Morning Good - Michael Finds the Manosphere - Episode 227

Episode Date: July 7, 2024

Joe Gorman joins the show for the first time alongside Paddy Defino for today's episode. They talk about the Trump vs. Biden debate, the Andrew Tate vs. Piers Morgan chess match, and turning down a threesome with twins.Thanks to Joe Gorman for joining the show and to Paddy for coming back on. Check out Paddy on previous episodes of the show and both comics at their links down below.Joe Gorman is on Instagram @joewgorman and hosts the new Super Selli Joe's podcast with friend of the show, Alex Tomaselli. Paddy Defino is on Instagram @paddy_is_funky and hosts News From Bed on YouTube. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to morning. This is gone. We're here with Joe Gorman and Patty DeFina. We're asking Patty, what's the most threatening thing he's done to a woman? Yeah, I've definitely, like, uh, given one the bird. Nice.

You know? How many things did you block out before saying that? How many did you go, no, I'm not going to say that on recording. No, I'm not going to say that. No, I'm not going to say that. No, I'm actually, I'm really trying to find a time that I threatened a woman. You gave her the bird. Now, in Boston, that's when you put an entire turkey in a woman's anus.

I gave her the Thanksgiving turkey for her family, the bird, family of four. But I said, you better finish the whole thing. And that was my threat. That I had a damn, dude. I would like expose myself when I was like a kid because I thought it was funny. But at that time, it's also a little boy's penis. It's almost not a crime for little boys to expose himself to people. Yeah, but you reverse that and you expose a little boy's penis and all of a sudden you're in big trouble.

Yeah. Isn't it fucking crazy how that works? Is our job as adult male to unexposed boy penises? It's our job as adult males to ignore boys penis. Like that's the thing. We got to ignore that. You just have to just completely ignore it. Pretend it doesn't exist.

Right. But also if you hate pedophiles and all that, do you have some obligation? Do you hate pedophiles or do you hate being accused of being a pedophile? So you have to say, like, I actually hate pedophiles. Here's a hot take. I'm rather apathetic. No, no, no.

I don't know if this is a bit or not, but I am on that page. There's a weird level of those guys that are like, dude, if I fucking see one, bro, I'll fucking stab them. It's like, you have to watch out, dude. It's like, what are you going to do, dude? What if it's a big strong pedophile? Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, that's

Yeah, they've never seen that on a pedophile hunter video. How many do you think, how many, how do you think they see like a jacked guy with tattoos? They're like, we're going to skip.

Yeah. Well, like, Chris, I fuck the bullies. Yeah. It's very Darwinism. Like,

those are the ones that get caught are like, oh, we're good. Yeah, they're like the weakest of the, of the pedophile. But the out, the apex pedophile.

Yeah. He can't get, he can't even be detected by modern technology. That's true. They can, like the apex predefx predefile. knows like

Fredfile. He's got like a big van but it's got like nitrous on it. It knows. It knows that's a 30 year old pretending to be a 12 year old.

Yeah. Dude, we were just watching like what is it, Batman, whatever the Batman was weird the flames coming out

of the back of the it's like one of those. Yeah. He just shoots out. Joel Schumacher Batman. Yeah. It could be Batman.

Batman could be a petophile. Well, people say, he would always say that about Robin. Like Batman's gay with Robin. You're like, no, he would be molesting him.

He wouldn't be like, that's a gay man. Yeah. comics. Nice, dude. Yeah. Seems like something that would be on the

back page. I think pedophile outweighs gay. So pedophiles, it's almost its own orientation. Oh, yeah. What if I,

what if I told you that Venn diagram completely overlapped? How about that? And it looks like a big ball. Yeah. Just watch out, dude.

Be careful. Yeah. I'm just saying, watch out, dude. Yeah. Watch out. You think we could get

molested? Is there a guy who built a time machine and pushes you in it and deages you just so he can but just your penis? Just your penis goes through a time machine

An evil pedophile is like a shrinking rain He just shoots men's penises Just to touch that Yeah Do you think it's like the feel of a child's penis That makes him gay Or do you think they're actually falling in love with a child I think honestly the second one is way fucking gay

Can you imagine like falling in love Like being charmed by an eight year old Oh but they have to but I'll be missing you I bet you they play songs in their van Where they're just like happy memory lane Like the one that got away by Katie Perry Yeah I got charmed.

This fucking eight-year-old swept me off my feet the way he traced his hand and turned it into a turkey. Like, damn, dude. It's just like, I was just fucking blown away the way he, the way his E was intentionally backwards. Fuck, dude. Dude, I would love, like, yeah, like, obviously lots of pedophiles have made love songs

because lots of pedophile musicians. I would love a, just to hear a pedophile love song. that's like any song is a pedophile love song I guess everyone is like yeah every song is a pedophile love song if you were violated at summer camp I get stuck to you like glue baby

yeah baby baby baby the Justin baby stuff does weird me out yeah it's a chop baby is a child Justin Bieber was repeatedly raped by by P. Diddy yeah I don't know if you heard I don't know if you heard the breaking news

I did not hear that breaking news from bed now there's some news from bed Patty fucking Puff Daddy raping people in his bed. But did that, that's a thing? It absolutely is a thing. Puff Daddy, please don't tell me for spreading the truth.

You got caught. You live by the sword. You die by the sword. But damn, what a couple cool decades that guy. I thought you were going to say silly. Isn't that cool? I mean, would you rather like, you know, burn out at like, what, 54 or, you know, be middle class forever? This is important.

Probably. Well, if it comes. down to getting accused of raping Justin Bieber? Probably that. Yeah, but if people like me that are accusing him, it's not like authority members or

like a judge is like, you're under arrest for raping a little boy. It's like, it's just fucking goofballs like me. They're like, oh, you know, we fucking raped a kid. You know what is interesting though? Now Justin Bieber acts kind of black. I wonder if that's what happens when you get, is that where white guys,

they get raped by a black guy and now they want to be come a, like, you know how kind of like a lot of like dominatrix women were, like raped so now they want to take over the power. So do you think maybe Justin Bieber is now becoming a black man so he can take revenge Justin Dedy? Yeah. Wow. He's like I'm all I owned it now. Now that I am

black, how could I rape myself? Yeah. Yeah. That's a full. Ergo, I was never raped. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. Yeah. I love the mental gymnastics. Tolstoy said that. Yeah, dude. Ergo. Yeah. I love saying that shit. What does that mean? Ergo. Ergo. Therefore.

Oh, okay. You know what? That's the second time somebody asked me what that means. That's the second time I said that with confidence. Yeah. Ergo, I don't know. Dude, I popped one recently. I was talking about something. I go, I used that correctly, right?

And he's like, yes. I was like, because I'm just like, I don't know, look at the definition of a word. I just hear it used in a certain context and I start using it. You know what's cool, though,

is like now we're adults so we can actually make the rules. That is true. It's not just like some arbitrary like, who answers to us? That's when I, that's a good example, arbitrary.

I started using that recently. There you go, dude. Nobody, nobody can tell us what to do anymore. We're fucking white men, dude. We can literally do whatever we want to whoever we want, and nobody can stop us, dude. I always thought arbitrary was like a big glass room with trees in it. That's an atrium.

Atrium. Isn't that cool? I went on a magic school bus right there. And that be cool? We're going to show you what it really is. And then it's like, it's just like a weed farm, you know? And it's like, this is fucking medicine, but the government has it as a schedule one drug. I'm very lost here.

Why? I'm just talking about it. at at-trums. You got to stop smoking weed before the pod, dude. I did offer me. Yeah, look at this fucking Cheech and Chong shit over here. Yeah, but atrium's a weird one. This is actually an anti-weed, anti-god, pro cuck podcast. We take all the weirdest angles on everything. You got to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have to say that. How do you compete with Jesse Lee Peterson? That's that old black guy that's like, I think we should be slaves again. And I'm like, how could I, like, I'm not saying that's a better information, but I'm like, how is that more entertaining to hear? How, well, this guy's, when this guy's, when this guy's, when this guy's, when this guy's, how this guy's, how. right too. I bet it was chill to be a slave.

Always singing songs, dude. A hard day's work. Dude, that builds character. That's why black people have such good character. Growing up in the South, I have heard a lot of people be like, no, no, no, it's not like everybody was bad at their slaves, which is just the funniest arguments. I have happy-ass slaves.

Pizza Fridays, dude. I'm going to, I'm going to casual Fridays. I got like some, I got some Bluetooth. speakers hooked up over the plantation. Let him put on some fucking music, dude. One slave, a DJ slave, dude.

Come on. Hey, this is DJ slave. Playing all the hits on the plantation. Damn, dude. What a fucking cool as fucking, damn. Like a fucking a water slide. It must have,

come on, dude. It must have sucked to be like a DJ during like that time, like, during, when all the songs were like, because you're like for the next one. beautiful but you know like there's like nothing you can put on you can't like mix into like

a cool yeah record scratching came up because you could do record scratching on like an old yeah like what do you call that like the old thing you know the one that has like little thing coming out yeah gramophone yeah yeah that one yeah oh really yeah I mean if it adds

a record you can't scratch it yeah so I wonder if there was ever somebody doing that I don't understand how record players work at all there's like a needle on a group and then like it's like and like the vibrations like come out and it makes music. That's like more impressive

than a trans surgery to me. Well, trans surgery isn't that impressive. A trans surgery is trickery. Yeah, and you'll go to hell. Just a big pair of scissors. They want it.

They want to. You're saying the doctor goes to hell too? The doctor goes to hell. Interesting. And it's just all him and trans women. Yeah. Well, the women,

the trans women go to hell. The only one that doesn't go to hell is the guy that had sex with the trans woman. Well, I'm going to fucking head. He's forgiven, dude Oh, hell yeah.

God is like, come back my child. Sometimes it's okay to have a little taste. My son, my son. That's why I put them there to tempt you. Sometimes you want a soy burger. I wouldn't give you ice cream if I didn't expect you to try all the topics. Hell yeah, dude. God's chill.

God would be okay with it. I think God is pretty chill. What you got to do is just confess everything right before you die. But yeah, transurgents. Wait, why would you, you say, sorry, I didn't mean catch up. Why would you confess? I don't understand the point of confessing certain things because, like, God knows what you did. So talking to God, even praying is kind of confusing to me because I'm like, he knows what I'm thinking.

Why would I out loud be like, now that you can hear me is if my thoughts are secretive to? Well, you have to go to a priest and do like a confession so he can get off to it. So he can do whatever he wants. Oh, how big with those titties of that 14 year old. Ooh, I'm fucking, not big. I'm a horny priest. Oh, forgive me. father for I'm about to sin my trousers.

The priest is sitting in your lap. That's also weird too because you can, you, therapists have to tell certain things, but priests don't have to tell. They don't have to. They don't have to. They just want to. Oh, okay. So therapist could be like... I mean, I could like literally be like, I killed a person and then it's up to my therapist. It's like, it's up to them to decide, like, if you're a danger to others. Oh. Okay. So like a priest.

So it's like I killed somebody and I think I might kill again. A priest does not tell anything. Right. But it's weird. that like legally okay so no a priest can but I think they're they're not supposed to know if God comes to them and it's like tell and then the priest will be like oh I actually oh I got something to say

wait this is sorry this is very confusing to me so legally if somebody comes up to me it's like I murdered somebody yeah I murdered Billy Walton whatever I legally have to go tell people not really you don't you don't have to I don't know I thought you it's like it's a reverse tattletail

okay you can actually get in trouble for telling Right. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, you got your snitch. Like, you'll get in trouble for that. Yeah, I feel like you should, the best thing to do is just ignore it and fire up a cigarette. And, yeah, and like, and then if they rape again, be like, I thought it was a joke. Yeah, yeah. I thought he was just telling a little.

Next time I thought he was making a crack. I thought it was a locker room talk. Yeah. This time I'm going to listen to the bag. Yeah, I thought he was just making a little bit. I didn't know. I didn't know a broad. I didn't know a broad was going to get a hoary.

Dude, I will say this. been accidentally... Oh, jerking off? No, no, I purposely do that. But I accidentally popped into the wrong place of the internet. Mansphere accident. Dude, it fucking, it grabs you like Venom.

What is that? You get like the mansphere. It's like the... It's like the dudes on YouTube that like... You know what the mansphere is, right? Of course, Patty knows. Is it like Andrew Tate? Yes, but there's him and then there's lots of levels to it, right?

So I was just Googling Andrew Tate. Okay. I was listened to... I thought it was like, dudes having sex with each other. And I was like, just say you're gay, dude. Just come out and say you're gay. and like, oh, I stumbled on this gay sex video. But no, okay.

But, you know, he also pays money to make sure he shows up in everyone's algorithm at some point or another. Right, but it was, there's him and then there's, like, lots of weird variation. So I thought I was listening to it. It's like a psychologist talking about love on a podcast. Nice. I'm into that. Yeah. Well, and the guy was, the annoying things when people start to make sense and then they say things that don't make sense, but then they start to make it more sense.

And you're like, were they actually right about the thing that I thought was wrong? and by the end of it I just like disliked women which I had not felt in a very long and it felt kind of it feels like

it feels like it's not it goes against the natural instinct because like the natural instinct you should have when you see a woman is you want to hug

them and kiss them and protect them yeah but like if you're like oh I want to fucking kill them and chop them up yeah

I want to grind their bones to make my bread well sir you're a giant yeah if you walk into a room and you'd be saying V5,

four for, check your shoe size, you a damn giant. If you live at the end of a bean stalk, open the clouds. You got a motherfucking chicken laying motherfucking gold eggs. You're done gentrifying the sky. Yo, ass, a giant. Damn, dude, Chris Rock in the Age of Fables. It's got to be so hard to be a black comic.

Humpty, dumpy, what's you doing on that wall? Anyway, you should be at the market for, two for five dollars. Make it happen, Chris Rock. Whatever the price of hangs with us. Dude, he's got to suck to be like a black comic and then just have no energy one day. You know, if I don't have energy, I'll do like a low energy. You can't do a low energy.

I don't know if it happens. There are low energy. It's such a bummer, dude. Low energy black is like, come on. Cheer up, buddy. You're a man. You're free. Yeah.

You should be thanking us. Yeah, you should be fucking jiving in the streets because you don't, you're not a slave anymore. I mean, like, okay, so there's like low energy black comics that are really fucking like Napoleon's very funny. Napoleon Dynamite. Napoleon Dynamite, yes. But what I'm saying is like if you're a high energy black guy, you've got to be high energy. Like if you're like a fucking Chris Tucker

can't go up there and just be kind of like, yeah, well, you know, it's too. You know what I mean? Like you have to be high energy all the time. I feel like it's tough. Yeah. Can I, I have something about that guy thing, the guy's fear. Yeah, yeah. I saw this video of Andrew Tate playing chess against

Pierce Morgan. And Andrew Tate destroys him in chess, which is funny. But he keeps being like, chest reflects society. And he's like, it's misogynistic, isn't it? Kind of like life. And then like, takes it. He's like, that's not true.

Moves upon. And he's like, yeah, he's like, the women, they just, you just got to do this and this. And he's like, king, another piece. And he's like, God, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah, dude, Andrew Tate fucking rocks. I wish he was my dad. I wish he was my dad, but he didn't push me as hard as he pushed everyone else.

I wish you would give me a fucking pass. Just lets me smoke weed on the couch, but everyone else is like having a fucking like, you know, fucking, I guess day trade and smoke cigars. Whatever the fuck he does, dude. And move women around. Yeah, dude, like literally sex traffic women. What are you going to do, dude?

I just want to play Xbox and get a little high. Is that such a crime, Daddy-o? I don't know if I said this on your podcast, but I always thought like sex trafficking was like when you go to put your cock in a pussy and someone else's cock just cuts you off. Hey, what the fuck? Hey, come on.

There's no merch here. Get out of the way. What is? It's a really confusing term because I think it just in some way, like, it's complicated. I think, like, you could be moving your prostitutes from one section in, like, a, in like a car, and then in sex trafficking. I don't really, I've never understood it. If you take a fucking bitch from Jersey to New York, you sex trafficked. Yeah.

If you take it, if the age of consent is 16 in New Jersey. Yeah. So if you meet some girl in New York. and you take her to New Jersey to get a little fucking, that midnight honey, as we call it. As we call it the business industry term. You just sex trafficked. Yeah.

You just sex trafficked to supple little fucking 16 year old. If I was like the kind of person who would fuck a 16 year old, I would not put in the effort to drive them to a state where it's legal. Why? I would just do it in my house. But isn't that funny to think you beat the system? Yeah. Isn't it like they don't like they're not like.

Yeah. It's like the fucking dukes of hazard. where you just like slide over the state line. It's like you immediately start taking off your pants. Yeah, you're like halfway over the bridge. Yeah. My life would have been ruined if I had sex at 16 by far. Oh, you think so?

Oh, yeah. What was it? I wouldn't have discovered stand-up comedy. Really? I would have gotten into hardcore pornography. I know it. Yeah. You do got that John Jeremy looking at.

I know. Isn't that crazy? Instead, I dedicate my life. Wait, he's still alive? He died? No, he died. Rest and piss. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, can we look this up? I don't believe this. I'm pretty sure he died. Ron Jeremy raped death. He died. And now we can finally stop associating Ron Jeremy's look with me. Well, also, there's the thing. He might have the Michael Jackson situation where, like, right before he died everybody's

like, what a sexual predator, but he dies. And then now all his work. He's exonerated. CNN's going to do like a best of Ron Jeremy. It's going to be like disgraced rapist dies. He's still alive. He's still alive. I told you.

Yeah. What? Yeah. But if he's a lot. Uh-oh. identity theft. Are we podcasting with Rodgerna? Wait, he's nicknamed the hedgehog? Yeah, it was penis as in Sonic,

the hedgehog. Wow. Do you know Sonic was originally named Ron? Ron the hedgehog? I don't believe that. Come on, Maddie. Only because I don't think the Japanese have learned the word Ron yet. Ron Ojardom.

Ron, how did the skukato? Ron, Korn said, Bursanikudu. Nothing's better than hearing somebody in the foreign accent, just say things they have to, and they're like, Wells Fargo. It's fucking tight.

It's like, yeah, that's right, bitch. Like, you just lost another little aspect of your lexicon at the end of the way. As America seeps over all aspects, dude. That's fucking cool. Dude, stand-up comedies like that. I've heard, like, for me, like, those, because they stand-it comedy.

That's hilarious. What are they talking about how powerful stand-up comedians are, dude? Dude, we're the philosophers. Honestly, it's like the most retarded time to be a stand-up comedian because you also have to be an influencer. In the 80s and,

90s you just had to be a stand-up comedian. And now it's like you have to be a video editor. You have to be a fucking producer. You got to be a distributor. You got to know SEO optimization. You got to fucking deal drugs. You got to do drugs. You got to fucking have an only fans.

You got to have sex with a man. Yeah. There you go, Patty. Our minds are slowly becoming one. We're on our way. We got it all figured out, dude. Watch out, man. It sucks, dude.

Well, you ever like show? That's the worst is you go to a show and you're like, what did you guys do this weekend. Anything fun happening? They're like, if he used yellow captions, it's more likely to pick up the algorithm. I'm like, I don't give a shit you fucking homosexual. Why do I want to fucking, why do I want to have my fucking borderline hate speech fucking immortalized

on the internet, dude? I don't. Why? You gotta beep. Retard and stuff? You don't be like that? Yeah. I got, oh, you got to put all that stuff on to find out I hate black people. Who cares, dude? Hang out with me for two minutes, baby? It doesn't need to be on. We don't need to get YouTube involved in

this. come on grow up we're goofing around women don't watch this podcast right yeah because I found out recently I don't want to get into that but women always watch they just don't tell it you they're like oh you're gross there's a zero percent chance my ex is not listening to this podcast they could have they could have a house away uh

no why would she I don't know because you said she doesn't watch this podcast and that would be the only reason I could think of like some No, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. What's so funny, Patty? I don't know. You little worm.

My ex-girlment had a podcast where she just talked about being a retard every week. I'll be like, tune in every week. My girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend has a podcast. It's called Living with AIDS that my ex-boyfriend gave me. And I'd be like, this bitch better not air my dirty laundry. Yeah. I wish your ex had a podcast where she just told stories about you. Oh my God.

That would be very funny. I would listen to that every week. Yeah, it would be like from her point of view about, you know, I'll be honest, I was pretty busy doing it. She doesn't have a lot of stories about me.

It was kind of why the relationship kind of thought, I was just kind of like, kind of didn't see me for like seven years from doing stand-up comedy. That's cool, though. That's the way to do it. Yeah. I don't know you. You don't know me.

well that was the problem with the pot the thing I was going to do today so it's like have you ever listened to soft white underbelly overall best interviews on anything it's a dude he'll interview like crackheads prostitutes pedophiles gangsters pimps all kinds of stuff how was patty's interview he's just great yeah yeah because like that was all those different people it just is yeah he was the crackhead pedophile pimp yeah that's kind of like what hunter Biden is that is that is what hunter Biden is and you know what underbell You know what? I'm not going to vote for his dad.

No. For that reason. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Hunter. You ruined it for everybody. Now I have no choice but to vote for Donald Trump who has good law-abiding sons. You know what?

At least like they never got fucking caught. And I got to give it up to Trump boys for that. Yeah. They seem like they got it together. And his delicious little daughters, my God. Oh, yeah. Huh? Wait, does he have one or how many dollars?

He has two. He has a little Tiffany, too. Oh. She's of age now, too, Pat. I know, dude. I'm surprised I didn't get my letter in the mail. That's the first giggle. It's so funny too, because you do such a good job at saying crazy shit with not even a smile on your face.

You're just like, and then that's the first giggle I've seen you. Yeah. You've good commitment to the bit. Patty's hungry. Because we all know you love black people. It's your favorite kind of people. I think they're all right. I think they're pretty cool.

I was just saying how cool I thought they were. Oh, it's okay. My roommate's way. You can stay with you. You do. Here we go. Dude, somebody tried to get me to talk politics. I've been in a couple green rooms recently.

People try to hook me into it. I'm just, I'm just like, I'm not. It's a dangerous time to talk politics about anything, man. Well, it is impressive, though, that everything got so bad that nobody cares. It's kind of beautiful. I'm, like, really happy that we have, like, it's gone the way I did. Like, I've never been happier in my life that, like, politics sucks because everybody's now cool. I don't know.

I thought Joe Biden was, like, cracking me up during the election, like the whole campaign, like, the debate. Yikes. My favorite thing he said, there was one thing where only one of the, person caught this, but there was the thing where Biden was like, uh, or Trump is saying like, you know, there's rapists over here, the Mexican rapist. And Biden goes, you could get raped by anybody. He's like, it could be

raped by your in-laws, just like that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Instead of like denying the racist thing, you're like, no, you can, everybody's out there. We're joking of, like, every time like Biden's finished his statement and then like Trump had to go and the camera's on Trump, like Biden's mic is off. If he was just like,

you fucking pussy, you're a fucking faggot. You're a fucking fagin. You're a fucking dumb pussy. Fuck you, Donald. But his mic was just totally off. They cuss back to him and he's like, oh,

oh, that'd be funny if his mic was hot and they kind of picked all that up, dude. Just like a fucking senile old man fucking yelling at this cool fucking alpha stud dude. Yeah. Damn, dude, I can't believe Donald. You know, they're going to make it like once in future president type shit.

He's going to be like, Joe Biden, you're fired. You know, it's like he's not going to have a gracious win. And now that he's going to to be like a, you know, now he's in his like second term. He's going to be all powerful. Yeah. He's legal, he's literally going to like exonerate

he's going to exonerate Louis C.K. He's going to finally. Trump giving Louis C.K. a medal. He's going to defund the WNBA. He's like, I want a better mascot. The mascot's the better costumes. Yeah. And they're just going to be all that's fucking, yeah, Katelyn Clark is going to be

forced to like, fucking go to the bathroom on film. the bathroom It's like sorry sweetheart This is the only fucking basket You're going to be dunking The only way we're moving

Tickets You gotta see that thing Drip Alleyoop Have you ever seen Have ever heard like Heard a woman pee Oh all the time

Yes Oh really I heard it In my mouth one time Yeah I heard it And I was like Damn dude

Dude Well my Spider-Man Bedsheets are never Going to be the same It's like Kind of a just like a spray.

It's like a skunk. Do you ever watch the porons where like the woman's like, I got to go to the bathroom? And then like the other woman's like, no, I'm not going to let you go to the bathroom. And then the first woman starts pissing herself. And she's like, oh my God. You ever watch that? The piss stuff doesn't get me. It's called Piss Desperation.

Yeah. I'm not a fan of it, but I have seen the work. You're aware of its work, dude. It's all, it's just another delicious little flavor. What about a... Would you more of this in my apartment? Because just me coming in here and talking to like a pervy gross guy. What about a porn movie?

Patty getting uncomfortable. We need somebody. Patty's like, no, I got a good one. What about a porn movie? And it's this like hot girl who like has this sundress on and this guy's like, ooh, like let's fuck. And she's like, okay.

And then she lives up her sundress and she's got a big cock and he looks at it and it just starts pissing on him. And it's called piss direction. Ooh, I love it. Ooh, like a misdirection. Yeah. Pist direction, dude. Or pisteries.

We could have a whole series of pistery. The Patty Delphino Pisteries. Who wet my bed? It's just me wetting my bed every night. I'm like, who did this? Have you seen the other pistcery? I used that one with the trans chick where he's like, she's like, I'm not like other girls.

And the guy goes, what are you telling me you're retarded? Oh, yeah, that's a fucking rock, dude. The internet fucking rocks. They're all priests now. Have you seen this shit? Bro. Buzz me, I was checking out this milf lady. Big fan, Allura Jensen.

Alor Denson. Yeah, she's fucking religious man. RIP. He, Laura, he and D. She'll be back, dude. I hope so, dude. She was great. I've always liked it

because she was always, like, kind of, like, a little bit disgusted by the Cox. Yeah. Like, she was, like, degrading them and shit. Dude, she was just, like, a big-titted aunt.

It's just like, oh, my God. There's one where she pangs some guy who was, like, a Mormon with a bicycle helmet on. He's like, oh, what's going on? She's like, shut up and fuck my pussy.

And I'm like, this is for me. Yeah, that fucking shit rock, dude. He's still wearing a helmet while just like fucking this big tip. You know, but she still has, like, an only fan's page up, and she still, like, sells videos. So, interesting.

Okay. You know, I might just be a temporary thing. Yeah. You know how people, like, get, like, a little bit Catholic for a minute? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, like, for a hot minute, like, they pivot and, like, oh, I'm, I believe in God now. Yeah. And then, like, and then they get over and they're like, all right, I'm fucking back.

Yeah, here's my pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I renounce Jesus Christ as my savior. Yeah.

And I renounce this pussy as. Poppin. Would you ever have sex with a porn star? If we loved each other? What if she was like $5,000? No. That wouldn't be the same thing. I wouldn't want to pay.

Why? You say we ever have sex? I wouldn't pay $5,000 have sex with a porn star. Why not? Because I don't have $5,000. That's the only reason. What if she was like, I like you, so you can pay in installments. Ooh, okay.

Well, like Lisa and you, yeah, I'd probably pay installments. Ooh. How about you, Patty? only if I could pay the installments by wrapping the money around my penis and putting it in her vagina pulling out. That's how you get extra sex one penny. Yeah, one penny

at a time. It's like asking for more wishes. It's like that machine you know the machine when you drop the coins down, it's got all the coins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to drop it so it pushes the other ones in. But like each time you do, that's like counts as another fuck. Yeah, and each time her vagina is more off balance B.H.I.

Because she's just had nickels and Which porn store would you have sex with? Oh, man. That's a tough one. I think a Laura Jensen for me. Bring her back. Bring her back from the dead. For me, it would probably be that, like, there's, like, a little, like, Mexican girl

who's got, like, a great body. I forget her name. I mean, Miss your body come over here, me, so. I'd say, I'd say, Rochelle Ryan. Which one's that? Rochelle Black. No. She's ethnic.

Okay. Can we pull it up, Patty? R-I-C-H-E-O-E. Let me pull this up on my work account. Yeah. Art, what is it? Jamie, pull that up, Rochelle. I stopped doing porn, and then I went back to porn.

And porn is actually better for me than not doing porn. Because I was sexting instead of porn, which just takes five more. That hurts people. Yeah, well, you're also just like, you're like waiting. You're like, oh, then what would you do next? Then you got to wait like 50 minutes. I got her. Nice.

Pull it up. Let's, I want to get a nice pick here. While he's doing that, I want to talk of this. Have you seen the comparison of the Mitt Romney-O-O-B-B-Bobam debates to these? I completely forgot that. Oh, she's beautiful. I know. What a beautiful woman, dude.

Rochelle Gorman, what do you think? Do you think you can handle all that? I'm going to try. But first, I have to have my girlfriend has to die. That's the only way. Well, it's not going to be too hard because she has AIDS now. Not yet. No, not her.

She's got like the Magic Johnson type shit. Oh, okay. You actually don't get AIDS. Isn't it like almost impossible for women to get AIDS besides? It's impossible for women to get AIDS. I keep saying that on the podcast. It's impossible for women and straight men to get AIDS. Yeah, I agree with that.

If you don't do heroin, it's like impossible. Yeah, yeah. The whole magic Johnson thing when people are like, no, he wasn't gay. I'm like, he like named himself magic. Look at his son, dude. It's like he's his gayest. He named himself magic. Yeah.

Like, what magic? And his son be gay as hell. And his son be gay as hell. Like he was so gay. Like went additional generation. Yeah. Big time. Yeah.

Yikes. I think that's what happened. I think your blood just. sees like, I think they saw AIDS in Magic Johnson's sperm and they're like, oh, this is a gay guy. So they just like rewrote the thing to be gay. That makes sense. Yeah. I know the funniest, I think I told you, I went to the Madonna concert and they had this like memorial for everybody with AIDS and it was like EZE and then like all these gay dudes. I'm like, easy E would be so mad. If you found it one day, his face was just all gay dudes. Because Shug Knight injected him. It wasn't

like, like. That's what the rumor. That's like a rumor. That Shug Knight also injected him with his own come probably. Yeah. He fucking raped him. Probably. Honestly, yeah, dude. Look, I say every black guy is gay and I stand by that statement. Whoa, yikes, dude. If they did a music festival, I know they had like an AIDS thing,

AIDS music festival, but if they did one where all the artists had AIDS. Who would it be? It would be Queen, right? Because Queen had a... Hoiser. Freddy Mercury. Hoiser. Hoise. Did he have AIDS? Probably, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, so. How are you going to be a AIDS? How are you going to be a AIDS? that game not have a. Sam Smith. Who else? The monkeys. Jojo Siwa. The monkeys gave everyone eights. That's true. Yeah. They were the monkey. When they say like you got it from you got it from a monkey.

Like they actually meant what if that was it? Hey, hey, we're the monkeys. Hey, we're the monkey. I don't know. And then like day dream believer. I don't know who that is. Cheer up sleep. G.

No, what can it be to us? day dream believer and a homecoming queen. I'm just pretending I know this way. Day dream believer. Yeah. You know, dude. It's so funny too because a lot of music is like, they're like, yeah, you know, you don't follow the trends.

But then if you just, if you're early enough to following a trends, you can just do that. Yeah. Yeah. It kind of works out. You get a little. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny.

The art thing. That was a sweet, genuine smile. Yeah. He's a sweetie. There's also, I realize this with Eddie creative thing. there's such a fine line between just going insane and being on to something. Yeah. Like it seems like you're either, you know, like how many people are like thinking they're doing

like a Maryland Manson kind of thing and they're just really putting like two hours in my like bed one night masturbating. Nice. And when I was finished, I spent two more hours imagining my consciousness. I was like, I want to see if I can move my consciousness around this room because it's like it takes place in my brain, my consciousness. Oh, when your body is a. sleep, I think your consciousness goes

to a different place. Whoa, whoa. So I was trying to like weave between the dream realm and the real realm. Yeah, that must have been some good post nut clarity. It was, yeah. But you just transcend.

I thought you were going to say, like, you were jerking off for two hours to that picture of Marilyn Manson with the titties. You didn't know if Marilyn Manson was a boy or girl. I thought you were going to say the picture of Marilyn Manson sucking his own dick. Oh, yeah, that too. He removed ribs to do that. I wonder if that's what he said, but he

his denial is very funny. He's like, I want to be doing this interview right now if I could suck my own dick, which is a great. And he's also like, I wouldn't have fucking beat up and abuse that fucking child actress like he was with for a while. If I could have sucked my own. Yeah, if I could suck his own dick. Maybe that's how we cure pedophilia. We just remove the ribs in the way that Jesus removed a rib from Adam. Wait a second. This is genius. So we shrink all the pedophiles' penises down so they're small and they could suck their own little bit of penises. Yeah. And then they're like, they're like, no, I'm doing the molesting. So I'm. I'm getting it back. This is fascinating. It's like the snake eating its own child's penis. Oh, Patty, you're so silly. Thanks, Joe. This is a good idea.

Or maybe they can play both roles. Like, maybe they... Ooh. Yeah, I don't know. Or maybe we just, like, shoot them in the head. I'm not... This is so... I know that's, like, bad.

No, it's just popular to say. You're crazy. We go against the grain. We're building shrink rays, dude. I love it. I think it's courageous. Yeah, I just... I want to know which president.

Whatever. Yeah, I'm moving on for that bit. You guys put the age, ages and courageous. Ooh, Pad Day, dofino.

Oh, my God. Yeah, you know, I'm kind of the best podcaster in the West. I've been saying, I've been commenting on his videos, but say you're so good.

Michael's very sweet. Nice, dude. It's really happening. Dude, me and him just randomly will melt each other's hearts. That's the way to do it. Just go through hard time.

That's how you got to go, dude. That's how you got to be with the boys. Nice. girls do it. We got to learn from girls. Do they? It's like, you look so good right now. But women also hate other women.

But yeah, it's fascinating. So it's not funny. I'm trying to get out of these. You guys caught me at a vulnerable. I'm too. I'm too. Well, I think it's beautiful the differences between men and women. Yeah.

Do you in love right now? And is that why? No, no, no. So I got out of love. Nice. And then I just, I've been so good about like, because I didn't single, I've been loving all these women. Like, I'm genuine.

Like, oh, they're pretty. They're cool. And then this one just podcast just got my. fucking brain and just kind of like, you know, could just kind of like kick you a little bit. And you're like, hey, eh, maybe they, your ex-girlfriend was emotionally being crazy. Was it a woman's podcast?

No, no, it was this dude who was like a psychologist. Also, I started to hate the guy, though, because you started pulling that shit where he's like, oh, how do men get late? Any guy telling him how to get late, they always leave out, be a fun guy. If you want to get laid, just be like, I got a little Coke, you want to go back to my place?

Yeah, none of them. And then, like, you're like, you want to leave? You want to leave? Come on. Just do another little fucking line. I swear there's no fentanyl in it. Right, Patty, you've been there, dude. I've been there.

I will say a bag of cocaine is a great way to get women. That's the only way. And you'll never hear one of those game guys say that. No guy with a fedor who's like, what you got to do is like, you got to be an actual. Because none of them actually do cocaine, I feel like. They're all afraid. They just like sniff like aloe and they're like, God damn on my eye.

Yeah. They're little babies, dude. Yeah, they can't. They always say they're like. you got to be an asshole to get laid, which just isn't true. It's not true, but I have friends who are assholes and they're always getting laid. Yeah. So it does work.

It's not like what you have to do, but for some people, it's totally works. If you're not a fun person to talk to, yes, you can be mean to girls below self-esteem and fuck them that way. It's like, you can all just be fun. Once, you can do it. You can do that once. You can never get the same pussy twice. No. Unless you beat her up.

Then they come back. Joseph. always come back. They always come back, but that's why they always leave. I saw it. That was a great tweet. I saw it. It's like, N-words don't even know the euphoria of hitting a woman you love.

Kind of funny. Soft days. It wasn't a racist guy. It's funny. Of course, there was probably some white guy saying it, though. Yeah, but he's like, let me put a black emoji on my Twitter. Dude, I would pretend to be a black guy on Twitter if I could.

Yeah. You love those comments. It's like, I'm a black guy and I agree with this. Yeah. You know, as a black man. Yeah. I feel like I am a black guy. Dude, Dr. Umar is actually a white guy.

Like when I'm looking at Twitter, I am looking through the eyes of a black man. That weirdly kind of makes sense. And I kind of really like, even when I write a tweet, like it's kind of a little black. I say, hey, baby, take a walk on the black side. Yeah. Said, hey, girl. This talks about banging a trans woman, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Lou Reed was out of his time. And do you know how bad they must have been back then, too? Yeah. Yeah. They had to change a transom of like 1960.

keeping two canelopes to their chest. That you're literally just having, like you're having sex with a man wearing a wig. Yeah. Well, no, trans women of the 1960s. I feel like, you see the coconut bra on that one?

It was just a one man band. You were just having sex with a little bit of time. Honestly, though, trans, yeah. Trans technology has come an amazing way in like the 20 years. It really has.

Yeah. In like another 10 years, they'll be looking normal, dude. I don't know. that was a great time for you not to giggle just have the straightest look on your face and just peer into paddies. I mean it though.

Yeah, I feel like Thailand, that's like the one thing they have a technological advantage on. I think they have a genetic advantage because I think the Thai men look like women. They are closer to,

like some of the ones you see in New York, it's like big shoulders and tall and it's like, that's not really. You can't do much with that frame. That's a Puerto Rican. you're looking at. Yeah.

Tall, tall and broad shoulders that's Puerto Rican. Slender and womanly. Okay, so, quick question. This is coming from somebody who accidentally

banged a trans lady, but I want to accidentally, or do you mean succulently and lovingly? Well, would you rather bang a trans lady by accident, very attractive as a vagina, the situation I was in, or you reject a girl

because you think she's trans, but she's smoking hot. You had an opportunity to fuck one of the hottest women ever. But you think she's trans for some weird reason. And somebody tells you she's trans, so you reject her. But it turns out your friend was totally wrong. So he just rejected the hottest woman you'll ever fuck.

Or, wait, wait, wait. Why is this a would you rather? Those are two different. I know, yeah. Would you rather? Would you rather? Would you rather? Would you rather, would you rather bang a trans person or not? Yeah.

Or not have sex at all? Yeah, I'd rather accidentally have sex with her. Yeah, I'd rather repeatedly and accidentally have sex with her in her mouth, in her butthole, in her freshly made man. Genina. Yeah. I think it's cool. Someone had a good joke

in upstate New York where I started comedy. They were like, they were like, you got to be into trans women. That's the only time you can have sex with a brand new vagina. Yeah.

It's not illegal. Breaking it. Yeah, dude. Breaking an entering. Yeah. Do you think they put a hymen on a trans vagina? Yeah.

It's like the plastic. They put a little ceramic. No, no, no. It's like they have a little paper strip. Yeah. When you use like a new electrical toy. Yeah.

It's just like a little paper strip. Yeah. All right. You're good to go. It's like, welcome to my vagina. You know what's annoying? I never,

okay, so I've never taken a virginity. I'm fine with that. You haven't? Oh, you've never lived. I guess I have not. I've taken several virginities.

In fact, I got one scheduled for later to go. What is it? What is the hymen like? What's the material like? I don't want to look into this because I look like a fucking pedophile.

At what age do you stop taking virginities? I say like, after 25. Like, you can't take a Virginia after 25. I think after like probably 21, you should probably, unless it's like someone who's later on, I'm thinking of like most people will lose it around like before 18, right? No, dude, I think most people lose it between. I think 18's got. I think 18 and 21 is like he ages you most likely. Mine was either 16 or 16 or it was on my 17th birth. I don't remember. It was a weird time frame where we were celebrating my 17th birthday,

but I don't remember if it was the day before. I don't remember 16 or 17. But I've been saying 16. So for listeners, I'm sorry if it was 70. So your uncle was in town for your birthday? Yes. Hey, Patty. Hey, nice. Nice, dude. Nice, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's funny that I just went through things. I don't know. I like comedy that lifts people up and I don't know why we have to do this. You know what I was thinking about? What? Your uncle? They don't let incestual pregnancies. Do they?

They don't allow for them because they're afraid of the genetic, like, mutations that could happen? Where do they say that? that's like in health like yeah but like it's not illegal you can't like get an abortion

because of that I think no I'm just saying like you're not supposed to you're not supposed to you're not supposed to have like a child

with your relative right because you're gonna come out of retarding yeah but how far away do they have to be like genetic wise

like you can bang a cousin right I think it I think maybe what if she's what if she's really hot this is a good time to bring this up

wait can you finish that and then I have some very important to bring up. Yeah, because what I was going to say is, like, because they're afraid of, like, the genetic mutations that make you retarded. But what are, you know, who has genetic mutations are X-Men? Yes. What if we haven't been doing enough incest to find out the perfect combination of relative that makes an X-Men? How funny would it be, like, they have, like, superpowers, though? It's not just, like, retarded, but, like, legit, like, cyclops, like, they're flying and shit,

and it's like what it is. Damn. It's still retarded, yeah. Yeah. He's like, D-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-D-H. He's like Wolverine, but a hot dog shoot out of the house. I'm here to stash. I'm here to slash it up.

I don't know. I thought that maybe would be a... No, I know. I'm just picturing a, all of them with Downstone now and it's beautiful. In uniform. In uniform.

Yeah. Yeah. In uniform. Like a proficient, my name is Professor Charles. In Xavier. But they're all just staring at the blue one with the boobs. Xavier's like,

boys. Get it together. Are you going to hit that? And no. Yeah, I'm really, I'll be honest. My brand is really trying to rack to, because with the retarded jokes, you want to make them as, like, creative or possible.

My brain always just goes to candies and Lego, and I'm like, I got to think of a, I don't know. Yeah, well, we had hot dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really around the gauntlet. Yeah. Yeah, that was all that.

You had something before. Okay, so this is something that happened to me on field. I don't want this to be. be, whatever. I'm trying not to talk about sex, but you know, we're hitting 50 minutes. We might as well bring it up. Ooh. A couple like we haven't been talking about it.

A couple months ago, this woman matched me on field and she's like, I would do a threesome with you and my sister. They're twins. And I was like, oh, I won't do incest, like, I'll hook up both you guys, whatever, all this, like, weird thing. And then everybody's just like, what the fuck is wrong? If she ended up on matching me.

Once I started saying, I don't want to do incest. But everybody who just started, because like, what is the, the like, I thought it was illegal to bang two sisters at the same time. I don't know why. Maybe for them, apparently incest isn't illegal. It's not illegal. It seems like it's their problem, not my problem, but still feels

weird in a way. It's probably like using the N-word as a white person. It's like, don't do it. You shouldn't do it. But if you do, it's going to feel pretty nice. It's pretty cool. Because the twins thing is always like a fantasy, but they're not, they weren't identical. Nice. Even better.

Yeah. What's the problem? The problem is when she starts eating her sister's pussy and I'm like, this feels weird because I'm... Are you sure she was going to do that, though? She said, I do incest with my sister. Oh, that's cool. What's the problem?

See, I kind of... My brain kind of goes there where I go, I don't really care. If they're into it, like, what... They're going to do it anyway. My only concern is this, like, if they're willing to do that, they're also probably willing to like chop your head off and sacrifice you to Mollick.

Because there's something not that cool about these girls. Yeah, because they're on a field? No, not because they're on the app because they're blowing each other or whatever. Why? But my penis is protecting the incest.

The more they're having sex with me, the less they're having sex with you. But how would that work? Are you going to be having sex with the one? Well, one's like nibling your butt? Yeah, or like, or like, or like you're, you're banging one while she's eating out the other. Yeah, dude. But then how is your penis protecting incest? You're eating her

your, you know what? You're right. I don't think it is. But my friends, I talked to friends back home about it, they got so mad at me. They're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? They're like, that's a crime to not do that. They're like, dude, incest is the shit. And now we're just we're joking about, you know those memes where it's like, bro, if you're not, if you're not talking about, if you're not talking about

incest with your boys, dude. It's kind of no harm, no foul for you. Totally. Because you're not like bringing in your like mom into the picture. Yeah. Oh, that'd be crazy. That would be hot, though. Then you should do it. Yeah, yeah. But, uh, you know, you're kind of just the, the person observing. You don't even know that

they're sisters. I think they're lying. Yeah, yeah. What a good bit we all just did. Yeah. I don't know, just in my mind. I'll be honest, once a week. I'm like, I shouldn't have brought up how I wouldn't. You could plead, like, you could plead, come on in, uh, the court of war. Yeah. Yeah. Your honor. Come on. But there's, well, the first thing is nobody gets arrested for, I don't think, like, if you started like. It's impossible to get arrested for incest. I mean, unless you're like molesting a child. No, even then. It's like family rules, dude.

Yeah, it is. Yeah. Sort it out on your, your, your, your, own. Yep. Sort it out over the dinner table. Yeah. Figure it out

before supper. Yeah, because it's like, there's those weird couples where it's like a mom banging her son and they go on like the news and I'm like, oh, well, I guess you don't

just get thrown in jail for that. Yeah, you just have to get married. Yeah, that is. God, imagine the nagging if you marry your mom. Yeah. It's also tough too if like they kind of based,

like one of the biggest like pieces of entertainment in history is Star Wars. Right. is like riddled with incest. Yeah. Well, it is like galaxies of people. The reason it's the biggest fetish is because

people say that's the first thing you're told about sex is you're not supposed to have sex with people you relate. That's the first thing I remember being told about sex is you're not supposed to have sex with boys or people you're related to. So that's why it's so hot to fuck my brother. Not taboo, dude. No, but it's like, it's like that that's why

that taboo is there. It's like, you know. Yeah, I think. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I wouldn't do it. I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, Or I would do what you're thinking about. You would think to...

Yeah, just because I'd feel like I'd never have that chance again. I know. And now I'm getting really mad because I thought people would judge me. And they would be like, this is too far. Everyone wanted you to have sex with those sisters and then watch them have sex with each other. It was really cool. Your only weaknesses that you will tell people about it. Not only people, you'll tell everyone you know.

Yeah. Yeah, there's no way I could do it and just be like, that was just damn. And you keep it a secret. You kind of keep a little secret. You got to. don't shh. Yeah, because it's a secret to them, we're not supposed to be doing this.

Yeah, yeah. We're supposed to be in bed. Well, I think part of my brain goes to like, what the fuck happened to you? Oh, yeah. There's no way I would it be banging a girl. Unless, like, they're both like the hottest people ever. And it's like, well, yeah, of course they're going to fucking join.

Yeah. Like, there were like fraternal twins. Like, it was a boy and a girl and they were both just gorgeous and like growing up together. Like, how would you not? Oh, what's, oh, we have the same interests and understanding about everything. Wow. Nice, dude. You're really upselling the whole incest thing. See, for me, I don't know why certain things just seem innocent if it's two chicks.

I'm like, what is she going to get her pregnant with her fingers? It's fine. Just chicks. Plus, like, they're put on the show. Oh, roommates come out of. He thinks he'd be part of the incest talk. Now, you're not on the pod, dude. We're talking incest dog.

Every time at a bar, you guys, you guys talking incest to- that is like the best category, I feel like. Incest? Yeah, I think that's the best category. Yeah, I don't like those pussies that, like, throw a step in there. I'm like, you know what you want. want. Don't,

don't fucking. It's so funny, too, when they announced that they're like, but you're my stepmom. Yeah. And she's like, you know,

I wanted to fuck you over since I married your dad. Yeah. And it's like, no, come on. Say ever since I pushed you

out of my pussy, I wanted you back. Because you were the comments saying this exactly. Yeah, it's like, come on, like I'm on there.

You know what is? I do like the, the stepmom porn, but what I'm grossed out by is them being like, you're like, I don't want to hear about the dad's pain.

My dad's dead in this. I mean, my, I'm not thinking my actual dad, but now you're saying like your father, you know what I don't think is. It's also still your dad. It's like, you're already cheating on him. You don't know what I'm talking about it. You're getting your dad's sloppy seconds. Yeah.

Oh, I've heard that so many times. The point I was like, you have your dad's bigger than it. I'm like, dude, that's gross. Just be like a lady who like is somehow my mom, but my mom doesn't exist and my dad doesn't exist. It's a different universe. Just be this perfect combination. Be like Michael Good.

Your parents died in a car accident, but the Lord actually. made me also your mom. And also your Batman now. Yeah. Your car man. Because your parents died in a car accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. That was, I don't know why that reminded me if we saw Madam Webb and

sounds awful. Oh, you did? Yeah, but they had like just hot chicks in it, obviously. They were like 28 and they keep going like, but we're high schoolers. It's like Sydney, sweetie being like, but I'm just a 16 year old girl and you're like, stop trying to make us feel weird. Yeah, I hate when they do that.

And every guy jerking off in the theater was just like, oh. Yeah. That was cool. That'd be so funny, but Madam Webb just all dudes and drench coats walking in. Yeah. You know what's funny? If they said I was 16, everyone gets like, come on, weird it out. But also if they were like, I'm 29, everyone would also be like, all right.

Yeah. Gross. Yeah. Say 24. Make it cool. Yeah. Yeah. No, some people get really uncomfortable with stuff like that with the TV shows where it's like, but I'm like, dude, it's like, we know they're a dull.

I don't know. No part of me is like. Like, euphoria. That was one thing about high school musical. All those actors were like of the age of 21 or older. No, they weren't because Vanessa Hudgens,

her tits came out. And it was just, that was a crazy time on the internet. Because her nudes leaked and they were just underage nudes. It was like first page of Google. It's all right. It was okay though.

It was fine. You're saying quality-wise? It needed to happen. We all had a hunger, dude. Yeah. Well, I was 12. So for me, that was a nice. Yeah.

I was, I was 22. at the time. I was like, nice. Well, too old. I was like, hell yeah, dude. This is what I'm talking about. Nice. My, my, my, my.

How you've grown. I'll be honest. My sweet Lolita. I've never not known what to say more of my life on a podcast. That was time. No, dude, she was like 19 when those fucking pictures.

No, she was 16 when they came out. I want to look it out because I thought they were older. Yeah, look it up. Look it up. Not her. Not her. I'm not. Look up.

Vanessa Hudgens, milk, um, bathroom. Definitely do not look up the picture. What do you? Vanessa Hutchins turned 18 while filming the movie. Few.

So it depends what scene you were jerking off, dude. No, then it's totally okay. I guess I was totally wrong. No, thank Christ. Dude,

nice try trying to fucking Harvey Weinstein me. No, because I don't know you're like, courageous comedian calls out fucking guy for being a pedophile. But then I have fucking courageously just jerked off to a fucking 18 or 19. Yeah, but the last five minutes you've been going

Oh, those 16 year old tits were so hot. Not even care. No, because I knew. He knew deep down. He knew in my heart. He was only saying those 16 year old tits are hot because he knew they were actually. And that's honest, like, how you know it's all like a fucking joke. I'm innocent. If you were to show me. Because like, if I was, like, I'd be describing them in such more vivid detail. Yeah.

Instead, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm horny. Oh, whatever. If you showed Joe five different naked bodies of ambiguously aged girls, he would tell you which ones are 18. Yeah. And all you'd need to do is smell the photo. I'll go a step further. My eyes actually can't see underage boobs. There's this weird condition where it actually, it's illegal for me. Like my brain just shuts off.

It's because they're not there. It's not existing. He doesn't exist. yeah but i remember hearing that because like when that movie came out i was like how old are all these people and like one of them was like 26 isn't that cool like immediately google the age of somebody you want to jerk off to it's the best when was the last time you did that um probably probably milly bobby brown oh yeah you were really counting down when she turned now she's 19 and she's married so it's like extra okay to jerk off to her you know because like

clearly she's an adult isn't that cool milly bobby brown getting married at 19 and girls are like, she can do whatever she wants, but Leonardo DiCaprio eats some delicious 24-year-old snatch. Yeah. And they're like, he's brainwashed that woman.

Women are fucking stupid. They don't know what they want. Yeah, I'm kind of about bored with you. It gets so crazy. There's no winning. So basically what happens is younger women are like, oh, we'll just fuck older guys. And then they'll be like,

no, I'm like mature enough. I'm not going to fuck any of the guys my age. And then they get older and nobody wants to fuck them. Then they're like, these guys are pigs that fuck younger women. You're like, all right, well, clearly you're just mad that nobody wants to fuck them. Yeah, sorry.

good, you old broad. Get out of my way. I got some fucking 22-year-old panties to sniff. You know? Isn't that cool, dude? That's pretty cool. Isn't that cool? Fucking, I'm sniffing panties.

I'm like, ooh, you were born in 2002. Too. Ooh. Ooh, look at you. Born in 2003. Year of the dragon. Just showing her 9-11 footage, be like, you don't even know what this is.

What is this? I'll tell you a scary story. Once upon a time. there were two beautiful castles. And the evil sand people. The evil men from the far east where they cut off women's heads. And their clitoris.

I think they do both of that. Yeah. Yeah, with the Millie Bobby Brown stuff, that body, huh? They just kept putting her on, like, TV in like these skimpy dresses when she was like underage. How could you help yourself?

And it's like, you guys got to stop doing that. You got to stop awakening the beast within Patty. Exactly. That's nonsense. I'm trying to watch Jimmy Kimmel every night of the week. Yeah, we throw her in a fucking, what do you call it, hijab? Is that the one or the, what's the bigger one? Let's just wrap her in a carpet.

Burka, Burka. Just wrap her in a carpet. Yeah. She's acting in scenes and just her head is sticking out. It's just the head to the carpet. It's like, she's got a Lucho Libre mask, so you can't even see anything besides your eyes her mouth. Nice. Ideal.

Yeah. That's the ideal woman. Yeah. Yeah, she's, no, she's pretty cute. Yeah, look, crush on her. Yeah, but it really made me mad when she got married, because I was like, I'll just give it seven more years until, like, the age gap between us is not as weird anymore. This is now, yeah.

And then I will stalk her down and propose to her in the street. There's no weird age gap, dude. No. Nah. Just get yours, dude. Yeah. The youngest, for me, 21, if they can't, it just seems weird. I don't know how you hang out with girls.

Well, you don't drink. That's interesting. Like, what kind of days do you want to get a, you want to go to Shirley Temple? That's what you got to say. Yeah. You say, like, I got games on my phone. Yeah, you hand him an iPad. Yeah, that's all you got to do, dude.

Crayons with the table. Yeah, what do you do? Like, do you just like hop scotch if you, like, can't go to a bar? Yeah, I think there's a little bit in between. You also don't want to like. Kindergarten and 21 years old. Yeah. You also don't want to bring them to a bar and then they're checking IDs and you're there with like this girl and you're like, oh, like he looked at your ID and it's like, oh, this guy's almost 30.

Yeah, that's cool. Hey, daddy's taking his little girl out for a fucking special night for an ice cream Sunday. Yeah, a little ice cream. She's a good girl. I'll be honest, dude. You've made me laugh harder, but I've never been more uncomfortable on the podcast. That's the way to do it. you're like, damn.

Is this guy real or is it just a bit, dude? No, well, you're breaking boundaries. There's, there's color boundaries. I'm making you think outside the box. You really are. And by box, I mean, like, a little fucking 14-year-old vagina. Yeah. I heard there's glitter.

Damn, dude. It's like, I've been trying so long ago, my dad did not listen this podcast anymore. I think this is the one where he's like, he's just going to be like, oh, Michael. if he's anything like my dad every time I say something I'll say something like oh come on it's like all right well clearly I'm like joking around I'm like the jobs don't know that

he thinks like the jobs he thinks like just potential employers are just like listening to every podcast ever just on the off chance it's like you know that is like the one nice thing is like I feel like nobody has the time or energy to listen to like

you're gonna like enjoy listening to a podcast to listen to the whole thing And like, you're going to fucking fire me over, like, what was clearly a joke. Yeah. You say that, but I've been fired for multiple jobs for this. Well, that's gay. Yeah. You have, you have gay jobs then, dude.

That is true. Like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't give a fuck, dude. Like, they fire me. I'll fucking sue them for fucking, uh... There's a comic that did that. A comic? Yeah, there's a comic in New York. He completely sued a job and got the money back and got his job back.

He got, like, a bunch of money for doing it. And I was like, I could have done that three times. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. Yeah. When that happens. encroach you on my freedom of speech.

Yeah. And like also freedom to hate trans people. Sorry. I have the freedom to hit trans people. It's like they're going to cite my court case. That's cited in Gorman versus the state of New York. It's actually your civil right to hate trans people. It's very funny.

The trial is definitely to do with your job. It's just you just, you don't refuse to imagine that you only refuse why you don't like trans people. You're like, it's confusing and annoying. Because I want to put them. If I got a boner, I want to know if it's going into A or B. Now you're telling me there's like a little A with an accent over it. And not all of the above.

Do we, I mean, we fucking, we hit a perfect little hour there. Wow. We just got to 14 seconds. That was gorgeous, beautiful. I never doubted us for a second, dude. No, I doubted us for one second during that podcast. When Michael was like, I would never have sex with a minor. And you were like, I don't know, dude.

I don't know if this is a truthful podcast. Damn, we got dirty, dude. We actually might have to send to this entire episode. Yeah, we might have to start over right now. Yeah. That was a nice dry run. Okay, now that we got the demons out. No, this is one of my favorite episodes I've ever had in the podcast.

This is very fun. We did it. What a masterpiece, dude. Joe, you're the best, man. You're the best. You're still, like, iconic in late night live. You were, like, the best. You know what I want?

I want you to come back on here and talk about four-year-old pussy and me not get uncomfortable. I want growth between now and the next. He's going to start training. He's going to hang posters. He's a Victoria Justice. I have so many comics come on here and, like, I say shit and they get really weird. And I've never been on the other side of the tables. I've never had it.

I'm more free than I've ever been in my life, dude. Yeah, that's in the hair speaks for that. Yeah, man. That's true freedom. Well, much love to you. Oh, yeah. What do you guys want to propose? Oh, no.

The Buff Boys is actually over. Oh, it's actually... I had to end it, dude. I had to end it for reasons beyond repeating here, dude. But watch my new podcast is with Alex Tomaselli. Yeah. It's called Super Sully Joe's. Okay.

Fuck, yeah. Yeah. Now, also, if you have Buff Boys already download on your phone, delete it now. Delete it, remove it, and forget everything you heard on that podcast. I want you to come into Super Sully Joe's. Completely. fresh dude yeah i don't i don't want i don't want any bias of like well joe is like the coolest guy on the buff boys he's probably going to be the coolest guy on super seller i am but i want you to figure that out for

yourself it's more fun that way yeah do that uh follow me on instagram twitter uh all the social media's at joe w gorman i'm gonna i i i just submitted to some comedy festival so i actually have some new fucking sets online I forgot to make them private. They're public. And now I'm getting comments on it and it's already getting views so I can't fucking. What am I going to do? I got to give the people what they want.

Yeah. You definitely check that out too because your stand-up's fucking hilarious. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Michael. So sweet, dude. And yeah, that's it. I don't have any shows coming up. Nice.

I guess you got to, you guys got to book me. Yeah, book me or I'll kill myself. Definitely book Joe or he will kill himself. Yeah. News from bed. Check out News from bed. And thank you, of course, Michael. for having me on. I always love sitting across the couch. Yeah, I mean, it's literally just you

walked two seconds to get here. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate it.