Morning Good - R-Bar - Episode 169

Episode Date: May 14, 2023

Matt Bowman and Ryan O'Toole return to the show for today's episode. They talk about Michael's new Chinese fanbase, the subway station homeless police collusion conspiracy, and banging with the clothes on.Thanks to Matt and Ryan for coming back on the show, check them out on earlier episodes and hit their links below for more.Find Ryan on IG @itsryanotoole, at his website, itsryanotoole.com, and on The Ryan O'Toole Podcast. Matt is on Instagram as well @mattbowmancomedy and also hosts the podcast Matt Bowman is Bothered.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike in the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front.

Welcome to Morning. All right, they're not paying. All right, we're here with Ryan O'Toole. Buy a billion dollar corporation. And we're here with Matt Bowman. Hey. And I'm fresh hot off of Chinese. show. I'm a Chinese comic now. I saw that picture. That made me laugh. Last

Stop, Hong Kong or whatever the fuck, Ben Frank's album is called. Ben Frank used to back the fuck up, dude. That's my territory now. Yeah, dude. That's what I've, I've heard from multiple people of Asian descent that you're their guy now. Absolutely. I think, I'm their fluffy. Whatever the fluffy is. Yeah. Chinese. I think you're the most likely comedian that in our group of friends to be arrested for something in China, a la Britney Grina. Oh, yeah, 100%. Like, I think you would do something retarded where they're like, Dude, immediately. Like, I've, I said, I can't go to China because I would.

I feel the same. I feel the same way. It's like a responsibility thing. I feel the same way. In my head, I, at least growing up, I was like, because I'm an American, I did think that, like, oh, I think I can go anywhere and do whatever I want with no repercussions. We have it so good. And that is not true.

No way. Third world, yes. I think it depends. No, no, no. You got to be careful even over. I was in India and it's like, you can, it's very like, you can do a lot over there. but I was talking with my friends over there, and the president was coming to town when we were there.

He was there. They were the president? Yeah. Okay. This guy's his name. Modi, M-O-D-I. Sounds like a DJ. But they were pretty much saying, like, you couldn't say, like, on the, like, if he came through and did this parade, you couldn't chant, like, fuck Modius.

Like, you couldn't even just tell him to go fuck himself. Yeah, you go to get in trouble for it. I don't know. I would like, could you like, oh, man. Because now, now, just because you said that, I so badly want to yell, fuck Modi. Yeah. Well, yeah, because that's something.

I think I feel like is a very pot of American culture. Because think about the amount of things you're told you're not allowed to say and how bad you want to say them. Oh, you imagine that to the max. Imagine how bad you want to say fuck Modi. Not even because you just like them, but you're like, I don't know. You can't say that. Yeah, you almost can't say anything in America and go to jail for it.

That's really what it comes to. You can threaten someone. You can, that's not even speech. But you can pretty much say anything and not go to jail. You might lose your job. You might have a penalty consequence, but you won't go to jail for it. Which I'm also against. I'm against consequence.

Because everybody likes to say they're all coming to a council of college or it's consequences. Why would you want consequence? I don't want consequences for any of my actions. I want to just be, yeah, just be able to act like an idiot with no repercussions at all.

I touched a kid last night and now I'm on the low. You know what I mean? You what? You touched him on the low? I touched a kid, yeah. Now I wish there wasn't consequences. Yeah. I can't tell if he's kidding.

I'm already as far right as I can go, but I would scooge further. You are far right, yeah, dude, guys, what's up? Trump, 2024. That's right. So who's this kid you touched? I was just trying to make a gay joke.

No, no, we're sticking with the bit. You're this far as, stick with the bit. Just a kid lurking around an hour's past his curfew. I was like, you know, I gotta teach this kid a lesson. That's how you got to learn. These streets, dude. Yeah, yeah. With the, like, same.

You didn't suck the whole pack? Yeah. All at once. Like a fucking cartoon. Just, but with the, with the speech thing, Sam, my girlfriend ran a, half marathon last week, and it was like a

woman's, all woman's, like, half marathon. I'm a second forever. I really, really, really, really wanted to just show up with, like, because everybody had like a sign that was like, go, Susie, you're the best. And I wanted to show up with a sign that was just like, abortion is murder. Just like, there's something

that would just piss all of them off? It would be funny, too, because if you had a sense of abortion's murder, would they slow down for it? Would they stop the, they're like, there's more important things? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But would it just be so unnecessary that everyone's like, what the fuck is this dick head doing here. I'm just here. That's, I think, would be the likely cause.

Just walk around with just a shit-eating grint. Just, yeah. Yeah. Dude, my favorite guy, have you see this guy? He's my favorite influencer. Because he scales buildings, but he's also like a pro-lifer. Okay.

So he's like aggressively anti-abortion, but he also like scales built. It's like the weirdest media persona. Oh, that's great. Because he's like this like hardcore, conservative, but he's also like scaling buildings. See, I'll interview him. They're like, so you climb the tallest building.

He's like, it's murder! And they're like, damn. I don't know what we're going to do with this interview. Yeah. No, I like people that keep you guessing. Right. It's fun, yeah. It's great that you see somebody and you're like, oh, I don't know exactly what you're about.

Absolutely. That's great. Well, it's like, who would you rather have a conversation with? Somebody like that or like some fucking one of these Neanderthals drinking on the street right now. Yeah. You know what I mean? Equally. I like the Neanderthals drinking on the street.

I don't know. You have run-ins with them all the time. I love my homeless homies. They're the best. Yeah. I wasn't talking about homeless people. I was just talking about, like, regular people. Drinking on the street?

Oh, oh, I... These fucking retards outside at all these bars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it is the retard bar area of town. That place is a lower retard side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I'm saying, I'm saying is those people that have those radical views and do dumb shit, they'll, or whatever, I don't know if dumb shit's the right word. They're more interest, much more interest then.

Right, right, like a guy who would storm into Pelosi's house. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, exactly. Which people think that's his boy... What is that? I heard that theory today. That might be his boyfriend, people think?

Who? Pelosi's husband? The guy who hit him with a... Yeah, yeah. Somebody's like, that's his boyfriend. I was like, in what scenario is your boyfriend hitting you with a hammer? Also, why would that change...

That would change the scenario. I love things like that. Domestic disputes? Yeah, but it's like that thing where it would be like Michelle Obama is trans. You're like, what would that do? It would literally affect nothing. I could see it, though.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. She doesn't have a sternness to her. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think she did have two children, but... Yeah, people are like, look at the lump. It's a small lump. It's a small lump.

It's fake. That's such a perfect Just like I love how there's a group of people That to them that's the Trump card They're just like look at the lump Oh yeah yeah I rest my case

Like that's it like just the lump Well I was also thinking like Some conspiracy theories There I almost think that Conspiracy theories could be more true I don't know I started to think that like A lot of times when people say like

They try to dispel a conspiracy theory That might mean it's more real You know what I mean They're like oh this is a dangerous conspiracy theory to spread But then I realized people say that about Holocaust deniers, which is a bad. Sure. I'm like, to be fair, because I was like, maybe UFOs are not real because the government

wouldn't be putting more effort into stop it. Right. You know what I mean? Because if UFO was real and they didn't want people to know about Roswell, they would be like, they would create a narrative where they'd be like, it's actually harmful to Jewish people if you spread the Roswell crash narrative. Like it would have had some way to do it. So you're like, oh.

Yeah, I heard JFK did Roswell. That's a good one. That's what I heard. Yeah, yeah. I heard that JFK. personally did Roswell. Yeah, but then I realized in my head of them saying every time they say a conspiracy is dangerous, then that means it's true.

That makes me sound like a Holocaust tonight. Right. So, yeah. That is the overall problem that I, that with like saying shutting shit down is that immediately is just like, well, why are you shutting that down? Yeah, yeah. What's going on? What's going on?

It sounds like a pretty cool place to be, actually. Everyone has an agenda and everyone has a narrative. That's something that was crazy about the last few years with like the pandemic where it's like if you questioned, it's not even just the pandemic, but I feel like the last few years in like a culture I guess where it's like if you question one thing you're automatically like this it's like radical thing

and it's like maybe you are you know maybe you are some fucking lunatic conspiracy there you know tin foil hat all that shit but it's like people that start stuff also start shit for a reason you know what I mean and it's like for everything you know what I mean so it's like that's yeah like if Kanye would have got arrested

it would look so bad you know what I mean like everybody would have been like all right yeah what's going on it but like what though What I'm saying like hate speech or something? No, he wouldn't, but I'm saying that like attitude We're like let's start arrest people to say crazy things like If somebody says something crazy and then you arrest them They look legitimate.

Yeah, well, you legit It's kind of the same thing of just like if somebody's talking shit You don't want to dignify it with a response They know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love people say that too. They're like, look at fucking the, what's his name? Buzz Aldrin.

They're like, he won't even swear on a Bible that he landed on the moon. I'm like, yeah, because he doesn't want to. What the fuck does that? Yeah, exactly. Why does he, why is that? Why is that have... He won't even swear.

Again, just like the things that people... Like, you know that they've had conversations with their friends. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude, obviously. Like, why wouldn't he swear on the Bible? First of all he's an astronaut. He probably doesn't believe in it. Yeah, I just don't know it.

It's like, it's like, yeah, that would be insane for him to be like, all right, guys, I'm going to swear on the Bible. I landed in the... 100%. Yeah. The video of Buzz Aldrin punching that guy in the face is... Oh, what was that about again? Because he was telling him that he's...

The guy's in his... You ever see that video of Buzz Alder? No. There's a guy who's harassing Buzz Aldrin, he and he's pretty much saying, just admit the moon landin's fake. And he's being obnoxious. And Buzz Aldrin's like fucking 83 years old at the time.

Even if he didn't fucking land on the moon, he's like, we lost a lot of great men out there. He's like, no, you didn't. I saw my brothers die on the moon. He's fucking harassing him, dude. And Buzz Aldrin just turns around and fucking nails this guy. Dude, 80 years old, just bang right in the fucking jaw. Good form?

Literally, Buzz Aldrin was like a fucking Marine. He was a badass. I want to say he was on... Yeah. Bro, all those astronauts, like, back in the day were, like... You had to be a fucking animal to be like an astronaut. I had this conversation recently with Eli. We were talking about how astronauts now are kind of like super nerds,

which is fine or whatever. Those, like, first generations are, like, true astronauts and shit were, like, decorated war hero. Yeah, like, Navy pilots and shit. Absolute fucking animal. But I don't understand it. Some of them still are. Some of them still...

There are a few still in NASA right now, but all of them were. fucking animals back in the day astronauts. Because they had to fight the fucking Russians when we got up there. Fighting the Japanese in World War II as well. A lot of that. Yeah, that had to be do that, yeah, that'd be fucking crazy landing on the

fucking moon. Just going there. Just the rope there must have been. It's almost too crazy. Yeah. It just might work. But that's when they don't even try to shut down. Like, people like moon lands fakeovers, they know, whatever. I guess I ultimately, like, my ultimate question with a lot of the like

conspiracy theory stuff is like why why would that like Oh we don't have to... With the moon landing, I understand we wanted to prove our supremacy against the Russians, that's why, but we couldn't do it so I understand that one. But with some of this other stuff is just like, what is it

what's the negative? That's my favorite is what's his name? So there's a comic who went totally off the rails. Say his name. Owen Benjamin. Say, do you follow this guy all? Say his name. Say his name sounds familiar. Yeah, so he was in like the house bunny.

I was watching that the other day. What a weird career. He was like in the house bunny. like an LA comic. Okay. And then he just went like fully like lives in the woods. So like a bunch of like super racist shit. Like like genuinely.

And then like he, just like conspiracy theories. There's like a video. I feel like every other week for some reason. I don't know. I don't follow him on Twitter. But he keeps, you know when you keep click on somebody shit?

You're like, what the fuck is this about? Yeah. And they just keep popping. It keeps showing it to you. Yeah. And it's him like just showing satellites and he's like a flat earther. And he's at everything.

Like he's a flat earther. he uh but he the argument for flatterth is so stupid it's like what is the motivation exactly that's my point who's like why yeah who cares the all what i think the so the only explain it that is like that the government is just lying to us i think that's the underlying thing it's just that the government's lying yeah but is that a surprise yeah the government lies to us every single day yeah well that's ron funchis's great bit about like about conspiracy theories where he's like i was talking to a friend and he was like do you believe in any conspiracy theories and he was like no he's like really, none?

You think that the government's just batten a thousand? Like, they're just telling us everything. Like, you don't have to believe in crazy shit, but, like, obviously, they're not telling us the whole truth. We live in the number one superpower in the history of humanity. You know what I mean? It's like every day... I coughed up blood this morning.

I'm really sick right now. And I should not be drinking. Who gives a fuck? I didn't mean to derail it. But I just had to get that out. My throat's on fire. I don't know what... You know when you get sick in your throat just burn.

When did this stop? Then he invites us over the hospital. house. I know. Seriously. Making a fucking New York apartment. No open windows. Yeah. I've used all those microphones before. I tested all of them. I was just spinning on them. There's a reason his girlfriend's not here. Yeah. Yeah, she's quarantining. Yeah, exactly. In a hotel and the Hyatt. Also, that is weird that you become more of an adult and coughing of blood becomes less of a concern. Do you ever cough up blood? Not like a lot, but like a little bit.

I've wiped and gotten blood. Dude, I'm getting bleating out of both ends. Yeah. I didn't see a dog. You gotta get a bidet. You got to get a bidet. If you're worried about bleat, but and stuff? I don't know if that helps internal bleeding. Oh, if you have internal bleeding. I don't know if it's internal, but I coughed up blood.

Was it red? Like, that's what blood is. Fucking, okay. I know I sound retarded. No, but like with shitting blood,

it's like if it's like darker, oh, then it's probably. That's really bad because that's deep inside of, yeah, but if it's red, it's like right by your anus and it's fine. I just wipe, I go to the bathroom in public a lot and you use horrible to do it.

Yeah. You know what you're just like, you have no shame with that? No problem? No. Oh, I guess it's not the right word, but like you have no, you have no qualms, shit in the public. Every time I walk into a comedy club, it's like you're on stage in four minutes and then my stomach's just like, you got to have the worst diary.

Oh, wow, dude, that's terrible. That was, I went to Boston last week. I fucking, I just took the biggest shit at a venue just bombed so hard and left. And I was like, I was like, good. I'm glad I left that shit everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that I just shat there and left. It's almost like, I feel like my body almost knows that I'm not supposed to shit at a place.

Like the only time I really shit at a place in public Is if I like absolutely fucking have to But then it's like once I'm like 10 minutes away from my house I'm like oh fuck I'm like I gotta rush home Yeah dude I went me and uh graham and elizabeth went on that That road trip for like 10 days or whatever Yeah and it fucked up my poop schedule I was backed up for days

Yeah because like I know I normally I'll shit in the morning And that's kind of but like we would wake up real early On days where we'd have to drive Because we were driving like every other day across the country. And so we would wake up at like five and be on the road by six. You weren't drinking coffee?

I was. But like my body was like my, in a way my body knew it was like, oh, you're on the move. You don't, you can't shit right now. And so then by like later in the day, I would try to shit and it wouldn't happen. And then it just was like rotten sewage for like the next week after I got home

that it was just cleaning myself out. You always hear different things about pooping. So people's like, diary is actually good for you. That means your body's cleaning itself out. and they'd be like, actually, solid turds. There's always a different thing. Yeah, dude, that's, that kind of shit pisses me off. Because it's, I don't care if the information changes and we update it,

but it's when the people that are just like so like, dude, you can only eat egg yolks. Egg whites are for pussies. And it's just like, okay, but then like three days later it changed. I don't know. Just fucking. The only motivation to fix my body is so that I'm remotely attractive to my girlfriend. Like, I don't give a fuck. I eat so much garbage, and I'm like, I genuinely don't care.

Yeah. And then I think my stomach during sex is just like, getting in the way. Yeah. Because you lose. You got a nice rest on your stomach. You had your arm. My arm is sitting on my phone.

Yeah. I've been looking at these. Since I've started videoing the podcast, I'm like, Jesus Christ. You might want to get a luce shirt there, Michael Good. You know what I mean? They should design shirts for me, just like a little. Yeah, just a little pooch. I got to cut.

I got to cut some off too. Dude, I, uh, Sam was, I, I, it's not as bad. Also, like, you with all Asians. And I'm like, I'm the fattest guy here. Yeah. I'm the only white guy. And I was like, I'm white. I'm fatish. I menstrual too hard. I was like, look at me. I'm the dumb fat white guy.

And then I looked at the mirror. I was like, you fucking shell out. Yeah, that went well. Of course. But it was like, uh, meanness. I think, I think, uh, I meanness, just from stereotyping, which isn't always correct. Uh-huh. But sometimes you just watch an audience, you know, like, all right, they kind of like, I think they're funny. Like, kind of like just, oh, yeah. They're much more on it. They're honest. They're like, you look at other cultures compared to us and you look at like Asians, for example, they're very honest. You know what I mean? Extremely, like, and it's not supposed to be, like, mean and stuff like that.

You know, where it's like, we've kind of taken, I feel like we've taken that out of our culture where it's like, oh, you can't like make fun of someone for having a gut or being morbidly obese. But I think there's a balance. I think like my mom. Yeah, sometimes it's unnecessary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, what is it like the? But to permanently eliminate it, I think is. Right.

Yeah, well, like, they, though, you ever gone to like a sushi place? And, like, you ordered a lot of food and they're like, oh, no. Yeah, a good place will do that to you. I think Tom Seguera was like on there with like he was with Bobby Lee. Oh really? Yeah. It's like I'll have the number 13, the boat. How many Frank come with you?

Yeah. They just be. Yeah. It's like no, dude. It's just me. But also like I don't know. Like where you, how is that enough? That's not an appropriate amount of food for, for one person.

Like that I need to eat a lot. It really is. Yeah, but you, it, it, it, they eat such a little amount. Like, like, yeah, well, because they're, you don't need like, like, like, like, well, like, you don't need, most of the times we don't need that much food. That's true. The portion sizes in America are out of control. Dude, I went out.

Another thing, when I was in India and I'd go out and get ice cream and shit, I got like an ice cream Sunday. And I was like, let me get the biggest size, whatever it is, right? I'm like, I fucking want ice cream. It was hot as shit out. I'm like, I want ice cream. And it was like much small than this cup. It was like the equivalent of like a small to a medium in the United States. Good God, dude.

But the people over there on fucking, they don't have their necks rolling over their titties and fat. Yeah, that's true. But they also live on time. of each other and close to squalor. Sure, but they're much healthier. They're a lot healthier in a lot of those ways. Yeah, I get that. Yeah. Yeah, dude, there's like that, like, oldest,

like the oldest man is always Chinese. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there was like, dude, I saw one where it was like, the Chinese man runs a marathon while smoking cigarettes like a whole time. And then there was another one who drank a beer after every mile. And this guy had 26 beers in one. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's awesome. Well, that's like, that's crazy.

The weird role that, like, genetics plays in, like, health and shit. Yeah. Because, like, Italians, like, there's, like, villages in Italy that, like, they, they've kind of all kind of stayed there for, like, generations. And they'll live to be, like, 90, 100. But all they do is fucking smoke, drink wine and eat bread. It's a mix with them, though, because, like, some. But some, yeah, well, some of them will fucking die at 55, like, Gamblini.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's such a weird, because, like, COVID was a thing. Yeah. When COVID happened and, like, it was just wiping it out. Yeah. Italy, I was just pictured just a bunch of guys in the hospital. It just was, like, like, like, like, saliv. Fall out of their mouth as they're fucking dying.

You said salami. I thought I thought it was like, did you just mispronounce saliva? Salami. You know salami. It's a real word. I just had no idea of those two words where, what? Dude, she got her salami all over my cock. Dude, you don't look crazy?

I saw a video of those, one of those women that have their tongue cut in half. That's what's for you? Just thinking about them actually doing that. Having to have it done. But, like, I mean, this is the most childish thought. The dome on that has to be insane, right? Because they could wrap, like, around. Like, they have two tongues, basically.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, sure. Of course, I would love to. It's weird that it heals. It's weird that it heals, like, into another tongue. Dude, the human body is fucking nuts. Yeah, yeah, dude. It looks insane.

It's like, it's like the tongue heals and you have two tongues now. Yeah. Maybe that's the correct way, man. We're supposed to have two tongues. I don't know. Well, I mean, like, when, like, when people get their ears pierced and then they take it out and they don't have a, like, they don't have a thing in there.

It'll just, like, and close up again. Unless it breaks, though. You ever see a gauge that broke? Oh, it's not good. Oh, yeah, that, well, when people get it gauged though. Well, that's, yeah, it slowly makes it to the thing. Do you glue it back?

How can you glue it back? If it breaks, how do you? Really? Gages repair themselves? No, like, it'll slowly open up. That's what I was saying. Like, I'm saying, like, that's, like, you get your ear pierce and you put a gauge in, and then you slowly make it bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

Yeah, but once you do that, though, there's no repair. I think after a certain point, yeah. If you put it in cold water, it shrills up like a butthole and fix it. Does it really? Yeah, I don't see somebody's ears just kind of like, just leaning in. Yeah, yeah. But what happens, like, what happens? I don't know.

I don't think those have a, yeah, I don't think. But, like, because then there's, like, fights that chicks will get in and they'll, like, rip each other's earrings out. So it's like, yeah, does that, I mean, I bet you could stitch it. Yeah, sure. Yeah, but a gauge, though, where they probably have to, I don't know. Because it's usually never, like, all the way at the edge, like, they start in the middle. I never understood that. I mean, I don't really give a fuck what anyone does,

but I never understood why people thought those looked cool, per se. I think it's cool in the sense that it's like, it's not cool, but it's like the second you say, I don't give a fuck, it's kind of cool. So you're basically saying I'm destroying my body, which is cool. Like a trend where high schoolers cut their arms off, that would be cool. Like a bunch of arms kids, that gets a bad ass dude. But like those African dudes who put the rings around their neck and then their necks get fucking tall as shit. Normally women, yeah, yeah.

Oh, is it ladies? Yeah, it's because Africa's cocks are so large. That's the way. They can deep throat is to stretch out the neck. I have to make a canal. Yeah, it's, trust me, it's a very thoughtful process. It's necessary. But, yeah, the gauge thing, I don't know, it's like, it's like that was so cool in high school.

I knew kids are, like, brand themselves. I knew a guy. Whoa. Fucking Yellowstone out here. And then the dude jumped. And so his name was like Cody. And he had like three Cs because he moved when they branded. Like, you have to sit there.

Oh, God. There's that frat. There's a frat. Black frats will do that. The black frat... You see a lot of football players. They'll have, like, the Aram, it looks like a tattoo, but it's popping off. Well, it's probably...

Honestly, it's probably because they can't get tattoos. Yeah, it might be, yeah. Yeah, because they couldn't... You can't see... You can't see tattoos on black guys is the same way that you can on old whitey. So they have to do the opposite. Yeah, they have to get this getting wider. You can really flaunt your shit.

You can... You're popping for the camera. Yeah, that's what's up, dude. Hey, you know? Check me out. How tattoos have changed their meaning, dude. Like, you used to be, like, like the most badass dude

and now fucking cucks like me are covered in tattoos, you know what I mean? Yeah, my grandpa has one. The demographic for who gets tattoos is so different now. My dad said when you were younger. It was illegal. Really? In Massachusetts it was illegal until I want to say like the 90s. What? To get tattoos. All the ports and shit. Wait, but my grandpa's from there. But maybe he, I think he didn't,

when he was in the army though. What he did was like... It was like illegal to have like a tattoo so like to get a league. Like they didn't have tattoo salons is what I mean. I was just say what are they going to do? You see what tattoos? I'm not. I'm saying. Like you couldn't open up a tattoo. Gotcha. They laser it off with like a really expensive device. Hold.

Yeah, but my grandpa, what he did is he got a, he got a fake tattoo. And it's like, you guys all got to get the same tattoo. And it's like a dumb one. Oh, that's great. And he's like, you fucking dumb asses. And then they like brought him and like held him down and like gave it to. Oh, wow. Which is why the army rules, dude.

The more you shake, the more fucked up it's going to be. Yeah, dude. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, so you have to be like, all right, just give me this. Yeah, sure. Or it's like you ever have any way any of friends have tattoos as kids and then they get, they like grow up and then the tattoos are all stretched out and like faded and shit. Oh, that's hilarious.

Yeah. I knew, I knew a kid who had, brother's kid probably had like 20 tattoos when we were in like middle school. Oh, I bet his parents are still together. Oh, yeah. Who knows? I think he's actually adopted, but he, uh, of course he was. What a surprise.

It looks like a demon baby at five. Yeah, dude, I was young knowing this kid. And he ended up covering them all up. And I remember him telling me, he's like, he's like, it's like, it's. stretched out. He's like, they didn't look the same as when I got it. I'm like, yeah, no shit. We were having this conversation when I was in like 10th grade. Like he was already, but I saw him

for the first time, like two or three years ago. He's just coveted an ink. Yeah. Well, there's that old joke about the, uh, as a street joke. It was like a white guy's peeing next to a black guy. And the white guy has a tattoo on his dick that says Wendy. And he goes, oh my God, you got one of those Wendy tattoos too? He goes, no, my dick's

just limp right now. When it's hard, it says, welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day. That's fucking awesome. That's great. Yeah, dude. I had a tattoo on your cock. Dude, I saw a guy with that one time. I was at a bar, and I was telling the story about how my mom got my dick. Yeah, how to taste.

Yeah. It's a scratch and stiff. But I was at the bar, and I was talking about my mom got my dickpicks to the I Cloud. It's an old story. It's a tale as old as time. Of course. I told the bar it goes, oh, yeah, I've seen a lot of dickpigs. It's because I got a tattoo on my cock.

And we're like, really? and he goes, yeah, it says, I have this Chevy symbol. He shows us in his pubs, which are just shaved, because he's got a tattoo, so he's, like, very proud of it. Of course. She has a Chevy symbol, and on Dick, it says, hard like a rock. And he's, by the way, the bartender is like... Is that a Chevy quotas?

Is that like a Chevy model? I guess in the 90s it was. But I was like, that's crazy. And then the bartender's just not phased by. I guess this guy, like, once a week just shows... Oh, this is a regular. I thought this was the bartender. No, no, that was awesome.

I was like, dude, let's go there now. Why are we recording? But, dude, then later that night, there's this woman, she's like, oh, you're young as hell. She's like, you could be my son. I could breastfeed, you pulls her tit out. And I'm like, dude, we saw a dick and a tit. And I told everybody at, like, school the next week, I was like, dude, this bar is fucking wild, dude. It's big daddy's in Orlando for the list.

Hell yeah, dude. But I was like, this bar is wild. We got to go next week. And I brought a friend next week. And I'm like, it'll get crazy. It'll get crazy. It'll get crazy. There was like some, what's it called?

Like, a biker. He had a thing that said wild tom. I'm like, look, it's going to get. It was just like the lamest night, but I'm like, wild time. Give it a second. It'll get crazy. Let's go asking him opinion on his opinion on race relations. Maybe we can get shit pop.

That is something weird. Like when you, when you turn of age and you have these like crazy nights at places, you think it's always like that. Like at certain bars and stuff. Like there was a couple places I went where it was just always fights. And I'm like, fuck this. That's also just Boston.

It is. But I was also like, I'm not going to this place. And then I know a bunch of people that'd be like, no, it's not usually like that. Oh, the other way around, same shit you said about wild shit. shit. Yeah, I got some friends in Orlando. They're like, man, I don't like going downtown because, you know, I was getting fights.

Just because you beat this shit out of people. Yeah. Seems like you're bringing that on yourself there, Chief. Nobody fucks with me, like, besides homeless dudes. But like outside of that, regular people do not try to fuck with me. It's like if you just act normal. You have an uncanny ability, I don't know. Dude, there's something.

There's something when crazy people make eye contact with me, I'm telling you, and I'll talk to my girlfriend about it. They have this certain relationship to me where they're like, you put, you got a real. you're putting that energy out there. It's so weird. They either feel connected or they they see weakness or something, but I'll make that eye contact

and they're either like, I'm gonna go be friends of this guy or try to stab. That's why? Because like, I swear, every time we would be barking and I would be at the door

and you would be at Ben's. You would come back and be like, yeah, dude, some homeless guy just tried to stick his fingers in my mouth. I'm like, what is happening down there? I haven't a Rebecca.

That did. That I might kill myself. That's my... She's also like a hot girl, so that makes sense that like, you know, people want to stick fingers in her mouth? it's terrible.

What happened? A homeless man went up and stuck his finger in Rebecca. Which I would argue was worse than a homeless man's penis. If he would have mouth assaulted her, it would have been maybe even politer. But that's terrible. I don't like that. I don't prove of that. You shouldn't do that.

We'll agree to disagree. However, fucking great aim by that guy. Am I right? She said it was like, such a... She got a big mouth. She's got the neck thing. Easy end. No, she said it was like, one of those people were like,

she's like, by the time he pulled it out, like he was gone. Like it was like a... Wow, dude. But like, what, she had to have been yawning? Yeah, it's insane. Like, just like... Like, if I'm talking right now, like, if I'm talking right now, like, my mouth is not that open that I could get a fuck.

That's crazy. You haven't had as much practice as her. That's true. Yeah, dude, that's, it's like, dude, a homeless guy's fingers. Oh my God, dude. She was, like, almost, like, fucking shaking when I saw her later. I understandably saw. Yeah, dude.

I feel horrible, but she's not here right now. Didn't happen to me. What do I give a fuck? I don't know what to me? Yeah. That fucking sucks. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's no good, but whatever.

Did someone get punched in the face park? And there's a female cop we got punched in the face. Really? Yeah, they may be Jill Gonzalez. I'm sure that. I like these homeless guys weird game with all these hot female comics. Like, either you stick your fingers in the mouth or punch him in the face. Yeah, dude, we'll just take your fingers in the mouth.

I heard chicks like violence these days. Yeah, like, none of them were getting like groped or like things that like, you know, I mean, obviously horrible too, but it's like, well... Yeah, I would never have thought it'd be like, if I had a daughter, just like, all right, watch your mouth. Maybe they're homeless though, and you're like, there's no chance I fuck this girl. I'm just gonna punch her his face, because she angers me. Yeah. He's like, I'm just so mad she won't fuck me. I'm just gonna punch her in the face. Do we know which one it was? Because I'm assuming there's like a, there's like a cropper regulars. Yeah, it was a guest star. It was not like, it was not a serious regular. It was like, it was like one of those homeless guys guys. She described him like, I've never seen

Dude, do you ever see? Because there's like, especially around like, the pear in the village, there's like generally like a group of like, probably 10 to 15 of the same guys that you see. Do you ever, yeah, homeless people? Homeless people or, or, but specifically the homeless. Then do you ever just like, are you randomly like, sometimes I'll be like on 40 second street and I'll see one.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you doing up here? Like, hold. You don't belong up here. Well, you know what? I'll say it. The train is just transporting. Yeah, I know.

It's just like, oh, yeah, they can fucking take the train too. We can have a conversation on homeless people on the trains for hours right now. You know what I mean? But I go when, at the end of the night, when I'll go in, when I go to the train, they'll let the homeless people in through the side. And it's the same two cops there every night and they'll let you walk through with them. Oh, really? And it's like, there's been a few times where after those midnights where I'm like, okay, I'm going through with like six homeless people. And it's usually like the series regulars.

You know what I mean? I'm like, they're going some. They're not staying down in the village. Yeah. Well, that's the thing that I'm just like, because there's a bunch of cops, there's cops in the fucking, and almost every train station now.

Yeah. But, and like, I think it might be like, we're trying to reduce criminality or whatever. I'll tell you exactly what it is. It's trying to keep people from jumping the turnstiles because that's why they're up there and not down on the fucking platform.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit's not popping off at the fucking entrance to west floor. I was on board originally with them because I was like, all right, they stopped people from office. Turns out, I go, then maybe they'll be less homeless crazy guys. But then they're just letting those guys go through, I don't want to fucking deal with this.

Let them go through. They're pushing them there. They're not letting them, they're going, you know what? We don't want you outside of fucking Carbone. We don't want you on Belika Street. Get down here. All right? And then this is exactly how you get the shit that's going on right now with all these

fucking protests. I've said this before. The protests? The writers killed? What is this? I'm very confused. I say this real, like, right now. And then you talk about it and everyone's like, I was screaming about this like two days ago.

And everyone's like, oh, you just hate the fucking, I don't hate the fucking. I don't hate the fucking police, but the way it's operating right now from the top on down, like, yeah, let's just throw these homeless people on the train. It's like, of course you're gonna get people getting fucking killed and attacked

every single day, dude. Oh, dude, yeah. It's common sense. I was the pair a couple weeks ago and he's got like pulled a knife. It's not even the police fault. It's really the people above. It's a high brass.

Dude, I was at the pair I think it was like a month ago and this dude like pulled a knife on the security there. And then the police came and they're like, you can't do that. And we're like, what? It was like insane.

They were like, all right, look. They can't do nothing. Yeah, just like a parent that can't, like a new age parents, like now, Bill, what do we say about knives?

That's the tough pot because it's like, you see like all those drug dealers down there and all those scumbags down there and it's like, there's so many people down there, I can't fucking stand. And I'm like,

dude, I wish Rudy Giuliani could just be mayor of like a three block radio. Just so my own. Like that fucking Portland city that they made or whatever. It's like a conservative, what do you call it?

Like a conservative community. A conservative bloat. Just, you know what? Just fucking, and I'll say this. I'm a regular law breaker. I'll say this right now. I think you might break the law more than anyone I know. Dude, every, I tell people, I'm like, you know, nothing too, I got my levels.

You know what I mean? But as far as small things and stuff like that, I repetitively, like, take advantage of the system and shit like that. You know what I mean? But certain things, when I see the shit down there, I'm like, these dudes need fucking knife sticks so far up their fucking asses, it pops out of their mouth, dude. It does. I mean, you're openly selling. fucking dope on the fucking.

It's just like... Oh, I don't care about that. You saw all the hair away. They're fucking pieces of shit. Fuck them. I disagree. I think a lot of the drug dealers are firing because they don't want...

A lot of them are. Hey, a lot of them are. A lot of them are. A lot of them are. A lot of the old guys, I don't have any fucking issue with. But some of these fucking kids down there are such dickheads,

they need to just get banged up. I also just don't, like... And I can't do nothing because I'll just get stabbed. This just might be me being not just annoyed by everything. But like, there's generally the same, again, five to ten guys

that are around the village area, that, like, I'm down there a lot. I used to bark down there a lot. I know, like, I can pick, I could pick them all out of a lineup. I don't know their names, I can see them. And I'm just like, dude,

you know who I am, but every time they see me, they're like, Coke, Molly, weed. I'm like, dude, you know, I'm not gonna buy shit. Like, I don't know what it might be, though. The fact, they're on massive amounts of drugs

every day of their wife. Yeah, that's true. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. You're not going to be like, ah, Matt. That's what I'm saying. It's not all of them down there, but it's just like...

Dude, my favorite is the old guy. My favorite... I heard this old guy there one time. The black dude? The old white guy. And he kind of talks like this. I heard him say this. He looks like that one guy.

Who's that guy? He was and everybody loves Raymond. He was kind of the tall guy. He kind of talk like this, maybe. This guy goes, I'm going to go to the car and smoke my crack. He goes, it's time for me to wet my whistle. And I was like, that was the coolest thing I've ever heard anybody say. And I've tried to find expressions.

I thought, wet my whistle meant you're smoking crack like your wedding apparently just a common expression. Yeah, people say it for drinking, people use that for drinking. Dude, I'm gonna wet my whistle. You'd never heard wet my whistle? No, it's like I was talking about smoking crack. I'm from suburban Ohio and I know wet my whistle. That's like a, that's a term that's been around. But also a crack pipe is a whistle fit like the metaphor's perfect.

You're wetting the crack pipe. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. Dude, speaking of cool things that people say, you guys know Chris of course. Dude, that guy... By the way, any listener doesn't know, powerful black man, yoke his shit, has a black power fist necklace, just when you see him, he's a... Yes, he's comic, funny,

great guy, he's slick, dude. Slick as dude, like... I want to be him so bad. You go, hey man, how you doing? He goes, got no choice, doing good. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He has the best lines. I know he showed up, he showed up one night, and he dabby up and I was like,

how's it going, Mr. Key? I always call Mr. Keys. Yeah, yeah. How's it going, Mr. Keys? Like, you know, man, just falling the rhythm of the night. That's so fucking cool, dude. And he does it when I was trying, too. Dude, the best one, what Jake told me, he said that, like, one night, Chris showed up with, like, a knee brace on. And Jake was like, oh, man, Chris, what happened?

You doing good? And he's like, oh, glory done, run a ground. That's fucking awesome. That's so cool, dude. He's the fucking man. I love that guy. Nice fucking dude, too. Older black guys are just on another level.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah, because I think, you know what it is? Black people have, there's so much better at coming up with phrases. Yes. So this guy has now decades of phrases. Fifth, years of fucking phrases. So he's like, all right, like, I'm sure he's not thinking about this way, but he could go through the archives. He's got like a giant file.

He's like, this fits here. I'll say this here. Yeah. And they keep creating as well. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It doesn't, like, run out. Like, you watch like old Samphid and Sons, like old black ass comedies from like the 70s and shit.

You're like, God, damn. Blackass comedy. comedy. CBS Tuesday. All that shit. Black ass comedy. You know, but I'm like,

God damn, dude. And old white guys are like groovy. Do you still say that now? You're like, Jesus Christ. You know what I was watching? I was watching last night at the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep.

Dude, I put on In Living Color. It was on YouTube. Oh, it's great. When did that run? That was like 80s and 90s, early, mid-90s. Because Jim Carrey was on in Living Color.

Dude. Yeah, yeah. Like, just the sketches, I'm like, Jesus Christ. I mean, first off, obviously, like everything else from that time would not be allowed on television today.

But I'm just like, dude, fucking Milan Way and Dave, they were fucking just killing it. They're insanely underrated. Jamie Fox, dude. Like, I'm like, Jesus. They're insanely underrated. And also it's like,

their ruthlessness is like very underrated too. It's like, do you watch scary movie? And those jokes are like, fucking why. Like, they can go for it. And, uh, Damon Wayne's stand-up. Damon or Damien? Damon. Damon.

Damon. Yeah. Uh, fucking such a good stand-up comic. Amazing. Yeah. And then it's like, good actor, dude. Just funny boy. Major pain is fucking weird.

Dude. Yeah. He's fucking incredible. I feel like he's almost not talked about enough on how. No. Exactly. Yeah. And it's like those first two scary movie, uh, even though.

Scary movie two is one of the best comedy movies. You're so funny. Ever. I would say the first three, they're not involved. in the third one. Yeah. Those first three are so fucking funny. Oh, I know.

And it's like, it's so ruthless. And they're like whole, like, they don't give a fuck in like ways they're like, but they're, it's constantly funny. It's like, that movie's just like the funniest shit ever. The first, when I remember I saw a scary movie too.

I rented it. And I saw it with like friends or something when I was a kid and I couldn't believe how funny. Like at the time, it was the funniest thing I ever seen in my life. I was probably eight to nine years old. And I'm like, my body was hurt. So funny.

Right. My uncle rented it. The fucking, uh, dude, the guy with a fucked up hand is obviously hilarious. The cake, dude. Yeah, yeah. And then you have fucking, what's his name? Bald, uh, played Uncle Ian, really big cop.

David Cross in the wheelchair. Dude, I love him. He's in a wheelchair, but he's also got roller skates on his feet. So his feet aren't dangling. So it's like, oh, man. Dude, and how many fucking Wayne's brothers are there? There's literally like 12.

Yeah, I looked at a family tree recently and I was like, oh, this is interesting how. Because there's like, there's like two generations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's like the old. one. And then there's like, the guy that's in fucking new girl. They don't get much older. So you can't look at the pictures. Yeah, I know. It's great. They're like, this is his dad. This is his dad. This is grandpa. Same age. It popped up. It popped up afterwards with too. Even like, even like, even like, Damon, it was Dame Wayne's, even Dame Wayne's, a thing popped up on, because I was

watching it on YouTube. So it was like, they would just play the next videos, the next videos on my TV. And one of them, it was like from like two years ago. And he's talking about in living color. I'm like, this dude doesn't look that much different than he did 30 years ago. I'm like, You don't look that much different. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. Because it's Damon and Marlin were the two oldest brothers. Is that right?

No. There's Keenan Wayans too, dude. Keenan and Ivory Wains. Yeah. And then there's, can you pull it up on your phone. Yeah. This is a solve a lot.

I'm not going to mess this up. Unreal fucking show, dude. Unreal show. Just Google all the Wayne's brothers. Before I fucking. One fuck up, though, that was still funny. I remember we had the DVD for Little Man. Have you seen that one?

Which one was that? The little man. By way, hilarious. But one of those movies, that like, I heard the funny, I'll tell what I heard later. So it's about one of them plays like a gangster. I think,

so there's Sean, Sean's, okay, Sean's the more he will play the, uh, Sean was the gay one in Scary Movie. Sean and Marlin, Sean and Marlon? From Scary Movie? Yeah. Marlon plays a Dorff, gangster. I never saw this. Dude, ready? He's a, he's a

dwarf and he gets put on somebody's doorstep as a baby. In the whole entire movie, he's a, a dwarf playing a baby. So, like, he gets taken in by this... Oh, okay, okay. I don't... If I saw that, I don't remember enough of it, but I remember... But there was some comic who was in it.

I think it was... What was named? Stoller? Will Stoller? David Stoller, I forgot his name. But he's talking about it. He's like, yeah, they... They tied a little man. They're like, from the people who brought you white chicks. But their next movie, they didn't say from the people that brought you little... White chicks was a fucking awesome.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So it looks like Keenan is one of the original. This is the whitest thing we could have to just three white guys pulled up. The Wade's brother's family tree. Let's see who it is. Keenan, Damon, and Kimberly, and Sean and then Marlin.

Charle are all the... Yes. And their cousin is Damon, or the brother's Damon? These are all siblings. Those are all the parents. And then Damon has a younger kid who's Damon Wayne's Jr.

Who is like a new girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And shit like that. What a talented fucking family. I know. Same with the fucking rocks. Like Chris and Jordan. And there's like,

and Tony, like, that's fucking nuts. And then Shrod Smalls their cousin. Yeah, that's nuts. God, black people are so much funnier than we are. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that was, I saw like a black podcast clip recently. I was like, Jesus Christ. I was like, who told them about this? Yeah. It's supposed to be our thing. We're supposed to be the guys with the headphones in a basement going like, hey, wouldn't it be funny? No, no, no. Black people have been dominated on like radio and, like, urban type shit. But podcasting, I think was originally a super white thing. Sure. Am I wrong? Yeah, right? Yeah, but you can, yeah.

It's tough to say, though, because you look at like, you look at like the OGs of podcasted and shit. Like the Breakfast Club was a radio show, but it also was uploaded as a podcast. That's a good point. Hollow 105. A lot of, like, older, like, I think even Q from World Style, who started World Style hip-hop, I want to say he had a podcast. And, bro, he's been dead for like five or six years. But I mean, like, in terms of, like, the biggest or big podcast.

Like Marin and Rogan. Yeah. Yeah. There's way more white people around than there. There's obviously large white audience. Which I'm a fan of. Yeah. Well, I don't know if I am.

By the way, Matt Bowen's been joking the whole time. He winked in me and then he whispered, that's real. That's, yeah. We have an unspoken connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, of my racist undertones. Same with Byrd, dude.

Burr's podcast has been around for fucking forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one other podcast. There's always a weird podcast where you're like, oh, that's like the biggest podcast, but you don't know. Dude, it is. Ben Shapiro is just, like, crushing it with his thing. Dude, it is crazy, like, how things can run in peril.

and like you don't really know about them. Yes. Like my girlfriend loves reality television and she'll like show me the show and then like she'll pause it and it'll say like season 15. I'm like what? This has been happening for 15 fucking years. And I have no idea. Survive is still on TV.

I know. Dude, Survivor when I see commercials for it gives me like 2003 flashbacks. You know I wish you ever watch old shows? I wish they had old. Still one of the highest rated shows on television too. You'd be great if you could get old commercials on old shows. Dude. Which you make no sense.

If you go on YouTube, there's certain, like, people will upload. Like, there's a lot of football games, like, from the, like, people will upload. Where they just upload, then they keep the commercials. It's clearly uploaded from a VHS and just was put on to a computer. It would be hard, though, because it had to be things that you still want to advertise. But to be fair, let's say they were going to have a Coca-Cola thing. If they were doing a rerun, they could be like, let's pull a Coke night. Well, see Breadfav drinking a Coca-Cola, you know?

Yeah, yeah. That guy rips. Dude, have you seen that CG or the ChatGB-G-C Coca-Cola commercial that's just, like, wildly creepy? No. Yeah, it starts off like fun and everything's like catching on fire. Is this real or is it a sketch? Sounds like an adult swim video. Has anybody seen?

What a lot of this writers strikes about? What's chat, GBT porn? Have we seen this yet? Whoa, no. Oh, I have a thing about porn that I want to talk about in a second. Yeah, of course.

You want me to do it now? Bring it up. Do it right now? All right, so I saw, I was watching a video. Do you think there's any structure to this fucking? Well, I didn't want to stop. Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, last three minutes, reserve for porn. Yeah. Wait, wait, to the end.

No, I was, uh, like, I was watching. I was watching a video yesterday, and it was two men and a lady, and they, both of their penises were in the vagina at the same time. Right. Right. Double Vagina. Double, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that not like at least 49% gay?

I think it's 80% gay. Yeah, because like the guy, like when he came, like his cock was like rubbing, but it wasn't, the friction wasn't caused by the vagina. I'm like, you're touching this guy's dick. right now. Yeah, I think there's probably a point. It's pretty gay. There's probably a point in your life, though, when you're fucking a porn, so you're like, I don't even care. I don't care. There's a guy who can be fucking my ass. Well, it's the one

dude. I don't, something, Owen, he's covered in tattoos, always fucks a girl, looks her in the eye, and uses a vibrator on her clip. I don't know, I only know Shane. Owen Gray, I believe, is his name. Owen Gray. Owen Benjian. I watch a lot of male porn star. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's just in the background. See, why is that if they do every porn star who, like, a week later is like, I think pornography should be banned. Yeah.

It's like, all right, I'm sorry that you got raped. Dude, it has nothing to do with porn and dough. Dude, I was in, I was in, when we were on the road, on, doing that road trip, we were in New Orleans. Graham and Elizabeth were gone for like six hours. Bang bus. I'm gonna fucking masturbate in this hotel room. And they were gone. And I tried to just like, w. porn hub.com.

And it takes me to this landing page and it was like, you need to confirm your age. And the state of Louisiana set up that you have to. in order to watch porn, you have to confirm that you're over 18. Interesting. Utah just did that this week. It redirected me to fucking, like, they wanted me to, like, send in a picture

of my driver's license and shit. I'm like, I'm not doing this to just jerk off. It's such bullshit, too. Like, Utah, I think, just made porn illegal, like, this week. And then I just went to, like, the one, like, I was like, okay, ex videos, uh, you porn. Like, and then I found one that it just let me through.

Like, you walk outside New Orleans. You're gonna see some more fucked up shit than you see. Yeah. Like, what the fuck are we talking about right now? 100% it's ridiculous. It's insane. Yeah, I always think about that what my life would be like

if I didn't watch massive amounts of pornography every day. I am trying to cut back. I'll be honest with you. Yeah, but it's also like, I've talked about us before. It's like everybody gets freaked out about kids watching porn.

I'm like, don't show kids porn because that's fucking creepy shit. Yeah, but they're gonna do it on their own. Yeah, it gives a fun. They are getting exposed to it at a radically young age. I'll say that. I'll say this.

Yeah, I did too. I grew up with a fucking black box in my house. You talked about that on my podcast. It's a, it's a, It's pretty much when cable was a fucking, like, when you had a, like, remember when there were cable boxes and there wasn't just like all this digital shit? Pretty much you had every pay per view in every channel. So like I didn't have, it didn't matter if it was like a box and pay per view, a porn or like premium channels. We had every possible television channel you could have, you would have including like, I had it on all the time.

Because it was like there was like an A side and a B side or some shit. Yes. And the B side was mostly like. Oh, you know what? I remember porn on TV. real quick. Yeah. That used to be a great prank.

You go to somebody's house party in high school. You buy a bunch of porn. You get like $400 to play with a channel. Dude, one of my boys did that to me one time. He only did like 20 bucks worth and I was like, that was good. But I've seen people do it worth it.

But it was still, fucking $400. The thing is, though, it's still like, it's still good though because it still pops up on the bill, though. That's why it's because you don't really get the full effect of it until like a month later. Yeah, because I did it a few times.

And like, we did it at a kid's house. And I remember, like, He came, we had, the kid had a rip shit fucking house potty at his house. And then like a month later, he came into school and he's like, who the fuck? My fucking mom thinks, and it was like, me and my buddies just bought like five pornos. You know what I mean? But it wasn't until like probably three weeks later. A Jedi move is you do gay pornography.

So he's got to argue his parents for you. But he's not gay. Yeah. Yeah, I think he got caught. Just ruins his relationship with his dad. Yeah. That's a good fucking prank. That's a good one.

Have you ever put it on at a bar? In a not funny way paid for porn? Like for yourself? Too often. Really? Too often. Neither of I. Dude, I played for like a CFNM one because I was like, I saw like one video.

Oh, dude, like those. Right. I don't know why I like it. I like those. I love banging girls with their clothes. I was talking about this recently one of my friends, dude. I recently had an encounter. A sexual escapade.

Yes. And we were clothed and I was all about that shit because I've only done it. I mean, I've done it a lot. I've done it a lot like when I've, you know. Like a yoga pants with a hole in it? That seems like right up there. Bro, a dress. It was a.

Oh. And we were inside. Bro, we were inside. It wasn't like... Dude, a clown suit with a slid in it. Yeah. I've done that in like bathrooms or like, you know, public places and shit, but like doing it at home.

I was like, this fucking rules, dude. A Nazi uniform, all this. Yeah, I'm a big fan of that. Banging with the clothes on? Listen, there's certain parts of them. Socks are hot. Sox are. I watch porn with socks.

I'm like, nice. Doesn't feet do absolutely nothing. I don't get it. I'm saying a naked woman wearing socks is hot. Yeah, I feel that. I can see that. Super high. Yeah, see.

Like above the knee high. Yes. That's right. Yeah, sure, definitely. Yeah. But yeah, I've never done, I don't get the feet thing. I don't get it.

Oh, we got a minute left. We got to get it left. Oh, no. We can't just flip this over or something? No, dude, I know. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn it.

Right, we get the momentum going. Oh, black box real quick. We should just keep the audio going then. No, because it's a huge pain. Yeah. The black box you were saying? You just get every channel. I watch porn all the time and I'm fine.

Yeah, yeah. But also those are probably better than internet porn where it's like a woman having eels funneled in her pussy, which I saw a couple times. Really? They had weird shit on there, though. It wasn't soft. This wasn't soft-core porn by any means.

This was hardcore fucking pornography. Yeah. There was one where do we work? My buddy would send me that you gotta keep those friends in your life who send you videos like this. There's one where it's like a woman's pussy and this guy's got a cactus on a slingshot and he's like slingshot.

That's not even porn though. That's like fucking like. It is for somebody. The pain games or whatever the fuck that. Pan Olympics or whatever. Dude, there's one where, like, this woman's funneling eels into her pussy. And I only saw that, but apparently the full video, it cuts to a dude just mouth fucking a bloatfish. Which is just insane.

Horrible. That's, but it's like, that's so wild. I don't understand that shit. I hope the fucking thing bites his fucking cock off. Yeah. Look, I promise you, anybody who's fuck the blowfish is dead by now. Yeah. There's no chance that guy's living a stable life.

It was a video that went super viral online a couple years ago. A dude, like fucking a fish's mouth. Yeah, yeah. I forget what it was on. It's got to be slips, slide. Yeah, I was trying to get. followers, you know, that happens. Yeah.

For the content. For the content. We got to cut it off there. What do you guys want to promote? Matt Bowman comedy everywhere. It's Ryan O'Toole. ITS. Ryan O'Toole. Go on my Instagram.

All my shits on there. If you're listening for the first time, YouTube episodes come out Sunday. Monday at latest. But if you don't see a Sunday, they'll come out Mondays. Spotify, Apple, come out every single Sunday. So if they're late on YouTube,

they might come out Monday, but most of the time Sunday will be good. Thank you for listening. Bitch! Bye.