my roommate got really pissed it. He actually moved out because of it because this girl sucked on my nipples one time. I started giggling. And then he's like, I got a quiz tomorrow and like yell at us. And I'm like, you fucking homo. You got a quiz. You got a quiz. I got a quiz. How do you not know to not say that?

Yeah. Yeah. Say something else. I got a quiz. And then fuck it. I remember like the next day. It was so funny too because he's like, dude, I totally failed that quiz because of you. And I was like, good. Because of my nipples? Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that was like a weird thing. We also had like, we had like showers between the suites. So people would like, we, like, our floor state was crazy.

We had girls on our floor. Like, it was like across the hall. Was it like a co-ed, just a co-ed dorm? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so funny too, because I was talking to something about, like, the confidence I had back then, like, I would, you would just talk to, I don't know, it was like, you would talk to, you'd be like, that girl's cute, let me go talk to her. Now it's like on the train.

I'm like, I've done it occasionally, but it's like, so much more daunting now. I don't know why. Yeah, well, I think there also is, like, the fact that you're in a city. there's kind of like an undertone of just like, oh, this girl, like, from her perspective, but like, oh, I don't know this guy. And from your perspective, oh, she could like mace me. That's true.

You know what I mean? Whereas like at FSU, it's just like, yeah, we're all 19 and horny as shit. Like, we're trying to fuck. Yeah, yeah. We are at a party right now. This is not the New York City subway. That's a good boy. I'm going to get myself some slack.

Yeah, you're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the funniest thing is when you talk to him on the subway, everything in the subway, everything's up with the subway just gets quiet. Let's fucking see what he's got. Let's see what moves he's got.

You see people just kind of go like this. Yeah, yeah. They're like, what's you going to do? Yeah, yeah. That happened to my wife when we were, when we were, we've been together. It was on the train. Some guy came up to her and was just like,

hey, I don't normally do this, but like I was wondering if I could schedule a dick appointment. What? Yeah, to my wife. I don't normally do. Yeah, if that's your thing, if that's the thing that you say, you do normally do that.

I don't, that's an insane. I don't normally do it. I thought he was going to politely be like, hey, do you want... I was about to call the guy I posted because I don't normally do this. He's not kind of cowardly. And then he just went so far, that way. That's funny.

It was like the inverse of your buddy's dad where he's like, wow, you really backloaded that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He really carried the lead on that one, dude. Like, holy shit. She was like, oh, no, thank you. And he was like, all right. And then, like, walked away.

I'm like, that is... You should have to go to the next girl? I don't usually do this. Yeah. Just go down the line in the car. Or she said, I normally say yes, but no. But no. actually,

mm-mm, no. Me and my friends created a new move. We were out of the beach the other weekend and we'd see women taking like really gay photos

together and then we'd be like, oh, can you do me us a huge favor? Can you please take a picture of us? And then as guys, we would take really gay photos. We'd either mimic their photos or just kiss each other

on the cheek or like somebody's like bent over or something like that. Yeah. And it just leads to a fun conversation because they're like, oh, these are like fun people. Yeah, okay. But you can't really do it on the train,

but can you take a photo of me? And I like, I do like a bat. What's that back bridge Like a backhand spring? Oh, Oh, yeah. I don't know what you're saying.

Like where you're like a little you type of. Or dude, I just grab the bar on the train and put my legs in the air like a spread eagle. Right. I was at the beach a few weeks ago and there were these girls just like laying on, like just posing,

laying down on their bikinis, like just taking pictures of each other. And this, like, it was with a big family, family friend trip. And my friend's dad, he was like,

I can't believe the ego of these girls taking pictures like this. I'm like, you don't. like you are so out of touch with like normality. Oh, you know, with like girls these days. Like, that's every girl is doing that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Every girl that age is doing that. Those aren't, those aren't, um, unique girls in any way. Like, they all do that. No, you're like, there's women that are doing their whole routine on the internet. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, there are women that are showing whole at the beach. Yeah, I didn't say anything. I was like, huh, but like, that's par for the course. Oh, totally. Yeah, yeah.

Instagram exists now. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I'm not going to lie. The other night, I was on the train. and they weren't being loud, and they were, they were just having fun. They were just being Dominican.

They were just being Dominican. No, I think they were, it was Asian. Okay. So it was a little like, oh, good for you guys. They don't normally do this. I don't normally do this. But it was, it was just like a group of like young, like, college-age girls. And they were all like, they were, like, having a nice time.

And they were, like, taking little pictures. But, like, they weren't being obnoxious about it. And they were just having a nice time. And in that moment, I was just like, damn, it would be really fun to just be a young, hot girl with just no cares. You're just like, you get to do that. Like, you get to have that experience with your friends. I don't, like, I've never been on the, on the train.

Like, if you, if we were all on the train, there's no scenario where I'd be like, oh, my God. Oh, my. Yeah. Well, because also the group makes it more powerful. 100%. When I heard one hot girl, I was like, I don't know, you got like, Like Manhattan, you got a million dicks coming at you. Yeah.

People are launching peen left and right at you. But if you got a group, you know what I mean, you got peen shields. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like somebody tries to harass you and you go, no, no, no, no, no. Amber's here. And they just, like, the fucking, like, Batman begins. They just, like, fold back into one.

Just like they disappear into the crowd. And she's like, oh, wait, hold on. Which one were you? Oh, yeah, yeah, like the ninjas versus like, too, too, true, true. And they were Asian, so it could happen. Yeah, yeah. they were like, but that was funny too

because like the League of Shadows is like the leader was like Asian like the original Razal Ghul Razal Ghul yeah they had the Fu Manchu yeah and then because I think that was yeah right

that's how it works like he was Razza Aguil and then Liam Neeson became like Razzaul's like a like a position kind of thing I assume that I assumed that Liam Neeson was actually Razzaul

and like the main like the main guy that died at the first battle thing that Christian Bail killed him or watched him die that guy was like a puppet, like fall guy. Like, I'm pretending to be Razal Ghul, but Liam Neeson actually has the power.

Okay, that kind of makes sense. That's how I always interpreted it. Yeah, he's like... But maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. He's like vaguely Middle Eastern in the comic books, but the, uh, it was... I like, the legal shadows was very diverse.

Like, if you look at, like, I remember, like, it was like a very Asian thing because it's in Asia. Yeah. But then they somehow recruited just like... Yeah, a lot of white guys from America. Yeah. I don't know how they got those. couple guys from Detroit, a few guys from

Columbia, like they were, they were like, they had an HR department and for the League of Shadows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because that's such a good point, because I'm like, they're, what are they in like, like, Tibet or something like that? Yeah, like at the top of the, of a mountain that no one's climbed in a thousand years or something, yeah.

Yeah, because I guess, well, I guess, so he found Batman because Batman was in like a Tibetan prison. Yeah, because how does... Out there trying to like, like, become one with crime, or like, better understand, working man or something that he was trying to like pay back his debts

or so I don't know. That's how I feel so I grew up kind of rich. I mean not fucking Bruce Wayne Rich. But like in my mind now that I'm like a poor person it's like I'm like oh this is me doing my bad man begins where I'm you know I'm like giving like a little Asian kid like half an apple I'm like you keep this. It's not like a scene where he's like he steals like a grape or something he's like yeah this one's for you

yeah. I just watched that again for the first time. Never seen that movie. Really? What? I've seen the Joker in Bain, but I've not seen the first one. Oh, dude, it's slept on. Like, obviously, Dark Night, Dark Night Rises are phenomenal, but, like, Batman Begins is really good. Yeah, I think Superman's gonna fucking suck. Yeah. I want to see it a lot.

I think it's... I'm usually not a big super... The Superman movies usually aren't that good, but for some reason, I'm really, I want to see this one. So I do want to see it, but I don't think it's going to be good, because I think, like, this is what I realize, and talking to a lot of people about this. Like, I'm a huge comic book fan, but I think what happens is, like, Superman, because he was the first one, he's the least interesting because they hadn't rounded out the characters enough.

So by the time they got to Batman, they were like, oh, we could make a different kind of thing. Well, he was too, I mean, that's why they had to, like, give him, they had to give him something that could fuck him up, because he was too powerful. Yeah, it's like every, it's just like, oh, there's no suspense. It's like, oh, yeah, he's going to show up and kick everybody's ass. Why? Because he's

Superman, they can do everything. But I think for this one, they, it's, the director, like, made it to where he's not, his, his strength isn't just infinite. Like, you, like, the making him kind of weaker in this one. Yeah, like the villains are like, they can, I mean, I don't know about match him, but like he can't just like flick planet Earth and it goes away.

Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. And he's got like a hype beast haircut. He's got like the like the broccoli coat where it's shaving the sides and like rolling on the top. He's like, what's up, Lois is that? You know what I didn't know in the comics? Like people always wonder that like how could you, how is it that all he has to do is put on some glasses and people don't recognize him?

I didn't, I just learned like yesterday the day before, but those are like like from kryptonia whatever glasses that like they're like magic they hide his identity like it's more than just any old pair of glasses it's special glasses

that help that like I don't know hypnotize people into not knowing that Tim one didn't know that at all I could be full of shit but I'm pretty sure

that's probably like a later edition like they probably when they first didn't think of that at first and then probably years later they're like enough people are complaining what's like yeah but two

do you know how many times like because I wear a hat a lot the times where I don't wear a hat people would be like oh my God Oh, take your hat off. I didn't, like, or do that or like without glasses, people would be like, oh, whoa.

Like, they would have to take, like, at least a double take. Yeah. It's not like, I don't think it would be, oh, that's a completely different person. But you could, like, if I didn't have a hat on and didn't wear glasses, I bet I could maybe walk past you on the street. Yeah. And you not recognize me. Probably.

Oh, yeah, because, I mean, it's just. There's also many other things that you're not paying attention to, but still. What if you, I like, I like, I did him wearing like a, like, a fat suit as. as Clark can. Oh, like an Uncle Drew type thing? Yes, yes. And then he just like takes it off. Yeah.

Because they're like, no, this guy can't be Superman. He's fat. I don't know. I think that'd be funny if he was, if he showed up as Superman, but he was just like, could he still be as super strong as he was if he ate nothing but like Wopper juniors? That's true. What is?

Yeah, I'm really curious what the diet was Superman because it's like he, so you look at him and it's like, oh, he's got like a six pack and he's like jacked and all this shit. But you're wondering, you're like, all right, is, does he have to watch what he's eats it all or does the Superman body just like Yeah. I would assume he could eat what he wants because if he could somebody could shoot him in the eye and his eye just shatters the bullet how could some milkshakes

take him down? Yeah. Yeah. I assume he can eat what he wants but hey I don't know. That's like Spider-Man's like the perfect amount of strength for like a super ear because you watch him you're like oh this is cool, he can still get cut like kind of like reasonably he's just super strong. Captain America. That would honestly be of funnier

or a better thing of like if Superman, maybe not even morbidly obese. But if he was just like, I don't know, carrying like an extra 50 on him where you're just like, what? That guy? And then just boom, and just wreck somebody, that would be fun. Yeah, because people wouldn't be intimidated by him.

Which still happens. Every movie there's like a guy who's just like, not afraid of Superman. Yeah, no. Like that scene, have you seen Hancock where like Will Smith is essentially Superman? They go to jail or he goes to prison and the inmates think that they could kick his ass. Yeah. Doesn't he literally

This dude stopped a train just by lowering his shoulder. Like, what do you guys? How stupid are you guys? Well, doesn't he literally shove somebody's head up? Up another man's ass. That's that scene. That's hilarious. Yeah, yeah.

That was a big 2000s thing was like heads and asses. Yeah. Yeah. Was Ace Ventura? There was like a fucking talking butt or something like that. No, no, no. I was like, Bruce Almighty. A monkey comes out of the guy's ass.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. A lot of stuff coming out of the ass. But I thought, too, like, I like, I like the guy they have playing Lex Luthor, but he's kind of pussyish. Like, they don't have, like, Lex, like, in my mind, Lex Luthor's, like, like, Kevin Spacey was a perfect Lex Luthor. He's like, he's, like, confident, kind of like, I don't know. It's hard to, because mentally, when I cast Lex Luthor, I can only do bald guys.

Like, I can't be like, like, this guy's just going to shave his head and be like, like, sure. Oh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's Nicholas Holt, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, who's good, but he's got too much, like, feminine of a face. Yeah. Yeah. He looks kind of like, uh, like a lady going through, like, chemotherapy a little bit, and it's just not a very strong.

Kind of like a U-Pen swimmer type vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They should have done, like, I mean, everybody was like Brian Cranston had to play him. But they just wanted. But he's old. He's too old to be, I feel like, to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, well, maybe, I don't know.

Kevin Spacey was not that. Are they the same age? Probably? Probably, yeah, but he would, that was like 2006. I guess that's true. So that's almost 20 years ago now. Yeah, yeah. So Brian Cranston's like in his 60s.

Yeah, and then Jesse Eisenberg was obviously terrible. They were just like, oh, let's just make him a different kind of character where he's kind of like a giant pussy. and then he shapes his head, he's like, oh, now he's like, oh, now he's like, oh, I don't think, there's somebody I had the other day

there was, oh, Mark Strong, that guy who's, uh, you were he, he played like the bad guy in that. Like the Italian guy, that guy would be sick. Yeah.

Yeah, but, um, no, I just think, yeah, I don't think it's like, yeah, I don't know, it's,

it's gonna be fun. Like, I'm gonna get baked and definitely see it like the day it comes out. It's hard, like Henry Cavill, Kaville, whatever.

He was, he's like such, I don't know how you can possibly look more like Superman just face and hair than that guy So it's like it's like an un you can't just with the look You can't top that so it's like you have to just make peace with the fact that Whatever Superman's men come after Aren't gonna look as good and just hope the plot of the movie is you know makes up for it

Which it's not that hard to do How do they make how many supermands have they made Like I feel like every single Nine probably DC in general Yeah just like every time there's a one that's about to come out every time I hear it, it's just like, this is the one that's going to turn around the DC franchise. I'm like, no, it's not.

Nothing is. It's like, they're just bad. Yeah, it's like they did three good Batman movies. Which, but that was because they weren't even like, hey, we're going to make a superhero movie. That was just like, hey, Christopher Nolan, can you, like, you're going to make some dope Batman stuff? Or were you even talking about that?

Were you talking about that? No, no, I was talking about that. Well, I don't remember the Michael Keene one was incredible and it was like, because it was just so influential. Like, it wasn't that good of a movie, but you're like, artistic. it's really cool and it's like it's set the ground. Yeah, I guess I'm saying like post

post-Marvel making all of their movies. So like post-2008. Yeah, yeah. Or whenever the fuck the first ones came out, DC has just never made anything. Trump needs an executive order no superhero movies just for a decade. Oh my God.

Can we put a moratorium on that? Yeah. Because I'll keep watching them, but like we, I don't need them. Oh, it's just trashed with my brain. I can't. And it's like, yeah, I'm one of those guys I've read tons of comic books.

Like I'm into it, but I'm like, it's just, just like, you need to give us a fucking break from this. Well, and people have to be watching them, because that's why they, they wouldn't keep making them if they weren't certain that they could make money from it.

And it's been 20 years now. Yeah. It's been 20 full years of just constant superhero movies. I mean, like, how many a year? Two, three? 2006 is probably when this, like, the whole thing, like, started, and then it just kept going.

You know, it's something that always, like, bugs me that doesn't, apparently, I'm the only person that it bothers. when an actor will play multiple superheroes. Even if it's in different universe. I agree, I agree. I can't. Like Chris Evans is Captain America.

And he's also the human torch. I get bugs the shit out of me. Even if it's different universes, even if it's Marvel DC, I can't stand. It's got, I feel like, I know it goes hold. I'm like, now he's the beast and like the X-Men's. Now he can't do. It's like annoying.

Yeah. I mean, I know it's becoming like popular again because Robert Downey Jr.'s plan. But they might work it into the storyline somehow, which would I guess salvage a little bit. Pedro Pascal, I don't like him. Can he, well, he just needs to stop being in everything. Yeah, and this is my thing. It's, if he's gay, I was talking about this.

They like him. Yes. There's something where straight guys act a certain way that he's like, he's just doing this thing where he's like seeking approval so much. And I'm like, and like, if you're gay, it's fine. It's the same thing with like, shirtless pictures. If you're a gay guy, it's cool. Go get dick.

It seems to think you're a woman. But it's like, there's something. about him that like he had something where like he posted that he's like bullies make me sick it's like shut up that's the gayest thing I'd ever yeah and I'm like dude what do you like what are you doing it's like you're just try like I don't know there's that thing where he's like oh I'm so anxious uh he's like holding hands with like he gets social anxiety so hold hands with like oh my god I saw that with the with the girl yeah yeah not the girl from the show but like a hot some hot chick oh okay and my but Farson brought up he's like yeah so many commented I don't know Farsen said this

saw it somewhere it's like, why does you only do this with hot chicks? Like, he's just like, on scale. Yeah. Can I suckle on you? That's literally a fucking high school move. Right, yeah. The chicks do. Right. So if he's not trying to get pussy, then it's fine. But that's where the, like, if you're, my whole issue with like the gay versus straight thing, it's like, if you're gay, you're doing these things because they may be who you are. But if you're straight, like, I don't like straight guys. It's the same thing with being a feminist.

Like, gay guys says, like, I'm a feminist. I'm like, okay, he has no advantage to saying this. Yeah. But if you're a straight guy and you're like, oh, I'm a feminist. It's like, you're seeking approval in such a way that's kind of like, yeah. Sure. Yeah, what's, is it, cynic? Like, it's, I don't know. Your intentions aren't pure.

You're just doing us to your own. Alterior motives. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like he's doing like a, like a sensitive guy, ulterior motive thing where like he's like, yeah. And he's everywhere. Do you watch a lot of Pedro Pascal interviews or something?

Like, where are you seeing this? He's just popping up my feet. Well, he's in every fucking show and movie. Like, I liked him when it, I still kind of do. But, like, I, I, I don't know, like when he was in Game of Thrones and like just like some, oh, you're in some cool projects but you're not like everywhere all the time.

Yeah, but he's perfect. But like you don't even see his fucking face in the Mandalorian. Yeah. Like he's wearing a helmet the whole time. Yeah. Well, that's because he's scared. Yeah. Articam was rolling.

I'm nervous. You know what it is too. It's like I also, I do have a lot of empathy for people because once somebody becomes so big, you start to just hate them. And it's like you just see them so much that you get sick of seeing their face. So it might not even be his fault.

It's like, I mean, if you were to list all the celebrities I've just shat on, like, I mean, I'm trying to fill air time. But also it's like, I've just shot on so many celebrities. And most of the time I'm like, oh, I've just seen this person's face too much. It's getting kind of annoying. Well, I mean, but they're not really doing anything. 100% wrong. Well, I mean, that's like, think about like how many, like, standups. Yeah.

Where you're just like, oh, dude, that guy's really good. Oh, man, he's in that. Oh, he's doing this. Are he still doing that? Still, oh, chill. Stop. Whoa. And then, like, you pass that.

But it sucks. Because the catch 22 is like you do need to put stuff out. In order to get somewhere, you've got to constantly put stuff out. But then if you do it too much, then you're like, nobody likes you anymore. Yeah, and also you're just trying to get the bag. You're trying to make money while the strike while the iron's hot pretty much. But yeah, and that is like a tough situation. For listeners, I just went in to get a seconds in.

I'm sorry. I saw that. Yeah. But, no, it's one of those things where, like, somebody brought it up. It's like, you, like, stand-ups usually have, like, four years where they're getting really big, and then everybody kind of just gets tired of them. So, like, it's really hard to, like, it's hard to do that. So, like, you want to hope you're in a part of your career where you're like, all right,

here's all of me for four years. Like, I mean, I don't know how Shane could get any bigger unless he, like, becomes president. Yeah. He's always thinking of, like, how's he going to sustain? You can't sustain it, but, I don't know, just kind of gracefully. Yeah, what else is there to do? Like, gracefully, like, let there be, like, I don't know, two or three years between every special now and just kind of do your

podcast? I don't know. I mean, I, you know. Yeah. I mean, so he's got like a TV, you got a TV show. He's hosted everything. He's hosting the Espies. Yeah. Yeah. Like, which I will all watch the Sbies now. Like, unless what? Is Shane Gillis going to fucking host the Oscar? You know what? That would, that's like... Neyber Gutsi's doing it too. You know, he's hosting what? The

the Oscars something. He's hosting something big coming out. My favorite thing with him is I remember watching his, sorry. No, no, no. I remember watching his Comedy Central, like, hour when. I was like in college. Pargazzi? And I was so depressed for him. I was like, man, this poor guy is so talented,

but he just got fucking nothing. He was like, fucking 40-something. It's like, this guy has just got no career going on. And then he just becomes the biggest guy. Ever. It's like the, it's like the Emmys, the Oscars, or the something. See, that sounds that, I think that's perfect.

One for him, two, they would love that. Where it's just like, hey, a guy who's super talented, who's also not going to be a jackass to us. he's perfect for them yeah what if he just goes in though he's like you know there's a fucking slut jaden he just starts swearing for the first time oh my god

that would be amazing I mean that was kind of sick to watch uh what's his name uh dude he'll get a little spicy Gaffigan Gaffian he gets a little spicy yeah dude when he does it he's just like he's like yeah you guys are all like pedophile or what he says like you guys are all friends with Jeffrey not Jeffrey I've seen Harvey Weinstein

or something of that yeah he kind of let it rip um that was like last year two years ago? Yeah, I also heard dude, I heard he would like, used to be a huge drinker and a fucking pussy hound. I heard he used to, when he was single, he would like, he would hit on, just go down the line, he's like, okay, got rejected by her,

I'll hit on the next girl. It's just so funny because he's just... Dang. Now he has like eight kids. Yeah, yeah, well, I mean, the guy likes fucking. With one lady. Yeah. Oh, this was something I was thinking about. So my brother's about to have a kid, and I actually really want your perspective on this. I have a kid. Yes.

It would be funny if I didn't. I was like, I'll just go fuck myself. Yeah, yeah. No, I just want, by the way, I've asked multiple people about this that aren't qualified also. So I was putting myself, my brother's better to have a son,

which I'm so excited about. And just got my tennis shot, which I, remember when you're a kid? You got yours? Yeah, yeah, because I hadn't had it in like years. And I've been cutting myself on rust constantly and been like, it's probably still good, which is not, it's been like 20 years.

But I used to be scared. They used to tell you the needle is like giant. But I got it anyways. I was thinking about, like, if I have a son, will I circumcise him? Because the society's changed a little bit. It used to be like you 100% circumcise your kid in America. Yeah. Because that's what popular.

And then they're like, oh, it actually doesn't have health benefits. So like, do you have any thought? You don't have to share whether your son's circumcised or not. I mean, he is. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Because that's where my perspective is like, I'm surk in my kids. Doing a survey.

Yeah. Yeah. That's also something that's fun that they just, they call it a cirque. Yeah. Which feels like. In the hospital they do? Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious.

Yeah. I'm like, that seems oddly broie. Like my, our O-B-G-Y-N to be like, so I'm going to be doing the Cirque. Yeah, wait a minute. Are you sure Kyle's not going to be doing the Cirque? Like, what the fuck? Have you heard Jim Jeffries talk about

like him circumcising his son? Like, he puts it pretty simple. He like, he says, the reason I got my, I'm not going to do an Australian accent, the reason I got my son circumcised and he just gets down one knee, he goes, because when he grows up, I want women to enjoy having,

his penis in their mouth. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of my perspective. Because, like, I looked into it, and I was like, all right, well, like, there's, initially everybody's like, oh, you lose a lot of sensitivity. And I'm like, first off, my dick controls my whole entire life. I don't need more sensitivity in it. Yeah, I was going to say, yeah, who's, how do you know? But adults who did it.

Like, people, like, adults who got circumcised after adults. I don't know. But I think they're like, if you, I will say there are like, cultures who do it like around like around puberty it happens then. They wait until then. I think like, uh, what's his, I'll, I won't there, but there's a comic that I know who had it, who did it when he was like 13, 12 or 13. Wow. Patty Defino, yeah. Patty. Big time. Maybe all, maybe it was him. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think it's like they, they just like, Matt, they can tell like, okay, we're cutting certain nerve endings. But I looked into it. Apparently it's not significant.

It's like not significant. I'm like, oh, what is? sex going to feel like slightly better. I'm like, I don't need, like, in my mind, I'm like, I don't know. I, uh, I was like, this is kind of a no-brainer for me. I'm like, I think I would circer my kids. Zero people ever finished having sex and thought, it was good, but wish it was uncircumcised sex.

I wish I had that cap on my cock. Yeah. Yeah. No, dude, the thing that was the most shocking to me was how resilient the baby is. Like my, our doctor came in and she was like, hey, so I'm going to go perform the circumcision and I'll bring her right back

and we're like, all right, cool. They were gone for two minutes. Came back in. He's just chilling. Well, don't they numb him? I don't know. But still... I think him whippets.

But like, can you... Like, I can't imagine, even if you numbed me that if, like, you chopped off a piece of my penis, two minutes later, I would be like, yeah, so like,

what are we doing for lunch? Yeah, yeah. There's no way that I would be just so fine with it. Yeah, well, and that adds so much more credit to, like, because people are like, oh, it's horrendous for the baby, and I'm like, maybe if your baby's like a pussy, but like if your baby's a tough baby, I guess, I don't know, it's like, have you, have you met a baby? No, dude, these things are, it's insane. One, I guess how short their memory is too. Yeah, yeah. Like my, like, my son will just

wham, bang his head on something. You'll pick him up, he'll cry and then you'll calm down, and then he'll be like, so like, we're having peanut butter and toast or like, like, immediately. He's on to the next thing. That would be very funny if he, that was the one thing he remember. Like, he sees that lady down the road. He's like, you fucking cut. I read, like, I'll forget your face. I know you cut my penis.

And then, like, five minutes later, he looks back at the table. Like, remember when I, damn table? I keep my head on. Yeah. Because, I don't know. It's one of those things where I'm like, I get that it is genital mutilation, technically. And I get that it's like, but I'm like, I feel like it's just like, it's, if you go over to Europe, women are not bothered by

uncircum, or by circumcised penises, but here, a lot of women are bothered by circumcised penises. So I'm like, you're kind of just expanding the dating potential for the kid. Yeah. What, are you going to make a more European? You fucking loser? Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah, that should

be the principle. It should be because these Americans where we're circling. Which is not, it's like a Jewish thing. Yeah. I think it's a Muslim thing too. Probably. Well, I mean, it I believe it has its roots in, like, it being more sanitary. Like, that's the, like, roots of the, like, religious...

The health benefits that have, that were... The religious reason that was for the health or whatever, like, that's kind of why they go back to a thing, I think. You know what I learned recently? You know how there's, like, African tribes, where they, like, they stretch the lip and put the circle

in the lip? Yeah. Yeah. Whatever that is. I looked it up, and, like, it's just, like, a thing that they do, whatever. But I was saying, like, yeah, but, like, you can't Who would want to kiss somebody that, like, has a fucked up lip like that? And I learned that kissing, not all cultures find that, like, that's not a part of, like, sexual activity for them. Yeah, that kind of makes sense.

And it's not, it's not, like, if you go back 10 billion years, it's not a certainty that kissing was a thing at all. Like, that's, like, a certain culture started doing that at some, I don't have the specifics. And then other cultures, like, that's pretty interesting. and then it just kind of grew and now it's like almost everybody does it. That's interesting because I was also reading like weirdly enough, like reading an article about like a very similar thing

and they were saying that the reason they stretched out the lips was because a bunch of dudes wanted to fuck the hole. Interesting. I was totally. I thought that was funny. I was kind of, the problem is I put the Zinsin

so now I'm all like, I'm stimulated. Now I'm like introspective. I'm like interesting. So they would fuck the mouth? Yeah. Yeah. Which end would they? Also like think about how fucking nasty

people's breast smell. back then. So it's like a pussy product tastes way better than like a 19 or 1800s mouth. Oh, I don't know about that. I mean, think about a 19, no fucking deodorant with all the fucking cotton layers and the fucking metal cage and shit.

But I think of a vagina, like it's supposed to clean itself. Yeah, yeah. Yes, that's true. So when a cat, pussy just tastes bad. That's why it's called a pussy. Yeah, yeah. If that's why it's called a pussy, because cats clean themselves. That's really, that is Oh, dude, I can't. I'm not going to say anything better than that. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it probably evolved from that because, like, pussy was something people called. Like, I think, yeah, I looked into, like, I look into certain words because I want to keep using them. Yeah. When somebody's like, you can't use that. I'm like, actually, the origin is way less racist than you think. Yeah. But. It really sounded like you were talking about the N word there.

Yeah, no, it just means something different. No, I think, like, yeah, I think I looked into bitch. I think I looked into fag So fag was initially like a woman You call like a woman a fag If she was like really mean So it was like it was like initially for women And then eventually

So funny Yeah Start calling your wife a fag Yeah Yeah That would go over real well Yeah But then yeah

So Yeah I don't know It's weird how like Then now it's something like nobody would call a woman Like I guess occasionally homophobic people Towards lesbians call them fags But that's just a confusing guy You're like what do you

What? Who do you know Nobody knows what you're talking about right now, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get your message, get your hate messaging in order. Figured out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but yeah, I don't know. And then I think the bundle of sticks things was like

not true, or maybe it was. The what? So a bundle of sticks called a fag. So people used to say that like, oh, the term fag came from they used to burn homosexuals on bundles and sticks. Okay. But then that's like a misskin. I don't know. It's just like how cracker is not actually a whip cracker. It's from your neck cracking from being out in the sun.

Like your skin would crack from... Oh. Interesting. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. I think the fag is the weirdest one. Wait, the neck would crack and the skin would crack?

Yeah, the skin would, maybe I'm mixing redneck and, but cracker, like, your skin would crack your out. What about, like, the whip would crack? That's, like, a different. Interesting. That's not the origin. So it used to, because, like, Florida Cracker is, like, a common term. Uh-huh. And I just looked up the origins of Cracker, and it's because, like, people's skin would crack.

So then people call white people crackers. So my, my uncle is somebody who has never. names for like everybody he knows. Like everybody he knows. He calls my mom, which is his wife's sister, Cracker, because her name's Kathy. It was just, it started at what something, like somebody called her khaki, like a little

kid, and just evolved into Cracker, okay? Has nothing to do with the slur. Yeah. So one time, my mom's a nurse. My uncle goes to the hospital and sees the doctor. The doctor's black. And my mom, the nurse walks in and he just like, you always, Hey, Cracker.

And the doctor, who doesn't doesn't know they know each other goes cracker. What? And they had to like, they had to like, you know, oh, that's, it sounds weird, but in it is weird, but it's not, you know. He probably thought he was trying to talk like him. He's probably like, yo, what's up, Slim? You hang out with his cracker over here.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of that, dude, I keep seeing these Eric Adam videos and I love him. Dude, I, I kind of like that guy. I just started like that. Oh, yeah, dude. Did you see the one I sent today?

No. What did he sent what he sent like a press conference or something? At the Dominican parade. Of course there is. And he goes, the video starts he goes, I'm Dominican baby. And then it's him dancing with these like old Dominican ladies. Is that why that was in the group? Yes.

So fucking good, dude. And the caption, I was like, is Eric Adam's Dominican? He's not. Not at all. The caption is N.Y. by birth, D.R. by soul. So he's like, he's like, not. Not Dominican at all.

He posted that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. He's just like, something about, like, just a cool, fun black guy that I'm like, I just, I love him. But it's also like the fucking, because I think he is, what party is he? He's running independent. Okay, but he was a Democrat. Yes. But he's, it's like the, it's the absurdity of like, you remember when like fucking

Nancy Pelosi and all the Dems showed up in like Kangle hats and sashes and stuff? And you're like, what are you guys doing? But what they did is they like dropped into the half pipe and kind of like fell on their faces. Yeah. He is fucking ripping the half pipe of other races where he's like at the Puerto Rican Day parade. Dude, he's like dancing with all these ladies. He's like he knows how to dance. And it's like you're like, oh, he's doing the thing that every politician tries to do, but he's nailing it.

Like people are like, okay, this guy's kind of fun. Yeah. Well, he also like, he got arrested by the FBI and he was like, yeah, I'm not leaving. I'm like, all right, that's got to count for something. Right. Like that's at least a little cool. It's very cool. And then I looked at it.

I mean, him talking about his shorties was sick. dude. He's like, he's like, yeah, I used to have a couple shorties in that area. He's like, yeah, I take the A train there. Love Mixed do some crazy things. And I'm like, awesome. And then there's like one where I looked into his past. I was really curious. He grew up in the Bronx. He was in a gang. And when he was like 14 and what he would do is he would like hold money for like hustlers and prostitutes. And there was like a prostitute who like didn't pay him or something like that. So like he stole her TV. And then he got like a. arrested and like beaten by cops. And then he was like, oh, that was part of his thing where he's like, oh, I want to go into law enforcement. But the Wikipedia page is awesome. He's like, he's like, I like the swagger or something, I don't want to misquote him. He's like,

I like the swagger of like the black cops or something like that. He was like, I want to be like a black cop. And I was like, it's kind of sick, dude. I didn't know he was a cop. Oh, yeah, that was like his thing. Was it like, which I honestly, like, I'm not, I like him now and I'm kind of being funny. But like, I

legitimately did. Like when he first, was elected, I was just like, he was like, as a former cop, like, I'm going to try to clean up, like, like, legitimately stuff where I'm just like, yeah, I take the train and I'm kind of over this shit. Like, this is very annoying. And then I got annoyed because it was just like, oh, you meant you're just going to put cops at the turnstiles to keep us from fucking jumping over them. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, so that sucks and I kind of don't like it. But you also are kind of a fun guy. Yeah, well, I mean, they're, they're focusing the wrong thing. They're trying to keep homeless people off the train. But what they should do is keep the homeless people towards heroin, which is away from the

train. Yeah. Keep them in that weird corner of Washington Square Park. Exactly. That's where I want all of them, because then I know where they are and I know where not to go. Yeah, yeah. They should just have like a crack heroin like, I don't know, some sort of, I picture like an orb, but we're just talking about Superman earlier. I just picture this crack orb kind of thing that they all like

flock towards. Yeah. It's like Wakanda, but just crack. Yes, yes, we're cracked. There was a guy smoking crack outside of my fucking pediatrician yesterday. Yeah. My son, we went to first doctor. Your son got a nice whiff.

Yeah. I just walked outside and the guy was just like doing the thing with the pipe and I was like, all right man, fucking cool. Yeah. Well, and crack is really dangerous and that's why I think fentanyl is really good because it does it keeps him down.

It's like, you know, fentanyl epidemic obviously a problem, but keeps the homeless guys very docile. True. Because if you see a homeless guy smoke crack, like, fuck dude, he's going to have some energy. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. There's lots of like, conspiracies that like China's intentionally trying to push the fentanyl all to like fucking fuck us up for generations. Are they? Well, I thought that was coming from Mexico. So the precursors all come from China. Oh, because like

opium and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it gets made in Mexico and then it comes up. But they started like changing it where like they can just, I didn't know this about pharmacology, but you can like basically make anything from anything. So like with the right tools. You mean like alchemy?

Isn't that what alchemy is? It's just like I have two sparrows and a tooth and I'm going to put them together and it's going to make toothpaste or something. Yes, it's basic science, I guess. But to me this is mind-blowing because I learned about this with like MDMA like comes from sassafras. So sassafras trees are where Molly comes from like ecstasy. But they started like destroying the forest to make Molly. So every time you hear some fucking hippie talking about shit be like, oh, you're doing Molly? Well, you're destroying the forest.

Okay. But they sort of like changed it. Now there's like a new way to make it so that they can like, they don't need that necessarily. So like they change the precursors. They outlaw precursor one in China. And then they just go, okay, well precursor two, change a molecule or whatever. Interesting. And then they make it in India too now where they can now just China can sell it to India.

And they could be like, we don't know what you were talking about. Wow. Yeah. And it's all to fuck us up. Apparently. Wow. And it's also very popular. People like it.

Yeah. Yeah. But it's all tough too because it is. you do need fentanyl, like, for surgery and stuff. Yeah, yeah. It serves a purpose. Yeah. I was shocked.

I'm not going to, like, because I'm, in terms of, like, drugs and stuff, I've led a very sheltered life. And so I feel like it's got to be, something's got to be very popular or very, like, deadly for it to come on my radar. So I was shocked when I was, like, watching the office, like, an episode that aired in, like, 2006, it's when Meredith, like, gets, what Michael hits her with her car, his car. and they're like all visited her in the hospital and like she's like yeah

I'm sorry guys I'm kind of down they've got me hopped up on a bunch of painkillers and then Creed pushes past everybody and he's like what kind of stuff codeine oxycotton fentanyl I was like fentanyl in 2006? Oh yeah yeah yeah

holy shit dude I know I know in Florida part of the problem was they had like these pain management centers where you could go and you just go to different ones so you go to one apparently and you'd be like oh I have back pain they prescribe you

and then they didn't have like a good database. So you could go to like another one. And they had no idea that you... That's hilarious. Yeah, and they cracked down on those. And then people were like, all right, well, now I'm going to buy street fent on heroin stuff. You would think that that would be like the first thing

that you would want to get set up. What's up? A proper database to see if somebody has been to another clinic. Oh, totally, yeah. How is that not like, hey, first thing, let's build the building. Second thing, let's get the water going. Third thing, let's make sure that drug addicts aren't abusing this. It's probably because the doctors are prescribed it.

don't care. Yeah, you're right. I'm operating under the assumption that everybody is morally, morally upstanding. No, they're fucking making a dollar. But apparently it gets really complicated, too, because I was listening to Hamilton Morris' dude who did all the vice documentaries where he's like, I'm going to go smoke, toad venom in like South America.

I'm going to do all these weird drugs. Toad venom. Yeah, no, there's a thing, yeah. Sounds hot. Yeah, it doesn't sound pretty sexy. I don't know, also, I really wish I'd tried that once, because I'm kind of a douche. Should you just be fun at a bar? I'd be like, oh, you never, you never tried the Colorado River Toad?

Oh, it's also known as the Sonora Desert Toad. My bad. It's so funny, too, because I hate people like that. But maybe just one day I could be that guy. But he brought up a really interesting point. He's talking about Kanye. And he's like a lot of these, he thinks a lot of these, like, doctors, they kind of put themselves in this place where it's like,

you have somebody like Kanye West, who's like, his thing is nitrous, right? He's addicted to nitrous oxide. Yeah. So he goes to this dentist apparently lives in his building and is like, I'll give you as much nitrous oxide as you want or whatever. Somebody that Kanye can just go to another. guy. So apparently a lot of these people, they're like, okay, yes, this person's

a drug addict, but if I cut them off, they're going to get somebody who might over, like, I can correctly give them the round of drugs they're going to do. Sure. So I don't like, it's like, this guy's just going to cut me out of his life, and then he's just going to buy it from whoever. And it's even more reckless and it'll kill him. Right. So I think apparently they kind of go in this space where they're like, all right, well, like, fuck, this person's going to do drugs either way. I know I can, I can kind of like,

advise them more. So it's like it's, I don't know. I mean, that's like the most empathetic viewpoint you can have of it. Because I'm sure it's also like, that's just how you lie to yourself. Yeah, but then that, I mean, that it's also just like, I think, I don't know. I don't want to get serious. Yeah. I was trying to admit.

I was like, don't what fucking this isn't a. No, no, no. This is how podcast. Gail, we're 56 minutes to get serious now. Yeah. It's always how we go. Really serious. Right now.

Yeah. No. I don't know. He had the whole, he had the ditty album, I thought, sucked. He did the album with. also fucking how are we 56 minutes in and we haven't talked about that that happened today yeah yeah did he did he's free dude thank god but he got you know what i'm saying two things right but like two of the like hey hey this stuff you stub this girl's toe yeah like

you know what i mean like that was what the fuck but i mean did they get him for beating the hell out of cassie i mean it's on video no as i said he used a closed toe that's how it works yeah i think he well yeah he they were he got a not guilty on trafficking and racketeering, which were like the big ones. Yeah. If you're rich, I mean, the truth is you should get away than anything. It's, I, it's insane. Yeah. That's what our founding fathers they wanted. They wanted. Yeah. If you're rich, I don't know. I also realized I was like, you know what, by the founding

father standards, I couldn't vote because I don't own land. Yeah. I don't think any of us could vote. Do you own any land? No. No. I own a person. That's kind of land. So that's pretty cool, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for like 18 years. That is land. Is that, is that, like, technically true? I think I, I mean, I'm legally responsible for him. Yeah, so, like, if he, if he dies, it's my fuck up. You know what I mean?

Yeah. What does define his land, though? Because I'm like, I mean, obviously, like, we don't technically own land, but, like, I don't know. Land's on top of land. So if you, like, technically somebody might own this, but if I owned above that, you know what I mean? Like, land shifts space. It's not, like, just square footage. So, like, like, if you owned an apartment, I would consider that land.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because, like, but it's not technically land. It's, it's, like, drywall and, like... Area. I think it would be something, like, you own something that no one can come into without either your permission or a warrant. So is the International Space Station land technically? Ooh.

I don't know. I think that's, like, government property. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, if you were, like, owned the International Space State, you know what mean? Like, Elon owns satellites. Like, it's not, I guess it's not technically on land. I don't know, it's weird.

It's a weird term. I like poking. holes in it because I have no value. Like I'm like, I don't have land. So let's try to figure out what I could technically call land. Yeah. And like whatever it is, we probably like we're going to get it stolen by the, some Native American tribes.

Or the Chinese are going to be the new conquistadors of us. Yeah. They're going to show up and we like, are you guys God? Yeah. Yeah. Here's a disease. Yeah. You guys want some blankets?

Anybody? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think, uh, yeah, the day, it didn't surprise it. I knew from day one. I was like, this guy's going to get away. Totally. I don't know.

What do you think? Do you think he's going to like go do like an OJ trajectory afterwards where he's going to like try to like do like a public relations thing of like, I'm kind of a funny, cool guy? Oh, probably. Yeah. It's like advertised live as fantasy football draft and everything. Yeah. Hello, Twitter world. Exactly. Or it'd be really, if he just did like fucking like what Tupac did when he got out, he's like, I'm going straight to the studio. Like you imagine if like did he goes like on live? Just like, I'm in the studio.

He'd make so much money. Who's your first podcast you think to have him? Oh, Rogan. What's that, Rogan? I don't think you'd have him. Well, I don't either, but like, I don't know. Is there anybody he's the Adam Friedland show?

Fio Von. Honestly, if he knows who Adam Friedland is, what a perfect podcast. Tim Dillan should get him. I mean, he had Spacey. I don't know what Spacey's thing was. Apparently he's like not, a lot of people think he's like kind of innocent.

So he's like, you've done like, Tucker as himself. He's just like, yeah, or not as himself, but as Frank Underwood. That's honestly, though, like that, when he first did that, that was a scary thing in the world. So weird. I was like, dude, you're unwell. Like, as a person. I didn't see this.

What do you do? This was like, because he, like, got, like, canceled. He was, like, touching, potentially, like, touching a kid at, like, a party or something. No, I mean, like, with the Tucker thing, what did he do? Well, so the first thing he did was, like, he was either Christmas or Thanksgiving video that he did as. He's like, I'm coming back.

He said something about it. Yeah, and it was just like his own self-release as Frank Underwood, just being like, I'm back. And I'm like, wait, as a character of the show you got kicked off of that is already over now, like, what are you doing, man? It's a very funny way to do things. But it doesn't seem like there's a lot of people who can't stay out of the spotlight. Like, I think even like Weinstein's trying to jump back again.

What's also like, as a society, like, we're all, we are pretty forgiving. Yeah, yeah. Cuomo just fucking ran for me. He lost, but no one was just like killing. what I mean? Yeah, yeah. This is the guy that killed elderly people, essentially, and was, like, touching ladies, I think. And that was like three years ago. Well, I think you admit

defeat when you go, oh, okay, I'm going off air. Like, I remember there was, like, a comic guy got, like, accused of rape, and then just, like, delete his Instagram. Like, well, I think you did it now. Yeah. Versus you're like, no, no, no, I'm going to keep going on this thing. You know what I mean? It's like now. So I think that there's a lot of that. So I think Didi will probably do something like that.

We'll probably forget about it for a little bit. I mean, I guess Woody Allen kind of disappeared. Yeah. But yeah, so he'll probably pop up in a thing or two again. I think his is high profile enough that I don't think he's ever going to be able to do anything without a bunch of people being like, oh yeah, but you're also like a fucking sex trafficker. Right. I mean, there was the Michael Jackson thing.

I mean, I'm way less evidence. But like Michael Jackson was a thing where like he had the whole, I mean, he was on trial for, you know, sex of children. Yeah. And then he got off. I guess no, nobody really forgot about it. But like. I also don't understand how fucking the law works. Because this guy got arrested, what, like six months ago when his trial's already done?

And then there's people that are like, maybe it... On camera killing a guy. And they're like, oh, well, he's actually going to sit in a county. He's actually for like... How is he already done? Is it because it's just so high profile? Well, the answer is you're going to find out of the next episode because we're at an hour, guys. Oh, that's called a tease.

We weren't going to figure it out anyway. That's called a tease. That's a great business. That means that me and Tanner have to come back next week. That means that me and Tanner have to come back next week. You do. And nobody watched the news. Nobody wants to do as I was saying.

Yeah. Back to back episodes. What do you guys want to promote? I'm doing stand-up in New York City. Matt Bowman Comedy on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube,

which is where I'm trying to post more, but that's really it. Fuck yeah. I'm Tanner Comedy on all everything. You got Tanner Comedy? Yeah. I don't know any other Tanner comics. Yeah, I don't like, I hate that handle.

But yeah, Tanner comedy, except for YouTube, it's Tanner Riley comedy because Tanner Comedy is taken on that. Pro style comedy show July 24th, 10 o'clock p.m. Comedy Shop. Yeah. And if you find the Tanner Comedy on YouTube, that's not him and cyberbullied

him into changing his username so that Tanner can get that username. Oh, I also did, like, I guess I did say like doing stand-up, but I run the APM show on Tuesdays of the Grizzly Per Comedy Club in New York, so come on out every Tuesday. so ooh doggie

okay