Mr. Party City - Episode 86
00:00Listen up, you little cock suckers.This is President Joe Biden here to apologize for the sound quality of his current episode of the Morning Good podcast.Michael Good's microphone is messed up.If you were a first time listener, I hope this doesn't discourage you, because every other episode, the sound quality is grade A shit.But this episode is still funny as fuck, so you should listen, you little queers.I love dirty mic and the boys.Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys?How you know who we are?
00:43What's this?They called the podcast?Morning.Very good.I love that.Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front.Welcome to morning.All right.
00:53And we're here with Tony Wellens.Blu-up.A.K. Tony Too Funny.A.K. Tony Twinkletoes, a.k.Your mom's favorite comedian.respectfullywhat's your blackcomedian name
01:08uh i thinkTony too funnyTony too funny that's a good one yeahwhat's yoursmaybe like Michael the punchline good or somethingI don't knowno good is too goodlike you got something with good
01:19yeah yeah like the goodmanit's all good in the hoodyeah it's like too long to be on flyerabout what's too long this never stop themgood from the hoodMichael good from the hoodMichael good from the hoodyeah yeah yeah
01:33oh we're also here at Christoff jean yeah what's up dude that is the funny thing with comedy though because like uhit's not like rap where it really matters where you came from but i'm so embarrassed that myparents have any amount of money because i take every comic is just like dude i come fromfucking and i'm like you don't have to come from the start like it's it's more impressive if youdo but i feel like it's not necessarily like necessary i mean i feel like nowadays i meanat least i don't know the specific you know social whatever background of like comics thatare coming up now but there's plenty of them come from fucking money yeah yeah i mean delia
02:04had a shit ton of money.Yeah, yeah.It does help.My parents, like, you know what I mean?Like, they're fine.They're not loaded.Yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah.
02:12No, they're pretty loaded.I've seen them, dude.They're fucking loaded.Dude, you're well off, dude.You know, we're in a park boy, you know?Yeah, yeah, but where have you seen my parents?I've been to your house, dude.You never read to my house.
02:24He's been casing your parents' place.Listen.Fucking money.Yeah, it is kind of shitty, though.They will, like, take everything away.Because I do the same thing.I'll be like, oh, he came for money.Like, I'll just try to take him away.
02:37Oh, 100%.He had the golden route.I mean, it helps a lot.It does.It really does.As a guy whose parents are, like, doing well.They're not loaded, but they're not poor either.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:48And they're not even middle class.They're upper middle class.But also, in my mind, I'm like, I made a sacrificebecause I was like, I could live a comfortable life in New York or in Florida trying towork for my dad.But I threw all that away.Right.Those poor people, they're going to be uncomfortable wherever they are.
03:02So they didn't really do anything.Oh, you made a big.You could have been working at McDonald's or doing comedy.Obviously, you chose comedy.That's not a risk.It's like you want to work at McDonald's and do comedy.That's the only difference.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:11You're still working at McDonald's no matter what.And I could be in the country club on Xanax eating mozzarella sticks, but I trust.Right, right.And there is those people who are like, I feel like they think that if they were to live in their car, it somehow makes them funnier.No, it's not going to be funny.No, yeah.Like if they're really, like, struggling, they're like, this is what a comic does, you know?Yeah, I go out there.
03:29I purposely get raped because I don't know material.Because it's hilarious.No, yeah, exactly.It's going to make you not funny, if anything.Now you're going to have no access to anything.Right, yeah.You do have to experience things for sure to be funnier.Well, you have to experience things,
03:45but you also have to, like, have to, like, have a car, you know?Like, if you live in Orlando,you also have to have a car and, like, enough money to, like,have a comfortable place to live,or you're just going to spend all your time doing that.Like, all your time is going to be sucked up by, like, I need money.Like, what are you going to do?So, like, it makes no sense.
04:04Yeah.Well, I mean, I do understand, like, the van life to an extent, like, if you do it correctly,I get you could save a lot of money doing it.Sure.But, like, I think there's between van life and then, like, choosing to live, like, in a van life,I think is different than a reclining seat as your bed.Right.You know what I mean?
04:19Yes.There's, like, between that.Those are, like, people who take psychedelics and they, like, they want to.Yeah, van life, dude.Van life people can fuck off.I hate family people.That was, what was his name, Gabby Petit?No, what was his name?
04:32Brian.Brian Laundry.Yeah, that was, I think that stopped the vet.He murdered Gabby Petito.Yes.The woman, they went van-lifing.Yeah.They were band-living.
04:40I didn't hear about this news.No, I didn't hear about enlighten me.What is it?You didn't hear about Gabby Petito?They were off the walls.No, no.What?That's wild, dude.
04:49Yeah, no, I don't, I mean, I don't watch much news, but Gabby Petino.It was like just on the internet.Yeah.Was it recently?Several months ago?Yeah, I think it was like a year ago.Okay.Yeah, she got murdered by her boyfriend.
05:02Yeah.And they wereComedians?NoNo.Yeah, Gavin'slike,He must have been pretty funny, dude.
05:10She was the next big namein comedy, dude.She was going to have so muchstuff about like van,you know,Van live in her first special.No,she was just like,
05:18they were vacationing or something,you know,the plan was to like,oh,we're going to van lifeand like go outto the fucking middleof nowhere and like
05:25just live off the landand blah,blah.And then he got really fed upwith her.He was like,this bitch is annoying.Yeah,
05:30yeah.That's literally what,like,obviously dude.crazy, but, like, it was funny because there were other, like, domestic disputes by themwhere the cops, like, they were just constantly getting in fights.Yeah, dude.I think that makes more sense.
05:40I feel like there's never, it's never that typical story where, like, I feel like it'snot like you find out your wife's cheating and then you murder her.I feel like it's like, you guys probably physically fight a lot.Yeah, all the time, and then one time you fucking take it too far.And it makes way more sense.Yeah.Yeah.When you're, like, that kind of statistic, it just makes, it elucidates things, you know,
05:57because you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they just beat the fuck out of each other.And one time you just swung a little too hard.Yeah.Yeah, yeah.Oh, so that's how he killed heror his fucking, he beat her to death?I don't know.He's got, you know, he killed.
06:10I just shot her in the fucking egg.I was trying to teach her a fucking lesson.He put it in your mouthto shoot you in the head again.He's the dumbest wife beat her of all the time.He's like, get up.He could be in a fucking A.Oh, I shot you in the head.
06:30She wants to play victim.He always played victim.These bras get him back.My mom used to get shot in the face.They don't make them tough anymore.Yeah, dude.Back of you, back of the respect.A woman could take a bullet.
06:50Do you ever, do you ever see like a couple of fathers?There's always like that moment where I'm like,I never know if, like, I act, how far I would step in and when I would step in.Like if a dude's like being shot at all.I saw that the other day.when I was driving, a fucking, like, a guypulled over to the side and was like,and like, and it was just some, like, girl walking
07:08and he hopped out of the car and he was like,get in the fucking car, get in the fucking car.And I was just like, I was like looking.I'm like, what is going on?Like, I didn't know if I needed to step in or something.I was like, but as soon as like, I clicked in,I was like, she was probably just being a bitch.I was like, I was like, I was like,
07:26and I was like, that was the reality.And I was like, I'm probably like, yeah.He's like, there's two sides to this.Well, she needed help, soMaybe she should get the fucking card and he can help her out.Also, I didn't feel, I felt like I was like semi-racial profilingbecause he was like tatted up, had dreads and likeAfrican-American fellow?
07:46Yeah, and I was like.Was she also African-American?She was African-American as well.So that's why I was like.That's tough.I know.That's a tough call.It was.
07:57I don't know who.Because you go, am I going to call the cops on a black guy right now?That's what I'm saying.That's fucked, dude.Yeah, what are you going to do?Yeah, you're like, oh, then now you look like a racist because you're just trying to be a nice guy.Yeah, the reality was like they were just arguing and it was a bit dramatic.And then you called the cops on him and he's got like some fucking, you know, half a gram of weed in his car and they beat the fuck out of him.
08:17And it's like this whole story.And it's my fault.And it's completely your fault.Yeah.Because you thought he was hitting her.And the reality was like, he erased his voice.Yeah.Yeah.
08:26That's not a good ending.I was at a bar one time.I saw this girl getting choked by this guy.And I was like, this is my hero.moment. Because I was drunk enough to like say something.Which is like sober, I would never, but I waslike, dude, I was like, hey, iseverything all right over here? Which is the dude she has made
08:40to say? Everything good here, huh?He's choking her to death,and you're like, this guy bothering you?She's like,yes, please.I like it.She goes, she goes, what the fuck are youlooking at? She goes, this is, I'm into
09:00this. I'm into this. She's like, I'm into choke sex.It didn't mean for like a loser.Like I was like,She's a dumb idiot.But you're at a bar though.Yeah, yeah, that's why.Yeah, dude, you're out in public getting choked.Yeah.
09:10Now, ever since that, I will just watch women get choked.I'm not going to assume it's a sex thing.Oh, my God.What an asshole.Yeah, it's weird to know, like, you never know when the line is.And you're also like, when would this, you know what I mean?Like, if the person's yelling help, then yes.Yes.
09:24But, um.That's a clear line.But then it's like, when are they going to yell help?Like, if it's like a real bad situation.If they're dating, they're not going to, yeah.Well, also, but if some guy was choking me who I was banging out, you know, and I'm like scared to death of him and some shit happens in public, I'm not going to yell for help.Oh, yeah.I'm not a chance in the world.
09:43I don't want to be seen.I don't want anything to get worse.I'm scared shitless of this guy.Yeah.I'm not going to be like, help, help.He's like, then no one helps me and he beats me to death.Yeah, yeah.I had that.
09:53I was selling tickets at one time.I was barking.And this girl comes up crying.She's like, my boyfriend, he just hit me.Can I hang out with you?And I'm like, yeah, sure.And so I'm like, live comedy showsJust standing right next to me
10:05And I'm like, comedy show folksIt's just the biggest contrastIf two different things going onThat sounds like a scam too thoughHe hit me, I need a dollarAnd you're like, all right, all right, get out of hereThat definitely is that that is a good scamI'm sure that's been done before
10:19No, some like meth head lady tried to get me with itI don't know whyI'm just like I have an open heartAnd I'm just a sweet guyYeah, real good, let me speak hereAnd oh my fucking what the thingYour thing just came outDid it turn off?
10:30Did I fuck you up?No, you're good, you're good.All right, I'm sorry.Yeah, I lost a whole episode.And this dude, you know his Zin Pouches?Yes.He ripped one open and tried to eat it.So it was very funny episode.
10:40He tried to eat like the feet inside.What kind of fucking animals you have in this podcast?Jesus Christ.Yeah.And now because if you hit the court, it just comes out.But anyways, uh, you were, what were you talking about my phone?Oh, a methad just went up to me and she's like, I, like, I left my kids at my house.I don't remember what she said.
10:58She's like, can you give me a ride to my house?I'm like, my kids are there.So I'm like, some kind of thing where she needed to get into my car.Yeah.And I'm like, what?And she's like, I'm like, I'll give you some money.I'll give you money for an Uber.Yeah.
11:13She's like, I can't get an Uber.I need to go now.And then that's when I was kind of like.Yeah, this is shady.Yeah.Wait, what you, if you needed a ride, you would just get an Uber and go for a ride.I'm like, I'll call you an Uber on my phone.I'll do that for you.
11:25I'll drop 15 bucks for you to like do that.Well, you think she was going to, like, pull you up to a spot?Yeah.No, she was gonna pull me up somewhere to get robbed.Yeah.Like, what you do is you're like a woman and you get some guy to like drive.I don't use my imagination for this guy.Pussy.
11:42Yeah, then they drive you to a back alley and some guy beats the fuck out of you and steals your car.Or something like that, you know?Yeah, there's always like a guy right around the corner who like that.Yes, yes, yes.And then he's like, oh, it's just down this thing.And then you get punched and sucker punch in the face.I don't know where I heard that either.That would be like the ultimate thing too.
11:57Like if you're like bringing a guy over to have sex with him.and then you fucking like,because you're very vulnerable being naked.Right, right.Then some guy just saw,I just saw this in a movie somewhere.Yeah.Is that in a movie?
12:08There's just the plot to sex drive.Yeah, I was going to say.Yeah.I thought it was just going to be like house fuckers nine.Yeah,some sort of film,I saw.A man and a woman were having sex.
12:22Yeah,the funniest part of that is the guy,there's a guy in the gas station parking lot where I'm at.He goes,don't fucking talk to you.She's a hole.She's a hoar.That's a good guy right there.
12:35And I was like, oh, she is a whore.Thank you.That's an angel right there, bro.You should have given him money, dude.He was some, like, truckery guys.Like, I'm fucking seen him for.He's a beardy Santa guy.Yeah, yeah.
12:50It's so funny, too, because when you said whore,it took me a second to realize you meant prostitute.Because in my mind, I thought he was like,like, she broke his heart.She's like, she'll kiss you and then she'll fucking.You bet you'reI forget that horseconnotated with
13:02prostituteI justYeahYeahAnd then you're outA truck stopYou're like this makessense
13:07That it's an actualOh yeahIt's like noThis truckTrucker knowsWhat a prostitNastyNasty Lott lizard
13:13Meth BroughtYeahYeahShe wasI'm likeOh she's all scabbyand grossYeah
13:18YeahShe just lookedPoor at firstShe could suck aMean dig dudeYeahYeahThere's a
13:23One methodShe saidI had JimmyJohnAnd she goesI'll suck your dickFor a biteof that
13:28sandwichAnd I'm likeThat'sThat's a good deal.It's an incredible deal.That's a pretty good.It's an okay deal when you consider the source.Who's sucking you off?
13:37Can you get sexually transmitted disease from dick sucking?You can get herpes.Herpes?You can get car curfies from mouth herpes.Yeah.That would be a nice roll of the dice, you know?It's pretty low risk, oral sex.I feel like I would catch something else, though.
13:53Not like an STD, but like a weird, like pneumonia from the little chocker.Cracky, you know?Crack eye.Yeah, you're going to get crack anitis.I mean, it's like a crack baby.You catch a low credit score, bro.You're just going to wake up with a desire to go steal copper.I got the crackitis.
14:14I need copper.Yeah, I think I get, I realize this, I can visually distinguish the difference between crack and meth.I think crack is like, you can tell they're like, there's, like, there's.Oh, you mean it's a person.Yeah, not like, like, I think of the crystal.both thought, like, I was, for that way, what, crap?I think I could tell the difference between meth and crack.Visually, too.
14:33Visually, too.Crack is, like, rock, and then crystal meth's going to be like a crystal.Shardy, right.Yeah, it's like shardy.Shardy.It comes out of a man-dha.Shardy, like a melody.Yeah, it's going to be, like, grains of, like, crystal rice, whereas, like, crack is
14:51going to be, like, powdery rocks, you know?Yeah.I've seen enough cops to, like, no.No, yeah, yeah.Yeah, I have to stop, why.Is that show's still on?I don't know.They had live PD for a while.
15:01Live PD was the shit, dude.Yeah. Oh, that's kind of awesome.Dude, where I, we're not, you know what Cole County where my mom lived?Yeah.They had live in that county and like the fucking, and I was living in, like, I've beenquarantined with her at the time and it was like, it was cool watching like.Well, it's always like rednecks love those shows, but the rednecks are alwaysalso getting arrested.
15:20Dude, it's like a weird thing with like, yeah, I get that son of a bitch.It's like, that's damn.They would know each other.They'd be like, all right, Rick, finish your cigarette.before we take it.Rick, stop giving them shit, man.Break that mouth of yours.Wait until the judge gets a hold of your ass.
15:42Oh, Rick, God damn it, man.He's supposed to come in fucking do the forklift Monday.He knows he's going to call out.It's awesome.It's awesome.When I was working in that small town, like, and I,You're telling me there was dude you worked with on meth, right?Yeah, they were like...
16:01What was your job?We did concrete.Okay.And like, they were, there were some fun boys.They were...Yeah.Extremely, like, real deal racist.I remember we worked with...
16:10We literally had...And this was going on, like, the Black Lives Matter Riot.There was, like, a black guy where...Dude, there was a black guy that worked there for one day.And he was, like...He was, like, talking about it.He's like, you know, these fucking people want to complain.He's like, I would say the N-word, but you're right here.
16:26He literally said that.Oh, my God.And I was just like, he just like took it too.Like he was almost like agreeing with him.But then he didn't show up the next day.So I'm like, yeah, he was scared shitless.Yeah, that's a good move.Yeah.
16:36Agree and then never come back.Yeah.It's safest move.It's also funny.I would say the end word,but I'm not going to.Thank you so much.Oh, you're a saint.
16:45Yeah, yeah.It's like, you might as well just said it because it's right.You did.Yeah.Yeah, you made, he knows what.Yeah, you're thinking, yeah.Yeah.Yeah, yeah, you did say it.
16:53Yeah.Yeah.I used to work at sharks.Those are some interesting guys.how much of rural America is like like I knowa dry county that like has like a hugemeth problem that's just like hilariouswe don't serve any alcohol on Sundays don't people getting too
17:06rowdy. Yeah yeah but they're tweakingall the time. On crystal meth. The craziestwe have we have like a family housein like Tennessee. It's like a log cabin.It's a I didn't come for money.You said you have a house.It has a house.I don't have a fucking house.
17:25It's likedifferent family will share. So like it's likeit's like through like four.No, no, generations.A generation of my family has owned property.The butler watches it while we're away.No, no, no.We fell into oil in the mid-19.
17:39It's not what you think.That's awesome.Yeah, there's no go back.Yeah, if you have a house somewhere.People, they own, like, it's our house.Yeah.You're rich if you have.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:57Well, to be fair, we don't own it.though, because it's like, how it works is like every, there's like four families that like all,like use it for like, like time share.Yeah.Oh, okay.But it's like better.But it's like between the family.Sure, sure.
18:09So like a cousin will have like a month of it.Yeah.Yeah.But it's intense.You're a poor.We get it.Yeah.Yeah.
18:13Yeah.You have no money.You have no money.Whatever was my buddy was like texting this girl.And she texts him on, on Twitter.And she's like, hey, or no, Tinder.She goes, would you still date me if I'm.if I was fat.
18:29And he lost service going into the mountains.And we're all like,you fucking pussy, dude,don't text her,it's fine,don't worry about it.Yeah.And you don't get service
18:36at like the house.Right.And we lost him for hours.So we're freaking out.We're like,because he just dipped off randomlywithout telling us.And we thought he was dead.
18:45Like,dude,he's dead.He's in like some meth head shedgetting him butt raped or something.Yeah,yeah,yeah.
18:49He's saying like,dude,he's fine.Like,like,I'm sure he's going to show up.And like,by hour like 10,
18:54we're like,day we get a call from the police department. I guess what happenedwas this girllike he went into the woods to try to getservice to text her. Oh no. And he was19 and he was drinking a beer and the cops werestaking out a meth lab. Andthey just saw him sprint into the woods and thought he was like a meth head.
19:14Yeah. So they like and obviouslylike he ran from the cops just because he thoughtthey were mad at him for drinking a beer but they were stakingout of meth lab. Jesus. Yeah. Don't run from the cops for having a beerwhen you're 19. Yeah, no you're not. Think aboutthe charges. Think of it's nothing. Yeah, I guess. Isee if you're 19, you're not thinking too logically here, but it's like, what's worse?That underage drinking charge, or a running from the cops charge?
19:35It's obviously running from the cops.And he's like a preppy guy, which is so funny because the cops, like, thought, like, yeah,we thought you were like a full-on meth head.He's, like, yeah, sprinted in the woods.It's like, yeah, yeah, that's kind of nice.You got meth head speed.Yeah, yeah, yeah.That's a compliment.
19:50That is a compliment, dude.Like, the endurance on them must be incredible.Yeah.Yeah.I think it's also, like, there's always those cool videos that people on, like, angel dustwhere they're like getting shotand they're like still moving.Yeah, that is like
20:01Barry.That's the coolest.It is cool.These guys are so,I wish I was like this.Guys, dude, those guys.Somebody's father's just getting fucking unloaded on.He relapsed on PCP.
20:14He just wanted to do heroin.That's really cool, dude.Yeah, that's,bro, he's got a, he's gota slat a wood through his chestand he's like, come at me.The fuck you're going to do about it.I'm the devil.
20:28I mean, they really are the real-life superheroes.They're just doing only crap.They're the supervillains.The superheroes don't know.We need cops to do meth to keep on track with those guys.Yeah, yeah.I agree.We're not taking enough risks.
20:43Yeah, out there.I'm sorry.I yawned, dude.That's my bedtime, brother.I was running pretty late, so that was my fault.No, yeah, you're late as no.Can I dead, babe?Yeah, please.
20:52What were you doing?You were fixing a tire.That's why you were late?Yeah.The oldest, the oldest lie in the book.Right.That's, you were covered in, like, no, I was.Yeah, my brother-in-law's fucking need.
21:01He just, like, walking in, he rubbed his hand on our tires to, like, look like,yeah, I'll see, I'm late, guys.Yeah, dude.Fixing the tire, like a fucking man.But you didn't show up with food.I've been any of that mistake where you show up late with, like, McDonald's, like,I try to get here as soon as possible.Yeah, when you called me and you're like, how far are you?
21:17I was like, I'm five minutes away.I was really, like 10 minutes away.But I started.You always got a lot.That's fine, dude.I mean, I did another local, I did a local podcast with this dude.And I had the text, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to be late.And the reasoning was, I was hungover.
21:31I just didn't want to go.Yeah.And then I showed up with, like, fucking, you know, sunglasses and, like, a fucking giant thing of coffee.Like a rock star, dude.From duck and donuts.I'm like, I'm so sorry.And he just looked at me like, the fuck, bro.And you fucking killed the podcast, too.
21:49I crushed the pod, dude.Like a fucking superstar.I crushed that pod.You got to come up and hung over, dude.Oh, yeah.I'm like, where's my, I'm my agent.Sorry, I got, yeah, reality was like, I fucking got kind of drunk after I'm open mic on a Friday.And this was Saturday at 11.30, which was too early.
22:10Yeah, yeah, we got to do one, brother.We got to do one.It's also so funny.Like, I can't be mad at anybody.It's like my cover.I mean, not anymore.I changed it.But it's so hard to be mad to be like, you're not taking this.
22:21Yeah, yeah, I'm not taking this shit serious.Dude, it's morning good, like boners.It's kind of sad that you took that away.It's just temporary until I get a new job.No, immediately change it back.I could probably get fired from the job.That's so wacky.You've been fired twice.
22:34Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Oh, is you got fired because of the picture?I assume they just see it.And they're like, it doesn't help.Like, nobody's going to listen to that.I'll give you to see the cops.You know what?Yeah, you should change the picture.
22:46Yeah.Because if you're going to get fired, at least have them listen, you know?Yeah, that's a good point.Like, at least let them at least dive into the content.The funniest is I was talking to Jake about itAnd I didn'tThere are things a cup of coffee tooYeah
22:58And I was like yeahI changed it to something boringLike just a cup ofYeahIt's fucking gay assWhackass bullshitLike a cup of coffeeDude if my podcast image
23:10Was a cup of coffeeI would kill myselfWhat is thatBoring bullshitI've everYeahSometimes you haveI've definitely locked myself
23:19Into the situationsOh yeahOh we're like aMake sure it's plugged in.The mic.My mic?Yeah, to the...Oh, no, it totally was.
23:27You were fine.I was watching it.You were good.All right, good.Yeah, just try to hold it up here.It's a pain in the ass.Yeah.I'll choke up.
23:33Choke it.Yeah.Look at that producer.Dude, that's producer skills.That was quick, brother.I hope it hasn't been the whole podcast.You just cut out.Yeah.
23:40I'll just fill in your lines for you.Yeah.Do it in post.Yeah.I'm sure it's fine because I've been to monitoring.Okay.Wait, what do you do for work, though?Why do they...
23:49I don't, bro.I get fucking unemployment and barking money.I put him together.Oh, yeah, I forgot.You came for money, dude.Yeah.He goes, he goes, Daddy.Daddy.
23:59Please, Daddy.I want to live on Manhattan.I'm an artist, Daddy.Can I please get out of Brooklyn?The financial district looks nice.All right.I'm a podcast show.I'm doing like some research.
24:19because I'm going to move to New York in Septemberon burrows. I just want to sound like I knowwhere places are. Fuck, yeah, dude.Lower East Side.Yeah, dude. What's it?What's like, if you hadall the money in the world, where would you move toin New York?
24:35If you had, you know, if you had, if you madelike half as much money as your dad,where would you live?Yes.Where would you live in New York?I would probably, I think about thislot.Because it's going to happen.
24:54Yeah, once he passes away.I bet you're some people are just so hyped when their dad dies.Oh, dude.Yeah, my grandpa died, not trying to flex or nothing.But I got a little chunk of change for that.I had no idea I wasn't going to get any money, dude.And I was like, I don't want to fucking talk to anyone who doesn't have money like me right now.Did you want to like VEMO?
25:15That's a funny way to get me.Yeah, Grandpa's deadSad faceYeah, dudeIt was enoughI mean it was likeIt was $25,000I'll just say it
25:24Oh wowYeah dudeDude I'd beI'd be bawlingDude I'd be bawlingDude I'd be bawling out of controlFor a momentI was like
25:32Quit my jobI'm notNo no no no noI'm not gonna quit my jobWowBut I was like I thought about itFor a momentI'd be stunned
25:39I'd be stunnedI was likeI'm whole hogIn comedyAnd blow this in a yearOh yeah yeahFuck itI'm that kind of guy
25:44I'm so bad with moneylike I sold my car and that money I like I'm almost blown through right now.And just just from like the dummy.I was at fucking party city today.I got like laser lights just for no reason.I'm going to the beach to my friends.I'm like,you fucking drug addicts.
25:59We're gonna need laser.I had to hold back from buying a fog machine.I was like, no.Don't know when you're gonna need a fog machine though.That's pretty dope.That's pretty dope.Yeah.It's pretty lit.
26:12But also what's gonna happen is I'm just going to immediately return the laser lights.Sunday.Or whenever I get backfor the beach.You're smart like that, yeah.You're an investor, dog.I'm gonna be like,these are horrible.
26:22I'm just like,really,you guys are fucking idiots.Yeah,we think this is worth $80?This is these bullshit laser lights.Fuck you.I've been buying laser lights my whole life.
26:31You know what my father is?All right.He owns this building.You know my father,Michael Laser?Mr.Party City?he's the CEO of Party City
26:48The funnyThe funny shit was likeYou know how like allEvery building is trying to lookLittle niceOr like they'll have likeOkay instead of just some grossColored like wall
26:59We're gonna have like brickNot not brick but like a rockThat's differentYes yesAnd like we're gonna have like coolsleek black letteringParty City nowAnd the one I went to
27:08Had like black letteringAnd I was likeIt's got to be colorfulLike your party cityAnd it's weirdIt's supposed to be, like, stupid and, like, tacky.Yeah, and they were like, nah, this is...No, we're gonna be, like, cool.
27:18Yeah, yeah.Party City's cool.Party.Party for last.That's whack as hell.I hate, I hate, like, the, like, faux industrial apartment.That's, like, new...I don't know if you've seen this.
27:31The rustic look.Bro.Yeah.I saw one, the design of the fence around the place, was chicken wire that had...That had chopped up cement inside the chicken wire.Like, imagine.Imagine like a box, like something you would put like a pit bull that is a fighter.Yeah.
27:47You know, like inside of, full of broken up rocks.And then you look at it and they're luxury apartments.Yeah.I'm like, if I lived here, I would fucking, I would have, I would throw a fit.Yeah, the rent's like 1800 for a one better.Yeah, dude, it's like 18.You're paying two grand a month to live in like Tampa, whatever.And it's such a smart move on their part, though.
28:05They're like, especially like with restaurants, they'll do that.They'll like, oh, we'll just have copper pipes in the ceiling.And they're like, we don't have to cover.whatever.It's like, dude, yeah, you didn't want to pay for drywall.Yeah, it's exposed brick is in New York.Like, I remember we moved there.My girlfriend's like, expose Rick, that's good.
28:20I was like, why?Yeah.It's like, you can see the raw materials.I'm like, put up some fucking drywall, buddy.Put up some goddamn dry.It's all hitting the reverse now.You know, they're fucking.Oh, there's a fake brick wall.
28:32Yeah, this is a wallpaper brick wall.But that does look better for like a podcast.Right.Rather than, you know, whatever this is.Yeah.He's got popcorn ceilings.He ain't really.got it like that. That's a mark of poverty, the popcorn. I don't know why. I don't know why.
28:47I don't even recognize. I don't know what is this. Why do people, you, you're a handy guy.Dude, that's a really good question. I have no idea why they put popcorn on the ceiling.If you're middle class or lower middle class, you got popcorn ceilings. I remember my mom alwayscomplaining about how she wanted to have popcorn ceiling removed. She wanted to get it removed. Why? You want to smooth.How do you do it do you like, because it's spray. Literally spray. I guess it's not pouring the80s or whatever.No, I mean, it does kind of pour down.They have the masking shit.
29:15But, like, I guess in the 80s, it was like a poppingtrend, you know?Maybe that's what it is.It's just old looking now.It's out of style.Yeah, that's the thing is a lot of things.Yeah, there's always, like, those houses that, like,you go and you're like, oh, this house hasn't been remodeled since.
29:27Like, if it just looks...Yes.If it looks older, it just looks bad.You know what I mean?Yeah, there's a fine line.I mean, there's not a fine line between, like, something that's, like, somethingthat's, like, something that's, like, vintage and cool.and then you go into a house
29:36and you're like,this is from the 70sthis is gross.Yeah, yeah.This is like carpet on the walls.This sucks.This sucks ass.Yeah, no, that's definitely a thing.
29:44My buddy has a house like thatand it's like, oh.It's like wood panel walls too.You're like, yice, brother.You just can't complain about that, dude.My buddy has a house.It's disgusting.I had to pick him up for a music festival once
30:00and it sucks.He's a filthy pole.It's so gross.Your parents don't make a million dollars a yearThe floors weren'tI hatedI hated itYeah
30:14That was some baller shitI went to like a weddingWhere myMy mother's best friend's daughterGetting married rightAnd they rent outThis likeI don't know what the fuck to call it
30:27But it's like in North CarolinaAnd it's likeBougy apartmentsThat you rent for like funThey're just rentI don't even know what to call itcall them.They're like, one more.
30:36Yeah.It's just like collection of townhouses that cost like fucking $500 a night or some crazy shit.I don't know if even that's expensive.I don't know.How much was it?How much was it a night?No, 500 a night.I mean, that's pretty expensive.
30:50Right.It's an expensive, like, nice thing.But they had a heated toilet seats.Oh, that sounds nice.It's like the cold of North Carolina mountains, dude.Oh, okay.You'd be funny if they had another guy sit on it.Yeah, it's a guy's job.
31:03He's the toilet warmer.He's up there's great.The toilet warmer guy.You sit on a warm toilet seat.Wow.You don't ever get that shock of a cold toilet seat.Yeah.And then they have bidets to shoot water up your ass.
31:16Oh, dude.That's like the contrast because the bidet is like the cold like shooting into your ass.Yeah, dude.It's hot and cold at the same time, dude.Also, I'm pretty sure I have, what's the thing you're not supposed to have going on with your ass?Hemorrhoids.Hemorrhoids?I was about to say a cock, dude.
31:32Yeah, a cock in there.What are those things?One of those things that aren't supposed to be in your assCox, yeah.It was, I went likeeight months ago, and they're like,yeah, you have like anal fissures or something.They gave me a cream,
31:46and I'm like, yeah, I'm definitely going to deal with this.And I never picked up the cream.And then I just never went back to that.That would be something I would let go to.Yeah, right?I'm like, yeah, I don't know.I'm not, I'm not rubbing a salve in my ass.Yeah, there's no chance.
31:57You don't got to, you just have to rub it around the.I think you got to get in.I have a wrong.I mean, you get, well, maybe not inside.I have no problem.I'm fingering my ass.I have no issue with it.I swear to God.
32:06Have you had a finger in your ass?Yes, multiple times.You like it?Yes.Not in just like a, like grazing.Oh yeah, dude.Because, okay.Like finger tip it.
32:16Full disclosure.Yeah.My old lady.Yeah.Which is my girlfriend,not my mother.Yeah.My mom used to really just.
32:22She was like going.She was like had my, her hand on my balls for a moment.Just like four play hand on my balls.Yeah.And she fucking like, she reached past Gooch.Just kind of.I kind of rested it near my little booty holeand I was like, oh!
32:38That's a great feeling.It's amazing. It's amazing. Yeah. It's likeanother part of me that I didn't know felt good to feel, you know what I mean?My dick's been beaten to death.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.You know, it's been.Coming to the next level, I guess.It was like, it was incredible.
32:51That's a great point because it's like, it's like, you've done so many things.You put your dick in so many places.You rubbed it on so many things.And it's been just squeezed to death.Like, it's been through the ringer, you know.And the asshole just hasn't been.It's like a good wife, dude.My little virgin.
33:03My little virgin ass.ass.It hasn't been...The thing is like...Oh, fuck.It hasn't even seen the sun.I'm really insecure about my asshole, though.What?
33:14It's dirty and hairy and hairy.It's just hairy.I just don't like the hair in it.I clean it out pretty good, but I'm pretty sureevery guy has a hairy asshole.Yeah.Yeah, most everyone.Yeah.
33:24It's gross down there.I don't do any sort of maintenance.What do you...All you can do is shave it.You could trim it.That's...I bleach it, but I don't shave it.So it's just that man.
33:34Looks like Eminem a little bit.Yeah, that's not, dude.Old Eminem, though, wet boy.No, but these shells are pink.No, but the hair on it.Oh, yeah.Guys.Yeah, it looks like an albino man.
33:45You give it loose,you style it up and shit, dude.Yeah, yeah.Yeah, the real slim shamed.Yeah.That's great.My buddy has a theory about that.That's why he sucks.
33:54If he went back to bleaching his hair,he could, I don't know, he is, it is crazy how bad he is now.Yeah.I like, I can't stay.Like, it's, I don't know.What's so bad about it?Eminem.I don't know, it's just like.
34:03Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Just things that, the venom song, I kind of like that one, though.That song sucks ass, dude.I like it because.Bidim, damn, damn.Yeah, dude, that's just annoying as hell.I'm going to blow it in your streams.Yeah.
34:16I don't like the way he speaks with such, like, force effort through your teeth thing, you know?Yeah, yeah.He's like, I'm going to turn it.I'm making murder.You're like, dude, relax.Yeah, you're just like, unclinch.You're like, you're clenched.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:30I'm like, bro.Nothing.What are you mad about?Yeah, yeah.What are you mad about anymore?Who is his, that bitch that he always complained about, Kim?Yeah, I need Kim to fucking break his heart again.Yeah, that's what it is.
34:42Then you just start getting into fights again.He's like a lovely wife.Yeah, I'm sure.It's probably boring as hell.I would love to see that side of me.Wait, are her and Kim?Like, are they done?I think so.
34:50Got me.I can't believe that.I mean, he'd always songs about murdering her.Yeah, yeah.Yeah.Stop you on the trunk,don't on your bunk.You know, relax.
35:00Like, that's music right there.The Trump rap.That's where I hear.lost me.Where's just him?Like three black guysin the backlike a rent-a-part girl
35:07she's likeyeah,Trump, huh?Yeah.Your hair is stupid.You're fucking ugly.That's not even howyou raise a country.
35:17I feel like most rappersare pro-Trump.I mean, a lot are nowadays.Not most, but I would say a lot.A big MacCodec.Definitely.Kodak, definitely.Kodak, probably maybe ASAP
35:27I feel like him.Like if you walk around the hoodif you were to ask like someoneand if you see someonewith dreadlocks and gold team,and you'd be like pro-Trump they'd be like I fucking loveTrump bro yeah yeah I mean there's like a decentchance yeah yeah which kind of like
35:39here a good percentage of the black vote likehigher than you would think yeah like historicallythey're so you're talking about Jill Steinerlike that would be funny if just the guy from the hardcorehe's like now we need renewable energythey don't give a fuck about thatdude yeah I'm all about that greenI don't smoke that shit
35:56I also don't like on emotional levelcare about like the earth burning like I likeif there was like paperwork if like sign this billthat'll help the environment.Yeah, sure.But in my head, people are like,it's like, no, it can be irreversible.And, like, I can't emotionally get myself to care about it.
36:10Like, I know that it's important in the forefront,but I'm like, people are like,your kids are not going to...Right, right.I mean, here's the thing.I mean, I was watching the George Carlin thing,the documentary.And he has, like, the perfect, like, maxim bit about it.
36:24Yeah, about how the world's going to come back.Yeah.Yeah, yeah, yeah.I think there's a huge problem in the marketing of global warming.You know what I mean?Because you think, oh, no, the poor.rainforest. It's like, nah, dude,we are going to all die.
36:37Like, it's not, that should be likethe forefront. You know what I mean? It shouldn't be like,the polar ice cat, like, it's so abstract.It's like, no, dude, like natural disasterswill increase and people will die and, like,shorelines will flood and the ecosystemwill be ruined and there'll be no food and we'll alldie. Yeah, that would be smart if they switch
36:53it, but you're going to fucking die. You know,I almost think there's probably some, like,propaganda machine, you know, some oil conglomeratethat's like, make it about therainforest. Yeah, you know, like,Make it about pandas.It's like, no one gives a shit if there's three pandas.That's how Republicans would get on it, dude.
37:08They'd be like, your son can never play a little league game again.But then the right just goes, it's not real.It ain't even real.Yeah, that would be smart if they started saying that climate change made you trans.And then the other side.It's going to make you gay.I mean, they're making the frogs gay.Yeah.
37:25That is true.That was pollution.Yeah, yeah.There is, like, chemicals in the water that made frogs, like,genitalia, like, mutate, I believe, into, like, hermaphrodites.Yeah, and they all started roller skating.Yeah, yeah, yeah.And they got way into, like, anime and stuff.
37:42They started listening to the fucking morning good podcast.That's what they're so gay.The gayest thing they could do.Dude, that's wild as the...I can't believe I waited for you.But yeah, great guys.And then, like, I leave the recorder on it.And there's just, like, this whole scene where I pretend, like,
38:03stopped the podcast, then I'm just yellingat both you guys for making fun.Don't make fun of my podcast and call it gay.Actually, your podcasts are gay.And Tony is gay.You can't change a tire.He's actually was sucking car.My dad can't help with these rich, okay?
38:21I was just sucking a real fucking...My father listened to this.He's going to cut me off, guys.I'm serious.No, I'm serious.My girlfriend wants fucking breast implants.Dad's paying for that.Yeah, dude.
38:35My girlfriend Uber's to her fake job.Dude, I did know a girlwhose dad paid for a breast sample,which that's a weird thing.That's awesome.Yeah, yeah.That's so sick.She's my little angel.
38:51Look at my little angel's huge fucking rack.Look at Stephanie's fucking knockers on her.That is so weird.That's why I, that's my biggest thing.You have the mom.That's one of those things where the dad's like,hey, uh,What did you want for graduate?
39:03You worry about Dave.I don't want to hear it.You go, la, la, la, la, la.Yeah, I don't need you.Just spend whatever you want to.You know, how the dad who's going in there, he's like,yo, I want to make sure he's done right.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:11That's awesome, dude.It's very funny to imagine, like, you know,whenever my dad gives me something, he's like, you better fucking take care of that.Yeah.So, like, when I got my dad's old accord, he's like, you better fucking drive that thing, all right.Yeah, so when he got the new change the fucking oil, you know?Like, what's the tit equivalent?You know?
39:32It's like,you better fucking mop-up comewith those things.Those things better.You better be titty fucking.You better be lettingloads land on those fuckers.All right?
39:43Take care of those.That's a good dad right there,dude.You're gonna be showing those things off.All right.I'm talking V-nex.Fucking Marty Grawlough,dude.
39:52Bush up bra's.No,yeah,look,it better be the tightestturtleneck you ever boughtyour goddamn wife.That is super hot.
39:59I'm not going to lie.I was immediately.I said turtleneckand I immediatelyIt was like, I take that back.Because the turtleneck with big boobs,my girl has big tits and sometimes she'll wear this tight.I'm like, this is, I'm a, bro.
40:11Do you ever get that?This is nuts.Did she ever do that where like, like, she'll ask you what, like,do you think looks best on her?And, like, it's always, like, the sluggiest thing.Yeah, I always try to dress them up the sluggiest way.Like, just like.Nice.
40:25Like, my corporate style is, like, what's in can sometimes be really ugly.Like, I don't like the stuff that's in now, like the leather.jackets and then like the fucking, what's that hair look where it's like all scrunched up in a bun?Messy bun?Maybe, yeah, I don't know.Diesel Dyke?No, but it's like, I don't know, everything, but like, she won't take my word for it.Like I'll be like, I don't like that.
40:44She goes, yeah, but it's in.She's like, she almost knows that I have a horrible sense of fashion.So she's like if I.The opposite.Yeah, that's not a bad idea at all.But if you were to say, oh, that's good.Would she fucking, you know, reverse psychology?She'd be like, oh, I'm not wearing that.
40:57Probably, yeah.Probably. Yeah. Possibly.Yeah.No, people now, at least like hip girls, they kind of, they almost dress like, they like, they dress like detectives in the 60s now.Yes.It's like trench coats, Doc Martins, big glasses.And I'm like, are you solving a mystery?Why do you look like this?
41:16How many cops can I suck?You know, it's weird.Yeah.They're like Carmen San Diego, you know, if you ever see it, that's what they look like to me.Yeah, that is the look.I don't know.I'm not for it.Also, like, it was a funny when I started getting, like, having opinions like, nobody cared.
41:32You know what I mean?I'm like, these fucking women.I'm telling how dressed.It's like, or.Yeah, I have no fashion sense at all.Whatever they're still out there.I used to be so, that was the funniest thing is like, I was like so early on the slut shaming movement when I was like a teenager.Because I was like, dude, if you guys keep making fun of this girl, you're going to stop sucking our dick.
41:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.Cut that shit out.Yeah, yeah, that's a, that's like a norm McDonald's joke.What was it?It was just like that sentiment of just like, I actually really like.Sarah.That was like thePlutslide of the bit was like
42:02fellas, she's beengreat to all.Seriously, that's a great boy.Let's not ruin a goodthing.You saw him live, right?They did, yeah, a couple times.Oh, wow.
42:14Yeah.I heard when he would get booed and bomb.Like, you know, if you do well,you'll hang out by the door to get like compliments.Yeah.If when he got booed hard,he'd hang out and shake every single person.You know, normally, no, he did amazing.
42:28He has like 10 hours of material that's not on a special,but you can go find it through YouTube.There's a ton of bootlegs that are great.I've been watching those.I'm like, oh, it's so good.So good, so good.It'll be in the same year,and it'll be a different,
42:37like some of it will overlap,but for the most part,there'll be 30 minutes of different material.Yeah, it's like February to March.He's got fucking 30 new minutes.Yeah.And he never wrote,I mean, back in the day he wrote stuff,
42:48but he would just fucking kind of wing it.And he's been doing comedy like 35 years.Yeah, so he's got it.He's got it.It's so weird that he's one of those guys that,I mean, still consistently,like, it's weirdthat people
42:59to get, like,way worse.You're like,what happened?Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.No,he didn't fall off at all.But he never got that huge
43:04to wear, like...Who's one that's falling off?Who would just,I'm not gonna start shitting on.Kevin Hart.Yeah,it was like,first couple specials was amazing.
43:11Last ones that were like,fine.You know what I mean?It's like just not great.Hannah Gatsby used to rip it.Dude,she was like...She was like back to me.
43:18What's up you fucking homoes?Yeah.Well,I'm guy?I'm not,I don't like blokes.I like Sheila's.Raped.
43:31I like,I like, I lot gales.I'll be down on a cat.That's my mom's favorite comedian.Take it easy.No.That'd be awesome if your mom was just like so woke.She is very woke.
43:44Is she really?Very, very woke.That's it so surprising.You always come off kind of like a good old boy.Yeah, like,yeah, that's what I get for.Well, not a good old boy necessarily,but certainly you were construction.
43:54Yeah, I know, like I have that.like preppy-esque type of vibeNo, you don't...No, not at all.Anyway, no, you're blue collar, brother.Yeah, okay, I like that blue collar.Yeah, my mom is fucking...Trash, you're fucking garbage.
44:06When I was at the...My dad's gonna buy up your family.You're a fucking disgusting.You're a scum.No, yeah, the reality's like...I feel like your dad, like,has, like, the blueprintsand, like, a fucking thing.
44:19He checks it out for five seconds.It doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.And then fucking Tony's like,yeah, he...We can't, though.That defies the laws of physicsThat is like the annoying thingWith the construction
44:31It's always like the fuckingThe people with the college degreesGet to sit in like the AC like unitsOh yeah yeah my buddy does thatYeah yeahAnd he comes out rightFormanIt's always and it's like always some like young college kid
44:42Who's like a fucking like doing like an internshipTelling some like six year oldHow to do his jobOh man that's totally what my buddy does for workYeah that's crazyNo that's exactly what it doesWhat is he's just need to snap on himJust murder the guy
44:53They all just talk shit aboutAnd they're like look at these fuckingPussies.Yeah.But as soon as they come around, they got to put their hard hat on and the safety gear because it's all OSHA shit.Yeah.Before, they're just like not, they're just playing nail tag or whatever.Throwing them back, dude.
45:09Yeah, just getting hammered with the nail gun.I remember when I first, like, when I first, like, went to a job site on my own and, like, went on my lunch break and I saw, like, a group of, like, Hispanic guys, like, drinking fucking Madela.On their lunch break, I was like, wow, these guys know how to work.I feel like I can visually see this his name.Like hand on their hip, beer gut, like dirty, just got them out.Like, well, they did not speak a liquor.There's one guy who's the ringleader who speaks English, like barely kind of speaks English.And they're just fucking, they just have a blast the whole time.
45:38Blasting music the whole time while working.Yeah.We had 16 hours without fucking blinking.Yeah.We had some division because there was one dude who he looked like, when I did constructs this, dude,he looked like the prospector from a toy story.Yeah.Just that guy?
45:53Yes.And every day he'd have a song where go,Trump train rider.Is our godder.Gonna build that wall.Tree top tall.Was this his song?Hillary's a cunt.
46:04They like had a ring to it.Yeah.But,and then the Mexican guys,he'd be out.You guys gonna vote for my eyes.Like,not because he's gonna get you guys out of here.
46:10Oh, my God.Just like,geez, man.It was like,it was getting a long cover.Relax, bro.I like seeing that.He's like,
46:17you guys got real like,let me see him.Now just mess up.Yeah, dude.Like, all right.They don't.But I love whenwhite dudes like that,
46:24we'll just,just see, like, I don't know, they probably do it to you all the time, Tony.I would think, like, they're like, oh, I can be racist.Yes.No, and I, like, in a way, like, I'll, depending on who I'm with in the car, like, that's, like, you know.That's what they're going to bring up.Like, that's the side.Well, whatever their, like, side is, like, I'll just agree with them.
46:45Yeah.See, I'll get into arguments, but then it's never any good because, like, a lot of those people try to bait me.It's like, you'll realize you're like, oh, like, I had this one person who was saying lots of race.of shit and then I would like argue with themand then I'd try to like have these like but the secondI start saying something nice they'd be like I'm notI'm not interested.Okay well let me listen to your point of view they'd be like
47:04nah it's fucking gay now but likethey want to get mad yeah you want to get them riled updude I was having a conversation with someone andthey were like uh dude yeahyou know this fucking fuckingcrazy Democrats you knowit's fucking insane Democratsand I'm like dude I'm like a Democrat and they're like yeah
47:20but you didn't vote for Biden and I wentyeahlike, no, no, this guy's superreal, well, he voted for Biden.Like, that's their, that's their mark of super liberal.I'm like, I can't imagine what, like, an actual commie,you know, speaking of them would be,what the fucking, oh, my fucking God, what the fuck is?
47:39They're like, they just pass out like a, like a, like a dainty woman.Yeah, well, that's my thing is, I think my dad's friends,I think, like, will think I'm conservative and start talking,which me, I'm, I'm like, I'm like left center, I guess.Right, right.I wouldn't say I'm like, what's it called?Like, leftist or something?No, but I also want to say I'm a moderate because I think heroin should be legal.
47:58Yeah, sure.I'm like, I also like, I don't know anything about the economy.So I mean, I don't really have like a thing.Right, right, right.I can't speak on the economy.Yeah, yeah.I also like, I, somebody who's brought up abortion and I was like, listen, I think likefor a certain time period I'm like all four, but then people like when to when's too late?
48:11I'm like, I don't know.Yeah, yeah.I have no idea.I have too hard of a question.Yeah, I was like, I didn't know anything about it.And I looked it up.Like I didn't realize that like the little fucking like the embryo like little I don't even know what it's called.There's like a little mini human.
48:24Well, it's like a worm.It's like a.Well, what's the one where like there's a point where it literally like they'll have it like like bones.Yeah.At some point it has bones.It literally looks like a little fucking miniature human.I'm like damn, I didn't realize like I thought they were just sucking out some like goop out of the pussy.A lot of the time they're sucking goop out.
48:40Yeah.Sometimes sometimes they'll have a picture of like a miscarriage and they'll be like look at this abortion.You're like, well that was actually just a picture of something out.Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, they'll totally mislead you.Yeah, yeah.Of course.So, like, you're sucking a baby out.And it's like, you couldn't even see it.
48:53Yeah, yeah.If you squirt it out all the shit, you wouldn't even be able to see it.Yeah, yeah.So it's like, what are you talking about?Yeah.But I'm almost like, I don't take any, because I'm like, dude, I don't know.It's like, I think they should be able to do it.But I was like, I don't know when they should stop being able to do.
49:06You know what I'm like, the hard tax of like the legislation.I'm like, I can't weigh on that.Yeah, I'm like, I haven't read.I'll let some broad figure that out.I just stay out of it, dude.I don't know much about it.I'm like, dude, fucking do your thing, ladies.Yeah, that's all you guys.
49:18I'm not getting involved.That's the thing is like, it's so funny how, like,aggressively, like, listen, I'll talk politics if I'm drunk,smoking cigarettes at 4M.I'll have real opinions on it.But, like, I'm not going to go.How you really feel comes out.I feel like when I turn drunk, I turn it to a Trump supporter.
49:34I'm not, but like, I'm not going to go sober on Facebook and just, right?Like, that shit's crazy to me.And I'm like, dude.Oh, that's insane.What's wild.What's wild to me is people still posting on Facebook.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Like a diary entry, brother.
49:46I'm like, yeah, what is wrong?They're like, today was a rough day.I'm like, what the fuck?I'm on here to like...I saw one guy, he posted a picture of like a jail cell filled with blood.And he goes, uh, if you know, recognize this, we didn't come from the same place.And I'm like, who else...What the fucking...
50:01Who seeing that is like, yep, that's me.You know what I mean?Brings her back to home.Yeah, but I was like, I respect some people because I have some people on Facebook.Like, there's just one girl.She posts a picture of it.It was a dildo and had different colors on it.And then it's like, how far or deep do you go?
50:14She was like tagging her friends.She's like, Debra, what about you?See, now that's quality content.That's fun.That's a good time.Oh, 100%.That's what Facebook is for.Yeah, yeah.
50:23Pouring your heart out like a fucking weirdo and I couldn't do that.On social media, it's so stupid.I can't, I barely even comment on anything because I just don't want to like be that guy.I'll comment like fire emoji on the fucking stand-up clip you post because I'm like maybe this will get it like, you know, a hundred more views or something.That's all I do.Yeah.You know, whatever.One thing I didn't do, I was mad about.
50:41So, like, you know how there was that shooting in Upstate?Yeah.So there was also a UFO hearing.And this woman was, like, very mad about it.Because she's like, how about we talk about gun control?And I'm so mad I didn't retweet him and been like, well, she's going to look like a real idiot when Zeno comes down.Yeah.Blaster and burks everybody.
50:58Like, that's the kind of trolling is fun.If you're like, it has to be so out there.Like, you can't, the worst kind of trolling is when you try to sound smart.Like, you have to sound so stupid.Yeah.They are dumb for arguing with you about it.Right.That's the whole goal.
51:09Yeah.And that's like the whole thing.Yeah, it's just like I'm too, I don't get into it because I don't know enough about it.Yeah.That's usually the best spot in.Yeah.I watch a lot of porn on Twitter.You ever see that's the weird thing that?
51:20It's good stuff.It is.I like how you just tossed it in there here going on to the next one.Yeah.Do you ever see like that is weird though too?I've had it where porn stars will have that.Like the thing is like them getting fucked, them getting fucked.And then they'll get political.
51:32And then it's like a black guy getting murdered.And I'm like, oh, don't.Don't have that on the same feet.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Don't have that on the same feed.It's like, you don't understand.
51:41You want to use your platform, but it's like, it's weird to like have the same.Like, like, if I scroll, both your ass getting fucked and that guy getting murdered or in the same frame.Right.You know what I'm going to come to?Yeah, yeah.Well, you could say she is pro-lis.Black lives matter, you know, depending on what kind of color cocks she's sucking on.Yeah, she clearly supports black people.
52:00Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.But yeah, it's wild too to like, I guess, you know, you have the argument of like using your platform.but at the same time it's like, okay, you have no reason to be a authority on anything.Yeah, yeah.And it's like, whoever is jerking off to is not, they're not going to be like, wait, let me put the rag down for a second.She's got a point.
52:20Surprised.You think so?Dude, there's dudes online who are so, like, into porn.You know what I mean?Like, I don't know how to describe it.I can't even imagine what that's like.Like they're simping?Yeah, no, they simp for porn stars or they just like, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they,
52:37Oh, so they know they can use those guys to actually get.That is a good point.They treat these porn stories like they're just regular celebrities.Yeah, you know what I mean?Like if I saw, you know, whatever, you know, some Mark Norman tweet some shit or whoever the fuck it, he never would.But like fucking Rogan or whoever, some like guy who I'm like following on Twitter who I'm a fan of or whatever, if he tweets some serious thing, I'll read it and give it a go.There's people who like treat, you know, Ava Adams as like, oh, what's Ava think?Yeah.
53:07You know, like, there's people that dumb.Who gives a fuck what Ava thinks?I'm a huge fan of Ava.I don't know if you like...Who's Ava Adams?Huge titty, fake milk.Okay.The best.
53:16No, no, I know.You said huge titty fake milk.The huge fake titted milk is what I meant to say.Real tits on a fake woman.No, no, no.The tits are fake.Yeah, yeah.But they're the good ones.
53:26It's like, they're just great fake tits.Yeah.Fake tits are great, dude.Eva Adams, look her up.I will.Absolutely.Did her dad buy those tits for her?No.
53:36Nah, dude.These were.self-made.I had a little more respect to that.Yeah, she was in the industry for a whileand then she got those thingsfucking blown out.Like bigger?
53:46Yeah.They were big before.Like, she had big natural trees.There's a point where there's,I like the little bit.Monstrous.Do you like the monstrous?You like them?
53:53If they look good, you know what I mean?I don't like a big, like,I don't want fucking like they're at their kneesor something like that.You know, sometimes they're scary like that,but these are top notch.I mean, the one I had in my podcast,the Transvision woman had like,
54:07I think it's like the second largest boobs in the world.Yeah, those were horrifying.I saw those.Holy shit.Yeah, no, those things like...This was like the black lady who was...Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Not black, yeah.
54:18Okay.I mean, you guys got to respect her more than that,but I think she's black.Okay.Those are the comments on that videowas so funny people were like,leave her a lot, like, I'm like, I like...How much did you have to pay her to be on?
54:29Like 100 bucks or something.Oh, really?Yeah, I thought it would have been more.No, no, no.But yeah, she's got, yeah, she's tough the book.Listen, dude, she's booked up.She's turned out ofShe's turned out of black.
54:40The perm of black.Tell me about that.She can't dance.I don't think she's black.She can't dance with Ellen.Bitch, dude, yeah, that's great.Shouts out to her, dude.Also, I mean, when people were mad, it didn't surprise me that much.
54:58Like, I don't know.She's like a lesbian woman running a TV.She's going to have some intensity to her.She's probably going to be a little up tight.Yeah.Yeah, yeah.Yeah, I'm sure.I'm sure she was just like, you know, just trying to run a tight ship.
55:09Yeah, yeah.Let a, you're a fucking idiot fly a couple times.And they're like, you know what, Ellen?Fuck you, dude.Yeah, yeah.Ellen suck my dick.That's what's funny?It's like Harvey Ryan's, like, raping women.
55:20They're like, Ellen was mean to me.I'm like, oh, right.I mean, they're not really the same.Ellen didn't get me too.She got just, you know, criticized publicly.I don't even, nothing happened to her.That's a good point.Nothing happened to her, yeah.
55:35She still has her show.Yeah, yeah.Did she, like, address it on her show?Was she like, she should have?Oops.I know.I've never, I've never fucking even watched.She came back like, and she did the Louis joke
55:48where she goes, so, how's the last couple monthsbeen for you guys?And I was like, oh, what writer?Stole it from Louis.Yeah.Yeah, Louis would be a great source.And then she had the N-word bit.Now you're making me say it.
56:02I've always wanted to.You know how Louis did the voicesof Secret Life of Pets?A million times the podcast.I want to dub in his N-word faggat bit.It's not a single-life of pets.What is the real secret life of pest?They say the N-R-R-R-R-R-Best.
56:17They're all racist.They're all fucking...I mean, they are racist.All the alt, right?That is the thing where, like, dogs that, like, grow up around black people will bark at white people.Oh, really?I've never seen that.Yeah, yeah.
56:26It's like, because they're used to, like...Yeah, it's like they...Yeah.They just notice difference.Yeah.Yeah.They can smell it.Yeah.
56:33I mean, technically.They do.They smell like milk.White people smell like milk.We do?I can see that.I think Asian people say that about white people.They smell like that.
56:41Dude,have you ever been to like a,like,whenever I go to my other friend's housewho would like be like different cultures,the house would,would smell different.Yeah,
56:48I don't know if it was the food that they could.Also,everybody's house does smell.Yeah,everyone's house has a unique smell too.It's weird because those people will moveand they'll have the same smellin like a different house.
56:57This is just the Johnson smell.Yeah.It's not going to wait.I feel like we're almost at an hour, though.Yeah.Do you guys want to promote any?thing?Just, you know, follow me on Instagram.
57:08Just look up, I'm Chris Jeans on Instagram.Instagram, Tony Wellon, 710.And a new podcast coming out with Billy Swift,Crusaders of Christ coming out.That's a very funny.That's awesome.You're going to get a fun fan base.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:22Yeah, you're going to rope a dope a bunch of Christians.That's what we hope, dude.It's going to be annoying for these little God-fearing folk.I love it, though.It's going to be fun, dude.But thanks, buddy.Yeah, hell yeah.Thanks for having us, dude, fun times.
57:35Thank you.
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