Morning Good - Its Sunday! Drink your Ayahuasca - Episode 26

Episode Date: May 16, 2021

Thanks to Lucas and Jack for coming on the show and talking about dicks. Follow them on social media to learn more about them and see any shows they have coming up. Lucas and another repeat guest, Nathan Ortan, have a podcast together called "Monkey Don't." Make sure to check that out and follow Lucas on Instagram @hinderloser.Jack is on Instagram @thejackreichert so follow him and check out his book Ha: Laugh at Why You're LaughingAs always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Three, two, one. We are starting now. We're here with, let's see, we got Jack Riker here. And Holocaust denier, Lucas Hinder. How do you spell? Hinder lighter.

I've done three episodes of this fucking thing now, and you never get my name right. I think you're going to say, I've never brought up the Holocaust, but now it's time. Holocaust denier, dude, my grandpa was in the Holocaust. He killed so many Jews.

That's a great start already. I'm glad. And here to talk about the Israel-Palestine conflict is Jack Riker. Oh, wow. Now, I'm just kidding. No, I have no idea what is going on. I also do not.

I also do not know. I've heard so many references to that, and I don't know what's happening. Yeah, I just, I just want to say that there are hot girls on both sides. Both Israel and Palestine are having a hot girl summer. There we go. I mean, it is warm out there. That's what I hear. I don't know.

Oh, no, it's super hot out there. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I mean, it's not like the desert because of their hydroponics, but like, it's like, it's a desert. There's hydroponics, like, like weed grown in stores? No, they did that to, like, grow grass. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know it, for lawns? Like, just, like...

It's sand out there, right? Yeah, lots of sand. They tried to, like, make it, like, not sand, so they could farm. Have you been out there? Did you do, like, a birthright thing? No, I've actually, I've never been there. I was going to go on birthright, and then COVID hit, and now both of the countries are falling apart, so...

Okay. That sucks. That's probably the biggest issue with what's going on is that you don't get to go on birthright. Yeah, if I'm just saying, if I want on birthright, none of this would be happening. Yeah, it would apply. Jack would take care of it. You would have solved world peace. This is how uninformed I am.

I saw a video of a rocket going off, and I was like, oh, yeah, this is that UFO footage that Joe Rogan was talking about the other day. Like, I didn't realize. I didn't realize there was a missile. I was like, oh, yeah, I definitely heard about this on another podcast.

And then... I'm so ignorant to fucking what happens there. Like, what are they fighting over again? So I hate how much I know about this. I mean, if anyone should know about it, it's you. Yeah. So background to all of our listeners, I studied this in college. And I'm also Jewish, so I'm definitely biased.

But so in the late 1800s through the post-Holocust, a bunch of Jews moved down into that. 1800s? Late-late-18-Hoddhundreds. Because, like, the Jews always had a hard time in Europe. How many Holocaust have there been? Like five. you only hear about the most recent one. You don't hear about like the Cossacks.

Do you guys want to hear a quirky story about the Cossacks? A quirky story? That's weird. What is this podcast? I mean, I like to call it the Hollywoodicross. It's all smoke and mirrors. We all know. Yeah, we've all seen Schindler's list.

Yeah. It was like the moon landing. But it was here a quirky story about the Holocaust. Yeah. So I like read a account of it in in college. and like this is like a primary source. They were known to cut open pregnant Jewish women, take out the baby, and then put a cat in them,

and then sew them shut. Jesus Christ. And then what would happen? They would give birth. Oh. Yeah. They would like I don't know like when they would die, but like I'm pretty sure like they would sew shut like a dead body, you know.

Oh my God. And then there would be like an alive cat in the dead body. And then they would teach the baby how to use a litter box. Yeah, then the baby, yeah, then they would raise the cat as their own. That doesn't seem like it's really science-based. I think that's one guy just like fucking around. Like one guy was like, how quirky would it be if we did this? Yeah.

He was playing. I was like, no, no, that would be crazy if we did this, right? We shouldn't actually do it. Should we? No, we shouldn't. They're like, do it. Do it. You won't.

We took the baby out. We got to put something in there. Like, go grab that cat. Oh, my God. Oh, that's crazy. What do you guys think of hairless cats? Not trying to immediately turn right. You're making the right choice.

I think they're Jews. You think they're Jews? I don't know. They look gross. They look like old men. Yeah, yeah. But I guess they're hypoallergenic. I'm allergic to cats, but I love cats.

So, like, my face will swell up and I'll still pet your cat. I love it. Oh. That's so adorable, Lucas. I had a cat. I was a single man living in an apartment by myself with a cat. And I had to leave it behind when I moved to New York. His name was Cloud.

What'd you do with him? Love you, Cloud. Did you show him into a woman? No. Yeah. I gave him to one of my friends' moms. Oh, nice. She was sad and lonely?

Can I ask, was Cloud named because it looked like a cloud or after the anime character? Final Fantasy 7, yes. I don't know. What is Final Fantasy? It's a video game? The video game franchise that is probably the best set of RPG games ever created. They're pretty good. Yeah.

I never played video games because I'd start playing him. And my brother would be like, oh, I'll beat this level for you. And then I just watch him play it for like hours. And I just never got into it. Yeah. Really? So what were you like into growing up then? I don't know.

I feel like, I was into comic books a little bit. Mm-hmm. Like what did you do? Like you get off a school. you come home, what do you do? I jerk off a lot. Yeah? For years, decades.

No, I would do that. And then I think, I don't know what I would do. I feel like I would like do a lot of, I watch TV. I don't know. I watched a lot of comedy. Yeah. I actually never, I didn't watch like my first stand-up comedy until I was 17. Actually, me too.

Yeah. What was your first? Kevin Hart. Oh, seriously funny. Very, mine was Cat Williams. Yeah? Yeah. For years, the only stand up.

It's definitely influenced both of your styles. Yeah. I'm definitely a Kevin Hart guy. Yeah, no, sometimes I walk on the stage, and I'm just like, these white women. They're the worst. It was him and then Nick Swartson. Oh, dude, he got me into comedy because I saw like Seinfeld in his suit talking about stuff, and I'm like,

this isn't for me. But I saw Nick Schwartz and a t-shirt talking about diarrhea, and I'm like, this is my stuff right here. Totally. I've been playing a lot of video games again. Like when I have time, I don't have had a lot of time lately, but I like to set aside like an hour. We have a question. Do you mind about talk about stuff like that? Yeah, I don't care.

All right, so we're just making sure we're, uh... I've seen you do coke and play video games. What is that... Oh, it's the best. I love doing Coke and, like, call a duty, like, any super interactive game. Yeah. But, like, mostly what I play is, like, online. Like there's a game called RuneScape that's been around for years.

Oh, I remember that. It's kind of like a World of Warcraft kind of game. I like to smoke weed and play that. But if I do Coke, it's call a duty. Yeah, yeah. I played VR games really high. That's very fun. Not like the Oculus ones, but just I have the dumb little VR headset that you put on your...

Video games make me justify doing Coke alone. I don't think it makes it any better. You're not like, oh, I'm playing video games. It's like I'm doing something other than like just... doing coke and then sitting there on your couch watching a movie. It's like, I, I need the Coke to stay focused. I don't know. That is not a good excuse. You shouldn't do coke by yourselves, guys. Yeah, but I mean, I don't know. It's like one of those things that like, I like drinking by myself. And it's not like, it's not like an alcoholic that has no friends. It's just hard to find friends that

will drink with you every single day of the week. Oh. We need to, we need to hang out more. No, no, I cut down to like three days a week now. I try to, but then, I don't know. I, I still, my hangovers are still worse than ever. Like, I'll drink less and still have these, like, horrific hangovers. Are you drinking water? Yeah. I'm downing pediolite. I'm doing all the stuff.

Yeah, I don't really get hangovers anymore. That's the opposite. Normally people start getting them as they get older. No, I think it's because I built its insane tolerance when I was living in the penthouse, which I'm now out of, for the pure reason of it was a party. Can you hold the micah firearm by the other? No more on that. Oh, because of the court.

I apologize. You're fucking stupid. Yeah. So when I was living in the penthouse, it was party every night. And I was getting hammered every night. And then eventually it all just became a blur of like every night. Because we'd stay up till seven in the morning every night. Yeah.

And yeah, you don't get hangovers when you stay up till seven in the morning. I get horrible ones. I stay up until seven in the morning. If you stay awake through it, I don't know. Really? I might stop getting them. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good idea.

And that's where Coke comes into play. Yeah, yeah. But that gives me the worst hangovers. Then I just, like, my head hurts and I'm sad. No, since I've gotten out of the penthouse, I've been drinking a lot less. And honestly, I've been so much more happy since I've been out of the penthouse. The last two episodes I was on of this, we recorded in the penthouse where I was living. He's the guy that lived in the shoe closet.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm so much happier being out of there. Like, people are like, oh, dude, you're out of the penthouse. That must suck. Like, it's such a crazy space. Yeah, my life's way better. See, I'm the opposite. I stopped taking Adderall, I stopped taking colotipin, and I drink less, and I don't feel any happier.

Like, I don't feel... Oh, really? I feel like I have less to look forward to when I drink less, because, like, I used to love getting, like, so annihilated. And I was like, dude, this weekend's going to be great because I'm going to go crazy. Yeah. I'm going to probably put something in my ass. It's going to be a good time. But now it's...

I've been feeling pretty good. Like, I've actually quit weed completely, and that makes me feel pretty good. And, like, I get, uh, yeah, like, I've been going to the gym and, like, getting my mental health back on track. The next step is taking comedy a little more seriously. It's gradual. Don't be hard on yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Start caring about it four years from now.

No, I'm, you know, I'm doing shows. I'm just not writing, really, right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but I'm doing well on the show. Well, it's hard now with the writing because, like, you get so distra. I think Twitter is the worst thing because I'll, like, start writing and then I'll be like, what are people saying about this? What are people saying about a Tony Hinchkrieff? Oh, yeah.

That's funny. Tony Hinchcliffe, actually, he did that in Texas. Yeah, yeah. And so all the people that I knew, I grew up, I grew up in Houston. All the people that I know from Houston were like, calm. Disgusting. You put that, you move that microphone closer to you as you do. I know, I want to ruin this microphone.

You wanted to sneeze into the mic. But all my friends from Houston are really angry about, I'm going to sneeze. Someone else talking. Dude, move the mic. Just sneeze. Do, don't worry about it. Tony.

They all hate this guy, and I didn't even know who he was. Tony Inchcliff is the reason I do stand up. Really? His podcast, his podcast, kill Tony. It's, you know, I'm sure if you're listening, I don't know. Tony, if you're out there. The podcast is, like, they used to do it in the comedy store in L.A. They would, like, open mic comedians would sign up.

They would have, like, a celebrity guest. on like Joe Rogan, Dave Attell, Ron White, and then it's Tony and Brian Redband, and then they pull your name out of the bucket. You go up, you do one minute of stand-up comedy, and then you get to talk to Joe Rogan and Ron White, and they'll give you advice. And I started listening to that. What made you want to do was it seeing people would be bad at comedy? Yeah, and you're like, oh, I could do this because these guys suck. How I found it was, I was super into bodybuilding when I was like 20.

I was trying to get back into bodybuilding. So I was listening to Bodybuilding Podcasts, which led me to Joe Rogan. Wait, what is it bodybuilding? There's no way there's another-headed people. He was interviewing Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, sweet, yeah. Doesn't he say working out for him is like coming or something? Yeah.

He says it on my dad. It's like, when I have six to the woman. That was in his documentary and pumping iron. He's like, yeah, I'm just coming all the time. He said that. So that interview led me to Joe Rogan because they were sponsored by On It. which led me to to like Doug Benson

and then eventually Brian Redband let me to kill Tony and I was like 20 yeah and I was listening to this I'm like oh everyone on this show fucking sucks

I'm like I'm way funnier than this yeah yeah yeah I should try stand up here we are five and a half years later yeah yeah we are yeah yeah yeah that thing is so weird because I'm not taking any

like I'm like it the Tony Hitchcliff thing I'm like I don't know it's whatever I watched the video I mean yeah it's it looks really really bad. But I'm like, it looks real. But I'm like, it's, you know. The context of it is he followed, he, like,

an Asian guy went up before him. Yeah, it was like, stop Asian hate, stuff like that. And then he just went up and called them. The worst sentence to say, I'm going to quote him on this. I shouldn't. But he said, keep it going for that filthy fucking chink. Which is funny in the context. Like that somebody said something about stopping the hate and then he just said the most hateful thing. Exactly. Yeah. But I also totally understand people watching that video and being like, Jesus. Out of context. I watched it in context. I'll still like, you know what I mean? I'm not like, it's, I get that he's joking. But I was like, I, I think if he would have maybe taken like one word out of that sentence, it could have like landed. I don't know. I think he, I thought it was funny.

Like, knowing the context of it, that's, that's exactly what I would do, you know, you, you hear something like that and then you just go the exact opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, but that's the thing. It's like, I'm not going to defend that specific. I mean, I defend somebody's right to make a joke. Yeah, he was trying to be funny. But I'm also not going to be like, this is comedy. You don't mean? I'm like, I don't. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to defend. Yeah. Well, Lucas, you also, you think that, like, somewhat, like, I'll tell you, like, stories of, like, the worst things I've ever done. And you think they're funny every single

time. Yeah, maybe Luke's just a garbage person. Maybe. I don't know. You told me the story about how you used to rub boogers in the blind girls book. In the what? Do you know the story, Michael? No. Oh, my God. So when I was in seven, grade, I sat next to this blind girl. Oh my God. I hated her. I hated her. And it was because, like, every day she would come in with, like, her blind person and

she was like... She sounds obnoxious. She sounds like somebody that really needs to mind her business. She would, like, hit me with the cane, always on accident, but, like, I was still angry. And then she would, like, open up her big blind person books with the brain. What's the big blind person book? So they have this book that's, like, four times the size of a regular book. Okay.

And it's all in braille. Okay. And then she feels like the braille. So one day when like she wasn't looking, which was like all of our time. You put your dick on the book and then she touched your dick instead of the braille. No, I picked my nose and I put it on the book. Oh my God. And I watched her read the booker.

Oh my God. That's disgusting. That's so funny. We had a, uh, we had a deaf Spanish teacher at our high school and apparently everybody would just yell answers. the whole test. They'd be like, you know, number five is this or whatever. And she'd be like, or no, I think she's a sign-laged teacher. So she could not hear everybody just yelling every single answer across the class. Yeah, because I was about to say, how would she teach Spanish if she couldn't say anything? Yeah, yeah, that wouldn't make sense. I think, yeah,

I think it was a sign language class. Yeah. There was a sign language class in high school. Yeah, yeah. You go to a private school? Well, for a high school went to public. It looked like a private school. I went to private school up until high school. What made you switch? You looked like you wore an ascot at one time. A what? an ascot. What's an ascot? It's like what Fred from Scooby-Doo wore.

Yeah. I thought you said like an ascot, like a mascot, like without the end. I was so confused. No, yeah, no, I went to private school. Well, I was like the dumbest kid at private school. And then I went to public school and I'm like, I'm a fucking genius. Like the change was great. I remember one time we like, I got put in the wrong, I went to public school and I went

to the wrong classroom, which probably means I belonged to there. It was like the less developed math class. remedial. Yeah, it was so funny, though, because, like, I remember the first day, we're like 16 or 17, and they're handing out, like, crayons and we're doing notebooks about who we are as a person. And I was like, all right. This is for sure the wrong class. And, uh, but I felt so much smarter in public school.

I was like, oh, I'm not stupid. Because, like, when you're in a classroom full of these, like, genius kids, like, in private school, you're like, you have no motivation to do good school because you're like, oh, I'm not the smartest, so I might as well be the funniest. So I was like, I'm going to dick around a bunch. But then I got to go to public school. And I was like, ooh, I don't want to be like, like, that guy over there who's like

being a dumbass. I was like, I want to at least try a little harder. I'll be honest, I only worked hard in school so I could go to college to party. I had 100% my dad took me to do a fraternity party when I was like, I think 10, or probably not 10, like 12, not like just to see it, just like this is what fraternity party are. He was, I wasn't doing cake stands and taking

Molly, but it's still an interesting choice from a dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was the right one. He got you in college. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, dude, I saw these girls in bikinis and people doing cake stands and I was like, I want to go to college and then I worked so hard after I had to go to college I had friends like all my friends in high school were older than me so like I was uh my junior year they had must have been very cool I was kind of they like they knew I would do anything to hang out with them so they would fuck with me

and like they would make me do crazy shit and yeah no but so they all graduated I was a junior and I realized oh I can go to college and party at their college without having to go to go go to college. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and like, I was always putting all the, like, the, uh, the honors classes, the advanced classes, because I was really good at school when I was young, and then I quit caring immediately. Yeah. So, yeah, I never wanted to go to college. I, because I knew if I wanted a party at college, I'll just go to a college. Yeah. Yeah. Be like, what's up? I'm here to party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, yeah. Yeah, but then there is that thing in some stuff in college, though, sometimes people get like, I feel like, sometimes sometimes.

like I was in fraternity, like, you could invite people over, but like, I feel like if it was like week after week after week, they would have been like, we like Lucas, but it's like his ninth time coming here. He doesn't even go to school here. So yeah, we had. Which I don't agree with. Yeah. They're trying to party. Like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Fuck. Where's my phone? I, um, you had a good time in college. You went to Georgetown. Yeah, I went to Georgetown. That's in D.C. Yeah, yeah. How was that? Oh my God, it was a blast there. I'm so glad that I had the privilege of going there. I was on the swim team. There weren't any fraternities. So like the sports teams were the fraternies. And they cared like the least about the swim team. Oh, there you go.

We got to like go the craziest. Yeah, yeah. And so like they're like when Lucas, when you're talking about like these people like showing up, like we had like people show up from the Naval Academy. Oh, yeah. And we had to let them in because they would pull like the veteran card. They'd be like, I'm a future service member of the United States of America.

Like, you have to let us in. Yeah. And we'd be like, fuck, we can't argue with that. Yeah. Swimmers sound like pussy. Yeah. No. All my friends were on the football team at these colleges.

So, like, they all went on to play sports. So I'd show up and they'd... Oh, and they probably thought you were also a football player because you're a big guy. you probably just like slid right in. Well, no, they would, I was still young. I was still in high school, like going to these college parties. And they're like, fuck with him. Like, literally whatever you want to do.

Yeah. Like, do it to him. And I was just happy to be there. I'm like, well, what do you got? Piss on my back? Whatever. You're just getting hazed, but you're not even in the fraternity? Yeah.

I used to, uh, my party trick was just letting people punch me in the face. Oh my goodness. It's like a party trick. Yeah. I was, yeah. I'm like, hit me. I don't give a fuck. I'm drunk.

And yeah, then I sometimes I got knocked. out. Jesus Christ. You were talking about, the funny thing, you were talking about something that I think is hilarious. So you were talking about like the troops in college. For some reason, I don't know why this reminded me this. There was a fraternity at a school nearby me that they got kicked off because they peed on war veterans, but it wasn't like intentional. So it was they were peeing off a balcony and they happened to like hit somebody below them. And they were just wearing t-shirts or something like that, but they all ended up being like Iraq war veterans. So it's like the worst look possible because like obviously it's a coincidence like you're peeing off a

balcony and then sometimes like then somebody walks by and you actually hit the person. Yeah, yeah. But then you find out those people are Iraq War veterans. And then it's like fraternity members pee on Iraq War veterans. So my, my grandpa, he lived in a house that was two blocks away from Western Illinois University, one of the big schools in Illinois. My grandma was like, she was about to die. She had cancer.

She was, so they let her come home at a hospital bed for her like last few days. and there was a fraternity party going on down the street. Yeah. And they're loud. My grandma's trying to sleep. My grandpa is a Vietnam war vet. Ended up being a colonel in the military. Like, pretty high up there.

Yeah. Fucking, he's still to this day, I'm afraid of him. Yeah, yeah. So I was like 14. I know he thinks that Tony Hinchcliff staff. Yeah. Loved it. So he goes over to this frat party.

He knocks on the door. He's like, hey, guys, my wife's trying to sleep. Can you please turn the music down? like she's sick and they say fuck you old man and they spit on them and my grandpa put six college dudes in the hospital and he just started fucking people up at this party dude that's bad that sounds like a scene from like a movie doesn't it's like something from like a movie where he's like hey you know like a like a leum nison movie where he shows up he's like hey guys if you could please quiet down and they're like shut up old man and then he like

truly like one of those movies where it's like a young person in like an old man costume oh yeah like bad grandpa like bad grandpa yeah he's just started fucking people. I remember when I went to jail, he bailed me out and this was before I was sentenced. So he bailed me out of jail and he's talking to me. He was like,

you know what your problem? Because my dad was in Iraq at the time. Yeah. So he's like, you know what your problem is? You're acting this way because you've never had your ass kicked. Stand up. I'm going to whoop your ass. My grandpa was 68 at the time. And I'm 18 on

steroids like with football scholarships. Yeah. And I ran away. I wasn't going to fight my grandpa. Yeah, because then the story is like, Lucas beats up Iraq war. No, Vietnam Warb. His dad was in Iraq.

He would have killed me. My grandpa would have whooped my ass. He's a crazy motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you all ever been in fights? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Plenty.

Yeah. Last fight, I've talked about it too much in the podcast, but I was on ketamine. And these dudes were getting into fight. And my friend was choking this guy on, like, train tracks. and I started just pulling at my buddy's armpit hair to try to get him to stop choking the guy because that was the only thing I was like, do you stop?

We gotta get out of here. And then like I climbed a street pole like one of those street like light things and I didn't climb it that high but I was trying to like distract from the fights so I put my pants down and now I'm just on ketamine just yelling and like nobody's,

it's not stopping the fight there's being the shit of each other but then later on that night my one friend that like started one of the fights was yelling a bunch so we had to like fight in it But that was the last, like, that wasn't really a fight.

We kind of just, I socked my friend. It was so funny because, like, my one friend tackles him because he's being a pain in the ass. And he's like, what are you going to do? Punch me in the face? And I'm just like, boom. She's like, the biggest cheap shot I've ever done. But, and then I've been in, like, I don't know how many long fights.

I got a fist fight with my brother one time at a Walgreens. And I remember we were, like, knocking shit off the shelves. He's married now, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you beat up his wife? In a Walgreens? Probably. Hell yeah.

We used to, uh, yeah, I mean, I'm from very, small rural Illinois. There's nothing to do but fight. And we had like a lot of sports rivalries in the close by town. So like that's what we would do on a weekend is just go like crash like a party in a rival town and then fight people like all the time. And then you know, I was a I was a before I started stand up because when I started stand up, I realized oh people don't like the aggressive guy that fights everybody. Exactly. But I would get in a lot of bar fights and stuff. Yeah. What about you, Jack? You're a big guy. I went to real rough and I met. I got fights in middle school. And like I was the opposite of you. I went to public school growing up.

And then I went to a private high school. And then there were no fights in that private high school. Yeah, there was like fair of you. I got to fight a private school. No, women to fight over. Yeah. Was it, it was it all boys school? No, no. It was, it was, it was, bigendered or whatever. Bygender, everybody's bisexual. Everyone's by, everyone was a transgender private school. Yeah, there was a transgender private school. Everybody has to wear skirts. It doesn't matter. Shorts under your skirts. but yeah I got into fights and I got into some fights in middle school almost gone to some fights in college with like those veterans I referred to earlier

or I guess they were they were future veterans future veterans now we don't know if they would have lived so they're not necessarily future veterans some of them are probably dead now yeah yeah some of them are probably dying in Palestine right as we said but yeah no I don't I don't think I've gotten to as many fights as I should have I I played football in high school. That doesn't count, though. Fights are fun. I like it.

It's an adrenaline rush. I'm an adrenaline junkie. That would be so funny if you punch somebody from football. You're like, dude, you just tackled me. He's like, yeah, you had the fucking ball. But yeah, like, you know, I ride motorcycles. I, you know, I hunt big game.

And he has sex with your wife, if you're listening. I'm an adrenaline junkie. So, like, people don't realize about fights if you've never been in one. It doesn't hurt. Like, when your adrenaline's going and someone punch you. you in the face, it doesn't hurt. Yeah, but it does hurt if the fight hasn't started. So I got punched in the face.

Like, one time, and there was no fight going on it. Like, I pushed this guy, and then he just socked me and ran away. And then I was like, oh, yeah, this hurts pretty bad because I'm not like... Yeah, you weren't, like, ready. Yeah, I wasn't expecting it. Yeah. I don't know. I don't like to put that energy out there.

I'm trying to reform. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. When was the last time y'all got, like, real yank? I almost beat up Sada. Oh. But, like, was that, like, last week? You mean, Denzel.

It was like a couple weeks ago, or a couple months ago. Denzel, yeah, Dr. Denzel. Dr. Denzel. You heard my last episode. Yeah. Paco had to hold me back because I was about ready to kill him. Paco could hold you back? Yeah, Paco's time.

I mean, I could have went through him, but the fact that he stood up, like, I was respecting his wishes. Yeah, you're like, okay, Paco. Yeah. He's Hawaiian, right? He's Japanese, but he lived in Hawaii. Oh, okay. Like Ryan Higa. Who's Ryan Higa?

He's a YouTuber. Johnny Sunami. Thank you, Lucas, things I know about. There we go. Jabi Kappa Hala, back on board. No, I don't remember what it was like literally 1 p.m. after an all-night binger of Coke and alcohol and acid. And he just said some shit that pissed me off. And I asked him to stop and he kept doing it. Yeah, I was about ready to tear his head off. Wow. I get very... Oh, I had actually, this is... I think I get more mad when I lose my wallet than ad-specific people. I feel like I lost my AirPods.

I've no idea where they are. And I like almost punched a hole in the wall just because I lost my AirPods. I lost my AirPods in Washington Square Park. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, I don't have them anymore. I was telling you about this yesterday. I had to threaten a Coke dealer.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Last week I had to, yeah, a Coke dealer ripped me off. And me and a few comics, they were like, hype me up. They're like, you got to go kick his ass now. So I went and I found him. Like, he was outside the grizzly pair. Yeah, yeah.

And I didn't have to fight him. him, but I, like, grabbed him. I'm like, what's up, motherfucker? You just took 150 bucks from me. You better give it back. And he give it back? He gave me some better drugs, some more drugs. After his boss came over, like, his boss saw the whole thing will go down. And he came over, he's like, whoa, whoa, what's going on? I'm like, your boy just fucked me. And if he doesn't, you know, give me some either money or drugs in my hand right now, I'm going to kill them. That's how you do. You contact corporate. Yeah. You get the big dogs on. And his boss was like, don't fuck this guy over. give him his, plus I had like, like six comics behind me who were...

Yeah, the most intimidating comments. Well, I mean, of the comics in the scene, they are probably the more intimidating ones. Well, I wasn't there. True, yeah. That's my favorite is, I remember I used to hear, like, Richard Pryor would talk about, or somebody was talking about how like, yeah, when I was a kid, I used to tell jokes to get out of fights. And I'm like, could you imagine trying to do that?

Like, there's just a bunch of guys about to jump you. You're like, wait a second. Okay, give me a second. Have you heard of one about... I got a... I got an interesting story about that. What happened? So this was eighth grade football practice.

A kid named Jay Sean, who was held back so many times. You're going to guess the race. He was... Jay Sean. Jay Sean was Asian. Oh, really? I should have laughed that hard at that. Stop Asian hate.

By the way, I'm going to say I thought he was not white because Jay Sean, not because you said he was held back three grades. Yeah. Okay, well, he was held back three. This is where you're talking about. Earlier before the podcast, you can't defend your own comment. It's like I was saying it about his name, not the other thing. But next thing you know, you sound more racist when you start to correct yourself.

Hilarious. The point is, J. Sean was the oldest person in the school. He's like older than the principal. She's like a 60 year old guy. He was old. And he was old to the point where he later, like they found weed on him, like at school. And he had already been to juvie. So he had glaucoma.

So he could like leave his arthritis. Yeah. He got so he got like he got fully sent to. prison at like age 16. Oh shit. Because he'd like already used all his warnings. Oh yeah. Yeah. A felony because it was weed on a school on school property. This was this was before he went to prison.

And he had like this like group of kids and they all came up to me and I was sitting, I was not taking a knee alone and he said, hey man, you got such a fine ass. If you was a girl, I would hit it so

hard. And then they all just sort of stared at me like they didn't laugh. And I was like, oh my God, like, this is like, like, this is, like, is this happening. Yeah, yeah. And I looked at him and I was like, how do I get out of this? And so I said the fact, I looked at it and I said, that's gay. Because like, it was gay. Oh, he said that to you. He said that to me. Oh, yeah. Like, it was clear that, like, he had learned something in Juvie and he was going to use it. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess in Juvie, that would be seen as an intimidation factor. It was an intimidation factor. People do get raped

in Juvie. Yeah. I was talking to summer. I had braces and one of my friends went to Juvius like, dude, you would have been a fucking treat in there. I was like, yeah, I guess so. But point is- Well, how does that correlate to braces? I'm sorry. No, because if you have braces and Juvie, it's like a bitch look, I guess.

I had like long-haired braces. He's like, you're the type they'd go for. I don't know. I don't know. Jeez. Fuck. Well, all his cronies laughed at him. And then he went, I ain't gay. I ain't gay. And then like they like left and I was like yeah but like I was like very

certain that like I was about to either get like assaulted physically or like something bad was about to happen yeah yeah and I got out of it by calling him gay there you go that's how I get out of everything yeah I got boss is like you're fired be like well you're gay he's like fair you're promoted so I got out of my last speeding ticket you call the cop gay dude I'm not I'm not I swear to God, dude, look at this girl I had sex with last week.

He didn't have sex with her. He's like, okay, she jerked me off, I swear. Only gay cops write me tickets. I've seen that bumper sticker. Have you seen that? No. Only gay cops write me tickets. That's so funny.

They just put it on their car. I wonder if that actually helps. Because, like, it's just so funny to see how homophobia actually, it's like, we try to get rid of it, but like everybody does not want to be seen as gay. I'm sure it worse. Unless you are gay, you don't know what I mean? It's like, there's a certain, like, threshold. It's like, if you're straight, you just don't want to be seen as gay.

but if you're gay, it doesn't matter. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you're gay, it's like, oh, they think I'm straight. How cute. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder what the correlation is between like trying so hard to prove your sexuality when you're a straight guy.

Yeah, yeah. I've always wondered if, like, pedophiles do that. You know, straight guys, I'm like, I'm comfortable my sexuality. If there's people that are pedophiles, like, dude, I'll wrestle with a kid because I know I'm not into it. Just like that side of like, or like. No, guys. Or the opposite. No, guys.

No, guys, I swear I fuck kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll prove it to you. I fuck this one kid. You don't know where she lives in Canada. We're like, we don't.

Really, they only like have sex with like people are like 65 and older. He went to a different camp. Yeah. Yeah, you don't know this kid I fucked. He lives in Canada. Hell yeah. I was looking at a black Superman. Yeah?

What are you? Bluperman. Well, I like the way that they should do it because it's weird. It's like they're, the way they should do it is there are like, like, there are like, like black Superman in different like universes because like it's kind of like I think the thing with comic books I don't think you're necessarily racist if you think somebody one specific character

in a comic book is one race and you he's a different race on screen he's Kryptonian yeah yeah he's not even human no I know but what I'm saying is like like if you had a blonde Batman that would bother me a little bit as like a comic book fan because like you want things to like look how they look in the cop like I wouldn't be Robert Patterson yeah but but I think the thing is like

they what they're going to do is they're going to have Calvin Ellis is this like alternate universe Superman who's a black guy and I'm like that's cool because I want to hear that story too that's more interesting than like just being like Clark Kent but he's black the whole time and people are like oh okay honestly I don't you know what I'm there's so much weird force diversity like we're watching so like there's like some uh European show my girlfriend watches and they're like in London but then they're like in this shit version show they're like but the characters are black and you're like could you imagine I'm like

that's not that creative it's like just London they just say the N-word that's really yeah like it's there's not it's not really a stigma to it there um I will say how I was imagining when he said black Superman like he starts out as like white Clark Kent and then he goes into a phone book booth and then he comes out black he goes into a phone booth the shoe polish you're like how is this going to go he's racist comes out black oh that's funny that could be how they do it it's plot twist he was in blackface the whole time I mean that would be the ultimate disguise No, no, Superman's a white guy with Clark Kent's a white guy with glasses. This can't be the same guy. This is a black guy. That was what they did with the Boston Tea Party. They dressed up as Native Americans. Remember that? Oh, I didn't know that. Native Americans. Indians? Indian. American Indians? No, I know. But like, how do you dress? You just put on, like, feathers and shit? Yeah, they like put on like what they put on like with their white people, but they're like, yeah, there's no way. This guy's white. You see those feathers on his head? There's no way.

Like, that's what they did. It's like documented. They like put on costumes because they didn't want to know who. they were so they put on like a different race. That's pretty interesting. It's actually super interesting. Yeah, I did not know they did that. But that was the thing I was talking about that show, like the European show, it's like people think of their creative geniuses now just because they're

like medieval times or like they're like Elizabethan error but they're black. People like I couldn't even imagine what that would be like it's like well it would just be like normally would it's just you change the rate. Yeah. I'm honestly I'm fine with casting whatever race. No, of course. As long as it's like

good. Yeah. Like, if Michael B. Jordan was like in anything, I'd be like, yeah, let's do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like Zendaya, don't fuck with her. I think she's bad at acting. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm like, I was saying, I like what they do the Spider-Man, though, it's because, like, there is a black Spider-Man in the comic book. So it's like, and rather than just taking a white character or making them black, tell the story of the black characters. You know what I mean?

Kind of like Black Panther. It's like, focus more on those comic book characters are black, instead of randomly being like, what if Blackman was a black guy? And everybody's like, oh, I couldn't imagine. They made the Green Lantern a black guy in the Justice League Yeah, well, because he is

long ago. Because there's two green lanterns. There's a white green lantern and a black green lantern. And then the movie, it was Ryan Reynolds. Yeah. Well, that's because there are two separate characters. There's John Stewart, which is the black one,

and then there's Hal Jordan. What about, like, historically accurate movies? Like, Alexander the Great. You mean like Alexander Hamilton? I'm saying, like, if you go back that far in history. Like, should, uh, yeah. Yeah, that's, that too.

I, I don't, I don't have like an issue with it, but it's like, it's fake diversity to me because then they're like, what if Alexander Hamilton was black? I'm like, why not tell the story about like a black guy in history instead of just being like, this is so creative because we couldn't think of what. Yeah, I'm saying like if they recast someone in history who's

definitely white with like a black person just like, I don't have an issue with it, but it's just funny. I think it's fake creative diversity where people are like in a writer's room, they're like, this is so genius. I'm like, no, it's not really. It's just like... Do you think they're going to be able to do, like,

movies with, like, depicting, like, maybe slavery where... White people? Where, like, maybe they have to throw in some white slaves in there, just to make it look like not all black people. Like, this is not how we feel. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of like, that's kind of sugar coding to an extent. But, like, also, like, don't get me wrong, though.

I also love movies like Django Unchained or In Glorious Bastards where you take a historical event and you, like, make it totally different. You know what I think that's cool, too. But also in those movies, though, it's like, oh, that could have technically happened. You know what I mean? You're like, that could have technically. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Abraham Lincoln Vampires Hunter. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Starring Daniel Day Lewis. I don't think it was him. No, that was, he was in Lincoln. Lincoln. Yeah, yeah.

They came out around the same time. They did. It was a weird juxtaposition of it, too. Yeah. Here, Lincoln, Lincoln, 2, Vampire Hunter. Starring Daniel Knight, Lewis. Yeah, I don't know. Those movies are still fun, you know what I mean?

But it's like those people aren't like, nobody's like, this guy's a creative genius now because he said, yeah, I don't know, I don't have... No, there were vampires. That's historically accurate. Alex Jones says there still are. They're interdimensional vampires. They're coming for you.

And Hillary and the globalists, it all comes together. If, okay, if there was something like vampires, werewolves or like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster, which one would you be the least surprised? about existing. Probably Lockness Monster, because I feel like we haven't. It wouldn't be in Lochness.

Okay, so I would believe that there's sea monsters, but not in like, like that it doesn't make sense to me that they would go in that shallow. Like we would have seen it more than... Yeah, I mean, yeah, something like, Lockness Monster.

I mean, I am full in, 80% like of the oceans unexplored. Like a Megalodon? Oh, yeah, I totally believe. You'd probably know about a Megalodon by now. There's no way a Megalodon could survive like that deep in the ocean

to where we couldn't find it. I've looked up plenty of documentaries. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was, I was, I was obsessed with, like, dragons as a kid. Okay. So it, and... I was obsessed with chasing the dragons.

It, like, correlates with dinosaurs, so I've looked up a lot of... I got it, yeah, drugs. Yeah, we get it, dude, you fucking party. It's all good. We'll move on. So, yeah, I was, I've done a lot of research on the possibility of there still being dinosaurs existing. And they do, and they're chickens.

Those are dinosaurs. They're chickens. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if there was, like, a general. giant like sea, like it looks like a snake, but it's like a worm. And when whales die, it like goes down and like eats those giant dead whales or something. I could see that. Do whales sink when they die or float?

They float. They sink at first and then they'll float if they're not eaten because the oxygen can produce by the digesting of like them by the bacteria. Nice. I went on a, I remember we went on a whale watching tour in like, Massachusetts. We didn't see a single whale. So I'm like, but I don't know if we got our money back. I feel like they could easily be like, yeah, it's not our fault.

You didn't see any whales today. I don't have fat white women were on the boat. A lot. Yeah, the whales were, yeah, I don't know. That sounds fun. I like nature and shit. I do too. It's just hard in New York because, like, I don't know.

There's no real nature here. I don't know. Oh, there's none. Dude, I went on a boat ride with my girlfriend. Okay, so we paid like 80 bucks to go on this, like, birthday boat crews. They're like, it's all you can drink, all you can eat. And they're like, this is cool. And they're like, it's a boat ride.

and they took us out for probably 25 minutes. And that was, it was like, yeah, no, all you can drink for like this time period. And we're like, but then we docked for about like an hour more. It's probably an hour and a half. So I only got four beers in and then like a bunch of small appetizers. Did they tell you how long it was going to be? Because if I knew it was an hour and a half, I would have gotten hammered. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't remember. They probably told us. But I was just like, God damn it. There's so many rip-offs in New York. But then you can go speedboat riding, which I don't do Coke, but that, I'm sure I would do Coke and do that. if I still did coke. Because what do you mean you don't do coke, Michael?

I don't do coke. I haven't done coke since I did it. Yeah, I was going to say, we've done it together. Dude, I don't. Yeah, it was my birthday. It was, it was some, no, you were doing a show up in the pan house. Yeah, yeah, but that was. And you were hammered.

That was in January, though. Yeah, well, around my birthday. Yeah, yeah, I did it like once. The last time I did was January. And you were like, I was like, do you want to do a bump before you go up? You're like, I shouldn't, but I will. yeah that was the last time I did it it was like before my brother's bachelor party I remember

because I didn't do any on that and then yeah I just stopped doing yeah everybody quits Coke 15 to 20 times that's how it works yeah I've never done Coke I think you're missing out like six times this month yeah yeah exactly yeah well that's a great part you always say I quit something even if you continue to do it because people are just proud of you for quitting

I'll do it once every couple weeks it's whatever yeah I just don't like the it makes you feel like shit the next day so yeah get better coke. Yeah. I get that's what everybody says. But then I'm like, I don't know. I think one guy told me he's like, dude, this Coke is so good. It's cut with vitamin B, so you don't get hung over. I'm like, I don't think snorting

vitamin B is like going to help. It's already cut with gasoline. I'm snorting gasoline cut. It's like, there's no way I'm not going to Oh, the Israel Palestine, I think, wanted to bring up to it. Did you see Rhino Tools story on Instagram? What it said? He had one of these stories. He's the funniest motherfucker.

He is real funny. He has, it's it's him and his, he's got his Patriots jersey is Boston hat on. He does one of those Instagram polls where it's Israel. I think I clicked on it. It was so funny. It was like 73% people voted for Palestine

and the rest voted for Israel. But I think it's so funny that it's like... I don't know who's the good guy in this in this one. I agree with Jack. There's hot girls on both side of it. Yeah. Dude, whichever...

Whoever's thicker and it's probably Israel. because Palestine doesn't have, like, any food. They're fighting, okay, this is my limited knowledge of, they're fighting over control of Jerusalem. Is that correct? Like, that's one of the, that's one of, that's part of it. Like, they do, both sides want control of Jerusalem.

Both sides would probably, like, die for control of Jerusalem. But there's, like, they want more, you know, more land. Don't we all, man. It's, uh, I should join. I want more. I want some of that. You want some of Palestine. No, it's all over the place.

And there's also just like a lot of like honestly, like there's a lot of ethnic hate on both sides. Oh yeah, I'm sure it's not just based on like. It's religious. They're Palestinians mostly. Are they both Jewish or Hebrew or? So Israel is predominantly Jewish. Yeah. There are some Muslim Israel people.

And then there are also some Christian Israel people. And then within the Jews, there are three different types of Jews. There's Ashkenazi, which is like what most of the people in New York are like. Then there's Sephardic. Those people are from like Southern Europe. Then there's the Mizrahim, which are the people who stayed in Israel for all that time. Which ones have the curly cues? Those are Orthodox Jews.

That's like a sect of Judaism. But there are three different ethnicities within Judaism, and those also sometimes clash. Well, then where do the black Israelites fall? The black Israelites, if I'm being honest, Prison. Jesus. Jesus. Have you talked to this?

By the way, I was at a show the other week and I was hosting and somebody asked like, before we were talking about Judaism.

I was like, who here's Jewish? And the one black guy raises his hand, I was like, are you like a, what's called, like,

black Israelis? Yeah, but I talked to some them on the street. They were telling me some crazy shit. By the way, I know some of them

think that like Mozart was black. They think, one of them thinks that Tom Jones, the singer from like the 80s is black. Who's that? He had swag.

Yeah, yeah. But there were like, no, he had to have been a black man. But I think... It's not unusual to be... I don't think the beliefs. I'm like, whatever. I don't care about your police. But when I started talking to the ones in Times Square,

they get crazy. They think that Asian people all have mental disabilities. Because they think that like the bi... Because like somewhere in the Bible... Yeah, it's wild. It's like that... And then they think that like, uh, there's lots of microchipping stuff. Oh, Tom Jones looks black.

Really? Let me see that picture. you're looking at. Let me see. Oh, actually, you know, I guess I've never, I think that's just years of like liver spots and stuff because I saw him on. Actually, to come to think of it. I've seen him on an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air and he did not look like. Yeah, compared to everybody else. Dude, I actually totally disagree with us. He said he looks like he could slightly be black. You're actually right. Yeah, maybe they, maybe are the black Israelites right? They're right about everything. They're right about Tom Jones. That's for sure. I'm going to look up core beliefs.

I don't know. There aren't a lot of them like super anti-Semitic? Yeah, no, they hate, they like really don't like Jews, which is sort of... So they're right about a couple things. Yeah, I guess. Which is sort of like, like, I want to be their friend. Yeah. I like, I like, I like, I'm like, come on.

Like, if you, if you're going to use the name, like, at least pretend to like me. Yeah. But it's fine. I'm not going to... I don't, I don't interact with them. I see them in... You guys ever go to 34th Street, Harold Square. at like night and it's just like

every faith is trying to convert you there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a tug of war. It's a tug of religion. You ever see those like Jews on the street? Yeah. And they're like, yeah, Jews on the street. And they're like, and they ask you if you're Jewish.

Yeah, I get it all the time. You're a redhead. Right, but. Well, no, there are. There are redhead. There are some redhead Jews. But like I would have people. Ashkenazi are, are they more?

Ashkenazisis are like the, are like, the whitest Jews. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have, like, I had a dude come up to me in the airport one time. And I was at the airport in Chicago waiting on my flight, and he came up. He was like, oh, hey, are you Jewish? And I'm like, no. He's like, okay, see you. I'm like, what would happen if I said yes?

We just gone on the same flight. Then we would hang out. So I say yes to them. And they just like, they just want you to, like, pray with them. Yeah, no, I'm sure it's super positive. I think they're just, like, lonely. well yeah i mean six million of them die there's probably pretty lonely you know we like just we like very recently got back to like pre-holga's numbers i actually really regret making that joke and i'm not

it's fine i'll kiss after this the episode of your the my my podcast that you were on oh yeah um my girlfriend's sister-in-law listened to it and was like wow it's pretty heavy on the anti-simmist Semitism. And I'm like, was it that bad? And I listened back to it. I'm like, oh, Jesus, I'm so uninformed. Well, that's the thing I realized, too, because I used to think it was kind of like racist that a lot of Jewish people want

to marry Jewish people. But then I was like, oh, after the Holocaust, it makes so much sense because it's like, right? Because it's like, you're lost a lot of people, so it makes like perfect sense. I don't think it's anti- didn't lose enough if you asked me. Doubling down. Double down. No, commit to the bit.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like I was like the only Jew growing up in my neighborhood. Well, I wasn't the only Jew. I was the only Jew at my schools. All the other Jews went to like the Jewish private school. I did not go to the Jewish private school. It was like a children's book, The Lonely Jew. The Lonely Jew.

Who are you? The lonely Jew. Watch him through the land of Tim Buck 2. Okay. Jesus Christ. I was like the easy one. I made one joke of him being a Holocaust denier, and now I'm starting to think it wasn't a joke that I made.

I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. Are you a Holocaust acceptor now? I mean, I embrace it. Embrace her. But wait, yeah, well, that's the thing, too, because, like, yeah, I feel like there are, but I went to a Christian private school. There's still a lot of Jewish people there.

But where are you from again? Texas? Houston, Texas. I feel like Florida has a lot of Jewish people because, like, a lot of people. Florida has a lot of Miami. Yeah. Yeah, especially, did you grow up religious? Uh, yeah, very religious.

In my... Which one? Yeah, say the right one. The right one. No, my dad... So my dad was like Christian, but he wasn't a specific sect of Christianity. But he's very religious.

Something I was thinking about as crazy is like, I was thinking about South American religions because, like, people take ayahuasca and stuff like that. And I'm like, that's got to be so crazy to be like, yeah, my dad's very religious. It's like every Sunday he's tripping balls and throwing up all over the place. Like, I picture like just like a religious ayahuasca dad. He's like, God damn it, Pedro.

It's Sunday. Drink your I-W-A-A-W-A-W-A. Get in touch with the universe, okay? But, yeah, my dad was very religious. But we'd go to church less than, like, he would read the Bible, and we'd act out the stories. None of the weird ones. Not, none of, like, he didn't, like, try and sacrifice you.

Yeah, nobody. He's like, okay, I'm going to cut your dick skin now. Yeah, I'm circumcised. Yeah. What about you, Lucas? I am. Not out of religious. Just for fun.

I think my, yeah. I mean, it's not like you had like a choice. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think my dad just like, no, uncircumcised dicks are weird. Yeah. You're, you're Jewish. You're obvious circumcised, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I like, I like don't even really know what Foreskin looks like, if I'm being honest. I've seen some porn. And it's, it's, it's frightening. I don't know. I don't want to shame anyone out there with a Foreskin. Dude, half my listeners have Forskin.

It's like a big fan base for me. I don't know. As someone who doesn't have it, like, when you see it, it's like case like a fucking sausage. It's like, you gotta peel it back and you know, you know, like, when you see like those people and they like recently lost a lot of weight so they have like a bunch of loose skin. Yeah. Is it like that energy? Yeah, it looks more like an anteater.

It's, yeah, it's like, uh, any either. Some, if, if the four skin's prominent enough, it'll like hang off the tip and then you can like, you can like see the dick hole and then it like slowly emerges. I don't know. And slowly emerge. You're watching it. Just get hard. Like you've got to peel it back.

Like, I've seen some. importance where the girl like peels it back and then starts sucking on it. Oh, that's a perfect example. It looks kind of like a pigs and blanket. It looks just like that. It looks just like that. It's perfect. Or like that. I thought you were going to show us a picture of a dick. Well, I looked uncircumcised. Like surprisingly, penis is done. I'll have to Google. Uncumcumcised vaginas. So you know how a vagina hole gets like really big when they they shove like a can't, like a baby through it? It's like imagine putting like a cantaloupe through like a golf ball or whatever. Oh, that's what it looks like, by the way.

Oh. Let me see that dick. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think, like, the whole of the foreskin, of the ratio of, like, the girth of the dick is the same level of size? No, I've heard you get a little bit of thickness from it. That's, see, that's where I wish I had a foreskin. Yeah.

Anyway, what are you saying about the genus? Oh, I was going to, I was just doing math. It's not important. I have a question if you could hide things in there. I think you could for sure hide things in there. Joey Diaz says he could put a roll of quarters in his. Oh, my God. That's too much.

But, yeah. I guess you could push the dick back in and then use it like a little dispenser. I mean, personal here. I can do that now when my dick's flask. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do that for fun, but I don't have another skin like hole in. Well, we've all done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I showed it to my girlfriend now she thinks it's okay to do that to me. She'll grab my dick and like... And, yeah, like... Push it in? Push it in. Yeah. And I'm like, it's not okay for you to do. She's fingering.

That's my dick. She's like, you like, you like, you like, oh. It's like, like, this wouldn't be a problem if you could just get hard. She thinks it's funny. She calls it putting on his sweater. That's love, man. I found videos on her phone. We went on a cruise, and they're about 10 videos of me with my penis.

And it's got a face drawn on marker. And I'm like, where's the fucking money? He's like, I don't know. I don't know. He's just drowning it in water. My girlfriend let me shave a face into her pubs When we were showering together And she was like shaving

I'm like, no, no, no, leave it. Give me the razor And I shaved a smiley face into her pubs. That's fun. I feel like that's hard to do though. It was an electric. She doesn't go full bald Because she gets razor burn

So she just uses an electric. So it was, yeah. And then I tried to do flames into mine because my pubes are red. Oh, that's pretty cool, yeah. Yeah. It's like a little race car. Or a big race car, my bad.

Yeah. You know, it's a pretty average race car. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Wait, so Ellen, I'm looking at notes just because we ran out of Sumpstein. Ellen's, like, done now, right? Ellen? The shows are...

I don't know why what she did was that bad. It seemed like she was just being a bitch, but I'm like, that's not that crazy for... I don't know. I used to watch Ellen when I got home from school because it came on right after Full House. You watched... Full House, too?

Yeah, because it was on right after, like, right when I got home from school, it was on, and my babysitter would watch it. And then she had to explain to me at one point that their mom died. I'm like, where's their mom? And she's like, yeah, she died. And I got sad. How did she die? I think she died giving birth to Michelle? Michelle, yeah.

That's going to be a shitty feeling. That's real. Yeah, yeah. That's so, that's painful. Yeah, and one of the Olson twins died in birth. That's why you only see one of them. Yeah. They, uh...

So funny that they used to have to have to hire twins. Yeah, so that they get for child labor loss. Yeah, that's so funny. That's wild. I, um, did you know any twins growing up? Yes, I knew a set of twins called, uh... No, I won't say their names, I guess. Jacob and Jordan, I won't say their last names.

One of them was... They're both pretty stupid, but one of them was... waste more stupid. And then I knew another set of twins, the birdess twins, and one of them, always one of them looked a little off. Yeah, yeah. There's always one whose face is slightly distorted. It's like, someone tried to draw this one with their eyes shut.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's wild to me. I, um, when we're talking about twins? Yeah, I don't know where I was going with that. it's a yeah i don't know that's got to ever have sex with twins one sister and then the other sister if i was single and not in a loving relationship lucas i would jack same question i don't know if i know any female twins no i don't think i know any i've never

hooked up with a twin i don't think unless they like oh i know uh hooked up with a twink is that the same thing i know uh yeah there was a set of twins that were fraternal uh one of one of them was the boy was my friend and then I had sex with a sister. That's got me. That one. Did you meet the guy first? That's kind of gay. I forget. I forgot that they were fraternal twins. And I forgot that she was his sister. But you can't tell by looking at her face and you're like, you remind me just of your brother. Like is that I feel like, fraternal twins. Oh, oh, oh, I think I was saying I don't look. No. Yeah. Oh, that's way different. Yeah. Yeah. That's way different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so different. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you're saying like he looks just like your best

friend and then you're having sex with her like he wasn't my best friend he was i would be bothered by that he was a friend of mine if i had a sister that looked identical to me and then somebody had sex with them i would be like i think this guy would want to fuck me people always used to tell me they're like oh you and your sister look a lot of like and then they'd be like dude your sister's hot and i'm like yeah do you want to just see my dick yeah it's circumcised yeah hers is not yeah it's a it's a thing yeah i've always been curious just to like what if women were circumcumcised sized. I know like, they are in Africa. Some, like, in a bad way? Like in a bad way?

Is that a good way? No, like, what if there was just like, I don't know, like, would we like cut off? Some girls get, um, some girls are self-conscious about their extra labia and get that trimmed. Yeah, what if we cut those off? Some, no, there's people do it because. Oh. Yeah. That's hot. It's like, it's like, it's like a porn has set a new standard as to what a vagina, like, should look like. So girls will watch porn and then look at their own vaginas and be like, Oh, mine's too meaty, and then they get it trimmed. I don't want my beef curtains anymore.

Yeah. That's kind of sad. I mean, I don't do that. Don't they say, like, you have extra dick inside you? Isn't that how they pull down? You got, like, three to four inches. Like, if you, like, get a boner and then feel your taint, you'll feel like it goes back. Yeah, further.

And they just pull that out further. Yeah. They can't do anything for wideness, though, can they? I wish. You also got a case of pencil dick? I'm good. Yeah, dude, my dick's, like, long. but it's not that thick and it's upsetting

because like girls really don't care about length it's mostly about the girth. Yeah, because when I watch like porn and the dude's got a huge dig doesn't even like he can even go in that fur. They want you to touch the walls not bust through the ceiling, you know? Yeah.

But even if you... I know, I think they can eject it with silicone. You get dick fillers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do that. I want the lips of the head. You know what I'm talking about where the mouth is?

I want to get those. just Kylie Jenner lips on. Like right around. Make your dick hole pouty. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Make it like, ooh. Put a little lipstick on it.

His dick was so handsome. Just get a double chin. It kind of does have a double chin on the bottom. It's got that split. Yeah. Yeah, if you're lucky. If you're lucky. I think, I hope you guys don't mind, but I was going to end it there just because we're,

yeah, Jack's got to get out here. Yeah. What do you want to promote? The Monkey Don't podcast with my co-host, WWE Superstar Randy Orton's brother. It's his brother, not Randy Orden. Jesus Christ. You put it right back next to your mouth, bro. What is wrong with you?

What are you saying? Sorry, your podcast is so important to me. The Monkey Don't podcast on the Helium Podcast Network. Get it on Spotify, W. Randy Orton's brother. Yeah. Yeah. So if you guys want to follow me on Instagram, my handle is at the Jack Reiker, spelled R-E-I-C-H-E-R-T.

Or you could check out my book. It's on Amazon for both paperback and digital. It is called Ha, colon, laugh at why you're laughing. It's very funny. I didn't know you had a book. I keep forgetting you're a published author. I'm a published author. It was a bestseller when it debuted.

What? Yeah, but nobody fucking reads, so no one cares. It means nothing. Yeah, follow me at Hinder Luser on Instagram. send me your problems. That's for my podcast. Anyway, kiss me on the mouth, viewers. Yeah, if you see Jack kiss him on the mouth. Right on the mouth. Thank you.