Morning Good - Jesus Is The Original Gary Vee - Episode 101

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Thanks to Jake and Dan for coming back on the show for another great episode. Make sure to follow them for clips, sketches, and info on any shows coming up.Dan Carney is on Instagram and Twitter as well @danmancarney and Jake @jakevcomedy.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love Dirty Mike and the Boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good? I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. We're starting now, so we're on here. Nah, it would be a good time, good hang. I always like, I like starting at. You want to go? What? I like starting mid-conversation.

I feel like it's more fun than being like, you know, we have. our guest here, Dan Carney. We're talking about Jake. Jake just offered to give me a ride to somewhere I have to be on here. Do you want to introduce Jake? Because I fuck up his name every time. Jake, what's your middle name? Middle?

Yeah. Jew bag. No. Jake Jew bag. Can you talk aggressively into the microphone real quick? Yeah. All right. It's big enough.

We're good. Cool. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guests with us today. He's very funny. He probably, I was going to say you probably know him but probably don't know him. No, they're probably

other episodes. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you know this guy. Yeah. Yeah. He's very funny. He's a regular guest. He's a regular guest on the podcast. You know him, you love him.

He's one of the favorites. Give it up for Jake Velasquez. Oh, yeah. How's it going, folks? Come on. Sorry, go ahead. No, this is a talk over each other podcast. This is not a sorry go ahead podcast.

This is a, I'm going to ignore what you're saying. Born in 1972 in Bronx, New York. Yeah. Let's all be doing different... Yeah, yeah. We'll all do different bits at the same time. Yeah.

It'd be great if you're born in 1972. You're 50 years old. Just hanging out with us. There always are people that are way older than you think they are. Especially in common. Yeah, yeah, because they dress. Everybody wears vans until they're like 50 years old.

So you have no idea how old anybody is. If you were 50, I would make you give me a ride to where I have to be after this. Because you've already failed. If I was 50, I would give you the ride just to impart some wisdom along the way. getting stop light, I'll be like, you see, this is why you don't, uh, I don't be, we would you be, I'm trying to say anything about it. I had to pump the brakes.

Come on, man. What are you going to say? No, no, no, no. Just thinking of road rage. Come on, we'll drink and drive. We'll pick a bag of cigarettes. We'll call some. Let me tell you something. This neighborhood is good for drinking and driving.

Not great. Why are you moving to? I'm, I don't know where I'm moving through. I'm going to live in the East Village for a month. Okay. And then, uh, I need to find a place out for that. I did see the biggest. dick of my life. I'm way over here.

Really? Biggest penis? Was it a homeless dude? Yes. Was he pretty fucking jacked? Like, not a jacked home to do, but he's big. Oh, no, that was a scary. There's a homeless guy's penis around here I've seen a few times. Dude, thick. So, like, he was laying on a couch, but he was laying almost upside down. So, like, his heads hanging off, like, where the thing is, and his dick's, like, flopped down.

Oh, it's flopped down. Yeah, like, he's at the angle. Pass the belly button. You know what of those. Did you see the low vein? I didn't look too hard But it was weird Because there's a woman walking in front of me And she was like And then she looked back at me

And I gave one of these looks like Like me Like I was like I don't know if that made me look creepy I don't know how you respond to a woman seeing the pink Because for me it was kind of a highlight I would have looked at her been like Or a thumbs up Yeah

Yeah Yeah That guy's dick so small Isn't it? Yeah Yeah What a little dick That's the tiniest dick

At least today That would have been the funniest Damn. You gotta get that one back. Hopefully his dick still out when we go outside after this. Yeah. Yeah.

Now I have that line loaded up if I see a homeless guy with a huge dick, which they always do. We've talked about on the pod before. Not we, but like, it's been, it's all about preparation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta have these little lines for different scenarios. Yeah, yeah. There'll be other penises. There will be tons of dicks. There will be tons of dicks. Do you think if you were homeless,

you'd let it flop around as willy-nilly as this guy? Dude, I'm seconds away from doing it and I'm not homeless. Like I... It's rod out. Yeah, yeah. It's very warm out.

I'm not jealous of that guy. Yeah, yeah. If I was homeless, I'd do crates. I would dress up like a mermaid. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But still have... I still have the dickle of.

It's just painted whatever color that mermaid dresses. I would do weird fucked up shit. That'd be fun. Like a coconut bra. Yeah. Try to like get alone from a bank. Dude, I was talking to... You have to technically let me try to get alone.

That's part of the rules. At least run my credit. My money is. Is he? I'm clothed, I'm covered up, it's hot. Dude, there's new types of homeless, but I was saying the gay guy with a long stick that's swinging it like it's a samurai sword.

You guys see these new homeless? There's a lot in this area, though. I was surprised. Oh, dude, this area is, oh yeah, this, this, especially these couple block radius where I live is a rough one. It's funny, because my roommate, like, I was out of town when he was looking at this apartment

and he was like, that's great, let's do it. And I got here and I was like, all right, all right. Thanks, man. Yeah, probably wish I would have, wish I'd checked out the neighborhood first a little bit. The neighborhood's not bad,

but this radius. It's a tough one. There's multiple bus stops. There's this great image. Like, if you're walking north, like on second Ave to my apartment, there's this big graffiti wall that says,

what is this country? And it's right. And it's to the left, because you can see it on your left. And on the right is people waiting for the bus and it's people with their dicks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People like, you know, fucking shooting up.

It's people doing drugs. People yelling at each other. There's a crazy homeless dude who just runs through the street, like screaming at himself, shirtless. I've seen his dick. Nice. It wasn't like that before 2020. No.

No, dude. It's such a great image. It's like, what is this country? And then it's like just horror. Yeah, yeah, that's funny. That is, everybody listening to this podcast, just hears me every week be like, you'll hear guests on.

They'll be like, oh, there's a guy shooting heroin in front of your building. Like every week it gets worse. It's getting worse and worse. I think, yeah, it's just getting worse. There's dudes sleeping on our, the other day I had to walk up multiple guys sleeping on my steps to get up here.

And, you know, what's funny is they double draw something on their face. Yeah, I was like, Oh, idiot. Don't pass out drunk. Shoes are on. You're like, I drew a mustache in your face. He's got like shit in his pants.

Look how embarrassing that. They're right like freshmen on his face. put his hand in a cup of water. He's like a 40. I'm like a shopping cart. I'm like pledged. It would be funny. Just walk by a sleeping homeless people and put their hand in like cups of water.

Like shaving cream in their hand. Yeah. Take over their face. I thought about this is a crazy move. I thought about there's a homeless guy in his wallet felt out his pocket. I was like part of me wanted to put like put money in it that way. Like so it's like a surprise. But I'm like then it just looks like I'm stealing a homeless guy's wallet.

It would be funny still homeless guy's wallet. though there's coupons for days. There's just so much way more money than my wallet. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, man. It's got like a Columbia University ID. You're like, damn, this guy really. This guy was fucking begging for money the other day.

He had on clouds on clouds on clouds on clouds. Oh, dude, what do I mean? I got a pair of on clouds right there. Are they expensive, though? Yeah, these are the most expensive shoes that are purchased. That's what I'm saying. I'm like. They got dirty very quickly, but they're the most comfortable pair of shoes.

You literally feel like you're walking on. But to be fair, he might not have bought them. He may have been one of those videos where like a YouTuber goes to homeless people and's like, hey guys, I'm going to give homeless guys the newest pairs of shoes. Totally, but then change the shoes if you're going on the money, you know. There's this fucking guy, he's a realtor and he's a YouTuber and he makes these videos and it's like, why 88% of New Yorkers are leaving New York. And it's like, why New York is the most uninhabitable place on the world.

Why I'm leaving New York. He makes like these really like, you know, click baity stuff. And he'll, like show you like different neighborhoods and whatnot and apartments. And he, like, his videos are really engaging. and I saw it like because it'll pop up on my feet. I don't even subscribe to him. And his last video I saw, it was like,

why I'm leaving New York. This city's done forever. And I fucking saw him today on a bike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I wanted to, I fucking saw him. I was like,

hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you leave? He was the lines to be shorter, I think. Oh, yeah, dude. And it's so funny because there's like, again, I don't subscribe to his videos, but like I'll watch them every now and then

because they'll pop up and they're engaging in click baity titles. And each would get more progressively insane. I was like, why 40% of New Yorkers want to leave? Why 60% of New Yorkers want to leave? Why, 80%? And it's like,

why 140% of New Yorkers want to leave New York? I'm like, it doesn't even make sense. Eventually, it's just going to be the video of the guy with the dick that Mike saw. It's just that dick and, like, nukes going off in the background. That is so funny. And then they're raising rent so much everywhere. And they're like, people want to move here. I'm like,

okay, they doubled this apartment. Double the rent of this apartment. What was like, what? Give us the money. I pay me and my roommate. We each pay a grand. So we pay two grand total. So we got a nice, we got this at the very end of the COVID like deals, right? We wanted to go farther south, more downtown. But this is as close as we could get. And for this, this rate. And they've doubled it nearly. I mean, they've raised it by a little over $1,600. And it's so fine. They sold, they got people to sign within like a week. And the lines are wrapped around the block. to fucking look at the place. And you're dealing with this shit on the way.

You're seeing dicks. There's dudes sleeping, you know, on the front. I live right next to the housing projects. There's cops called, like, four or five times a week. I've seen multiple domestic disputes. People like breaking glass bottles on, like, fucking holding each other up with it. And rich fucking NYU grads are moving in here.

Their parents are going to pay $4,000 a month. Right. Just to have them do Coke and live in, like, someone's closet. That's a better for, by the way. Yeah. for these Gen. If you're going to pay that money, just be openly gay.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I feel like Brooklyn, I always make fun of it, but it's never looked more appealing. Oh, yeah. I also like,

I want to live in Hoboken, but there's no chance I convince my girlfriend to live there. She, like, hates it. But I'm like, I think it's cool. It is nice. It's really cool.

It's just tough. You know, you know, what's interesting is I have a friend. He's a male model. And he's, so he's friends with a lot of other models, right?

And, it's like an N. you grab. He's a little NYU. I'm getting NYU vibes from this guy. Don't trust him. He's friends. So he's friends with a lot of models and he was like,

he was telling me how he's, these girls, there's like six female models, and they all live in the same apartment, right? And they live there for free, like from their agency. And the only,

they're blowing somebody. The only thing they had to, do is they have to go out three times a week to like clubs and shit, you know? And just, it's like soft pimping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I really want to be the guy whose job it is to check in

with them to make sure that they went out three times a week. Were you guys dumbhors last night? Because, I mean, if not, you can't. Like, I just want to administratively be involved. Like, Jessica, come on. You only went out twice last week. I love you, but you got to go out three times this week.

It's my job. to make sure you do it. I don't want to lose a job. You got out there, shake it a little bit. You spend a few hours you don't have to do anything. You just come back home.

But that's the job. Yeah, yeah. You know, I really want to be the guy who makes sure that they go out three times a week. Almost like a Charlie's Angel's situation. How would you, like, how do you do that?

How do you stay on top of that? Excel. Expression. Microsoft sweet. I picture you like glasses on, like on your laptop, just like, uh, Oh, it's, nothing about this is sexual, nothing about it's weird. I just administratively

want to be involved. I want to have like a quarter of her to check so to me. Like, hey, how's work, honey? I'm like, Rachel, she's only at one and it's Saturday. I don't know. She's going to be good. Our numbers are dipping this corner. If she goes out to like a daytime rooftop bar and then goes out later a night does a count? I don't know.

I guess I can, but it's my ass on the line. She's, my girlfriend's worried because she, these girls have to go out three times a week so we could keep our apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I want to be involved. I want to wear glasses on like a flannel button-up shirt. Yeah.

You know, or just a plaid shirt. Yeah, I did. I'm tucked in my khakis and making sure that six beautiful models are going out three times a week to some of the facie-est New York spots. I also love the term a soft pimp. Soft pimp. Yeah, I'm a soft pimp. Yeah, I'm a clerical pimp.

Yeah. It's been a funny to think you're like with your kids, just looking at these like girls, you know, shaking their ass on a Friday night. Like, that's how daddy used to put food on the table. Oh, dude, that would be, I feel like, I would really relish in that, just having a domestic life,

but my job is to make sure that six women are going out three times a week in New York. I like that, I think in any way, I think I want a pretty normal life, but to do a crazy job. Yeah, I want that show bad. That's what I'm saying.

We do comedy, but we would probably like a norm. It's not like I want to be doing crazy shit. I just want to do comedy now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I want a lawn and do comedy at some point in my life. I don't need to be doing like masculine during the day. Yeah, exactly.

I, I, I, I, got a little hunter-est thing going on with that hat right now. Yeah, is it a, Chesapeake in,

how, what does it say? Chesapeake in Maryland. Yeah, Maryland. Yeah. We were talking about him committing crimes in that hat. And that we describe it to people.

Like, what does the suspect look like in a chest peek? My cousin works for, you know, he works there. So I was, I was there. We went on a booze cruise.

Nice. I never been to Maryland. I think I would love Ocean City or something like that. She thinks right at my alley. Yeah. I mean, we were just on the water just drinking like an absurd amount of alcohol. Hell yeah. Pretty great.

It's pretty. It's easy to get into. Maryland's fun. I was talking to my friends about New Orleans because he was just there and I was like, dude, I love New Orleans. It's so fun. But then I was thinking about it was like, every time I've been, I've just blacked out for like three days. And I'm like, how do I know if it's even fun? Am I having a good time or not?

I could go anywhere. I'm like, yeah, Maryland was fun. I just got very drunk there. I could go to, like, Toledo, Ohio. Dude, I love D.C. You got to go to Toledo. It's a great place to drink. Yeah, that's fair.

I think that's just that it's hard to tell the place is good, but you can tell up a place is bad. Yeah. Yeah, because if you're fucked up and not having fun, and it sucks. Yeah, this place really does suck. Oh, yeah, I went to, yeah. Jasper, Alabama.

Don't go there. Yeah, I could have told you that. Yeah, I had to go for a wedding. Hot take, right? It's just the name of a white trash dude in Alabama. Oh, Jasper. There's a house. Jasper, Alabama sounds like a Mark Twain character.

He's a gay guy that lives in Alabama. I'm Jasper, Alabama, guys. How's it going? One of Huckleberry's friends. It's a good. Gay Southern accent. That was pretty good. That's like the only accent I could do.

It's the guy who, it's either Bruce, it sounds like Bruce from Family Guy or just like, he's like a gay guy, but it owns like a rug store. That's really good. He's got, like, you know, ripped jeans, but he also got flip-flops on. Yes. Yeah, ripped jeans and flip flops. That's the best, dude. I'm not from that part of the world.

Dude, you see rib jeans and flip flops. You know you're about to get a great haircut. So what I do is I own a rugstore, but on the side, I teach piano lessons to children. At the church. At the church, yeah. So you're like, I don't know. It's like, it seems like maybe he's gay or a pet. I don't know what his thing is.

We had, my favorite, we had a guitar teacher and this guy, I swear to God. So he had this beard and glad, just looked like, I mean, I don't know, he just looked like a rapist, whatever. But he would, he would, uh, you'd be playing guitar and he'd tell you where to put your fingers. And I swear to, he'd go, he'd go, don't let me touch, don't let me touch. Don't let me touch. What? He'd tell you to, like, move your finger. And he'd be like, move your finger here. Don't let me touch. Don't let me touch. Don't let me touch. Don't let me touch, Lord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't let me touch. The other voice that's trying to get him to touch. Yeah, yeah. I think it was a pedophile. Don't know, don't do it. Okay, sorry. Don't let me touch, Lord.

Don't let me touch Please Lord don't let me touch A pedophile Yeah probably Probs Probbs But yeah Jasper Alabama

Don't go there Dude I had an issue here Where I didn't realize So I went to What? Nothing I It's funny

The trick Just Transition from Yeah I had this guitar teacher Who had an issue With like Not letting him

Don't touch kids And you're like Well I had an issue What's coming next? Yeah I mean totally unrelated. I just have to connect two points always. They're unrelated.

But I logged into my YouTube the other day. And I guess I stayed in Airbnb like three months ago. Not I guess. I remember doing it. But I logged on the TV so he watched like a movie. I think it was the Marine John Cena or something like that. I bought a certain amount of movies on YouTube so I can only watch it on TV if I'm logged into my YouTube. And I guess I logged in this Airbnb's YouTube.

And my YouTube searches started getting bad. Literally my YouTube, it was recently watched videos. It was How to Build the Gun. And I was like, this is not good. Yeah. Wait, why? So you're saying like other people? Yeah, yeah.

So my YouTube is logged in on a TV and I guess at this Airbnb. Somebody's trying to figure out how to build a gun. You know what, though? That could be a good move if you're in an Airbnb and you're already logged into someone else's. Oh, yeah. Let me just look up the most fucked up. Don't be in a situation where you had to build a gun. If someone's breaking into the house, you're like, quick, let me YouTube on how to build a gun.

Yeah. Just the stress. Yeah. I don't have a gun. Maybe I could build one. How do you? Look up to see if it's a tutorial video. So, now, welcome to the page.

Make sure you like it, subscribe. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. Build a gun. Bad fuck. How to build a gun out of kitchen appliances. Yeah, if you're building a gun, I think that means it's unmarked, right? Yeah, yeah. It's only for sketchy shit.

You can also just shave the stuff off, though. Yeah, I don't know how that works, but I guess you could. That's what people do in the movies. Not that hard. I assume. Yeah. It's also like the Airbnb was in Florida, so it's not that hard to get a gun as it is. There's probably somebody who's like not allowed to get a gun. It's one of the easiest states to get a gun. Yeah, for sure. You could get any gun fare.

Dude, my buddy had an AR-15, like when we were like 18. He got it with his fake ID because I think you had to be 21. I don't know what the rule was, but I think maybe 17. I think he went to a gun show with a fake ID and got like an AR-15. There's any, there's a rule where it's like any state that where it's easy to get a gun, it's also easy to get like exotic animals. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like in Florida, you could buy like some exotic ass animals. Let me stop you there. So it depends what kind of monkey you want. So if you want, I know everything about monkeys, too.

Really? Yeah, I almost bought one. Yeah, yeah. His family has owned multiple monkeys. Through lineage, not my... Through lineage, we're all monkeys. No, no, no, no. I was saying, like, my dad had a monkey and my grandma had a monkey.

But, yeah, Miami, they do. It is annoying, though, because, listen, my dad had a monkey in Miami, my grandma had one. I went there, went to myself, some guy with a lemur. I knew some chicken... A lot of lemurs in Florida. Right. I knew some chicken college that had a monkey. And then I talked to Gabe about it, who lived in Miami.

I was like, he goes, no, I know nobody who's owned a monkey. I'm like, that's weird. I don't believe that. Yeah, I'm like, you're blocking out a pirate. You got bit by a monkey in his child. He's like, no, no, I don't know anything about that. That sounds like he's started eight. That's like he's part of a monkey, but he's like trying to deny that he knows, like has any connection. No, no, no, not at all.

It's like a monkey controlling a human body. I've never met a monkey before. Monkeys don't exist. They're not real. I've never even had a monkey operate in my appendages. That's amazing. Sorry, going. I'm breaking the rule.

I'm breaking the rule. I'm bringing the rule. I was going to say, like, imagine owning the monkey that started one of these. Oh, yeah. Or, yeah. Or whatever. Dude, I would go to, like, the beach in Florida and, like, be walking. There's, like, a guy with a lemur.

And, like, he's, like, promoting, like, the lemurs, like, Facebook page. Yeah. This is the best state ever. Oh, amazing. You can go get like a margarita walk outside. You can meet a lemur who's like more famous than the guy holding it. Yeah. His job is like to promote the lemur.

Yeah. He's like he like works under the lemur. And then you can like drive drunk home. Yeah. Like an hour and a half away. A turn and start fucking slipping business cards into the lemurs pocket. You should be making this money, you know? Oh my God.

Leamer's selling a gun. It was the lemur that YouTube had to build a gun. He's like I got to get rid of my own. My hand was like a brink. like a briefcase full of unmarked weapons. You saw that, you saw that Mexican thing where there was the monkey gang member that got shot? No. There was a gang in Mexico, part of the

cartel, and there was a monkey who got shot. You say, you guys have seen taxi driver? Yeah. Remember the scene where like he, he's buying a gun and the guy like meets him in the hotel room with like a briefcase? Imagine like a monkey. Oh, yeah, yeah. Dude, this, this, this fucking monkey. So it, they had a picture of us.

of it. It was a so the article is like, you know, monkey cartel member gets shot and then you see the, you know the cliche Mexican thing where it's like the it's like the, you see the clouds? I'm not going anywhere that offensive with this. But it's like, it's like an RIP.

You know the cliche Mexican thing? Working in wrestling. Unemployed. I'm getting it. Jesus, my. It's one of those things where it's like a bad RIP picture with like clouds in the background.

and the monkeys got his bulletproof vest and like wings like copied onto it. Do you know what I'm talking about? I gotta show you a picture of it. It's very funny. Yeah, I definitely got to see this. It looks like it'll be on those t-shirts.

You know how there's always like the family reunion for like the RIP T-shirts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, the monkeys on the T-shirt. Oh, that's so sick. It's like the sky. I might get that shirt. I know that you should.

Yes, yes. And there's horrible wings pasted on it. It's sometimes bedazzled. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it says like RIP-Carlito or something like that. Yeah. Dude, monkeys, like, the videos of, like, monkeys doing stuff and, like, human type shit.

And then they kind of look at the camera like, oh, hey, what's up? Is, like, those are, like, the best videos. I said you a lot of them. It'd be like a monkey, like, working on a car. Yeah. And he's on, like, a skateboard on his back. And then he wheels out. Yeah.

And it just goes back in. It's like, what are monkeys like, they're, they've just been evolving under our noses. Yeah, we have no idea. For way too long. And someone's got to check in on that. Oh, for sure. Yeah. We shouldn't be able to run experiments.

on monkeys anymore. They're too advanced. Elon Musk is putting chips in their brain. They're already smart, dude. Wait, did he actually put, he did neurolinks on chips. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He killed most of them.

They were playing video games, though. One was like playing video games with their mind. Technically. What? It was kind of misleading, I think. I think it's all bullshit. I think Elon Musk is like 99% bullshit.

But yeah, he killed a lot of the monkeys had to be put down. Really? Yeah, most of them. Wait, wait, wait, but had to be put down. Does that mean they're like? They're dead. No, but you said,

it had to be put down, like, it was too dangerous of an experiment? Well, yeah, yeah. But, like, was it because... I'm sorry, I love the idea of, like, that sounds like a Marvel villain, like a chimpanzee that, like, shoots lasers out of his eyes. No, no, it's not like they became, like, superhuman or super monkeys or whatever. It's like they fucked them up? Yeah. Yeah, I'm out on neural.

Yeah, no, super out. Yeah. It's a horrible. When you read into it, it's because I did a little bit of, like, I did actually a good amount of research on it, um, because I, like, made a video about it, and I want to like kind of learn as much as possible. Also I did a project on it in, in college. I was interested in it back in 2015 around when it came out. But there, if you look into it, it's, it's all for, first of all for the point of like, you know, obviously making money and like becoming like superhuman and be able to like he, but he can. Elon Musk is saying that we'll be able to like compete with AI.

And that's a big part of it, which I do believe that like we need to kind of slow the role on like AI. Because there's no real law. There's not a lot of laws regular. regulating AI. Like the three of us, if we were like geniuses, we could sit in this apartment and build AI, like, pretty much legally. Like at a certain point, like, you know, the fucking NSA might come in here and like, you know, kidnap us and we'd start working for them. But like, there's nothing. There's nothing. That's fun. That's fine. That's fine. That's the best case scenario. But there's nothing stopping us from like building like an AI supercomputer. Right. Except for our own lack of things. Except for the fact there were three idiots in an apartment where it's like 1405 degrees in here. But. But. he, if you read into the neuralink stuff, they're doing it, they're, they're promoting it through the guise of like, this will help like paraplegics and people like, right, right.

That's like the initial. That's the initial thing. But that's all bullshit. How is it going to help paris? They're going to be so smart. Because they'll be able to control, like, it's your spinal cord is it connected to your brain. And that's what controls most of your movement.

So it's like, if you improve brain function, I think. And also with like, and also with prosthetics and. Okay. I thought, I thought, I thought, human body's amazing. Yeah. Oh, and prosthetics. So that, so that, so you'll be able to.

control like, you know, these artificial penitches. So you're saying people in wheelchairs just aren't smart enough to why. It's always that we said again, figure it out. And something's wrong with their mind. Figure it out. It's like, dude,

Stephen Hawkin was a fucking idiot. Most of us, doesn't even remember how to walk. Most of us are using 10% of our brains. They're using like seven or eight. I love the idea to see a wheelchair guy with steps and you just go, figure it out. Dude.

Yeah. Hey, buddy, the rest of us had to learn how to do it too, man. It's not that complex. I saw a blind person day. I was like, just figure it out. I think it is brain on. Yeah. At least the wheelchair thing, I think, could be a brain issue.

I would love, if it's not a physical, but like a neurological thing, then yeah. But if it's a spinal thing, I think it is. Spinal. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I'm too much of an idiot. I would like to watch Gary V or somebody like that try to talk a guy into seeing.

Just like, you're not trying hard enough, man. Yeah, maybe Jesus was just like the first Gary V. Yeah.

I should tell people. You're not too. Come on. You can see. Let me rub some turning your eyes. I'm the son of God.

Yeah. That's why you hung out with all those like, you know, the buddy call them. Oh, yeah. Because they're the ones

that would buy into the fucking bullshit. Oh, yeah. To the Gary V type of. The Cyp was the biggest idiots ever. And they've controlled

the entire world. sense through Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be fun if we could just crucify Gary V now. It's like you're spreading too much misinformation. This guy's got to be thinking.

We really need a new religion that just like it's everyone. Who's the guy that's kind of like him? He's more aggressive and kind of more. Tony Robbins? No, Jeff Tate. Oh, the Tate guy. Is his first name, Jeff?

Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate. I don't know if it's, is it Andrew? It's something Tate. Is it? Andrew. He's one of those guys... You know what I'm talking about? He's like, Romanian duty wear sunglasses, he's bald. He's like, women should be subservient.

It's so funny, he's the best. But he's like so motivation, not motivational, he's like in like a... He's so like that mindset where it's like that Gary Vee, I don't know how to describe, but it's so funny. Just him talking about it's like, listen, if your girlfriend breaks eye contact, you break up with her immediately because, you know, she has now

gotten more power. If your girlfriend goes three hours without texting you, she's a horror. Yeah, just so over the top. That's so funny. And she literally believes that like women are property of men. By the way, like, I'm not saying... I laughed kind of like... I didn't mean to laugh like that.

I'm not saying he's... I'm not saying he's right. But it is like one of the easiest ideologies to get into. If you're a guy. Yeah, of course, if you're a guy. Like, if you're... As a guy, a man just going

out there and saying, hey, women are property of men. Obviously, you're going to get guys on the easiest thing to say yes to. Well, that was the... Even if you're... you believe it's wrong? Because an ideology is just like... You push that in a little bit?

An ideology is just like the accepting like these certain beliefs or principles as like true. Because they're going to benefit. And you're going to follow them. Yeah. Yeah. But ultimately they do. Yeah. They benefit you. And, uh, and they're easy to believe in. That's one of the easiest things to believe. I'm not saying it's right. Yeah. But it's like if you're just a person who could accept that, it would make your life better. Well, especially, oh yeah. Someone made the exact same argument about Trump and it's like especially on the opposite side is telling you how worthless you are. Like when everyone's saying men need to be knocked down a peg. And then someone else is like you're God's gift.

You're going to listen to that person. Way better. It's like way better. It's like, well, I think the other side might be, have some good ideas, but they're telling me I'm the devil. So it's hard for me to get involved. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's like when you listen to people that were like crazy like clan people,

it's like in their mind they think they're like they didn't like me, but these people like, that's why they join. They're like, these people were nice to be. Well, yeah, because those like clan people, like the KKK,

they're like, shout out. Really. I was saying, we are like sympathizing. It's a weird, bro. You have to understand where they're coming.

Everybody wants to like avoid it to eat. Well, what I was going to say is like, they're, uh, they're not like, they're less intelligent people. For sure.

So having someone be like, it's easier for them to be like, well, actually anyone but us is bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, should be eradicated and they're a threat, then it's like, that's easy to get behind that if you're like a dumb person. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because, like, you have to feel like, oh, like, I feel threatened. I'm not smart. I'm incapable on this and whatever. And it's like, well, actually, everyone that's not like you is bad. It's like, oh, oh, thank God. Yeah. It's not that I was the problem. It's an easy, like diagnosis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, if you went to the doctor and you're like, actually, you're fine, everyone else is really fucked up and they're making you feel this way. Yeah. You don't have strep throat. A black person just got you sick. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, oh, okay, well, oh, thank you. That does make me feel better.

I'm gonna go burn a... That's a funny thing being like, I'm a Christian, but I'm lighting crosses on fire. Like, it's such a weird thing to do. It's like... What's the symbolism of that exactly? I don't even understand it. Yeah, yeah, I never understood it.

I don't know either. That's a great point. It's intimidating. Yeah. But if anything, like, why wouldn't they burn like a star of David? Like, it's weird thing doesn't seem like a celebration of it. You know what I mean? because you're like,

maybe they want God to see it. Yeah, I love that they're like, they're like, don't burn the American flag, but you can burn the cross. Yeah, it's like a weird, yeah.

The cross would feel more sacred. Yeah, well, what's more sacred than you? Yeah. In the red, white, blue.

Jesus wasn't even American. Jesus was a Jew last time I changed. That's great. If he was alive today, he'd be on that cross. Yeah. Yeah, dude, just the most backwards.

Also, what's funny is, like, we've probably asked more questions about, like, the KKK's, like, ideas than they have. Oh, yeah. At no point in the meeting are they like, hey, do we need to, like, fix any of our shit just to make sure if it makes sense, like, pragmatically, or practically or logically or logically or whatever? And at no point, probably. Oh, yeah. I wonder what those meetings are like. Want to find out? Here's the thing is, we could go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We could audit. We could, well, I'm Catholic. I'd really have to just change the documents. Dude, I'd be infiltrating. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They do do background checks. Do they?

Yeah, yeah. But I'm Catholic. Would they still be cool with that? I love to, I love that idea that they do background checks. They're like, right, we're going to do your social security. It's harder to get a gun.

It's harder to join the KKK that is to get a gun. Well, the buddy is like, I used to have a bit about that. I was like, that's like the one job where you apply for it and you want them to see your old tweets. They're like, oh, you were saying some good shit back in 2008. We liked that around here. But, um. 2008, when Obama got elected... I mean, I'm just...

I'm just saying. I don't even know what that means. I'm just saying. All I'm saying is I'm just saying. As between you and God. But they, yeah, the background check, they're really weird about criminal stuff.

Like, I think they're so racist. How do you know so much? Jesus, yeah, dude. For a second, I was like, all right, he's the authority figure. He'll let me. He's like, wait a minute. It takes three to four business days.

Do not. apply over a holiday weekend. Well, I do do like it. There's no justification. I was writing a bit about them because I, I don't know, I was writing a bit about them. So I was like, let me see what their website is like these days. Has not been updated. I love that you, every time you're, like almost every joke you have, you'll be, you're,

you really do your research. Yeah, yeah. We were talking about this the other day. You were researching, I forget what it was, but something like so ridiculous. It was like, oh, maybe animal fucking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, this is, this is what we want our job. Oh, yeah, yeah, extensive research. Yeah,

I want to research animal fucking full time. Oh, yeah. I love the idea of the clan like having like a pride month. Like you go to their site and it's like a rainbow. Yeah, they have rainbow hoods or whatever.

Yeah. This cross, we're doing blue fires. Yeah, it's very unupdated website. But the background checks. What do you mean by unupdated? It looks like it was made in like 2004. It's because they won't hire any Asian guys to do their software.

I was actually curious since you're an expert on this. Yes. My clan expert. Like how do you, how are you a clan member and then you watch American Factory? What's American Factory? Oh, it's a documentary. That's where they don't watch documentaries. That's not.

They're not like, let me stay up to date on what's on Netflix. They watch Birth of a Nation go to sleep. There's no way they watch Netflix. They're probably like that. Do you run, Red website? It is great. I mean, dude, like, the fact that Birth of a Nation is the first, like, major feature film to have, like, a theatrical release.

And it's, like, a feat in, in terms of, like, cinema. It's, like, the... Harold is, like, the first feature film. And it was, like, celebratory of, like, the KKK. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't it, like, very big and, like, re-re? like starting like the new it was like the first feature film

yeah yeah the KKK used to be like the Hollywood elites yeah yeah yeah a lot of Disney's old films are racist oh sure sure shit those other one there's another one Disney film that's like super racist there's there's there's one it's like

there's it's called like there's Uncle Uncle something All right All right it's never good when you got uncle It's pretty dude it's really bad I forget it I remember learning about it in like a film class and it's tough dude

it's just so funny looking like that huh these are the film classes in Florida oh yeah oh yeah dude like birth of a nation we watched it several times wasn't even a film class yeah I was uh

yeah do you think they still it was in home room it's a costume design it's just hoods it's like it is so funny because did you in college we did watch stuff we're not like the full movie but you'd watch clips of things like that.

And like, occasionally they'd be like, this is just what Nazi propaganda looks like. But it is funny to walk by a classroom and you see Hitler. Like, what are they teaching in there? Because like you're, it is obviously they're teaching how bad Nazi propaganda was, but it's funny you just walking by a classroom.

And you're like, why are they watching a Hitler speech right now? It's like, what? I have a question for you guys, actually. Someone was asking me or like mentioning that they think there's like, the textbooks are different in the South. Yeah, they are. I don't know if in Florida, but I know the Texas, like,

Texas, what were they thinking about? changing. They were going to like eliminate teaching like about like Jim Crow and like literally in this So it's a different education. Oh yeah. It's not like a form. Oh, I went to school in Georgia for two years and I remember in elementary school and I remember being taught that

I mean there's Robert Lee Middle in Orlando and they changed the name but it's like you gotta think they're teaching different. Well they taught us that the Civil War was about state's rights and not about slavery. And even then I remember being like yeah like the right to own slaves. Like that was it. I feel like it was probably a lot about slavery.

You're trying to like gloss over it. And I'm like, no. Yeah, it's pretty. People are very much indoctrinated. Well, because I went to the Andrew Jackson Herbage in Tennessee. Because he's a con, I'm interested in him. He's a controversial figure. For sure.

But you go to this place and you would not think he's a controversial figure at all. Yeah, you're like, the banners, there's banners when you walk in. Yeah. He says hero, statesman. Yeah. Andrew Jackson. Yeah. Yeah, it's incredible.

Well, I think it is like, It's weird because it really depends because a lot of teachers are still very liberal. So like I know Robert Lee Middle changed their name, but then I think Robert Lee is complicated because obviously he did fight for the South. But I think his thing was he didn't want to fight for the South because he literally said he was like, oh, I want to fight for the North. But my state of Virginia, because he was like the leader of some army there, he's like they want to go with the South. So I have to reluctantly go with the South. But either way, I mean, he's still fighting for the South. So it's not good.

But either way, I remember in school, I remember in school, I was taught, my teacher taught me, like they were good about it, but then there was like, the, there are a lot of people that think the Civil War

was not about slavery in the South. Like tons of people to do things that way, but the textbook, like I remember my textbook being progressive. Okay, because I always thought textbooks were like kind of federally the saint.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're just that big company, whatever, McGraw Hill or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, oh, I just assume we all, at least at the elementary level,

we're all, the same thing. Yeah, yeah. You know I found out that there were presidents before George Washington. I don't know. Is that legit?

That's legit. Look it up. Give it a gig. I got it. What's like not four year similar term, I'm assuming then? It was like eight presidents

before George Washington. So he wasn't, but who was here before like any of those guys? I mean, just like some random pilgrim guy was like leader. People there. Well,

it's crazy. You can't come on with information and not back it up, Dan. I'm a headline guy I'm a headline guy I'll give you the headline you look it up If my phone wasn't recording

I mean I would love for you to look it up Actually you know I got my work phone You pull it up Jake I don't know where hell my phone is I put it somewhere It's in this it's in this apartment somewhere Wasn't wasn't I think Washington was just excited to say

It's gotten me sick Oh god damn year Wait but I thought he invented the word president Several men held the position John Hanson Yep that was like a year John Henson also started He owns a B.

Yeah, no, no, the Muppets. Oh, yeah. He owns a production company. Jim Henson. Elias. So not the same guy. Thomas. Different guy, different guy.

Richard Henley. John Hancock was one of them. I wonder if he was related. John Hancock was one of them, right? John Hancock. Yeah. Nathaniel Gorham. Big Gorm.

These were all like one year. Yeah, big Gorm. Fuck, Gorman. I'm a Gorm guy. 14 people. He was a grumman. ran on climate change back in the 17 years. I thought like, what the fuck is this guy talking about?

There's 14 people. Yeah. But I know Washington just invented the term president, I think. But it doesn't matter what you call it. You know what I mean? Because it's still is the same. If it's the same position, the guy who's running the country. But it's the fact that it's like, that's what we're taught. At a certain point, it's like, how much history do these kids need? You know, what's easier?

You know? Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, this is also weird. One thing that was like, I remember my tutor in high school was Chinese. and he was teaching me about like this isn't going anywhere bad I mean you know like the rape of Nanjing Yeah

You're like You're like King You're like this It's spelled Nanking But it's not going anywhere bad But that's such a funny way to follow that up Yeah It's not going to really bad

You guys hear the rape of Nangin It's a positive thing no What happened was horrible But I'm not going to have a bad angle on it Yeah But it was like When Japan did like horrible things to China Like it was like

There was like 40,000 rapes, multiple people murdered, babies on samurai swords. Yeah, but what was China wearing? That's great. That's so much. Ah. We're back. We're back. I just just released that as a clip.

I will not. I promise I won't. But I remember my tutor was Chinese, and he's like, yeah, this was like the worst thing that happened to China and it was like literally a paragraph this small and like the textbook. And it was like, this is a huge part of war too and it was just like not.

Well, that's bookstores now. It's also, sorry. I was going to say, like, how do you teach that to kids? Because then you've got to teach them what rape is. Yeah, but you already have the Holocaust in there. True. Yeah. I mean, the Holocaust was bigger.

Like, you know, it should have taken up more chapters. But it was like, I don't know, I don't think, I don't know, like weird things like Nixon's, like, I don't know, Nixon getting kicked out of office shouldn't be three pages and then have like the rape of Nanking be like that small. Yeah, it's like some of the stuff we get so, right, because that's when we stop trusting presidents. I'm like, I don't know.

I think, you know, the murder of like 40,000 people. It's way worse. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's one of the worst things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a horrible crime in this humanity. Yeah. But what Nixon did.

It was so shameful. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a shit. That was even the worst thing he did. I'm glad. He has all these racist tapes and we're like, man, I can't believe he rigged an election. I don't care.

Everyone brings a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like bookstores have a similar thing now where you go in and it's all like the flavor of the month type topics. Like, you know, anti-racism, white fragility, like those types of books. There's like, that's 90% of a bookstore. Yeah. But then there's like one shelf that's like dusty in the corner. Yeah.

That's like religion and philosophy. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, this should be the whole book store. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not. Yeah. It's not sexy.

We used to take the, uh... It's not sexy. It's not sexy. It's, uh, all the racism. racism is hot now it's the flavor of the month that's what we're selling we used to take

they had all these sex books and when we were like 12 we'd take all the sex books and just put them in the kids section it was like a fun break we would do it we were also kids but it was like funny that's a fun behind Clifford is just like

how to like Lily did have these things were Clifford's the big pink pussy pussy also that Clifford movie kind of went onto the radar it was weird there was some big celebrity.

I looked at their IMDB. I'm like, they haven't been a movie in a while. That's like Clifford, the big red dog. I'm like, there's a lot of ads for it. So it makes sense

nobody around me's talking about it. Nobody's like, you would have heard about it if it was good enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, none of my friends saw it.

Like Marcel de Shell? You guys hearing about Marcell? That apparently is amazing. It looks like the worst movie I've ever seen. What's Marcia? It looks really interesting. What's Marcel the Shell?

Literally like a shell. I don't know. It's not claymation. It's something. It's like real act. It's, I don't know. I don't, I like the vocabulary tech really describe it. But it's like sort of this kind of like alt-y kind of film that's getting great reviews.

Who's the Jenny Slate, she wrote. We're getting very, what's it called? Minimalist with like stuff now. I don't have an issue with it. What do you mean? Well, like, it's like, I don't know. You used to watch like something like Dragon Tales and there's so much shit going on. And now a kid's movie is like a shell.

It's not a kid's movie. Oh. Oh, I thought it was. No. No. No. I don't know if it's like Very adult in nature

My grown ass is not about to watch a shell movie I saw Nathan Fielder post about it He was like, please go see it He's like it's like it's incredible But also I could see him just like fucking around And posting it like Jenny Slate's like a pretty She's pretty big comedian

And she like she made the film And uh Apparently dude apparently it's awesome I haven't been in the theaters in a while man I really I'm gonna go see nope I'm gonna see nope this weekend I'm gonna see nope I was between that and okay That's gonna be with a bad

That's probably going to be the best summer film to see that. You saw it? No, I just heard it was really good. You know, people have seen it? Oh, I guess it premiered last night. Yeah. Yeah, I saw that the Alex Jones movie, like his documentary, he's playing like a theater. Yeah, it's like a documentary.

That's going to be great. I'm like, dude, the fact that's play, it's called Alex's War. And I was like, because I was listening, I'll occasionally chime into info wars. You know, I'm not sounding great on this episode, but I'll chime in. You know, the authority figure on. Clan's website. Info Wars, you know, the sites that I visit. But how to build a gun.

My internet is too fucked. But I was like, I want to go and just see who else is watching that movie. Because like, if it's like, if it's one of those theatrical releases where there's just like all people that like. That's a great point. Like who's going there. Yeah. Yeah. That's like really, you're not, you're really not giving a fuck if you see that in New York.

I would do. Yeah. Can I buy ticket to Alex's war? I would go see it. Dude. I would go. It's playing this weekend. I mean, I'm more out.

Dude, let's go. Sunday. Yo, yo, yo, check it out. Let's see where it's play. I was in Williamsbury the other day walking to a show and there was this guy that said he had, who's wearing a shirt and said abortion is murder. I'm like that that's a guy who's going to see the Alex Jones. Oh,

yeah. But just to walk through like he's walking through middle earth. Yeah, that is. We're in like a shirt that says like fuck the ring. You are in the thick of it, dude. Like you really hate abortion if you're wearing that shirt in Williamsburg. Williamsburg. Right off the Bedford stop, dude.

It could be the capital. of abortions. Yeah. And of that's where like you go. That's where like those like you know like kind of like I wouldn't say extreme left. But like the like people who fancy themselves and the left. It's like where the people. Then when they get older they move out and they're not going to abortion.

The people that might be the most abortions. The most abortions I think would be ones. People that are moving to Williamsburg now are people that are like making the choice to be left. Right. Right. I love one. Williamsburg is great. but I'm like there are walking around there

to get abortion you know they'll get rid of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No risks out there. Williamsburg is really cool, but the people there, some of them are like, a lot of them are insufferable.

You get that kind of everywhere, though. It's the San Franciscoification of the United States. Everyone in Williamsburg works in like software sales, tech sales, they work on apps. It's all fake jobs, dude. And everyone has a fake job.

They can't even explain their job. Well, if you go to a coffee shop in Williamsburg, Tuesday at 1 p.m., it's packed. Yeah. Whereas if you go to a coffee shop at the same time Manhattan, it's kind of empty. Yeah. Because people actually go to an office. But in Williamsburg, everyone's like, they either have the jobs you just described or they're like, I own like a flower skateboard shop.

They'll make like $80,000 a year to like choose the font on a page of an app. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like literally, I'm not even kidding, that's what they'll do. Yeah. Were you at the show where the guy said he was a product, designer. I think you've asked. There was a guy in the crowd, maybe you weren't there

for that, but he... Did you microdose today? No. Okay, your pupils are giant. My pupils just get naturally big and it sucks because it's like everyone thinks I'm like on drugs and I'm not. If I'm on drugs, I'm on drugs. It's like, it's like, it's on drugs. I probably do. I would love to microdose actually. That's microdose before Alex Jones.

Oh, don't. That would be a weird God damn, that's such a good idea. That is such a great idea. I don't some in the fridge if you want to go for it. I would I'm telling you I'm in for this weekend. Dude, I want to go I'm going to see. I'll see nope. I'm not off. I would say, I would like to see

if I'm going to spend money, I'd like to see a movie. I actually really want to see before I see. It's all right. You're not a patriot. I want to see Nope more obviously, but I think it's funnier. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I'm not going to be like, I saw Nope. Great story. You know what? Honestly, Alex Jones's documentary is probably be better. It's going to be beautiful. The best film, the

best film of the summer. Yeah. He's, and you can agree with it, uh, disagree with a VML. Guess what? If you like UFOs, they're going to be in both those. Yeah, you're going to hear

about aliens. Either way. That's funny as stuff. My favorite, I was, that's so funny. His boner advertisements are the funniest

thing. He's like, he literally. Alex Jones? Yeah, yeah. It's like, bluechip? Yeah, yeah, or something like that.

Because I was like, I was wondering, like, uh, like Alex Jones and it was like a boner pill company. But he brings politics into the boner. He's like, the liberals, they want to make fun of us for not getting hard. And I'm like,

he's like, But not getting hard is the reason that marriages are ending. And, you know, the American marriage, it's going down. This is so funny that you're bringing in politics to boners. Like, how does that relate to boners? But you've tied it together beautifully. I don't be bringing something. There's ads in the movie.

That'd be fun. Oh, my God. Just him getting on. It's made by somebody. That would be so funny. What if this is like, he thinks it's made by somebody else, but he's promoting it. So I was like, oh, clearly it's like, it's Alex Jones. So you think it's a puff piece a little?

That would be funny if it's like, have you seen a, the fighter with Christopher Bell. We're like, he thinks it's like a great documentary about his comeback, but it's all about how Alex Jones is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

he's like, yeah, he's gonna fall me around. He's a good guy. And this guy's like, this guy's out of his fucking mind. That would be good, that would be more enjoyable, and but that would be too good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is AMC's letting it fly. They got Louis's movie and Alex Joe. I'm like, I kind of respect. Louis's movie got reviewed by the Wall Street Journal.

They called it one of the best films of the summer. Really? The Times's aired on it, Wall Street Journal, like it. Yeah. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. I'd like to see that too. I, that movie, just like when I watch the preview, I'm like, Come see my movie. Also, I like how he's a bigger name,

but didn't Joe this, like, write it? I think they co-wrote it. They co-wrote it. And he, Joe the stars, and then Louis directed. Okay.

Produced. I made the movie. They like me now. I'm jerking off in front of you. You do good impressions. Who else? Can you do a really good Mark Norman. That's one of my better, like, I like, I like, I don't like doing people that like I'll see, you know what I mean?

Do people of their way. Like, like, like, like, uh, oh, man, I don't know. I was like my father. I know, I was thinking about the other day. I was like, I used to do impressions of like people like my like middle school basketball coach. I used to do him. Yeah, my listeners love that. Who's that?

Yeah, well, that's why. I'm like, I was saying, what my point is I was thinking about this literally yesterday. I was like, I would like to. were in some impressions of people who are a little bit more like well known. No, no, less well known.

Off the beaten path a little bit more. Like, there's still like in the zeitgeist of like people who you kind of would know, but you wouldn't think to like do an impression of them. Like I could do a great Christopher Walk and I could do a great own well saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

but everybody can't. No, I can't really do. I, it's hard. You do a good Christopher walking? Yeah. Go,

go for it. You know, it's like, it's not bad to, you know. Yeah. That's really good. Yeah.

Yeah. Are you going to... I'm going to go. I was seeing the Alex Jones movie. Yeah, I was about to say... You know, the frogs and they have a chemical and it makes you gay.

That's great. Yeah. Do me. I don't... It's like, it's kind of... It's going to be so offensive. It's good to be offensive because I haven't practiced yours.

Yours is sort of like a surfery high guy. Okay. You have an element of that. but like, it's very chill. Like, it's not as,

it's not dumb. It's not like, yeah, dude or whatever. It's kind of like, uh, I thought you were gonna fully just do it down to the voice. It's kind of like more like this.

Like, dude, I just kind of like from like, you know, like from Jacks, but like you're not from Jackson, you know, but like,

you feel like you're having to defend me all right. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not gonna be offended. You can literally like, I'm back again. I thought you were like, that's why I'm like,

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Orlando Florida. Jacksonville has like, Jacksonville has like a lot of like, yeah, dude,

we're from Jacks, like we're just gonna surf up like those types of dudes. My favorite people, but yeah, they're great. When I first met you are, I thought you were from there.

Yeah, but you're from Orlando. And I was like, this just doesn't make any sense. Yeah, why you were really interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, um,

I don't know, I don't know, you want me to try to do an impression. Yeah, do me. Yeah, dude, do me, do me. Yeah. You have, too, a,

yeah, yeah, you have the laugh. You have the laugh. My laugh is so obnoxious. Like, I know this is my heart. I have to be like, Like, dude, when you really laugh, you're like,

it's like from the back. It's like a dolphin taking a dump. Like it's like, it's starting here and it just goes up, blah, blah, blah. but it's like, it's like, there's a, it's like, it's like,

it's like there's an hourglass on it, like, you know, like you feel it, like, they're like echoes. Like, you know,

like, there's just, like, it's only going to last for a certain amount of time. And you could feel, you know when it's going to end. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's good. There it is. Yeah, yeah,

there it is. Yeah. That's how you know you really got you, when you, when you, like, up there. Yeah,

yeah, practice a little bit. Mark, Mark Norman. Sorry, I could do it. I could do it. It's like, yeah, well, what are you going to do? You know, it's gay. I love that. Gay, well. Chris, we're walking on trial for rape. Well, you know, these accusations, I don't condone this type of behavior. And they are, you know, they're not, I'm sorry. I just, I don't. You What was China wearing? Yeah. What was, you know, we have to ask questions, you know, like what was the defendant wearing in the moment?

It's not important, but maybe it is. You know, these are questions. And I don't like being on trial here, you know. I'm a good guy. Trust me. What about me defending myself on a rape trial? Michael Good, you have 493 counts of rape. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I got to Why are you laughing? I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. You devastated the whole city of Philadelphia with her rapes. Well, here's, here's a thing. If you guys ever, uh, I was on, I can't damn. I can't do a Michael. Michael Good's like, because I don't want to rape.

Yeah, yeah. I never would. You never would. But like, it would be like, you would, thing with, what you do is like, if I ask you a question, you'll start like with something 300, 300 miles away. And then we'll slowly get there. Like I remember one time I found out like after we hung out that you tested positive for COVID. It was like months ago.

And I, you texted me like, hey, I just tested positive for COVID. And I called you. And you started like hours of way from where I wanted the conversation to start. Oh, yeah. You told me about how like your girlfriend tested negative three times before testing positive. And then you tested negative, tested positive. I'm like, Michael, when did you test positive? was it within like a three-day radius

of where we hung at when we hung out? He was already going to see Spider-Man. We had already seen Spider-Man at that point. But you were like, yeah, well, here's the thing. It's like, you can't even trust like some of these tests. My girlfriend three weeks ago,

she got tested and she was like, and I used the same test. And here's the thing is I've been hearing a lot of stuff about how like some of these tests could be expired. So like, I'm like, Michael, just did you test positive? And you're like, yeah, so I test.

And I'm like, dude, just get to the story. Just get to when. I love what somebody could just accurately. Like, Jason David is so good at shitting. Like, I like when people, they have good observations about you that you don't even realize. And you're like, yeah, no, I start conversations. Dude, way. They'll start so far away.

So far away. Eventually, after 35 minutes, they will connect. Eventually we'll get there. And they'd be like, yeah, yeah, so I tested positive. And I'm like, okay. All right. They're like, yeah, well, my girlfriend, she tested negative, then I tested negative, and then I tested positive. I'm like, dude, just fucking get there.

But yeah, we got there. You always get there. The funniest image of, like, of you, like, I'll ever have is when me and you were like, me and Michael, we went to college together. And, like, there was a period of time where, like, every party me and Michael would go to, we would always leave to get tall boys. Natty Daddy's. Yes. And that became like a tradition

me and him had. We'd always leave the party be like, Natty Daddy's, yeah. And we'd just go get like a four pack for like three dollars because it's Florida.

So cheap. And they are 8% alcohol. So you're basically drinking like, I think it's like almost, four locoes are 12, right? 12%? Yeah, I think. So you're drinking like the equivalency

to like two four locoes. So it's just like, you're getting fucked up. And they're like tall boys. Right. Wait, it's more than that. Tall boy Natty days.

It's like two and a half four logos. And like just this image. I remember we were walking back from the convenience store to like a party. And Michael's just like we're having a conversation. We're hanging out. And he just takes a break to like literally projectile vomit. And it was the only time I've ever seen someone like comically projectile vomit. Like out of like what you would see like in a movie.

Yeah. Like literally like there was someone just shooting the vomit out of the back of his throat. And he'd like, sorry. Give me a say. Bha! It was just fucking fire out. And it was like, literally like, there was. was so casual, and this was back when you had

like this horrific cough that like said it hasn't gone away. It hasn't gone away. You've had a horrible cough your entire life. I'm probably going to die. Yeah, you're going to die. But yeah, just the image of you projectile vomiting. I always have it in my head. I went back to whatever I was talking about. Your hands are on your knees and you're just, it was so casual. It was like an inconvenient. It's like you had to sneeze.

I've had some thoughts similar. Oh, yeah, yeah. Uninterrupted. I don't know if I've ever projectile vomit like that. He'd just straight up projectile vomit. It was the only time I've ever seen. It's like the exorcist. Someone, oh my God, dude, it was so much puke just projected out of his mouth.

It was literally the definition of project off of it. It was great. It was excellent. I'm really glad. When I ever think about it, I'm not gross. I've ever got bushproofing with you? No, we've never gone bushproofing. Oh, you have, you have.

But I was like, I'm. What's a pushproofing? When I get really fucked up, you can't do it in the city, but there's a hedge. I just started doing it one time in high school, and then I'll occasionally do it when I black out. So I'll find like a hedge. hedge. It's very dumb. And I'll run full speed into it. And if I get stuck in it, I'll be like, it's totally bushproof, totally bushproof. You can't get through it. But if I get through with the bush, I go, it's not even fucking bushproof. What a horrible bush. They can't even.

So just be sprinting falling through a hedge. And if I get through the hedge, then it's not bushproof. If I like a house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should go to the Hamptons. I would just wreck people's lots. Yeah. But the buddies just people just live there. People will have videos to be and I'll just be caught up in a bushback. Totally bushby. proof, good Bush. And it's just me. But we were about to wrap up. What do you guys want to promote besides Alex's War, which is coming out this whole weekend?

I got to work on my Michael good impression. Yeah, yeah. Dude, come back on. Next time I'll have some more impressions keyed up. I feel like I didn't really deliver on those. But follow me at Jake Velasquez comedy. Is that your handle? Jake V. Comedy.

Jake V. Comedy. Follow me on there and follow him at Dan Mancarnie. Yeah, yeah. Sweet. we're going to jump up with followers. What if I pause this? I'm still recorded, but it sounds like recordings off and it just means like, I really don't like that impression you did.

It's just like you left it in. You're like offended. Yeah.