Morning Good - Michael and the Jews - Episode 112

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

Shoutout to the Portland Maine Comedy Festival, and thank you Ben Frank and Keith Chase for coming on the show. Check both of these guys out on social media for more dates in NYC and on the road.Keith Chase is on Instagram @chasetheshortguy and runs a monthly show in NYC at The Comedy Shop. Ben is also on Instagram @benfrankcomedy and an album out about living in China called "Goodbye Shanghai".As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here in Portland, Maine with Keith Chase. What's up? And Ben Frank. Hey. We're at the Portland Comedy Festival.

The Portland, Maine. Main Comedy Festival. Yeah, not like that fucking Portland Oregon Comedy Festival. Pussy's over there. Fucking Portland, Oregon, man. I, uh, that was the funny part. I kept getting confused because I was like, did either you guys, like, look up Portland Comedy Festival on Facebook

and then click on the wrong one a bunch? I think there was a Portland, like, or, I think that's why they call this the Portland main one. Yeah. Just to avoid any confusion. They should call it the main comedy festival in Portland, but maybe there's a bigger comedy festival in Maine. Isn't Portland like the biggest city of Maine?

Yeah. I think it's the only, city in Maine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There are other, there are other cities, but I mean, it's a matter of, a matter of taste, I guess, what you consider a city. But yeah. Yeah, that's weird. Like, I live, like, I have family that lives, like, in the middle of Tennessee, and, like, they don't even live in a, it's technically a city, but it's, they go more by counties. Yeah. Like, once you live in, like, rural America, it's like, oh, we're in this county or that county. Like, you're less like, oh, I'm in this city of. I think it's the same thing with

the New York City suburbs, too. Like, you ask anyone from, like, New Jersey, they're like, I'm in Bergen County. Yeah. I'm from Westchester. Like, those are just counties. Yeah, exactly.

I think that's just a, I think that's just a thing. Like, no one gives a fuck about where you, like what city you're in. Yeah. I don't know. We don't really,

I'm from Massachusetts. We don't really do that mess. We don't really do counties in Massachusetts. We have them, but people don't like, they don't have like county pride. Yeah, yeah. They're like,

I'm fucking Polk County. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a weird thing with, um, like, I think Orlando, Orlando, you'd never say county. You'd say, like, what city you're in. is, uh, yeah, it's good. Um, the downtown is, uh, what's it called? Like, um, it's like an actual city,

but then like the outskirts of it, it's like a bunch of little just suburbs. Like suburbs, a lot of times have like a name. You're like, okay, this is this or that. But we're not in Portland right now. What is this like specific area? This is Westbrook. Westbrook. So, I don't if you saw, but there's like a post and it's like the city line like right as you enter the parking lot of the hotel. Oh, shit. Yeah. So like when we went across the street for breakfast, that was Portland. Yeah, and this is not. This is not.

I can see weed being legal in like one part, but not the other. We just get totally fucked. That's what's going on Long Island right now. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like all these, so they legalized weed in New York. We all know that. But in Nassau County, like each township is like voting to not have any dispensaries. Oh, shit.

Yeah, and they're just like, yeah, we don't care about revenues and taxes. Like, we have speed cameras. Why do we need to sell weed for? Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, so that, like, is a thing where it's just, like, towns, like, individual towns will vote to, like, not sell weed. Oh, that's so annoying. That was very long. I was just like, these kids with these kids with their weed.

Yeah. It's so funny, like, the people that think weed is, like, destroying society. Like, that's such a hilarious thing to me. Like, to be fair, like, like, like, well, now it's more of a Coke and Molly spot, I think. Yeah, yeah. And it's also, like, you guys have, you guys have an opium problem. But then if you're like, well, why add on to it? It's like, well, there are people that do heroin that could switch, not fully switch, but, like,

there are like alcoholics that smoke pot and they find it like a better option. Like it's different for everybody because some people smoke pot and they start drinking again. But there are people that like they quit drinking it and they smoke pot and they can like be fine. California sober. Yeah, yeah. It's literally like a term. Yeah. The weed shop was so funny because Ryan's ID was expired and I did not think they would be this cool about it.

Because you were not surprised they were cool about it. Yeah. They work at a weed shop. Of course they're going to be chill. Yeah, but have you ever accidentally said the word bong in a smoke shop? and they're like, sure, you got to get out of here right now. No, because we're not from Florida. Yeah, maybe that's, I don't know if that's just a Florida thing, but like,

I think that's a southern thing, yeah, where they get like super strict and conservative. It's like, yeah, you walk into a fucking head shop in New York. They're like, where are the box? They're like, over there. No one's going to give you shit for it. Oh, the best I saw, one time I was in on McDougal Street, and this guy was trying to tell the cops, he got his water pipes stolen from him. And he's like, so are these, like, copper pipes or whatnot?

And he's just like, no, they're, uh, they're water pipes. He's like, okay, so did he steal them from the basement? How did he, how did the homeless man get access to water pipes? And then the cop pulls him out. He goes, I think the guy's talking about bongs. He's like, do you mean bongs? He's like, water pipes. He's like, what do you guys, cops?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what do you guys? Cops? They're literally like, I don't want to, you were talking about that story last night. The cop was like, I don't want to be the weed police. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I always said that you, I had a friend, you got pulled over for smoking weed.

And the cop comes up and goes, hey, hey, guys, I'm not trying to be the weed police. Yeah, I'm not the weed police. but you guys should probably get out of here and not do that here. It's like you literally are the weed police. That's kind of your job description. Yeah, yeah. Exactly what you are.

And then a month later got decriminalized. People don't realize like, but like Orlando weed's been decriminalized for like probably almost eight years now. But you wouldn't expect it to be that like kind of loose about it. But like it's been decriminalized for like a very long time. Yeah, I feel like everyone's trying to like work their way. Because it's still not, it's still a schedule one federally.

And like I think they're trying to like lower it. But like it's been such a fucking like, like cash cow for the government to arrest people for weed. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like so it's like they really, but it's like as it's become more and more popular for it to be like I think eventually

someone just got to run on a platform of legalizing it on a federal level and they'll get all the boats. Oh for sure. Yeah. Yeah. My favorite is we were watching like a documentary about it because like the federal agents will still seize weed from farms and stuff like that. Yeah.

And my buddy's really high watching this. He goes, it says it goes in 2018 there were. 20,000 weed seizures. And this guy goes, dude, you can get a seizure from smoking weed? I thought it prevents those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was like, scared. Like, Jay, he was like, fuck, dude. Dude, that would be the worst. Like, if you're too high and you're already paranoid, and then you have an actual seizure. Oh, it's terrified. I know people that have happened to

because what happens, apparently dabs can give you seizures. Because, like, there's something about, like, the butane or something like, there's some weird thing. Dabs are like the meth of weed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not safe. Everybody's like, it's safe.

Like, it's, like, you have to heat a nail with a blow torch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, no, just fucking roll a joint like a normal human game. It should not be called weed. It's like, it's like a different thing. Like, I get to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good, that sounds because shatter sounds cool.

Because shatter sounds like shards where people are talking about meth. Yeah. Like, we're doing fucking shards. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sounds rough. Yeah. And then there's the opposite end of the spectrum, just gummy bears.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my Flintstone weeds. My Flintstone weed gummies You were saying that's crazy You had a scenario where like you took a CBD Gummy and ended up being pot Yeah this was like three days ago

Yeah I was walking home There's like a smoke shop on my street And it's like I've gotten like CBD Gummies from them before So I was like and it's always like some disjointed fucking It's never like this throw it in the cabinet But it's like but it's labeled and it's like from a company right And like you can look up the company So I just picked a jar up

It was like gummy worms. It was like 500 milligrams of CBD, 25 gummy worms. I was like, all right, I'll just pick this up. Bring it to the county. It rings me up. Go home. I take one. I forget about it.

And I was like, all right. It's still kind of early. Maybe I'll watch some Netflix before I go asleep. So I put on the Manteo documentary. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where he gets catfished. And then like, I'm getting ready to go to sleep.

And I'm like, man, I feel a lot more tired than I thought. I was like, oh, yeah, I took a CBD gummy. And then I stood up. And I'm like, oh no it's like Manteio was like yeah I got catfish

and I was like well that makes two of us buddy everybody you know it's just that's the worst fucking I think it was Delta 8

THC which is like the fucking like pussy THC yeah so that my listers don't smoke that shit we smoke that real shit

that's too strong for me yeah luckily it wasn't that bad because I've taken that'd be funny if you went back and he's like really you can't even handle

Delta you fucking badge. But I was just like, so luckily it wasn't like the worst experience it could have been because there was 25 milligrams, right? Yeah, yeah. If that was regular THC, I would have gone to the hospital, I think. You know what it is the funniest thing, though? The toughest people hate weed.

Like, not hate weed. I'm not saying like tough guys, but like everybody's like, oh, you're a pussy. But then you meet somebody who's like really intense and they're ever like, yeah, weed fucks me up, bro. I don't even smoke a joint. You know what I mean? Like that's a... Yeah.

Normally the guy who can handle the most weed is kind of a pussy. Are you saying I'm tough? All right, that's slight more. No, I'm not tough. I just... Those are fighting words. Hey, don't call me tough. I'm a fucking pussy.

You say I'm fucking tough. You say it to my face. I fucking, I... I used to smoke in college and, like, high school. And then I stopped for a while because I had to, like, look for jobs and they were drug. Like, back then, they were still drug testing and it was still... So I was like, all right, I guess I'll be an adult and not smoke weed. And then I tried again.

I was like, oh, let me get back into this because everyone... else is doing it like a fucking, you know, because I can't think for myself. So I tried it. I was like, yeah, no, I, I think I'm done with this for a while until I learn until like they actually open real dispensaries and I can actually figure this shit out. Yeah, the indica and like and do like, because they're, because at least these bud tenders actually like have a cent. Because if you get weed from something, they're like, I have indica and I have sativa and they're

like, do you know it's strange? They're like, no, it's indica or sativa. Yeah. And you're like, okay, I guess I'll, I guess we'll just see where this goes. Yeah, yeah, no. It's sketchy. I went to a guy one time, and I was like, it was at a smoke shop. And I was like, hey, man, can I get Indica?

He stares at me in the face. He's making eye contact the whole time, reaches below him, and puts something on the table, goes, this is Indica. And I go, you didn't even look at least open it, be like, oh, you could tell the Urbys sense that means, like, make some shit up, at least. Don't be like, but I was so

surprised at the posture because, yeah, yeah, Ryan, like, could not get in. And the guy literally has the door propped open and he goes, just point out what you want for him. And I'm living in the store, I'm like, they got a pre-roll something pineapple hurricane. And he's like, yeah, that sounds good to me. And then they're just... Well, to be fair, like, as long as you guys are both like of legal age, like, they don't really give a shit, right? It's like... The expired idea thing is so stupid for drinking because it's like, I didn't not turn 21.

It's still 21. It's the same thing if you were at a liquor store being like, hey, man, just my ideas expire. Can you go grab me a bottle of Jack, right? It's the exact same thing. That's a good point. And like, we're in fucking. Portland, Maine, dude. See, but I don't know what Portland, Maine means. I'm very confused by what this is. It's like the Colorado of the Northeast. Just a lot of hiking, a lot of pot.

So this is Denver, but in the northeast? Not quite. Yeah, I think it's a little overblood. Yeah, that's a little... Just for the listeners, I've only been to the suburbs of this city, and we went to a dive bar last night, which was a totally different vibe than I was expecting. Yeah.

No, it was like a... It was like a towny bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a towny bar. There was a woman missing an arm and somebody's dog that looked intense. Like it's one of those dogs everybody's like Oh, he's a sweetheart I'm like, I know for a fact

Did you have to tell someone That your dog's a sweetheart? Your dog's not a sweetheart. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you get the lady with the missing arm You get her number? No, because I have a girlfriend. Oh, did you get her number?

No, she turned me down. Yeah, yeah. Imagine getting turned down by a woman with a missing limb. Oh, yeah. Wouldn't be the first time. Yeah. Thailand.

Hey. She had it wrapped up, though, so it looked like it was a recent thing. yeah oh yeah that was the thing when you first mentioned it i wasn't expecting it to be wrapped and then i saw that it was because you don't know how good the sense of humor is gonna be it was like a it was like a wrap it was like a gauzed up nub okay you know how like they get like the phantom pain like the phantom itching yeah yeah think you can give like a phantom hand job oh we're like you yeah yeah she just sits right next to you and just starts going like this oh yeah i'm feeling that yeah but i think the phantom limb's only for that

person. It's not like, just to be like, oh, I can feel your arm. I'm getting jacked up by ghost. Yeah. I was thinking like, it is perfect. Like, the nub is perfect for like fisting. It's like a thicker penis. Mm. Yeah. Because like that angle, you know what I mean? It's like the worst part about fissing somebody, I'm sure is the, the knuckle. Well, you go in, you go in like fingertips and then you go in and then you go to a fist. Right. But if you just had a rounded off bone with skin around it. Yeah, but who wants to fuck that? that. What's the fucking nub?

Listen, if I had a vagina, that seems like it would be perfect. Yeah. Like a thick nub that's like, but they thin at the tip. This is, it's perfect. Yeah, I mean,

again, I don't know the exact shape and dimensions. I mean, at that point, I can tell. I can tell by the other. At that point, you got to get,

you got to get, like a tattoo to make it look like a dick's head. It has like a head. You just get veins in a little hole at the front. Yeah, yeah, this is my dick,

it's like a Marvel superhero or something that's fucking. Dick arms. It's a stylized urethro. There's this whole porno called Edward Pina's Hands. Oh, yeah, yeah. But you can see, like, I never watched the actual porno aspects, but on YouTube, they just had clips, and it's so funny because they're seeing he's trying

to eat spaghetti with his dick hands. It's just, like, falling all it. Because basically, like, using chopsticks to try to get spaghetti. Dude, what happened to the golden age of the porno spoof? Yeah, I've seen, I don't know. I've seen some Avengers ones. I've seen some cool ones. Oh, word.

I just remember, like, like, late 2000s, HBO Skinimax. Like that was bigger, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they had like the spoofs. What was space? Space nuts. Space nuts. Yeah, they're supposed to be space balls. So it was a parody of a parody of Star Wars.

Yeah, that's a lot, yeah. My favorite one was on HBO, because my computer would get locked. My parents, they had Net Nanny. But the HBO, they would have these weird things that they'd be like, oh, this is. V-CIP, right? What's up? Yeah, the V-Chip and the... I'm not sure.

What's a V-Chip? V-Chip, that was like the thing that you would do, like, your parents would program like which channels you could Or which programs could watch. No, no, no. So my parents didn't even understand that HBO was just like fun and Cinemax and stuff like that. So they, the TV,

they're like, this is the TV, what is he going to watch? Pornography on the television? That wouldn't happen. And then I remember so I had a net nanny. And then one day I'm just hanging out watching HBO and I'm like, what is this? I was like, what the fuck? I was like Cat House or something like that. Oh, yeah.

The Cat House is the lowest grade of it, though. Like, it gets way better. Cat House was like, was like, the intro to amateur porn for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was like a real HBO show. It was a documentary. Yeah, it was a documentary about them, but like,

then they would do the sex scenes and it would just be like the fucking security footage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it would be crazy, but it had an air of legitimacy to it. Oh, yeah. Well, the best was they had this thing called Katie Sex Tips, where this woman, the whole whole thing, she's naked, she's like a naked TV ho. She's a porn star named Katie Morgan, I think. Oh, I remember those.

I think, I know her name. I don't know why I both. You're like, I think it's. You're like, I'm pretty sure it was Katie, Deborah Morgan, the third. And she had, she had that advice like, hey guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what she did is the whole thing she's naked, so you can just jerk out to her vagina or tits.

And then she'd cut to porn scenes, but it would just be from angles where you can't see penetration. Yeah, because it was softcore. You can't air hardcore porn on premium cable. Yeah, but it was just crazy because you could see, you still, though, would see, like, her, like, coming. Like, not her vagina coming, but you see her getting fucked in her tits, like, shaking.

It was like, yeah, that's fine. Yeah. That's not obscene. And then you go to Cinemax. And then you go to Cinemax. That's tasteful. It would be like, Cinemax would be this weird thing

where it's like actually Lornos. Like the whole thing is like a romantic plot where it's like two people. Yeah. Well, HBO, I remember the HBO ones, because we didn't have Cinemax, even though they're owned by the same fucking company.

Yeah. The HBO ones, the plots, there was always some sort of like, they were trying to solve a crime. And it was like, it was like a female cop and a fucking male cop. And basically nine times out of 10, they're like...

They murder a black guy. No, they were just like... They were like just fucking front of like a lifeless body. It was a very weird... Oh, that's absurd. They're like, yep, this is the person who died. And there's just a random three-way that would happen.

And it was just like... Hopefully not with the body. Not with the body, no. But with the body... Yeah, it was just like... I don't know why I picture like an old school Frankenstein. The guy's like, I'm the body.

This is technically necrophilia, but it also feels 1950s-ish. I don't know what the vibe is here. See, that's what they got to bring up. I feel like they got to do... Necrophilia? No. Just retro porn. It's a really lost art.

Because here's the thing, dude. Because it's like porno now. It's like internet porn. It's just all gonzo or just fucking stepbrother or whatever. It's always just, and there's so much of it. It's all the same shit. It's just hot girl getting fucked right and they're related somehow. You know what? Do you think the porn industry could get so rich that they could pay professional actors to do porn after winning like Oscars?

Like it is a growing industry and like I could see, dude, how much? Well, didn't that happen with the girl from, Boy Meets World or something. Oh, Danielle. No. The other one? There was, it was one of those like teen shows, I think. I think if she was from Boy Meets World and she

ended up like, she's just a full-time porn actress now. Oh, nice. But what I was saying was like they should do, I think, like just do like a throwback porn. Like 70 style, make a grainy, full bush fucking mustache. Yeah, I like Bush, but yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, and just, but it's like, but it with like modern day actors. Just like,

Just make it fun. Just make it fun for everybody. Yeah, do the fucking cheesy guitar. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, not of that. But getting, like, actors to do porn? I mean... Do you remember, like, the mid-2000s

where they were all coming out with sex tapes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were all trying, and they all suck at fucking. Like, it was... That's a good point. And it's also funny because the sex tape, everybody's like, oh, no, it got leaked. And I'm like, some of them did, but I...

Don't people think the Kim Kardashian one was 100% on purpose? I mean, they... I don't know if you've watched it, but, like, they're talking. Like, yeah, all you people on the internet jacking off to this. It's like, yeah, because you were fucking... And they're like, oh, how did it get out?

Like, you work for Paris Hilton. You fucking know the formula to get famous. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. And if you just see now their history of everything that they've, everything that they've done, like everything they do has a purpose. Calculated. Yeah.

There's some smart, dumb asses. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, oh, look at these dumb fucking Kardashians, but they've got a plan. No. Oh, no. They are fucking... They know what they're doing.

That family is just succession. I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I've never even seen that show, but I know what it's about. But yeah, I'll agree. Yes, I've also never seen it. But yes, the Kardashians are succession. That's what we're going to...

From now on. Well, that's the funny part. I remember when Caitlin Jenner came out, everybody was like, this is just a phase. And then I'm like, this is 10 years later. Do people still give a shit about Caitlin Jenner? No, they don't. But I'm saying, like, that, every part of the family is interesting. Because I think that Caitlin Jenner coming out,

she was one of the first most famous trans people probably ever. because it was not like people, I remember being in Portland, Oregon. And I was, or it was either Portland or. Yeah, yeah, or Seattle. And I was with a family there and they were like progressive family.

They were like, I don't know about this transgender nonsense. And that was then. It's like, Caitlin was like the first like very pop, not the first, but like the one of the mainstream where it started becoming a discussion.

So like that's a crazy cultural point because like obviously we've like grown a lot since then. I like me trying to sound, we've grown. a lot since then at the morning. Dude, I'm barely over five feet, okay? I haven't grown up. But I'm saying like, that's a crazy,

a big cultural point. I mean, Kim and Kanye West, that's a ginormous cultural point. And then obviously the OJ stuff, it's like all of the, there's so much interesting. Hey, I forgot Pete Davidson, man, the most important.

They broke up. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why they break up? I don't know. He's probably going to start dating Kanye. Yeah. Dude, that would be the best ending if Kanye and Skeet Davidson and Kanye West.

Well, yeah, and then there even just like the B or C storylines of their family. Oh, like the professional. Just the casual professional athletes that just like Lamar Odom was just in their family. Which one was fucking Reggie Bush? That was Kim. That was Kim? Yeah, that was Kim. Oh.

I forgot about that. I thought he was dating one. Yeah, no, yeah. Yeah, and Reggie Bush was one of the most famous football players for a few years. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he was a Heisman trope. That family has taken away, but everyone knows. Link 1282 is now involved.

In the fact that, like... That family is the kiss of death for, like, for careers outside of, like... Because I feel like also, uh... We've never heard anything about Ray J since... All I know Ray J is he fucked Kim Kardashian on video. That's a great point. I don't know. I don't...

What did he do before that? What was he famous for? He was R.B. Well, he's R&E's brother, I think, right? The singer, Brandy. I don't know. Who is that? The famous R&B singer from the 90s, brandy.

Not famous in these puns. I mean, I'm also... I'm also younger than you, so I really grew up in the 2000s, not the 90s. Well, you guys are going to have to do some, do some research. Look at Brandy. She was pretty, you know, you a song that the boy is mine? No. No.

No. All right. Well, this is a, see, this is a really showing your age now. Yeah. You got, you get, what are you like four years younger than I have? I think so. I like Ben getting down defense about Brandy's like, Brandy was a star. She was.

She was. You guys not know. Okay, well, no, we're going to talk to Ryan. He's just going to be. He's going to be appalled. He's just going to be in a straight jacket in a fucking mental asylum.

Brandy's real. She was famous. Brandy. What about Monica? Do you remember Monica? Remember Monica? Brandy and Monica together. Yeah.

If you guys don't know Brandy, you definitely don't know Monica. I have no idea who Monica is. I mean, I've known a few people named Monica. I think you would know if it was the Monica. The Monica? Yeah.

No. No. But one of the crazy you were seeing that music video Kanye with Famous where it's like all of them Oh yeah, just all the wax dummies It was like George Bush and What's her face?

Taylor Swift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She got mad at him even though she said it was cool. Yeah, and then the end of it's so weird because he said, thank you Donald Trump. It's like the end of the thing. You're like, what was this? Or he says he thanks somebody.

You're like, this is great song, though. I like, something about that, like, I was like, it's like, from the outside, it's ridiculous. And then you watch it and you're like, this guy's a genius. And I have no idea why I felt that way, but it was just like hypnotic. I was like, this guy's a genius and I have no idea why.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such a weird phenomenon with that guy. So inhinged, dude. I was listening to, like, stronger. The other day, I'm like, Jesus Christ, that was so old. And, like, the fact that he's kept irrelevancy for that long is, like, fucking absurd. Yeah, it's like 20 years. Yeah, it's insane.

Yeah. At this point. Yeah, well, when you marry Kim Kardashian, that keeps irrelevant, and then when you have a whole public meltdown because she... Hey, keep it spicy. I don't blame him. Keep it spicy. Do you think Pete was, like,

actually just cucking him the whole time. What do you mean? Like he was in the room. And this is how they did it publicly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then be like, all heard of a black man cooking a white guy. But what about a white guy cucking? This will turn.

When it's a Kardashian, it has to be the other way around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like the forbidden fruit. White dudes. Yeah. Yeah, they, yeah, it's just, it's, yeah, it's pretty amazing. As you said, every single member of their family, it just now it goes

It goes back Yeah I guess now we're talking Going back to the OJ days Now it's like 30 years of this family Yeah yeah yeah Like making like being a part Like making big big news Oh crazy

I think that's the worst thing OJ ever did was give us the Cardassians Dude I love his fucking videos Oh I follow him on Twitter I forget who he is for a little bit I'm like this fun guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt And he just gives like some fancy football takes And goes and by the way I didn't do it

Oh dude, I saw his meme the other day And it just said It just said like Ahmaud Rashad had the worst groomsman And he's just standing at his wedding And on one side of him is OJ And on the other side is Bill Cosby Oh my God

Well, because he married Felicia Rashad Who was the wife on the on the Cosby show Oh shit Oh, the one that defended him So I mean, so they were like But it's just one of those It's like man that's a rough photo to Oh yeah

It's like you know it's bad when OJ seems like the good guy in that lineup. You know? Yeah. Ahmad Rashad still looks very good for his age. I wasn't talking about looks. I was talking about their,

I don't know what Amad Rashad is done or hasn't done. You know what's weird in like America is like when it comes to violent crime versus sexual crime. We're a lot better at tolerating violent crime, I think, than sex crime. Yes, but a lot of sex crimes are violent. Yes. But I'm talking about like, I don't know. Because like when it comes to like TV and shit, it's like they'll show you just blood and

and gore and murder and guts. But when it comes, like, you show one boob and everyone loses their body. You ever watch like Saw on TV? It's like very rarely edited. You're like, this is like, yeah. Well, no, that's, but you can't say fuck. That's the other thing is you have to replace. That's very much an American thing is we have an extremely high tolerance for violence and a very like low tolerance for sex.

I think it's the puritanical values and all that and all that stuff. I mean, it's crazy hearing more about Cosby. Like he was next level like psychopath. Like the other, it's like, oh no, he was a fuck. It went on for decades. Yeah, yeah. And it's outside of the horrible sex crimes. It's like the way he lived his life.

Like, just the way he talked down to like Eddie Murph. I know it's nowhere near as bad as raping any women. But like the sociopathicness is like across the board. It's like I heard he would like eat his lunch and make everybody on set like watch him. Yeah, and it was like Curry specifically. I remember like Joe Robin told the story on his podcast about how someone told him. Yeah. All right.

You know what? You know, I'll leave you guys with something besides Cosby. Yeah. This is. I got a pee. so we're just going to be sitting here just like talking about rape versus murder. Yeah, yeah. I might hold the pain.

Unless something really gets going and then I'll hop off to do it. But yeah, what was, okay, so as far as like sex values, because I do agree with America being weirdly puritanic like that. So I haven't even mentioned once. So you lived in China for how long did you live there? Seven years. Dang. Okay, so did you originally go there for work or did you find work there when you moved

there? I originally went there for work. So I had studied abroad there, like in college for a semester. And then after college, like, I found a job there and moved there. Okay. So when you were in college, like, oh, this place is really cool. I love to, like, live here. Yeah, I was like, oh, if I could find like a job here, that would be cool.

Yeah, I would want to come back. Well, we're like the things that, like, stood out that you liked about it when you first moved there. I mean, I think just because so I, when I studied abroad there, I was like 20 years old. And before that, I had pretty much almost like never left the U.S. before. Yeah, yeah. So, and the program I did there, it was like. a Mandarin immersion program when we had like a 24 hour language pledge like we weren't allowed to speak English at all like the whole time so tough so I basically went from like almost never

having left the US to just going to Beijing and being forced to speak Chinese 24 hours a day yeah it's just like I really jumped into it and it was like it was it was hard and it was like definitely taxing and grueling but just like the amount of new experiences I had during that time was like, oh, wow, if I, like, lived over here would be like a pretty interesting life. Yeah, yeah, because I kind of think a lot in the same ways where I'm like, you think about the grand picture of your life

and you're like, I want to die and be like, wow, I did some cool stuff. I learned a lot. So, like, that's like a, yeah, that's an interesting way to like look at it. You're like, oh, there's a whole other world out here that I'm not experiencing if I'm living in Massachusetts, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. What were like the, so like the sexual culture there. Okay, so you visited and then you moved back. Was that terrifying, like, just leaving your family and everybody being like, I'm going to go live in China, like, one of the farthest places? Because when I was a kid, people would go, we're going to dig to China. Just to reference how far away China is.

Right. I mean, it was one of these things that, like, since I had studied abroad there, like, it wasn't like totally, totally out of nowhere that I might move there at some point. How long did you study your brother, like six months? It was just a semester, so it was like four months or so. Okay. but it, I mean, it definitely like was a big decision because when I moved out there, it was like, oh, this is probably not going to be like a short term thing. Yeah. I didn't know how long I was going to be out there, but I imagine it was going to be like at least a couple years, like more than that. But I think it's one of these weird things where it's like, maybe it's because like my parents are divorced, but I was always like from a pretty, from the age of 10, I was used to always not being around at least one of my parents at any given time. Right. So that distance was not.

It makes you a little more independent, I think, from a young age. For sure. Yeah. I mean, I don't experience. Like, my parents were together the whole time, but like I could see that making sense. Yeah. So and then obviously since I went to, you know, then when you go off to college and you're not with either of your parents, then that's, it's just kind of like a gradual step there. Yeah. Yeah. And I think also, which is where we grew up, like, I grew up in Massachusetts, but none of our family was in Massachusetts. So we kind of grew up if we needed, if we wanted to go see family, like the closest even cousins. we had were in like Long Island, so it's at least like a four hour drive. Yeah, I was going to say you were going down memory lane pretty hard on the mass turnpike. Oh yeah, okay. Yeah, so we drove up here from New York yesterday, and I was like, as we were passing stuff in Massachusetts, I was saying,

he's like, we used to hang out here. I didn't know there was a Charlton, Connecticut. Like, just random New Englander shit. And he was, yeah, and Keith was wondering why I'm going so crazy. And then I started thinking, I was like, I don't think I've been in the state of Massachusetts in like six years. Lucky you. Yeah, that's crazy, but I'm going to do the piss. If I have to cut that air, I will.

I'm just going to talk shit about the Red Sox. Okay. Yeah, yeah, I'm not a sports guest, so I'll be out. You keep talk shit to the Red Sox. Yeah. All right. Oh, yeah. No, because the other thing, I could tell, I could tell them the cars, I was pointing stuff out,

you're just, you're just like, you're like, okay, it's Massachusetts. It's not a, not a big deal. It's like, we're driving through the fucking woods right now on the Massachusetts Turnpike. I have no idea where the fuck I am. Yeah. And I'm just like, oh, yeah. I remember, I used to go here for Labor Day weekend. When I've been, I've like, I haven't spent a ton of, uh, I haven't spent a ton of, uh,

a ton of like extended time. I went to UMass Amherst for a weekend in college. I think that was the last time I stayed over in the state of Massachusetts. And all I remember was it was fucking freezing. And why would anyone live here? When did it? What time of the year did you? It was winter.

It was like February. Okay. Well, that makes sense. There is like, I mean, look, living in New York, I mean, lately the winters have been really bad. But it always makes me wonder. It's like, why do people live in certain parts of the country? Do you think the flush is going to come up on the recording?

I mean, it's very possible. It was pretty loud. That was a pretty loud piss stream, too. Yeah. I think there's, You were holding that in for a while, weren't you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I was going to say that's...

Are these microphones sensitive enough to pick that up on the recording? I really hope so. That would be hilarious. It was, I mean, from here, it was pretty loud. He's like, I'm going to go take a piss. He just lays it on the bed and we just here. You should have just brought the microphone in with you. What have you just heard porn in the other room?

I'm like, yeah, sorry, I got to take a dump. you just clearly hear me to watch it. Oh, man. Yeah, I feel like that's definitely gonna show up on it, but whatever. Oh, yeah, no, that'll be, I mean, I feel like that's pretty part for the course for this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody sees the one with the bone of the front of the right.

Wait, they're pretty unprofessional. Are they peeing in the back of there? What was it, so culturally, what was sex like in, like, like, in Massachusetts. Yeah. Well, I mean, we all know that's fucked up. Yeah. I mean, all the Irish Catholic, you know,

stuff there, but. But, but, but, like, what was it? Because you say America, I do agree. Like, it's like the sex stuff. Like Europe, obviously sex is more of an open thing. That's the only place I can really reference because I've been to South America, but that's more like, I mean, they're Christian there. It's Catholic.

But like, I feel like Latin America, though, it's this weird blend of like strict Catholicism and like sexy, fiery Latin, you know? It's very like, because you have like Pichata, which is like the fucking, it's basically like dry humping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, but then they're also like, you. the strictest Catholics in the world almost. Like, it's a very, like, the Pope is from,

is from Argentina. Yeah, yeah. That's a good point. You'd be like shaking your ass on somebody, but then like maybe you don't have sex. I mean, I don't know what the cultures, but maybe,

yeah, it's like, I've never been to Brazil, but like, every time I hear Brazil, I just think, like, I just think of like carnival and no pubic hair. That's like my only impression,

even though it's like poverty and Jesus down there. Yeah. I think of like a guy on like, because I know it has a crazy high murder rate. I picture like a beach and there's, I have an image. But every country, by the way, I just have like an image in my head.

It's completely a stereotype. It's like, I picture a beach and then booties, and then there's a guy on one of those like motorcycles, and then he like shoots somebody and drives away. Because I know they have like the highest murder. But he has his hands stuck out. So every just, every ass explodes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like literally, it's like, I hear Brazil and the image just of booties. And by the way, by the way, before I get to try. I am not well traveled. So. all this is all just like my impression of living in the United States. You're like to be clear, I am

from Long Island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am. Like, I'm actually, I'm actually pretty, everything I'm saying is pretty woke for someone from, given the context. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's like when I... I haven't said the end word once. There you go. And it was on this podcast. We cut it out. We, uh, yeah, it's funny

because I remember we had a Spanish teacher in high school and she's like, Mexico is not only filled with donkeys and cactuses. And she like, showed us Mexico City. And to be fair as a kid, I was like, damn, she knew exactly what I was picturing. Because in my mind, that's how I pictured it. Yeah, dude. I, oh my God, dude. I remember we had a substitute Spanish teacher in middle school once, and they were, like, we were, like, watching, like, a documentary about Mexico. And it was

supposed to be like, it was like a 90s sort of like tourism documentary. So they were showing just like a lot of the beaches and, you know, how beautiful of a country it is. And she kept like reminding us that it's like, yeah, it's not all just resources. Also a shit's on a poverty. We're like, oh, yeah. I was just like, that feels somehow worse. what you're telling me. Oh, it is. The shit, like, the car tells us stuff

there's nuts. I had a kid I talked to. He literally said when he was a child, he would see bodies hanging from a street post. That's fucking terrifying. It's like horrible. Yeah.

I only went to the senior frogs, but from what I heard. It's like, yeah, we were just there for spring break, you know, Tijuana. Yeah,

but outside that. We saw the donkey show. Yeah. Well, I wasn't impressed. Oh, I'm pissed. I never seen it.

I would watch a donkey show. I'm sure you would. Which, with some of the shit that you've told us about your life growing up in Florida. I'm surprised a woman getting fucked by an animal

hasn't like somehow been on that list. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, next time I go to Mexico, I'm seeing a donkey show. Yeah, it's like we're building that. But I want to make sure the donkeys treated correctly, okay? I'm going to look up the most moral donkey show. I want to make sure the donkeys into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The woman, fuck her.

Yeah, I'm kidding. She knows what she's getting into. Yeah. What's getting into her? There was, you were talking about, um, so sex in China. Like, what's the sexual attitude there? So, I mean, it's interesting because...

Because I know Japan, people's stereotype is like very sexual. I heard you get, you get not exposed to it in an early age, and then later in Japan, it becomes like... Yeah, I mean, Japan is it, like, obviously I don't know as much about Japan, but the interesting thing about it is, like, I think recently, I think partially because of, you know, people, you know, more kind of women taking charge of their careers and stuff like that. The birth rates in Japan have actually, like, gone down,

like a lot. Like, people just aren't having as many kids there. And also they have one of the biggest, like, aging population problems

in the world. So, like, what was aging population? Like, like, like, like it just in terms of, too many old people,

not up babies. Too many old people as a percentage of the population. Oh, yeah, you gotta go out of them. So, they take care of their old people there. They have their grandma,

they don't throw her in a house. Right. But like what happens if, by the way, that's like seven comics bits, but that's just what it is. USA, baby, number one.

But if you have like too many old people and then nobody's having kids, you're just like, your population's going to go down. Yeah, yeah. So it seems like that's kind of what's going to happen in Japan if the birth rate doesn't, like, go back up again. So it's like this weird thing where it seems like people in Japan are like not having as much sex

as we like think that they have. Yeah, yeah, perhaps. Are you running out of octopuses? Well, yeah. I mean, that's cool. Octopi. Either one is acceptable from what I've learned. All that shit about correcting people about octopuses,

you could say octopuses and it is... When a woman's getting fucked by one, I don't think that's the biggest concern, the grammar on it. Well, she's getting fucked by one. Then it's clearly just octopolis. Yeah, yeah. That's a waste of an octopus.

If we get multiple, then that's when we start. Yeah. So, first of all, why is an octopus getting more ass than me? Second of all, yeah, it's like, plus, you know, octopuses are delicious. And it's got way more appendages. I feel like that's the,

yeah, yeah, that's the reason. Yeah. If I had an octa cock, just ate dicks. It wouldn't be a terrible move. You were in the middle of this. Okay, yeah. So, yeah. We keep digress.

So that's, Japan in general. I mean, I haven't been to Japan in a while, so it's hard for me to, like, speak in general. With China, it's interesting because there definitely is,

especially with East Asian cultures, there is, like, definitely a traditionalism about it. Yeah. Where, like, you know, it's not, it's seen as a little bit conservative

and not overly sexual. But the religion's not a thing there, right? See, but that's the thing is that because they don't have Western religion, there's not any, any conservatism about sex

is not really born out of like religious shame or any of that stuff it really kind of just it you know kind of just comes from maybe kind of how society lived you know in in previous times just in terms of so what's the homosexuality views there

I mean not very progressive to be honest especially now it's probably taking a step back a little bit it was I think a little more relaxed, like, when I was there, like, in shape... It's not against the law or anything, is it? Uh, I mean, it kind of is. I, I, I, yeah. I mean, it's definitely not,

definitely not legal. Like, so I mean, like, for example, they, like, several years ago, Taiwan legalized gay marriage. Okay. Well, I think there's a difference between legalizing gay sex and gay marriage, because gay sex being illegal is like, the next level of, like... Well, that, you know, so Singapore recently just

made it so that gay sex is no longer, illegal. So literally in Singapore until just now gay sex was illegal. I mean, until 2003, that was the case in Texas. Yeah, that is crazy. I also love how I'm asking about China. I'm like, what's the gay sex going on there?

Can we do it? Can we do it? Can we start planning my trip? Yeah. But like, in terms of attitude towards gay culture, I mean, like when I was there, like Shanghai had like pride events for a while. And then like, they kind of had to go more.

underground. So it's getting worse in like this. Is it the CCP? Yeah. So the, so the government is getting more just in terms of outside influence, outside culture, things that they can't control that. Was this also around the time that Hong Kong started fighting back?

Because I know that yeah, it's around. Or just like hang on to shit in China while also trying to you know, keep. Yeah. I mean, the Hong Kong thing is like a complicated thing because when, because basically because you know, Hong Kong was a British colony, but then the British gave it back to China in 1997. But there was basically

like an understanding them, like an agreement that Hong Kong would maintain like their self-rule. Like for I think another 50 years, it would be like a gradual return back to China. So it's basically they were returned in 1997. So they're no longer controlled by the British. but they still kind of rule themselves and be gradually reincorporated into China by 2047. And I think the hope there... The Bobby Monia of countries. Right. So then I think the hope there was that because China was on like a reforming trajectory, they're like,

oh, by the time 2047 comes along, China's values in terms of government will probably not be that dissimilar from what Hong Kong has been experiencing for like under British rule in terms of like democracy and all that stuff. missed the mark, didn't they? So, but it was, so, but that was like, so basically Hong Kong, it was being ruled, like, as a democracy. And even though it's technically a part of China, but then China kind of around 2019 just decided like, okay, we're going to accelerate this process of, of like taking back control of Hong Kong. Interesting. Like, we're not going to wait until that's where all those subway things were happening, right? Well, there was just like massive protests,

like the entire, like millions upon millions of citizens. in Hong Kong were like taken to the streets and the Chinese secret police was just like just fucking them up. Yeah. One of the whole, yeah, this was like right before COVID. So one of the big things they were protesting that like kind of put these protests over the top, amongst other things, there was this law that was being proposed where people who were either arrested or on trial in

Hong Kong could be extradited to the mainland, like to stand trial in mainland. which would be less, which would be way worse. It's not a trial all of your peers. Yeah, because it's in, I mean, because yeah, in a lot of communist authoritarian countries, the judicial system is really a sham. I would never guess that. So, like, yes, it would not be.

Not unlike in the United States. Oh, we're, oh, nothing sketchy going on here. Oh, no, it's all on the up and up. It's all, everything's a before in the U.S. It's always fair. Yeah, I was talking to one of my friends who's in law school, and he's, like, very, you know, there's a lot about, like, CIA stuff. It's so funny because I'm talking about, like, the horrible stuff that's happening in the Uighur camps.

And he's like, is this, oh, we have some other stuff. Is this the guy who, you showed us the video, he was doing cocaine off a gun? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good dude, he's the man. But, uh, that was the funny. He was the one time, and there was a pile of cocaine. And he goes, he goes, I was trying to go to bed. I'm like, I've got to go to sleep.

He goes, please just stay up. with me for a little bit. And he just line goes, okay. So the thing about the CIA. But it was interesting because that conversation where he's talking about, he's like, yeah, he's like the shit that we do is like really fucked up. It's like, yeah, it's like there's a lot of stuff that like, yeah, it's going on in our own government, which obviously makes sense. I mean, Guantama Bay was not, you know, the best.

Not the bad. Not the bad. That's a great way of great whatever. Hey, Guantampa. Not as because Tampa Bay. Yeah. But honestly, I don't know if I'd rather be in Guantanamo Bay. Or Tampa Bay. That's kind of a toss-up. Just waterboard me.

I don't want to be around this. But you were, okay, so that was, that's what was going on there. So, yeah, but in terms of like traditionalism with sex, it's, it's kind of more of just, I think the general old school traditionalism, just going back centuries that like, oh, you know, you're young, you, you know, you find a wife, your husband, you get married, just, just kind of the, just trajectory that a lot of cultures around the world had faced. And in the more rural parts of the country, it still is more traditional because they have fewer outside influences. Whereas if you go to the cities, though, because the cities are more mixed and not just have people from foreign countries, but people from different parts of China, because that's the thing that you realize.

It's the same way like America. Yeah, I was going to say, you're telling me that China is just like every place else. Right. No, but that's the thing. Like New York is a transplant city. Right. And like same thing with like Shanghai. Shanghai is a transplant city.

You have people from all around China. and then also people from all around the world that live there. So it's a very different vibe than if you have just people all from one province who are living together and all of a similar. There definitely is in the United States though. Like just being in a city in general is just more, you're probably more likely to, yeah,

you're definitely more likely to have transplants and have people from, like when you ever you look at an electoral map, like the blue is just shows you what county the city is in. Usually. Yeah, it's just. Look how full circle we've got. Bringing up counties again? Yeah.

But that's the thing. But when, yeah, like, so if you get to like the big cities in China, if you, especially if you're a Chinese person who lives in the big city, you're likely going to have more open attitudes towards sex. Right. Just as a result of the- It's so funny because that's exactly what happens in America. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you go to New York City, there's a sex shop on every corner. But the weird thing, the weird thing, though, is every time I've watched Swinger porn, it seems like it's a southern couple. Same with like homemade cuckold porn. Like I'll be like it's like weird that you hear like a... Because they're so repressed, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because like, well, it's also, I think in the city like that shit happens. I mean, you talk about like everyone in Brooklyn is like polyamorous or some shit. Yeah, that's true. I think it's just part of like it's... I think in a place like New York, it's not as taboo. That, but I think also, I think people, it's just not as taboo. And like, so it's like... They're not like, we have to videotape this and put it online.

It's like, this is a fetish. It's like, yeah, this is just what people do. Yeah, if you're in Brooklyn letting somebody fuck your girlfriend or fucking somebody They're like, why would we even record that? That's an everyday scenario. What am I going to record a picture of the clouds outside? It's like, yeah, this is just life. This isn't, you know, I think when you're in a play, like,

I think it's when it's more suppressed than that, then that shit comes out more, right? And then you go to New York. And then you go to New York. And then it's just like, oh, this is just fucking, this is just how. I see, the amount of Southern Axis effort in New York City has been like free. I've for like three people like

Southern. Yeah, Southerners, we don't get a lot of those. I mean, comedians, that's a different story. Yeah, yeah. Because we get people from all over. It's the mecca of comedy. But, yeah, a lot of people from the Midwest, Ohio.

Which also, I didn't know, until I met Tanner Riley, I didn't know Ohio has a southern accent. No, so he's from, like, near Cincinnati, so way south. He's from the border of Kentucky. No, West Virginia. He went to college in West Virginia, so he grew up, like, on the border of West Virginia.

So I think that's why, because you go to like, you meet people from like Cleveland, Sinci, Columbus, like they all just have that middle of the road American accent. Yeah, Matt Bowman almost has a Midwest accent in some ways. Who? Yeah, Bowman has a slight Midwest accent. Yeah, I feel like Florida too.

Florida and I think California are very similar as far as accents. You enunciate a lot. Yeah, yeah. Because Florida, it's like... I say fan, my phone. Like a cell phone. But also, but also Florida, you guys don't have like the drawl. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, yeah, they do in parts of Florida. Yeah, no, no, I disagree. But you go to like part of Florida, people speak real slow. Yeah, maybe like the panhandler or Jackson. Dude, people speak at one mile and hour. I mean, but I've met so many people from like, from Florida. And it's like, they all just talk like you. South Florida doesn't have.

Well, South Florida has a slightly different, uh, it's because South Florida accent is either Spanish accent or a New York accent. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was telling you guys, there's a lot of Jewish Guidos in South Florida. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All those. Yeah. Jewish Guidos. Juitos. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, called them Juitos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jewish Guidos, man. That's a fucking, but there are like the like meatheads, like what exactly is a Jewish Guido? Like, are they, yeah, so they wear the sunglasses and the fucking... So it's like, it's like very like clubby attitude.

So first of everybody's... A lot of chains. Yeah, yeah. A lot of chest hair. Yes, but there's also a lot of Guidos in South Florida. So like all kinds. You have Hispanic Guidos, you have Italian Guidos, you have Jewish Guidos.

But it's like this general... Okay, so the best way to describe it. Deep V, yoked. Yes. Like, a nice watch. Not that you're, you don't know what I mean, but like, they would also have a watch. Like flashy, yeah.

Okay, I know, yeah. Now I know what you're talking about because it's like, yeah, because like I said, like on Long Island. I think it's the male version of a Jap, kind of like. No, because that's the thing, those dudes, because like I grew up with all the, like, the jappy people, right? Right. No, but I feel like, yeah.

Those that don't know. But I feel like it's the male version of. Those guys are more like frat bros. Right, but I feel like that is the male Jewish version of that. Just like the- No, no, because Guido and Frat-Bro, I feel like are very, like, they're similar, but they're sort of different in like how they frat. Like, they're both assholes.

Don't get me wrong. But I'm just, I'm just saying in terms of the, the male version of the insufferable entitled American Jew. That's, do you don't you get what I'm saying? By the way, there are more frat-bros than Guido's. Just in case they didn't know, two Jews and Michael. Yeah. Yeah.

Despite my name. I like the name of the episode. Michael and two Jews. Two Jews and a Michael. Or the Jews, Michael and the Jews. That sounds like a band. Is that a Benny and the Jets?

Michael and the Jews. Michael and the Jews. Yeah. So I grew up on the North Shore of Long Island in a really Jewish town. And yeah, so it's like we didn't really, because we had Guidos.

We had like Italian Guidos. Yeah, you guys had the OG Guidos. They were like five of them and they all drove chargers. And then, not chargers, Dodge Challengers. And then,

and then the Jewish guy, like the really dushy Jewish guys, like that would be the male counterpart to the Jappy girls. Yeah, they were more like frat bros. And they all ended up becoming frat bros. Like the, the guido is with their own, like... I think it was like a polo shirt versus a deep V.

Yeah, but they were more polo shirt. Polo shirt and like, or just the fucking the sweatshorts. Yeah, I know you're talking about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was sort of the vibe. Yeah. So like So like maybe that exists in New Jersey

for Jewish dudes. But definitely, I mean, Long Island, it was like... I totally get what you're saying with the difference. Like, like... Yeah, maybe the South Shore. I grew up on the North Shore. South Shore definitely had those because... Right.

Like Massapiqua, I think was like Guido Capital. Right. They called it Mata Pizza because it's just Italians and Jews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Masta pizza. Yeah. That's very good. Yeah. I like that.

Yeah, because I think the thing with Miami is it's across the board Guidos. but there are just a lot of Jewish people there. So, like, the Hispanic people are Guidos, any Europeans there are Guidos, and then any Jewish people there are Guido. Because everyone in Miami's a Guido, I think. Yes, yes, absolutely.

Because it's a very clubby culture. It's like, we're going clubbing, and that comes with a certain, like, yeah. I don't think I would hate Miami. Like, just as a, like, I've been to it, but I feel like just, there's too much going on at once, and it's all the same shit.

Like, New York, you can go clubbing, or you could just hang out. Yeah, you can't just hang out. Yeah, well, it's also like, you're at the beach, but like even the beach is a club. Yeah, the only going out I've really done in Miami, though, is I try to make a trip this year to actually go out and like do the full experience. I mean, I don't do Coke anymore, so it's going to be kind of hard, but do the whole experience. But, yeah, the only time I really went out was like I went out in like the college area because like University of Miami I almost went to. Oh, Coral Gables?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is kind of like where my dad grew up with, like he grew up in that area. But what was that same? Coral Gables is nice. I've been a girl. Yeah. Haven't gone out in Miami in a while?

You're thinking of going there? No, yeah, I want to go to space. It's that one nightclub that's over 24-7 because apparently what you do... I thought you were like, I'm gonna go to Cape Kennedy and go into space.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be fucking NASA, bro. It's like, dude, have you been to space? This club in Miami? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've been to... Elon Musk is just talking about going club in Miami.

You have to spend the whole time. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go... Could you imagine, like, some fucking, like, NASA nerds? So, like, they go to, um, they go to, um, they go to Huntsville, see the rocket ships, they go to Houston, they go to Kennedy Space Center,

and then they go to that fucking nightclub Miami, you're like, where's this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fucking, I'm guessing they have like go-go dancers, dresses aliens or something. Probably. So I've never been, but it's 24-7. Oh, God.

So I've heard people do this where they'll go out, what they'll do is they'll go out to like happy hour, get fucked up at like 5 p.m., drink till about 10, pass out 11, wake up at 4 a.m., start drinking, and then go to space until 8 a.m. And I'm like, that is fucking nuts. Dude, I want to try it.

Like, I want to try it. Who has the stamina for that? Cocaine. Cocaine. Cocaine. So they used, in Shanghai, before these got shut down, they used to have a couple of after hours bars and clubs that weren't on the level of that. Wait, so real quick. I'm too much of a homebody. I don't think I could.

I hate to cut you off. Did you go, did you move here COVID or before COVID or after COVID? When did I move back to the U.S.? Yeah. August 2021. So it was like a year and a half after COVID started. Yeah, I remember last year you, I think I met you. You were saying, sorry.

But yeah, basically because in Shanghai, things closed around a similar time, New York. Like most places, you have bars that could stay open to like 4 a.m., but there used to be some after hours places that would just like just be getting started around 430 or 5 a.m. That's wild. And you would just drink there. And then, yeah, they probably stayed open until 8, 9, 10 of the morning. but there were even some bars that, like, legally couldn't stay open,

but you would go there and you could drink there to, like, 6 a.m. And, like, you'd be there and fucking the sun would be coming up. And you'd be like, okay, well, I guess it's time for me to walk home now. Yeah. Yeah. There was, I think, one bar like that in Hoboken. Yeah. Because it was by the train.

But it was like, it was mostly like rail workers because they had those overnight shifts. Oh, okay. So that's, like, normal. Because that's the other thing, too, is like, not everyone works a nine to five. People have, like, weird hour jobs. Like, you work graveyard. and then it's like, yeah, where do you go to Taiwan on after work? Yeah.

Yeah. But what you're describing in Miami is just insanity. Like, yeah, it's 24. I'm too much of a home. As soon as I go home, I'm like, yeah, I'm good. Yeah, it's like a fucking denny's, but filled with cocaine and horse. That's like, oh, God, how do you, I just don't understand why it. That just doesn't sound fun.

It just sounds like a fucking, I feel like it sounds fun in the beginning. It's not, cocaine has molded a full culture around Miami. No shit. Yeah, that city, like, I don't have seen cocaine cowboys, but those... Oh, yeah, that's great. Those sky, the whole city was built. It used to be like a fishing town, not like fully a fishing town, but it was not a big city. And then cocaine literally built that whole entire city.

So the energy, the cocaine energy is still a giant part of the culture in the sense that, like, the guy who's like, I want a club that stays up 24 hours. Like, that is psychosis from not sleeping in days and then having the funds to create that business. Yeah, but like, oh, man. Like, you're always going to find somebody that wants to go at a weird hour. hour there. But I think the crazy I think the craziest I've ever done was New Orleans. I went to a wedding day. One of the best, because the wedding was during the day. Orleans is dope. I fucking love. One of my favorite cities.

And it was St. Patrick's Day. Oh, God. It's not a particularly Irish place, but it was fun because we did the wedding. The wedding was at like one or maybe like three o'clock. So we went to the wedding. So we went to the wedding. So we started drinking at the wedding. Went to a bar like avoided the street. We were in the bar for probably like eight hours. And then we came out and the sun was rising. And that's the most fun thing. It's so cool. And we got like

Crystal Burger there is still open at like Fucking, was it five a... Whenever I hear a story that ends with, and then the sun came up. When I was like going out, like, I can't tell you how many comics. And it's just like, you just hear the stories about like, and not even like season comics,

like people that like we probably know. And it's like, yeah, like we just went out and we just got a bunch of blow and watched the sunrise. And you're like, that sounds like a horrible time. See, that used to... Like, eventually I want to go to sleep. See, that used to sound fun to me. Now it sounds horrible.

I used to be one of those people like, Like, I used to stay up and do coke and stay up until, like, fucking the sunrise. I loved it. One time me and my buddy, we did a bunch of Coke, and then we climbed the building of a nightclub and just smoked cigarettes at the roof as the sun was rising. And I was like, this is amazing. And now I'm like, I literally think I would cry the whole next day, like, because of how horrible that is. Oh, yeah.

It's just, it's, dude, I remember hearing, like, Mark Marin's stories, like on, when you used to, like, when he used to party with Kinnison. Yeah, yeah. And you're just like, God damn, dude. That's a next level. Because me, when I used to do coke, I would do it on weekends. But that's when he got sober. It was because he fucking... He said, he tried hearing voices.

Yeah, because he wasn't... He, like, didn't sleep for like four months straight because he was just on cocaine all the time. That is, like, insane. Yeah, that's... I can't even... Yeah. Because, like, I did coke on weekends. Like, weekends, I'd stay up to, like, five or whatever.

And then whatever. But, like, that's nothing compared to, like... He said that for a year after doing cocaine, he could still hear voices. I'm like, that is nuts. And, like, dude, that long without... fucking sleeping is like there's no way

your act has I don't know I don't know how I don't think at that point he was doing it like I think he was I think he was still a comic but I think at that point

like he was just Sam Kinnison's babysitter yeah that was his job was that was how we got spots I think at the comedy store was like there's the doorman like you would be a doorman and they still have that

like the doorman thing but it's like being a doorman meant like basically just doing whatever Mitsy asked you to so he was basically a valet for Kinnison and like that whole group

Yeah. See, he, I will say, Kinison holds up for me. Whenever I watch him, like, this guy's really fucking fucking. Oh, yeah, no. He, I mean, at his peak, he was amazing. And then I think he basically fell off. Yeah, yeah. Got sober. Did his first show back as a sober man and gets killed by a drunk driver?

But also, they apparently, according to his brother's book, there was Kogan System. They kept on the DL. So, like, he was sober. But apparently his brother is called my brother Sam. He admitted he's like, yeah, they found Kogan's system when he died. But also, that probably wouldn't affect your driving. if anything you drive sharper.

Well, he was hit by a drunk driver. Right. So, and it was a fan. It was an underage fan on his way to see him in Las Vegas. Oh, I didn't know that. That's fucking nuts. Yeah, it was, uh, Oh, boy.

You got to see him. Is that Sam? Nobody's going to believe this. He's telling the story. He's like, you know, I actually saw Sam Kinnison. They're like, oh, at the Kodak. At the Kodak theater, it's like, no, at the intersection of it. ran into Kinnison

yesterday with my car. You could say one of us killed that night. There we go. I think we're yeah, we're about to wrap up. What do you guys

want to promote? By the way, I want to have you, I still have a million more questions about China. But I also keep it the conversation natural. Oh yeah,

no, we touched a little bit on it on this time. We got some stuff in. We'll do that, we'll do a part two when we're back in New York City. Yeah, yeah, I'm down.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I could, I had an album that came out a few months ago. Goodbye Shanghai, right? Yeah, called Goodbye Shanghai. You can find it on my Instagram, Ben Frank Comedy. Yeah, very funny.

It's funny. I've listened to it. Yeah, I guess I can plug. I produce a monthly comedy show, the fourth Sunday of every month at the comedy shop on Bleaker Street in New York City. It's called Out of Pocket. It's the fourth Sunday of every month at 6 p.m.

Come check it out. I don't think... Our next one's tomorrow, but I don't think this is going to air in time. No way, yeah. So I guess our next one will be September 20th. September 25th will be the one that the first one after this air is in the fourth Sunday after everyone

at the Comedy Shop 6 o'clock. Back to you, Michael. Perfect. All right. Thank you.