Morning Good - My Father Was a Fluffer - Episode 146

Episode Date: January 8, 2023

James Donlon and Paddy Defino return to the show for today's episode. They talk about being too high to watch Avatar 2, the Sinaloa Cartel War, and the lack of good country music about doing meth.Thanks to Paddy and James for coming back on the show. Check these guys out on previous episodes together, and for even more hit their links below.James is on Instagram @jamesdonlon_, and hosts a call-in show Sundays at 8 on Radio Free Brooklyn. Paddy is on Instagram as well @paddy_is_funky and reads the news from bed every day from TikTok.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. And we're starting, and we're here with Patty Defino. Wow, I'm glad to be here. Wow, great studio. And 19 ring lights. And we're all here with James Donlin. Hey, how you doing?

Good. Love the setup. Love the lights. Oh, it's beautiful. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. You could do surgery in this room.

Oh, it's amazing. James Cameron's going to see clips of the podcast. He'd be like, fuck. Yeah. This is way better than Avatar. What was I think? Why don't I just have three white guys talking about stuff? If only it was underwater.

Then they would see their truest potential. Potential. Is that what he did by way? I didn't see the new Avatar? Is he just like, what about Avatar? but underwater. Yes. It's odd.

It's like, it's like, okay, sweet, so you'll make it like next year. He's like, no, we're gonna make it a decade. Yeah.

It's just, it's just wet avatar. There's also a lot of like crossbreeding between people and avatars. Oh, really? Disgusting. Integration.

What kind of message is descending to the children? I think it's like, don't fuck your sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't swim in the same pools as other races. It's like the AIDS crisis.

Yeah. It is a little like, It's a little weird, but that's like the best part of the movie. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to give it away, though, because you have not seen... It's a month old at this point. Like, you gotta give it away. But I, uh...

Wait, so is that considered, like, in their world? Because the avatars aren't like... They're not human, right? No. And I'm not saying that as in their subhuman. But I mean, like, it's a different, like, thing, right? Hey, the blue people have rights. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Navi... I'm a Navi activist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't think they're considered the avatar. I don't know what happened at the, at the end of the first one, does he permanently go into the avatar? Yeah.

Okay, I forgot that. Yeah, he permanently goes. Because he, like, dies. And so he, like, puts his body into his consciousness. Yeah. Okay. So people just not die anymore? Can they bring back people?

Like, do they make, like, a Hitler avatar where they, like, put Hitler, I guess we don't really have his brain. So we went to know. I don't think they really. You can connect to his little mustache. Yeah. Hitler. Dude, my buddy told me the funniest.

is that they, the bad guy, blue guys, because like the military guys, right, they go into the avatars, right? Yeah,

yeah. I heard they, one of the guys still has sunglasses. So my buddy was joking. So they had to make like four feet tall sunglasses to put on the guy. Yeah.

That's like, everything happens so fast. Like they turn into an avatar and then they give them like guns and they have like form fitting outfits. I'm like, did they like stitch all this up and like on the flight over? Yeah.

That's why it took 10 years to make. They're like, Because this is 10 years later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole system. Yeah, so I guess, yeah, I don't know. It's a fine movie. My problem is it's three hours and 20 minutes long,

and there's definitely an hour to an hour and 15 worth of footage that doesn't need to be in it. Right. But if I heard it just because it looks cool. It looks cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to be really, I got so high. I went with Jake Timothy. I ought to be scared.

Like, I don't be terrified. Dude, it was, I was so high that, like, before the movie, we went and, like, we, got like a bottle of water and I was like I can't order this. Yeah, that's perfect. That's what you need. I was like, you need to get this for me and it's like what? I always say it's with museums,

movies, you're going to the zoo. Funerals. Yeah, anything. But like you have to be going in because you're not going to be high enough. Like if you get stoned and go to like an aquarium, if you're walking in and you're like, oh, I think I feel it.

That's not good because in 20 minutes you won't be. You have to be like genuinely like, guys, I don't know if we should do this. Yeah. that you're in. Yeah, because then you hit a point, like, 30 minutes in where you're like, okay, I think I'm going to look at the sharks there.

Yeah, yeah, you have to be so freaking out. You have to get into what you're doing. Yeah, that's why, like, edibles is because, like, you'll eat them and then you'll be driving to the aquarium and you're, like, reborn in your mind inside, like, the shark room. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, we did that, like, Pete Kobe, went to, like, the Tampa Aquarium, and we just, like, did we just pet stingrays for, like, a very long time.

Yeah. And she was too scared to pet him, my girlfriend, but. Steve Irwin, you know. I don't think it was that. She's like, it's sliny. I don't know. Did you guys hear about that thing that happened at the Tampa Inter- No, Patty, what happened?

Yeah, tell us what happened. So they, uh... Were there snakes on a plane? They found a four-foot boa constrictor constrictor in a carry-on at the Tampa. Damn. I don't know. If you asked me, it sounds like the work of a terrorist.

Yeah. Oh, my God. He was like, I don't know if this was a good fun. Thank God I, uh, took an hour to set up the cameras. Because that'll be a good one. He's just like writing what we're saying. Terrorist. Did they, they snuggled, uh, not snuggle.

They snuggled? We're not smuggling drugs. We're snuggling drugs. It's different. It's cuter. Yeah. It's not a crime anymore. A boa constrictor is kind of just extreme snuggling.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. MFA is extreme snuggling too. Did they do it with, uh, like, uh, drugs? Because I've heard that's a big thing where like the, uh, that's why there's so many exotic pets in like South Florida is because, like, they will smuggle drugs in.

Because, like, everybody's like, I don't know. I'm not going to, like, reach inside that tiger's asshole. Right. There's cocaine in it. It's like, put cocaine in the tiger's asshole. Yeah.

That is such a smart move. Like, there's no way anybody is going to fist this tiger. You just have to put your drugs where no one would check. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or nobody was to check. Right. Yeah, I don't think they use.

Like, in your assail. In your own asshole. Yeah. I've never got, do they do, they do that at the airport? They do cavity searches still and shit. If you're lucky, yeah. Yeah. I always purposely try to do it.

Dude, I was just at the Tampa airport, too. Like, I'm picturing what the security looks like, and then being like, what? Can we see a picture of the guy? I don't know if they have a picture of the guy. And can we just guess? He looks like the guy from Jurassic Park. Let's just make him up in our head.

He's an old. Yeah, I hope he's an old guy. He's like, you can't bring snakes on an airplane? What's this? What is this? What is this fucking 9-11? Immacconcate gorgeous. You know what's interesting is like,

before this, they found a cat on a plane like a month ago in a carry-on. And then they found a dog, like a puppy in a carry-on, like a month before that. It's just people didn't want to pay for it. I think it's people don't want to pay for it. So you're like, yeah, I don't want to put my dog in some gross little container at the bottom of the plane. So I'll just run him through an x-ray. Put him in a body bag. And just swing him around while I'm getting up there.

And stuff him into a compartment that'll fly open midway through the plane. Yeah. He's in the top thing. He lands on a woman's head. You know what, like, is my pet peeve is when a stewardess is like not tall enough to close the thing. Oh, yeah. You ever see that? And they're all wearing heels. Yeah.

And they're like, reach it's like, this is the only thing you do. You got to give them a boost. There you go. Here you go, sweet cheeks. Yeah. They like that.

Yeah. They love being old. That's why they're dressed like that. They like when you act you're, such a statistic. Yeah. I don't like one there.

I don't like their little outfits. You don't like them? No, I don't like the little like, if you go to the church of Scientology, they dress like that. Really? Yeah, for some very unknown reason.

I think it's, well, isn't it because Elron Hubbard had like a whole naval thing? So now they're all like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. You like to show his navel. Yes, look. You lick my belly button. It'll give you power.

It is weird that we all have belly buttons, and that's how we were fed. Not Kyle X, Y. Not Kyle X, Y. Oh, yeah, what was that again? I don't know. I just know, everyone knows Kyle X, Y, so I didn't have a belly button. Yeah, yeah. But does not know what that show was about.

You remember going to Blockbuster, like the DVD would be like a guy without a belly button. He's like lifting up his shirt. I'm like, what could this possibly? This is all the show is about. Yeah. The first openly trans person. Whoa. Trans belly button.

That is like a weird thing that we're all fed through our bellies. Yeah. And now it's just benign. What happens if you, how long can you grow? Like if they didn't cut the umbilical cord, how long could you like stay connected to your mom? That's a good question. Yeah. I'm going to find that out.

Give me nine months. And then a lot of time after that. Give me the rest of my life. Because I'll be curious. Like you, in theory, if you didn't cut it, like, would it just keep growing? And are we doing it incorrectly? Like, are we supposed to... The kid just turns into an avatar blue person if you leave?

Are we supposed to just have a chain of people connecting with their moms? Those are, like, our tails, like the Navi tails. Oh, shit. We're supposed to plug into our mother's vaginal. Yeah. And when she gets old, you just put her on your back. Like, Yoda? Just an old lady attached to you.

Yeah, yeah. Like, when your kid at the theme park, you don't need a leash anymore? She's just coming out of your vagina. That's all yeah. He like sucks I will put you back in there. I just had deja vu. Really?

Yeah. About, about that. How? What part of that scenario? What part of a woman being sucking a child back into her pussy? You saying putting her on your back and then you,

whatever you're slurping? Yeah. Literally I've had that happen in my dreams. Really? Yeah. Dude, I get deja vu all the time. Yeah.

I had a specific one. I was in Miami with somebody. I was in Miami with Tate talking about. Andrew? Yeah. Well, I like on the tape. We were criticizing the female body.

Dude, he's been popping up my feet like crazy now. Really? Because I'll be like, what is this guy saying now? And then I'm like, oh, wait, no, now this is just gonna become

what it is. So I got all these alpha male things and they're fucking hilarious. It's so ridiculous. Yeah, it's, I don't know, it's so insane. That's what my feet is now. Those videos are,

I don't know, you're such a fucking loser if you're like in the net stuff. You know what's funny? Funny, same thing with him and Kanye. Like, whenever I post a joke about them, there's always people who are like, well, he actually got, you know, he didn't really do anything wrong. He's being set up. I'm like, why are you defending?

What is he done for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I've never looked into his stuff. I actually didn't even know who he was until, like, after he was, like, already very famous and known. I think, like, you might have told me about him. Yeah, yeah. Because you're, like, super into him.

Yeah. Dude, he's my guy. I actually had to take down all the posters. Yeah. You guys can't see. I'm pretty sure Kimback is unironically. Oh, for sure. The only reason I've said that is because somebody else has said that on the podcast. So the viewers already know that Kimback is in to taste.

Yeah. But like it's one of those things. There's always those guys that are like insane on the internet and they get known for being insane. But maybe he also has like great videos about like how to like steam broccoli. You know what I mean? There's a guy. Yeah. Yeah.

Like there's a comic. I'm not going to say who, but he keeps trying to get me into Jordan Peterson. I'm like, no. This guy is always crying. on video. All he does, eats his meat. Like,

how am I supposed to believe anything? If I can be a figure for a scared young man than I will. But I'm also like the other set of it is knowing too

when people are just like, Andrew, like I don't think you should be a deep platform or any of that shit. But it's like, because now his fans are just probably way more

into him than ever, yeah. Yeah, I wasn't knowing he was on Pierce Morgan one time and he was like, Pierce Morgan's like, so you were on the Alex Jones show. So like, you were giving a platform

to Alex Jones. And it's like, you're the guy who has Andrew Tate on your shit. Are you out of your fucking mind? How do you not realize how hypocritical that is? That sucks, though. Pierce Morgan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always an avenue for someone who's super annoying and hated to, like, have a talk show. Isn't it also called Pierce Morgan uncensored? And they're like, yeah, it's uncensored because we have, it's like, you know, it should be, make it actually unscensored. Yeah, really goes. You just says you Pierce Morgan's dick on the show. I'm going to guess what it looks like. Yeah.

Just the bottom half. Only at the end of the show, it shows. a wide shot of it's just blur out. Yeah. They blur out his face. And leave the dick perfectly intact. The queen has died. And I'm erected his head.

I know what it looks like. He's pretty sure. He's for sure uncircised. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it's definitely a little wonky. Little wonky. That's why they have those silly words. Yeah. Invented new words to describe their penises.

I like that idea. My knob. You know, they had that gay Viagrebode. They should have naked interviews. we're about like serious topics though so people really gotta get like yeah but they also take Viagra too just like the whatever Toshpoint O thing they had

but like yeah and just two naked guys interviewing with Viagra yeah and they have to because it's like how serious is this topic really will you not get hard and be naked so tell us about Benghazi Miss Clinton can it overcome the erection can you stop like have you ever tried I think that might be the gayest thing I'm like

you take boners another guy and see if you can really try not get hard yeah let's see if it's possible to not get next episode. I've like taken a blue chew before and then like not had sex and like just gotten on the subway. Like because you know how sometimes you just don't have sex. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I know.

Just on the subway. I have no idea what you're talking about. And then like you're just fighting the urge the whole time. But like it's, it's not that hard to like not get a bone to have sex with the train. What do you mean? To get a boner you mean? Well, dude, sometimes like you're just sitting there and like all it takes is like, you know, like a long. a long skirt and jacket.

What is that song? A long skirt? A long jacket? The cake song? That's all it takes, dude, to whip you up into fashion. Yeah. I don't know. And the vibrations of the train.

Oh, dude, I'm a team vibration. The train's like a big vagina when you think about it. Yeah. When you get all cuddled up in there. It's more like a penis. Yeah. The tunnel is in the vagina. You're the sperm.

Yeah. I've been getting into the mole people. Are you guys into that shit at all? No. No. Just the communities of people that, like, live down there. First off, like, I don't know. New York's

just going to fall apart. There's so many hollow holes just that are, this city is built on. Like, I'm amazed, nothing horrific has been. Oh, my God. Because it's like you learn about all this stuff like the, the, I was watching this thing on like the fucking, what do you call him? The, um, not moonshiners. Um,

just like the pro bit, bootleggers. That shit was crazy there'd be like a whole bar under a bar. And then like, there's all these crazy buttons where they hit something and then all the beer falls down. and all that's just like so much of Manhattan's there. Then I saw something that like how the Chinese gangs would like fight people and then go run down

and there's all these like holes below the city. I don't know. And the ninja turtles. Big trouble in Little China too. Yeah, he just goes in underground. There's all like the mystical monster. Yeah, it's like in Chinatown. He's like a truck driver.

I mean, I don't think it's Chinatown in New York though, but like underground is an entire like mystical Chinese society. Oh, so they should tell you what city movies. It's always annoying when you're watching me. We're like, where is this San Francisco? And you can't tell. They drive over the Golden Gate Bridge into Chicago. You're like, what the fuck is?

In a town just like yours. Yeah, it's a guy who's like, hey, your pizza's ready. Like, what? Where am I? Where is this? It's very frustrating. It's like in the Batman movies. They never like got the Gotham accent.

They'll be like New York, but then sometimes it's like Boston. It's like, what? You got to pick where it is. It's just northeast. Yeah. Yeah. Just a northeast city. Yeah.

No more dead cops. I am the Batman. Yeah. Arrest me right now. Punish me. He would never be Batman. I love that movie. I feel like I know every line of that movie and elf.

Those are the two movies I know every line. Sometimes you get movieed out that you see something you really like and you're like, I've seen this so many times that I now hate it. Like I love Stepbrothers, but I was watching it too often and now I watch it. I'm like, this isn't enjoyable anymore. Yeah. And that, it's such a good movie that I'm like, that took years for me to get to that point. I get that.

Yeah. Dude, every Will Ferrell movie though, like that was like, I feel like everyone's sense of humor who like grew up with those movies but you can't mimic him that's how talented he's like you can't be like yeah I never sees what you stand up and be like he's just doing Will Ferrell you know nobody can fucking do that it's so unique you know what's crazy is Will Ferrell

couldn't do stand up yeah yeah he's like I couldn't do it I couldn't deal with it like it was just like not I find that so respectable when someone's that funny and they're like I can't do stander right yeah I can't do Will Ferrell yeah yeah yeah because then there's so many people who do stand up and they're like I'm so good at this I'm like you're fucking terrible yeah yeah yeah I'm not funny.

I'm like, I don't know why I kept doing stand-up because I look at old videos me doing stand-up. I'm like, this is insanely horrible. Yeah. Like,

this is disgusting. I should have been, I don't know what. I'm like, everybody around me should have like, been like, you need to quit this immediately. And you need to cut your

sake, but for society's sake. You need to cut your umbilical cord too. Yeah. You're like your mom has to get on. Yeah. So, uh,

you're like playing with it like the mic cord. Uh, he's nervous. Yeah. Chappelle, he's banging his mom on his fucking knee. Stand-up comedy. Oh, love it. Hate it.

You guys fall on this L. Chapo's, by the way, I looked up topics in fear that I would run out of things. El Chapo's son getting caught? No, what happened? Little chopo? That would be awesome. Little son is just like a SoundCloud rapper. El Chopper. You know, what's going on?

He got like, they caught him. And then, so, like, the cartels. Mexico just started like shooting everything like literally like they're like release El Chapo Sun and they're just like shooting planes out of the sky and like no directed thing like they're just shooting random cops and shooting like just like everything

so the city of Mexico they're just setting random cars on fire and shit to like release El Chapo son. That's so funny because I saw like a video on Instagram this morning and it was like you know the West or America portrays Mexico is so dangerous it is. Yeah yeah dude I love those conversations

like I remember there was like a video we were like a Anderson Cooper, he was like, Haiti is not a shithole. I had a tutor from high school that was from Haiti. He was a great guy. I'm like, what the fuck are you? I've been there. It's a shithole. It's one of the worst places on the planet.

By the way, that's how you should promote places that people should donate money to. You should be like, Haiti's not that bad. Okay, sweet, then I won't donate money there. Like, what are you fucking talking about? Yeah. Have you seen their architecture? It's like mud. Pay money.

They still haven't graduated to run. Rock. Yeah. Dude, there's fucking like... It's fucking idiots. Well, the problem is it's like, dude, you live in one of those places

is just constantly getting hit by hurricanes. It's like, that's going to fall apart. Yeah. It's probably you should probably move. And it wasn't its lake colony first, too? I think so. French or something. Yeah, I'm assuming anywhere

where the black people outside of Africa was his lake colony. Yeah. But it's like, yeah, no, that place is insane. It's like there's like, it's like sheet metal that builds the houses.

And while we were there, somebody got like shot at the airport. which is actually a really beautiful if you don't pay attention to anything and you go to a resort yeah exactly yeah it's like fucking someone said like my tutor was like all right dude

you're a Vanderbilt yeah yeah someone got shot at the airport yeah there was like I'm pretty sure it was like an AR 15 or something crazy sounds like the work of a terrorist yeah was it a snake fucking piece of shit

yeah it was one of those where like the guy like just I think the story story. It was probably like something, I don't know, like, some guy probably just took like a picture of somebody else. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think it was probably, I think it was probably like a hostage situation. And then it was, that's the thing is like if, uh, that's so funny to know like the lack of value we have. Like, if we were in a Britney Griner situation, they would just, you as would be like, die. Like completely die. And I'm not saying like, I totally think, uh, I mean, I have no idea about the trade stuff.

Whatever. Who gives a fuck? But the whole thing is like, uh, it's like, yeah, no, I have no value. That's why I've talked about it in multiple times this podcast like I'm not going to China ever in my life There's zero reason for me to go there No Yeah I would go about the wall You love walls

Yeah You were talking about it a couple years ago Building or Having other people paying for Yeah yeah I would go to China I like I think it's like interesting But I wouldn't want to stay there for too long

My uncle went when he was like young Like in college or whatever That was different time Yeah for sure Because when Jackie Chan was like a pop star. He's Chinese, right now, Japanese? Yeah, he's Chinese. Thank God.

I came out of mouth of like, uh. My uncle got like arrested in China. He didn't take his shoes off? It was like... He didn't bow properly. Dude, that's the thing, too, is like, I know I would be committing some crime and I don't even know about it. Yeah. Yeah. You're unshaving.

Yeah, yeah. You're going to die. You got to go like full kimono, like rice farmer hat. Like, I got it, like, just totally. Appropriate, yeah. Yeah. I feel like they're down for that. They don't care about that at all.

Yeah, for sure. But yeah, he got arrested. I don't think it was something like silly. Like he was like drinking or something out in public, which is like a big no-no. The only thing like, I don't know what you're allowed to do in public in China. You can't really do that here.

Like New Orleans, you can do that. Like, why are you trying that out? Yeah, that was cool during the pandemic when they were just like, just fucking go for it. Yeah. Yeah. No one else was outside. I also, I forget that laws change from place to place.

Like, I'll go to New Orleans and then come back to any other city and be like, I can drink well, come on, they're like, no, it's different laws. Yeah. Like, uh, I went to smoke weed in Florida. Yeah, you totally forgot. I mean, it's decriminalized where I'm, Orange County, like Orlando, it's decriminalized in Tampa. No. Oh, really? No, not in my county.

I'm from a sheriff county. Yeah, yeah, there's the occasional one. Like, that's all they got going. Yeah, they'll lasso you up with a horse if you're smoking weed. Those are always the pillhead meth counties. That's just like the stricter the marijuana laws, I guarantee you there's just higher meth. Yeah, it's like, let them, yeah, it's

Yeah, Pasco is like pill pasco. That's what they called it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Prescription drug overdose. That's why. That's not probably not why, but like, I don't know. There's something going on there. I went home for Christmas and my friend's little sister's car got stolen. And then in the morning, they just found it a little bit further away, exploded. Like someone stole her car.

And like her laptop was like nicely put next to it. Like they took all the stuff she would want, took her car and blew it up. Jesus Christ. That's some like prescription drug creativity right there. What is it about? Dude, that's got to be so much fun to be just high as, shit on meth lighting a car on fire. Yeah.

Is there a more fun thing in the world? Who fucking cares? Yeah. Is there something about Florida that, like, lends itself well to opioids? Just like, no, I, no state tax. Yeah. No, I, well, so there was, what happened to is they had a lot of these things called pain clinics in Florida where basically you could go into one and say you had pain,

they'd give you pills, and then you could go to like a different one. So, like, that's a reason there was like a huge pill problem in Florida. Also, you have a fuck ton of old people. I mean, first time I did oxy, there was some old persons I just like, I was staying at my grandparents' friends' condo, and I was like, oh, hell yeah, I'm going to take a bunch of these oxies and watch workaholics. I think I was like 14. And I just passed out. But it's like, I don't know, maybe the old people mixed with, I've heard that those pain centers were like a huge reason that it became.

Yeah, because people will let you go to one. You're like, oh, okay, my back hurts. And then you go to another one back. And they have no, like, database for some insane reason. The old people thing is huge because like so, like everyone you know in Florida is old or a nurse that, takes care of old people. Yeah. You're either working for that industry or you're like the product of it. So like everyone has their hands on pills somehow.

Like everyone can get access. Yeah. That's pretty cool though. Yeah. It's a wonderland. Yeah. Everyone needs their escape. Yeah.

Yeah. Honestly, I'm fucking tired of weed too. You're done with it? Yeah. I think it's just the gayest way to like get high. Okay. Because it's kind of pussy.

It's like pretty legal. You just kind of like hang out. Like I like the people who get high and like. stop traffic. Like they cause like people that are like, I just got an idea. We're going to rob this bank. Yeah. Yeah. That is truly what you should be doing. Yeah, that's a drug. Like, not this like, well, maybe I'll, you know, watch Seinfeld. Right. I was waiting for the train last night and there were these two kids who were like probably like 19 and they're like running up and down the train platform and they're like bleeding out of their nose. And people I'm with,

they're like, are they drunk? I'm like, no, they're on something fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're just having a good time. Dude, I would love to smoke crystal meth and then, like, ride a roller coaster. How much fun with... Oh, my God, yeah. That's just drugs on drugs, baby. Yeah, dude, your head just explodes.

That's got to be great. Or steal an ATM and, you know, stab a family member of the next. And you think you're on a roller coaster. Yeah. What the fuck? The roller coaster of life. Well, you, like, I was talking to...

I don't know, who gives the fuck of a sit on the podcast again? You can do, like, what's it called, like... There's a lot of people that are, like, cocaine doesn't work, but you could do enough. cocaine to the point where you're at like that paranoid crackhead level. Like I remember I showed, there was this bar and I showed up afterwards and just snorted like a fat line in my friend's house and literally was like, like, I remember at one point I was on the kitchen

counter like standing and the other point I was staring out the window looking at a pond his backyard. I'm like, you could absolutely shoot a movie about mermaids back there. What fuck are you talking about? But those, yeah, that's what James Cameron did. Yeah. He's got a bunch of cocaine. He's on a lake.

He's like, Darvy would look beautiful under the water. He's American. There's no way. I don't care what... No, James Cameron has to be British. Yeah, he made... He's definitely British. Oh, yeah, but...

Terminator. A big robot from the future. From the future, made out of mechanical machinery. What if your friend was your dad from the... What if he's made of titanium? Aluminium. And he melts at the end. Aluminium.

I want to be... Everybody's like, ooh, yeah, ha, inside of it. I want to do something different. I want to go in with a friend and you take, what's it called? I want to go an avatar because everybody gets high and goes to see it. I want to go see it.

Take laxatives and sit with a friend. See who can sit there the longest. Take laxatives and stool softers and wait for the world to crumb. Yeah, yeah. And whoever stays the longest wins the game. Yeah. Or it's like a water movie.

You just chug a gallon of water and you wait to see if you don't have to pee the whole move. Because it's three hours. You're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah. Dude, when I saw Dune with my friend, we were doing poppers in the theater.

That's like the most fun experience. Getting your sandworm nice and loose, bro. Because like you miss giant gaps of the movie. Who fuck is this guy? You like take a popper and you're like, oh, and then like you come to

and like there's someone like a sand being like levitating someone. And the music's like, oh, ah, yeah, you're like, holy shit. Dude, is that dude? Are you Mr. Dude?

Hi, I'm Andrew. Drew Dune? Welcome to Dune. How are you doing? Peter Sand and... Yeah, poppers are fucking fun. They got so labeled is like a...

You have to defend your head of sexuality every single time. I know. Is there a drug that's been taken over by a specific group like that? Like, poppers are gay. That's what we've described. Yeah, I guess...

Don't get racist. Lesbians can have IPAs. Well, if you want to talk lean, I think that is a good point. I know zero white people who do it. I would do it just for like... I want to do it so bad. Yeah, I would do it for the, like the camaraderie, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Just to feel like I'm a part of something. For sure. I think the only time I've had like a sip of it one time, but it was like not enough to like do it. And then, yeah, it's just such a cool thing to do. It's like, I always have a cough and I don't want to get drunk because it's bad for my union system. I would love to just show up at the bar with like, like, two solo or two star from perfect. No thank you. I'm driving tonight.

And it happens to be an escalate that I'm driving. There's a jolly rancher's but. Sorry, I have a teenage girl I need to run over with me a minute. I'm making headlines tonight.

I missed a reference there. About running someone over with a car. Yeah. I just attribute that to doing lean. I attribute drinking lean to doing, you know, unfavorable things in a vehicle. Yeah.

But I don't really know. Like speeding? Yeah, like speeding. You see the rap music videos and it's just like, I'm speeding, I'm on lean or something. That would be so great just to think that I mean, you should, just like an accurate rap music video, just the rappers like blacking out and pissing themselves and like all the kind of stuff. All the parties like Drake raps about you're actually there.

They're just like, oh. Covered in vomit. somebody call my mom I know in that that was my uh yeah nobody wraps about like Molly about like being like in love well people do but it doesn't like

there are rap songs about it but it is a very Handel Burr's has a bit about it is very like girly I mean you're very touchy feeling yeah also you ever hear Drake talk and you forget that he sounds like a giant pussy I'm like don't videotape me I'm like what?

This is the guy? Yeah. He's like, he's like cute in Miami. Yeah. He's always being cute. Yeah, he is a cute guy.

Yeah. So cute and he's like dating 16 year old. If I was around Drake and I had some poppers, dude, you know what? I'd be dude. That's great. There we go, that was good.

He's always like, it's always something. And it's so funny because he'll rap with like hard rappers. And they're like, they'll rap in the same song. They're like, if you're not in this crew, then fuck you. I'm like, he's, I mean, everybody's

said it to exhaustion, but he is a giant fucking person. Yeah. He'll be like on a track, he'll be like, I shot that guy and then like Drake will come in and it'll be like, Toronto had a subway. Yeah. I wonder if like country music is going to now take that like that stereotype of like

murdering and they need to. The reason I don't like country is because it's so pussy. It's just like, the thing you got to have is beer and family. It's like, no, I want real. I want a meth head making music. Yeah. Their whole lifestyle is, like, badass. Let me bring my snake on the plane.

Just like a meth head with a xylophone. He's like, and the country album of the year. They put the microphone, just like, anyway, they just said, there's people living in my brain. Wow. Move over, Taylor Swift.

You should do a character. There's no way, I don't understand this, because heroin makes these phenomenal musicians, and there's, Somehow, I mean, just because it's cheap, there's no meth head musicians, but it keeps the brain moving. I mean, I assume you could have a wonderful performer who's just smoking crank all the time. The problem is, like, your lack of teeth completely ruins your singing voice. For sure. For sure. Get some, I mean, I don't know. It just, you got a teeth guy that comes in and puts in a new pair every couple weeks.

It's funny when a band that's like has like smooth, nice listening music and you comes out that they were on drugs, like the BGs are like, yeah, we did so much fucking cooking. More than a one. Yeah. These cute little songs that you wrote on, like, hard drugs. It'd be funny if there was, like, a meth head rapper and he had grills, but like, the grills were still fucked up. Like, was it missing for the grills? Meth, the toughest drug of all. Yeah.

Yeah, I've been watching Breaking Bad recently. I fucking love that show. It's so good. Yeah. Like, it is funny, though, because, like, I wish they glamorized it more. Like, I wish, I don't know, it's always something negative happening to them. They're like, oh, the meth lab exploded or, you know what's some shitty show. Oh, my son.

broken. But they don't show the ball it out you could do with that kind of money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, because there's a, there's always the thought that crossed my mind. Obviously, I would never smoke crystal meth. But then you occasionally are like,

what if I did? It would have to be the perfect circumstances. For sure, yeah, yeah. There's probably a 0% chance I smoke crystal meth, but occasionally you're like, it could be something. It would be cool if it was like an accident. Yeah.

Wait, no, I just remember. I'm 95% sure I've done math. I don't know why I'm just remember this. You have deja vu too now? Did I do Crystal, man? It's just us on the podcast last week. There was, there's his bar. And outside the bar, this homeless guy sold me.

I was like, do you have, the guy who goes, I got Coke, heroin, MDMA, ketamine. The name's like five different powders. and I'm like, I'll go with the cocaine. And it's funny because I'm just assuming this guy who doesn't have shoelaces in his shoes has... Willie Wonko of drugs.

He's like, I got the... You know, he just had one powder that he was just selling his everything. Did he do, like, that twirl before he... Yeah. And his cane stuck in the ground. Whoa! And the back...

His pants are around. Come with me. I think there's a chocolate river coming out of your ass. Yeah. His impalumpas are sadder. Yeah. His upalumpus are just cancerous lumps

I'm my umpalumpus The guy though It was so funny Because he gave me a rolled up lottery ticket Like a not winning lottery ticket And I'm like yeah This is probably good drugs Um

I pod from him How festive Yeah Yeah And then I'm in the back of an Uber Like gumbing it And like snorting a little bit of it And then I

Because it's all dark in the back of the Uber Which is that's insane That's insane that I was just Snorting Christopher Probably meth in the back of an Uber. And then I get home and I look down and I feel really stimulating. I look down and it's just purple rocks. So I'm like there's...

Oh my God. I wasn't like fucking... It must have been very shitty meth because I was like... I mean, I stayed up for like, you know, probably like five hours. Three weeks. Yeah. But I wasn't like doing great. I was just kind of like, oh, this is very amphetamine feeling cocaine.

Yeah. There's definitely... I'd be like smoked good crystal meth. It would be like, whoa! Before I started doing... a lot of comedy in Greenwich Village. You know, like, Wicked Willys or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I was with a friend of mine. We were just, like, hammered at this place at, like, two in the morning. And he's like, I'm going to go find Coke. And we're like, all right, dude. So he just, like, leaves. And he's gone for, like, 20 minutes. And then he comes back with a receipt. Same thing.

It's just a receipt with, like, Coke. And we just, like, went into Washington Square Park and just started doing all the Coke. And we just, like, it was three of us. We didn't talk to each other. We were just taking bumps of Coke. till it was all gone and then we're like, all right, and we just split up and went to three different directions and didn't talk the rest of the night. And we were all so fucking high. Like, I remember I was on a train platform just telling jokes to construction workers. And they're like, stop.

These aren't funny. They're annoying. And I was like, all right. And then I just walk away. Yeah. No, it doesn't normally lead to fun. But yeah, it is always funny. I'm on McDougal Street. People are like, hey, man, do you know where I can get cocaine around here? I'm like, How about you don't buy it from anybody you meant on the street? Because you're going to die. Right, right. Because you're not going to test it. Yeah, there's zero percent chance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is a little scary. I wish, like, buying drugs was not scary. Yeah, it's just like, I would feel less bad about doing them. Because I don't, like, do them a lot, but when I do. Yeah. It's also like, you know, we, we're funding those guns that shot down that airplane. Yeah.

Like, that's the U.S. population. I actually don't feel bad about that at all. Yeah. It was, I hope it was Southwest. Yeah, yeah. But like, like, Molly. Like, it was like a fucking debacle

trying to get Molly. Yeah, you don't know. You ended up testing and it had fentanyl in it. Yeah. And I think I, here's what a fucking drug addict I am. I'm like, this is probably wrong.

Like, I'm just going to test it. I still have it. Because I'm like, I think I tested this incorrectly, even though it came up positive twice. But, uh... Yeah, well, just run the gamble. Yeah, it's like this.

There's probably something wrong with the test. But I texted the guy. I was like, hey, like, just so you know. And he's like, dude, he's like, that's fucking bullshit. He's like, my stuff never adds that. I don't know, man. And I was like, you were trying to like return a sandwich to McDonald's. They do the same thing. Like, no, this is what the big back looks like. Yeah, I never heard of the story of somebody trying to return to Fed. Either the guy says, lose my number or blocks them completely. Yeah. He's not going to be like, oh, here's a refund. Because like, he's probably right. I probably didn't test it correctly. But like, no, I think you're taking it. I think it was Fettin holiday.

100% do not do it Yeah I'm not gonna do But if you do film it You know Just so we can Have fun I've always wanted to do a segment

On the podcast Where I do whippets and read like a book Yeah Just completely just like You would see those videos Where the women read books And then they're sitting on a vibrator And they have to see how long

They can go before they just fucking come No but that sounds like something I would love Yeah It's actually cool You don't have started watching behind the scenes Do you ever watch that? No Actually yeah

Weirdly hot People are just like Oh what do you know Like oh that's cool They're just like you and just like you There's a gap for like rolling up wires. Yeah. He's got her tit salad.

This is cool. Oh, you meant like something different. No, I met that, but I didn't mean like the camera crew. You're like, you're like, you just shirk it off to like the guy. Like, I think we should edit the third frame a little better. I love production. I get horny for these lights. Yeah.

This is the guy fluffing the other guy. You're like, who this is the detail. Is that a thing? People always say there's a fluff room porn that like makes the guy's dick hard. But there's a naked woman you're about to fuck. Yeah. I think that's her job. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I think they have like a secondary woman who like keeps them both stimulated. Yeah. Because this is just what I've heard. But I think they like have someone that comes in and just kind of like, you know, fingers them a little bit. Have you had a porn star? I would love. What's up?

No, no. I've had a stripper on, though, a male stripper. Yeah. A little person. No, I know. But I, uh, yeah, it would be interesting. I do like the idea of the fluffer, though, of being like, like, the fluffer's like a very old man, but he's like really good at it too.

Just like a plumber, basically. Like, you gotta get down there. He's like, all right, let's see what we got here. He's harder than you've ever been here. This is all wrong here. He's got like a tool kit. My father was a fluffer. He's a guy from Toy Story 2 who's like painting wood.

You know, my grandpa came over on the boat from Italy. He's like dusting you off, like kind of holding you in the place. the like. All right. He's painting over your blemishes and stuff. Like a beautiful, oh, that's nice.

Well, you're good to go. You're good to go. He just signs Andy under your balls. He signs. He brands it. Fluffed by John. There's a watermark on the tip of your cut. Well, you got to pay the premium if you want to.

That's so good. Fluffers. There used to be a kid in our high. school that everyone called Fluffer. He was like a grade above us and he was like, no, wait, he was a fat dude, I assume, right? He was just like a crazy nerd and like everyone called him Fluffer and he was definitely going to shoot up the school. But it wasn't like, like, this was like before people really knew that you could do that. Yeah, yeah. Before it was big. Yeah, so they're just sitting around there like, how do I murder everyone in the school?

I guess I don't have an avenue for that. I'll just live a horrible life. Yeah. It was fucking sad. I hate, I hated that. I mean, I never called him Fluffer. When I was in middle school, I was like, I got paranoid in like sixth grade about like a zombie apocalypse like happening because I was stupid. Was it during the Walking Dead? Walking Dead had like just come out and I was like this could happen. So I remember I was in middle school and I like wrote down everyone's names and I was like what would happen to people? And then I found these notes years later. I'm like if anyone found this, this is your school shooter notes.

Like I have a map of the school. Everyone's names like that's like horrifying. Like an order, a pecking order of. Yeah, exactly. I was like who would I have to like have to like have? go to to get out of the school and like get to my mom in a zombie apocalypse. Like I thought it could happen. I definitely did have those fantasies of me like killing like the shooter.

Yeah. I still do. I still do. But I know the truth is I would, you know. No, no. I definitely am like, oh. Yeah. I was like, y'all duck.

My 80 old science teacher. Kill her. She's way older. She's lived a full life. Yeah. She's a bitch. She's the reason you're here. He's like, I don't even know who that is.

Meanwhile, like, you. totally like ruin that kid's life. I was just kidding about all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's funny though, because like a guy who I found out believed that I bullied him, I never thought about it. Dude. Years later, you'll never know if you bullied someone something.

Yeah, they'll be like, yeah, one time you're like, you've been holding on of that? That was, yeah. Like I saw this guy, I didn't know him. I said something one time and he, I like said something and like brushed him off. And then like after high school I met him at a party and he like had an attitude with me. And my friend Mike was like, oh, it's because you said something to him. I was like when I was 14. Yeah, that's insane.

That's what's so stupid about that show is like people who hold on to like bully shit. It's like go take boxing classes and figure it out. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's so, it's so fine. Like I don't, like, I'll never know what it's like because I was gorgeous. You know, I was a beautiful child. I was cool as shit. Yeah.

But if I was, I'm so molestable. The pearl of Florida. Yeah. It was gorgeous. But it's like, it's also one of those things. It's like, I don't know, you can figure, just watch cool kids on TV and be like, how do I be someone like that? The Fond.

Hey, what's going on? I knew a guy like that. He was kind of nerdy, and he went to, like, a private school. And so I went to middle school, private school, and then high school, I went to public school. And it was like a prep school, though. And then I met this guy at a party randomly, like, five years later.

And he was like a total nerd. And I just saw him with a leather jacket giving people cocaine. And I'm like, and I heard he got like a transam, too. Like, this guy, like, just saw the movie. And to be fair, he was at a cool part. Like, yeah. He's in the back jumping a shark on a bicycle. Whoa!

He's got... That guy's got it all figured out. He's hitting no jukebox when he walks in. A bubba bar, bar, bar, bar, toothpick. But it was like, I was like, look, it's weird you're wearing a leather jacket in Orlando, Florida, in June.

Yeah, but I mean, you got cocaine. You figured it down. You figured it out, too cool. A buddy of mine wasn't too cool, and then he started wearing the jacket from Drive. And I'm like, that didn't solve the problem, man. You're just wearing a Halloween costume fucking to class now. The unfortunate thing is, like,

The coolest thing you can do is, like, just not give a shit about anyone and then shoot up a school. There's no motive. Yeah, you will eternally be the coolest kid. That's what's interesting now, though. Like, sometimes it'll be a school shooter, and then, like, kids in the school will be like, we liked that guy. Yeah. Like, why would he do that? Well, you will definitely, like, go from, like, zero girls wanting to have sex with you to at least one.

Yeah. One will be like, that was hot how he took it in his own hand. It's like they like a man who's got dry and have a bitish. Do you think they have like a soundtrack going? Like I've actually that song is like, remember me for centuries. Like they're not going to forget this. Did you know the fucking Parkland shooter was listening to like Mac to Marco? Really?

Yeah, he was listening to like salad days while he shot out the school. I mean that's, it's dark. Isn't that fucking dark? He has like a Bluetooth speaker or just headphones? Headphones. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. He had the Bluetooth speaker on the side.

That would suck deal. You're getting shot by him and you has headphones and you're like, I want to know what he's listening to. I just, I just like, you're just like, you're sure. You're just. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna as you go. Yeah. Fucking rocks, though.

That anthem, dude, that's bad. Mool light on the river. I don't like what you're doing, but I like what you're doing it too. Everybody dies. That guy's got some stuff on. Well, people get, like, in trouble with that. It's so fucking stupid. Like, people, like, one of the kids who got, uh, who survived the Columbine massacre,

like, hung himself to Adam's song by Blinkwinate, too. And they're like, what do you think about somebody killing themselves to your song? He goes, they go and they're like, well, the songs about how you shouldn't kill himself. So clearly he wasn't listening to the hilarious very well.

I don't think they said at that nod, Cholotley, but that's hilarious. Yeah. Because like, do people shot, who's that guy that shot John Lennon? Or not, Mark David Chapman? No, no, somebody shot,

I was thinking of somebody else. Somebody shot somebody and then like blamed somebody random. Yeah, Mark David Chapman blamed that he read the, that he was told. Catcher and a Rye. Catcher in the Rye. Like, that's what he put it in that.

And now that guy's, like, responsible for that? Yeah. And the guy who shot, Reagan blamed it that he said that who's the chick from Silence of the Lambs? He blamed it on the Muppets 3D. Kermit told me to kill him. Just blame the randomest thing.

Kill the president. No, it was, I mean, it's clearly written. Who's a chick from Silence of the Lambs? Fucking Jody Foster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, to win Jody Foster's affection, he's like, I'm going to kill Reagan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And now he's like touring, playing guitar. I was trying to get tickets to go, so I'm just, that's a life experience. Oh, my God, yeah. I want to meet OJ, too. The guy's like my guy. Well, this guy's not a murderer. Like, the Ronald Reagan guy, he was trying to kill him, though.

That's true. That's true. Yeah. That's, yeah. He's going on. Anything, I have a problem with Alzheimer's. I would not buy tickets to go see Alzheimer's, okay? He's going on tour with Cosby now.

Cosby pills and. Yeah, I don't know where I draw the line. Cosby, I would not pay to go see. But I don't know where I draw the line because then I'm like, would I go see OJ? Like, I don't know what. I would love a photo with OJ. Yeah. But that would be cool.

I can like put it on a T-shirt. Yeah. Dude, he was on a podcast recently, and they asked him about the Nicole Brown stuff. He's like, I don't want to talk about this. Yeah, I saw that. I'm, like, obsessed with that. How frustrated that has to be? You're like, we're going to get to the bottom of it.

And he's like, why would he go on a podcast? He, I don't know. He's so out of it. He's so, this guy who murdered his wife, he's out of his mind. I don't understand, like, why he thinks, like, because he tweets, too. And literally every comment is just like, you're a murderer. You're a fucking murder. You're a knife emoji.

That's what they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wouldn't you be like, maybe I should fucking hang it up. Like, yeah, and it's like if you have enough money to stay the fuck out of the public. I don't know why, but I didn't know. I don't think he has any money, yeah. Where you don't think so?

No, I don't think he has any. He lives in like a small home in Las Vegas. Really? Because he lost all his money. He went to jail twice. That's why he stole back the memorabilia because he didn't have any money. Yeah, right.

He robbed his store with his cards in it or something like that. When he got off from the Nicole case, a bunch of guys essentially just took a bunch of shit out of his house and he was like, where did all my memory? Like, this was my retirement. Like, you just stole it back from him. So he stole it back from him. justice for OJ.

Let's take a stance here. I'm so mad to get one of those Jesse Smollett shirts. Just like justice for Jesse. That was the thing too. I remember that happened. And like, people like, I think Elliot Page was Ellen at the time.

And she's like, we need to stand up again. It was just so funny. And we just found out like a week later. It was like totally wrong. And she's like, well, that's not me anymore. Yeah, I'm going to go in. That was a different period. To escape, James.

I don't know who the fuck said that. Her marketing team comes from there. like, Alan, listen, that was horrible, but we have a great idea. Yeah. My friend's on Raya and he... What's Raya? Oh, the Danyan for celebrity. So you friend, celebrity? No. He got like a promo code. Like, you can refer people and like non-celebrity people.

It's weird that guys could get, I get attractive girls could be on that. It's weird that like, because I don't know what... Yeah, I don't get a... Female celebrity wants to fuck just some schlub. Yeah. I don't know, man. They kind of love it. It's kind of like... Yeah, it's a good point. It's probably interesting. They probably either want someone maybe like less successful. But he showed me Elliot Page's, like, a girl he knows was on it and saw Elliot Page's profile. And it's like a mugshot is the first photo. It's like a horrible photo of Elliot page. Like, it's a real profile photo? You're not going to get laid. Well, I don't know, but that's one of those things too. I bet you Elliot is like leaning into that sort of like, fuck you meant that. You know what I mean? She's she's she was a lesbian, right? And now she's a guy. A straight guy. Yeah. So it's like that, yeah, I'm trying to think of who. I feel like all lesbians should just do that. Why? Just go guy.

Just to see how it goes. Yeah, because then you got a big hearty cock. You know, you got to do it. No, I think Elliot doesn't have a cock. What? Hold on. I got to make some calls. Yeah, Elliot is all vage, I believe.

Wow. I don't know, though, to be fair, that. Yeah, where are you getting this information from? Zero. Zero. Just custom Michael could zooming it on pictures. No, there's no fucking dick in there. No bullshit.

Because you know she'd go big. She would go so big. Dude, if you go trans, they say you go huge with the cock. Yeah, yeah. Because, like, why would you go medium to small? For sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do they make a, I know they make a vagina?

How do they make a cock? Every, I didn't, I didn't, paper towel holder. Yeah. Stuffed with rights. Yeah. I think they take the clit and they, like, they extended. There's all kinds of, like, weird knickknacks in your genitals that you didn't know they could do. You're like, actually, behind the testicles, there's a vagina.

It would be funny. Oh. Yeah. It's also a diet Coke dispenser. Yeah, yeah, it'd be funny if it was like a rain stick. So when you get hard, it's like, S. Elliot.

I guess you like how I'm standing right now. You get hard. It's like, DZZZZ. PINUS ready. I'm going to come right now. You better fucking get naked. That would kind of be the mood of you could install a vibrator into your dick.

They have vibrating dick rings, bro. I know, I know, but I mean, like, the whole thing. Oh, the whole thing vibrates. Dude, I have a hard time just getting a boner. Like, how am I supposed to get a boner and then put a vibrating dick ring on? Yeah, well, it's supposed to help because what it does is you put it at the base of your penis. And then once you get somewhat hard, you put it, a cock ring supposed to get your dick hard. So you put your dick hard.

Let me take some notes down. Yeah, yeah. What your dick's hard, it traps the blood in your dick. Do you have to get fitted for a cockray? No, no, they're flexible. Yeah, there's a guy, like the guy from Toy Story. Yeah, you're going to need a size bigger. His reasons didn't work out.

No, you grew a lot of this beer. You know, I, everybody's talking about getting high and seen avatar. I want to see that movie, Megan. It looks so bad, but it looks kind of hilarious. I do want to see that. The advertising's out of control. Yeah, she's dancing. That's just so funny.

It looks hilarious. They might be self-aware. They might make it a little funny. They're kind of doing that with horror. Like, the new screen, screen movie was like very self-aware. And it's like, they keep being like, well, if we were in a movie, I think we'd probably run over there. And then they'd get murdered.

I don't like how they'd, I don't love that, but to be fair, scream has always been kind of like that. Even the original one was like talking about horror movies the whole time. But like, dude, I hate going to horror movies now because it's like, this, maybe this is ignorant, but it's like they're all about like a racial undertone now.

Do you know what I mean? After get out, like every horror movie has some sort of like social note in it. Which can be interesting. Did Avatar have a racial bonus? I didn't sense any. I thought it was weird that they kept color. They kept referring to the Navi as slot machine savages.

Yeah. I don't know I was related It's just like weirdly Native American offensive They're just like drinking They sell cheap cigarettes I don't know Go put a denim store Having sex with Buffalo

That's why I like that movie Barbarian though Because it was just like a weird Interesting horror movie that wasn't like I don't know Sometimes it's so heavy handed That they're like I don't know Just too much sometimes

Yeah I think And weirdly like Jordan Peel I mean I didn't see us But Nob had no racial I know there What am I talking about There was a giant racial about it.

But, like, that, I don't mind that as much as, like, that was just the setup to the movie was like, they were the first black farmers or first black horse trainers or whatever. Yeah, something like that. I was like, that doesn't, my problem is the one where they're like, and don't be racist and you're like, oh, yeah, I learn something.

You know what I mean? It's like, I didn't come here to get like, right? Like, I already agree with all of your political viewpoints. Yeah, I already feel bad enough being a white guy. I feel bad every day. Yeah, yeah. How about we have the whole avatar and then just a black man whipping James Cameron for like just 20 minutes at the end. He's like, no, this is part of the film you need to watch.

Is it weird that I like it? Why am I enjoying it? Is James Cameron like kissing the Hotep's boots? Yeah, that's a good thing now. The next avatar will be in space. Yeah. We're gonna shoot it in space. Have you seen those videos?

There's videos of like the black Israelites and people are like guilty white people are like kissing their feet or something like weird. We're never going to win them over. It's also, yeah, they're never going. It's also funny because, like, they're also racist. Like, they're anti-Semitic. They don't like Chinese people. And you're like, I don't know, get in with a cooler group of black guys.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I watched Glass Onion. Did you see that? No. That was good. I like that.

But it was, so it's like a mystery with like a detective and everything. And I was like, there's no real life, like, there's no famous detective like in society. Like, I feel like maybe back in the day there could have been, like, all we have now is like dog the bounty hunter or something. Yeah, but you also like, I feel like you don't become a detective. because it's a very public thing. You want to be like a, be like, hey, what's going on? You know, you want to be kind of undercover if you're detective.

That's true. That's true. So it's an interesting, like, that that's like a cliche that like, oh, it's like the world's greatest detective, but there's no real life example. Like, they're always just like fucking up crime scenes. Yeah. And also, the world's greatest detective probably just works on one thing forever. Yeah. You know what I never figures it out.

One case. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like that guy who's trying to figure out the Manson stuff. Yeah. Tommy O'Neill or something like that. Oh, the guy who was on Joe Rogan? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that shit was crazy. No. Chaos or whatever. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not good enough. Because people are like, oh, it's an easy read. I'm like, I'm not good enough at reading. Just listen to the podcast. For a retarded person.

That's my standards. There's a picture book. Yeah. This is Charles Manson. Touch and feel. Like, this is his hair. I was talking to somebody, I was talking to my brother about this. It's so funny with Joe Rogan where you try so hard to not mention you heard something

on Joe Rogan because it immediately comes with this opinion. You're like, yeah, I read this fact the other day. You're like making up articles. Really? I'm always making a particle. to hide words. Yeah, I was reading this article that said, Joe Rogan's

the end word 50 times. I believe it was Stephen Hawking's who said this. Hamburger. Do you think the technology on Stephen Hawking's chair had the capacity to say racial slurs? We were just talking about that

because there was his comic, by the way, I keep forgetting his fucking name. I want to reference him. He's hilarious. I think I was telling you guys about him. He's this cerebral palsy comic, and he has a voice machine. And he could say retarded on there because that's like he jokes about. But I don't know. Aaron, I know his name's Aaron.

I'm so sorry. He's very funny. I got to fucking get his handle. But he could type it on there. Yeah, so I assume Stephen Hawkins could have said. Yeah. Yeah, stuff like that. Yeah.

Yeah, we talked about it last time if, like, the programmers are just like don't allow or we've got to pay for like. It's a premium subscription. Yeah. To be bigoted. Yeah. Not a bad idea. Not a bad marketing scheme.

Price out people who are handicapped so they can't curse. It would be cool. If there's anyone who wants to use slurs, it's people who are bound to a wheel. Who can't defend themselves. This is a good idea. They just sit at home and the privacy of their own, just like hitting the button.

Maybe it changes the voice so you can do, it says no, but it does it in a black voice. So they're looking around, but they don't suspect you. My friend John, I had this friend John growing up. up and he was like a family friend and he was like 27 when I was in high school but he was like muscular dystrophy or something like he's in a wheelchair and he can only use his tongue and everything but like he had this insane safe full of like that tongue now oh let me do you he would use it to like play computer games it was sick but he had like this huge safe full

of guns and like AK-47s could he like strap into the chairs and like just go to the movies yeah he was he was so interesting because he was like completely like paraplegial, or quadriplegic, like, couldn't move. But like, I'm in his room,

like, helping him build bullets. Like, in his chair, he's probably, like, manifesting all these, like,

and then I'll get James to shoot up the, yeah. It's like, Professor X controlling your mind. Yeah, exactly. That would be, I've always wanted to see,

like, a machine guy who has, like, machine gun turns on his wheelchair. Yeah. Probably a ComicCon. It's got to be a guy who, like,

goes all out. Oh, for sure. What about instead of Professor X X is Professor Sex? It's just a guy in a wheelchair. He's like, you're going to show me your pussy now.

They're like screaming. The thing I never got about him, and I'm not the first guy to say this, but like he, it's so weird that like his, Magneto can control metal, but then Professor X can just control everything. Right.

He can pause everything. Yeah, it makes no sense that it's like everything but metal, right? Oh, yeah, I think he can't control metal, but he can control, that might actually be true. I'm not positive.

Yeah, it's like, it's just like a little less metal than Magneto. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's like, Just copper. His greatest villain is metal. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a lot of holes in those superhero stories, I'll tell you what. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They're redoing it, though. I think they're having, like, they're bringing back QG. Ackman, which I'm excited about because it's awesome. They were planning for years to, like, replace him with somebody,

and they just couldn't figure. Yeah, like, who's going to be a better Wolverine? Imagine, like, Timothy Shalabay? I was like, no, no. They were trying to do Shilabov, but he's just so fucking crazy. I guarantee you. They're like, we can't put this guy. Yeah.

I tried watching that interview with, it was like John Bernthal and Shailaboff. And I could not get through it. Yeah, that was a word on. I'm like, this guy is so fucking dumb. Yeah, yeah. He's also like, there's dumb crazy people that'll occasionally see something smart. And then there's dumb, or sorry, there's smart crazy people that you're like,

ah, he's crazy, but he said some cool stuff. But then there's some crazy. You're like, nothing you're saying has any substance. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I feel like McConaughey. It's like, you're like, oh, this guy's dumb, but you're like, at least he seems like pretty harmless.

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't get that. I think Kanye thought he was coming off smarter than he was. Like, for sure. He clearly thought that that was like meaning something. I don't know.

He does have the occasional thing where you're like, not, not to do stuff, but like, like, he like makes a point about media. And I'm like, okay,

you have a perspective on that. But it's like, I don't know, people have, there's so many takes about Kanye, but it's just, you know, I think he just thought that he was smarter than he was.

I saw that, uh, Jeffrey Star says that the, like, Illuminati is going after Kanye West. Jeffrey Star, another one just crazy. Yeah.

Do you think that guy's out of his mind? He's mentally ill? He's one of those guys that, like, is just like, yeah, and also I fucked all these famous people. It's like, yeah, I fuck celebrities that I can't even talk about who they fuck. By the way, I also fucked Kanye West. Who else are you hiding?

You're just, I mean, I could be wrong. Maybe Kanye is banging it, but I feel like it's one of those things that, like, he's just saying crazy. I don't want to get, I don't want to tell people I fucked Adam Pally. Yeah. Like, what?

You say Adam Sandler. I really like her high shadow. Put it in my butt. Put it in my butt. Give it a little kiss. That's the way it goes. How does Jeffrey Star get dick? In his ass, probably.

I'm just surprised. I'm just surprised. I don't know. Yeah, I guess maybe there's just like a, I think there's like a draw to celebrity. He's terrifying. He's so scary looking. Yeah, I think there's a draw. You're afraid of hot chicks.

Yeah. Afraid of sweet gas. You're afraid of big, long, clackety nails. Oh, my, I have nightmares about just, just, like, imagine just Jeffrey started running his nails across your arm. Oh, my God. It's terrified. Maybe there is, like, a super seductive nature to Jeffrey Star, though, that

I'm not privy to. Yeah, maybe if you're, there's like that little thing where you're like, ooh, I might get hurt. Like, it's exciting a little bit. Yeah. Also, when you're like Kanye West, like, after you have, after you have, after you have, you have sex with Kim Kardashian, you're like, I might as well just be gay. Yeah.

Because it's not going to get better than this, you know? Oh, yeah. You get so straight that you just become gay. Yeah. What's straighter than being gay? Nothing. Nothing. That's the straightest thing.

How the sex with dudes? Yeah. Man on man. Yeah. What's straighter than that? It's very tough. What's her name, Joey Bayhart? Did you see that guy died, or not died, but almost died on the football field?

Yeah, by the way, I've been waiting for somebody to have a take on it. This is the one thing I've never seen anybody make jokes about. It's very odd because it's like a week out now. Yeah. And nobody, he's fine, right? Yeah, well, it was a vaccine. By the way, I'm for sure getting flagged for that. I don't care it's fine, but my Spotify has now had like warnings on it.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I was just kidding, Mr. Spotify. Doug Spotify. But what were you saying about the guy who got hit? Well, all that shit happened. Of course, everyone, like, some people are like,

you can't cancel the game. It's like an important game. It's like, whatever. But what's her name? Joy Behar was just like, she's like, yeah, she's like, I blame heterosexual men for their infatuation with, like, tackle football.

And I'm like, what's like, do you think, like, homosexual men don't like men? Right. Like, that's such a weird thing for Joy Behar. Oh, for sure. It's just like, look, what everybody's doing is what we're doing. We're just like, we're just looking for something to say. It's like, this whole podcast.

This is like a different version. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like, it's like, you're saying nonsense because you're like, we got to fill an hour of airtime. Exactly. I was a woply gold burger this. Yeah, how do you feel about the Holocaust? I think, I can't do it with me.

I think the Holocaust was just a problem that people didn't understand. That's pretty good. That was a pretty good. I wish I had a better thing to say. Yeah. You should see what my hair looks like when I get really wet. I'm going to be quiet. It probably looks great.

It was a, but what was it? Oh, yeah, just some take on that. Yeah, well, it was funny, though, because, like, there's been, like, national tragedies that I've seen less people, like, concerned about than this guy getting hit. Like, it's horrible. Is he even good? I have no idea.

Yeah. He is good. But he even kneel before the fucking game started? I saw some comedians just post like really serious Facebook things. So like, guys, this is a moment. Oh my God. We all changed our life. But it's also to get tech. By the way, this is, I mean, it's horrible that happened to it.

But it's bound to happen. People are. Yeah. People are just getting better at running and tackling people. Like, there's going to be way more. Like, people, there's probably more people dying on the football field. It's going to be drone football in the future. Like, it's horrendous.

But I was just very surprised by the people. Like just like so serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is very soon. Like once he's okay, it's like, whatever, let's fucking fucking fucking. It's the same thing as like anything political that's going on.

Anything about like a murderer or a shooter. It's like, sure, you can make a joke, but like you know how it's going to go. Like it's not getting nobody like, you're going to upset someone no matter what. It's like just worry about the dumb shit like snakes on an airplane.

You know? Like that's like, dude, doing news from bed, I've learned that. I'm like, I'm just going to do the bullshit articles. about like bears stealing chick fillet

for people's. Yeah. Well, it's because anything like hot, top of the news, Twitter has already beat you to it. And the late night hosts have already done it. And it's already... I don't think the late night host did anything on this guy who got tackled.

Did you see this? Did you hear about this? You guys hear about this? Yeah. I'm gonna fucking exploded car. Just half his face has melted off. So this guy, he was on the... My opinion, it's kind of a pussy. I think he should have got back out on the field.

That would be funny if you... because he got that fire and just went crazy. He started coming back to the studio, just taking his life's all normal. Taking the show back from Conan again. So Monica Lewinsky, huh? You're like, what? Just like a deformed mentally handicapped, Jay Leno?

I like the two-faced idea. Like, one side is him on fire. Yeah. Oh, he's flipping coins. He's just got a gun to Conan's head. He's got a fucking guy again. There is something like beautifully ironic about him like exploding in a car.

Yeah. You know, like the universe has such an awesome way of like everything just fitting perfectly. Yeah. You know, like someone said like, I think it was like, Janice Pappas was like, you can't write anything better than reality.

Like reality is always the best written thing. Like that was, that was so fun. And then like, yeah, the same thing with like, I don't know. The guy from Fast and Furious. With Andrew Tate,

like all of that coming out. Oh, it's so funny. It's so perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, of course. Yeah. We all knew that's what how he was going to end. Yeah. Yeah. Like, because I think people

see these like crazy personalities and like they're just like and they get so mad because they think they're just going to rise to the top and it's like no they're what's going to happen to them is like

always what's going to happen it's always imminent you know it's always like going to be the perfect finish on any of this shit and that's all I have to say yeah J-L is fine though right yeah he's good

he like kind of champed that you know yeah he I want to see him do stand up so bad apparently he's so wrong Dude, Jeremy Renner, too. How about that, dude? He's good stand-up? Did you hear what happened to Jeremy Renner? He got shot by bone arrows.

He got run over by a snowplow. What? Run over and put in the ICU, like, completely fucked up his leg. They said there was so much blood. He's in the ICU now. He's like, okay, but, like, totally, like, eviscerated. What's that guy doing by a snowplow? I guess he was, like, actually trying to help someone, like, get their car out or something,

and he, like, has a snowplow, and he, like, got out of it. And I guess he, like, didn't put the parking break on it or something. You know the thing, too? Some of these celebrities don't know how to do things outside. Like, Alec Baldwin wheeled around his gun. Some people don't know how actual things work. Right. Yeah.

So, like, I killed Voltron or whatever the, what's the guy? Yeah. I killed Thanos. Yeah, yeah. You think I can't move some fucking snow around? Yeah, yeah. And you're like, yeah, you're like, yeah. I'm Jeremy Renner.

Should it be. Yeah. Right. I don't know. To be fair, I don't know how to use fucking snowplow. No, I don't know how to use, like, any vehicle other than that car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lawnmower.

I've done a... Really? I'm excited to have a lot. Was it you? I was joking, too. It's like, what about a Jay Leno's garage is filled with carbon monoxide?

It's just him closing the door in his garage and killing himself. Just starting every car at the same time. Good night, everyone. Yeah, right, all right. You would die in like 12 seconds from all that carbon monoxide. Every car is, but the hard part is it's a high garage.

It's a high garage. So, yeah, that's part of the fun of the show is how long will he stay alive? Yeah. So much gas to power all those. cars. Just him gunning it. But it's like him doing an interview and it's like, yeah, I guess.

And this is my 94. This is my... Wait, turn him off. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. Who's my guest again? I want to see him live, though, because apparently he is so good stand up. And also, he's one of the best.

Post burn. I'm sure he's got some funny jokes about it. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I've heard he's one of the few people that he's like, I'm not going to put a special out. because, like, my material is so good. He's still working on it, yeah.

I wonder if it's, like, a little out. It's probably outdated, though, right? Yeah, your mom will probably love it, you know? Yeah. That's sort of a vibe where it's like, oh, that's, you know. My family went to see him back in the day, like, in the early 2000s. They said he was like, Jerry Seinfeld, and a couple weeks later, they saw Jay Leno, and they were like, Jay Leno was so much better than Jerry.

Yeah, I've heard of that day, though. You got that's out of day, though. You're like, God, God, God, damn. The next is going to be Sebastian Manascalco. He's going to be, like, nobody's going to relate to him at all. anymore. Have you seen his new special

is like like he's just like I'm at the baseball game and I think the short stop makes a play he throws the ball

to first base and then they trod a ball back to him like I just had the ball why you're trying it's like what are you what is going on

in your life where you're like that's not a real bit that he does but like everything is just so far fetch somebody's like

I think he's funny as fuck but somebody's talking about him how funny I think Mike Bromothe there's about how funny

him to watch him bomb Because he's so physical. See that guy doing like spin kicks on stage and like nobody's laughing. So uncomfortable. You're like, oh, man.

Yeah. Yeah. It would be fun to see like Daden Cook bomb or something. Like someone who is so physical. Yeah. He's like, and then the walnuts are really doing your hands. His shit is fucking like,

I don't know. Him and, uh, yeah, him, I've said this before, but him dating an 18 year old's weirder than him. You know what I mean?

It's like, it's so weird that he's like, but who Dane cook? yeah, because he's like, yeah, like playing video games. and I don't do drugs or alcohol

and you're just a child. Yeah. You are 18. That's creepyier that your brain is like, it's like Michael Jackson. They're like, yeah, he's not a fucking kid. He just has the brain of a child.

Same thing with Chris Dalia. Like he's just such a kid and he's never done anything. He's just really sober. That's why you need to not, that's why I need to do drugs. Yeah. To not be a pedophile.

So you forget about all those girls. Yeah. There's not a lot of overlap. You know what thing I was thinking about? Rich people never get caught fucking animals. ever. But they get caught fucking kids. There's never been a single, powerful person who got caught fucking a goat. How many people, though, get caught

fucking a goat? You think George Bush just shows up to a farm with a gun? He goes, you're not going to tell anybody. Just him. Or the Secret Service, like, surrounds the goat. Just like that one's just paying it. Also, if you kill a goat after you fuck it, no one's looking for the goat, you know. That's a great point. Their parents are going to be like, where's my son? Yeah. Don't look at the goat farm. That's a great point. Was my kid?

You can't eat a child after you fuck it. Yeah, yeah. You can just have a warehouse filled with goats that nobody knows about that you bang. Yeah. Yeah. These are my cum goats. Yeah. Yeah.

Who do you think would be the one? To have sex with an animal? Yeah. Like, celebrity, comedian. All of it. Powerful. It would have to be super powerful. Because it would have...

Jane Goodall was fucking some of those gorillas. Yeah. She had some sort of connection with those. That's got to be scary, though, because like that, That those guys, I mean, you know, in one little, no one calls, right, off the post you do hard. That heck of a gorilla, freak out. You just jangle you.

You start twerking, all of a sudden, evolution kicks in. You introduce him to talkie style and it changes everything. Imagine she goes back to, like, having sex with, like, a normal human after. And she's just, like, ripping his cock off. Guerrilla style. I invented a new sex move. That's where they smash your chest in after you fuck. In the Bronx Zoo.

We're finishing up here, though. What do you guys want to promote? News from Bed on TikTok and Instagram is Patty is Funky. Yeah, you can follow me on Instagram. I do a podcast radio show called The Stuff. Post some clips. Hell yeah. You'll have to come on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a call-in show. Sunday night's a day. Yeah. Oh, perfect. You're free. Definitely let me know. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe this month, January.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So stay tuned. Stay tuned.