Morning Good - Jess's Rock Bottom - Episode 120

Episode Date: October 2, 2022

Thanks to Zach Russell and Jess Levin for coming on the show. Check out Jess on previous episodes and shout out to Zach for joining the show for the first time today. Check these people out down below at their links for more funny stuff.Jess is on Instagram @jlevcomedy. Zach is on Instagram as well @zachrussellcomedy and co-hosts the Overshadowed Podcast.  As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? Did you call it the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here with Zach Russell and Jess Levin. I think the first word caught up here was Hasidix. Well, that's good. That's fitting. Yeah, we're in Brooklyn. Yeah, you go down south.

That's all you can talk about. I am 29 days clean Oh really? From running? From running? Substitute with Muay but no alcohol

No out Are you going full? Nice. Good for you Did you, was there like a moment where you're like Eh I just don't have to share that

What's up? You don't have to share your rock bottom Yeah, I don't care It wasn't there's so many There's so many There's tons of rock bottoms There's never just one rock bottom bro Yeah

Yeah Yeah no I was in Boston about what Say less Yeah Shut up three weeks ago. I think it was, yeah, it has to be three weeks. Oh, no, four weeks.

Four weeks. And I was getting bombed on Friday. I didn't have any shows that night. The one night I didn't was Friday. So I was like, all right, well, I'm going to go out to dinner. And then I started drinking and I got pretty lit. And then I went to hide out and I went to go see Jordan Jensen and Jake Velasquez and like, Virate.

I went up there. Do you want to go through the whole thing or shit? Yeah, yeah. I want to hear it. All right. All right. And I'm all like, and I'm just like, whatever. And then I go to Jake.

I'm like, jeanne. How come you don't drink? And he's like, because I've been doing it for a very long time. And I'm like, so what? So have I. And it like all of a sudden hit me in like a moment of clarity. And then that just like went by bye because then I just started to proceed to get even more fucking hammered. Then I drink like a story.

You're not going to just flip a Ui. Yeah, nobody's like, I got a soap up now. Yeah. You're going for the border, baby. Yeah, yeah. People are going to Mexico. I always hear people go like, they're like next weekend is when like I know a lot of people that they plan it out.

They're like, I'm going to get so fucked up this weekend. and then Monday is when I do that too if I'm getting super high you just like you're like oh fucking tomorrow's the new day right right yeah so I had that moral clarity and then all you almost you almost wanted to hit you harder right you're like I need to get so fucked up that I can capitalize on this

epiphany right yeah that's kind of it yeah you're right yeah I didn't think of it that way but yeah maybe so so then yeah so I was just all like all so I was just and I fucking went lit I fucking just got loose and then I will um I blacked out and the next thing I remember is I woke up in the hotel room and I peed the bed.

Oh, shit. Which I've done before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to say, oh, shit, but I'm like, I've done that all the time. But like, but there was blood in my piss this time. This time we got weird. I, um, yeah, and I just woke up and I was just like, I'm tired of feeling like shit. Yeah.

I'm tired of this. How do you deal with that in a hotel? Do you tell them or you just? Oh, no. I didn't say shit. Yeah, you say somebody. I got a towel. Yeah.

I got a towel. And I, like, absorbed it up. And then like, I guess they can't charge you and be like, this bed smells like piss. Right. And I felt bad. I didn't like, I cleaned it up as much as possible.

You're kind of supposed to pee in hotel bed. Yeah. I was going to say if you're going to do it. You might as well, yeah. But I felt bad. I was thinking about the person that had to clean it. So I took a bar of soap. Oh, that's sweet.

Well, whatever. I tried to do my best. And I didn't like put, I was there for one more night. So I cleaned it up as much as I put it. And then I hair dried it. And I slept it again.

Because then at least when they went after it and they didn't just get in the face with Yeah. Exactly. So, and I wasn't. like a lot of pee, it was just like drunk pee. So it was like just liquid. I've had a lot before.

I've had where it reaches my neck. Whoa. That's because you're huge cock. Yeah. I had it flopped upwards. Yeah. God dang. It's being the boner.

He drowned in his own piss. That's why you sleep on your side. If your dick's too big gets to sleep on your side. I wonder if your morning would and you peeing probably to shoot it up that way. I'm sure. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I don't have the anatomy. But I'm wondering if that would.

I remember. I was going to say, do you say morning wood more because you do this podcast? No, I've never said the term morning wood. You just said it. Oh, I did?

Yeah, you just said wood. Yeah, I don't know. It's so ingrained. It was also weird that I immediately was like, I never said my, I never think about what I say it. Yeah. But it was like a,

I never think about what I say. Yeah, when it was, listen to my podcast. Yeah, I don't. There's no. Where nothing means anything. No. It was one of those things

where like there was sorority rush week at Florida State was always a week before. Here we go. Yeah, yeah. Here's a story. It was a week before school starts. So all the dudes would get there and then just get fucked up because the girls can't do anything.

So all the dudes would just be like, okay, that week will get all fucked up. And it's only hanging out with guys because all the girls are busy doing sorority stuff. Okay. So we just like would day drink every day on our roof and do a bunch of cocaine. Okay. And then for like a week. No girls allowed. Yeah, no girls allowed.

Why no girls allowed that? Because they're not allowed to leave their sorority houses while doing. See, I don't like this. Oh, if I was a girl, I would never be in a sorority. No, at all. Even as, yeah. I'd get gangbanged by a bunch of frat guys, but that's a different thing. Yeah, it's a different thing.

That's like an hour. That's not a whole week. Yeah, yeah. It's just not fun. I don't see a sorority being fun. No, it's horrible. My girlfriend was doing it. There's all these rules and shit.

It seems high pressure. Yeah, because you're always representing the sorority. Yeah, and I'm not like, I mean, I don't know, I'm not that kind of feminine chick that's like, oh, you got. And the South is different, too. It's like, I feel like everyone goes to college to find a husband still. It's like got this 1950s thing. Where'd you go to school?

A little bit. I went to Marumont Manhattan College in the city. Okay, okay. Okay. The city theater. Yeah. They were like, it was weird because like there were definitely a lot of girls like that who were like trying to find.

I mean, it was a mix. I don't know. I mean, I don't mean to generalize. I'm sure there's some people like, I want to be a doctor. But I mean, what are you doing at Florida State? Yeah, no, yeah. You know what I mean? Florida State people.

Oh, I agree. People are to get fucked up and having a good time. I mean, Jamal Winston. Didn't Jamal Winston go there? James Winston, whatever. Jamal, Jemais. I'm gonna keep that one in. No, you go for it.

Jerome, Tyrone. I mean, he's got some, yeah, that bad. He had a lot of fun in college, didn't he? Oh, yeah, yeah. Everybody always forget that he had a rape package. He had a rape, yeah. But everybody forget, like, the guy that's still the crab legs, right? I'm like, I would want to be known for that instead of.

Oh. That's also kind of a smart move. He's the priest guy? The dress real fancy? No. No, no, no, no. That's the, what's the white, Joe Burroughs. No, there was a black guy.

who was like in really nice suits and stuff. Yeah, he was like a minister. And he was driving like a Bentley and it was inappropriate. I like that, though. That's a good fucking look. I think he got arrested though because he was skimming off the top. Oh, no shit. Off the capital T top, man, off a god.

Oh, man, good for him. Yeah, I respect it. Do you want to say, go ahead. I was going to say, what, Jemias Winston though, yes. James Winston. Jameson. Tobias. Tobias.

We don't know. Oh, Jemias. I know. First off, I still smoke weed. So the names are kind of just going away. They're just jumbling around. Correct. It's like vanana grams in there.

Yes, correct. It was also where you said clean, because when I think of clean, I think of, like, drugs. When I see you're sober, I think of sober, I think of everything. But when I hear clean, because people say I'm clean and sober,

I think of like... But I kind of look in their eyes and try to feel out what they mean. Yeah, yeah. I would be surprised if you were like, no meth in 29 days. I know. No, dude, if I was met, I'd be skinny

and I'd have no teeth. That's true. So, no meth for me. I don't have that meth look. I know. You look like a drunk. A drinker. I was going to say a drinker.

But you can say drunk. Not a drunk. I wasn't going to say drunk. You could say that. A lush. A lush. You could say lush. So you feel better?

29 days. That's pretty significant. I do. I feel really, really, really good. That's like the minimum amount of time to break a bad habit. Is it? Yep. I didn't know that.

That's awesome. Yeah, it's like literally 28 days, I think. Oh, shit. Or maybe that's the zombie movie. No, but I like it. Stick with that, Russell. I like it. I think it is.

So keep it up. All right. there's a lot of pressure to do it. You just get paid in it occasionally. I know. Exactly, right? The drink tickets and shit. And that's,

I mean, and I get it. You know, I'm not hating on that. It's just like, fuck. And also, bartenders really love me.

Yeah. I'm not saying it, but they do. And it's like, they're always giving me, because I used to be one. And I, you know,

I know, you know, and they vibe it and they feel it and you know one. And then they're like constantly giving you drinks and you're like, fuck. So, nah,

I've been saying no a lot. Also, I don't know about you, but I've gotten the point. I love drinking, but sometimes it doesn't feel good. I don't know what it is. I'm like, I just don't feel good while I'm drunk, which almost never happened to me until recently. It's like sometimes I feel good, sometimes I feel bad.

I think I have some weird, like allergic reaction now. I never had this to alcohol. Genuinely, like, I get like red. It's called being gay, Mike. Really? Yeah. I didn't think that had anything to do with me drinking. But if you're, I get drunk and I fuck about you do.

So that might be. I'm sucking. Well, that's great. Yeah. I wake and chug. Yeah. Chug come. Wake and chug dick.

What do you get? Are you breaking out? What do you mean? I get like, oh yeah. You get in hives? I get like my face gets flushed and my ears get warm. And then that never happens. It's like I took a blue shoe or something.

Oh my God. That sounds like you're like maybe you're part Asian. Have you done ancestry? No, I haven't. But I'm about to because I think I am part Asian. I have smaller eyes. What? That's what they look like.

I'm so tired of this. You're not, you're not close enough. If you had to round your eyes up or down, you'd round them up. You'd round them up. I'm up to a round. You'd round them. No, you're just getting how old are you? May I'm 25.

Oh, wow, you're young. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think he's getting what you think old man eyes compress over time? I was going to say, you know, just whatever. I don't know. Old man skinny eyes. I'm just learning about, like, I'm just finally getting into comfortable into my womanhood.

Yeah. You know, and I'm older than you motherfuckers. How old are you, Russell? 28. Yeah, you guys are babies. But I took one selfie and then that was the first time I realized I aged as I looked at the picture and I was like, oh, I kind of look like shit. It is weird when you look in the mirror.

and like, who are you? Yeah, yeah, I've started to have that, yeah. When do you guys feel that happened? Like, you look at 21 and you're like, holy shit? Or are you? Oh, no, it's more. I mean, sometimes when I look back, I'm like, yeah, I definitely look younger. Okay.

At the time, you're like, I'm the oldest I've ever looked. Okay. Which is true. And you work out, right? Because you could pass for like 20 to like 30. I could not pass for, yeah, I could pass an old guy. I think it's in my eyes. No, I think you could do 20 to 34.

20 is a young, dude. I don't think you can do like 20. I could do like a bad looking 24. I think 20 to 24. I could give him a three, but not a 20. 20 is no fucking way. Really? Yeah, but I think five o'clock, like whatever, the shadow and shit and the thing.

Yeah, but there's kids in eighth grade. His eyes, he's got that sorrow. You know what I mean? Yep. He doesn't have that 20 gaiety. You have that 20 gaiety. Emphasis on gay. Wait, I want to go out.

You work out, right? Occasionally. I'm trying to get back into it. Okay, cool. Do you notice, though, how, like, when you're, when did you work out when you're younger. Did you get into it like 16, 17 where you're working out? Yeah. Okay. Do you notice a difference between picking up weights when you're a 16 to now? Oh, um, honestly, as long as if I'm eating right and like fueling myself properly, no. No. Okay. Cool. I'm just wondering when that will.

But it does. I think it might, I think your resilience might lessen. So if you're, if you're 16 and you're doing, you know, whatever, and then you're 28 and you're trying to do the same thing, if you're not, if you're drinking too much, you don't sleep enough or you don't eat right, I think it's going to affect you more. Okay, right, right, of course. Because I'm going through this thing, so I, I'm starting, I'm doing Muay, and my trainer's awesome and he's older. He's like in his 30s. And he's just like, you know, we were talking about how athletes when they age, it's got to be, I was thinking it has to be rough because they're like, you know, in their 20s, they could like fucking do jean, you got a hard-ons and you're like, all good to go. And then all of a sudden you probably

turn like, I don't know what age. We've all seen MMA. All those guys are hard as out. They're hard as shit. And then all of a sudden probably, I don't know what age, but at 29, 28 for dudes or something, you start noticing... Start going soft in the octagon. Right? A little bit. Nice. And it's just like, I wonder if that's like... That's why Rhonda Rousey lost.

I wonder if that's like a midlife crisis for dudes kind of in a way where it's like, I can't pick up the weight I used to be able to do. I'm not waking up with a heart dick. I think it depends you value because I don't value my health at all. So when I goes out the window, I don't give a fuck. Here's the thing. It's hard to maintain muscle. It's easy to maintain muscle.

So if you hear someone being like, oh, I'm losing weight. And at first you're like, fuck you. Sometimes they're referring to muscle. And they're losing like hard work. Right. And so when you go to pick it up, you're like, oh, I'm not as strong. It's easy to lose. So I don't think I'm as bitter when I pick something up and it's, you know, harder than it was.

Because I'm like, I'm not in my routine. I lost the muscle. Right. Not yet. I'm just wondering like older athletes. You know what I mean? She pulls out of sight. Yeah, exactly.

Not yet. Hourglass turns over. Right. Now it's time. You're like, when you wake up tomorrow. One day your knees are, your knees will crack and they'll never go back. It's just like women who age, though. Like their tits start sagging.

Yeah. Like, oh my God, if you get the bollia. I would have the funniest bit I've heard about it. I would hate that. I'd never heard this bit. It was on like some leaked track of it. It's like, some girls, their tits get so saggy that you can't even titty fuck the tit. You can't even titty fuck it.

You can just wrap it around your tic and fuck it. You can't be a tipped in a blanket. Like it's like a gym sock. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, man. I got some big ins is. I'm not that bad. Is that upsetting?

No, because I was, I'm working. So I'm not trying to talk about this. You have some huge boobs. I know, I've got some big titties. Yeah. You can knock a guy out with that. I can put his head on the bar. I like it.

I can, but I don't. Well, I'm planning on. No, I haven't been registered as lethal weapon. I'm losing this fucking weight and I'm planning on getting like a lift. Because I've never had like, I've never been like I don't, I've never had this 22 year old like, and I'm bouncing on a dick kind of lifestyle. Like I've never had that.

You know? So I've always been like, so you see these young girls that are like, you know, like you know, like you know, on Bleak girl, McDougal. They're all like skipping and they're like, eh. I never. I always. had a like the 40-year-old existential crisis as like be probably when I was in my father's dick. Right.

Gravity's always been a thing. I like, you said dick because you're mostly in the balls and then you're out of the balls. Oh, it's in the balls, my bad. But the dick is a very specific, you were in your dad's dick for one moment. Yeah, that's a moment when I was passing through. That's the roller coaster that shoots you off at 60. Yeah. Yeah.

You're really only your dad's dick for probably like half a second. When I was boiling in his balls. There you go. Yeah. Boiling his balls. I was. So I never had that. ready.

Yeah, totally. Have you been on the Hulk ride at Universal Studios? Yeah, it's like, I think this time it's gonna work. And it's like warning and you, boom. I don't know that ride. It's great. Is it a good one? Yeah.

Oh, that is fun. They do a little preface. I like when they add a story to the roller coaster. I love, I love, you guys aren't supposed to be here. There's always that thing where it's like, wait, turn back now. Yeah, yeah. And the floor gives out. Yeah.

I got thrown out of the Universal Studios. Wait, okay, wait. Is it a thing you're saying? then I'll keep that in the back of my mind. Yeah. I got to hear the universe. Yeah, you're talking about, you've never been a 21-year-old girl

that just wake up on dick. So I never had that. So I'm just thinking about like how men age. And like my brothers were athletes. So I just always like I just, and I love athletes so much. Yeah. Like I admire the fuck out of them.

There's something about them that's just like I just, I love all of them. It's weird how little I value it because my head. I don't know why. I'm just like. They sacrifice so much for a sport. I think that's so amazing to me. It is. And amazing what they can do.

do at their high, like at their highest peak of like athleticism? Well, I think it's also because I don't watch sports. Because you're like, pussy. Copy. Yes. I'm a pussy. I'm gay. Yeah. I like, I like, you really look like sports and watch sports. Because I'm fat. No. You have the

face of a guy who's like, you see the game. Yeah, yeah, I kind of do. Yeah. It does have the face. I do. I have very like, have you seen the game face? In a lot of ways. Like, I'm not. I've seen what? Have you seen the game face? Yeah, I like that, man. Well, it's like, Yeah, I like that too

But it's like you Like I feel like I'm not manly But I'm masculine Like I'm not like a lumberjack kind of guy But I look very much like a dude That makes sense Yeah, but you have a softness about you You do have a softness

We have a baby face Yeah you have a baby face I think that's just the drink guy I used to have like a strong chin That was like also there's a lot of beta dudes now So it's not that hard to look like It's hilarious It is very true

It is so funny Like it's all relative baby It's weird and angrious me though Because like I want to see a guy I'm never this kind of guy Who you talking to? It angers you? Jesus Christ, I'm fucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's out there fishing, you know? I'll just swimming around. I'll just see some guy, especially in like the Brooklyn area, and then I'm like, you're not a man. And I'm like, why do I care what this guy's doing? Sure. But also, if he's gay.

That's probably internalized something phobia. Yeah, but it's like, if he's gay and he acts of feminine, I have no issue with it. I have a problem with straight dudes doing it. I'm with you. Right? Because the same thing with, like, white guys to try to be black. That angers me, but if you're actually black. Straight guys trying to be gay?

Like, in the style of gay. Oh, you bring up a point then. You're thinking they're like being simps. They're trying to do it for pussy. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Straight guys dressing gay for pussy. An interesting tactic.

Yes, an interesting strategy. That doesn't not work. No, yeah, I know. That's why, like, I don't understand why these bitches like Timothy Shama lei or Shalomwe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shamelon. Have you seen F-Boy Island? This relates to the point.

Yes. Some of the guys on that show, the way they dress, it's crazy. They look like... Which show? I'm sorry. F-Boy Island. No, what is F-Boy Island? It's a Nikki Glazer hosted, actually.

It's very good. It's a dating, you know, reality show. It's on HBO Max. Really? She's getting that money, dude. She's executive producer. She's hosting it. Shut the fuck up.

I didn't know HBO Max had a fucking reality show. Yeah, it's good. It's good, too. What's the premise? So the premise, yeah, very quick premise. Yeah. So it's like The Bachelor, except there's three women and there's all these guys. And they come on the show self-declared as a fuck boy or a nice guy.

No shit. In that they are looking for a relationship or they just like to fuck and they're just trying to fuck people, you know, just trying to get puss. Yeah, right. And. they go on dates of these women and they get close to these women and the women have to suss out who's an F boy, who's a nice guy. And if an F boy gets to the end with a woman, they each get to pick whether they're going to split this money

or if one of them's just going to take it. You know what I mean? So if like sheep votes he's a nice guy and he's actually an F boy, he can just take the $100,000 or they can both split it. You know what I mean? So there's a financial incentive. But it's also like he could choose to be the good guy. He could choose to be a reformed F boy, correct.

Yeah, this is interesting. Yeah. But it leaves it more into the, it's an honest bachelor because they're always like, are you here for the right reasons? But they've really cast it as fuck boy or nice guy. Holy shit. Which is what they're playing the game, the girls

on the bachelor are playing the whole time. Is it, does it go through? It's genius. They should do gay boy island, but one of them's gay and Michael Stars. Yes, they still call F Boy Island because it stands for something else. But to my but to my point, some of these dudes, they got like turtlenecks and like chains. Right. Like the

Lonely of Island song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hilarious. Yeah. It's crazy. And one of them's literally a SoundCloud rapper. Yeah.

He got up and he spitz. Yeah, white guy. Should have had you guys. Also, one of these girls. I met one of those girls that she came to a comedy show. Who? One of the F. Luis.

One of the blonde chick, Louisa. She's like, she made to the end, I think. Oh, oh, from season one of the season. I didn't see season. How many seasons are there? Just two.

Okay. Yeah, she came to the pair one time. And everybody there was just like, oh, yeah. Is she smoking? Gee, yeah, it's pretty hot. Dude, the girls, there's this girl on season two. Me and my girlfriend are in love with her.

Really? Every time we see her, we're like, oh. Really? No shit. So hot. The blonde girl. I don't know what her name is. Dude, I think that's the girl.

From season two, dude? Yeah, season two, the most recent season. I would have creamed all over the pair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I think she followed much of them back, but I was like, I have a girlfriend.

I'm not going to follow. I just got into love on the spectrum because of fucking Levi. Oh, my God. I feel like that. It's good. It's like a show for me. Yeah, but no, see, don't, no, no, no, no. Because everyone that's watching it,

they're all wondering if they're autistic now. Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not autistic at all. I just, I just think it's funny. Oh, well, dude, it's not funny. You guys talked about autism on your, I listened to the first episode with you guys on it. Look, we got like three topics. We spent a lot.

We went, we, we'll cycle through them. No, no, no, just a little, you know, appetizer. Just a little five minutes. A little taste. But I've been getting into it now more and more. It's a beautiful show, you dick. And if you make fun of them, I will fucking comifying you show. right and jokes about it and I wrote one first.

Oh, yeah, I know. Well, Sarah Tolan-Mash did one. So you're telling me there's no funny part about it. That's true. You're right. There is one. There's no way. There's just one. But the only funny part is the way that they edit it. It wasn't because of them. It was the way it was like, it just came out of nowhere. And I was like, what the fuck? But no, it's genuinely a very, not to get serious, but a beautiful thing.

It's like very sweet. Because autism people, I feel like are better people than we are. See, I would get the opposite. Because I thought that they have like less empathy. No, they actually are the opposite of that. They actually are very much self-aware. Right. They're very self-aware.

They're like just, they're not sociopaths, you fucking idiot. That is what he's confusing with it. Well, people do say, oh, they're not so. I thought they killed animals. I thought they fucked up birds. Yeah, Lenny feed the rabbits. They're all going to hug them until they die. I mean, I have a couple things to base it on that, too.

So, yeah. No, I have a very little understanding of mental disability, especially autism. Especially your own. Then you should watch it. Yeah, especially your own. Yeah. He's got some singers the night. Yeah, you should watch it.

But yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's really good. Levi's like a freaking guy, a doctorate in freaking autism. Levi, Levi, White. Yeah, he's insane. Is Levi autistic? I don't know. He thinks he sometimes is. So does Talah now.

But we started watching it and we all have like little, I think we all can relate to it. That's what makes it so great. What's called the way. That makes sense. Yeah, there's tons, like, it's insane. It's really insane. But there is like a stolen valor thing where I think a lot of guys are like, oh, I've autism.

That's why I'm an asshole. I'm like, you can't just say that. Yeah, no, I hate that. I hate that. That's what you said on the last step. Really? That was what happened? That's what you said on the last step.

Oh my God. That is funny. The asshole is claiming autism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's just, you know, that's just a form of. It's the same thing. That's a problem. People claim things they're not.

It's my issue with the straight dudes to act gay to get pussy. Yeah, that's my, I hate that. I hate that. Yes. I hate hypocrites. And I hate people that are, are not what they claim to be. One thing I thought was hilarious recently is I was at Brooklyn and open mic. And there was this like kind of a feminine, clearly straight guy.

Yeah. We're on like a striped shirt. And then there's this like Brooklyn guy who was like, uh, from Brooklyn. And the whole mic for five minutes, he just made fun of this one guy for being a pussy. And it was the funniest thing I've ever seen because it was uncomfortable, but also hilarious like, what are you? Some fucking bitch? And then the guy's just sitting there like, all right, buddy.

Next joke. Next joke. Speaking of Brooklyn, speaking of bitches, did you guys on your way here see the graffiti on the sidewalk? No. Everywhere in Flatbush, there is graffiti. It's just somebody wrote, Nancy is a bitch. No, really?

I don't know. I don't know if it's if it's some neighborhood Nancy that people are, yeah, are conspiring against or Nancy Pelosi. Right. Or, because if you look up Nancy is a bitch on Google, it's only Nancy Pelosi.

That is outstanding. But if, but I'm, I'm really wondering. And then some people have chimed in. Nancy Raygo-Macon. Not. Nancy is not a bitch.

So how's it written? Like, cool. You'll see it. Like on your way back to the train, once you get the fuck out of my house. It's really everywhere. Yeah.

Really? That's intriguing. It's really weird. And I saw, I've seen more pop up. Dude, that is crazy. The movement's growing. I know. There's like two gangs and it's like not Nancy and four Nancy's.

Yeah. You know? Maybe it's like Nancy's the new word for white. Yeah. Yeah. What they're looking for. Yeah. The choppers are out.

Oh, shit. People, uh, I don't know why I thought of Nancy Reagan. But I think nobody guys are dead anymore. Yeah, she's gone. I mean, that's the war on drugs. Yeah, exactly. But that's a little antiquated to be graffeting. Nice word antiquated.

Thank you. I just want to put that one out there. It means the old-fashioned, not of the time. Oh, okay. Yeah. There you go. That Florida education. Zach, where you from again?

I'm from Maryland. Okay. Maryland's sick. I've only driven through it, but I'm like, everybody I met from Maryland is cool as shit. I feel like Ocean City is a place where I feel like I could see myself. I used to party in Ocean City. Yeah.

I saw a picture. That's not a compliment. No, of course. Yeah, yeah. You're at Secrets, the biggest club? Have you been there? Is that the one? It's huge.

It's a compound. Is that the one where there's like, That's where bin Laden's hired now right now. They didn't really hit a... Take your girlfriend to Phillips. Wait, wait. I love the idea real quick of bin Laden. Bin Laden fitting in is like an Arabic.

And bin Laden. I love the idea of him fitting in. I love a bin lava lamp. I like it. It's like his head. You know, one of those like cartoonish. I feel like in political cartoons, they always make Arab people's heads very long.

Yeah, yeah. You know, like almost like a lava lamp. Yeah. It would actually fit pretty well. What's your story of those? I like the idea of him. I like a Ben Lotton. I like the idea of him having to like hide as an Arab American now.

But he has like the typical, like the style now. Like he's got like the pencil thin beard. You know what I'm talking about? Like a fade. Yeah. Like just that whole fashion. But like Bin Laden doing that. Yeah.

He couldn't, he could still have a beard because he'd have to do for religious purposes. But he just. Williamsburg bin Laden? Yes. Or like, or like, or even like like a really fucking Brooklyn place. Like Bay Ridge bin Laden? Yes. Yeah, I like that.

Bay Ridge, Ladden. I was just thinking, in Bay Ridge, though, there is a lot of people from, I don't know where. There's a lot of... I don't even know where Bin Laden's from. Is he from? I think he's from Connecticut. Yeah, he's from Maryland. I know the general region he's a good guy.

I don't know what country is from. I think he's from Afghanistan. He's from, okay. But I don't know much more. I like that you're like, show me, you know what? I'm not going to trust Osama bin Laden until I see his birth certificate. Yeah. I don't even think he's dead.

Not my terrorist. He's dead. He's not dead. I don't believe it. Okay. There you go. He was a conspiracy bullshit. I am so deep. You worked in Tower 7?

Yeah. What did you do? I was a receptionist. Then I got fired. You get fired a lot. I do. By the way, I think they forgot to fire me this week. I genuinely, I signed a PIP, which is like...

You did sign that thing? I told you... But no, what I did is, okay, so it said, like, you made these mistakes, blah, blah, blah. And then I wrote my response to it, which I didn't think they expected me to do. So I wrote this, like, multiple-page responses where I was like, I didn't get the training manual to the spar and blah, all this stuff. Really? Attached it. And then they were supposed to review me yesterday

and my boss was just talking about the weather and then like what I was up to this week and I was like, did they forget that this is the end? Or did that performance? Because normally PIP means you're done. Everybody says they're like, you sign that and then that just gives them leverage to fire you. Maybe they're waiting to do it. Yeah, they have to wait. After you sign it, they can't fire you that day. No, but that's not the plan.

That's not the performance improvement plan is not in your ass in two hours. You haven't improved in this time. You should have read it. Wait, I don't know what these things are. It's a performance improvement plan, so you sign it acknowledging that you are now on the track to be fired if you don't hit these milestones. Oh, okay. But they're all vague. They were like speeds up this process.

It's like, well, by how much? This contract will be executed in five. Four, three. Yeah. Yeah, I was going to say, what is the, I don't understand. But it doesn't seem like you ask questions. So I bet you don't really know what you were asking for it, dude. My boss does not answer any of them.

Really? What do you do? I work for Jewish non-for-profit. Yeah. Don't say anything. Everybody says, isn't that ironic? No, I mean, I was oxymoron. Must be pretty frustrated all day. The first day I worked there, I got candy from the vending machine, and it didn't give me my candy and took my tunnel.

And I was like, okay, I'm not going to say anything. There's always those moments that are just, it's funny how it'll line up perfectly with a stick. You're like, all the buttons were in Hebrew. You're like, I should have known. Yeah. My favorite one I ever had was I was Uber. one time, and there's a black man that picked me up. And this, I swear to God, I'm not making this up.

I tried to sit in the front seat, and there was a fried chicken with a seatbelt on it. And he goes, you got to sit in the bath. Look, chicken's good. And I'm like, I'm like, chicken's good, and you don't want it flying around. I know. Can you blame the guy? I mean, really?

I'm not blaming him at all. I just think it's funny when something a lot, like, I don't think it's a watermelon in the glove compartment. What else? Jesus, gross. You're like, there's always that party that's like, I want to try not to notice these things. He has a basket of Kool-Aid jammers in the back.

Everything was just... Soul trains playing on the TV on the minivan. Jesus Christ, this is some... He's like, you need to wear this to Shiki if you're going to run. What, this was the lifter saying, though? Oh my God, you remind me. I got to pay my lift from last night. Like, tip him, I mean, I forgot to tip him.

He wouldn't shut the fuck up, though, last night. About what? You're kind to tip lift, people. I actually don't tip that often with lifts. You don't? But doesn't that fuck your stuff? score? No. They don't know. It's anonymous. Yeah. Oh, no shit. You gotta stop tipping, dude. Wait,

the tip is anonymous on left? Yeah, I think so. I don't know that. I don't even do, I just do Uber. Oh, well, you still can't tip there, too. No. I don't tip. I find I got a tip. I'm not gonna not tip. It's okay. You know a tip though? That's weird. I tip, I tip, like, in every other situation. But I hate taking cars. Okay. I hate it. It's like the one thing where I'm just like, I'm, I hate paying for this already. Really? I hate it. Well, why do you take me it out on the driver, though? But it is a weird thing. Because I'm already like, this is too much. Well, it's not his fault.

The schmuck's just working. No, no, no. I don't know if he used to, but I used to drive for Uber. Oh, if it's surge, I'm stealing candy. You know, I'm taking his phone charges. Yeah. I take a knife. I got a one by one square out of the scene.

Oh, my God. That's the southern roots you two have, man, you fucking rednecks. You fucking tip. I tip, but I'm an over-tipper. Well, I'm an over-tipper, too. I'm a family that we tip everything. But it's all. Okay.

Oh, tip everything. The difference is this, though, if you're at a restaurant, they're making their money on tips. And same with... No, because you get paid a flat... Like, isn't like, you get paid almost minimum wage, a lot of restaurants. And the tip is how you make your money.

But when you drive for Uber, you're getting a search... I mean, maybe it changed, but when I was driving for Uber, the search price would be what you'd get. So I'm like, I'm making money off the rides. And the more they have to pay, the more money I'm making.

Jack Burke, my old roommate. You know Jack Burke. Yeah, of course. That's your old roommate? Yeah. Aw. Was a drove so much. Right.

And he would always try to hit the bonuses. The bonus is where you make the real money, where you have to make 50 or 60 or whatever it is rides a week. And then after you do those rides, they give you a bonus. It's like tears. Oh, I didn't know any of the world. I mean, obviously the tips go to them. Like, the tips are going to help for sure. So I didn't know.

I didn't know any of this. I thought they got like nothing. Like, I thought they got like 15 cents to every. You got a check. I will. Yeah. I like to know too. Because now I want to know.

The tipping thing has become crazy because every time somebody does anything for you, I'm like, oh, I'm Googling as they're doing it. Do I tip X? Yeah. How much you do? I'm Googling, do I tip this guy? As a, my parents, New Yorkers, and we just, I don't know what is the philosophy of New York.

We just tip, like, we used to tip the fucking meat guy and, like, we tipped garbage men. They're called butchers. The butchers, whatever the fuck. The beat man. He would. Meat man. Everything.

Like, like. With a stick of your tokens. Yeah. Correct. All of it. We jump up and grab it. Yeah. Because we're classy.

Yeah. That's how it was. It is classy. And I'm all. Like always every restaurant, every bar, I tip very well. But for some reason with certain services and with haircuts, I'll do. Yeah, I tip high with haircuts. Yeah, because you're going to want to go back there, right?

So you don't want to fuck with that. I just kind of round up. And it was just kind of taught to me that you just kind of, you know. No, I hear you. But don't you go? Do you get your hair done at the same place? Right? So you want to establish a rapport.

Of course. Yeah. So you're going to want to juice them a little bit. Charles tips so much, like an absurd amount. Does he? If he has a, let's say he's a $25 haircut, he'll tip like $40. He'll pay. He'll pay a.

He'll pay a total of $40. He'll tip $40. So he'll tip 50%. He'll tip $15. Yeah, it's like 40%. That's crazy. Which is a lot. That is a lot.

I've got to say, I did my eyebrows the other day. I'm doing like 35 round up to 40. Also, isn't he crushing it though? I always like to say, whatever I go. Isn't he? Isn't he?

What's he more my bank accounts out? Before I decide. I don't know anything about. What does he work? Does he work? Well, he's not crushing it. Oh, I don't know. I saw one video of him winning a check for a comedy contest.

I'm like, Charles is crushing it. I saw a video with the big check guy. This guy's a millionaire. He won Phoenix as funniest. He won, I'm not shitting on him. He's very funny. But he won Phoenix's funniest comic with a day job. Oh, that was funny.

He's hilarious, but that is very funny. It's so funny. It was also years ago. Yeah, yeah. I remember seeing that picture. I was like, this guy must be loaded. I don't know. Yeah, he's popping off.

He has got a clip popping off on Reels. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I feel like, yeah. What does he have? it's uh well i've been looking at people's clips who are popping off there's some contemporaries of ours really popping off shoppy l fucking blew up too big for this pod did she really come out dude she's at like 50k oh good for her crazy i mean yeah she's great yeah

um and then she've you know cancels a small-time podcast yeah it means nothing to her oh oh so i'm like she was supposed to be here so i'm like i'm like punch her in the mouth so i'm second place huh so you needed a vagina and i got called and you were like just I was like, all right. That's all right, cool. I can't wait to get 50K and I'll tell you to fuck off. This is what happened. I asked Charles, or I asked, I told you Charles.

I asked Zach. I said, who do you vibe well with? And then he said L. And then L would show up. But when he proposed you, I was like, hell yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Zach. Yeah, I, you could still go fuck yourself.

He didn't even say he vibes with you. I was like, no. Jess, do you vibe with her? So you know what I mean? So it's like, he was the, yeah, he was the Cupid, fire in the arrow. But I was willing. Yeah. I stuck my little butt out there.

I don't have a dick for you to suck. So, I mean, yeah. Unbelievable. Whatever. Well, good for them getting 50K. I still don't know how to use that shit. But what I was going to say is in terms of the, the, the, the reals thing. It's like short things.

You really need, like, I looked at some, like, a lot of things that got, like, a ton of views. Yeah. It's set up punchline tag, optional second tag out. Ooh, dude. It's really less. atically, though, but how do you? No, no. I mean, that's not for everybody.

No, I do. That's the general formula. It's the, what else is a joke also? Yeah. basic joke structure. Wait, do it again? Say it again, so I give him my break. It's his premise, punchline, tag tag.

When do I do select start? Where does the rant fit into that? Because I black out half the time. Where does yelling Jews? I know that or Kant or, you know what I mean? Yeah. We were at the hostel. Well, yeah, so that's the gist of it.

The gist of it. And what the fuck was I going to say? You're at a hostel. You thought you're going to mention a hostel. No, I mean, we were at that hostel show. Just you used speaking to the C word. Oh, yeah. was a fucking disaster of the show

where there were these American guys hanging out of the hostel bar which is a creepy move. Right. That is hilarious. Yeah. Seriously. These two dudes that one was from New York. That's awesome. From New York in Queens at a hostel bar.

What was Kimback doing in Queens? Wasn't Kinback? I'm kidding. Oh, God. This guy. No, it was some Gibron. I don't know. That's funny.

The Kinback would. No, no, Mac on that. That'd be pretty. Yeah. But then I'd give Ken Back some props. Like, Kinback, that's a smooth. I had the weirdest dream back These guys were not smooth

These guys were no kinback He didn't have the magic eight ball No, they did not I had a dream Kimback was running an orgy at the pair and the show was like canceled He was the weird Shut out That's so funny

He was producing an orgy He literally goes, he goes Guys, guys, there's no comedy show tonight I'm like no I was supposed to do time He goes No I'm supposed to do time I don't think you understand Chris

I have some jokes I'm gonna work on He goes No we're keeping the camera set up We're filming an orgy back there I swear to God It was last night that dream. And then I was like, oh, man, I really sucks. I was, like, my mind didn't register

how weird that was. I was just like, I guess comedy's second to Orgy's always. Because you know, always you feel like comedy shows are like the second important and then he's like, sorry, Orgy's a weird way to pronounce family reunion. Yeah. That's a good. That's a good. That's a good. Wait, I want to go back to this

though. What happens, like, who cares? I'm not saying who cares. It's great to get 50K. What happens though with that? Well, here's the, I mean, you get paid for reals, right? Well, yes. You can get money. You can get money. Okay. Like kind of a nominal amount, but it's nice. Okay. But the real thing is just like converting people to come see you live, getting those people's emails. Does that translate though?

It really does. Look at Jamie Wolfe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's literally selling out places from his online following. Really? He's converted to emails, yeah. All right. Well, wait, how are you getting, see, I'm stupid.

So then you, you know, you have like a blank in your bio or something. Now we're just hosting a how to become a statistical comedian 101. I don't care. I want to know this. For Jess. Fuck these people. I don't care. Yeah.

We haven't talked about come in five minutes. I think my audience is tuned out now. Yeah, yeah. All right, fine. Anyway, I'm on so long. All you got to do, it's so easy. It's so easy. Just create a MailChimp account and then you can make like an email sign up forum.

And then you can put a link to that sign up forum in your Instagram bio. All right, cool. And then at the end of clips or something, you can put a little page or like a little text thing that's like subscribe to my email list or whatever. Link and bio. Okay. Get ready. I have like 60, you know? Do you?

Do you? Oh, good for you. Yeah. That's a fucking A man. I mean, a lot of them are like people I know, but still. But still fuck it. It's a start. Anyway, coming.

I could still do it. Can you? Yeah. even with Zoloft. Yeah, that's why I'm scared of antidepressants. No, they're great. Wait, so on, what are you going through here? Are you going through some shit right now?

No, I'm okay. You're drinking and you get the thing and you get the thing. Are you with your- 28 days? And now all of a sudden, I have a problem. Are you with your girlfriend? Because last, I listened to a little bit of the Tate Kyle Legacy episode.

That is so misleading. Everybody thinks, no, we're totally fine. She left to go do something. He's like she's gone forever. And the whole episode now sounds like she abandoned me. It does. It sounds like you broke up

like, and she moved out. And immediately you had a podcast. No, no, no, no. The pod stops for nothing. I don't think you would be in his state right now. If your girlfriend left you, you'd be... I don't know. I'm like, do Michael's really like white knuckling through this?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I also like, keeping it together. To be fair, like, we do get... We have been getting in fights and then I am like on the fence. To be fair, I do hate myself. Yeah, yeah, this podcast is like one of the few things I have going from me right now. And that's not going great. But, um...

But I love it. I'll do this. This isn't going to get me to 50-10? I'll do this. They'll be kicking me out of my own apartment and I'll be like, okay, so we still record. So now they're, yeah,

they're throwing the TV outside right now. Yeah, to play-by-play action. This is fun. It's the most fun. I love doing, oh, I love doing pods.

This is a fun pod too because... To be fair, too. I'm sorry, I keep on you off, but I just want to bring it up to your point. That's funny, you said that the last time we heard because the last time I saw him,

he was telling me, maybe my girlfriend are fighting. And I was like, oh, man. So when you just said that, I was like, oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit's got bad.

No, no, it's actually gotten way better. Oh, that's great. She literally went out to go get a book while we were podcasting, and Tate's like, she's never coming back. I can't do a Tate, but. She's never coming back, bro. Yeah, yeah, that's more like it. So you're trying.

Kyle's like, I ain't you not coming back, Mike. Kyle's real funny. You know who else is real funny? The other guy who was on Patty. Patty's real funny. Defino? I don't know, Patty Fonko. Yeah, he's hilarious.

Super funny. Yeah, yeah. I got to have more. Wait, I don't know Kyle, though. What Kyle does I have a real? Legacy. That was better. Call legacy.

I don't know him. Is he from Australia? He's from... He's from, like, England. He's by way up, Liverpool, but he has, like, an Irish accent. He had a weird accent, but he's really funny. So he's like John Lennon.

That's where, like, they're from. The Beatles, they're from Liverpool. Yeah, but he's got really nasally. He's got nasal? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know this cat. There's a lot of comics, I don't know.

Yeah, he's also, I think he's on here for another week. So we, yeah. Wait, him from your brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I didn't meet him. Okay. Tides boy. Tides boy.

I feel bad. He hit me up for a show and I forgot to respond to him. Well, he's going to listen to this. This is the next episode. He's going to listen to do it. I know. But he's really funny.

I think he's very funny. I just forgot. I don't know. Dick. So I hope he hears this and forgives me and then I don't have to book him. You know, it's good move.

You ever give somebody your avails and they purposely book you on a night you weren't available. And then they're like, oh, no. No. What kind of sneaky snake shit is that? I gave somebody by avails.

And then the next text was, can you do this? night. The fuck. And then it was like a night I couldn't do it. And I was like, Can you do Christmas morning? Yeah. I'm really trying to get you on. What about Thanksgiving? That's all. I think the, uh, the booker for JFL is going to be there Christmas morning. Yeah. February 30th. Okay, sweet. I'll cancel it. Never mind. They can't do it anymore. They got Christmas stuff. So wait, that really did how? How do you know that happened that way? Yeah. No, it didn't necessarily. That's just your suspicion. First of up, I love the guy.

It was just great guy. Very funny guy. So it's a guy. Let's guess who the female bookers. I'm not. Okay. So I sent him my avails. And then the next text was, can you do this day? And it was of the avails that I couldn't do. I said, I can't do that day. I want to hear after the father again. Yeah, no, I see him around. Good guy, very funny. Oh, look at him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good guy, please fucking book me. Please look at that. Don, do not, no, no, no. My dad is, I heard a booker one time. This is how fake I am to bookers, though. This one time, I swear to God. You introduce yourself as Michael Great.

Yeah. Dude, this guy, fuck it. This is what he did. We're having a conversation. I'm like, fuck, clean. I'm like, I don't know anything else against being clean, but I'm like, I don't think you have to be clean. be whoever you yourself.

Like I love, Ney Bargasi's one of my favorite. He's totally clean. Sure. But I was like, I was like, fuck that hole. You have to be clean. She's all that garbage.

And then the Booker comes over because you guys talking about being clean. He's like, you should always be clean. I go, that's exactly what I was just telling them. I just completely reversed it. You're such a nerd. Yeah. You got to have an all ages act.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got a golden 45. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like a board game. Your act needs to be like an apples to apples to apples game. I can't fake it. I can't fake it.

I'm not like I just. But at that hostile show is what I love about you. I wish I saw your set because I had to run. That show pissed me off. I don't blame me. I rushed there. You did good though. You fucking,

you went after him. You went after him. You went after him, what'd you got after him for? They wouldn't shut up. They wouldn't shut up. And I'm like, are you guys here for the show? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, this is absurd that you keep talking. Like, every time I would get into a punchline, they would yell something at like the worst time. Like literally the rhythm of a white guy trying to clap in a concert. Just like the worst time to yell. And then one of the guys went, this is a good practice. You know, crazy heckler?

I'm like, I wanted to take his phone and delete YouTube. That guy's been watching way too many of these fucking videos. People have such a warped perception of what comedy is. They're being fed what they like, which is like heckler videos, which I put up because people like them. And they're not how. I'm just asking people. I'm interacting with the audience, but that's what people think it is.

No, it is. It's annoying now because especially at the shop, if we're like seating people. and they'll be like, some girls would be like, can you put this in front? My name's Gladys if you want to go after us. And I'm like, what? Oh, yeah.

That's disgusting. Anybody who's excited to sit up front is the last person you want to. You cannot sit up front. You want somebody that's like, I guess. You want someone that you're pushing him with like a cattle prod. Yeah, yeah. With like a broom. I don't know.

Sit down. That's who you want in front. And it sucked too because there are some people that turned out to be really, really nice there that were just trying to sit and watch a show. And the other two schmucks, but I, I went, I mean, you want to talk about if I went after them like hard

what were they they're just being talking so there's the dudes who were trying to get pussy there right I guess that's what they're trying to do this one dude looked like he dressed like from the pink panther back in like the 70s he had like yeah like he was trying to be a pimp I'm like bro you're on the wrong decade man

the white guy the white guy yeah and like the I think the other guy was Cuban or Hispanic just like that baby that's pretty sick oh he was he was like Cuban or Hispanic or something like that and he just wouldn't shut the fuck up and I started drilling them and they like started laughing and they shut the fuck up. And then Duran, though, went up,

and Duran had like, like, almost like a, um, a political debate about, student loans. That's what you want. And health insurance. It got such, it's got so weird, man. It was,

it was a weird, weird, weird, weird show. It was very weird. But, you know, good. You had freaking stand up New York. So it's like, whatever. That was like, oh, no, I had penthouse that night. But yeah, it was a weird night. That was just a weird show at a hostel.

I never before, like, I didn't even know it was a hostel. I didn't know what the fuck it was. Yeah, I got to... They have them in America. What? Yeah, I do. You correct.

I don't forget that they have a man. Well, I've been to one in Key West. Ooh, that's fun. I got to go to that. Oh, I peed in that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Duval Street, dude, I got... That's how you check out.

Hammered, dude. That's the only way to check out of the thing. I was in college. I was in college, and I was with these chicks and this chick was just like, oh my God, you peed the bed. She's like, I did. I did the bed.

She took the rat. I'm like, you idiot. I can't believe I did that. I'm like, yeah, I know. It's glad it. Feel free to go after me. I can't believe you. I know exactly.

I can't believe in pee the bed. I'm like, yeah, you did. Yeah, you're an idiot. Oh, man. Yeah. That was, yeah, that was a good one. She's like, it's like, it's square. Yeah.

I'm gonna tell him it's square. There's some more embarrassing thing. Yeah. That's what you should do if you ever pee in the bed again. Watch it's come. This is come. And we're back. Ah, there you go.

The morning would. The morning wood. There's a guy driving who just look at the window. now he's like, oh, I had that happen. I was doing a show and some bitch yelled,

call back. That's a pretty funny heckle. After a callback? It's like Kobe. Like I'm doing like, yeah, after I did a callback? That's a callback.

I was like, yeah. Did she say that's a callback or call back? She goes, call back and like, I like it. Well, I do too because she got laughs

and then I got angry because she got laughs off the laugh. And I'm like, you fucking stupid cunt. I'm like, I hope you get raped tonight. Anyway.

Uh, a lot of pepper on the first response. I know. It's like way to go, Levin. I'm still learning. I didn't really say that. I just was like, I did not say that week. I believe that, though.

I know, thank you. I didn't really say that. You're welcome. What's your worst ever? Because I have one from the pair, your worst ever like going after somebody's story in the audience. Because one time I flipped out. And it was fun.

I was getting laughs. Oh, you did? I have those where I wasn't getting laughs for sure. I had during gay pride weekend. Okay. But no, nothing in reference to that. At the parade. You just on the street.

That's just my usual Saturday. I was in the shop and it was a bad show And the one gay dude that was there was fantastic And the rest of the people there were just horrific They were drunk And it was like these four white kids And this black couple They're all from Jersey

And I knew where they're from And they're all loaded So I don't know what was going on But they wouldn't shut the fuck up And also I was in a horrible mood It was also my fault It was definitely my fault I was in a bad mood

I don't remember what I said The white guys got him mad Because I called them pussies and one of the black dudes that were there I thought I was being racist because I made a joke I did a joke about what was the joke that I have about Oh about black people becoming basic

No I did not take head About black people becoming basic It's like you know I saw a dude riding around A friend's t-shirt And he rode his bike into a You know and he was like That's racist and then he went And he told they went and complained that

I was being racist And the white guy said I was calling them Pussies and he got mad Oh that's not good I had a white guy And a black guy getting mad at me because I was going after both of them. So apparently I don't like any race. I don't know.

You kind of united them. I did. I kind of united them, man. I was like they both like, she sucks. Yeah. Isn't that non-racist if you hate everybody equal? Isn't that dirty hairy?

They're like, he's not racist. And I felt everybody. Well, I just felt horrible too because I was just like, I'm not that. And Tori Hogan, Tori got blessed him was,

you know, there. And he was posting. Yeah. Right. She's not racist. I have proof. No, Tori. I know,

he goes up and he's like, Jess, are you okay? I was like, yeah, I don't know what the fuck happened. He's like, don't worry about it, man. I was like, what the fuck happened? And I don't even remember what I was just, but I was, I just remember I was in a bad way that day. So it's not a fun story story, sorry, but that's not story.

Those moments too suck though after you get off stage and you're like, God, did I actually, was that racist? Well, yeah, I'm like, what did you think? Well, yeah. I was like, why would you be so upset? Right. Did I do something wrong? But that guy was just an asshole anyway.

He was drunk and he was just like, I mean, he was trying to help bark and he was screaming off front of the freaking place being like, come on in, we got black comics tonight. We got black comics tonight. So it was just like, he was on an edge. And then you see who they are. And you're like, oh, this person's opinion does not matter. Yeah, and he was just like, whatever.

I should not be hurt by this person. I've only had it happen once where somebody was actually like, ever, I very rarely have people be offended by my material. Like, almost never. There's one time it happens. Really? Yeah, people were surprised. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everybody's like, really? Oh, so you're saying that when it doesn't work, you just bomb? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like people. People yell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, my jokes are meant with silence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no vocal opposition. Well, I was going to say, no one's really paying attention anyway. Yeah, but I'm on stage. Yeah. The only time I had it was this, this, like,

Russian guy, and he... Oh, you offended a Russian. Yeah, it was dumb. So it was a Russian gay guy, and what happened was... Oh, all right. That's a lot. Back to zero.

Yeah, I'm not. Okay, anyways. What happens was, I have some joke. I don't do it anymore because it turns out, I found out like yesterday it's like basically

a shanggillous joke so I had to chop that one out but it's basically about how like if you're gonna have a female James Bond she has to be a lesbian because James Bond movie is about like womanizing. Yeah,

yeah, banging women for information. That's the plot of the film. Right, right, right. And then the guy just goes in and he goes, he's like wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It goes, cancelled, canceled, canceled, and I was like, he was coming from the bathroom.

So he just heard like two seconds of it. Yeah. And he's like, is that, I don't even know what I'm doing. It's hard to do. I was like, what are you doing? That's gay Russian.

Yeah, man. Russian, if he is gay, that's Arnold. But anyway, he goes, canceled, cancel. I go, dude, I love dick. Arnold, I love it. I'm just the normal. I'll be your penis. I don't know.

I will suck it. But he comes in. He goes, canceled, canceled, cancel, cancel. I'm like, canceled. I was like, you're a five out of the four or one out of the five people here. What are you canceling me from? And he's like, that's sexist. And I was like, I haven't even gotten to the joke.

And I was like, where are you? from and he's like Russia. I was like, oh yeah, you guys are crushing it over there. Yeah. And then he just like, he goes, he goes, I just don't like your whole, your whole attitude, you're just shit face. I go, yeah, I do not give a fuck. I don't like your whole attitude?

Because he's like, he's like, you're just what is he? What is he? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But, uh... Just because I am not Mrs. Peterson does not mean you can talk bad to me. Right. And disrespect me. Yeah, I did say like, Russian.

Yeah, I literally was just like, you're hammered. When you tell somebody's hammered, like there's really no point in the There's none. You can't. You're going to... Yeah, I said suck my balls or something like that. Good job. Suck my balls. That's a good one. That's a great comeback. I love that. I love that comeback. I also love the comeback when people are like, I don't like that. I don't like that. Yeah, I just mimic. It's really hard to come back from that. It's really hard to come back from someone mimicking you. I know. It's almost a possible. I did it like a two weeks to go to someone and I feel kind of bad about it now because,

but I was in a rage. I was in a rage mode. Yeah. And it wasn't his fault. It's my fault. But I did that and I kind of pissed them off. Well, you were, You were just coming off of, you know, quitting drinking. Yeah, so I was just in a little, you know, I went to San Gennaro's and it was crowded as shit. I tried to get sausage and peppers. I got cut in line and I only got into a fight. It was just like a nods stuff day. That was hilarious.

I saw a couple of MAGA hats at San Gennaro's like, it's one of the few places in New York City that you could. Oh, totally. Oh, totally. Oh, I nearly got into like, there's a guy that's standing behind me. I got an Aaron Sheenie and I'm sitting there and I'm eating. I love that guy. And I'm walking and we're trying to, like there's so many fucking. It never used to be that many people there when I was a kid.

For people you don't know, it's the Italian... The Italian festival. I've been once and I'm like, I'm never coming back. I don't blame you. It never... And now it's like a freaking fair. It's like not even like... Yeah, it actually shocked...

So what was it? Because it shocked me that every native New Yorker I see on Instagram is like posting about it. And I'm like, are you guys like weird tourists? No, it's just like it used to be... Did it used to be great? Well, I don't know. I mean, maybe years and years ago. I mean, when I was a kid, there used to be the, uh, this dunk clowns.

You know, dunk clowns like they're sitting... Oh, that's fun. This guy. was, you want to talk about racist just Italian guy, he's like, hey, look at the black guy over here. Basically, and he like, he called me a dyke and like, and like, and I'm

like, and I'm like trying to my own. The clown did. He's like, you bet you can't, oh, look at this Amazonian dyke. Like, said all this shit to me. Were you a tall girl? I was a tall, but I was always built like a linebacker. Like I always was that, I mean, back of the day. He should have said line Amazonian. Well, Amazonian, like

he's being a fucking douchbag. I mean, and he was a racist piece of And then my dad nearly got into a fist fight with him And um And he got him to almost to a fight with this guy I'm gonna get the fucking take bro Yeah he's like what the fuck yeah So he's like what are you like he's like

Yeah that's basically my dad My dad's all chest down he's like he's like you want to go And the guy was like then get separated Yeah it was just insane Fuck it with my daughter right basically so fuck that guy So fuck that so whatever so years later before pre-COVID I went down there and I was just like talking to a guy And I was like at his little stand I was like hey do you guys remember

I don't know if like this dunk clown they're like Oh yeah And I'm like, yeah, he's like, what happened to him? He's like, he got shot. And I was like, oh, really? I don't know if he was. I don't know. He said he slept with someone he shouldn't have slept with, but I don't know how much is true.

I don't know how much is true of it. I don't know. I'm hoping. You know what I'd be amazing, dude. But yeah, so back in the day, though, but really the history of it real quick is that it's a group, it was a, you know, a bunch of Italian restaurants that got together and did these things. Because back in the day, being Italian was, you know, tough. It was tough.

So, there. they would do like a festival for the restaurants and it was just a way for them to like thing and it's the saint genero it's which is the patron saint i think of um meatballs no he's beautiful proscied hotz chabagool fucking fucking right neck loser um patron saint a bosta i can't remember but there's a patron saint and um but that's what it was back in the day now it's insane so i'm me and my Ancini, and I'm walking, I'm trying to walk with the assholes walking. And this guy's like, he like hits my back. And I'm like, oh, if you touch me one more time, I swear to God.

And he's like, well, move. I'm like, I am moving, asshole. What do you think I'm going? I'm going. And I moved to the other side and he's like, whatever. And he wore like a Patriot shirt, like, you know, like a Blue Lives Matter. I was like, you know, but like, what just, I don't care. Like, but fuck off.

Like, shut up. You freaking loser. Like, you know, has those like side pocket for his, like, iPhone. You know what I mean? Pousters? Yes. You know all those kind of guys. It's like, all right, they're fucking urban cowboy.

Relax. Yeah. What do you got a knife in your fucking boot? Exactly. He would. He would have a knife in his foot. It's like, really, you're not that important guy. You can't.

You know, it was fat. And it was just like, you're a loser. They're always fat. They're never ready to execute. No, they can't. They can't. The brand they're trying to espouse. No, exactly.

Correct. It's just like, I don't know. You see the occasional yoke guy. I mean, yeah, they can sprint to the capital. They can do a 50 yard dash. but, you know, if they really had to, if they had met resistance, they're getting taken out. Right.

Yeah. What do you? What do you? Um, Italian, Irish. No, are you, are you, are you, what? Are you a, what? No, no, no, I was trying to think, uh, I don't know, you just seem like you were defending the guy.

So I'm trying to say. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no. You all the last matter? Is me talking, making fun of Italians. I see. I see. I see. Yeah.

And there's silly culture. Yeah. Yeah. Which I'm, I'm like, partially, like, my mom is very Italian. Yeah, it's silly. Yeah, yeah. It's silly. Yeah, but I noticed, I don't know if you guys, but I'm not going to say maybe you, but you probably.

Are you, like, close enough to your ties of, like, roots? Like, for Christmas, do you guys, what do you guys do for Christmas Eve? For food. Do the fishes? No, no, we're not. I'm not that Italian. That's Italian. That's Italian.

So we do that. Fish for Christmas? Yeah, you do the feast of the seven fishes. What is this? You've never even heard of. No. Oh, my God. You un-culture.

I'm not, I don't tie. This is why I move into New York, dude. You know, just stay in Florida. Yeah, well, that's a great way to lose your culture. That's what the whole point of Florida is. Throw on a Hawaiian, forget whatever you knew before. Well, yeah. I do like Florida for that.

It's my domestic. Look into the men in black pen and just go to the beach. Yeah. That's where my ancestors from now? I don't. It's domestic. But no, you're not alone. It's domestic Cancun anyway, Florida.

That's how I treat it. But I notice there's a lot of people that are not, if they're not from the northeast, I notice this. They, sense of heritage of their roots. They do, man. I know, but it's like,

in Chicago, never mind, they do in Chicago. They're from, if you're from a major city. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you're near. It's the northeast, we have a lot of cities,

you know, like you're near D.C. So, like, Florida, I feel like has, okay, if you go to Miami, yes. Yeah, you got Cubans. But I'm saying, like, other parts of Florida, it's like, you're either in the white neighborhood, the black neighborhood or a mixed neighbor. Like, it's not like, there's no,

I mean, I guess there are, like, Hispanic neighborhoods, but it's not like, nobody's like, This was the Irish part of Orlando Florida. And that's what I... And L.A. is like that. And that's why I didn't really like L.A. because L.A. is just very like...

It's like a bunch of suburbs connected by 7-Elevens. Yeah, yeah. You know, up here we're all on top of each other and we'll talk shit, but we'll still eat each other's food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's because, like, we had a bunch of port cities that everyone were coming to.

So they had, they would just land it here and then they had to figure it out. Like Baltimore has in a great Italian section. Does it really? Yeah. Yeah. From what I understood. I mean, I've been to Baltimore several times. I just couldn't speak to the Italian section. small, but I don't know.

Boston has a great Italian section. It does. Boston. North end? Oh my God. I love it. I love it. I appreciate the people keeping the cult.

Like my ex was, uh, is Italian and does all that shit. My current lady's Jewish. I'm so glad you got a guy. I didn't know you got a girlfriend. Yeah. How long have you been in?

This current girl? Yeah. Like six months. Oh, by the time this will be out. It will be yeah. Yeah. Shut up.

Don't say that. I can't tell if you're actually going to be today. Because you just fired it to be a couple times this whole episode. It's fun. It's fun. It's funny. Yeah, I like that. It's part of my energy, dude.

Come on, Mike. You don't get sensitive. Are you all right? What's going on? I pick you because I love you. I'm trying to find your weaknesses so I can patch him up. No. Yeah, exactly.

That's how Italians love. Yeah, exactly. Even though I'm that time. Picatoo, they make you cry. Yeah, but you got the ethos. I know that I do. New York and Italian. I got a nice little brain.

Ethos. You do. I like ethos. By the way, sorry, I think we're coming up on time. So we're like plugs? I have nothing. We're just doing plugs right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hold on. He was going to say something. Okay, we're going to say. You can wait two minutes to do plugs? Yeah, exactly. All right, better be fucking good. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

I don't even know what I was saying. Your girlfriend. Your girlfriend. Yeah, oh, well, she's in Miami right now doing some Jewish stuff. Oh, doing Shana. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're like her mom's a rabbi. Where did you mean?

Field. Did you really? Wait a minute. I thought that's only for kinky shit. It is. I mean, yeah, it is. Because I tried it out. It's a dating app.

Yeah. You can use it as a hookup app or you can use it as a dating app that also opens you up to people who are like king. Polyamers and shit like that? Yeah, yeah. So we're in a polyamble, learn like a non-monogamous thing. Good for you, man. Oh, shit.

How's that going? Wait, we shouldn't be talking about it's on. How is that going? It's great. That's fucking awesome. I'll tell you that. I'll give you the spark notes. I mean, yeah, but that's not even why.

I just got. I know I hear you. Yeah, I wouldn't. I mean, yeah, I guess. I'm not actively like this is what I like. No, you're not like, I like a gag ball. Anytime, yeah, but anytime somebody whips something out or like, let's do this. I'm like, yeah, let's do it.

That's awesome, dude. And then that's in the repertoire. But one thing I'll say the funny little bit version of the open relationship thing is I do like that. Because you know how when you're in a relationship you want them to have other sources of support? Yeah. You want their family. It's hard. So she has other people.

And it's nice because I can kind of outsource the bad parts of the relationship. Yeah. That's just what ends up happening. You know what I mean? Like the example, like if she, she watched this documentary about, teachers grooming their students. She happened to know of one of the people featured in the documentary, so she was

pretty heartbroken about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was pretty upsetting. And I was out of the show. Did he got caught? Yeah, it was a documentary. Yeah, he was caught. I was say, that's what she was upset about. That was... She knew the teacher, and she was like, that's my dad's friend.

He's going to be fucked. She was like, oh, bro, actually, like, more affected than she meant to be watching a random documentary. Right. And so then she fucking called over Henry. And, you know, she's like, yeah, Henry came over and whatever. I'm like, yeah, he did. Oh, my God.

Yeah, he did. Pat did you on the bag. I'm at a show. I'm busy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's really nice that she has, like, family friends. And then also this other group of people, you know, these little lover people. Well, that's great.

It keeps it fresh and stuff. Yeah. I have a low jealousy level. Okay. I think jealousy, like anything, it's an emotion that you can manage. I think some people have higher jealousy levels that they start with. Right. that they would have to cope with.

Because it is a human flaw. It is, and it's come out for me. But it's just something that I have to realize and deal with. And then, you know. Good for you, Zach. I give you a lot of props for that, dude. That is amazing. I always want to shit on it, I feel like.

People are always like, oh, that's going to work out. But it's like, no, probably if you, it should be able to work. We have our boundaries. We live our independent lives. We come together and, like, love, you know, each other and stuff. And then we can also just go fuck other people. Yeah, yeah. And still love each other.

It doesn't affect that. That's really cool. gay dudes have been doing it forever. Yeah. And also, like, and lesbian chicks. Because I lived with the chicks that were, like, um, had. Lesbian chicks like hook, like, sign leases.

Oh my God. Yeah. You guys have rules about, like, not fuck each of their friends and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, actually. I mean, it's kind of, it's relatively a, yeah, a fish. Yeah, yeah. She's like, don't fuck this.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm not gonna. Yeah. It's kind of like, why would I do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

But you got to put that out there. Gotta put it out there. Yeah. Gotta put it out there. That's really interesting. I'm right now with the, you're just going to cut, edit a lot of shit at the beginning, because this is better stuff.

Oh, I agree. Yeah. The first 10 minutes are out. They're out. I'm going through this. So with the sobriety shit, I'm now voyaging into trying to be in relationship stuff. Yeah.

And I've never, you talked about, I've never had a relationship, really. I've never had, I've never been dating. I never had anything beyond. Like, I've had dudes that were friends, and all of some,

we were hooking up or he sowed interest, and then he'd ghost me. That's basically the process. So, I'm now with the sobriety thing I'm trying to voyage into like all right I want to start like I want to have a hoe face I mean it I talk about it on stage but I do I kind of want to like play the field yeah so I was like so I don't know what that's going to turn into I don't know but I want to be open to what it could be yeah and I notice a lot of you young ones are much more sexually open in such a more sophisticated and adult way it is a generational thing yeah I think it's yeah it's being fostered in younger people right So it's just intriguing to me. Now I'm like, I'm now like trying to embrace, you know, my bullshit femininity and like, I bought two dresses.

Sounds like you're really embracing it. Yeah, shut up. It's bullshit gray. I know. I know. I'm stupid. I bought like, seriously, I bought like five planned Bs off of Amazon yesterday. You are really?

I am prepping, dude. I am prepping for my shit. I like that you're buying like the date clothes and then the after date like ammo. Yeah. Yeah. Correct, man. I am getting ready for. this shit, dude. I mean, I'm not gonna... I'm stocking up.

I have a stocking come. Exactly. And I have a new job. I'm like, I'm trying to lose weight. Like, you know, I want to get to like a boxer so I can get my weight class, you know? You're gonna lose so much. So that's like... You are gonna lose a lot of weight to quitting. I can't wait. What's the longest now? I know because I took a month off and I lost like 10 pounds just from that. What are you subbing in? Like, because you know how addiction is cigarettes right now. Okay, that's gonna help. I mean, it's gonna help with the weight loss. Well, yeah, I know, but I want to, I want to cut down on that. And then I'm, I'm speaking One of the time.

But I'm not smoking weed like every night. That's good. I'm smoking too much. Really? Yeah, that's my thing. Yeah, that's my thing. I just, I can't do it because it makes me tired. Like, I don't like doing it during the day.

It fucks me up. I get stupid, but like, I just get dumb. And then I'm walking around in circles thinking about shit. And then it's like, you know, I just don't want to, you know, so I'm trying to, but yeah, right now, drink is on her. I got a wedding tomorrow. That's going to be the test. And, what did you go on non-alcoholic?

Because I'll crush them. I drink and I crush them non-alcoholics. I'd avoid a duels because I know you can kind of relapse on that But I tried Guinness 1 Guinness has a non-alcoholic beer And it's fucking fantastic But I was gonna go drive down to Mott Street There's a non-alcoholic like

Dispensor I don't know what the hell you were Store yeah that has just all non-out I know really Is that around here? It's on Mott Street Stintatown Oh I'm gonna hit that Because I like like like I like

Also the hops will still calm you down So the hops non-alcoholic beer still has hops So it's still relaxing Right It's like a CBOs CBD beer. Yeah, yeah. Basically.

Yeah, because hops is in all beer. So it's like, yeah. Right. Yeah. So it's like it still does relax. Like yeah. And you're, it tricks your brain. So your brain is literally thinking like, oh, I'm having like a beer.

And then you forget, you're like, oh, this is not alcohol. It's like a decath. Right. Well, that's what I'm seeing. That place has like a lot of a potthakeri. How do you say? Yeah. Poplacari stuff.

So it's like a lot of the things they have is like abyscus and all this things like that. That caused your brain to, you know, a natural state to relax. So I don't know. I'm going to check that out because, I don't know, I've got a wedding and then we're doing a boat for four hours, and that's going to be... A little booze cruise, is it called booze cruise? That's the hardest part of drinking non-alcoholic.

But Jack Burke's going to be there. Nice. Hang out with him. He's a good guy. Yeah. And a couple of other sober comics. So I'm just going to bring weed. Joe Russell.

Oh, nice. He's getting married to Olivia. So, yeah. Nice. Wild. Well, I don't know. Mun. Mun.

Yeah, it's going to be fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was that a thing we were Jordan Peterson recently? because Livy Wilde's like making a movie about Jordan Peterson. Oh yeah. Somebody interviews him was like,

Pierce Morton or what? Pierce Morton is a comic. Yeah, Pierce Morgan is like, it's like, oh, good for Pierce. Yeah, he goes,

he's like, Jordan, how do you feel about Livy Wilde made a movie about you? And basically people call you the king of the insults. And he's like, well, oh, he goes,

he starts crying, he goes, if I can be a king to men who aren't getting laid because they are in the shadows. And it's the funniest thing I'm saying. Shut up. Where is this? It's just a lot. Watch, it's so funny.

Because he's like, he's like, he's like, so be it. I'll be the king. That's more we need the poo. Yeah, I know. Oh my God. Your accents on things, dude. It's outstanding. Yeah, yeah. They find some new thing.

If I can bring the soft trolls into the light, then I will offend my job. That's great, man. Well, good for you. I hope this thing works out with the new chick. Thanks. You guys sound like she's a, she's doing cool stuff with your life.

That's a positive move. That's a positive. Yeah. You're nothing. You should go good. I'm about to get a lot. I really got to cut down on the... This is, I just thought it.

This is what the weed does with my brain. I think when I'm smoking more, especially during the day. Right. When I turn, like, if my brain's a light, if you turn the light ball on, the light just does not shine as far. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it illuminates, when I'm not smoking, the whole room is illuminate. I can see everything and I can follow different lines of logic and thoughts and stuff.

I feel that. If you smoke too much, that's your normal state. If you smoke too much and then you're kind of just like, trapped in this like self-imposed little you're right you know like you're in a tent right you're in a room right and you don't want to leave it yeah true it's it's yeah absolutely yeah i get that it's nice in here yeah you're like it's pretty manageable exactly and then you go outside and you see nancy sucks and you're like what who the fuck's nancy oh yeah nancy's a bitch who's like who the fuck is nancy oh i was like the g rated version yeah yeah you gotta have a clean set yeah i know you got i was just

telling him yeah Cut it. That's the pod. Clugs. Come. Come. Come. I don't know. Follow me on...

Come. Come. Follow me on Instagram at J. Lev comedy. Follow me on Instagram. Add Zach Russell comedy. Check out my podcast. At overshadowed underscore podcast on Instagram. Nice.

Fuck yeah. And me and my girlfriend are still dating. That was a joke.