Morning Good - No More Pandering - Episode 282

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

Andrew Manning joins as today's solo guest. He and Michael talk about losing their wallets, potentially stealing a neighbors BlueChew delivery, and going to a fake orgy.Thanks to Andrew for coming back on the show. You can check him out on Instagram @andrewmanthing. He also hosts a show the last Tuesday of every month at @grove34nyc in Astoria. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here with Andrew Manning. Thanks for having me. Should I take the shoes off? No, no, we're done.

I get called out too much for Pander into the fee. People. So now I'm going to do the opposite. I'm gonna wear like a burqa in the next episode. Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, let them really beg for it. Yeah, yeah. It would be funny.

It was just zero views. You reported. Your channel's taken down. The feat community come after you. Yeah, the YouTube guy is the guy who's pushing it. And like the guy who owns YouTube was... Yeah. You didn't realize you had a man on the inside.

No, no. Yeah, loves your fucking art. Hate speech. What were you saying you realized recently now? Oh, you were talking about like making sure that the recording is happening, even though you've never lost an episode to not recording. I just realized the other day, of all the times that I've, like, misplaced something or gotten drunk and not remembered what happened the night before or whatever, in all of my adult life, I've never lost my wallet. Dude, I've had the same wallet for almost 11 years now.

That's very solid, and I'm kind of in the same boat. So I've had my wallet fall out of my pocket numerous times. I've lost cards. I've lost driver's license. I lost a wallet when I was about 10 years old. I remember I had $20 worth of allowance and I had a fortune to a 10 year old. I had a road runner driver's license in there.

Hell yeah. And it was in a fucking public and I remember dude just, you know when you're looking for something and you know it you're not going to find it but there's like 1% of you that just won't give up and I'm just searching all corners of this like grocery store and I just could, I never found it. Oh, bummer.

But it was like, it was like a thing where I was really thinking about it. I was like, like, I have that too where I'm like, I'm sure there's fucking not, there's like things that I know are gone. But I'm like, I'm sure if I just keep looking for them, I can't. Yeah. And then I just never find it. Yeah. I mean, the reason that you look continuously is the same reason you check the camera though. It's like because there's still a chance that that thing could happen.

So even though it's negative, like, oh, I wonder if the thing is recording. it's positive for you looking for your wallet. Yeah, yeah. You're like holding out hope that you will find it. That's I still, it's so funny you mention like having a roadrunner like ID, like a fake kid ID. I imagine that was very important to you at that time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That was like a prized possession. It meant a lot to you. Yeah. I had a pair of shoes that I still think about to this day that I had probably when I was like seven years old. Really? were just so cool to me. What were they? I don't even know, but like, they were black shoes mostly with like white base, you know, rubber around the bottom. They were kind of skate shoe, like, in the sense that they were flat, but they were almost like designed to also run around in.

Okay. And I remember they had like a fucking Velcro strap at the top, like after you laced it up, you could fucking throw something over the laces. They were just so cool to me. And, And for some reason, I, like, I haven't had a lot since then. This meant that much. Exactly. Yeah. It's like nothing means that much. Like, I used to have a Lego guy that meant a lot to me when I was eight.

Yeah. And now it's just like, I don't know, fucking shit is shit. Yeah. No, it's like I have an apartment that I don't even value. I'll fucking trash the shit out of this thing. And it's like, it's like my living space. It's your domicile and you're like, none of this is connected to my soul. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, this could be burning down. And I'll be like, Oh, could I get money from that? Yeah. Well, then it's like, dude, I had, because I had, what do you call him? I had, one time I stole a shoe, we saw these pair of shoes, and I guess the guy just had them in his backpack, and they were, uh, they were audios, and they were black and white, like, what is it on?

Audio is the brand? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And I took one, and then my buddy took one, because we're like, dude, these are so sick that, like, we'll each just have one of these. That's so funny. So, like, I left it. I just show up in my mom's car with, like, one shoe, and then one, like, just one, like,

tennis shoe and then like just an audio six skate shoe and obviously we got in trouble and they were like who the fuck stole Jason's shoes and it was us and then because like we were doing that thing where we're kind of looking around for a little bit and I'm not a thief but like you look around long enough that you're like

will we ever even find the person I mean in school we would have but like nowadays it's like you're like or do this person even want this thing sometimes if it's like just laying there for a while but he did want them and then a similar things happen to be right out my building. So there's, I know exactly what the blue chew package looks like because I

ordered them. And I canceled my last order because I'm kind of broke right now. And I was like, all right, we'll be fine. I'm going to try to lock in. And then in my hallway right now, in my package room, for about a week and a half, there's been an opened somebody else's blue choose, just somebody else in this building. And they just have not claimed their own package that's been opened. And I'm like, it would be wrong. I'm literally. considering going to this guy's door knocking on it being like, do you want these? Because I will take these boner pills. Yeah, that's such a bizarre thing to leave out in public after it's been opened if you don't want it. Yeah. Or if you do want it. Like, that's definitely

the actions of somebody who doesn't really care about the contents of that package. What if he was about to have sex with like a child and then he opened the blue chune and was just like, this will put me on the edge. Then he just left it right. there. Maybe he had a moment of clarity. He's going to bang somebody's wife. There was some moral obligation that had him just be like, I'm just leaving this here. Yes, it's the guy who buys a pack of cigarettes opens it, but then throws it away

before he can smoke while. That's going to be my justification for stealing this man's man's. Also, like, this guy, what does he fucking think that the public common area in this building is his personal space? I'm totally justifying stealing.

If it's open, it's trash at this point. It's trash. It's not. It's not, you He's not supposed to just use that as like his medicine cabinet bathroom mirror storage facility. It's like those are pills. Yeah. You got to take them before a child goes and gets their hand on them. That's a great point. You have a moral responsibility to take those bonar pills.

Yeah. Well, it's so funny too because it's like Blu Chu has like discrete packaging. But everybody who knows what Blu Chu is knows exactly what it is. That is funny. Yeah. That is a stand-up premise funny. It's like it's discreet unless you know what it looks like. And then you're like, this is exactly a Blu Chu package.

Yeah. an undercover cop. Once you know what to look for, you're like, that's blue. That's what it is. Oh, somebody for sure got coke

in this building, dude. It was so funny. Somebody like... In the mail? Dude, for sure. I found, I was just,

like, moving packages and I grabbed this package and it was like bubble wrap wrapped around some sort of thing. And the name on it was like a celebrity name. It was like,

you know, like it was such a celebrity name. I forgot what it was. It was like a movie character's name. I really can't remember it was. It was like Tony the Tiger or something like that. It's clearly a fake name you're saying.

Yeah. I was like, this guy for sure ordered coke here or something. Which you can kind of just mail, I guess. I don't know. I had friends in high school they'd buy, like, so many drugs off the internet off, like the dark web and stuff like that. But I'm wondering, like, when is, I mean, it's like, how long is that there until I, how insane is it to go to the guy's door? To go to the guy's door, I think, here's the thing. If you go to, you know, I could do it.

I say, hey, they keep dropping this off at my door. do you want it? And then he goes, that's not mine. And I go, I, you know what? Because I'm trying to think of a way where you can present it to him

because I feel like if you do that out of embarrassment, he just has to try to get out of that as quickly as possible. And I think the quickest move is to just be like, yeah, that's mine, just give me that. Don't worry about it.

Thank you. And shut the door. So then you lose it. Maybe you take it out of the packaging. Oh, somebody, yes, somebody, I don't know what this is, but it just, it was all over the place. Hey, man, this, I, I know that this was like in your box, but then someone took it out of the box. I just, I figured I would try to get it out of the common area. Do you want it? It was there for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably expired. Right. I know a guy who gets rid of expired pills, actually. That's kind of his thing. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, I just take it right in front of him. I just eat it. What time is it? 4.30? Okay, that should be enough time for this to work. Yeah. Yeah, it's so funny because I'm like,

it is still hit like dude if it's there in two months like what is the protocol that I mean that's just honestly this guy might be dead that's a good point you might have a guy

who overdosed on dick pills and I just have his yeah yeah that would be funny if it ties you to him we saw you took his mail we found it outside your recycling well and so many dude because how this all happened

was it looked like boner pills and I always ordered them to the same place so Are you sponsored? No, but they did give me, oh my God, dude. Oh, I got to find a second. They gave me a flashlight.

They gave me a, because I used Bluetooth so much, they gave me a, wait, a flashlight? Give me literally two seconds. It is a bat signal. Okay. I can just explain it, but it's a bat signal laser pointer that is a dick. So it's like I shine it and it looks like a bat signal, but a dick. It is so much fun. They just sent this to you?

They said to me with the pills. I believe it was a thank you. I don't know if it's a thank you or if they just. very cool. They just sent a little bonus. Yeah, yeah. Where are they based out of? Do you know? I don't know. I hope it's an American company. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want red, white and blue chew. Yeah. There you go, Blue Choo. Take that for your little Fourth of July sale or whatever

you want to do, President's Day. Well, somebody too, because I did get something for them. It's like, we honor our veterans at Bluchu. And it was like, if you're a veteran, get whatever percentage off. Stop it. You also, like, through the VA, I think, get, like, pretty cheap donor bills. That's so funny. That's the only health care they extend. to veterans. Yeah, yeah. They're like,

look, I'm sorry about your PTSD and your, you know, eardrums and your back, but do you, do you want your dick to get hard?

Your dick can still salute. Yeah. Get out of here. Yeah. No, it's like, yeah. Take that gun out of your mouth and put your penis in a woman. That'll be,

that'll be the, yeah. And then put that gun back in your back. Yeah, yeah, because it's the only way you can do now. Yeah, exactly. It's the only way you can get hard now. The blue chew stopped working. I have to have a gun in my mouth.

Yeah. I have to take the blue chew by putting it on the end of a barrel and swallowing it. It's so crazy that there are people like that, that that is how they come as having a gun pointed at their head. Wow. I hope. I think I've heard about these people.

I mean, there are people who have wild preferences, as you and I both know. I had friends and family. I'm about to tell a dirty story about myself, so be warned. the girl that I lost my virginity to asked me to she was like very nice as she was but she brought me over to her place

we were in her like attic do you know this story I know this story you do you can tell it again but I also do want to say this I love whenever a story like this happens I do the same thing I pepper in really nice person

lovely person great personality beautiful and then I peed on her face and then she has me to do something or I'm like, no, uh,

I, I have gotten caught and shamed, uh, appropriately and probably should have been more because I like, kissed and told in a like derogatory or like, not derogatory, but like gratuitous and objectifying way. Like I talked about like a girl's pussy and,

uh, on a podcast afterwards. I didn't name her or anything, but she listened to it. And then was like, she called me. And I was like, oh,

why is she calling me? And then just was like, I listened to the podcast. What made you think that was okay to talk about? And my heart sank and I was like, oh, I've been bad. God damn it. I totally, I totally feel so differently because I had the same thing happen to me. And so I fuck some fat chick on a balcony one time.

That's what's up. Yeah. And I talked about it by podcast and I was like, had a great time, lovely woman, you know, banged a fat chick on a balcony later on the podcast. I'm like, all I do is I'm just banging fat bitches on balconies. And then she... Classic. First off, she was like, have you ever

talking about my podcast? I was like, oh, yeah, for sure. I think it went down when I talked about it. And then she listened and she just fucking was like, never talked to me again. You're a huge piece of shit, all this stuff. But it was like, she was fat enough to know she's fat. That's what I was about to ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like, do you not think you're... And it's like, I don't know.

It's one of those things you were, like, at some point, if I'm not naming you, I get to describe my personal experiences. If you were like never fucking talk about this on a podcast, and I'd be like, okay, no. But like this is like my life. So it's like I have just every right to talk about my experience. It's, you know what I mean? It's one of those things where it's like I get that people will be offended.

But like, it's like if I was in a relationship and this did not happen, I swear on my life. But if my girlfriend got an abortion, she's like, do not talk about this on the podcast, that's fair. I wouldn't go on the podcast now and be like, oh, my girlfriend had an abortion. Of course. Yeah, yeah. And you and I both know that like if you want to talk about those. things. There's ways to talk about what you truly think is funny about it without exposing anybody in your life. Like there's people that I talk about where it's like, instead of saying

my cousin, I'll say my friend or something. Yeah, I had sex with my friend. Yeah, exactly. I jerked off to my friend. Yeah, yeah. I, yeah, you can get around that. It's like, there's funny things that, and that's something that I think comes with age is like we were talking about before recording is like when you get older, you realize like you don't actually. You don't actually have to risk other people's feelings to do the funny thing that you want to do. And you might be like walking a higher moral path by making those considerations for someone. Oh, we definitely didn't have that conversation. You're thinking of somebody else because I completely disagree. Oh, you think that, well, no, I mean, you were saying that whatever.

Tell me. Tell me what you think. No, no. I don't think there's any moral gravity in comedy in the comedy field. So like if you're podcasting, or doing stand-up or doing a sketch, then I think whatever is the funniest thing is what you should do. I don't think you should... Now, if you can get away with it and not worry about...

and make everybody feel good, that's possible. But I don't think you risk if it's so funny, if it hurts somebody else. Because at the end of the day, I think that, like, you know, it's completely different than walking down the street. If you're walking down the street, and it's really funny for me

because I'll, like, meet people at shows beforehand. I'm like, oh, very nice to meet you. And then I go on stage and then I just talk wildly. But I'm like, it's a different, I think it's a different environment. And I, like, I was watching episode of South Park and it's about anxiety one time. And it really made me feel, made fun of and embarrassed. And then I realized I go, oh, this is actually my problem. Like, this is all my internal thing.

So whatever anybody else says, like, I think if you're letting what other people say hurt your feelings, that has to do more with your own insecurity. And like, because there's people out there that like, dude, I am sure that there is a, Dr. Umar type. I don't know who that is, but they sound gross. He's, he's like, he sounds delicious, actually. I would love some Umar soup.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like this like, like a black supremacist kind of guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's welcome on the program whenever he, please. Yeah.

How many blue shoes do you think he's aches for that guy? He probably, six. Yeah, six to fill up that tube sock. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But he, um, what was it? You don't, before I forget, Apparently that's the thing.

Apparently, dudes with giant dicks actually have a really hard time getting hard because the amount of blood. I have heard about this. I've heard that they, especially dudes who work in porn, sometimes have to do injections.

Straight up like main vein the fucking boner pill. Is that where my blood donations are going to? It's just some... Yes. Unfortunately, or maybe for the best, you know.

Yeah, no. I don't know, but... He's like a black supremacist guy. And I'm sure there's guys out there that like they want all white people dead. And I, for me to sit there and care about that is like, it's,

I just, it's, it's, it's my thing where it's like I, and it's totally different other ways. Like, that's not the same thing at all as being a black person knowing that there's white people that want you dead.

Because it's a, uh, where I'm never scared for my life because white people are in charge and this is a mainly white country. So I've no, I've no fear of that. Yeah. It is different stakes.

But at the end of the day, letting somebody else's... You have all the power, I think, in yourself to let people's words not affect you. It might not be as easy. People all come for different places. So I think if I make a joke and I'm trying to be funny and I hurt somebody's feelings, I don't think it's my fault

that I did that because I'm literally just trying to make a laugh. Now, people do other things where they purposely try to be mean and try to get away with it as a joke, but I think that's a little different. Yes. I'm not talking about people trying to be mean, but what I was trying to get at is like if you have a story, like let's say about the fat bitch on the balcony.

Also, just to digress even further and stray away from the topic at hand, I think that the risk grows when somebody doesn't really get how like you or I think and talk with other comedians. Because it's like we are willing to say whatever. and it can be crazy and inappropriate and exposing of your personal life and this person that you just met might not know that, which was my case with the girl. She was like, oh, I want to listen to this podcast

and see what, you know, and then it was just me being disgusting and it's like, that's not what she wanted. Oh, that pussy is stag. Absolutely, that pussy I fucking was looking at it like bat wings. No, the, and so it's like, imagine if she was like so if you take like several steps

beyond that she might be like oh I'm just going to straight up listen to this with my family for the first time. Yeah yeah. Imagine that. Well that's why mine is just me with an erection on the cover so nobody goes. You with an erection? It's like a cartoon made with a boner. I didn't know that. I thought it was you holding the gun. Was for a little bit and then I tried

to get a prominent political figure on who which is so funny that I had to go the other way. It was kind of anti-gun so not prominent political figure. He's like a local politics he's involved in politics I'll say who it is later

but um and I was like yeah I probably shouldn't have the gun picture in there so I was like let me default to the boner picture which is just yeah just a microcosm

of who I'm like when I've tried to do my cleans you know I'm like right right I have to work with it's being with the voter yeah let me switch from my clean bit

so I can tell the story about coming on a woman's face but I don't say penis yeah yeah yeah that's great you can still tell the uh okay so oh yeah

have I told it on your podcast? Maybe. Who cares? Well, the gist, I'll make it really simple. She wanted me to role play where like she was, uh, I was going to play her when she was younger and where I was, she offered me like a my little pony t-shirt and then she put on like a professor's blazer with like the elbow patch on. And she was like, so you're going to be me and I'm going to be grandpa. And I was like, that was my first time having sexual intercourse. That's so wild. You hear. You hear. that? You hear that people? And so I said no.

And then we just, she relinquished that idea very readily. She was very polite. She was like, oh, okay, fine. And then we just fucked. But yeah, that was insane. It's so crazy. Yeah. Well, it's like, I'm one of those people, I'm very, I

think I'm wild and we'll do all kinds of stuff sexually. But then I look at the whole spectrum and I'm like, I don't think like, like, I hooked up with his Dominatrix and she's like... Sick? Yeah, and she's like, hey, do you want to do some of these things that can I practice some things with my clients on you for free?

And I'm like, sure. Holy shit, that's cool. It was cool. That must be like how my girlfriend feels when I, like, just am funny around her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like getting the expert experience. Oh, totally. Yeah, I'm like, me fucking around.

Yeah, yeah, no, exactly. And I'm like, flattered. I'm like, this is great. Dude, the shit people are into, I couldn't even touch. It's like, okay. So, like, you know, all of it's like, pain stuff. It's like, you know what sounding is? Oh my God. Did she sound you?

No, no, no. I said no to every. I was like, I can't help you with this at all. It's like, soundings when you put a metal rod in a dude's penis. And there's like all kinds of just like cock and ball torture. All these things that I was like, wow, I feel so good about myself because I'm like, there's this going on. I'm not like fuck them. That's going on. But I was like, whole, like this whole time, I have this weird internal thing where I'm like, I'm, I'm proud of who I am to a degree. But there's all. amount of shame that I'm lying through.

Like I'm lying through some of the shame sometimes to be like, oh yeah, I don't care that I'm like. Sometimes I'm really insecure that I like fucking weird shit. Sure. Another one I don't think I could do is like the black girls that like being called the N-word. I don't know if I could do it. Because if somebody is...

Well, you've just got to get practice. Yeah. I was just practicing for... Can I practice this with other people? Well, I'm at Walmart. No, yeah, it's like I don't know because like I really think it's like if that,

I don't think there's anything morally wrong with it. You're there to, if she's asking you to do that, of course. Yeah, and this is never happened to me personally because I'd never hook up with the black person now. Yeah, I would never. Oh my God, I made a promise to my family. Yeah, and to God.

No, but it's like I've never been in this position. Dominator, she's a black one by the way. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Cool. Look who's whipping who now. Yeah, I'm the one getting whipped. but yeah no it's one of those things that's like

this is what you want but I don't know if I comfortably would Now if she's she asked you to do that No no no no no but I'm saying there are like I have heard a lot of people be like oh it's called race play There's people that like being called racist stuff If she was like can you act like a white guy that thinks he's black and say the soft day I in a heartbeat could do that But I don't know if I could play like the racist person Yeah well in a in a movie I could

somebody's like in a movie you can play like a slave owner I'm like I could do that but in a sexual role play because in my mind it gets complicated because I'm like are you going to at some point feel a different way like is it going to happen and then in the middle it's going to bring you back to a different place you know I mean like am I going to fuck this up and say it like in a way that like you know you know what I mean it's like am I going to say this in a way then it's going to be like I didn't I don't know maybe I just said it too loud and she's like oh shit your neighbors here what's up the neighbors? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, or they're like, oh my God. Imagine that. You're screaming a racial slur at this black woman. Her neighbors know her. And they're just like, holy shit, we have to call the police. Yeah, yeah, there's a hate crime going on there.

Yeah. Well, it's the same thing. The sex and comedy is the same fucking thing. Because you're like, this is, it's the same thing with choking. Choking somebody's incredibly inappropriate. But when you agree this is an environment where we're choking each other, it's allowed now. And it's the same thing with stand-up. We're like, we agreed this environment.

So then we're in a comedy club. this is a safe space to be outrageous. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think it's interesting that you would be willing to do it on camera for like a movie because I feel like that's very similar where it's like, this is for consenting parties. Like the people that went and saw a movie, let's say kind of like Django Unchained in theaters

where they might not know exactly how provocative the scenes with some of the, characters are going to be involving race. It's like, do they know what they're getting into? Kind of. But like after a while, people know exactly what they're getting into. I view that as kind of being like this person explicitly asking you to do that. Yeah. And whether or not, are you worried you like can't pull it off a little bit?

That is definitely a fear. Yeah. Well, I think it's like, by the way, this is 100% based on I know white girls that have dated black guys that like being called the N-word. I know black guys that said they like white girls calling them the N-word. And I've heard white guys say they're dating a black girl who like being called the N-word. I don't think it's super common, but I've just heard this thing before. I've watched like J-L-I porn where it's like humiliation and the girl's like,

you nasty N-word. And I'm like, oh, this is- Is it a white girl? Yeah, I'm like, oh, I guess this is not for me. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah. I mean, talk about not having a day job anymore. It's like, not only are you doing porn online. dropping n bombs in your porn.

Yeah, but it doesn't get any fucking more outrageous than that. No, but you're like, this is something somebody enjoys and there's no ill intention. I mean, it's actually the nicest intention. You're trying to make somebody come. I think what's funny about the J-O-I videos is that like you're taking a leap of

faith that people do want that. Like, I can't just be like, look, I'm posting on porn hub and just be like, you fucking stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She had to get requests. What? It's just, J-O-I, man. I'm doing this for my gay black fans.

The funniest, if I were her, I would do a extreme. We got a lot of requests for this next one. You know, you gotta be like... You gotta post the screenshots of the comments at the end of the video. I saw an amazing one the other day. It was mean step-mommy pops all your pool toys. Which is such a, like... Jesus Christ.

There's really something for everybody. Some guy who's step-mommy popped his pool toys and he's not gotten over it, so he has to jizz do it now. Oh, man. There is some, yeah, that's like a traumatic childhood event for him. What a good life. That's what he has to do. Yeah, yeah.

Although that is sadistic. That's like the suburban cruelty that does, like, scar you where it's like, yeah, maybe not like a lot of bad shit has happened to you, but maybe you've just had like the mundane malaise of a drab suburban upbringing and, like, diso, you know, unloving parents. And you just come home one day and your mom has just like, slashed your pool toys. Like, that's weird. That is definitely psychologically.

Yeah, that's a good point too. Yeah, yeah. I feel like that has a place in like, Ari Aster horror movie. Oh, yeah. Hereditary or some shit. Yeah, just like destroying the toy. You know what?

You could make a really actually intense scene of a mother smashing her son's action figures and him like crying. Oh, yeah. Because it's less about like, she's not physically hurting him, but there's a weird way that you could play it that she's like enjoying it.

that she's like enjoying. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Because that's what it's all about. It's like, is like, are you parenting or are you trying to,

uh, it's just punishment in general. It's like, are you actually trying to help the person or are you like, same with cops. Like are you actually, or are you trying to get a sense of, and by the way,

I am guilty of totally trying to get a sense of power sometimes. I don't, it's not typically my personality, but I have told somebody off before and I was just like, and nah, and then I'm like, oh, that was,

that was me just trying to feel like I'm a strong guy. Yeah, power tripping a little bit. Yeah, I've been there. I've been, unfortunately, they're like, you know, somebody fucks up your order or somebody does something stupid to you in traffic. I noticed, like, I bike a lot now, and, like, when somebody does something fucked up,

it enrages me so much. And I'm like, it's a tough balance because when you're biking in the city, you have to be able to use your voice sometimes to just let cars know, hey, you're going to hit me. But then I also don't want to be the guy

who like yells at somebody for doing something totally normal that like everybody does. Yeah. And so it's like, it's a fine line to walk where like I'm trying to actively encourage myself to be more vocal

and like ready to use. use my voice on a bike, but also I don't, I hate who I am after I ride by a car. And like, maybe they rolled through a stop sign further than I thought they should and like then tried to go and they turned into me or whatever. And I like turn and give them like a death glare and then ride away. And then I'm just like, I'm a fucking bitch. Yeah. If they got out of their car.

So womanly to just give like a. Yeah. Like what am I going to do? It's the same thing like when somebody's having a road rage issue and then somebody like you get out of the car and then all of a sudden there's no dividing barrier

between you and the other person you're just like, oh, what the fuck have I done? I'm not willing to throw down with this stranger. No, no, no, yeah. Yeah, I feel there's somebody recently that I was like, I will physically fight. Oh yeah, dude, somebody was barking. You wanted to fight somebody?

Yeah, I wanted to fight somebody. Hell yes, tell me. this guy was barking and these group of like frat duch guys where they were like nobody wants to go to your stupid fucking comedy show and I was already across the street about to get pizza and I was like once I get this slice

I'm coming back and I'm just going to go in on these fucking guys I was just gonna punch him in the face but I was gonna be like you're a fucking piece of shit I was like this guy's out here like not having fun trying to scrape up fucking money and do his job and you're over here like just being a fucking retard like I wasn't just going to punch him in the face, but I was like willing to fight this guy. I was like, oh, 100%.

Like, you get, first off, they're drunk and I'm sober. I'm not a good fighter, but I'm like, I'm at least like if this were to happen. Now, for sure, I would get banned from the club where they're barking at. But like, I just, I saw it go in my head that far enough because these guys were drunk. I was like, oh, yeah, we're in the street. Like, this guy could try to fight me. But then I come back with a piece and they're gone. I was like, okay, well, you know.

I love that you were willing to sucker punch a guy. surrounded by his frat boyfriends, some of the most dangerous people on the planet. Not these ones, dude. I could fucking see it. I was like, dude, I'm not a tough guy, but I think I was like, I was just in a fucking point too

where I was like, dude, I think the fuel in me right now could like fuck this dude up. And also, the two guys barking. Would have had your back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was not, I didn't not want to fight the guy, but I was like, dude, I just, I was like, dude, if you under, just because I barked for so long, I'm like, dude, if you knew how

fucking, like, demoralizing this is and how, like, dude, literally it's soul crushing. It's soul crushing. You're sitting there on the fucking corner. The best comedians in the world are walking by you. Yeah. You have friends that maybe have been doing comedy less long than you, and they're walking by just to do a spot on the show. And you're out there like a fucking dog barking, begging people to come to your show.

and then some guy comes up and he's like, never been to get your stupid fucking show, dude. And I just, it just, it just hit me in a way that it reminded me just of those fucking three years where I barked and it reminded me of like all those people that were dicks to me. And I was just like, and embarrassment too, dude. It's like, you're in a relationship and like, that's embarrassing because you're like, you're at that point in your career where you're like, oh, this is like, this feels so,

I don't know. Is that Riley Reid on your shirt? I was planning on bringing this up at some point. I love that you thought it was Riley Reed. It is not Riley Reed, although she has done excellent work. This is Sasha Gray. Different porn star. Different porn star.

So let me show your... Sasha Gray. It's a great shirt. Came from Sasha directly. Yeah? I have a buddy, Yoshi Obayashi, a good friend who has... A sushi restaurant? He has not a sushi restaurant, although he does probably dream of it based off of his name.

but no, he was in the adult entertainment industry. Oh, nice. And so, yeah, he's made some friends throughout his ears there. And Sasha was friends with Yoshi enough to the point where when a friend of mine, I used to live with a couple of comics in Washington Heights, and one of them had a birthday, and Yoshi knew that, I think this is how the events happened. and Yoshi knew that he liked Sasha Gray, and then he facilitated her basically sending him

like a personalized little care package. And so he got like a magazine where she was like the main attraction of the magazine. He got this shirt, and I think he got like a brief handwritten note of hers. And then my buddy who got that care package ended up getting a serious relationship with like a city lawyer, and she made him get rid of the shirt, basically. And so I got it.

That's so. Yeah, so it's a bit big, but I'm going to wear it until... That is so funny to like... Sorry, I continue. No, I'm going to wear it until it's fucking... I wish that it was holding up better. Once it gets holes in it, I'll put fucking holes in my penis. I've gotten cat called wearing this shirt.

Like my dudes, they're like... Literally. I was walking Washington Heights and a guy loading a truck said what that mouth do, like, to the woman on my shirt. That's so funny. Incredible. It's a true story. I mean, they do. they've completely mesmerized you. Like, it's like, I see Riley Reid

talking on a podcast. I'm like, what is she going to say next? Like, it's like, it's a weird kind of thing where it's like, I don't know. Yeah, I have like a weird, I don't know. I don't think I have like a sex addiction or like a thing.

I just, I fucking love women with like a crazy like fucking, you're just like, God damn. They fucking rule, dude. I don't know. They're so pretty. They're so. That's how I feel too.

It's crazy. They're so pretty. pretty, but I don't know. It's a, yeah, I don't know. It's funny, too, because, like, I mean, porn stars are, like, I do not feel the same way about runway models. Like, I just don't find them distracted, but porn stars are built

for the male gays. Like, it's, it's, yeah, it's what it is. So it's like, you're like, I think that it's funny, I'm sorry to cut you off. It's funny to distinguish between a run-my model and a porn star, like, tits and ass. Yes. Yeah, it's like, who looks, that is actually exactly it. It's who looks good

wearing clothes and who looks good naked. Yes. A lot of the times. Right. But I also think there's a thing too where it's like there's a naturalness to a lot of, at some points I've got the vaguest tits, but some of them even the ones who are small tits look like a it looks like a natural woman in a way where you're

like, oh, okay, I could see like it's not like, I guess there's something about the runway models that just looks kind of like a young boyish sometimes. For sure. Yeah, and that turns me on extra. Yeah. Oh, I see the young boy physique and I'm just like, I start

sucking on my fingertips and stuff. My ankle monitor goes off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The chip that the government made me put into my spinal column starts beeping. And then you're done, yeah. Yeah. This was just because of a little incident between me and a couple of boys.

Back in the day, we were all hanging out on this little island, little St. James, I think it was called. But we were all there to have fun. Wait, who was St. James? Patriot Saint of pedophilia. believe. I guess so. No, I don't know. That was just the name of the Epstein Island, I think, right?

Right. St. James Island. I don't know. St. James, too, though. That's funny. Wolfgang Hunter, I was on the podcast, and he one time swam to Little St. James. Is it right off the coast of Florida or something? Where is it? I forgot where it is. I'm so

unattracted to kids. I don't even know where it is. That's what a guy who is trying to cover up his pedophilic instincts would say. I don't even know where... I'm so unattracted to kids. I haven't even looked up the island a bunch of times. Dude, that was like, was it, Don Jr. When Trump's kids, it's like, I couldn't even tell you, Mr. Epstein, or he didn't say Jeffrey,

but he was like, I can't even tell you Epstein's first name. And you're like, that is so insane. There's not a person on this planet who doesn't know Jeffrey Epstein's first name. Yeah. You might not know him on a first name basis, but. Right. Yeah, that does betray almost a level of extra familiarity. It's like, yeah, I don't know his first name.

I always just called him the big E. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's why you don't know his first name. You just call him daddy all the time or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Hunter, Wolfgang Hunter, swam to Epstein? Not to it.

So he was like doing a snorkeling thing, buy it. So he has these videos of it like from the outside. Okay. We were joking around. It's like, that's Little St. James, but, you know, it's like the Weenie Hut,

weenhut Jr. kind of thing. It's like Little St. James is, that's not very tough, but big St. James. That's where the real fucked up shit happens. Yeah.

You got to work your way out. Scooby versus Scrappy Doe kind of thing. Yeah. I heard a fun conspiracy that, so Epstein was working with like Bill Gates and all, we're a relationship

to all these scientists. And some people, or I saw Trevor... Who's the guy from White's Kids you know who died? Oh, fuck, I know who you're talking about. Trevor Moore? Trevor Moore.

Yeah, yeah. He was talking about he goes, there's a theory out there that Epstein created a virus. And the whole point of this is to have a virus that he's basically like

pulling the... It's basically like a suicide bomb. So if somebody kills him, he releases the virus. So he basically created the coronavirus and had it. So he goes, look, if anybody murders me, then this thing gets dropped.

And so nobody murder me or else I will release this virus from the dead case. Interesting. Whoever works for me will release this virus. And when he died, like three months later, like COVID started happening right around that time. Holy shit.

There's no way that's what it is, but that's a very fun... And this is Trevor Moore. So this... And then Trevor Moore died. exactly yeah he died listen guys

these puzzle pieces fit together whether you like it or not yeah okay I mean just just let yourself see the truth don't hold back but um

wake up he felt like just drunk and he just like fell over part of his house drunk Trevor Moore yeah it's so sad it is sad uh

yeah it's sad too because it's just like a it's like the Bob Sagin thing it's like it sucks when you just fall fall and die. Yeah. Because that's how it can have it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to die. Do you ever feel like that? Absolutely. I worry about like instant annihilation a lot. Yeah. Like I just visualize a nuclear blast happening probably like several times a day. Really? Yeah.

I worry about that living in New York City. See, I worry so much more of the death of being my fault. Because like I think I do have like a somewhat responsible. I just, I feel like I do live very on the edge. So I just scare myself that I'm like, oh, what if, what if I end up just going even great? You know what if I was like, what if I just like, you know, do something boner pill plus adderall heart explodes. But I don't think, I don't know. I don't think that's actually how that would happen.

But in my head, when I'm anxious, I'm like, too, I don't know. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, those anxieties really can get to you, especially when you're on whatever is making you feel weird. Yeah. Moses is just hung over. I was hungover the other day, and that was really just like, dude, I love when you're hung over and then you're like, have all these thoughts. And then you either that night have one beer or you sleep and wake up the next day.

You're going, what the fuck was that? You're like, what the fuck was going on there? Oh, my God. I'm a completely different person now. This is, yeah, when you're hungover, I mean, I didn't know this until only a couple of, probably a couple years ago. but like the chemical effects of being hung over basically induce anxiety. Yeah. It jacks up your anxiety levels.

And that makes so much sense with, like, even if you didn't act shamefully when you were drunk, which all of us do, maybe you're a perfect viewer, although I'm sure you're not. You're probably jacking off to Michael's shoes right now. I'm not even giving them anything. I know. They're just, it's almost more sexy, though, because it's like the tits in the bra now. which is always sexier. Maybe the one moment the bra comes up,

you go, ooh, and then it just goes back to put the part of it on. Yes, there needs to be some something covering up the parts that you want. When it's kind of one of those tits, it's like pressed into the bra and the bra comes off and the tit kind of pops out like a dick getting hard. You know what I mean? It just kind of like, anyways, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm absolutely with you. Are you saying, like, if you snap it off on the back that it kind of like bounces forward or are you talking about pull the bra down. Some of the nipple itself, when you take the bra off, the nipple just comes out, like, almost like those toy lightsaber's where, you know, the thing comes out. Like, as in it was being pressed and then it kind of like, like a switchblade knife. It goes like that. Yes. A little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Switchblade knife, yes. Yeah. You're hooking up with too many Puerto Rican women. Yeah. Nipples are coming out like switch blades. Hangover, though, chemicals. Oh, yeah. It just makes so much more sense. It's like the worst. You, you, you, you, you, you,

behaved shamefully and then your body is thinking in a way that accentuates all of the anxiety and self-doubt that like you know isn't is so much worsened by the fact that you did in fact act like

an asshole the previous night. Yeah. Yeah one time I taped my eyes back to look Chinese at a party and was it not cool? Tell you what? That's funny. I looked at a picture in my phone and I remember a couple laughs and then what the fuck.

Yes. Yeah, exactly. But it is the funniest like waking up hungover. You're like, oh, fuck, did I tape my eyes back to look Chinese? Shit, dude. Because that's like the first joke you get is a little kid when you're like, dude, look, I'm Chinese and you pull your eyes back and everybody's like,

that's hilarious. Because you're not. That's what's funny about it is you're not Chinese, but now you look Chinese. And you know what's funny too? There's always the Chinese, Japanese, like up would be Chinese, or Dow would be Chinese, pull them up

in Japanese, and dirty knees, look at these or whatever. Like that, just kind of joke, you know what I've heard of this? Yeah. I remember one time. I learned that in choir class. Yeah. Yeah. We sang that. Well, there was like the, sometimes you do it like up.

We were pulling your eyelids up. And then I remember one time I did it and some guys like, that's not Chinese. That's Japanese, do. No, no, that is Japanese. He corrected you on your, your, your Iceland maneuver. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know.

It's also one of those things that I'm like, what am I just going to hate myself forever? Because I was trying to be silly. Yeah. Your heart was probably in the right place in that moment. Yeah, I wasn't like, hey, guys, fuck Chinese people. Yeah, yeah. That would be objectively funny.

That would be crazy. If you were like, well, I'm sure it was trying to be, you know, fun and lighthearted anyway. Let me watch the video. and you're just like doing a hate speech. Yeah, I'm like, fuck the Chinese. Yeah. This is what they look like.

Keep an eye out for them. I hate them. They're worse than us. We are better because of our race. All just while my eyes are taped back. No. I'm sure that you were legit like you are aware. You were trying to be funny.

I have just made such a fool of myself on a couple of occasions, like even around my family, like getting too drunk. It's so embarrassing because you are trying to like. like be fun or funny in the moment. It's especially weird for me with my family because they don't know me when I'm like fun and loose and hanging even sober. So they only know me as like kind of being like uncomfortable hanging around my fucking cousins and uncles that I like never see. And then every, you know, once in a blue moon, it's like, oh, that guy gets drunk as hell

and does crazy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. in my house. Yeah. So it's like, oh. So it really catches him off guard. Right.

He's either quietly, like, eating, you know, in the corner during Thanksgiving, or he's, you know, rapping Mac Miller to my grandma. At her wake or whatever the fuck. I'm like prying her casket open and then dropping bars. Cool-late of frozen pizza.

Yeah, no. Yeah, I feel kind of, I feel kind of similarly. I've definitely gotten so drunk. I think my mom doesn't, like, I don't think she, I mean, one time I did get drunk in college and I, like, argued with her about her giving me Adderall because it, like, makes your dick shrink while you're on it, which isn't even like a good argument. Yeah, I literally just like, I was like, and the doctor says it's sad effects, but it makes you're beating small when you take the Adderall. And then I could have been six foot four, but it stunted my growth. And then we had like a whole conversation. We're like, Michael, your dad is five foot 10. So you were going to be five foot 10.

Yeah. That's an average height. Also. I don't know. Your dick got hard. Like, you know what to be? Yeah, your mom is commenting now on the size of your penis that you've already complained about to her. That's such a rough place to be, man. Oh, yeah, totally. And my dad is just, like, me drunk talking about my career where I'm just like,

and then fucking, yeah, we're hearing of fucking Joe Rogan. Yeah, it's going to be my podcast next year. But, oh, man. Yeah. These are some rough, drunk episodes. But I'm also like, dude, I put it into perspective. And I'm like, brother's people fucking fighting. people like saying really mean i've never really said anything hurtful i've gone the other way like i've

gotten drunk and said i love you to uh somebody who um was just hooking up with um but i want to emphasize this there's somebody else that i recently said i love to that i was hooking up with who i told not to listen to my podcast i do love that person oh yeah uh but i've before just drunkenly said i love you. And then one other time. And then, yeah. That time I meant it and you know who you are. You're not supposed to listen, though. A bunch of foot guys just sadly put away their penis.

Oh, God damn it. He's taken. It ruins it for them. But, uh, no, I um, yeah, I was like, all right, that wasn't a terrible thing. And I think it was also like a uh, yeah, I don't know. Um, it's interesting that you bring up fighting and

just all of the ways that people could get crazy when they're drunk because I have not historically done that kind of thing when I'm drunk, but I think it's probably just like if I kept getting drunk eventually I will fucking have a real bad episode

of behavior. Like I'll fight a stranger or you know. Yeah, I think it's just like a probability thing. Temperament comes into play. I'm not like that kind of person but like we were saying earlier it's like we all have power trip moments. Yeah. And especially when you're drunk and your judgment is

just dog shit. It's like somebody bumps in you at a bar. You're with your girlfriend. You have to try to posture up and act tough. And then there's a fight or whatever. That is the nicest place to be in, dude, to be like for one, my girlfriend can't cheat on me because I don't have a girlfriend. For two.

Outplayed ladies. Yeah. For two, I don't have to have that whole thing of like, oh, somebody's... But I guess I could be out and a girl could be getting disrespectful. I mean, I was out with this woman fucking, like three weeks go, dude, and I'm sitting with my arm around this girl at a bar,

four guys walk up and hit on her. I'm like, you guys are crazy. Now, I can't be like, hey, fuck, you get out of here, man. So I have to let her kind of handle her biz and like, don't know. But could you imagine walking up to a girl with a guy's arm around her? Be like, hey, do you want to dance? Yeah. Like, you're fucking either I just look like the giant as pussy,

which is probably fair. Or this guy's just out of his fucking mind, because he doesn't know me. I could be one of those scrappy small guys. I'm not, but I could be. Or you could be one of those small guys who owns a firearm. Yeah, yeah. That's just so insane to me. That is crazy, and I have seen people behave that way in public, and I don't love it. I'm like, look, man, even if you're going to, like, you know, steal this, steal this girl from this dude, which, you know, is also the wrong way to put it because it's like, you know, she's a person like you're saying.

It's like, hey, you can make these decisions. I don't want to look weird by, like, trying to, like, claim you. Yeah. That just ruins that person's night if they say. It's like, this is uncomfortable now, dude. You've just, you've either made an enemy.

If she does leave with you, you've made an enemy, or if she stays with the guy, you have, like, soured their vibe. Yeah. It's completely fuck crazy. And I've hit on girls at bars and they go, I have a boyfriend

and the boyfriend walks up. I've had it where the guy is really mean to me. And I don't think that's fair either because I was like, dude, she was not standing with you. And I literally was just like, hey, can I buy you a drink? Like, that's crazy.

for him. Like one guy was like, get the fuck out of me. He threw his arm right. I was like, bro, this is fucking whatever. But it's so different when they're like clearly together. You're like, yeah, yeah. The chances that she's just going to walk up and leave with you is completely insane. Like it's, do you understand it's like, this is a woman. So it's

like, it takes, you're going to have to start from the beginning. She doesn't want to start from the beginning of meeting you. I put in all this work. She put in this work. You're now, you now think that she's going to go from like just I don't know. It's kind of crazy. I don't know. Maybe these people think you look like a guy who would be into that.

I mean, I am in some ways. I am not fully not into getting cucked. It would be very funny for you to, I can see the guy coming up and being like, hey, babe, you want to get out of here and your arms around her? And you then stand up and go chest to chest with the guy. And you're like, hey, pal, you think you're going to take her away from me without letting me watch? You got another think fucking coming, pal. Who do you, you think I fucking am?

Then, you know, everybody has a good night. Then everybody has a great night. Yeah. By the way, not fully opposed to getting cuck. I think it's kind of hot, but it would have to be an organized situation. Yeah, that might be a different episode. What if, so I think that, like, there's just the term getting cucked almost necessitates that it's someone you're in a relationship with. Right.

Whereas, like, I don't know if I would love that. But I think that if you were just, like, at a. bar and somebody like let's say you're at a bar alone and this might have even happened to you in the past uh and like a couple kind of wants you to normally it's they want you to come fuck the woman while the guy watches but what if they were like hey do you want to come watch us fuck i would do it in a heartbeat absolutely that's better than nothing yeah that's like a thing when otherwise there would be no thing yeah yeah and i'm i'm always for the adventure like it's like you got to enrich your life and it's one of those things were like i think i told you this one recently

where like a while back I was at a my buddy's like hey do you want to go to an orgy and I was like yeah I'll go to an orgy and he goes I met this couple online and he goes he goes I don't know if I'm messaging the girl or the guy and then we get to the bar and it's just an Indian guy and he's like my girlfriend's around here somewhere

and then he just wants us to get and then she was just never around there but I was like I'm going to the adventure of this like whatever this is sure you know what I mean it's like it'll be a funny story but Yeah, I don't know. So that guy just basically, what do you think he wanted?

I think he wanted to fuck my friend. Or I think it's possible he wanted us to recruit women and then, but he didn't have a place. That was the funny part. He didn't have a place to go? No, he's trying to host it in my buddies. Huh. So this guy just shows up, no place to fuck. I was told this to an orgy.

This guy is just another guy looking for an orgy. Right, right, right. Yeah, that's a little, you got invited to a cookout and then the guy you showed up And the guy was like, okay, so where are we going to grill? Yeah, you're like, what? This is, I don't even know. The whole reason I'm talking to you is because I thought there was a bunch of women that were going to fuck. That's right.

And you don't even have a place to go. No. It's so funny. Where's the chicks, bro? Yeah. But as I said, I'm working on other things right now. That's not all the same. I'm working on screenplay.

It's fucking funny shit, dude. Yeah, you mentioned that earlier. That's fucking... Wait, I want to talk about what it is. Normally, I don't want to talk about what it is. Normally, I don't want to talk what it was. I spent a lot of time I was working on this comedic screenplay, and I just keep, it's so hard when your brain's so jaded.

And I'm like, like, you do a podcast and you're like, oh, I didn't like this joke. You do stand to view, I don't like this joke. And you wear a screenplay, you go, these jokes aren't good enough. Like, you're just very like, which is good. But I couldn't get through the screenplay I was writing. So I go, you know what I'm going to fucking do?

I'm going to write a Batman screenplay just for me, just because I think it's fun. So yeah. So now, just to get better screenwriting, I'm just writing, I'm just writing a Batman screenplay. And it's the most fun I've had. And I'm like, I also need like another creative outlet instead of stand-up because you're just like, you're just banging your head against a fucking thing for so long with jokes. I mean, that's got to be tough for you because you're a constant joke writer.

So like, do you ever get like fucking just like. Yeah, especially with like the roasts. It, um, it becomes hard to, and anybody who does like work where the result is, um, your decision. like if you were making furniture, let's say, let's say you're like a craftsman trying to make a chair. You could come up with like 10 designs to finish a chair. And like you're looking at all the trim and the chair shape. And like after staring at all of these options for so long,

you're like, I don't even know if any of these are even good anymore. Because I've just been staring at options one through 10, you do lose sight of like, is this even valuable? Is this good at all? And I feel like what you were saying with the screenplay is interesting because I bet if you read some of those jokes that you were like tired of or unsure of, I bet people would like them a lot,

but because it's just you looking at them over and over again, they begin to lose their magic. Kind of like looking at the tits without the bra. You got to fucking have a fresh set of eyes to really appreciate or understand what this is going to have an impact on other people like. Because once you're just, you know,

staring at your jokes for too long, they begin to be not funny. That's a really good point, yeah. You got to fucking put the bra on the titty sometimes. Yeah, that's a great point. That probably is happening too. And I also think I could work on these things alongside. You know what I mean?

Like, it's kind of like, yeah, like I could just work on both these scripts at the same time. My goal, no matter what it was, I'm getting a script done by Christmas. I know you shouldn't be like, this is a goal, but I'm like, now I'm finishing one by good. Good for you. I think that's a really good goal

and especially to take the pressure off yourself by just doing it for fun and being like it's going to be low stakes. It's going to be, I think there's an element of it being kind of stupid. When you're like, yeah, I'm writing a fucking Batman screenplay. I'm not, this isn't going to get made most likely.

Oh, I've been emailing James Gunn all week. Look, dude. You might be the fresh voice that the superhero movies need. No, no. I think too. Sorry, I don't. a rated X Batman movie Oh too, just But sorry

No, go ahead Well, and that's like totally what it is In my mind I go There's no way anybody would ever buy this And that's why it's fun It would not be fun if I was trying to write this And sell this to somebody I'm like, what's just something I can make

And get better at scriptwriting? And then I think, dude, honestly If I like it enough, I might be like Oh dude, I could like I could make this into a short comic book and have like a thing. Like anybody can literally write a comic book. Like it's not you don't need,

I mean, I would have to... Nothing stopping you, people. No, I'd have to work with like an artist. And by the way, it's not like I think it's such a good idea. It's more of just like, I just want to create something. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. I think that's super valuable and I don't think that there's much trickery or magic to producing something, or not producing in the show business terminology, but like creating something. The trick to creating something is to make something. Yeah.

That's literally it. It's like if you want to make us, if you want to be able to write screenplays or write a screenplay or create one, you have to fucking just write it. I'm seeing this as like a pottery class basically. Exactly. I'm like, yeah, I'm just building a thing that I...

This is practice, you're going to learn things. There might even be things like tricks of the trade, like, oh, if I... Like, even if it's not exactly usable in that screenplay where you're writing out events and related to characters in the Batman screenplay, there might be tricks of like orders of events and tie-ins

that you do in the Batman screenplay that maybe you'd use to like full effect in something that you do want to sell. It's going to be a learning experience even if it's, you know. Adam Harmon had this thing, I think it was Adam Harmon

who was talking about like if you ever ever have like writers block what you can do is just sit down and be like, I'm going to write the dumbest shit ever and I'm going to try to write the dumbest worst shit ever and then it takes away all pressure. I think that's kind of what he says.

I'm not going to quote him exactly right on that, but it just takes away all the pressure and then you can move forward with your creative projects that do matter once you've gotten the ball rolling without any pressure. I think that's very smart of you. No, and I heard the similar thing

where somebody's like, go up there and try to bomb. Use your jokes, like do the jokes the best you can, but go up there and try to bomb. Apparently it's like very hard to do if you actively are trying to, with jokes that you've done before. Interesting. Not if you're like,

let me go out there and just fucking, you know, deliver them poorly. Yeah. Taper eyes back. I feel like I could deliver my jokes in a way that they would bomb 100% of the time. In fact, sometimes I deliver them trying to do well and they bomb. But so, yeah, maybe that's a project for someone else. I feel like I would do that too easily.

You think so? Yeah. I mean, part of my issue is like reciting my jokes on stage instead of performing them. That's something that I've actively tried to work on throughout, like, you know, being aware of my stand-up when I am not just in a slump or whatever. Yeah. I'm like, okay, let me actually try to perform these jokes.

One of the big reasons why I started doing that is because I was doing this roast at the mothership and it was a very big deal to me. I think it's still very cool to perform there. Like, it's a feather in my cap. It's a credit. but like for roast jokes we run roast jokes by people in the roasting community it's like you write these jokes but then you like run them by your peers to be like have people done this

before what do you think about this wording does this make sense and there's a certain amount of like input that you can get from people where it's like they have left a mark on the joke and when I was going to prepare for this roast at the mothership, I was thinking to myself, I am flying to fucking Texas to perform these jokes. And it's like, I want them to be mine. I don't want to just go up there. Because otherwise, if these have like other people's imprint on them, I'm just, anybody could go up there and read these. And so I like made a concerted effort to only to only do the review myself.

Yeah, yeah. Because I didn't want to just be a mouthpiece reciting jokes. And yeah, that was an interesting moment. And then I got criticized because some of the jokes people have actually done before. You're like, maybe I should have read those by.

Yeah, it's like, I think running them by. And I learned from that. I was like, okay, so even if you're not going to take like constructive criticism, you can at least run them by people and be like, have you heard these before? Well, I think, first of all, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, it was pretty, yeah.

No, that is something to be proud of. That's one of the best comedy clubs in the world. I would say arguably on Paul, I would say comedy seller, comedy ownership, tied comedy clubs. But it's funny you say that because I think famous comics struggle with that where nobody's

going to say, hey, this is somebody else's joke. So they often, I see like famous comedians do those jokes more than like a random guy at a comedy show. Yeah. Because nobody's telling them, hey, this is somebody else's joke. So, like, you were doing that by being like, hey, I don't want to run these by people. But it's like, that happens to, like,

Louis has a joke that's on family guy. You know what I mean? It's like that just kind of happens. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of parallel thing, especially if you're, like, trying to do the same thing. Like, if people are doing... I mean, there's so many people in the world trying to make jokes now, too. Like, if you're trying to make fun of how someone looks,

you're going to step on somebody else's joke. there's just too many fat people or bald people or whatever you're gonna come up with something that's been tread on before do you ever feel like dude I feel like I'm not even fucking close

to what I want to be as a comedian like I like my joke writing and once a week like the real me comes out personality-wise but I don't know if it's I see other people but it's like I wish I could just have literally no stakes stage time because yeah I do shows where there's

no stakes. I was like work on new stuff, but I don't know. I just want to go up there and act like a taradactyl one day. You know what I? It's like I want to go. And you should. But it's so, it's so scary to go that far. It's like, I'm more comfortable doing a sympathetic pedophile joke than I am

going up there and pretending to be a caterpillar for three minutes. But it's like, I want an environment where I really could just like, uh, and maybe that's something that's just one step slowly at a time. Because I think I was silly in very different ways in my personal life and in childhood. And then I think I

had trouble because I just went so structured with my stand-up and it's so hard to like... But maybe I just see other people do something that wacky and I go, oh, that's what I should do. But really that might not even be at all what I should do and I'm just a different, yeah. Yeah, I definitely have had moments to go back to your original

introductory question to that experience you just shared. Like, definitely I have moments where I am like, wow, I don't want to be the person that I'm being on stage, sometimes in real time. I'll be like,

I am not performing well and it's shitty. Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of that has to do with comfortability with material, which to me is a problem of like memorization and familiarity. It's like one of the biggest problems that I have

that's the easiest solved. It's pathetic. I'm like, if I just memorized all of my material, I think I would be like a significantly more proficient comedian and I just cannot bring myself to sit down and study it like a good boy. Yeah. Because then you're free. You're freer on stage to go up and be like, you know what?

I'm going to fuck around and if shit doesn't work out, I know how to just wind back to a joke. Yeah, yeah. You know, go up and do the taradactal thing and then it doesn't work. And then you're like, you address that, make it funny, make the crowd laugh. try to slip into another bit. Well, I tried it a little bit. I used to, like, I did this thing on stage for a little bit where I would just go up there and just start doing like squats

and like just grunting and not saying anything. And then I just went on the microphone. I talked about how I get more pussy and then I started asking the audience, like, how much pussy you have you got? I mean, like, times that by a thousand. Just like every single way. Which is like, so not the way I do stand up. But I'm like, I think that's funny to just do that.

Then you're just being yourself, being funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, like, I don't think I leaned in enough. And I also just, like, gave up on it really fast. Where I was like, I think there's ways to, like, explore it. But you're right, I can explore it and then just go back into jokes. Like, that was weird. I'm just trying something.

And then, yeah. Yeah, that is almost something to do as a whole set. Because it is weird to experiment like that and then go back into super structured stand-up. Oh, yeah, yeah. To, like, do something crazy like that. I love doing shows that, like, I know what you mean. When you know that a show is going to be low stakes, like, let's say you're doing a fucking bar show where there's five people.

There's still an expectation that you want to give these people your best effort in a good time. I feel like I feel the least pressure when it's expected to be a good show. And then there's like nobody there, but they still have the show. That's when I am the freest. Because like, there's the couple rooms that I love doing because it's like, I'll go there. And the booker's like, you know, we usually have like, 20 people there and like every time I do it. And you're like, no, you don't. I've been here every fucking

right. Yeah, it's like, oh, that must be whenever I'm not here. Although maybe there's a correlation there, but, uh, and then it's like, oh, well, that's fine. They're like, oh, I'm sorry. It's like, I'm going to go up there and have fun. Yeah, yeah. And, uh, those are like the best times I have on stage.

Um, this is what I, we only got a couple minutes left. Yeah. This is where I get a little scared. So I for like seven years, had like no alcohol on stage. Like occasionally maybe I think I went on stage drunk one time. And that was like not because I intentionally,

I got drunk and somebody asked me if I wanted to do stand-up. But then I've had a couple times, and sometimes it just goes terribly. I've had a couple times where I have like a couple beers and go on stage and I'm just so free and I'm so myself. And I'm like, I know this isn't the answer to do that, but I'm like, this at least shows me that if I can work on nerves, I could get to a place where I'm,

am myself. So it's like, I think it was important for me to do that and realize like, oh, okay, the nerves are actually holding me back. Yeah. Like if I take these away, I will do better at stand-up. The alcohol is not always going to fix the nerves and you can't just be drunk all the time. Yes, that's very well-fed. Oh, there is something on the other side of this. It's like, this is a tweak I can fucking fix. We are out of time now. Dude, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Thank you for your hospitality. No, thank you, Chris Kimbeck for not showing up. Chris Kinbeck, without him. Notable. Notable. podcast Baylor.

Yeah. Don't book them. Thank you guys. Appreciate it. Take care.