Morning Good - Should I Move To Austin? - Episode 170

Episode Date: May 21, 2023

Paddy Defino joins the show as a solo guest for today. He and Michael talk about not being built for jail, having extreme highs and lows (or bipolar disorder), and no longer trying to look like a good person.Thanks to Paddy for coming back on the show as a solo guest, check him out at his links below or on previous episodes of the podcast. He's probably the most featured guest, so there's plenty of stuff to dive into if you want some more Paddy.Follow Paddy on Instagram @paddy_is_funky and make sure to check out his new podcast, the Untitled Podcast.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichael and check out the show on YouTube now tooThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, and we're here with Patty Defino. Hey, and I'm here with Michael Good. Yeah, because James Pottillo bailed. He's like, oh, I thought we're tomorrow. Yeah, he, I mean. He sounds like Walt June.

You've seen the way his brain works. Like, he doesn't understand days. No, not at all. Dude, I had a friend who, uh, he's in jail now, great guy. But he didn't, he didn't understand months, like senior year of high school. He was like, yeah, dude, I can't. He's like, I can't. I think even in college, he's like, is it March comes after.

Yeah. April, right? And I was like, dude, this is insane. Like, what day did you miss? That this was like, by the way, I always. also respect him for bullshitting his way through life with not because I know when you don't know information and you just agree to it and how hard that struggle is. Yeah. Where you're like, I have to lie now and make people think I know something I don't. Exactly. Especially with a

job, dude. It's like you'll listen to your boss say something and you're not picking up any of it. No, you're like yes, absolutely. Yes. And then you do it wrong and you give it back to them. They're like, no, no, you have to do it like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. And then you just keep doing it wrong until someone else steps it and picks it up. Well, that's when like you rely on like a woman who's in the meeting too because you're like there's no way she's not listening i know somebody brought that up like women take the most incredible notes on things yeah they do they're the best uh type of person yeah they're great and there's nothing wrong with them nothing nothing and i stand by that yeah and uh there's no holes well yeah okay but there's no

but they're the best kind of holes exactly Even when they have holes inside of them, they're wonderful. I like how your friend, like, doesn't, like, that is the thing. Like, if you miss certain days in school, like, when you're really young, like, you can just not know how a clock works. That's, like, the most vital information your whole life is, like, the first days of school. But it's like, they do it, like, in one day. And then they don't really go.

They just assume, you know, forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get in high school, that makes sense because you do shit that you're never going to do ever. Yeah, that's why. Because, yeah, but the stuff you're not elementary school, they're like, look, we have to get you to function. Yeah. So you can't, this is like important stuff.

Yeah. You have to like, we have to make it so you're worth talking to. Yes. Because that's the worst. Like people, people aren't really real people until like seven is in the gain of conscious. And they're like, I actually have a conversation. Yes.

But before that, she's like, yeah, you, yeah. And it's just, yeah. Yeah. Most annoying thing. Your friend is like an ethereal being. Like, he's like, he just doesn't run by the Gregorian calendar. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He like exists in nature and he's like an omnibular.

He's just like, you know, he's like, But now he's in jail. Now months are meaningless. Now you actually don't want to know time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it's, yeah, just out the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just goes every day.

He's like, am I going out yet? And he's like, no, you still have three years. He's like, three years. Okay, yeah. Has no idea. Yeah, I hope he gets to, I'm not, I can't get into details about it much. But it's funny because I was talking to Chris Baysmore. He goes, oh, yeah, you know, Chris Baysmore?

No. He's like, oh, yeah, is he, does he say he's going to get out soon? I go, yeah, he goes, yeah, he'll see that for the next 12 years. He's like, I have a friend in jail. He's like, they're always like, real soon I'll be coming out. Do you do a big thing? You don't have to tell me. No, no, no, no.

I'm not getting into it. But, uh... Yeah, dude, I could never, I don't know. I would... I wouldn't survive in jail. Like, jail is built for people who like deserve to be there, you know? Maybe not, like, always they deserve because obviously... Dude, how bad is that to be wrongly accused in jail?

You're like, you literally just have the worst. Because you're not equipped. Like usually the people who are like, like, you know what's it called? Like Mike Tyson said he's like, I didn't rape that woman, but I'm such a fucked up person that I do belong here anyway. So you wonder if a lot of people get accused of stuff. They have to bring up your track record. They're like, look, this guy also beat the shit out of an old lady. Yeah.

He's like, all right. So maybe enough things you do add up. Yeah. I wonder how many completely innocent people go to jail. Yeah. I mean, it seems like we charge. Do you think you added up the crimes of your life, you could be put in jail? Like the thing is

Most of my crimes are like probably like an hour To an afternoon in prison Yeah yeah So like I think maybe I'd serve like a week total Yeah because I'm like okay have I ever driven drunk Yes But dude one week in prison Like I'm gonna have a shaved head

Big fucking swastika Right immediately Because I'm gonna fold to whoever I'm around I need safety in this place Yeah that's always interesting When everybody's like no dude I would totally Just stand up to the neo-Nazis and the crypts and say Hey guess what pals?

I don't want neither I don't know if it's like a knife. I think it's tough. It depends on like if they go, we're going to stab you if you don't join this gang. Yeah. Then I would wrap my head around it and say, you know what I'll do? I'll join the neo-Nazis that just to survive. And then when I get out, I'll use my money.

I'll counterbalance it. I'll use my voice to help Jewish people in a way or black people. Exactly. Yeah. Because no matter what, your brain's not going to find a way for you to justify joining. No. or not justify it's like you matter what there I think there's very few people that are just like um but I I hear a mixed thing though dude I hear this weird thing where it's like apparently a lot of people I think it really depends on the prison itself so apparently like I was listening to this guy I've really gotten into this like just fringe society podcast which are fucking awesome it's like they have uh he had Richard Spencer on who used to be a Nazi and now he's not now he's like a Biden guy yeah I don't know what's I'll get into that in a second but then they have like uh imagine like he's switched and he's like I'm Dick Spencer now Richard Spencer was the old

It was a monster Yeah, yeah Yeah But So like all these fringe podcasts Was like they'll have like Do that this episode They had like a white blood on

And he was talking about going to prison It was really interesting So he was in Florida in prison Yeah He was like this guy from Boston Which is also so funny To hear a white guy from Boston Who thinks he's black

But still has a Boston accent Yeah It's so where he's like Yeah, what's so motherfucka And I'm like This is the most confusing thing He's like yeah So this motherfucker

motherfucker guy grab the car I'm like what is it's most confusing but it makes sense you listen to him and I'm like

oh you sound like you think you're black but you're also from Boston yeah the only boss like the only job you can have with a Boston accent that like lines up is if you're like

shoveling roadkill out of like yeah yeah yeah that seems like it aligns oh yeah

yeah yeah but if you're like I know I teach like molecular theory and I'm just like the fucking atoms of flying around it's like

nobody's gonna retain any of that. It's so funny, too, because it's like, that is the exact same struggle that people with, like, Southern accents have. It's like the same thing because it's like, you can be way more intelligent than me. But people will stereotype you as a certain thing just because of the way you, it's like you could go through years of studying, but no matter what, that accent will, people will look down on you for it. Yeah, dude. We always talk about white privilege and all this stuff. What about Northern privilege? Oh, interesting. Like, because Southern, you have a, you have a, a lack of, you know, ability to

to client. You can't have a guy with a southern accent. You're just from the state of Alabama. I think you're stupid. It's so fucked up. It's like completely fucked up because like I guarantee you there are, I am by no means. I've never taken an eye case. I do not think I'm an intelligent person. But for some, I'm sure there's scientists in Alabama. But for some reason I hear that and I just assume you're a dumb ass, which is totally wrong. Yeah, yeah. That's just as bad as being like you're from Mexico. Yeah. You're probably this or that. Yeah. It's like that's the, you're literally taking a plot of land. saying because you're from here, you think like this.

And then people like to defend it and they go, well, you know, you get enough guys to act like a dumbass. Like that's the same argument as like racism. The unfortunate I think too is like we're probably getting to a point in the world, maybe in the next like 200 years where we all speak like the same language. Yeah. Like kind of sound the same and act the same. But like it'll be Mandarin.

It'll be Mandarin. But like which, you know, which group of people has no bias in their language? there's none. Like everyone has something. So we're going to have to like choose one of them. That sounds the best. That sounds the best. Yeah.

Because like a British accent, you sound intelligent, but you also sound like a fucking douche. I know. But dude, if aliens show up, we're going to want like a British dude to like talk to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can't have somebody like, oh, I, uh, you know, that non-distinct. Yeah. You need like someone who can like articulate things. I don't know.

Maybe that's like the beauty of this world. I think they don't speak the whole. I'm like so deep in aliens, dude. I'm like, it's. You're like, they don't. Yeah, they don't speak it. Well, they speak in lights and lights. Yeah, yeah.

They apparently do the telekinesas. So they just like, you just hear their thoughts. Oh, dude, that's the worst. They're going to see me. You said it like that happens often. Well, like, they're going to show up and just going to be staring at this alien's fat ass. And they're going to be like, well, I don't think, I don't think these guys are developed. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's true. because your thoughts are crazy. You're like, yeah, put your dick in my... You think crazy. I know, dude. Thoughts are crazy.

It's like, you... It's constantly just a firing of like, what if I stab that baby in the face? Yeah. They just wild.

So, like, aliens are gonna be like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. Maybe they're like smart enough to know that we have a filter as well. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Like that these ideas pass through it. Because you also have opposing thoughts, especially that's something I have to learn with OCD. It's like you have, like, what OCD is you,

everybody has crazy thoughts, but you take those crazy thoughts and you put now value to them. So you now go, because I had this thought, I am going to be a serial killer. Because I had this thought, I'm going to be, I'm a racist or that. So like, but everybody has those crazy thoughts.

So it's like, yeah, yeah. Do you think they get crazier too, if you don't say any of them? I like to think that because I really hate people that act like they just like don't, like people at comedy shows that groan. I'm like, what do you, what did you think? It's like, you took a shit in the toilet

and you looked at it this morning. That came out of your fucking body. And then at least 10 people here I've seen a gang bang on their phone in the last week. There's nothing more offensive coming out of your body than a shit. Yeah, exactly. There's nothing I can say that's worse than, like, defecating. Yeah.

That's gross. It's disgusting. Nobody likes that. Yeah, yeah. But it's like everybody, we're all fucking disgusting. But people would just love to cover it up and just be like, no, I'm not like that. Heaven's no. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, dude, I don't know. I think, dude, I think in a certain point in comedy, we're not going to go by our, like, real names anymore. I think we're going to have, like, I just pictured an alien doing comedy and he's just staring at them. They're all just dying, laughing. Look at an alien's fucking murdering up there. He's just like The microphone's like nowhere to be found.

Yeah, yeah. He's just staring the thoughts in. Yeah, yeah. Dude, that would suck. He's just loaded up with chat GPT. Yeah, yeah. Well, also, I've yet to read a chat GPT joke that's actually funny. Everybody's like, they're taking over standoff. It's like, really? They are? Because I haven't heard one good joke from chat GPT. Yeah. I guess it'll get better. But, like, Like, I don't know. There's no personal touch.

It's just like shit that people have already done. Which I think it's so much of standard. Like, I think there's certain things that, like, you can. Like, they couldn't make a movie like fucking Boas Afraid. Now that it's been made, they can make a copy of it. So you can do it. I think it will push originality. Because now it's like, yeah, music.

It's like, people are like, oh, Chappids, you can take over music. It's like, yeah, but not music that hasn't been made. Everybody's like, look, here's Kanye singing a Green Day song. Like, those are two things that are already made. And it sounds terrible. Also, I heard a guy wrote the lyrics for, for the, that, you know, that Drake song that like blew up? No. There was like a Drake and

it was like Drake in the weekend and there was this AI that like made this song. It basically made the beat and everything and then it sounded like it was Drake and the weekend singing it but it wasn't. So everyone was like freaking out there like

holy shit like music is done. There's no way we're going to be able to like come back from this like why would you pay an artist? But some guy wrote all the lyrics for that and just used the AI To like do their voice. Yeah, yeah. It's like certain things like that, but it's like I don't think like, like, uh, like they'll

make Marvel movies. You know what I mean? They'll do shit like that. That just has no value to it. Look, I like it. But like the level of, I don't know, I've heard the new Guardians was good, but just the level of like shit. Like like literally it's like fucking Walt Disney just shitting down our faces.

It's like just no. It's like literally. Yeah. Unfortunately, and we kind of like that a little bit. Oh, yeah. We like it a little bit. And then it's going to get to a point where we don't. And then I think.

think it'll come back around. Yeah, yeah. It'll get to the point where it'll become like, anybody mentions superhero and they'll get fucking stabbed because it's just so, yeah. Yeah, it's so saturated. But then it's like, dude, we saw fucking Bo's Afraid and I was like, that movie.

Yeah, dude, that was one of the funniest movies I've seen in so. Yeah, one of the funniest were also like you're on the verge of vomiting the entire time. Yeah, yeah. Because, yeah, dude, I don't know. I think about that movie like every day now. Dude, I know, yeah. If you haven't seen it as a listener, see it, but also just realize that you're going to be uncomfortable for the entire fucking thing.

For the whole time. I'm very curious my girlfriend, I think, because she has no anxiety. Like, she just does have anxiety. Yeah. Which is insane. Do you have anxiety? Yes. Yeah, right?

Everybody I know has, even like the most quality, not quality, but like people that have their shit together, they have anxiety. So it's so weird to me. She's like, yeah, I just don't really like. Yeah. It's the same thing with depression when people don't feel depressed. I'm like, what is that like? Yeah. What is it like to just like not feel like this, like, hate?

You know what, though? I don't know if they have the same highs. Maybe. Because I'll have these, like, emotion. I might have bipolar. I don't think I do. But I'll randomly just have, like, just so much, especially, like, after having, like, a good set on stage.

Like, I was shadow boxing the shower the other day because I had, because people liked my jokes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah. It's like fucking midnight. And I'm just taking a shower alone. I'm like, that's fucking right.

But I don't know if people that don't get depressed have that. You know what I mean? No. I think they just kind of coast, but that's like nice. I envy that, dude. I wish I had that. A little bit. I'm very peaks and valleys kind of guy.

Yeah. You're like a, you're like a nature valley bar. Yeah, just crumbs fucking all over the place. Yeah. No, yeah,

I like that life that's like that has the real lows and real highs. Yeah. And, I mean, I'd rather not the lows, but it's like nobody.

You need the lows, dude. Yeah. You need the lows. The good times. Yes. Yeah. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

You know, it might not be true. Yeah. lying. You know what I was thinking about the other day? Like, in the Holocaust. Like, if I were a Jew in the Holocaust, I would just say I'm a Christian.

Yeah, but they would check their foreskins. But couldn't you be like I've converted? No, no, because it was the race of Judaism. They didn't like. Oh, okay. I like you thinking about this all day. You're like, this would be a great thing for me to bring up on the podcast. Yeah, yeah.

Because Adolf Hitler didn't have a problem with the religion. Because even like a problem with their culture and like their, because it's like a culture and a religion and like a there's an ethnic group aspect to it. I guess it's just hard to imagine being in the Holocaust and like not like. Because it didn't happen. It was horrible if it did happen. But I like I guess I just don't like if you're a Jewish person, you don't believe in heaven and hell, right? No, I think you do.

You do. Because I was going to say, how do you go through that and not be like, these people, People should be going to hell. Oh, for sure. Well, I think what happens, too, is, like, I think the crazy part of it is, like, for a while, I was like, oh, you know, I was like, I need to stop being so negative. Because, like, I was like, I've had some friends dying. It really does fuck with you a little bit. It's like, not like a lot.

It's like people have way, but I keep going out. People have had way worse lives than you. I was like, yeah. There's people that made it through the Holocaust. I met Holocaust survivor. It's like, it's like, that's insane. There's people who deliver Uber Eats. Not that our Holocaust survivors.

That would be so, dude. Oh my gosh. Could you imagine fucking be like, I literally made through the fucking Holocaust? No, I'm just like delivering chicken sandwich. You're like, you burnt my toast. You're like, oh, burnt? You're going to tell me about burnt.

But I would talk to it. Some of them are like, you know, happy. In my mind, I'm like, who might have been depressed, you know? And then I looked up, like, suicide rate with, like, people that have served. And they, it's not like this thing where, like, you went through it. And now you're like, now I have a better person. It's just like anything else. It's like some people come out and they're like, I'm really appreciative of my life and some

people kill themselves because that was just so atrocious. We've really had it so easy, but that kind of adds to the fact where you're like, why am I still not happy if it's this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, that's that extra little bit where you go, my life's great. Now that's more depressing. I know. Yeah, because it's like, I'm such a pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because you're like, now I'm a loser and I'm sad. Yeah, but I wish someone would walk into the train and just like shoot. someone next to me to validate the fact that I'm scared all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I was actually on the train the other day and like the, it's getting crazy on the subway. Like, because now it's like, it's like the Wild West where it's up to like, I don't know if you've seen this like Jordan Neely thing with that like Marine guy who choked out of him. A homeless guy who attempted to throw someone on the tracks.

Oh, that's what happened? From what I understand, he attempted to throw someone on the tracks. Now, for listeners, this is coming from the source itself. Patty Defino. Yeah. dot org. Yeah, I read the story and then I switched things in my head that I think are correct. And no, I really didn't read too much. But from what I heard, he like tried to hurt someone. Why was he getting choked in the train then?

That's why I'm a little confused. Maybe it was like between the cars or something. Okay. But he was like closet. But I don't really have a take on it. I don't think you should murder someone. Yeah, of course. Even though like if there's anyone to murder, it's the homeless. But I'm not going to, you know, but like what it has now, like, it's like, it's like, it's, It's up to the passengers on the train to, like, handle these situations. Because there's just not enough security and there's so much mental illness. And I was on the train the other day. And there were these, there was this homeless guy, like, yelling at this woman and, like, kind of scared her off the train.

And then these three teenagers started, like, fucking with the homeless guy. And they were, like, teasing him and stuff. And, like, he was getting all pissed. He was out of his mind. Like, he was so beyond repair, you know. But he ends up walking off the train and the kids follow him. And he gets onto a different car and they followed him. on and then the next stop all of a sudden the doors open and like 15 people come sprinting in

through like through the doors like between the two cars and the look on their face is like fucking crazy and one of them's like like those kids like shot that guy like they're yelling that and like we're all like freaking out and the door shuts and we see the kids come and dude I have a moment where I'm like do I run and try to like grab the door but I'm like but you also don't know what's real and what's like people putting in their head so like none of us did it and the kids came in and dude, like one of them had his hand, like, in his fucking sweatshirt and stuff. And, like, the people were freaking out.

And then the train stopped. The kids got off and ran away. And, like, everyone gets off the train is, like, looking around and the conductor comes out. And she's like, what happened? We're like, we think, like, someone got shot. Like, people heard, like, a pop or whatever. And they go in, and the homeless guy wasn't there. I guess they just, like, twisted a bottle and fucking shot a bottle.

But, dude, either way, like, it. like you have that moment where you're like fuck like what am i gonna die like yeah you're like am i the hero the answer is no no i was not the hero i was not the hero i was thinking about this too so like uh yeah everybody wants to think like i'm the hero i would do the right thing i would step in but a lot of times heroes we give them a lot of credit but how sane are they no they're not right so because it's like a lot of dude a lot of like these marines they're like are kind of out of their mind. Yeah.

Like they're, like, you have to be broken as a man. They break you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Into this thing that like,

you're designed to fucking just like execute without like, really thinking about it and like follow commands and shit. And I think a lot of those people that do heroic things are in a state that what they're like, they either have like nothing to live for or they're like, they're just like, dude, like they've had shitty things happen to them or whatever.

Oh, yeah. So there's no one whose life is going really well who's like, I'm going to risk it all. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, like, it does take that out of you. And it's also, like, a lot of the school shooting stuff. It's like, everybody's like, oh, well, he threw his body in the way to save kids.

I was like, well. Because he didn't hand in his homework, dude. Easy way out, always. But it's like, it's like, I think there are. If you run into the school, then it's like, dude, that's insane. Like, you're a fucking hero. Yeah. You could have ran away, but you didn't.

But I think maybe there's some situations. This is me just justifying not being a hero. Yeah. But it's like if somebody's shooting and then you, jump in the way and try to take over, it's like you only have, that's your only option actually. Because if you're in a closed space, there's, you're going to get, you're going to get killed. It's like, you're going to get shot by this guy. So either you stop him or you die, you die either way. Yeah, it's not like, fight or flight kind of. Right. So people are like, oh, this guy like ran towards, and it is heroic.

Yeah. But at the end of the day, it's like also like, I think most, a lot of people would do that. Like, that's the sense I would be a hero. It's like, I'm in a movie theater and the guy in front. We all know how. But it's like if somebody's already shooting and it's either the wall or towards the shooter, you're going to go towards like it's like, I think a lot of people would be like thing. Yeah, you're not just going to back down. But if you go into a school that's getting shot up, then you're a hero. That's a different. That's a choice because you're already safe. And then you elect to put yourself in arms way again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, but those are the people I think that like kind of want die a little bit. Like they're like, yeah. They're like maybe this will give me some kind of like purpose.

Or I think of like a good thing. like they've fucked up so much in their life that they're like, I gotta do one last good thing. Yeah. And they like do that. Which, that always revs me all. You see Logan that,

dude, like that way's like, I've done so much bad stuff and I got to do one last good thing. Yeah, hell yeah. What's the line at the end, dude, where he's like drinking?

They're like, oh, you're drinking a lot. What are you drinking to forget? He's like, no, to remember. Dude,

when I see movies, like, I get like, dude, especially since I stopped drinking, I get so, affected by movies now. Like, I'll cry all the time at movies.

Constantly. Logan makes me cry every time. It was funny. You said that that reminded me of, I remember there's a movie Barbwire, that Pam Anderson action movie. Yeah. Where I remember she had a quote, she's like, don't drink. By the way, when I think of a Pam Anderson action movie, there's a lot of nudity involved

when I think of that. Yeah. Nobody's booking that woman a movie, not being like, show your fucking tits. She's like, this is an animated Disney cartoon. They're like, we'll edit it in post. We're going to put them in there. I'm doing a voice of a cat Yeah

But your cat's gonna have huge Yeah Yeah Yeah But yeah she's like She looks like She goes drink to remember Not to forget

And then in my mind I was like I'm never gonna drink when I'm sad What I'm gonna drink when I'm happy Cam Anderson said in an action movie Oh dude Dude that was that time when it was like My parents had nanny on the computer

Is that like a cam thing That you can like see? No no That would be funny. It's like, we're going to watch to see if you're jerking off. No,

it was like, Nett Nanny would like, block, like, pornographic websites. Oh, okay. Um, so like,

with the TV was like, HBO. It's like, you had to pause whatever movie. And like, yeah, like a whole movie because you can't fast forward.

So I watched tons of films just for booze. Just with the remote, like, ready to go. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And then you have to, like, be selective about which one and, yeah, and dude, you can't pause too long because then you're kind of like, Yeah, like this sucks.

I gotta see something moving a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just rewind and pausing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, yeah. Yeah, I can't like see things now and not have like a... Dude, music too. I fucking cry when I listen to like old songs.

What's the song that gets you? Dude, there's a song by the strokes. I got a... I can't think of it. It's not like their newest album. Someday, yeah. All my fears they come to... It's one where it's like,

I won't at all. And you... I will live for you. You know that one? Yeah. I will live for you. As soon as he hits that, I'm just like, yeah. Dude, I'm like, I will live for you, Mr. Strokes.

Dude, I cry to, I'll listen to, there's a lot. Some Kanye songs make me cry. Yeah. And words in Paris every time. But, no, like some of the stuff on Donda, I'm like, this is really like, intense music. Come to life. Um, do you like sad music?

Yes. Yeah, dude. I, I, I, I've been really getting into email music. Really? I never, like, I liked it a little bit as a kid, but I always, I always kind of performed like the pop punk where it's like, I'm skating in my girlfriend dump me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now I'm listening stuff where it's like, and I bleed.

And like, like, really dark stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, yeah, there's, uh, dude, my chemical romance is like a real, I love them. I never really like, like, I liked a couple songs by them. And now I'm like, dude, they're really putting it out. there. You know what I mean? Like that guy,

by way, Joe Rogan's cousin is the lead singer. Oh, really? Yeah. They've like never met, I think,

or something like that, but apparently related, yeah. That's interesting. Did you ever listen to Tame Impala? Yeah. Dude, I was like, they said?

Yeah, they're like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, yeah, but their album loanerism, it's called.

It's like about, it's like, it always, like, resonated with me because it's like the people who kind of like live in their head and like,

they see the world around them, but it just doesn't really make sense, you know? Yeah. And like that album always like really resonant. Because there's so much about like when you're like in love with someone. And then you you can't like for something, you can't like express it to them or something like that. So you're just kind of like you just like have this love and admiration for someone

that you know you're never going to like express. And like there's so much like that. And it's like, dude, it's just it fucking makes a young boy like be well up, dude, a young. Swel up. like, swell up. I well up and swell up. Imagine every time you came, you cried. I can't imagine a world where I don't do that. I almost cry once I've jerked off. Because it was like, I got a while. Yeah. And then I was just like my body was just like, oh, like I was like, it's like almost a religious experience. Like I felt like, you know when you close your eyes and there's like a vibrant pinkness? Like, you know what I mean? It's like almost like. Yes, dude. There's really no drug like masturbation.

Yeah, and it's like even when I have sex, I still pull out, and the masturbating is when I come. Yeah. So it's like, that's still, it's like, you know the perfect angle and it's just like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I probably do it too often. Yeah. Are you, are you, are you, uh... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, I've always been terrified of having kids. I'm like so scared of having kids. But just because of high hopes for myself, I'm like, no, I can't have kids this early. I'm going to be a superstar. Like my mind. It's not real responsibility. It's delusioned that it'll ruin some amazing career. Yeah. It's too early. I'm not good at it. I'm not good at it. No, I almost refuse to do it sometimes. Well, it's like, for me, it's like a very, I don't know, I'm a very rule-based person. I'm like, you don't drive drunk. And I said I really have drove drunk. I drove drunk one time. And it was because I woke up drunk the next day. Yeah. And I didn't know. And so I kept driving. But it's like, you don't drive drunk. You don't.

bust loads inside of people. You don't fuck people who are too fucked up. It's like very, I got a list of rules. The three rule. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, because it's like, that's how you make a person. Yeah. It's like I'm aware of that. So it's like I'm like, I don't want to make a person. Yeah. I think I like want a child though. Really? Yeah. Oh my God. Dude, I think like my destiny is to like quit comedy and raise a child. Really? We have a lot to fall back on because you got a full. Yeah. And I think like, I don't know, dude, I just feel like, I don't know, I'm 28 or what, 26?

Like, there's not much. By the way, Jason David shared a picture me the other day and said, Michael Goods, 33 years old, has his long hair, and I've never been more like offended by something. I was like, I'm not 33, I'm 26, and I've accomplished a lot for a 26 year old. This is so fucking stupid.

I was like, I've never been bothered that much than somebody saying I was older than I was. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is like with comedy, it's so devastating. Because, like, you think there's this timeline, but, like, realistically, there's not. Like, there's some people who obviously pop really early, but, like, I think, like, it kind of, like, wait. Like, some people have their moment and you got to be ready for your moment.

But, like, but, dude, when you're like, like, I'm coming up on 30. And I'm like, dude, I'm not even like, I don't even do enough bar shows. Yeah. What the fuck am I doing? Like, should I just quit? Should I move to Austin? Get on Kill Tony? Yeah.

Insult Tony Hinchcliff? Earned my way up the ranks. What's his name? Fucking, uh, Red band. Han's Kim. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But like, I don't know. I'm gonna give you a golden ticket now. I really liked you, Patty. Yeah.

He's such a weird guy. Yeah. It is like a weird system. Yeah, yeah. That was, well, that was the funny thing about Hans dude, he was doing like open mics when he was here.

And he was doing, for nine years. And then it was like, uh, and then, you know, he just explode. So it's like if you have patience, I think it is important.

But it's also like, dude, it's like one of those things where it's like, there are some people, I don't know, I think there's, there are some hilarious people that just never have a career. But then there's also like, I don't know, it's like, that's not, that's not like a, I don't think it's a boatload. No. I think there are certain people are really funny, but I'm like, look, this person's hilarious, but they don't, they're not doing anything interesting enough for anybody to be like, all right, this guy changed the game completely. Which sucks. Because it's like, you have to be funny and you have to be. Yeah.

Which I'm not doing. I do very traditional standup. which I would... Same, yeah. But I would like to try to figure out how to do something different and create it. Yeah, that's like my goal. My goal, I'm like, it takes longer, obviously because like you fail a lot. Yeah. The whole thing is failing.

And like you get better from failing. But like, like, you're not going to just become this like thing that nobody has seen before by just like doing well all the time. Like it doesn't lead to that. Yeah, you got to try weird things and you got to like mix stuff. But that's one thing about Louis is like he's very, uh, he has some traditional stand. up, but he also, like, he also has some very not traditional. Like, he does, like, every kind of comedy. And you're like, all right, well, he also did kind of a boring act for like 10 years.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was a boring comic for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, people, like, you see clips of him and he's like, yeah, I was at a stop sign. And I was wondering, why is there eight sides? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But why is there eight?

Like, who chose? Yeah, yeah. You're like, who is this guy? Like, this guy sucks and he looks weird. Yeah, yeah. And it's crazy to think that, like, you can pivot like that. But now I like his new, he evolves like crazy. And I like that he does like jokes still.

Like every once in a while he'll throw a joke in. That's just like stupid. What do you think he's going to have an hour? He goes, this is a new form of comedy. He has Mongolian throat singing like that. Like, oh, yeah. He's so, dude, if you just get an hour of that? See, I really respect people doing things for the sake of it.

Yeah. I'm getting cornrows in a couple weeks. It's going to be. Oh, it's finally coming. It's going to be so inconvenient. Yeah. It's going to be the most annoying thing. You're going to look like a dumb ass.

Dude, I'm going to look so ridiculous. Cornrose, by the way, cat eye contacts. A chinstrap beard and little eight ball beads at the end of my cornrows. It's going to look insane. It's going to hurt my eyes. Yeah. But for the bit, by the way, this is the only... You're not going to be allowed on airplanes.

Yeah, but it'll be funny. People don't have that commitment level that I'm trying to do more because, like, you'll do shows sometimes. You're like, I really should make fun of... Yeah, I don't stand out at us at all. Like, that's like the thing I always... feel like there's nothing about that's the funniest thing too is like this trip my buddy bought a second Airbnb because he's like I don't really want to be in like you got an Airbnb and be yeah yeah he got this Airbnb and he's like oh I didn't realize I'd be sharing bathrooms he goes I'm just

gonna get another one he bought a three story house it's like insane and then my other friend texting the group chat this picture of him doing coke with the dwarf it's like 2 p.m. yeah he's like doing coke with the door he's like can this guy come a more old day I'm like of course yeah more insanity absolutely yeah yeah Yeah, yeah. He's like a Howard Stern kind of guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I like, it's, and I really try to wrap my head about that. I'm like, am I using this door for entertainment?

And I'm like, well, I don't know. It's like, I think on a general level, I would so much rather hang out with, you and I hung out with, uh, um, I can't remember. I love that. I'm like, I don't see them just as props. What's his name? Yeah. Um, Randy. Um, but it's like, uh, it's like, uh, I would so much rather have a conversation

to Randy than like some other. So it's like I do value interesting people more. It's not like this one thing where I'm like, oh, this person is just a profit. It's not like I'd hang out and then just be like, oh, okay, well, just stand here and put a helmet outfit on. And also, we never know. Maybe that's God's creation to make us like happy. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it does make you happier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think he's aware of that too. And Randy's like, yeah, dude, I wear the fucking, uh, I wear a cowboy outfit. He was like so much more. He's always asking to wear costumes. He's like, yeah, come on man, do you want me to wear that?

you want me dress up like a grapefruit? I'm like, what? And you're like, yes, but I feel bad. Yeah, dude, it's fine. There's like a baby. There's nothing more in this world that I want for you to dress up as a grapefruit. Yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah.

Yeah, he had to get him back on, but it's, I got to pay him. Yeah, yeah, but I was just want to hang out with him sometimes. Yeah, I mean, I'm like, he's a good. But you do get to pay him in candy corn, so that's pretty good. Yeah, it's how, yeah, it's the currency.

That would be funny to have a dwarf go to like a bank and give them candy corn, but like straight face it. have them be like, I don't know how to be offensive, but we don't take candy corn. I'm just yell at them. Yeah. And there's just like a little bank next door. Yeah. It's just, it's funny.

Anybody, that's the funny part of people where they're like, yeah, there's nothing. They're like, there's nothing funny. Yeah. Then I can't, like, take you seriously as a human being. For sure. Yeah, yeah. Because that's like, I just don't understand how you don't find that funny. For sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't like, I have more evolved humor. it's like yeah I imagine if you're that with other things you're like that was a horrible example I'm just moving on I was like what are you going to ride

a bicycle without wheels now and something that doesn't a metaphor that's just random yeah so anyway Beau is not afraid by the way my favorite thing that somebody brought up

they go Bo looks like where's the same shirts as Johnny Salami oh yeah and in my mind replacing him in that movie is the funniest thing

him just kind of like just like it's just like people in his apartment he's like, hey, what's up, bro? How's it going,

bro? Hey, dude, that's my bed. Can you go? Yeah. And also, like, as soon as, like, someone,

like, you know, just like seeing someone die on top of them, he'd be like, this is like the funniest thing. By the way, for the listeners don't know,

go look at Johnny Salami on Instagram. He's hilarious comic. Johnny Slomby podcast. He's got a podcast to me, but also just look at his picture while we talk about him or else you have no idea

what the fuck we're talking about. Yeah. But he also did my favorite Johnny Slylyly Post. He has a picture to him and post this girl there's some huge tits and he goes, I love me some big old titties.

And I'm like, they just post a picture in the comments. Like, Johnny, you give her the shocker? And I'm like, who is this woman? I'm like, I would never imagine me doing that. Some people post crazy pictures like that. Like I knew this couple in college

and they did like a date night. Or we do like, the paternity, we have like date functions where they're like, okay, we're all going to go as this theme. And he went as the wolf and she went his little red riding

Hood. Yeah. And she said something like, Grandma's not the only thing getting eaten tonight. I'm like, dude, that is awesome. That is awesome. It is like, he just does it for this, like for this moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just laughing about it. Yeah, exactly. It's like, that is hilarious. It's so intelligent, dude. Yeah. It's like way beyond what we can even comprehend. That is the funny thing that, like, humor becomes so stupid that it's then funny. Yeah. Because it's like one of those things where it's like, oh, no, there is something. It's like, you're kind of bringing back the thing. It's kind of like when people are like,

oh, it's really lowbrow to make fun of people with Downstone or go, well, actually for long enough, it's been forbidden. So now it's highbrow again. I don't have really highbrow. But now it's, now it's original because it hasn't been.

If you're just defending every episode of this podcast. Comedy is the one thing that if you're like a dumbass long enough, you're then a genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you can't be like Albert Einstein being like, I think like,

I think the theory of the universe is purple. Yeah. It's like, what? And then like 20 years later they're like, he was right

this entire time. Comedy, you could say things that are so stupid that now it's funny. Yeah. Or you can just be a fucking idiot like us.

Yeah, forever. But there's that little code that's disguised to me where I'm like, actually? Yeah. I know, dude.

I know. Yeah, yeah. I feel the same way. I'm like, like every time, like every time I post like a reel or something and nobody fucking likes and I'm like,

they just don't understand. They don't get it. Yeah. They don't get it. And I like don't get other people's real. Like half the fucking crowd work clips. I'm just like, this sucks,

dude. Yeah, yeah. But it's just, it's just a bunch of people in the scene thinking that about each other. Oh, we all think we suck.

Oh, yeah, yeah, everybody's somebody else's douchbag. Like, there's for sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but that's okay, dude. You just have to be okay with it, I think. Yeah, yeah, it's,

I'm, I'm having fun, that's what matters. Yeah, speaking of that, so the dark corners of the internet I've been looking at,

Not really the dark horns, but just the interesting interviews. You've been watching child pornography? No, no, no. But, yeah, they had that Richard Spencer guy. So, you know who that guy is? So he was a Nazi. Now he's like the Queen of England or something. Yes, that's exactly what happened.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like this neo-Nazi. And in college, I remember him because he went to speak at University of Florida. And I went to Florida State. Real quick, what's the difference between a Nazi and a neo-Nazi? I don't think there's any more Nazis. Is any time I think of a neo-Nazi? I think of like a guy who's like wearing like the hood and everything, but like they have like these neon fans.

Like they're ready to rave. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, right, right. Yeah. So like the Nazis, they're still like, it's weird. Their website's hilarious. Nazis are like, I'm not wearing that gay outfit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I think they're totally different things because I think Nazis probably have this like, it gets all weird to those people because some of them are like, yeah, this is America. But also I love Adolf Hitler. You're like, how does that make any sense? Yeah. But some of them are like...

Literally the biggest American triumph is like taking down... Literally, our biggest thing is that... Yeah, the most American thing is to not like it. Do you just hate the British? But then you're also obsessed with like British heritage. You're like, we're a better culture. It's like, didn't you like when we beat the British? What's going on?

Yeah, yeah. But I think there's a weird distinction with that because I think that like the... The clan is more associated with like confederacy and stuff like that. Like, I think that's... They're like, they love that period. Which is, is there a more loser thing to hang on to? Oh, yeah. It's, it's so, dude.

Dude, I think, by way, this is across the board. Anybody who has a love for their culture is wrong. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, dude. So, yeah, okay, so you can love your culture, but a pride. If you have pride. It's, it's, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I, I, look, if you're like someone who lives, you know, if you're like an

Eskimo, all you see is Eskimo stuff and you don't have social media, then by all means. Yeah, but as soon as you're exposed to other cultures. I love they'd even Eskimo going to New York and just having like little

like patches with like an igloo on it and he's like, this is my fucking shit dog. Yeah, look at all these less thans. Yeah, I go ice fishing every fucking day. Windows in their house. Yeah. But it's a weird thing because it's like,

I understand some aspects of it. It's like the gay pride thing. It's like for so long you were like, this is wrong. Yeah. For so long you're like, this is not cool. And then now you're like, fuck you.

So I understand that a little bit. Yeah. But even like people that are like, I'm proud to be from China. It's like that you didn't know. Like, you know what I mean? I think you're doing something. I think gay probably makes a lot of sense because you're kind of. I think you should be proud to be alive because your sperm won the race, dude.

Yeah. That's the only thing you should be proud of. Yeah. The only race is the the spermacidal race, dude. Yeah. Because that's an achievement. That's really the only achievement we've had, you know? Yeah.

And other than that, like where you're born. It doesn't mean. It's just a roll of the dice. Yeah, yeah, it's true. Because it's like people that are like, people that are just like, yeah, fucking proud Irish. It's like, what you did, you did literally nothing to do that. So like, why are you, like, I understand you being like, I like, I like all Irish culture. It's fun. I really like music.

I like the horrible food. We were also kind of a point at a point in history where we can't, like, make things that much better in that in, like, one act. You know, like, the only way we like make things better is by like a long, like, thing where you try to tell people, like educate people and stuff. So it's like, that's not as cool as like, like stealing back your freedom from like a,

from being like enslaved like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's proud of. But we're past that in life, you know, like most people have it really good. And the people that don't have it good, we don't really pay attention to it.

And we're not doing anything for them either. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and I'm not talking about people, I'm talking about people in like third world countries. Like for the most part in America, could you have it better than anyone in history, you know? Even if you're like somebody's less...

But how does that work? Is it probably always a personal thing? I guess, no, you can be proud of other people. So I think you can be proud of your ancestors that, like, fought in the civil rights movement and then proud of yourself for accomplishing things. But like, I guess my problem is just in general people that take themselves very seriously. But that's also hard because I do comedy. So for me to be like, oh, these fucking scientists in a laboratory, oh, you can make a rock and all day.

So it's kind of dumb for me also. Yeah, I think it's us compensating for some. I'm having no white culture. Yeah. But, yeah, whatever. I have no idea where I feel on any of that stuff. You got to just have an opinion on the podcast, and then halfway through making the argument,

you're like, I don't know, stand by any of this. I don't know, man. Be proud to be where you're from, I don't care. We're just running our jaws. Yeah, yeah. But I think there's like, there's the Nazis, and then there's like... My nose is, like, so itchy right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think it's allergies? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I hope you. I thought I was dying for like a week. Yeah. And then I'm realizing it's just allergies. Dude, you know how like shitty of like people we are that like even if I go into like someone else's living room like my body can't adjust to that. Yeah, it's crazy. Like that's sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sucks. I don't know how to fix that. And when I was a kid, I was, I feel like I was more versed. Dude, my like, bro, if I could go back to being 17 body wise.

I mean, I guess indestructible. Yeah. I mean, it was smaller probably. But like I, I was smaller probably. But like, I. think just like, dude, I would, I was crazy. I would, like, jump off a thing. I don't know, maybe I'm painting a picture of myself that's braver than I was. I'm just picturing myself jumping off. I was Batman. No, I was pretty. I remember jumping off like, I don't know, I did a, like, I would jump.

I jumped off this rock one time into a river. That's my pride. I'm like, yeah, dude, people from, uh, fucking Taiwan should it be proud. And then I'm like, well, I jumped off a rock one time. Yeah, I hit a gainer off a river. where's my freedom where's my parade? Yeah.

Yeah. Back on the pride thing though, like the one thing that does bother me about the pride day and everything is it's not about gay people anymore. It's about like, it's about like people showing off their bodies. Like if you noticed that? Like that's not really pride. Like pride is being like,

like I feel proud with like my preferences and everything. But if you're just like like wearing like a crazy outfit, it like showing off and you're just like yeah you're also, I feel like you're a weird social conservative sometimes that you're like put the clothes away and I'm like I think it's fun do I see somebody with their dick hanging out I think it's awesome I like that excitement

so I don't mind it at all I'm like dude honestly yeah I don't think how the uglier the better it's like it's like well no that I'm fine with but I think it's people who are really hot it's like you get attention oh for sure yeah you get attention the other 300 whatever

11 months out of the year if it's your friend I get what you're saying a girl with huge tits and like rainbow stickers on who's like bisexual and is like yeah who's leaning into this to get like attention and stuff like that I think is wrong yeah yeah yeah even more wrong I don't think bisexual we should be able to contribute to pride I think they should be banned from the brain no you should not be proud you have all the fun in the world if I look this is speaking from I have no experience yeah we are okay can I need to ask because I'm getting in a lot of trouble lately

we don't know what the fuck we're talking about. But I would think being a bisexual woman is the easiest portion of the LGBT Yes. Which do you think is the hardest? Being a Because I think that's shifting. Trans

woman who is attracted to men. Okay. So you're a woman and you're attracted to dudes. I was talking to somebody at this last night. It's really interesting that because I actually, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

I think trans... I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. What do you think? It's hard to say because, like, I think... I think he's the hardest be a straight guy, man. Dude. I'm clawing my way through life, brother.

Don't make me say it. No, because obviously it's hard. It's the most difficult, I think, to be trans because it's like, not only are you dealing with the social stigma, but then in your body, you have this conflict. Like, your body is transitioning to something else. which I could never imagine doing. But with every faction of like whatever your preferences,

whatever you see yourself to be, there's like a group of people who are really into that. Like there's a bunch of dudes who like are into like men who are dicks with tricks. Yes. Yeah. So it's like you're going to find your avenue. Like there might be more resistance. That's kind of a beautiful part about the internet.

The internet is a phenomenal job of people getting laid. Yes. Now some of that includes pedophiles. But yeah. You know it's the hardest. A podcaster. Yeah. But it's like that other like 90%.

It's like that's really a wonderful thing that like, because you imagine how annoying it has to be to be like, dude, I can't come unless I'm in a dog suit. And before, you know. But dude, if you find that partner. And you're like this person. Dude, you have it better than any like normal monogamous thing. Put the newspapers down, baby.

We're going to piss in the corner. It's going to be a good time. Yeah. You're going to have a blast because that's who you are and that's who you want to be. You know? People get really weird about that. They're like, oh, what? Now there's going to be people dressed up as puppies at Pride.

I'm like, yeah. I mean, what is it? It's fun. I don't know. Yeah, see, that I'm fine with. Yeah, yeah. But, dude, put the tits away for crying out. There is a God.

Yeah. Yeah, I find a weird thing where I try to figure out how I would want to, you know what you want? You really want people to catch you at a March. You don't want to post pictures, but you love for CBC. Like, oh, look at Michael. Look at him. Look at him having it.

And I'm like, yeah, I got complicated. points. I'll call my friends gay, but also go to the private. No, I agree with this, but don't tell anyone about it. Dude, I was doing this for my own person. I was at, like, in Florida, I did, like, the Black Lives Matter protest. And somebody like, I was like, my rules, I'm not going to post any fucking pictures because that's like cheesy and like, don't

do that. And then somebody I knew there took a picture and I was like, oh, yeah. That is the perfect thing. Because like, as soon as you posted, it's like, no. Everything you thought, everything, like, no, because now you're doing it for your own, and that's the wrong reason. Yeah, yeah. You know, if you're posting about it, that's the wrong reason.

Because everyone agrees. Nobody's going to, like, see someone who posts something being like a pride. I stand for everyone to be like, yeah, you're wrong. Nobody's going to do that. They're a fucking idiot. Dude, I did see somebody, though, who, uh, somebody posted the amount they gave to George Floyd. I'm like, that's crazy. Yeah.

That's insane. Yeah, especially since what's he going to do with it at this point? Nothing. Yeah. But yeah, it's like, one of those things, it's like, dude, no matter what, there's that greedy part in you that wants. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You want to be seen. That's why my goal now, I'm only to say this one more time. I don't know if I've said the podcast. My goal is to try less hard to look like a good person because it is so hard not to. But it's also like it comes from a, it's not a good place. That's a greedy place. It is a greedy place.

And I think it's like you don't want to look like a bad person, but just like try to stay away from all that. Yeah. But I'll try to stop trying so hard because it's like, I'll say a joke in the bank, okay, well, I got to fix the joke because then people think that I'm racist, sex is homophobic. But then I go, okay, well, that's only because I want to look better. That's not a good thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, maybe you have the thing. I have like, oh, we got like three more minutes.

Okay. The last thought here. I have a very, like, self-destructive nature where, like, part of me likes when people think I'm a piece of shit. I'm like, that's the up. You're like, yeah, fuck you. I'm actually, yeah. Because I like, I don't want to be seen as someone.

What, did you post that from an iPhone? That is a funny argument real quick. That is a funny one real quick because people were like, oh, yeah, people post it. about slave labor on an ipone it's like well i mean that's a good way to use the thing you know what you're supposed to just be a piece of shit just because everything was built by slaves it's like no it's like you could also be a yeah yeah but yeah it's the thing where it's like i i i don't want to pander so then i go the exact opposite and i'm like i would rather people think i'm a fucking asshole dude i fantasize about going on cnn and apologizing with the chinese straw hat on like

i just just the idea of that yeah i have the little fantasies of my career taking off. They're like, Michael Good's here for an apology. And I'm just wearing that triangle. You're like, oh, thank you. Thank you for your time. It's just funny to be like just completely insane. Like, it is fun. Yeah, it is funny. And it's funny

to not give a fuck about the things that like people find so valuable, right? Oh, for sure. Yeah, because at the end of the day, I think people do take himself too seriously. But also it is funny to say that as a comedian, be like these activists take themselves really seriously. It's like, well, they're trying to do a good thing. But yeah. I remember one of the

one of these things is I went to the Black Lives Matter protest. And that was the most serious I've ever been. I was just like, dude, we're not fucking around. I'm like, all serious. Which is so because, like, I do think there's a time and place for comedy. I'm like, that's not the best place to be making. And my buddy just kept fucking with me the whole time. And I got to get there.

It's literally when I said, oh, what are we, uh, what's the goal? I didn't know what the goal was. I was like, dude, that's the problem with most of this stuff. I'm like, I get that I should be aware and try. But like, what is, what am I supposed to do? Yeah, yeah. Like, how do I help? Do I help by just like saying?

I stand with them? Because that doesn't seem like my... No, yeah, yeah. No, I think in some good ways, it's like, oh, okay, well, a lot of people protested. So I think that probably did affect the outcome of the trial. I think we need to bomb whole foods. Okay.

Just eliminate a portion of it. And if people are mad at us, be like, oh, you're mad at white people dying? That seems a little, you know... It seems a little racist. Yeah, just a little bit. Yeah. We're not going to bomb whole foods.

It's a joke. By the way, that's not a moral thing. I'm really worried about my... my YouTube's beginning less views recently. And I'm like, I don't know. It could be saying retarded a hundred times me calling out

the owner of FunSpot, Orlando as being a pedophile. I didn't do that, but somebody's just like, dude, heard that guy who runs Funspot? I'm like, I think that's slander.

Yeah. So, yeah, we're doing. But anyway, I'm sorry to come out here and get all like virtuous. No, it's fine. You're a hero. I'm a hero. Yeah.

And hopefully somebody will catch us in the right moment. Someone's going to figure it out. Yeah, they'll figure it out. Dude, I just had that fantasy of that moment where I'm like,

you're not supposed to do that. And then like the camera's rolling and they're like, hero to the black community. Michael. And you're just like, oh, I didn't even know I was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you want to get caught so bad doing the right thing.

And the answer is you only get caught doing the wrong thing. Yeah. By the way, behind the seasons podcast, people don't know. I'm feeding kids. I'm sending money to orphanages.

Yeah, you let them out of the cage twice a day. Twice a day. Three times a day. Three times if they're behaving. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah.

So, but anyway, thanks for having to. Absolutely, where can they find you? Patty is funky at Instagram. Also check out my podcast. Right now it's called the Untitled Podcast on my YouTube channel and whatever. You can find it all on my Instagram, but yeah, check me out. Michael's on there too as well. Very funny episode.

Yeah. Goodbye. Bye.