Morning Good - Relax, Everybody, I'm a Scientologist - Episode 143

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

Paddy Defino and Jake Timothy return to the show. They talk about a Bohemian Grove-themed haunted house, high school club wrestling, and moving to Miami.Thanks to Paddy andd Jake for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes of the show and at their links below.Jake is on Instagram @jake_timothy and Paddy is as well @paddy_is_funky. Paddy also reads the news from bed every day from TikTok. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love Dirty Mike and the Boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, and we're started. We're here with Patty Defino. Hey. And we're here with Jake Timothy. Hey. And I'm just hoping you guys had a wonderful Christmas.

That's all I really go out. Oh, I did, dude. Very white Christmas. No ethnic. Didn't snow an inch, but it was a white Christmas. I, yeah, I don't know the things where I went to the hometown bars. It was so funny how cynical I was for no reason. I was like, yeah, all these cock suckers, you know, they're just going to ask me, how's it going

with comedy? You know, having a boring conversation. I was like, every time I talk to one of these straight-edge snubs, I just get so bored. And then I was like, I'm just being an asshole. Everybody here is really cool and awesome. And I have no reason why I'm. By the way, there are people I'm like insanely excited to see. Like I was talking to you last night about Thanksgiving where I went in and just fake

blue like a hundred dudes, called them all cocksuckers, laughed on the ass. I for about like 20 minutes, probably not 25 minutes. My friend is having a serious conversation with somebody and his brother was sitting in the back. And I fake blew him from across the table for like five straight minutes. And it was phenomenal. It was the most fun I've had in a very long time. I think people get tired of asking about comedy. Yeah, yeah.

They're like, you're not on Jay Leno yet? He was in a fire. Of course I'm not on Jay Leno. They think everything happens so quick. Is the fire? No, my parents always asked the fire. The fire at Jay Leno's. I was given to my head about one of my show called Jay Leno in his garage.

What did I say it was? You know what? I ruined the joke. Let's move on. Yeah, they're always like, oh, how's it like, like, oh, are you doing any like big things like this and just never anything? I was at a bar show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Someone threw a hot dog at me. That was big. Dude, I did shows in Florida. That was fucking sick. That totally changed my opinion on every... Look, like, the best comics here are better than the comics there. But because it's, like, easier to get on shows there, they have more interest in comics than any other scene. Okay.

Like, there was a headliner, which, I mean, I'm sure here should be, like, famous, too. But, or, like, doing well, too. There was a show, it's like an outdoor brewery show, and I've been done an outdoor show in a while. And the headliner was this, like, 60-year-old black women in the... with a grill named Miss Motherfucker. Wow. And she just went in it was the most amazing thing. Like there was just like this family sitting in the front row

just like, you know, comfortably sipping beers. She's like, you ever suck the dick before? That shit tastes salty. Just like a man with his daughter. And I'm like, this is comedy. I think I met her at the DMV. Yeah, it was fucking awesome. And then there was like, it was good,

because it was Christmas, there's people coming from all areas. Like there was this very funny Canadian comic. and this dude had cerebral palsy and what he did. The best bit of all. God's bit. And I was talking to before the show, I'm like, dude, this guy sucks.

It's going to be atrocious. Like, this would be so uncomfortable. And thank God he was fucking. Wait, when you were talking to him, was he like, hello, Michael. Yeah, yeah, he has a whole machine. We were trying to get him to say the N-word, but like he wouldn't, which is fair.

But we're like, come on, it's not technically you. It's fine. Now, with that, hold on, real quick. Would that be like, what, where would the legal ramifications be of creating a software that does not allow you to use the N-word? That's, I don't know, because he said retarded, so you assume that would be. Yeah, that would be like what I hire a lawyer for. What? Can I make a soundbox that allows people to use.

Just be fighting it, like, aggressively in court. Like, look, I thought this was America, okay. Yeah. Do you think our founding fathers wanted us to say the N-word out loud and get in trouble? No. voice machine. That's just a premium subscription to the voice machine. Yeah. Yeah. It's to buy the the slur package. But yeah, he wouldn't say it, but he was funny as hell, fucking crushed. He had like, he'd write it in his phone and he had a Bluetooth speaker connected to it. Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just murdered, hilarious. Yeah, yeah. I was like, damn, this is fun. And I feel like, I don't know, New York, sometimes the comment, they get obsessed about, like, they're like, well, does this guy, you know, is he, you know, I think we get obsessed with, like, dumb things. And he had a great online following, too. But I also feel like so many New York comics are just the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they just, I was saying this to someone. I might have said this to you guys, but I feel like there's so many that just do well every time.

Just well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, like, passable. Yeah. And, like, they never crush. They never bomb. And so they're just, like, people that you just kind of stick in. And that there's so many of them because that's, like, a safer thing.

to choose than like, you know, someone who might have a tantrum on stage, but... The tantrums are fun to watch. I want to watch Miss Motherfucker yell at a guy with his daughter and say, you ever suck the dig before that shit's salty as hell. You know what I'm like that? That's fucking awesome. And then sit in someone's lap.

Dude, there were comedians like when I started upstate that used to like tell a bit and then they would like go and like touch an audience member like at the during the punchline. I'm like, that's not allowed at all. You're not allowed to make contact with it. Like it's what

of those haunted house things. Yeah. Like, what's that intense haunted house? It's called like, McKinney Manor where they can just like torture you and like

do all this crazy stuff. Oh, yeah. There's one where like, Navy seals are like hired to like waterboard you. You know what I feel? I can see the Navy SEAL just putting in there like,

yeah, you can do anything to me. You know, bend me over, do all this stuff. Just a guy trying to get. That's the first. Yeah,

I want you to fucking torture me. Bend me over. Yeah. This is one of those crazy haunted houses. Whatever else happens. Yeah. Shake your dick.

Take your dick, shove it in my mouth. See what I do. I won't fight. I see what I do. Let's find out the consequences of you shoving your dick in my mouth. Navy style. That's like the whole thing. It's always Navy SEALs and they're like, yeah, I want to push myself like further and further.

And I'm like, part of this has to be sexual. Or maybe you've seen war and you're like, nothing entertains me anymore. I don't want to go to a scary house because I've held my friend while he dies. You know, I want to recreate that. but, you know, maybe with skeletons or something, something spooky. It would be funny, though, if they're themed. I think they do a background check on you, though. That would be fun, like, because that would suck if it wasn't anything you're actually

scared of, you know what I mean? Like, they went to do aliens and you're like, this isn't for me. I don't think that if it's like a torture haunted house, I don't think that would even be an element of it. Aliens? It's not like you're getting waterboard and they pull the bag off and the guys wearing like a wolf mask. That's even worse. A wolf was doing it.

Yeah, that's a good boy. Yeah. Yeah, that shit's funny, though, because, like, the guy definitely is into it. The guy doing it, it's definitely, like, rock hard the whole time. Well, he's probably his favorite shit. But it doesn't even have to be sexual.

He just likes hurting people. That's true. People always draw all this weird line with, like, furies are sexual. It's like, I think there's sexual furies, and then there's people that just like being weird. Covered in fur? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah. I wouldn't be against it. There is something kind of fun of just dressing up as an animal and pretending to be that animal. People are like, hey, you're not that animal. And you're like, brr. Yeah, that is the most annoying thing is the conservatives. They're like, look, now the furries.

I'm like, dude, please bring, let people dress up like foxes. That would be fucking sick. Could you imagine how much more fun it would be going to the dentist if he was dressed up like a wolf? And he's like, this is just what I identify as. I'm like, dude, I'm so on board with this. Oh, my God. Like, the fact that people see that and they're like upset about it.

They're like, oh, yeah. the, they're having a, they're letting the kids shit and litter boxes. It's like, that's, like, it's always a fake story. But I'm like, I hope that's a real. That's fun stuff. There's no better place for a kid to shit than a litter box. Yeah. Did you ever have a sandbox as a kid? Yeah, I tried to dig to. I tried to dig to China. I thought I could dig to space. But I thought I would dig through China first. So I was like, I remember I was like asking my teacher, like, what are some Chinese words? Because I was like, I want to know my way around once I get there. And it's like, I was like, I was like, I want to know my way around once I get there. And it. And. And so. And. And. And. And. I was. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. that, uh, and your teacher was like, I don't know, ask an alien. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Like, let's just go to space first. Yeah, well, I thought if I, I didn't understand gravity at all because I was fucking like six.

And I was like, I'll climb through the earth, through China and fall out the other side. I don't know why. I never thought that, yeah. I like the idea of you digging like into your neighbor's yard with just like a rice paddy hat on.

Bing dong. Ding-dong ching-tow. They're like, Michael, go back home. Yeah. Like, what?

How do you know my name? is China spying on us all the time? Just two white guys. I call. I don't know why they're gay. That's a bud. Yeah, those kind of pranks are fun, like the next level ones. Like, if I was a parent, I would convince my kid he dug to China.

I don't know how you'd pull that off, though. You'd have to bury your kid a line. I don't know. It would be worth it for the bit, though. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. My cousin tried to do that, tried to dig to China. Yeah.

It's funny when parents would just let them do it. Yeah, sure. When you have kids, you're going to be like, I wish there was an activity that would just consume them. And you see your kid walk to the yard, like, I'm going to dig a hold of China. I'll fucking do it. Don't even come back in the house. You always, whenever you're digging as a kid, though, you always like fuck up something serious. Like, the amount of times I hit the sprinkler system was like 95%.

I'm just taking a shovel and just digging it down there. Yeah. One time I, uh, my pranks were horrible when I was a kid. I was like. even if you dug a hole straight through the earth, would you end up in China from, like, New York? I wonder where we would end. Like, if obviously, you know.

Probably like the ocean. Yeah. That was, that was like a movie we watched at school. It was like, it was like these guys who drilled to the center. Journey to the center of it. No, no, no. It was a different one. It was like, uh, it was, I want to say Aaron Eckhart was in it. And it was about this woman. The core. The core. Yeah.

The core. I remember the core. Which isn't the car, just like a giant car with a drill on the front of it or something? Maybe I remember. It's like a real science. scientist expedition to go to the core of the earth for some reason. It's not just a car. It's not like Miss Frizzle on the gang. That's what I thought. Yeah, I remember that. And then like she gets like, she's like, I don't believe in God. And everybody's like, oh. I think it's, I think it's Hillary Swink. Yeah. He's the lady. And they get there. Doesn't you see her dad in the core of the earth or something? Yeah, some goofy shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys know how that's how Ben Frank got here from China? He dug. He was bombing so hard on stage. He dug.

He buried himself and popped up in a yard. I guess I'll start here. I've bought pretty a while I wanted to. To bury myself. Yeah. I just zoned down for a second. Got all serious. I was talking about China and he got out like right in time before it started getting like orders.

He's very lucky. Yeah. Ben Frank, goodbye Shanghai now on iTunes. Yeah. Yeah, I bought it. I bought it too. What a waste of time.

A piece of shit. Did you guys watch the... What would you... If you recorded an album in China, what would you have named your album? I don't know. Michael Good goes pee-pee in your Coke. What was the story of that?

Were they peed in Coke or something? It's just like an old... I almost said Chinese proverb. It's not a... It's just a little stereotype. Not even a stereotype. It's like me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee-pee in your Coke.

Oh, that's where it got started? That's just something white people would... I thought there was like a theory that they were peeing in our Coca-Cola because that's where our cocoa was coming from. No, I think that's just someone who took it a little too far. Yeah, that's like me. I think all these things. I don't think we eat that. Is lemonade made up, is around the corner fun made?

Is that what Ed? Stupid rhyme. And you're like, well, if we go to the Bohemian Grove. You start there. We start at Mollock the owl god. Dude, that would be the truest haunted house. It's just you show up and it's just like the Clintons and masks and like. Trump and then like Alex Jones in a bush

and you're just like strapped to some like wooden idol and being brought out. Yeah, that would suck to be getting sacrificed at at Bohemian Grove. And then you see Alex Jones face in the distance and you're like, he was wrong. He was just staring at it. We should have listened to him. Bill Clinton's like, look it over here. I'm going to give you a little finger

in the book. He's such a funny predator just because of his voice. Like him just being like, good over here. You know what Nixon said about the Bohemian Grove? What? He was like, these guys are all gay. Yeah. Yeah. the older I get the cooler Nixon is.

Which is funny that that honestly legitimizes it. Instead of saying something's fake, to say something's gay, it sounds legit. It's like an open secret, but the people think it's like a bigger thing than it is. The president was like, yeah, I keep getting invited, but it's just a bunch of guys. Also, they do. Don't they just blow each other too? I don't know. For secrecy?

That's so funny that how homophobic the Republican Party is, they have to create a secret society just to have gay sex together. There should be a national. the next national treasure movie with Nicholas K. Infiltraints Bohemian. I got to suck every cock on this side of the greater state of words. Dressed like Nixon, I'm going to blow every guy in here. Why? You can just come in.

We don't do that anymore. He's just opening a guy's asshole, like looking for a map. I think there's a clue in here. If I suck hard enough, maybe he'll give me a clue. I miss him, dude. I miss Nicholas Cage. He's still alive.

He's still alive. He didn't think. Did you see the movie with him? And it's like his... About his life? No, I didn't see it. No, it's really funny. It is actually funny.

I like to move the pig movie pig that he did. I didn't see that. I heard it was great. Is it about Patty's mom? Oh, wow. That'll be a clip. That'll be a clip guy. Just because she eats out of a trough.

I wouldn't have worn a fucking turtleneck if this was the first one being clipped up. Dude, you look so... You've got a pony tail on. You look like you're going to be talking about way more intelligent things. I was talking about Nicholas Cage blowing somebody. He's going to sabotage the podcast and we get no good clips. Every time we're laughing, he's just like, boobes, boobs! He purposely ruins the episode.

Nothing ruins a good clip like mentioning breast. I was telling you I saw the new Top Gun and I didn't like it but that's why I that was the decision where I was like I don't have good taste because everybody liked it besides me. I thought he should have had a scene where he fucks the old lady to take take my breath away. I thought they were going to recreate that completely. But it's too gay of a movie. They may they, they, it's too gay of a movie for him to have heterosexual sex. That's pop. Who's the old lady? Well, the old one. So the original, have you seen the new one?

Yeah, who's the old lady? He's not the old lady. Whatever name is. She's six. whatever. Jennifer Connolly? Yeah. Who's Tom's Com Cruz's age? Yeah, she's attracted, but they're both all. Okay. I wasn't like she's a dumb whore. I was saggy and he's a god. I'm like, no, they're both.

She's smoking hot. Yeah, she's still attractive, yeah, yeah. She's got one of those new faces. Yeah. That should be funny in JFL new faces. She's comics and other faces reconstructed. Another day, I was really mad.

I was so mad. My chin was melting. Yeah, she does have a new face. I like when they do that in movies, and then the characters have to describe the emotions they're feeling. Oh, yeah. I'm so sad right now. Just the face is not moving in an inch.

Well, I think the original one is made by different people. I thought it was made by the same person, but the original one was made by somebody else. And so I thought that they were going to have the scene where it's like, take my breath away. I thought they were just going to recreate it completely. But instead, they just... it's hinted the day of sex.

Yeah. And they just didn't use the other woman because she's like old and they don't think she, like they literally were like this woman with Dom Cruz would look gross so we're not doing it. It would be so funny. She looks like just a regular 60 year old woman but they're like, we can't, it's not going to match. Because doesn't it show him like getting off and like

getting onto a motorcycle? Yeah. Like it would be funny if he gets onto a motorcycle and then like in frame like a big black guy gets behind him on the motorcycle. They both drive away together. Top gun. It doesn't even match. mention where the...

That's the end of the movie. You never meet the guy until the last scene. He just gets on with him. They don't even do... They just abandon the mission like at the end. It's the end of the whole story

is almost over and Tom Cruise on his motorcycle. And this guy gets on behind him and Tom Cruise is like, yeah, a good thing I'm gay now. That's how he... Forgot to mention it. That's how he shouldn't come out

if he actually is gay, just in the movie. No, Scientology will never let him. No. I bet he tried to command his gay in Scientology just made a new one. Yeah, they just shot an anti-gay beam at him with technology. We don't even know exists.

Well, that's the hard part because, like, what they do is they get your information and then they use it against you. So you're supposed to confess to them and then they use it against you. I know what blackmail is. No, no, I don't. I just explained.

Talking to me like I'm fucking three years old. Black male, that's what Tom Cruise. But they do that. Tom Cruise pops up black, black male. Someone say a black male? Hey, you know, I was talking about black guys? I'd fucking suck one so good. Wow, that sounds really good.

But, uh, but, like, back then, like, him and John Travolta, like, being gay was, like, the big, like, if the public finds out this, I'll be screwed. But it's funny now, because now nobody cares really if you're gay. So, besides your parents. But, like, outside of that, like, Hollywood's not going to care. So it's like, I feel like Scientology probably has to push. Like, you know what I mean? Like, at some point, he's like, I'm gay. Like, there's nothing in Scientology that says you can't be gay.

Just the secret of him being gay is how they like trap him, I think. It's so funny that the word Scientology seems so scientific but also so unscientific. Scientology. Brilliant marketing. Because if you don't know what the cult is and you hear that, you're like, oh, that's like something that's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should believe in. Yeah, relax everybody.

I'm a Scientology. I can figure this out. How was that? How was Christmas for you guys? It was good. It was, what you do? I didn't really do much. I was just home and, you know, saw the family.

Nothing funny happened. It was like when something funny happens. Yeah. Your dad didn't fart or anything fun like that. My dad did not fart. I told you we watched Sylvester Stallone over the top. Oh, yeah? A movie about a...

Oh, yeah, he's the professional arm wrestler. He's got to teach his son how to arm wrestle. It's funny that anybody respects arm wrestling, because it doesn't seem like... Like, is it a genuine sign of strength? Like, I guess somewhat, right? I don't know. You know what I do respect, though, is those contests where people just slap each other in the face?

Oh, yeah, just as hard as they can. Yeah. Those are crazy. And then every once in a while, there's like a clip and it's like a big mismatch. It's like a little twinkie guy and some guy who looks like fucking Hulk Hogan. Yeah. And the twinkie guy hits him. The guy's like, just winds up and just like knocks the lights out of this other guy.

Yeah. I like those. Yeah, that's always fun. You ever see those competitions where it's like you'll tie something around your ear? It's like a loop of string. You put someone around your ear and the other guy puts around his ear and you just pull until it rips your ear off? Until you or the other guy just stops because it's like the most painful thing. Is there like something you tap like a button that like says you or you just say I give up?

Or you just the or your competitor will just pull it until it comes off your ear. Damn. There's one guy who's like the undisputed world champion at it, and his ear is like fucking disgusting. So gross. It's funny they have like no cure for cauliflower ear basically. Like it's your ear just looks so disgusting. Yeah.

You can't. Like, because I wrestled all the time and always like the best guy to be like, look at that. You can just tell he was good if his ears were just so fucking. They just look like tortellinis basically. Yeah. With like a little hole.

Like, I'm not even kidding. It's like you couldn't fit your finger inside of these people's ears because it's like literally just close and shut. They can't hear the whistle. Yeah. Just choking guy. Yeah. That's why he's the best.

He just can't hear. Yeah. I have to like flash a strobe light at him. Did I win? Nice job, Victor. Yeah. Yeah, those are some of the dumbest motherfuckers too. Just think the better you are at certain sports,

just bonk your fucking head. Oh, it's the best. wrestlers always have the weirdest shaped heads, too. Yeah, it's always some guy. Yeah, yeah. And, like, just no neck and just this kind of like, a lot of them are short, too, because they could be in the lower leg class. Just these short, yoked guys.

They're shaped a lot of the time, too, like, Randall from Monsters Inc. Like, they're kind of, like, hunched over and they're like, like, I don't know, their body just moves around. Like, their body's big in, like, one place, like, right here and then nowhere else. Yeah. I remember one wrestling contest. There was, I do wrestling. Like, they didn't, there was like a weight class where these people didn't show up.

So just to have matches, I wrestle, me and my buddy wrestled kids that were like four weight classes down. We were like probably like 14 just wrestling like seven-year-olds and just like throwing them across. We weren't being like over the top with it, but we're like, this is kind of wild. They're like this is how it turned. Maybe not said. We're probably 14 wrestling like, I don't know, a 10 year old. And you're like, this is like literally not fair that you could just wreck somebody because they were like, yeah, I don't know. like it was one of those weird things where they were like, yeah, this guy got moved up

a weight class because the guy in his dropped out or something like that. Yeah. I saw some guy get thrown on his head like over the mat and like missed and hit it on like the cafeteria floor. Wow. Yeah. Which I don't know. That's one of those where like like folk style is uh, folks to folk style. Yeah, it's called folk style. That's a type of wrestling. Yeah. Is that what you do with your sister? Yeah. What are doing folk style? Um, we were wasn't messing around. We were wrestling folk style. No, Mama, don't

don't take away radio from us. I got nothing else to do. Folk style is just like it's done by pins and that's like done by pins, but then freestyle and Greco are done by like throws and points. So like literally there's

like one thing where like if you got their legs perpendicular is a certain amount of points and if you got their legs going straight in the air, it was like more points. Just like basically like, what's it, is it the grave digger? What's it called when you drop somebody upside down their head?

The pile driver? Yeah, something like that, yeah. I remember our club coach always tells us ways to cheat the rules. He'd be like, look, if you do this, it's against the rolls, but the rest will never see it. I was covered their nose and mouth. Yeah. I was actually laughing to myself today thinking about the grave digger, but with like tinted out windows and spinning rims. Instead of the grave digger, they called it the, uh, uh, I'm not getting the, uh.

he still doesn't get it. I get it. The guy in the voice machine could say it. I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I, uh, my... That'd be so funny.

It's unfair. His tires are just bigger than the rest of them. He has a competitive advantage. Has anybody... Did anybody ever argue that about black people transitioning to sports? Just they're better. And that's why it should stay segregated. I'm sure they did, but I'm sure you don't want to be sound bitten.

with this clip. What's up? I'm sure someone did like, you know, 50 years ago. Yeah, because I didn't mean like recently. I'm not saying I want somebody complained about it.

It's just a funny, you post this clip where it's just you're going like, has anyone ever made the argument that maybe? Maybe black people are genetically inclined to be better at sports. I don't know, man. It is true. Because people make a big deal about Jackie Robinson being the first, like,

player to play in like major league baseball, the white player or whatever. But to be the first white player to play in like the all black baseball league, that would be a little more impressive. In my book, in your, let's move on from this conversation. It'd be funny if you like,

I don't know why I'm thinking of this, but you and your, your wrestling team has like this bitter years-long rivalry with some other school. And then like before they show up to the match, you learn that like for the past, year the water supply in their town has been like polluted and they show up and they're all like really emaciated

really weak and you're like I don't know man. That was fair. You have like war pain. I don't know if we should like even touch these guys. Dude that was the thing bro. People would get all kinds of like I got ringworm from wrestling all kinds of stuff and it's like that's. Yeah, no. It's disgusting sport. And also the people that do it are usually

there's a lot of gross white trash families that'll be really into it and they'll be like, he's going to be the best. And then it's just like some, like, I remember this one kid, he was like, because I do club wrestling, so there'd be kids from different schools. And there's this one kid who literally just smelt like a piss. Yeah.

And this other kid who just had a boner, always from wrestling me. Really? And you could tell their dads were just like so into, but like, it seemed like their dads were into fake wrestling. And so they made their sons do real wrestling and like just, because like these kids were just shows wrestling practice with like a, with a chair.

Yeah. Like a Steve Austin shirt on. A luchador mask. Yeah. This is a different thing. Nacho Libre. Dude, that movie is Fox. Yeah.

It was so good. I wonder if I would, if I was in high school, I could do high school again. Oh, man. If I could do high school again and I was on the wrestling team, I would try to wear a luchador mask. Oh, that would be sick. And then they say no and I just have to do high school again. How did I do this? You can disguise it as the headgear.

Just pretend you have a disability. Be like, his face is just fuck. High school is one of those things. Like, I would kill myself if I got teleported back to high school. Dude, if I woke up, if I woke up and it was like three days away from like graduating, I'd kill myself. Really? I can't do three days of this again. Yeah.

We had such different experience. I loved it. It's so sad how much I enjoyed it and how much I do not love life right now. I would go card to my family recently. It was fun. It should have been exhilarating. And I was like, I was like, this will be what fulfills. me. This go-cart ride being alive.

I'm just kind of depressed. I'm driving a go-cart. I was also scared. I don't know why I'm a grow-man. I'm scared of go-karts. Like, I was one of those where I was like, yeah, this is fun. How fast do they go, though? I was like, as a grown-man, I'm genuinely I'm scared of the dark in some sports, like, I'm scared to go paintballing.

Like, I've called out of painballing so many times. I've been like, dude, can't make it. I'm genuinely scared to go paintballing. I feel like it's going to hurt too much. Painballing seems... I've never done it. It seems... I don't like getting shot. When I was a kid, I would fake get hit. that's not much about pussy I am. I'd take like bullets on the ground and be like, oh, you got me good.

I remember like laser tag was fun. I'd play laser tag. Like I could go to like a birthday party, play laser tag. It's like, this is a good time. I bet paintball is even more fun. Then the first time I did that, I was like, laser tag is where it's at. Yeah. Yeah. How are we doing this? Yeah. Also, can you don't you just have to stop for a second when you get shot? It's like, it's like reloading. It's like, oh, get a fucking kid. But I'm reloaded.

I can't wait to get back out there. That was funny. We had one that have cool themes. And one of them wasn't office where there was a shit reload. You're all fuck when I'm full laser mode. There's any kid you like weird kid you like trip over in high school and he's sitting by his locker. You're like, oh, wait until like battery charges. I'll all see.

Imagine that like a kid with Down syndrome. to shoot up a school. I can shoot with a laser gun. I let everybody get on the ground. Right now, to the count of three. One. Doesn't know how to count three. Free.

I showed just one of the guy the Nerf gun trying to rob the grocery store. Just one with a downstream guy goes into a grocery store. You see if he takes the gun, he points it to the guy and the cashman. The guy that cash was just shakes. the guy just shakes and he just walks out. But there was one laser tag place that was, the whole theme was like an office getting shot up, which felt a little on the nose.

That was like the whole thing. Like it was like an office setting. It's like, yeah, you're going to fire me after 10 years working here? And then you're like, that's more like a paintball thing. Yeah, yeah. I remember going to a paintball place and it was, I forget whose birthday it was, but they were like, dude, this place is sick.

It's made to look like a hospital that blew up. And I was like, what are we in? Afghanistan or that? This is horrifying. Happy birthday, I guess. They're laser boarding your teammates. Just like that's getting really intense.

We, I remember my favorite was, we did a pain ball one time. And I like, pussyed out of a round. This guy's like, what are you scared? And I look at the guy at face and go,

no, I'm just better, better at hand-to-hand combat. You said that? Yes, I said, I'm just better at hand-to-hand combat. Like a pain to hand.

brush in a fucking day. I don't want to you Pussies take me on old school style. Better at hand-to-hand combat, motherfucker. Yeah. We were you looking for the downser

we kind of laser. We always thought it'd be funny for the guy with schizophrenia. Try to shoot up a school but he just didn't have a gun. Like he sees the gun being there and he's just shooting nothing out. All right, get him, boys.

It's all alone. We got a couple of rules. He's pausing in between takes because he thinks somebody else is covering and he's like, Jeremiah will take over for this. We got a couple things we need. We've got you surrounded.

Yeah. That would be a very interesting way to find out your schizophrenia. There's got to be like a point when you have schizophrenia. He kiddaps the principal that's not even a guy. He's like, I'll fucking do it. The gun is pointed at your face. There's nobody there. You're not even in school.

Just in a park. You were saying something? about a schizophrenic. There's got to be a point when people know that you're schizophrenic and they have to like, that's kind of be a pretty sobering moment when you realize you don't actually have

any friends. Oh yeah, yeah, and they're all yeah. Well, my buddy that had it, he didn't have like, he mostly had the I'm Jesus thing and then also the aliens are coming for me thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but everybody has it differently though. You might, it's like a beautiful mind he had like a roommate

in college. You ever seen that one? Yeah, he had like a roommate in college for like years. That, that, that seems weird that not one person commented. They never met his roommate. Yeah. I always wanted that. Is my girlfriend real? Is my girlfriend real or am I just like fucking nothing in my house?

It's just a pillow with a smiley face drama. I like that idea like, because it was his college roommate and he like experimented with gay sex with him. And then he finds out he's fake. He's like, thank God. I'm not. gay. I'm just schizophrenicry. I knew I wasn't gay. I just had a very vivid imagination. What an easier life this will be. Have you guys ever had a gay dream? Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah. I've never had like a gay sex dream, but I had a dream that I mean, no, no, no, no, not at all. Yeah, yeah.

I'm just kidding. I had a dream that my friend had like a rock hard giant cock and he's like, you got to check this thing out. And he goes, grab it. And I just grab it and it just immediately starts ejaculated. is a gay sex dream. Might are like, I'm getting blown, and then I look it down, and it's like, now a dude. Like, it's like, you know how things will change in your dream? Like, I'll have sex...

I'm having sex to a woman, then she turns into, like, a robot, and then it turns into, like, a car or something like that. Yeah, I almost never have, like, a sex dream. Yeah, really? My dreams are like, I'm about to have sex, and then just something gets in the way. Yeah, that would suck you out of erectile this function in your dream.

She's like a sweat. It's not. But I don't, I don't think that's necessarily... I mean, it is a gay sex dream, but it was more like a... Just to defend my heterosexuality, I was like, now that it's a dude, I'm not cool with it. Well, that's why we know dreams aren't real. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not really fantasizing.

Because I've also murdered my, I murdered my mom in a dream one time. That didn't mean something I want to do. My mom turned into like a zombie and I had to kill her one time in the dream. Oh, wow. Very valiant. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't want to do this. That's a gay sex dream if I ever heard of it. What if you had like, you're a schizophrenic, but it's like really mild schizophrenia?

like you go into a restaurant and you're like, I'll have the usual. And they're like, we don't know who you are. I'm crazy. I thought it was your most loyal customer. Yeah, there are weird ones. Like, it's really a scale because, like, I mean, I know a couple people still have it. There's some comics that have it. Not going to say names.

But there's some people I was listening online. They said they would just see like a big spider in the corner of the room. And then other people would be like, that spider's not there. Which that is kind of terrifying. I wouldn't like that one bit. If I had spiders schizophrenia, dude. So you have spiders schizophrenia?

Everything's going to be normal. You're just these spiders everywhere. You're just to see and feel a lot of spiders that no one else sees. You're just holding your daughter. You're like, this feels like just a bag of spiders. That'd be a great excuse to be like, I can't see my kid.

It just, I choose spiders to me. That's the only time it happens. Anytime you see your kid. I'm very, It's a scary. Schizophrenia. Yeah, I would go to the opposite. There's just spiders everywhere there.

Just avoid everything. I wouldn't like that one. I was really pushing it with the working from home thing because I went down to Miami. By the way, stayed with Chris Kimback. He's living fucking life, dude. Yeah. I go to his apartment. It just smells like impanadas.

He's like, yeah, it's because I cook impanadas all the time. I'm like, this is awesome. Hell yeah, dude. He's got a sweet apartment complex, like overlooks the water. Everybody's just living a better life for the most part. Watch him get way worse at Congress. at comedy. He starts doing

bad Latin comedy. That's like what we hope. He's my deal. Oops. Everyone who moves out of the city, we're like, well, I hope they fucking crumble and don't all their talent drifts away.

Dude, he built a bicycle. By the way, I have no idea if this actually works. He was just saying it's a thing. He built a bicycle. It was Christoball's a coffee truck. And it's a bicycle. And when you move the bicycle,

it powers the coffee machine. which sounds like an invention. He built that himself? I don't know if he built it or ordered it online, but it looks, he, like, he painted it at least. I don't know if, yeah. In my mind, he built it. That would, I wouldn't, like, that would be a crazy thing to learn about it.

He'd be like an engineer like that. Yeah, I don't think he built that. Why are you doing comedy at all? Yeah, if you could build it. But also, like, I would rather just have a coffee machine attack to a bicycle. I don't know why the bicycle has to power it. I guess it's like,

I guess it's incentive to go down the street and buy coffee. I never have to make it yourself. That'd be funny if just every time he has coffee, like his balls are asleep from like going on the bike. Yeah, you know, coffee's pretty good, but I can't feel my nuts anymore. That's my Chris Kimbeck.

What do you mean your balls are asleep? I guess this is a problem only I had from an exercise. I kind of get it. My goochic is kind of sore. Dude, I'm trying to sell this. The sore is different than asleep. I'm not like aware of my balls right now. Oh, I'm not, well, no, but like, I would go on this bike for like 45 minutes and then I would get off.

And I, like, the second you get off, like, I couldn't feel like it was like numb and like vibrating for my entire package for like 20 minutes. I'm like, this cannot be healthy. Did you go check down? No. Because it goes away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of how I am with stuff. I've had a lot of issues and I'm like, I just won't deal with them and it'll go away.

Exactly. But, dude, I was like working for my. home and like I would go to the beach and try to work on my laptop which is just like fucking impossible. The first thing I tried to I try to go to a Starbucks and a Publix and it is so multicultural there that it's like there's like it would actually probably be less distracting if they all spoke or more distracted they spoke all English but like you I was in like a coffee shop and in the same time there's like people speaking in Haitian you forget how multicultural Miami is and it was like at one moment I noticed there's

literally 10 languages going on at the same time but I think it would actually be more distracting if it was all English. Because if you hear little pieces of conversation, it's kind of harder than... Yeah. What's the... Is there a language that sounds like similar, the most similar to English? Probably Spanish, honestly.

I guess. Sometimes you hear someone talking with an accent and they're speaking in another language, but at every few words, you're like, it sounds like English enough that your brain tunes in. You know what I mean? Just goofing it up a little.

It's just someone wrong. Is it like Nordic or something? Yeah, yeah. It's probably something like that. Yeah, I don't know. That's crazy that those people would just go to a village and then just completely rape every single person in that village. Yeah, it is.

Worth of Vikings just like raping all the time and kill them. They were raping all the time, Michael Good. They never stopped. But they had fun braids too well. They're doing it. Yeah, they did. They had style. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, if you're going to rape. Do it in style. Do it in style. It's like falling. There's a horn guy too, right? I feel like it was like always these guys who were just, like, does the horn guy get to rape to? Because I picture the rowers are like the guys

that are like, he, oh, and there's a guy like and then they like ransack a village and they rape everybody, but I don't know if the horn guy hops off and like assault somebody and still goes while he's doing it.

Yeah, I bet there's a lot of like, you know, separation of powers where the horn, the responsibility of the horn guy has to be shifted once in a while. He's like, look, I know you're good at raping but you're so good at the whole. horn. There's one guy that loves doing

the horn. And they're all like, why isn't he out raping with us? They're like, well, he has sort of a theatrical flair to him. He likes to play on the horn. I wonder if that's where the term horny came from. Because they hear that horn, they're like, oh, we're going to do some race

today. I think it probably came from someone's seeing a horn and they're like, that's like how hard I am right now. That's reminiscent of my hard penis. They also did have horns on their hands. Yeah, There's a lot of parallels we could draw here. Also, doesn't, like, a rhino horn make you get a boner?

Yeah. If you, like, rub it and sniff it. I think you just, I think boder pills are made out of rhino. I don't know if it's true. I think that's like a, that's like a superstition. They're like, like, if you grind up a rhino horn and, like, put it in your tea and drink it, it'll, like, make you really, like, correct. Really fertile.

Yeah, or your dick gets harder. But that's not true. I don't think that's true. Yeah, it seems like it'd be hard to drink if it's just, like, solid, right? Well, it's like powder and they're mixed into... But you're still drinking bone, basically, right? Isn't jello made out of bones or something? It's made out of hooves, I believe.

I don't know how it's made. Jellow's gross, dude. Do you even like jello? No, I'm not a 90-year-old woman with dementia. Whoa. Some people just like it. Sorry, my grandma like jello. I don't even know if they like, it's just easy for them to eat. This is the only thing we can put down your face.

They can gum it, gum it down. It was fun, like, that moment when you, like, suck out a big piece of jello, and it's just like, you think you're going to choke for a second? Yeah, it's kind of a row. Yeah. It's just have to swallow. Yeah, I think it's like just for children and old people, because it's like just stuff you get in old people. What the hell just happened? And old people. Jello shots are disgusting.

Hey, Michael Good, who's jello for? Well, it's for old people and chill. Jello shots are disgusting. I don't like them at all. No, they're nasty. I think it's just something like girls like to do because it's like fun and festive. I take some jello shots and go crazy. And then I, you always end up, you're like, yeah,

fuck yeah, I'm not a pussy. I'll take one. And then you're like, like, joking on it looking like a total bitch. Anyone who's ever like, yeah, made like a jello shot. At any of my friends, it's because there was a party later and they were just so excited for the party. They were like, I need to start now. They needed something.

Like baking now or something, whatever you do. Yeah, how do you even make jello? My mom used to make this thing. She called it a Jello No Bake. Have I said this before? You got to kill a horse, don't you? You gotta get the hooves. I guess so.

No, I think there's a powder. As if you're doing it Viking style from the roots. It was like this peanut butter, chocolate peanut butter thing, but she called it a Jello No Bake. So it just sounded disgusting. And it was just, but it was so good. It was like a graham cracker crust and then like peanut butter and then like a chocolate thing.

It was so good. It costs like three bucks. That's not bad. Yeah. Isn't that interesting? that's a real like white trash dessert it really is but it's so good we're gonna cover mac and cheese with whipped cream dude when i was home there's like this gas station that has you can get two barbecue rib on a buns for three dollars and i do to this day it's like the best thing i i ever

have yeah i can't i don't know it's good it's like the chemistry in my brain has been Wait, so the ribs, it's, it's, it's, it's pulled port or it's, you said there's ribs on a bun? It's like some kind of meat that was pressed into the shape of like a rib cage of like a ferret. It's like a ferret sized rib. But there's no bone in it. No bone. Okay. And it's on a bun that's been stale for two weeks.

But it's good. It's so good. Yeah. And they put pickles on it. And I remember when I was walking in, the one lady who was like running the, she was like a gas station employer or whatever. And she's like, I don't even. put the pickles on these things. Who wants a hot pickle? I'm like, I wanted the hot. You crazy lady. Oh yeah, that was another thing in Top Gun. Yeah, the woman's a 60-year-old bartender,

and she doesn't look like complete garbage. Nobody, I will say this for a fact. Nobody who bartends for that long does not look awful. Male or female, there's something that happens when you bartend for years and years that it just drains the life out of it. Yeah, especially probably drinking and doing drugs all the time and smoking cigarettes, being clouded in cigarette smoke, And eating bar food all the time. You know what? Yeah, it makes sense. And she's also surrounded by, like, very, like, young, like, horny men all the time who

were probably hitting on her. Oh, she's getting railed out by the Navy, the Coast Guard, all those guys, for sure. Dude, her pussy probably looks like Iraq, just getting invaded from every faction of the military. I was, I wasn't so. I was, I was for the bit. I just, I was searching my brain for some sort of Iraq reference. And, yeah, I don't know. Who knows?

Hurt Locker. Her pussy is like a hurt locker because of all the dick that's been hurting her pussy. Locker. We're stretching right now. We are stretching. When you say Iraq,

I would try to think of like a pun there, but there's nothing. Like if you say Iran, you can say a thousand things. I ran a train on that bitch. Yeah. Wow, dude. But Iraq is like,

I racked up another. I'm not really a set-em-up guy as much as a knock-and-down guy. To be fair. Yeah, I've experienced a lot of it. I'd go home for food and I think it'll be good and I show it to other people and they're like, this is fucking awful. Like I tell everybody, I'm like, yeah, this is, you know,

it's the mandolese subs. There's a sub shop by this beach by us. And I'm like, I'm telling you, it's the best subs ever. And they're like, I bring to people, they're like, this is fucking disgusting. I'm like, oh yeah, I think I just ate this when I was a child. And like, I had joy in my life. Yeah, for sure.

And that's an important thing, dude. I hate when, like, people, their palettes are so, like, refined that they need to go. They're like, no, I need to eat at this. It's like, dude, just, all you need is that one thing in your life that gave you joy as a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why McDonald's, like, everyone, everyone loves

McDonald's. Yeah. That would be funny to try to show somebody from her hometown, like, dude, this place has the best fucking food. Like, I had it when I was a kid. Just bring her to, like, a roller skating rink and get, like, the chicken fingers dig. Isn't this shit fucking awesome? This place is the best sprite. Yeah. You're like, it just tastes like everything. This place is so good. And it's got a play place.

Yeah. What? There's a ball pit. I know a place. A play place. My grandpa used to take us to you and tell us to be like, I'm going to take you this new chicken spot. It would just be Pollo Tropical. What is that?

What the hell is that? Pollo Tropical. Tropical chicken? Yeah, yeah. It's like a chop. It's like a chain. It would be like if it was like this new chicken place, you'd take you to KFC like every single time.

Oh, wow. Okay. That's like a Florida thing, I guess. Or like a South. I guess so. Yeah. I've never heard of Pollo Trialovic all before. Yeah, it's okay.

It's just chicken and rice. I don't know. Nothing more than that's special. You guys have golden corrals, though. Golden corrals are good, yeah. I'm pretty envious of that. Yeah. I went to the biggest Johnny Rockets in the world one time.

Dude, that is something I would be into. I fucking love Johnny Rocks. It's in like the middle and nowhere upstate New York. It's like literally just off the highway. And it's, you go in and there's no one in there. And they're like, everything in there. They're like, this is actually the biggest one of these world. They're trying to show you.

Dude, that was like, oh, I think you're, thing just to tell you. Yeah, whatever. That was like I, yeah, I'm not going to try to get it going. Are you sure you don't want to put it on? I'm fine. Unless we catch heat at the next five minutes. We're going to get a text for tomorrow being like, dude, it actually stopped recording.

We went to what's it called? Like, when I went to a strip club and we were like, well, let's go to dinner there. It'll be fun. This is related. I swear to God, I'm not just telling you these stories. We're like, yeah, it'll be fun. We'll go there and we'll have dinner there and then go out afterwards. And we get to the strip club and it's just one stripper

and like eight guys drinking beer. And we're like, it's, and by the way, the place has a whorehouse attached to the back. So it's like, they're like, we're open at five o'clock. Basically, we're open at five o'clock if you want to fuck this one whore. That's about it. And we showed up. Wait, is it a whore house or there's a woman that lives?

So it's like, so it's like a strip house. It's a horse house. A horse home. Turn on the camera. No, I don't fuck in here. This is, uh, this is my house. This is not, yeah, no. You want to fuck me in the horse house.

not my house. But, no, it was like a strip. The fucking funniest. We're going to a whore house for your bachelor party. I've set it all up. We show up. I meant a, this is a whores house. It's one lady.

Have fun. Collecting newspapers. Yeah, we'll figure out that later. Jesus Christ. I'm not going to worry about that. Oh, is this shooting it in English? Yeah. Thank God.

I want to make sure my complexion looks English. But we go into the place and it's a strip club and the backside is all motels. So it's just where people fought cookers. And they say we open at 5 o'clock. So we get there at 6.30. And it's just this one stripper like sweeping popcorn up on the floor. My buddy brought it up. He's like, this is exactly. It felt like a party when like the owners there's like, no, no, no. People are coming. He get there early. And the guy owner the place goes, he goes, she can get on stage if you guys want. And we're like, no, that is so uncomfortable. Do you imagine being that guy? You know, like, actually.

actually could you? Yeah. Yeah, can you please? Can you run your type five? Yeah. Or you're very loose five. And we'd have to pretend to be enthusiastic.

Like we're watching our kids dance recital. Just kind of like smiling. Like, oh, this is great. But like nobody, how much of a scumbag do you have to be running with six guys? And see the woman sweeping up like popcorn. Be like,

get on the stage, bitch. All right. It's time. And then just be horned up from that. Like, just be like, yeah.

I usually get the opposite of horny if I'm at where this. I get very giggly if I'm at a strip club. Yeah, it's a funny place. It's a funny place to be. Yeah. I've never been to one. Really? Never been to a strip club, no.

There's no way you would like. I'm not interested at all. I mean, there's a comic who invited me to one, and I was like, I'll do it for, like, you know, just like an experience. His name was Christalia. Dude, did you watch the documentary? No. It was, look, I hate shitting other comedians, but it was so fucking funny. Because the guy who made the documentary was like an LA comic.

he's like, no part of this is me trying to further my career. You're like, alright, maybe a little bit. But the video has the same music that the George Carlin documentary has on it, which is a weird choice. I don't know if he has the rights to that music. But anyways, it shows Crystal. And his allegations are kind of funny because

these girls, like, I showed up to his hotel room and he was eating shrimp scampi and watching cops. Which is just the funniest setup. It is funny when they throw in like little tidbits. They're just so funny. Do you remember that Aziz Unsari thing? Yeah, yeah. This whole, like, expose came out about him.

And, yeah, I know what that word means. And she's like, yeah. And then he took me. And then he exposéed himself. I know too. She's like, yeah. Like, we hugged and, like, had drinks. And then, like, I went to his house.

And, like, his countertops were kind of gross. They didn't match the cup. The cup. And she just starts to. shitting on like the way he lives. Like, all right, get to the part where he whips out his cock. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can't be a crazy

line to come across if you're reading like an article like that article and then she goes and then he whipped out his cock. Oh. It's always funny because whenever somebody is like being a predator, it's also with something weird. Like Harvey Weinstein like doesn't he jerk off into ficus plants

or something? What was about that? well I think he just did that once or two because he was just being a creep all the time and doing gross shit and then one time of course if you're a creep 24-7 you're going to end up coming into a plant yeah he was big on the rhino horn

yeah but it's always weird stuff like that it's like yeah I know he like assaulted me and then he took like a flonase thing and sprayed it in my ass like something weirdly specific and you're like what this is insane you're like you forget these people are deranged and they're also not like they just make it even

weirder like the next level yeah because they're like they're fucked up because they're predator but then there's also some weird thing going on outside of that yeah I wonder if all of that was from his penis because they say his penis

looked all mangled and stuff dude yeah I heard his dick look like this it looked like an egg or was that that was Epstein might have been Epstein but there's a correlation yeah everybody said they thought that

oh one it took me a second like I bet if you know next predator come out we take a good look I'm gonna guess which holidays he's so

I'm waiting for you to crack some joke and then Mike was like, Gravedigger. I get it now. He, was it wise? They said it almost looked like he had a vagina. That's like weird and fucked up his dick is.

Wow. So he was the first trans person. Ever. First one. That would be funny if your dick gets cut off and they're like, well, now you just have to be a woman. Like, hey, get the hospital. That happened to a guy.

really uh like a child this is like a famous story this kid had like a botched circumcision and so the doctor was like he's just going to be a woman and made him a woman as a baby and the parents were like we're going to play it off as he's a woman because he's a fucked up dick and then the kid figured out later he's like i'm not i'm clearly not away i don't feel like a woman yeah and the doctor was like yeah you're right when he was like 20 something i would have gotten away with it for you medley meddling he she. That's wild. Yeah, yeah.

And then I think he'll kill himself. Yeah. Because I've got killed himself. Because I've been there are a lot of people that are like, yeah, look, I have a penis. That makes me a man. But it's like, your dig got blown off in like Vietnam.

Nobody's going to go with that Vietnam bed and be like, now you're a woman because you don't have a penis. I would love a vigilante doctor that just baches circumcision. It just makes people trans. And then they're like, celebrated by like the woke left. Finally, a doctor taking society into his own hand. He just reverses everyone.

So he makes the woman have a dick and stuff too. Sorry, I actually cut off your daughter's tits. This was an ankle surgery. Yeah, well, you know. Yeah. It's a practice. It's not really perfection. I was just getting used to my scalples as all. I saw a guy at the airport.

It was funny because I don't know why I thought of this. He had like, it was on the way to Florida. He had a, ponytail, beard. He was like a teacher. And he was talking about, like, the veterans were boarding first. And the guy looks around and under his breath, he goes, I'm a teacher. I see more action than any of those guys.

He's like, I should be boarding first because, like, school shooting. Just like, did your school get shot specifically? Because if not, it was just funny. I would love to see that guy go up to like, and I'm the last guy to care about the troops. Like, I'm not into that stuff at all. But, I mean, I respect it, whatever. but look I think it's noble but I'm not one of those guys that's like

don't shit on the troops but yeah there's no way that guy would go up and say that to like some guy who's like boarding the plane. Vietnam veteran like missing a leg also let's not pretend ponytail teacher wouldn't be the first one in the sights of the fucking

school shooter oh I missed a ponytail oh I missed a ponytail it's time for you to let your hair down once and for all I'm sick and tired of your shit. The voice will always get me. I think we're at an hour.

What do you guys want to promote? News from bed on TikTok. Check it out. I don't know. Just listen to all my morning good appearances. Yeah, honestly, I'm going to plug Morning Good podcast. This, I really hope that in the future, like, whatever work I'm remembered for is not anything I've said on.

Well, also, I will say this. You've done such a good job at when the joke goes there. You Jedi it. Yeah, you do. They're not a single part of you. You can not get in trouble. You throw on your invisibility cloak.

I'm just saying that, I'm just telling you that so we don't have to edit anything. Just kidding. No, you're just as liable as the rest of us.