Morning Good - Skinny Boys Are Talking - Episode 269

Episode Date: May 11, 2025

Dave Caggiano and Sam Lichtenstein join the show for today's episode. They talk about the Barstool antisemitism scandal, making your parents proud, and the Sneako archetype.Thanks to Dave for coming back on the show and to Sam for joining us for the first time. Check out Dave on previous episodes and hit their links down below for even more.Sam is on Instagram @thewanderingjewman and Dave is on Instagram @davecaggiano. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the morning. All right. We're here at Dave Kajiano. Yeah. It's not all visual. He's doing a piece sign. These people are going to have no idea what's going on.

Sorry. We have a lot of blind listeners. you were going to go on to him. We normally, I will go on in a second. We normally have one guy who, if you do anything visually, he's got to explain what you do to the depth or blind listeners. You ain't got no blind listeners? We got blind listeners. Dude, how funny it would be if I have to you blur, you have the ability to blur shit out or should I not hail Hitler right now? Definitely do not, unless the Kanye song's playing and then it's, it's kind of like saying the N-word during a song. You're allowed to say Hal Hitler. It's during the Kanye song.

Yeah, yeah. And we're here with Sam Lichtenstein. who, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Like I said, I'm at the end of this fucking stupid weight loss thing and I'm dying. Let it fly, man. What's up? Let it fly.

Yeah, the adderals been high. I blew through my... You don't need no carbs and adderol. That's a fucking insane combination. Well, that's one counts for the other. You either do carbs, you do adderol. That's how you get your energy. I guess.

Yeah. I love... I was talking him about it. A lot of people were like, oh, you shouldn't do Adderall and go to the gym. It's like, dude, meth heads. That was you, five minutes. I said that. Oh, you should drive.

No, dude, I think you're, you're gonna, your heart's gonna explode. That's what people, everybody says the same thing. And then every, I didn't say that. Every meth head fights like 10. Yeah, take fucking health advice from this game. Every method fucking does karate for like six hours outside in the blazing sun. And people were like, God forbid, I hit a treadmill after a little bit of amphetamine salts. The next 18 hours, they're like passed out in a bush or sucking dick.

God forbid. God forbid. I find a machete and fight my demons outside of Cooper Park. That would be so sick, dude. Dude, my favorite, there's like a Reddit, like, R-Meth. And like this one guy, dude, this dude's fucking like, dude, fucking did karate in the park, like looked at birds for four hours, like jerked off, sat in a tree and stared at everybody. Like, I love meth.

Best day in my fucking life. It's fine until the sit in a tree. And that's who Michael's taking advice. Yeah. Well, I really believe you could like, if you have a good outlook, you can have crazy like happiness in any dimension of life. Like, like, it's like everybody loves to just, everybody loves to look at other people and be like, could you imagine being that guy?

It's like, yeah, sure, some people like shit like shit. But like you ever meet somebody whose life is complete shit? They've been like molested 19 times. And like, they're like borderline homeless. And they're like, you know, it's so good. The sun is shining and gods are. Yeah. And you're like, God damn.

Yeah, I think, but you're, you need to alter. your mind with a substance most of the time for that shit. Most of the time, but do you... Because that person is also on like 70 different antidepressants, like... True. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think I've sugarcoded the idea of getting molested way too much as podcast. They started molesting

someone else. Right, right. They're like, everything's fine. Yeah, they're like, it's... Shit is going great. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I went to fucking Haiti, dude, and that was crazy talking to them. You went to Haiti? Yeah. How did you go to Haiti? Uh, I flew there. It was allowed or...

What do you mean it was allowed? When did you go? They don't let honkeys in there? I thought it was like a no travel. No, no. You can go basically anywhere. You go to North Korea. Once we overthrew their president.

I know you can go to North Korea. Yeah, yeah. Haiti, I thought it was like, you can't go. Yeah, you can go to Haiti. It's not fun. How long ago did you go to? Haiti and the Dominican are kind of like the North Korea and South Korea of the Caribbean.

Yeah. It's the same island. They fucking hate each other. Yeah. Basically the same. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

I will say this. I think this... That was a little simile for you guys. A little podcast simile. When did you go? I went when I was like 17. But it was funny because during the day, like, I was like, these kids are so happy. And, like, everything...

I was like, they seem so adjust to life. They just have sticks and a ball and they're having such a good time. But then I was just sitting by the five. This one guy goes, life is very hard in Haiti. And I was like, ah, shit. I forgot. Like, I forgot that there are random realizations where, like, people like that too. Yeah.

Guy said that to you. Yeah. Most people seem totally happy And I was like, wow, this is a crazy Like genuine joy For people who have like literally nothing Yeah, yeah But then randomly just by the fireplace

The guy was like, life is very hard In Haiti And I'm like, oh shit I was like, oh shit I don't really have time to talk right now Oh shit Or I could get ketamine Yeah

Yeah You should give them If you gave those kids Adderald You realize like how Bro, it would be insane They'd be fucking shit up. Yeah.

So many sticks. They'd be like, now I can go five weeks without food. It's three. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking crazy, dude. It's such a wild. It's very funny because everybody got really like mad to Trump when he said it was a shittal. It is a very shitty place.

Yeah, I mean, it's objectively a shittle. I don't think any Haitian would be like, no, our country's doing fine. Yeah, yeah. Especially after the earthquake. I don't think the good news is like if an earthquake like that happens there, it's like, can you even tell? The other good news is we're not Haitian. So, isn't that great news?

Yeah, yeah. I do sometimes think about it's so fucking safe to be born in this country, dude. I've had such a good life. Yeah. Like, I really add up to bad things that have happened to me. I'm like, these are kind of happening to a little bit of everybody. So it's not really like, I was like, I kind of do. I'm super fortunate.

Yeah. Yeah. But. And God forbid, dude, you're one of those kids in those countries that you, like, we go and do like tests on in shit. You know what I mean? Haiti, I think probably. Probably.

We probably just pull them. Yeah, they do like, they probably got a COVID vaccine experiments. on like, eat poor Indian kids. It would suck so bad to be in a third world country and life already sucks so bad and then the U.S. shows up

and you're like, fuck yeah, maybe we're gonna get some, it's like the red cross. And they're just getting you, they're making your knees backwards and stuff. Dude, it's got to be so easy too.

They got to be like, hey, do you want to one piece of pepperoni for like the science experiment? It's funny because I try to sign up for one. Do you want to meet Bill Gates? Yeah. It's really funny because it's like,

I tried signing up for like, I saw it was like $3,000 for them to just do ketamine therapy on you. And I was like, okay, I already know I respond very well to it. Yeah, yeah. So I'll do this because not really experimental for me. I'm like, this is a good time. But they were like, do you have anxiety? And I was like, yeah, do you have depression? I was like, sure. And they were like, do you have ADD? I was like, oh, you're disqualified. But you do qualify for all these. And it was like, chemical R4.37. I was like, nope. So funny. They're just, they're just like openly doing. mk ultra on people now they're like sign up for mk ultra you can get any drug you want yeah i also like i don't

really believe like i mean i don't know i think there's like some i don't think psychedelics really open your brain anymore than just getting drunk or stoned does like it's not like like which does like open your brain in some ways like you might get drunk and you're like hey my friend bill actually is a piece of shit you could have that same realization on mushroom but you know i mean i don't think it's like this yeah i feel like with drunk though like you forget like you're like uh That was fucking... That is true. Yeah.

What they have in common is that they... No matter what the next day, you're like, well, that was fucking stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like 99.9% of the time. You're like, this is the... You're like, yeah, nature is all connected, obviously. Yeah, yeah. Not a profound thought.

Well, the same thing will happen to fucking Adderall. I was on Adderall the other day talking to one of my friends. And I was like, miss stakes? Yeah, the stakes are high and you miss them. Like, I said, like, some dumb shit like that. That was so... And in your head, you were like, boom. I was like, yeah, I was like, yeah,

I was like, I was like, he's never heard anything like that before. Yeah, because something happened to her where she like made a mistake and like there was consequences. I'm like, they wouldn't be a mistake without a consequence because the stakes are high. You can't have mistakes. Like a rehab counselor. Yeah. Just putting words together and just being like, yeah. I think I did like, I think I did mushrooms enough where I had like, like I had those moments of epiphany that like did matter.

And then every time since then it's just been like, eh, you're not going to reach. You have like there's like three epiphanies. can have like in your life. Yeah. And then after that, you're out of epiphanies. Yeah. And you realize you're like kind of back to square one. Yeah.

No, I've been having like, I mean, literally it sounds crazy, but just from pop and adderall again, like I've been so clearheaded that I've really met. I think it's from not, it's probably also your diet. You're probably also in starvation mode. 100%. You're seeing so clear. You guys probably aren't even here right now. I'm probably not even podcasting.

I'm probably in some hospital bed right now. You're in a fucking padded cell right now. You're like, you're not even close to a six-pack. I'm fat as shit. You skipped one meal. Now you're like, if you start going to Brooklyn Lakes, you're going to clean up, man. What do you mean? Just, this is the look.

This is the Shalamee look. He's not Shalomey level. He's there. You know what? Sam's kind of thicker, so he's really over exaggerating. Yeah, so he's like Michael over here at fucking AIDS. Stop skinny shaming him. He looks crazy.

Yeah, it is. This is a thick. This is a big shirt. We're getting to the. It's all back. Dude, I'm going to go on Key West. I'm going to be crushing burgers and rum and cokes and fucking... I'm so excited.

God, that's the fucking best. I love... I love... No, Adderall. Also, the Adderall didn't really start until, like, a week ago. Because I was like, all right, now it's, like, the last two weeks of this thing. And, like, this will fucking, like... I really stress our heart out now.

Yeah, dude, running on Adderall, so easy. It's so easy. You're just run... You don't get bored. No, you just have energy. I've been listening to a lot of old O&A, which is fucking incredible. incredible, dude. Yeah, I mean, working out on, I've worked out, I've like benched on mushrooms.

That was good. What, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I work out on shrooms a lot. What? Shrooms is good. Because you realize that we've talked about you getting tired, have we? Yeah.

Taught like, like you being tired, like isn't actually happening. You're actually fine. Interesting. Fatigue is an illusion. That's why I stopped, like, smoking weed at all. Like, I never even. wanted to again because like shrooms give me like everything that weed

does but I will say that yeah weed does kind of the thing where like a panic attack on weed is I think almost scarier than a bad trip on shrooms it's just durations like a bad edibles trip is the worst experience ever because you're like how much time do I have left oh I guess I have eight hours left of being this high

which fucking sucks yeah but then shrooms you're like all right well I know this will be peaking in like an hour yeah yeah I don't know I can't like I've had pretty good experiences and edibles and shit, although sometimes, like, the other night, my girl were in bed and she, like, wanted sex,

but I was so high. I had just smoked. Yeah. And then, uh, I like, the TV was so loud. We were watching the Sopranos. It was so loud.

It was, like, fucking me up and distracting me. Yeah. And then I couldn't find the clicker. And then I fucking, we go back to try it. And I just was like, laugh.

I just couldn't stop laughing. And she's like, you got to stop. Wow. That is very funny. You got a fucking stop. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember what time this girl. It's a funny. Yeah. One time a girl blew me when I was high and it was like the scariest experience in my life because it felt like there was just like a monster sucking. Coming out. Yeah.

Yeah, she was like doing too much teeth and I was just like, I don't want to say anything because I don't want her to bite my penis off or something. Yeah, the high brain, I don't know, I've gotten better at understanding it. Now it's like when I have a weird thought come in, I'm like, this is stupid. You're high. None of this is actually a big deal. Yeah. None of anything is really a big deal.

I mean, I don't know. I also think. Working out high isn't insane to do. Yeah. It's just like going on stage high. It's like one minute feels like 10. Yeah. So if you're like running,

it just feels like forever. I will also say this, this experience has felt eternal. You know how you do mushrooms or acid? You feel like you've been there forever or like years? Eating healthy has felt like an eternity. I will say this has been the worst experience of my life. That's because it's prolonging your life.

That is true. Yeah, that is a good point. Me, every time I just have like two salads in a row. Yeah. worst. Is this what being raped is like?

There's no way it's worse than this. Dude, that's how I feel about like, I'll get I'll get kind of sick and then I'll be like, I'll be like, I think I have eights because there's no way anything is worse than whatever I'm feeling right now. I'm just, I think I've had such a good life that like the littlest things to me, I'm like, how can anything get worse than this?

Yeah, yeah. It's a terrible. I don't know. It's one of those things that I'm like, dude, I'm just on the treadmill and I'm like, this is like God awful. Like I start like, doing these things where I'm like, there's a god.

And, you know, I'm just, I'm picturing my whole family cheering for me. Yeah, you start having those, those thoughts. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I used to do trathons. Yeah. And I just watched Guy Fieri

just be like, oh yeah, check out this fucking steak. Like, I'm like, I'm not like a, oh, you're going to relapse so hard. Oh, it's going to be so bad, dude. Michael, don't. It's going to be Wally, dude. Don't go, like, don't,

you did all this work. Don't, like, blow up again. Don't do it. Don't do it, dude. No, no, no. I've learned a lot of shit that I am going to incorporate, okay? I'm going to get... Adderall.

Starvation. Yes. Anger. Just bubbly water, long walks. The thing is, I didn't realize about the cardio machines. In my mind, cardio meant running. So, in my mind, I just didn't do as much cardio because I was like, I don't want to run. And then I realized, like, oh, you could sit on a fucking bicycle and burn a lot of calories and do other shit.

Stairmaster is the best. Yeah. You got to rip that stairmaster. yeah all that should say well i don't I'm gonna do it now Sam trying to add to the conversation dude yeah I've been doing that dude we're a couple yeah this is the skinny

skinny boys are talking my favorite my favorite yeah dude fuck it I literally could beat you guys at any sport by the way this is always this is always your thing is like how nasty you are at sports I've never seen you play once I literally could be you in any sport what what's where you best at

I knew he was gonna say that also I hate that I started like that you ever stutter and you're like I don't feel like a man You didn't even stutter. I didn't. You're right. That's all in your head. You're right, yeah.

You're good of basketball. Yeah. What is, I was it? He played in a Jewish league with other... Oh, okay. Well, that doesn't count.

That doesn't really didn't. I played in Jersey. It would be funny if it was a Jewish league. Oh, there's no Jews in Jersey? It would be funny if it was a Jewish league, but you guys, there was like Hebrew Israelites also in the league. You say you're like, it's all Jewish league.

They're like, we're the real Jews. You're like, all right, we're going to live. Dude, there's probably Jews and Italians. No. The least athletic. It was blacks, Chinese, Pakistan. Blacks do count. Those are Israelites.

Those are the true Israelites. Yeah, yeah. I'm Jew. Do you say Chinese? We had it all, man. Dude. You had Yao Ming. All right.

We got a fucking Jeremy. I was talking about this. Every high school had these Jewish kids that knew every sports statistic. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Jewish kids love. Do you like baseball? I used to be.

Yeah. Used to be like one of those kids, one of those Jewish kids, one of those 10 Jewish kids that I know that knows every baseball stat. It's great. Why is that? Is it the numbers thing? You guys are good at numbers. I mean, what have you been reading? Accounting, lawyers.

Baseball is a very stats-heavy sport. Is that why you guys gravitate? I think you figured it out. Did I get it? Am I being serious? Yeah, yeah. Also, I will say this. How far are we in?

we're 15 minutes in you haven't even stood up against anti-Semitism you're supposed to take a big stand on the podcast what are you talking there's been a rise in anti-semitism we talked about this before the episode about how you're going to give a big speech are you calling me bad as anti-semitic yes yes you're supposed to take a big stance that was very anti-semitic of you to criticize my body send me to ossewitz like dave portnoid dude you you look this is my house yeah there's no way this is worse like michael i mean there's no way Asch was the worst than an hour on a treadmill.

Yeah, there's no way. Maybe that's what they were doing. Maybe that's what they were doing. They were just like, you guys are going to eat chicken. This is like, ouch. Yeah, this is the worst. That's just how my bra. I'm like, was he really harder than this?

How could anything be harder? How could anything be harder than chicken? I'm putting the schvitz in Auschwitz. Am I right? Anyway, I'm Michael. What was that Dave Portnoy thing? Something happened where he said he was going to... So, did you see it?

Do you want to debate it? I don't know about it at all, but I'll take the all. but I'll take the counterpoint. I'll be Jordan Peterson. So you, you know. I kind of vaguely, I've listened to 10 seconds. I mean, Barstool has like, all these bars and all these eastern cities particularly. And like, apparently at one of the bars in Philly, you get like these signs you can make.

Right. Like, just, you know. Was it one of those things, I think it's one of those things where you like pay to put whatever you want up. Yeah. Yeah. I got a birthday one once. It made me feel very special. I know what you want.

I know you want to tell us what you said. No, no, no, just had a happy birthday, Michael. And I was just like, you guys did this for me. It also said,

fuck the Jews. It also said, fuck the Jews. Every birthday Michael. He's like, he's like, he was last week in Philadelphia.

It said really six million question marks? That was. So, yeah, it just said fuck the Jews. And then it got posted on, you know, Instagram and people were like,

oh, and then Dave saw it. and was like, what the hell? Oh, it's my bar? What the hell? Like, he just kept, like, and then he, like, you know, found out who the waitresses were, fired him and then said, I'll pay for a trip to Auschwitz so you could get educated. And he said it was in Germany, even though it's in Poland.

He said it was in Germany? Yeah. That is very funny. See? It's like. And what were you doing on that night to stand up against anti-Semitism? I was jagging off. I was jacking my cert.

He was at the bar collecting the money. that is a really funny because like how do you feel about it how do you feel i just love doing this they were just like funky yeah no i mean give us your stance now go give us your statement i will say since october 7th it's just been interesting because i you know we've had it good for a while jews yeah had like as far as like the run between you know someone say back to the roman empire you guys I've had it pretty fucking good. No, I don't think so. My ancestors would say otherwise.

Twitter is wild. Twitter is... Dude, Instagram is... Yeah. I don't even really go on Twitter. Like, Instagram, I've been like... You're like, I'm Jewish. You're like, why about...

And I get some of the anti-semitism, like, memes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you like racist to you. So I'll stop... But you're like, hey, hey, hey, not interested in this one. There's a black racist one. You're like interested in this one. They're like, you know, when the noticing

begins. This shit isn't even it's not even a joke. You guys are just like dude I'll say this bro like I've heard more anti-semitism

from people like I've heard like you know yeah yeah you're like my undercover agents yeah yeah dude I'll tell you who's I'll tell you who did

I know you look like you'd be at the bar school I'll be like a Nazi but for the Jews I'll get the other I'll be like hey so and so is saying this I'm strictly pro America dude

whatever I'm America isolationists whatever America first, which is Israel. Yeah, it really is. But, yeah, since October 7, like, it was like, oh, shit. It was interesting.

Why October 7th? I don't know. I will say it's kind of funny that Dave Portnoy, like, why doesn't he, I don't know, it is like kind of, somebody said, fuck the Jews, obviously, like, you know, it's anti-Semitic, but it's just an interesting thing to be like,

okay, now I'm going to send them to a, like, it is kind of like, I know, it's, It is kind of crazy. Why would you send them to house? Like, don't send anyone to house. Yeah. It's not a good place.

That's almost like the exactly what happened to you. Yeah, exactly. See, he's being a Nazi. Yeah. Me? No, no,

no, like that's what happened to Jews. They were sent to Osher. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna fucking send you here whether you like it or not. Yeah,

so I mean, I will say I, I don't know anything about like, I'm like from where Pornoy is from. Yeah. And it's not like, like, people are Jewish and stuff, but it's not like, it's not like Brooklyn. Like there's, it's like very, I have a feeling he didn't grow up like Jewish, like heavily Jewish. I do love this because I've never heard.

I've never, I've never heard this for Jews. I've always heard of black people. People are like, okay. So he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Because there's always like a like, there's always like a light skin black college guy who says something and everybody's like, all right. But like, come on. This is like the widest black guy.

He grew up in a... But I've never heard it with Jews. That is fun to be like... Dude, I'm telling you. That Jewie. Oh, I'm telling you. Yeah. Yes, dude.

Dude, one of the Hacids? This is so funny. I was walking by. This Hacid kept looking at me. And then he looked away. And then he looked at me. And then he looked at me. And there's like, it's going on for like 10 minutes.

That is the most Jewish experience. Just like... Yeah. Just constant head turning. That's how I kind of can tell sometimes. Somebody's Jewish. When they're just like, darting their eyes constantly.

They have like natural lateral, dude. Well, it's just years of, you know, having to look over your shoulder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, dude, if you stopped wronging people, you wouldn't have to be looking over your shoulder all the The problem is when you do that, though, now you're showing everybody how big the nose is.

So it's like you're kind of, you're kind of given away. That's like a shark in the water. That's why they have the curls to fucking distract. Oh, thank you, man. I appreciate it. That's why they dress the same. It's like a pet, like a zebra pack. You can't pick one out.

And they're like, he's also a chew kidd him. Yeah, well, like the guy, the guy who looks to me, then he goes, he goes, do you want to, do you want a haircut? Or he goes, do you need a haircut? I go, no, it goes, okay. And then just, like, tart it around the corner. Damn, he just hit you with, like, the most, the rudest comment ever. No, I think he was asking to give me a haircut.

Is he a barber? Yeah, yeah, it was wild. Was he a barber? No, but I also saw the haircut. He was rocking. I was like, yeah, thank you. But, yeah, it was. That's crazy.

Yeah, I have no idea what it was. It was probably like, Are you hallucinating on this? Probably. As I said, you guys probably aren't here. I'm probably like, I probably fasted and had a twinkie and my heart exploded. I probably worked out on Adderall

and I'm dead now. But, yeah, no, is it? Such a funny way to confuse someone who you think is an attacker. Yeah, you fucking... Do you want a haircut? You're about to get stabbed? You're like, you're here for a haircut?

They're like, on this side of the street? No. This is the street. Yeah. Yeah. They just got to run away. Wait, where did you grow up, by the way? New Jersey.

Okay. Were there a lot of blacks, Chinese, and what were you saying there? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I heard that from somebody. Who would say that? I didn't say that. But no, it was a very...

What? Dude, you are the representative of Israel, so anything you say is the fact of what their opinion is. I went on birth, right? How was it? It's okay. It's not like anything... Did you get some pussy? Isn't it the point?

I didn't know. That is kind of the point. I don't think my dad's not proud of me when I get pussy. And I wonder if it's like, I wonder if it's like a fact you keep telling him about it? Can we reenact? Can we reenact? I'll be you. I just got some fucking pussy.

No, I'll be you. No, my dad just said he just got pussy. He's always getting pussy. Oh, so he doesn't even. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding, my dad's a very proper guy. Okay, so, hey son.

How was your night? Oh, dad. It was great. man, I got, I got late. Okay, then. Wait, where are you going, dad? I wanted, like, a hug or something? No, no.

I don't want to hear about that. Why? I don't want to hear about it. See, this is my thing I'm trying to figure out. Wait, wait, Lynn. Okay, hold on. I'm, I'm Michael's younger brother. Dad, Michael fucked me real good tonight.

Shut up. I was sick. Dad, isn't that cool? I'm really proud of you. I got some bussy. That's cool, now. Way to mix things up. Yeah, I don't know if it's like one of those things

where like he's not proud of me for getting pussy or it's just maybe in his mind it's such a given. He's like, my son will be getting pussy so I'm not impressed with him getting pussy. No, I think that he's probably, how old's your dad? Like 60 something? Yeah.

He's proud of me when I had a girlfriend. Seems like a proper. Yeah, he's not, that's not something he discussed with his father, I'm assuming. And he gave birth to a completely degenerate son who is like so out of, probably like the norm.

That is true. That he's probably like, I don't know how to... I get an abnormal amount of pussy's what you're saying. It's almost scientifically an anomaly. Your dad gets mad pussy. Don't get it wrong. They have no idea what's going on. My dad has no idea.

Yeah, I just like, I get disappointed when like... I get excited when anybody gets pussy. You know what I mean? Like when I hear about anybody getting pussy... I do like that about you. Yeah. I do like that about you. Dan Bilsarians getting...

Yeah, literally. Yeah. I'm like my favorite Holocaust deniers getting pussy right now. You're like, there wasn't, you're like, Jeff Repstein wasn't all bad. Yeah,

he got a lot of pussy. He was getting pussy. I mean, look, if he's fucking a legal girl, that's time away from the children. I try to make that argument one time on stage,

I was like, you should be friends of pedophiles because the more time you spend with them, the more time they spend away from the kids. The only time you can make sure

somebody's not fucking a kid is if you're directly looking at their penis. If they really care of them. Yes, if you really cared about this topic, pedophilia, you would get a microscope

or a magnifying glass and just be looking at their penis. That would be like a crime watch job. You know how they have like neighborhood watches? There's like a pedophile watch. He just hangs out with pedophiles. Whenever I meet up, my friends, I always ask to smell their dick. I'm like, it smells like kid.

Yeah. Where have you been? Those jolly ranchers. You've been down at Bryant Park again, huh? What are you doing down there? You've been hanging out there? I think that most normal dads. I think you're a good dad

if you don't want to hear your son talk. about pussy. Yeah, I think it was... I think it's weird when kids are so open with their parents. They're talking about fucking. It's not like I'm talking to him

and I'm like, and then I fucking... Right from the back. Yeah, but you're trying to. That's the thing. If he went there, you would go there. Right. I think it's more of just like...

You're opening the door. When I got single, I was like, yeah, I'm out of your dating and having fun. And he's like, you know, it's kind of scary. You're not in a relationship again. I'm like,

what do you think I'm going to get AIDS? I don't know. You come home like there. he's like, fuck it happened. Yeah, he got it. I was right all along. No, I don't, I don't think it's like, it's kind of scary.

You said it's kind of scary? No, no, he didn't say it. But I think he was initially worried about me with the breakup because, like, that was the most stable thing I had gone on my life. Because, like, I switched fucking day jobs every fucking six months. Yeah.

That's fair. And comedy is, that's a good dad, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good dad. I don't like when, for some reason, like, girls a lot. It's just weird when families are, like,

so open with you. Are you like that with your friend? I used to like No, we're pretty old My family knows I fucked a trans woman The whole family knows It came out on like Christmas Eve one time

How did it come out? How does it come out Michael Michael? How the fuck does that just come out? We were just the discussion came up About Bench Transylment And people were like

People were discussing at the table They were like Oh man I mean You'd freak out if that would happen And then they're like I mean you'd go crazy if that happened And I'm like, and you couldn't help yourself.

I was like, I was like, I think it's not a big of a deal. And then I think my brother started laughing or something like that. And then everybody just, because he knew? Yeah.

And then everybody birthed out. I don't have a brother. So I don't know. I could see, if I had a brother, I could see being cool about talking about that shit. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. But not the family. But it's not like I'm like, I'm like, oh, and then I was like, eh. Like,

I want to talk about that. But I'm saying like in general, it's like, if I was like, like, like, oh, I stayed out last night. Yeah. Like, you know, and I was at a girl's house or something like that.

My dad would not be like, nice. But like, I want like a little bit of nice. I don't want him to be like, fucking, bro, get in there and fucking reap that shit up, bro. You know what I'm talking about? Fucking two of these. Yeah. But I do want him to be like, all right. You know what I mean?

Just an all right or like a, you know. No, dude. No. Unless he does it behind your mother's back, which is kind of cool. Like if he's like, Michael. Or your mom's like. Michael and he's like none of that talk. And then she walks away and he's like kind of like.

Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. A little bit. That would be, that would be fine, I guess. Dude, even if you want to see somebody fuck like an ugly girl, I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. Like, I love you like, I just love people getting put. It's a good time.

It is. No, it's good. Maybe you should try and say you went with a guy and then you're dead. I don't think so. No. Well, maybe. I don't think he's, I don't think he's, I've only brought home like three girls, even to my

family. And they were like legitimate, like long-term girlfriends. I don't even have girls over my house. I was kind of just, I don't know. Yeah, my mom walked in me again and had once, which I was terrible. Dude, you live in a fucking sexually liberated house. Yeah, I mean, that was in my... I wonder why you're so nuts, dude.

This is crazy. Your mom saw you getting head? Yeah, it was in high school. It was really funny. She goes in and then she's like, uh... Did you react just like a mother about, you know what I mean? What a bit? Like, if she walked in and you were like, your room was a match. She's like, Michael. Like that sort of thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, she goes, you have a sister and then, like, close

the door. Why would you want? I wouldn't want to be thinking about that. I was drunk and I forgot to lock the door. And then the next day, I walked downstairs. And I was like, what's for breakfast? She goes, if you can have sex, you make your own goddamn breakfast. And I was like, that's fair. So technically it was sex mom. It was just head. Yeah, yeah. Pronto with the waffles. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Snap, snap. No, well, it's like, that's like, that's also so much worse than sex. you're like, I was just getting blown. Way worse. Yeah, yeah.

But like, yeah, I think my dad was... Way worse than a vicious doggy style. Okay. At least you could respect you more with that. But it's like, there's a certain angle where it's like, you're getting dome. It's such like a, like, you know what I mean? It's like clearly just like a woman's hair and then your penis versus like, I don't know.

I assumed if she walked in and me having sex, there'd be, I picture... She did the girl's home with you? I think it was when I was like, oh, I'm upstairs. Yeah. with a girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't, like, sneak in through a window. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think she didn't know, like... So she knew what she was doing then. Maybe my mom was trying to... Maybe... I think she was probably trying to... I think they have, like, it's like a morbid curiosity almost. It's like, he's up there with a girl.

I'm gonna just, I'm gonna just, I'm gonna go. I don't think she knew I was other with a girl. I think maybe she was just, like, walking through to see what was going on. And, like, what's going on upstairs? And she probably like, I don't know. I was, like, hammered. She means doing homework.

Yeah, Michael getting ahead. I'm like, it's kind of mad. I just don't know. Like, this is the thing that annoys me. To move the civilization forward, you got to get laid. Facts. Okay.

And then it became just like not cool. Everybody, like, like, I don't know when getting laid stopped being is, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Even like, my mom a little bit should be like, fucking, she should be like, that's disgusting. Okay, you know, yeah, he's doing well. Like, there should be like a little, uh, uh,

that's gross. I didn't want to see my son getting head. I'm against you on this. I think there should be some level of shame left. Something needs to be taboo. Yeah, I feel like people are like pretty hype about. Yeah, I think people are pretty chill about sex. Yeah, same.

Really? People like pimping out their daughters on like TikTok shaking their like 13 year old tits. That is weird. I will say that, yeah. You're like, bro. Yeah, I think I think I'll probably be in between my dad and then like a weirdo. Like my dad's here. a weirdo's over here. I'll probably be over here.

And Onlyfans, like, father. Yeah, those are fucking wild. It's always like some steroid out dad. He's like, I'd always support my daughter. I'm like, you fucked her for sure. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're a weird fucking guy.

You show porn or her porn to your friend. This is what you do. You find out your dog does that man. You got, eh, I don't, do, do, do, do, do, I don't hear about it. Did you get a sex talk when you were young? Yeah, but that took me out on the boat, and he turned the key. It's like a fucking mob hit.

Yeah, yeah. He's like, you know, what do you know about sex? And I was like, everything. I was like, I know about 69's fucking rim jobs. You already know. Yeah, I started like, Liz's about things. There was like, yeah, but I didn't, I didn't, I knew all this stuff, but that I didn't. You gave your dad the sex talk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happens in Florida. Yeah, yeah. Not anymore. They say the kids are vaping and not fucking, but I don't know. Somebody has a really good bit about that. They're like, who's interviewing kids and asking if they're fucking. True.

There are their doctors, I guess. You're going out there? My dad gave me a book. He was in my room and he came in my room. He's like, hey, I want you to read this book. And then he left my room and it was like a book about sex. And then after I like came out, this is how much. This is how much I don't like to read.

Nice. This is how much I don't like to read. Well, I read now, but there's how much I didn't like to read is that there was a book about literally the only thing I was interested in in the entire world. And I still didn't finish it. And it was like a 15 page book about sex. sex. And then I came out and he was like, what did you think? He was like, what did you think about that? And I was like,

it was good? He was like, all right. That was, that was the sex talk. It was great. That's how an old Italian dad gives you the sex talk. He's like, read this pamphlet. Yeah, my ex, she, apparently her parents put like a book on the shelf and then just like, just left it on the shelf. And it just didn't talk to her about it. It was like,

that's insane. Look through that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. How'd you, what'd you do? You still? I don't know what's going on. You don't know. Listen, I thought Jewish people... When a man and a woman

love each other very much and I do mean a man and a woman. Right, right, right. I thought Jewish people are normally more open about sex than like Christians, right? And there's a little less shame. Usually, my parents were pretty...

They just like... It just didn't... Well, it's because they have to start a family at age 19. They don't have time to lose. Yeah, it's true. We're pretty young, my parents. But, like, no, they weren't, like,

open at all about it. Like, they were weird. Like, whenever I, like, would mention I had a girlfriend They were weird about it, yeah That's how it should be Yeah, I just, I just, you know what it is My first girlfriend was black

So, like, even weird How was the response? They didn't like them. They didn't. Did you stand up for her? Dude, free Palestine for her. Yeah. What does that have to do?

Did you stand up for her? I was just like, what the problem? I was like, oh shit. Like, I didn't, honestly, it was so crazy. It probably wasn't the fact. she was black. It was probably that she wasn't Jewish. Did you send them to Tulsa? I'm going to buy you a flight to Tulsa and educate you.

Is that the black equivalent, right? There was like a massacre there, right? Yeah. Is that the black equivalent to... That was black Wall Street. Actually, I think Africa is the black equivalent to Oschwitz. It's pretty... No, because they did that to... I'm just kidding. Hey, guys. Yeah, there was...

Yeah, there was... Tulsa was like the black Wall Street, essentially. after the Civil War they all fucking migrated out there and had property and shit They were doing coke and getting hookers and doing stuff like that Yeah

And then They were doing well Yeah And then the white towns folk Didn't like it very much I think they flew a plane They like bombed I saw it on the watchman show

That's the only reason I've ever heard of the Tulsa Massacre Yeah They like blew up a building With like an airstrike And like Whenever that Some shit

They did something crazy shit To those Just because like a black I was wearing a suit. And they're like, does he have a briefcase? We got to fuck that place up. Yeah,

that's wild. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just, it's just very funny to think about like, you know, you got like, have like a real,

I'm just picturing like Dave Portner on the phone. He's like, you don't have a real ID. No, May 7th is when you have to get the real idea. Like all these things he has to go through to send them to Oschwitz. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. True. Yeah. Like their passports and shit. You gotta find the right train. It's really. It's really funny to think about it like a field trip.

like he's trying to be positive. He's like, we're going to start with bagels. Okay, did everybody have one? Put your name on it. Like him just taking like grown college students on a thing. There's like a line leader with like an Israeli flag in the front. That's what might happen. You might get a tour group.

So wait, you, your first girl was a black girl? It wasn't. I don't know if it was my first, but it was. It wasn't. We called them people on this podcast. I don't know if the thing was my first. Jesus. But, um, no, I just remember like, yeah, they were like, my dad was like, you don't it.

Because I, at the time, I was like, on the basketball team, I was like, listening to rap music. Yeah, yeah, wearing two regs. And like, who was like, you know, I was close with obviously. And like, you know, you were laughing like, you were in the culture. You were in the. You were in the. Yeah. I was so, dad.

You're stupid. Yo, this my bitch right here, dad. How you doing? How you living? You, dad. This is my hope. say what up to hot. She's like, I don't like this guy either.

Your black girlfriend's like that was the thing. She was like not, you know, her dad was like a banker. Like he was not like a. Yeah. Not that they all have to not be like that. Podcast is so funny. Podcasts adds so many sentences that don't need to be added. You're like he's a banker.

Not that they're all criminals. It always just. He's a bank. He's a banker. So I thought he'd fit him with my family. Yeah. You see what my dad did to me. Yeah.

No, because he was, I was doing. all these things and then he was, I'll never forget he came into my room one night and he was like, I don't know what's going on with you, but you don't have to hang out with these people. Jesus. Oh, he pulled the fucking, what's the clippers? The clippers? Oh, yeah.

Steve, no. Donald Sterling. Donald Sterling. He pulled a Donald Sterling. Yeah, he's like you could fuck them, but I don't want you to take pictures. I don't want you taking pictures. He's like, you don't have to hang out with them. I don't want to see him at the games. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, it was just like, did you guys stay together? Did you guys stay together?

No, because I was just like, damn, I'm like, disappointing my dad. I was like, I didn't want to like have her come over. See, I was such a rebellious kid. Like, I would have been like, yeah, I don't know. I don't think my, I don't think my parents would have to carry it. You've been like, I fucked a black train. Bad. That's the day.

I needed to be more like you because like, honestly, there was, yeah. Like, what were they going to do, you know? Yeah, I will say this. I do think that like, what? No, go ahead. I'm agreeing. You said yeah before I said anything. I'm agreeing with it. I was agreeing with him.

Oh, I agree with me before I said the thing. I was like, this could go anywhere. This is improv. Yes, and. Yeah. No, I don't know. I think, like, critical thinking and standing up for yourself is an important tool that, like, a lot of, they just don't teach you. I'm not going to be like, it's the fucking system, man. But it's one of those things, like, as a kid, like, it is important because it's, like, the same kids that, like, do whatever they're told in our line leaders are the same kids that are, like, going to get radicalized on the internet.

Like, that's the same person. Like, the same guy who's like, I did, they checked the homework, all this. Like, that's the same guy who's like, actually, if you look at the red cross numbers, it was less than six minutes. Like, that's the same fucking person. You're fully right.

Those kids have no critical thinking skills. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All those kids in, like, middle school, they get straight A's, they don't. So fucking, yeah, a lot of them are so stupid. Yeah, they're so dumb. They're the dumbest kids. Now, do I say this because I was also bad in school?

Yes. And I have to, like, redo it. Just like I used to say every guy with a six-backs gay. but now that it's benefiting me it's not gay anymore but yeah no you're from Florida any racism in your family?

For sure I would say more in the distant side of it like in my intermediate I don't see a lot of it but I don't think like in Florida it's like definitely like I don't know it's tough

because it's like people say more racist things but I don't know if that necessarily means they're more racist or if it's just more tolerated because it's like don't get me wrong I go back to Florida and I hear the N-word like I 100% hear it. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's crazy. See, I hear it too, but it's from like Asian people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not meant like, dude. It's not meant like, you know, hard art or like anything, you know. Dude, whites get a lot of guff for stealing black culture, but if you look at New York Asians, they are the worst perpetrators of my life. Yeah, Sneco is so funny. He's like, I love the way Sneco's just weaved his way through everything.

Is that the streamer? He's like, he's like an Asian. guy with like a fade. I guess he used to do open mics apparently. He did. He did. Natan was telling me about him. Yeah. Yeah. And then now he's like on this like he's with Kanye and the Hale Hitler stuff. Oh. He's like in Kanye's like Hitler's sphere. He's like a, he's like a black Asian like how much how much multicultural racism can you do it once? You're like a black you know what I mean? Like a black acting Asian guy who is at that. Is he Filipino though? Because those are. They are. Yeah. He is?

okay he is the past yeah yeah he probably just feels a little darker and yeah that's like yeah he's a little darker those yeah they can do it yeah yeah they're the they're like the minorities of the Asian world yeah I don't think I've had a black on this podcast like a year uh that's probably that's fine

this is the Michael good you gotta fucking shayshay are you gonna turn this into club sheshet you know Michael I'm proud of you for getting pussy I'm real proud of you for getting pussy you should fucking build like stadium you was getting pussy right

yeah that was cool I was about you getting pussy You was all up in that thing. Yeah. I want to see you in like, yeah, five ex-athlet, black dudes just debating insane shit. Yeah, it sounds fun.

Yeah. debating like the CIA. I was at my, I don't know if I should say who in my family. I was at an old Italian family members' funeral when I was young.

I was very young. And this old Italian man came up to me and he's like, I'm all just saying, it was my grandfather's funeral. But this old Italian guy came up to me and he's like, he's like, your grandfather was a great name.

He was a great man. Respected by all. Loved, loved by many. And then he looked around and he was like, he did not like the blacks very much. He was a great man. And I was like, I was like, I don't even,

I think I was 10. I was like, okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's funny too because it's like, they need to know that one. Everybody like does their own version of like racism where it's like, when you want to start blaming shit,

like it'll go through. certain things. Like, I'll be like, it's like you're on the train. There's some fat lady in front of you. You're like fucking fat people always doing it. Like your brain, no matter what wants to take short, it's not just shortcuts. It's also like, lump the everyone in. I don't say that. I think what happens is you want to feel better. So you want an excuse for your problems. Oh yeah. So like, I think a lot of racist people, they're like, oh, like, you know, this wasn't going on. Yeah. It's like, yeah, you would just, you're just like, like, they always complain they were always like, oh, black people. are always like, you know, being lazy and stuff like that. And they're always blaming other things. And I'm like, well, you're blaming your things on the black people.

Like, you're doing the same thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, like if they're lazy, that just shouldn't make everything easier for you. Yeah, you should be crushing it. Yeah. If that, yeah. That's when they go, well, it's hard to get worked on on the train when there's music blaring out of someone sitting here.

Fair point. I will say this, dude, the calorie deficit's making me a little racist at the gym. I'm getting a little bit. A calorie deficit will do that. I don't think that's what makes you racist. No, that is fully. Actually, yeah, you're right. Counterpoint, look at the south.

They are not a caloric deficit, and they are definitely racist. I think you're just getting in touch with your... I went to Buckees. I just went to Georgia, I drove to Georgia, like, two weeks ago. We stopped at Buckees. I had only, I'd been to Buc, you know, you guys know Buckees. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been there at night, and when it's, like, empty, I was there during the day, it was, it's a fucking feeding trough. It is, like, unimaginable... What's that? I've never been. It's crazy. It's great. but it's like, holy shit. You forget this is what most of the country looks like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bad. It's fucking bad. What is just the fat motherfuckers? Dude, everyone. I just lost the weight. I'm like, these fucking fat pieces. Dude, you deserve it, dude.

Yeah, you've been skinny. I don't, I don't treat myself like that. No, no. Dude, you at your, you at your heaviest would have been, you'd have been like a fucking runway model. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was disgusting.

Yeah, no, that is. That's the thing. It's like, yeah, it's so hard to, like, compare yourself between, like, I went and did shows in like Indianapolis and Ohio and like I have a joke about like how I look like I lost a custody battle sometimes and people are like, dude, you look fine. They're like, you're the best looking guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At this driving fucking burger joint that we're going to show at.

Florida's weird because it's got sections with the ugliest motherfuckers and sexes section with like fucking, I mean, I was in St. Pete a couple weeks ago. It's just babes everywhere. In St. Pete, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Florida's a strange place like that. Yeah, and then all the dudes have, like, very good swag. Like, people who just have beach bum energy, just get pussy because they're just kind of like, yeah, it was, like, very, a lot of Matthew McCona is walking around.

Even fat, fat, fat, fat is just, like, fat dudes. But it's funny because East Coast Beach, Beach, Bum is, like, different than West Coast Beach Bum. East Coast Beach Bum is, there's, like, a tinge of, like, drug. That is a thing, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, like, SoCal surfers are, like, healthy. They eat, like, Aseables. And, like, Florida, I feel like, they, like, rail a line of coke.

and then they go surfing or something. You can see a little dehydration a lot with these people. This guy's not drinking enough water. They're a little strung out. Just some guy's like dad, who's got like sunscreen on his nose. And then he's just like, he looks like he's just made out of beef jerky.

And he's got like fucking flip flops on. And you're like, this guy's water. Give this guy a water. Pervert capital of the world, dude. You can really perv there. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

There's like. Yeah, dude. Yeah. The mix of like old people and then like the young, like, beach scene and shit is a good, it's a good combo. For sure. Like I know Key West is like,

like a giant swingers community. Yeah. I saw a guy on the sidewalk down there and Fort Lauderdale just, he was sitting at like a sidewalk cafe. He had a camera, big ass Nikon camera. He was just taking pictures of girls walking by. That's wild. Just fully just taking pictures of hot girls to go jerk off to later.

That's so wild. It was awesome. That's kind of like old fashion. It was old fashion. It was kind of like, oh, he was so in the open about it too. He's listening to records. Yeah. He's been doing that forever.

since the 60s. Some people would you purve so hard. Like, I was in a show last night at the pair, and Julia Kastner had this bit about how, like, she doesn't want guys coming on her face. And then some guys like, you gotta try it. And I'm like, what is your fucking angle, dude?

Like, how fucking horny are you? They're like, hey, it's broad ass, my fucking come on a face. You're like, you're a fucking psycho. Also, like, what realization is she going to come to? Like, she gets the come on her face and she's like, oh my God, you're so right. There's nothing like I imagined.

Like, I just knew it was just like a fat. Like he starts talking about the unions or something. I'm just like, shut the fuck up. He's like, you ain't never been in a union before. I'm like, you know, I had some local 570 come. Yeah. Back my union days. This is where I will say this.

This is where the gym racism is coming from. It's coming from the music. I know that's always where it starts. You know, it's still raised. When you're an old guy, you're like, the music is just hanging on these damn bongos. What is this? I've, the fucking Hispanic beat

that bum putta bum bump in every fucking song is what's driving me crazy. My phone will glitch him at the gym and the gym is playing like Bad Bunny other stuff like that, other Hispanic music. You go to a cheap gym. Yes, I go to a blank yes.

And then additionally people will bring like their Bluetooth's in and I'm like for people that know how to dance so well they make the worst fucking music. Like I'm telling, I really. culturally. You're listening to a specific type of... Totally, but if you listen to a lot of Hispanic music,

it's just the beat is exactly the same. It's the... And I'm like, just change up the fucking beat. Do you think our music sounds like that to them? They're like every fucking song is just... Yeah, I don't know. But it's like, it's like my phone will stop loading because there's no service in the gym.

And then I'm just stuck with Bad Bunny and it has made me a little bit... I guess... And then the music video too is just like him like, you know what I mean he's just like he's just kind of like he's like lizarding around

with like a weird haircut and like something you know he's got like fucking pig tails or something he's always doing something weird yeah yeah yeah yeah so that's why I've become a little bit anti-Hispanic

but look now the Hispanics the Hispanics rule yeah well then I see like a fat little Mexican guy that's like a grub up driver and I'm like you're the hardest working yeah yeah and then I give him

little badge that says. Those guys are awesome. The guys like repairing like concrete on the sidewalk, like patchwork at like 7 a.m. Those guys are awesome. They're out there just grinding, dude. Oh, it's great. I used to ride the train with them all the time when I, when I didn't have a car like a few months ago. I would just be like in like flushing or like Coney Island, right? That guy, that guy that lit the lady on fire on the subway. I was like at the train stop that. I was at that train station that day. And whenever I am on a train, I don't know if you do the thing where you like look at everyone to see like who's a threat. Yeah, yeah.

You're like, okay, like no one here's a threat or this person looks sketchy or whatever. I always didn't up until that point, like discount the small Hispanic men. I'm like, they're just out here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not even that they're small. It's like, dude, they're in there a grind. They don't have the energy to go commit a crime. And then the guy lit that lady on fire.

And now I'm like, my whole world is upside down. Yeah, because you're like, dude, I don't know what to think. It was adorable. Yeah. He was a cute little umpalumpal, Spanish man. Yeah. he was a regular ass little Spanish dude

He's probably the only guy like that to ever... I have a theory that he was just... Because this is... Now that we're doing like stereotypes, they're all always drunk. They are. They work all...

Work hard. Play hard. Yeah, they work really hard and then they get like tall boy coronas on the way home or Modalo and pound them on the whole way home on the train.

Fucking no problem with me. But I think that that guy was just like drunk and wasn't thinking, and like, I'm just like, I'm just gonna fuck with this lady and just lit her thing on fire and was just like, holy shit it caught.

She's gonna wake up. Like, she's gonna notice this. Like, she's got to. And then it just went. And then just went. That's what I think, I think happened. Yeah, I mean, the trades are, dude, the fact somebody fucked the dead body.

That is crazy. You were like, that's cartoonishly. Also, also, uh, wait, what's that? Spanish dude. He's given the benefit of the death. Yeah, that almost seems like a sigh off. That almost seems like a,

all the ice race. raids are happening and then a Hispanic guy lights somebody on fire somebody's fucking a dead body. It's like Wait, that was the same guy, right? No. You think you fucked a flaming body? That's like after. Evil can evil like stun. I thought he got out on no cash bail and then that's the, yeah,

and then go for me. So I do know somebody works at the DA's office and there's a thing where like a lot of the illegal... How do you know some I have friends that are doing shit? Who is this person? Half my friends are dead, the other half are lawyers. It's just kind of how my life with. But he, a lot of these crimes are like, like, yes, there's obviously like, if you

transport Times Square to, like, China, you're going to need a lot of bad eggs. And that's kind of what happened with immigration where, like, you just got a lot of, like, you got these hardworking people, you get these not hardworking people. But a lot of the crimes are, like, illegal immigrants against other illegal immigrants. Yeah, yeah, they're taking advantage of other people that don't have any, like, representation. Like, they're more likely to commit a crime against somebody like that. Like, apparently I've heard that like if you're like, like you look like a rich white guy and you go into like certain rough neighborhoods,

they almost won't fuck with you sometimes because they're like, dude, people are going to look for this guy. Yeah, versus like, they're like, they're very comfortable robbing another illegal immigrant because they're like,

oh, this guy doesn't have any defense. Well, that's the basis of the mafia. It's like the mafia would, you know, protects. What are you fucking saying right now,

dude? I don't know. Fuck are you talking about over there, dude? You're fucking shit, man. That was, that was the basis of one of you.

It was a lot of immigrants. Yeah, they would, They would, well, they would, like, provide protection for... They were doing a service. It was safety, dude. Yeah. No, but, yeah.

They don't only kill other soldiers. I remember I got an argument with my dad has an Italian friend who's super racist. And the guy would have just said, Italian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just going on. He's like, the blacks that you, they just do commit these crimes. And my dad's like, you guys brought so much crime. He's like, we don't, they'd only kill other soldiers.

Organized. Organized. Yeah, organized crime. Yeah, yeah, you're OCD about that. Doing what the government does. It's the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, you ever see somebody like and you're like, I did see an Irish guy one time. I was like, damn, that guy probably is probably the Irish mob. It's funny when you see like little. It's like, I'm sure in Boston you probably said more than. I never seen that. Really? I for sure saw a Russian like hitman.

I know for sure, dude. Yeah. I was at this fucking. They all look like hitman, dude. They're all fucking so cold. Yeah, there's scariest people on the planet. They are... It's a bad culture.

I'm not racist against anyone, but Russians, I'm getting real fucking close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real close. Lighten up a little bit over there. Take it easy. Yeah, get it there.

They're also so... I took a fucking Russian lady in the ambulance one time, and I was in the back. My partner, she was a black woman, and we get the guy into the ambulance, and she goes around front to drive, and he goes,

she's driving? And I was like, yeah, she's driving. And I was like, yeah, she's driving. we never they don't drive you're like woman or black yeah yeah yeah that's crazy that's also hilarious nobody people said women are bad driver but nobody's ever said black people are bad drivers no they're pretty good dude yeah yeah i've never heard that stereotype no i think they're pretty chill about it they're pretty good yeah yeah i don't think i don't think they're chill they're definitely they're a little too chill is cruising pop lock and dropping no i like i like i i want to

the word archetype more because that's like that is instead of stereotype yeah because it's like there is a thing where you're like when I hear maybe there's no difference black archetype of not working guys it's an archetype is an archetype yeah yeah archetype is like a character type of the Chinese

guy with a small penis yeah well because it is like when I hear stereotype I think of people saying these people are like this which I don't nobody I mean some people believe that but I don't believe that but I do believe there are people that match up exactly with a certain stereotype

where you're like, all right, this is the, like, loud Italian guy. This is the Jewish guy. Indian ad shit. Put an adjutant before it. Dude, don't be a pussy. Put an adjective.

This is the greedy. Yeah, there we go. Well, but there are certain people, you know, not like that sense, but there are people that you're like, okay, this is like a big hooped Latino woman. You know what I mean? Like a chola.

Like, that's a great. Cholo's the perfect word because you know what it is. I don't think it's necessarily racist. You're like, I know what kind of guy a cholo is when somebody explains it. We don't have enough of those words. They only have like slurs for other people.

Yeah. Wap, guinea. You're just like, there's slurs, I guess, technically. Yeah, like what are we, like, what, like, is Sneakos? What is a sneco? Like an Asian guy that acts black. We need a word for that.

It's not negative or positive. You're just saying like what kind of guy he is. What kind of archetype is? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to, I don't know. I don't even know what. I don't know enough about. Okay, I will say this.

I was like a sneako. And I'm like, oh, there's a word I could think of my head. You could throw. Yeah, yeah. The audience could fill in the rest of where that one would cover. Anyways, we are at an hour. Holy shit. I'm already.

Or we're 56 minutes, but I got to go do an hour of cardio. Nice, man. I hate, I hate talking like that. I'm ready. There's a little dark voice in my head that's like, because I think all this stuff's kind of lame. There's a little dark voice in head. It's like, what have you just kept doing this?

What if you just kept being an elephant? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think you're going to be like, what if I ate a cookie? No, no, no, no, no. There's an in between this. I'm going to go like, I'm going to go in between this and where I was before. Where, like, I am eating healthy, I'm drinking less and doing more exercise. Yeah.

Cut down on the drinking and just don't eat like bread and you'll be fucking fine. Yeah. Everybody's got a different metabolism, but what do you want to promote? Nothing. I'm David Kajian. That's all. Dave Kajian on Instagram. Do you want to stand up for the Jews now or do you want to be a coward again?

I'm here, man. I've been still. What do you want to say to your dad about you dating a black woman? My dad's going to listen to this too. Dude, he didn't mean it. He didn't know what he was. He's going to be like, I never said that. That's exactly what he's going to say.

I'm not wandering Jew on Instagram. Sam Lichtenstein, YouTube. I'm doing a show in Jersey on Friday. Can you say a little less enthusiasm? Fuck on. Dude, it's cool to promote and act like you don't care. air about it though. Yeah, it is really cool, Michael. So you've got to get on.

All right. Well, dude, I really appreciate you guys coming on. I had a lot of fun. Thank you. I had a great time. Thank you.