Morning Good - It's Good in the Hood - Episode 214

Episode Date: March 24, 2024

Jonathan Tillson and Shyam Subramanian join the show for today's episode. They talk about dating 21-year-olds, John McAfee, and getting drunk with Randy after last week's episode. Thanks to Jonathan for coming back on the show and to Shyam for joining us for the first time. Check them out at their links below for more.Jonathan is on Instagram @jonathantillson and co-hosts Explaining Show with former guest and friend of the show Alan Fitzgerald. Shyum is on Instagram and TikTok both @instashimmy as well as X @seanfromsto.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right. I'll definitely take it off. All right, all right. All right. We're here with Shom.

Last name? Super Manian. Yeah. Super WrestleMania. What is it? I wish it was super wrestling. You could also call me to Sue. Do I say his name first so it's fresh in your mind?

Shamm, Supermania? Subra. Subra. Manian. Manian. Manian. Yeah, yeah. Super manian.

Super mania. It took me six months to learn it. Sean WrestleMania. I'm going to call him. That's way more like that. I'm going to actually legally change my name. And then John Tilson. That is my name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this the show now? Yeah, yeah. This is the show now. Yeah, yeah. I'm bad about that. Early a thing. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I feel you. I'll go in and out of this character, though. Oh, okay. The Indian guy thinks he's black? Yeah, well, I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. I have four or five guys on my head. Oh, hell, yeah. They're all pretty much right.

I have four or five guys in my butt. Yeah, you do. After this is over. Too minimum. Well, John. All right, no, no, never mind. Because that is like, that is the thing I've known. It's a new trend of the Indian black guys.

Really? Yeah. Explain this to me. I don't know this trend. I can explain it, like, from a philosophical perspective. Yeah, yeah. Sociological, actually. I believe that once a race gets acclimated to American culture long enough,

it's only a matter of time until they start adopting a cool culture now that they're here. Oh, you're being serious. Yeah, yeah. All right. That is a very accurate description of what happened. That's what I assume. Because, like, first right off the boat, you'll never hear like a Chinese guy immediately, but his kids will get fades.

Oh, sure. Like, you won't come right off the boat and be like... No, no, no, because you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Yeah. The guy who moves her at 45 isn't going to fucking do it. I disagree. But his kids all of a sudden, they've got their parents who speak Chinese to them, but then they go to school, they learn English there.

They watch TV and they're like, holy shit, fucking Kanye, he's pretty cool. I disagree. That's right. Well, that's in now, too. I disagree. You know what? Okay, you can disagree. But before we get into that, why am I saying this?

Like, it's a fucking talk show. We're talking about Chinese guys. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen. We'll get back to Chinese. We're going to wrap around in a second. But what were you saying? No, my dad always says, it's good in the hood,

my... So you can teach an old dog. My God, my bitch is getting loud again. Backhand her. I like that booty wave. Cook the grits, bitch. Stupid hoars. Hose be hoeing, man.

I wish these bitches would get up off me. Seriously. I have to smug a bitch. My name is easy. I'm going to hit your father. That's my theory, though. My theory, yeah, it's that. It's like, as the generations go, you get more Americanized, and then you can just do whatever you want.

Well, I got called the N-word when I was younger, so I thought I was black for a long time. And then white kids would be like, you're not black. It's funny that we want to step and we're like, no, if we can't say it, you can't fucking say it's not fair. I get, but I'm totally mixed. I'd say 50% of my black friends, they're totally cool with me using that word. And then the other 50% are my friends. You're not going to believe this, but I bumped into Barack Obama. It was not as cool as my friend T.J.

This last name is Hussein. Wait, what do you mix with? Huh? Oh, he ain't mixed. Who? Yeah, I think you should. You're mixed. That's 100% pure Mumbai.

I'm 100% India. and 200% Baba shop I thought you're I thought you said 50% Indian 50% debt 50% Indian

50% high cholesterol Oh that should be a good character Chinese are good at break dancing Yes So did that happen That had to happen here right That had to happen here No no no

All great cars are made in China that's not true in Japan what does that what does that have to do with the break dancing well I'm saying like when you talk about

different races doing black impressions or like starting to get a little bit more you know like that so the white man but I just been like

Chinese guys doing break dancing that had to be around the time that it became cool for them to get like a cooler haircut and yeah yeah well my thing is like it's just like

I don't know why because I think you can embrace the cool part of the Asian culture. Like a Japanese guy on one of those those Yamaha things, like, that sick as hell. Like, you have your own... I don't like you have their own version of cool for their own race,

and then they start taking the other ones. Like, I could start being a cowboy. That could be my thing. Oh, my God. I've started footbinding my girlfriend's actually. Yeah, yeah. Bring a little flavor into the household. That's... I killed my daughter.

Oh, God. I weren't showing on the way over here. It's like, it always seems to go back to retarded people on this pod, so be ready. Oh, it'll come back 100%. But I want to organically get there. I want to be a natural flow of conversation. Come on, let's make it natural. Yeah, yeah.

But that's why, I mean, yeah, this is an apartment that we need a third roommate who's more intelligent because it's just me and Patty calling everything gay and retarded. I'm like, I'm losing IQ point. Like, I can just feel my brain getting dumber and I'm like, I need a little, we need a mix. I'm getting tired of it. Like, it's like I'm getting tired of calling things retarded. I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to find the new word. Oh, my God.

Call him gay. If you consider it the other word you say? Gay tart. Regated. No, fuck. But, um, this is a dope apartment, man. Oh, thank you, man. It's really, yeah, yeah.

Do you have, so you can see outside. So you can get natural sunlight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in a production studio right now. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're not in my apartment. We're not in my apartment. Which you might also recognize from the News from Bed podcast.

Oh, absolutely. It's in that corner of the... This is a whole studio. I saw this on a forensic files, too. That is the point. There's a giant bar going through, and I'm like, dude, this is the most kill-yourselfable apartment, imagine.

There's a train right there. There's a bar that goes through every room. I could, like, in theory, jump on my bunk bed and ramp a noose around. I mean, I guess... What's rent? You don't have a bunk bed, yeah? No, no, no, bed. No, I don't know.

Yeah, I don't either. Anyway, you guys can't go in my room. There's no kids in my room? I haven't, I haven't molested. I have not molested a single kid. Not even half of a kid. It's lent. Giving up my sweet tooth for the next 40s.

Yeah. Well, I like a good sturdy beam on the ceiling for any of my apartments, just in case. You know. Things get sad? Well, you don't know how the next year is going to go. I wouldn't kill myself. I don't have a gun. Yeah.

I'm buying a gun. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. What kind of good are you getting? One gun, one bullet, baby. Hollow point. Just buy that story. Hollow point, yeah.

Hollow point with a smiley face that card on the tip. It would be a really funny way to kill yourself. If you kill yourself with a gun, but you're worried about the accuracy. And so you got to... I realize this makes no sense because you can just put the gun to your head. I'm like, well, you could get a... You put it in your mouth.

It's going to happen. Why did God give us a mouth? It keeps it in place. It's already in your head. Yeah. It's already four inches closer to everything. In my mind, I was thinking of a guy

who somehow wanted precision, so he had a gun with a laser on it to shoot himself in the head. He's like, I want to go out with a little bit of the chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, the dot is right there. I'm going to frame this as a murder. Yeah.

my comedy will be huge. That would be sick. I would do that. Dude, that's a funny. Nobody really wants to do. That's a fun way to go. Actually,

you know who does do that? A lot of like, like John McAfee did that where he's like, if I die, they're coming from, the last thing he posted. He's dead now, right?

Yeah. The last thing he posted was cute. So people don't know. I watched the doc. Who is John McAfee? You watch the doc? No, but, you know,

every dog just makes everybody look like a rapist. There's no documentary that makes a guy not look like a rapist. Who is John McAfee? He wasn't portrayed as a rapist, but it was portrayed as... Who is he? He invented the McAfee virus, uh, virus scan.

So not Norton, but he invited the other one. So he had $100 million at the height of his career. And then he went off the grid. And he started living in Bolivia. Dude, the pictures are sick. So before you ruin it and make, make me think he's a horrible person? I have to bring up one thing after you done that.

Okay. This is an important question. The pictures are awesome. It's like him with his like AR-15 and like hot black girlfriend and then like a bunch of Latin chips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Former stripper. Former stripper. And before her, he had like a 20-year-old Bolivian girl who barely spoke English, and that

was his girlfriend. And he's, meanwhile, 70. Oh. Oh. I like the most of you say, ew, you go, oh, what a lie. Shob's coming at this from a different name. Yeah, we have this. Let me ask where you stand. He's 25 years old. 27.

By the way. That's basically my age. Yeah, same way to. I'm 22. Okay, what's the question? He, I, okay, I said if, for example... Do you want this on camera? I know what this is going to be.

This is who would we have sex with the youngest? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. Let me... Are you going to say it again? You're going to say the same sentence again? Is it okay to...

Not as a 27-year-old, but as a 37-year-old or a 35-year-old. First of all, I'm only 30. Second of all, you... No. I said that if you're... Riggling like a worm. You're trying to defend yourself against one of the biggest perverts in America.

No, no, no, no. I like to hear like, you're like, let me sugarcoat this. No, no, no, no. I want to put it to you exactly how I put it to him. Okay. Okay. If we're at a party and, yeah, say you're in your 30s. Yeah, you're my age. I want to put it to you how we put it to him. Baby pussy's good. It is. It's tight.

Very tight. If you walked in, or like, say I, like, anybody, he walked in with a 21-year-old, I would be like, that guy is... the fucking man. No, I would not think that. Why? I would not think that. Because it's easy to fuck 21-year-olds.

You look? You think so? I think it's harder. You look weak. What do you mean? You look weak. Because it's a- You look like the man.

It's a mentally inferior human. It's a child. I don't agree with that. I don't agree with all that. This is what I think of it. I think it is, this conversation comes up also once a week of the podcast. Okay, okay.

So I'm 27. The youngest I would fuck is 21. Yeah. And the way I decided that is I talked to my friends. And I said, wouldn't it be gross if I fuck the 21-year-old? That's where I'll draw the line then. Okay. Well,

but, but, but, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, does what's in his heart. I live, I think the idea of going, on a day with somebody

who can't go to a bar is kind of, okay, that's kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah, but 21, but, but, but, 18, when I was 21,

I thought it was gross. I'm just saying, if an 18 year old, if a hot, forget, man to it, 14 is God's a lot. Let me ask you this.

If there was a, You're coming from a different culture. That is true. We can marry an 11. It's from a different culture, 40 miles north of where I'm going. No, no, no, John. Actually, yeah, that's right. That's why I like the Patriots.

All right. What were you saying? No, no. So, like, my thing is this. I think it's like, when I was 21, I was like, this is disgusting. These older guys fucking 21-year-olds. It's nasty. It's all this stuff.

And then I became older. And I'm like, oh, there's hot 21-year-olds. There's a huge differentiator, though. Dating versus. Yes, I think dating is complete. By the way, I don't respect the guy because he now fucked a hot 21-year-old. I'm like, but I understand, like, if you're like, look, they're two consenting adults.

She's 21. She's not going to, he's not going to fuck up her life. Like, it's like, it's like, you have to talk to this person. So, I mean, if this is like a one-night thing. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. But, I mean, you can't date a 21-year-old. I just really couldn't disagree.

Because I think dating a younger girl is grosser because now you're like that fatherly, like, figure versus like you're like, we just had weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, suck daddy dick Suck daddy dick. I didn't look at it that way. SDD. You're really making your point. I'm on Shamp's side now.

Thank you. Thank you. It's the antismapacian. You are a word spoof. I am. That's what I've been told. But it's like I think it goes back to like like dating I think is weird, but fucking I think is not weird. But I think it's like the whole thing is everybody was everybody always says that

maturity thing. They're always like, oh, they're not mature. It's like that's not really. It's like, that's what it is for. hanging out. But like, the only time a guy brings a woman's maturity is when he's it's followed by, for her age. No guys randomly check. My girlfriend's so

fucking mature. That's also, that's also the old guy move. You're very mature for your age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the line. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I've said that to a few girls. You seem like you're very developed. And your niece is like, get away from I will go to your sister.

This is the thing I was going to ask for the McAfee thing. So, Anyway, he went off the grid and then they thought he murdered someone and now he's traveling. Oh, so he's like a bad guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. But anyway, the person that he apparently murdered and it seems like he did, he was living on the beach in Bolivia, his next door neighbor, they both had beachfront property.

He would try to walk down the beach and John McAfee had two dogs that were very rowdy. And the guy had a parrot that stayed on his shoulder and the parrot would go apiary. John McAfee had a parrot on the other guy, the neighbor. This sounds like the best neighborhood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this on Netflix, by the way? Yeah. A guy had a parrot on his shoulder.

He walked down the beach and the dogs would go ape shit. And he'd complain about the dogs. He complained about the dogs. And then he said to him like, it would be a real shame if something happened to your dogs. And the next day McAfee's dog was dead. Ooh. And then McAfee, the assumption, has, went over there and shot the guy. Yeah, yeah.

I just have to say, I'm not saying you should shoot the guy. But if you do kill someone's dog, kind of expect the guy to come over with a gun. or I mean expect Retaliation in some Yeah yeah yeah So I don't have I think At minimum

At minimum your parrot's gonna die But I do have to say one Yeah that would have been so funny If he killed his parrot And like the funniest way His parrots just hanging from like a noose He could fly Why didn't he just like

Keep himself Dude that is really fucked up But seeing a parrot hanging Trying to keep himself Of is the most demented With a recording on loop Of his last words I love the idea also

I've always said this I love the idea of somebody training a parrot to beg for its life. It's just to shoot it. It's such a dark thing. Please don't kill me, sir. He's there for three hours just being like, no, no, please, no. That's dark, yeah. But I do think, though, in that same breath, like.

If you kill a guy's dog, I mean, something's going to happen. Dude, but, yeah, but like, so what? Is that what John Wiggins about? That's an act of war. Dogs are not human beings. I agree. I'm in the same, but I love animals. I do, but they're not...

I'm not saying he should have killed them, but I'm just saying, like, it's kind of like if you fucking... If you slap a guy in the head who has like a fucking skull tattoo, it's like... Yeah, yeah, there's certain things. Okay, fair enough.

Same thing with the end word. It's like, if a guy... No, no, seriously. It's like if a guy... Which word is that? It just makes me... I don't know. Yeah, yeah.

But it's like that, there's always a conversation where it's like, like that guy who hits the guy in the face with the twisted tea. And it's one of those things where it's like, no, you should never hit somebody

for any reason. Like no matter what they say to you, it's like you shouldn't get into fight. But if you're yelling the N-word at a black guy, you might die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Just like he- Not me, you two, me. He shouldn't kill you, but yeah, you might die.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have to know that. Yeah, fair enough. By the way, what made you, do you agree with this thing that Indians are all black guys now? Not all of them. You're the only one I know. All right, all right. So yes.

Fair enough. I haven't heard this. I'm going to look this up after podcast. Yeah, I think it's like a certain thing where it's like I don't know, but it's like there's cool Indian culture too.

It's like, it's like, I disagree. You don't think there is? I hate my culture. But like you, like you by having it, this is like this is, he's a cool Indian guy. Yeah, absolutely.

Some would say the cool. But it's like you're authentically you. Honestly, yeah. Indian people, you don't know me that well. It wasn't a thought for a long time that Indian people were going to do

stand up comedy here. And that changed at a certain point. Yeah. And I think that's all kind of related. Yeah, sure. They are, I'm definitely drawing it from Indian comics to think they're black.

That is where I'm getting it from. I don't have to be an engineer anymore. I can fucking do something more American. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I will be fair, but if you come up with a slumdog millionaire, those are fucking gangster. That was badass, dude. I like,

well, that's why I quit being a doctor. That's right. 2020 was my last surgery. Yeah, traded in my medical license for the N-word. Best move I've ever made. It's free. It's free. Just writing it on the document, be like,

I'm not going to be a doctor anymore. This is going to make sure that doesn't happen. That's how he used to get high. With his bad doctor writing, he'd write the N-word on the prescription notes. No, I was just trying to write my name. Sharm N-Word, Supermanian. Anyway, 25 milligrams is o'loft.

You weren't actually starting to be a doctor. doctor. I see that was... Wait, wait, what? I used to be a doctor. Oh, really? No. I didn't... I didn't dig so.

But you thought it. Only because you're in. Only because you're in. I should do that more than... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should tell that to girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to be a doctor in that voice.

Shams the opposite of a doctor. And when he hurts people. He says opposite, he means... Dr. Pepper. I do drink a lot of that. Yeah, yeah. I have high cholesterol. I can see that.

Yeah, it is... It does suck seeing an Indian doctor, sometimes because it's just like you're looking at like the complete antithesis of what you are and like what like my mother would be wet you're the American fucking success story that we're talking about

where you're so acclimated to America I am a success story absolutely yeah as you drink a white cloud of a brown bag on my couch at 5.2 and if it turns out you're not sterile and you have a kid imagine how American he's going to be completely obnoxious Yeah, if I ever have a kid, I'm going to make him do stand up and play football.

If he doesn't have those good old-timey values, bring him up, imagine what he's going to be. What happened to your voice there? Good old-timey values. That's just how I say that phrase. Where are you from, by the way? I'm from Florida originally. It's the sick background. I love this background.

Yeah, this is actually, this is Orlando. I love this fucking background. You were in Orlando week ago. That was in Orlando a week ago. Did you take pills at the Gaylor Palms? That's what I would do at the Gaylor-Pombs. I can't believe you recognized it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I didn't do any pills there, but a lot of boozing. And they've got gator feedings twice a week there. And I was like, I'm in Florida. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gator feedings. Oh, dude, I love. You best believe I went to that. Oh, fuck, yeah.

They didn't throw meat to them, though. What do you mean? They threw like, they gave like pellets of shit. And I was like... They weren't big gators, no offense. From a steak. Yeah, yeah. Let me see meat rip.

Oh, yeah, or like mice, something fun like that. I'd accept a mouse. Hey, yeah. So, where... Just throw a fucking man. manatee in the... When you... You grew up in Orlando?

Yes. So did you see gators all the time? I would say in my adolescence I saw probably like 20-ish gaiters. So not all the time, but it was like my lake, my dad would always say the lake, like, not my leg, not that ball and but the lake we would go on. My dad would be like, there's no gators, it's a man-made lake, how they even get here.

Which is not an accurate statement. No, because they can... Yes, they'll migrate here. Yes. He was just saying that to make it's not scary. So did you see a gator in the leg? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The people that I was thinking that. The people that fucking a freshwater swim in Florida are fucking nuts. That's insane. Oh, I disagree completely because they're not, gators will not come after you. It's such a low chance that they come after you. Gators attack people, I've said this

a thousand times in the podcast. People, they're going to attack your dog, and your dog is done. If the gator bites your dog, leave. Oh, bringing them down and rolling them. Get a new name. Start thinking of names for your next dog. You're saying you get a gator bite your dog. Start thinking about names. Be like, I can't name the same one's last one. That should be your first thought is what am I going to name my new dog? But people go, it's always like an old lady, and she goes to try to save her dog from an alligator. Oh. The gator kicks her down to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I've heard the story a bunch of times.

So it's not like they're snatching people running on the road. No, they would fucking, like, never have it. It's like shark attacks are very rare. They're very rare. But shark is actually more common than alligator. Like, you're more likely to get bit by shark. Wait, so if you, if you, you're just telling me, if I swim right now in freshwater in Florida, a gator, a gator will not even come near me. No, no, no, no. If you jump right in front of a gator, he might bite you, but like, if you're swimming, he's, not going to come towards you. He's going to stay the fuck way from you. Because why would he want, you're bigger than him for the most, not always, but it's like, there's no desire for them to just come after you. He just said dogs are endangered. What are you talking about?

You'd be downed. He and I would be fine. That is, I'm very luscious. This is a big dog. This dog tastes like Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper and Dash dreams. Oh, my God. I mean, I think there are like giant gators that are probably bigger of us, but they're not, like, yeah, they're,

There are. But an adolescent gay, I mean, that's what it was at this hotel. Yeah. They were all like four feet, five feet. Yeah, you could like stomp one out.

If you like provoke it, like if you jumped right in front of it, like it would, it might like out of defense, but they're not just hunting people. Fair enough. Like shark attacks are like such a big fear and they're a fear of mine too.

And it's like, it's so rare. I listen to a podcast about like, I think there were like four shark attacks last year or something out of all the people swimming in waters that have sharks. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't really want people. They mistake a person as something else.

As a seal, it's always a surfer thing. Isn't it, when they bite you two, they don't like a human flesh taste? Yeah, yeah, they spit it out immediately. But then they come back to the blood off. I don't know how they didn't like that fucking surfer chick, though, because she was hot as fuck. I bet you she did she take it? No, you never seen a, what's it called? What's that movie about the surfer chick?

You know what I'm talking about. Open water? No. I love open water. If the shark is big enough, though, they'll fucking bite a leg off. They could easily, like a Great White? I mean, the Great White's like, what, 6.20 feet? Amazing story.

Bethany Hamilton, yeah, this chick. And now she's, like, super against trans surf. It's just funny to just have one arms. I don't know why. There's a joke there, and I haven't figured it. She's against trans surfers? Well, she, like, is, like, very against, like, the female, you know, the trans women. Like, a guy becoming a female.

Hold on that. She has one arm. Yes. Okay. There's a joke in here, and I can't fucking do it. She got bit by shark. There's something about losing limbs. A girl who gets an arm.

And she still surfs, doesn't she? A girl who loses an arm doing an activity who continues to do that activity is a cool one. Oh, yeah, yeah. I disagree. I mean, a guy. My arm got removed. I think I'm done with whatever that was. Oh, she's not as hot as I remember her being.

She'd still do it. She got bit by a fucking shark. And she's still raw shit at surfing, dude. I mean, I know nothing about surfing, but that looks cool. She's in the air. That throws off the balance a little, the way I imagine. Oh, I'm sure. Well, there was a wrestler.

I remember when you were wrestling, and part of me was kind of like, he's down like four way glasses because he like was missing an arm and two legs. Oh, really? One of those. Yeah, dude, it was crazy. Could he be dying? Good? Yeah, dude, he would fuck people up and then he'd go put his legs on.

Like, imagine you're just on the mats and then you see the guy like strap his legs on the other way. Yeah, how do you just have to like. Oh, I'm sure he lost. What's up? No, I'm sure he good? He was good, yeah. But I'm sure he lost sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the guy other guys is like, yeah. You fucking suck! Stump ass bitch. Trammy, motherfucker! He wrestled. Did you have collie flower ears? No, I wasn't competitive enough at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I also wore the fucking ear. Okay, okay. Yeah, but it was, it was so like, I like, I was good for like four months for my weight briefly at one moment and then stopped caring. Okay, fair enough. I did not care at all. It was like, yeah.

And I picked up the bubble. genuinely that is what happened. I was like, I don't want to hang out of tournaments all weekend. I want to get fucked up with my buddies and have a good time. That's dope. Tournaments were on Saturdays and I was like, this is fucking stupid. I was like, this is, and I knew my head, I wish, I want to start a campaign where I go to high schools and tell kids not to do sports because a lot of it is a giant waste of your fucking guy. Dude, I couldn't agree more.

Yeah, yeah. Although I'm happy I played football. Like, yeah, I wish I was more like. Welcome back to the drunk loser cast. I also heard, though, wrestling's the toughest one. Oh, man. Not when your school sucks at it and your coaches don't care at all. They're like, yeah.

But for the most part, yeah. But yeah, it's just so funny because, too, because I've hung out with my friends that, like, played football in college. And I remember one of them, my giant friend, he's talking about a friend. He goes, did you ever like football? He's like, I fucking hated it the whole time. The whole time. And he's like, my dad just forced me to do it because my whole family was, like, big into football.

It's like you're good enough to do it. And you're a cool guy on campus. And you definitely get laid from football. Yeah, yeah. But Friday nights are kind of, you can't do shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I get fucked up all the time. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you could go afterwards, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's an important decision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was more of a team camaraderie guy. That's the college football player right there. Where'd you play? You mass Dartmouth.

Oh, nice. D3, baby. The only Indian football player in the history of mankind. Yeah, only Indian quarter. Why are you trying to be a black guy again? Because I love me some meat. Do you know what that quote? No.

Fuck. That's his catchphrase. I'm dating. I'm dating myself. You are dating yourself. You're getting old. I am. You're almost too old for a 21-year-old, I'd say.

Are you dating your black side? Are you interracially dating yourself? No. Wow, I should date myself. He's got like what, he's got like Bernie Max references at the end. Hey, he's kid. Dude, I had a,

by the way, I do want to cover this at some point. So the last episode I did was say, Patrick's Day episode's coming out tomorrow or when it's this came out last whatever fucking this came out. The timeline is... Don't let him behind the curtain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we had Randy like the little person stripper. Have you seen this guy? No. So we came on dressed as a lepericon. We had a fun

episode. That sounds fun. Yeah. And afterwards though, so I did all this research on leprechauns and I was like, what are they? And this is going to come out a week after state. Research on a fictional beer. Yeah. Well, I was like, do sometimes you have a podcast, you're like, I don't know, we might lose steam at some point. And I might be like, did you guys know leprecons or fucking? You know, lepracons don't live past 32. We should have said our goodbyes.

But it was like one of these things were like, they're these mischievous creatures. They're like troublemakers. Yeah. They like purposely try to provoke all this stuff. I saw the movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I should have just watched. Mischievous is an understaking.

There's a movie. Yeah, they're killing. The horror film. Oh, I've never seen it. Yeah, it's been a killer lepricon. Oh, okay. Yeah. One of the great war factors over time.

Oh, yeah. Warwick Davis. Oh, wait, no, wait. Yeah, Warwick Davis. Warwick Dunn is a... Warwick Dunn. Yeah, whatever. It's Warwick Dunn.

Running back for the... Tampa Bay. I don't watch sports. Really? You're one of those? We just were talking about guys that don't watch... And how they're gay?

No, I swear, though. No offense. Not gay, just different. This is my thing when watching sports. If it's on, I like the energy of it. I like drinking at a bar. But it's like, I don't have the attention span to watch it. That's fair. I actually, as I've gotten older, I watch a lesson list.

But don't change. Some people... No, no, no. Because I said something on a podcast, and then somebody says something opposing to it. And sometimes I'm like, but I don't really, but if you guys really think it's fucking lay by it or watch sports, I'm not going to be deeply offended by it. Wait, let me ask you this. Do you like UFC? If it's on, I'll watch it. Like it's... Oh, so, okay, okay, okay. But I would rather watch UFC than football. The thing I think is less attractive is...

No, who's fucking gay now? No, no, no, I think it's, I don't mean in like a sexual way, but for women, maybe I do. But like, when a guy is an adult and he's too into sports, I think that's worse than the guy who's not into sports. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who's still fucking, like, just, you know, quoting just, like stats from the last, like, you know, like a big bar argument. I have 25 jerseys in my closet. That's huge. I'm going to buy a Terrell-Oenst jersey today, too.

You sure damn do. Yeah. I just never, I never got into it. And, like, I love the energy of it, like, tailgating in college. I went to Florida States. It was very fond. Oh, that must have been a fucking ball. It was a great time, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You didn't have Jamis there when you were there, did you? I got the year after he left. Oh, shucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the year, it was a Dalvin Cook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was on, I would get excited. Do you go to some games?

I went to a couple, but I'd rather, in my mind, I'd rather get fucked up with the attorney. I was do cocaine and Yeah, yeah. We're learning about your character. That's right, kids. Don't go to sporting events. Stay at home. Do coke.

Do drugs. Yeah, yeah. But I got to get, I got the fucking, little person, what was I saying? So the whole time he goes, yeah, man, I don't really like taking the train. He's like, it's kind of like a little risky for me to take the train.

I'd rather not take the train. I was like, he's like the trains are dangerous. We get done podcasting. He goes on the train drunk and is the biggest menace on the train. I love him for this, but it was amazing. He was trying to fight and fuck everyone on the train.

He goes, he goes, I'm not scared of you. I'm not scared of you at all. And he goes, dressed like a leprechaun? Yes, dressed like a leprickon. He goes, I'm not scared of you. What are you going to fucking do to me? What are you going to take my treasure? And then I'm like, dude, you can't.

And I'm trying to speak to the dude in Spanish. I'm like, lo santo, lo siento, el baracho. It's a chiste, is a shist. I was going to say A little, a bit, a poignant. Oh, very good. Wow. He said an Indian accent.

My dick is very hot. Your Spanish is very good. You're like a doctor. I would have you, Hector. Dude, then he tries to like, fuck it. He's like talking to me. He's like, how you doing, sweetheart? What's up?

How's it's going? He's like, he's spitting game on the train, trying to fight. We go on another train, tries to fight a guy with face tats. that's fucked. Which is so funny too, because I think in his body's like, what are they going to fuck me up? It's like that kind of thing where you're like,

dude, these people are going to... I like that he's that type of elf. Because, you know, a lot of them are insecure and I get it. They're small. But the one who just lets go of it all. Wait, wait, who is your background? My girlfriend. That's not your girlfriend.

It's an old Indian woman. Is that your grandma? It was my aunt. That looks like a beautiful picture of like a important Indian. I know. Beautiful. one way to put it. Yeah, well, she's got the

I didn't see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All I heard was old in India and I'm like, but. How much, how many monkey brands says, does she have on her breath? I've seen Templet. I know what I'm talking about.

Go ahead. I was talking about that with Alan actually on our podcast last week. He's like, Tempo Doom is a fucking documentary. I've never had Monkey Brain well you know there's still time

he's going to India in two weeks oh it's so funny she looks like she's like she looks like a slut she looks like she looks like she doesn't not have magical powers yeah she really looks yeah yeah yeah she could put a curse on me if I let her wrong she told me at a young age I was going to be nothing

she saw the future you're going to be an alcoholic and you'll never be a doctor you'll lie to bitches about being a doctor that's right and you're going to fuck children and argue it's okay. We're going to try to justify banging a 21-year-old and putting your friends.

We tried setting you up with a 14-year-old. True story. I was married when I was 14. I'm just kidding. I want to arrange him. Yeah. He's pushing back. You know what I want to rearrange? The guts on his grandma, no what I mean?

Oh, my God. You didn't give me a pounded? She didn't see the first. She cremated. I'll cream inside of her face. Me and my mates will create her. They can get pregnant until very old age. Absolutely.

Is this true? I don't think so. I assume all world record pregnancies happen in Asia. No, it's got to be left. I feel like Latino women are really fertile. Yeah, you'll see like a Guatemala woman with like a fat ass and like. No, no. I've seen, there was a 63 year old Chinese woman who gave birth.

That's amazing. I saw an article about it. It's quite disgusting. I love you reading the whole article big Gross It's like mama Mama mama's dead while I'm 12 Yeah that's wild

But oh yeah We're in fucking Time Square We bring him to Times Square And dude he First of trying to bring a drunk Lepard Like through Times Square is like It's weird because I feel

Is this for the podcast How many days it goes this? This is Monday Okay Wait was this like for the podcast or like Well he's a fun guy I like hanging out of the different way Yeah I like the guy

What's a comic? What's it for the podcast? No, he's a stripper and an actor. How do you know? I just got him on the pot. I looked up little people strippers in New York City and I had him on. Yeah. That's my third part of the story.

That's my favorite part of the story. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, of course. You're the fucking man. You're the fucking man. You're the fucking man. I had to befriend a leprecha to start my podcast.

Yeah, yeah. You just looked one up. But you try to give it through times. He's like a 55-year-old man. But when you get somebody drunk and you're like, you're like, I feel now response. You know what I mean? It's like a drunk friend. You're like, I feel responsible.

Well, it is just a little one. It's like he could fucking like a mid-sized dog. He's still an adult, though. Could take him down. Yeah, but he's an adult, but he's a fucking 38 pound adult. He can't be 38 pounds. No, he's pretty tall. He's pretty tall for it.

Or a little. What is he four? One of those. What is he four feet? I think he's like four. Yeah, probably four feet. Yeah. Four feet.

That's tough, man. Four feet. Trump's 5'3. I love, he had a leprechaun laugh, too. Whenever he would provoke people, he go, it was the best. And then we go into Raisin Cains. He skips the whole line and goes,

how will we get some fucking, some chicken sandwiches? Can we get some chicken sandwiches back here? And then he ended up getting kicked out of the Raisin Cains while yelling, which is the funniest sight of it. He's like, fuck you guys as a leprechaun getting kicked out of Raising Cade.

Oh my God. How many cell phones were out for that? Dude, no. People were like not in the St. Patrick's Day Spirit. He's trying to fist bump people and they were just like, But they were in the midget spirit. We don't call them that.

There is a fine line. Do you know the difference between a midget and a dwarf? Yeah, dwarf is mad, small. No, no, no. Midget smaller. Oh, really? Actually, I think we talked about this. No, dwarfs are smaller.

Dwarves are larger. Dwarves have stumpy appendages. Well, I think it is... But a midget is actually a small person all over. Like mini, Mini, I think... The word is definitely not midgett anymore. Well, he's dead.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is like, like they... No, they're all little people, but if you're differentiating between the two, there are two different diagnoses. Yeah, but I think whatever like would we call the midget, we call something else now. Little people. Little people. Yeah, but the doctor's not saying your son's going to be a little person. Is he?

I think he... Adorphism is a thing. I think he's, and I think he hopes he's not pressed on what kind. Yeah, that's true, yeah. I bet you it's like... I bet you the doctor's like, your son has... as B-L-L-L-Dorphism or B-L-L-L-Dorphism. Midgetism.

It's definitely not what it's cool. But I think it's like a, what's it called? It's so funny, too, because I've got, I've said faggot on my podcast like a hundred times. Whoa. But I'm really, like, defensive about people calling little people midgets. People get so weirded out by the lines I draw. That's genius. I didn't mean to offend you back there.

No, no, no, no, it's fine. Well, I think it's the same thing with, like, the tranny thing. Like, I'll say the word tranny thing. Tranny, but I'm not going to call a trans- Never. Never. Yeah. But like I'll say, when talking about the word, that makes any sense.

Like, I'll make the word tranny, but I wouldn't call a transgenderist. No, I agree. I agree with that. In the hypothetical, sure. But yeah, once you're talking about a human. But little people aren't humans, do you? They are. But I didn't...

Half a human. I didn't see this guy. I don't know this guy. Yeah. I don't feel like tranny is actually offensive. It absolutely is. Why? Because I think it's like, it's like,

It's like everything just becomes the wrong word over time. So I don't think midget initially was a bad word. But I think it was like... No, it was not. But it was used in like circuses and stuff like that. It's like the same with retarded. But so you've missed a treadmill. So it will come back to where maybe you can stay training one day or not.

They're all meaningless. They're just words. And then over a... Once you say, what are you retarded enough times? We're going to be like, we should change that word. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. His fucking retug comes up to me. They're like, all right, developmentally disabled.

Yeah. And I think that's my kind of thing with, like, the word midgett. where I'm like, oh, I'll say the word midget and discussing it. And I'll call my tall friends midgets. The same way I'll call my straight friends fags. But I would never call my little people friends midgets. Oh, okay. Well, if I ever got a little person, friend, I'll have more to.

It's weird that I made this like a whole thing where I'm like, Jonathan, you're using the incorrect terms and I said five bad words in there. No, I say little people. You know, my guy like you. You can call me your sand friend. I don't like the term little people at all, though. And the reason I don't like it is because it's still a differentiator

where it's like, so we're real people. Yeah, they're little people. It's like, these are people junior. People junior is. These are people light. But like little people, it's like, oh, so they're not people people, they're little people. I still feel like that's offensive in a way.

Oh, totally. Yeah, well, there's no, like, these are things that one person comes with with a solution. There's no longer. There is no solution. Yeah. There's no solution. They're small.

They have a disability. There's no way around it. If you call them like doodle bops or something like that, that doodle bop would become offensive. Overtime, doodle bobs. I think it was a show, the doodle bops. That would be a great name. There's a little person.

I mean to a fias. I don't mean to offend me. It doesn't bother me. I just, I just, I've, yeah, yeah, yeah. We find out both of his parents are little. Isn't it? We listened to a podcast episode this week, Michael. It was terrible.

couldn't swim in any freshwater bodies in Florida. The townspeople just called them light snacks. Oh, God. That's so good. That's so good. But, yeah, that was, I think that was all on that. But, oh, the one funny thing that was really funny when I came over. He loved his glasses here.

He's one of the horniest dude down there. Little people, little person and glasses? This guy can't catch a brain. dude he's on my couch and somebody too because he's wearing reading glasses he looks very professional and then I look over his phone

it's just chicks with huge tits I've never seen him wear glasses man's got to see him yeah yeah I like to think that his glasses just made him even big prescription glasses to make all tits look bigger

my reading glasses really make the nipples pop yeah anyway I got to get back to my rainbow dude he's doing a thing today I'd say Patrick's day

where if you find him at a bar, there's some pot of gold thing. People are, like, doing a bar crawl, they're chasing him for bar to bar. He's got the best sense of humor about you. That's fun. He's a blast, yeah. Well, I mean, you do like to think that, like,

if you had an issue like that, like, you like to think that you would embrace it. Like, because you're going to be the most mentally healthy if you can't embrace it. But, like, there's another version of a little person who's just like, probably doesn't want to leave. Peter Dinglidge is just a little whiny pants. He's always just like,

They're remaking the Nenna, you're like, shut up. But he's obviously Shut the fuck up. He's obviously a badass dwarf though to get to where he was. Totally. It's like I think of the same thing

with Danny DeVito. Dan Nivito is five feet flat. For Danny DeVito to get to where he is like a fucking A list just like, yeah, what fucking motivation and balls he had to have

to fucking get there. Oh yeah, totally. Five feet? Dude, I don't even see a five foot man. Yeah. It's like, get the fuck out of here.

Are you scared of smaller people? Because I have a tall friend who is scared of like short people. I don't like people sham size or smaller. Or their skin color. Touching me. Don't worry about it, John. I got you, baby. Always going to be touching you.

I got you. Yeah, because they're smaller, so they're faster. And the arms move quicker than I can move my arms. Exactly. But like when you see a little person, Does it scare you at all? Like an actual dwarf? I double take every time.

I'm not scared of small people. I have a tall friend who's really scared of it. What do you mean? We go to Howling Horn Nights, which is like this theme park thing, they take Universal and they make it all spooky. And where... Horror.

I could say spooky. That's not what I'm talking about. No, no, no. Horror. Okay, I thought you were you getting mad for things. You said horror. I say, yeah, yeah. I thought you said horror.

Horonites. Hore? Hore. Hore. Like a horror movie. Not horror movie. A horror movie. Okay.

Yeah, like, a horror movie. Like a horror movie, yeah. No, scary. Like Friday the 13. Horror, like scary. Horror. You guys. Yeah.

Because we had the same thing about dwarves last time. You were saying dwarf. Dorff. And we were like a dwarf. I say a lot of things wrong. Oh yeah. Hell yeah. I like that.

Florida education. It's bad. It's bad. But my buddy, like, they'd have like dwarfs in like masks and like masks and shit like that. And he'd be freaked out. Like, he'd be terrified of them. So it's just like this is like the least scary part of the way.

Well, you didn't ask me that. if they're wearing a mask. Is that a child? Yeah. I'm not scared to like the little kid stuff, like the, Chuckie stuff.

That stuff doesn't really scare me. I don't know. I'm just scared of races. Yeah. Yeah. Are you scared his grandma's going to put a curse on you from her?

I'm scared of Indian people. What scares you about Indian people? There's smell. I'm going to go to India in two weeks. You can smell all the problems in the world in one arm put. And all the kids. ancestors.

Seriously. Every time I want to pretend we're doing okay, I smell the poverty. The cultured. His body odor. Is that bust? I smell? Yeah, yeah. Am I in a mud hut right now?

Mud folk. Have you, have you been to India? Yeah, I haven't been in a while, but... Can you remember what it smells like? Yeah, urine. Complete urine. You get off the plane.

It's fucking... See, I don't mind the smell of piss. I mean, I've been peed on. I don't mind this. Wait, romanticly? Go on. Romantically. Not really romantic.

romantic, but it's a... If the girl's hot enough, I'd let her do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, basically, when they come, they piss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like to draw a line in the sand for the middle member of this podcast right now. Not me.

I mean, you take... Yeah, if you eat out a girl and she comes, you taste like piss. Yeah, so the smell of piss doesn't bother me. Yeah, yeah. But is there a different... No, it does bother me. Well, it bothers me in this form because...

There's never enough. Well, it's not just the smell of piss, it's you're like, immediately, as soon as I get off the plane, I'm going to see like hundreds of poor people in my face and there's going to be fucking guys just like trying to carry my luggage and like, they're going to... So I've been to Haiti, so I know sort of this feeling. Well, there's no chickens in... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, okay, but, okay, you've been to Haiti?

Why? I did a mission trip there and... You did a mission, you get more and more interesting. For a minute. Well, I did do an Eagle Scout project because I was in the... Eagle Scouts. Or I was in the Boy Scouts. I was becoming an Eagle Scouts. I became an Eagle Scout. I became an eagle scouts.

I made it through. Oh, fuck. I didn't know I had a cool dude next to me. Yeah, watch out, bud. Could you teach me how to make a lanyard? I'll teach you how to, yeah, I don't know. John, if we go to Central Park, I can show you how to live off the wilderness. But continue.

But yeah, yeah, yeah. So I brought shoes down there. Okay. And I barely contributed it all. Was this after the earthquake? This was probably like, I don't remember. Maybe like seven years after the earthquake. Okay.

But it was like eye opening. You're like, holy fuck. Like people are living in. Like, you see a video of like somebody in a third world country. Like, oh, that's like whatever. And then you go there, you're like, holy fuck. Also, it was interesting because I was talking my dad about it. And we mentioned one of our black friends.

Like, is this what he feels like we're walking around? It is a shocking thing as a white person to be in a country of not all white. Like your brain kind of goes, huh, this is how. I'm the minority? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is a really weird first feeling. That's how I feel on Astoria. That's all I feel, too.

But, yeah, I assume it's a similar thing with, like, the, like, sheet metal houses and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Same technique. Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, well, yeah, you know poor shit. Yeah, yeah, sheet metal houses. I mean, I don't know. I visited for three days.

I went to the bad part of Martha's Vineyard with my family once. I know exactly. talking about no white picket fence that piece of shit dude rhino tool by way rinal tool in india is my favorite oh god he likes India which that shocks me because I

fucking hate India yeah yeah can't stand it what the fuck are you saying what are you talking about take that thing off your head yeah bye kid yeah he's yeah he genuinely really loved it but he said there's babies

all over the like just abandoned babies oh yeah everywhere everywhere really yeah yeah yeah slumdog millionaire Yeah, that shit. Yeah, but it's like those, I think those were like little kids. I haven't never even seen the movie, but...

Because like a baby, like what happens? Like, oh, you mean like infant babies? He says like, maybe he meant taller. But in my mind, it was just infant babies. And like, maybe some guys like, I guess I'll give him like a little piece of my little breadcrumbs or something. Like you do with a squirrel. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, good baby. All right, I'll get out of your day. Yeah, it's the saddest place. It's really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's the saddest place because you'll walk out of the airport. They'll just be like eight homeless people.

You know, four guys don't have a foot. You know, do other guys have a fucking foot? Tiger or what is it? How do you lose a foot? Maldictrition. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Too much pork.

Yeah. I thought, I thought, I thought. But some of them are. Pork. Pork. Some of them are religiously vegetarian, though, right? Oh, yeah. I mean, most people. No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not going to have...

We don't eat cows, they're gods. My dad is like that. He's hard for, yeah, yeah. Is he Hindu or Jane, or what? Hindu. Okay. What is, do you know the difference between Hinduism and Jainism? Yeah, one has a dot, the other doesn't. No, I don't know. They're both awful religions, but I think Jains, they'll eat meat and shit.

Or they won't eat, I don't know, fucking... Jane is, like, more like, Buddhism shit, I guess. Okay. But it's all the same shit. Yeah, yeah. By the way, I can't justify eating meat. I just eat it because it's good. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like if I was starving.

It seems wild to me to not eat meat If there's like You're a person if you're starving Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I didn't grow up on meat When I started eating meat I'm like, I'm never gonna stop Because this is delicious

It's really good, yeah I cannot just it like I'm like There's no reason other than it tastes good Like yeah My original justification for eating meat It's because it was in the Bible Because it used to be religious And I was like oh

It's like good huge though You need some meat. No, I do now Yeah Yeah, yeah I've always eat I've never gotten vegetarian But it is one of those things

I'm like I do not know the moral reason I'm eating animal You know me? I don't. Fair, fair, fair, yeah. Because what are we going to do with all the cows if we don't eat them? I don't know.

Worship them? Exactly. John, fuck them. Come in their eyes. Wow. Wait, so did you learn about, like, the cool gods when you were growing up? Yeah, I mean, it was drilled in my head. That sounds, see, that sounds fun, because we only had, like, I guess we had some sort of, like, cool, like, magic tricks in Christianity.

But, like, there's Vishnu, he's the guy with the forearms. Most of my gods are trainees. Okay. Strait. Cheney's with machetes. Shaping devils? No, it's, yeah, I don't know. I have been to a lot of cool places

because of temples. Like, I've seen, like, very remote parts of India that, like, you know, that, like, nobody really, I don't, like, any, like, no tourist white person would ever travel to. Right, right. Like, like, villages.

Like, I one time went back, and I, they went back to my parents' village. Like it was crazy. And there was a temple with like an orangutan. Exactly. His name was Caesar. He was the leader. Wait, I just realized that makes no sense in the jungle book because there's no orangutans in India.

Is there really? No, they're in Indonesia. Oh, okay. Same thing. I got monkeys. They got monkeys, though. Yeah, they have macaques. They got tigers.

They got elephants. Yeah. A monkey came into my aunt's house once. Yeah. They must have bears. Baloo couldn't be a lie, right? Yeah, yeah. They lied about King, what's his name?

I don't think there's any bears. They lied about the orangutan king. What's his name? King Louis. King Louis, yeah, yeah, this is fucked up. That's from the jungle book? Yeah, yeah. I don't remember him.

I want to walk like you. Was that King Louis? Well, King Louis is when he smacks his hands to call the snake. So like, you know, when he claps his hands, the snake comes up. Enough about shots for later. That's a biopic. What is the Hindu book called? The Upana shots

Oh, that rolls off the tongue. Yeah. Upana. That doesn't cut on. Yeah, it's like Koran. And like, so there's a Vishnu's to do with the multiple arms, or do all of them have those arms? They all have multiple arms, multiple snakes. Have you heard stand-ups?

Stanhope has one of the best bits about this. Have you heard this? No. He's like, you know how bus rape is like big in India? Yeah. Yeah, of course. Does he? Of course.

I own three buses myself. Why do you think he's gone? He's like, that's why their God Vishnu has forearms because it's easier to pin him. He's like one Indian guy is not capable of rape on its own. Oh, I know this joke. Yeah. He's like, so the ideal, he's like, look, I dream

of a world where Indian men are confident enough to feel like they could in theory. It's a wild, but it's like a five-minute bit of like, this is insane. I remember that now. Yeah, yeah. But, um, okay, I think we that's all, that's all I need to learn about your country

and your culture. Let's simplify it to two covers That's all I know Let's call it more than enough My college is more Buffalo dip in footballs You didn't even get into how they throw milk At posters of celebrities

To show respect Or is that a thing Or Donald Trump That's an absolute thing Oh yeah Donald Trump is huge in India Right Yeah yeah Because he didn't like Muslim people

Oh India people don't like Muslim people Well Hindus don't like Muslim people So then do Hindus like Jews Because they're the enemy Of my enemy is my friend I don't know My dad doesn't like Jewish people

Okay My dad's also Republican Okay. So I guess he should like Jews? But he's not pro-Palestine. No, which is weird. He's between Iraq and a hard place. I know, I know, I know. I like that the politics have started to make people realize, like, that their political

parties are bullshit. They're like, wait, I can't. Oh, yeah. This like Jews and. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is hilarious. It's so funny to watch people's brains just be like, wait, if I don't, if I'm anti-Semitic, how am I going to choose Israel?

It's like, you saw this look like people like with religion before. I was just like, hold on. I love God and God is good. why would God send me to hell forever? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, that's interesting that

We let those people live with us? I agree. Some of them share a train ride with you. Well, John, I have to keep the smell up. Sean actually said to a woman, she said, you're sitting close to me, said, if we were on a bus in my home country. This wouldn't be close enough.

I'd be a whole lot closer Is there an answer for that The horny Indian dudes? Because that's like a big stereotype The dudes to send the Bob's guys And the uh My favorites I was show to Malia He's right here

Yeah I walk with my dick out when I'm in India Just to fit it on Dude I was the show with Malia one time And this Indian guy raises his hand He goes, you are beautiful She's in the middle of her set No game dude

Indian guys have no game Somebody was explaining this to me, though. They said it was because, I don't know if you think this is true, it's because if your wife was arranged for you, you don't have to learn how to go out and meet women. Of course. Yeah, yeah. So that's where that kind of came from.

My dad has zero game. Interesting. My dad's game is Bill Clinton raped 25 women. How does that get at? That's a true story. Doesn't work. So his whole game is... His whole game is if I talk about how much other guys are raped and howlough,

like a better guy? I look like a good guy. Yeah, yeah, no. I'm the opposite. On first date, so I'll be like, the last thing I'm going to bring up a serial killer.

Like, you're like, let me just pretend that world does not exist. Yeah, yeah, but I'm so careful. Like, there was like a woman

I was on a date with recently. I was like, don't walk towards the pier. We can't walk towards the pier. I was like, we're going to walk in Times Square where everybody could see us. It's going on this alley.

Yeah. I'm just like I can't come off that way. So let's go down this alley. Sniff this rag. Always have an extra rag. You got a extra rag. But, we're at, man,

we got five more minutes. We can, we can keep it going. We can talk retarded people now. Oh, yeah. He was, he, he,

he said, oh, the conversation comes back to retire people, like, like retarded people or just like, how people are stupid?

He's like, so explain this fascination with retarded people. See, I don't think it's a fascination. It was an observation the first two times they did it.

We talked about it. No, it's a deep obsession. I love them. Fascinated by that. Do you have any retired I'll return to my roots? No, no, and maybe that's why.

Not officially. Maybe if I like, it's always, I don't know, it's one of those things that it's just always going to be funny to me. I've always said this. It's always going to be funny. And not, not the fucking hateful. That's why it's always people like, oh, you're laughing at people with that. And I'm like, yes, doesn't mean I hate them.

Yeah. I laugh at like other things too. I'm like, oh, yeah, it doesn't mean I hate that. It's like, I love, I love people with Down syndrome a thing people say. Because, like, I obviously don't hate them either. Yeah. But, like, the fact remains that it is kind of goofy and. funny.

It's a funny thing to relate your friend to. Yeah. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Like, it'll never not be. Yeah. And my friends are also as likable

as people with Down syndrome. Oh. On multiple levels, they're like, because I've always wondered that it's, you're not supposed to call people retarded as an insult. But what about as a compliment? Because they have good quality. They're very strong.

So like so many benches like 300 pounds. You're like, look at this guy. He's most retarded guy on the football team. You know something I like to do, actually? I like to. I'm not saying it's first date. But it's early on when I'm testing out to see if someone has the right sense of humor for me. I like to use retarded in a completely wholesome, not mean way.

Just be like, oh, there was a retarded man on the train earlier and he said, blah, blah, blah. And gauge the reaction. Because there's no hate my heart when I say that. No, of course. Yeah, yeah. I'm telling a story. Yeah, yeah. I'm the same way.

And I think I've gone on dates and I'll say dumbass. And I'm like, I kind of hate my – I look at the mirror. Like, you idiot. Be your full cell. If you know you want to... Not for a guy on the train, but for like, yeah, yeah. Say the N-word.

Let her know what you really are. See if she's one of the good ones. I've been there. You've been a day of the girls with the Edward? Well, I was back at her apartment and I said it. Like, we were, like, hooking up, and then we were talking.

And I said, take it N-word. She won't. I said it in... She said something. What was the kind of, like, a joking? Yeah, because she was like... Because I had done a few shows that night. She was like,

what would you do? And I was like, oh, you know, I'm kind of exhausted. You know, I've been driving all over the place. She goes, oh, what? Because you did a bunch of shows. I was like, well, you can only say the N-word so many times at stage one night and I said the word with a hard R to expect for a total shock reaction. Like, we'd already hooked up a few times. Yeah, I don't know what scenario. It was like, oh, now it's hot. He called me after. I was like, why did you do this? Why would you? He's like, then it took 25 minutes of found her down. The one part, there was one part. she tried to say something. I was like,

all right, all right, listen, listen. I get like, you're upset. You're calling a black friend on the phone. You told me I could say it. I did use that as a defense. I was like, Reggie said I could say it. And I, my friend, Debrica shot. The brickshaw, yeah, let me get him on the phone now.

You have a very good black voice. Thank you. Thank you. I was going to say it. Wait, that went, that went Indian. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm black as a motherfucker. Thank you very much. I did say to her, I was like, I'll be damned if I'm going to, I'll be damned if a white girl from Vermont is going to tell me anything about. But we get so excited, though, about like somebody else being racist.

But you know what you do understand you made a mistake. I don't. Because I totally did it as a joke. I wasn't, I said it. Like, I was trying to say something about. Just for a guy who's trying to get laid. You made a mistake. I disagree.

You had a 30 minute. I got pussy. You had a 30 minutes late. It might not have been at all If it was someone else No no I ate her out She gave me good blowjob Was

Did you say it while eating Yeah I was like This Hey this Edward Diss that it could In the Indian accent We like as white people We like

I mean first off we love calling other white people Racist And then we love Doing other things Like it's not just us Like you hear about like Some atrocity That like happened with Asians

Against Asians And you're like Ooh we're not only the bad ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that is a fact. It's like you'll get comics of other races and nationalities who are like

some of them, not all of them, but they'll be like, anyone who thinks white people are racist, I've never met an old Chinese man or something like that. My grandfather is the most racist man you've ever seen in your life. It's true. Everyone's racist. Everyone is absolutely. And I think the one thing

it's like, we're not, I don't think we're going to fucking fix it if we keep doing this thing where we're so terrified of looking racist. Right, right. It's so scared. It's like, dude, I will say this, dude, I get intimidated when I see, like,

a group of, like, hood black teenagers, I get nervous sometimes. If they're, like, it's at night, I get fucking scared. You can always call me, Michael. Yeah. I'll show up. Put them on speaker.

You know, why you fucking with my boy good? But it's like, to be fair, I don't, I don't know if, in that same scenario, if they were hood white, I don't know if I would feel the same. You know what I mean?

It's like, if I saw a bunch of white kids with, like, tattoos on their face, I might say, but that's program. Like, that's not racism. And that's just like what you, when you grow up, all the, that's just media shit. That's just like what you're like fed. Like that doesn't necessarily, I, that's, I don't think that necessarily means you raise.

That's just like a hardwired reaction that like. Well, and even if it's like, I understand this probably isn't a problem. Yeah. But I'm not taking chances. Yeah. Yeah, because that was what happened like, it was a couple months ago. This kid's like, hey, can I see your phone? And he's like, I need to map something.

I was like, do you know where hair of the dog is? I was like, I know exactly where it is. You go left. You take it right here, right here. area. He goes, okay. He goes, can you like show me on maps? And I was like, no. And then you just kept walking. At the same time, though, if it was six Asian guys, you have no problem. You're walking right now. Not necessarily.

If they're Cambodian, fuck that. Cambodians are bad. They're bad. I'm just going to say it. They're bad people. Those are part Mexican though. No, I, my friend got stomped out. My friend got stomped out. Cambodia. Cambodia's were China. I like, for a second, I was like, oh, I don't feel racist. And then, wait, wait, okay. You do not I don't know.

And then now you guys I don't know if you guys are a good perspective about it's racist because you're like Cambodians of the world. I'm educating you just in case you don't know what Cambodia is it's where

China meets Mexico. That's where it's what I'm at? That my friend got stomped out by a bunch of Cambodians and Lowell once just for just like a gangman and that's a good town. Lowell yeah. The worst shit hole in

Wall, Massachusetts. It's awful. It's a disgusting place. Yeah. Oh yeah. I think I've seen a documentary about like Oxi-Hawrons. You ever see the fighter?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dick Eckle. It's a rough time. It is always funny when you see that people have like their, like the hood thing is not just a black thing. And you'll see like, like, you ever watch a, what's it called? Not Summer Heights High.

What was that? What was called? No, I think that was what was called Summer Heights High. It was that show with, it was like a New Zealand or Australian guy. Who plays all the characters? Yes. But like the Indonesian kids are like the black kids. It's like the Indonesian kids are like, like, I think Polynesian or something like that.

These are now of that of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We know a white guy who grew up in Hawaii, and as a white guy in Hawaii, like the slur for white guys is howlies. Howlies? Howlies, that's hilarious. Fucking Howley. Dude, I love that.

I'll just start calling white people Howlis. Yeah, fucking Halies. Sonny Dennis. But you're fucking khaki wearing halies in this big. Shout out to Sunny Dennis. The great Sunny Dennis. That's right. Who's Sunny Debt, your friend?

Yeah, he's just a comic in Boston. He's a howly. His first name is Sonny. I thought it's not his real name His real name is Eldrick That's a howly ass name That's a hellie-ass name. That's Tiger Woods' name Yeah

I love that I wonder what age he became Tiger That's it's a tough name Yeah yeah Tiger is a nickname though It's on a middle name But he goes by it Yeah that's crazy

I think we're I hate to wrap it up But we're at an hour I had a great fucking time Did you? I hope thank you for having This is great. Thanks, man. We didn't talk retired people the whole time.

We barely touched it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is strange because we love them. I'm telling you, it's with, and I've said this a million times this podcast, but it's like, I will never, I don't know a lot of things, right? I don't know if there's a God. I don't know if there's life after death. I don't know what happens, what dreams are, but I know I think people with Down syndrome

are hilarious. I know that I think, I know, and you, you could do whatever amount of programming. And you support them. I support them. Absolutely. He ate an entire box of crayons right before we go. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

That would be a hilarious dude, like an Instagram challenge video. It was like, I stand with my brothers and sisters who have Down syndrome. It's like, I'm one with you. I eat a whole box of creole. I thought you were going to have a crayon eating contest with a return man. And just he just laps you. Dude, just like the hot talk, Nathan's eating thing. You're halfway through your.

second crayon and he was just like next to wash it down just a jug of glue what else would have picked oh what do you guys want to promote uh follow me at jonathan tilson with two ls and also at explaining show my pod with fuck city USA uh instagram at insta shimmy

fuck yeah all right thank you guys thank you