Morning Good - She's a Lady, So She'd Get Murdered First - Episode 61

Episode Date: January 23, 2022

Thanks to Mike and Igor for coming on the show. Check them out and give them a follow for more funny stuff. Igor is on IG @yoiggysmalls and has a podcast called @ladyandthesimp with J. Fitz. Mike is on Instagram as well @mike_bramante and is on the @dolesspodcast with frequent guest of the show, Jake Velazquez.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to Morning. Let me click record. Talk real quick. All right. I'm here with Igor, Igor Martinez, and Mike Bramante. Hello. Check.

work? Check, check. You're good. You're good. Well, it's recording. I never cut this out. I'm always just like, eh, I'm too lazy to like cut stuff, so I'll just leave in. I like how you just roll into it, though. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get right in there, baby. Well, I'm happy to be here. Look at this, these two guys.

What a way to start a Saturday. This is honestly too early for me. Like, I did it because it fit in the time schedule, but I, like, my brain is not functioning yet. Sure, yeah, yeah. Dude, I've been having that a lot where, well, I'll like be talking, because, you know, you're always talking to comics before you go on stage and stuff.

And like, you can tell before you go on stage, like if I'm having a conversation with a comic, whether or not I'm sharp. And I'm like, if I'm not, I'm like, damn, I'm not going to have a good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, we're just like riffing and like,

my riffs are like a little too slow. Like the wording is not really accurate. And I'm just like, oh, boy. Yeah, where did you get those shoes, man? And you're just like, God damn it. This is going to fucking suck. Oh, let's hope these jokes fucking work. Right.

Yeah. It's all it's one o'clock, though. We even pushed it back an hour. I think this is still too early for all of us. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's weird because, like, Saturday, I used to not do it because I feel like I'd be more hung over on Saturday afternoons. But I'm doing, like, that dry January thing.

But I live above a bar, so I have to take NyQuil to go to sleep now. So, like, I haven't fixed any, like, thing. It's actually worse now. Just because it's too noisy. Dude, it's fucking insane. Like, they blare techno. Like, my room vibrates every single night. That's what happens when you're in a fucking really hip neighborhood.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's really cool here. Yeah. I was walking around like, oh, fuck. How lights the bar open till? Four, but then, like, the problem is, like, the workers are like, oh, we'll just blast music while we're cleaning up the bar. Yeah. So it's, like, till five.

And then, at, like, 5.30, those metal things they use, like, to cover the bar. You know, like, that sheet of metal they pulled down? It's, like, almost like a garage door. Like a shutter of those. Yeah, yeah. That is the loudest thing. Oh, yeah. Once you go to sleep, it'll just wake up to, like, whir-oh.

Yeah, yeah. And that's every night of my life forever. Oh, my God. And you go NyQuil? like what's your go to? Now, so I'll, most time I'll just smoke pot and take melatonin, but like, they started like blaring. Like, it got louder than it was before. So it's like, I don't know what happened in the last like month, but it's been like just.

Are you a light sleeper? Yeah, I don't sleep very well. So like I, um, it was two weeks ago is when I really started. I stayed up for 48 hours straight because I just could not fall asleep. And then I think this week, Monday, I just got zero sleep because of the bar. So this week I was like, you know what? Like, it's not great to take. NyQuil, but also not sleeping.

Yeah, of course, of course. Yeah. I live right near a hospital, and I just hear ambulances 24-7. Oh, that's horrible. But now it's like, I'm so used to it. It's like, the ambulances are like birds chirping to me now. So I could just sleep through it. Are you a heavy?

I'm a heavy sleeper. Yeah. Yeah. I could sleep through anything, which is scary because, like, if there was, the building was on fire, I'd just sleep. Yeah, yeah. I've learned that if you're, if you're with a girlfriend and you're a heavier sleeper than she.

is she fucking hates that about you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I snore apparently. Oh. Yeah. Hog the covers. Yeah.

Yeah. You hog the covers? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? No, I just sit in the corner for it. Just for shivering. That's fine.

I'm a man. I'm not cold. I'm big into like, I like the area, the crevice between the wall and the bed. Wait, so how's your bed position, though? So it's like against the wall and she's on the outside, which I guess is less safe. It's like just spooting the wall. Yeah. Yeah.

basically, yeah, yeah. But I guess that's probably less safe because if a murderer comes in. That's all, I don't know why. When you sleep, that's like how you play out the scenario. Is she closer to the door? I don't know, because like the bed's against that wall. So like, I guess she would get, I mean, she's a lady, so she would get murdered first. I don't think, yes. It's just

what would happen. I mean, yeah. If your mask card is like, I'm going to get the, actually, it would be smarter to kill me first because. Well, that's what, I mean, you know, it's like, ladies first. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you, I'll go. Go ahead. Go ahead. I'm not going to interrupt you. No, no, no. I feel horrible now. I'm just kidding. I was going to say, I like living in an apartment building, though, because like, what's the chance of a murder is going to come into the front door and then find your apartment in your bedroom? Oh, yeah. If you're in a house in the suburbs, you're going to get killed no matter what. Oh, 100%. At least now we have some safe. To all about numbers, yeah. Those guys in the suburbs think they're so fucking safe. They're fucking not, man. It's weird. When you walk, when you walk through the suburbs and it's like dead silent, it's eerie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Especially I'd go for runs at night. The worst is I'd forget. I'd run in October when I lived in the suburbs,

and I'd forget it's October. I'd be running at night, and then she'd like a skeleton in a yard. Yeah, what the fuck? And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's Halloween. And it's dead silent. You got, like, no one to be like, ha, right?

And you're just like, oh, it's still fucking dead quiet. Yeah. Yeah, it's actually never really that creepy walking home at night. Except sometimes I'll smoke and I'll think somebody's following me, but we're just walking in the same direction. It's just your shadow. Yeah, no, no, no, no. It's just me looking behind me.

And there's just like a guy who's also walking in the same direction. Yeah, yeah. it's so funny that like smoking pot turned you and like it gives you a woman's brain yeah yeah it's funny because it's like but then he I noticed yesterday the guy thought the same thing he thought I was now I'm being weird because I'm like

looking at the guy behind me and he's like is he gonna kill me yeah yeah stand off yeah both just like grab your fucking knives yeah I'm ready dude dude dude you gotta be like SP she has like two tasers and like pepper spray yeah she's got a fucking she's like she's like she's got a

She's got too many weapons. But she's a tiny little girl, so she needs protection. Yeah. Dude, I wonder about that all the time. It's like, because I take my dog to the dog park. And then like today there's, there's a big area and there's a small area for the smaller dogs for the bigger dogs. Did you go, you didn't go to the one over here, right? No, no, no, no, in my neighborhood.

Oh, okay. Fuck East Village. Sunnyside's where it's at. But, um, so there's a small park. There's a big park. And then so the bigger dogs obviously are in the bigger park. But then occasionally, like, there's no one in the small. park so a person with a smaller dog will walk in and the dog is just terrified because like even if

it's playing with the dog even off all the other dogs are playful they're just bigger yeah yeah so there's like one wrong paw like because my dog pauls dogs just just paw them oh yeah and it's like one wrong move and the dog's leg is broken yeah yeah yeah so that's like how it is like well like some dude some women are so tiny i'm like you must be afraid at all times yeah because everybody's so much bigger. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, yeah. That's the thing with women doing comedy is like they have to, because we're always out late, but it's fine for us to like walk home or whatever at night. But they're like, always got to think about, oh, am I going to take the subway or do I just get a $50 Uber home? Yeah. You know, like they have to think about things that we don't because they're just. No, yeah. I know girls that are just like, yeah, after a while, it's like, if it's after 10 o'clock, I'm not taking the subway. But we'll be to the, you know, at the pair till 2 a.m. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No questions. Just getting my dick grab. Nope, I'm not reporting you That's fine Yeah

I had that happen after a show recently The guy did a weird move So I don't get hit on by dudes a lot But the dude He was like, yo This fucking guy Yeah A lot

A lot Occasion happens Yeah I'll tell my favorite one I was like this guy It was a weird move Because the dude went under the shirt To you

And like felt like the side Yeah Yeah Yeah But it's weird too Because he was like a bro Like he was like He was like

Broie And he definitely like Wasn't like I mean maybe he was out But he was like oh dude, sick fucking set, bro, and then just, like, reaches under my shirt to, like, my, like, hip area. But I'm kind of fat, so I feel like he kind of felt it was like,

yeah, no, no, never mind. So you didn't have to move it away, you just removed it or what happened? Well, I was just kind of like scooting a little bit, because he was, like, really fingering in there. I'm sorry for sexually harassing you. You are gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I apologize.

That was a huge mistake on my part. I actually had a guy, uh, this is like the first time where a guy, like, because sometimes you're just like, is this guy hitting on me? Yeah, really nice. This guy, but he was also really drunk. It was at a bar. And he was, he was like, hey,

so he's like, he's like, so I just, you know, it was an empty bar, so I kind of like, you know, not because he was gay, but because there was just a man there. I love the podcast to clarifying. Like, in regular conversation, I never do this, but every podcast, I'm like, well, because I'm not racist. Yeah.

Of course, on the record. Right. But so I sat. one seat, like you go into a urinal, you separate if you can. Yeah. By one urinal, so I set a seat away. And then he was like, just started

chatting me up. And I'm like, oh, I'm just writing. It was in an open mic. Just writing to try to, you know. And then I just clearly, like, he was here. And I was focusing my direction, the opposite direction where the stage was. And then he, and then he just keeps talking. And he's like, I'm just, I'm just being friendly. I'm just trying to be friendly. I'm like, yeah,

no, that's friendly. And then we're just talking. And then like, oh, sorry. I'm just, you know, like listening or whatever. And then, because I just like, you know, you're into his moods. I just won't talk to anybody. And then he just kind of like, just went over and grabbed my leg. And I was like, oh, I was like, oh.

I think you demonstrated on Mike. Oh, yeah. That was my whole reason. He's like, this is not a cool thing to do, but I'll do it to Mike. No, no. It felt good. I'm absolutely going to do it to Mike.

Yeah. I, if I'm going to sexually arrest anyone, it's going to be Mike, okay? And I was like, oh, man, no, no, I'm good. And he was like, he was like, what? I'm just trying to be friendly. And I was like, you could be friendly in other ways. Yeah.

But he was, like, just clearly wasted. Oh, God. And then he got up, he went to the bathroom, and then he just left. Dang. Yeah, yeah. Is this nobody you, like, know and see every day? Yeah, I see him, like, every week there.

Oh, dang. Yeah, yeah. Is he a comic or just a regular at the bar? Dude, just regular bar patron. But I don't assume, I really don't think that he would remember that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's probably so drunk, he doesn't remember. So drunk.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a hard blackout. I, my, my, my, my... It's a hard blackout. Yeah, you're just sexually harassing people. You wake up, you like, oh, that sucks. Why is it pretty weird around me? You don't even remember me.

Some people, like, when they drink, like, you can see that they don't even know where they are. Oh, yeah. Right? So, like, this guy probably has no clue. He had the half-lids. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in the back.

Right. Yeah, it's a good sign. But that's also a different reality when you're a gay man and, like, everyone that you are pursuing is the same sex. It's like, there's no, like, almost like, I would assume there's little power dynamics like there is between men and women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so, like, if you're doing that to a woman, that's, like, the repercussions of that are much bigger than if you did that to just another guy. Oh, 100%. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, my, my craziest one I think I was going to say was, I went to Key West and there's a new... I was telling somebody about this, by the way. The nudist bar? Yeah, I went to a nudist bar. I was totally, I got totally naked. Uh-huh. And this dude...

Was anybody else naked, Michael? Like, two people. I'm not sure it was a nudist bar. It was just a bar. Yeah. But this dude comes up and he grabs my ass. And I was like, whoa, not cool, man. I started, like, getting all angry.

And I was like, were you, were you hammered? Yeah, yeah. But then I was like, well, I was like, what's it called? Victim Blamey. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I was asking for it. Yeah. It was so funny because there's a thing.

How could I not, someone not grab this juicy ass? But then some other guy comes with a guy who goes, yo, no disrespect, bro, but Greycock, man. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that was sweet. The way that guy said it. Stop. Yeah.

Stop. You say that to everyone. That's funny. I just hear him 10 seconds later say to somebody else. Like, God damn it. Was it like, was it a gay bar? Was it, uh, no, no, just it, anybody, anybody goes. I mean, it is at that point because it's only dudes naked.

Got it. Right. But, uh, that's always funny. Yeah, I didn't hear him say it to anybody else. But I feel like that would be like, oh, man, you say it to that. Like, do you ever have a set and somebody's like, great set, man? Yeah. And then you hear them say it to somebody else.

Great set, man. Great set. You're like, ah, god damn. Yeah. Now this is meaningless. Yeah. But the worst is when you know, I'm like me and Igor standing next to each other And somebody comes up and compliments him and they don't even acknowledge me

Yeah. You're just kind of like poking your head and you're like, yeah, that was a good set for him. Yeah. I tell myself that I try to handle those like normally, but I usually just like end up going on my phone and just like walking away. Right, right. When they say it to you? No, when they do the opposite. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll, I'm so, so I'll kind of milk it when they say it to me.

I'm like, yeah, you know, I've been doing it for a year and I'm like waiting for them to compliment me again. Like I'm like, yeah. I'll just like hanging out. I'm glad you think that way about me. Yeah. The first, for me, my first reaction is always to compliment them back. Because I don't think that, and I think it's just like, like, deflecting. But I also don't think that audience just realized, like, how much how critical it is for them to be good audience members.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, so, and I think they come, they're like, I didn't, I think they probably think, like, I didn't do anything. Just sat there and, like, you know, laugh. Yeah, you'd be like, thanks for being a good audience member. Thanks for paying attention and laughing. Yeah, because, like, they don't realize how bad people can be. Right. one of these days I'm just going to be a sociopath

and be like, fuck yeah, I'm good. Just like, same thing. Be like, yeah, I'm very talented. You can be like, I know. Yeah, you don't have to tell me. I was thinking, man, it's like that even with that guy telling you that you're complimenting your cock,

do you think men do that enough to each other? Like, not, but just like complimenting each other? Um, I don't know. I'm probably not. I mean, but it's like, also like, but I think we're more sincere because I think women do it more, but I think it's less sincere.

Oh, that's a good point. That's a very good point. Like, I saw, it's so funny. Just, I mean, it's like. Like, even hearing the words sometimes is nice. Cock? No. That was very sincere in your part.

You're just like, your eyes like, cock? No, but just, um, sometimes even just like hearing the words. Like, even in that scenario with somebody's like, uh, you know, like, oh, good set. And then like, like, they just like, even if they, they hear that and they're like, oh, you do good set. it's like, that's way better than like not hearing the words. Yeah, yeah, yes. You still feel less.

You still feel like, you know, less than, but it's still like nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The worst is like when you have a horrible set and people still say a good set, you're like, oh, you're not. Yeah, yeah. You pay attention or you're being condescending. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's no good option here. That's true, though.

Like when, like, I would say, like, when women are getting dressed to go out or whatever, they're all compliment each other and how they look or their hair or their makeup or their jewelry or whatever. And we're not. Where's the compliments are? No. No. That would be weird, though, if I was like, you know, I think, Igor, that's nice scruff there. No, I always trust you. It's perfect balance. I'm always, haircut, dude, right away. First thing I'm saying to you. If I notice you got a haircut, first thing I'm saying to you is good haircut. That is something I am, I will say that, but this is the only thing. I think I'm a very honest person.

Haircuts, I lie about. I will tell dudes, I'll be a great haircut, man. And I'm just lying to the face. I mean, it has to be really bad. For me to be like, dude. No, yeah, for me to be like, for me to be like, what'd you do? Typically, people look better after a haircut. Yeah, yeah, generally speaking, you know, for the most part. But like my first words are, you know, did you switch barbers? And it's like, all right, I got to fucking fix this up. It's also the most reasonable thing to insult because it's something that will change in like two weeks.

That's true. It's like, if anything, you could, it's a pretty reasonable thing to. Yeah, but you're not going to call somebody out on like their weight or whatever. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be. That would be me. Yeah. I get called out because, like, I used to be fatter, but it's so funny because I genuinely, to my core, have never once been bothered by somebody calling me fat.

Like, there's not a single part of me that's like, oh, man, like, I don't know what it is. Yeah. I mean, I know it's partially because I'm a dude. Right. But I think there's something about being a guy and doing comedy that, like, like, there is a point where I weighed, like, way more than I do now. And I was like, yeah, I'm fat as shit. What's that?

Like, not a, dude, like, not even faith. Like, I think I noticed because I was, I went crowds, surfing one time and I got dropped like immediately. Yes, yes, that's the sign. It was at like a some 41 concert. And by the way, I've said this probably a million times of the podcast, one of the greatest concerts I've ever been to. Some 41

and riffraff. Oh my God, dude. You, you're such a genuinely nice human being and it's just like so wholesome and nice to be around. But I forget how white trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. It's so funny because I realize how shitty my taste. it's a weird thing to realize you're like, oh, the things I like are ridiculous. Right.

Like, I like... Because it's your standard. Yeah, yeah. It's your highest standard. Dude, I love Times Square. Like, I fucking love it. Even Mike was like, I will not stand for this. Dude, I saw like Joey...

The worst place, I love it. I used to live in Hell's Kitchen. Dude, like, I like chain restaurants with a booth. Like a cushiony booth. God, Mike. Dude, I went to David Busters like three years ago for my birthday. Not even kidding. It's not even like, I'm not even like,

I, like, haven't experienced culture. Like, my parents took me to Europe when I was a kid, and I just called everything gay. Yeah, yeah. I'm not even kidding. I was like, funny. I was like, this sucks. I was like, uh, you had, like, Italian.

I was eating McDonald's in, like, France, like, constantly. Yeah. But you were, I think you were telling me this. How old were you again? I was like, probably like 11. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would be weird if I'm just like,

hon, ho, ha, ha, ha. He's like, loving everything. Right. Yeah, that's true, too. Do that be weird seeing, like, an 11-year-old to eat, like, escargo? you'd be like that's weird yeah with a fucking beret

in the scarf yeah it's a super culture yeah full board yeah but that's why I always wonder about my taste and other things like I mean obviously riff rap is too like that's one of those things

I love but I'm like I get that this dude you said you said some 41 I was like all right and then you said riffraff I'm like God I forgot I want to know who I've seen live Kendrick Lamar uh Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin

I've seen the Rolling Stones live and this is still performances sure yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of context to concerts though yeah yeah yeah drugs and drugs

the party the atmosphere yeah the atmosphere i saw ASEP Ferg once and a potter dude and this guy like just the level of energy in that fucking tent was bananas yeah and then at one point he goes Wait what year was that I think I may have been in that that was uh

2015 yeah it was like 24th year I went yeah Were you in that one except Fergwin I want to say I think I was It may have been different years so was that the year that Robert Plant was there base next Murphard and Sons. Actually, they're probably there every year. Yeah, Mumford and Sons might have been like...

Oh, was that the... Mumford and Sons might have replaced somebody. Maybe. Was Kendrick Lamar there? The thing is, they all bleed together because I went three years in a row. Slayer? Slayer was not there when I went.

Okay. Yeah. That's also a hard one to know if they were there. You're like, maybe that. You know what I mean? It's not like somebody everybody sees. So you're like, maybe I'm Slayer. I don't know.

But so Aesap Furrick, he... So there was, I don't know how he did this, but he picked, he pointed out a guy. I think some guy was doing something. She's like, he's like, hey, he like cuts the music. Hey, stop that. Stop fucking doing that. Stop fucking around like that. And he goes, everyone from here on, everyone from here.

He's like, move over here. Everyone from here on. You stay right there. Everyone from here on. Move that way. It was everybody's, and then everybody's going to do a like, I forgot what he called. Wall of Death? Yes.

Yeah. Did a wall of death. All three. To this guy. And then, dude, I was, we were all, because we were kind of in the back, we're like, holy shit. And then all of him, he did, like, work, which is, like, one of his fucking hype anthems. And everyone slammed against each other.

Was he actually mad at the guy or just, like, hyping? I think he was, like, generally mad. Everybody beat their shit out of his head. Well, I think he was, like, doing something shitty to some girl. And I don't know how he saw it, though. Yeah. Like, that's why I'm like... Dude, I can't even take the first three rows in a comedy.

Yeah. I can't imagine having lights blast on you. Just bobs of people. Wait, what the wall? What is this? Like, the Oklahoma drill and football where, like, the two sides brought out each out. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just a mob. Just a mob. Yeah. I was, it was, it was one of the wildest things of it. And then just when that happened, the energy was just chaotic. Oh, yeah. And then it's just like, you know, and he's like, uh, fucking just a ball of energy on stage. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. And if people ask like who's, like, who's, like, who's the favorite. You see ASAP for people, be like, hey, really? Yeah. Yeah. No, that's like, that's one of the best concert experiences I've ever had. Yeah. I don't think I could do that again, no, Bonarone.

Like, I did it. It's just so, like, lack of, like, I would want to do, like, a one-day festival or a two-day festival, because like four days is just like it's you know what though i think i could yeah three days maybe but it's i don't think i could do the heat anymore yeah yeah yeah it drains you your energy that's the worst it's like you can't because you can't recover from all the drugs no no you can't yeah and it's like i remember we didn't sleep at all like we were we'd snuggle with icebags like the next morning because you wake up because the sun just hit you at like oh dude where you sleep you camping out yeah yeah yeah i would do maybe if

a trailer that'll be probably better that's what me and my friend says is sometimes it's like well now, you know, we're all in, like, a little better positions, and we're all like, dude, if I'm doing any of that, we're doing it like VIP style. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah. And just, like, having a place to go back and recover. Yeah.

Because just, like, sleeping on the ground and then, like, waking up to, like, sunlight at, like, 9 a.m. Yeah. Sweating buckets. And, like, if you're not, if you're not a camper, man, you don't know how to fucking rig it well enough to, like, block out the sun to, like, have ventilation. So you're just waking up, like,

and then there's, like, all right, we're up. Back to fucking, you know, popping pills and doing mushrooms. Yeah, exactly. Dude, we had to like sit in a car, I remember, and turn on, like, the air conditioner because it was like that. Like, I think my friend's girlfriend at the time

got, like, heat poisoning. Yeah. Very, our first time, when you have, like, all these, when you have all these expectations, but we brought a huge, like, inflatable kitty pool. It was huge, man. And then we filled it up.

I don't know, I forgot how we got, I think we ended up getting it from the, the little water filling stations and we just filled up jugs. And we kind of, like, we, it's a good move. Or, like, maybe a bag of ice

in there too? Yeah, yeah. At one point, this guy the guy that we were with, he ended up, like, corralling some girls that were, like, 10 years younger back into the fucking kiddie pool. There was a while. And then, like, after an hour, the kitty pool was disgusting. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. How old were you guys at the time? You said 10 years younger.

I'm starting to... I got to know these ages. Well, yeah, so I guess then, 2015, oh, shit. That's probably like 20... Like 25. So they were 15? No, no, they were like 18. I don't know why I just need to know the answer on that

But they were very young Yeah But I think we were like closer to like middle to late 20s Yeah, yeah, yeah Was this where is what city was this in? It's in Manchester, they must hate it Oh my God Dude, if you just like live in Manchester Tennessee

You're like, I'm gonna move to a town We're not gonna go on there like Bonneroose Come to town And it's there every year Yeah, yeah, yeah They just announced the lineup It looks pretty good I don't fucking know anybody

Really? Yeah, I just don't like the headliners Let me see who it is They used to do comedy there I would love to Dude I saw comedy Because I think like My last year that I went

So I guess 2015 So I was like All right so around 2015 I was like 27 So yeah And That was That dude I saw

I fucking saw Ari Shafir I saw Big J I think I saw Dan Soder Yeah that was 2050 But I didn't see any comedy What was Are you standing for it or Huh

Are you sitting down for the comedy? Yeah Okay so they have like chairs And stuff I think what really draws people there is that it's an air-conditioned tent. Oh, shit. Yeah.

It's actually pretty nice setup. The chicks. Oh, that's the Dixie Chicks now. They're the chicks now. So the comedians, like, open for the bands, right? No. Separate. It's completely separate.

So it's a whole comedy situation going on. Well, it's like, from what I've heard from other comedians talking about it. Like, they have their shows, right? They have their set times. And I think it's, like, pretty, I mean, the sun is still out. It's like in the afternoon.

So it's relatively early shows. And then they go party after. And then they go party after. I don't know. I haven't seen it anymore, though, right? I don't know. I don't see any comics on here. Unless they have DJ names. I don't know.

Kingfish. That'd be awesome. That's probably why you don't recognize anyone because it's all like house music, DJs. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's all just like there's like a new frontier of like smaller, smaller fonts. The smaller fonts on there are just like new bands that are up and coming. Yeah.

But like somebody's like, like, oh my God, the giggly bops? Like, these are, like, for the shit, man. Right, right. Because that's how I was. Yeah, yeah. When I was going, I was like, oh, my God, they got, like, Aesap Ferg was a little guy.

It was a little funk guy. Yeah, yeah, you're like, this is going to be, this is fucking insane. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think anymore, I would, I don't know, I don't want to check out the hangout one, when's the beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's in Alabama, right?

Yeah, yeah. That was infamous for that girl going on stage at the Kendrick Lamar concert and saying the N-word. Oh, really? I always tell this story. I told us on the last episode, I saw Waka Flocka one time. Hell yeah. And there's this dude's awesome.

This white kid, I remember. I go hard in the motherfucking paint. Yeah. Oh, it was amazing. Yeah. But this kid, this white kid, like, goes to, like, storm the stage and security tries to pull him down. And then Waka takes him, pulls him on stage, pushes security away, like, fuck off. And just does the same thing Kendrick Lomar does, but doesn't get mad.

Like, the kid, the kid is just blaring ends. And they're like, yeah, you have fun. Just throws him back in the audience. that's what they should do. They should be allowed to go on stage, say the N-word. But then you have to throat, like, catapult them back into the audience. Oh, yeah. You deal with their repercussions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sort of remember was, was this girl just singing the lyrics of the songs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then also, it's like, Kendrick, you're in a fucking, you're in Alabama. She's, yeah, she's hammered on drug or on drug probably. It's like. Right, right. It's not a good look either way, obviously.

No, she's a mad city, too, where it, like, says it like a thousand times. Yeah. Yeah. Pirus and Cribs. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. It's hard.

Yeah, that's hard. It's like, do you want her to just not, like, I don't know what the answer is, yeah. I mean, don't say it, obviously, but I'm saying, like, just don't say it. But it's weird to be like, okay, say this song that says this word a thousand times. So just don't sing it. You know what I mean? Because it's like every other words you're like. Well, like, that's, I was, I was worried about that because I love going to karaoke.

I fucking love karaoke. But I don't like to sing. I just like to hang out and fucking drink and just like watch. Because watching people like belt out their songs that they love is magical to me. And I always think about what song I would want to do And I always think of like Biggie's juicy Oh yeah

And I think really the only time he says it It's like, because that's an easy one Because he just goes, if you don't know Now you know Then you can just not say that But if it's like Almost like every other word It's like well that's hard to like

Yeah right You're like yeah Yeah yeah All right let's nail this There was one rap song I was looking at It surprisingly had like zero It's like I want to say it's I think the next episode

Maybe doesn't have the word once in it Not even intentionally. Snoop Dog and Dr. Dre. Like, it's a song you just surprisingly... Hold up. Hey. Oh, yeah, mine. Maybe I'm thinking of the song.

I might be thinking, but there's one song that I was like, look through. I was like, oh, surprisingly, this isn't once in there. Yeah. That's the hard part about Kanye because his new rap,

he doesn't curse besides that word. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, all right, that's no fun for me. It's all gospel music plus that. Yeah. I love, by the way, imagine doing that at church? Yeah.

You go to his Sunday service Yeah It's gospel It's allowed Yeah No it The thing it bugs me Is I hate when people

Get mad about Kanye going crazy I'm like He's like I love Kanye I love So do what But the worst people Were like

Oh I liked him before you I'm like dude He's like a What do you expect this guy To like Yeah You know what I mean It's like he's a

Accentric crazy person It's like It's so unfair It's so unfair It's so unfair to expect that Of someone like that Yeah

You're like No I want him to You say exactly I wanted him to be really good at music and then I also wanted to be a stable human being and be loving to his family and children and everything. It's like, why? He doesn't owe you any of that.

No, exactly, yeah. It's a crazy expectation to put on like, and I think it's one of those things that like people forget about like rock stars and how much a piece of shit like all over that way. And then it's funny to like pick it, a lot of people love to pick and choose. They're like, well, you know, I'm mad that this person did this,

but it's like, especially with rappers too because like that, I remember it was Cardi B, everybody was mad that she was like drugging guys and robbing them and I'm like she's a gangster rapper what do you want her to do well also separate the art from the artist appreciate the music and whatever why do you care about this guy's personal life so much yeah it's wild well that's what I thought would be the big uh big kind of like revelation from all this stuff would be like oh it's like I'm not going to get so invested in people yeah yeah exactly don't idolize them it's like I love this fucking person for who they are but I have to understand

that if they make mistakes it's like I can't hold them up to the standard. Yeah, and they're not, I'm... Yeah, I'm just liking their art. I'm not liking it for who they are. We also, it's like, I don't fucking know who they are. Right, yeah, yeah. So it's...

But, like, still, people are still good, like, oh my God, did you hear what the one until tweeted? It's like, what the fuck do you care? Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah. Get out of you. It's also just, I think with rap, it's just the funniest, because they're rapping about... I mean, it's an overdone point, but, like,

they're rapping about murdering people. Yeah, and then you're like, bad about it. And then, meanwhile, on the same token, we're like, Oh my God. Do you know that Rick Ross wasn't a drug dealer? Oh, what a Yeah, you get so mad if they weren't actually. Yeah, what if he's a fron. Yeah.

People are always going to find something. Oh, my God. You know, either I need, but yeah, just. Yeah, and then you, that's what it was, is you just couldn't do that. Somebody was like, everybody's like, you know, somebody back in the day was like, all fucking rock stars are pedophiles. They were like, nobody cares. Yeah, yeah.

Everybody cares about your opinion. Yeah, exactly. That's how you can do. You couldn't put it online in fucking permanent ink. Is that why rock music went down the drain? Yeah. I think so. Pedophiles?

Not pedophiles. Music quality. It's a straight trajectory, man. It's correlation. But yeah, man, I mean, they were all fucking, like, young girls. Yeah, yeah. But it is weird because I don't know the culture back there. Because my mom would tell me that, like, 15-year-old girls would just fuck 30-year-old dudes back then.

It was just, like, very common. Until recently, everybody's like, that's not cool. Right. Yeah. But it's hard because it's like, I don't know. It's like, obviously you should not have sex with children. I'm going to say that one more time Make sure that comes through

Yeah But it is one of those things where you're like You don't know if these rock stars Were particularly that way Or if the culture around them was just like This is okay And then they did it But yeah

Yeah They weren't asking questions Maybe they knew But you know They're not You know asking for IDs Yeah yeah Yeah well that was the Acon thing

That thing was funny too Because like What about Acon I think he brought a girl on stage And started grinding on it Do you love Acon? I fucking love I don't know why

But I was like I bet he fucking Dude, he's literally one of my favorite artists. Based on your taste of music, I'm like, I fucking Betty. Dude, I want an Acon poster just to like people be like, okay. They're like... Framed.

Yeah, yeah, I'm like, dude, fucking love this. 2008 album, my favorite. Yeah. I'm like a diehard Aikon fan. Sure. But it is a funny Yeah, just to have a poster. He fucking caught a moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But his thing, I think he was at a concert and he was rapping, and it was like a

18 plus concert. He brought a girl on stage, started grinding on her and then later on people like that girl's 15 yeah that's like a hard one because you're like if the venue is checking IDs it's like right right right yeah yeah yeah you're not supposed to just feel like in the fucking with the lights with the strobe lights yeah yeah yeah yeah like no wait a minute are you yeah stopped the concert for that check it yep okay it checks out we're good and just starts grinding on her um but then there are things like like i like jimmy hendricks threw a glass bottle at a girl's face and you're like i don't think there was the time when that was

acceptable. Across the board, that was like. But there are some people who like, so like Elvis, right? When I went to, I was in Memphis and I went to on the Elvis tour,

this is the first I learned about it. When he met Priscilla, Presley, when he was on tour or something, she was like 14. Yeah. He brings her back to, you know, the ranch.

Oh, it's crazy. And then he grooms her to be his wife. But like, you know, I guess he's dead so nobody's canceled him. But like, yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't know about this. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

Especially when all the songs are about, love making and stuff. And he's shaking his hips. You're like, oh, that's for children. Yeah. And then, but, but you're right.

Like, we don't, we don't hold them accountable to that. They're even, like, in the tour of, like, Grace Land or whatever, they talk about it, where, like, there's, like, a video

and he's getting interviewed. And they're asking, like, how wrong it is. Yeah. Right. It just seems weird. I was like, I was out on Elvis.

Yeah. Mike's in the back question. Yeah. Because he's getting interviewed on TV and they're like, what about this little girl you develop a relationship with? And he's like, oh, yeah, just we really got along. And, you know, I wanted her to come back to Graceland.

And I'm like, well, she's like 13, man. It's wild. That's, yeah, it's, we got along. It's like, no, you gave her, like candy. It's like, wow, she happens to like that I have a house. You didn't have a connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then what's the deal?

Is it that we, we assume that if you're under 18, you can't make those decisions for yourself. What stance are you taking? I'm just saying like, because, okay, so we used to just believe that. So, like, in this case, example, like, we were like, blind to that a little bit. Yeah. As a society, right? Like, oh, like, nobody's really like, well, it's like, yeah, it's like, sure.

He's with a 14-year-old girl and all of a sudden, oh, yeah, they're married. And, you know, again, it says something that you really hear about that often. Well, I think it's a combination of things because I think part of it is, is we realize that people, like, I think we know more about brain developments. So we were like, okay, your decision-making skills at that age aren't the same. But also it is tough because there's also that aspect of people grew up faster back then. Yeah, yeah. So the age of consent might raise in the future because people become more babies.

Right, right. Well, like, back in, like, you know, when like Abe Lincoln was around or whatever, like, Yeah, your life's-life expectancy was like 25. Yeah. Yeah. Probably because, like, 13-year-old girls are getting pregnant and dying after, you know, during birth. Yeah. That would be funny if we just looked at all the presidents and we look at the pictures.

Just them with like 12-year-olds. Wait a second. What a time to be alive. Mary Todd Lincoln was 13. I did not see that. Let me ask you something. I was having this discussion with some guys. So there's this guy, there's this guy or boy.

I don't know what to call him. But there's this guy and he has this condition where he mentally, he grows much faster than his body. kind of like, have you guys seen the movie Jack with Robin Williams? No. I was around this conversation the other night. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, so, so there's this guy. He's like, he physically looks like a, like a young boy, but he's actually like 40 years old.

Like Andy Milanacus? Does he? Yeah, that's something like that. Yeah. Does he have that? Have you seen Andy Milanacus? No. I mean, I know who he was and like, I remember, but at the time, wasn't he?

Fuck, dude. He is like, let me see, I think he's like 50. But he's like a little kid. Yeah. But he looks like it. Yeah, he looks like a little kid. Does he act? Does he have like the brain patterns of?

Yeah, he's 45. So there's two different things here, right? Like physically you're old, but mentally you're young. Right. Or mentally you're old and physically you look young. Exactly. Wait, quick question. You said this guy ages, his brain ages at his speed.

You mean he's just aging faster. It's not aging faster than everybody else, right? It's not like developing faster than my brain would. He's just, his body's just developing slower. I guess, yeah. Okay. I guess that would. I thought you're saying his brain is, like, moving in a faster rate.

No, I don't, I don't know what scientifically would. I picture him doing, like, those little towers, you know what I mean? Just like the little puzzles are solving them faster than everybody. Yeah. So the question is, can that guy, um... No, so who's more, who's more of a pedophile? Okay. Yeah, this dude's 45, you know what I mean?

But he looks young. He's like, uh... Oh, wow. Yeah, I guess so. You have some, yeah, disease where you don't really grow physically older. Right, I guess so. Websters, maybe, I don't know. I guess one thing would grow slower.

Either your brain, so you're aging fast physically. Like you look like your forward. Like in the movie, Jack, he's like, he looks like Robin Williams. Right. But he's got them in, but he's like, I think he's like in the sixth grade. Yeah. So I think it's all based on brain. Because like, you could be a grown man and have a child's penis.

And that's not like a pedophile. A girl bangs a guy with a tiny penis. Right. But wait. Wait, what? So like I'm saying it's all about your brain to, development. So if you're 45 years old, but you still have like Andy Milanochus body,

like that girl's not a pedophile because his brain. Okay. But he says he's, he's, he goes. You're going for a looks those. That's tough. Yes. What's the, what's the, what's who's more of a pedophile, the person who goes after the kid body or the kid brain? Right. I think it just depends on what you

you have to look at the, that's tough. I see, I was on board for that. I was like, yeah, it's definitely the mentality. Like, fucking a 40 year old who's like 12 inside. No. It's like, that's weird. I think you've got to go physically because, like, there's plenty of immature people. I've gone on dates with some women that seem like they have an advance past middle school, you know what I mean? But, like, they're in their 20s.

Yeah. But that's the argument that kept being brought up is like, but dude, you're literally fucking a child. It's like the body is a child. Yes, yes. But mentally they're like, yeah, they have a deeper voice. This is a great, would you rather? Right? Yeah, yeah.

I think it depends on, you have. to take what that person looks for in a relationship. If somebody is, if it's a selfish guy that's like, I just care about banging chicks. Then he's a pedophile if he goes for the body that's younger. But if he's like, I like an emotional connection to a woman.

Right. And then he's attracted to the bone with a child's brain, then he's like, if he goes, I don't really care about looks. They're just pedophiles. Either way, it's not a good look. No, no, no, no. But, you know. Well, but that, but they need to get there. Yeah, that's true. That's true. No, Alonacus needs to live a life.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he does. I don't know. He wraps about it. I think so. Okay. I hope he does. Yeah, but I mean, those are the...

He does slam poetry about it. If he looks like a kid, does he... Does he date men, women? What does he... I think women. So there's a bunch of women pedophiles out there. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm pretty sure that women who fuck younger men are clearly doing it because they love fucking young kids. Yeah. Like men do it because women are more mature than men. Oh, I disagree. I disagree with it. Because I always like, in high school, there's always those girls that are like banging like dudes that are 30 and they're like, well, it's because I'm mature and I'm like,

I think that guy's just horny. Yeah, sure. But that's what the guy says. The guy's always like, you know, you don't get, like, but our men's brains are, or we're emotionally not as intelligent as women. Okay. So like a guy in his 30s emotionally is closer to a girl that's 16 than a woman who's 30 with a kid

or the boy that's 16. I disagree a little bit because I think what happens, the main thing is how society views sex. So because women get shamed more for sex, there's more consequences of a younger girl having sex than an older guy than there is for a guy who has sex with an older girl. Because a lot of it is how society will treat you after you've been.

Because I think the huge problem about like molesting people, I mean, obviously the emotional trauma. I was thinking about something I know nothing about it. But I think like a lot of this. Top qualifying. The societal issues are like how you... We get it. Michael's never fucked a kid.

I'm bragging about it. But a lot of the issues of the societal issues, like when a girl has sex with their teacher, she's going to maybe be called a slut or something like that. But when a guy has sex a teacher, he will be benefited by society. So the consequences might be... Or his dad's like, good jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's like the consequences of that might be different. But because I am sexist... What about the female teacher? Yeah, I'm sexist. Like, I'm not trying to be, but in my brain, I'm like, I, for some reason, when I hear about... one, it doesn't bother me. And I can't describe it other than I'm probably

a little bit sexes. Because in my mind, like, I still see that guy's creepy and that girl teacher is a hero who pays it. Well, I also think just like, you know, generally speaking, right, guys are more physically imposing. They're stronger. So it's like

they, you know, it's like almost like taking it advantage of somebody who's a weaker, smaller person. Yeah, because of power dynamic. Yeah. If a 17 year old kid who's like, you know, the quarterback of the football team, you know. He could beat the shit out of anybody in that high school. Right.

And then, like, the small teacher hits on it. But I think that plays a role in how we look at it. What's her name? Miss Mendoza? I think it should be Mendoza. I think that plays a role in how we look at it. Yeah, it's a good point. It's like that person, like, yeah, yeah, that guy could easily defend himself when that woman might not be.

I almost. Sure. Yeah. Like we're talking about, you know, women can't walk home or they need, you know, 25 weapons on them in order to feel safe. Yeah. Yeah. If you were a woman and you had, to have a weapon, what would it be? I'm a man and I've thought about it. Like, I've thought about pepper spray or something.

I think... Imagine if you were just, like, someone was approaching you, and you're just a badass, and you just pulled out nunchucks. Yeah, that would be fucking going. I thought about getting it like a night staff. You know, like those ones were... Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a cool one.

Yeah. Especially, it was like, when I was barking, it's like, I've had, like, a knife pulled on me once. I've had, like, a... Some guy pulled a shank on me. Oh, shit. Yeah. So I'm like, in my head, I'm like...

They really don't want to see a comedy show. Yeah, it's bad. I'm also like, that corner that I'm on by Ben's is like the most aggressive, homeless person corner on the planet. It's arguably like the most active block or active corner intersection

in that whole area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, I mean, I get people constantly trying to fight me. Because they fucking you said Asimus the one is a comedy show. Yeah, they're like, yeah, no, I like how casual you are about it. I mean, we were talking about the other night where you're like,

you got relationships with some of these guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah, right. I thought one of them died one time because somebody, like, mixed up home with people. And it was like somebody from my work died. I was like, like, like, Janice from accounting died. I'm like, Johnny, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who builds the barricade on the street with trash cans. And then, it was so funny because I go up to him the next day. I'm like, dude, I thought you were dead. He goes, nope. And just go back to bed change. In some sense, these people are your coworkers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing is, I almost don't.

I'm like, I'm begging people for money, too. That's what I'm doing. I'm asking them to come to the show. And you were like the other day, you're like one guy's like, okay, I'm not going to ask you for money. You're doing comedy. I'm asking, I'm going to ask other people for money. You got like a mutual understanding. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why I think when somebody gave me advice, like, whenever someone, whenever homeless people bother, just tell them that you're working. It's like, that's like a cue for them. Like, oh, like, we're equals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're trying to, we're both trying to hustle out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, for the most part, yeah, it's going to be fine. Yeah. Yeah. I, yeah, it's been a lot of time out there. The one other part, so my favorite guy is the guy who says the barricades. I was talking to you about it. Yeah, yeah, Johnny. He, I'm so, so he loves setting up this barricade.

And he's, I think he's one of my favorites, too. Yeah, he's actually a very sweet guy. Yeah, yeah. Unless you're like a car trying to get through the barricade. You aren't the enemy. He will scream at cars. But I almost want to give him, I'd be enabling, but he's, somebody put the barricade in a different area of the street. And he clearly just hasn't found it because he's been making a barricade.

barricade with trash cans. Oh, okay. I don't want to enable him, but part of me wants to just be like, the barricade's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. My fair is when he told me why he does, he goes, I want the people to have fun. And that was just his answer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, like, snaps out of his schizophrenia. Like, he wants the people on the street to have fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so he just want cars to drive out. Yeah, yeah. Got it, got it. That's cool. He's blocking it off. Dude, I know that there's so many times where I'm walking in that area and I'm like, Oh man, they got these barricades are up.

Not realizing that he, I thought it was like That's true. I didn't know that was him. Yeah, I thought it was organized by the city or something. No, the police will occasionally put it up, like not even kidding, maybe once a week, and he will normally just take them and put them up. Like, I've seen it where he's the one setting it up and blocking traffic. And the cops don't care because I talked to them about it. They're like, yeah, I don't know.

He's making it straight safer. It doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, pick your battles. Right, yeah, right. But, uh... This guy's a hero. Oh, yeah, 100%.

Yeah. I made up a whole backstory, which isn't true. I like to think that somebody died in a car accident and he feels responsible. Now in his brain, he's blocking the road with that to take away. Nice. You give him an origin story? Yeah, yeah, exactly. That is a street nobody should

be turning down anyway. That is a street no one should be turning down. There's too much commotion. Yeah, yeah. There's people all over the place. But if fucking, if Google Maps is telling you to turn down that street and you turn down that street and it's fucking barricaded, I would fucking lose my mind. Oh, yeah, you see people who constantly get mad about it.

The crazy is the baseball bat thing. Did you see that video where like, there's this dude who rides around on his bike and like if you cut him off he'll take his bike and like hit it against your car Jesus um he always has those you probably seen him he has like glowing balls on the bottom he goes these nuts and right yes yeah that guy yeah that guy there's some people he looks so put together though because he's I think he is like a delivery driver for like a delivery service no that guy gives me the hebe-jeebies I get like weird fucking psycho energy from him yeah yeah well I saw him somebody came out he like hit somebody's I don't know if he took the baseball bat but there's a video of him

fighting somebody with a baseball bat. Like somebody's hitting, I don't know if they took the bat from him first, but they're hitting him with a baseball bat. Then he takes the baseball bat and smashes all of the windows of their car. Yeah. There's something about someone who like wants the inconvenience other people. Yeah, yeah. They're like looking to rile other people up for a reason.

Yeah. And those people, they terrify me. Like this person's capable of just anything. Literally anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the funny thing when you like, like I've almost gotten to fight with the homeless person.

There's no winning. You're fighting a homeless person. No, no, when there's no logic involved, it's that. Yeah, it's who's crazy. Yeah, you're not going to reason with it. Yeah. And the other part of it is like, ah, yes. I didn't even think about it that way.

Yeah. And then the other part of it too is like, what does he have to lose? He wants to go to jail. There's food in there. Yeah. If he goes to jail, he gets food, all this shit. And then like, there's no, when somebody has so much more to lose. Oh, yeah.

But you also have to think about that when rich people try to fight you because you're like, this guy probably will not fight me because he. That's a good point. doesn't want to lose his job probably. Or maybe he's like, I have lawyers. Or he's got, or they got enough money where they could get out of any situation. That's true, too. Yeah, I don't know.

Fucking rich people, man. There's so much money in this city. There's so much money. It's ridiculous. My favorite thing is I used to... How do people have it? How? I used to be shy about it because my parents have, like, some money.

Yeah. But then I moved in New York and I was like, oh, the level of, it's nothing. Yeah. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Having like, you know, I think it's so funny, like, the suburbs, you're like, I'm rich. I have a two-car garage. Yeah. In a fucking in-ground pool or whatever.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's what I was like, and I was nervous doing comedy because I was like, not nervous, but I was like, oh, man, everybody's talking about how, like, you know, they're poor and shit. Right. But then I realized I'm like, oh, no, in New York City, my parents are not rich at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not even. The money in the city, it's, you can't fathom it. No.

Like, you, like, you ever, like, walked down the street and there's just, like, brownstones where there's, like, four, there's, like, lines of brownstones. There's, like, four floors to them. These are mansions in the middle of the city. Yeah, it's like their property value has to be fucking insane. I don't understand it Yeah No it's I was like I can't

I can't I don't understand the difference between like Jeff Bezos and like A semi like Tom Siger Am I brain like I know the difference is like Astronomical but my brain I'm like I don't know But like once but it's true though like once you reach a certain level it's like okay It's basically unlimited

Yeah yeah Yeah Unless you're like into weird shit What do you mean Like Like you know If you just like have to if this if like weird things get you off not like just sexually but just like pleasure

wise like it just you just enjoy it then I think those things like they just cost money if you're like just a regular Joe where you're just like having a house and you know a nice property and your kids go to school it's like once you reach a certain level like yeah right but if you're like I want to fucking I'm just really into like flying a helicopter into my backyard you're like well it'll cost you a lot yeah yeah yeah I think shoe people deal with that like people to want, like, I think there's a lot of shoe people that'll be like, I need this addition, which I mean, it's all good if you're into shoes, but like, that's the thing where it's like, that I don't think it's addictive, but I think it is one of those things that people like,

you just want to get more and more. Yeah, like, as I know, like, rich people that have shoes. Yeah. Right. They start collecting yachts and planes and whatever. Yeah, that's that same thing where, right? No matter what, there will be better. So, like, you will have Kanye shoes from some concert that are worth.

Yeah. I mean, those probably aren't worth millions, right? Maybe not. No, no, I don't think it's, are there shoes that cost millions of, I don't think so. Speaking of someone who's got a couple pairs of George's... Probably not. But what you're saying, unique things you're into, yeah,

are like obviously, if you're under cars, then it's like... Yeah, yeah. There's no end to that, right? Yeah, yeah, that's an expensive habit. Yeah, yeah. Like, doesn't, but Jerry Seinfeld has like 500 cars, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That's too much.

Yeah, doesn't he? Or he used to. I'm curious. He had, like, a whole separate garage where you put all the cars. Well, it's kind of crazy because, like, I'm like, I could see. I could see having a brand new pair of shoes for like every outfit. Yeah.

I could see that. But like you're not going to, you're not going to run out of money if you've got Seinfeld money and you're buying sneakers. Right, right. But then to like, to want to pick out of like 500 cars,

which one you want to drive that day? That just seems stressful. Like you got to like. I hate options. Yeah. I have trouble. I get stressed. I just picking Netflix.

Yeah. Also. How is he counting that? Like I, do you think it would be easy to steal a Seinfeld car? I mean, or he's probably got him in like some garage somewhere, but like, why have it? Like, I don't understand what the point of it is.

Because you fucking can. Because you can, I guess. He's definitely a, because I can guy. Yeah, for sure. Like, I feel like to feel like if I ever got Seinfeld money, I just have like one condo in New York, one home somewhere else and then just like basically wear what I wear now. Like, I wouldn't change at all. Yeah, yeah. Like, who cares? Maybe that's why we're poor.

Yeah. Because you don't have that, like, greed. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you had to, if you had to have, like, one thing where you would just constantly keep, like, purchasing and you just wouldn't stop? What would you think that thing would be? I think it would be apartments. I mean, that guy.

Yeah. I like living spaces. Yeah. I think I would be, like, just in different cities. Right. Options. But I think, yeah, it would be apartments, but I'd want to, like, yeah, I don't know. The best thing would just be the freedom mentally not to worry about money and just do whatever you want every day.

Yeah. That's the, that's the. That's the. having money. Yeah. That's the only thing I care about. Yeah. But I think, I think, but I bet you're saying live like a pretty modest lifestyle.

I live a modest lifestyle. Yeah. I think, I have some nice things, but it'd be modest. Yeah. I wouldn't be buying 150 cars in store to be in a garage. Do you think he like counts them every night to make sure there's like not one missing? Because I feel like we both have OCD.

I don't even think like they're probably at his house. Like they're probably at some warehouse. Yeah. You know. Calls up Javier. Have you kind of the cars to know? Yes, Mr. Seinfeld. Yeah, that's crazy.

But I think, the problem with, like, Bezos level is, like, I think that guy still has responsibility. Like, in a way with this, when you're running something like that, compared to, like, if you're, like, a musician or something like that, you're like, I don't have to do shit. Yeah. You know, I think Bezos, although he, has he retired? He retired?

I think he, I think he's, basically retired. Yeah. But I think he's still, there's still that, like. He's got influence. He's making decisions. Yeah, that's the hard part is, like, people are like, okay, your company has this. They will go under.

They still associate them with Amazon, everything, obviously. Yeah, so that's, like, harder than, like, if you're a musician, you can kind of, like, totally just be like, I'm out. Like, I'm just not involved. Like, those old rock stars do fucking nothing. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, I want to play around on this. No, yeah, it's, it's different.

It's definitely, it's absolutely different. Yeah, like, being a pre-I mean, I know the presidents don't make as much money, but, like, that sounds like a terrifying. Oh. I can't even like. Oh. It's just like, sir, China wants to control the whole government or the whole world, what should we do about it? next.

I don't understand about being presidents because like we're trying if we, in our day jobs we're trying to make like decisions over like an Excel sheet or something.

Yeah. But they're like literally making decisions about war. Yeah. You know like doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah. Like that's like their day to day. Yeah.

Their day to day is like you know consequences for the entire world. What makes you so qualified? Dude. Yeah. Well that's why. But I think I obviously everybody's talked about. this, but, like, that's also, like,

this part of it is, like, you have to be crazy to do, like, you have to be, like, I'm the right one to do this. Like, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to make all the right decisions for this. Or you, or it's power hungry. Or you're like, I, I want to run shit. Yeah.

I mean, maybe, maybe they're like, I want to try to guide this country in a better direction. No, of course. But it's like, we just rule that up. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Yeah, I mean, there has to be some of that. Like, I think it used to be probably easier back in like, I don't know, it must have been a lot easier. I think now is probably one of the hardest times to be president because I think probably in like the first, I don't know. I like to think that if you're somewhere in the middle, like the decisions were maybe easier. Well, now it's just like it's just because it's your way to become famous. Yeah. Because it's all the media coverage. Even if you're like a congressman, I think Tim Dillon made this point.

It's like you're going to be crazy. you know, right wing or left wing to stand out. Yeah, 100%. And, like, then you're going to be able to write books and start a podcast and whatever. It's all theater now. Yeah. Back in the day, it was like, you know, set up, you know, founding fathers or whatever, you know, we're going to service the people.

Yeah. You know, but now it's like, no, it's just a way to become famous. Yeah, and you have to, like, do something. Because I was asking, like, somebody, some politician I met, um, I know it's vague, but I don't know what he did. It's not like a secret party I was at. Did you meet him in a closet somewhere? Yeah.

Don't tell me. anybody about this. Here's a million dollars. So I was talking to me and I was like, why do like Boris Johnson crazy hairdo? Trump crazy hairdo. Kim Jung, wild hairdo. All these guys have the craziest hairdo.

He's like, oh no. It's the highest fate I've ever seen. Yeah. You just went like fucking middle school New Yorker on it. He's like to go zero all the way the top. Fuck.

Oh, man, that's the best roast I've ever heard of King Jimbo. Yeah. That is... God damn, which was videotape

that would be great clip. So, wild haircuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, that Matt Gates guy,

I mean, he was in politics. Yeah. Crazy hair. Like, it's one of the things and I was talking to the guy. He's like, oh, yeah,

you have to do that because it's like how you have to basically, like, stand out. And I was like, oh, okay,

it makes sense. It's branding. Yeah. It's, Yeah. Because like Donald Trump could Everything. It's branding.

It's all branding. Trump has so much money. He could look less ridiculous. Yeah. Like he could. There's no way. It's part of it though. It's part of the whole thing.

He looks like if McDonald's was a person. Yeah. It's fucking insane. Because it is because that's all he eats. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. He's a child.

Yeah. He's a fucking child. Yeah. It looks ridiculous. You're ugly. But he's the one. He is one of those guys that's like, yeah, I should be, I should be president.

No way. But you want somebody who's like, I should have this job, that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. No, he wasn't, he wasn't trying to like better the country. Yeah.

But then I'll hear about like Venezuela and you clearly like that person is not out to help the country. Yeah, I don't know a lot what's going on. But it's just like it's just poor like

dude like the exchangeer it is retarded right now. The exchanges is like one U.S. dollar is like 45 million Bolivarez. It's insane. Yeah, I mean, like kids are like hunting fucking stray dogs for food.

Yeah, I've heard it's pretty bad. Yeah, I've heard it's bad, but I haven't heard specifics. Yeah, yeah. So it's just like dirt, dirt, poor. It's like, there's no middle class almost. It's like dirt, dirt, poor. Isn't that when they say like the most crime happens

there's a big discrepancy from the racist people? Yeah, yeah. Like Miami used to be like that whereas like, I mean, I'm sure it's still dangerous now, but my dad's from Miami and they're saying like those neighborhoods where it's like really nice. like crazy Scarface houses

and then you go a little bit further straight garbage. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's just like nothing to there's also no hope because you know, when you're just like, I'm not going to be that. Yeah, I'm not going to be that.

I could do the fucking the one story house. Yeah. But when those like I think when I think of like South American nations, African nations, it's like those people are all in it for greed, man. Oh yeah. There's just like, and then they just want to keep

their fucking collection around them, their people around them, their posse, and just everybody's rich, but they don't give a fuck about helping out the fucking people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as I feel like America still kind of has that a little bit, still.

Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah, there's still, that's a great point. Yeah, there's that little bit of like, I'm going to fix this. Yeah, at least, like, keep the ship right it so we don't end up, like, a lot of these fucking nations where it's, like, in turmoil. Yeah, that's the thing is, I think we are, like, I think we're always holding on by it.

It's like, you don't know what could fucking happen. Especially after the last couple years, like, do you really hit the same. Yeah. It seems, yeah. It seems like we really are holding on by a thread now more than ever. Or is it just like we're more, more, we're closer to being adults and we're just, like, more aware of those things. That could be true, too.

Maybe we're just, yeah. Like, when you're a kid, you don't, you're just oblivious to everything. Yeah. Yeah. But I think, I do think we, I mean, come on. I mean, it's like, you know, the social media has ruined everything. Yeah. Everything.

That's why everybody in every profession just has become so much more selfish and everyone is so much more divided. It's because it's social media. Yeah. Yeah. I tried with Twitter. I took, I did a, what's it called? Mutes on COVID coronavirus vaccine, Democrat, Republican, just all of that. So it doesn't top my feed. And it didn't even work. Like, literally, I don't know what happened, but like I start everything on there. That's all the content. Yeah. I did my phone just You blocked all the content. Oh, wait. So you want more Democrats. Okay, here you go. Yeah. Did Democrat,

Republican, Trump, Biden, and all that. I was like, I don't want any of this. fucking feed it. Your Twitter's like, no means yes. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Then it just sent me down a fucking rabbit hole. Because that shit, I don't know. I try, it's so funny because I try not to get political. Like, I aggressively try not to, because I hate what other people do it. Yeah, of course. But then it's like a harpoon gun.

It's like, I talk about it's, I'll black out. And the next thing, you know, I'm getting some deep argument about some shit that I don't know anything about it. Right, right. Well, it never used to be that way. We're like, everyone was political. Yeah. It never used to be that way. You could talk to somebody, and you would never hear their political views ever.

But now it's like, it comes out right away. It's like, oh, so, what's Biden, huh? And it's like, what? Yeah. You're a fucking mechanic. What the fuck do you care about this? It has nothing to do with it. Yeah, yeah.

It's true. And I hate that, but I also will become that sometimes. Sometimes I'm just eating cereal. And then I'm like, man, this fucking, I'm like, why, what the fuck? You know what I mean? It's like, it's so out of the blue. But that's what I'm trying to, like, step away. I don't know.

I noticed it less in Florida. Because, I mean, I think there's just like, I don't know why. Maybe it's just sort of spread out, but New York City. just feels like a political Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's just a political. You know what I like about Florida, man,

growing up there? Oh, yeah, by the way, where'd you grow up? Upstate New York. Okay. And I was like South Florida. Okay. Like Miami, Fort Lauderdale area. But then like, you know, you leave Florida and then everybody's like,

Florida's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Florida's crazy. And then you go back and you're like, you know everybody's saying that you're all crazy? You're like, they don't give a fuck. Yeah, they don't care at all. Nobody gives us a fuck.

They're like, What? No, man, we're just cool. That's what it is. Yeah, exactly. We were like drinking margaritas. Yeah. People are more relaxed. Yeah. 100%. They don't like, I always thought that people from Florida would be more offended by that. They don't give a shit at all.

There's no caring at all. Yeah. It's like zero. It's kind of remarkable because I hear that so often like I'm being from Florida. I'm looking around. It's like, no one going to stand up for Florida? It's like, I have to be the one. Yeah. But it's like there's just like narratives that take over again because of like social media or whatever. I love how anti-social media you are.

It's like mob mentality of like, people say this, you know, it's about like, you see it on the news. Like my parents are always like, you got to watch up. Don't ride the subways. There's a lot of crime. Oh, yeah. You're highlighting like, you know, a murder that happens. You know, it's like, I ride the subways all the time. And I've like, you know.

One murder. One or two murders. You know, I've seen one or two murders up close. That's it. Billions of times. Right. Well, it is a thing where the news I do think, like, I don't know, I'm not sure about social. Well, probably social media, too, but, but,

The news does want you to stay inside and watch the news because it's like, the scare you make that world, the more viewers they have because you're like, oh, I'm going to stay inside tonight. And negativity sells are just like, you know, when things are, you know, bleak, that's what sells. Oh, 100%. The positive doesn't sell. Do you think if you weren't doing comedy, you would be on social media? No. No. I didn't think so.

Maybe four years ago, no, but now maybe, yeah. Because it seems like everybody had, like my brother's in the hunting and he had like a hunt. made a hunting Instagram page. So it's like, it's kind of becoming everything. That's true. Because it used to be like, dude, I didn't want to get an Instagram at all. And I started doing comedy. And then I was like, I mean, I had an Instagram and I was like, all right, I'll start, you know, putting stuff on here.

And you realize you're like, in the same ways it's been bad for comedy, it's been good for comedy. Because like, obviously, people can throw out a podcast clip and now you're in trouble on the internet. But also the ability to build your own fan base is like, it's great for everybody. It's changed the game. I do I honestly my sister just had a kid her first kid and it was honestly like in my head I was like I wonder if she's going to start her on Instagram page for her kid And I was like oh no wait the kid would do that eventually

I don't know why I thought that people do do that Do they? Yeah yeah So just photos baby photos Because they're like you know Keeping everybody informed on the baby But how do you You probably put on a private right

You don't want This weird have your baby's Instagram like blowing up sliding I'm sure there's some people out there with like viral baby bitch Oh yeah I think

Why is Michael good Following my baby I think I want to check this for I think Gucci Mane's son Has an Instagram And it's just like A decked out baby

Do you love Gucci Mane? What do you think? I told you what I love Do you think Cucci Mane's not in there? I just want you to admit it I fucking love Gucci Mane dude Oh yeah

here we go Ice Davis is the baby. Gucci Mane's baby. Let me see this little pit. Dude, that kid's the man. How many followers is he got? He's got a blue check mark. He's got $207,000.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it's real. Dude, is that a... He's got the nicest, like, you know how the kids have those little cars they drive in? Yeah. It's just like...

It's like a bugatti or something. It's got like LEDs in the bottom. It's like a mini Bugatti. Yeah. Yeah. Unbelievable. But yeah, I don't know the answer. I did that thing where a lot of people get mad at me because my ratio,

not mad at me, but your ratio is way off. But I'm like, because I followed a bunch of random people just to get followers, which is kind of an annoying thing to do. Sure, yeah. But I'm also like, I don't care because if I'm putting out content,

I just want the most people to see that. I'll tell you what, when I saw that, I respected you even more. I was saying, I was like, this guy, he just,

he's so comfortable in himself. He's a tortoise ratio. He's not looking like a fucking idiot. Yeah. Look at Michael. Doesn't care about what people think about them. That's terrible things are saying about him. Yeah.

Doesn't even bother. Look at this loser. So you're following more people than you have followers. I follow like 7,000 people and I have like 4,000 followers. You know what I would like to do? I'd like to fucking stop following everybody in comedy. Stop following everybody in comedy. And I've been doing this more.

I've just been following dog accounts. Oh, yeah. Just endless dog accounts. I showed you a habit of mine, right? I'm in the monkey memes here. That's right. This, though, it's not what you think. That's what the internet's for.

It's dangue. It's not videos of monkeys. It's memes from the point of view of monkeys. So it's like when that dollar store banana hit and the monkey's doing like a face, it's like when your monkey wife says this, like no bananas on Thursday. I was talking to Jake Velasquez about this. you made this point where it's like, if you look at your explore page, right,

it's hot girls is a given. So hot girls is a given on there. And then what's the other thing? So the other thing is like what you're really into. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it seems like even if you're not clicking on that, it will be just like girls and bikinis. So mine would be like, yeah, like hot girls,

NBA highlights and like dogs or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, mine's, I see mine. No, dude, I don't, I don't look at it. It's too overwhelming. No, I don't, I'll pull it up right now. I don't follow. You should.

No, I don't follow. Right off the bat. Yeah, yeah. Look at this fucking, look at this pug. Just getting his teeth brushed. Oh, that's fucking adorable. No, hold on, hold on. You got to see this one.

This one I've been setting to people left and right, man. This one. I guess I'll get comedy stuff. Watch it. Look at this dog grinding. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. So that makes you genuinely, genuinely happy.

Happiness. Yeah, yeah. But then I'll fucking see some comedian just fucking Well it's so funny too Because comedians like So many of them get so So this is my Explorer page That's pretty good

That's like straight dogs Yeah straight dogs That's pretty good man I've been following a couple cartoons too See mine is all Girls in Basketball One just says abortion It's a comedy one

That's a comedy one That's a smart peg to have Yeah yeah Of course That's just the picture It's just the word But I remember like I don't know

Just like sick crossovers in Instagram models. Fuck yeah, man. That's a pretty good experience. Yeah, I got a buddy who sends me like a lot of hockey highlights. I'm like, fuck, I need this guy in my life more. Yeah.

Well, yeah, I have the meme friends are like, I love friends that send me to me. Yeah, man. But it's also like, there's a thing that happened. Like, I remember I noticed when I was following on my girlfriend's Instagram, the comedians were saying less funny things than the politician because the comedians

were talking all this, like, serious political stuff. Yeah, yeah. And in the politics, Trump was saying hilarious shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then some comedian is like, we need to do this, this and that. And I'm like, why is what he's saying way funnier than... Well, Trump was the biggest comedian

in the world. Oh, my God, dude. She was touring arenas. From 2016 to 2020, nobody was fun year. I still think his, what's it called? That thing he had when they were doing the... That debate was amazing. The last debate with him and Biden. That one joke he had, he's like, this guy

peak COVID is like filling arenas full of people. He's like, yeah, you'd fill arenas if you could or something like that. He's like, he just can't get people to come out to see him. And you're like, damn. He literally would be doing like an hour. of material where like and riffing.

Riffing, act outs. You would call... They would be like, Mr. President, do you want your set list? Get it out of my... Yeah, he would do like mini-mic, Bloomberg, and he would like get crouch roll low.

Like, that's an act out. Oh, 100%. And then people would be losing their minds in the audience. Yeah. But it's also like... But he didn't do workout sets, though, so you only put one fan base.

Yeah, you got to go see other. They were coming to see him. Yeah. It's also like... That's when you're the most Your fans come to see you. Oh, yeah. But he also the first president to openly curse, I'm pretty sure.

Which is such a giant jump. Presidents didn't curse, and now he's calling some, like, a politician of fat bitch pig. You know, it's like, there was no in between. There was no, like, Obama wasn't like, ah, fuck this shit. Yeah, it was just immediately, like. The way, like, some presidents, there was, like, attorney. Like, what, you know, Lincoln is arguably the most, like, pivotal president. Yeah.

Trump is going to go down as one of those people. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's going to be, like, it's going to be a shift. Especially in, I mean, he proved that like just celebrities can be president. Yeah, yeah. It was so entertaining. Like, I feel like people were just like, this is so entertaining. I need to keep seeing more of it until he actually got voted in.

Yeah, I mean, like, because it was like, first, one of the first debates he talked about his, his dick's eyes on the on stage. Oh, yeah. He's like, I promise he's not small. And you're like, wait, did he actually just do this? You know, in a presidential election, he's like, I can assure you there's no issue there. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking good saying. There's like 15 Republican candidates on stage.

He's in the center. Yeah, yeah. You know who I respect? I respect the comedians that, because there's always that debate in comedy of like, what you're doing is original. What you're doing is, it's poignant, it's making points.

It's, you know, it's pushing the art form. And then there's other comedians that are like, well, is he killing? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Is he killing? That's all that matters. Right.

And that's where I kind of like, those are the comedians that I'm starting to like realize like and identify with a lot more and respect a lot more. Specifically with Trump where they're like, oh, what he's saying is this? What he's saying is that? But this and then, but a lot of comes like, yeah, but he's fucking funny. Yeah, exactly. That was the point of it. Like it's hack, but it's funny. But it's funny.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He's killing, man. It was, it was. Yeah. And then like, no, I mean, there's just going to be so many people that have like no fucking political experience. And they're going to think I should be president. Yeah, yeah. This is not good.

Yeah. But it's so funny that like a celebrity president won before like, like, third party is so far from winning the election that somebody who's never been. But you could be a governor of Ohio for like 20, not however long, you know what I mean? And run is like a reasonable third party president. Yeah. And you're not going to get it compared to like just some whatever political like, just a name.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So with a name. You know, to bring it, you know, he's social media's president. Right. He doesn't become president without social media. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think anybody could anymore. I feel bad there because we got to wrap it up. What do you guys want to promote? My podcast, it's on hiatus, but Lady and the Simp and follow me a yo Iggy Smalls. Perfect. And Mike? My podcast with Jake Velasquez, the Dueless podcast. I'm on Instagram, Mike underscore Bramante.

Hell yeah. Sweet. Yeah, sorry for like the sudden. Thanks for having us. Yeah, thanks for I had a blast. It was really fun.