Morning Good - Michael Gets Stabbed - Episode 36

Episode Date: August 1, 2021

Thanks to Mike and Jake for coming on the show and keeping us informed. They have a podcast together called Do Less on all platforms, so make sure to check that out and give them a follow on social media. You can find Mike on Instagram @mike_bramante and Jake @jake_velazquez. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, really? I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Perfect, and we're on. Look at this. Yeah. I got a knife pulled on me the other day. What? Really?

Yeah, while selling tickets while barking. Oh, and by the park, that's why. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's madhouse. Yeah, what was I doing by the park? I shouldn't be there, I guess. So it's a bar. What did you just give them all your tickets?

No, no, he didn't like rob me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, he's just like one guy in the show. Or you barked him into the show. You're like, come on to the grizzly pair. Yeah, yeah, it's free. Free for you, you know. Well, I've also, I've done a show before.

I'll get back to that and say, I did this one mic one time, and a dude had a gun, and he was like running the mic, the mic, and he was a white guy. I'm gonna do a voice, but he was a white guy. So he, like, flashes his gun. He's like, yo, my bitch about to do comedy. He's like, y'all motherfucker's been a laugh. He shows his gun.

He's like, you understand? He's like, I don't care if he's his fake laughs or real laughs, but y'all motherfucker's bit of laugh. And then she goes on stage and we're just like, ah! It's one way to get laughs. I mean, it works. Just threatening people's lives. Do what you got to do, you know?

Kill or be killed. Yeah, I've been in an, yeah, I get it. I've wanted to laugh that bad. But, yeah, it was wild. Oh, but this guy, so what do you. did it is he uh i was selling tickets and he's like oh free comedy show and just grabbed all the tickets out of my hand like clearly like just fucking with me yeah yeah and i was like not get the fuck out of here there's no free shows in new york even though i run a free show but i still had to like act

like you know there aren't any tough yeah and then he turns around pulls out his knife and goes how would i slice your fucking face oh jesus and his buddy was standing there he's like yo come on like let's go but it's so funny because part of me wasn't scared because i was like what is he gonna fucking stab me in broad daylight and i was like wait yeah yeah yeah yeah like right at first I was like, nah, and then immediately after it, I was like, ah, I don't know. I actually just saw something kind of crazy, not far from here. I was getting off the hell at 14th Street. There's like a smoke shop, I guess, right off that First Avenue exit.

And I went to go, like, look at the smoke shop, just kill some time. And I saw two guys arguing, and it looked like it was about to spill into the street. I guess it deesculated. But one guy had a hammer in one hand and a knife in the other. Jesus Christ. He looked like he was ready for war. That's kind of cool. That's like a dual action thing.

Oh, it looked cool. Yeah, looks very cool. either you guys have the citizen app. Yeah, yeah. I deleted it. I mean, I had it, yeah. But you think with that, like, there's murders and robberies going on all over the place. I barely ever see anything.

I think it's lying sometimes because there's been moments where, like, I've gone to the grocery store by me, and then I'll get home and see, like, someone was shot here. And I live in, like, the Upper East Side. I'm like, I didn't hear anything. There was no one. Like, I'd silence her. Maybe he's like. That'd be so funny.

I think it's like either James Bond or it's fake. news. I think a lot. I think some of it is people reporting stuff, but it didn't actually happen. Yeah. Someone heard a lot of noise. Somebody got shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I think it's okay. Yeah, I had one where it was a $4 million jewel heist by me when I

was in Hell's Kitchen. And like, I looked it up and it was like a real story and I was like, that's wild. That's pretty cool. Yeah, it's very cool. Yeah. That's a cool notification to get to like four million dollar jewel heist. Oh, yeah. Hise in general. Heist is so cool. Hise is way better than robbery. A heist is like Heist is thought out. It's thought out.

like planned. I'm envisioning masks. But no matter what, they sound cool. Like, they could be a giant piece of shit, but for some reason it says heist, it sounds cool. It's like,

million dollar heist. And you find out it's like, from charity or something. You're like, I don't know, it's a heist though. It was a heist. It was a hoist.

You could say $35 hist from these street vendors. Yeah. Oh, that was coordinated. He husted some hot dogs. In my mind, though, I just think,

like, you have to ride off like on a jet ski. Yeah. I don't know why. That's just like the mood. You have to like, You have to fly. It has to be from different modes of transportation in my mind. Yeah, you could steal $5 worth of stuff, but it's, if you're running to the East River and getting picked up in like a boat.

Yeah, that's a high stay. You disappear into the city. Yeah, then a helicopter comes. You grab on the ladder and you're off. Oh, yeah. Never be seen again. I always think about that. Like, if I was a fugitive, like what I would do.

I think the first thing is shave my head because I think that's like one of the main identifiers because it'd be like, come on that. That's a bald guy. We're not looking for a bald guy. I don't know why I think that would just immediately throw them. off track. I noticed like I'll like wait long to get a haircut you know because it's economical but I do the same thing

with my beard like I'll grow my beard out long and then shave it bare. Yeah yeah. So I have like four identities I could play with right. You know like bald beard beard long hair Like I could go for a while. It's like Jason Bourne stopping it at a safe house and just completely it's like my apartment and then

you like completely get it's like a safe house Yeah there's nothing much going on it looks like a safe house there's nothing really on the wall you go in there, you change your identity, and you go back out and commit a hoist. Yeah. This apartment has a woman's touch. You could tell.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, even the, what do you meme? It says, for the girls on it. Oh, yeah, yeah. And everybody talks about the dildo looking can't. That is a dog they were at first. Or a great shit. What do you mean?

Because it's got the colon shape on us. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like one of those, like, real. Yeah. I debate whether it would be two lesbians sitting on it and making out or one goes in the anus and one goes in the vagina. Oh, probably the second. but it does angle there's so much distance between

somebody because nobody I talk about this on almost every episode nobody knows what it looks like though nobody listening has any idea they're like what is he doing? You don't ever do video get some audio that's a good idea

just yeah it'll be that's a good idea we should get video of somebody you know sitting on it right oh yeah yeah yeah come on

do it for the show I don't know that's content yeah that's content that's content I would do it does look it looks like a slips in you know a little bit.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think all candles kind of like that. It's flacced. But my favorite is there's a, I have a paint

or like a photograph of like nun smoking cigarettes. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, I had a job interview the other day. And I set up everything perfectly on FaceTime and I was like,

oh, you can't see this at all. And then immediately I click the Zoom link and the camera span like opens up so it's like you can see it directly in the background. Like it looks so, it's why I had to like cancel. I was like,

oh, sorry, I don't know what happened. And I took the photograph off the wall. Because I was like, it's not like bad but it's like they can't take you seriously there's just like a picture of nuns smoking cigarettes in the background like that's but it all depends on what the job is

like if it was some marketing company they'd probably hire you oh yeah yeah yeah it was like a receptionist I think it doesn't mean any I don't know I yeah I think you ever get a job and you feel like they're letting you work there like I feel like I'm a special needs person they're like he can stack cups it's not it doesn't feel like a real job it's not rocket scientist right yeah or you know they saw and they wanted to hire you because of it

they're like oh this guy's got some personality Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I think there are some jobs where that would be the case. No, of course. Yeah. But receptionists, they're like, we don't want anything out of the ordinary. Right, right, right. Yeah, for sure.

Just, like, put a picture of a stack of papers behind. Yeah, he's going to nail. Holy shit, you have a phone in here too, yeah. You practice picking it up. Yeah, that's so funny because it just, it feels like, like my other job, it was like constantly busy and I was doing shit all the time. And this job, like, it feels like they're like, I'm like, should I do this? Or like, yeah, you can do that.

And I'm like, well, is that what should I. Like, if you want to. Yeah, that's what I should be doing. Like, you know, just, you know. What is it exactly? I'm literally like a receptionist at the company. And then I, I do mail and stuff like that. But it's just, it's so slow.

Like my first day there, they're like, I'm so sorry. It's like normally never this busy. And I was like, I did nothing for like eight hours. I'm not going to lie. You did have a very mail room look to you. Oh, yeah. Like guy that, like, you know, like in Always Sunny when he's working the mailroom. It almost seems like the exact same thing.

Like, I just picture you smoking cigarettes being like, like, oh, wow. Just like I should do that stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was such a different vibe because the mail room was like all dudes. And then this is companies like all women. And I'm like the, I'm like the male receptionist for like a female. It's like reversed. It's crazy that mail room is still a thing.

I mean, like, you know, I know the post office still thing. I know. But yeah, who gets mail? Who gets mail still? You know what they're delivering like Chase credit card statements? That's like it. That's like literally stuff like that. Actually, I think I know why it would make sense for an office because almost everybody doesn't

need mail anymore. So they get the mail to the office, like instead of their apartment. Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like, so it's all just personal. Yeah, that's exactly where it is. Or, like, you're getting gifts from clients or something like that, I guess. I mean, barely.

I feel like some of that, they'll, if someone gets you a gift, they want to make sure you get it. And, like, no one goes into the office. He's probably facilitating, like, a lot of, like, husbands and wives cheating on their significant others. Yeah. They're getting, like, secret mail to the office instead of, at home. Yeah, that'll be the way to do it, like, just, like, messaging. messages like that, yeah. Yeah, it'd be like, we got a guy in the mailroom.

He'll keep everything. I just know, like, everybody who's cheating on everybody. Yeah, that's weird. I never thought about that. But I would be, but everybody cheats on their spouse of the receptionist. So, like, I would be the guy. Well, you're working at an all-female company. That's true.

So, I don't know. So have you ever seen New Girl? No. No. Okay. So he'd be like Schmidt, like working at the all-female company. I've never seen any either. All right.

Well, we're going to move on. I watch good TV. I like, yeah, I liked it. I saw a couple episodes. I think this is fun. Yeah. I don't know. Do the female employees harass you?

Oh, we don't have to talk about your job. No, no, I don't care. Can we talk about Lily anything? Yeah, yeah. No, no, I'm waiting for it, though. Yeah. It's so funny, like, just constantly. I feel like whenever I, I don't know if it's just because I'm in a relationship

and you can ever see, like, I've never, like, I've never, like, cheat on my girlfriend, obviously, but it's like, when people start hitting on you, you just assume, you're like, yeah, I could have fuck that part. Like in your mind, you're just like, yeah, everybody's trying to have sex with me. Because you're like, I'm not going to find out if they would. But everybody, you just think every single person wants to have sex with you. Oh, I was, when I had a girlfriend, I thought I was the most eligible bachelor in New York City. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm sure. And then you get broken up with them. And you're like, oh, I always botch it somewhere down the line. Yeah, it starts good. That's exactly because you're not in relationship. You don't get to see where it would have gone. So, girl's just like, hey, do you know how to get to, like, the mall? You're like, it's right over there.

And you're like, all right, she fucking. But it's like, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Yeah, but if it would have been a 30 minute conversation immediately, she'd been like, who the fuck is this guy? Right. And it would have ended, yeah. 100%. Yeah, that's true.

Not all of them, but more than you were like, yeah, yeah. Right. My favorite was my old job because it's like, I think I'm an attractive person, but I had a male wagon. And I'm like, there's no way anybody this company wants to fuck me because I'm carrying around like a wagon. I'm like, here's your mail. That's amazing.

That's good. It's not. I know it sounds like a kid's whacking, but... Yeah, yeah. No, no, I know exactly what you're talking about. That's what I envision you're doing right now, though. So how do you deliver the mail now? Well, this company's so small that I literally just...

I'll carry it. Like, it's like... Toss it in the room. Flinging it at them. Well, that's the funny. The company I worked at before was like a Fortune 500 company. It was so funny thing in my mind. I'm like, they give me letters to the CEO.

I'm like, I could just destroy this company. Like, I could literally just start throwing away mail for, like, weeks on it. Because, like, people don't notice until, like, five days afterwards. Like, did you see this? and I could always be like, no, not at all. I looked, I looked so hard for I didn't see it anywhere. And I could just be throwing everything away.

That would be so funny. Or like, I could easily write letters back from, you know what I mean? I could pretend to be somebody and just. Just start being like a pen pal to somebody. Yeah, as the CEO. You should almost, if you don't get the affairs, you know what I'm saying? Through the mail, you should just start creating them. Oh, yeah.

Or secret admirers. Just start creating secret admirers. Yeah, you got to mix it up a little bit, have a little fun. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Oh, I didn't even get to finish the knife story, sorry. Yeah. So the guy, uh, I said, his buddy's like, let's go, let's go.

And then I see the guy like every day since then. It's like two weeks ago and he doesn't recognize me at all. Because like, I'm the first guy. He's the first guy to pull a knife on me, but there's no way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the first guy he pulled the knife on. So he just like, nod his head at me. I'm like, does this guy now remember that he pulled it threatened to slice my face?

Or maybe he remembers and he just, you're in his good graces now. I doubt. It was his friend who pulled him off. It seems like you're just a dime a dozen. I mean, this friend recognized the situation. He got him out of it. But I'm like, if he pulled a knife on me for that,

there's no way, if somebody bumped into him, he wouldn't pull a knife. You know what I mean? It's like there's no way he's in constantly. This sounds like someone who's going to be doing open mics in like two weeks. Probably, yeah. Dude, he's in front of the pair all the time.

It's so funny because he's in front of the pair. And like, the security guard, the pair is terrifying. I don't have you met that guy? he's this giant like eastern European guy and he will never seen him fight anybody he just puts his hand on their shoulders like I think you should go home people are just like okay

yeah yeah yeah that makes sense yeah the pair is like kind of a popping bar I feel like yeah the bar there gets crazy there are people I've seen there they'll be there at like noon and they'll leave at like four o'clock in the morning that's amazing what do those people do

they just get drunk every day yeah in my mind I'm tired of people saying those people aren't happy I'm like dude you see the look in their eyes when they're like laughing when their french fries show up Like that they're happy. Like, it's not. Those are, I know these types of people.

Those are just pension guys, I think. Yeah, yeah. Ex-cop, construction worker for, you know, some union. Yeah. Nothing else to do all day long, so just get drunk all day. Get fucked up, watch sports and talk with your boys. Yeah, that guy, when he's drunk, he's never like, oh my God, what's going on with my life? Nobody respects me.

He's just shit-faced. And I'm like, that's, I know if he gets sober, it's horrible. Like his withdrawals, he'll start crying, have a mental. breakdown. But I'm like, right now he's like he is, like he found if he just keeps it up, he's going to be fine. I have a couple of friends like that, which I'm obviously concerned about them in some

ways, but like they've also found like the perfect balance. Not balanced. That's the wrong. Some, they found their momentum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where like they just like have 12 beers a day, but like they're just, they're firing on all cylinders. Yeah, yeah. Well, I was thinking about, I was trying to make this into a bit

like I definitely have friends that are like alcoholics. And like, they're a complete mess, but they're happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, who are we to have an intervention? And then, you know, then they have to face all the terrible things in their life. Yeah, that we did you. Yeah, exactly. I'm

constantly freaking out. I'm not happy. So why the fuck am I going to be like, this guy's we love, like, I love, we love doing that. Like, we like say, that guy's probably not happy. That's like our favorite thing to do is people because we want to feel better. We're like, that guy's, that, that single guy who's like 45 years old and bangs, 20 year olds, we're like, he's not really happy.

It's like, he probably is. Yeah. He seems like he has a great life. He has a much better life than the guy who's, like, fucking pulling his hair out because he's got, like, seven kids. Right, yeah. And he's like, it's all worth it. I'm like, you're just telling yourself that because you made a giant mistake. It's like, I love when people are like, oh, never, a lot of people are like, a lot of people say like, oh, I'll get a tattoo because I never met somebody who regrets their tattoos.

I'm like, yeah, who's openly going to be like, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking here. Like, this was so stupid. All of these are dumb, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a good point. But I also, I think I'm just too much of a pussy to get one because, like, I regret. things too much. I think if I get the wrong candy at a vending machine, I'll really like ponder on it for like 30 minutes.

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I think we're very similar in that way, but I also, I kind of want to get one, but then are your parents weird about tattoos? My parents are always like, oh, like you shouldn't get a tattoo. Yeah. Why do that to your body? Blah, blah, blah. Oh, mine don't be super pissed. But I think I've also disappointed them in so many other ways that this would be like nothing.

This is like nothing. Oh, my God. Almost all my siblings have tattoos. My roommate made me think about this, though. I feel like, not to make it about race, but white people don't look great with tattoos unless they have a lot. Yeah, that's a good point. Like that shoulder, like cross-Irish thing. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And the only white people look good with tattoos are really tan white people. It's like, you have to have darker skin just looks better for tattoos. 100%. So it's like, I'm pretty pale, so I feel like I would need to load up on tattoos. I don't know if I want to go embark on that journey. Like, I'd maybe get one, but like, I do think sleeves look cool. Yeah, like sleeves look cool, but one here looks dumb. It does look dumb.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's weird. But you're also Jewish. Do your parents have, like, an issue with that? Because I know a lot of Jewish people that, like, since the Holocaust are like, no tattoos. I'm like, I don't know if that's what we should take away from the Holocaust. But I don't know. The biggest lesson. I just, just my mom's Jewish, but my parents are, my mom's an artist, dad's musician.

So they're like, ooh, they'll probably be getting tattoos, honestly, any minute. So that either them have any They don't, but like all my sisters do Oh, okay One of my sisters is like both sleeves So you definitely could get them then Oh 100%. There's no problem with my parents

I'm like only, I'm like the black sheep Jake is way more conservative than his parents Yeah, I really am You guys need to get a job I really am Your parents are like hippies And you're just you're like Oh I like disappointed them by getting a real job

Yeah yeah It was like how I disappointed Comedy is like trying to make my parents proud Yeah it's so funny Yeah. I know. Dude, I know people like that. Like, I know a friend and, like, his mom is, like, a teacher.

And she was, like, kind of hippie-ish. And then he went to, like, a really good school and was, like, very, like, conservative. It was just so funny that, like, no matter what, your kids are just going to rebel. They're going to rebel. They're going to. And then eventually, though, you realize they were right. Yeah, they're right.

And now, like, I need to get out of this fucking job. Comedy is so much more fun. Right. Right. It is really the funest job in the world. I love talking to people that are, like, I think a lot of people are, like, oh, I know, I know the money thing maybe in 10 years would be an issue, but I'm like, dude, I'm so fucking happy. Like, I took the city bike home last night for doing a set. I'm like, this is like the most

fun thing in the world. City bike in between sets. I mean, I could talk about it until I'm blue in the face. Like, it's, it's my favorite thing. I'll have a late night spot at the cupboard. And it's not over to 1130. And my favorite part of the night is like, you had a good set. You get a city bike home. It's an hour. On the electric. So obviously. I'm not trying to do manual labor. And you're just like, you're just like wind in your hair, late night, going to the city. It's the best. It's the best. It's so much fun. I'm like, it's great. And it's like I only, yeah, yeah, I don't know how to, I don't know.

I haven't had too many, like, I've been, I like when you're on a good streak and you're just having good good good. But also, one thing I've noticed, have you ever had this where you start doing well in one room and you have a level of comfortability in that room? But you do a different room and you don't have the same level of comfortability. It depends a little bit like new rooms could make me uncomfortable, especially if they have something noticeably wrong with them. Yeah.

But sometimes new rooms I'm like even more excited about it if they look sick. No, I am excited about it, but I feel like sometimes I'm less comfortable. Like as in you go on the same stage so many times because I've been performing the same place so much now that I'm like, oh, I'm so comfortable here. But then I've done like a bar show and I'm like, but it's so when it gets for comedy, it only takes one person to make me super nervous. Like one guy's like, you're just performing for that guy. You're like, ah, he's not going to like that joke. Yeah. You know what I mean.

And it's usually like a peer where it's like, I don't know, this person. If Michael Good's in a room, I'm like a, yeah, open. Like my peers will make me more nervous than like a headliner. Yeah. Oh, really? Like 100%. Like, I'm in the opposite. Like, yeah, like seeing someone I see at Open mics daily.

Because I think the headliners, one, could differentiate between a good joke and, like, doing well a little bit better. And also, like, there's no expectation. So, like, they're more likely to be. In their mind, like, everybody here's going to suck. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If you're even a little good, like, it's like, they're like, yeah, you did well. Whereas, like, the people I see every day.

it's like you see me bomb at mics all day, you're just waiting for me to bomb at a show. So like I need to show you, you know, I feel like there's more to prove. I don't know why. Yeah. I just feel like it's one of those things where you want the respect of your peers,

too, you know? Yeah, 100%. And the hard part is, I don't know, it's always hard when your friend is like the booker. Or not like when your friend's the booker because you're like, oh, I'll do it I want, but like, I hate that feeling that you're like, you're like, this person chose me.

You get so in your head about you. This person chose me to be on their show. Because I think I'm just doing stuff at the pair all the time. I'm like, oh, I've been doing every week I bargain to do a show, but shows, so I'm like, they're not going to like, if I have a bad said, it doesn't matter. Right. But I think when somebody books me, they're like, oh, I went out of my way. That's why I don't ask to be on a lot of shows because I'm like, I feel like sometimes if you ask and you bomb, it's kind of like a hard.

Yeah. I never ask. I don't ask. I also don't get that. But I think it's because I have a lot of shows I produce. So I'm always in my mind. I just assume I got a spot because someone wants a spot on mine. Yeah.

So I don't. I throw caution to the wind a little bit. Like, I'll do my best stuff on their show, but it's like, I'm like, if I bomb, I bomb. You know what I mean? Like, whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Apparently, the dude from Slip Nodg's, I have like, just very rough notes.

Apparently some dude from Slip Nod just died, the drummer. Oh, no. I don't know why. I'm not like the biggest Slip Nod fan, but that's, uh. Yeah. So what are your thoughts on it? He's a rock star. I don't think it was natural causes.

I don't think. But take a wild guess. Somebody said he died peacefully in his sleep. I was like, you don't know. Beasily in sleep after overdose. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, which is very peaceful. Yeah.

I had like a friend overdosed. And I'm like, that is the best way to die. Overdose is, yeah, probably. Yeah, your last thought is this is fucking awesome. And then it's just done. Like, there's no more. Because I feel like, I don't know. Also, it's like sad when you die young, but it's also like everybody assumes you're going to do great things.

And then if you die older, people know exactly what your potential is. Right. That's funny. I think that's funny actually But I think it also just like depends on The type of person that dies young A lot of the people that do die young Do die from overdose

So they're sort of like wild people Yeah yeah yeah And so they almost lived a full life That's true Yeah, yeah More life experiences than yeah Like my friend who overdosed he was He lived like three lifetimes

You know But if he just got hit by a car And he was like didn't really do much It'd be a little sadder maybe I don't know Yeah I get what you're saying But yeah it's true You're like oh all that time

We spent sleeping They were on Coke Like with their head out the window of an Uber like, yeah, Vegas. They were doing that. They were living life. We've talked about this, though, when you do die young, your legend can grow. Like, especially if you're a famous person. Oh, absolutely. Everybody was like, dude, this person would have made like 900 albums after this.

Yeah, yeah, so it's almost like get in, get, you know, make a mark, get out quickly. Especially in comedy, because comedy is so like time specific. Yeah. So like with the people that die young in comedy just become the best. Yeah, it's very true. Yeah. Or just stop do it. Eddie Murphy, like, he could have had some horrible hours of comedy. We just never heard. Do you think there's some point where you just, like, run out of things to say? Because there is a lot of guys that, like, just maybe they, or they feel like they've conquered it because they've, like, sold out stadiums and shit. And then they're like, then they go away for a while.

Yeah. That's the move. I like, I want that idea where, like, I could still like, like, a Ron and White kind of guy. That'll be like just the move. Like, that's like a good level of fame. We're like, yeah, sure, you have your demographic. You could sell out. Yeah.

Places. And then he just like will pop up randomly and just like do sets here. I'm like, that's like a good level. I think, yeah, I think a part of it. It's like, he's like a giant celebrity. I'm like, that's a good level. That's where I want to do. Nothing passes.

He's a massive star. Yeah. I think part of that though, at least I hope this is what it is. Some of these like big guys kind of scale back because they want to give other people a shot. Yeah. I know that's a big thing for like successful comics. Who like who does it? Someone, I was talking about it with somebody, but someone like, you know, like Chappelle or Burr, for example, they're pretty active.

But they like, you know, like, Papelle or Burr, for example, they're pretty active. But they like, but they like, pop up at clubs, but they're not like asking, you know, like, they're not taking spots. Yeah. They're just dropping in. But he also took many years off. I mean, maybe he was burnt out after the Chappelle show. Right.

He took some years off as well. But I feel like there is a point where like, you know, you reach, like Eddie Murphy, like reaches the mountain top and then he disappears for 20 years. Yeah. He is kind of a unusual case, though, because he was such a movie star that like, there was like. Yeah. Like Steve Martin, though, too, selling out stadiums and then transitions more into acting. I think Saturday Live is like one of the worst things for stand-up comedies. Like as far as like, it just immediately, like, yeah, it's good because you sell,

but like nobody has great specials. I feel like after being on set. You know what I think? Normally it's like... It makes you super famous, though. Like in terms of putting butts in seats. Yeah, yeah. Really good.

But that's like the hard part I always wonder about... It's so funny when you start, like, thinking about, like, critiques and like, you're like, no, when I get to that, like, you're just assuming it's going to be great. But I'm like, I feel like the, the everybody knowing you think that would just get so, like, I don't know, I feel it would get kind of tough. Oh, I'm. anti that actually. Yeah.

I know as far as I say, like I don't like that. But I was actually thinking about this, uh, people like hate, not hate comedy,

but I, people just don't necessarily love it because I was looking at like the most famous comedians. They all had like one to two million Instagram followers. Yeah. And then I was looking at like the tertiary characters on, uh, what was that, stranger things.

Oh, it was like way more. It's 25, 30 million followers. And like the, the big ones had like a hundred. So it's like this one show. the like yeah it's it's ridiculous

versus like a John Malaney like they were more well known than then it's crazy to think about yeah and I think what I think it's the hard part too is because like we've already heard comedians talk about everything so we're like all right what are they going to say on Instagram it's going to be but then sometimes then you get the other side of it

the ones that do have a lot of followers ones to talk all the time but you're kind of like shut the fuck up you know what I mean that was my favorite my girlfriend's phone one time and like the politicians were saying hilarious shit and then all the comedians were like

we need to come together and you're like oh okay you know what I mean like Trump is saying funnier shit than you. Daily. It's like... He's almost more of a comic.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why I love that Alex Jones is just like a comedian now. You know that, right? He does stand-up? I don't know if he does stand-up, but he does, like, all these comedic podcasts

and he's branding himself as a, like, a satire act. So, like, it's so hilarious. You mean just being on, like, Shultz and Rogan and Dylan? Yeah, kill-tone. Yeah, but he's like, he's, like, purposely doing it so that he can't get sued for, like, saying, like, crazy shit.

You can fall back on this is comedy. He's one of my favorites. He's an elite entertainer. Oh, yeah, yeah. Dude, he's amazing. The greatest show. Dude, he's just so, like, when he gets drunk, too, it's like the funniest thing in the world.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Did you hear him all like Andrew Schultz podcast? I don't want to be a podcast. No, he's amazing. He's great. Nobody could go like him. Like, I feel, because he obviously has, like, a bad reputation or whatever, but I feel like everyone should give him a couple listen.

It'd be like, this guy's amazing. Yeah, you'll really appreciate it. But you have to, like, take everything he says with, like, a grain of salt as, like, if you do... He's the worst at saying, like, because he is right about certain things. Like, there are things that's crazy that you're like, oh, he actually knew information. Because, like, I'm not reading these fucking documents. He's like, this paper says this or that. But he also has made some massive, you know...

Oh, of course, nuts things, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But he also, I think his thing, too, is, like, he says things in the worst way possible. So, like, if, I don't know exactly the Parkland thing, but I'm going to say some crazy example, like, let's say that he was... was saying that like, oh, some of those kids are over exaggerating. He'd be like, these kids are fucking actor. Like, yeah, right.

And then people were like, wait, you think the kids are like, now, I'm not sure what he actually, like, I have no idea what actually happened with that situation, but he's the kind of guy who will say stuff like that and completely like, oh, 100%. Yeah. Like, he says the word vampire all the time. Like, I don't know if he's actually talking about vampires or if he's talking about like, people that like take, you know what I mean? Like, I would love Alex Jones, like, interpreter.

That just like. Right. He's hard to follow sometimes. He was talking about the Bohemian Grove and like, apparently politicians were like, having gay sex or whatever. And he said, he was just making

the most homophobic remarks. But it was like in some way, it was like he's speaking truth to power. Yeah, he's like, these homos are bunch of.

Yeah, he's like next to Tim Dylan and in Rogan like Dylan exchange a look like he definitely doesn't know you're gay. Yeah. It's so funny.

Did you see that one where you smell some chick's feet on Kill Tony? No. It's the great, it's just him is smelling a girl's foot. And it's just,

he's nuts. Yeah. Browning himself as satirical is great though because if you did listen to him as thinking it satire, he would be the funniest person. Oh, well, that's what Dylan is. Dylan is. Dylan is just sad. Dylan is satire, Alex Jones. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah. That's huge. I didn't even think about that. That's his biggest influence. It has to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't even think that he listened to him all the time. And rush Limbaugh and like people like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is great, man. I wish I could do that like franty. Yeah. I can. I don't care about anything enough. Like, I'll be like, I'll get angry about something. I'll be like, fuck this. We should do this. And I'm like, actually, I don't really give a fuck.

I just realize that okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, you've got to be passionate. Yeah. My favorite thing is like, I forgot to vote and then for like mayor. And then I've just decided I'm not into voting. Like I'm sticking. Instead of saying like, oops, I screwed up, I refuse to take that.

And I said, I'm just like, I'm going to be a political now. Just because I forgot to vote. I'm like, it's. Oh, I forgot to vote. I just realized when you said that that I forgot to vote for me. I registered like two weeks before, too, for mayor. Eric Gad, everyone's saying he's going to win, so I'm just going to accept his victory. He's a black guy, right?

Yeah, yeah. Cool. I didn't even consider voting for mayor. I mean, I probably should have. I thought Andrew Yang was going to win because he was getting most media coverage and then he didn't even come close to. Yeah, he was like in last. It'd be funny if the other guy won, though, the Red Burray guy. Oh, right.

I almost want that. If I do vote, I'm voting for him. What was he? I forgot his name. He has a really interesting name. he's the conservative candidate, but he was like a hell's angel. Oh, that's pretty cool.

And then he was like a, you know, like he just is like a vigilante. Oh my God, I love this. Yeah. Yeah. That's so badass. And someone was telling me,

was he the guy out there with the hammer in the knife? No, no, he'll probably go find that guy and beat his ass, though. Oh my God,

that's awesome. That's how he's going to handle problem. Yeah, just going to beat the shit out of people. Someone told me they did like a comedy show benefit for him and that he was like, he was amazing. So I don't know.

I'm voting. I think I'm voting. Wait, what's his name? I got to look up. Ah, just if we look up mayoral candidate. Can we still vote? I don't even know. I love that it's the,

you can choose your second, third, and fourth choice. Which really, it's great because the people that got second place will actually feel good like it's like a kids thing. Yeah, yeah. But then the people that are like,

imagine like, oh, I didn't lose the election. I fucking lost the election. I was like last prize. Right, right. Mayor or candidate. Yeah, and only Eric Adams came up, but I'm going conservative Oh, here we go.

Curtis Slewa. Curtis Slewa. S-L-I-W-A. This guy's a beast. Oh, my God. What is a red beret compared to a green beret? It's just, the red? Yeah, but it is.

No, I'm just saying, Oh, my God, dude, he's awesome. Oh, okay. But he used to be like... A certain, like, military... I forget what it's called. This picture is a guardian angel. Yeah, the...

Are you sure? It was a guardian angel? I think he used to be a hells angel. Yeah, yeah, Guardian's angels are like the vigilante ones that, like, cleaned up the streets. And then the Hells Angels were just like the biker gang. Yeah. And, uh, oh, no, never mind. I thought we went to the same high school.

That would have been a big, big push. You always seem like on the subways with like, where was this guy when I got that knife pulled on me? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He would have protected you. You got to vote for a guy like that. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it would be so funny if that guy was there. Yeah, and he has, it's him versus Eric Adams.

Yeah, yeah. So, like, that's what it is right now? Yeah, I think it's just them too. Oh, shit. So, or like, they're the two, you know, he's the conservative candidate. Eric Adams is the, uh, he's got to start saying wild shit. That's how, I think that's how you, well, I guess he already got the meet. I guess it doesn't really.

I'm voting for it. If I'm, yeah. I think we could all go cast our ballots after this for goes to sleep up. When is the election? I don't know. I don't know. It was so weird. Like, I think there wasn't there, like, five. It was like a, there's a whole new story about how it was all screwed up or something and they had to

recount all the votes. The fix is in. I don't know. There's always a fix. Yeah. None of this. I don't think elections exist anymore. Yeah.

I mean, if we do this much to other countries, there's no way we're not doing it in our own country. Oh yeah, 100%. Like that would be buddy of Curtis Leewell was like a puppet master. Well, there's no way it's all like it's all goes according to plan. I mean, especially this year. I mean, like there's just, you know, mail-in votes and. That's what I mean. It's like such an antiquated system

and every state has their own different rules and there's so much corruption. Like, I'm not saying the results were wrong. I'm just saying there's probably a lot of fraud every year. Are you saying the election was stolen? Yeah. Right. That's what I like, we shouldn't even,

we shouldn't even prosecute the people to storm the capital. I'm like, you know, at this point I'm just like, I don't care. Yeah. It's really, that's my favorite thing is like CNN will constantly be like, well, Trump with this. I'm like, if you don't like him,

stop talking about it. Like, just let them. Yeah. Well, they're the ones who got him elected in 2016. Oh, 100%. It was just, it was constant coverage of how bad he is. But it's like, there's probably people that didn't, I mean,

you know Hillary, I guess, but like, didn't know half the candidates running. Because you only heard about Hillary and Trump. Yeah, they're like, this guy's constantly getting, dude, I remember, like, I knew conservatives, like, when Trump first, like, was, like running and they're like, this guy's a fucking idiot. And then, like, a year later, they're like, ooh. Yeah, he's okay. Because everyone was just, like, so

entertained. Yeah, yeah. How could you not be? Of course. But then, like, all the news networks, like, want him back now, because They're still, like, talking about them. Yeah. Well, the fucking, like, late night shows, like, Colbert still talks about Trump, like, every night. Right. Let it go, man.

It's over. Yeah, yeah. Or get him the platform. Yeah. But I'm one of those guys, too. It's, like, the second people start, I'm such a dick contrarian. The second people start, like, like, I was never in Trump. Like, I voted third party.

I don't give a shit, whatever. But, like, if people start, like, I normally lean left, vote for Hillary the, whatever. I don't know why I'm explaining this. But, like, the more people, if people were like, you're a piece of shit if you vote for Trump. I'm like, oh, I really want to vote for him now. Like, you know what I want to do the thing to make you mad, I don't know. 100%. I'm, I've

straddle the line of being pro-Trump for years. Like, I'm not actually and I wouldn't vote for him. But it's like, yeah, the second, especially people say like you can't, we feel like you can't do something like, you can't say things like that. I'm like, well, now I want to say the things. Yeah, yeah. But to act like you're, like he wasn't entertaining

or like you weren't intrigued by him. Oh, yeah. And we're like, oh, I kind of hope this continues, like, you know, a little bit longer. And then it became like almost like a joke that became reality when he got elected. Well, because when he got elected, there was a lot of people that,

I remember there's like the video of the girl crying or whatever. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which just made it, it made the left look like worse. Like I was like liberal and I'm like this looks bad to like, yeah. I had a teacher remember when she came in. She's like, I almost didn't come into school today. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people like. They were like, alright, come on. But that made

You got to go to work. It doesn't it? That made me want to be like, this guy is hilarious. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. And so, like, I would send shit like that, like any of his tweets to people all the time, and they'd be like, oh, it's terrifying, but I'm like, it's funny. But then, yeah, like, the past two years,

then we just saw the repercussions of... Oh, yeah, yeah. It did not end well. It was probably, like, the worst four years in history, just because of, like, all of the negativity. Yeah, that was my thing with it. Yeah, exactly. Because, like, it's funny to see people mad at first. Yeah. But then the years of it, and then, like, the way it affects everything where like you can't like make certain jokes because people are like,

are you like one of those guys? I'm not one of those guys. It's just like making being said. I even said that like what I was like I don't want. I don't, the main reason I don't want them is because it's going to be 24-7 coverage about them and it's going to be in our face all the time. There's going to be riots in the streets on both sides. Yeah.

And, uh, you know, now Biden's president. We need even remember. I definitely do feel like people were touchier then. Like you couldn't say as much. But I do think like those last two years were dark. But like the first two years, it was kind of fun when. There'd be like a positive jobs report to be like, eh, eh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Economy's looking good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I started comedy, like, right when he got elected. I think it was like three months afterwards. And that was, like, a fun air. They're like, what is he up to this tab? We're kind of goofing around. Like, he's crazy.

And then they got the point where, like, you know, people are like, once people started shaving their heads and getting intense about stuff, it's like, all right. On both sides, the neo-Nazis and the... And the... Yeah, it's... That's just, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But the capital thing, I don't know. That was one of those things where it was like back when New York was still locked down. I was like, that looks so much fucking fun right now. Like, I was like, that looks like a blast. Well, there was all this, like, I have this fucking, it's basically an echo chamber group chat of all my friends from where I grew up. And that whole week, I think I texted you. That's something that's going to go down in a major city. But like, it was kind of the writing was on the wall, so it wasn't like that crazy to take.

Yeah, yeah. But all my friends are like, false flag is coming. False flag is coming to the capital of the storm. and everyone believes it's a hoax. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, do you think, some people think that it got stormed because they could, like, take out documents. People think they were, like, kind of let in

so they could take out certain shit, like... Documents or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And I prefer believing that stuff, some of that. Yeah, it's fun, dude. I like it. It's fun, yeah, yeah. I like, did you see the...

The funny as I remember we were watching it, we were like, let's flip through the channels, and, like, CNN was showing, like, the buildings being broken into. And then Fox was just showing, like, the left side of the building. And, like, it looks... They had no volume on, so you couldn't hear like screaming or riding and they're like, yeah, apparently some people made their way into the,

and you're like watching just like that. It is funny to like go back and forth between the channels like look at the contrast. Same coverage, but different, yeah, totally different message. Like Fox is still talking about like,

you know, like ballots or just like that the fact that a school changed its name from Abraham Lincoln or something else. That's like this time kind of thing. My thing is like, just don't be a fucking nerd. Like there's like, yeah,

once the, uh, the Olympic athlete thing, That's what showed me what nerds were. What was that? The Olympic athlete that got fired for smoking weed or whatever. Oh, I didn't even know about that. You don't know about that?

There was a sprinter she got kicked off the team for smoking weed. Because it's performance enhancement, which is dumb. But what happened was like, Fox is like, why don't you follow all the rules? And I'm like, all right, you fucking pussy. Like, fuck the rules. But then there's like the CNN that's like, this is colonialism. And I'm like, no, it's not. It's like, it's a performance enhancing dry.

I don't think Native Americans were smoking weed. They're like, there's performance enhancing. You can't be that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And also like Fox, like, I feel like 50% of the coverage is like, oh, there shouldn't be trans men and women sports. Yeah, it's like I don't give a fuck. And it's like that's like happened like twice in human history. Yeah. You're talking about it like it's a national issue.

Yeah, exactly. It's such a big thing. I'm like, I don't care. And if you really think, like, I think for, like, my opinions are like, okay, I think trans women do have an advantage if they were like in one body for long enough. Like I get, but like, I don't really care the way. But also like, if you really think that it's like let them shatter the records, you think they're going to shatter. I mean, I think they will do better. And then we'll have a conversation with it once it's so. You know what I mean? They won't be like, okay, this is like, it's like, I mean, the only sport that might not apply is UFC. but Bill Burr has, and this was a while ago that he had that bit, that's why it's crazy that we're still talking about this, like, topic in everyday life, but his bit where he was like,

that's just a dickless dude beating the shit out of a woman. Yeah, I don't think that that's right. But that's what it is. And that's happened, I think, like, once or twice in UFC, right? There was, like, some... Dude, some of these girls will beat the shit out of most guys. No, I know, but, I mean, there was a trans person who beat the shit out of a woman. Yeah, and I don't think that's happened.

But then, like, Trump's like, you know, because he's stoke, he knows how to stoke the flame. Oh, yeah, yeah. So he'll, like, bring that up, you're like, yeah, no trend, you know, like, I know, and everyone's a hop on an issue. But, like, Bill Burr's Joe was one that happened. And that was not his, that was, like, two, three specials ago. Yeah, I know, I remember, yeah.

Right, right. So it's like, we've had this argument for, like, six years. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. And we haven't made any progress on it. No, no, we really haven't. We're still in the exact same place. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. I'll be a six world, like, I get why that would be a huge advantage in UFC. But I also like, I'm like, I, yeah, I don't care. Oh, yeah, I don't, I mean, I don't care. Because I'm not, I would probably care if I was an athlete. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, it's weird the news is like that into it.

Yeah, yeah. Because I feel like even, like, most people in Democratic Party aren't that into it. But then, it's like, you know what I mean? I think it's not a conversation then. But a lot of people, not in the Democrat. Most people in Democratic Party are normal people, but like the loud minority of like these extremists

just see an opportunity to argue, though. So they probably don't care about it, but they're like, what do you mean trans people can't, they could do anything. Yeah, right, right, right. Every issue is nuanced, but like these extreme,

they take the extreme side one way or the other. Yeah, yeah. That's why I don't know about the fucking sprinter that smoked weed, because you got unplugged. Yeah. You just get so riled up watching the news. It's crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. There's probably some... It was in Tokyo. Right? Tokyo's right. That's not what you're smoking weed, but... Tokyo's strict. Maybe it goes by the country's rules.

No, no, no, no. It was like by U.S. Kinket. But isn't it... Weed's basically legal, so I don't even understand... Not federally, though. Yeah. So I guess...

But having... It's so funny. I have a bit about this. Having sex of the animals is not federally legal, but smoking weed is federally illegal. and there are states where you can legally have sex with animals, but you can't legally smoke weed. Is that true?

Yeah. So it's like literally a cop could show up to your farm like, are you growing marijuana here? And you can look them right in the face and beg, no, we're just fucking animals on this farm. And then he would just... Well, yeah, if you're fucking an animal in that state,

you could never be like, I was high. Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. Oh, my God. That's so wild. Yeah. Those are funny things where, like,

people... I like when celebrities will sleep with underage girls, but they're big, yeah, no, but this state, the age of 10 is lower. That's why I'm in from like a different state. Yeah, we're good. Yeah, you want to meet in Montana? Yeah, it's just better for me.

It's closer for me. Right, that's really funny. Well, that's like, it's so funny because, like, I know, I used to be super into EDM and there's this DJ named Bass Necter, and he, like, had sex with, like, a 17-year-old, apparently. And that is something, I'll be honest, I just don't care. Like, I know I should care. Like, if you like, a solter would be one thing, but I'm like, I just, I don't

Depends how old also. Yeah. I don't think he's a good guy. I think it's disgusting. Like one of my friends did that, I probably would not hang out with him. You know, also, this is, this is faux pa. I feel weird even saying it.

Whoever's listening already... It's natural. Are you going to take that route where you're like naturally? No, no, no, not the natural route. Just as much as like, sometimes you like... 17 is gross. 17 supermodel, though? Oh, there'd be 17 sober.

Really gross. 17 drunk Oh, shoot by the I get what you're saying Because they're like so mature So young Because people are hitting on them From the time they're like

Because it's fucking Which is also gross But like they're getting hit on At such a young age Wasn't there the thing with like Michael Bay Was like telling Megan Fox or whatever During the Transformers movie She's like 16

He's like taking bikini photos of her Yeah But she's a 16 year old With like the experience of guys hitting on her Of like a 25 year old probably Yeah exactly That's like the girl that's I don't know if getting

on you, though, makes you just more mature. I think it does a little bit. I also love the idea of Michael Bay just, like, defending himself all the time. He's like, dude, the movie's about robots. I don't know what you guys are talking about. She's like, he's like, okay, now bend over it. It's about robots. This is just, right. You guys are missing the whole point.

Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah, Seinfeld. Seinfeld, Jimmy Page, who's having sex with a 15-year-old. Oh, really? 15. Well, Elvis, like, basically groomed his wife since she was, like, 14. Oh, yeah. I've been having sex.

with children, I've been feeling like a rock star. That's, yeah, I don't know. It's a weird thing. I always was joking about that. Like, it'd be so funny, some of these bands that, like, I think it was the Alman Brothers that, like, had sex, like, a 15-year-old girl. I mean, somebody to take them now, they're like, yeah, Confederate flags and banging 15-year-olds is cool.

You're like, no, it's not. Times have changed. It's no longer rock star. What's funny is they were, like, probably the most peace-loving guys ever, too. Oh, yeah. Well, I think they, Leonard Skinner was a Confederate flag. I don't think Allman Brothers was four. Oh, okay, okay.

That's such a complicated issue, too. I have such weird feel. Like, I think, like, if you flag Confederate flag, you're a dick. Because it's like a dick thing. Like, it's like the symbol. Like, it's hard to say, like, symbols mean different things to everybody. So, like, you could be a not racist person and you were just taught this one thing. You're like, oh, this flag means this to me.

And I'm like, totally understand. But, like, you have to also understand everybody else thinks you're an asshole. Yeah. Like, it means something way different to somebody else. Your perspective is probably very different from ours. Because I've, like, the Confederate flag genuinely was never in my life until I started, people started arguing about it. Like, I knew what it was, obviously. but I never looked into the history of it

or like I didn't really think about it until yeah oh it's a constant conversation in the South people all the time we're talking about it's like I knew black people that would like rock confeder flag shit and I'm like all right I mean I can't say that got you know what I mean it's like it's like it's a way different perspective but obviously if I wear it like I think it's like that swastika symbol of peace of Hindu

where it's like they're like oh yeah this but I'm like if I get a tattoo of that and then I'm like this means this to me it's like this means don't like play stupid you know that like the clan flies a confeder you know what I mean it's like yeah my sister's boyfriend's kind of funny actually, he's a tattoo artist. He's fucking covered in tats. Shaved head.

Looks big guy. Like, looks like a skinhead. Just a classic skinhead look. And I went to their place once. And he grew up in like the sticks of Pennsylvania. There's these like Native American tapestries. And some of them have, if you look, swastik is on him. Oh, my sister.

They're dating. Yeah. But it turns out there's just like that was this like Native American piece symbol. Yeah. and what they had on it. Yeah. But it was just very like the whole, yeah, peace. Peace without juice, it'll be peaceful.

That's what we were striving towards. He also marched on Charlottesville, peacefully. Peacefully, peaceful, yeah. That's such a like funny thing. Like the, yeah, it's wild because like everything, yeah, everything means something different to somebody else. But it's like also to like not assume that this means this to somebody. You know what I mean?

It's wild. But I also, I heard there's people up north that'll fly a confeder flag. I'm like, oh, you're not even from that. You can't climb Southern Ant. You know what I mean? It's like a weird thing to... Yeah, that's the thing, though. It's like we're all kind of pre-programmed a little bit.

Oh, of course. You only know what you know. So it's like... I think you could not like the Confederate flag and you could be mad about it and you could try to explain to someone why it bothers you. But you can't, you know,

it's just as bad if you're trying to lynch somebody because they have the Confederate flag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is like what... Yeah, because it's like... It's like... It's like, I think 80%, maybe 60%,

65% people that fly a competitor flag are rates. Maybe 70. I don't know. 110%. I'm just kidding. They all are. But it's like that just goes back to the argument of like what a symbol is. Because like a symbol can mean thousands.

Like everybody has different interpretation of what something means. You know what I mean? Like you could have like a painting and people like, oh, this means this to me because of this. And you're like, no, this guy actually was a pedophile. And this is what this means. You know what I mean? But also like if it's clearly like to look over it and be like, I don't know why people

were bothered by it. It's like, well, because a lot of horrible things have been. Yeah. Yeah, you got to educate. I mean, you might grow up and you grow up in the South. You're a product of your environment a little bit. But as you get older and mature and you educate yourself on what it means and what it means of different people, maybe you rethink. Yeah, yeah, because you're like, yeah, exactly.

Although it means this to me, it means something horrible to this person. So it's like. But that's what I'm saying. Like if you ever encountered someone that was pro, no, it doesn't have to be confederate. It could be like anything. Your best option is to try to explain why that is wrong or bothers you. but it's like they grew up that way they're programmed to think that way

so to like try to force it change upon them you're just emboldened them in that cause now and it's like now I'm gonna fight to the death for the Confederate flag it's like did you even care about this before we told you was a bad thing?

Exactly yeah yeah yeah yeah that's more what I mean yeah it's tricky it was funny though because I was on the I've talked about it I was on the clan's website I was writing a joke about this doesn't look good I was writing a joke about it but that's the funny

because they have like it's like poorly pixelated like at Federer Flagg is like it's just the most outdated website which is so funny I think it's funny too because they have a what's it called like um background checks which is like hilarious that is funny right right right I was joking about it's like that that's the one job like where you want them to see your old tweets yeah like everything else like you know but like that's great I noticed that too when I I I've only been to like a couple but like gun ranges they'll have these really antiquated websites and it's like I'm going to do the most

dangerous thing. Yeah, yeah. I kind of wish this wasn't like made in like the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like crazy.

It looks like like Facebook pages look more professional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is funny too, though, because it says, I don't know if it was Wix, but it's like sponsored by Squarespace.

Like whatever company, it was like a normal company, but like, I guess. Worked out WordPress. Yeah, stuff like that, yeah, yeah.

But again with the, if you're researching in the Klan's website, you don't want anyone to check your history, but it's like, well, I'm comedian. So it's again, the Alex Jones thing.

Well, we almost can do anything for research. Exactly. But there also is that weird thing of like, yeah, my history has to look insane. No, no, nobody says too. Mine is legality of having sex of the animals and the Klan's website.

Just for these two jokes I'm working on. So if you were like, he's like a racist that has sex, like this is bizarre. So do research your research? Yeah, yeah, because I get more information on it. And then now I, it helps me. Yeah, right. You work off of that. I don't do enough research as I should.

I was just like, oh, this is my thing. Sometimes my lack of understanding. I think it depends. It depends on the type of material, though. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I don't think it matters. I'm not like, oh, I'll understand this better. I'll a better joke about it. I'm just like, there might be something

funny on the website, which there's bound to be, because it's like the clans website. Yeah, of course. But it's funny because, like, it's so funny to see their perspective on things because, like, they think, like, it's like, they think they're so under attack. Like, they think, they see, like, white people in this world with are like, do we are, we're to die in like two years.

I'm like, what do you know? Like it's, they're getting like fake BLM stuff with like, BLM says attack women and children. I'm like, oh, I get why if you think this was this, you're like, we should stick together. But it's like you're getting random, like you're getting propaganda offline. It's like, well, that's why the whole division of the country was not that like

were any better, but like was this so annoying from like most like at for the average person? Because it's like you're being fed down this rabbit hole. Yeah. And you're being fed down this rabbit hole. And you're both think each other's wrong. Don't you realize like you're just both being lied? Well, that's, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I mean, it's just that you get the algorithms feed you what you are interested in. And so you click more and engage more. And it's that, that was that social media duck. And then you're like, how could these people believe that? Well, it's like on their side, they're like, how could those be? Yeah, yeah. And it just keep feeding it. And you, you push even more.

Like when somebody's like, I don't think this is fair. And we're like, fuck you. This isn't, you push further for your side. Yeah, 100%. So we just don't care about anything and just let everyone else. best to not care. Yeah, it'd be cool. Wear some shades.

I like the idea. I love what I get like a complex political conversation. I like to picture just one fan driving in the car. Like, yeah, right on. There's nowhere. Everybody's like, can they shut the fuck up about politics? Put in my mind, somebody's like, so insightful, Michael. So insightful.

Yeah, that's amazing. Probably. I'm big in Norway, right? Where is the country? I thought it was. Then I found it was a spam email. I was so pissed. I got this thing.

It was like, your podcast is doing great in Norway. And I was like, oh, this is awesome. Because Norway's got some good, one of my favorite comics is from in the world. Daniel Simon, dude, he's so funny. He's the best. He's the best.

So, Norwegians are out there listening. We're big in Latin America. Yeah, Latin America. Really? Well, we got some Latin America. We got some Latin America. Oh, hell yeah. Just because we like Latinos.

Yeah. There's really no, like, that's really, are you, like, pandering aggressive? Like, it'd be so funny if, like, just immediately changed the next step with your intro. Jake's last name might have a little bit. We each should have dated a couple. Yeah, anytime I'd go on a date with a girl.

Yeah. of the Latin person. Yeah, we'll just drop the do list. Oh, yeah, there you go. And for whatever reason, I've noticed that Hispanic women really like comedy. A lot of times.

I bark a lot. Yeah, they do. They do come to the comedy shows a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't get offended as easily. No, no, no. And they, not to stereotype, you know, but I think they're good,

just bigger comedy fans. And I think that's why, like I go on a date with most girls. I don't think they care that I have a podcast, but the Hispanic women have dated like the pod. Yeah, yeah. It is not an lot.

It's anecdotal evidence, but what's taking it's full proof. Yeah. Well, it's the same thing. Like, it's so weird. Like, I think that there are like a lot of people talk about like why there aren't a lot of Asian stand-up comedians. I think in Asian culture, humors valued less than other things. You know what I mean? Like, I think it's not a thing that like, in white,

black, and Hispanic culture, I feel like comedy is like a huge thing because it's like it's valued more. Over time, it might change. Like, yeah, absolutely. Like, South Asians, like Indians and Bangladesh. I mean, now there's so many comics from that area.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but that wasn't a thing until. You're right. Yeah, because if you... Well, also, like, any immigrant culture, stand-up is going to be one of the last stands. Like, you need to go through a few generations. That's so true, like, the last thing.

Yeah, yeah. But, like, you're not coming to this country to pursue stand-up comedy. Exactly. Like, maybe if you have family here already, but, like, more often than not, you're coming to this country to, like, make a good living, send money back home.

So, like, you need to have, like, a third, second or third generation of immigrants of a certain culture, I feel like to do comedy. Yeah, you also got to, like, if you're gonna, if you're here on like a green card or always applying for like, not a green card, but you're always applying for citizenship or whatever. Like you need to, and you're pursuing comedy,

you need to prove that you're like making a living off. Yeah, yeah. Which is like impossible. Well, yeah, and I don't say like, I like a lot of immigrant comics. I just mean more like, you're less likely to do it. You're just so much less. Yeah, yeah. We want to see less of them is what you're saying. Yeah.

right. They should all look the same. Yeah, exactly. We were talking about that the other day, like a racist guy, but he likes one group like a lot. He's like, listen, I'm in black guys. Love them. After that, I'm done. He's like, just like, where I draw the line. One thing at a time. Yeah, easy. Yeah. That's funny. Let's not get crazy with it. Okay. Let's invite everybody to the party.

Yeah. But what time is it? We got a just about a minute. We got six more minutes. We're going to... Oh, you're doing an hour? If we have to dead air, we'll dead air. No, no, no, no. We got something to talk about. We got six minutes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any spots after this? Yeah, I'm doing the 10 o'clock. I've been doing the midnights, which are crazy because, like, I get on stage at, like, 140 sometimes. Are the crowds good at that point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think sometimes for my material, like, I'm kind of all over the place with, I'll,

so I feel like they're ready for whatever. I mean, I don't, I don't take giant swings or anything on stage, but I feel like, if you're talking about sex, sometimes they're not, they don't want to hear that too early on but at night they're kind of like Yeah, the little route here. Is it the pair, you're going to the pair almost every night? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And no, it's been fun. I don't know. It feels good when you do well on like a show at like 140 in the morning because you're like, oh, this is cool, because this is not easy necessarily. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, no, that's great.

And I love when an audience, everybody's like, they suck. I'm like, the worst is when people are like, that is an incredible audience. Like, if you fuck up in there, you're a fucking idiot. And you're like, oh, okay, I hope it'll bomb. Sometimes I get more anxiety when it's a hot show. And I go up late in a hot show.

Yeah, because you're like, dude, everybody's like, dude, how could you bomb? People are, I've heard that. They're like, you can't bomb in there. I'm like, that's a great way to get me to totally fail. It's also like a hot show. And if you go up late, you're like, I don't see how these people could keep laughing. Yeah, they've already laughed so much.

It usually does go well. If it's a hot show, it's a hot show. But like it gives me this anxiety of like it feels like they're running out of steam. I wouldn't be the one to put this to a halt. Oh, yeah, yeah. You got to, the next level is, like, crack in that audience that nobody can get, though. You're on a show, and it's, like, not a hot show. We did one of these the other day where they just didn't laugh.

I get it. Sometimes there's not loud laughers, or maybe they just smile or golf clap or whatever. Yeah. You got to be able to crack them sometimes. If a joke is good enough, though, you can't, the idea is that they can't help but laugh. Yeah. Yeah. But that's hard, like, if you're not, like, you know, if you're not, like,

I don't know. You have to do act outs or voices sometimes to get that belly laugh. I think that's like one of the only ways unless you have their undivided attention to listen to the joke. But if they're like a distracted audience, you need like a little magic You like to say the only comic above the bomb is Manuscalico. Because he wouldn't be up there dancing and get in silence.

Yeah. So could you imagine just say there? And he's just twinkle toes up there. He's just like, yeah. That's so funny to think about it. We were talking about that a lot of a lot of We're talking about like, oh, Andrew Dice Clay, like, I don't watch him. I'm not like that. I'm never like, that guy's hilarious. But then so he probably like, imagine if he was doing that in the grisly pair, just yelling at some woman in the face.

You'd be like, that is the funniest thing I've ever seen. I did this show, you want to talk about, like, a tough, a tough crowd. I did a show in Connecticut and the host, so I went bullet. Yeah. And it's like a competition. So the host, you would think do like 10 to 15 minutes. But I don't think he had 10 to 15 minutes and he has to do time at the end for them to choose the winner. So he said he's.

He's only doing three minutes up top. And the joke that he did was he goes, he goes, this is an impression of Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder having sex. And he just starts hitting the microphone against his head. And then two people walk, no one laughs. Two people walk in. And he's like, oh, you just missed this.

And he did it again. And then he brought me up. That's funny. I was like, I was so nervous just because of the circumstance. Yeah. It's the first time I've been nervous. Oh, my God. Like that.

And it was because of the circumstance. I was terrified. I've never seen somebody snap. I want to see somebody snap. I do. Yeah. I've seen people snap. I always see somebody snap early.

Just like, hey, how's the guy? I was the broads in the crowd doing? Like, nobody does anything. He's like, you fucking horse.

You slut. You want to know what love is if it hits you in the face. You're just like, Jesus Christ. I haven't seen that. I haven't seen that. I've seen people snap

in an open mic where they fuck up a joke and like just throw their out and out of stage though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are fun.

It was like the worst heckler, just some guy. He was being like just over the top. And he was like around the curtain and he was heckling me. They go, how about you come out and face me like a man? I was just like said that. And then he's like, okay. And then he's just standing there and I'm just like calling him stupid and stuff like that. It was so funny because my jokes were like bombing.

And I don't normally say the word retarded on stage because I'm like, I'll only say like I don't really use a, like, I'll say in conversation. But if I don't feel like I need it. I'm not like, oh, let me find a good joke about this word. Because I know about it. You know what I mean? I'm like... Right, right, right. I'm not like...

Comes and comes. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, yeah. But I call this guy retarded like three times. All my jokes weren't working. All these jokes I worked really hard. I called like I retired three times. People are just dying, laughing, loving it.

And I was like, how... That's the funny. And I go back to the material. I'm like, you want me to just make fun of this guy? And I was like, it's not... Sometimes you could just feel the energy in the room, though, and people need you to cut someone down. Like a heckler.

Like, it's annoying everybody and you just call them out. And even if it's a little offensive, people love it. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. And it was like when I was feeling that moment because the guy was just being like so obnoxious. He's like, oh, no. And then it was so funny because I realized I hate my demographic in comedy rooms.

Like, I'm a very bro-y guy, but the second somebody, I'm like, this fucking asshole. What are you going to be like me? And then he is. And he's just like, oh, dude, yeah. I was talking about this with my friend. There is no guy comedy fan.

There's guys who haven't tried comedy yet. That's so true. It's true. It's so much. They like it more, but they're better audience members. Some of those guys never try comedy, but, like, I have a lot of friends that are comedy fans, but they have, like, at least try to open mic. Oh, yeah. They want it so bad.

Not, yeah, nobody's, like, dad and do it without. They're not just a fan to be a fan. There's just a fan because they're like, I think I could do this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such a funny. It's so wild. Yeah.

I mean, it's the same thing with everything. Like, I tried music when I was, like, younger. Yeah, yeah. It was horrible, but yeah. Yeah, music, I think, a little more you could have, like, a genuine love, though. Yeah. Absolutely. Like for music, but not pursuing music.

Yeah. But if you have no musical talent whatsoever, I don't have any, you're not going to pursue it. No, no, but you will love it. Right. That's what I mean. But I'm saying like, for comedy, it's like, everyone can talk. So, like, they're like, I can do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fair.

My favorite was listening to Doug Stanhope. He was on a podcast and I'm like, do you? What kind of music do you? He's like, I don't really like music. And I was like, what? He mentions, like, one song from a Sprite commercial in like 2005. He's like, I like that song. He was like, what? He's like, that's just the only song I like.

That's funny. That is hilarious to like that. There are a handful of people that, like, say they don't like music, but I never understand that. I'm not like super into it, but like I'll enjoy, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like I said, like, I like, I like dubstep, which is hilarious because, like, I love when people are like, this isn't music. I'm like, no, it's not right, but I like it. You know what I mean?

Some things, like, you got to take it for what they are. It's like, Adam Sandler movies. People are like, this is an art. I'm like, it is, but it is, you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know a ton about music, but I enjoy it. I like having it on. I feel like it sets a good atmosphere.

Yeah, I enjoy it. But I don't like get into like, I, you know, I'm a fan of rap and hip hop, but like I know I have friends that like know everything about like all the rappers and all the groups and like, you know, all the drama. And I don't get into any of that. Yeah. People get my, the thing I hate the most though is when people start morality with rappers is the most bothers something to me. And people start like, it happened with first of Cardi B. They're like, she was like drugging. Like a lot of guys got on board. Dude, she was like drug and gugs and, like, robbing them. Like, yeah, she's a gangster rapper. Like, I want her to do that. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, it's like, it's so funny when people like pull up like rappers and they're like, they said this about this community.

I'm like, like with comedians, I understand we deal with that conversation all the time. That's a way different thing. But then to like start judging the morals of a rapper who's like, whole song is about murdering people. Yeah. And then you're like, well, this was a little bit homophobic. You're like, okay. But he's also a giant piece of shit all together.

There are, like, some less thuggy rappers now where it's, but like it's not. as good. Yeah, yeah, but you're also, yeah, but they're also putting themselves in different box, you know what I mean? Right, right, right. If, like, I'm trying to think, like, who an example would be like, like, if, I don't know, maybe like logic, is that an example? I mean, I just said how I love me.

I don't know anything. But, like, somebody like that said something homophobic, like, hey, come on, easy. But then, like, if somebody's super thuggested it, I'll be like, hey, he murders, like, you know what I mean? I'm like. Well, it's the simple thing. It's like, this guy was obviously raised in a tough environment where, like, this is just how they talk.

So what you can change the way. He talks and the way he got rich talking that way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's some egregious things that are said on rap songs. And they're, it's just,

but that's just like, yeah. Yeah, these guys aren't claiming necessarily be good people. It's part of their persona. But similar to comedy, I think that's why a lot of people like that type of rap. Yeah, yeah. And I say,

well, I don't know what I mean? He's a guy with you sing about murder people who's never, you know what I mean? There's like, there's two forms of it. There's the guy who actually murders people. Right, right.

And then there's Eminem who's, like, just talking about his thoughts in a way that, like, you know what I'm like, oh, that's actually, I think Eminem's like similar to comedy in a way that's like he'll say these crazy things, but he doesn't actually mean what he's saying. Right, right, right. But sometimes you listen to it because you just want to hear a crazy thing with comedy sometimes is like, or there's like a hard. People just want to hear the things that they wouldn't hear in an office. Or there's like a hard beat behind it And you don't really care what the lyrics are That's a lot of it Exactly Yeah, yeah, yeah

That's a lot of it You're like, wait, what am I? What am I listening? Yeah, who is this? Yeah, who is this? Yeah, but then it was like this dubstep DJ Who had sex a 17 year old, I'm like, do you expect him not to do that? I mean, I'm not saying like, that is the version of robbing people.

Right, right, right, right, right. People, it sounds like I'm so on board with him. I'm not, it's fucked up, but it's also like, Yeah, yeah, I'm also like that. Somebody brought up to use a comedy, it was so funny, she's like, he's a communist, and he had sex, even when I was 17, I was like, all right, well, I don't care about his political leading.

Like, he's a Dobsop DJ. Why do you? Yeah. But I think that's all of our time. You would promote your podcast? Oh, yeah. So we both, we're on the same pod. It's called the Do Less Podcast.

I looked at you, I meant, yours. Right. Right. Yeah. So I'm Jake Velasquez. Mike Bramante. And check us out. And thanks for having us.

Do Less podcast. Perfect. Michael. Good. Michael phenomenal. Thanks for having awesome. Best in the biz. Best in the biz, this guy.

So I'm going to keep this on air for a second. Let me know if you want to cut anything out. On another episode, I already cut it out, but somebody jokingly was talking about murdering a celebrity. And then they're like, can you please say, which is such a funny thing to edit around. Like, nobody actually thinks. Yeah, that's funny.

I want to say the celebrity is so bad, but I had to cut it out.