Morning Good - Pro-Cuck Podcast - Episode 222

Episode Date: May 26, 2024

Jonathan Tillson and Chris Kinback join the show for today's episode. They talk about raves, three-way etiquette, and Michael's recent trip to Austin, Texas.Thanks to Chris and Jonathan for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes of the show and hit their links down below for more.Jonathan is on Instagram @jonathantillson and co-hosts Explaining Show with former guest and friend of the show Alan Fitzgerald. Chris is on Instagram as well @chriskinback.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to morning. And we're here with John Tilsen. Yeah. And Chris Kinback. Hello. Who is 45 minutes late. I reprimand every fucking guess when they show up late.

That's true. Except me, because I'm lady shit to everything. Except me because I've been taking boxing lessons, so you don't want to fuck with me. If you're not carefully, he's not going to pay you for this. You're taking boxing lessons? How's that? Yeah, I'm black belt. Oh, nice.

Super flyweight. Is that so you can defend yourself a woman who's... Yeah, I forgot out of clearly. From a woman defending herself. See, if you would have been here on time, my coffee would have been working because I typed exactly... Somebody coming in at. When did you have coffee? I had it.

It doesn't matter. This is all, nobody cares when I had coffee. Oh, I do. I am sweating fucking balls. I can't have coffee past like 11 o'clock 11 in the morning. Otherwise,

it fucks my sleep. Yeah, well, it's a end of the cycle of like me not sleeping, taking NyQuil, sleeping in from NyQuil, taking coffee. You know,

it's just like that's thing. Yeah, healthy lifestyle. But hey, you look good. And that's what's important. Oh, yeah, dude,

I'm getting fucking giant, yeah. Sometimes the bad habits are we keeping the best shape, like the Zins, dude. Yeah, they keep you, be thin. Yeah. Get those away. Oh, you're quitting? I quit nine days ago.

This isn't it proved your life at all? See, I think people like you more. It's going to make life a lot less expensive. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to cut out alcohol for June, but I keep, dude, I drink so much in Austin, dude, that is just like such a, and I like, I still didn't have enough. Like, there was a bar with a slide in it. And that's like the thing I left the city. Like, I didn't even get to go to the bar with a slide in it. Why? Because you were drinking too much? You were having too much fun? I couldn't. I couldn't. get everybody to go to that bar with a slide in it. Yeah, yeah. I have like a child's mind.

It's because it was McDonald's playplace. Yeah. I'm just drunk. Hang on there. Like, I was drunk and there was a slide. That bar would have just been all other Michael Goods in there, huh? It would have been a Michael Goods in there.

That's possible, yeah, yeah. Just grown adults with something wrong with them that people can't quite... That's got to attract like a mechanical bull crowd. Oh, yeah, but that's, oh, dude, that's my crowd. That's your crowd. I can't wait to do the slide. Yeah, that's going to be a tough thing to bring up to a girl. if you bring a girl there, be like, yeah, we should

do the slide, maybe. I think it's a great move. Be like, yeah, it's something where you're like, oh, only two people, you have to go two at a time. And then you just want to happen. Do they have the little sacks that you ride down in, or it's just like, it was just like, it's just a shrillies. Oh, that would be fun as fuck.

Dude, like a racing one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, honey, it's fine on a skirt. Just go. And where does it end up? Where does it end up? It's on the ball pit? In a ball pit?

I think it's called like Aquarium or something. There's the top floor of the bar and it goes down to the bottom of it. I would really do that the whole time. But yeah, to stop drinking, it kind of eliminates a lot of a lot of fucking fun time or a lot of like, especially with comedy, it's like half of what you. Oh, it's my second favorite thing. And I do it and I have adventures. And I'm definitely not going to stop drinking anytime soon. Right.

But I'll slow down. It's nice to prove to yourself that you can take a break. Yeah, which is literally all I need. All I need is just like a little bit of like, okay, I drank less this month than I did before. Right. So I'm on a two-day break myself. Yeah, it's about where I'm at too. Sometimes you do like an unintentional one and you're like, oh shit.

Yeah, it's about two weeks. It's drinking, yeah. Actually, it's never two weeks, but... Really? I've taken a month off every year, but it's like, I don't like... I never like just end up taking two weeks off. Well, the problem, your problem is that you're a fun drunk and nobody's ever going to tell you like, hey, you got to...

You don't really have a problem. Dude, it's awesome. Every fucking time I get fucking wasted, people are like, that you ruled last night. I'm like, why would I ever stop doing this? Right. And then you stop, people, nobody's going to want to hang out with you. Oh, yeah. Nobody's going to hang out with one

to hang out with sober, Michael Good. The fun is, was I was I talking to you about this? I had like a fucking, I had like a really important set and I got so fucked up the night before. And not really important, but it's at a club that was trying to impress the booker. What open mic was this? A big open mic.

It was an $8 one rather than $7. One of those $8 ones. No, I was just doing a guest spot at side splitters. I've never gotten the Booker to like see me there. So like, it's probably for the best. I've done great every fucking time. But I got so fucked up the night before. And all day I was beating myself up.

I'm like, you really got to like get your career seriously. You got to not be getting so fucked up. Yeah. And then I murdered the set. And I was like, oh, well, I guess I won't adjust any of my behavior. I guess I'll just do the same shit I always do if there's no consequences to any of my actions. How'd it go? No, great.

That's what I'm saying. Like, if it went, if it went bad, I would have been like, wow, I really need to like drink less. Right, right. But you never got, you never had to pay the Piper there. No, no. So you're good. That's me too. It's like I drink too often, but I don't have that huge.

hugely, like, embarrassing experience. Yeah, yeah. Or like, I did something just that I would never do otherwise. Like a rock bottom. You need a super rock bottom. And you can kind of keep adjusting the bar on a rock bottom, too. That is, yeah. You could be like, I've heard other people have way worse than this.

Like, I'm going to keep going. Unprotected sex is one of those. We're like, I used to be like, that's fucking insane that you'd fuck a stranger without a condom. Yeah. And then you have sex to the stranger and the condom breaks. And you're like, what am I going to like, go to the store and get another condo? What am I going to do? make this feel worse again?

The funniest one is when they make you wear a condom for the first time and then like in the morning you go again and you don't have to have a condom and they're just like all right whatever. And both you are just like yeah, because we did a condom last night we deserve no time. We earned it. We know each other.

Yeah. She was a stranger. Yeah, yeah. But there's no like logic behind like why one is like zero. Even after like three dates or something, a lot of times girls will be like, all right, now it's, now we don't need a condom. It's like what has changed?

We don't know each other anymore. Oh, absolutely. We haven't tested. Nobody's tested anything. Oh, I get tested so much, dude. Really? Yeah, it's fans. It feels so good just to be like, fucking, you just got it right there on your fucking phone. How do they test you?

Blood work? Blood work and piss. Hey, honey, uh, I got a test last week. Let me rod dog, man. Bring that to the date? That'd be a good thing. Dude, I mean, it's like, I have told me. I'm completely clean, but it's like, now I try really hard.

Like, I wear a condom, like, most of, like, I would say, I've only really fucked out a condom with somebody I met that night, like, probably a four. I'm pretty good about like wearing one. Right, right, right. But it's like one of those things too where it's like, all you need is one time to fuck up. Yeah, totally. Or I don't know how it works if one breaks while you're fucking somebody. Does that just give you.

I think God gives you the benefit of the doubt on that. Yeah, he was trying. He was tried his fucking best. All you need to do is be like, hold up the ever. Be like, no, I have it right here. Yeah. I think even if you do have sex with someone and they have something, it's, you can still slip to the cracks.

Right. Don't tell me that. Well, I mean, I'm not a doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is crazy, like, the people that like, because for me, I'm like, all right, well, I know. Yeah, I don't know. It's crazy the people that are just like, yeah, I know you could totally. Especially women that will let you come inside them if they just met you.

I'm like, because you're more likely to get S.E., I think, from getting jizz inside you. You know, you don't have to come inside a girl if she says you can come inside me, right? I know. I know. I've only done it one time. And I used to pull out with condoms on. That is one thing I would never do. Even if, yeah, of course, there have been Rod Dog one night stands.

But coming inside, the strand. the stranger I got a I mean it's a disaster you know because who doesn't want Michael good sperm

inside this is true it's very charming and wonderful it's hard for me to just sit next to him yeah yeah I like you come in me Michael yeah I appreciate it

baby in my ass Michael yeah well it's like if somebody somebody showed me the fucking birth patrol

they're like look here it is there's one I took yesterday and I'm like that seems but the second I did it bro I freaked that

but I realize it's a fucking weird moral or like OCD thing because like okay I came inside a woman without a condom, terrifying. I was, like, the scariest experience of my life,

even though she showed me her birth control. Then, this is a while back, but then she showed me, then, like, I'm totally lying. This is super recent. That was, like, the biggest line. Then you're like, how do I get rid of this body now? What happened was she... Two bodies.

Yeah, I got to take out both of them. But, and then in my mind, I was like, all right, well, I got to ask her if she's pregnant. And I realize I actually don't, because there's two scenarios. Because it's her problem. Yes, yes. But it's like either I got her pregnant and she's getting an abortion.

She's not going to tell me about it or she's going to tell me about it. Or I got her pregnant and she's going to tell me that I got her pregnant and she's keeping the baby and I'm going to be a father. Or a third scenario, she's not pregnant. And me asking her is only just going to make my, it's just, you're just feeding the anxiety. Because then it's like OCD. It's like I'll relieve this anxiety briefly. Yeah, I have to ask because I'll go nuts just wondering if I'm going to get a text. someday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But girls, I think, are, they're kind of like guys in a way where they're like, nah, I'm not pregnant, don't worry about it. But they honestly have no idea. Yeah, you know?

Oh, dude. You know, by the way, I would know by now. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. Good. Yeah. You know this story,

but like, I was sleeping with the girl in Maine. Yeah. And the condom broke halfway through. Didn't really realize came inside of her. And I was like,

oh, no. How do you not? drunk it was towards dude I like I touched the con I let me go like it was still on it was towards the end these things happened exactly horse cock Johnny and I was like oh no

it broke and she was like it's okay I know my cycle I'm not pregnant I was like that's not good enough for me yeah I was like are you on birth control no but I know my cycle and I was like all right well we have to go to right aid yeah I would get plan B for that for sure got the plan B and she took it in the parking lot yeah yeah I didn't hold the gun to her head

She agreed to this. But you do kind of want to see them take it too, no? She raised her tongue. I didn't even ask for that, but that really made me feel better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Take that fucking horse pill. Maybe she did like a crazy move where she put it on her tongue and then flicked it into her nose.

Yeah, yeah, there's ways around it. Or the second I pulled out of the parking lot, she fucking vomited it up. Oh, God. Yeah. We're going to have this baby. Little Johnny. Yeah, somebody brought that about the Drake thing with like, you believe he's putting like hot sauce inside condoms.

It's like, well, the only way women are knowing that is by putting his cum inside of their pussies. Right. Yeah. And also like, or they just see him and just dumping it in. They're like, what the fuck are you doing? I have to imagine anything in the condom would have worked. Like water. I don't think watered down cum gets you pregnant.

He should have put poison in there. I put poison in my condoms every time. It's your fault. I want to kill yourself, bitch. Yeah, there's probably a lot of things you can put in there before hot sauce. but hot sauce is definitely... And also, if a girl wants it bad enough, she probably can still go through with the hot sauce.

I don't know what that's going to feel like. But I don't think you can mix anything with cum, and it's still coming. I don't think you can get knocked at. Like, even water, like, I don't think it's like cum zero. But the hot sauce is a really nice slap on the wrist. It's a nice, hey, hey, no, no, no. It's not...

Well, it's red, though. How would you not be able to like, oh, is that bloody cum? Maybe it's like mystery flavored hot sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why. Maybe it's a red cherry. condom. I've never

understood the condom flavors. I thought you're going to say you don't understand condoms in general. I think it's only for prostitutes. Not the good ones though. Or maybe, you know what it is? It's right. If you fuck a woman in front of her husband and then her husband wants to eat her out afterwards. Yeah, yeah, there

got. Blue raspberry. Oh, cherry pie. You almost know too much about that, Michael. I mean, that's something like that happened in Austin, dude. Just rolled right up his string right there. Yeah, this is my segue into the next story. Oh my God. Another devil's three way in front of his husband. Another devil's

three way, but... Oh, my God. Also, I've always said I don't want this to be the sexual adventures of Michael Good, but I... Who is leaning that way? It's just where what we're doing. Sometimes it's the best... Don't try to resist what you are. Best stories. Fucking dirty, dirty, dirty piece of shit. And anybody who listens to this should

have to envision Michael Good having something. That's what they deserve. It's what he deserves. It's like I'm actively trying to give my dad to not listen to this podcast, but he still listens every fucking week. Every time Michael tells me he got late, I say, I say whose wife was it.

That's a Florida thing, and it's very, I think it's very accurate, right? I think it's a Florida stereotype that there's a lot of like swingers and like cocks and stuff, but I feel like Florida is where they really thrive. Dude, my friend told me a story about he fucked this chick with her husband,

and then the guy walked away and on his back, he had a giant Ku Klux Klan tattoo. And I'm like, That's so funny to be so open-minded in one way and so close-minded in another way. Fuck my pig with me. I don't know if cucking is open-minded. I feel like it's like a disorder almost. I don't think so-wise-crossed.

I think it's just some wires crossed. Or it could also be so disrespectful towards your- I think if you're- Like you hate your wife so much, you just start getting like ugly guys to fuck her? That is, yeah, you're just trying to slowly get her out of your life. Yeah. Also, do the wives have anything to say about this? Or does the husband always always pick when it's his?

Well, I mean, I mean, not all the time, I guess. I mean, there could be one that's sex-slavish. Not if Michael Goode's fucking your wife. She didn't have any say. Dude, my thing is I totally get it. I watch Cuckport. I get like, watching a woman be a slut is hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because she's just like, I'm so mean to my boyfriend. And I'm like, that's hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless you are the boyfriend. Right, but I still get why it's like, I get it. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's like every, not every kink is created equal.

Like, some kinks are like, I have, and I mean, I have, I'll watch some porn where I'm like, if I was more healthy and well-adjusted, I probably wouldn't like this. Yeah, yeah, but I am fucked up, so I love it. Exactly. If I was raised correctly and if everything was in order in my life, I probably wouldn't watch this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I feel 90, that's why I don't watch porn anymore because I'm watching

I'm like, oh, yeah, this is like, but I don't know, I still have weird sex. How quickly can you X out of the window when you, once you come, just, oh, got, that did you gather. ESPN.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm learning to like, in my mind, I'm like, let me just not watch porn. I'll do whatever weird stuff sexually as long as it's not. illegal or hurtful than anybody else.

At that point, once the wires are crossing your head, they're not crossing back. Mine are. Really? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope. Dude, I'm not going to, I'm not going to not want to get peed on again.

Like, it's done. It's done. I'm fucking weird. That's the thing. Once you start watching people do it, it becomes more normal. But yeah, if you limit yourself to, like, only what you can accomplish in real life, your circle, your bubble gets a little smaller of how crazy you can get. I've been feeding pigeons and petting dogs for two years straight.

Just to get out. just trying to get wholesome again. I didn't watch with a black angel. Missionary style. You're going to come from missionary again. I know you will. I know you will.

Feed those pigeons. Yeah. That's really, yeah. There's no way I'm not going to like every single butthole of every single guy of sex with the rest of them.

Basically. Yeah. It's just habit at this point. You almost feel disrespect. Now if a girl ever sees this, she's like, why didn't you lick my ball? Yeah, they're going to get really, what the fuck was that?

I'm also going to say this. I think it's disrespectful to not brag about getting pussy to your friends. Like, to the woman. It used to be like, oh, are you going to brag about it? It's like, yeah, I'm going to brag about it. That's a great compliment. I'm telling my friends how much fun I had.

And you're a, you're a, you're a, people are like, oh, is she a trophy? Yes, you are a trophy. That's very like, if girls from back to their friends have bragged about, I'll be like, you're a trophy. You're a trophy. You're a participation award? I'm telling the boys. You think girls have ever bragged about about fucking you?

Yes, because that's gotten back to me. Really? Yeah, yeah. Wow. Everyone's fucked the four in their time. You think they brag about it and they have a good laugh about it? You think they're like, oh, this was really great. Dude, I've heard it come back to me twice.

Now, I think performance is all over the place. I've had women I'm half hard with horrible job. But I've had it come back to me twice. People were like, apparently, really good fucking. Really? So I'm like, yeah, this is going to stay with me forever. But they're totally, it's like everyone's different. Every fuck is like a snowflake.

Oh, I fucked a girl. I'm like, this is doing zero for her. Some women, they just, some women come very easily. Others, it takes a lot. And it's like, my area of expertise is like, you're a medium comer to you come easily. But if you're someone who it takes a lot, I'm like, that's beyond my skill.

Yeah. Yeah, and you do feel great if you get an easy comer. You're just like, oh, I'm the man. I'm the man. But then it's like, oh, no. Everybody's the man. Everybody's fucked her. Everybody's the man.

Just like, oh, my God, three pumps and she's just eyes on the back of her head. Yeah. It's like Pepino just made her come the night before. Don't feel too excited. You say Filipino? No, Pepino. But yeah, the audience is don't do that. Look up the Pomerick.

Oh, wait, wait. What is it again? Look up the Papino-Clemenzo. Clemenza show. Pupino-Clemenzo show on YouTube. What language is that? It's Italian. Ew.

Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, he's the best. But I didn't even get the, okay, so. Stop with my Tic Tac, bitch. This is what happened. So I was in Austin. I did two shows. Shows went great.

I like when you have friends. see a show and it's like the best show of your life and you're like, this is always how it is. Yeah. And then my buddy's like, you want to go to a rave? I was like, yeah, sure. I feel like I got so much done. If I do two comedy shows, you can convince me to go to Mexico.

I'm like, yeah, I've worked tonight. You know, I just did two 10 minutes sets. It was fucking nothing. Right. But we go to this rave. First off, I thought my friends wearing cowboy hats would make everybody hate us at the rave. Are they like, who are these douchebags?

They thought it was the coolest thing ever. They were the coolest guys. You're in where? Austin? Yeah, but I would think there'd be a lot of cowboys. boy hats rolling around awesome they are but not in a rave and i just i thought it was going to be it was this guy named party boy 69 i know him who i thought i saw a video of this guy one time and i was like oh that looks like a fun concert and then randomly i got invited and i was like oh that's cool because in my

mind i saw a video of this guy and i was like oh it'd be cool to go to a rave again i haven't done that in years and then next thing you know i was at the guy it's just like porn dude you watch it and then it happens in real life yeah you watch enough of it party boy 69 you're gonna manifest it into your to your reality. Yeah. Well, and then I did a bunch of fucking ketamine, not a bunch, but like enough to, like, feel it. Have you done it? No, I have not done, Kenamie. I did my favorite thing in the world. Not my favorite thing in the world.

I like, as you were saying, feeding pigeons or whatever. Oh, catamine number one, blue is number two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've probably done it once. I hated it, but I think I took too much. Yeah, maybe did the wrong kind. Yeah, I did the fentanyl kind. Yeah, yeah. But, wait, let me bring back fentanyl in a second, because somebody was overdosing on the way over here. I got to tell that story there. Really? But, uh, fun.

But this guy, I'm making out with this Asian girl and her, her, this guy European guy with long hairs next to her. And I was like, is I like your boyfriend's like that? She's like, no, this is this guy I've been hooking up with. I was like, okay, cool. And then I was like, people are so open with you. Dude, I think I attract an energy of people. Because like, I wasn't even. His face.

He's got an honest face. Yeah. I would be like, don't tell me about a guy you're hooking up with. You're hooking up with me. He's got honest matters. Yeah. He's got honest eyes. There's enough to go around.

There's three holes. I'm just happy to be invited. That's three holes. Let's fucking spread them out. I guess ketamine would do that to you too. Ketamine, you're just like... You can get hard on Ketamine? It's cool.

Take a lot of blue jeer, yeah. So what happened was... You're all over the map, dude. This is also what's funny because I'm talking to the girl and the guy and he goes, we should go back to the apartment. Wouldn't it be sexy? He's like, it'd be so hot.

Going back to the hotel. And I was like, I'm not gay, dude. Just straight up. I'm not going to do any gay stuff. But I will have sex as girl with you. If that's no, you and me, no touch it. And he's like, yeah, dude, totally. I'm straight, too.

we have fun time, it'd be good time. And I'm like, let's do it. Why does he want you so bad if he's straight, you know? I've never had a girl locked down and been like, you know, it would make this better a dude if I invited a dude into this. Dude, I think it's just he wants to try some wild. You're not going to be a black belt in the devil's three way until you do the fucking, she's riding you, cowgirl style.

And then he fucks her in the ass right. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the black belt of like when the juices grip on your balls and you're like, all right, I'm broken now. Well, I will say this. I'm sitting the next 15 out. Like, I'm done with this for a while. Because what happened was like, at first I started having this weird conspiracy theory

because I was on ketamine. So I was thinking all this crazy shit. I was like, oh, this is actually just a prostitute. And she's going to charge both of us. Or this guy paid for me to fuck this prostitute in front of it, which is the most offensive thing because I just ask her. I go, you're not a prostitute, are you? And she goes, what the fuck?

She's like, no, I'm not a fucking prostitute. No, fuck my mouth. Yeah. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. You can fuck me for free. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, you're like, because I will pay you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to, I will pay. Roll this dice to see which fall you get. How dare you call me a prostitute. I do this for free. The love of the game. But I was blown away by the fucking,

then some guy at the rape, we're trying to get another girl. The first stuff, the guy, the guy almost shows another guy. Can I grab a claw? Yeah, yeah, grab a claw. Yeah, Johnny, loosen up, would you? The guy points to like a more muscular guy

and is like, I don't know. He seemed like he have a big dick. energy, no, no, no, no, no. He is, I'm like, that guy over there is totally faking it. I bet you he has the smallest dick in the world, and I'm just shit talking to this random guy because I'm trying to fuck this shit. Yeah, yeah, of course. Why did they think that guy would they, she didn't, the guy was just like, oh, this guy have a big dick energy, no? What did they think you had big dick energy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even though average. Maybe he thinks everybody. But the energy, why did a cowboy hat on in a cool t-shirt, so.

All right. So it's like a button down, but I want to get to this, the action. Yeah, yeah. So we go to the hotel and I start fucking her. And then what happens is Wow, you're fast forward and through a lot of steps here, but that's great. Well, we're just like, we're going to the hotel.

This is what we're doing. It's that simple. These are people, this is what, the attitude at raves are. I don't know that I've actually been to like a professional rave before. Oh,

it's awesome. Well, and there was other girl, there was like, she was making out another girl in front of her boyfriend. Some girls, so I should be alarmed that my wife

always wants to go to raves all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the kind of stuff. If she had a rave face. Anyway, way. I've been airtight before, honey. Well, some of them are gross. You're the ones in Brooklyn.

It's just all ugly people. But for them, not all of them, but some of those underground wasn't disgusting. Yeah, that's the thing you forget about is that, like, anybody can go to these. And who's going to, like, do hot chicks need to go to a place? Like, no, no. So, some really hot girls do go to raves. But you've got to find, like, the top level, DJ.

Like, any, the weirder, the DJ, the more obscure, the less hot than women are going to be there. You go to, like, a fucking, like, I don't know, Calvin Harris concert. It's going to be like a million hot chicks. You go to like a... Yeah, you go to somebody... I will say Party Boy 69, I did not expect

it to be like this. But, and the guy... My favorite was he the DJ or is he... He's not the European guy. That would be funny, too. But who was Party Boy 69? I missed that part. Is he a DJ? He's a DJ. Now, I want to explain this real quick. The guy before him was this Eastern European-looking guy in a tank top who looked like he just didn't give a fuck

I love the look on his eyes. You could look like... You could tell him his whole village was bombed. He'd be like, I don't kid. I'm just here at the fucking DJ. And then Party Boy 69 came on. like long hair. He looked like a wakeboard instructor that would like fuck your mom or something like that. Like just long blonde hair.

I'm listening. I'm sure he has. Yeah, sunglasses on. Who hasn't fucked my mom? Thanks for bringing it up. Yeah, by bad.

That's a sore topic. I also love how like I'm telling the least interesting part of the story. I'm describing what the DJ's wearing after I fuck. When did cock go an ass? Yeah. So you know the hotel cock chair? He's sitting in that and I'm banging her. There really is a hotel cocktail chair.

Yeah, that chair. That chair, he was used accordingly. Yeah. When you get back, you guys get back to the hotel, is he, him and her like,

uh, hanging out? Are they like holding hands? Are they touching at all? You totally have, I believe this part's black. Are they dating each other? No,

she's just in town visiting him. Or they met him there and she's visiting and he's visiting. Sounds like she'll pretty much fuck anybody. Hey, look, look, look. She follows me on Instagram,

a very classy lady. She rules. Damn, DM me a picture of her cunt. I do have a picture. Said miss you. There is a selfie of all three. of us.

It's so fun. But how does he know to take it? This is something they've done before. No, no. He's just like, it'll be so much fun if we go to America and do a threesome. He knows. They know each other like well or how do they like? They met like a week ago.

Well enough to double teamer. I can't believe this world I've been missing out of it. I think you don't want to, I feel like you don't want to know who you're double teaming too well. Yeah. For my perspective. If it ever happened, because it's not really my thing. I do have a friend who's been trying to get me to do it.

I'll tell you after who it is. I will say that part of the fun part is, too, you bang a chick and then you're hanging out with another dude. And you're like, oh, that's up, bro. Hey, you want to play Mario Kurt? Yeah, there's like a real camarader to do it. That's a Rodney joke. Roddy's like, yeah, I sleep with two women.

So I like to have sex with two women. So when I fall asleep, they have someone to talk to. Yeah, that's literally what it was. And the dude, my favorite is the dude goes, I got to go to the bathroom. And then I'm having sex there. And I could just see in the hallway of the hotel room. a silhouette of a guy beating off and grunting, like a shadow person, like just like, just like, ooh.

Is it a different part or is the same guy? There's another who'd be a guy in the shower. Dude, I watched a fucking, a double team porn like three weeks ago or something. And this is a girl I've, a pornster I've seen many times. And so it's two guys and one girl. All of a sudden,

one of the guys started sucking the dick of the other guy. And I'm like, I did not sign up for this. But you're already in there. You should have a different name. This isn't, this isn't. That's why you put. play the game, John. Things like that. That's why you go to the casino. It's a chance that it can happen. It's that much sweeter when it doesn't happen.

You got to know there's some risk there. But this isn't a classy DP. But Christoph did my favorite impression of the guy. You know, Christophev, Gene, we're in the car talking about it. And he's just like, yes, Macca, Maca do it. Oh, you are King Fack. Get there with her. Yeah, put your, yeah, inside the floor. Yeah, yeah, go, go. So he's So he's watching while you guys are doing it. And then he's asking these, like, can I hop in? Lights are on or lights are off? Brightest lights in the world.

Windows? Windows completely open. Nice. Dog. Dog. Licking peanut butter off my assol. I like that. Forward.

He's adding in different things. The story. Camel, someone's grandma. I like that. Yeah. So he hops in. Were you disappointed? Were you psyched when he?

I wasn't psyched. He comes in. He comes in hard or what does he come in? Punisher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He comes in, like, hard, but it's also when it's circumcised or uncircised? He's European, so, yeah. They're uncircised.

Yeah, he's uncircised. But I also gave him a blue chow. I was like, I'm going to change your life forever. I thought blowjob was coming out of your mouth right there. Yeah, I heard blue chute. I was like, I also gave him a blow job. So, yeah, he was hard. Yeah.

Trust me. I mean, trust me. This mouth ain't a virgin. Yeah, you know, you just casually threw that in the combo. And also I'll give him a blow job. But anyway, so then we go to, uh, so we got a pizza. We're at Waffle House after. You wanted him to be super rock hard.

Were you at either? No, I was just trying to be a nice guy. He's my friend now. This is my new European friend. There's a lot of questionable stuff going on here. It's a brother. You're not, look at my fucking face. You're not going to get me on any of this.

Anybody you could? I know I'm going to sound so. I'm like, I know I like fucking pussy. But no one's going to get me on anything. Not as much as I like fucking pussy with a tip in the room. That is a great team player because you're giving, he's basically hooking you up with this whole situation. You're helping him out. And this is my whole thing with research. But I would not. I would just be like, you know,

you's, what if you guys just like hooked up with her and then he came in and hooked up there? It has to be together. It didn't have to be. This is so crucial, though. I asked you this last time. Were you always at different ends of the girl? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So there was never a fucking, like, that

thing I'm talking about. The fucking fucking. Like so close. She's riding you a cowgirl while he fucks her in the ass. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because that's, John. That happens. John, not some type of fucking home. I'm just trying to bang a chick with another guy naked in the same hotel room. I'll rub ball on ball next year.

Look, I'm just going to lay in the other man. He's like a grandfather trying to figure it on. You're acting like this king just stops here. Yeah. It just opens here. You let her just open the door. Foot in the door. We're going a little fit for the end. Well, can you just tell me that that happened? How much

is it going to cost for your say? Well, it's one of those things where it's like, this is my whole concept out. It's like, first of girls that are with another guy are easier to fuck because they feel safe. They're like, I'm safe with this guy. So that's a nice thing where you're like, oh, this is going to be easier than convincing a woman. Because in her mind, she's

like, this guy could kick this guy. Did it seem like this girl had done this a lot of times before? I don't think so, no. Really? Yeah. And then... Oh, my God. And then... Straight actress. But then... Yeah. The other thing is, if it's going to be between me not getting pussy and me getting pussy, I don't care. There's almost, I

like pussy so much that I don't care if there's no... It overrides a lot of stuff. Yeah. You can't really think straight at that at that time. Hey, I was thinking straight. I don't need boneless chicken I'll eat around the bones Yeah Well this might be due to the next day

That I was on field This guy wanted me to fuck his wife And I was just like I never You were looking for more the next day Well no I was just on field I would bang a chick on field Yeah yeah

And then but like But how do you even open that app The next day? I would be like I need a I need a breathe Well because your friends are like You're living life You're like I gotta keep this hot street going

Well yeah you were floating down the river on Intertubes You're your friend do a funny accent of the guy and you're like, why not part two? But the second I go on field, this guy was like, hey man, Eiffel Tower is the best, bro. And I was like, this is too. I got to take a step back.

I wouldn't say it's the best. Yeah. It's cool. I feel like an Eiffel Tower would only be good like if you were on like a guy's trip and your buddy found some horror and you high-fived your friend just to say you did it. It would never even occur to me to high-five a strange guy. Oh, yeah, I guess, yeah, I've never done the high-five thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be weird, though, to do it with a friend, too, because then you're, you're,

always going to see that person in that life. I assume that's a bomb that can't be broken. Yeah, exactly. You're going to make eye contact. There's going to be some weird shit that happens. Two friends that have had a girl that would be willing to double team us. And they couldn't do it? No, and I've declined both times.

Oh, you couldn't do it. I don't want to see my friend fucking. This is what I don't want to see. This is. I never want to see my friend's eyes close. Right. That would take me out of everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I could like, I could probably laugh. I could, but like the second I see like, oh, oh, oh, yeah, I'd be very, it's like, when I didn't come, I went to the bathroom and jerked off and I was like, Jesus. Yeah, yeah. There's so many moving parts to this whole thing. But I guess kind of when you're just hanging out with people, you just, uh, things just happen, you just figure it out. Well, it's so many people.

I'm 100% not trying to get pussy tonight. And then I'm at the rave. And then this girl starts making it out with me. And I'm like, all right, where's this going to go? Like she must have seen my set. Did you see my set? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. crush it. I'll just stick to blowjobs

from girls who are guys. Regular meat and potatoes the way God intended. Yeah, if you want a real two for one, dude, do that. Get me balls with a ponytail. It's funny, it took me two times of doing this, realizing I'm not

really my thing. The first time I was like... You've only done it twice now? Yeah. Oh, I thought you did it more than that. No, I've only done it twice and I'm like... He's still young, though. I've been treating me like fucking double team guy. No. Okay.

I mean, how often does that happen? Do you, how often do you think that's going on? Right. I mean, probably more than we... How often did two chicks fucking get on field and say we want to... Tell you what, that is really tricky because I've been in a situation where it's like almost every girl I'm hooking up with right now is bisexual, but it's like you can't like, that's a confusing, that's a hard thing to be like, hey, you want to meet the other

person that I'm, you know what I'm, it's like, it takes some real persuader. So you see where you meet one of our friends and you're like, let's get your friend to do this. She's like, I don't know. You're such a mean guy. I tried to do that once with my girlfriend and it ruined everything. I'm sure. I was like, oh, this is how it's thought.

You can't do it with your girlfriend. You can't do with your girlfriend. I've discussed those with multiple girlfriends before and they were kind of like kind of. And I was like, I'm never going to, because it was to spice up the relationship. It's like, I'm never going to want to have sex with you again. If we have a third girl added to it. It's like, oh my God. That's what new pussy feels like.

And if there's all these rules. that they implement for it and you don't follow the rules. You can't kiss her. You can't kiss her. Yeah. No, that's, it's, that is a way more complicated thing

because dudes are just like, you get, there's probably a million dudes like me. They're like, yeah, when I don't get some fucking pussy and I don't care.

Versus women that are like, the women have to also, they have to get along. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? I'm like, and that's, that's impossible.

Yeah, yeah, invite two women just to meet each other in there. How many girls do you think we know that have, that have done that before? Like, two girls, one guy? Yeah. No, no, no, two guys, two guys on a chair.

You think there's girls walking amongst us that have, uh, he's saying this like, like, like we're committing a genocide. Well, most of these girls are, Chris Kimback is so funny, he's such a fucking perv. And then he's just like, whoa, two people, like, but only a one narrow area. I would be really disappointed if I found out that my like wife had done. Like if I, like a serial killer judging a pedophile. Yeah. You do what with what?

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'll stick to killing women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, that's what the thing's, like, I get where you're coming from, but I just, like, I've got to the point that I'm like, I, I'm, it's so unfair for me to judge the people, because I've thought the same thing. I'm like, oh, you know, like, that's going to be really uncomfortable to date somebody, and she's like, I've been in a gang bang before.

Yeah, yeah, I'd be disappointed at least. I don't know if it, I don't know if it would, uh, but it's also, yeah, it would probably ruin everything. But for me, it's like, one of the things, like, who the fuck am I to judge your woman now? It's like, I wouldn't judge. It would just be something, it would be something in my head that would be like, you can't I can't do this anymore. And you know me, the biggest feminist,

either of you know. Yes. There is a big difference between being a guy who's fucking a girl and a girl who's accepting two cocks at once. It's just a different decision

for a woman to fuck a guy because a guy is a big, sweaty, strong thing. Like, who's entering your body. It's invasive. Yeah, and two of them at once is, it's like, no, no, no. I need two of these things

that could kill me just to get, it's like, I don't think you need it. It's like you're kind of, I think what happens is you get, this could be fun, and I have that same energy. I'm like, if somebody's saying this could be fun, I'm like, that's fair, because it's like, the whole thing is this woman goes, yeah, okay, well, this would be wild. And that's like, that's why I do most of the crazy sex shit, because I'm like, oh, this

be a fun adventure. I'm going to go bang an old lady. It's like a one-night stand, though. It's like almost any guy, just if a girl wants to fuck him that night is going to go home with her. But like, the girl has to be a little fucking tapped because she could die that night. like she could that like that's not of the guy's head even this is what i say if a woman goes home with two guys she just met that is pretty wild and a pretty dangerous decision but yes she's

probably insane but she's probably insane it's just as safe i think if she's seeing a guy it's almost more safe for her to fuck a guy with another guy she knows than to fuck a guy she just met alone because if she just took me home for the bar which most women would do because i'm fucking Charming. Not like that, but I'm saying like... I'm breaking down this equation you're putting in front of me right now. It's safer to fuck a new guy with a guy you know than to just fuck a new guy. Yes, because the guy you know can defend you

against a new guy. Yeah, I'll give me that. As long as he's strong... It's not safer for your holes. No, it's not. It's not safer for your holes. But, uh, look at these fucking nerds. Where'd you guys do? Speaking... Speaking of... Paddy's popping in.

Speaking of DP. It's a new segment. Yeah, yeah, you can go pee-p with your little ass dick. Yeah. We're just talking three sums, Patty, if you know nothing about. Paget's just turns us bullying them. Guys, I got a girl coming over. Yeah, we're a bunch of sweaty guys.

We got the microphones. Yeah. SCX. Ever heard of it? How would this work? I think we would take him because he's smaller to both of us. What? To fuck me?

If we're banging Kimback? where did this just happen how did he just call this all gay I was trying to If we had a gang rape one of us Oh yeah Who's the time? Whoa,

Whoa, Oh, consent You'd have to You'd have to class me into it I'm not just gonna let you guys No, you'd have to trick me

Both of you against me would get the most You'd have to make it look You'd have to make it look like he tricked me Like would you see like a chihuahua fucking like a great day Yeah, yeah, There's like an actual fighting

I don't know if it's a league right now but this is something that's semi-com where a giant guy fights two small men. Dude, that sounds like the funest shit ever. And it's very amusing to watch. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like a 380-pound man against 230-pound guys.

Oh, my God. That sounds so fun. Oh, yeah. Because there's no way to block all the punches, but the punches can only hurt him so much. Oh, yeah. Dude, did you see, by way, you see Iron Claw? Yeah.

Oh, my God. I watched that on an airplane last night. What is that? It's a rest. Dude, I cried on a fucking airplane. The Von Erick brothers. Wrestling. Oh, that's sure.

That sure clears it up. Yeah. What is that? Zach Ephron? All the brothers except for one died. Yeah. Did you know, in the whole life thing?

Do you realize that there was another brother who died? Yeah, that's what I fucking heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, we don't have enough time to include every brother who died. We don't want to make it too. What is that?

He was like, it's a pinata. I haven't even talked about. He was like, Carri van Eric. You already had it? Am I late for Cinco de Mayo? I didn't have Cinco with Amio. Cinco de Mayo?

It happened on its own. Patty, there's art happening over here. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, we're making... Oh, yeah, sorry, I missed that. We're making art. I'm actually here for it.

Hey, I know we're not in it. We're not in a double bed with our friends, so you might not look at it as art. Okay, but this is art. Dude, feel this is pinata. It's the funnest shit ever. Dude, tell me you don't, just want to wax some shit with that.

It's the perfect, it's soft. It's like, this is the perfect thing to hate your friends with. You know, that's not the pinata, right? You know, that's the pinata stick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You could hit your wife with that, I bet. Anything you hit with his candy comes out. Body shots. I thought she was made of candy. This is what Pete Diddy should use in that lady. That video is fucking nuts, too. Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, why'd you?

Yeah, yeah. Well, because there's so many. Let's hear him out. No, there's so many accusations against Pete Diddy. I feel like I'm behind on them now. Oh, yeah, dude, there's this clear video of him like, but yeah, saw that video. On the ground's fucking wild.

And he's like, I'm so sorry. I was using drugs. and alcohol. And it was just the most Seemed on. Now, my sex slaves, I was sober for those. Yeah.

But I didn't hit him. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy how he's able to, he was able to hide that for so long. Like, it's crazy when these guys come out with like hundreds of accusations against him. And you're like, how did these all not come out before?

Maybe they were, but nobody was listening. I assume this is just going to, now that we have like the technology to like look at search histories and like stuff can slip to the cracks now. I assume it's got to be just a once every five things Like a fucking celebrity has a sex ring that comes out You know, it's just gonna keep coming Look guys, all we have to do is just not rape a woman And we will be wildly successful

Oh yeah Yeah, the bar is pretty hard for some of us Or you can still are a woman And be wildly successful for 20 years before you get caught That is true It seems to never be immediate No, no, yeah There's always a delayed reaction

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like, hold on How long was Cosby able to do what he did for like forever? Granted in the lifetime. In whatever, like the 80s, it was probably a little easier. So, Nagasson funny. That was my Cosby.

But the fact that Diddy did it in this era is kind of crazy. Well, they all did it in this era. Weinstein did it in this era. Cosby was doing it fucking up until 10 years ago. It's wild. Yeah, Epstein. Yeah,

Epstein after years came out. That's every single person, basically nobody has integrity in the whole, like even me, dude. It's like, I don't know anybody raping anybody, but it's like, you let me in all, like a sweet party.

I'll be like, keep your fucking mouth shut. I'll be like, all right. Do I get to, do I get to bang a chick with another dude? I mean,

I know people who, and if I have enough power, can I make her do it? Yeah, it's like we all know creepy people in comedy and people just go. Dude,

this is a very cynical view of life, but I really do think it's just a question of like if someone has power. There are people, there maybe not that we know, but we've met, who absolutely,

if they had $400 million dollars, would do something similar. But they'll never have the opportunity to do that. Well, it always starts so minimally. It's like you always know somebody creepy and you're like, well, like the truth is if somebody's creepy, you can't just be like, you can't go to the police and say this guy's creepy. So what happens is somebody's creepy for 20 years. Yeah, yeah. And then you found out they crossed the line.

You're like, yeah, that's not surprising. But it's like one of those things where you're like, well, you know somebody that's creepy, but you're like there's literally, you can't go to the police. You just like this guy's fucking creepy. Yeah. And it's also, I think, like, the people that are so motivated to get to the point that they have $400 million. Those are just egomaniacs who are so motivated. It's kind of the same person who just takes what's his, takes what's his. And it's like that kind of transfers over.

Totally. Well, I also think this, we should start a, they might be a sex offender list. It's just the precursor. I have one. I think we might be on that. I have one guy that I expect darkness to come out about this guy. I think the rock is too squeaky clean. Oh, interesting.

I think the Rock is just squeaky clean because he's the most motivated dude on earth. He's in four movies a year. He's wrestling. He's fucking jacked. He gets up at 4 a.m. I think he's hiding something. You can't be that motivated without, like,

what's he running from? Well, then you got to put Wallberg on your list. You got to put Kevin Hart on your list. You got to put a lot of people on that list. No, because the Rock is jacked. I mean, maybe Walberg, but no, that's a very liberal cock way of thinking. No, no, no. It's not.

Anybody that works hard is a fucking... Hey, hey, we like cucks on this podcast. It's not works hard. This is a pro cuck podcast. No, no, no, no. Don't turn this around on me. He is an extremely manicured image. It is extremely manicured.

He never says anything of consequence. He doesn't do deep dive interviews generally. It's just smile, giving something. You know, it's like, I believe that he's a prime candidate. What if it was something hilarious? Like, he just had, like, he kidnapped kids and just fought them, like, in a case. Like, he just did basically. basically like what you were talking about with the team fighting.

Oh, yeah. But just like nine-thens dog fighting with children. Yeah. Just something so wild like this. I just mean he's easy. He's so much. I do agree with the running. Nobody like there's got to be fire in your heart to get something done.

And that doesn't mean you're always necessarily a bad person, but there's something fucked up going on for that motivation. It's not like he's shitting out good movies. It's like he's got $600 million. So he's trying to get 700 million. He's like, he just doesn't know any better. but it's like what is he what gets him high now yeah what gets him high yeah it's a good point yeah is he 14 year old pussy is the rock married yeah he's married yeah he's married but you know i bet the rock

i could just see the harass how do you not let yourself go a little bit at that point you know what i mean it's like it's like there's got to be like yeah yeah well it just came out the first dark shit ever the rock just came out that he on his last movie uh was a nightmare on set showing up seven to eight hours late every day reminds you somebody else i know because am i the rock highly motivated sex offender yeah and the production company

spent 50 million extra dollars because they had to wait around and just you know and then he was pissing in bottles on set instead of going to the bathroom

and he hasn't commented on this that makes me feel great that his penis is big enough small enough to have to be in a bottle yeah that's pretty cool what I have to do is line it up with the hole

I know but like pissing in a can if he had a horse cocktail I feel like I could do this probably Can't do it, but you can't put the tip right up to it Because I feel like I'm going to slice Yeah, yeah

I don't know how people do that A second circumcision I mean if you gotta go bad enough You'll do pretty much anything Guys circumcised cocks Where do we sit on that? I don't sit at all I hear it at three ways

I let them sit in the corner Michael's the uncircumcised Are you guys both circumcised or you uncircumcised I'm circumcised But oh Circumcised That seemed like a trick question I was like wait a second

We're a clean bunch of dudes over here Yeah I think this conversation came up with this lady Yeah Circumcision If I was a woman I would only want circumcised cock

But you know what I talked to some European women They just look pretty They think they think Circumcised dicks are gross Yeah so whatever you probably grow up with Whatever your dad Whatever the first dick is that you see

That's really yeah But yeah I remember seeing one When I was in like high school Like showering in the Glockroom and being like What the fuck? I saw my friends And I was like

That's an ugly son of a bitch They gave us all pinata sticks But it's weird that that's how it's supposed to look And ours is weird Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah But it's like who is the first one I wonder who the first one was to do that It's clear, you don't, you know read the Bible?

The Jews, yeah But why did they do that? Why would they be like to get that? God told, keep the sand out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, God told what's his name, right? Yeah, and what's his name? Baby Jesus. Yeah, Jesus invented the circumstance.

What was it? Abraham. Abraham, yeah, yeah. But were they doing it before then, I wonder? It's a religious. thing. Yeah, I know that, but why? Like, I'm not Jewish and I have up. Wait, that's also a great point. Why would God tell us to cut the skins of our penis? Like, hey, God, how about you fucking make them right?

God's a moron for a story. Yeah. Like, the people that still... This is a pro-cuck anti-God podcast. The people that still... Fucking bring it on. The people that still adhere to the dietary restrictions of their religion, grow up. Yeah, that's crazy. Grow up. I think most religions are silly and I think you should make fun of other cultures. It seems dumb to you.

Pork was just like a... a fucking eat not eating pig is because fucking trichinosis was a thing yeah you know people would die of trichinosis undercooked pork it's like that's why this is a fucking thing it's like today you're not dying of trichinosis yeah eat the fucking pig you simpleton yeah it is they say they mentioned more in the i never read the bible but uh what a surprise catholic is too yeah you would have thought so well well read well culture that they mentioned uh not eating they mentioned not eating shrimp more in the Bible than they mentioned not fucking dudes in the Bible.

Shellfish too. Yeah, yeah. There's I was like that was a bigger concern than the whole fucking. And a shellfish? Yeah. The little like footnote of like also don't fuck dudes became they kind of blew it out of proportion. That was a marketing decision. Yeah, I feel like I feel like we could all no dude fucking.

We should all just go back to. But it was like we're shrimp just like such a strange animal that like 4,000 years ago they were like, oh, probably shouldn't eat that. Yeah, yeah. That would make sense. It's so weird looking. It's like, yeah, yeah. It's like we should need something. But so delicious. They also probably didn't have cocktail sauce back then, you know?

Yeah, probably would change. They probably would change everybody's mind. Blood of a virgin. Or scampy. Just dip it in. A lot of a virgin. Whatever scampy is. This is some good VB. What is scampy? I don't know. That was the thing Chris DeLeo would kept all the weird accusations against him

were like the women were like, and he was eating shrimp campy and watching cops. Really? Really? It's a hilarious detail in the story. That is funny. Like, Leo DiCaprio listens to somebody. I forget who, but he listens to headphones while he fucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen to like Mumford and Sons or something like that. I will, wait. I've never heard that. You never heard that? Yeah. I heard the headphones. Dude, you figure how many guys, how many girls these guys are fucking?

It's like, how do these stories not come? Like, all it takes is somebody to be like, yeah, like when jeep that's why I'm telling him directly on this podcast. Right, like, come at me. You remember when Jeter would give out the gift baskets to every, every girl he slept with? baseballs and shit. Which basically meant like, hey, don't contact me again. But if you didn't get a gift basket, that would be like, okay, I want to see you again.

So it would kind of be bittersweet. It's like, oh, shit, I got a Jeter. Oh, he doesn't. Yeah. That is so funny. By the way, the total value of this gift basket is $1,800. I knew a chick that banged Jeter. And I just saw her in the Tampa airport.

She hot as hell? Of course. Obviously. Smoking hot. Yeah. Still. That's when you know you're a fucking coxman. if a woman says she's fucked you

and it's just guaranteed she's a nine or above. Right, if you're Jeter, yeah, if you're like Jeter, DiCaprio. Imagine if they fucked like a normal. No, she was a pig. Dude, they do go crazy. I love that video of the raw or what's his name. I guarantee you, it's, dude, I bet you they go all over the map because you ever see a woman that's not traditionally hot,

but you're like, I'm in there. Of course. Yeah, they have the same thing for sure. Like there's a video. Like a relative or, what are we talking about? Sorry, Zodaf for a second. Hansu. you know you shouldn't but you kind of want to but you can't a lot it's not traditionally hot but I can get past an eye patch

yeah yeah yeah it just reminds me of home I just have to do it absolutely I always want to fuck a pirate yeah but like oh yeah once in a while they probably do that too well they'll just like throw a girl a bone be like yeah this girl's a huge fan why not yeah I'll make her day totally make her life you know if you get to fuck decaprio and some of them probably have a thing too where they want to fuck normal women occasionally because they're like these hollywood women are charmed fun hang out They're like, I want to fuck this woman works. Like, what's his name? A fucking golf player, the biggest one.

Tiger Woods, fuck that. Yeah, yeah. It's like, that guy could have been fucking, and he was fucking other hot chicks, but he's like, now, let's fucking get this in between. Yeah, convenience. Availability is the best ability sometimes, you know? Yeah, yeah.

If there's where it's right in front of this sport. And you can't order up a model. Squartz quotes. Yeah, if you can't, like, if you don't have access to a model, it's like, yeah. It's a game of inches. Yeah, a girl will do. Well, then the best is that video of fucking,

what's his name, uh, John Cena? He's like, yeah, I fuck fat chicks all the time. He's like, I love it, dude. They're fucking, I like some fat chicks. Dude, honestly, that was him, like, doing a podcast before he was, like, successful. Yeah, that's like, I was being like, yeah, we could talk about threesomes and circumcised dicks.

What could possibly happen? But then it's going to be fucking 20, 29, and Ben Shapiro's president, and threesomes are illegal. I never banged a guy. Girl in front of his wife. I keep Freudian slip. That's not a Freudian slip.

I just keep saying gay stuff. No, that's Freudian. Guys, yeah, yeah. That's for him. Freudian means you subconsciously mean it. the cock cut his breath right. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Nothing loses more momentum than saying, oh. I were fucking talking about just out there. Well, now that we're finishing it up there. Yeah, man. This is, you liking this new spot or what?

No, we're not going down that. We're not, dude, we're not talking about my apartment. I love your apartment, dude. I think it's very vintage and how was the party? How was the Cinco de Mayo? Oh, that?

Oh, thank you for bringing that up. It was fucking crazy. Sorry I missed it You're good We had a pinata That we filled with Blue Chew, Adderall Edibles

And That's an expensive pinata Yeah I want people to have fun And then How many enterals We talk it in there It's like three There's a short in show

It's like Oh but people still fought for them Really? Yeah Yeah And the fun thing was People would do

Whippets With a blindfold on Spin around And then hit it That's pretty cool Which was the most fun Because you're just So disoriented

And It was the most fun And Same with pin the tail on the donkey. It was a great time. Whippets. It was all comics? It was all comics or who was in attendance?

It was comics, some friends that didn't do comedy. And yeah, it was definitely smaller than I assume, but it was still a great time. Yeah, yeah. It was a Sunday. So I was like, yeah, it's fair. Right, right. And say good-day Mayo is fucking awesome, huh? That might be the best holiday.

Oh, yeah, it's a great time. Yeah. I love there with Halloween. Yeah, I had this conversation with somebody else. They were like, I'm tired of, I think Andrew Manning was saying this, who I love. But he was saying he's like, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm tired of people. You don't have to celebrate everything. I'm like, no, no, no, no, parties are, I love, I love, I love holidays. I love festivities. It's very fun. Yeah.

Think of them out as a good one, you know, because everybody's got a little, a little Latin flare or they wish they had a little Latin flare in them. So that gives them an excuse for it to come out. Yeah, my roommates were saying there, Patty was like, oh, you don't, we should do it on like the Saturday before. I'm like, that's the holiday. Some holidays, if they have the name and the title, you can't, you can have a Fourth of July, July 1st, no matter how it lines up. You got to do it on Fourth of July. Otherwise, it just seems weak. Yeah, it seems cucky. But it's like you also like, what is it? Like, I think we keep gaining holidays. I don't think we're really losing it. I mean, we're losing like Columbus Day, but nobody ever celebrated that really.

No. It's just going to be named something else. It'll still be a... We have all the holidays we're going to celebrate. Oh, I... And it'll be vintage Columbus. I'm going to be June teeth and off this fucking year. I'm being full black face.

Full black face. Forties in each hand. Yeah, bro. I'm going in. Yeah. Yeah, no. Work boots and gym shorts. 100%.

Banging dudes' wives again. That's coming back. Look, for us this month? No, thank you. Next month, I'm banging. Sunglasses and doors. It's going to be tough because you can't drink in June, Michael. I didn't say that I can't drink.

I just haven't slow down. Oh, I thought you were caught. I thought you were going to know June. That's a totally different. Michael Jordan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, how do you celebrate June?

I don't know. I guess you just party, right? June. You're like, thank God we're not slaves. June 10th. It's amazing I took that log for it to become a holiday. Oh, it's crazy. How did that not happen in like 1974?

Well, it's just all about where the attention spans going. You know what I mean? We will have the Palestinian holiday at some point. No way. It's crazy that we're making holidays still. We're not Palestinian. Holiday seemed like a thing that, like, I remember in elementary school, it seemed like those had already been picked out and those were them.

Yeah, but we can now add holidays. Yeah. And I think that's why I want to like, I definitely want to do the multi-religinal thing. where I can celebrate all the holidays. I like that idea. I feel like the Jews are coming on strong holidays. Did I literally just say, I think religions are stupid

and I'm going to make fun of all their cultures? Well, I love that. That being said, I'm going to be multiple religions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can appreciate the days off. Yeah, well, and I just think sticking to anything too hard is like, and I don't think it's stupid in sense that, like, I do a thousand stupid things a day.

People should be like, hey, that's dumb that you're doing that. I'm not saying it's like, I'm above. I'm one of the dumbest people on the fucking planet. When I shit on things, that's not because I'm saying... He's so self-were. How can he be so dumb yet so smart? That's the smartest thing you've ever said. He knows so much yet so little.

What is that? Yeah, there's some stupid quote about that. But you got what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, I know. I got you. Yeah, you should be able to call things dumb you think are dumb instead of being like, I totally understand where you're coming from. I know where you're coming from.

Yeah. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah. That's what I always said. That's why I haven't got involved in any. The less you know, happier you are. Dump people are really way happier, I think.

Of course they are. 100%. I don't have to worry about stuff. Yeah. Yeah, that is dressed. Except from like monsters under the bed and the devil. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Little things like that. Yeah. Well, I was talking to somebody else with the ironclothing's so funny because you ever talked to somebody? Vaccines. Yeah. Yeah. That was scary.

Well, fuck it. The funniest is like there's always a, just like the iron claw, there's always a Southern person you're talking to who has the worst life ever, but there's somehow just so positive because they like believe in God. They're always just like, how's Debra doing? Dad in a car accident two years ago, lost my first son. That's right. Dad got brain cancer, but I mean, God's will. Yep, thank God I got to spend four days of them. And now I live in this trailer

attached to a fucking garbage car, but life's good. And you're like, how the fuck? Yeah, my baby, fell down a well. Last one brother of fentanyl. Yeah. Oh, the fentanyl. You saw a person on fentanyl. Yeah, dude, I was coming home from the gym. And I have like hero syndrome. Why do you want to save one person's live. And make sure someone's recording it, of course. Oh, for sure, dude. I just... Johnny, tick-tack me. Nope. Now.

So I can save someone's life and fuck a woman with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, you owe me once, sir. Now I get that sex with your life. It's only right. You can, you can partake. Yeah, but, uh, yeah, no, I was walking out to gym, and this dude was like, for sure OD and then I saw somebody give him Narcan, and the first thing he just goes, fuck. Well, because I, I've heard there's this thing where they get really pissed. Like, you have to narcan him.

Yeah, it's like lighting a firework where you gotta like do it and then run away because what happens is like they get really pissed because They get superpowers Yeah, well it reverses the effects of the opiates I think it also makes them sick So now they're like... What does it do to somebody that's not on On drugs?

I wonder if it would give you like Superhuman strength Yeah, I have no idea I'm curious I wish my legs were longer I might just fucking kill you because it's offsetting the downer Yeah, yeah Yeah, I have zero clue

Your heart just explodes I should have been in the pinata. Should have been Narcan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's overdosed. He had perks and he's like, do you have a perk?

I'm like, no. Someone's overdosing and you're like, only if you get the pinata. Fentil, fentanyl and Narcan in there. Pick one. No,

you don't, you didn't win that. He gets to keep the Narcan. Oh, no. That's Tommy. They're chasing somebody around with the narcan.

Like, nah, no, no. You don't get it. Yeah, the, the guy came back

to live it look like. And then, and also, I don't know how... At the gym, you said? No, right outside the gym. So I'm walking out. This guy's working out.

Dude, working out on fucking heroin. Free workout fentanyl? Well, I have like, dude, I did go to the... My friend who's in jail told me about this. He went to the gym one time. He brought in the gym. He's like, bro, you got to have a couple beers and go to the gym. And I was like, okay, maybe I'll give it a try.

This guy seems like he knows what he's doing with life. Well, why don't follow him? There is a numbness to your body. And you do it kind of a little bit of drunk strength that you don't realize. Oh, I can actually... I've had three beers and gone to the treadmill. And it's, uh... Intentionally?

I wanted to work out. I got fucking dragged into three beers with some coworkers. Yeah, I'm still going to the gym. Yeah. Wasn't my best workout ever. No, but I think lifting is probably a little different. We're lifting,

you kind of have that like drunk, but running is different. But, uh, but then the guy immediately went to the pool and went to go ahead on chicks. And I was like, okay, this clearly doesn't work for him. But,

I don't know where he was going on this. Yeah, the guy OD on fentanyl, got bar kicked the life. How did you know he was on, fentanyl, you could tell. I mean, they gave him Narcan. I mean, he had to be... Heroin. That could be heroin, too, right? Yeah, yeah, it could be just heroin. But I think these guys are so strong now. Yeah. Yeah, the heroin's not doing past heroin.

Yeah, why would you do heroin on? It depends what you can get your hands on. Okay, I assume. But I mean, heroin is cheaper than fentanyl, I assume, right? No, fentanyl's way cheaper. That's why they cut... Heroin's cheapest dirt, though. Not as the cheapest fentanyl is more potent. Yeah. So you get, you need less. fentanyl. They put fentanyl and heroin, so the heroin's stronger because more heroin's more expensive. All I know is when iPads get smaller and more powerful, they get more expensive.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's all I know. Look at me. I'm super powerful. That's all I know. Chris. Chris is expensive. People like, they packed all these organs under this little body. People pay a lot of money for this. But he came back and he said, fuck, which I think I think that you had to, They get really pissed because you, like, killed their high, and now they're sick. But, and then two steps later was like, I'd like take 10 steps, and they're shooting a documentary about this, like, delivery driver, Mexican guys. This is the most New York, just going from a guy dying to, like, them being like, so, what's it like? And I just like, it's honestly, like flipping through Instagram, but in real life.

See, you know. See, I drive bike. I saved man. Yeah, I don't think he was the guy to save the guy. Okay. But I do have that thing where I wasn't there. Have you guys saved alive? I like to think so

With my life With my comedy I want to say Not even Not even remotely close I've actually I've ended 12 of Yeah yeah yeah

I paid for an abortion Is that the same thing I guess I saved my life And her life Yeah Saved it from a few headaches I might have to roll Yeah yeah

We'll wrap up Oh do you guys want to promote Everything Oh follow Just go see all of it Explaining things Add Explaining show on all social media

at Jonathan Tilsson with two L's You spell it wrong, John. You know that, right? Fuck you. What do I have to plug? This is always my favorite part of a podcast. I got some...

Have I doing anything with my life? Three monkeys tonight at 8.30. Yeah, do three monkeys? Have you done three monkeys at all? You were in that rotation? She's from Florida. She would like you. Yeah.

I guess I'll hang out there. Yeah. She also likes back comedy. Yeah, you would kill. No, I got nothing to plug. Okay. Next time. I'll have a lot to plug.

Oh, you already went? All right. Thank you guys for listening. Also, sorry this one's a phone. I left my SD card in Texas. I was too busy having lots of fun. Yeah, do busy gang banging. Thanks for listening.