Out Of Control - Episode 251
00:00Thanks for the F Shack.I love dirty Mike and the boys.Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys?How you know who we are?What's this?They called the podcast?Morning, good, good.Oh, I love it.
00:18Hey, welcome to the air.Thanks.Welcome to morning.All right, we're here with Zach Russell and Gigi Klein.Hi.Hello.And I just got back into, ooh, different color socks.That's fun.
00:29Oh.That's not me indulging the feet.It absolutely is. No, no, no, no.I wore the equivalent of sweatpants.Also, that's recording, right?Couldn't see my toesies. What?I might check one more.It is recording. It's recording. It's all, yes.
00:43I'm sure. Okay, okay, okay. I lost the last episode.Dude, I had, like, a freak out with the last one. It was so funny.Because I had to get one out. And my dad's, like, he recorded my office.And then he, like, never told me the pass code. So I was just, like, running around Orlando with, like, equipment.He has a passcode to his office?Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're going to do it in there.Yeah. And then I, like, I was just like, I'm going to do it in there.. And then I.
01:02I, uh, I don't know.Wasn't your birthday?What's up?Wasn't your birthday?Did you try your own birthday?Yeah.That's my mom's home password.That's how I know she loves me.
01:10Oh my God.That's adorable.Yeah.It's not my brothers.I have a brother.Yeah.It's not his birthday.That's me.
01:15Yeah.I'm definitely not the favorite in the family.Yeah.Are you the youngest?Yeah.That's why.I'm my favorite.I think I think I am a favorite.
01:21Yeah.But I am annoying the fuck out of them.And they're like.And they're still putting up with it.My, yeah.My sister fucking told me.Because I thought, I was like, I wonder for, like, I just go back home.I get really fucked up with all my friends.
01:31I, like, come in at, like, 7 a.m.And then, like, I don't clean up around the house.And then I'm, like, hung over when it's supposed to be, like, family day.Yeah.And then, like, all of that.There was, like, a dishes thing, I guess, on Thanksgiving where I was like,I don't want to go into the kitchen until everybody's done with dishes.Because I don't want to do dishes.
01:52You didn't want to.No, I was like, I'll do dishes, but, like, I'm going to do them when fucking everybody's out of the kitchen because I don't want to, like,stand there.Okay.And you have to get completely naked to do the dishes.Exactly.Yeah.It's the only way I do it.
02:03Actually,I did that at somebody's place last night.Got completely naked and did the dishes?Yeah,it was a weird thing.Was it like a sex thing?You have a crazy sex thing?Did she make you do it?
02:12Yeah,she was like,I did it.I was like,only you would be like,actually,I did that.I did that.
02:16Every conversation I have with him,he's like,oh,I did that.Yeah.I was fucking.I've never met someonewho's more what I am
02:24in other people's lives.Which is just kind oflike this kind of somewhat strange guy who's charming and does weird things that peoplepoke fun at, you are finally that for me.I'm that for so many people.I've never met one of me before.You're used to being the one with the stories.Yeah, and people make fun of.
02:42I can't believe you did that.You weird freak.And that's you.Yeah, yeah.Oh, no, it's beyond me.And the problem is like, I don't do anything not crazy.Like, I start telling a story and they're like, wait, what?And then I'm like, yeah, this is, my life is so nuts that like this is normal.
02:57I'm starting from fucking weigh the fuck over here.So like, welcome to ridiculousness, the podcast.Yeah, yeah, yeah.His life is so nuts.It's so out of control.It's so fucking epic.Yeah, yeah, yeah.When I heard about you, because I heard about you before I met you, I was like, I know.
03:10The legend spread to Canada.I was expecting you to be a dickhead because of all the stories.But it's like, he's like the most nice, respectful.Oh, yeah.Crazy person.And I also look so like fucking.So put together.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:22It's so funny.Just so default.Just so.Yeah.Oh, I am default guy.Yes.100%I was like the most normal person
03:29like yeah I'm like very likebeginning of the movieactually I don't knowI guess more of an extraI'm like aYou're like Mr. Incredible when he workedat the insurance companyYes that's exactly why
03:37And then he never has powersNever becomes a heroYeah yeah yeahAnd he gets a day off workWhen an Italian shootsHe only has powersBut he's like also like banging old ladies and stuffYeah yeah
03:47Right yeah yeahYeah in exchange for coverageYeah yeah yeahOf their medical issuesYeahIt's all part of this gameYeahBut the funny issue is the fucking like
03:55My fucking parentsit was so funny because my sister just straight up told meshe's like yeah they were like mad at you and I was just likethat hungover anxiousness and I was likeoh people aren't mad at me and I hopeI'm still loved by every person in the planetshe's like no they're legitand then my mom did the fucking craziest shit
04:11well it sounds like you suck when you're home you're likea garrulous teenagerit's your fault it's insane I think the first night I went backI did like ketamine until like sevenand then just like walked in the doorand my dad was like reading the Bible by like thewhat's insane to me there was one nightI came in it was so funny because there's a
04:26code. We have like, I probably shouldn't bedisclosing this, but we have some... His code's probably0-316. Yeah,they're this favorite verse. There's acode to get into the house andhehe's like, he opens the door and I waslike, apparently I was like, no, no, no, I can get it, I can get it.
04:43And then he's like, what? I just opened the door for you.I was just like so drunk that I was like, no, no, no, I'm going to figureit out, which doesn't matter. Yeah, that's soannoying. Yeah, yeah. Butyeah, I don't know. It's, it's, it's, I'm gonenow.But yeah, yeah.I'm definitely having like a 2025 raining it in.
05:01You're going to rain it in.Yeah, because I kind of, I want to go home.I don't believe you.I don't see it.I don't see it.I don't see it.I don't see it.I'm raining.
05:07I'm raining.Um, because it's like, I don't want to like, I want to have to let it rain.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Are you doing dry January?Anything like that?No.
05:15This is the most alcoholic statement I'm ever going to say.I'm like sort of just doing like half dry.I'm like, I'm like limiting my drinking in January.Damp.Yeah.Damp.Yeah.Yeah.
05:24Actually, that's the opposite.Dam would be super wet.Musty.Musty January.Yeah.I guess.I'm doing, I think I'm going to do wet.You're drinking just fully.
05:35No, but I want to, if I were to cut back on anything, it would be weed.Because I have less of a, I have less of an issue with alcohol in terms of moderation and abuse and stuff.Then I do.So what's the opposite of dry?Fire, wet.Yeah.Wet January.Yeah, that's pretty good.
05:50The opposite of dry is wet.Yeah.Which would be, which is fertile for lighting.Yeah. Is this making any sense?Yeah, a little bit.Sure.But also it's like, it's also frustrating because like when I go back, I hate to be just this cocky fucking guy, but I'm like, I rule, dude.I had sex with some lady while wearing sunb-go back to drinking?
06:09While wearing sunglasses?Byper sunglasses.And then on New Year's, I shot a bottle rocket out of my butt crack.Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, go back.Yeah.Were you outside?No, no, no, no.So why?
06:20Because we bought them at a gas station, and then I was like, can I wear these during sex?And she's like, yeah.I was just wearingjust wearing pit viperswhile having sex.What are pit vipers?They're like the sunglassesthat like they're like
06:32you'd recognize them.They're the most insane things.I literally was like,this is the happiest manin my whole entire life.That's so funny.I told you that too.I was like,
06:39I'm going to have a kid one day.I'm going to look him in the eyesand be like, this is less.It is not like an empty feeling.I need to tell you something.Yeah.No,I'm going to have kids one day
06:47and be like,look,this was cool,but like this was.This was the best.This was the best.moment in my life.And then everybody's like,
06:53yeah,that's like super efficient.Oh,those.Wow.Okay.You know these ones,right?
06:57Show me,show me.Yeah.Like a,like a video game DJ.Yeah.Yeah.I was like literally,
07:08I was like,this was pure joy.But,um,Dave,they're the optimal blendof style and performance.Please.
07:13Was she like turned on by this?Uh,I don't think so.But she wasn't like,she wasn't like,who cares.Well,turned off.
07:19Yeah,yeah,yeah.It was,this was also me from,behind.So it's not like,as in she was,
07:26like,she couldn't see the pit fiber.It's night time,right?Like, are you,can you just not see her at all?Yeah,I like sex with the lights on,
07:33though.Oh,a lot of lights on.So you need the shit.Yeah,you need the sunglasses.You got these on.You have studio lights.
07:39Yeah,yeah.Yeah, yeah.But,yeah,I don't know.And then I,and then like,
07:45new years,I, like,shot a bottle rocketout of my butt crack.And I'm like,I just continue to dothings that I think are awesome.Like,
07:51I'm like,I know I have like my opinion on it's Austin is like a fifth grader.But I'm like, I still, the shit I thought was cool.You're living up to it.Yeah, the shit I thought was cool at eighth grade, I still haven't thought was cool.Yeah, I don't know.I mean, it is cool.Yeah.
08:06I mean, I have no money, but like, that's fine.But who cares?Blow it all on bottle rockets and sunglasses.Yeah.That's the crazy part too.Okay, so I went through, I shot a bottle rocket out of my ass.Can you walk us through that?Yeah.
08:18How that came up?Were you alone?So I was in a college party one time, and I shot one out of my hands.And slippery slope.It is.Okay.And then it goes to the elbow.And then you're injecting.
08:32And all of a sudden.Well, I saw this fucking guy.He really went up to me and shot one out of his ass crack.And this is a pool party in college.And I was like, God fucking damn it.I'll never let somebody want up me again.So like this New Year's we're at some party in somebody's backyard.It's an ego thing.
08:48Oh, it is.Yeah.That's so, so crazy.Yeah.Oh, my God.I was like, I'll fucking shoot one right out of my ass.And I did, and the angles are so funny because there's one angle where it's like from the side.You have it on video?
09:00Yeah, I'll show you guys after that.The problem is my fucking phones are going to send it to you and then be like, we'll pull it up during the pod.But I, uh, some other woman took an angle that's like disgusting.Like, I didn't know.Because I was like, let's get, let's get as many angles as we can.It's literally like you can see the hair on my ass.It's from the tape.It's just below you.
09:19I was like, you did not.And I just saw my foot the next day.I'm like, that's, it's like my friend's girl.Oh, God.Oh, my God.But then, uh, then fuck it.This is what's so funny.So then I, we had like a long night.
09:31We like did an all-nighter.There's this bar called Wally's that's open at 8 a.m.We went at 10 a.m. New Year's Day.This thing was wall to wall.Like, we just did not stop having fun.And then I went straight to the airport.Were you from again?Where is this?
09:43Orlando.Okay.So, oh, this is all happening in Florida.Well, I spent a little bit of family time.I like drunkenly was at home and I like made my parents.This wasn't family time?No, no, I wasn't my sisters.There you go.
09:54Yeah.Oh, your sister was there?Yeah, yeah.What's she like?Is she like crazy like you?Oh, she's cool as fuck.Oh, that's awesome.Yeah.
10:01That's actually dope.Yeah, we definitely like, I definitely don't talk about sex in front of my sister.But, um, yeah.Neither do I.I don't talk about sex in front of your sister.That's all me and my sisters talk about sex.That's different.I think girls sisters are different.
10:14No, I don't talk about sex with my brother.My sister taught me how to ride dick.Wow.taught you?Taught me.She got on top of you and like.She showed you?I was, I think 16, and we had like a stuffed bear, and she was like, I'm going to show you how to do this.
10:27Wow.Is there really a technique to it?Can your sister talk to my girlfriend?Honestly?I'm pretty bad at it.Isn't this kind of how you do it?Is there more to it?That's like 101.
10:37I just get up there and smile.That's DR 101.Yeah, yeah, yeah.You want to go to 201, 301?Then there's the this one.Yeah, the feet under.You got a squat.Yeah.
10:45Yeah.Oh, but it's a high endurance one.Yeah.How long can you do that one?I retired a long time ago.Yeah, just completely.Yeah, I completely retired around 18.My knees are in the rafters.
10:56I don't do that anymore.I mean, I used to be a pro, but now, you know, just commentating for me now.Yeah, just from the sidelines.But now it's funny, and I hate to just bulldoze his pockets.I just got to get this part of the story.So we get back to my parents' house and, like, I'm just like drunk making my parents watchlike live Kanye videos.And I'm like him doing Runaway Live.
11:17I'm like, this part's so sick.They're like, at least he doesn't live with it.this.Yeah, yeah.Yeah.And then I made themwatch the whole dark night.I was like drunk all day.
11:27What do you mean made them?I didn't made them,but I was like,I was like,we,where are we should watch the dark night?You're like,I would think about you guys dying.
11:33I just wanted to spend their time to be something.Oh,Sit down what's a fucking movie.And then we left,I go to the airport.This is the whole reason to tell uswhole story.I go through TSA.
11:43Okay.I haven't showered just because I was,it was along.I go through TSA.The freak of booze andfucking.gunpowder.Ketamine.
11:52I set off the machine.The machine keeps getting set off.I keep walking back and walking back.The machine keeps getting set off.You must have bomb residue on you.Yes.You have bomb residue.Yes.
12:03Oh my God.They show me the map of where it's going off.And it's right where my ass is.I'm like, I couldn't figure it out.And I keep walking out.I go, okay.I tell the guy, I go, look, this is going to sound.crazy, but I shot a bottle rocket out of my ass last night on New Year's.
12:25And he's like, was it a bet?And I was like, no, I just thought it was funny.He's like, this is Orlando happens every Tuesday.Don't even worry about it go right through.Oh, yeah.And he was giggling.But then he was like, he's like, I'm not sure that's what it is.I'm like, what other explanation.
12:38That's for sure what it was.Because it was like, a known terrorist could have came on your ass.That is insane.Yeah, it was so good.I just, I was like, this is the funny.That is crazy.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah.
12:48Was it a bet?because if it's a bed, you're allowed to go through.But if you're just doing that,you are a terrorist.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah.So what was the rigamarole they put you through?Do they?
12:59Yeah, he was just like,your crotch or anything?Oh, yeah, he did the whole weiner touch it and everything.And that's when I realized, I was like, wait.Yeah, this is, I definitely shut a bottle off.I like this.Yeah, yeah, I was like, wait.I was a kid out.
13:13I get the weiner touch all the time.Yeah, what's up?I get the wiener touch all the time.That's because you're a handsome boy.That's because I requested.I reallyI really do get it.You're like, I may or may not
13:23have a bomb on me.Yeah.I think you should check.You want to be safe.No, I don't know.It might be something in my underwear.Maybe I have like a weirdalloy in my nuts.
13:34You have a huge penis.No, no.This is my way of sayingI have a huge penis piercing.I was just about to say that.That is.I have a fat Prince Albert on my car.No, I don't know what it is, but
13:46and then there's the Jacobs Ladder, right?Jacob's ladderswhen you have like the whole thingapparentlyNo, that'sYeah, yeahIt's fakeRings or studs
13:54Like you do likeI guess whatever theI guess studLike people just have it likeAll going down the penisThat is like an African neckYeahA nose maybe
14:03Yeah yeah yeahCut that outCarefulYeahOh no you're saying likeYeah yeah yeah yeahI haven't looked likeAn African lady's neck
14:11Where it's stretched outRingsYeahI don't knowI'm like no noI'm trying to increase the sizeof my penisI'm like listen guy
14:18It's got a word for next.I'm on a program right now.I can't take the rings off.It's very important that I don't take them off for all these all progress.Do they have sex with it on or do they take it off?I didn't have sex with it on.It's like all that stuff like, as I said, I'm like obviously a weird sex guy, but like I'm,piercing's just kind of disturbed me in those.
14:38That is where I draw the line.Bottle rockets up my ass.Piercings, no fucking way.No.That's crazy.You don't like, what do you mean?Like a little bit?A clit piercing.
14:47I'm not like a really good thing.It's cool.If I was braver, I would have one.Really?A hundred percent.Yeah.I think it's hilarious, first of all.You know what is funny?
14:55It's right here.I do become, like, weirdly religious with that stuff.I'm like, you're destroying the bod God was given you.Just like randomly, I'll just tell you.The bod God has given.You just put a bottle ragged up your ass.Like, you can't.I'm like agnostic, but like for some reason I see somebody like, I'm agnostic.
15:12I don't know what it's up there.I see a clip piercing and I'm just like, God would not be happy with that.no idea where it comes from. It's like the only thing.Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I don't knowI don't know where that comes from. I don't know.Well, it's like also, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.Because other stuff doesn't like bother me. Like, would somebody like,if somebody just like transition and turn their clit into a penis, I'd be like,
15:36that's fine. But for some reason, the, it's foreign.The actual piercing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's not natural.Yeah. And I don't, I don't like care like on paper if you're like,would you vote against clip piercing? So I'd be like, no.Yeah.Okay, she's a 10, but she has a clip piercing.Oh, it's still be.I still do it, yeah, yeah.
15:51But is she, what is she?Is she still a 10?No, she's like a 9 now, I don't know.Wow.It doesn't really bother me, but there is a weird just initial reaction where I'm like, I don't know.There's something weird about like genital mutilation in a way.It's kind of genital swag.It's genital swag.
16:10It's genital drip.Yeah, which I have all the time, by the way, and it's totally normal.You have what?Genital mutilation.Oh, you're so.It's very healthy.Yeah, actually.No, I don't know.
16:20It's like, okay, so he's a 10, but he's got to pronounceAlbert piercing.Is he white or black?Well, I know he liked black guys.Yeah.Is like...White guy?Seven.
16:32He goes down to a seven.Okay, but what if they're starting at this?Black guy?Eleven.Yeah.It makes him more attractive as black.I don't know.Yeah, it's got to feel weird.
16:43It's going to feel like a guy who hasn't clipped his fingernail.You wouldn't let it in you?Absolutely.not. I'd be like you're taking out the piercines before we have sex, butthat all seems like such an easy way. He puts it on the table next to his gun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah. Yeah. It's like, I don't know how you, uh, it's like,yeah. Well, it's also like, imagine, like, what you have to do with ear piercines is, like, clean them everycouple of days. Yeah. Yeah. You forget, like, your ear gets infected. I'll probably touch it. I'll probablyThat happens on here.
17:16Yeah, it's true.Most days.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.So you have to clean it more, probably.Yeah, that's crazy.Well, it's like, what is, I'm just trying to think of like, I don't know, because I guess
17:27it is on the outside, but like, whenever I say certain body piercings, I'm just like,oh, that'll, like, never heal back.That kind of sucks.Yeah, like the gauges and whatever.I'm kind of the same way.I do love seeing someone who's a reformed gaugist.I know.I know.
17:40They just have these sad ovals.They work in human resources now.It's just like, yeah.They're just like, if anyone says anything,that makes you uncomfortable.I'm like, I just want to do this in your ear.Yeah, yeah.I want to put my dick in your ear.
17:53Can I say that to you in confidence?No repercussions?Yeah, that, yeah, it feels kind of like, I don't know, that, yeah, it's weird toobecause it's like I've never gotten a tattoo.I've had my ears pierced for like fun, but like I've never had a tattoo.Do you guys have tattoos?I don't.I have one that says ho on my ankle.
18:11You have a Christmas theme of tattoo?My sister gave it to me and it's supposed to be a stint.man, but it's not. It says H-O.But I got it on a yachtin Antigua.Okay. So I'm like kind of fine with it.But you're Jewish, so you'remocking... What am I mocking?
18:27You're mocking Santa Claus.Sure, yeah, yeah. That's very offensive to me.Yeah, you're welcome.Yeah. But is it a...Wait, so it's just H-O-E?H-O.Oh, H-O. Hey, Michael.No, no, no, no. How dare you?
18:40Went over this. Wow.No, it's honestly the stupidest tattoo, and I didn'tget one for the longest time because I was like, like, like,I want to make sure it's super meaningful and like really matters.I got ho on my fucking ankle when I was drunk.Do you, like, what are your feelings on it?Do you like it?Both my sisters have matching ones.
18:58Okay.So we have ho, ho, ho.Oh, that's fun now.Yeah, it's funny.Weird for Jews, though.It made no sense.It was literally, we all used the same fucking needle.Like each one of the dreidel sides or something?
19:09Yeah, it makes no sense.But, I mean, so like, when I see them, I'm like, oh, I'm like cute.But then when I'm alone, I just have a hoe on my ankle.And when I put my leg up, it's just in some guy's face.You should have R-S-E on the other ones.Yeah.Yeah, I like, so this also happened on New Year's.I was hanging out with a bunch of people before we went to the bars,
19:33and I was like, like, the next morning.And we were like, I was like, okay.Right, sorry.I was just bragging about how, like, New Year's day went to the bars.Yes, yes, yeah.I was bragging about how, like, I can stay up on,I don't do Coke anymore.And I'm like, I could stay up all night just with, like,
19:45the energy.Just with fun.Yeah,just through the sheer powerof friendship.Totally.That's literally what I was saying.I was like,
19:50I was like,and this girl's like,I could stay a playerthan you know.I need a zen,a finger in my ass,Celsius,some glasses,
19:57I'm good to go.I'll be,I like pride myself in thatbecause I hang outwith coke headswhen I go back home,but I'm still like,I don't do it at all.
20:04Yeah,you're getting contact high though,maybe.Maybe.From their energy.That is true.From their Coke energy.From their business plans.
20:10Yeah.And I am cocky.You are cocky.with pit vipers on.Like, my dad's just cokey's against.But I used to do it.I don't like it anymore.But I was like, if I lose, if I fall asleep.
20:21If I lose?Yeah, yeah, yeah.If I lose the night.I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,you can tattoo whatever you want on my foot.We'll go right after this.But if I win, if you fall asleep,
20:34then we get to,I get to go on your Facebook for an hourand say whatever the fuck I want.You are a nine-year-old boy.Yeah, yeah, yeah.You are a middle school.boy. Well, what's your idea of fun? Who's veryprecocious, I guess, if they're nine and their middle school.
20:46No, that's funny. It's just like I haven'theard those stakes in a long, long time.Yeah. I'm like, I get to go on yourFacebook. Who gives a shit?Give me your LinkedIn, bitch.I'll say the F word on there.I'll get you fired today.I should say, yeah, I should have said.
21:02Happy to your fake.No. That would have beenhow could you even argue next to him? And you have likeGHB'd your friend, so he passes out.made him fall asleep.Well, I, dude, yeah.That would be a very funny prank if you roofied your friend just to get him to lose the night.I, I, I, I, Abedibombed a friend one time in college.
21:22Was it a girl or got?Oh, Adibaum.With Adorogs.Was this friend a girl?So obviously, I would not.But what happened was I fell asleep probably like six minutes after that.And she left to go walk her dog.And then she must have fallen asleep at her place because she never came back.
21:37I never got the tattoo.I was like, thank fucking God.I was like.Yeah.Yeah.But, no, in college one time, my buddy.This is like freshman year.He had been asking for Adderall all week for exams.
21:47That was prescribed.So I was like, okay, so I'd like give him Adderall.So I wasn't like just giving it to a random person.And he goes, yeah, man, I don't know if I feel like going out tonight.And we're in the cafeteria.And then he walks to get food.And I'm like, he's going to go out tonight.I just crushed up an Adderon, put it in his drink.
22:00And he drank the whole blue gatoria.And I was like, pretty good, right?That's fucked up.Yeah, I was really fucked up.Wow.Go ahead.No, but then we all went out.I had a good time.
22:10Did you ever tell him?No, I told him right when he got, when he finished drinking it.I was like, yeah, there was an Adderall in there.It's like, yeah, I think you're going out tonight.And then he was like, yeah, I guess I have, yeah.But it was not like, I like me just now trying to defend drugging my friends.I'm like, no, no, no, no, it's totally cool.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:27I used to have a bit about that, like, like, drugging women with Adderall so they're more alert during the decision-making process.That's funny.Oh, that's funny.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah.But then I think I heard somebody else do it.Yeah, I don't know.Someone's someone talking about spiking people's drinks with just antidepressants.
22:39Yeah, yeah.Yeah.Then they can't come.Oh.Interesting.The worst crime of all.Yeah.Yeah.
22:47Taking away someone's power to come.Yeah.Yeah.Do you either you guys take antidepressants?It's like taking away someone's bending.Yeah.I don't watch in the avatar last they're bender.Yeah, I do.
22:57I've never had a problem with that, though.With the coming.Yeah.Which, I take them.Yeah. You don't come?I've come in years.Really?Yeah.
23:07But you're also a woman that's, like, physically impossible.Yeah.Yeah, no, that's true.It's against the laws of physics.Yeah.Yeah.No, true.That's the theory of special relativity.
23:15I do wonder, like, if it happens, like, what am I going to be like?Like, when I, next time I come, like, am I going to, like, grow?Am I going to, like, sprout wings?What's going to happen to me?I'm sure it'll be.How long has it been since you've come?Like, how many years would you say?We're really turning this into, like, because you're probably going to aid.
23:31You're probably going to.Oh, God.I don't even know.Wait, how does that one go, by the way?Sorry to it. Have you listened to Plug Talk?No, but the only thing I was going to say is you're probably when you come,I'm going to age the amount of time that you had to come for.Oh, my God, I can never come.
23:48Yeah.Your hair's going to fall out, rink.Have you seen the substance?It's going to be a lot like the substance.You're going to have witch fingers.But you're going to be so happy and relax.My tits are going to sag immediately.But they look very not on antidepressants.
24:03Because some people do antidepressants.What does that mean?What does that mean?Like I look depressed?No, no, no, no, no.You look like you're going to kill yourself.I don't know, you have like spikes of joy, it looks like.Like you, you, you I could see on antidepressants.
24:16Thank you.You've got a kind of mood level.Thank you.You've got a mood level to you.Yeah, yeah.Yeah, I would say it.Crazy vibes.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:23Yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah.I mean, depends you asked.Yeah, what was you not?What was you?Yo, what was you?What was you like off damn antidepressants?Yeah.
24:38She said she likes black guys down.Like, yo, what was you?What was that shit like?Well, what was that shit like?Well, you went on them.Um, okay.Well, so the reason I went on them.You've been offensively bad black accent.
24:49That dude, it's so bad.The only reason it's offensive is because of how bad it is.It's like this guy's never met a black man before.The only one I could do it.No, I could do a really deep black guy.That's the only one I could do.I call my brother.Like, yo.
25:02Hey, what's up, man.Where are you at today?Yeah, yeah.I'll hit you up later.This is a black guy in witness protection.It's the Allstate guyThat's who it is.Well, guess what color skin is his?
25:13It's black.The all state guy, but he's got a big dick piercing.11, 13.Yeah, I'm going to come.Finally.What are you going to say about depression and your spikes?I think I'm fine.Before I was on them, not great.
25:30But I was really young.I started them when I was 11.Wow.I started my mind when I was like 21.Really?No, maybe like 1920, but yeah.Yeah, I was 11.I was put on Adderall way young, but antidepressants, I'm like terrified.
25:44I'll do all this crazy shit.I'm so scared to take antidepressants.You know what I think it was the reason they put me on them?It was my parents' decision.They were like, we can't handle like the drama.Because I'm like a very like, I'm melodramatic.Yeah.Just put her on a fucking drug and make her go to sleep.
25:59Are you Italian too?No.Okay.Yeah.People think that though.Yeah.People also think I'm from Jersey.All the time.
26:07I asked you that, I thought.Yeah, people always think that.Can somebody just explainwhat the Jewish Italian thing isbecause like I know they're different.We're both fucking cool.Big noses attitude.Yeah.
26:17What's the problem?I'm not saying sex appeal.Raw sex appeal.Yes.Raw sex appeal.Explain yourself to humans.I get,I get.
26:24But what I'm saying is like,there's such like,there's such a similarity.And there's got to be like some weird thingwhere you're like,all Italians are actually secretly Jewish.There's got to be some.No, you know, okay.
26:35This is the,this is the,this is how.I can tell if someoneHit him with the truth bomb.Yeah, is Jewish or Italian?How they interact with someoneof the opposite sex.
26:44Okay.If he's grabbing a woman's ass and he's Italian.Italians, well, yeah, but Italiansare way more like forward and sexyand Jews are very like...But you know, I will say this.I don't think Jewish guys have a good game.Like, they're good at talking women.
26:58Witty as hell.Witty as hell.Yeah.But, yeah.You'll see like a short, bald Jewish guy like this doll,which is like the hottest chick in the planet.and I'm like, you know what, maybe it's not the money.I don't know.
27:09Sometimes, but sometimes you see, like, Jewish guys are just so good at Brisbane.Oh, yeah.Yeah.They're smart.Yeah.Well, I think it's also.Italians are dumb.That's why they got to touch you.
27:18Yeah, Braun.It's where they got to grab you.Yeah, yeah, yeah.They're allowed, by the way.I love Italian.They're allowed, by the way.I fucking love Italians.I think...
27:29That makes one of us.I think a problem with, like, the...This sounds so bad.Maybe cut this after.I think a problem with the world right now is that guys don't fucking hit on girls enough.No, it's true.I mean, I'm terrified too.You're a creepy.
27:43You're a weird guy.You're not the average guy.You're not the average guy.You're not.Yeah.And even you are.No, no, no.But I'm sorry.
27:51You're respectful.Thank you.I appreciate that.Drop the respect.A producer, go ahead and edit that back into the podcast like 10 times.Just like cut that.You're respectful.No, but I'm saying that as an insult.
28:00Drop the fucking respect.Scream me like a piece of meat.That's hot, dude.I was thinking about this today, actually, because I was just thinking about how with like apps and everything,there's this like digital kind of notion of consenting someone to talk to you.Yeah. Of like an opt-in. You're opting in like you would do a subscription email for someone to chat you up.Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're also used to that now. Just someone out in the wild, it's like,what am I going to give them a rose in real life? I'm not, you know, I'm not just going to go out of my way and go direct to the person.
28:31But you should. You should, right? I have never once. And maybe I'm.I'm an outlier here, but I've never once been offended by a cat call, by a grope.Like, I'm always like, thank you so much.Thank you so much.I know.I know.It's not great.Bisexual assault?
28:45Yeah.It's all gravy, baby.Being raped, hot, dude.It's so hot.Well, you can't love black guys and not love catcalls.Yeah.You know what's so funny.I take the good with the bad.
28:57In my neighborhood, they know me because, like, you know, when I first moved there.She's don't give a shit, Gigi.Yeah.When I first moved.there they'd cat call me and I'd be the only one.She's workshop our new stuff, Gigi.Yeah. Sugar tits.No, they're like, so when I first moved there, they would
29:15like cat call me and I would like turn around and talk to themand they freak them the fuck out and now they don't do it anymoreand it's actually so sad.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Like there's something wrong with this one.She's a guy. She's a trans woman.Yeah, yeah, yeah.What's your favorite cat call that you've gotten in your neighborhood?
29:31Well, okay, this isn't a cat call, but there was this homeless guywho like he screamed to me.He were like, no, no, no.Sorry, sir.I was walking by.A wandering poet, you mean.An itinerant poet.Yeah.
29:44I was walking by.I try not to look at him.I'm kidding.But I was walking by and I like didn't look and he was like, he was like, hey baby.And I turned around full of dick and balls.Whoa.And I hung.Yeah, they all are.
29:55That's why they're out there.It's like people who win the lottery.They don't know what to do with all the time.Yeah.And I was like honestly like, you know, it wasn't a bad part of my day.Yeah.It was a good part of my day.Sure.
30:07That kind of made my day.And like, it's gross, but it's hilarious also.Yeah, it would be funny if he had, like, the best manicured penis and balls.Just like his hair out of here and no teeth and he's got like the best.Get that dick an interview.He's ready for the workforce.He was wearing a dress shirt, which was so funny.Did the dick go through the first?
30:27Or did it go?Was it untaught and it went through like the triangle that the dress shirt leaves?Yeah, yeah, I wish.Was it on talked?Yeah.was it through the zipper?The dick and balls through the zipper?No, no pants.
30:37No pants.No pants.Bear ass on a bench.Dirty dancing.Did he slide like Tom Cruise?And then it just keeps swinging back and forth when he stops sliding.And then he's like, no, you, no you.Yeah.
30:50No, it was honestly like, I was like props.Yeah.Like, you know it is funny though.Gay guys hitting on me is like almost not.I'm never like bothered by.I'm never like.you get away from me in the gayest wayI was like you stop at
31:07I like black eyesyeah yeah but it is notin my mind it does notcompliment me the same waybecause a lot of guys are like ohas a woman hitting on me every guy's like you want to raise your confidencegood at gay bar I'll do it's a hit on youevery time a gay guy's hit him I'm like yeah but you're like
31:23you're like a guy so you're horniness levelyour standards I know are lowerbecause you're a man right men have lowerstandard so I'm like your standardit doesn't mean as much yeah rightYeah.What's your favorite complimentyou've ever gotten from a girl?
31:40I'm trying to think.I don't know.Probably likeI think most of itis like personality based.Most of it's like, oh, I go on dates.These guys are really boring.You're very fun date.
31:50Because I'm like, I like, I like that my personality.What about you?I don't know.I can't think of one recently, honestly.Yeah.Girlfriend doesn't talk to me there very much.I went on a date with this lady in Harlem oneShe's like you're so funny
32:09And she was a black womanAnd I don't knowWhat was that accent?Why is she from?You're so funnyYou're crazy hilariousNo I can't rememberAt the last time I got like a memorable compliment
32:23That isYeahYeahLike one of the standardsYeahBeing I meanYeahTo your point I'm very muted
32:30Muted guyYeahYeahWhat do you mean?Like theWhere Gigi has the spikes of joyI'm justWhat do you mean spikes by the way?
32:40You're just likeEpisodesManicYeahYeah yeah yeahYour eyes are wide openYou're like here for lifeVersus Zach who you know
32:49I meanIt's just passing you byEverything's just moving in front ofIt doesn't mean anythingIt's all emptyExactlyExactlyI'm just watching the highway
33:00Yeahyeahwaiting for my turn.I was thinking about this earlier.I don't know why I thought it would be funnyif an Italian guy lied about being Jewishto get pussy on birthright.Why would they be on birthright?
33:12Well, true.What do you mean?You could probably...Can you lie to go on birthright?They might do some genealogy test or something.I don't know, though.Yeah, how would they...My girlfriend recently went to...
33:22This is kind of related.My girlfriend recently went to Israelto do some...She's a therapist.It was like a Jewish therapist.That's cool.Collective things.It was a lot of...
33:31seminars and whatever.And Semetics, I don't know, sorry, I was immediately, I was like, there's anti-Semnon.I thought there was some wordplay with Semitic seminars.Israeli really love bomb people.She should, like, we were trying to do the, yeah, the accent.Yeah, they love bombing.That's what they're doing is they're bombing them with love.Yeah, good catch.
33:53But she showed me this video of this guy that was like, this is my grandmasters from the Holocaust.I want you to have it.Like in this, you know, like,gold star thing.Oh, I thought it was like a joke.Okay, this is how, I thought you met.This is my grandmother's ashes.No, no, no, no, no, like a piece of jewelry.
34:09Oh, okay.Like, they're, and they know the people,they have a name for the people who come over for birthright.Did you do birth rate?No, not yet.Oh, okay.Well, you should go and fuck people.I think you can go.
34:19I think you can go.Until you're, like, 29.Huh?On here.Okay, sorry.Yeah, yeah.I know it's still good there.Yeah, yeah.
34:27But, yeah, the Israelis have a,name for the birth rate people because theyall fuck. They're like, bros, they all fuck.Who are the people on birthright? Yeah. Apparentlythat's what it is. It's like a big orgy. Like you goit's a big Jewish orgy. And it is halfthe vibe of like, you know, repopulatingand all that shit. Yeah. Yeah.
34:44So my sister went on birthright, but she's sober.So she went on sober birthright and I was like,you're fucking missing the point of birthright.Yeah, yeah. You go on birthright todo drugs and fuck. Like that isyeah. There's also gay birthright in the landthat belongs to you. Yeah, that's what God wouldfucking want. Yes.
35:01Yeah. Yes.This what? Gay birthright? Yeah, apparently.But that's not repopulating.They send you to Gaza.You're like, your flight'sgoing to be landing a little more south thanthe others, and I'm sure you'll have a great time.If you find your way back, we'll
35:17give you something.Dude, I did have the wildest conversation.This guy came to a comedy show Israeli guy. This is backwhen I was in Florida, and he mixed me up with another comic,and he goes, dude, I love your stand-up.He's like, I also don't like a black of people.And I was like, oh, you mix me up with somebody else.I was like, there's somebody else in the lineup.
35:33But he did say the wildest thing.I don't like to get political.He said he was not like for, you know, whatever stuff.He's like, I left because I don't want to deal with war.This is an Israeli guy.Yes.Oh, sure.Okay.
35:43They do speak, by the way, if people don't know, they do speak like French, Middle Easterners.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.I can't play.My Cista.We watched like 30 minutes of Israeli accents, just trying to get that.It's actually a very hard action to do it.You sound pretty good.Yeah, I, I try, yeah, I watch videos of accents.
36:02I just feel so silly just sitting there trying to do a Chinese accent for an hour.I'm so bad.I mean, I had this weird memory as a kid.Keep rewinding the video.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.How wrong?No, that's not it.As a kid, I had this memory of being, like, the best at accents.
36:17Uh-huh.In my mind, I was like Robin Williams.I could just do everything.And then, and then I think either that's complete delusion and that did not exist in my life.Or your balls dropped and you lost all the time.Yeah, yeah.Or I think what happens is like when there's little hesitation when you're trying to do an accent, you completely can't do it because you're overthinking it.But when you're a kid, you're like, nobody even knows what a Chinese guy is.
36:39So they're just going to think I'm doing a fun voice.And then, yeah, yeah.What school do you go to?I'm kidding.They didn't teach you.No, I went to private school.There was enough of them there.I'm kidding.
36:49But, uh, yeah.That's funny.That is funny.That is funny.There must have been some Chinese guys there.No, there was tons.Yeah, yeah.One time this was so embarrassing.
36:54I don't know why.That makes it sound like my elementary school was filled with like 40 year.Business business.They're going to buy the school andOh, no, no, keep it vacant.Bro, my elementary school was bought and by like a Chinese company.Really?Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:06And people, like, think it's like a weird, like,you know they're like buying a bland over here.Uh-huh.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Well, they have been forever.Yeah, yeah, yeah.But people are thinking it's part of like a weird plan to like start a,start like dismantling America.
37:20It's probably both.It's probably investment returns and then, you know,they also have some benefits.Yeah, you're like, just tell them capitalism kind of sucks.Yeah.I once had a, I was in force.grade and people were like sharing fun facts and I shared that I could do a good Russian accent.Yeah.
37:33And then I had to do it on the spot and I couldn't do it.Oh.It's so embarrassing.Yeah, yeah.It was really bad.I turned beat red.Oh, that's actually a door.You shat your pants.
37:45I shat my pants.That's so sweet.Can you do it?Do it.Do it right now.What do you want to say?I don't know.Whatever you want.
37:55The train is kind of loud.There you go.That's not bad.Not bad.I was clear my throat.I wasn't going to do one.Russian accents for men are scary,but when a woman has a Russian accent,
38:08it's so hot.I have mixed feelings on it.I don't know if I can't.Oh, I'm Russian.Oh, maybe it's good.Maybe it's because you start the impression with,oh.That's how I do every impression.
38:21Oh, I'm a British.Oh, I'm a black girl.Oh, you.No, but like, Russian women.there's like a sex appeal to it.You know what I mean?Yeah.There is.
38:32Yeah.But for men, no.But I, I'm, I was like, if I go to, like, a strip club and, like, the stripperslike Russian, I get, like, really uncomfortable because I'm like, traffic.Who sent you here?Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.
38:40Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.They wanted, they're here of their own volition.Yeah, yeah.I'm like, yeah, this is their Pimp's name.Yeah.Yeah.
38:49Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.
38:54And I'm like, yeah.And I'm not a big fan.probably wanted to be a ballerina before this.Yeah. Exactly.Somebody took you.Yeah.I had a stripper asked me to give her a lap dance minute.That was the best compliment I've ever gotten.
39:05Can you give me a lap dance?Yeah, yeah.That was the best.She was probably just tired.Yeah, that's true.In my mind, I'm like, it's because my butt's sexy.She's like, these heels hurt.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:16I was like, she saw this juicy ass walking in here wants a fucking piece.Yeah, sure.She wanted some expert consulting.Yeah, yeah, yeah.I went, I didn't go.I saw a strip club across the way in Minnesota.What is it called?I don't remember.
39:29But the slogan was hundreds of,hundreds of sexy girls and three ugly ones.That's great.Very good.I would have gone right in.That's great.I love that.Yeah, we went like a couple times
39:40for the last couple weeks.And then one night out of the...How were the Tampa strippers?You go after the...How was the set, by the way?Anything crazy happened?No, no.It was fun.
39:49It was really...Oh, I got to tell you guys that after the podcast.But this is beeping, by the way.I don't know.what happens every 10 minutes.This might not technically be a buildingas though we're figuring out.It technically be apartment.
40:00I don't know.But, uh...Okay.Yeah, yeah, yeah.I don't know what it means.My roommate's just like,this might not technically be registered as an apartment.Because, like,
40:11we didn't pay for Connoisse and the lights are still on.And he's saying there might be some weird thingwith like the lights are part of the buildingand not part of a unit.That's great.Yeah, yeah.So he's like, he's like, dude,but like the outlets didn't work in the room.
40:23So he's like, maybe we can, like,if the outlets work out here,I was like, maybe we just have one cord going through all the rooms and not pay for...I do love that you have a surge protector plugged into a surge protector.Oh, is that what's going on?That is what's happening over it.Oh, yeah, I don't know.And that could be the beeping, warning you that it's going to blow up.
40:38But I think that's a great thing to do.I support the surge, so...Yeah.I don't really like...How are you going to protect the second one from the surge if you don't have a plug-down to the first one?I don't want to... I think... I like the surge.Yeah.Yeah, yeah. I like danger.
40:50I know you're Canadian. So, do you know that's a fire hazard?I have no idea what the fuck a surge is.I have an extension cord.An extension strip.He has one plugged into another.He has one six plugged into another six.How do you know that that's a fire hazard?Because I have a dad.
41:03Oh, lucky you.Yeah, well, not anymore.Because you know what happened?Three starts protect us later.He's gone.He's dead.He is dead, but that's not how.It was four search protectors.
41:12He went for the record.Yeah.But, yeah, when he was here, he bestowed upon me.Are both of your dad?Yes.You guys should like bond over that.I think we just did.Ho.
41:24Ho.Oh.Yeah.How's your dad?Yeah.He's just right.Other than,the funniest part was also me leaving drunk,
41:34and I was just like,you're going to see.And another thing.I was like,you're going to be so proud of me.I'm going to get so much,this next Christmas,I'm going to be a celebrity.
41:46You ever heard of Joe Rogan podcast?Dude,you suck.Yeah,I feel so bad.I'm like,but I suck,but then I also like,
41:55at things, I'm like, no, that was all so awesome.Did they bring it up to you?What are their reactions?Yeah.They were just like, this is what he's going to do.I don't know.They were like, it was not like, like.Oh, you're 27, right?
42:07I'm 28.Yeah, yeah, yeah.So this is you.Are they financially supporting you at all?Are you just, yeah, I borrow money from them.Yeah, yeah.Not like constantly.You pay it back?
42:16What's up?Because borrow is an interesting term.I'm playing on it.Like, there was a couple months where I worked.After Joe Rogan.Yeah, yeah.There was a couple months where I worked for it comes in.I work for my dad
42:27But also, like, I was pretty good.Like, I had a job when I was 15 and, like,I, like, I didn't ask for money for like a while.I'm just asking how independent you are from themto be able to be kind of a shithead with no consequences.Not enough to the way I am.Not enough, yeah, yeah, yeah.My mom pays for therapy, so.
42:42For your therapy?Yeah, yeah.That's so nice.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah.Mine would, but I have free therapy through Medicaid or Medicaid or whatever.Yeah, yeah.
42:53No, I need to switch over to that because I do have Medicaidalso. You guys talk to your mom likethat? Yeah. You're like, can youpay for my therapy? Yeah.No, but I'll just be like, I'm not going to therapyor whatever, then I like my therapist because he's gayand he's gay. They're so gay.No, he's actually gay. Oh, he's really gay?
43:09And I thought that would be good. Because it was a guy.And I'm like, well, that's going to be bad. But then he's gay, so I thought it would be good.So he's a girl. Yeah.But no, he's just bad, but fun. But he's bad.Why is he bad? He's like, what if he went out in there?Yeah, he's like, next time coming into a thong.Yeah.I'm a bad gay therapist.
43:27He's sitting on the couch like this.Could you do a 360 for me?I just want to see what's going on.I see what's wrong.No, it's just not helpful.You know, I just don't have a connection.I don't care.This is the key thing.
43:37I don't care.Similar to what you were saying,I don't care what he thinks about me.If a woman, like a gay man complimenting youdoesn't mean as much because you don't really care as muchbecause he's hornyer or whatever.Yeah.I don't really care with this gay therapist thinks about me as a person.
43:52Because he's gay?Because he's less human.Yeah, yeah.That's what it is.No, no, not because he's gay, but just, I just don't, yeah, I just don't connect with him.Yeah, that's fair.I need to be in love with my therapist.Dude, I feel like it.
44:07Or else I'm not worried about letting them down.I have 100% a jerk to my therapist.Is your therapist a chick?Yeah, she's like a middle-aged woman, yeah.I would love to have a male therapist, but I can't do it.100% I can't do it.Why not?Because I won't even, I will exclusively try to fuck him.
44:22You'll try to impress him with your stories and stuff.I will try to fuck him.Like, you put me in a room alone with a man who listens to me.Yeah, that's why I just zoom.You got to zoom it.Got to zoom it.Really?I'm just,
44:33I'm literally walking around town.Just saying the crazy shit.You walk around?I walk around town.With the video?Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.That's crazy, dude.Yeah, I don't know why I like a woman spitting in my mouth,
44:43but I'm like, I'm just like, I'm saying, I'm saying all this stuff just in front of everybody.Is this next to the Hasids down the road?Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah, it doesn't, I don't know.But I like, she's really good.I think it's good to have an older personto talk to about things than aren't your parentsbecause they put perspective on shit.
44:58They're like, oh, you're worrying about this thingthat's not worth worrying about.But then she will be honest.There's something that I should worry about.She's like, yeah, you should cut back on datingand drinking in January.See, mine's not prescriptive at all.That's, yeah, that's a problem.
45:11And you need somebody who, like,kind of helps shape what you're supposed to be doing.Not someone who just, like, listensand gives you ad hoc advice for that day.Well, she doesn't,tell me exactly what to do.Like there's certain things that she's kind of like,I can't tell you what to do in this position,
45:25but she will be like,that's maybe a good idea to do that.Which is kind of,that's advice,yeah,yeah,but most of it's me talking.My favorite were the notes.
45:33She brought up,like, notes because I'd be like,yeah,you know,I just kind of like,think I want to get backfor my ex-girlfriend.And then she's like,
45:39I'm going to go ahead and read some notesfrom when you guys are dating.And then it's like,oh, shit.I didn't realize how stressed I was and like,you know, stuff like that.Yeah, which is helpful.I'm like, oh, I didn't realize because she's like,
45:50I think you're actually happier now than you were in the relationship.Now that it doesn't get tough, dude, I did a fucking real mistake on Christmas.So from November...No.November 2023, all I have here is wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.I want to kill myself.That's all the time we have.What I did was I fucking, um,
46:10my ex loves otters and I was at the mall.Like body types or...No, yeah, little furry men is what she said to.Yeah, yeah.But I saw like a painted, like, it was like a painted,I was at the mall buying Christmas presents.And so like, and it's like I was kind of hung over.I was kind of like emotional.
46:30I went to the mall.And I saw all these otters that were painted on like coasters.And I was kind of like, oh, this is just like a nice thing to get for somebody you care about.And I don't, now I'm like, this is fucking insane.I should not have been.I was like, this is fucking.I didn't get it like, my mind.I was like, I'll get this.
46:43And then when we're friends, hopefully a year from now, I could like give it to her.Oh, you'd already broken up and you're going to get this full.Yeah, I know it's insane.Oh, I didn't notice that.I was like, this isn't, this is fine.I mean, it's sweet.That's what I'm saying.And, like, I was like, I was like, I know there's all these rules, but like, you know,
46:56sometimes the rules can go fuck themselves.Fuck the rules.I miss you.Yeah.Yeah.And I was like, it's Christmas time.Throwing the coasters through her window.Yeah.
47:06Yeah.Well, it was like Christmas time and I was like, you know what?Sometimes the holidays are more important than the, and what I was going to do is, I was going toeven to one of her friends.Holidays are more important to breakups.Yeah.boundaries don't matterwhen the decision
47:21to rational people madeit's ChristmasYou ever seen love actually?YeahAnd I was doing really goodUntil thisLike I was like kind of likePretty healed up
47:30And then I likeI got the coasterAnd I was gonna give it to one of her friendsBe like don't say it's from meJust say it's from youI just like thought she could enjoy thisAnd in my mindSanta
47:38YeahFrom SantaAnd her friend straight up was likeYou should throw that awayAnd then I threw it awayIt was so sadJust like throwing it through itI should have gone to the ocean
47:48and just fucking chucked it in there.Hello!But yeah, it was so many, too,because I didn't realize how insane it was in the moment.I was like, yeah, this is like you get something for somebody nice.And my parents were just like, yeah,you should totally just give it to her.And I'm like, do you think you miss her?
48:01Or do you miss having someone to give that kind of thing to?No, I miss her.She was one of my best friends.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.But it's like, yeah, we even had a conversation in six months.You're under no contact.Yeah.When did you end this?
48:14I should drone her over.Just have a drone, drop it off at her apartment.Yeah.That ended way better than I thought.I should drone her.I should drone strike this bitch.Let me hook you up with some of my girlfriend's friends overseas.What did you break?
48:31When did things end?I was like six years ago?No, I'm kidding.That was so sad.I'm like, nah, no, I think she's coming back.Was this this Christmas you did this Otter thing?Yeah, yeah.Oh, wow.
48:41Yeah, we broke up.Not this September, but September before that.So it's been like a year and like four months.Yeah.Can you also hold higher on the thing?I don't know how many you can.You take this hand?I'm looking at the levels, dude.
48:52It's all, we're all gravy.Okay, okay.Wait, okay.So a year and a half.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Okay.How long have you been no contact?Like six months.
49:02Okay.All right.So you have another like six months until you're over the hump.We're both in a wedding in August.So I was like, all right, we'll, uh, I never got over the no contact with my, uh, with my ex.I would be fine to do it, but she didn't, she didn't want to do it.It wouldn't mean?We would have a touch base every,
49:16every like a year or something.About what?She would just reach out to meand we would catch up for a little bitand then...Well, I would love this to be dad at some point,but yeah, yeah.No, but that's all it is
49:26and then I haven't, you know,I don't know.We also have a new girlfriend.That's true.I don't, and I don't necessarilyneed this other person in my life,but it seems like she doesn't want...To let go.
49:35To reconnect.No, doesn't want tostay connected.Oh, okay, I see.I see.Are you...Yeah, because we're both blockedon social media and that's like the...
49:45Yep.Yeah, yeah, yeah.All my exes, yeah, nothing.Well, because it's terrible just to see somebody, like, you're like, oh, it's better just kind of like, I don't know, yeah.One of them, I think, actually wants me, like, dead.Really?Yeah, he hates me.He absolutely hates me, yeah.
50:01Why do you think that is?Yeah.Okay.Gave him some coasters.Yeah, yeah, yeah.For Christmas?No, so when I was 21, I was dating a man who was much older than me.And at the time I thought it was hot.
50:14He was 36.Okay.And at the time I thought it was like sexyThat he was like controlling my everyMove and whateverRightAnd when I realized I didn't want that anymoreHe got pretty upset
50:26Yeah yeah yeah yeahSo you shouldYeah no absolutelyHow dare this fucking broadThis child honestlyYeah yeahShe doesn't know what's good for herYou gotta listen to do the dolls
50:35Yeah so I thinkYeah he wants to be not aliveThat's crazyHe used to like leave notes on my doorstepAfter I broke up with himof like, I hope you like the way my cum smells in your room.And, like, he would like, hey, he hung this stuffed animal that we went.He's like lyrics he's working on.
50:51Did you did Oliver Rodrigo?It was really wild shit.It's pretty funny, though.Yeah.That's nuts.Do you have any jokes about that?Those notes are super funny.None about the notes.
51:02The notes are hilarious.What else would he write on the notes?Did you really write something about that?Yeah.Yeah.He dropped off a candle.It's my least favorite Sabrina.What was it?
51:10His comb.He dropped on a candle.His comb.He just fucked a camera.Like one of these wide candles, just gives inside it.He was like, you could use this to get the smell of random guys come out of your room.And he left it on my door.Oh, random guys.
51:26It's so funny.It's so funny. A guy like that is like, you can.I win.Yeah.He's like, last word.But it was a nice candle, so I, like, I used it.Why not?Yeah.
51:36Yeah.I have no emotional attachments to objects.Like the bed that me and my ex had slept on.She was like, she's like, couldn't do it, whatever.I was like, I would love to have that.Oh my gosh.Yeah.I got certain things.
51:49Like, I don't think about this, but I have like a hoodie that I wear almost every, like twice a week.I know.And I see you in it all the time.And I'm, and I'm always like, I remember one time I was like, I like, I like your hoodie.And you're like, oh, it's actually my ex-girlfriends.And I was like, that's, he's going to have to face that soon.But I'm not going to say anything.I never think that I wore it so long wearing a waist ship that it was kind of my hood.
52:07Like, you know.Right.Right.It's like, yeah.Right.But like, yeah, I couldn't have like a Christmas ornament that we got together.Like that would fucking...Fair enough, yeah.
52:14I can.I'm like, anything that you got me during the relationship is mine.And any shirts I still have are now mine and everything's mine.Any pottery we made at a paint and sip is mine.You have nothing to do with it.Like, it's mine now.We did a glass blowing thing and I have like a paperweight glass blowing thing that I'm like...Did your current girlfriend know that's what that is?
52:34No, it's at my home in Maryland.Oh, okay.We're all my most treasured art of...He's just holding.In a box of women's teeth.Yeah.Yeah.No, I don't know.
52:47We'll figure it out.I'm on the other side of it.The guy.No, I'm not.You will be.Yeah, yeah.It's not like I am at the point where I'm like,oh, I think right now at least my life is happy or not like that.
53:02But it's not like, it's not like that thing where it's like,I'm fully just like, yeah, whatever.Yeah.Like I'm sure if I saw her, I'll be like,yeah it's crazy you don't run into people in New Yorkit's fucking so wildyeah every time I go on a date I'm likeI just go about the restaurant to like make sure
53:16yeah unless the girl's like super hot and then I'm likeshe lives in New York as well but she's from Floridayeah okay I see I keep seeing comics all the timeeverywhere yeah I see comics all the time tooI saw Jordan Jensen in the park but she didn't see me and I was soembarrassed I was like you're so successful fuckI was this new year'sactually I have a question about
53:38the cum candle guy.Sure.More of a statement, really.What he did embodies my least favorite Sabrina Carpenter's song.What?Taste you.I fucking hate that song.It's a great song.
53:48It's so mean-spirited.Yeah, it's awesome.It's okay for a girl.You're Italian.You're Italian from New Jersey.Do you know what the song is?You just have to taste me when he's kissing you.Yeah.
54:00Yeah, yeah.Yeah, sexy as fun.I heard you back together.And if that's true, you'll just have to taste me.Yeah.When he's kissing you.Yeah.Yeah.
54:05Because my lady comes still on his gum.on your lips.Yeah.It's in between his teethbecause he does it floss.That's fine if a chick does that.It's not fine when anyone does that.No, it's the same thing.
54:15No, it's the same exact thing.It's literally territorial pissing.Yeah.It's like I sat on your faceand now it's going to leave somescent.You're going to get flagged at the TSAfor bomb resolution.
54:27Because that pussy bomb.Yeah.But no, I think it's like if you,like, I think it's great for musicbecause it's like expressiveand you should express your like deepest emotionsin like an art form like that.Like that's great.
54:39That's not a deep emotion.That's like a cunty superficial.Yeah, it rocks.It's a nan and a boo-boo.We need,cunty songs are awesome.Scrubs,I don't want no scrubs.
54:48She's a cunt.That's a good one.She's like,you don't have a job.That would make sense though.Yeah, saying like waving to mefrom the passenger seatto your best friend's ride,
54:55that's a very good image.Yeah.I like all that.But what I am saying,this one is just like I hopethat my ex and his new slash old partnerhave some kind of riftand almost like a haunting
55:07That is me.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Can I say this though?You can say this.Yeah, so on my own fucking podcast?No, I bulldoze everybody.And then I'm like, can I please talk after I talk for an hour.But I think it's like this.
55:17Like, that is a terrible attitude to have that she has.Oh.And it's like, that's like, that's not a mature way to be.And that is like not.Like I'm like, that's really like childish.And you should not be that way.But as an entertainer, I'm like, I think what she's doing is awesome because it's like you're expressing yourself.So like I like people expressing themselves fully and like, same with like Eminem
55:37talking about murdering his mom. I don't think it's cool to want to murder your mom.Sure. But it's cool to express that you want to murder your mom in your art form because you'rebeing like honestly who you are, which is good. That's not a good emotion necessarily, but it'spart of being a human being. It's on the spectrum of emotions that we all have. She's short. She'scute. She can say whatever the- Do you identify? I shouldn't have a shot on her. No, I shouldn'ta shout on her. What are you? You are? Okay. You're five? Four? Three. Three. Two.Where'd you go? No, I'm four eleven. Okay. Wow. Yeah. My mom is four-seven.and my dad was 6-2.
56:10Dang.Yeah.Yeah.So that's where like 36 guy.That's hot.36-year-old man?Well, also right afterDaddy died.
56:18So it was like I needed a new one.Oh, yeah.I did that too.Did you?Did you?Yeah.It's fun for a bit.Yeah.
56:27I do hate to wrap up the, oh no, we got fucking four minutes.I hate to do that.I'm like, well, I guess we're out of time.No, we still got it to fill four minutes.Not got to, but I just ruined the momentum.It's okay.We have none.We have none.
56:38We never had any, brother.I have, do you have any,I have a little New Year's thing.Yeah.Yeah.Do you, do anything happen at off the wagon?No, a bunch of young people.Yeah.
56:52That was it.Yeah.I really have no fun stories.I have two things.One, I was waiting for the bus at 3 a.m.,which I took a bus from Williamsburg, from Flop House.It's the Williamsburg Plaza.You tell people you're taking a bus after 2 a.m.
57:03They think you're like sneaking off to go buy heroin.They're like, the bus, what?They're not, like, they don't believe that that's what you're doing.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Well, why would you debase yourself so?That's exactly what I'm talking about.Well, she's also like the Uber Queen.She's like always Uber and everywhere.
57:19I'm a girl.Yeah, I'm like, bougie.You know who I see on the bus a lot?I get raped and I'm like, oh my God.You know who I see a lot on the bus, girls?That's why I take the bus.And just wear a business shirt.That was me out there.
57:35Yeah.Yeah, and I don't think that's,crazy. It is funny because I can't relate to people thinking you're up to weird.That wasn't the whole story by the way. There's more than just I took the bus.People thought that was nuts. There was a guy in a full suit, like a tuxedo and he seemed likekind of Long Island, New Jersey trash. Yeah. Probably a brother. Probably a brother. And he was talkinglike this. He's like, no, it was so great to meet you. You know, he's like chatting up thisgirl. He's drunk. He's waiting for the bus. And she's clearly asking. She's. She's clearly
58:07asking him like what would you do to me if you were here right now because he's like hey i'm kind ofyou know i mean hey if i was in private i might be a little more uh descriptive but you know i want tokeep it kind of mysterious so he's like a drunk idiot trying to make he's we're waiting for the busand i am over i'm hearing him and then later on he goes you're literally a princess you're literallyan african queen i'm like dude this is crazy and then he's on the bus he's a black guy thoughno he is not a black guy that's awesome he looks who does helook like. He looks like the most toe-headed,like Connecticut, kind of
58:41a little chunky businessman.Fade or no, no, no, fade?Like a fade haircut? Yeah.Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah.Awesome. And then I'm on the bus with this guy, it turns out,for like almost the whole way. He's stilltalking to her at like 4 a.m. when I get home. And he's like, so, you know,it's like 4 a.m. I should probably let you go. Like, I don't know what this
59:00girl's life is. It's everybody like, I should probably let you go.She's not a queen. I mean, she's holding this guy hostage for the whole bus ride.Oh, so she's about it.yeah she must be she's talking to him on the phone yeah yeah yeah she's at least seeing how faroh i don't know i thought she was on the bus no he's on the phone with this woman what if he was justtrying to look cool on the bus so he's just like he has an african queen like not to get followedyeah yeah yeah like yeah honey i'll be there soon he's like i'm taking the bus i hope no one rapes meyeah just tell you know i have a strong newbie and princess waiting at home with a spear yeah
59:31she's black okay don't fuck with me that's insane yeah well i don't know why when i hearSo this is, whatever.It's been brought up with a podcast.There's one guy when Joe Rogan got in trouble for using the N-word,there was this white guy who talked really black,and he was like...Matt Rife?No.
59:47No, no, no.But he's like, Joe Rogan got caught...Tate Winston.No.No, he's like, Joe Rogan got caught using the N-word,and that shit ain't cool at all.And he goes, so, uh, you know who Joe Roga would be hanging out withall these white comics also using the N-word?
01:00:02And he's, like, pulling up all...Because, like, every comic has said the N-word,like, especially from 2000 to, like...Like famous, even you, Gigi.Like, every famous comic in the 2000s had like a joke where they would say the N word.Or like in a movie or on a podcast.Because it was more less taboo.Yeah, whatever.
01:00:18I'm in several movies from early 2000.Yeah, I only apply for.I'm the classmate in Home Alone.I will say this.There is a video for me out there soft-a-ing it.Okay.And it haunts me every morning of my life.My black friend was like, we were at the beach one time.
01:00:35My black friend's like, just say it.He's like, say it with heart.And there's a video of me just with the worstshit-eating grin on my face.And I'm just like, this is like maybe the most painful.Because it doesn't even look cool because he's like,he's like, you're not saying it comfortably enough.And he's behind the camera so you can't really tell.
01:00:50Like he's his hand for like a second.You're on the beach too.So people are like, there's no way.Yeah.Dude, it haunts me daily.I'm just like, fuck.Daily and nightly,for.
01:01:03That's so scary, dude.Yeah.But,Not unless I own itBut either wayHe starts goingHe's going through like Bill BurrAnd like Tom Sigour
01:01:12He's like Tom SiguraComedy Central half hourSaying the AN wordAnd he's a wifeThe ANWRAnd then Mrs. Pat is doing a podcastWith Tom SigurMrs. Pat saying the Ian Wur
01:01:23Mrs. Pat's doing the podcastWith Tom SeguraAnd he's like yeah no I don't say the M wordAnd he's likeAnd he paused and goesYou say to ANWRAnd you're comedy Central half hourBut you said you never say it
01:01:34when you're sitting there with a beautiful black queen.He's just a white guy.It's the funniest thing.It's probably the same guy.Yeah,I love just being like,beautiful black queen.I once had a guy ask me to call him the N-word.
01:01:49In bed.That must be a thing.Yeah,it's really common.It's a big black dick a lot in pornwith women saying that.And I was like,stop saying black.
01:01:57Well, I told him I wouldn't say the actual word,but I would say the N-word.I would call him the N-word.Give me that N-word dick.And give me that N-word dick.Give me that N word.N word.Yeah.
01:02:07That's crazy.Was he like, please don't.No, he was like into it.Yeah.It was a healthy compromise.Wow.Yeah.Yeah.
01:02:14Yeah.There was,I think there was one more thing that was forgot.He said it'd be one fifth of the word or one sixth.I think there was.Six letters.One thing I was just, it was really important for me to bring up.You were talking about the bus.
01:02:26What were you saying before the bus?Beautiful black queen.Long Island guy.Oh, wrong place.Oh, this is something.Okay.Okay.So my fucking, uh, I just want to end.
01:02:34on this.Christmas we go to this Turkishrestaurant because Santa Claus, as you would never know.But anyway, Santa Claus was Turkish.What? He's German.St. Nicholas was Turkish.Okay.He's, no, he's Norwegian.
01:02:49I thought he was, yeah, not Turkish.Can you look it up right now?I'll look it up right now.Maybe my family is just full of retards.Yeah, I'm pretty true.Not true.I don't think that's true.Look up, is St. Nicholas.
01:02:58I think he's from Norway, right?Or like somewhere.Crapass is.I thought it was Germany.St.Okay, well, hold on, there is a St. Nicholas from Turkey, but that doesn't mean he's the St. Nicholas.Well, there's a St. Nicholas from Jersey, too, but it doesn't mean he's Santa.Look up is St. Nicholas Turkish, just so it benefits my...
01:03:18No, I mean, as you look up to St. Nicholas, the first thing that comes up is this guy from Turkey.Yeah.But hold on, St. Nicholas, Santa.Same guy comes up.Wow.Yeah, he's Turkish, yeah.The original Santa, Asia Minor, Modern Day, Turkey during the 4th century.Wow, okay.
01:03:37Yeah.All right.So what's...Oh, Michael.You never think of this, bro.What's your big story?So every Christmas Eve, we go to a Turkish restaurant.Right.
01:03:47And I had to leave because I had to pee and the bathrooms are full.And the guy at the Turkish restaurant was like, oh, you should go to the train station across the street.And I was like, yeah, maybe I will go to the train station.And instead, I just walked back to my parents' house.I smoked a bunch of pot.While I was gone, my sister told my whole family that I'm bisexual, which is not true.She just thought it would be funny to tell them I was bisexual.And I just come to the house and I'm hot.
01:04:11They come to house and I'm high and they start being like...Oh, dick.Yeah.Yeah, I was come drunk, dude.I was just like, hey.No, I was like fucking, like my mom starts going like, she's like, okay, so they'relike sitting around me.They're like, okay, so we were talking about like, you're, are you gay?
01:04:29And I'm just so high and I'm like, what?And then my mom was like, see, I was standing up for you.And I'm like, wait, you were standing up for me.I was like, what was this discussion going on?dad's like if you're gay, it's like cool and stuff like that.And I'm just so high having this conversation.They're like, I don't know, you like left for the train station and stuff like that.I was like, you guys thought I on Christmas Eve was having anonymous gay sex at a train station?
01:04:51I'm like, this is insane.I don't know.What does this have to do with the St. Nick being Turkish?I don't know.I just thought it was a funny story.I also told the story and I was like waiting for you guys to be like, yeah, no, I thought it was funnier than, yeah.That is funny.I just was wondering where the Turkish connection came in.
01:05:08It's just funny.Also, your mom was like,they asked if you were gay,so they'd already made the logical leap,like, well,he's not ready to tell us he's gay.And then she was like...So the sister has broken the news with Bai
01:05:18as a kind of test, you know, prodding.I don't think they wouldn't believe that was gay.Well, sounds like they did.No, they think I'm bi,but they wouldn't think I was gay.They were worried you were getting.Yeah, yeah.You're just, you're just out there getting pussy, right?
01:05:32Just a little bit?Yeah, your dad's cock, Mike.But, no, we're over an hour, guys.That was so much fucking fun.I had a great time.We doing it?Wow, abrupt wrap up.Yeah, sorry, I would just, you know.
01:05:44It's okay, man.You're a squirily, coky guy.I am, dude.I mean, I also like you've had two energy drinks because I'm trying to...You try to...Do you Celsius?No, instead, I, like, had to get coins.This was after...
01:05:56I don't have to...It's...I had coffee and then a red bowl, but...Okay, okay.Yeah.What would you like to promote?You can check out my podcast, Overshadowed, about the siblings and spouses of people who changed history.You guys are both welcome to do it if ever you'd want to.
01:06:11That was fun.Or any historical topic.I have a really rich sibling.Really?Yeah.She's fucking killing it.You can talk about her.She's really jealous of her sister.
01:06:20Oh, my gosh.What does she do?She's the personal assistant to a billionaire.Whoa.So she is, she blows a billionaire.Cool.She doesn't.She's human furniture for a billion.
01:06:30She doesn't.I swear to God, she's a real job.fucking crazy.We just rewatchedBruno.Do you guys rememberthe humanfurniture scene
01:06:37with Paul?Paula Abdul?Is itAmerican Idol?It's the American Idoljudge.Is that Anderson?Yeah, that's
01:06:43Paula Abdul.Yeah, yeah.They have her sit downon theseon Mexican dudes.On Mexican dudes.It's like,and she does it.
01:06:50He's like, so how does helping you,how does helping peoplelike, what does that mean for you?And she's like, well,it's just really important.And then the publicist is like,we got to get out of here.We got to get.
01:06:58She's like,this is bad for me.But she sits on themfor like 10 secondsand starts answering the question.That's amazing.It's clearly uncomfortable, but is, you know,trying to make it work.
01:07:08Yeah.Yeah.Which I have more power to her.Yeah, honestly, good for her.Trying to make Bruno feel comfortable.Yeah.You know?Yeah.
01:07:15What if it's just his culture?What if he's paying all these men very well?Just be furniture.Yeah.What if they volunteered?Yeah.What if they're like,like a Mr. Beast thing?
01:07:23Like first guy that gives up,or last guy that gives up gets a million bucks.Yeah.Most people would look at a Hispanic man and say he's definitely not furniture.And I say, you know what,I'm going to let that be his decision.Right. Exactly. Yeah. I don't like to see people one way or another.Yeah, we're assigned furniture at birth, but that's just a role we play.
01:07:39We're assigned people at birth, I guess. That's just a role we play.But yeah, definitely follow Gigi's sister on Instagram.Oh, yeah, Zach Russell.Yes. Zach Russell comedy.And then. Gigi comedy.There we go.Oh, that's a good. Oh, you got just.We're married. So we have the same last name.
01:07:55Are there no other Gigi's in comedy?I don't think so.That's awesome. There's another Michael Good in comedy.I'm doing a show with them at the end of the month.Oh, nice.Yeah, yeah.We'll see.You guys got beat?
01:08:05Who's the best?Oh, God, I'm going to be...Who's the Michael best?I'm going to be eight-mile in the bathroom before that.But, no, thank you guys so much for listening.Bye.
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