Morning Good - Rock and Roll Lifestyle - Episode 259

Episode Date: March 2, 2025

Tom Zappia and a mystery guest join the show for today's episode. They talk about Pitbull concerts, the new Bob Dylan movie, and donating blood plasma for money.Thanks to Tom for coming back on the show. He's been on a bunch of recent episodes so check those out and follow him for even more on Instagram @tomzappia.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here with Tom Zampia. Hello. Do it all the take. I'll be like, uh, fucking, I turn this, this camera on, right?

I mean, you were just over there for a couple of, I have, I have OCD. I've got to check 10 times. You got to turn the oven off like eight times before you leave? I actually do that sometimes, too. Dude, it's crazy. Especially, like, whenever the pot is going good, that's when I start to fucking like,

I'm like, I'm like, I check everything because I'm like, dude, there's no way that Downsender Bick can't be, like, documented. Like, that has to be out there else. It's like, I'm fucked. That's my whole career right there. But I, yeah, no, I like, it's annoying, too, because, like,

things like that are actually worse for my OCD. So if I could just not do stuff like that, I would be an overall happier. Like, my life would fall apart more. Yeah, I'm like that too. I'll like check the, I'll literally remember myself locking the door in my head. And then I'll be like down at the corner and I'll be like, do I lock the door? Do you have the thing? Like I had this thing when like I was so worried that if I didn't lock the door,

I had these like nightmare scenarios where my girlfriend gets like brutally murdered because I didn't lock the door. Well, yeah, especially now that I live with my girlfriend, I'll get home and she's like, because I would like, first off, I would like, first off, I would just set it, when I used to live by myself, I would just set it to auto lock. And I just to my knowledge, automatically lock. Now I'll come in and I'll just like lock the top one. She's like, you didn't lock both. And she puts like a stick under the, the bottom lock. Yeah, that's a lot. She's like hardcore. And I'm like, I'm like, no one's going to like, it's going to be fine. No, I don't really have that. Are you guys? I mean, we are right here on the street.

So yeah, here is, yeah, you're walking right off the street. No. It's also just has had, so like, it's like they're not, you don't be a great crime disguise, dude. If I was ever gone on committed crowds, address is a hacied, because nobody would expect you to be committing crimes, dude. I would just go around, like, stabbing people. Or you're committing a lot of crimes, but you won't get in trouble for them until later. Yeah, you're just doing secret crimes that nobody knows about. You're just building tunnels under the ground. Yeah, nobody's going to know about these crimes.

Here, yeah, well, yeah, here, because you're, like, right off, it's so busy. I don't want to give away the location. My street's kind of sketchy, though, too, but it's, like, very quiet, like, in dead area. So, like, sometimes people think that's, sometimes the people that scares you more, sometimes it makes them feel more comfortable. You know, the people like, I want to, I could never live in the suburbs because it's like so, like,

never live in the city, it's so dangerous so much going on. I'm like, I feel like that way about the suburbs. It's like I grew up in the suburbs, people's houses we get breaking into all the time and stuff and it's quiet. I prefer like a little noise. Like, I know what's going on, kind of. Dude, my dad's Ranger over got stolen.

By the way, they still do this. My parents, they fucking, oh, I should not say this. I should not fucking say this. Well, nobody knows where they fucking lives. It doesn't matter. Sure. My parents will, they don't do this any.

because they definitely do not do this anymore. But my dad would leave the car unlocked with the keys on the ground. And he'd be like, just on the floor in the car, on the floorboard. Really? Fucking insane. And then he would just be like, like, and his rangerover got stolen out of our driveway. And then they found it. It was just in so many different pieces that it was nothing they could do about it.

And then he still continues to do it. It's like, what do you do it? That's wild. What is the point of a lock on your, like it's like, because, because, you know, You know what's crazy? I was just in Nola. And what you actually do there is you leave your car unlocked. Because if you lock it, the crime there is so bad that they will break into your window.

So it's more expensive than... Because they're just going to steal shit out of your car. They're not going to steal your car. Right. Yeah, mad town is very dangerous. Yeah, yeah. So it's like what they do is they... Yeah, my cousin's like, yeah, no, no, leave your car is unlocked.

Because, like, they'll smash your window and steal your shit. And then your shit's still in danger. Because, like, if you think about it, if you take your key, and then you take all the shit out of your car. I mean, I guess they could still rob your, like, radio, but I don't know. I got that once. I got weed stolen out of my car, and it's funny because it was the only thing taken. And I almost never had weed.

This was, like, college. Never had weed on me. And I go to visit my buddy in a town, like, in Jersey where I'm from, but like a town I had never been to. And I had sneakers back there. I used to keep my hats on, like, my backdash, like my fitted hats or whatever. All they took was the weed, which was, like, you know, wrapped in foil and, like, two socks in the console, of course. And I was like, wow, for one time I have, I have no idea.

They stripped the car because, like, my hats were out on the street, like my sneakers. So they just went through everything. And that was the only thing they took. And I was like, that might have been the only time I've ever had weed in my, on me in my car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was right in front of his house. He's like, that's never happened forever. Like, very nice area.

I'm like. Yeah, well, it's kind of like what happens with the, like, I was talking somebody else about it. So, like, the Venezuelan gangs, which I actually had a dream about last night. Wow. I'll get back to that. but um so like nice neighborhoods get people get robbed because everybody's like oh okay well it's like easy for people to steal from this is me defending growing up in a nice neighbor i'm like bro things was tough man it was always robbing i ass i came from a screech um no but it was like fucking uh it's like they that is a thing where they're like oh nobody's gonna fucking lock their they don't lock their doors in neighborhoods like that also there is a thing that like um the thing i was talking about was like people are worried about like to venezuela Wayland thing and apparently it's like if you're like an illegal immigrant

you're robbing other illegal immigrants like you would not rob like a rich white person that like walked down the wrong street because then you have like you're getting totally fucked because they're actually going to investigate that right like I had somebody say like I don't know this is true but this is like he's like a narcotics

guy and he was saying like he's like yeah I know like white people like you guys are actually maybe he's just he's black so maybe he's trying to get my ass kicked but he's like you guys are fine in the hood He's rolling your ass in the hood. Y'all, y'all's good. No, no, no. I think he was like,

what we say kind of makes sense. Like, I don't think you should just go to, like, shitty neighborhoods. But I think it is a thing where, like, in New York, like, there are certain neighborhoods where they're like, yeah. Like, I know Mark Norman has a story about that where he, like, he saw these, like,

hood black dudes and he crossed the street. Oh, yeah, I heard that. And then a homeless guy attacked him. And then the hood, I don't know if he said they were black, but I think. he did. But anyways, I'm like deflecting the racism off of him. I'm like that.

But then they started No, yeah, because he said he was like being racist and then he went the other way. And then the homeless guy attacked him and the drug dealers beat up the homeless guy because they're like, dude, you're fucking up our shit. And the cops were like, oh yeah, they probably were like, you are now disrupting

their business. Like the homeless guy is disrupting their business. Like if you're selling fucking Coke, you're not going to just beat the shit out of somebody because like you have a bunch of drugs. You're going to fuck up your shit. Yeah, I heard that story. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

Have you been robbed? I have been robbed. No, I've been held up, kind of, but like it wasn't really robbed. So where I went to school was like, you walk off campus to the right, dicey. You walk off campus to the left, nice, you walk up campus to the right, dicey. He's like right in the Norc border, like not great. Well, that's an easy decision to make if you're walking off campus. Well, yeah, but they would come to the nice side of campus because they knew it was a bunch of dumb drunk

college kids and they would just rob people like hold them up for their phones or whatever fake shogun show a gun so like we had a couple like guys roll up before and like take booze from us or take um like take our phones and shit but also there was a liquor store in the hood that wouldn't card obviously so everyone would go to that store because I know they're going to be able to get booze so um there's something about the way both of us say the hood white I just feel so silly saying well you won't catch me there okay and um there's this funny story actually and this is this isn't even like robbing or whatever, like, you know, but my buddies one time, they were going to buy booze. And we were, I guess we were still underage. And they were going by booze. So they went to

the hood liquor store because they knew they weren't going to get carded. Everything goes fine. They buy the booze. They're leaving. They go to walk back to camp. It's like a four minute walk. And there's a cop undercover planted outside because I guess word got around that he big, the guy wasn't carding. And he pins them both. And they had to go to court and they had to do this whole thing because they were underage. It was like a whole thing. And I remember them asking if they, if I wanted to go with them to get liquor. I guess we were doing something that night or the weekend, whatever. And I was like, now, I didn't feel like it. And I was like, thank God, because I would end up

in court. It would have been like a whole thing. Oh, yeah. And they were in court, like, in our college town and whatever else. And then that liquor store got shut down and all those other stuff. But, um, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'm, uh, I'm not going to just blindly walk into neighborhoods that I've been told her dicey, but also you don't want to like, like, like, you were saying. The worst thing you're visiting, you have no idea. But whenever on the road, I'm like just walking around

around town, I'm like, is this shitty? I have no idea. You start having to guess. You're like, I don't know, there's a Panera, but then there's also like a guy with a phasedat by the Panera. You never like fully give. Also, Brooklyn like messes up your, I feel like messes up your knowledge of knowing because like obviously we got like some dicey areas in Brooklyn,

but then it's been so gentrified in places that it used to be so dicey that like it's like a one block radius and you're like, it looks completely different. I'm like, I don't know. Like you walk down parts of my area like, you know, like decalb or whatever and it's like It's not the greatest, but it's like fine. You know what I mean? People would get pissed at me, but I would love just to make fun of the tough New York guys.

I would love to just go to every hood and just show that I'm fine. Just like vlog and be like, not even a big deal here. Not scary. Like, okay. That would be a funny vlog. If I got my ass kick, it would suck. But if I didn't, it would just be so funny because everybody loves to fucking brag here. They're like, well, my fucking neighborhood is so fucking tough.

You can't fucking walk through here. without getting your fucking shit rock. How about you want to, don't you want to live somewhere a little bit nicer? That's how you. But also like, not to be,

not to sound racist, but 90% chance you'd be fine. Like, it's still most of the time a wrong place, wrong time, wrong situation.

Like if you walk into a drug deal, yeah. But granted, you probably don't want to, but like, you walk down Bransville right now at one in the afternoon. You walk a few blocks.

Like, you're probably gonna be fine. Yeah. You might look like a sketchball, but like, you know, odds are you'll be fine just mathematically. Yeah,

totally. Yeah, Yeah, I think it's one of those things where, like, I think you're way more likely to get attacked by, like, a crazy person on the subway than, like, in a rough neighborhood. 100%. And that's literally anywhere, any time. Yeah.

Rough neighborhood sounds so funny, too. It just sounds like they're, like, giving you nuggies. Yeah. It's like, this is a rough neighborhood. I never understood that, too. Yeah, it's like... We're going to punch on the arm. Four liquor stores in a gun store, and it's a rough neighborhood,

and it's just like, every neighborhood has, like, you know, well, Joe Gorman. I wish that was Joe Gorman. Joe Gorman, who was supposed to be on the program. That would be lovely if he just rolled in right now. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. You use your best judgment or whatever. Oh, God, we so needed a third mic. Yeah, Gorman dropped.

Oh, shit, okay. I mean, how are we? We might have to do it in two parts, but... No, we started 10 minutes. Well, I didn't... I don't know if I could just start a channel. Here, let's do this. All right, we're restarting.

We'll put the first 10 there. Whatever. We're supposed to have three guests. I always like have a three. Joe Gorman didn't show up. I think he might be dead. He lives a very rock and roll lifestyle. And he's just always just zoomy.

So I don't know. There's a little part of me that's concerned. Because he said the last conversation we had, I was like, can you do the podcast tomorrow? He goes, only if I get a kiss on the lips. And I said, of course. And... Very rock and roll of him.

I don't know. That's that what I necessarily say. But I'm like... Does he drink? Not real. I don't know. Maybe he's still asleep. I think he mostly smokes weed, but he ever came over here, like, I have those caffeine pills,

and he just, like, took two of them. And he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he'll just catch you off guard because he looks, he seems like a sober guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? He seems like a guy who, like, used to do a lot, but is now, like, in the program. Yeah. But we were talking about, have you been robbed?

Um, almost. Okay. Well, that's, I've been, someone attempted to rob me, but I'd already disposed of the stuff I had on me. Oh, what was it? Money. Oh shit, nice Yeah, I never

I've never been robbed I've had shit stolen a bunch Only basically from friends Dude I had like I think I had shroom stolen It was always drugs I had like shroom stolen from me I had weed stolen from me

I had one time I had just a bunch of molly on me And then it just went missing But I was with 10 people And I'm like I had somebody for sure But I just lost it in my dad's car And I was like this is a terrible place to fucking Have you ever robbed somebody? No I don't like

I barely steal I really like him uncomfortable stealing. I don't like it. Yeah, me too. Some people are heavy on that stealing at like the big, I like the big corporation place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's funny too because they're,

yeah, they're always just like, we're fucking sticking into the corporations. And I'm like, I guess, I don't know. I guess. I've seen, I've been with people who like shoplifted and they get caught and it's like the most embarrassing thing ever. And I'm always, that always just fears me.

Oh yeah. My favorite is when it happens to a chick, dude. I always, that happened to me with a chick, like I was, me and some friends, one was a chick and she shoplifted and she got caught. it was so awkward.

Yeah, because they'll call like certain, it's always some chicks to be like, that girl's trashy and they'll just steal a bunch of shit. And I'm like, all right, well, like, that's... That's an embarrassing thing to get caught doing. It's not like a cool crime. Shoplifting at like a fucking 7-Eleven. I mean, I'd rather, you know, it's the most embarrassing

thing you didn't much. Yeah. I have the 7-Eleven on Westforth. I've watched guys, like, do it with the intention of just pissing off the cashier. Like, they do, they clearly take something and walk out. A nightmare. Bro, those Indian guys are just at war with every homeless

It is like literally like homeless guys, teenagers, just whoever. They just like lose their fucking life. Look at you deflecting the evil from just the homeless guys. It was a very nice thing you did there. I mean, those guys are actually hungry. The teenagers are just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is also really funny. It becomes like, I'm always trying to get gum from there.

And the dude doesn't speak English. So it very much becomes like a crane machine where I'm like to the left, to the right, down, down, right, right, right, right down, down, go. Drop. What's up? You do that on stage? No, no, no. I can't do a very good Indian accent. I wonder, could you go to accent school?

To learn how to be racist? Yes. Probably, because you go to accent, you can go to accent reduction. Yeah, yeah, so they got to be one that's like accent enhancement. Like acting class, they teach you how to lose your accent. Yeah, yeah, where would that go? Because there's no, like, because acting classes are in Hollywood,

which is a very progressive place. You'd find, like, an 80s acting coach who, like... You can find an acting coach for... Well, our tool was doing that, I think, to try to get rid of his Boston accent. Yeah, when he moved here. he had it. And now he realized he needs to keep it. Yeah, well, I think also like, I think he met his wife there. Yeah, well, he was married.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where he met his wife. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know. I think I'm like half asleep. I like, I, like, I slept at a woman's house last night. I took a sleeping pill, like, super late, and it definitely did not wear off. So I'm just, like, fucking, really? You slept over at a person's house and you took a sleeping pill? Yeah, I have trouble sleeping at other people's house. I was like I should leave But yeah

Should have left Yeah no I agree I agree I agree She's a smoke show Uh yeah yeah yeah Should I pull pictures up right now Should we get it we should get a slide show We should get a slide show

If you're listening or watching DM us Yeah DM the show But I don't know I I'm fucking exhausted Um New Orleans was crazy

Very fun How long were you there for I was there for four days My boss slash cousin Yeah it's too much Yeah Like that's right at the cost I'd say like three days

You gotta get the fuck out there. Yeah. Yeah, I think three days is perfect. Like, you do like a Thursday, Friday, Saturday. But I went Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, left Sunday, barely made it out of the fucking city. So like, my cousin was like, hey, I need to train you for work because he's my boss. And he's like, I'll fly you down for Mardi Gras. Also, I don't understand the Mardi Gras thing. You were there for Mardi Gras thing. You were there for Mardi Gras, right? Yes and no. Mardi Gras is so annoying because like people are like, Fat Tuesday is the real Mardi Gras. Well, last Tuesday was Fat Tuesday, no?

No. Other people are like the weekend before Marty Gras is the real Mardi Gras. And then I was there two weeks before. So like there's parades and like... Because I was there six years ago for that. No, Fat Tuesday is the conclusion. Like the morning... Right, thank you. Of Tuesday is like, okay, Don, we're back to our normal lives.

Yeah. But I was there... Are you doing Lent? Uh-huh. Are you doing Lent? Are you a religious guy? No, fuck no. But I just know from... I mean, I was raised that way, yeah. But I just know because the last night we were partying on Bourbon Street, like the cavalry and all the cops on the horses come in and they shut everything down. And then it's like this town's back to normal or as normal as it can be.

But the two weeks leading up to that, it is a complete shit show everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was crazy. It was fucking so fun, dude. And so I was like, I was like, dude, I have no fucking money. And he's like, nah, it won't be that expensive to go to Martin. He's like, you just drink and you just carry around a six pack. And I'm like, you could drink.

You could just find your own stuff. Yeah. But you think I'm not going to spend every last bit of my money. in New Orleans. Like, I'm a fucking retard. I was like, every chance I got, I was like, oh, I want one of those slurpy machines. I was like, I got a spinny hat. I can have a purple spinning hat. I'm like, I need that.

And then I'm like, those girls are hot. I should definitely buy them around a shot. I mean, I can't not do that. They're fucking hot. And then just drained my fucking bank account. Did some shows, which were fun. Went on stage as drunk as I've ever gone on stage. Went awesome. No consequences for my actions. I was

assuming it would go bad. And I would be like, because I showed up. and I don't know I was kind of like the first show was like fine and the second show I was like you know what I'm in New Orleans let me just see what happens

I was like there's not really a way to move up here so I was like I'll just get drunk and see what happens and the show went great so I'll be doing that forever now now I've bombed pretty drunk before so I don't think it's a good idea but I have to but yeah I was like I don't know I'm in New Orleans and this is I don't know

it's fun the parades were fun Yeah, I don't know. We kind of like, I don't know. I feel like my cousin wanted to spend time with his kids. So he told us, he's like, these are cool parades. And then it was just the parades his kids were at. And I was like, I feel like you're lying to us. We went to a couple of cool parades, yeah.

You'll always see, like, were they like just like super old, like, washed up like Hollywood people there that like would be on the day because they get paid to go on the floats. You know what I'm talking about? Or like, like, old rappers or anything. I remember one parade had like flow rider on the float. And we're just like nobody cares about flowrida. It was like 20.

I was like 2019. Don't talk that way about him. You like him? Not in this podcast. Oh, is he like, is he like, is he a big part of this podcast?

Florida is he from Florida. I mean, he's from Florida. Yeah, but he's not talented, isn't he? He, don't you fucking say shit like that.

It's like, he's pit bull. Thank you. Okay, okay, okay. You got a little bit of taste. No,

I've said Michael's like favorite musicians are like the least talented people. Yes. I have this thing, dude. It's like, I like, I don't know what my fucking thing is. Like fucking riffraff.

Love, I love him, dude. He's from Florida, right? Not from Texas. Oh, really? Yeah. But I think it... Same in-bred family.

Yeah, yeah. But I think, no, I love fucking Florida. I love Pitbull. I've always said, like, Pitbull should be the governor of Florida. Floorida should be the vice governor, if that's a thing. That would be so much fucking fun. Vice governor? Yeah, and I also, like, it's...

I don't know, I was watching, like, dude, there's been, like, viral of it. He's going around to Pitbull's concerts, and they look so goddamn fun, dude. Really? Yeah. It's just him and just like a bunch of Latinos on stage and like fireworks. And he'll like randomly given like motivational speech. He's really one of those just like seriously motivational guys where he's like, it's not about where you are right now.

It's about where you're going in the future. It's like, you know, everybody, you know, times could be tough right now. We could be a divided country. But one thing we need to do is, I don't stop the pot. And he'll just go into a song. That guy's out of his freaking mind. He really is, dude.

He has, he, uh, he's always just like, it's the, It's not the United States of America, not the divided state. He's one of those guys who just thinks he's saying the most profound shit, just because it like rhymes or like kind of has a thing. And then he has a podcast I try listening to. And it's just, he's, he's playing his own music in the background,

not realizing how distracting that is. There's just pit bull songs playing. You can barely hear what he's saying. That's a rapper's podcast in a nutshell, just playing his own music. Yeah, yeah. But he's such a fun. I don't know,

it's such a fun guy. I love, um, yeah, I just love, he had a little John on and I was listening to it. It's so funny to hear little John's after voice. Is he from Florida?

No, he's from Atlanta, I think, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he sounds like a nerd when he talks. Like, he talks very, like, Dweeby, yeah, yeah. Trying to think of other Florida trash musicians. Do you like Backstreet Boys? They were pretty careful. Yeah, I was listening to them yesterday, dude.

I was just like, it's so funny, too, how weird. Who's that one guy? I don't know which one it is who has the, because all of them, like, you're like, okay, I get how these guys would be heart throbs. And then one guy just looks like a 40-year-old. magician. There's one guy who just has like... I think it's AJ.

AJ. Just pencil thin mustache. It just looks like the greasiest fucker on the planet. They're also like 55 now which is crazy. Like they got... They think about how long ago they were big. And then also the one who's the one, the young one? One of them's like way younger than the rest of them. I think it's Nick Carter. Nick and Aaron Carter. He's like

freaking 10 years younger than the rest of them. The Carter's. Yeah, Aaron, I think. And then Nick was on the backstreet boys. But they're like born in there like this... early 70s. One or two of them was born in the 60s. I forget how long ago that shit. Like 90s is,

the end of the 90s was 25 years ago. Yeah. Well, and those guys too, like, I don't know, that's just a crazy life. I watched that,

you watched the Robbie Williams movie? No. So he was in like a boy band. He was this, they basically did this whole movie about this British guy that nobody fucking knows. His name is Robbie Williams.

And the whole movie is they have a CGI chimpanzee play him. And they don't address that it's a CGI chimpanzee. But it's just how it's some dumb metaphor thing. But it's very fun because it's basically like one character is just from the planet of the apes. And then everybody else is just regular. But it was a good biopic because like it was about how he's not talented.

It was like he just has charm. Like they weren't like, you're the best singer ever. They're like he kind of suck. And he's like, oh, yeah, we're from a little bit cheap. Did he get famous? Yeah. Oh, he's like a huge British star. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. And then what's his name? Oasis. He's like a guy, Liam Gallagher. It's just like a dick to him the whole movie. He's a dick and guys make shit music or whatever. That's so funny. But then it's really dark story because he fucking got a girl pregnant

and then the girl's manager made her get an abortion. And then she like, her and him broke up and then she had a kid with Liam Gallagher. So like imagine like getting a girl pregnant. She has to get an abortion. And then somebody else has a kid with her. You're like, damn, it's fucking dark. But it is really funny because the manager is like taking her

to the abortion clinic in the movie. I'm like, there's no way. You're just getting an abortion. You're like, who's this? Oh, he's my music manager. You're like, that's fucking weird. And the Robbie guy wasn't with her? What's up?

The Robbie guy wasn't with her when she was getting the abortion? No, no, no, no. I mean, they're doing it cinematically. So I'm pretty sure he's, like, standing at the stairs. Like, she's getting, like, dragged in by her.

That's crazy. It's also we're joking about, like, it'd be very funny if the manager's like, am I the only one that's crazy? This woman got knocked up by a chimpanzee. Like, am I fucking crazy for saying she need to get that fucking thing out of her?

Like, I'm the bad guy. She's fucking a chimpanzee. That's insane. Yeah. the fun. The 90s was a wild time. Yeah.

I would love it if they interviewed that the guy though. Because it's like basically it'd be like basically if they had like a fucking um,

if they had a movie about like, um, I don't know, Justin Timberlake and throughout the whole movie just a CGI chimp played Justin Timberlake like growing up. Um, but I would love if they interviewed him and just only asked him chimpanzee related questions. They're like so you,

your diet mostly bananas. Insects and stuff like that. But, But, no, I liked it because it was a little different. I haven't even watched the Bob Dylan one, but I like, I don't. Who do you giggling about it? This is funny. Okay.

He's like a jaded rock star. He's like, I, media's all fake. I can't stay on the meeting. They're like, you like shitting in your hand and throw your diary around? He's like, I can't wait to see you spin this. Yeah. No, it's like, I don't know, it was just a fun. It was just a fun movie.

I'm not Bob Dylan. I can't. Did you guys see the Bob Dylan movie? No, I've heard good things though. Yeah, I don't like Timothy Shalman. I don't particularly like Bob Dill. And it's like I know I'm wrong about these things. Oh, everyone loves Timothy Shalbay. That's why I think everyone's part of the reason why everyone says it's amazing, I guess. He said he worked on the role for five years. Yeah, well, because he got it offered and then it was like a two-year delay. Then COVID hits that had like another two years. He ended up doing it for like six years. He was just studying the character that whole time.

Not the whole time. I made like 17 movies in between. He's not really five years. Well, in the meantime in between movies, I guess. He made two Dune movies in that time. Yeah, that's a lot of time. No, I want to hit that guy, Timothy Shalmy, but he seems pretty nice for like a Hollywood A-list, or he seems like he's pretty, you know, pretty grounded. Compared to, like, other douchebags, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Dude, he came into the pair. Remember he came into the pair? He came into the pair, like, a few months ago. Yeah, yeah. Before that Bob Dill movie came out. Yeah, he's like, yeah, I wanted to be. He also grew up poor, like, in, assisted living and assisted housing in Hell's Kitchen.

It's not like, comes from money. and shit. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. That makes me relate to him less, so I don't like it. Oh, yeah, you come from him. I'm sick. Now, I don't know Dick. I don't know Dick about Bob Dylan, honestly. I know he's like an American pioneer or whatever, but I don't know, like, I couldn't name one of his songs.

The Hurricane? Hurricane. Oh, okay. Or isn't the name of the movie, one of his songs? Complete Unknown. Isn't that one of his songs? That's a lyric. Oh, it's a lyric. Let's see, what else did he do? He did probably know him if you heard him. He did the original all along the Watchtower. He also wrote a lot of songs for other people

Like that was like kind of his thing He's like a songwriter So he wrote like all of Britney Spears All the Backstreet Boys That's so crazy Insink Um The biggest stars don't write their own shit

He wrote a bunch of people I heard Michael Jackson And writing the stuff Or Sinatra None of them wrote any other stuff Yeah Taylor Swift's like Get credit for like writing all of

That's like her thing And she writes all over songs But who really knows If anybody does anything I don't know I think it'd be really funny If you found out Louis CK is actually just a team of comedians

He's not even a funny guy Well, has a team. I mean, I don't have like any problem with that. No, no. It would be so awesome. They're like, let's just build a comedian. Let's have like an average looking redhead guy. That's like exactly what Drake is. It's like a boardroom was like, all right, rap is

popular. I had to make a billion dollars. They're like, let's invent Drake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a Jewish light skin guy who's so handsome, giant penis. Yeah, I don't know. I also like those videos of Drake, those like old videos of Drake saying the N-word are so funny.

He just says it like such a white guy. It's like very uncomfortable. I never seen those. I got to see those. Yeah. I don't know if it's, yeah, because he like,

uh, it's so interesting too, because it really shows you though. If you, you can get, you can like demand respect. If you should get good enough of the thing. Oh yeah.

Like, because like he, he totally, everybody's like, oh, you're like a pussy. You were like in some fucking TV show or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. And then he like made himself respected in the rap community by just being like, now I'm gonna just like, be good at rapping. And then people are like, okay. Yeah,

That's fair. Yeah, he's also just like the pinnacle of success. So it's hard to be like, yeah, fuck that guy. If you're around him, you're probably going to get a bunch of more fans or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like every rapper, like, it's very surprising to me when I'm like, oh, Gucci Maine doing a collab with Dore. You just assume they fucking, like, one thinks differently of them.

But, uh... Oh, yeah, a lot of... It's funny that, like, a bunch of music execs choreograph that, made that happen. put those two guys together and had them do a song about how they're like best buddies. Yeah. Stupidest shit in the world. Yeah, that is really funny. Not only we're just a white guy in a room being like, you guys are now best friends.

A song about how they're like, we're so good at crime that we're billionaires and best friends. Yeah. I don't know each other. This is what people want. Friendship, crime, bitches. We're going to combine all that. A bunch of shit everyone knows isn't true. These guys aren't friends.

Drake is certainly not a criminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, we'd write us on. Well, he's probably a pedophile. It's probably like the least cool criminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not like, I don't know, he's not meek mill or whatever. Yeah.

Well, it's also, it's so interesting too because like the whole Drake pedophile thing, it's like, I don't know the evidence is just that it's a rumor, but it's like, that's such a fun. I don't think there was any like rumblings of it until the Kendrick beef. He's started it. No, which is so fun. Oh, no, I heard about that years and years ago, yeah. I didn't hear about it. Really?

Yeah. It's always been a thing. I didn't know. I think anytime you're famous and like super famous single and most of your demo is like Hot Chicks, that just gets wrapped, that kind of just gets wrapped up as like a theory, pedophile, do you think? Yeah. Well, it's like, I don't know. I think the, uh, the deep state doesn't want you to get lots of pussy.

And so they, they've defined something that'll, yeah, it'll take down the biggest pussy getters. That's what it is. The biggest pussy getters. Yeah. Drake's got to be up on that top of that list. Who do you think, bro, who you think is top pussy getters, as Michael would put it in the entire world? Okay, so we got me, my dad, my brother. Pussy getters is hilarious.

Me and my dad. Me and my dad, top pussy getters. No, I would say like, I think Drake is top in the world potentially. Yeah, I also think like probably like 90s Hollywood was so much crazy. Like I think it's still, people are still crazy. And I think people really underestimate the amount of sex that like, people, people are having. Like, it's, like...

It's probably less now. I think Hollywood is exactly the same as it used to be, but they do a bunch of, like, publicity about how they've changed it. Okay, because a bunch of people talk about it. They're like, oh, it used to be sick because you'd go to the club and get crazy. Now it's, like, a little bit different. Well, because there was no internet, too, you could just get away with so much more shit. Because, I mean, all those people are just selling their image.

Yeah. You know, and, like, the way that people want you to look now is, like, squeakier or cleaner. Yeah, yeah. Like, 80s and 90s, like, A-less actors. rock stars, like, you could probably do anything. Oh, yeah. Like, you know how many people would have gotten their careers taken away in, like, the 80s or 90s compared to, like, now, if there was internet.

Like, those 80s hair metal bands, they probably fucking had sex with tons of 15-year-olds. Yeah. What about, like, like, the rat pack? Sure. Or, like, the Friars Club back in, like, the 60s and 50s? 50s and 60s. It was like a Wild West. Women were barely people. Yeah, that is true, but I will say this. I think they were less

promiscuous, so there's probably like less pussy getting back then. Oh, the women were? Hollywood, the system was set up. Like Harvey Weinstein, what he got caught for, that used to just be the way the whole Hollywood ran. Totally, but that's nothing compared to like, I think, like, a rock star in, like, the

70s, where it's like, you have an arena filled with women that are, like, in line to fuck you every night of the week. Versus, like, being a Hollywood executive who has, like, a line of, like, 20 women trying for a, like, I think it's probably... I'm sure all those guys got laid a ton, but, I mean... Groupies was huge. Yeah, because that's also part of their image.

Yeah. It's like talking about how much they get laid and stuff. Yeah. Whereas like a fucking studio executive gains nothing by like publicly being like, oh yeah, I fucked every hot movie star you've ever seen. Right. You know, so they're not, it's not going to like benefit them to. But I think it's also different because like, okay, so like you're Mick Jagger,

you have a concert. You can invite 10 women back to your dressing room and fuck them all. And it's one of a thing. But if you're a Hollywood executive, you've got to be a little sneakier. So you're probably fucking. fucking like one woman versus like being like like the Jersey Shore guys are talking about it. Sneakier. Yeah.

Harvey Weinstein was just like a little mouse. Like going like this too. He was a big mouse. Yeah, yeah. Big ugly mouse. Oh yeah. The Jersey Shore was like. Yeah.

It's also just your face. It's freaking hundreds and thousands of fans every night. Yeah. I heard one of them talk about. He's like brawl dude on a fucking I'd go for 10 every fucking night. On a fucking slow night, I'd fucking bang two chicks. That's a slow night for me banging two chicks. You have to imagine that's a little.

hyperbole though because it's like even like you can't you can't even bang 10 girls in a day it's like not even humanly possible no no that's what uh i disagree i mean unless you're all all at once your son maybe yeah yeah yeah i think it's like it's one of those things where like he fucked like in some or whatever no he's that when he would get 10 women in a room he's like he's like i wouldn't know what to do but i would try to fuck 10 women yeah i don't think you can you kind of i think like every time every time i hear of a story of someone like having a three sum or four some or whatever i'm like i bet a bunch of these stories. It's just you had sex with someone and there was another person there.

And you're just like, it's just anybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's too many people there. Definitely more. That definitely is common. Yeah, I'm sure that makes sense. But also, I'm trying to figure out, I don't know who's Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips. Which one banged the more, Bonnie Blue's the-Bloose. Bonnie Blue, yeah. We're trying to get on the podcast.

Oh, she left town? Yeah, she's from, she's from, she, she's, she's, She's from like London or something. She's British. Yeah. Yeah, she's disgusting. Who are these people? I don't, don't you? You keep coming on here talking trash about my heroes. What is it? A thousand guys in a... Yeah, she's breaking world records.

He probably gets upset and people go to the moon, too. I mean, nobody goes to the moon. You don't think anybody's been in the moon? No. No, I'm not... What is your conspiracy theory? Because you are a conspiracy theory. What's your one that you're like? Well, I told you this. I'm a... I'm not a conspiracy theorist, really, but I could be persuaded. Like, I'm not like, oh, we never went to...

the moon, but then if you, like, tried to prove to me that we never went, I'd be like, oh, yeah, we probably didn't go. You know what I mean? Well, this is what I'm curious about it. It is weird, because, like, well, the only reason I'm a little, because it's like, isn't it like we haven't been since, like, 1970? Yeah, but I also get, like, going to the thing enough times. It's kind of like if you, like, go to the woods and there's, like,

nothing going on there. You're kind of like, I'm going to leave this part of the forest because there's just nothing cool here. That's true. That's probably what it is. If I went to the moon, I would, like, it'd be really fun to, like, drop. If we had been going to the moon continually since the 60s, like we're still going like every three years or something, people would just be so annoyed with it.

Yeah. Well, we're giving money that's where I'm going. Everyone would be mad about it. We're giving money to an Iraqi Disney world or whatever the fuck it was. You see that thing that came out? Trump, Gaza? It was like, no, there was something came out where like we had been sending trillions of

dollars besides like Ukraine. And there was like, I don't remember, like billions of dollars on accounted for. And it said Disney, Iraq, or some Middle Eastern country, Disney. Like we were going to fund their whatever be so I don't know. It was just so random. I was like, what the fuck are we giving money? It was like it's obviously to hide something.

Yeah, yeah. But it was an Iraqi Disney world because that's very... It was, it wasn't far off from that. It was like something in the Middle East related to Disney or cartoons or something. That's fun. You can look it up. It's probably it was a story. I thought you're talking about Trump's Gaza. No, what's that? Oh, you haven't seen that?

No. Do you pull it up or look up Trump's Gaza? Trump's Gaza? Or just go. Donald Trump on Instagram. So he made a video where it's AI what's going to happen with the war in the Middle East, and it's one of the craziest things. I can't believe you haven't seen this, dude. I don't think I have.

Dude, this is one of the most... Just look at... It's only about 32 million followers. This one where he's a gold soldier? Yeah, I can play it aloud. The song's kind of sick. It's like Gaza now. He just posts this with...

Oh, hell, he's gonna want to... He wants to turn it into like a... Forest attraction? Yeah. It's crazy, dude. Yeah. Unreal. Dude,

Elon Musk just throwing this, I had so many mixed views watching this because I was like, wait, watch it a little more. It's him and Netanyahu on like a beach.

I'm surprised he posted himself with no shirt on. Yeah, well, I also like, was he next to Putin? No, he's next to Netanyahu.

Oh. I watched it and it was such a mix of emotions because I'm like, this is disgusting to do this. But then I was like, are those bearded ladies? That's kind of cool.

And then I was like, fuck Nett and Yahoo. And I was like, that beach is really... You ever seen a bearded lady before? Yeah, not... I saw one on the subway the other day. Do you seriously?

Yeah, yeah. But I never seen a group of them belly dancing like that. That was awesome, dude. More bearded ladies. You think that Gaza can actually get like that? I think with enough bombs, yes. Yeah,

I'm not saying it should. It was disturbing to see a giant gold statue. And it's just like one of the most... And just to post that and then just like, I don't know, it's just like, it's crazy. I was like, that is the one moment I was like, I kind of wish I voted for Kamala. I'm not even, I was like, I didn't vote. I was like, I kind of wish I did because I was like, this is. Why do you think it's messed up?

Yeah. Well, he's basically, there's like a war zone and he's just be like, yeah, we're going to turn this into a sick beach resort, which is like crazy. Because I don't know. I don't think I could enjoy being at the beach there just knowing what it happened there. I don't know. To be fair, I don't know. I mean, I am kind of like... That's true, but there's probably other places in the world like that.

Like, what about Normandy, isn't that? It's kind of everywhere, too. Yeah, yeah. Oh, but the best is I went to Normandy as a kid. Really? And yeah, yeah. I was so excited because I was told the French beaches were topless. And then my dad's just talking to me about all the carnage and all the great men that died.

And I'm like, this is fucking sucks. I was like, I was so hoping to see boobs. But I was like... There's a nude beach in Jersey. There's one in a couple of Long Island. Yeah, I'm going to go. All over the place. Yeah, I know.

But when you're like 10, you're like, do we're going to go to France and there's going to be nude beaches? Let's just go out in the woods and take all your clothes off. What's up? You can just get away from people and be naked wherever.

I didn't, yeah, but I'm saying when I was 10 I just wanted to see boobs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm not talking about now. I mean, like, I still would go to a nude beach now, but... You would do anything now. One of my friends is taking me

the one in Jersey. Oh, yeah, Gunner Beach and Sandy Hook. Yeah, yeah. You'll see some freaking whales there, though, but you'll see some smoking. I like some thickies. Some thickies? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. You could also see Staten Island from the beach, so it's pretty nice. That's fun, yeah. No, I don't know. Like, I definitely, I feel like I would, I don't know, it would be hard not to fluff a little bit, but I don't know. But yeah, I mean, I don't think I could go to a nude beach and take my pants off. Well, because people like, if I was drunk, I could easily do it. I've been doing a nude bar. My piece is just so small, soft. Like, I'd have to be half job. Yeah, well, like, I went to a nude bar in Key West and I got completely naked. Oh, yeah, you told me that. Key West is another wild town, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, this is COVID, too. It's like, you're wearing a mask into the bar. Because, like, on the street, there was, like, a mask mandate, but in the bar, there's not. Which is so odd to have an outdoor mask mandate. Yeah. And then I just get in the bar and take all my clothes off. Don't they do, like, new, a bunch of nudist festivals and stuff in, like, Key West? Yeah, everything.

One, I forgot what it's called. It's called, like, uh... I think it's called, um, I almost said Fire Fest. Um... It's something like that. Fantasy Fest? Yeah, that's it's a bunch of naked women walking down the street. Yeah, it's like a real, like, Swingers' Colony.

Yeah. which is so, it's so funny how Florida's like so conservative in some ways. Oh yeah. But like I'll watch a lot

of like cockold porn and it's always like some redneck guy with some black dude fuck his wife. He's like, hey, yeah,

Barbara, you take that black dick. And you're like, this is so funny. But I think that's why it's like a thing down there where it's like, uh,

they're like, this is so fucked up because he's black. Like that's what they're thinking. Yeah. That's funny as all. So look, black guys,

if some guy ever wants you to fuck his wife, he might not like you. Well, Just think of it that way. You may seem like your friend, but he's not. He's still a racist. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know.

I'm going down there for a bachelor party in May, and I'm definitely, I'm doing Cornrose again. You're so nuts. I'm getting a snake-skin suit. Where are you getting that from? I was going to get a real one, but those are too expensive. You can get like a party city, like fake suit. It just looks like a suit.

And then I found this, I'm not sure. It looks pretty expensive, so I probably won't get it, there's a three ring, like golden ring that says the world is yours, like from Scarface and it's got a little globe on it. And I'm like, this is, yeah, this is where I want to spend my money. Oh my gosh. You fit right into Miami. Yeah, but it's also like, I also just have been donating blood for money recently. So I don't really have the funds for any of this. I guess gave blood the other day too. I didn't donate though. I like did it for like to make sure my blood is good. Oh, really? Can you still donate blood for money? Yeah, plasma. It's the

most disgusting place in the planet. Really? Dude, I went in and the first time I went in, there's a dude just eating halal, just dropping it all over the place. I'm like, that's not a fucking walk around. And this is not a walk, eat place. And the door,

like the front doors are like all these people with like hundreds of dollars in their hands. Like it's like very advertisers. Like this is going to be so fun. We're to donate blood. And, um, it's plasma.

You go in and like cotton like, what do you call them? The finger prick things with cotton balls just on the ground. And you're like, that's disgusting. Um, then the questions are very funny because they're just like, are you,

they're like, are you, have you had homosexual sex recently? And it's like, no. And then they're like, well, have you been to prison? So like they're trying to like get you to basically admit things, but like not in the, it's just funny to say that. Like they're like, do you also like ice skating? Like it's like they clearly, that's for people that lied on the first answer to think they're going to answer the second one. So, yeah, there's that. And then you walk down this hallway and it's just.

just fucking, like, uh, doctors, like, what do you call them? Like, uh, doctor's coats with blood on them. I'm like, it feels like a haunted house. They're just hanging out. Oh. Then, uh, dude, the other day I went in there and like, this dude was like flinging his glove off. This doctor was like, you know, you know when you're like trying to shoot it into a trash can

and he hit some guy giving blood. He's like, oh, too, my bad. I'm like, dude. It's like a sitcom. Yeah, it's insane. What the fuck. And then I was in there the other day and this dude was just bleeding all over the place. in front of me and it was like show disturbing.

Out of his arm? Yeah, he like, they, they fuck things up there all the time. Oh, that makes me nervous. I went to go get blooded just like Lab Corp. Not even in New York where it's also a fucking shit show, but like down where I'm from. And even going in there, it's just like,

it's just like gives me, I'm like, I'm always checking to make sure they're using clean everything. New needle, new gauze, new whatever. I'm just like, ugh. And they put the rubber band on it. She's like, she goes to give me blood and there's like a fucking three inch long hair on the tray where she's picking up the blood things from. And she's just like, with her finger like 14 times in her

before she gives me blood, I'm just like, can you guys like not be disgusting? It is. It is so disgusting of the way doctors are a lot of the times. But also, I get how if you do something so often that you just stop camera. It's like, yeah, it's just like, it just makes the customer feel so uncomfortable. It's like when you spend like all day making food and then you like drop something on the ground. You're like, I'm just going to eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I've been doing this for so long that like, where's the blood thing in Manhattan? Yeah, I had to walk,

I had to go at 6 a.m. the other day, just walk in the freezing cold. And then I took a bus, but, and then just fucking went, because it's open only certain hours, like business hours, basically. How's the money?

Not bad? Yeah, like 60 bucks on a little card every time you do it. Oh, but, I mean, that adds up. I'll just buy groceries with that and be fine. But the amount they take out

is fucking insane. Because it's like, they don't take out your blood. They, like, filter the plasma out of your blood. And then you look at it, and it's like literally like, probably as much as like an analogy in bottle.

And you're like, that much liquid is no longer my body. Like, that's disgusting. But I also don't know if there's like a purification process where they're adding something to it. I don't want to find out. It also just can't be good

to do it as often as I'm doing it. But like I'm doing all their rules. Like, it's not like I'm going to different. There's probably a rule where you can't do it. You have to wait a few days or a few weeks or between. Yeah, but I just don't trust them.

I don't know. No. That's my conspiracy. I wouldn't hear. Yeah. That's freaking. But I thought about doing that when I was for money. because I heard it's pretty lucrative.

Yeah, I'm too scared to donate com. Just the idea of, like, some of me out there. You sell blood and save me. And you know, I'm kind of tired of everybody fucking telling me this. Every time I'm like, I'm donating blood, they're like, actually the qualifications are really hard. You would never qualify. I'm like, fuck you. I'm going to let me at least try to see if I would qualify.

For donating cum? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Everybody jumps immediately out there. You're not six foot. You can never do it. I'm like, I doubt everything. Well, it's they like, we'll give you an estimate for how much of your cum is worth.

Right. like a really dehumanizing learning what you're working. How about that based on, like, looks and height and stuff? It's like, where'd you go to college? Are you serious?

Yeah. Because is they're looking at what it would look like if you gave, if that became a kid or whatever. I'm gonna fucking duplicate fake pay stubs and make them think I'm a millionaire.

Me too. I feel like I want to see how much my cum's worth and then just get angry at them and take it and leave. You know, I don't even, I didn't need this today

just walk out with. I was just doing this for me. Yeah, yeah. I just want to, I don't know, I am curious. Now I'm, like, more curious what my come is worth.

I don't know. A couple G's. Yeah, I don't know. I would like them to compare my cum. That should be a podcast where we're all donate cum, and they compare our gum, and they rate. That's a genius idea for like a reality show. Yeah, yeah, I'd be like, what's your cum worth? Who gets to have a kid?

What's your cum worth? I could work. Mr. Cumworth. You heard you hear it first. Yeah, yeah. One thing I want to do on this podcast is they have that machine that, like, simulates what it's like to give, to have a period for men. and I want to talk about that on the podcast. I think the impractical

Joker said that one time. Okay, well, I can't come with anything original. Well, apparently it's fucking really, really painful. Well, that's, I believe.

Or not even a period, like fully giving birth. I think they have a machine for that. That's crazy. Yeah, I think they have that. Do they shove something in your penis and pull it out?

No, it's just like if the baby is a pencil. Yeah. They're just fucking pencil sharpened there. Dude, I'll be, yeah. I mean, the first, like, day or two of that period, it sounds like a bitch. Oh, totally, yeah, yeah.

But I don't think, like... You think you could do it? Yeah, I also think the woman who, like, invented the machine. Look, I'm going to sound sexist, but I don't think you invent the I, what it's like to have a period machine if you're not... Like, you would crank it up a little. I don't believe it's actually like... I don't know. And everybody's period's probably different.

Like, I don't think, like, there's a across the board this period. Like, some people probably get worse periods. It's like having fucking, I don't know, heartburners. I mean, it hurts more than that. saying it's like everybody's like experience that's probably different sure it probably sucks all along i also i don't even understand really what it is period i don't i don't really get what periods are i mean it's the what is it the inner lining of your uterine shedding or something yeah that's exactly i didn't really know what that was until like i don't know a couple years ago me neither

yeah yeah but also why do i need to know uh to come for your woman yeah i don't know i uh i uh I also like, I'm not really a period sex guy, are you? No, not a low. Yeah, I'll do it, but I'm like... Not a big blood guy. Blood doesn't disturb me until it's in tubes. That's why, like, I... Really?

I throw shades on when I go in there, and I try to take a nap, and they get pissed in me every fucking time. Because I'm just like, why can I sleep through this? And they're like, well, then we can't tell if you're passed out. I should do that. They're not wrong. But I'm so, like, tired and woozy. Yeah.

I should get those glasses that have eyes on. The fake eyes. It just sleep there. I don't pass out But I'm just like Yeah, can you just like hurry up It's just like I wonder what would happen

If you donated Just like drunk as shit Like would that I don't think that flaw Is it blood will be all fucked up The what? I think that They'll be shit in your blood

No With plasmus I don't know But if you don't I don't know how the plasma works Like would that person Like if you There's always like a superhero movie

We're like I was thinking of limitless Where he takes the pill Yeah Yeah And he drinks the guy's blood Who still has it in his system Like I wonder if you drank

A fucking like Drunk guy's blood if you'd get drunk. Probably. It probably has to be a bunch of blood. Yeah, and a bunch. And you can't drink, you can't drink blood. Like a really fucked up guy.

Yeah, you can't drink human blood as like a, you'll fucking, you'll die. What? Yeah, once you drink too much blood, like, you're fucked. Really? Yeah. You could definitely drink a little bit. A little bit, yeah, but if you drink, I don't know how much it is,

but if you drink, like, you can't drip like a fucking half a cup of blood, you'll either, like, puke everywhere and start to, like, convulse, so you'll, like, get really, really sick. Is that true? Yeah. Huh. that's wild. I never know what's true

because like I used to be told... How much piss can you drink? Piss I think is the same. It's definitely not. Well, I don't think it's... I don't think it says, man. What the fuck have you drinking piss for you, sicko? I'm into weird shit.

How much? Half a cup? Probably half a cup, yeah. Like a chicks? Yeah, what do you think I'm drinking dudes? I don't figure, no. You know, you'll patch is a hula hand on me. I'm like, I don't know.

Maybe you freaking like how it tastes. No, no, no, no. It's, yeah, I've had women pee on me, and it's like, you can, yeah, it's, uh, I just avoid an eye contact after saying that, but yeah, blood is definitely worse than piss, but you could drink pit, there's nothing, there's no danger in drinking piss. It's just, I mean, I think if you drink three, four glasses of glass of piss, it is no issues there, yeah. There's not danger. You know what it's crazy? No danger is a crazy statement. Okay, she could slip and fall in your face and crush it. But you can't get her from drinking somebody's piss. Isn't that crazy? I guess. It's safer than having sex with somebody. Yeah, but not his pleasure. Of course not. If somebody pees in your mouth who has herpes and they have a distance,

you're not going to get herpes. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're not touching their skin. It's safe. It's safe and everybody should do it. I'm not pitching it for people. By the way, I'm not acting like it's a normal thing.

It's fucking crazy. But, yeah, I don't know. I live a rock and roll lifestyle. You really do. Maybe that's how Joe Gorman died. I told you this last. Last time, you know, do most crazy stuff out of anybody I know, I think, at least. Yeah, it is really, it is weird sometimes like, I don't know, sometimes I just, sometimes I just feel like a very animalistic person.

Then I'm just in a room with people and I'm like, hey, nice to meet you. One time a lady Pete on me on a golf course. Nice to meet you. Yeah, you know, it's like, it's weird. The golf course is fine. Yeah, it's weird. I don't know. It's like, uh.

Well, but there's those guys that, what's the thing where you can't see blood, the disease? Like, you can't see blood or see anything like blood. Oh, I thought. you like pass out. It's called something. It's called being a pussy. Yeah, but there's something for... I don't think that's being anemic.

No, not a neemic. You're like have like a phobia. Yeah, there's a term for it. But some people with that, so it's like, imagine when they have to go get blood work done. They have to wear, fricking, they have to close their eyes or be blindfolded probably. Like they literally can't even see the sight of it.

Well, I used to be freaked out by needles. And then I started going to those hangover things here and there, where they just give you water through a tube. Like an IV? Yeah, yeah. But those are way easier, bro. They fucking like, your arm just gets kind of, of cold and it's kind of like way this is way more like just just it's just disturbing because they're

not taking any blood out of you when they they're just putting water into you so you kind of like the thing that barely even hurts and like you kind of don't uh you can really put it like way over here versus this thing's like so there's just so much going on it's like the tube like wraps too it like folds in like a figure eight and goes back around and yeah um it's pretty hardcore yeah it's pretty nasty but i need the money and uh i went to the hospital once because i had like this pain in the bottom of my stomach and I was like I thought I had like a sinusitis.

It would like hurt so much and I couldn't walk. It was just like doubled over. And when I got to the hospital, they just put an IV of just like, they said, you're like, you're just dehydrated. So they put an IV in my arm

and it was like the best feeling I've ever felt. Really? Being hydrated, but starting like right here. My body was just like this. Yeah. Oh my God. I had the exact same thing.

and it turned out I was constipated. Oh, really? I thought I was full-blown appendicitis. Because that shit happens all, like, it was literally right where it happens, pain. I could barely move. And I'm like, what else could this possibly be? And then I get laid up in a hospital bed for like four hours,

and then they figure out that I don't have it. And I'm like, I need to shit or whatever. Did they remove the poop? Huh? Did they remove the poop? No. What do they do? There's like, leave.

And I was just like, how is this not appendicitis? Can you check my appendix? I know so many people who have had appendicitis and you get that sharp pain you like have to get it removed Oh yeah my ex had it yeah And it's just like How is that

How is another function of your body Going to hit the exact same location As the appendix It's like how was it not that I was such a bad boy Sorry I just remember Like my ex had appendicitis And like I think I didn't

I didn't spend the night at the hospital I like went like I dressed up for Halloween I was like in the hospital Like dressed his credit Thurnberger or something like that I'm like look this That's a funny sketch No, I apologize profusely, like, after we broke up about that, because I just didn't think about it.

But I was just like, look, this sucks. But, you know, stand-up to New York's having a Halloween party. I got to show a lot of face there because I'm trying to get in the club. So I will see if I just got awake on it. Yeah, that was, boy, do I feel shitty about that. That's pretty funny. Yeah, yeah. No, but it's funny, too, because then she went back in for something else.

And they're like, your charts look great. Your appendix looks good. And she's like, I don't have an appendix. And they were like, one second. And then she just walked out of the hospital. She's like, you guys are fucking idiots. Like, you did my x-ray and... Here in New York?

Yeah, and, like, you saw... You were like, your appendix looks good. And she's like, I do not have an appendix. You're looking at... You don't even know how to read a fucking x-ray. Yeah, that sounds terrifying. Yeah, yeah. I would hate...

It's the thing when you... And you see, like, someone as, like, supposed to be as trusted or whatever as a doctor, and then, like, it just, like, makes you think, like... Like, I have a theory that, like, doctors are not even that fucking smart. Okay. Is it a bad theory? I think you go to med school.

Depends on a doctor. like school, you study your ass off, it's all about like, you know, memorizing information, whatever, blah, blah, you go into the, uh, clinic, what's it called clinical, like when you're done with school, but you're not an actual doctor yet. You have to like be an assistant basically. Residency. Residency. You go into the residency for however long that is. That's like your actual real formal training. You learn like, depending what kind of doctor you're going to be, obviously. If you're like a surgeon or something, I think you're a little bit more like legit. But if you're like a general practitioner, you memorize three or four prescriptions, bro, and you fucking

get out there after residency, and you're just a dumb ass just like us. Oh, yeah, dude. I've had so many doctors, like, they're just like, I'm like, I know what's wrong with me. I have the flu, and they're like, you know, I have the flu. And then by, like, the third doctor, he's like, you definitely have the flu. And then it's like, yeah. And it's funny the ones you don't test you because you think the whole, the whole

stick is to diagnose you with shit so you can get, give you drugs and get fucking paid from it. And some doctors would be like, nah, you're fine, just have some cough drops or whatever. It's just like, it's probably, I will say this though. So it's like any other profession, there's some smart ones. and some dumb ones, but it's probably the smartest profession. Besides comics.

Because we're fucking genius, too. We're twisted genius. And lawyers, most comics are ex-lawyers. You know, well, like three or four of them. But, yeah. Yeah. And podcasters is above all. Podcasts is about all.

Podcasts. There's podcasters. That's like being a doctor slash lawyer. Some podcasters are making a doctor's salary in like two hours. Yeah, that is crazy. Not this one. Not yet, God damn it. Lost thousands.

of dollars in this podcast. How dare you? Yeah. Yeah, you won't be saying that a couple of years now when you're the fucking huge podcast. You've lost thousands of dollars? Not lost spent. How? That's amazing. Oh. I don't cut this shit on myself.

True. Yeah. We are, uh, yeah, we are at an hour though. Um, what do you guys want to, uh? I got to eat my pizza. It's cool now. Okay. Enjoy your pizza. I got to eat my pizza. It's cold now. This is the fuck Joe Gorman unless he's dead episode. Do it imagine? It's probably still asleep.

He would have a good. The amount of shit he said on this podcast, if he was going to be a pussy about us making fun of the dying. I was looking forward to some dad beating him bits. I know, I know. That shit's funny. I still, I, zero clue what's real and what's fake with that guy. It's all got to be a bit, I think.

Yeah, he just tells people he has a kid and he doesn't have a kid. He doesn't have a kid. Like, lots of people think that guy has a child, and he just does not have a child. It's probably entertainment for him. Yeah, I wish I was better at lying. I don't know. There's lots of things I want to lie to people about, but I feel like, uh... It's easy.

Yeah, I don't know. I just smile too much. Like that, when I told you, that was my best lie I've ever told us when I told you, I told you that Bob Dylan wrote the Backstreet Boys of Rudy Spears music. Oh, I believe you. Yeah, yeah, he just kept going. I was totally cool. Because I was like, I don't fucking know.

I love a dumb artist. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Imagine Bob Dylan wrote that? He's so weird, though. Yeah, well, that's why, like, sick. That's why I do have bad taste in music. Like, I know, like. Well, yeah, you told me you, like, FloRida and Pippel, like, genuinely.

They both stink. Yeah. But I also, I will say this. I could understand what's good and what's bad. Like, it's like, just because I like something doesn't mean I have a perception. I'm like, I understand that this is low art in a way. Well, it's also subjective.

So I tell people my favorite band, and I'm like, they fucking stink. But like, they've sold millions of records. So it's all subjective. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Okay. And the strokes. But a lot of people,

probably people hate with the Red Hot Chili peppers and they're like, they fucking suck. You're a fucking faggot. And I'm like, Dave literally sold. Dave literally sold. Who has told you that you're like, I like the Red Hot Chili peppers. You suck and you're a fucking fagg.

couple buddies, a couple buddies from the old neighborhood. This is so aggressive for you liking the red hot chili peppers. Well, the red hot chilevers get a lot of shit. They, they, they, Anthony, the singer can't sing. All they do is talk about California. They're gay.

They got no shirts on. They got their dicks out. And I'm like, they've sold 90 million records. Obviously, they sell out fucking arena, stadiums. Obviously, they're good. Like, it's subjective. A lot of people give shit to them

because they kind of stole Faith No. I hate this whole thing. Faith No More, but, hey, guys, guess what? Faith No More didn't make it. And the Chili's dead. What can you do? It's like, it's like,

oh, that guy got this because he did, I was doing that five years ago for it. I was like, well, he was in the right place, right time. Yeah,

and adapting a style is not stealing. It's like, that whole thing where it's like, they adapted to the stuff. It's like, that's fucking how music works. It's like,

every fucking rock star is like based off somebody else. Like the whole like, and the same with rappers are like, they jacked my flow. It's like, dude, no,

they have a similar style to you because you influence them. And it's like, fucking. And they don't really even have to say they were influenced by it. They can lie and be like, I don't think there's anything wrong being like, nah, I thought of this. I mean, it's dumb. You're lying.

But it's like, you're not like. Some bands or some music artists have literally copied melodies like directly from other bands. And they just happen to become more successful or famous. So it gets pinned on them. And they're like, no, I literally took this. Like they literally took the song from somebody else. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Yeah, it's ridiculous. I think, yeah, there's lots of that. I don't know. I don't really care, to be honest. Yeah, most people just like, do they like how it sounds? Then they like, you know, they like it. The one I don't get, I don't know, there are, like, technical people that, like, I don't enjoy. This is my thing.

Okay, so, like, everybody loves John Mayer. I think he's a great guitarist, as far as I know. Great comic. Really? Really? No, you don't remember when he used to do stand-up? No. Oh, yeah, he used to do stand-up.

He would pop into the cellar all the time. He was doing stand-up for, like, a couple of years. He was so bad. That's what I heard. I never saw him. Yeah. I never liked him. But as me, I don't know, maybe I haven't heard enough of his music.

But I'm like, I never like, I think, this is what I think. I'm like, not that pit bull or flow writer are great artists. I like them a lot. But it's like, just because you have a musical skill does not mean your, your music's good. You could be a great drummer and a shitty band. So people love to just like act like, they're like, oh, this person's like so good. I'm like, well, yeah, that doesn't mean like every, they have a million TV shows about who's the best singer. Right.

But I prefer like, I don't know, I'm more interested in who can collaborate together to make a good song or like create something exciting versus like I'm not that impressed by like, I mean, also I don't understand technical skills. So I don't know what's good guitar and what's bad guitar. I mean, I'm like, I'm similar to that too. Like I see my buddy riff on the guitar and I'm like, he's the greatest guitarist ever because he did that Van Halen riff. Right. But that could be a simple thing like in guitar. I don't understand music. Yeah. I usually think that way about Tom Ruehrella from Raging Against the Machine because I went to college with this kid who was like, I mean, supposedly good. go to guitar. And I'm like, I like Tom Rella. That shit he does with like the fucking, he puts the sound shit on there and the whammy, whatever. And he's like, he's like, that shit's like, he's like, that shit's just fucking like, do. And he explained his guitar techno shit. He's like, he's manipulating the something to do something. I'm like, he's like, anybody could do it. I'm like, oh, well, I like it. And it's also because

he made it popular though. That's why it like, you know, that's why it seems cool. Because like nobody else was doing it when you started doing it. That's usually how music works. It's like, was someone doing that at the time that like, yeah, you know? And some of the most popular songs, we're talking about Drake, top, on the top 40, all that bullshit. It's like the most simple beats and songs. That's the shit that people like. Like, Nirvana songs were not that hard. I've been told, like, to actually play.

Yeah, I don't really like Nirvana at all. I don't like Beatles? Do you don't like the Beatles at all? Really? I think they're like... No, I'm not one of those fuckers. Like, oh my God, the Beatles are the great. I'm like, obviously they're good. I do. Of course. And I listen to it, in my mind, I go, this does sound like very complex music.

And they were Trailblazers. There's like, nobody you like, you know? I'm like, this is layer two. There's, like, so much going on in this thing. They have so many different sounds to reinvent yourself that way. I think it's, like, a crazy, crazy, impressive. But I just don't, like, particularly, they just, I like a little more grime. Sure. And, I mean, also, I like, Flo Riders.

But I'm saying, like, there's something about the beat. I mean, Michael's more of a flowrider-esque or, um, yeah, yeah, what's it called? Who's the fucking those 80s hair metal bands? You probably like, like Guns and Roses? No, but I do love Molly Crew. Molly Crew. That's those going to say, similar. ACDC, Molly Crew.

Yeah, no, I like I like a little bit of like fucking to music. And I think the Beatles, it's just... A little too poppy. And that's probably why I don't like Bob Dylan's music as much. And so they don't look like generic rock stars, too, when they came out with their mushroom cuts and their suits.

It's like rock stars aren't supposed to look like this. Like, it's like... Then you see what Molly Crew looks like and you're like, that's kind of what you think of when you think about a rock star. Right, yeah, yeah. That's why I like I'm not impressed when, like, fucking, uh,

some rock stars like, who I wore a dress on stage. Like, Molly Cruz's whole thing is they were like, we can dress up like chicks and get more pussy than any other band. And I'm like, they were doing that in the 80.

That is very cool. I could dress like a woman and fuck so many more chicks. That's something Michael would do 100%. Yeah, yeah. Like, that's sick.

But then they're like, oh my God, kid Cody wore a dress on SNL. What a brave. And I'm like, no, just fucking not. Yeah,

the dressing's been done. I'm afraid. Yeah. And I'm not like, don't wear dresses. Dude, do whatever the fuck you want. I am.

I don't think it's this like trailblazing style thing. I don't know. No. Pretty much everything's been done now. At 2025. I would like to see a rapper who like took this style, uh, fucking a, uh, balding businessman. If like Kanye came out and had like a suit and then like bald on top and like hair on the side and like business glasses and just started rapping like the, the, yeah, because that's what I'm saying. It would be so different.

Yeah, I don't know who's, I hate how cool his Nazi shirts look. Have you seen them, dude? see, no, I bought like 20. Yeah. The Swaxica? He's got Swaxica. Did you point that? Yeah, I did.

I was on the phone the other day. I'm like, let me see if I could put this into a conversation. Dude, I think somebody's going to take him out. I mean, he's got to get... You're saying so much truth, man. He's a one guy that I wouldn't be surprised if he got assassinated. Yeah, well, I got this issue. Like, as somebody who loves conspiracy theories, I really do hate the Jews conspiracy that

everybody has. Like, I think it's lazy conspiracy theory. Well, that they control everything? Yeah, I'm like, I think it's lazy. I don't think it's like how things work. I think it's like I think, look, there's powerful Jews, but I don't think that like, I don't think this is all some sort of like thing because it doesn't make sense.

Everybody's like, oh, well, the Jews like, they're pushing gay Hollywood agenda. You're like, okay, well, that's completely different than like what's in Judaism. It's like, what are you talking about? Yeah. And wouldn't that mean like the present, every like person of power would be Jewish? Yeah.

There's never been a Jewish president. Never, no, exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's like, people are like, oh, they run the media. It's like, well, first off, the founder of Fox and CNN, they're not Jewish. I don't believe. I don't think Rupert Murdoch or, I don't know who founded CNN. Ted Turner's Jewish? Yeah, neither of those guys are Jewish.

So it's like, okay. I think there's lots of Jews in media because they were like pushed away from other. And they're smart. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. They're pushed away from like other, like, jobs. Like, this is where they went. Yeah, like, they're not playing.

sports, you know. Yeah, yeah. Also, like, I think all this started with, like, the whole Jews run the bank. That is a thing where, like, Jews runs a lot of banks. That might be true. And one guy was just in line. I've been frustrated at the bank, and then this guy just started everything where he's just like, these fucking Jews. And then it spiraled.

He was just in line, and, like, there was something where he couldn't, he withdrew too much money or something like that, and then he just started this whole thing. Not, no, it's definitely not what happened. But we are way over an hour. So what do you want to promote? Michael, thanks for having me.

Thanks for coming on. Three of the last four episodes, I feel honored. I'm being honest. Yeah, dude. Your great guest. My name is Tom Zapia. Please follow me on Instagram. Check out my podcast.

And I love all of you. Stay safe out there. Thank you.