Morning Good - Paddy Tanks The Pod - Episode 182

Episode Date: August 13, 2023

Paddy Defino and Levi White return to the show for today's episode. They talk about the Gathering of the Juggalos, the Mexican Romneys, and esteemed actor Morgan Freeuse.Thanks to Paddy and Levi for coming back on the show. They're some of the most featured guests, so scroll back to past episodes for more funny episodes with them.Levi is on Instagram @levithewhite. Paddy is on Instagram @paddy_is_funky and make sure to check out his new podcast, the Untitled Podcast.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, good, good. Oh, I love that.

Yeah, by way, shout out to Tim's Brace. Welcome to morning. We're here with Patty Defino. Patty DeFino. And Levi White. What's up, gay boys? Oh, that's how we're starting. You gay.

All of you. Yeah, all the gay. listeners out there. Just letting you know you're homosexual. We know. We read the files. I have a file of all my fans. I'm just looking at it. Just big red lettering on the

John from Kansas Gagre. Yeah, stamp. Gay until proven in a dude, I was being weird, behind the camera I was that kind of voice where I'm like, oh yeah, you guys are You know, the weird camera guy who's talking to you, who doesn't need to. And that was reminded me, we were doing, like, pictures in my office.

Or I wasn't because I'm a temp. But they were like, yeah, get out of here. The real employees are taking pictures. And the camera guy was just saying weird stuff to everybody. Like, there's a guy, he goes, what's your favorite soda? He's like, Mountain Dew. He goes, ah, yeah, that's it. Everybody has a favorite.

I'm like, you just asked him his favorite soda. And now you're like, everybody has a favorite. He's like, I bet you can't live without it. I'm like, why I tried so hard to relate to this kid? The one's in high school, you know, you have to get like your high school like what is it like your senior photo yeah yeah like you could wear half a tuxedo

I don't think I ever did a fun some people would do fun ones where they get like what's it called like I had friends who do frosted tips like just for the picture or something funny like that that's a good way to do it's a good way to rock but they always get very like they try to know the ins and outs I remember this one guy was like oh

so you're like the jock of the school right I was like no I don't have like a joke He's like, well, what do you like to do? And I was like, I don't know. I play sports. He's like, dude, you're a jock. He wanted me to accept that I was a jock.

You fucking bullied me, asshole. You're like, I want to swing. You look like shit. It is funny, though, because certain schools have different kinds of jocks. Like, some schools just have a terrible football team. They're like, yeah, our rugby team or our wrestling teams are jocks or something like that. But, yeah. It's just whatever sport, the fattest guy lands.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it was basketball, then it would be the basketball jocks. But the fattest guy gets to be the jock. I've never heard anyone say basketball jocks. Yeah, that's true. Never. Because they can't run up and down the court. Because they're cool.

Sorry. You know what I mean? Do you hate basketball? Oh, I love basketball. I watch it every day. Okay. Yeah, I don't know if that's like, I don't know if this is a racist thing. Because I'm from Florida, too, you never be like, look at the, I guess you never call

happy jocks. Oh, yeah. And, yeah. Also, although black people are the best athletes, when you think of jocks, you think of a multiracial group. I do. I don't. I like white.

White. Yeah. Yeah. White high school movie. You know, he's fucking the hot girl, but then she fucks the nerd at the end. Yeah. It's so funny. Because in your mind, you're like, black schools don't have jocks because they're all.

Yeah. Like, you just think of it all. Like, that's weird. You don't think of like. They have criminals. Patty. Great star, Patty. Patty.

It's a. You know, it's a joke. We got to do you. No, no, no. It's serious. You have your criminal files also for your bad. Oh, Demetrius Johnson. I don't even have to look into this one.

Compton. Stamped. Just a racist profile on all my listeners. I always picture Jocks as like Boomer O'Siason, like that kind of guy. Big forehead. It was boomer O'Sign. What is that? He was like an old football player.

Okay. I don't know. I thought that was like a Gen Z. term or something. No. No. Just because it has Boomer.

Yeah, I guess his name is Boomer. Yeah, I think of like A nice one, boomer. Yeah, I think of like a blonde douchebag looking guy. Yeah. Yeah.

But the Jogs Star, I don't know, it's weird with the Jogsnar school because some of them were cool, some of them were, it was kind of all over the place. It was like there were like athletes and there were some athletes

that were kind of like just not very social. But then there was athletes that were social, but then sometimes the athletes couldn't go to some of the parties so they would kind of miss out. my high school drugs were really well respected like it was one of those things that like

because also like lacrosse was big in my high school and those lacrosse kids are all like drugies yeah yeah so it was like that was like kind of like a thing but then they didn't mix it so there was definitely jocks I had friends that were jocks and they were very popular but it wasn't like everybody who was just good at this because like nobody would really watch the football games you just go drink vodka out of a water bottle

you were so fucking cool in high school dude I was a fucking nerd I never experienced any of that you were a band guy right Yeah, well, I was in marching band for one year. Yeah, I wonder why it wasn't cool for you. But I found out some of the marching band people there, drinking and fucking. You weren't even invited the marching band party.

It's just a party always on the move. Stay in the hash lines. What? Oh, my God. What was marching band? Was it like as sexual as they say? I guess according to you, it is. Well, that's what I found out later.

You know, all the fucking stereotypes are like flute players suck dick. Yeah, they do. And it's because they're all just horny fucking, you know, young girls. And so, yeah, they're all blowing. They're not blowing the trombone players, I'll tell you that much. We got bone in our name. They're not fucking jumping on it. And then the trumpets are the one fingering everyone.

Yeah. I like, isn't that the rusty trombone? Okay, I always get these two mixed up. There's a rusty trombone. One of them you lick somebody's asshole and jerk them off? one of them is when you suck somebody's dick and finger them in the ass. So which ones is more like a band player?

Which one is more of a trombone would be the jerk off the guy while you lick his ass? Okay, like this? Oh my dad doesn't want to see a video video. Well, I'm saying you're eating his ass and you're going like this to his dick from around. That's like a trombone. Okay, I guess no instrument do you play.

Oh, no, no, no, okay, you're going like this. Yeah. What is this then? That's just sucking dick. I don't know, what's this? Oh, finger in the ass. You blow on it? That's a trumpet.

it. That's just trying to convince a gay guy he's straight. By doing what? By fingering and sucking. Why would that convince him he's straight? He would enjoy that. Yeah, well, you got to get the finger for his, ribbed for his pleasure. And then the sucking, you throw a lady in there. So now visually he's confused.

That's what they do at conversion camps. They just suck each other's things. They're like, we're going to give you guys a little bit of a game. They have one of the nuns blow you. What was that? He's got really close. Oh, yeah. They have one of the nuns blow you while a priest fucks in the end.

And you go, which one was more fun? Be honest. They wean you off priest's thick slowly. Yeah, yeah. With time, he only fucks you. Like, the first time he rails you out for like 10 minutes. Nuns barely even in the room. That's a good time.

By the end, it's all nun. The priest is just there. Oh, God. Make sure, you know. There's a graduation ceremony at the end. Yeah. Honestly. That's where they finish on the nun.

That'd be a nice resume. I don't know. graduated from conversion. How does that work? Do you keep going until like... Do you get a chip? Yeah, yeah. Or does the summer end?

You know, it's like an endless summer where you're like... I'm nine months free of gay. That's the hard part, man. You make a lot of friends in summer camp and you're like, I'll see you next year. But gay conversion camp, you're like, I won't see you next year.

No. Or I will see you right outside of these walls. Or we'll both see each other and we'll be really in trouble this time. We had a tough... That's also a layers big, yeah, I put a bunch of these gay kids out in the woods and...

It's like they're all going to probably bang each other. Yeah, of course. Everyone knows God can't see through the woods. Too much folly inching. That's the whole thing. Just try to hide them so God doesn't see them. God's like, get my infrared glasses. I need to see.

God, when like the first people started, like the first dude started fucking, you know God must have been like, hey, like, hey, knock that off. And they're like, why? And then he's like, I don't know. I just never thought you would do that. Never crossed my mind. I never even thought that was possibility. No, he's not of all

possibilities. He tempts you with the butt. That's why he tempts you. Yeah. That's why men like, or men, straight men like female butts too.

Is it going to be a little bit of that thing? That is, that's true. That makes a lot. That's always a certified homo. Yeah. I like big butts. Okay.

Yeah. Dude, I have this theory Matt Rife is going to become a pedophile. Okay. I'm interested. Because, dude, like all the Roman, you know those like Greek, whatever fighters and the lion pit and all that stuff?

Gladiators. Gladdiators. Yeah, Glad. Glad. G-L-A-A-A-D. Michael Glad. Anyway, you're waiting for the drop on this gym. Yeah, yeah. It's here. I'm trying to remember what I was talking about. So Matt Rife, he's like, they got all the pussy and then they fucked kids. You're saying they're going through like a rock star thing. You get too much pussy, you fucking child. I mean, all these rich guys, I mean, that's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, but I also, I think, or maybe you're just catching the ones that, like, I don't know, because it's like, that's always the theory, right?

Yeah. That you go from, like, being, like, a rich celebrity, and then you have sex to a bunch of women, and then you get tired of that, so you want to get crazy and you have sex with kids. But, or maybe you're just only hearing about the ones that have sex to kids, and nobody jumps straight to that date. You know what I mean? Maybe they're over, maybe they're getting, like, a normal amount of sex for a celebrity, but then they're just also fucking kids, and then you're adding that up,

and you're going, look, he had sex with hundreds of women. you're like, that's nothing compared to... Like, how much tail do you think Jason Bateman is raking in? Oh, probably a lot. I bet you gets a lot of girls that, like, want him to, like, play, like, the dad role. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, you're ruined it. This is a banana stand.

We got to keep it going. Where are the fun's going? This is a business. I've seen one episode of Parks and Rec, but I, that's just... It's, uh, whatever. Arrested. Whatever. Yeah.

Whatever show I refuse to get into. Yeah. It's like, one guy from my high school said it's good. I'm like, I hate you. you. Don't you ever tell me which shows to watch? I don't like it now because of you. And I'll probably miss out on a great, absolutely. I'll probably miss out on a great opportunity in life by that. You know what I mean? Everybody's like watch a session. I'm like, now I can't watch it. Ah, but you should. It is very good. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

I hate when you're like, people are like, watch Chernobyl. Like you're never going to. I turned it off. I turn it off. I know what's going to happen. Like Oppenheimer. Yeah. Surprise. The Japanese guy dies. Yeah. The guy. Only one guy. Only one guy. on Japanese. Oh, I thought it would be funny if like, like, Oppenheimer, like, does really bad in Japan.

And they're like, okay, so we will make our own Oppenheimer movie. And, like, they put their heads together as a writing room. And then it comes out in the whole movie. It's about their idea to bomb Pearl Harbor. And they're like, this was an even better idea. The bomb wouldn't have even happen

if we did not. The Pearl Harbor movie. I had an elementary school teacher who was in the Pearl Harbor movie. He was like a flaming sailor who jumped off like the, the ship. Not I. So a sailor. Flaming sailor.

Yeah, flaming sailor. I just realized it's the gayest student ever. But he's a sailor who was like on fire and he like jumped out of like the ship. But he's like, yeah, you know, acting, you know, you really got to throw your heart into it. We're like, all right, dude, he was a fucking extra. Shut up. I wish I, I wish, like, I could be a sailor for a little bit. I like the sea shanties.

What is he shanties? What do you do with a drunken sailor? My cousin is in the Navy and he said he fucking loved it. He's like, he was like, I just washed the boat and it was on. I mean, he did more stuff than that. But he said, he said just like, literally you do like a lot of work like that. And he's like, I loved it. Yeah.

And, yeah. Do a couple dances on TikTok. Yeah. Is that what they're doing? Get the boys going? I don't know. I imagine so. With the little cum bids around their neck.

Yeah. There's nothing more. I immediately assume Sailor and Gay. Is that because a lot of gay guys wear Sailor hats? Not even a lot. I saw like one gay guy at Sailors. had the village people and I'm like, I guess everybody was on a boat game. I think it's the mystique of the ocean, of the open waters. Well, that too. You're on a boat full of men. What are you going to?

You're not like in Vietnam where you're just like having sex with hokers and stuff. They should be fucking fish. Yeah, they should. I would definitely fuck an octopus before a man. Oh, they got a big. Really? But they have tentacles. Next thing, you know, I'm, got a tentacle on my ass. One in my mouth. You get a tea job. A tee job. I'd go for that, dude. I feel like an octopus would squeeze too tight, though.

Yeah, it ripped off. Yeah. Yeah. Did anyone in Florida ever, like, fucking Anaconda? No, but it... I'm just trying to tank this fight. Hey, Florida, retard. Anybody ever fucking fuck a...

No, dude, dude, I don't think... No, I mean, people fuck alligators, for sure. Yeah. That's, like, a thing. Really? Yeah. Yeah. What? But it's like they're inside of an alligator.

alligator's vagina, it is tradition. Can you just... Oh, it's because you weren't popular in high school. The band kids, I know what you guys were up to. We're having sex with an alligator. Get lost, Levi. Spin the bottle lands on an alligator. Yes!

Finally, I'm going to ask him to prom. Florida prom. But they have a vagina and then they have a dick or a vagina inside the vagina. So it's like you don't know until you put it in there. You're like, ew, it's a dude. I didn't realize it was gay. I heard there was this guy in,

it was like a mayor in Mexico who married a Cayman alligator. Okay. Yeah, but it was just a regular alligator before the honeymoon. You really are trying to take this podcast. Was the story true about the mayor? Yeah, yeah, he did.

It's always funny when you're like, guys, it's not that. Backwards in Mexico. Okay, Mayors marrying out. That's because you're drinking the water over there. I tell you not to drink the water. Dude,

I watched something really interesting. It makes you gay. If you ever watch this, the funniest are the Mormons in Mexico. So there's this whole community of Mormons in Mexico. And they're like, but they have Mexican accent. They're like white dudes.

And like, yeah, we're like, we're like, we believe in the book of Joseph Smith or whatever's name is. And we can't have these main wives in America, but we can do it here. And you look so fucking white.

This is absurd. Because Mormon whites are the whitest of whites. Like, Mitt Romney's like the whitest white guy. Yeah. That'd be funny if like, there's like outtakes to Mitt Romney being like, what the fuck is this, man?

It's like cameras on mid, oh, my bad, my apologies. You talking about at Mexico? What is it? Yeah. His brother or his cousin was in Mexico

that's a watch his documentary and they're like, they're like, we need to legalize like all the drugs because like, I'm over-exam. I don't think his brother had it. I'm going to do the accident anyways.

He's like, because the war on drugs, he's ruining everything in this country, and Mitt Romney should not be against it. And, yeah, but he's like, he doesn't spend any time here. Like, he, like, pretends to not know his Mexican family. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Either that or they're leeches. That's what I would do. That's what I would do about it. Either that or they're like, hey, Mitt, can I please come to the party? And they're like, no, you're going to, you're going to wear a fucking cowboy hat. And they're all, yeah, these just white guys, but they still dress like they got like the cowboy hat on. Yeah.

But it's weird because they were getting fucking wasted. And they moved to Mexico because you couldn't. have multiple wives in America. Yeah. So they moved to Mexico. But they're like, this is our religion. We got to stick by our religion.

But then you also can't get drunk in Mormonism, I don't think. No. You're not supposed to. I don't know why they're like breaking some rules, but that's a fun way to do it. We're going to keep the wives thing. We're going to get fucking wasted.

Yeah. What a fucking nightmare, though, to have that many wives. Yeah. That fucking stink. Yeah, especially if you got children with each one. Yeah, but also, I think the...

Then you got to fuck the children, too. It's part of the... It's exhausted. That's what Joseph Smith said, yeah. Is it really? Oh my God. Wait, really? No, I have no idea.

I don't know, man. Dude, I said, I'd say crazy. Nothing about last week I was talking about, like, the GI Bill. And I guess I have no idea what the fuck the GI Bill is. It does pay for colleges. But I thought it pays for everything. I'm like, dude, these veterans, they get, they get just money handed to them.

There's something that's just not true at all. Yeah. I thought I had to do with your ass, your gastrointestinal. GI Bill. You really? I'm canceling this, but I'm shutting this off. I thought that was. great. No, that's just the gastroenterologist.

His name is Bill. It's like, I'm GI. GI. Yeah, Bill. Come on. Show me that ass. I told this. Can you say that as a doctor?

Can you say show me that asshole? Sure. I mean, is that technically, like, I guess it's not a medical term, but like, where is the line get drawn between using slang and being sexually harassing? Yeah. Are you allowed to use slang? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

All right. Damn, that pussy's. medically. You got to eat more yogurt. That pussy sang. But you tight as shit, I'll tell you that. I'd still fuck you. That means you're healthy, too.

What kind of doctor is this? Dr. Love? What was his name? Dr. Jones. Dude, Dr. Love was the best. You know that guy? He was this teenager who was set up a guy. He was just in a motel.

It was just like eating with it out. They're like, I don't know if this 15-year-old is a doctor or not. I don't know what this new practice is all about. Yeah, at a motel, some teenager eat your pussy. Yeah. Seems like against the rules. That's what I love about life, though, is like... Sometimes you end up in a motel getting your pussy by a black teenager named Dr. Love.

Sometimes you just get fleeced because, like, the, you want, like, men want women so bad that will create fake, like, industries just to have them. I mean, it's a real industry, but, like, a fake path to that industry. You're saying gynaecologist. totally fake. It's a scientist. It's not really. It's not a science. It's just a people who can just look at thoseies that.

Yep. All right. Just a guy taking a deep sniff. That name is shit. See in a year. It was one of those things too where like that doctor love. Like that's just such a sick name. Yeah.

Yeah. How do you, if you fell for that, you deserved. Yeah. But he's like a black guy too. Like, I think he's like, is that a white person? Is that a love? Maybe that's a comment.

The only love, buddy love from fucking, who's Kevin Love? The basketball player. I'm assuming he's not a white guy. No, he's a white guy. Okay. Oh. Now you're interesting. Interesting.

Good player? No, but on this topic, my friend, I have a friend who's a doctor. I always tell him like he's doing my first colonoscopy. He's like, I'm eyes, ears and throat or whatever. You're going to be using all three of them, so on me. I need all the senses. That's hilarious. The doctor smells,

licks, it listens to your balls. And he told me that every, like, doctor coming up in the Northeast has to do a rectal examination before they're, like,

passed as a doctor. And that rectal examination, every doctor does it on the same, guy. What? It's one guy. He loves it. Yeah.

His asshole is like the fucking underground railroad of doctors. Wait, this is insane. Yeah. Yeah. It's one singular guy. I guess he has like the most standard asshole. The most standard assail? Yeah.

The thing is like the kid who told me this is like the most serious person I've ever met in my life. I just picture just like grinning. He's like, time for the check. Yeah. Science rules. Be minus. Do you want to go for extra current?

You get to somebody grinning and looking back at you just with their asshole perked up. If that's like your job, you probably have special pants with just like a you pull a string

and like curtains. It's got music. It's got music. Wamp, wow, wah, wah, wah,

wah, wah, wah, if they fail, Sandman comes out, takes the finger out. You wonder, do you think you can snap somebody's finger in your asshole while they're giving one of those? Like a, ha! Yeah, dude, I think you could.

They use two or one? I don't know. They use one, right? I think it's one. And they could you, could you. Dude, you could totally break somebody's finger that way. Could you? Yeah.

But a finger can bend. Yeah, I don't know. You got to have a real strong asshole. Yeah, maybe. You can probably. dislocate it. Yeah. And you do it, oops?

Whoopsies. Dislocated my fingers. Now it's located in my asshole. Permanently in my asshole. Disslocated. Founded. Located. Yeah, I would go, if I was a doctor, I'd go two fingers.

So they know I'd mean business. Yeah. Dr. Love. Yeah, Dr. Love. My is supposed to be Dr. Two fingers. My name is Dr. Rape. French.

I'd go out to him. Be like, Can you spit on the fingers from? Just put it in your mouth, slowly pull them out. Oh, dude, I don't think I could be a doctor. I couldn't do like surgery. I'm not going to run like blood and not going to stop.

Yeah, blood disgusts me. Well, being a like, whatever family doctor, and no nurse has, nurses have to do all that shit. Yeah, they have to do all that shit. But being a fucking regular ass doctor, you don't fucking do anything. You just look at a person, tell them they're too fat, and then they're like, well.

And you have to say, let's take it. The nurse is going to figure your asshole now. Look at their penises. That's the required. You have to say, let's take a check under the hood. Yeah. It's funny you can say that, but where's this, that's what I'm saying, where's the slang? Where's the line draw with the slang? Yeah.

Because that's, that's weird to say, but it's not. I feel like if you have, these are the rules. You have to be the same gender as a person. Identify gender. What? And it has to be a compliment. Then you can use one of those terms. If you'd be like, that's a hot cock.

then the guy would be like, thank you. Or if you're like, man, if you're like a woman, you're like, your pussy is phenomenal. Then they'd be like, thank you. But if you're a guy and you're like, that pussy is hot. Yeah, yeah. They're just like, oh, God. Okay, thank you.

I think those are the rules. You can't say this pussy's too tight. You can't say your dick's big. You can't say your dick's small. I guess you can't do size in general. Yeah, yeah. But you could do other things. Nice, attractive.

No, I don't think you can do anything in that way. I think you can just say... Smooth. Your penis is obese. Looks like you've been putting a couple pounds on, buddy. Your penis looks like a diabetic, I think. We're going to have to start. Your penis needs cardio, ma'am.

Ma'am. It's a progressive doctor. So, hey, Jona Hill's in the news. You fucking piece of shit. Yeah, I'll tell it, listen. I told you guys this is so backlogged that it's going to come out like four months from now. Jonah Hill's in the news.

It turns out he's not Jewish. How about the... Turns out his rape numbers are... Six million. Four months in the future. Six million they're up to. Would... I guess he likes the younger women, Michael, good.

Right. The woman also didn't look that attractive. Who? Isn't that always how it goes? Every time there's like a girl where they're like, oh, this person sexually assaulted them, they put up like the ugliest bra in the world. And it's like, how do it? Patty? I completely agree.

It is very wild. Because then you look at like a pie chart. Because they always show like, you know, Time Magazine will have a picture of like all the Cosby victims. I mean, I don't know for sure, but I have a vague memory of this. And then you're like, why would, that seems like the one they would go with like the really attract. Because if you're trying to build a case, you know what I mean? You'd be like, okay, this is who. This person was assaulting. Because didn't, wasn't that Trump's defense? He's like, I don't think she's attractive.

I wouldn't have gone near it. Yeah. Yeah. I would have bag. But also, what was it? Jonah Hill that he was just being weird? Yeah, well, he was being weird by sticking a tongue in a 16-year-old's mouth. Wait, this is something different. Yeah, this is hot off the press.

Okay, so do you guys, as listeners, remember when this happened a few weeks ago? Yeah. Do you remember when a young child star at the age of 16 said that Jonah Hill pushed her against the door and shoved his tongue down? This happened? Yeah, allegedly.

How old is he? That's up for debate. He could have been nine. Yeah. He's been in Hollywood. The relationship thing was weird, but also made sense because I'm like, oh, this is clearly some guy who's insecure. Like, he's one of those guys that, like, he had some big, oh, I hate celebrities. He had one of these fucking posts where he's like, yeah, I actually, I was really insecure about my body.

So, you know, I had to wear a t-shirt to the beach. It's like, you're fucking grown, man. Grow the fuck. Who cares if you're fucking fat. Yeah. People also loved him for being fat. Yeah. And you have a diet.

You have the resources to not be fat. Yeah. And I don't feel bad for you being fat. He looks worse, skinny. Yeah. Doesn't he? I don't know. He looks like old.

It's just a beard. Yeah. He has a gross beard. Yeah, he looks gross. Nasty beard. But, yeah, he's doing that whole thing where he's just like, yeah, you know, I go. So I feel like the stuff with him being controlling with the girlfriend is all that. He's like, you can't take pictures with surfer guys.

It's like, it's not like, it's controlling, but it's also like insecure. Because he's like, he's saying these are the rules for our relationship, which like I, you know what I mean? It's like, okay, he was saying if you're not cool that you can leave, that's what it looks like. You got to have rules. Yeah, yeah. It's not like rule number one. Don't fuck anyone else. Yeah.

Because if you don't say that, then they're like, oh, yeah. Well, also, like, I assume it's a celebrity relationship. I bet you're somebody's a celebrity is swingers. So you probably have to establish a lot of that stuff. Oh, that's true. Yeah. You can have sex to Leonardo DiCaprio. Not Owen Wilson.

Yeah. I know Owen Wilson's got that magic cock. I don't want to hear that thing. His nose and his cock. Wow. Look at that pushing. Oh, my God. You know, why I don't get a lick.

Yeah, there we go. You know, life. He's always, like, give us his speech about life. He's like, it comes at you so fast. next thing you know, you're sucking my dick. Anyway, you want to try to overdose? But yeah, you probably have rules like that where it's probably, maybe the rule is just Leonardo Cabrero gets to fuck everybody.

Yeah. That seems like a Hollywood rule with her. It's just what he does. But he's like super nice about it. He's like, I'm not going to go near your girl. Don't worry. Just because she's ugly. He's like, no, don't.

He's way too old. Well, his thing, too, is like there was somebody who came out and had sex to them and they said he put headphones on. and I think you'd have You'd listen to like... During sex? Yeah, I think you'd either metal or dubstep or something like that.

Dude, that's sick, dude. That is odd. No, squirrel, drop it hot. Wait, Angelina. Angelina, what did Leonardo DiCaprio? This isn't from personal experience. What did you hear Leonardo DiCaprio does? What does he listen to when he has sex?

Leonardo DiCaprio apparently wears headphones when he has sex, right? What music does he listen to? Okay, I thought. thought you knew. I thought you heard about this in an article mentioned it. That would be funny if it's a right. You watch that movie about it, right? Isn't that that that card playing movie about that? Oh, okay. The car playing. What the Molly's game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of those where they have like somebody else play him, but that's his thing. Well, he's one of those guys. He has the yachts where you, he takes all your phones and then you just do weird stuff.

Yeah. My dude, him at, or Coach Lowe was the best. It was like clearly him. He's like on so much drugs, listening to to MGMT. Yeah. I like when celebrities rock like that. Dude, he's... Yeah, he's the fucking man. Rock. When they rock out, dude. When they hang loose, brother. Yeah.

But what was it with... Yeah, so Jonah Hill is raping. Yeah, allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah, I got to say that right. His publicist is really gonna come after me. Yeah, I don't know, dude. It's...

That when I saw just the text, I was like, this seems fine. Like, I'm totally, like, I don't think that's wrong at all. I don't think he's wrong. It was controlling. Like, it was, it's really lame to be a celebrity and be madderick. Yeah, yeah, it's dorky.

It's, like, yeah. But it adds up for him because he's like, so many of his relationships were probably, like, kind of contractual, like, in a way, you know, because, like, you just get girls that are hotter than you are. Yeah, yeah. So you're like, they, they're clearly in it for something. You're in it for their body.

Yeah, yeah. And then it probably creates this weird dynamic where you're like, like, and you can, keep doing that and eventually you're like, all right, these are the things I don't like. MGMT. Oh, okay. Wow. That's awesome.

While vaping. Raping? Oh, vapes. How do you get hard while vaping? Leonardo DiCaprio, dude. He just acts it out. He's a method. Yeah, let me go method.

All right. So you're a guy on Bluetooth. Here's your motivation coming on our tits. He's just like, he does the inception. He's like, we got to. put you under and I have to come with it a cum I was hoping what do you cut me off

no no no no I like that one I hear this joke I heard the other day terrible joke okay yeah that's what we need more of on this podcast was at an open mic this kid goes my friend said try to hook me up with a black girl I said sex with a black girl

better wear a wakondum that's your joke come on dude it's not my joke yeah that's your joke no it's not yeah man that's your joke

no I didn't write that yeah some guy at an open I heard him saying and I was like dude you can't say that that'll never work but he did it

yeah yeah who was it what's his name I don't know is something like nerdy nerdy I think you're making it up

but you're just testing out your racist material that was your joke dude I think that's on the next news from bed. No, because there's nothing about Waconda forever. Yeah, Waconda's been out of news recently ever since that guy died of cancer.

Oh, Chadwick. Wiconda Forever Stunk. That was a bad movie. What do you think about that, fellas? I think I started, I watched too many movies before bed and I just kind of doze off on it. Yeah. You know, it's a good movie. That device documentary I watched before you guys got here.

It was about the Kirk, dude, Kyrgyzstan wife. kidnapping uh tradition. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's like this like the typical vice thing

where it's like a nerdy reporter. Yeah. And he's like just some Brooklyn guy like a flannel with like the weird hipster glasses and it's like 2012. Yeah. And he's just in these vans with these guys and like, uh, and they're just like kidnapping a woman.

Like it's part of our culture. It's what we do. We're like, what the fuck is this? I like how that guy probably went back to vice. He's like, you'll never guess what's happening in Kyrgyz's thing. he'll never figure this one out. They're raping their living.

Well, they already know the guy's going to kidnap them, though. So it's kind of lame. That's like a surprise party that you planned yourself. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but it was one of those things that where it's like, the woman doesn't know. That she does? No, she doesn't. I was watching the thing. The, uh, well, that may have been a different woman. So some of them know. Oh, okay. So some of them are a little more legit. Some of them are privy. Yeah, so some of them, they're dating and some of them they're dating somebody else. Like there's somewhere like, I have a boyfriend while she's getting kidnapped.

And they're like, no, these the girls. I don't know how to a courte standing accent. They're weird. They're like, they're Russians, but they're Asian Russians. But yeah, it was fucking insane because that guy's just like really like, the guy's like videotaping a woman just getting kidnapped. And you're like, what the fuck is this vice? Like you're not going to step in there and be like, I guess it's a cultural thing.

But she was dating the guy, but she's like, yeah, I didn't want to get, she like, I told him a bunch of times. I don't want to do the kidnapping thing. Some of it's like a fun tradition that they did where they're like, oh, we're both on board. It's like a playful thing. They're Thanksgiving. But some of it's not though.

Yeah, some of it's not. Wow. And this is what I'll say it's not racist because that's an actual, like, it's not like, oh, Asians with their culture of drought. You're like, no, this actual cultural tradition. Yeah. You're like, this is that traditionally they do this. And they're like, yeah, it's for, I don't know any other way of life.

Yeah. And there was a guy who made like videos on. He made like a movie that was like pro this. And apparently like went up a bunch. Oh, wow. And he's like, yeah, no, I mean, the West in America, they're doing homosexuality. They're getting divorced and stuff like that. It's not wrong.

Yeah, yeah. We're not doing that. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like, I don't know if kidnapping a woman's really. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's definitely, that's not. There should be sometimes where you go, that, that culture is bad. Yeah, that hasn't made it in the parade yet.

Yeah. Every parade, just three women go missing. Oh, yeah, this is the Kirkston's dance. It's really just like board. We're like some of them, it was funny because the vice reporter, is walking up with them to kidnap the... He's basically complacent and, like, whatever this is. But he's walking up, he's like,

you guys aren't going to use, like, a blanket or anything? Like, he's asking them if they're going to, like, he's like, use them out, like, a bag or something. He's like, not this time, no. That didn't work out the last time. We had to kill her. It's so weird. They're in, like, this weird teepee thing.

And, like, this old, just, like, this old woman with, like, one of those weird headbands is just putting honey in, like, the girl's mouth. They're like, it's good for you. It's good for you. You're like, what is this fucking place? What if instead of like fighting wars with bullets, we fought it with pride and like we just infiltrate Kyrgyzstan. With homosexuality.

With a pride parade. Because they wouldn't know what to do. You don't be good. We say you're gay if you shoot us. I think they would have an idea. They know what they want to do. Deep inside. There are places that are so homophobic.

You could be like you're actually homosexual if you shoot it. Like just some sort of like you're going to. You could convince them. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Inside of my guts is a picture of Muhammad. If you shoot me, it will be. Yeah.

To virgin eye. Yeah, that's why it doesn't work whenever you stand by something too much. You're like, this is so... And I looked it up because I was curious. Like, maybe they'd have some redeeming qualities. No, falconry. That was like the only other thing they do.

That's pretty sick. That is cool. That's cool. But I don't know if it overshadows kidnapping. Yeah, and you still need to wear a glove. Yeah. Yeah. They put a blindfold over the Falcon too.

They kidnapped the Falcon. It's pretty crazy. It is a... It literally was like an old school where just driving by an event. Like, they throw her in like a van and they're like, no, it'll be fun. Wedding will be good. And you're like, what?

God damn. And then they bring them back to the family's house and like, the family's like excited. They're like, oh my gosh, you can have our daughter. This is great. It's so fucking weird. That is weird. But it's weird also that it's 50-50. So like sometimes it's like, oh, no, they were dating and this is like just a fun wedding tradition.

But it's like, what a fucking stupid tradition. Yeah. Kidnapping? Yeah, there's. You're cosplaying rape basically. And you're like, oh, no, it's, you know. This is the worst Comic-Con. Emphasis on con.

I fucking hate you. Shut up. This is more criminal than the Kyrgyzstan people. Kyrgyns? What do you call them? Kyrgyz. Kyrgyz? Kiergis.

Cheese Kergs? I don't know what it is. Yeah, I don't know. Everything that's going on over there, I'm just, you know what? Just do it. Yeah, have fun. I don't care. We just launch a missile every once in a while.

It's like taking it. antibiotics just shroom out there. Because you know it's not good. There's too much gasoline in the air. Any country that has too much sheep going on. But also like I wonder, what would like, is there like a, is there like a vice version of that though

where like they're coming here and they're like, in America it's cultural to smoke crystal meth and fuck your cousin. Like you know what I mean? They could do the same exact thing because maybe we're just seeing the bad part of Kyrgyzstan. And maybe really they're like a, there's probably some guy in an office who's just like, god damn. Like he's just a regular guy.

He works in nine to five. and then the receptionist is just getting kidnapped by four Kyrgyzstan people and he's like, I hate this country. He's like, it sucks, so hard. We, I need to get on a giant turtle and get out of it.

We were saying, we were, however we travel in Kyrgyzstan. Everything is insane, dude. The beginning of the documentary, they're at like a rodeo where people are like playing a game with like a dead sheep. You're like, what the fuck is this, man?

Really, there's some cultures you should be able to poke at and be like, that's wrong. What do you do? Knock it off. What do you do it? That's why aliens haven't like checked in. They're like, oh, the aliens are already here. Yeah.

Kurtzstan kidnapping women and fucking playing dead sheep. In the Western world. It's so many too. They talk to elders, though. They're like, there's no other way to do it. They're like, we got to do this. This is the best way. My father kidnapped is a life.

Yeah, yeah. My father's father. There's like, there's obviously people in the country that are against it. They're like, yeah, everybody's committing suicide. And they're like, but they. but they stay together while they're alive. It's like, yeah, but then she fucking kills herself because it's a terrible way to live.

But we were talking about before, they always have a nerdy, white vice guy. We were saying you need a black vice reporter. Oh, shit. Shit, you steal that bitch? Hell no. Hell no.

What you gonna do with her? You could have picked a better one, man. Damn. That bitch flat. What about that one? She busted. Can I get that one? Anybody got Van?

Are we good people? No. It's funny that the culture of the bang butt. That's like their version of bang, but it's bang Mary. Yeah, yeah. There's also we're better about that. That's funny too.

They were like, look, this is happening in America too. They're like they're doing. It's like we, you know, the bank, I don't know, I support the bang bus. It's always fun when the bang bus goes to like a college tail gave and they get just some drunk college guys like, hell yeah! And then he just bangs.

It's kind of funny how their version, their version of fuck Mary kill is all one one. Fuck Mary Kill. That was the funniest thing was where I came out. People were like, this is like so offensive towards the Kazakhstan culture and it's spot on.

I know it's one country over, but like come on. Yeah, they probably do the same. male confused sometimes, I'm sure. This is for Gatsyxie? Yeah, that's... You get our males confused sometimes, too. You know what I'm talking about?

Are you making a joke about the transgender people? Nope, no, no, definitely not. Nope. Absolutely. Can't get more of that, babe? Yeah, let me hit it one more time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's fucking... I realize I can't do podcasts unless I can see stars

out of the corner of my eyes. Dude, that's what it does. Get a little hit of that Little stars Get some stars Go on the stars are all here I got two stars right next to me As far as I'm concerned

Hey Hey I'm gonna throw out this fucking episode You have one more The fucking jokes You don't realize it yet But this is your best episode I'm having a great time

But every We get a bed To be guys I'm throwing in one of these lame ass fucking jokes But it is fun now It is fun now For you guys to do it

For me to get upset about it Yeah we can't stop No no no definitely throw one in next time you get a shot. But I was pissed. I was watching a vice documentary. That's all I'm doing now. It's just watching vice documentaries.

Yeah. Because some of them were cool. There's like, you know, phone ones on like the juggalo's. You know, like, that looks... I feel like I would fit in and write it to juggler. Yeah, you would. It's just white trash NPR. I know.

It looks so fucking fun. Like, it looks like a great time. Yeah. And there's something... I'm too attracted to like the, what's it called? Men? Just like the chaos. To men wearing clown face pain.

So they're all like, what's that? insane clown. Yeah, yeah. Not a good band. But I don't know. I'll take it. I kind of like them too. They're terrible music, but I kind of like them just being like... Are they the ones who's staple masks to their face? They do all kinds of stuff. Yeah, they're big on like amateur wrestling type shit.

Okay. I don't know what happened to me that I just hate civilized society and I'm like obsessed with people that are like, we're going to sheet in bottles and then drive motorcycles off a cliff while playing rap rock. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like all in for that. And then I go to an event. like that. And you're like, oh, you can't smell it on video. Yeah, everyone smells like shit, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, oh, these are bad.

We're doing the juggalo piss contest where we all piss on each other instead of a wet t-shirt. You're like, what is this? Yeah. But you're like, I don't know, this is better than an office. You know what I'm like? Like, I'm more disturbed by like an office than I am by people who are like stumbling. Yeah. I was thinking that scene from wanted where he smashes the keyboard over the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've never related to something more of my life. And I'm like, oh, man. That, that, you are kind of, you kind of have a James McA boy kind of flare to you. Little Pussy is what you're saying?

No, is it not a meek little pussy? At the beginning of the movie. Well, yeah, you're still at the beginning of your movie, dude. Oh, thanks, man. Wait until you start curving bullets and get the fuck in the little Joe. Get to pay all that child support. Does he fuck around that movie? I don't think so, but I think it's like implied.

Yeah, I mean, he wanted to. You know what? Yes. I'm on board now. You save me with the puns. I'm still on board now. You know those baths where they let? and it just like solidified.

I just soaking in Angelina Jolie in one of those. It's like on top of her. Just solidified. Well, that guy's just banging his little rat. This is my friends. Okay. Morgan Freeman's like,

The jobs are not for soaking. Everyone knows the rules. They're strictly for healing wounds in a matter of time. Which is his jizz. Full of James McVeweig. Oh, I was thinking Morgan FreeBitts It's just busted loads with this fucking

That would be good if that was the twist of the movie And it wasn't whatever You guys have been soaking in my gum Morgan, damn it Morgan free use You can fuck my ass You don't need to ask me I will just bend over the table

Do what you will with my body I'm free use to now Take your time I'll be here all day I have nothing to do But dishes and cleaning the table God, this is just the blackout you fuck up the ass?

Does it sound like you're The soft voice? Waiting for rhymes to happen. This is everything you wanted. Bruce wasn't it? You wanted to fuck me? I know every man's fantasy is to come in my ass

without me even paying attention. I'm Morgan Freeuse. Something so calming about it. I don't want to bang dudes but there's something so relaxing about. Those ones are the weirdest porn videos. Do you think he has the moles around his asshole that he has on his face.

Oh, for sure. You can find my asshole. It's the biggest mole. Search for the North mole. Shines bright. Free use, they are like the weirdest ones. I didn't want this, pal. I just want to go back to my wife.

My life, I didn't hate it. You take your time over there, prepare yourself. Get ready. What are like the tricks. pull you know the drawer where it opens and it just keeps going what's that person of that i'm like that's from bruce almighty yeah that's i was doing the whole time you were doing brusel yeah yeah i switched it you guys didn't hear that no no you caught that right no yeah he wants his life back so he goes he goes into the warehouse and then it's just morgan free men warehouse he's like

you can be god for a day you can be god for a day that's what god is is the god you got no i said god is morgan freeman he lets you that's what your power's art he's like you think you're walking on water. You're really walking on my god. They're really swimming in my asshole. Take off your shoes. Stay a while. I have nowhere to be.

I've got. Time is irrelevant. Only time I need is a time it takes for you to come in my ass. If you really got, how many fingers do I have in my ass right now? Yeah. Free use.

What is free? I've never heard of this. It's like a porn video where it's like a mom and a daughter. They both just like do work, housework all day. And the sun is allowed to just trounce around and just fuck them whatever he wants.

Yeah, sounds like a drink. My fucking watch it. It's kind of weird because it's like they're not into it. Have you seen that? Which one? Freeze porn. It's like a weird rape scenario

where the person freezes. And then the camera's like, I guess I can do whatever. Oh, dude. I used to kind of like fantasize about that when I was a kid because of the Twilight Zone. There's this episode of the Twilight Zone where everyone stops. And like not once does he fuck anyone?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, you just mouth fuck everybody. Definitely be amazing. It was just throwing up cum when time comes back. He's like, blah. Disha's just like, what happens? His face is covered. Why do I feel dirty?

one teenager just smoking a cigarette in the back of the class. I guess they didn't get me. Just like totally wiped out. He's got a water IV in his arms. Does anyone have any coconut water? Nathan, did you pause time and rape all your classmates? We all know you have the ring that could pause. How long would it take you guys until you started fucking mouths if everyone was frozen?

I don't think I would rape people. Oh, good for you. 25 minutes. 25? No, it would take me, it's that Louie thing where it's like you need to know long enough that it's not going to change anytime soon. And then what I'd probably do is I'd find someone who was already in the middle of having sex when time stopped. And then pull the man from the throes of her vagina and then.

trade places like an Indiana Joe quick swap she's like wait a second she comes back wait a minute you're not a black

guy I knew this felt bad I knew I wasn't enjoying this I'm just like you can't see color I'm Morgan Freeman again

Morgan Freeman again Morgan Free use again that is why I like Morgan Free Free Use a lot dude it's getting hot here yeah i'd have to turn the fan off rough it's too loud of the podcast you're just sweating talking about that's that's cool dude i like the heat like everyone's like bitching about the heat i like it i hate it i like just kind of just soaking in it just like

yeah well your body feels good no yeah i did thank you i hate that's true yeah i love this i love this i've said almost every year for i think from december 30th to january 30th i'm going to go to florida and do shows down there yeah you should yeah yeah that's like that's the worst time. I hate, I hate being cold. I hate wearing a jacket. I have to wear these stockings. They don't. Oh, yeah. Your legs fucked up. Yeah, you can't really wear shorts. Not because of a specific thing that happened. Yeah, not because of the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. You know what that is, it is funny because the vaccine is obviously everybody's like, you know, the misinformation of it. But the Johnson and Johnson is the one where you could be like, it gave me AIDS. You can say whatever you want to. Yeah. Because it's so bad that Johnson. John's probably

not even defending. And they're like, yeah, we don't know what we were thinking with that. We're not even associated with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We haven't been checking in on it. That is really fun because you, you matter what, you could just shit hard on the Johnson Johnson Jackson taxi. This was complete poisoning.

Their lab is just a bunch of golden retrievers with like thick brim glasses and lab coats. Spilled liquids everywhere. You like that idea that a husband telling his wife, I got AIDS because of the Johnson and Johnson. It's not because of gay sex. Yeah, there's always the celebrities. They always like, they're always like, yeah, man, easy, he was having straight.

It's like, that's not. Yeah. Oh, dude, I got an AIDS test the other day. What? Yeah. I was just due for like a full examination. You got tested for AIDS? Yeah, they do like a little brick on your finger.

And then they're like, it's live in the moment. So there's like a 30 second shot clock where you're like, I definitely have it. Dude, I also, I had like this vertical striped shirt and I left the house. And then I looked down. I was like, I can't wear the shirt. To get an AIDS test. AIDS. We're in this shirt.

They test you five times. They're like, sir, come on. Sir, come on. Sir, you don't have AIDS. Yeah. Yeah, I think I've been AIDS tested before just because, like, yeah, it's like, they're like, we're going to test your blood.

You want us to check out if there's any AIDS now? I'm like, there's no way I got AIDS. Yeah, you almost don't want them to check. Like, I'd rather just die with AIDS and never know I had. I mean, now it's pretty treatable. Spread it to a million people. I forgot about that part. I don't have enough sex to think about spreading it.

Yeah, but if you found out you have AIDS, I feel like some people are like, I kind of want to have a bunch of sex now. Well, there's a... I kind of really... Sometimes I turn into Joe Rogan on this podcast. We guys doing a fun bit. I'm like, actually, you know, when you're looking at...

Actually, when you look into the AIDS stats. Yeah, there's that AIDS restaurant. Remember when a month and a half ago that came out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a restaurant where everyone has AIDS that works there. Yeah. And nobody wants to fucking eat at it. Oh, man.

What's the name of it? It's, uh, are you positive? Yeah. Are you positive? Do you want to eat here? Yeah. Yeah. It's just a terrifying idea.

It's called the slutty monkey. I don't, that thing wasn't proven, right? Somebody fucked a monkey. Got AIDS out? No, I, well, I don't know. I think that's like one of those things they threw out after like they leaked it. Yeah. They're like, it was the fucking monkey.

Yeah, yeah. There's always one guy they're blaming. They're like, yeah, some guy ate a bat. Some guy fucked a monkey. Yeah, if you're going to fuck a monkey, you have to be ready for the consequences of them blaming a global pandemic on you. That's like what your thing, after you come, you're like, oh, there is no upside to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would like if it was. Like Indonesia just has horouses where you just bang orangutans. And then they're like, really? Yeah, yeah. I saw a vice documentary about it. The vice guys are standing. there in the corner. Some Brooklyn guy

who just got your dick sucked by an orangutan. I didn't want to be disrespectful to the culture. Can they like rip your cock off? Yeah. If you're a fucking pussy. Is that part of the thrill?

Yeah. No, they like, they dressed up like a lady. That's so funny. Dude, how? What level of delusion? You have to be like,

dude, I'm not going to fuck this orangutan tail unless you put a dress on. Like, at what point is that taking you out of it? You're like, oh, no, now it's a woman. Now it, yeah.

I wonder if everybody puts like implants on it. You know what I mean? You could probably get some juicy knockers on that. Yeah, a couple of coconuts. Yeah, maybe shave it a little bit. You've been a coconut broad. That's a funny thing.

We've got to be like, you gave me the rington with the hairy and pussy. No, thank you. It's been just... It's so funny. It's never not a funny people. It's terrible. It's a horrible crime,

but it's very funny to think about an orangutan in high heels and still alive. Yeah. So orangutan to do the Jamie Lee Curtis dance and True Lies. Oh, true. Just in a thong Do it slower I think it's just drugged up But it's like at what point

Does that feel better than just having sex The pocket pussy? Like they'll live or anything You know what it is? I think it's just yeah So you can like go like dude You'll never believe what I think last night Best Bachelor Party ever

The curtains do match the The curtains. Do the curtains match the apes? Yes I'm bad I am. You guys brought it back. It was so lame at the beginning. You had that wanted one.

You had that curtains match the apes. And I'm fully into this idea. I'm a big fan of this. This is the best. You have the greatest podcast on Earth. That's what the listeners say every week. I get a lot of love from people. No.

I've never once had a comment from anybody. Really? Well, on YouTube, you might be holding inappropriate comments. No, I specifically say allow all comments. Like, it's not even worth my time to tell this guy to kill himself. You'll do it on his own. Oh, man. What kind of monkey would you fuck, though?

Well, a chimp is the closest to human beings. But maybe there's no allure to that. Yeah, that would bother me, I think. You'd want it to be something just totally looks different? What about, like, a super, like, wealthy monkey? Like, when she's like, my father has all the bananas. It's probably a TikTok. There's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably,

Fuck Dixie Kong, dude. I bet you in Japan, there's some sort of, like, monkey that has, like, way more money than all of us. For sure. Because it's, like, on TikTok, any rides, roller skates or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, but... But this is the scenario. They put a gun to your head.

You got out of sex with one primate. It sucks at every time you have a gun to your head. It's never, like... Or something like that. It's always, like, give me your money. It's also so elaborate to be fucking animal. Yeah. Give me your money or fuck this animal.

Yeah. It's always a scenario. But you know it is a crazy scenario? Dude, I was hearing about, you know, the rape in Nanjing when, like, Japan went to China and just, like, did a horrendous war crimes. Yeah. Killed babies on samurai swords.

Apparently, there's a thing where they put guns to the guy's head and say, you have to fuck your mother in front of us. We're going to kill you. Oh, wow. And they kill them anyways. But it's also... And now we just get it for free on porn. But it's also...

That is such a crazy scenario while you're just... Like, your arm probably gets tired while you're, like, watching the guy. Yeah. That's true. That's going to take a long time to come and your mom. At that point, I'd be like, like, just kill me. I genuinely think I'd rather

be killed than have sex with my mom. Yeah, because it's not like you're going to fuck your mom. They're going to be like, all right, go back to them. See how Christmas. Everything's over. I guess we'll leave now. Can he make chili? Yeah, you're going to get killed either way. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's going to be a shitty feeling. They're like, ha, ha, we kill you anyways. You're like, God, God, damn. I knew it. I had a feeling. You're smirking the whole time. Go to heaven. God's like, what was that all about there at the end. He said, people would be like, what the ones that all about?

That's crazy. It's crazy how creative people get in war times that they're like doing things like that. It's like, yeah, I just kill everybody. You're just like,

but they're like, no, we have to like just disgrace this whole country. Yeah. Yeah, I would, I don't know. I would never do that.

No, no, but you're in the scenario, you're just a gun to your head. I think everybody would do it because you'd have to, like, your mom gets killed too. So you're saving.

I think I'd rather blow my dad than fuck my mom. Yes. Yes, 100%. Yeah, my dad's got a tiny penis. But then you've got to get closer. Stuff in my face. You want it to be basically in the other room, you know?

That's true. Yeah. That is weird. 409 and a half football. You're a mean one. You're a big one. My dad. Your cock goes on.

for days. We had a guy in high school he would do apparently gay porn to save his mom with cancer or that was just what he was telling people he was doing it for.

Yeah, I don't see how that saves. He gives his full head of hair. Well, because it was like Yeah, there's a guy and I remember like, it's toe cancer. I think there was like parents

that complained. They're like, we can't just have a senior and he's 18 and he's doing it to save his mom. That's like the, that is a would you rather scenario. It's like you are doing

gay porn to save. your mom's life. Yeah. Wow. But he was gay? No, apparently he was straight. That's what he's just telling me. It seems like just a...

I feel like he could just do straight porn and be like, hey, guys, please watch this. Like I don't want to be gay. Watch me bang it through the ass and save my mom. Please like and subscribe. I don't want to do gay porn. I'm not into it. Yeah, they always say that there's like, yeah, the guy who wasn't into it but did it for my...

I think people do that for like drugs, but like, I don't know what scenario you're doing like a full featured film and you're like signing all. this paperwork and you're like going to sit and get out of that. Well, at this point, I mean, there's so many guys that, I'm bisexual. I would be worried about that because if you have, even if you're on Blue True, you have sex with a bunch of guys. Like, because, like, I've been doing comedy for like four years. So now I think I'm a comedian. Oh, you're saying the porn thing where they're like, you're not even after four years. They're like, four years of plowing ass. Yeah, they're like, you're not even one of the experts. Well, I think with porn it goes the opposite. I don't

know, it's like, I think the nape of a woman's neck starts looking a little different after that. That is, uh, you're saying, napey. You're saying you start becoming gay after. I'm saying you become a hot fag, Michael, good. Don't make me spell it out. F-A-G. Well, no, Patty.

What I'm not understanding, none of the ones that do it longer end up doing the, uh, the gay point, though, like, like Ron Jeremy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy never went that way. Johnny Sins, they never went that way. Yeah, that's true. Peter North. He was Peter North.

You don't know Peter North? No. That's because Johnny Sins came out ahead. He's like, I'm sitting. And God spared him becoming home with sex. You know, it's weird. I changed my opinions on the puns again. I kind of don't like that.

I want to end the episode right now. Yeah. Peter North is known for his massive come shots. Okay. Right. But apparently he started in gay porn. Oh, okay, but he moved on. He moved on.

Yeah, you go that way. That's how it works. You go from gay porn to straight porn. You don't go from straight porn and then you start banging dude. It never goes that way. Once you're at this level, you don't start going that way. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

But, you know, one day we'll all be like an amalgamist being fucking each other. I mean, we should do that with comedy, though. We should be doing gay comedy right now. And then we'll make our way to straight comedy. We'll make our way to straight comedy. That's true. I saw somebody, somebody made a post like that. They were like, uh,

I said, it said, like, introduction. I see you're not original. Yeah. No, no, no, there's this post, this girl posted, she's teaching LGBTQ comedy level one. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, bro, I'm a level one straight comic, level four gay. I'm a level four Mexican comic.

By the way, if you cut out me saying fag. I'm not. I'm not. I'm leaving it. I don't support it. But I'm leaving it. But it was funny. Yeah.

Don't support it at all. Yeah, the homosexuality. I support your slurs. What like tier do you think the F word is on the list? Two, there's one. We know what one is and then there's two. Well, that's S. S is the highest.

S is the N word. What tier is the N word is S? It's S than A, B, C, D, E. F. What system? Why don't we have... Video games. Okay, I don't understand this. What does the S mean?

S means like superior. Oh. So that's the end word. That's the one. Oh. That's the N word. That's the one. Yeah.

And then A is probably the F word. Yeah. You said it already. We're saying fag on the pot. We're there. We're there. All right. Not this time.

Not me. A is fag. B is probably tranny. Tranny? Retard might be tied. Yeah. Is retard worse than fag? You're so funny.

These cameras are running right now, I'd be very comfortable in this conversation. The second the camera's out, I'm like, retarded. The C word for. Asian people. That's like a... Oh yeah, that's probably a... That's a harsh one. That might be a C.

But that's a new thing where that's the harsh one, though. Yeah, you gotta factor in time in the league, like the time you put in their career. N-Words have had a big career, dude, Hall of Fame career.

Also, though, what happens is... Best of the best. You see how people respond to it, and that's when you decide. Because, like, I didn't know that people even had an issue with the word chink, and then I heard people get in trouble for it.

And then I was like, oh, it's bad. But I didn't know. It's like, you don't know until you see people are like, oh, that's how we feel about that word. That's what my grandmother used to call the Chinese restaurant. Really? Chinks, yeah. Say everyone get in the car.

We're going to Chanks. So I guess it's all reference based around who you're like with and you're like, this is bad to. That's what your grandpa would call the place? My grandmother. Oh, okay. Came out of a woman's mouth. Yeah, we're finding out they're all bad people.

They're all bad people. Well, that's what's going to, like, we're all fucked when we're old. Dude, you ever listen? I, I listen to radio from like 2004 and I'm like, these are horrible people. Like, radio shows I like. I liked. I was like, oh, these were, I was like, this is bad. Like, this is, it's, it's like, I'm fine with obviously humor. I'm like, don't put it, say whatever. None of that. I don't, that's just what I feel. But then they're like, there's like,

like, just the way they're like acting. I'm like, people were just so mean. Yeah. And I'm all for keeping the humor. I'm like, sit, talk about everyone, make all kinds of jokes. But then like a callers come in. They're like, no, you should actually kill yourself. You guys are losers. You, I hate you. Yeah, I would argue telling someone to kill themselves is worse. I think so. Well, I think it depends on if you're jokingly doing it. Yeah. Because somebody just got in trouble for that in the comedy scene

for telling an audience member to go kill themselves. Whom? I'm not getting into gossip, but somebody told an audience member to go kill themselves. Oh, okay. And then their fan base, like, backfired on them. It was like, it's terrible. I can tell somebody to go.

It's like, if somebody kills himself because they're told to kill himself, then they already want to kill themselves. It's like, you don't, I don't. Like, it's like, yeah, that's a bad thing to do to bully somebody didn't kill themselves. But at the end of the day, it's like, that person still chose to kill themselves.

Yeah, that's just like an audit of who. human life. Yeah, yeah. Take responsibility for your own actions, is what I would say. Yeah. Well,

we got to end it. Yeah, we all got to kill ourselves now. What do you want to promote? It's all done. Me and Levi are doing a little show in August that you were supposed to be on. Which one?

Not supposed to, but I asked you. August 5th in Utica. Yeah. Oh, dude, I would have fucking love to. I'm in Florida, though. You're in Florida.

Yeah. Yeah, damn. Okay, I forgot you asked me. Yeah, because you would have liked the lake. There's a lake. I know. You told me. has been great.

A lot of aquatic vehicles and such. I love aquatic vehicles. I'm gonna die. News from bed, the podcast on YouTube. Check that out. Patty is funky on Instagram. You guys what I do?

What's it called? How we turn the air condition off? So we're like sweating and we're like, if this ever gets clipped and we're just sweating in a room saying, it's such a funny thing. If we just dredged and sweat. Yeah.

It looks so much worse. Just three white guys just sweating. just like, I think the word dagget is the second worst of stuff is hard. What do you want from out? Levi the White

on Instagram. That's it. I don't have a show anymore. Bye.