Morning Good - MG Hustlers Mentorship Program - Episode 257

Episode Date: February 16, 2025

Liz Glazer and Tom Zappia join the show for today's episode. They talk about zoom comedy, getting comfortable on stage, and watching someone join a cult over Instagram.Thanks to Tom for coming back on the show and to Liz for joining for the first time. You can check out Tom on the last episode and check out even more from both comics at their links down below.Liz is on Instagram @lizglazer and has links to shows and more on her website dearlizglazer.com. Tom is on Instagram as well @tomzappia.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the morning. We're here with Tom Zapia and Liz Glazer. Hi. Hello. And you're talking about not going on. Well, I remember my craziest was my first COVID-said back. Oh, yeah.

the only time I had no idea how to do stand-up again. I was so confused. Oh, yeah. I don't even remember that really. I remember mine. Well, first of all, I was doing Zoom like there was no tomorrow. You're doing the Zoom. I didn't do a single-duty show.

What were those? I, like, my wife was, she made so much fun of me because I literally would have a Zoom and then there were times that I had a Zoom and then another Zoom right after the Zoom that we would have to do her computer on another table in the hands. in the house. Because they were back to back. Do you say it like an interview or do you like set up a fake microphone? Like how does it all work? So I remember at that time people who did a bunch of Zooms were very opinionated about like you have to stand and you have to do a mic. It's such a funny thing to like put your foot down about. Yeah. But it was true. And I totally, for me,

I actually felt like that time period was really amazing for me in terms of like, I don't know. It kind of like corrected a bunch of crap that I needed correcting on in terms of like my timing and my comfort. Like I won, I don't mean this as a flex. It's like, remember that we're talking about Zoom. And then you'll remember it's not that much of a flex. But I won not one but two comedy festivals on Zoom. There we go.

Thank you. And so he doesn't care. How many comic festival you won? Zero. I mean, she won Boston. Yeah, on Zoom. On Zoom. Legend.

Does it say that in the credits? No. When you email clubs, you're like in Zoom. People will bring me up and say she won the Boston Comedy Festival. I'm like, I want it on Zoom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just so they were here.

Yeah, true. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I really don't mean it as a flex. I just mean that what I found interesting was at that time I was having trouble. Not that I don't still, but like being really conversational. That was like a thing for me. because I was just like, I don't know, nervous, newer, whatever it was. And like something about Zoom, even when you were muted, people were muted,

I was like, oh, I got to check in that they're like nodding in a specific way or whatever. And like the lag like worked for me. And it sort of did this chiropractic on my timing, I think. Yeah, yeah. So whatever. But anyway, I would sit with multiple. multiple teas on either. Like I would do like four wild sweet orange tea.

Not that I'm sponsored, but like I would be. Tazzo. It's very good. It's probably made of pure chemicals. But anyway, so I have like four teas. That's how I would get my drinking in. You know what I mean? Like hydrating.

And I was in socks. I couldn't have been more comfortable. And I think that it really freed me up. Well, that makes so much sense. I thought so. Like when the microphone dies or like, and you got to go acoustic, I feel like I get better to stand. Like, if I can do one acoustic show a week, I feel like it's so much better to stand-up because, like, you're having a conversation and you realize, like, yeah, I have a huge problem with that where, like, I'm getting better at it. But, like, so much, like, you write jokes in such an act for so long.

Yeah. And then you look at it. You're like, oh, this isn't me. My brother's really good about it. He's like, you're fucking doing such an act up there. Right. Well, you need someone, I think, like your brother, your best friend from childhood, something. like that to be like, you're funny, but whatever that is, like, it's not you.

And it makes sense because, like, we're doing an art or a thing. But it's also like, ultimately, it is an art that's based on, like, you at your most you, you know, like Danny Jollis used to say stand up is your best self at a party. That's something he used to say. And I thought that was smart. He also says you should stand up in the Zoom. But anyway, no, I'm kidding. But yeah, like I thought that that was like a cool definition,

you know, working definition or whatever of like what we're doing. But your best self at a party, it would be totally weird if you were at a party and there was a person like performing. Oh, totally. It's more like, oh, they're holding court and we're all delighted. because it's the funniest thing we've ever heard in our lives. That's the best case scenario.

Yeah. But, like, in terms of just to bring it back to where we started, like, when you're doing so many spots, or at least for me sometimes, sometimes I'm like, oh, I am a stand-up robot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not even really connected

to what I'm saying sometimes. So this started because we were talking about taking a week off, which I did. I've talked about this week off so much and, like, nobody cares. You were talking about a week off last week. Really? Did I...

Taking off, but like last week got time on the pod, you were talking about taking time off. Yeah, yeah, I was saying I was just too in routine because it's like I'm in that same... Like, I'm in that boat too. You know what it is? I started in a college town and I'm like, I was in a fraternity in college. So I wanted so much to prove that I'm not a giant douche that I changed the way I talked on stage. So I would say things kind of like this.

Like, kind of like, weirdly like trying to not sound broie. And I think like, I'm not over the top. broie but it's like I kind of like neutered my voice to a way that I started sounding like I was just like I just want these people to like me and I was like and it's uh it was really silly and I like notice it now I'm like because I don't think my sense of humor is always the voice of reason but I think on stage I often played the voice of reason which wasn't really kind of who I am but yeah I'm a lunatic I went to Philadelphia two nights ago I saw that how was that crazy I bet crazy yeah it was so funny because it was like,

we were just, like, watching the game, and I, like, two spots get canceled, and I had a third, but I was just like, there's no, this part not going to happen. So I was like,

I was with my roommate, and we were just drinking a little bit. Yeah. And the game's about to end, we're like, dude, could you imagine how crazy Philadelphia is right now? And then we're like, let's go.

Yeah, I was like, let's fucking do it. And, like, we looked up, it was $15. Okay. Just to go. And, yeah, it was one of those two where, like, I called my,

on the bus? No, train. Train. There's only an hour and a half. Septa? Amtrak. Oh, $15 on Amtrak? Is that insane?

Why? Because I think nobody was going at that time. Like, it was like... Wait, what website? There's some windows of Amtrak. You can get an Amtrak. I took an Amtrak to play once for like $22. Really?

Yeah, you have to get in the right, we have to buy in the right window. From the Amtrak website? Yeah. Oh. Other times it'll be like, you know, whatever, 180 or whatever, but you have to get it at the right time. Yeah, I just like didn't even think. I always thought Philly was like, I've been there multiple times, but I always think it's four hours away. It's not close.

not, but you just think that mentally. So I was like, oh, let's just go. And then we went and we got downtown at like one-ish and it was like, I'm gonna take it. This sounds weird. This is me. You know what time of being in our voice? This isn't me. This, I found this on the side of the road. I washed it.

This is my first day wearing this. I feel like it's actually nice. I was on the side of the road. That's what I thought. There's no like blood or semen or diarrhea on it. You might grow into it. Maybe. I don't know. I just feel like I'm like, I just see my arm and I'm like, who the fuck am I? I'm having a real identity crisis in the middle of this. I didn't notice it as being like off for you. No, no, but like I, there's something about like the second I start wearing something that's like remotely fashionable, it freaks me out mentally and I'm like. I get that. Yeah. And I'm like this is not like, there's certain things that I'm like, okay, I can look like nice. Sure. But like, I don't know. I can't be one of those people that like dresses cool on stage. I don't know. It is fashion week though. That is true.

Yeah, so it's for that. It's nice. I should have done a Fashion Week episode. I should have worn some crazy. I'm not fashionable. See, that I could get behind because I'm like, this is being ironic. But if the second I start trying to take myself seriously is like a cool, that was a huge problem with I got to have a breakup. And then I started like losing weight and I started thinking myself as like a cute guy.

Yeah. You are cute. Thank you. But I appreciate that. But it was like. So are you. Thank you. Okay.

Now it means less to me. No, no, but for different reasons. I've had that thought about both of you individually. Thank you. So she really knows what she's talking about. No, yeah. Well, and Tom knows that I'm really looking at him because there was a time. I don't remember the tennis player's name.

Oh, yeah. But I was watching the U.S. Open. And then I texted Tom because there's some guy who looks exactly like Tom. I'll send you the pick if you clip this just so that people can vote. He always said me guys and like you look or tell me you look like this guy, but it's always a guy I never heard of. Yeah. I guess some good ones.

And my thing is this, I think I am a handsome man. Yeah. But that's different than like, there's between like thinking like, oh, I'm an attractive person and then thinking I am an attractive. Like saying I'm a person who has attractive attributes is different than like,

there's a time period I started losing weight and I'm like, I'm like a cute boy. And I'm like, this is bad for Stan. You know, there's like a different thing between like somebody who's like good looking and funny and being like fucking. Yeah.

Yeah. There's just something that. I, uh, well, yeah, I mean, I think it's like, you got a, it's similar to like what you're saying about what you say on stage too. I think there's this level of embodiment of whatever your thing is. And sometimes I think things happen to us. Like you're wearing a shirt and it feels like the shirt's wearing you. Yeah, totally. The shirt is doing this podcast right now. Yeah. Totally. Um, but like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know that I have any professional. found point to me.

What are you taking it all for? It's coming off. Leave it on. I like it. You look like a sex symbol. I mean. This is such a minor thing. Sure.

But like for me, I'm just like I can't do it. Yeah, totally. No. And now, actually, I do kind of see what you mean. About what? But now you're more you. Look at this. My stomach's hanging.

This is me. My stomach should always be hanging at the bottom of my chair. Right. Right. But there is something like really attractive. about somebody just like, this is who I am. Yeah, totally.

That's like the whole thing of like, you know, you spend like middle school trying to be cool and then you realize like, oh, there's no cool. Yeah, yeah. You know,

and I don't mean middle school like six to eighth grade. I mean like last week when I felt like I was in middle school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, because that kind of follows you. So I totally get it. Yeah,

yeah. Yeah, it's like that thing where it's like, you can be like your, like I'm not saying I have to have like mayonnaise on my shirt. Sure. But I think there's a middle ground between... It would help. Yes.

Yeah, yes. There's a middle ground between that and me wearing, like, sweet shoes. Sure. And some people are the cool shoe guys. Like, I think it's like a thing where... But it's just not me. I was a sneaker head for a little while. Do you?

Yeah, been in, like, high school. Yeah, yeah. Sneakers are really cool. I mean, here's the thing. Okay, I don't know that anyone's ever made these connections. Here I go. Sneakers, cars, right? Oves.

Stickers. Erasers. they're all like the same kind of thing, like where it's like you collect them. And like I remember stickers and erasers. Like I would dream about them. Really? And I'm a girl.

So like maybe there's that. But I really feel like all of those things are kind of like the same where it's like you collect them in order to have this like, like it's kind of like collecting a rainbow. Like why are we, what is it, do you think? I'll be honest. I have no idea what you're talking about right now.

I'm so confused. Collecting stickers. I get the stickers. I was more sneakers and hats. Sneakers. Oh, hats. That's another one. Okay.

Oh, I get, okay, so they're in the same boat of, like, things that people, like, collect. Right. Yeah,

and there was a good field. So, mine was, like, action figures when I was a kid. Okay, there's that. But that's kind of, like,

a similar thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what it is. I think it's probably some aspect of, like, there's probably some, like, cave brain in there where, like,

you're thinking, like, these are my things. Yeah. So when you get a bunch of your things, here. But I get what you're saying. It's not like, if I had one sneaker and then one car, that wouldn't mean the same as having a bunch of sneakers. There's a certain like... What is it? What is that thing that it does to our brains that like you want the collection? I don't know.

Yeah, you want the different like I remember like the, I had the, the, the, you ever do the tech tech dudes, the little thumb guys? What's that? They were these little thumbs. So the boards, the tech boards. There's little finger boards. Like little skateboards. Okay. But they had these characters that were just thumbs. Oh. I remember those. Yeah. And they had like a Batman one. They had like, uh, all these are ones. And I wanted all of them because it was like as a kid just a little like things yeah yeah yeah yeah like those funco pops which one funco pops oh yeah okay sure or the dolls with the long hair troll dolls yeah yeah but i think it's i don't know i like you want a collection of something so you

can have as many options or i guess yeah like in high school i had the period was like i want to wear a different pair of sneakers to school every day like i don't know i probably was just like right it was cool hats and sneakers but um And sneakers, yeah. But that's also women. The women's shoes, six million pairs of shoes. But I fell off it, though. I think it's just a window in your life at a certain age,

because now I'm like, I haven't bought sneakers in like two years. And you don't care. No. Yeah. I think I just got, I need money for other shit. Like, I just matured and I need money for other stuff. And I'm like, I'm not going to do this. It's kind of like being gay.

Like, it's like if you are feeling it, you're feeling it so hard. You know what I mean? I think it comes from. I don't mean it. Oh, we don't know what you mean. We're a couple. We're a couple super straight. I love men.

Like, you don't, you can't help it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's definitely a part of the brain that does that. And I wonder like where it translates. Maybe it's friends now in my life that I'm collecting.

I'm trying to figure out what my now thing is that I'm like doing. So I have a weird one. I don't mean, it's like kind of a conversation shutter down, which I say in order that it doesn't do that. But so I have a thing. I don't know if I've ever told you this. Not that I definitely haven't told you. But I don't think I've told you. that since about April of 2017,

I have found over like 150 to 200 fortunes on the ground. So it's like a fortune from a fortune cookie, but I'll just be like walking and then it's like there. It's crazy. And it does make me wonder like, am I a prophet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm like, did Moses feel this way? It's so many.

Are you looking for them? Well, I'm not not looking for them. You just look at the ground a lot? I will. No, not. That's the thing. is like sometimes I will be like, oh,

I really am in the mood for one because they're really fun. Yeah, yeah. It's on Broadway and sixth. But it's like, it's really fun for me for sure. And then sometimes I'm like, I could really use one.

Yeah. For whatever reason. Like what a turn around to the day or whatever? And they won't be there because I want it too bad, I think. I mean, I don't know that that's like causal. No,

I get, so I'm in a lot of dead ends in my life right now. And so I'm, Fortune cookies. I got one the other day and I was just like, please. I was like,

I was like, please say something good's going to happen. I'm a lucky number. Yeah, so like I kind of get that. But then I wonder too, like I wonder if you're seeing them because you're thinking about them now.

Of course. Yeah. So I've played around with that. The thing is it's like, I don't know. Right? Like the joke version is like what? I live right outside of a Chinese restaurant.

Like, you know, or whatever, but I don't. It has nothing to do with it. And also it's not like I'm, like I found them in so many different places. I used to keep a spreadsheet. Yeah. And then I think the link

expired. And I journal very obsessively. So, like, I have all them pictured on my phone. I can, like, you know, find the records of them if I needed to. Are they mostly just on the street, though? Yeah. Like... I don't think, I don't know if I've ever found, maybe like... But you know what it is, though? It could be one of those things that, like,

you're seeing more because you're thinking about it. There's a German phenomenon. I never remember the name of it. Dan or something or another that's like that. Yeah. Like, you know, you're seeing a red car more because you have it in your head. And I'm open to that. But also, I'm just putting this out there because, like, I'm a lawyer.

It's like, but then wouldn't it also be true that the people who I've told about this would maybe find them? Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. And it could be. And the reverse is a thing, too. Somebody told me, they're like, you know, black guys don't vape. And they're like, think about a black guy you've seen vaping. And I was like, I've never seen

one of my life. But that's not really, it's only because he's saying a thing that I've never thought about. Yeah. So it works the reverse way, too, where you're Like you'll never see like a guy from New Jersey who, you know, has yellow socks on. And then I'll be like, I guess I never have seen that. But I've never thought about it. But what you're saying makes so much sense because it's like you never, the people you're telling that to would see fortune cookies now.

I mean, here's the thing is like, as with most things that are just kind of like fun and cool and maybe mysterious, there are so many ways to like try and like prove why. Yeah. And all of them come up short. It's just fun. Like, I used to use drugs and alcohol and I don't anymore. It doesn't have to be a big deal. But I don't. But I say this only because the feeling of finding a fortune is like, oh, my God, I just, like, have weed, you know, that's new.

Yeah. Or I just smoked or whatever. Or, like, I just took some drug. Right. Like, it's so euphoric. It's so fun. and I don't know why. I don't know why me.

I don't know why I find them. I have no idea. Well, because I think no matter what you believe, you kind of believe in fortune cookies. Like, no matter what you're like, like, I'm pretty agnostic. And like, if somebody were to be like, Fortune cookies are always accurate,

I would start arguing with them. But then when I get one, I'm like, yeah, but like, this is probably real. I mean, I've had a really sad one that was not accurate. That's like always like the sticking point. It's such the thorn. I mean, if the other one wasn't a comment, conversation stopper, this one is, which is that I believe it was the day before my wife

had a stillbirth that I found one that said, your wish is about to come true. And I did not wish for that. Yeah, yeah, that was like, if we're really making the timeline, like, that did happen. Right. Yeah. And that was on a suburban street. I was taking a walk. Like, I live in the suburbs. Like, there's not, you know, I mean, people take out their garbage, but like, it's not a place that's like, there's not litter. A lot of fortune cookies. Right. And there was, I was just, I was just, I was just, walking on the street and then there we are crazy yeah because that just doesn't is the opposite of what you're wishing oh 100% it was yeah yeah so you know I don't know that's what I'm saying it's like I can just give the data and that that is what I collect probably more than anything is data yeah data

because data are plural but like but you wanted to do that this is the point too though because that fortune cookie wasn't given to you sure sure so maybe that's what the truth of fortune cookies is for the people who actually like broke it but but you're but I also feel like it's so me because like I just found it. Like I really feel like I'm like Joseph Smith or whatever. Like a person who's being spoken to in that moment. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm just like, well, what am I supposed to?

You know, and I'm always so appreciative, which makes me think that like it is God. Right. Because I am a God believer. Like, not to make it weird. And I don't have pamphlets or whatever. But like, again, it's like being gay. Like I don't know where it comes from. I just am into believing.

Right. Who cares? But in that moment, I do have the thought of like, well, I guess like Moses probably was like, it's kind of weird, but like I get these messages. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Like, I, or maybe he wasn't and he was like really cocky about it. And I'm not trying to start a religion.

Right. Of fortune cooking. Like, I'm not, you know. Well, I think it's like you like, I don't know, I think it makes sense. that like you feel like because I'm a very agnostic person. Yeah. But like everything I'll feel like is a message to me. Oh my God.

Same. Yeah. Yeah. You have to be literally nobody in my life and I'll be like, you're probably God. Yeah. Are you saying this to me? I will believe it. I will adopt it as my new philosophy.

Yeah. I love that stuff. I'm always looking for messages. Well, we also talk about like, like I'm very agnostic, but nothing's more fascinating than me than religion. I love it. Yeah. It's so interesting to me.

Right. And like the whole, everything like that is interesting. For some reason, though, horoscopes, I just can't even, I won't even budge on them. I'm like a very open-minded person. Horscopes, I'm fucking so close-minded on. I can't get my brain to. Are you into them? No, is that like the whatever month you're born?

Yeah, yeah. No, not really. Yeah. But like anything else, somebody could be like, what if God is like a lizard? And like, maybe. But then somebody's like, what if because you're born in this month? I'm like, shut the fuck up. And I'm like, I'm big on conspirators.

Oh, you are. Yeah, yeah. Not like, not like, not even so much conspiracies. I'm big on just unsolved stuff. Sure. Yeah, yeah. That's fun.

I like that it's unsolved because anyone can leave it up for conspiracy theories. Right. Yeah. Well, also like conspiracy theory, like I am a very impressionable person. I am.

Like, it's like anyone could tell me anything. I'm like, I think this in-cell has a point. Yeah. And so conspiracy theory, similarly, because I think you asked me once if I was like, into any conspiracy theories. Yeah, because I was doing a podcast

where I would have comics on and they'd pitch me the conspiracy theories. But I was like, I mean, any of them? And you're like, yeah, I need like one or whatever. But that's the thing is like anyone, I will read any opinion piece and be like, I mean, these are great points. Yeah, yeah. I like that too. Yeah.

I wanted it to do it that way where someone comes on with a specific one they're passionate about. They actually think it's true because I'm not set on anything. Yeah. But if you could probably persuade me, So like when I watch and like I listen to this podcast and they talk about unsolved like mystery cases. And like the last 10 to 15 minutes they talk about the possible explanations and the conspiracy theories. And that's the only part that I'm like really into like because I want to know.

And they'll be like this could happen because of this and that could happen because of that. And then it's like five different things could happen. And I'm like that's what I want to know about. But if you can if you can defend it for me, I'd probably believe you. Here's the most random one that I can think of. And it's like literally nobody cares, including. the people about whom it is. So like my ex-fiancee's ex-boyfriend is a musician and he was somewhere performing with a band that he's not in anymore. They had one song. The song sucked, but there was

like a kind of piano solo that was amazing. And like I've played it. I don't even think it's on Spotify anymore. The piano solo, I've been stopped in traffic and people are like, what's What is that? Yeah. Like, it's so good. And then there was an Usher song. And I guess like Usher sort of maybe passed through the party or something. And the Usher song, it's, um, uh, give me everything tonight.

Uh, it's Neo. Right. Oh, oh, sorry. Okay. So him. Yeah. Okay. It was somebody who was like there, I think.

And it sounded the same. Yeah. So my conspiracy theory is that. that guy was there and maybe took the song. But literally nobody else is saying. I'll think that about fucking jokes. I'll do a joke. I have like a joke where a TV show kind of did the joke.

And I'm like, you were at the fucking grisly pair, eight o'clock that writer, you fucking bitch. And then it's like, yeah, yeah. But it is such a hard thing, especially if it's your idea. And then you're like, wait, how the fuck did like? But I never even think about it for my thing. I'm just like this one song. And like, it's like that guy definitely does not want me advocating for this conspiracy theory or anything about him. But please, please attack Neo.

Please, like, attack him online and be like, you're full of shit. You're a fucking thief. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's always funny too. There's always like something concerning about having somebody argue for you. Oh, yeah. Because you're like, no, no, no, just chill. Like, sometimes you have that person.

Totally. No, no, no, no. You deserve to be defended. And you're like, no, no, easy. And then you end up being wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah.

And like, it's like, I can always be wrong. So I have no idea. But anyway. Yeah, most people would be jumped the gun on like joke stealing or whatever. And then I'm always like, there's six bajillion comics. Two people could have came up with that idea. For sure. Everything gets talked about.

I always give the person the benefit of the doubt in any situation. We were talking about that last week. Like if I think this guy's going to murder me because he's walking at me with a knife, I'm like, he's probably going to make a dinner or something. I know. Right. Like I'm not going. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I think it's like the joke thing's so weird because it's like if it's like there are like the word. for word ones. We're like, okay, this is probably stolen. You know what it is? It all depends on if I like the person or not. Sure.

If I don't like the comic, I'm like, you fucking joke thief. But if I do, if I do like the comic, I'll like immediately be like, there's no way. They can do word for word.

Right. A Chris Rock hour. And I would be like, I don't know. I think they probably just had similar thoughts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I'm like pretty, I don't know. I'm very biased at first glance. Like if I, like, I mean, I think it just as much as anybody else,

But then I think it's very easy. I'm very biased at first glance. And then you know what I am? When everybody dogpiles on somebody, that's when I get weirdly on their side. Oh, sure. Like I think it's one of those things that like, especially like celebrities,

like when everybody starts shitting on one celebrity, I'm like, hey. But if everybody starts liking us, I'm kind of a hipster, but like not, I think I'm a contrarian douche in a lot of ways. I don't know. Okay. And that's who your stage persona should be.

It kind of is. I'll argue some dumb things. It's just not a good point. but I'm like, no, I think this is what it is. I'll do that sometimes, yeah. Yeah, me too. Especially if it's funnier than the other side, I think. Sure.

Yeah, because a lot of times somebody's just arguing something that everybody knows. Yeah, of course, but it's funny to argue the silly idea. Yeah. But I like, as far as conspiracy, I don't know, I thought this one recently, what if Donald Trump is all a sciop to make people want like normal presidents

who are doing darker things behind the scenes? Because like, okay, like, the last, like, obviously, like, Obama did some sketchy stuff. George Bush did some sketchy stuff, but they were like statesmen and they were like good representatives. And then people started questioned them. They were like, oh, they have a smile on their face, but they're secretly doing all this. And then Trump does like the opposite where he's like just crazy and he's like, so like I had a weird theory.

I was like, what if the government purpose was like, we're going to empower somebody that is just so wild. And then eventually we're like, we just want somebody who is not. A sneak. Yeah, yeah. So they're not asking like these kind of questions. Yeah, I mean, see, now you've presented that, and it's my new theory. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's, yeah.

Well, I think, well, he's the only, the thing is with Trump is he's the only guy who's ever been like this. Like, every other president's pretty much the same of, like, straight lace, kind of like, say the right stuff, do whatever. Yeah, yeah. And he's, like, purposely the contrarian so he can, like, shuffle up the system, whatever. That's why people like him. But as soon as I saw, like, the, uh, him and, like, Obama, like, laughing and joking at the, Jimmy Carter thing and then like dumb Bush comes in and like fistful. I'm like, I don't care about anybody.

I don't understand how you can like put yourself into one side so heavily when none of them get like they're all the same essentially. Like Trump is probably the Trump is the most different, but he's still of the president. Like he has to inevitably do some stuff that like other presidents have done that is sketchy or whatever. You know it's the craziest thing too. It's like obviously I don't like Donald Trump. I've never voted for him.

But it's interesting how much smarter he probably is than me. Like all of us don't like him But we think of him We're like oh he's just as babbling it We're like he has to be He has to know so much more shit It's about different shit I think everyone's smarter than me

Plus he's a billionaire Even if he did it shit illegally Like you have to cut corners to get Like look at Zuckerberg The guy like ended like four people's lives Like stole stuff from them To become what he is I love the new like

The new flex boy Zuckerberg With his like he's got the haircut He's like DJ cousin I know. It's so awesome. Yeah. But I think you have to, if you're going to, to get to a certain height of power, you have to, like, do some stuff. Sure.

I mean, who do you think is to Forrest Gump, though? Like, do you think there's somebody who's just kind of been, like, a dumb ass and navigated their way to, like, I wonder. Maybe Trump, because when he beat Hillary, you could see him be like, oh, wow. Like, he, like, he's just, like, I think he was just doing it to prove, like, he had, he's such a psychopath that he's like, I could become the president. Like, he's not much of a narcissist. Yeah. And then he actually did it, and it's like, oh, wow, like, I had no, like, you know, you had no idea. Like, I could see it being him.

Well, they had a whole South Park about that. It was so funny. It was, like, because Mr. Garrison was, like, playing, like, the Trump character. And then he starts freaking out when he gets the president. He's like, fuck, I just did it to piss people off. Right. Right. I got to actually.

Trump, I think, though, like, partially that, but also I think he wanted to be the president. Yeah. Like, he's that, he just doesn't give a fuck. Well, money's probably, like, not even that appealing to him anymore because he's gone that far. So it's, like, power. Make money if you're the, I mean, you make like 400 grand, but like, you know, he's coming more money is not the president. Yeah, as a real thing.

My favorite, there's one comic guy that's some joke like this. They're like, I just, I love their apology. I think they're all trying their best. It was just a funny. They were being serious? No, they were kidding, but it was just such a funny take. I would love to start arguing that in conversations. Sure.

Whenever somebody's like, this is my favorite, or I hate this person, be like, I think they're trying really hard. You know how people say, like, you have to, if you're a comedian, you have, they have to be a little narcissist or a little, uh, narcissist or a little, something is off in your childhood or in general. The same goes for if you're trying to be, I say any political, but definitely if you're trying to be running for president. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's like, yeah, but. I do take issue a little bit with that. Not to say that there's not something off with me, but I just wonder because it's like, I really, I think there's something really healthy about

expressing yourself. And so the idea that there has to be this like terrible thing. wrong with someone or that it's like about the attention or whatever. No, because there's tons of comics. I can, I'm pretty like, you could just tell like there's not. Like I. Yeah. Like, oh, you say like, oh, your parents are divorced. Oh, that's why you're a comic.

Oh, your parents didn't pay attention to you. That's why a comic. Your brother died. That's why a comic. I'm just like, there's plenty of comics who just had fine, like normal lives. Right. Everything, I think. Well, that's what I have a question for you guys.

Because you guys are, because I am the example of like, I am a giant attention horror. Okay. I love attention. You like stebo. Yes, I'm like stebo. I mean, I climbed a fucking flag stop side.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love being the center of attention. Right. I am a narcissist. Okay. But I wonder, like, I wonder what the other side of it, because you guys are both kind of quieter people.

What is it like being like, is stand up like, like, what is that? Because, like, you're still getting validation. Because, like, there's some comics I know that are like completely do not like social interaction, but they like stand up. Yeah. So what is that?

I say that's most of them. So, like, what do you? I'll ask both of you, Like, what do you like, like, as far as, like, attention outside of comedy? So you go up to a bar and everybody is like, Tom Zappius here. We're all clapping. Do you like that or do you don't like that? Really.

I hate that. But I've been trying to figure that out because then my friends would be like, well, why do you comedy, you fucking narcissist pussy? And I'll be like, I actually don't really know. Yeah. Like, I have no. And then my answer is always like I actually just love making people laugh, which is the gayest answers. You know.

Yeah. I mean, I'm gay. Yeah, I know. But, like, it's like, I actually don't even love the attention. I just like the fact that someone thinks I'm entertaining. Like, that's it. Like, I don't care that they think. Why did you do it when you first started?

I don't know, just because, like, I... Well, what happened? I thought, like, it was like the thing where it's like, I think I'm, like, I think I'm kind of funny, like, in school and shit. Okay. And then I just realized that you could, like, just go do it. Right. I was just like, but it was mostly like, the person that made me do it was Pete, not literally, but Pete Davidson, because he made you do it.

No, I'm gonna fucking kill you if you don't do stand-up comedy. He's like, just like a dumb young schlub when he started. Or not even when he started when he was getting famous. I'm just like, who the fuck is this guy? And then that made me realize that I could do it because like he was like, I think he was like my age or younger. Right. Yeah. That was like Nick Swartson for me because I saw Seinfeld and I didn't relate to it at all.

I was like, who's this nerd in a suit. Yeah, yeah. And he was like, oh, I'm a nerd. and I'm like, I don't really like this. And then Nick Swartz was wearing a t-shirt talking about diarrhea. And I was like, that stand-up? I was like, oh, that could- I used to think that every comic book.

I was so dumb, literally until I started. I thought you had to be like Seinfeld. I didn't know you could like tell a story. There's like a uniform. You have to wear your comedy uniform. Dude, I thought you had to do setup punch. I thought you had to like look presentable. I was like, I did not.

Yeah, and then I would see guys like, um, the guys that would make me like most like, oh, it's kind of like. And then I saw Burr. Yeah. He's always angry and I'm kind of like that. Yeah. And I was like, oh, this guy is like, you could just like bullshit really. Yeah.

Like he, like he has, obviously Burr has bits, but like he gets to him way differently than like a Seinfeld where it's like he toes you into a point of view and then explains it in a very like usually annoyed or angry way. Right. And that's how I was when I started. I mean, I'm still like that. But, you know, like I just, I was, I didn't understand Seinfeld. I didn't understand Cosby.

I didn't understand like the, kind of like the straight lace guys. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for me, I really had no intention. of doing it at all and I was teaching law. I knew I wanted to be at the front of the room and I think

like I remember I had a professor when I was in college and she was sort of like Oprah-esque I guess and I was like I want to do that and I loved Oprah I still love Oprah okay like really she should be president in my opinion. I don't know enough

about her. I don't either I just love her but anyway so I knew I wanted to be at the front of the room why I'm not 100% venture, but it just was like pulling at me. And I was always like holding court, like, you know, at a party, going back to that, whatever. And then I did become a professor. And that's what I was doing for like nine years.

And then I noticed that I was funny in class. I definitely like noticed that. Like I would like, you know, get, I didn't know from standup. But when I started doing stand up, I'm like, this is like property class. Yeah, yeah. You know, but basically for me, the attraction was, oh, I can just be honest. Like, not like I was lying before, but I had to cover certain stuff because of school. And, like, when I was on stage for stand-up, like, there was no requirements, you know?

And so for me, what's been tricky, and this is, like, something that in the Zoom era kind of, you know, reset a little bit was as I got better, at comedy, I also got worse, which is to say that I got better at, like, writing for the purpose of what it is, like set up punch or whatever. Like, okay, they have to laugh here, but I got worse at, like, speaking from just me? Yeah, that makes a ton of sense.

Yeah. Because you're like, that makes so much sense. Because when you're first you're saying, I'd be like, what's the funniest thing I could say? Yeah. I don't have any tools. Yeah. I mean, you get the tools,

but then you're all tools and know you. Or, you know, obviously not 100%, but like, whatever. So, and I still feel that way, too. I don't mean it like, oh, and then Zoom happened in the pandemic and then I was fixed and, you know, whatever. Like, I still, there's like certain things that I'm like, wow, that joke really took off. And I don't really, it's not the most me thing I could think to say. Right. You know, but it has elements of it here or there.

What? I have that every joke I've ever done. Really? I don't even know. Yeah. Because it's different, but it's always different. being funny, being funny with your friends versus being funny on stage because you kind of have to do the tool thing. Yeah.

You're laughing to laugh at the punchline. Right. But like in friends or like school, it's just kind of just like you, you blurt something out or you say something at the right time. That's kind of funny. Yeah. But like, yeah, I have some of my like best jokes where I'm like, I wonder if I didn't have stand-up tools if I would ever have said something like that. Yeah. Probably not.

I relate. And I think like for me, my desire still is to like get back to like, get back to like, the thing I would blur it out and the thing I would say on stage should like get closer to each other like that's the kind of unity that I'm aiming for I guess and I think like you know

I mean not to be like so meta and self-referential but like podcasting helps with that because then it's like okay you're like talking and I've said things on podcast and I'm like oh that's exactly how I mean it and I've been like kind of you know running around

this theme for like five years, you know. I mean, sometimes it's like a deep thing, like talking about my dad or, you know, something like that where I'm like, I haven't been able to like nail it. And then I'll just like be talking to a friend on a podcast. I'm like, that's it. And I was working so hard. And really it's like the thing with everything. Like it's like those finger trap things, right? Like where it's like if you go really hard at trying to pull them apart, it doesn't work. But then if you're gentle and you let it happen, you can, you know, solve the problem. You know, solve the puzzle. Yeah,

well, that's where like over- I don't want to over-analyze my set. It's like, you're writing, it's like good to like, obviously, like, oh, I could make this better. I'll listen back to sets.

Yeah. But if I just try to correct the things, it's not gonna, I just got to, like, do the thing. I wish I had less fucking fear than I. I mean, everybody does. Yeah.

Some people don't. Yeah. And it's, it's really amazing. Like, and I feel like I had so much less of it when I started. Yeah, yeah. You know?

And then, like, the stakes get higher. You have more. And not in every situation, but just like sometimes, you know. Oh, totally. And that's the funny part, too. It's like me getting into clubs makes me now feel like I have more to lose instead

where it should go the other way. It should be like, oh, this doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, and it's so silly because it's like, Ralphie Mabroff is such a good point. The first time you do stand-up, you have five new minutes of material. Right. There's not often now where you'll do five minutes of completely new material. Sure.

Yeah, it should be easier for you to get it. As I have that issue every time. Yeah, just because I run a weekly. I'm like, I should have five new every single Saturday, and I fucking never do. Yeah. Do you ever, like, because I started doing this, so I bring it up because of that.

But do you ever, like, do writing with people? No. Because I do that. Now I do it. My friend, he's great. His name is Charlie Nadler. Shout out. He's a really funny guy.

Oh, yeah? No, no, no. Oh, okay. He should be. He's great. He lives in, like, near Connecticut and whatever. But he's awesome. Anyway, and we.

right on Zoom weekly. And he's just like a guy, I knew him from shows, who's kind of like, well, maybe this would be like fun. And then it was like really productive. And like, I don't know why. I don't mean this as a dig at him.

He's awesome. But it's like, I just, I don't know, you take a chance on like maybe the chemistry will be just right with me and this other person where we'll be funniest, our funniest selves when we're like

presenting a new thing to each other. And like it, is the case. And so I'll be like saying a thing. I'm like, here's this thing. And a lot of times I'm like, because we just go back and forth. We time it for an hour.

You do one. I do one. You know, whatever. And then it's like a lot of times I'm like, I did not even bring that up as a bit. I just didn't have anything. And that was my next like note on my phone.

Yeah, yeah. And then it becomes one. And so I don't know. I just offer that in case it's like helpful. No, I think that definitely does help. I think it's like, for me, I think it's the opposite though.

my false or my old my old jokes or my traps where I go like where I go like oh okay I just do this but then now I've got up over I don't have the fucking enthusiasm for it I go on stage and I do it and it's now doing bad and I know it's I go through the same thing where I go okay do I have enough enthusiasm of the jokes probably I can do it

and then I get the new thing and I'm excited about it right but I'm scared a little bit and I'm like which can be good yeah it can be good yeah but I think it's also like one of these things where it's like I know what's holding me back on stage I know it's fear and I know it's like I need to like just

go. It's so funny too because my level of like I'll be like oh I feel like I didn't take any chances up there. People are like what do you talk about pedophiles for three minutes? I'm like yeah but like I didn't say what I really thought and like I kind of like it's still but it's like my I don't know my thing is like I'm like yeah I just wish I could

like but every show I'm like it's the problem is this I do a lot of unpaid shows at that aspect it's really fucking stupid for me to care about doing new material because I'm not getting paid so I should I should be like I'm doing new stuff. Maybe not a full new 10, but like,

I could, I could, I don't have to, yeah. Right. I get that. Yeah. Because like, where are you going to do? You know what I mean? It's like, yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But, and then I keep, it just keeps happening. I keep getting more frustrated at myself. Because I keep not doing the new joke or like telling it in a way that I'm like a little

bit like nervous. And I, I, I've never been mad at myself for putting my feet on the ground and trying something. Yeah, yeah. I know. And taking a chance, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just have the, I can't, I can never write a joke, like set up, punch, whatever, if I'm sitting down and trying.

So I'm like, here's like an idea or something I saw. And then I'll go up and do it on stage with the confidence that it's funny, but there's no stand-up tools where it's actually a joke. It's me just blabbering about something. Yeah, yeah. They don't laugh and I'm like, oh, shit. And then I just like, I'm like, now, but like, how the fuck am I going to turn this into something?

Right. Yeah. And now I'll resort back to like, so I'll be bombing mid-saint. And then I'll resort back to like a six-year-old joke that I know is going to work. Yeah. Because I don't know what to do. Yeah, I've definitely had that. I mean, another thing that I'll sometimes do is like, you know, there are people like you mentioned Bill Burr, but who are like in your kind of voice house.

Yeah. Right? And like, I'll watch other people stand up to remember different ways of joke construct. Yeah. And then I find, like, like, I really love Lisa Trager's stand-up. I think she's so funny. And her special, the drop, like, a week ago, I think I've watched it. The name is familiar.

What does she look like again? She's, um, brunette. Yeah. I think it's just not, I guess, ringing a bell, but not ringing a bell. I'm sure if I saw. She's here. Yeah, yeah. I get her mix up with Gina Brioen sometimes.

They kind of like, they have, like, a similar vibe. used to get her mixed up with Jenny Zagrino. But anyway, yeah. But so her special, I really love her special so much. And like, I haven't been this excited about a stand-up special in 10 years, literally.

And like, it almost is, like, embarrassing to me because, like, desire is the most like shameful thing for me. I'm like, oh, God. Like, whenever I, like, like, like someone's Facebook page and then they're like, you got a badge. And I'm like, please don't tell them. It's, like, terrifying.

But anyway, so I've watched it over five times. It came out like not even a week ago, I think. And the thing that I love about it, other than like, it's great is like it's just so surprising to me the way that she's able to take like extra details of stories and just say them in such a way that they are the punchline.

And I'm like, oh my God, that's like revolutionary. And like, you know, there's so many different types of joke structure. And like she just seems like she's just having, just the best like wave set and she's surfing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have found that watching her special,

then I'll start thinking of like my own stuff. And I'm like, oh, I could do it that way or that, you know what I mean? And so I don't know. Like that's been helpful. What a good way, because like I watch like, I see like a good steno special sometimes. I go two ways. I go like, eh. Yeah.

Or I'll go like, like I watched like a Louis special. recently and it was like the most I was just like I was like holy fuck I was like I was like falling apart emotionally because I was like what I'm doing is so far from this sure that I was like it was just crazy but it's so nice to be able to like oh I could do it that way but you know what it is live stand to believe that for me because I was I see it live it's more like relatable to me sure in a sense that I'm like okay I'm gonna perform in the same room so seeing somebody do something in that same room I'm like well for what it's worth it is shot at a club and and I think that one of the of the special for me

was that it feels like you're just at a club watching somebody you kind of know. And in this case, I mean, we're not friends but like I know, you know, we've been on like a show or two together. Like we've definitely spoken in my life. But yeah, I think like, I guess it is like a healthy way. I don't know why. I don't react that way

to every stamp special that I think is good or whatever. But just like something about it where I was like, oh my my God, like it's aspirational to me, but also I feel like I could take certain stories, for example, that I've been wanting to figure out how to put them on stage. I feel like the main kind of nugget, like main insight for me is that some of the stuff, it kind of was like, like she has this bit about bad drivers and good drivers. And the way that she frames it is she's like, who's a bad driver claps, who's a good driver claps or reverse, whatever.

She's like, it was going to go racist or sexist for a second. They're like, who's bad at driving? Yeah, but anyway, so like the good drivers, whatever, she's like, this is for the bad drivers, and then she, like, reveal she's like, I'm a bad driver, here's the thing, like, we know what we've done. And then it's like this thing about, like, a bit about

good driver, bad driver, fine. But the story of what happened comes out because she's like, listen, we know what we've done. We're in a highway median. And then it's like, oh, now this is like, it could have been, hey, let me tell you the story about this one time that I crashed into a highway

median and this like bitch in the next car was like looking me up and down and I'm like, why? Right? And then she ends the bit as like, I'm just a girl in the right lane trying to make a left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hilarious because like it clearly comes from a specific moment. Right. And then she's like, I thought it was like a little fun lane, but it was a school drop off.

Whatever. And it's like, it could have been framed as like, let me tell you the story of this one time. And some of the other parts of the special are that way. Yeah, yeah. But like, what a wonderful tool to be able to take story details

and like pepper them in a bit. Right, right. Right? And like, I don't know. It's like a hybrid of a story and an observation. Yeah. And to me, it just struck me as like a revolution and a revolution because I was like, I don't know. I feel like I have, you know, so many things that, I mean, I'm 45 years old. I'll be 46 in the summer. Like a lot of stuff has happened to me. Yeah, yeah. And I sometimes don't know how to bring it all in. And I would say that that's like a big anxiety of mine. And sometimes I'll like be like,

okay, well, I guess this happened. And it's like, yeah, maybe it can do well. But I'm like, but what's it about, you know? I don't know the answer to that. And not like that solves watching one special, even a great one. But I think that it like kind of jogs my brain in such a way where I'm like, okay, like, what do I mean by this? Right. When I think about when I got mugged at gunpoint in 2018, like what was that moment for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it could be a lot of things. And it could depend on the situation. And I don't even know the answer yet. But like, it's just like sometimes, I mean, in 2018, I was still doing. stand-up or I was doing stand-up already and like I got mugged like in June the next six months all I was talking about on stage was getting mugged yeah I am but like now it doesn't feel as current to me but I'm like I still think it's like a good story yeah it's great story yeah but it's like how do you know what to do with those things and I again like I think it's an open question it depends on a million

factors but well so much of it I think that's a perfect example where you tell a friend the story and they're like that's what's good because you don't know what's good because the parts that matter to you aren't the parts that matter to other people. Every time I tell somebody a fucking story, they're like, that's it.

I'm like, that's it. And they're like, okay, I guess that is. And you're like, oh, I guess that is interesting because of that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have like sort of the opposite problem where like I'm fucking 28. So my life is just sex and drinking and I'm like, I don't have enough. I have some like adventures.

Like I've traveled. I've been to Haiti. I've done things. But like. Philly. Yeah, Philly. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like it's hard for me to like pull from stuff. Yeah. hard for me to like figure out because you look at your acting. You're like, oh, there's a lot of this, a lot of that. But it's hard because you want to talk about what's happening currently. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know.

It's like, yeah, it's a weird balance with that. But I think it's also like a thing too where it's like I think I'm I'm in a hard part where I think I'm definitely because I'm like seven and a half years in. So I'm getting to that really insecure part where it's like you first started doing stand-up, everybody's like that's so cool and fun.

And then you're just getting that part where you're starting to like worry about what other people think about. where you're at. So I think like because of that I'm like over putting way too much stress on myself. I'm like why is like what you should be doing this well

or you should be doing that. So it's becoming a thing where... You're just talking about where I am because I'm probably like a year or two ahead of you so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just started going like I can't imagine if I was eight and a half years.

I don't want to fucking kill myself. I don't quit for the fourth time. Well then there you go. Then you haven't been doing that. If you've quit a bunch of times then you add that to the end. The only time I was a very pretty much very basically

did quit was COVID. Yeah. And then I, well, I just didn't go up for like eight months. Right. And then. That's like. I was on Zoom. Yeah. But I didn't even, but people who, I didn't even do the Zoom or like outdoor shows or nothing. I was just like, this is pointless. Yeah. Also like just doing open mics before that. So it's like, what was I really doing? I had that, like, mindset.

I would do open mics on Zoom. I was unstoppable on Zoom. Like, not, not to say like, good. I just mean, like, committed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got, yeah, I got like, no. I just all also like, I don't know. But I'm like that too where I'm like, yeah, I can't come up with, I'm always, anything that's ever been a pretty decent is like,

I feel like something that has happened to me or like experience or, because I like to do topical stuff too. And I used to do, my thing is I used to do way more topical when I was starting. And now I do more personal. Yeah. So I assume that comes with the growth and I have more going on in my life. Obviously I'm like eight years older.

Yeah. Or I'm like, you know, talking about family, talking about girlfriend, whatever else. but then I'll like see something that I'm like this is so interesting or fascinating whether it's topical it's a news story nothing that happened to me I'm like there's got to be something here and I'll try to come up with a bit for that

specific thing and I can't come up with shit that's not feel about like orangutans I love orangutans and I have like no material on orangutans I'm like this is I don't know if I heard somebody talking about like I love bits about animals or like dreams sometimes it's like those like dumb absurd bits that aren't like that personal

or that observational I guess they are observational but like you know like I just I I literally can never come up with stuff when I want to and then I'll come up with something over the course of a few weeks and then I'll forget how I even came up with it and it becomes like my best joke and I'm like how the hell did I come up with that? I only

basically come up with stuff while driving really like and I don't drive almost exclusively get a license I know I have that and then you'll start writing writing while driving what's the age of driving in New Jersey isn't it like 30 I got my license when I was 17 yeah I said okay I don't know why I thought it was so old there

I think you ever... California is the youngest California is like 15 or 16. Oh, okay. Florida is 16. Florida is weird. Jersey and New York is permit 16 license. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, because, like, I mean, Florida's weird.

Like, you can have a boaters license when you're, like, fucking five there. Like, I had friends that have a boat when they were, like, 12, and they just drive around a lake. Well, you can have a gun when you're, like, 15. Yeah, it's, the pass-down thing's really funny, where it's like, if it's, like, pass-down, you, which makes no fucking sense. Because your dad could just buy, like, an AR and you'd be like, hey, pass-down. But when you guys sit down and write on paper? No, I do, no. I type.

Yeah. I'm so intense about it. Yeah, like, I'll do like a... But like, are you like, I have an idea in my head. Let me go write about this. Or are you sitting down with nothing trying to come up with something? For me, it's like it comes and I just write it as it comes. I do both.

I try to spend 30 minutes just stream of conscious. And this doesn't always happen. I'll probably spend 15 minutes stream of conscious. And then the last half of my writing session, I'll try to do things I put in my notes or try to punch up an old joke or like try to like because I just want to get the brain flowing first and then I but I think the whole thing is

I feel this pressure on me and I think that's causing issues and I need to like it's like when you're trying to force yourself to pee or something you know what I mean it's like you gotta just yeah also how do you know my thing is if I try to sit down

and write something new and it never happens but then it's just like because you know say you've been doing the same thing for a couple weeks and then it's just like do you have any new shit but then it's also like well, how do I know that the other shit is perfected yet? And I'm like, should I be focusing on new shit when I have a joke that's like fine,

but it's nothing amazing. You know what I mean? What? Yeah. So I was, I had this concept recently. I got a lot of fucking like 15, 20 second jokes. Yeah, me too. And a lot of times I go to them and I keep going to them and they can't get anything else out of them.

I'm like, this is just weird to try every angle. So you try to go and like make it make like a one or two joke into a more of a themed bit. Yeah. And then I was talking to something about it and they go, why? I was like, well, it's because everybody does that. And they go, yeah, but why? And I go, I don't know. Because I kind of thought about this reason.

I was like, what about instead of having, you know, some things I have a longer bit. I have three minute bits. I have four minute bits. But I'm like, what if I just had, I don't know? Like, if people do one-liners, why can't I have one observation about something and just throw that away? It's like, that much like my whole act. It's like, my longest joke is probably 90 seconds, maybe two minutes. Yeah, yeah.

Or a bit. I'm like, if people can do one-liners, why can I just say one funny thing about a topic? And they'd be like, all right, who cares? It doesn't matter, and I realized that reason I was like, you can do whatever the fuck you want. That's fun. Or my thing is figuring, having multiple jokes that are short, and then you put them into groups of what it's about,

so you say them when you're talking about that topic. So, like, I've been just writing about my girlfriend now and how we come from different backgrounds. So, like, I have, like, six or seven jokes about her background, and they're all short jokes, but I, you put them all together, that's like five minutes of bit, that's a five-minute chunk about that. That's good. That's what I try to do.

But most of my stuff is just like, yeah. I'll like say it and then I'll move on to a completely different topic. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think it's one of those things too.

Yeah, I think the pressure just doesn't help. And it's like I gotta just fucking who can. Just think about I'm doing this for a while and whatever happens at whatever rate happens. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean,

for me, it's always better to have that kind of an attitude about it. Because like I, yeah, I mean, not like I'm such a workhorse, but like I'm pretty anxious. And I feel like the more that I'm able to like let go and like allow myself to actually

have fun the better. Yeah, totally. Yeah. I don't do well. I used to do the eight mile thing where I'd fucking have my thing up and I'd just be like I'm just, I'm like... I'm like... I thought you were going to take off another shirt. No, no, no, no, no. I should say that. I'm like, this isn't me. I just get completely naked. This is me. This is me. I do want to have... I don't know if he'll do it. I'm going to have this.

I found out the guy with the biggest penis lives in New York. Oh, you told me this, yeah. And I want to have on the podcast. I wonder if he would do it totally naked. Probably if he's that guy. Yeah, yeah. You probably have to pay him, though, yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I pay weird... Wait, does he do porn?

No. Oh, okay. Oh, you told me about this. He got big out... Did he got leaked on the internet? I don't know how he got big. It was nature, but... No, I meant, like,

people found out it was him. Yeah, I think... He's so funny. He's one of those guys. He'll show a limp picture of his penis, but he won't show a hard one, and he's like... Well, he's probably a shower. Not a grower.

Yeah, maybe that's what it is. And he's just like, it's this big... He's like the self-proclaimed biggest penis, which you can't do that. But if you see it, it looks fucking big, but it's like, yeah. Yeah. I don't know what I was saying initially

before I started talking about this. Who cares? Yeah. Power on that. Yeah, that's a classic Michael Good podcast. You gotta have him on. Have you ever reached out to him? Yeah, he's like, I'll do the podcast.

Yeah, yeah. So settle up. Okay. I love his Instagram. It's like average guy in most ways. Oh, really? It's just him. That's my genre, by the way,

is like, people that I follow on Instagram and I do not know why. Yeah, yeah. Like, because, okay, so he's, seems fun. I would follow him. Yeah, yeah. But also, there is a guy who has the same

name as a comedy club booker. And a few years ago, I, in a moment of ambition, was like, I should follow this comedy club booker, Jared. Yeah, yeah. And then there was another Jared who had the exact same name. And I

followed that Jared. And then that Jared, I'm like, he does say he does comedy, but like, it's kind of weird comedy and it's more clowning and now he's joined a cult and like he's moving and I he would do lives because he was in a cult. Oh there we go. You know like where it's like one other person is on the live and he wants he wants you to come in and do like a face time and like sell you his cult or whatever and it was like me and I would never do the live with him but I also was like I'm not leaving. Yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah it's too good. Yeah and like it's like I love him Yeah, yeah. And I have been concerned for him. I've never, like, reached out. But the moment that I was concerned for him, he was, he showed this picture of his back. And, you know, cupping? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but it wasn't that.

It looked like cupping, but with blood. Ooh. And it turned out that his cult was doing, like, a frog poison extraction thing. And I'm, like, Googling this thing and seeing the horror cases and, like, you know, all. And I was like, he might die. Was he getting high? Was it the Colorado River Toad? I don't know.

Also known as the Sonora Desert Toad. I don't remember. I don't know this much about toads, but not orangutans. I know. Oh, no, I know everything about orangutans. Really? That's so, like, toddler. Wait, this guy's going frog-sucking venomous crap.

So is it illegal? I'm saying he's getting high from it? I don't know. I don't know. It's like supposed to cleanse you, allegedly. Who is he just a random guy? Well, kind of, because I thought he was this other guy. But does he have a bunch of followers and, like, a following in, like, a

career or something? No, he's got like a few hundred, but I was like, okay, I'm in the club. Did you call the cops on him? No. For the frog thing? No, because he was having it done to him. Yeah, yeah, you can't call the cops and somebody for habit. I think you're saying that you have to get that done to join the cult. Oh, I don't know, but he was just like, hey, I did this. Yeah, yeah. From my cult. Like, hashtag my cult or whatever it was. But like that wasn't, that was probably like the more surprising end of a thing that he would do. Yeah, yeah. But not entirely. out of the scope of normal for him. Well, there might, I mean, like, look,

no matter how many movie characters, TV shows, I'm almost done with fucking television. And following individuals on Instagram is so much better. Like, there was, what was it? I mean, I saw a great, uh, nobody liked the halftime show, really. I thought it was fine. Yeah, I mean, the one thing is he's a good lyricist. It's like having Bob Dylan do the halftime show.

He's not a good performer. Okay. But Alex Jones had, like, loved it. And he was on Instagram. Twitter and he's just like, they're not like us. He's talking about the globalists. Calling out Hollywood pedophiles. He's like, this is, and he dressed like

Ash from from Pokemon who's catched the Pokemon. Kendrick's catching the pedophiles. He's the pedophile catcher. Right. It's just this crazy thing. Didn't he call Drake out, like a live on it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's what people everyone was talking about. Right, but it was just so funny because I was like, everybody hated the half that show besides Alex

Chutz. It was just a funny thing, but it's like, there's so many people on the internet that I'm like so, there's so interesting, like, Andy Elliott He's this Like a what do you call him Grindset people Where they're like

Everybody he runs a car company And everybody has to have abs that works for him He's like the most intense He's like people who get up at like four in the morning Yes Okay yeah yeah Huberman But it's fake right

Okay No no no no he is 100% real His is the veins in his head are like exploding I can't do veins Yeah I cannot do veins It's a special thing At all

Yeah my favorite one he has He's just at a bar And somebody's like talking to him. But he doesn't really drink. He's one of those guys like, Richard's drinks, they're fucking losers. You cut the people out of your fucking live. My thing is, if you're filming all this for social media, it's like a bit. It's not like you like that in real life. No, no.

This guy, he is a, he is a... You can't require someone to have to have abs to work for you. I guess you could if it's your own private business, but like, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's just what he says, and you find out the whole story's that in seventh grade his girlfriend, like left him for a guy with abs. It all comes, you follow the story deeper. It's nice to have the childhood trauma. Yeah, totally.

I like to know what it is. I enjoy knowing that. But also, I love the idea of, like, is his name Andy? Andy Elliott. That, like, him and his friends, whether on a podcast or just, like, on the couch, he's like, but my stage persona is like, not exactly me. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like a different thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, his kids are so fucked. Could you imagine that being your dad? Do they have abs? Hopefully. They better get them.

Yeah. Totally. But he, like, it's so funny. He has one where, like, my face. favorites is they're interviewing at a bar. He goes, yeah, you work for me. He's like, you better not be a fucking pussy. He goes, he goes, he goes, you're going to be, you're going to be throwing up. And it's like, at what point of selling cars would you be throwing up? Right. That's the point why it's probably a bit. If he has a bunch of followers, he's probably getting

brand deals. He's not worried about selling cars. Well, what he does now is he has like a mentorship program that's like thousands of dollars. And you, and they'd sign up for that crap. That's like the, the alpha beta, the blue pill, red pill guy thing, you know, and all the in-sell kids will sign up for it so they can learn how to get late. You're talking about the prestigious, what is it, the Hustlers Academy from Andrew Tate? Well, that's an example, but like that, you know, section of the internet where it's like, you know, buy my $1,000 course and I'll teach you how to get laid tomorrow. Right, right, right.

Yeah. I wish, I really wish I had, I don't have the courage to pull off bits, like in person as much as, I really, for Thanksgiving, I wanted to go home and tell everybody I quit stand-up. I'm an entrepreneur, and I just graduated from Andrew Tate's Hustler Academy. And I just, like, sell it. But, like, I can't. I would start giggling too. I'm so bad at...

You gotta commit. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought about... You've been doing those filtered ones where you'll do like movie reviews. It's the same thing. I want to do this.

It's gonna ruin it for the jokes. But I want to do one of those like grinds that like videos of me like doing that stuff. Like you know where it's just all about this. Like it's me like in the gym and it's kind of cutting me to be like smoking cigars in a boat. To me like shaking hands with a bunch of like Arabian businessmen. Because like it would just be so out of context for me. Like you know like I'm doing oil. deals or something like that.

People are like, what is he doing? I could see you doing that. But I love, I like bits like that where like some of my like, I've had some bits online where people check in on me,

which is good for me because I'm like, oh, this shows that it's like, it's getting out there. But it's that perfect in between where like obviously I'm kidding but the occasional person, like you don't,

you want it to be like, I think the answer is you want it to be like, I think he's kidding with some of that stuff. I had one of the, those very early on in stand-up. I had started stand-up in spring of 2013 and maybe like, you know, a couple months later. I was like, I'm going to need to do an hour. And I did, I wrote an hour show called a one-woman wedding where I married myself on what would have

been the one-year anniversary of the Civil Union, because they had those at the time that I had canceled. And in order to promote it, among other things, I changed my relationship. I changed my relationship. status on Facebook to engaged. Right, right. And everybody, like my best friend from childhood was like,

you have to change that. Everyone's like, who is she engaged? Yeah, yeah. No, me. Engaged to me. That's the whole point. There's a joke, yeah.

And I, I sort of like, really, I mean, we were talking, I feel like around this throughout this hour, where it's like, there was such a self-confidence that I had at that very, very early stage of stand-up

where I was just like, no, I am. I'm engaged to myself. That's the whole point of the show. I have to commit to this bit. If I can't commit to it, then I'm not like all in this life. And it's like in some ways that's crazy. And in other ways, it's kind of the way to be. Totally.

No, no. I agree 100. Yeah, you got to go all in. I think what's kind of taking people slightly away from that is maybe the internet. Maybe that's got in our brains where we're like, oh, you know, this would be confusing. Or people think I'm unprofessional if I did this. but it's way funnier. Like, you know Joe Gorman?

Do I? Do you know Joe Gorman? Do I? I don't know. I literally don't know if I know a single person. Okay, okay. Every do you know is like a setup. I feel like I'm being held up.

I have no idea. Possibly I know this person and if I do, he's great. It sounds like a man. Okay, he is a white supremac. Can you talk about the clip he posted from the podcast the other day with him? No, no, no, no. Wait, I'll look him.

I probably know him. Well, this is his thing. He just, he goes on Instagram and says he has a kid. At shows he'll be like, yeah, you know, I left my kids at home to do this set. And like, just doesn't have kids. He just, he's always lying. Oh, interesting. He did this bit on my podcast where he's getting serious.

He's like, he was like beat by his parents and we're like really like, we're getting really emotional and stuff like that. And then he's talking about how his dad would like put hot pennies on his tongue. Then his dad's like tying him to a trailer and driving the other way like an old style. Then his dad's like cutting his arms off with so. And like, but at the beginning you think he's. And then you have like, you're like, this guy is show, I have no idea what's real and what's fake. But it's hilarious. I do know him actually.

Yeah. But it's such a funny thing to like have that level. Like, yeah, I don't know. It'd be funny if I told everybody I had a kid. Right. He like, multiple people like think he has a kid. He just doesn't. Yeah.

Weird. Yeah. But I do feel bad to cut this off. But we're over an hour. So what do you guys want to promote? I don't know. I'm going to release a special soon. So I'm Liz Glazer.

And you can check my YouTube for that. Awesome. Thank you so much for coming on. Oh, my God. Thank you. Check my YouTube too. Tom Zappia, Instagram. Will you put my special on your YouTube? Wouldn't that be funny?

Yeah, I did it already. Oh, duh. I remember this at SoPack. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was like, what the hell? Yeah. We're off there, obviously.

But what's the update? No, no, no. I got it. We're not. Sorry. Okay, bye.