Morning Good - Phase 15 - Episode 158

Episode Date: February 26, 2023

Dan Carney and Jake Velazquez return to the show for today's episode. They take about the presidents before Washington, fabricating a rags-to-riches backstory, and getting cornrows.Thanks to Jake and Dan for coming back on the show, check them out at their links down below for more info and links to their podcasts, road dates, etc.Dan is on Instagram @danmancarney and if you're in Florida, check him out in Miami on 3/5 and Tampa on 3/26. Jake is on Instagram @jakevcomedy and co-hosts the Do Less Podcast with former guest Mike Bramante.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love Dirty Mike and the Boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are. What's this? They called the podcast? Morning Good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to Morning. Off to the races, and we're here with Dan Carney. Oh, my God. Good to be here on the Morning Good podcast. Yeah, and Jake Velazquez. Pleasure to be here. Yeah?

You happy about being here? one up than, you know. I think pleasure and good or equal. No, no, no, no. Maybe to the women, you're fucking. I mean, what would you rather hear after sex? That was good or that was a pleasure. That was a good.

Dad, are you fucking. He's like, that was a real pleasure fucking you, sir. That's like Barack Obama would say that. Pleasure fucking you. It was a real pleasure. Very nice. Serbian, my goodness. That was a good.

That's a good point. He had to have the biggest penis at all the presidents, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa, racist. Yeah, that's racial profile. He actually... He had the smallest of all the presidents.

What's his name had the biggest? I'll tell you what? Donald Trump? Easily. Who is who? I'm so dumb. I will say this. If Donald Trump did have a big dick,

he would have shown it. He's the kind of guy that would have shown his penis. You never seen his penis? No, I know. There are nudes of him. Real ones, though? Or like,

I don't know. It doesn't matter. don't check to see if they're... Celebrity jihad. It's just him and then, like, who was the other big one? Just like, I don't know. You know who I bet who had a big penis?

Because people say that Abraham Lincoln was kind of like on the spectrum. He just had a hog. He had a huge hog. And dude, he was like a beast at wrestling. He's in the pro wrestling Hall of Fame. LBJ, though, is supposed to have a... Yeah, I heard that.

Dude, I heard he was like a toilet dipper. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Wait, how'd you hear about this? Yeah. Everyone's been talking. People don't. It's in that... In my circles, it's pretty common discussion.

You know how they say there's that black book that presidents get when they're elected? It's like aliens, who shot Kennedy, and who had the biggest beattis. It's the size of all of them. You have to write down your penis like. Yeah.

Franklin was a president, but I picture him having it. It's crazy that you see a short fat guy, you assume they have a show. Wait, who did you say? Franklin. He wasn't a president, but out of the founding fathers.

Benjamin Franklin? Yeah. Well, today's president's day. So we should stay on president. Yes. Who do you think had the smallest penis of all the presidents? Barack Obama.

Brock Obama. Yeah. He broke every barrier. Probably the, probably the fatest penis. Probably Tafts, right? Because fat dudes normally don't have any digs. He died in his bathtub.

Yeah. Trying to find his penis. He was in there for 10 hours. You drown trying to find out of the penis. He did drive in the bathtub, right? He got stuck in one. but I think that was a different incident to how he died.

Oh, yeah, he got stuck. Yeah, yeah. JFK definitely had the smoothest. He had the best cock. Yes. He had the best cock. Probably like that Lewis CK joke. It was like marinated in olive oil.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, he had like like a seven on the dot inches, maybe even 6.9, just to give the ladies a little bit more comfort. Exactly. He's not trying to hurt anybody. It wasn't too big, but it was the nicest cock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a cock you could put on TV.

But then he got. But then he got murdered. LBJ took over. Took his penis. He was the biggest. The biggest. There's a story of someone, I don't know if it was him.

Move over, pretty boy. Like a story of him. Forrest cocks coming to town. Or like a different president asked like why they were in one country during a war and he's like, this is why it just took his thing.

Wait, really? Yeah. Before like social media, being president was probably wild. Dude, he had one, wasn't he taking a shit during like a meeting with, I heard there was a thing where he would, have meetings with the press, but he'd be like, yeah, you can interview me. I don't know why.

He sounds like that. He's Will Arnett. But yeah, you can interview me and see my. But I heard you'd have like the press like in his bathroom when he would like, who? Uh, Johnson. Oh, Lyndon B. Johnson? Yeah, just to like show his penis. And it'd be like, wow, he's shitty. But that's a small dick move. Yeah, but you're not, I don't know what, you know what? No balls. Big Cuck, no balls. I mean, there's no big dick with little balls. But I'm just saying, big balls and little dick. But if I had a big cock, I wouldn't like, let people interview me while I'm in the bathroom to show off my penis.

Yeah, but it's a horrible part. No, I don't think, I think he was doing a big dick move. It had nothing to do with showing off anything. He was just like, this is what I think of the press. You could interview me, but if I'm taking a shit. Oh, okay. Which is very big dick. Which is a big dick.

That is a big dick. And then they see it hitting the toilet. I'm back on that big dick. I'm back on LBJ's big dick. Yeah. Yeah. I think he's supposed to, yeah, he might be up there. He was the first black.

Lyndon Big Johnson What do you think about Biden? Rinkly. Very wrinkly. Has it been hard at a long time? Definitely like... It's a crinkle cut. The penis never left the pool.

Definitely the acorn look where it's like... Yeah. Like, he probably has big testicles, though. He's like an old guy. It's probably like one testicles very big. The other one's like... It's not cancer, but one's bigger than the other.

His testicles look like alien. Just vanies. The testicles look like Russia and then Ukraine. That was the size of Russia and was the size of Ukraine. He's got like an acorn that's like pointed slightly to the left. Yeah. But also like I don't think he's like an evil guy. I just don't think he really knows what.

Yeah, he's kind of just there for the ride. Oh, he's, yeah, he's a good guy. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I just don't think, you know, I think he's got that. In the war of good versus evil, I don't know if he's in the good side. I don't know if anybody, if you're a president, are in the good side. I think his son had something to do with something.

Now, he's giving a lot of money to them. He's a scumbag. He's a criminal. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sure he's also an idiot, but he's just, I don't know, sort of a puppet, which is never good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, like, a puppet doesn't have a mind, though.

So I don't know if that's evil or just, like, being part of it. I think they do, though. You're owned by evil, though. Yeah, I think their mind is that they can benefit. So you're saying that those slaves that were owned by the founding. Father's evil? That's a different

type of own Yeah. They weren't owned spiritually a piece of shit on President's Day. Come on. By bad.

By bad. How did you guys celebrate President's Day? Dude, I woke up early thinking I was going to get stuff done and just didn't.

Yeah. Real quick, though. That's presidential. Before we get you did good. No, you did good. That's exactly president's too.

I woke up at noon. I got assassinated today. So that was pretty, yeah, yeah. No, I Yeah, I try to be productive And I went to the Ukrainian village

Today I just started chucking cash on the floor Take it Take it To eat small business And throw it in 20 in there I held it in front of a homeless guy

And then gave it to a rich Ukraine It would be funny It would be funny if we just went to Ukraine The Ukrainian village with wads of cash Went into the stores and been like Rather they'd come out of my taxes We just figured we'd give it to you there I'd rather cut out of the

the middleman. It's funny how little I know. Whenever I think of Ukraine or Russia, I just think of only James Bond villains. That's all I can think of. With Ukraine, I always think of the Seinfeld. When they're playing risk, and he's like, the Ukraine is weak.

Yeah. Yeah. What you said about Ukraine? Yeah, they foreshadowed. Seinfeldslaw and that's what was. What they got, before we get off presidents, there's always that motherfucker who says there was presidents before Washington.

Is that a thing or is that just something? Yeah, I mean, you can look it up, it'll pull it up for you. What is that? It was like nine presidents before Washington. Oh, my president. This is true. I mean, look it up.

I'm going to look it up. I'll record a video. I can't. Why do they say he's the first president then? Because they say a lot of things. All right? They. They'll tell you that the world is around.

It'd be funny to go back to like your history teacher and be like, you lying, cunt. Just like middle-aged woman. This was all propaganda. I don't know. I was reading the book. I did a teacher told me that the Civil War wasn't really about slavery. Well, hey, look, that's Florida education, okay? It was in Georgia.

Well, that's the, like, the Nate Bargazzi joke's really good about Pluto. Oh, yeah, we were taught Pluto was a... Yeah, it was a planet. And then he said he's like, didn't put it on a test, and he failed. He's like, no, I knew more than the teacher. I should have gotten above an A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so America's Secret, the president's before Washington.

What website is this? This is Teribone Parish Library. Oh, okay, of course. Yeah, of course, bye. It's a dot org. Oh, okay. There's a lot of... What does it take to be a daughter?

I don't know. John Hanson, Elias, Booth and Noah. They're just taking presidential sounding name. John Hanson. John Hancock is one of them. Arthur St. Clair. A few of them were black, I believe.

There's 14. I don't know if I believe. It's just becoming a little conspirator. Yeah, George Washington was the first president when they decided no more. They actually enslaved by people afterwards. There's a psych. What were we thinking?

There's a site called www. Presidents before Washington.org You think that's the one to go to? I'm on Quora right now. I just, I haven't, I've only heard people saying this like, well, there was a big time between independence and, like, when was the Constitution? Someone on Quora said George Washington was the first president of the USA.

The other 14 give rise to. to suspicions regarding your mental health or lack of intelligence. Oh, you sound like you're taking that as a personal... I don't know. Just feels conspicuous. Yeah, they're going off next door. By the way, for the listeners,

there's these, I think, NYU kids, they're making a music. They're creating a band or something. It's like, it's like a ragtime. Yeah, they'll play a song for like one course and then stop it and then play it again. Oh, okay. When I was that age, I was blaring juicy J

and doing lines of my prescription adoral, which is what they should be doing. How old are they? You should not create art at 19. Actually, I guess you should, but you gotta really be... Yeah, yeah, you're... I have no idea how old. I'm just...

I assume everything about... Should we ask? Come in an interview of Brimonde. This is why I told you to live uptown. You're like, no, no, no. You went from like, my room is so loud, my apartment's so loud, because I live above a bar. And then you move to an even more popular bar.

Yeah, but I can't hear that bar at all at night. But it's so far. You live next to a mariachi band. That would be sick about it. It's old women who live in my apartment building, and they complain, we're probably the loudest people, and we're not loud at all.

Yeah, but I think the issue with that is, like, how long does it take you to get downtown? I mean, it took me a while to get here. Exactly. You know, how long it took me to get here? But what's so great about here? I can walk to all the comedy clubs that I work at. Yeah, but I like the commute.

No, you don't. I like sitting on a train that smells like shit. Yeah. It gives me, you know, an opportunity to reflect. Here to Gramercy. Great, great. 30 minutes. That probably takes me 35 minutes for a train.

I city bike everywhere, though. I'm uptown, but I see, I'm worried. I think I'm going to die on a city bike. They're always fun, and then I'm like, I feel like, I don't know, I'm also not one of those people do. You know where the craziest people live in the city? Those fucking delivery bicyclists guys. They literally are like...

They're neo-caboys. Yeah. They're going on roads. I've never even think it was imaginable. It's not even like they're going the opposite way on a road. They're going like opposite in between cars. Did they probably have the best shortcuts? Like how quickly they can get places?

Yeah. Yeah, but they also don't think they mind if they die because of what they're doing. What do you mean? You know what I'm saying? They live very like they ride dangerously. But they're like, if I die, it's that's fine. I disagree. I do I think if you're illegally from Mexico, which

I'm going to say 100% of them are. I think you have a sense of hope. I think they're going fast because they're trying to build like a life. Don't try to put yourself in that position. You don't know what they're going through. I mean, I'm sure it's not easy, Dan. You're basically saying you have more to live for if you're here illegally.

You're what? You're like you have more to live more if you're illegally. I think they have a sense of hope. Yeah, yeah. Well, because it's like, I don't, I think that like your sense of like, I think we are probably more to, I mean, I have no idea. No, no, say it.

No, no. What do you think we have more? We are more depressed than people in some third world countries. Some people in third world countries. Yeah. Because I did go to Haiti and they were really happy like kicking a soccer ball

and then randomly this guy looked at me and goes, life in Haiti is very hard. I was like, oh yeah, I forgot. I saw you guys playing the soccer ball. I thought it was easy for like a little bit. You get tricked for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how does this contribute to your point?

My point is this Mexican guy is working very hard. I think he has a sense of happiness, but maybe deep down he's depressed. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I know zero because I don't know Spanish, so I will not have a conversation with him ever. I think, I mean, this isn't, this is the most, one of the most insane, like, last 120 seconds of my life that I've ever experienced. I also, I didn't know where it was. You went from, you went from, I think the delivery drivers have less, I don't think they care if they die. And then we were like, why are they like, well, I think they have a sense of hope and they want to be here.

and then we were like, what? And then you were like, well, in Haiti, you know, I think they're less depressed. And we were like, why? They're like, and then you're like, because someone told me that their life was very hard in Haiti. Everything was contradictory. No, no, first of what he said, he said, he said,

he thinks that they want to die. Or don't care if they do. I'm saying, I'm saying, I think if your job, if I was, I might, I ride a city bike and sometimes consider maybe I go into traffic. Really? Sometimes. Damn.

So imagine a delivery guy. Yeah. Busting his ass getting. dollar tips in the freezing cold using the mittens using the mittens on the electric bike. Those guys might have they drive a little recklessly

and sometimes I think it's because they're like well what's I don't give a fuck. I'm just saying you know what I'm saying? I think that well here's the difference between you and them. They're riding with purpose. You're riding with like

falala la la la la la la what if I kill myself? What if I kill myself? Life is so meaningless. They're like I have to get here or else my family will die. Yeah, yeah. So they're like,

also I like how I started my thing very carefully, but then what I said was so reckless. I was like, I lived in Haiti, and they're suicidal, and I think they're also, like I started by saying,

like speaking a very careful way. How long were you living in Haiti? Three days. That was there for three days. I was there for three days. Look, it felt like a lifetime me. Okay.

He's like, dude, 80, the days crawl. Yeah. And it's hard. It was right. That was right.

It's pretty hard to live there. Yeah. Three days. I'm going to go ahead and say that was three days longer than I should have been there. Wait, why are we there? I was bringing shoes. It was like a mission trip. Oh, nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mission was to destroy Haiti. Yeah. It was just a distraction and the Clintons were coming back to where to take it 20. There was a chemical spell in your town. There's a little decoy. The old decoy. Dude, I would show me the one.

Do I have some kid doing his Boy Scout thing? Yeah, sure, we'll have him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Yeah, not a great place. Horrible place. The worst place. I think, like, specifically ruined by, is it the,

I think they might have been, there was a. It's hurricanes. It's like, here's the tough part about that, yeah, it's a hurricane. They're literally a buffer from, for her, for Florida. But I think it's also been kind of. Puerto Rico, Haiti, decimated. For sure. Those countries irreparable for decades.

And thank you. And some certain. Thank you. Thank you for your service. That'd be so funny. But I was like, thank you. Thank you for the buffer zone. Saved us a little bit.

I mean, we're out there. We're dead. Yeah. It's as sad as them. You guys are the front line. You're the O line. Protected us. The real buffer zone is Ukraine.

Ukraine's a real buffer zone. Do you think it actually slows down? Like, that's how it works? Yeah, 100%. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Do you run through a couple of villages? Like, you lose.

steam and then you come to Florida and then we're like you got to really want it yeah at that point yeah yeah yeah as a hurricane yeah yeah yeah now I think biabi will be five for a while maybe I don't know well they say it like the next 20 years it'll be underwater they said that 20 years ago though how to get to new new Orleans what's up how that big one get to new Orleans there's no buffers um it was it was the levy the levy broke it wasn't like the biggest thank god I had no idea where this was yeah yeah the levy broke parts of new Orleans are technically underwater and there's a levy holding water out of the city but when the hurricane came through

it broke the levy and just massively flooded. Do you think that's where like the drinking culture came from? Do you think it's like we're drowning? This place sucked. We got a drink to get through it or do you think it was? I think it was probably before. I don't think it started in 2005. Yeah, but it's like COVID hit. Like I could see a city turning like if

like I say disasters hit certain places and people just start drinking. So like you wonder if that has something to do with. But the tracking leads to the culture. These drunk guys are like we got to make art. I mean you couldn't drink it. city for like, you know, a while. Unless you want water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's plenty.

Dude, that place is so much fucking, how many times have you been? Twice. Have you been? Twice, yeah. Oh, my God. The best. It's amazing. Yeah.

It's fine for one day. Yeah, three days is a lot. I don't think I could do three days. Because when you're not drunk, you're like, the city is like, there's some, there's some very pretty parts, like downtown, New Orleans and like the Riverside area. The food's mad good. There's some great food. The food's a crystal burger.

one of the best but it's also like I think also the drunker you are the more cultural things feel like you could be in like the shittiest part in New Orleans you're like look at the jazz but you're really just in like a sitcom and they're playing jazz beats

yeah that's true because I feel like if I'm hammered anywhere I start to really I don't know because everybody says don't go to the French corner there's always that guy who's like you got to go like four blocks south this random area but I'm like I'm just a guy waiting for you

like a knife and nunchucks Is that your favorite city to visit? For sure. New Orleans and Key West. Yeah. Both of them. They're similar, right? I've never been to Key West. Well, you're a sophisticate in that sense.

No, I've been to Paris. I've been to Munich. I've been to places. Paris, Alabama. Munich, Washington. Yeah, I don't like, I don't like those kind of places. No, no, no. I do this.

What kind of places? Paris. I mean, I also haven't been as an adult. You're in Europe? Yeah. Those kind of places where dudes were V-nex. I don't like those spots. Deeper the V,

it's not for me. That's funny. Yeah, I don't like it at all. I like, I don't like Paris, but New Orleans is like the French influence. It's more American. I think we nailed it here. I think we figured out this is, I'm never leaving America. But you do South America? No, I've done Central America. I've done

Costa Rica. And that was, so I went to Costa Rica with my family and it was a great adventure. Yeah. Found lots of cool tree frogs. There was some monkeys. Dude, tree frogs are sick. Yeah, yeah. They're so cool. They're like colorful and people are like don't. I have a friend who has like 10 of them. Really?

Yeah. What does he do for work? He's a comedian. Oh. Okay, that makes sense now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody, no regular person has 10 tree frogs. But, um, we, I want my family.

It's always weird because they always tell you they're poisonous. And I'm like, oh, so I'll stay with it. They're like, if you eat them. And I'm like, who's out of here eating these fucking tree frogs. People who live in Costa Rica. Yeah. Yeah. See the fucking Discovery Channel.

Those people are like frying fucking tarantulas. Yeah. And then rab of them and leaves. I'm like, yeah. Nope I'll eat processed foods I don't give a shit I'll eat at 7-11

every single day rather than eating a tarantula I literally would rather starve If we were there were three of us And the only food was a tarantula I would eat one of you guys Before a trachula See I'll eat something exotic

I don't mind a little How exactly But two trancholas are gross I need a dog immediately Like without hesitation That's not that exact I need a dog Yeah yeah

I don't know if I need a dog It depends on how You will. Once these balloons startling. Just you wait. It's going to be a McDonald's burgers. The McPump. The McPup is back.

I think it depends on how you prepare the trench. It was just like a leg that was fried in like a... It's a full train. tarantula in wrapped around like a leaf. I don't know if the leaf's doing a lot. They would have to cover up. The tarantula fir? They just fucking fry it.

It's like over a bonfire. You know what? The last thing I would eat is like a rat. I think a rat is a last one. Hell no. Rats are infestations. Yeah. They're disgusted.

I'd rather eat your ass. Yeah. The worst where you see a rat, it's like half dying. Like you see like its leg is like cut and it just doesn't have hair on half its body. I used to not really mind, mind rats. to be honest. And then I just, I don't know what it was. Recently I saw a video of it climbing like out of a trash bag, like a hole in a trash bag.

And I was like, this just reminds me of like seeing a worm and an apple. Yeah. I can't eat trash base anymore. Disgusting. I do love mice, though. I have thought about getting a pet mouse. Oh, dude, I could see. You kind of look like the kid from Stewart Little a little bit.

I know. They don't look on your face where I said that. Yeah. I know. Dude, I would have a little pocket mouse. Dude, that would be perfect.

You had it rolled around with them. That'd be so sick, dude. That'd be so cool. It would definitely die, though. You do an acting on stage fall. Oh,

they die. They only last like two years. And they're so riddled with like, they get fucking cancer and diseases so easily. Sorry. Just the idea of like a bald rat. Taking by rat to chemo.

Yeah. A bald mouse in a wheelchair. The doctor comes out. had to go, yeah, he's dead. Is it, uh... You have John Cena coming to see your mouse. I don't get to do anything. The mouse just gets to enjoy the make a wish.

Yeah. Oh, man. Aaron Judge, can you hit a home run for this mouse? Dude, I think a pet mouse would be manageable. Yeah, because I... But then I'm the mouse guy, and you, it would be... I would turn into a different guy, but I also don't... We wouldn't leave away from that.

mouse guy. I was, I was, I was considering, like, I've, I've talked to a few girls about it and they don't, they're like, there's a terrible idea. You shouldn't get a mouse. One girl I dated, she was like, if you get a pet mouse, I get a pet, uh, pet snake to kill the mouse. Yeah. But then she's, she was kind of a bitch.

Yeah, that sounds. Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah, fuck you. Also, she's weird. Please text me. She's, she's, she's nuts. Yeah, she's crazy.

She's crazy. She's crazy. She's hot. A normal girl that was trying to be like, kind of playful would be like a cat. Yeah. But a snake is, like, demonic. Yeah, snake women are creepy. She's like, I would feed him to the snake.

Yeah. She's a sick bitch. Jesus. But, yeah, you ever see Serpico? Yeah. Yeah, he's got a pet mouse. Ah. Get the pocket mouse.

Yeah, as somebody's looked into it, exotic pets is not. Imagine me being on stage and, like, the mouse starts, like, to climb out of my pocket. I don't even acknowledge it. I just kind of put it back in. No, shut the fuck up. No, no. What did we say? It was a problem in this city's getting crazy.

It's like, you know. You open me up, I'm full of mice. I'm just 100 mice in a drug job. It's like some weird super villain. Mouse, man. Mickey Mouse. Apparently that movie was all the new. It looks so cool.

It just visually. I was like, oh, this looks exciting. Like, I'll go see this. I hope we're done with that shit, man. Yeah. I hope we're done. I think we're almost there. They're working on like phase 15 and I'm like,

it's, the way they're rolling them out in phases is like, it's, it's so weird and dystop. It's so like it's, I don't know what it is. Is it condescending? Is it patronizing?

It's like phase 15. By phase 100, we take over the universe. It's, it's so, why are you rolling them out in phases? Dude, and I don't,

we're not ready for it all once, man. It's going to blow your mind. It's almost like a drug. They're like, we're going to put more superheroes in a one movie because it's like a little thing right yeah it was so cool we got iron man now it's like yeah you're like yeah i'll take all of them real artists would not like address

the public this is what we have planned for phase 15 of this world who gives the shit make it and if it's good we'll like it yeah yeah not be like hey we're fixing bugs from phase 14 yeah and man there was a glitch and the blah blah blah blah like no just fucking make the thing. They're trying to like make everything like an update. Everything's like an update now. Yeah, yeah. You know? Well, this one's going to be better. No. Just we can't enjoy anything. I like to listen to some Kanye conspiracy where he's like, my dad was a Black Panther, right? And now Disney, you Google Black Panther. Disney pops up. So Disney is trying to cut out the Black Panthers. I'm like. Well, some people think that there's a conspiracy that Disney made Frozen to cover up Walt Disney. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what do you mean? I'm in. All I don't think needed was too examples. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need anything on me. So, uh, the movie Frozen,

it's like a Disney movie, right? Walt Disney was apparently chirogenically frozen. They don't, they wanted to distract from that. So they made a whole movie called Frozen. So you Google Frozen and you see that instead of Walt Disney's frozen body. But there's no evidence that he was actually, right? Does he have a grave site? People think he's buried underneath, uh, Disney and Orlando. You think he's just going to be unfrozen? Why would it be the Orlando? I like that he liked that one more than that. I think it was the Orlando one. Yeah, yeah. It would be funny though, like, could be wrong. I'm probably wrong.

Like the ultimate conspiracy world Is that the Jews control everything So they control I'm just saying like they control the world And then they're going to gaslight us Jake And then a hundred years from now They unfreeze Walt Disney He's just

No Take me back Every conspiracy hit that's what you get Is Walt Disney being unfrozen to a cabal of Jews. They should unfreeze. Freeze me again. Freezing.

We're back in. They should thaw them out in like East Williamsburg. I'm in hell. Forgive me. Forgive me, God. Forgive me. What were is these exact quotes?

because the thing with him was like he attended Nazi meetings, right? He went to like two. Wasn't it wasn't a... I'm not defending him. He was... He was... Not a real... Say I'm not defending him, too.

Like, you didn't even make any accusations. He should just like right up with that. I'm not defending him, buddy. Only went to doing it. I'm saying if you found out... I don't know some guys who went to... If you found out somebody else went to... Two, dude, that's like...

That's like normal. Yeah. one more than I've been to. That's too many. I could sleepwalk my way into two. I've been in the wrong building at the wrong time. It happens a couple times. I stayed a little longer than I've...

Maybe they had good snacks. But the spread was good. A little bland. No bad. No bagels. There were no vehicles. Bumpurledicle. There was some great thing.

I remember we learned about in school when, like, they were first teaching the Holocaust in, like, America, everybody thought it was, like, fake. Because it was, like, I'm pretty sure it was one of those things that I don't think America knew about it. Just like they think now. Look how far we've come.

I think, because we're, like, there's people like, now we're funding on. We can't get off that, can we? Yeah. But, uh, there's, like, pictures of people in, like, Times Square, like, laughing at, like, flyers that are, like, the Holocaust is happening because people, like, didn't think it was.

For real, real. It's like people... If I was around then, I would have believed it was real. You would have known immediately. I would have known immediately. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I would have.

I don't know. I'm Jewish, so I feel like I would have been on the side no matter what. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's not real, but I would have just... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it ever hurt to think there was a Holocaust if there wasn't? Like, let's say there is a scenario where... Does it ever hurt to believe there is?

Um, it's tough to believe. It's not a fun thing to believe. Right. But I'm saying like, like, is it, I don't know. Because like, what if they did that today? Not faked it. But I'm saying, what if there was a, was a... You would think more people would believe it, though, because it was the second world war.

Like, if it was the first Germany world war, started a world war, I could see people being like, oh, that's not that crazy. And now you're like, yeah, these people are. But then how are you not like the second time around like, yeah, that makes it. These people are monsters. Yeah. Well, like, conceptually, it's like a lot to represent. your head around.

Yeah. Like for the first time, like now we, we have, we've had the Holocaust. So like, we, like,

we like, we hear about other countries doing it. Yeah, we're like, okay, it's been done. But like, for the first time,

you would be like, wait, what are they doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it, that seems like a lot of steps. Yeah. That's not until phase 18.

Yeah. The mark my house. Well, I was, I was, I was, I went for a run this morning for the first time in a while and two guys were behind me.

From who? No. Two guys were behind me and they were talking to German. And they were just machines. And they were passing me. And I was like, they're definitely thinking, inferior speech. Yes. They passed they passed me.

Fucking crowd fucks. Hitler's from Austria originally, right? Like, man, I don't know much about that guy. I'm so progressive. I don't know who Hitler is. I've never even heard of the name. I don't even see. Yeah.

I think. I think he is from Austria. Yeah. Because I wonder what the views are like there. Because we always like Germans are that. You was born in 420, April 20th. God. I mean, was he that bit? No.

Yeah. But it's like, is Austria like, I have no idea what Austria's relationship is to Germany. You're looking at two guys who also don't know. Yeah. I think they're similarly like, they have like, they had similar viewpoints. Okay, because I'm watching. They're kind of like Ukraine and. Right.

I'm watching The Terminator the other night and I'm like, does he hate Jews? Like, I want to know what Arnold Schwarzenegger's personal views are. I don't think he does, but I think a lot of his family members probably do. Yeah, because I think he's not defined by it. He also came here, like, super early. I think he might love them because he's a holly. He was like, you know, one of the poster boys of Hollywood. Yeah.

He must love that. Crazy life deals. Watch a Terminator. And I was like, it's so wild. This guy, like, first of a horrible. You know, it's not a real story, right? What are you trying to tell me? No, the Terminator is not really.

It's being said back in time from Austria. you kind of live the crazy life you know they upload his consciousness you know everyone in Austria a machine here to save us from the future yeah I believe it

yeah that's Terminator 2 is just about getting rid of the Jews Terminator 2 he's like in the future Jews I mean robots

take over but at the table we're like guys we can't keep slipping up All right. That's why we're here for. We'll be here all night to get a right.

What? What? What are you going to say about his interesting? No, it's just crazy that he like came here like terrible. And also Republican governor of California. That's crazy.

I mean, I guess like I don't know when that changed. But he was like governor until 2003, I think. Or in 2003 is when he got elected, which is like you think of that as that's somewhat recent. It felt like my entire childhood he was.

Right, dude. You know, always. I was like the guy. But then he'd randomly be a Terminator movie. I'm like, when was this one filmed? Because it's like, I think he was in, one in 2003, like, right before he got elected. He was in a Terminator movie. And then they CGI's his face onto the one in, what's it called?

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. And you never saw Salvation? No. That was one with Christian Bale. And he comes out. Is that good? I remember being sick, but I was also 10.

I was like, this is so fucking cool. And, uh, I don't know Christian Bale, he was John Connor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, it was awesome. That's crazy to think about. And it was recent that, like, Arnold Schwarzenegger was the... Imagine Cuomo just, like, being in a film. Yeah.

The biggest movie star. Being naked. Yeah. Yeah. Arnold Schwarzenegger was the biggest movie star. He was 80s cinema. For sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And you see his butt. You see him naked and then he's the governor. But... He was also the greatest bodybuilder of all time. Really? How do you measure that?

I tell you're like, he flexed the strongest. People will say he is that he had the perfect physique out of everybody. He was like seven-time Mr. Olympia, which is not the record, but he's widely regarded as like the best physique. And of everybody, and he made bodybuilding a global, like globally recognized sport. You think he has the best life ever? He's one of the most successful people on entertainment hands down. No, just people.

Well, because he didn't. No, I don't think he is. I don't think he's a best life, absolutely. Not best life, but he's the most successful people, period. One of the most successful, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He came to, I did like a project down him. He came to America of like $20 in like a gym bag.

Yeah. That's what everybody says. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's really a gym bag just filled with thousands of dollars. He, like, robbed a bank in Austria. Family's rich. It was actually 20 gym bags with thousands. Yeah, yeah.

Dude, I was telling Dan, like if I, the second I ever get any sort of TV attention, I'm lying out of my backstory is so hard. Oh, yeah. I'm going to be like, dude. I swam here from Ireland. Yeah. Backstroke. Yeah, I was sunburned as shit.

All I had to eat. I thought I was a lobster when I ended up on the coast. For one year, I was a little oversized lobster. Yeah. They're about to put me in the pot. A squealed. I'd said a joke. I said a joke.

And they're like, no. That's why I told myself, I'll tell jokes forever now. Yeah. I lived one year just off of cough drops. There's always some weird story like that. It's like, you're not. They're like, we'd eat salt packets forever. It's like, I don't know, there's like a homeless shelter.

maybe by you. We ate my dad. I had to cook my dad. He wanted us to do it. Yeah. So yeah, some of these celebrity stories like there's no way this is like Seal, I believe that.

But what's the story? He lived in Africa. That's his, that's his crazy. There's some of some guys like, I ate salt packets and ketchup and I slept in a homeless shelter and all this and we're like,

that sounds really hard. And then Seals like, I lived in Africa. You're like, oh, oh, wow. Oh, shit. I can't even imagine. I think he looked like a really hard life in Africa, and he has the scars on his face to prove it, you know?

Yeah, but this could be from anything. That's right. He lived in NYU. He would, like, fell on his face. Yeah. What's his name, too, Inganu? And he lived like... Acon?

No, Francis Inganu, the UFC fighter. That's huge. Just lived in, like, a tiny village in Africa. Like, literally, like, in a hut. And then just like a world famous fight. Mike Tyson. Brownsville. Brownsville.

Pigeons. He just eaten that pigeon meat his life is crazy. His life's crazy. Did I watch the video of him like in his prime boxing? You couldn't,

there's no amount of money you could pay me to get in. You know what it was crazy? Did you, this is not related at all but it has to do with fighting. I watched that full vice document

on Andrew Tate. Did you guys watch that? No, I need to. It's hilarious. Were you the one who's telling me about that? Yes, it's so funny because Andrew Tate's like walking around the house with a sword.

He's like, if more men walked around with swords in their houses, we would not have this issue of like whatever nonsense he's talking about. Climate change would reverse it. But there's a guy who's like, respect to the vice guy because he's like, we're going to have everybody who's part of this, like, he's basically doing Project Mayhem from, uh, what's

he's called. He's getting like a group of people to like become his like little, whatever he comes. And he's like, I'm going to have all you guys fight professional UFC fighters. And he's like, you might say I'm not prepared for that. And he goes, well, you should always be prepared to fight professionals of UFC fighters. And the vice guy actually goes in the ring and fights like a UFC fighter, which I was really impressed like, yeah, it's actually He keeps trying to suck him off. He just just out K as a poker.

Tate's like, let it play, let it play. Let's play out. Everything's fair inside the ring. He's pulling out a sword. He's trying to suck his dick. I got to watch it. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, that is one thing.

Like, I was like, oh, this, I thought he was all funny, and then they get to, like, the dark side of it. Oh, yeah, I forget he is actually a bad guy. Yeah, he's... Yeah, probably. Because I am that kind of person. I'm like, dude, it is normally people are like, the kids are impersonating entertainer. I don't care about that.

It's like, be a good parent. You should be able to raise your own fucking kids instead of being like, entertains raising our kids now. It's like, well, you should spend enough time with your son. Instead of blaming the guy on the T-C computer. That was the great Louis bit. It's like, parents always like, like, am I kidding? When they watch too much TV, they always playing video games.

It's like, well, they don't fucking buy them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's insane, yeah. But then you hear, like, phone calls of women. You're like, oh, yeah, he is actually, like, a horrible person. What were the phone calls like? Oh, they were just talking about how he's, like, assaulted him and stuff like that. Which is the second, you're like, yeah, this is very believable.

Right, right. Do you see the Christa Leo one? The shrimp scampy thing is hilarious, though. What's the shrimp scampy thing again? The woman says, so about, first of all. Like a couple, right, that he would always have shrimp scampy? They would come to assume, and he was watching cops eating strip scampy before he, like. Wait, what?

The women, some of the women that came out against Christa Leah, they said they'd come up through his hotel room and he was eating shrimp scampian watching cops when they were. That was his thing. It's just kind of a hilarious documentary because everyone, all parties involved, you're like, these are idiots. Like these women are being misled and manipulated and everything, but like they're very, they're not the sharpest tools in the shed and neither is he. This is a documentary about this is a convoluted crime with the dumbest people attached. It's very interesting. Yeah, yeah. Shimskambian cops sounds like a great evening.

I know, right? I was like, can I hang out with Kristalli? And then you just get your dick sucked. That's what he's going for, but it turns violent. But the idea was there. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. I mean, there's something about getting your dick sucked. Eating swimsipy while watching cops.

That is nice life. He is such an idiot, though, because in the documentary, there's all these, like, people, like, he wanted to start his sex cult and it's very dark. And you're like, this is all, like, these people are nuts. but that you just see him he's on a podcast he's like I want to start

sex cult yeah well maybe yeah it's funny though because no matter what it's like you could any agenda

the amount of things I've said on a podcast I know you could just turn in like Michael yeah yeah the new Avengers

movie should be a holoca it's a good thing that people know that you're not capable of anything so that's the one thing that's saving you

that's your saving grace that's a great place to be it yeah it is a great place to be I have again death threats here and there. The sex cold thing is crazy. Yeah, yeah. I'm not, what do you call it death threats? I'm going to kill you or you should kill yourself. I get,

you should kill yourself and die, but like stuff like that. Oh, that's just the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's saying that? Just YouTube comments on the morning good show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was joking about how like, who cares for old people drowned in the hurricane. I wasn't a sincere thing, but we're like, they're kind of the best people to get hit by hurricanes in like South Florida because you know, they got disposed of income and, you know, they don't have much longer to live. And then there was like, so many comments of dudes being like, you've never been through a cat five with like, you know, saving old people.

It's like, who are you? Who's this guy who's like an old person home? It's Arnold Schwartz and the way the guy's describing it as if he's like closing the door, like, you know what I mean? With like the water behind him. Like he's fucking Aquaman or something. But there's a lot of that. And then, uh, yeah.

And then I obviously I've jokingly say back. It's like, yeah, well, you know, my parents died in that same cat five. But I got all their inheritance money about the sweet camera to record the morning to podcast. And then the guy's like, you should go die. So that's fun. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good, yeah, I don't really care. But that's what YouTube is. YouTube's a lot of that. And then if I ever post a clip with a woman in the podcast, they're like, not funny, dumb slut and stuff like that. My friend just got. And how are, and like, these people are terrible. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, these are like, there's so many horrible just people out there. Yeah. Like, imagine if everyone had a documentary made about their shitty life. I mean, Dalia obviously is an exception. But it's like this. the YouTube commenter, like, imagine, like, I wonder if he comments on, if he's commenting on your videos, think of all the other videos he's commenting on. Daily, daily, daily. And it was

funny to look at his page. It was like, it was like, freedom convoy, something like, just him. I didn't see the full video, but it's just like an American flag. Statistically, like, if he says, like, how many people do you think he needs to, like, say that to for one of them to, like, actually kill themselves? Oh, probably. You know what I mean? Yeah, he probably has gotten somebody. Yeah, do you think he's got somebody? I don't think it's your choice, though. Even if, even if, even if somebody's saying kill yourself. Yeah, no, No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. No, it's not your choice. No, he said I should... Yeah, I have to. My hands are tied.

Yeah. What am I supposed to do? He says, I should disobey my mom. He said I wouldn't do it. Yeah, no, I have to. There was that one story. That was that crazy story. There was that chick who, like, she did tell her boyfriend to kill herself and, like, the mom was in on it. Do you remember that? I feel like that happens every, like, three years. Like, there's a story on, like, Oprah about that or some shit. I mean, Oprah's on a show. These stories are recycling. You sent me one recently about the heroin that's making people zombies.

Yeah. It seems like this... That's fat salts, isn't it? No, it's called Trank. Yeah, it's such a cool. Why do they got to make it sounds... You know, I almost... But what's it doing?

It's like people are, like, eating flesh. No, no, I thought their flesh was just... Wait, I think their flesh was just deteriorating. I think the people are eating people. That's not what I read. That's not what I read. I think it's people eating people. So, from my understanding is, like,

they would put animal tranquilizers, not the fun kind, non-ketamine, you know, the more dangerous stuff, into heroin and people were shooting it up, and it would, like, kill their leg, basically. The point where their leg would just,

like, turn into, like, a corpse leg. And you were saying there was a part about people eating their own flesh? I thought people were eating, not their own flesh, but other people's flesh. No, I don't think so.

But it seems like every couple years there's, like, a story like this where it's, like, some drug. And it's like, I don't know what to believe, because they said the same thing about certain things when they first came out. There's some conspiracy that we're just, that's what the Mandela effect is, that we're getting pushed into all these alternate universes.

So things keep, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's that. It's weird that, like, that, that. People are very easy to manipulate. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I believe it. Yeah. Dude, I, I, I told you, I think it's one of my favorite things to do before I go to bed. Not every night, but a couple, probably a couple nights out of the week. I'll just, like, like, hardcore conspiracy videos. on TikTok, I'll spend like an hour, maybe the half an hour, and I'll just shooting it right into my videos. Like, just like about like the moon is a base with like blah blah blah. That's a really common one. People think the moon is a, you know, all like, but, and then like

interdimensional communications and travel. Like all like Antarctica, there's a huge base on, like all that shit. I love it, dude. I love it. It's very fun. Yeah, no, it is. If Marvel started doing shit about that, I'd be in. Oh, that would be sick. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Marvel vaccine wars. Fauci is like flying in the air He's played by like Chris Hemsworth He's got just a handful of vaccines

Just like a little Freddie Kruger thing I feel like Dustin Hoffman would play a good Anthony Fauci Oh I can see that Yeah yeah yeah who's like the Who's like the Marvel character I guess if it was the war Fauci was the bad guy

Then it would be like Like an Alex Jones kind of guy would be like the, like, who would be the reverse of that, you know what I mean? In the... Reverse of Fauci? Yeah, yeah. Like his counterpart?

Yeah, yeah. Like an Alex Jones type character. Or Tucker... Tucker would be the one. Tucker would be for sure be the one. What would his superhero? Something America. Ben Shapiro. Would it be?

Ben Shapiro's a little bit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. George Pearson's so weird. You see him wear that multicolored two-faced outfit thing? I don't know what's going on. You guys losing his guy. There was, like, a brief period while I was first introduced from where I watched, like, a few of his videos about, like... I heard his book's good.

Like, you could put out a good book and then go crazy. Yeah. So I think you read his book and that's what you get. Then you get some positive JP. Some of his positive shit is like seemingly on point. But then, like, he's just like wild array of like misogyny. Yeah. He's bad bitch just need to lose some wood.

And then you're like, dude, what the fuck is going on in his Twitter? You know what it is? Like, no genius, like, no genius philosophers is, like, tweeting like, Elon. Musk type shit. Maybe. Because a lot of them seem to end up there. He's also, he's building a two-faced persona

because he's got one color. He's always crying. Every time I see him, he's crying. Like, he's so emotional. He's a little bitch, dude. Every time, like, the first go time he doesn't solve him cry,

I'm like, oh, this guy can actually feel something. All right, that's kind of interesting. And now every time I see him, he's like, he's sobbing his eyes. I was like, women are fat and dog. And like, Jordan Peterson,

what's wrong with you? I think it is a two-faced persona. One side of him is like the intellectual side. The other side is just a man-fri- Should we flip a coin? They got a lot on it? Have you ever, like, gotten into Sam Harris at all? No, who's this guy?

Oh, Sam Harris. He's kind of like another, like, one of those guys. But he's more like meditation and like spirituality, consciousness, whatever. But he's like all about that. Kimback, by the guy Kimbeck was into. I was hanging out on Kimbeck's couch in Miami. His whole apartment just smells. like impanadas. And as you're,

came back to shitting and listening to a man, he's like, Sam Harris, he got to listen to this guy. He's the smartest. Yeah, yeah. But then the next part, he'd be like, Andrew Tate. He got to listen to this. He loves Andrew Tate. Yeah. But Sam Harris is like that. And he's like, he's like, like, probably more liberal, like he hated Trump and everything. Yeah. But then like, but then you'll

listen to episodes about Trump and he's like, these fucking, like these fucking retarded Trump said it's like, I thought you were this like, you know, the Dalai Lama dude. And then it's like flying off the handle about like other shit. It's like a two person person. Yeah, but I wonder what happens though.

Maybe you get so emotionally fucked that you just become honest and that's where some intelligent thoughts come from. It's kind of like if you don't give a fuck about anything, you do kind of get your real actual thoughts on things. It is the way to get like to. I also think that the, like today's landscape of how you can get your thoughts out there is way more unfiltered. Like a lot of the great philosophers that we look at, like their bodies of work, like a

lot of them had editors or publishers or even like, you know, people like Socrates and Aristotle, like we don't like, like their works like things are taken and those are what's passed down. You know, like a lot could be lost. They weren't like taking a shit one day and being like, you know what? I think gender is there's only two of them. Yeah. You know, like they never just like, all right, tweet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So the unfiltered thought, everybody, we're not mental, everybody's unfiltered thoughts just in the ether like that. Yeah, it's pretty terrifying. And then if like people start like patting you on the back and saying like you're a genius and the way that you think like is, you know, perfect or cerebral and

whatever, then like you start to get full of yourself. Yeah, you get a community of people like what you're saying is so smart. Yeah, you'd be your profit. You know, a lot of these people like they think of themselves as profits. That's where like we have a deal who's like, I want to start a sex call. I want to whatever. Like he, like, really dipped into the power. It's on those women who had sex with him. They're at fault, is what you're saying. Not even... They built his...

Not even the slightest was that what I was going for. I'm pretty sure you're... That's what you were going for. Yeah, they built him. They created him. It is, like, I remember what... This podcast is for the girls. Who called out Christalia?

Michael Good has a... For the listeners, Michael Good has a... Some sort of game. It's called For the Girls, and it's an adult party game. It's perfect. It's perfect for Bachelor at parties. I also live with my girlfriends.

Yeah, they all say that. Dude, I had a huge bowl of ice cream before getting here. I think it's all hitting me now. One more laughs. We've got you covered. What do you mean? Yeah, Michael, your comedy career is going well. What?

This guy's playing, We Are the Girls or whatever. What do you see? All my bits are on the back of this car. I'm like, wait a minute. It's like the end of unusual suspects. Yeah. I do this dare to keep this card

Send an email to your boss or teacher Asking how their weekend slash week is going That's what gets all the girls going crazy I'm not gonna do it It's got a fun This one says text your number neighbor The person whose number is one above yours I don't know what that means

You know what? Oh like you've changed the last digital You know the more of these are in The more absurd agree with Jordan Pierce These dumb slots with their board games First to mess up loses a car types of bagels, example,

sesame. You know, not a lot of higher thinking going on. All right. One more, one more,

one more. We'll do a different color. All right, give this card to whoever's most likely to get offended by a joke. That's you,

Jake. I mean, yeah, I mean, the competition is... Yeah. That's the funniest that you...

Well, here's good. Give this card to whoever I've slept with the most people. That's a good one. That's a good. Keep it, keep it. Stop. You know what I mean? One more.

I want to do all the colors. This is the last color. Keep this card if you've ever had lice. He kept it. You've had lice? He kept it. Never had lice. I think I was always...

I have mice, no lice. He's about to get a pet lice. Never had lice. Never had lice. Nothing would. I think I was always told about lice. I never got it. I was checked.

I've had a tick on my balls, though. On the balls? On the balls? I'll give you a tick on the bowls. It's called a dick, too. It's supposed to be this. It's just supposed to be bigger. It was in sexized.

All right, guys. All right. I mean, that's a, let's get a tick. Let's wrap it on. I think that's where we wrap up, though. Michael, that's a tick. Yeah, I got like, because they like to go to warm places. so it went directly to my testicles.

And, yeah. You won't find one of those in my in-laws house. Fuck you. You're not going to find one of those in Walt Disney's friend. Anything. I wonder if, do you think after a while, I don't know why I pictured the ticked me on my balls for so long and it starts to get gum.

Like, is that possible? It's what? It was sucking gum. It started sucking gum out of it. Just smash it. Dude, this thing's gay and shit. This tics are sucking me off. I just tics go to hell.

I think I'm coming, guys. Guys, I appreciate I'm coming. This tick is jerking me off. Hold on, hold on. Let it go for the longer. Not take it off just yet. Let him cook. Let him cook.

I'm close. The dog's. just like about to remove it. You're like, hold on. No, no, no. Wait. One sec. One sec.

Leave the room. Leave the room. Oh, that dick. We are at about an hour, though. Wow. Wow. What about it? Yeah, that flew by.

It did. I did. I don't sound like that's fantastic. I've also had poison. I mean, I've got my boss. You guys want to go there. No, I think we're done. I think we're, I think we're, I think the podcast's over.

It's a good time to leave. Oregon is there? Are you saying something? No, I wasn't. Dude, I had a fat. I'm sorry, I pull an ice cream. What kind of ice cream did you get? Dude, I got, like, I've been doing the cookie brittle.

You know, like, when you go to a place, they have the cookie, and then you have ice cream on top? Yeah. Yeah, I just did that at home. I got the Papa John's cookie cake thing, the cookie pizza, and I'm so disappointed. I just put ice cream on top. I always wonder, like, who are the people? I didn't even know the guy getting the Papa Dia. I'm getting the Papa.

What's the Papa? Papadilla. I haven't tried yet. It's on my list. It's like a cassidyia made by Papa Chi. It's like a folded pizza. They're like,

it's like a Mexican now. Oh my God. That sounds amazing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see? It does sound good. Right? Yeah. And it's all this is good.

It's all good. No, it's all just you feel like horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You look great. Really?

No. Do I'm sorry to get this gut. No, you look like you look like you lose weight. Really? Yeah. It's the hair. It's the hair. It's like when you grow out your pubs and your dick look small.

Dude, I love it. It's a great flower. Because this is who I was. Like, for years, I mean, your armpits are black in the shirts. All I've been able to look at this whole episode. Well, it's like, dude, who I was originally as a kid, I was the long hair guy wearing the quick silver t-shirt, just being a goofball. And I'm going to return back to that. I don't think you've ever left from that.

You have to get your, I think, Cornrose for Memorial Day. Dude, for sure. Yeah, you got to do that. I've said for two Memorial days when do it. And I keep getting fired in about. March. No, don't worry about it. You might get a better job, honestly, with the long hair. With the cornrows? No, the cornrows. The long hair is, it's trusted. But if I did, if I did cornrows and then one of these cuts here, they could think I'm Hispanic and then I could get away

with having cornrows in a cultural sense that way, because Hispanic guys kind of get away with. Yeah, but you're not going to get away with the cuts. We're talking about like the cuts and the eyebrows. You don't think so. Is that a, I don't think you're going to get away with that? I don't think you're going to get away with cornrows, to be honest. You might get away with cornrows. Dude, this is how crazy I'm going. How long are you going to have cornrows for? Probably just like a weekend. Okay. Just be like, Ola, I need, you need, you, need, you

need, you know, I need, you know, just don't even look. Just before the cornrows. I can't be a nervous guy speaking, bro. Like, like, as I'm alone. Yeah, I was going to do, you got to do

cornrows. Yeah, dude, we have this beach trip where we all go back home, me and my high school friends. I'm doing cornrows, piercing my ears, chin strap beard. You know, like, just this. I'm going to get contacts. that are like cat eyes. You know what I'm talking about?

You're being ripped. Yes, I'm gonna go fucking nuts, dude. That's the most about Florida rappers. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. Dude, that'd be the most fun. Just do that for three days. McGrills? Yeah. Might have to. Yeah,

I'm really nervous about going to it because I thought about doing it last time. Dude, I will barely laugh at that picture. Dude,

it'll be amazing. That's the funny. I just gotta go nuts. It's amazing. I am worried about, like, it's gonna be so awkward going in to get

cornrose that was a white guy. Like, find someone that would do it for you? No, no, no. They're not going to protest it. It's just that... No, no, I mean, like a friend.

Yeah, I have some friends at Cornrose. But, like... It might be able to do it, honestly. I don't know if you could do it just because you have... I think it's tricky.

Yeah. Yeah, you should get it professionally done. Yeah, I just had... That conversation just got to be awkward I'm sitting in the chair. I wouldn't think too much about it because the more you kind of like... I don't...

There's plenty of white people that have gotten in corners. What's up? You don't want to go there and be like, hey, I know how this sounds... But I'm not, I'm just like, I'm getting cold. I think that's what's up. I think you have to put a little stink into it. Blunt in my ear.

That's how I'm doing it. Blunt in the ear. You do the blunts in the ear. Yes. Lean in hand. And then count, pay them and cash. Yes. And I say, keep this.

I think you're good. You'll be fine. Yeah, yeah. That's a great. Because part of me was like, maybe I should explain. I'm like, no explanation. Go. But you also wear like a du rag to bed for a while.

That's, you're good. even better. Your girlfriend's gonna be... Your girlfriend's gonna eat. He doesn't wear a du rag. I'm pretty sure. To keep them like... Get him cooking.

Keep them down. Dude, I'm gonna wake up in New Somerita Beach, Florida, put my cat eyes in, take my du rag off and just go to the beach. This sounds like the life, you know.

I wish I could live like that for much. Just watching... Just watching you perform it like the grizzly parrot and do rag. You're so... But still doing my act. Yeah. So the metaphors.

They're like, what? This doesn't fit at all with the way this guy's talking. Oh my. But no, yeah, I'm very excited for that. It's going to be me. I don't think I can do it for more than, like, a week. Because I'm so nervous about going on stage with it.

But also, like, I should just do it. Yeah, you should. It's fun. I mean, I want you to do it. So please do it. Dude, that's all it takes. One person to be like, come on, it'll be fun. I'm like, ah, you know what?

Yeah, it'd be great, dude. You're doing it as a bit. I think it's a good bit. I'm more into these types of things now. Nobody does it foreign. Hasmat suit. Everybody's like. Hasmat suit.

Yeah, that's the type of stuff. Yes. Everybody's like, oh, I'm gonna do like a mustache on stuff. Ooh, so goofy. No, get fucking corners. Cornrows, cat eyes. Those clips, dude, you gotta get to post those on clips. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do like a whole set. You have to get one of those like 15-minute sets where you have like 30 clips from it. You know what I mean? Or just like jokes, dude. Yeah, yeah. You should not post clips until... Seriously.

Post no clips of my state? Yes. Yes. I posted none of my stand-up online and just do all of my bits of me. Dude, your introduction to the world Direct corn roast Dude, you would be

Like, I'm dead serious Dead serious, you'd be famous First of all, everyone in the comedy community would rate post your jokes Because it'd be so... You would go viral If you don't do this, you're fucking... Don't post any stand-up clips

Until you... And then have like... Just do it for like a month Until you have like a 15 minute really good quality Monster set and then just put it up into like 20, clips and then just post those

nonstop. Dude, this is the most fantastic idea. That'd be so fun. Dude, this will go nuts. That's so funny. They're collabing with

New York Comedy Club. They're just like, who's this guy? Who passed? I recognize, who's this guy that just does Michael Good's jokes? That's so,

that would be amazing. Yeah. You brought the idea of being like a lean comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just always doing lean. That would be a great addition. What's that?

You know, cops bring like a beer or like a water bottle on stage. Oh, a double cup. From medicine. Yeah. That's, that's pretty funny. Yeah. I don't know. I think I might, look, I'm going to be in Florida. I'm going to have cornrows.

I might drink some lean. Might happen. Yeah. Do what you got to do, man. Yeah. That's, uh, I wish I was there. Yeah. That's great.

You have to come back and do like a couple weeks of stand up like with cornrows, dude. I think you do. It would be. I think you do as well. It would be incredible. Yeah. If you want to go. a lot of views. And your jokes are good, so people

will see the jokes. I also think, I think there's... Then you may have to do that forever. Because people might be like, who is this guy? Honestly, the funniest part isn't going to be... I mean, that will be hilarious. The funny one is looking through my profile, and it's just me looking looking regular in just my stand-up. It's going to be like if those clips went viral and you got like 20,000 followers, 30,000 followers, all of a sudden

from these clips. And then like a week later, you're just post a clip looking like you do now. Yeah. People would love you. They'd be like, this guy's amazing. Because I think that there's such an aspect that's state up right now where there's this weird level of seriousness

that's taken to. Yeah. No, I agree. It's like, being too cool and all that shit. Yeah, going up in like very grind mindset where they're like, dude, I'm working every fucking day. Yeah.

It's lame as fuck, dude. I'll do it every day. I'd be a little goofy. I was thinking, there's like back in the day, they had way more of that like, just be crazy. Patrice.

Patry, sent you know, one time threw a phone book at Kevin Hart on stage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, but like you got like comics like Steve Martin.

Like, there's no comics. that. No, no, no. Yeah, I would, like, lead people out into the street and do you can't capture that. And then if, like, those people, like, the versions of those people exist in a way that, like, they think they're being a genius while they're, like, doing something all, you know what I mean? It's just not, like, it's not as authentic. Stuff like that. Stuff like that is so funny. Yeah. You should do it. Dude, it's amazing how cheap cat eyes are. Like, you get, there's all these cool contacts that I'm like,

these are, why have I not just done this on a daily basis? They have, like, American flag ones. Dude, you get an American flag ones. Well, that would be for the truth's respect them. But before that, cat eyes. Cat eyes for every day and then switch him out of a boy. There was this kid who had X's on it. Because if you had like raves, people always wear that weird shit in their eyes. Yeah, yeah. And it's terrifying because you're on like

massive amounts of drugs. And then some guy just has flames in his pupil and you're like, what is going on? Yeah, that's scary. And you start to relate your... I shoot those people on site. Might have guns in them. Yeah, because you end up like, it's somebody because you always do drugs with those things. And then you're like, am I like this guy? Am I like this guy? And you think you're like

like these people. You start to feel so like because you're also wearing the cat eyes with cordroats. I'm having a

come to a moment I'm like, am I out of my mind? I have cat eyes in my face. Am I losing? Yeah, don't do any drugs

while you're imagine me hung over looking in the mirror. Dude, just two troups. Fucking, I'm just like in cornrows.

Yeah, I'm like, who am I? Yeah. Just odd drooms looking in the mirror. Yeah. What have

what the fuck happened? What have I become? That's so funny. He's a whole little bottle I had to see. You don't refraff, right? I'm the biggest fan of this. This is all riffraff inspired? Absolutely.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I was like, oh, that's a cool look. I just see you doing these videos. And you should just do, like, vlogs, like, riffraff style videos, like, fridge stay empty because I eat good. You don't remember that in that. Yeah, well, the day, he's like, there's, like, just a round entryway to his, like,

door to the door to his house. He goes, this is the popsicle stick door. Basically, it's like they got a giant popsicle stick and that's where you get that rounded top right there. That's just like the whole video. My favorite one of them still is they're interviewing him about Katie Perry because they're going on a date and it's just him in front of a Ferrari with like a model and he's just grabbing her ass while TMZ. He's like, so what's your

date with Katie Perry like? He's like, Katie's cool. I think things are getting pretty serious. He's like, what about this girl right here? He goes, oh, it's cool. She don't speak English. he's amazing yeah yeah because like obviously katy parry it was just fucking hilarious

yeah that's that's how cool Katie Perry used to be she was banging riff riff and then now she's like my cornrows were offensive I'm sorry you haven't even for like crying

because she wore hoop earrings how long ago yeah she's like I don't know but there's a video where she's like on a couch like a black guy and she's like crying apologizing for wearing hoop earrings or something

why is she apologizing to some black just like just like yeah he's like all right yeah

I guess I guess I I'm sorry. I know black men wear who appearing. We got to wrap it up, though. I got to peece so bad. What do you guys want to promote? Like the Morning Good Podcast. Morning Good Podcast. I appreciate that.

Listen, subscribe, like, share it. Share it. And where are the corners? And once again, it's once a week now every Sunday. Peace.