Morning Good - Mogged to Death - Episode 314

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

Nolan Doyle joins the show for today's episode. He and Michael talk about the looksmaxxer pedophile controversy, some fresh hantavirus theories, and the future of hot guy comedy.Thanks to Nolan for joining the show for the first time, first ever podcast. Check out more from him on Instagram and Tiktok @nolanmdoyle.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. My producer's taking it out before, but, uh, yeah, no, definitely, uh, yeah, my producer one time took, like, I said the end word, like, the last second of a podcast. And then my producer's like, I'm just going to cut it. It was like, it was like a soft day And a black guy was in the podcast.

And I think the black guy wanted him to cut him sent. It was a weird thing where it was like, like I had a little person in the podcast. We're here with Nolan Doyle, by the way. What's up? It's nice to, well, I don't see you, but it's nice to meet you. They're excited, but they're not, they're foot people. So don't even, don't even give it to them. No, not for free.

I mean, that's, we're going to save that for the Patreon. Yeah, yeah. I don't have one, but I just, just weirdos with DM you on Instagram. Yeah, or maybe like in the middle instead of an ad break, it'll be like, all right, time to pay you. Yeah. You got to listen to fucking earn it. You got to listen. Yeah, that's the fun.

I love calling them weirdos. And then I just also am like a sexual devian. I'm like these fucking weird feed guys. Dude, you have to. I mean, that's the only way to build an audience is to be openly adversarial with them immediately. Yeah, they like, some of these guys also are like, it's very funny. They like being like, like, like, they liked me. The comments are like, you can call me a faggot and all this stuff.

And it's like, what guy's old beepix do is one thing where he's like, I wasn't super about it because you want to me to like fin dom him like call like you're a lame loser for fucking this and I'm like now it's too interactive I don't I'd rather just set a picture of my feet dude no he wanted a feed pics and a fin dom that's what he wanted but I was like now this is turning too much

into like a role play I'm like I don't really like yeah yeah because then you're playing into it too much I think you could you could go with a nag there would be good yeah well I was just like you fucking lose or whatever like here's a picture of my feet semi-money fucker but then now I'm like oh this is uh yeah who gives a shit I'm so broke and I'm like I I don't even care because I'm also going to use that money to get pussy.

So it's kind of like... And that way it's completely straight. Exactly. So in a way, it's kind of the straightest thing you could do, which is to take money from a gay guy and then use it to go get late. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah, I'm actually taking money away from the gay community. Yeah, you are.

I'm also making them jizz. So I don't know. Yeah, in which case is pretty gay, actually. So it's kind of a double-edged sword. Yeah. Very interesting. I don't even try to fight allegations. anymore.

No. It's like the Are you racist thing? It's like, I'm not going to win this. Well, it's also, I mean, that's, that's the audience. At least those are the commenters.

Yeah, right now. And you got to, I mean, you got to bully them. That was Stern's move. Yeah. Howard Stern,

bullying all the callers. Well, then I'm going to do the thing where I turn around and I'm like, I am appalled by some of the things I said on my podcast. 100%.

I think it's disgusting. Yeah. And I definitely didn't mean to have, after having like two decades just like retarded people on it and he's just like, that was, tried to do all of Beetlejuice where he's like, here's Beetlejuice again.

And it's just one of those things where he's like not asking him tough questions. He's like, hey, what's so bad to be again? Dude, you're getting so good at this already. It's like you're only, what, 150 episodes in? You're already turning face. What would he mean? Turning face. Like you start as a heel and you're kind of like being like very bullying the audience,

being very mean to them. And then you're already going, you're already making the face turn, which is you're a good guy. And all the stuff. the, what's the point of podcasting other than to be able to turn on yourself and say that I was bad. It's a good point. You can't really make yourself the hero. This is true. Yeah, yeah.

You got to have dichotomy. It's a hero's journey. It is. Yeah, they need to watch it. So you need to be, I should learn something by the end of this episode. 100%. About myself. I should be like, wow, I just never really thought of it that way.

Yeah. I think what you got to do is you got to bully them. you honestly should be so adversarial to them, I think, that you should be sort of like, fuck you, are you watching this to them immediately? And it should be a challenge of trying to get them to turn it off. I should be like, do not watch this.

Yeah, yeah. If you watch this, you'll... We play child pornography 30 minutes in, so if you watch this, you're... You don't need to call that out. So one of the commenters will immediately clip it. They'll go 30 minutes in... 30s here.

C.P. starts. Yeah. Did you, speaking of, did you see the CP controversy in the looks maxing community? No, what is this? It's everybody's age, just CP controversy.

Yeah. It's like literally like the evilest thing. There's a little bit of controversy. A little controversial, usage of child porn, aka every usage. Not tasteful. It's not tasteful child porn.

So they did, there's this guy, I think his name's Holo, who is one of the lesser subclavicular looks maxers who was who was tricked like to catch a predator style oh shit

into buying and their the big meme is $25 worth of child porn you know what I like that he's going low with it because it's like he's one of these things where he's like it's very funny to be like

alright what are they going to catch a guy by because everybody's like terabytes and there's pretty thousands of dollars I like him kind of being like what am I going to get caught for buying 20? It's like, yes, you are. That's exactly what you're going to get caught for. And they got him live, and he's, like, immediately being charged.

He tried to play it off right away, which is interesting. He tried to, he tried to, like, post through it, which was kind of crazy. It was like, that seems to be the one you can't get past. You could bang a 16-year-old

and, like, you know, like Russell Brand to be like, always on heroin crack and all you know. Yeah. But it seems like, If you looked at a naked picture, it was just kind of weird. That's big trouble. Yeah.

Russell Brand. I mean, either of them are good. No, they're both bad. And that's an official stance. And I think this podcast just got remonitized. Yeah, yeah. They're listening on YouTube. They're like, wait, where do they actually stand on child pornography?

Oh, got it. Yeah, that's 10 minutes in. We got their anti. Yeah. Russell Brandon, did you see him on Pierce Morgan recently? No. Oh, yeah. The Bible verse is where he just keeps going through.

And he's like, it's my favorite verse. One second, let me find it. The hell is it. I think it was Isaiah. No idea has never opened it before. The book that also has nothing that says you can't fuck steal. No defense for him in there. Yeah, yeah.

But also no offense. There's no offense. No, yes, it's kind of ambivalent on the issue. So in this case, this podcast is more so far definitive in its anti-stance. We let the viewers decide. we let you guys decide. We're just saying what it is. We're just showing it at 30 minutes.

That's all. It's up to you guys whether you want to watch it. We're not even going to watch it. We're just going to play it. We're closing our eyes while it's playing. So we're not actually technically, we're not even possession of it. We're actually hiring a guy to come in here.

That'll be paying for it. So. Yeah, right. Although back to the original thing of those guys buying your feedpicks and you using that money to get laid. No, this is bad because that's actually sending the money straight into that universe. The move would be to try to steal their money, too, to get that money out of that porn category. But what you're saying, I'm confused.

Oh, I was trying to connect the thread on the, on the feet picks at the beginning. Right. Following the money. Yeah, yeah. And let's go ahead and cut that. First bomb, first cut. Go ahead, mark your... You know what would be a funny move is...

I mean, you definitely go to jail for this, but if you catfished... I think if you catfished pedophiles for the money and then just kept the money and then... Could you do that? Could you be like, hey, I'm a little boy. I'm going to send you a picture of my wiener. Send me 40 bucks.

Then get the 40 bucks. I mean, I would go as far as to say that's every dollar Chris Hansen has ever earned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. is kind of that blood money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come money. Come money. Every cent he's ever earned is actually that,

just less directly. Yeah, I have... With a middleman of people paying to watch a guy get caught. Yes. Yeah, and I'm like... In the act. I am, I am, what's it called? I'm like very, like, weird about that show

because it is one of those things where I'm like, okay, dude, yes, if you're a sexual predator, you should be thrown in jail. I agree with that 100%. Yes. But, and, not but, and Chris Hansen, he likes it. You know he likes it. You can see the look in his eyes.

And it's like he's getting off on lecturing pedophiles. Well, what would he do if he had no more to catch? Nothing. So there's an economy of pedophiles for him to keep going. Yeah, that's exactly right. He is actually, I heard that Chris Hansen molest little boys to create future pedophiles. To create them on the show. He's in the lab.

That's the job of the church, actually. The church. gets them first and then they go to Hansen. They're like, we created nine new ones. He's like, we're going to have 10 more seasons. Yeah. Yeah, that's a fucking, yeah, I don't know. It's a weird thing because you are, it is so funny, like, the way he does it.

Like, I'm like, dude, I get it. Like, he could have more fun with it. Like, I know a guy who he does the same thing and he does, like, trivia with the pedophiles. Yeah. If you get the answers wrong, we'll call the cops. We'll call the cops. We won't call the cops. and then the cops are called it.

Either way. Yeah. And I'm like, that's a fun thing. But just the Chris Hans thing's like, what do you do? I'm like, what do you mean? What are you doing? The guy's a kid fucker. Like, like, you're like, you're trying to like, it's almost like he's like, just like,

he's like, you know who wouldn't fuck kids, me? Yeah, why don't you take a seat? Yeah, he's so cocky about it. Yeah, he is. Those guys, so there's a, that's a big new emerging market and a lot of the guys in the manosphere are getting into it is this to catch a predator style of content. Yeah. It's like a trend that they're doing.

And I think it's an easy one, but it's interesting to see the amateurs take a go at it. I don't know if you watched Louis Thoreau's Manusphere doc on Netflix. I didn't catch a lot of the pedophile hunter stuff. So they did one on, I forget which one of the Manosphere guys it was, but they caught him, he was running, or some of his guys were running a,

to catch a predator-style operation. But they didn't have the professionalism of Hanson. And so instead of sitting them down, it was more like vigilante justice where they would just immediately start kicking the guy's ass. Yeah. And very entertaining, but kind of risky, because they don't necessarily know that they got the right guy.

They're amateurs all the way through. So what it turned into is them just base. Fighting Indian guys. Them just baiting really dumb guys into getting their ass kicked on kick or rumble. Yeah,

yeah, that's fucking crazy. Yeah, because it's like, I've heard if you don't have enough evidence, you can't, like you're, like,

don't even wrong. I think it does a good thing. I'm sure there's so many people out there that would totally go fuck a kid, but they're like, this is fucking handsome. Like,

like, they probably does a good deterrence. In the back of their head, they're like, this could be really fucking embarrassing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think some of them were like, I kind of knew, but I was like, what if,

you know what if, you know what I mean? Like, when you go home with a girl and you're like, I kind of feel like she's not going to fuck me, but like, what if? So it's kind of like the, I mean, Hansen didn't exist for the first one. There was a catch predator before Hanson? Well, no, there was no,

Hanson for the first predator. There was no Hanson for the first pedophile. Yeah. Which was a guy who just had to figure that out. Yeah, yeah. That people were going to be pissed. Which kind of actually created the first Hanson. It's kind of like Batman and the Joker.

Right. Which is they are, they sort of need each other. Yeah, I have a bit sort of, have you heard of? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that, yeah, that is a good, that's a good, yeah, it is, it is weird that,

yeah, I don't know, it's, it's, it's, I sometimes speak before I have a thought on something. I'm like, it is, it is, it is a, yeah, it's a, my favorite one, I thought about last week, but who gives a fuck, there's this guy, I don't know if his story's real, I should attract the credibility of it.

But he said he was texting a girl. He met online. And he was 15 and she was like 14. And then she's like, well, I actually like older guys. He's like, oh, well, I actually lied. I'm 18. And she's like, come on a place and have you seen this? No, but I heard about this.

Yeah. And then she's like, come on a place and fuck me. And she goes there and then Hansen comes down. And she thinks it's his dad, her dad. And she's like, this guy's like, why is this chick's dad have internet transcript and he ran out and got like tackles? Apparently it was just like This girl's dad's fucking crazy

He's like why do you take a seat? So even he's got henchmen who are tackling them outside Yeah But just to bring them in to take a seat I think that's where that's the difference That's where the pros come in Yeah Is they will wrangle the pedophile

But they won't beat him within an inch of his life immediately Right yeah Because you got to make sure it's the right guy You got to make sure I mean some of them are crazy One guy just walks in totally naked No way Yeah that's an episode

It's pretty funny yeah Yeah And the denial gets really funny When guys are just like, they're like, I literally just came here to drink 14 Mike's Heart Lemonades and watch TV. Oh, yeah. That's a classic. Was it Derek comedy from way back when?

Oh, bro rape? Bro rape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, so good. Bro rapes all time. Yeah, I'm like, this is like, I would love to interview a non-offending pedophile because I'm like, I'm just, you, yeah, it's not your fault. You haven't done anything with it.

You've probably been molest. I've never been molest, so I don't know. So it's very, like, arrogant of me. Now, somebody who's fucked a kid or tried to fuck you gotta go, look, I know I'm better than you. Yeah, that's easy. Yeah. That's one of the very easy ones. Yeah, you go, I am better than you, but also, how dare I be so cocky about like literally being like, that's what Hanson does. He's like, he's like, I'm so much better than you because I don't want to fuck kids. It's like, oh, really? You found the worst human beings and you're like above them.

You know, maybe he's actually just a guy who's very low self-esteem. So he needs to just find the absolute worst people, the like scum of the earth in order to feel better about himself. He doesn't get it in the street because he can see how every person might be a little bit better than him.

But once he, he doesn't even imagine this. Once he knows that they're a pedophile, then he knows that he's better than them and he gets to feel a sense of superiority. Yeah, because he just does, he just has like his whole thing.

Yeah. But like I really would love to interview a non-offending pedophile just as sort of like, we don't have to get it. Do you think that they're out? I bet you, dude. Yeah,

you could find it. Because it's one of those things, too, where you're like, yeah, that's such a good point. They probably don't want to their face. And they're like, oh, trust me, I want to, but I'm not going. They're like, trust me. I think about it. I was listening to, you know, Mustafa Musa?

Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to spoil his bit, but he's got a good bit on this. Non-offending pedophile. I'll just give the title of the joke. It's called Virtuous Pedophile. Yeah, yeah. And it's, and I'm about to launch into the bit. That's saying, telling about a thing.

Has he posted it? He has. He has posted. Yeah, go check him out. He's got more of a following than I do, so I'm putting somebody on who's got more action than I do. But check out his bit on Virtuous Petophile. It's really good. I think his take on it.

Fuck. Now I don't remember his take on it, so this is even worse. I'm not going to botch his bit. Go check it out. He's got a good bit on that. Yeah, because it is like, yeah, I guess nobody put their face on it. But the backlash should be fucking. But I kind of don't give a fuck.

I'm like, that's. an interesting, because there's got to be stuff we like don't know about, because there's definitely loopholes. You ever see like, I don't know,

you definitely see people that are like, that girl looks fucking 15, but she's like 30. Yeah. You're like, I'm sure those guys could just fuck girls like that. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm sure there's a way to fucking, I don't know. You said that she's actually 30. Yeah. Yeah. There's girls that are 30

but like look like they're 15. Yeah, of course. There's a, there's got to be a market for that, for those. guys. That would be like, that's the, that's, that's that's that's their version of harm reduction. Yeah, exactly. That's the version of harm. Yeah, the drug community. Like instead of,

that's their methadone. Yeah, that's their methadone is a, is a 22 year old that looks way younger. Yeah, because that like, fucking, it does exist. And that's also like a great market for like, I don't know, dude. If you just get like, fucking an army of these fucking chicks and dudes, you just get a bunch of dudes to get their face looked like little boys, plastic surgery. get them real poinky looking. Is it a use case for the looks maxing community? Is this what I'm...

Child maxing. Child maxing. Child maxing or age minning. Age mining. Baby face these fuckers and they fuck all the pedophiles and then we fix the problem. But you know,

I mentioned pedophiles. I imagine they're like, this isn't the real. They're like, dude, they're probably watching this. They're so pissed right now. They're like,

yeah, that's not how it's fucking works at all. It's not about their face. Okay. It's about the, fear in their eyes. They need to know that they're underage. It's not about the way

that they look. It's that they might be. Yeah. You were set up to chrykollogical. Of course, dude. I was just about to say that. Where he's like, he's like, how about you fuck like a boy? He's like, I'm not gay. He's like, you understand how offensive that is? Dude, to friend a predator. That's a great episode. It was taken down

off of everything for a very long time. Why did something happen with Christalia? Yeah, something happened with him. apparently he was kind of that guy in real life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you hear about that? It was really funny.

The stories were like, all the stories were the same. Like, I went to his hotel room and he was eating shrimp scampy and watching cops. Like, it was so funny. He had him with like a lobster bibbon. He's like, oh yeah, come in.

Yeah, that was like a weird, I hate when I don't look enough into something to like know because sometimes you look at something, you go, oh, that's like nothing. Dude, that's why. I was actually doing a stutter step on it just then because what did he...

I know it was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least that's what people have told me. Right. And that's what Red Bar has told me. Yeah. By the way, if you go watch fucking Red Bar, he's incredible.

He's the best. I hope he's doing well. We think he's sick. He hasn't posted in six months. Six months? Yeah, it's been a long time. He's like got the Jordan Peters and thing? Because Jordan Pearson's sick now, too.

Yeah, Jordan Peterson is sick as a dog. And apparently it was from a Xanax withdrawal. Kalanipan withdrawal, which I think. I actually snorted some last night. You snort it? So that's, why would you snort it? So this is a very specific reason for this. So it actually is less effective if you snort it.

Yes. But I came home late at night. It takes so long to kick it. It takes like two hours for it to kick in. I use it for sleep. Yeah. So I was like, I'll snort this so that it can kick in faster. I'm not going to get as much of it,

but it will get in my system faster. But it does feel like you're snorting heroin because it's yellow and you're just sitting there and you're like, what the of it? And snorting it downer? You're like, dude. But my sleep schedule is like, I was like, I got to get fucking sleep, dude. Also, you're a true artist.

If you're snorting, like a yellow powder. You're a true artist. I can tell you, based off the apartment, this is, we don't get Soho Loths anymore. That's not accessible to comics. people are just getting started in anything. But this apartment is sort of a version of that. What part of Brooklyn are we in?

This is Williamsburg. Okay, so we're in Williamsburg. Do you see any hostages in the way over here? Is the Hasidic neighborhood? Yes, I did. Yeah, and Jordan Peterson, so you're good. I mean, snorting it is actually, that's more harm reduction. Yeah, exactly.

Also, I'll go, like, I'll go fucking weeks without it. Like it's, it's, yeah, it's just a very helpful, I have a guaranteed eight hours of great sleep. So I'm like, if I have to schedule something out, I'm like, all right, I'll take it a couple times a week. I go, let me just schedule, like, let me get exactly, because like, I do those midnight so times. So nice to be able to hit the eject button. Yeah, I'm like, it's, and look, it will it be an issue one day? Yeah. Of course.

I mean, I've been prescribed for like. Well, of course it'll be an issue one day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How about, how about George B. How about you learn how to handle your fucking. Kalani's, dude.

Dude. I mean, for that... His daughter's so fucking hot. She really is. She really is. And she's just eating steak, too. Which I appreciate. Yeah, she's, um, she's beyond carnivorous.

She's on a purely steak diet. And that was what Peterson said cured him of his, uh, benz-o addiction. What? Was switching to eating pure steak. And, uh, apparently that, uh, didn't take. No. Also, I mean, kind of good for him. Because, like, I'll take Kalani's and then I'm just kind of slow. Yeah.

I mean, props to him for fucking, like, I actually, I did this the other night. It's like a week ago. I took Kalanapen because I was going to go to sleep. And then I met a girl at a bar. And then, by the way, I have been, I have not paid for a drinking a bar in a while. I was in this place where they were hooking me up with drinks and stuff. and she didn't drink alcohol at all. And I went home with her,

drunken on pills, and she doesn't drink at all. So I was like, that was actually the nicest waking up, because sometimes you wake up, you both been drinking, you're like, you assume everything's good.

I'm a big checker. I'm like, hey, you're not too fucked up. I'm, is everything good. But she's just asking, you're not too fucked.

I'm like, no. And I'm like on Kalanapin drunk and she's so cold sober. And I'm like, that's a really nice feeling. There was like, no, she's like the sober one.

But, I mean, I can. also. I guess I could just handle my shit. But, uh, yeah, like Jordan Peterson. But I mean, how much, you're not taking that much conopin though. No, I'm taking it's not like the old days. Yeah. A little bit is really nice. A little bit is so nice. I always describe it as it feels like you're on a 1950s airplane. Now, I'm not saying because there's like no black people. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying like it's like that kind of like the feeling of like the

and then like you're eating a cheeseburger. It's like a golden airplane. And there's, as like a blonde, like, 50s babe, just sucking your wiener. Dude, you're actually kind of both people on the 1950s airplane because you're also sucking. You're also sucking because you're the 50s businessman, which is kind of like being a 50s businessman on a Pan Am flight is like the lifestyle version of taking Klonopin. Yeah. Like I've said this about RFK before, which is that RFK was doing heroin and also at Kennedy, which is kind of like double heroin.

Yeah, yeah. I just say, like, his life is already incredible. Yeah. And on the flip side of this equation, you're also kind of a 50s housewife. Yeah. Who's taking her pills so that she can just chill for the bed. And I also want to describe,

it doesn't sensationally feel like that. It just mentally feels like that. Like, it's not like you're like, you're just like, oh, right. Yeah. Did you see that, you see a commercial for Travolta's new retarded airplane, movie?

No. Dude, he made a trailer for this movie. I honestly, the way, I'm going to pull it up. This is too good. Yeah, that's it. He's making a movie about, there's just zero conflict in it. The trailer's very confusing. So everybody, look up a John Travolta airplane movie.

I don't care if this is not how you're supposed to podcast. This is, this cracks me up. Because just this, this is imagining him pitching this movie makes me giggle because it's just a movie about a little boy on an airplane. and then he's with his mom on his trip and then he's like the pilot's just like you got flying in your blood

it's just like it literally has no not dancing I'll go John Travolta dancing and then I'll do do you think he's a homosexual oh absolutely oh yeah let me ask oh yeah yo yo comment guys you guys you guys are all gay

comment if John Travolta is part of the community also would you fuck him yes I mean he is a hot guy I was watching a grace. He definitely. I was like,

dude, he really, he really was, dude. Uh, what's this? He had it. This is like his directorial debut. Uh, flying.

Oh, what's it called movie? This is like too good. Oh, I guess he's, oh, because I forgot he's in the flying. Oh, my God. Is this movie just about him

wanting to be a pilot when he's a little boy? This is, see, you can't start doing that with other hobbies. I wanted to be a rock star when I was a kid in like a stunt double. I can't randomly just now be like, I don't make a movie about, I don't know.

It's like you wanted to be a pilot. Oh, is he the pilot in this too? Wait, watch this. Oh, fucking trailers. I don't know if they can hear this. Rendon directed. Oh, by the way, if you're just pause the podcast and look up a propeller one-way coach trailer directed by John Travolta. I wish I could hear this.

I don't know. You know, I'll tell our producer edit this in. Yeah, yeah. We'll get demonetized I don't care So John Travolta is the pilot Telling the little boy that he has I just I don't know if there's any conflict

I just picture John Travolta being like Imagine did like He's like in the pitch me He's like imagine you're on airport and you're flying And like it's every You want to eat When the pilot comes over to you and says This young man has flying in his blood

And then they want to make you eat yucky food But you don't have to You have a hot dog The whole time Dude it's it's actually very touching. I think he's I think this is a healing movie for Travolta. Yeah.

The airplane's a metaphor for a man's penis. Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's the the airplane is a, the pilot is a metaphor. He's both guys, actually. You like to do this. I'm interested in both guys.

Yeah, he's both guys. He's both the pilot and the little boy. And he is, it's him talking to himself about what it would be like to and I just don't have it yeah it's okay I also

it's okay such a good thing to happen in a podcast I've had a great time yeah I'm drinking beers hanging out yeah I also I want to know this I met a woman who is bisexual who's attracted to herself

and I wonder if gay guys comment have you ever been attracted to yourself because that's an interesting thing I'm curious about I mean, we're going to have the gay guys lighting up the comments. We have so far four calls to action in the comments. And I'm curious, too, though, about whether or not they are attracted to themselves. What the fuck? Somebody's here.

That was very scary. We're going to give that a second. There was a... The police heard of say trial pornography. Yeah. All right. Bring them in. Don't they say police if they're knocking?

Yeah, they have to say that. Yeah. That's scary. dude, we'll have shit like that all the time. So we'll bang on the window here. Really? That was terrifying. Yeah, that was scary.

That was just kids, right? That was just kids. Or it was guys who were really looking out for kids. Yeah. You know what? You know what, though? I will say this. That jolted me.

Dude, I am like revved with energy. Yeah, I am. That was a shot of adrenaline. Oh, my God. Is that John Travolta peal is when he... So you subpoenas? A hundred percent, man. I remember as a kid...

You go. Well, I was going to say, I remember when I was a kid, I did makeout with my reflection, but I wasn't like, I was like practicing how to kiss a woman. And I would just make out my reflection. I was like, which don't make you make sure exactly. But I was like, is this how you do it? I don't know. I remember seeing that on TV, but I never went so far as to do a makeout with my reflection. That's, but Travolta, I mean, okay. So I think the interesting thing about him is that, uh, he's never going to come out. No, never. He's one of the last of the Moheekins. He's one of the last true, properly closeted gay men. Yeah, it almost be annoying at this point. You're like, all right.

Everybody's out. When you started, it was like kind of risky. It could hurt your career. And you could have done a lot for gay people by coming out. Yeah. You could have, I bet you there's little gay boys that killed themselves and they would not have. Dude. You have blood and come on your hands, John Travolta.

Yes. it could have been heroic, but he's waited so long and now he's cowardly. Yeah, exactly, yeah. You either die a hero live long enough to see yourself become John Travolta. It's very, oh, sorry.

No, you go. It's very funny, too, though, because I'm obviously kidding, but it is funny to be like, why don't you just come out of the closet? I don't know. I haven't been in that position. Like, I'll talk about how I've been, like, you know, pegged or urinated on here. But I think that's easier.

Like, obviously, it's one of those things that, like, I'm sure my parents are disgusted by that. I think the line for brave is moving. I think the line for brave is moving. And I think it used to be, when we were a kid, when we were a kid, we were one kid, when we were kids, it was kind of, remember it was brave to say that you had anxiety? No.

Okay. So this was like, I'm older than you. How old are you? 32. Okay. Not that much older than you. But it was a thing. It was like, I don't know, 10, 15 years ago.

It was like, you would be like, actually, I have anxiety. and that would be like a personality trait. Yeah. And now it's like, I mean, we're so online that you have to go way, way further than that

to get people's attention. Yeah, yeah. And I think he's also kind of buried the lead. But yeah, I mean, back to your point, it is, it's easy for us to say. Yeah, yeah, because still exists.

People act like, it's like, I'm like, dude, there's, I would say a million parents in America if you were like, I'm gay, they would be pissed. Yeah.

Yeah. There's tons of them. But, and with regard to Trouvaulta, he's this, he was part of the, one of the original blackmail schemes, Scientology. Yep. Which was kind of much, which was a much lesser blackmail scheme than later Epstein, which is back then back then. And then, back then they would just get him for being gay. Yeah, well, I've always said this. How many people do you think Epstein gay blackmailed?

became okay to be gay and he's like this is worth fuck we gotta do a new island fire it used to be just fire island yeah yeah he would just get them on a boat to fire island and get them to fuck somebody and then he would have them but then he was like oh we gotta go yeah because not everybody's attracted to kids

yeah so it's like everything's all these billioners it's like no no no he was trying to get them on everything yeah he was trying to get people that like being poop put on you know all this stuff um yeah he I mean that was his yeah he would have to he was

kind of like a purveyor. He had to get them whatever they were interested in. Yeah, so there's no way everybody went to Epstein's Island as a pet file. I guarantee he was getting guys. They were like, I want to bang a dude. And he's like, dude, when the public finds out about this. And then like some years went by and they're like, no, I'm not going to give a million dollars to Israel for you to release. And then he's like,

all right, well, this is pointless. He's like, he's stomping on the table. He's throwing. This is a stupid idea. Yeah, dude. He, uh... You don't have any. I don't have any. Yeah, I, uh, I had two old ones in when we started. Dude, I'm sure Epstein has come up.

Oh, you got to hold it way close. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, no, it's all good. I keep doing that. I'm a rookie, uh, rookie podcaster. Yeah, no worries. Epstein, I'm sure, has come up on this several times. Have you done, you guys have, you guys have covered the topic, I'm sure, uh, at length.

This is just a conversation. Yeah. With really bright lights and we can't move too far out of the frame and we have to talk directly into the microphone. And actually, sometimes we're just talking to an invisible third person, which is like a bunch of random guys. Yeah. Yeah, so it's been covered.

But what I said shit, I mean, working on a take here. I was thinking about hantavirus and whether or not that's going to be. Okay. What do you think about this? I've heard this. COVID was created in a lab, which I remember hearing that for the first time, maybe four years ago in Tim Dillon's podcast. Yeah. COVID's created in a lab and it's a biological testing facility in Wuhan. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's a shitty lab and so it leaks. A theory that I've been starting to hear recently is that Epstein had like a kill switch. Yeah, I've heard that Trevor Moore said this.

Yeah, Trevor Moore said this. Yeah, yeah. And then he fell off his balcony. Is that Epstein had a kill switch and that when he was going out, he said he was going to flip the kill switch and send COVID out into the world. Now, I'm thinking there's no Epstein left, which makes, I mean, begs the question why don't think. they just bury him under the evidence.

They have perfect scapegoat. The guy's dead. They can say it was all, they can sort of say it was all him. That's a great point. Yeah, they could have been like, yeah, Epstein released the coronavirus.

Yeah. But it's, so it, and also he died, it came out when he died. So it's kind of one of those things that, but then all the people attached like Bill Gates and stuff, who,

uh, yeah, that's, yeah, I don't know. I don't think the Hantavirus. I'm not scared of it. Uh, I mean.

Me either. It doesn't seem like it's legit. I don't think it's got any emotion. Also, like, I'll just do the same thing I did during COVID. I'll just go to Florida and just have an awesome time. Yeah, I did that with Austin during COVID. It was great. Yeah, they didn't observe down there.

No, yeah. They were just not observing, which is cool. You can just do that. That's geomaxing, and you can sort of go to wherever things are better for you. Yeah. Yeah, and it's very, you know, it's very funny. The Florida people are like, oh, so you went out and you killed a bunch of old people. Like, probably.

but in terms of people to kill, they're the oldest, they're the ones with the least life to live. So, yeah, that was my kind of whole... It's better than killing babies. Yeah, I was like, that's why people move to Florida is to die. Yeah, they're...

So in a way, you're sort of bringing death to them. Yes, exactly, yeah. But though, you go down there and old people be like, don't wear that mass shit around me. And you're like, why would I get, like, I'm not, like, it's not like I'm, it's like anybody out with me, anybody that goes to an old person

I wasn't hanging out with old people so if I got my friends get really fucked up give them all COVID they go give their grandmother COVID that's on them yeah that's not on me now

just because I fucking was out with them I wasn't hanging out with their grandma coughing into her face that's their fault yeah yeah I was just thinking about this was there any uh there's no like

no there must be a massive Reddit of people being like is this COVID oh yeah because we're talking about the herpes thing yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, is this COVID?

But there's no, you know, there's no rash that they can look at. So there's not like a, I was thinking about Terry Warren who has the, she was trying to be helpful. So she was this woman who, who, oh, this is great when you're doing with this. Who put together this website called Westover Heights. And if you ever had a herpes scare, then you've probably visited it or you visited the Reddit. I could have. I could have, yeah. Oh, but she wouldn't know that there was been one and two and I had one.

She would have been like... She would not have known the difference. Yeah. But the other thing is that she... What she unknowingly did was created one of the largest public repositories of dickpicks on the internet. Which was she did... She created this site because she's like a doctor

and studies this kind of thing and wanted to help people. And there are a lot of people who were anxious about whether or not they had herpes. But what it turned into... was basically just a repository, which I would imagine there's like some AI that's like trained on now because like, you know,

they're trained on the whole of the internet. What it turned into is this basically like massive repository of dick, dicks in varying states of inflammation. So it was like... She ended up getting, which is, which I feel like is unfair for her.

Yeah. Because she seems like such a sweet lady. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that is the thing, too, where it's like, I don't know. Yeah, you're looking at so many of those, I don't know, you got to, I don't know, that would be, I think I could brush it off. If I was like a doctor. Yeah, yeah.

And it was like, there was like just fucking babe with just like a little bit of herpes. I think I could be like, fucking, it's just a little. But she's also developed such a good eye that she probably is the best eye for it in the world. There's no way to sort of transfer that knowledge. Yeah. Like she doesn't have communicable. Like she has sort of tribal knowledge of what her bees looks like. Yeah.

But she, there's, we can't, you can't really, unless you send a bunch of doctors to study under her tutelage, you couldn't really. Which they should do. Which they should do. We were talking about the lack of fucking, I'm getting retested again because technically according to, I have OCD. But according to Chad GBT, they're like, you have to wait 12 weeks. I waited four or whatever. As I said, Google AI says. that's 97% accurate.

I'm taking Valtrex for basically no reason now, but I'm just a prophylactic, preventative Valtrex. Yeah, yeah. But you're going to hop on. By the way, have fucked nobody who's told me that herpes. Yeah. I have no evidence that somebody's been like, I have herpes too. I was, okay. So, I mean, your idea, what you're doing, I mean, it's very OCD move overall, just in general,

which is hypochondria to be worried about something. And then OCD, which is like the obsession. And then the compulsion to research it is all very OCD. The preventative taking of the drug that will cure the thing that you might have is classic. Classic case. Well, that's also, but the thing I care more about is I care less now if I have two or not. I care more about giving two to somebody else. So it's more suppression therapy is if I hook up with somebody else.

I'm like, I don't want to. Dude, it's not. It's still insane. It's crazy. It's crazy, but it's just crazy enough to work. Here's the thing is that, is that this, I think this. I think that chlamydia, for example, is a solvable problem globally. I mean, not individually.

Individually, it's absolutely a solvable problem. But I mean, globally, it's two weeks to stop the spread. Yeah. If we get everybody, if they could slip antibiotics into the water. That's so true. If everybody took chlamydia medicine. you could destroy. That's crazy, dude.

It would cease to exist. And it's literally amoxic, or no, it's penicillin. Yeah. Oh my God. But we also need to get everybody to agree to stop having sex for two weeks. Okay, it's not going to happen. Never going to happen.

Yeah. Yeah, that is, that's wild. Yeah, you could just destroy chlamydia in, I mean, I'm sure. Oh, my God. But also, I've never gotten it. I don't know. It seems, it seems like not, I mean, I fucked a girl in college and she ripped the gondom off.

And then three days later, it was like I have chlamydia. And I got tested. Didn't have it. And you were good. I got one of those random. So she must be making habit of ripping condoms off. That must be kind of like her move. Yeah.

Real rips. Subjects like to do that. Yeah. Cool. So that's a, that's like a, uh, there's a cat and mouse to that, right? So you start with the condom and then they go, it's like a, uh, uh, escalation. It's like the last thing because they can't really like, they're not really ripping your, so many, they're not really ripping your clothes off.

They're not really ripping boxers off. So it's their version. It's a good point of that. Yeah, I am. Podcasting trying to have a take on everything? Yeah, I like, I said, I'm really careful about it. One time I did it too, I was, I was banging a guy's girlfriend one time in front of them. It was like a cuck kind of thing.

Yeah. And she just fucking threw it in without a condom. I got a message three weeks later that says, hey, one of your partners has chlamydia. But I have a theory that is. It was. Wow. I don't want to say that, but I got a theory because that kind of lined up with some arguments going on. I think somebody was like, hey, yo, I know you're out there fucking.

I'm going to just, that could be wrong. That's very interesting. I'm wondering about the guy who's watching and he sees that. He's like, oh, no, no, no. I don't have talked shit. I really don't talk shit. It also could be my roommates that are like, dude, I just, I can't. It's just gross hearing him fuck.

So I'm going to make him think he got. Lamedia. Yeah, I got Tedz that didn't fucking have it. Yeah, I guess anybody could do that with your number. I mean, it's a great prank. I mean, we should do AIDS ones.

Sort of a classic prank. Dude, we should. I'm telling you, April Fool's Day prank, make your friend think you got fucking AIDS. Dude, yeah, I mean, we got a year to get ready. So there's a year to get ready

for April Fool's Day next year, which is something like it's going to be a disaster. It'd be fun to do to just like, if you did to like 50 people, like, it'd be really funny because like one of them, like I don't think my dad's ever cheat on my mom

but it would be very funny if I did that to my dad and that was like the one time he cheated on my mom that was like fuck I got eight one for one yeah yeah yeah that would be that would be brutal dude what they I forgot to talk about this is so funny have you heard of Omogel no dude so my buddy's like

have you heard of Omogel go yes I sent pictures of my wiener on there when I was 15 oh Omega that's what I thought Omogel something different so Omogel is like Omega, but you mug people. So it sets it up, it's your face and somebody else, and then it determines on whether you're getting

mocked. I literally can't do that. I would get mugged to death. I got mug to death. Yeah, I would get mocked to hell. I mean, it's insane. What sucks is this, is it sucks learning and knowing how fucking shitty

your facial harmony is on account of the in-cells, black pill and looks maxing community, because I used to like suspect that I was chopped, but now I know it. You're not chopped. You got good eyes, bro. You got good hair? I think my, uh, that's a halo is my eye area.

But my, and my hair is okay. But my, uh, dude, the, the bone structure is all fucked up. I don't think it's bones. I mean, if I, if I may. Please. I think this is, you got a, it looks like you got a chin under a little bit of booze. Yeah, that's exactly right. Because I had that for a fucking decade.

Yeah. And then I just lost some weight. I was like, oh, I actually have a chin under here. All right. I want to talk about the weight loss, but I also want to talk about Omogel. I think we can, if we're skillful enough at conversation, which we can do both. I think we can do both. Well, this is the funniest thing.

I get on there. It's like, because I was like, let me ask them to talk with the podcast. I'm like, let me go Omog. Yeah. Let me just try to get on there. Mogg's people. Not that different from Omagel. And the fact, it was just.

Just X. No, it was just children. And I'm like, I have to go next because I'm like, I can't mock a kid. Yeah. I mean, that's probably a crime somewhere to try to, to out sexy a kid. And so I keep clicking next on the thing. And then it was just like,

it's like a little Chinese kid on there. And I'm like, what is this? You can't talk. You can't text. It just puts you face to face and then decides who's more handsome. Dude,

that's amazing. And I'm like, I'm going to be, you can't talk, you can't text. It's a mugger. I got outmoded by everybody. It put me like a 6.1.

It kept being just like, oh, did they rate you on the PSL scale? Yeah. It was saying bad jaw, which I don't think. was, I think I must have been, I think I got a good jaw. Your mandible is good.

It's your maxilla that they're talking about. It's your upper jaw. Upper, yeah, I guess I got a, yeah. Yeah, which is slightly recessed, but that's okay. There's lots that you can do for that. What can I do? Is it mewing? Mewing only helps the lower maxilla, right?

Well, muing is back to Holo, who's the guy who got pinched for CP. He has something called the Holo method, which is basically jutting. You know jutting? No. Judding is like when you take your lower jaw and you stick it out further. And then mewing, what that does is it pulls the, see this thing, pulls that up. Yeah, yeah. By bringing your tongue up.

But for your upper, that's just a, that's just a weight thing. Or you got two options. One is Marpey, which is a rapid palatal expansion. The other is double jaw surgery, which is, that's a full demo job. It's necessary. Yeah, it's necessary. I think it's time. I think it's time, I think, as a comic.

I think I know you got to skate to where the puck is going, and comics are going to be hot in the future. I don't think that their comics are going to be chopped anymore. Hey, this is a message for Louis CK. Sit this one the fuck out. Sit this one the fuck out, dude. We don't want to hear your brilliant takes. This is hot.

Hey, Louis, get out of here. Don't want to hear it. You had your fun. It's hot boy time. It's hot boy time. Who else is out there being on? Shane, it's been fun. Yeah, it was good, man.

I hope you had a good time. It's looks, Maxers are here, and they're coming for stand-up. And they're coming for stand-up with crowdwork clips. Yes. And, well, okay, so we're going to become the guys. Yeah. Okay, so. Only a matter of time.

Only a matter of time. We need a little money to get the surgery all figured out. So I think, is it, like, subcontracting where you get, like, a demo team to kind of, like, rip out some stuff, and then you get the drywallers to put. it in, but you, or is it like, like, I mean, do you get everybody to do everything, or is it like you get like a different crew? Well, you got to get, you got to get a few guys working in concert with each other. You need to get a, you get a orthodontist who's going to expand the palate, and then you need to get a, you need to get, there are a few different surgeons

who are particularly skilled in this, who will take care of, they're kind of two options. I think the famous best version back to Scientology is Tom Cruise. Okay. He probably has the best demo job Anybody's ever seen. He had a thing where his teeth His teeth were all fucked up His jaw was all fucked up

They fixed both at the same time They hold the bike closer They made it seem like He was just getting his teeth fixed But at the same time they fixed his jaw too And so they can be very discreet I think another example This isn't the most subtle version

But Mad Rife What do you talk? He says he's had no surgeries. He says he's had none. I know, he's then retarded. Are he buying that? No, he's definitely. He's had a million. He's had none. No, of course he has. He's had, I don't know that he's had all of them, but he's had definitely a chin plant. So the thing that you got going for you that you don't have to worry

about is you don't have the recess chin. See, this is where I went. This is my thing. I was actually too far the other way. I had an underbite. Yeah. She was so big. And they had to surgically, they were like, this kid is going to fucking mug this shit out of everybody it's dangerous for society. Yeah. They literally brought back my jawline. I had fucking, I'd wear headgear a night,

and I didn't even like it. I don't know why is if I thought I was gonna get pussy when I was asleep and I was like nine. But I was like, I looked like a fucking, I was like, I look like Willie Wonka. I don't know where this shit, but it would be like here and then it would pull back.

I had a lower retainer and then like a lower brace and it would pull my jaw back because of some fucking soft chin doctor who, didn't know what I had. Yeah, he didn't know. He didn't know about magging. Yeah.

He should have known. I'd have been like, it would have been like out to here. You would have been, I would have a chin. Yeah. Well, which is,

I mean, that's a pure comic too, is Jay Leno. Yeah, yeah. And I think, well, you have options if you don't have a chin. I think in,

in Louis and Shane, they both take the same option for the most part. I mean, Shane now, who's kind of like doing, he's doing like a, I think he's far enough

past, uh, the initial, Louis comparisons where he can do Louis facial hair and it's fine but Louis he did he's goate which is a good way to mask a

recessed jaw I think Shane soon goate those are two options if you have the jaw though you have to you have to show it so you got Leno obviously has the huge jaw yeah right instead of facial hair

he went with bringing the jaw forward yeah and then uh who is the Oh, Malaney. Malaney, there's just beautifully subtle work that he had done. Yeah, he's got to age-minning. He kind of looks like a little boy sometimes. Yeah, he does.

He actually is age-minning. Yeah. Back to our, back to age-minning. I just, yeah, I just, it's been so fun to, like, work on material and so like that, but it's just, it's tiresome. I mean, look, even Dave Chappelle looks maxed. Dude, he got jacked as hell.

He got fucking so, Jack. I think that we're... I mean, obviously, you have to get good, too. There's no... No. No. You think no good... No to getting good. Fuck it.

I think we throw out all stand-up as a sudden. Louis, it's sit down. Yeah. It's handsome people time. Look, we're not there yet, but we're going to be... We're going to be walking by Louis C.K. He's going to have, like, a little cup. We're going to spin his face.

And we're going to look so... We're going to show... We're going to show off our sexy fucking abs that we're just planted. in there. Dude, honestly. This is all sarcastic, by the way. I've had sarcastic. Completely sarcastic.

But it's very exciting, though. I think we're moving into a whole new world of looks maxing in stand-up, which is to say that is that, yeah, I mean, despite that this is like deeply sarcastic, there is also, it is the way to go via. That is such a nice move. You know what we're not doing, though? I don't think I dick max enough. I should have crowdwork clips where you literally see a fucking hog in the corner of my pants, dude. Are you jelking or no? You know what?

It's so stupid I haven't been joking. I know. I gave up on jelking too soon. You what? I gave up on jelking too soon. That's a tale is old as time. You joke once, you go, oh, it's the same time. I hate to do a verbal meme, but it's the guy who's like mining and he's like so close to it.

He's so close to the diamonds. Also, these guys might not know. These guys are jerking. They're not jelking. So jelkin is when you pull your penis so that the length increases. Yeah, exactly. You know what? This is a funny thing with me.

I have a thing where I like dominating women, but also like being dominated. So there's... I like to bind. I like to be bad. Yeah. there's a thing called small penis immunization. I got an average dick, six inches, you know. Size of an iPhone.

Yeah. Depending. Go ahead and Google which one. Which one? And also, lengthwise. Yeah. But there is a...

I was just a little treat for the boys at all. Yeah. Although they're going to love that. Well, I like, I would go on field. There's fantasy lands where you can just send pictures and stuff like that. Yeah. And there are. I've never sent it on solicit dick pick, but there are pictures of my penis where I make it look small because I want them to say my dick is small.

Yeah. There's probably like, I'm serious, a hundred women out there that think I have a tiny penis and I really don't. I would take the tape measure. Wouldn't be funny if they all talk to each other? They're like, this guy's got a small dick. Yeah. Have you seen it? Or they were all at a show?

Yeah, they're like, small dick. And then I'm like, see if you get them all to show. It'd be amazing. Fill the club. Small dick is coming. in my pants. Oh, fuck, fuck. So fucking hot.

Yeah, I would do a thing where I'd measure from my balls. So I would prop my balls off on my thighs. So it looked like it was counting. They're like, wow, four inches because my inch is... You're doing, you're doing balls pressed direct length.

Or balls pressed flaccid length. Yeah. Which is sort of the opposite of bone pressed direct length. BPL. Yeah, of course. You got a bone press, dude. Yeah, it has to be bone press.

Everybody knows you push into the fucking thing because that's how much length he got. You got the, I'm Dick Minning. Yeah, you are, you have been Dick Minning. Dick, Dick Minning is, that's also a very evolved move. Looks Maxing and Dick Minning. Yeah. It's kind of trans, actually, is to looks max and Dick Min.

Yeah. Is you're like, you're transitioning to, you're transitioning, but not completely. No, yeah, exactly. It might evolve until I'm pushing my wiener inside me. That's the next... I'm not going far enough. I don't even have a penis. They're like, oh, my gosh.

It would be... Is my penis look small? Yeah, I mean, to be fair, to be fair to the dick menning community, that's proper dick minning is to make it negative. Because you can't... Because you can go to like one. Yeah, of course.

But to go to zero is that's true. And then... I'm telling you the tactics I've taken. Negative six. Throw some zin-z-z-in. Crouch. Really make it fucking... Oh, I know all the tactics.

What are you... I mean, it depends which ones you want. want to deploy. Do you want to, like Adderall, for example? I've Dick Minned with Adderall. Adderall, Zinn, exercise. Yes.

Cold shower. You're a dick minstrel, dude. Dude. Cold shower. Be nervous. I've done this. This is one of the craziest things I've done at like 2 p.m. It's like been on Adderall,

thrown a Zin in, put an ice cube on my penis. Yeah. And then taking a dick pick from to a woman in like, Ohio on field. Yeah. And then it's like fucking traveled. And she's like, oh my gosh,

you got such a small dick. But also, once I come, sometimes I'm like, all right, well, here's the actual thing. And they're like,

you joke. Yeah, you got me. You got me with the dick minning. Yeah. There's got to be, yeah,

it's crazy life, man. That's fucking, that's life. I do crazy or shit at like 2 p.m. that I do at like 9 o'clock at night. Yeah. I mean,

people think that this shit is crazy, but that's nothing. Yeah. Compared to dick, to dick menning. and blasting it out. Do you ever Dick Max, though? I mean, obviously, everybody Dick Maxes.

That's like, we were watching this, I'm preaching to the choir. Everybody Dick Maxes, and everybody knows all the tricks. It's very simple. Yeah. It's you hold it like a guy who just caught a fish. Yes, you got the, yeah, you got the, yeah, you get it closer to the camera. The shaving.

Yeah, you shave the bays. You suck in, so your stomach is not poking out too much. Yep. These are big dick maxing tips. you sometimes a blue chew is interacting with my dickmitting because like I hooked up

with somebody on Blue Chil the night before You can't Dickman on Blue Chew Are you kidding me? I know but I didn't I didn't think I was in Dickman I was hung over So I'm looking for a dopamine spike Yeah

And I go I got a Dickman on his dating You got a Dickman Yeah Dickman is the It's the It's before your time The GameCube game pickman But it's just Dickman

Not what you're talking about Yeah It's like an Animal Crossing style game But that's why I had to leave field, not because it was like, oh, it was getting too much pussy. I'm like, no, I just spent on my afternoon just being like, because there's a thing called fantasy land there where it's not your location. You can go to a literal sexting zone where you can just be like, hey, what's going on? You match the women. Then they're sending pictures of their pussies and you're doing this and you're jacking off.

And then... This is on field? Yeah. So they have like a, what is this? This is like a battle royale style of field where it's not one v1 play? Or is this one v1? It's one v one. You can make group chats.

You can do all kinds of stuff. Gotcha. And the technology is involved so much. Yeah, because you've been married for. I've been married for a year and a half. And we've been together for six years. And all this is new. I'm a boomer, effectively.

I think for every year, it's like in dog years, you're out of the dating world. I mean, granted, it's comics. And so, you know, we're talking about demented. a demented group of people, but I've been hearing all that field all the time, and I don't know. People say that, though,

but the people I know that aren't comics are fucking so much crazier. Yeah, they're sick? Well, it's just like one of these, it's like everybody's like, the comics are out of control and you go to a comedy club and they're just like,

if you use the blue captions, it's more likely to catch the algorithm. And then I go out my friends that aren't comics and they're like, why would you not snort this academy, right? It makes no logical, sense. I'm like, I don't know, dude. Dude, funny. Yeah, funny that you mentioned that.

But wait, the one thing I was just doing, I was accidentally doing the Gavin Newsom on AIPact. That's interesting. It's interesting. That's interesting. It's interesting. Yeah, I do support Israel. I guess. I mean, I guess. It's interesting that you'd bring that up. Actually, actually, first time podcasting, I actually know where he was at, which is your first time podcast? Yeah, it's my first time podcasting. Oh, fucking great, dude. Dude, thank you. Yeah, this is first time. I've been talking for my

whole life. It's just the first time that I've done it for an extended period of time. The lights ruin it. I wish I could. Because it makes it seem like it's more of a thing. Well, yeah, the lights, the lights fuck me up for now. But they did when I started doing stand-up, too. So it's not like they're always, whatever the new thing is, you have to just do it.

So many fucking times they get good. And you can't be a coward about it. And regardless, if your first five minutes of podcasting were talking about looks maxing and child pornography. in how to catch a predator, you kind of have to power through. Yeah, there are 150 hours of me talking online. Yeah.

It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter. If you have a bad episode, they're not like, you know what we're going to do. We're going to go ahead and banish you from your own. You just post another one the next week. Doesn't fucking matter. Dude, so funny.

This is, you're going to relate to this, is when I first started doing stand-up, I actually thought that I was going to be so good. that people were going to notice and I was like, I got to figure out what I'm going to do with my job. Yeah. I was like,

this is going to get crazy really fast. And I need to figure out what I'm going to do with my job. This is going to be nuts. And not, they're going to be like, the other comics are going to, first of all, the open mic is,

you know, is this thing on is a very good representation of what a guy who's never done standup before thinks their first time doing standup is going to be? Which is like, oh, so I'm going to go over to the cellar, and there's going to be a ton of people there, and there's going to be the other comics are going to see me. They're like, new guys here.

And then they're going to see me after I do 15 minutes. They're going to say, and fuck, he's good. Yeah. They're like, new guys here, and oh, shit, he's good. Yeah, and he's going to be like, he's going to fucking do his thing. My favorite thing is I watched that movie, and he saw him in Bradley Cooper, his brother. He's like, you know, I love stand it because it's like, it's terrifying up there.

It's never been terrifying. I've bombed. I'm like, this is a little embarrassing. It's not terrifying. It's literally embarrassing. Yeah, it's embarrassing. It's fine. It's literally, yes, it's very embarrassing.

But like, you know he tried to go up after that I heard? Do you, Bradley Cooper? I heard, this could be a total rumor. I heard Will Arnette went to the comedy seller after that movie and tried to get on. Was like, hey, can you guys like, can you guys like, throw me a little bit of time. And I don't want to hate him because he's fucking hilarious comedic guy. He's so funny. But it just shows.

like the, just him not understanding how things work that he'd like played a kid in a movie and he's like, he's like, yeah, so is there a chance like, dude, that's why people give actor shit is like, they do all kind of think that they are the guy that they just played. Like, if they're good enough, then they all of them think that. Travolta played a pilot in, uh, was he,

was he a pilot before, look who's talking? Oh, dude, I'm way out of my depth on that. I have no idea. Okay, well, he's definitely, it's in his blood, according to the, he told himself as a kid. He's clearly the kid in the trailer, and then he tells himself. Yeah. 100%. But, yeah, no, I remember my first open mic, I brought a bunch of friends to, and I was like, I loved it.

It was amazing. I was like, oh, my God. And this is like, you know, nine years ago now. And I was like, I did well because my friends are all there. It's like laughing. Yeah, of course. Yeah. And I called my dad crying the next day.

I was like, this is what I'm going to do the rest of my life. I love this shit. And I was like, all right, this is probably me. Dave Chappelle. Louis C. A couple of other people. Yeah, Louis, Shane. Yep.

At the time, I mean, you would have been, you would have been ahead on Shane, but, you know. I knew that. I was like, there's a guy in Philadelphia. Yeah, there's a guy in Philadelphia. He's about to do Phillies funniest. Yeah. He's going to win.

I love bringing up his age. I'll do that during, like, a conversation, like, with my family. I'm like, yeah, by way, Shane, like, you know, he's like, almost 40 now. So it's, like, you know, things take time. Yeah, I mean, or, or like, just know. knowing exactly how long it took for him to get SNL. He was like, well, I mean, he did it about as fast as you can do it, which is about eight years. So, you know, if you're thinking about...

I think it was 10. 10 years? Yeah. Yeah. So the, you do, all right. So you do open mics for the first time. And your first thought is like, I'm going to be so good that I got to, I got to rearrange my whole life. Like, I got to figure out what I'm going to do with my job.

Like, the shit's going to get crazy for me. People from my pet, like, I got to clean up. I got to tidy up. I get a little financial advisor. my rock. Yeah. My rock upon which I will build my church. The,

you start figuring out all the shit. Before you go up and then you go up and you're like, oh, fuck. Oh my God. It was like mildly embarrassing, but the main thing is nobody cares. Yeah, yeah. Nobody cares.

There's like, there's maybe 100 people who are like curious that you're doing it. And then there's like, there's probably 10, 20 people who were there in the club that night and then there's what I mean

oh yeah yeah the other thing is oh you're so bad you literally need to do it a thousand more times in order to get any good and I think this I think and I hate to talk about a thing while I'm doing the thing

but I think podcasting is podcasting and yeah I hate to be genuine for a second. Yeah, if you indulge me. I think podcasting and just in general, posting online are the same. Like, you're kind of as good as how many times you've done it.

Yes, but then with posting online, there are the people that, like, they like to open up the mouth of all their followers and just shit directly down their throws. And you're like, come on, you got to know. Dude, I know. That's what I struggle with is like, obviously, you have to build a following, right?

And you also have to bully them. and so you've got to tell them to fuck themselves. But you have to, there are a myriad of ways to do that. And one of them is front-facing video, which is gay. Lazy. I made one two weeks ago.

But, but look back and you look at the comics that you like you think are funny guess what? I mean for me I'm doing like guess what like Joe Biden guess what?

No for me it was like eye opening I look back I was like oh shit all my favorite guys actually did some version of that too like who what's the example like Shane doing that dude

well I mean first of all the podcast especially the early days which is just like I mean that's true open micing for podcasting but I was interesting in the podcasting podcasting I think

I feel a little differently about so like for example I will not express my political beliefs online. Yeah. There's very few of them. I'm very like, you know, I would say I'm left-leaning, but I'm not super involved in politics, and I don't know a lot.

But a podcast is, do you want to listen to this? A post is, look at this. Yeah, true. So I do feel... You're kind of floating a podcast out there versus a post is just... Yeah, yeah. On the feed. Yeah, but I mean, there's something wrong.

I mean, dude, fucking way. None of this shit matters. Dude, doesn't matter. Do whatever works for you. But I related that, by the way, with the kill. pony thing where I was like all right looks like I put all the chat GPT numbers in I was like looks like

my life is going to be so different and I get crazy I don't blame you I think there's there's different versions of that all the way through your career nothing out of mass as square girl I'm like look I'm going to work I've been working my ass off writing and performing and I'm like not for that

but I'm like hey just in general like let me push myself for the next couple months but I'm also like it's possible that it's literally nothing I mean that's that's the winning mentality. I mean, unfortunately, that's the one that you have to kind of constantly go back to is

none of this matters. It's never going to happen. Like Kevin Hart's funniest. Look, Rob, what's the name? Taylor? Was it the name? Yes. He won. Osama Sidiki's now homeless. People don't know this. I know it just came out last week. Osama Sadiki is homeless. I can't believe that

happened. They actually, when you lose the show, Kevin Hart takes all the money from your bank account and gives it to the other comics. Yeah, it sucks. It sucks that it's a like a monopoly style game like that, but that's the way that he has it set up. And then he put child pornography in Osama's house. Yeah. They plant that on you and then they send Chris Hanson. Yeah. That's a, it's like a fantasy loser punishment taken to the ultimate extreme is the, uh, actually kind of a good comedy show where they're like, look, we get to delete all your followers if you lose, but if you win,

you get a Netflix special. Oh, dude, that would be so fucking. That's a great show. Honestly, that is such a good show. Because it values and devalues the followers. He goes, look, you're this good of a comedian. Who gives a fuck about the followers? They'll find you again. Yeah, they'll find you. Like, dude, I actually love this idea.

Yeah. Because it goes, how much do you actually care about comedy? And how much do you not give a fuck about cloud? Yeah. You could go, you'd have to do it at a certain level comment. Well, because the current way is rising tide lifts all ships, right? Because it's like, you go on the show, presumably, like, you do well, and they keep your set on the show. and you get a bunch of followers.

Maybe like several, tens of thousands, hundreds of whatever. It doesn't matter. But there's no risk because it's like, even if you eat shit, then it's like, yeah, well, you're still like a comic that a bunch of people have seen now. And that's how I felt about Kill Tony when I did it. I was like, nobody's going to unfollow me if I bomb on here. No, man.

Like, you see people bomb on there all the time and nobody cares. Yeah, nobody cares. I also think that in terms of fantasy punishments, that planning CP on them is not, is, this would be a good sketch. Is it, it's an impractical Joker style thing. And,

do you think that one guy who got in trouble for trying to meet a minor? There was a guy on the show who got trouble for that. Do you think it was like, they actually had to cut the episode? Yeah, yeah, they're like, fucking, I don't know what, network is it? I wish I knew which one of them it was.

I, when we can cut this, I think it was Joe. Okay. Joe Godo. Yeah. I know it wasn't Sal, but then I also don't know the third guy's name. Joe, I got to go. I got to go. I got to go.

Joe, I got to get out of here. Yeah. I guess I feel. Yeah. Holy fucking talk about Usama. Yeah, no. I mean, Osama, Osama's great because it was like, he's on his guy, dude. When I first moved to New York, I was like, that guy's really,

fucking, he'd go to, he'd be open mics. I know. He used to open mics when he was fucking had JFL. And by the way, he, as far as I know, got like nothing out of JFL. And you're like, that's really dumb. Because this is like 2016, so he was like a very good comic. Yeah.

No, I guess it was 2019 when I moved here. He's a very good comic. And this is also during a very progressive wave where they were like, let's get new voices, let's diversity. And he was not a diversity higher in a sense, but they were diversity higher. Like, he's insanely talented. But I was like, what the fuck did they not see in this?

It was so weird. that he didn't win. I also think... No, no, no, no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that, because he that guy's very fine, too. I'm saying... Yeah, also funny. He did...

Usama did JFL in, like, 2019. Yeah, yeah. He had new faces in 2019. Which is so long ago. And I'm like, that should have been... I mean, I think he's doing well online, he's doing other stuff, but you're like... Dude, I feel like a lot of these things are just

resume builders. No. I don't know this because I know nothing. I mean, I, when I say I know nothing, I mean, I'm like, I have no expertise in this other... than purely watching from the sidelines and being a brief participant. What's crazy is becoming a kill-tony regular is more of a career builder than...

Getting what, new faces? Yeah, or Rogan. Yeah. Or getting or what, like doing a Rogan podcast? Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, I think two things. I think that those are both of them, the version, the new version of getting called over the couch on the tonight show.

Yeah. And it's a much smaller audience. than the Tonight Show was because there's just no audience that big. But it's the biggest one right now by a lot. I mean, what's the other, it's a bunch of people who actually go out and like buy tickets and like our comedy fans versus like they, I think that the legacy stuff is like, it's, it's this. It's if you're into having a good resume, like if you were the kind of guy who wanted to go

to the right school. and have a good resume, then those things are perfect for you. And I get that because it's like, I know the feeling, which is you want points. And it's like you get, you've been a good boy. You get good boy points and you get, maybe it's JFL, maybe it's like a late night set

on one of the late night shows. And they're more of a, it's more of like a resume building thing, like a credit. I guess the word I'm looking for is credit. And then it is like an actual like exposure. You're not going on there and getting a sitcom.

Right. Yeah, well, I mean, the funniest conversation we had about this, I was talking, you know, Alvin Quay at all? I don't know him, but he's a great comic. Yeah, so he, I was talking to him and some other comics. And he's doing like way better than I.

Like, he's like, you know, he's fucking crushing it. But he was talking to him, we're all right, he goes, we know by now. they're not picking they'll pick this a long time The industry Like the guy not the industry You know not like you know

Podcasting simply like the The film and they would have picked Just a long time ago Oh yeah for sure You gotta do things in your own You can post your own shit Do your own thing And he's like he's like trust me

They would have picked this They that ship is They're not fucking Yeah I mean they look at you Which is why we need The looks max Is the thing is that like I know it's like

You could do this right It's like You could go and like work really hard and try to be completely original and be like a new kind of comic and build... My cortisol is spiking so high

and she's making me less attractive. But dude, I'll look at the scenario. If I painted as a separate idea for myself, maybe I can relax and hearing about this. Yeah, it's not about us actually. Okay. We're actually outside of this.

Is you could do all those things and then like make it in 10 years or 20 years or whatever or you could go and get double jaw surgery tomorrow. Yeah. Start posting crowdwork clips on TikTok immediately. We're finding like a new thing. So kicks kind of a thing. Find whatever the newest thing is.

Dude, yes. I actually think that post him on Omogel. Dude, Omogel is good. of Mogul's fantastic. I'm just learning about this. I think kick or rumble. I think probably the next guys, everybody's always chasing the last thing, right?

And so, like, I don't think anybody's really chasing, like, the late-night shows anymore. You just want them. Like, obviously, if I ever got an opportunity to do one, I would do it so that I could say that I did it, basically. Right. But since everybody's chasing the last thing, probably all the stuff we're even talking about is the last thing.

And probably what you need to do is go and live stream yourself running it to catch a predator operation and running an amateur. Sneaks some crowdwork bits in there. Crowdwork pedophiles. Get them in, get an audience of pedophiles. Get them all in there crowdworking. To Mark Norman's show where he's got a full audience of a certain kind of guy, but it's all pedophiles. Also, joke book, throw it out. You should be spending time in a tanning bed. Yeah.

Every minute you're writing a joke book. Every minute you're writing a joke, you're missing time in the tanning bed. Yeah. Also, another one, Burke Reich. Sorry, dude. You're not in the hot community. Let's talk about the guys that are in now. So we got Rife.

Rife. I would put Lucas Zelnick. Yep. I would put Malaney. Okay, he's handsome. Yeah, he's handsome. I would put Dane Cook

Look I think we could get back Then for sure I think we could get him back Dude but He's tried See the thing that's sad About Dane right now

Is that he's done all the work He's fantastic comic But all the work he's had done It didn't take Yeah But in Bill Burr You're also out Yeah it's again too late

I can't wait to see Just cup of dude Just Bill Burr Louis CK With their little change cups Just asking for us and we're just fucking, we're, just, we're just, we're just fucking. Dude, this is such an exhilarating experience, just talking about all my favorite comics.

And we're just, just talking about it's calling them all right, what are you going to talk about your first podcast? I was all my favorite guys and just tell them they're chopped. Yeah, because we're going to be the most. Yeah, because I'm going to be not chopped. Meanwhile, those are the guys who's wake up, uh, swimming in. I think you, I think it works. I guess there's just like, I think there's going to be a bunch of different.

swim lanes. I think there's an avenue for this. I think there's a new emerging avenue and like to crystallize it a little bit is I think these hot guy comics, they're serving a different purpose, which is actually online boyfriend. Yeah. For a largely female audience. Yeah. Oh, they're just fingering themselves. Yeah, which is a different thing than like, I guess the polar opposite of that would be like a guy who's got no female audience and has just got a legion of intels. Hey, all you boys Wacking off at home thinking I'm going to pop these

fuckers off, I'm not. Yeah, you fucking wish. That's for the Patreon. If they want that, what they can do is they can clamor for a Patreon, and you can set one up for them, and you can do two hours that everybody you bring in. First hour is shoes on. Second hour is like,

all right, you want to stick around for the page? A lot of people do that. Look, look, I'm just saying this one last time because I actually got a steady day job. You guys guys got like a week left to DM me on Instagram be like hey I want to see those puppies but after that shit it's done this is my last week of dude honestly I I've brought it up too many times I appreciate you laying down the law with these guys because you do got to tell them what's what well they think they do think I pander because like sometimes I just will do a podcast out my

shoes and they'll be like he knows what he's doing like I really I want to keep this comedy joke around by the foot stuff keep my foot business separate yeah it's so funny it's passive income Exactly. These are two separate entities. I know they might merge together for you guys. That's fine. You guys are the Matt Wright fans fingering your butt holes to me. It's kind of the same thing. Actually, you don't need to look, Max. You just need to keep the two streams of income and you need to get the dogs out. You'll be like Bert, except for instead of taking your shirt off, take your shoes off on stage. Instead of yelling, just different squirts have come on the stage. The whole audience is just fucking Yeah, we do gotta wrap up Because I gotta go to that birthday party But dude, where could they find you online?

By the way, this guy, wait, I just wanted to tell a quick story This guy was hanging around The comedy club And he was just hanging out a couple nights I'm like, I fucking love this guy He's funny, he's cool as shit And I was like, I went there

It was part on the show And then I panished Because I've never seen this guy You stand up And then I threw him on a show I've said they're on two shows He's fucking hilarious Thank you man, feelings

Mutual. And you've been doing it fucking, what, like a year? and a half, you said? Year and a half, yeah. Basically brand new. Thanks, man. That means a lot.

And thanks for having me on. I, uh, I, I, this is my first one. I bombed. I'm doing it right now. I'm conscious of the fact that I'm on a podcast, but one day. That's OCD brain. You throw that all out. Yeah.

You gotta throw it away. Yeah. One day I want. I've said horrible things this, but we had one episode where somebody's like asking me to rate my, uh, how hot my sister is on scale from mom to cut. Like, it's like... On a scale from mom to cousin? Yeah, it just goes, it just goes all the way out there

where you're like, everything has been out there and you're like, it actually makes you so much more comfortable because I'm like, there's 150 hours of me doing everything, bombing, having terrible episodes, and it makes you so much more... So it's like, this is like nothing, yeah? Yeah, I just need to do 149 more episodes. Dude, thanks for having me on.

Yeah, were they Instagram? Yeah, you guys can... Fuck, can we run that? I actually just fucked up my whole promo at the end. No, just, what do you mean? Can we run it? You just say your Instagram. Oh, yeah, yeah. You need a guy with Q-Cars with your Instagram.

My Instagram is what again? It's Nolan M. Doyle. You can find me there. And that's basically it. TikTok? It's the same. It's Nolan M. Doyle everywhere. And you'll mostly find me on IG.

Sweet. Thank you guys for listening. Thanks for listening. I forgot to plug this, but June. fifth. I'm going to be in Orlando at Alex's Underground Comedy Club headlining, the 8 and 10 p.m. show. I'm really trying to sell these out, so just invite everybody you know. I mean, don't mix it up and happy you guys go to one show and the other. So, yeah, just buy tickets to either. The link is in my Instagram or go to Alex's Underground Comedy Club.com. Thank you.