Morning Good - Smartest Guys in Town - Episode 312

Episode Date: April 26, 2026

On the road in Upstate New York, Joe Mahoney joins as today's solo guest. He and Michael talk about sleepy small town life, making a bad sex tape, and caveman family dynamics.Thanks to Joe for coming back on the show and broadcasting from the hotel room. Check him out on previous episodes and follow him on Instagram @joemahoneycomedy.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. Good.

Oh, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right. We're doing, just to give context, we're trying morning good from a hotel room pretty drunk after gigs because we get some cracking heroin. From heroin,

Russell Brine. We did heroin with Russell Brin. Oh, the irony. In this little town up in New York, and it's a little boring.

It is a devil worshippers and little petal files running around. Yeah. No context to anything going on. Whatever, dude. I have just,

yeah, yeah, I love, I will say this, Russell Brann can commit all these crimes, but the way he says, heroin, it makes...

Arrowin. It's so, Cute. Doesn't make you want to do it? I know. You're like, I don't do a little... It's not bad for you. I want to do a little arrow with Russell Bryan. It's magical. It's a mythical. It's a delicious little treat you take in your vein.

It's right into your Vegas nerve, right into... It sounds so... Dude, he makes you want to do heroin. He's like, arrowing. We know, it's all a lot of heroin. Cracking heroin. Yeah. Cracking heroin. Yeah. Cracking heroin. Yeah. Together. Yeah, it's the right.

combo, yeah. That's so greedy being like, exactly like, I'd be like, I'd like Chris Farley. And like everyone that does that dies. Yeah, yeah. Like everyone that does the combo dies. Yeah. It is. Look, I wasn't friends with Chris Farley, but I'd be like, dude, what it? You weren't? No, I'd be surprised with my new Kiltonny fame. You'd be like, I would assume this guy's

running with the team. I thought like you did so well in Kiltonny, you retroactively. Yeah. Friends of Chris Farley. I went back in time. That's not how it works. It became friends of the Chris Farley. You don't go back. The golden ticket, you didn't get the golden ticket.

Okay. That's why. Yeah, the golden ticket. You get it to time machine. Time travel. Dead celebrity. Funny celebrities. Chris Farley.

John Candy. Yeah, with John Candy. Yeah, with John Candy. And fucking. You got the notebook. You get John Candy instead. Yeah.

He's like, I'm the real article. What you see is what you get. Let me just see you. Yeah. Yeah, the golden ticket. Tony Hinchcliffe actually gives you a time machine and you get to smoke crack with Chris Farley. And do heroin with him.

And Richard. prior. That actually would suck. You can light his hair on fire. He's like, I'm crazy motherfucker. And you're like, this is that those actually would not,

because everybody would be so starred for attention, if you hung out with Chris Farley and they would be like, this is fucking annoying. It actually wouldn't be fun. No, dude. I like attention. I do comedy. I'm a funny guy.

What the fuck? I just got to watch this asshole. Fucking be the party. You think that's just funny. Why motherfucker? What's this shit I do? Oh, Sinbad entered the room. I got to be second fiddle to these guys.

You're watching Chris Farley, like, tuck his dick in between you say, be like, oh, yeah, I'm a wild guy. Well, Richard Pryor's really sucking his own dick on track, and you're like, I don't even know what I could do. It could be remotely funny. I could do armpit farts in the corner. Yeah.

Yeah, this is just a disaster. Yeah. But, man, these movies are so gay. We're in a hotel room and we're watching Harry Potter. and, oh, okay, you know what? I immediately changed my mind. I always thought that she was really gay. And then, like, the...

And then Hermione's tits just fucking flashed on screen. She doesn't do it for me. Really? Really? I don't know. Once... I mean, this is like a later episode. Like, in the first movie, she's really...

Oh, yeah? Is that what it is? This is a later one. This is like the second one. Dude, I've definitely podcasted before it talked about celebrity. Then I'm like, wait, let me look up the age before it is. I wish I was picturing this when I was watching the movie when I was reading the book.

It's erotica. Yeah, I remember my dad reading the books to me and it seems to a magical. And then you watch, I've always said this. Look, I've never created something like this, but I do think sometimes it's lazy world building

where they're like, there's the googly bobs and the googly whips. They make up names. Yeah, and they're like, I'll be so creative and you're like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone always told me she ripped off somebody.

Somebody told me that like there's actually like a a Gary plopper or something. Fuck, man. This just like the lead zepplin of, children's books. Yeah. Did Led Zeppelin to rub off somebody?

Well, you're a big music guy. Yeah, there's a bunch of like old, like black blues songs that they apparently, but like, you know, you listen to the original and it's like, because they like made it into like hard rocked and like listen to the original.

And it's like, hello my darling. You know, it's like, it's like a very lame version of it. But you can see where like they took the influence, but then they like made it into like, you know what I mean?

Rare, rare, better. Like they made it like fucking way better. Yeah, yeah. So I'll give them a pass there, yeah. Well, that was the thing is you didn't have a lot of black people doing acid. Right?

They just did heroin. Arroen. Miles Davis doing heroin. Yeah, they weren't doing acid enough. They couldn't invent rock music. It does. Also, black people do not like distortion. Let's keep it real.

Besides Jimmy Hendrix, I know Jimi Hendrix, he's the exception. We met a woman who saw Jimmy Hendricks do the start. That was fucking crazy. She did. I forgot to talk. We should have talked about her after the, we should have her on the podcast. Fuck. Oh, my God.

So, yeah, so just to give context, me and Joe Mahoney, I don't even know if I introduce you. We're doing this road gig and fucking this woman where I was like, you know, what's the crazy? I was like, what's the crazy thing you see drunk? And she's like, I went to Woodstock and I literally saw Jimmy Hendrix do the star spank. Well, I was, I forgot. I forgot. I couldn't believe she was being serious, but I think she was. Yeah, I met a couple people who've been to Woodstock.

She was like, I saw Jimmy Hendricks do the Starzell, maybe what she said at like 8 a.m. And then she said our sets were the only thing that's been better since, but. You definitely did not say that Could you imagine? I haven't been wet since Jimmy Hendricks And this is getting me going I try so hard at cop Like genuinely I've been writing

fucking an hour a day Like I think a week ago I wrote an hour and a half And I'm like This woman has seen Jimmy Hendricks Yeah like what's the point of living Yeah I was like Do I think I'm gonna impress her?

I'm like there's no fucking way She peaked early Yeah Yeah I can't wish she said I mean, she had talked about that with her after. That's also why she walked around the place, just like Dick's lapping us. She walked in. Yeah, she kind of was.

Yeah, she's like, you guys think you're going to be fucking funny. Actually, Jimmy Hendricks, bitch. She was like pulling our jock straps and smack. Yeah. She was really bull-in. I knew she'd be the heckler because she came right up to us and was like, who's the, we're the comedians. I was like, ah, there she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

She made the show tolerable, I guess. You know what? I should have genuinely tried to have sex that old lady. Yeah. I don't know why they didn't even cross my mind. And she's like, I'm like, that may have been a cry for attention for her. So not a cry. I don't, I don't, I don't act like I'm trying to get so many chances to that.

You get so many chances. I didn't have sad. The old lady. The bartender, the like to kill Tony. That was so funny. The girl that wrote her name on a fucking $2 bill and gave it to, come on, man. I know she was married, but. Dude, I just, I literally like, given.

Once you do kill Tony, it's just they just throw it at you. That old lady definitely. he's a big kill-thony fan. Now she is. Yeah, she's like, that was, it was just so funny because the best part is, I don't even know, I mean,

Paxton, if you could edit out of the background, I have no other than we could think they might not even be able to hear us. They just, I have no idea. No, these are dynamic microphones

to work fine, but, um, no, it's like, that was so funny. So, like,

just to give a little context, we're doing this road gig in, it was a fun show. It was like a good time. And, uh, we're just setting up and it's like, first time it's all,

old people show up to the show is so early so you're like fuck is this show gonna be all people yeah yeah and then the young people start showing up and then the old lady which yeah at first she's like you better make us laugh and then like she's kind of like you know just being like a little bit

crazy but then she at one point she's just she's single and she's like she went to Woodstock I mean I don't know when did like SCDs become a thing because like I'm trying to think it like I always think of old people having more SDDs because I'm from Florida and like the villages has like a very It's like an old person population.

They have like a very high SDD rate there. Oh, right, right. Anyway, we're in the village, you said? The villages. Oh, the villages. But were people even talking about her? Like, it's so weird that AIDS. They didn't care, man.

AIDS was 80s. So before that, it was all free love. It was like, who cares, man? Like, they didn't care about herpes back then. I don't think they gave a shit. Everyone had chlamydia. Even koala bears have chlamydia. Like, no one cares about chlamydia.

I do want syphilis because it seems like a wild west. I've always said it seems cool to have syphilis. Right, and there's like stages. Like Al Capone died of it or something. Yeah, yeah. I think Benjamin Franklin had it. Like, closer to, yeah, yeah. Benjamin Franklin had it.

And, um, I guess it just rots your brain at some. You forget about syphilis, right? That's a weird one. I mean, it's one of, if you get a standard SDD pant, I mean, this podcast is so much SDD talk, but how do you know if you have, like, is there, what's the sign? It's a sore. It's like herpes. But, like, the thing is, like, this.

The regular, you have to ask, they don't like testing for herpes. Like everybody's like, oh, I'm totally SDD free, but you have to literally be like, hey, can I blood test for herpes? And it'll really go, we don't like to do that because it, uh, you get so many false positives. They're like, we don't like to do that. And it's also like, uh, the false positive is the sore on your dick. Yeah. You know? These are all.

So would they freak people out? Yeah. And they're like, and they're just like, we don't. Oh, this is hilarious. I can't. Oh, I could barely turn the volume down. We're in the shittiest. What is it called the

It's a funny name, yeah It's like the sleepy No, the night pleasure in What is it? Yeah, it's the pleasant night in Yeah Let's have a pleasant night in honey Is this a pleasant night in

Doing a podcast on our bets This whole town is a fucking pleasant night Dude, this is a weird town Yeah, it's very sad We go and we're like hey let's maybe You know swing by the bars Maybe we get some pussy And we go to the bar

And there is Look bless Mr. Anus to death I like that guy Right. Like, yeah. How are we in a town?

You were getting tired of him. It was funny. Yeah. I was, no, I was not getting tired of him. I was just trying to, there was a part of me that was like,

we need to get him on the bar. But there was like nowhere else to go. And then we tried to go to a different bar. They're like, that one's closed. Or like, ah, fuck.

It was. And then there was like a bartender and she was like a, I don't know, like a 5.5. And we start going, well, she's the hottest girl I have ever seen. She's going to see this.

She's going to see this. So she's going to see this. This is a, no, we went to a different, this is the night. No, we didn't. Before. No. I love, what's her name again? Morgan.

No, we love Morgan. Look. Yeah, 5.5 equals a 10, if you really do the math. 5.5 for 10. I think even a 5 plus 5. Oh, I'm bad at math. Exactly. But that's why I fit in with this town.

I should be here. I belong here. Do you think we're the smartest people in this town? not no not anymore i think i think i think i belong here i think me and morgan should be together yeah she was very charming she was pretty cool she was really cool she was cute it was just very funny that was like you're like trying i literally she was cute she was cute i put i put a note on my phone and put it to mahoney i go do you think we could double team the bartender in the pleasant in hotel because i was straight up like sitting there and i was like yeah yeah yeah i was like okay

Okay. So. And I said, you said yes, yes, no, maybe. And I checked off yes. Yeah. I genuinely thought I was like, there, it's so crazy to be in a bar when there's literally one of the, like, this is the busiest bar in the town. There's one person there on a Friday night. Yeah. Your standards drop so quickly.

It's so funny. I don't care. I'm going to keep saying it. She's not going to listen to your podcast. You can say that. She's not going to listen to your podcast. She'll watch your kill Tony, I'm sure. Which got her suit.

Which when you, when that came up, I was like, oh, our chance is skyrocketed. Yeah. This is a team ever. I definitely, I would tell you what, Joe, if she's like, hey, we can go out sex back. I say, guess what? We're only doing this as a team. I got a whole backpack full of blue shoes. I'm good to go.

Yeah. Yeah. I was, I was ready to fuck in this. Yeah. With his big ass cap. This fucking Irish roof. Rub his calves with some olive oil and just. That was insane, dude.

This guy's calves were like... He was trying to show off his fucking calves with his fucking, yeah, whatever. I was just, look, you're in a small town. You got to get some credit where you can. You gotta have some, you know? Yeah, I was just, I've been in small towns where I was just, I was just trying to figure it out.

Like, we were talking about this, we were like, okay, so it's Friday night. Yeah. We shot up there at midnight. Midnight. And there's one person in the busiest bar. Yes. So what? The only bar that's open.

It is a military town. It's like a, it looks like a cool bar. like it's big, it's kind of spacious and there's just fucking no one there. And I'm like, I'm like, there has to be a crack den or something. There has to be something else going on here.

Yeah. There's no way. They're on pills in their house or they're like devil worshiping or something. Yeah, because we walked by multiple houses that just had red light. Yeah, that was weird. Red lights are weird.

Spooky. What was that house we walked by? We have at one house. And it was literally like, just the creepiest old-timey, like blinds and then there was like there was tons of board games on the thing. And they went back to the other house

and we're just looking in the windows to people's houses. We're leaving this bar through a neighborhood. Yeah, yeah. We have to do something in this town. Yeah. There's nothing to do. There's nothing to do. Just get drunk and look through people's windows. Yeah. I mean, what's everywhere is everyone? I almost, we almost

knocked on some doors or like ding dong ditched or like, I wanted to cause mischief. How many hours do you think we've been here? Too many, man. In this town? Yeah, in this town. Wow. Because we're in between gigs. So we stopped in between them.

Oh my God. By now it's been like fucking four. That's too many. No, no. There's no way because we got here at fucking what we left the gig. Maybe three. Maybe three. It feels like a forever.

No, no, no, no. Dude, we've been here for like five hours now. Really? It's almost 3 a.m. God, we should be sleeping right now. We should be. And check out's 10 a.m.

That's brutal. Yeah, that guy fucking sucks. There's no one in this. There's no one here. Chuck all. does at 10 a guy comes at 10th or to be a lot. It's like there's no one here.

Tell him to come later. There's three cars in this building. Tell him daddy's sleeping. Yeah, what is happening? And then we fucking, dude, the fact that fucking like, uh,

we, no, okay, so we got in here. It took Sol and the check in, by the way. What was that? These are always these.

He was like, was he faxing your license to like the, like the CIA? Like, what was that? He was faxing it to like his wife in India. I don't know what I'm saying Whatever

You're bailing too much on your opinions You gotta stand by them Yeah you're right Fucking this town sucks This town does suck But it's interesting to me Because I genuinely drive by Some of these bum fuck downs

And I go Dude like if I lived here I would be doing so many steroids Maybe join a neo-Nazi group Just for friendship Yeah Um, because like what else is going on? I would be smoking crystal meth and like banging like completely Morgan.

No. Look, Morgan's cute, but buddy, I live in this town. No, I'm going to be, I'm going to have zero teeth and I'm going to be, I'm going to be getting AIDS. I will get AIDS. You're on like a mission to get it. Like you don't want to, you like you want to get it. Like you don't feel like you want to, you don't feel accomplished until you, you don't you get it. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm, I'm 100%. Like, that's your goal in life now.

Yes. Right. You live here. You were like, I don't, it blows my mind. Like you want to die slowly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because you're dying slowly anyway being here. Prep is probably legal in this town. What is? Prep. What's that? It's like the AIDS prevention medicine. They're probably like, no, no, no, you get it. You get it. Oh, true. Yeah. Probably. They hate gay people probably. So. Yeah. You know, like, why as well just, you know yeah dive in I'm just like like if I was trying to live

a fun lifestyle here I think you have two options yeah you either like have a wife and kids and you don't curse and you have like you know like chicken and like terrible white people food to dinner or you are literally smoking crank

and like fucking like a truck stop prostitute like a bowling ball yeah you're literally at the bowling alley just a bowling ball of teeth yeah there's no I'm like there's no it's fucking a three whole

object I don't know which part of it I'm fucking but it's it's something it's yeah because there's tight enough because I'm like I'm like because we're trying to figure it out

we're like there's one guy at the bar and we're like yeah there has to be there's no way nobody in this town has a substance abuse problem

yeah yeah maybe maybe opiots are like the like you were talking about there probably like an opiate problem they last hard at that so I mean look opiates

everywhere though so yeah but like we walked around everyone's lights are off it's like what's everyone do i never know what anyone's doing back there really doing what they're doing yeah i don't know it was weird it was it's weird it's weird to be in small towns we were drunk and getting scared i was scary no the red lights freaked me out there's three houses with like red snake lights in in the in like the window you're like that's a choice like red is is like a scary color like no one chooses red in college you have like blue you know what I mean a little purple

maybe psyched adult you don't do red red red is like in a movie that's devil worshiping I don't think it's genuine devil worshiping but I don't know it's scared maybe maybe maybe maybe honestly at this point

yeah maybe it's not like Valentine's Day anymore no they're doing with the red yeah it didn't look sexy it looked like scary and um and there's you know it's like three of them is like there's like a pattern there's a cult I think there's a cult here

I saw four on the way four that's a lot how would you not dude you got nothing going on here how would you not be like dude I could just yeah do you think if we moved to this town we could just like create a cult I bet you we could well we'd have to like compete with the existing cult right this is already like

a very strong cult going on here I bet you really riz our way so hard you think we could yeah we take over we're smarter than that we'll manipulate we're like Jews to them We're so smart. They're going to try to kill us. There's no Jews in this town.

No. There's zero percent. That's why we're going to manipulate the shit out of them. We're from New York. We're basically Jews to them. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to pull all the strings.

We're going to do. Could you imagine over their economy? And move you just get now. Why the fuck would I live here? No, they know where to go. This is gross. There's no money here. There's nothing.

There's no economy. There's nothing going out. It's pointless to live here. It's really pointless. It is completely pointless. I drove hammered drunk to the convenience store and I felt enough. I was like, what's going to happen?

There's no one here. There's no cops. If you hit somebody with your car, you would. They did them a favor. Yeah. They give you a medal of honor. Yeah. Good job.

It's like there's nobody to hit. We, I'm telling you. So we left the gig at, it started 730, 7.30, 7. right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did what? 27 minutes? We'll say it.

Yeah, we'll say somewhere on there. Yeah, sure. 27 minutes. So what does that leave us at? Like, fucking 8.20? Yeah. I did 44 minutes. So what does that leave us at?

Like, fucking... We don't have to do math, but like 9.30. We got here at 10 o'clock. It is three in the morning. But we hung out a little bit, though, after. We hung out a little bit. Okay, that's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So let's... say we got here. I think we got here like, we got here 1115. I'll say, I'll agree with that. Yeah, because then we drank for a little and then we left the hotel by like almost 12. Yeah. And then we got to the hotel, we got to the bar 12ish. Okay, so we saw lady a convenience store. Hmm. Yes. Okay. Let's add a moment. Lady convenience store. We saw, she was the two kids. Lady working convenience store. I don't remember that well. And then we saw Indian guy at the front. And then we saw three people to borrow. So you've seen eight people in the course of four hours,

which I guess that's not that crazy for a town like this. And they all know about us now, and they've all talked about us together. Yeah. It's like a scary movie here. It really, dude, it really felt spooky. We were walking around. It was a spooky town.

It's spooky town in upstate New York. Yeah, I mean, there's no reason to live here. This is a way. Do you think, okay. It's a bad life. there's black people here. No. Not like free ones.

Like, oh, no, I'm just kidding. You think there's slaves here? Honestly. Maybe they're in those red rooms like tied up. No, I'm kidding. If there were slaves, they wouldn't even be checking in.

This town is so far off. That's so funny that like, yeah, there's so many bump fuck town slavery. They didn't even have to legalize it because nobody would be checking in on places like this. Like they could just have a whole plant

and nobody would have any idea. They're like, yeah, the north is against it. They would have no idea. Those other northerners are. Yeah, they literally, like, they could just have a full plantation. But people don't live in this place. Like, even the ones that were at the show we did,

they were from like Watertown, right? That was like a, that's like a city almost. Yeah, yeah, they came out. To where we were. They drove like 30 heads to come to see us. That was great. Yeah, they're not living with like, they're not living in the countryside with the, you know,

whatever, I don't even know what they do at here. Are they farmers? Is that why they're all asleep right now? I don't, you know, it'd be really funny if, like, all day this was like a banger town and people were just getting blackout drunk. Yeah, it's like a day drink, you pussies. Yeah, it's possible.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I hate that I'm condescending like this, but places like this. No, I feel bad. I want to figure it out. I'm like, come on, guys, what are we doing? You know what makes me feel like? So my mom would always pick me up super.

late from school. Yeah. And you're just walking around an empty campus. And it is a very lonely, boring feeling when there's like nobody, there's like literally nobody there. You say like one teacher like packing up a briefcase and leaving. Yeah. And my mom is a great mother, but she would pick me up an hour late from school every single day. Really? And I'm just wandering around. Well, like, just she was just late? Yeah. She'd be like, I'm on the way. And then she was like, not even like, not even. Was she like masturbating? Like, that's what I'm sorry. that's why I that's what I did before anyone got home

maybe that's when that's what that was her chance to masturbate yeah my mom was for sure I mean what else she's like I'm gonna masturbate before I get yeah why would you not like I get an empty house like I think about the amount of why would she take why was she late every day by the way if I'm ever late to anything it's

I'm masturbating I'm either masturbating or shitting I have one of those shit that's what I'm saying every day and no excuse if you have no excuse If you have no excuse, you were masturbating. Yeah, that's so funny. Why are you late? I would love boss being like, were you masturbating?

Yeah. Absolutely. That's what everyone does after school. That's what I did. Yeah, yeah. It's got to do what your mom did. That's the only, I bet you only equation.

100. This makes you like literally answered the beast. She was masturbating. Because it's like, there is no fucking way. Empty house, dude. Kazah just came out. The internet was fresh. Oh my God.

Everyone in the night, whatever, 2006, whatever it was, if you had an empty house, you were fucking masturbating. Dude, that's so crazy. Your family's not there. You're masturbating. Because you had the computer. Nobody was now. No phones back then, right? If you had the empty house, you had the computer, you're masturbating.

Your mom was masturbating. And I'm like, and I'm like, just sitting there with like fucking like. You're just like standing in the football field, like just pick up. Dude, yes, I would just look around. You're masturbating. I would just look around the campus and be like, one of my. best friends, MJ. He kind of had the same situation where, like,

we would just be hanging out after school and we're talking a full campus with, like, three people on it. It would be like me, MJ, and then like nobody. And it would be like, I don't know if my mom's gonna be, I mean, yeah, you didn't know. I had a great mom, but she

just like. She'd have a good session every now and then. Dude, we all did. We all did. She was just rubbing it out. You know what I mean? She was edger. I'm sure. You're not going to offend me on this. I had to stop because my mom would come home, right? But if you're the one that

is in control, you can go as long as you want. Maybe one day she's a little late. Another day, she's like, I found a new video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 100%. My mom was masturbating and that's why she was late to pick me up. I mean, this all kind of adds up like perfectly. My dad's at work. Come on. Nobody's in the house. My brother's at like some lacrosse rack.

bro she just discovered like the internet and porn and yeah she had she had to go through the same black people and fucking it all hit everybody the same time dude like fucking 2008 or something like that everybody's just like oh fuck what am i gonna fucking pay 2008 two girls one cup just came out yeah she was just like oh bbc was on the rise it was on the i mean so it's always it's always been that it's continuing to rise oh it's a stock you could always invest in i mean look it's an expensive stock now. It's like Apple. It's like you can, you know, whatever. It's a guaranteed hit, but one. It, it really is. And it's like, it doesn't. I mean, you see like a big black cock fucking a pussy every time. A white pussy. Yeah, yeah. It's the best. Can we just say that? Is that?

I want to say it is the best. I'll scream it from a mountain top. Uh, it's the best. It's the best. It's the best to see a big black dick. A blonde white teenager. What? just getting fucked by a big, yeah, yeah, why not? Yeah, come on.

Let's say 22 year old. Well, you know, it's on, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's on the internet. Yeah, I'm on the dark web. I'm on the regular. No, she blew her birthday candles out and they're like 18th birthday

and then. Exactly. Yeah. Is that a video? Can I find that? I was completely getting, man. That would be hot.

But, uh, yeah, yeah, big black dicks, fucking white pussies. It's just great for everybody. It's great. Because you can tell

he enjoys it. Right? Yeah, I don't know. That's weird. I don't know if she's in pain, but it looks fun. Yeah, I like when I believe that she's in pain, though. Really? Interesting. I don't want to fake. I don't like fakery. Yeah. I like behind the scenes, though. I like afterwards

when they're like, oh my God. Rex was the best. Oh, really? Yeah, I both gave that she was good. She was good. She was good. And then she's like, you're like, okay, they're all having fun. Right. Come on.

If they're not, what are you doing? It'd be like, you know, I wish they did that with Django, like, behind the scenes where Leonardo DiCaprio is just dropping hard ends. And then afterwards, like, dude, I'm just playing with these. Like, dude, you did it good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, all, this makes us all feel good. Right.

All the performance. It's not so serious. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, it's the best job ever. I hope they have fun. I mean, the guy's actually doing more, I think, work than the girl. I mean, he's like the real star.

Am I wrong? I don't know. I mean, you're getting stretched out with a giant black cock. I think it's pretty stressful. Yeah, you get used to that, right? Sorry to take such a pragmatic, unfunny angle.

No, I'll debate this. I mean... Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, a girl with, like, a girl with six guys, that's got to be rough. You never get used to that, I'm sure. Yeah.

But I'm sure, you know, you probably get used to, like, getting fucked by one guy, you know? Whereas the guy has to, he's got to hold it in. He's got to like make sure he's doing a good job. He's got to like make sure he didn't take too much cocaine with his Viagra. Like I don't know. Like he's like thinking a lot.

He's got to last long. That's the main thing. And, um, have you made sex tape? Yeah. Yeah, I've been multiple. For myself. Not for like, you know, I didn't, I didn't make a channel. My favorite one is I took one with this girl one time and I sent my phone camera up on

like um we're like we're gonna make a sex date but i put my phone camera up on like the uh ledge of my uh uh uh dresser yeah and then the frame was so bad and this back when i was fatter that it was framed where just my gut and it's just me fucking you can't even see her i've actually asked her like can i show other people this video and she's like yes it's so funny so it's funny it's literally you can't you can literally see like the end of her ass she's like i already showed everyone. So yeah, go ahead. No, she's cool of shit. She's like, yeah. It's so funny. It's in a bad angle.

It's literally just my ass. That's so funny. And me just being like oh yeah. And like me like saying things like you liked it. And it's just so bad, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I think I'm gay for myself. Yeah. That's, uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You ever

take a good one? Yeah. I'm taking a couple like where like I come on a girl's face and I'm like, oh, this is fun. And I'm like, damn, it's so rare that they've let me do that. They're good for you. I met a lot of cool people. And they let you film that? Holy shit.

Yeah. It's hard to get them to agree to even. Well, because my only thing is I say, hey, do I do a sex tape? And I'm like, hey, do I do on your phone? And then she's like, no, you just have her for you. She's like, I don't give a shit. And then I'm like, okay, sweet. And then we just, like, film a video.

But you kind of watch it. And then sometimes you jerk off to it, but sometimes you're like, I don't know. There's something about, like, the new thing that's fun when they're like, oh, this is me right now posing new. And you're like, oh, that's fun because it's like a new thing versus like, I don't know, a lot of the times I do a sex tape and you're kind of like, oh, this is kind of like, I don't know, you're like, yeah, it just doesn't angle the same. I don't know.

I mean, I'm straight up about to like bring the box lights in and be like, hey, let's like make like a real. Yeah, go hard. Yeah. I'm not sure. Let's go. Yeah, I really go. posted on the internet and try to like get a channel going i don't know because this is my only real fear is like so like i thought about this yeah yeah yes it's like i have a podcast where i'm like

describing all my sexual stuff and i'm also like all right well like maybe behind a paywall not not because uh are you tie it to the podcast like yeah gal you talk but what do you mean nothing i was saying like you would like you would like talk about it on the podcast, but then you'd be like, Patreon members, you can watch me do all the shit I talk about. Yeah, it's actually a really fun idea. Yeah, I don't know. Because like, I just, I'm genuinely like, I'm so weird because like I still call gay, I still call things gay and retarded. And I'm not like a, um, traditionally like, I don't know. It's like I, I'm insanely sex positive, but I don't like that because that makes it sound like I'm this kind of like

person's like oh this is that but I'm like it literally I just I don't like all this like weird thing where it's like like even the show tonight you were like groaning about certain things like I would say we had good sets like like the show went well I mean we got tipped a fuck ton like people really were like throwing the tips they're like great show but you talk about certain things people are like well and I'm like do not act like you didn't look at a bullet diary this week there's squares there's squares you jizzed all over your stomach like yeah yeah they're old people in the country, their values, like, it's like, they're prudes and they're going to die and it's going to be fine. I think my only fear is, like, he doesn't care about sex.

No. Like, like in a, they don't think it's dirty. Well, I just think it's a thing too where it's like, it's like, I'm going to have kids one day. And I don't want my kids to be like, look, if my kids, like, nudity is fun. Like, it's like, you know, Jason Siegel's naked in for Gangsera Marshall. Nothing wrong with that. It's a naked person. Because this is the thing.

Your kids are going to see you naked. have you seen your parents naked I think so yeah yeah I've seen my mom naked seeing the mom is brutal it is yeah that's all right what do you mean it's all right

what the fuck are you die it's all right I changed my tune real quick actually and then I like thought about it it's actually alright hold on no I'm kidding I've seen my dad's penis what are you getting at you're trying to normalize nudity to your children so that it's it's like almost like in England

like their TV has nudity but they don't show violence or it's worthy of... I mean, my just thing is this is like, okay, so like, I would not do pornography because I'm like, okay, well, like, you know, my kids

could see me having sex and that's not a thing my kids should ever see in their life. Yeah. Well, it's... Yeah, it's different than watching porn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like my kid should never see see my penis go into a vagina.

That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. So that's like why I want to do pornography. I don't think there's anything morally wrong with it, but it's like, I don't want my kids to ever... But why can't they see your penis going in? If we're on the subject. Okay, so I think my kids could not see my penis going into a vagina because...

I don't know, because this is a good point. Because if your parents had a VCR... That's where they came from. They came from your penis going into a vagina. They can't see where they came from. it's the genesis of their fucking life it's true i think cavemen probably saw they probably were all fucking everywhere

their kids probably saw them fucking they didn't know where else could they go if they left the campfire they got killed by a fucking cheetah have you ever watching your parents having sex no me either but we don't have to we're in the modern age we have bedrooms right but maybe our caveman brain yearns for it

maybe there's something deep inside that like we're not complete people because we haven't seen it. Maybe it's a part of our growth. And it keeps us like perpetually in this kind of juvenile state of being. Yeah. Like that's when you become a man. That's like a real bar mitzvah. Right.

Can you watch your dad, fuck your mom. Exactly. This is where you came from. That's where you came from. Yeah. You have to face the reality. The horrors of life maybe is what it is. Yeah.

Because if you are in a cave, there's no way they had, like rooms. They're like, this is the left room in the cave. Exactly. They're fucking. You, and everyone, if you were a cave boy, you're just watching your mom get railed down in the cave. You're like, you watch your sister get made. And then your brother and then, and then your other brother that died and then your mom died probably given birth to the other. It was all death and sex. Yeah. That's all there was. Yeah. We're fucking, we're sheltered.

We think we're like these freaks. We're so sheltered. Yeah, it's a good point. Yeah. It is a good point. Because my whole mind says, like, okay, I want to make a sex tape that was out there publicly because I'm like, you know, my kids, I don't want my kids to see me having sex because I just think it'd be disturbing. But also, I don't think my kids would seek out a video of me having sex. No.

Because it's like if I made a video. But they might come across it. That's because what if like you're their fetish? Like, what if they're like, you know, I like dudes with older chicks. What with, like, what's your thing? know, like, my thing's endless things. But I think...

Farting in his face. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had that happen. I've had a woman fart my face. But I do think that like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all right.

That's cool. I will straight up say this. That's fucking cool. I have no idea. I think it's cool that... I have no... I've done it a couple times and it's not my thing, but... I want it to be my thing, but...

I visually watched it on porn, and I'm like, that's hot. And then I've done it in, person. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, yeah, because it's not your own fart,

so it doesn't smell good. So you kind of go, this is a bummer. Yeah, you're bringing that up earlier. Like, if you could have your own Yeah,

yeah, yeah, exactly. That'd be awesome. Yeah, because your own fartes really don't smell bad. Oh,

your farts are amazing. Yeah, yeah, this is kind of fun. Yeah, they're fucking amazing. Yeah. Yeah,

but then, come out of the girl's ass, it'd be amazing, yeah. Yeah. Some like Houdini shit. Yeah. Yeah.

I would blame that. Oh, that's innovation right there. That is innovation. But I think I was saying like... If your kids came across your porn. See, that's the thing. I would like to be famous. And I think there's a thing where...

So like, your parents made a sex day. You would be like, I'm not going to watch this because my parents fucking. But if your parent was a celebrity... Like Kim Kardashian. Right. Her kids have all seen her fuck. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Unintentionally.

You think on it? You think? Yeah. Because I always felt like that video I had to like seek out. That's the point. But you know what? I don't want to like just, there might have been. Do you think it ever just stumbled?

We must, they must have looked it up by now. I don't know. No, it's weird. That's weird, right? I think if there was a video on my parents. What if your mom was Kim Cardett? She's so hot though. Like, or like, or like, you don't see it that.

Yeah, you don't think your mom's hot. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I can't. I can't answer that because my mom's not hot. No, my mom is, but I had to find it out. No, my mom is hot, but this is the thing. I don't want to see her now. I do not think my mom is hot. Oh, I got to see her now. Over the years, people are like, your mom is hot. Really? How old is she? Like 66.

Wow, nice. I mean, don't get me wrong. That sounds weird. don't get me wrong. I'd fuck her, but listen. But I had to be told that. I had to be told that I'd be told that I'd fuck her. I had to be told that I'd fuck my mom.

No. So I saw my mom as my mom. Yeah. I have zero attraction to my mom. Can we think a polygraph? I would do a polygraph right now. I am very unattracted to my mom. But I will say.

Let me ask you a question. If you had to say something, attractive about her. What would it be? I'd say something detractive about my mom. It's her defining feature. It's like we're taking features my mom and putting them into other women.

Sure. I like the, like pussy. We could say whatever makes you say that your mom has, whatever makes you say your mom is nice tits. No, my mom does not have big tits. Okay. Which is a little tit ladies.

Love you as well. But I think my thing is that I personally, this is not a Bradio Godotia's thing. I do not. You sucked in your mom's tits? Yes. But I am on my mom will make sex jokes with me and makes me very uncomfortable. Really? Yeah.

What kind of jokes? I mean, it's just one of those things that it's just like one of those things we're like, our relationship's crazy because it's like she got my dickpicks to the eye cloud. She's heard of my podcast. She saw your dick pics in the eye cloud? Oh yeah. My mom's walked in and got my dick sucked. And then like there's certain things were like.

By accident? Wink, wink, wink. Yeah, yeah. No, but definitely by accident. I was hammered in high school. And then she walked in and I was like getting blown. And then I go downstairs and I was like, what's her breakfast? She goes, if you can have sex, you can make your own goddamn breakfast.

And I'm like, that's fair. I was like, but are there egos? Do you make them better? I was getting me so hard right now. I love when you get sassy with me about my sex. Well, I'm just like, like I, I don't emphasize it anymore because now it sounds like I'm overcompensating. But I do not see my mom in any way as an attractive.

Like my mom and my dad, I, it's like, And your dad, you don't, you're lying now. I do not want to. Come on, dude. Everyone. Everyone wants to fuck their father. No, dude. I see them equally.

It's like I'm a straight man, but I see my mom and dad in the same way where I'm like, I am zero, like, I am repulsed. Repulsed. Like,

my mom. What about your sister? Like, do you have a sister? It disturbs me. I'm serious about this. My sister, so we're in a very weird place because...

On a scale of mom to cousin. You want to fuck your sister. Dude, my sister, it's so funny because she's young, you know, 25, 24 year old woman. And so she's doing her thing. Oh, well. She posts pictures that are like provocative. That's what they do.

Wow. And it makes me, it makes my skin literally crawl. Really? It is the most uncomfortable. She must be hot too. Apparently. I'm saying apparently because it's like, okay, imagine looking at a water body. She's definitely hot.

It would not make your skin crawl if she wasn't hot. You would just be like, oh, all right. No, it would. She has my fat sister. No, no, no, no. Picture your dad in a thong. Is that hot to you? What kind of, like, is it like a leopard thing?

Picture your dad in the thong. Is he bent over? Is he, is he sucking on his thumb? No, no. Picture your dad in the farm right now. Okay, I'll picture. I'll picture, yeah. Like his ass?

Picture your dad post. like a speed on like it's on Instagram. That's just funny. I'd be laughing, though. You're not laughing at your, at your hot little sister and her bikini with her fat little tits.

I don't know. Sorry. This is hot. Who's hot or your mom or your sister? You know the answer. It's like, it's like everyone has like a, like you might not think your cousin's hot,

but everyone has a hottest cousin. Oh no. I have cousins that I think are hot. Right. But that's, it's a thing that I'm not even, I'm not doing any sort of moral thing. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable. This is my sister post bikini pictures. Like, and it's not a, it's not an uncomfortable.

It's not as uncomfortable as in like, oh, that's like, you know when you see like, okay, so like a 20 year old girl with like giant jugs. And you're like, oh, this makes me feel uncomfortable because she's. 20 and she's got big jokes. That makes you feel uncomfortable because or like a hot trans woman. You know, it makes me feel uncomfortable because it's confusing to me. It's not that at all. It's a different category completely. It is a, this

is my little sister who I literally am like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, well actually, that's a bad example. He wants to fuck. Yeah, she's like, you want to fuck me, Tony? Yeah. You're like, yes. When I think my sister, I'm like, she's the most, she's the most. Oh, the fucker. No, no, no.

I'm Scarface when he goes, when he goes, he goes, she's the most pure thing on my life. She's the most, like, like Marcelo. I was kidding. She's the most pure thing in my life. Yeah. So to see that, it's like seeing like, well, the pure thing in your life, you want to fuck. No. Oh.

No, that's a you. Okay, okay, okay. Seeing my sister in a bikini is like seeing a child beauty pageant where you're like, this rubs me in a very uncomfortable way. Right. It's not a like... I like how we're like diving into why, like how you don't want to fuck your sister.

Yeah, I guess... This is pot. I'm sorry. No, it's funny. It's funny. Who else is talking about it? No, it's funny.

I'm trying to figure out my, my like position here. Yeah, I feel like, um... I want to describe it's a little more deeper. Maybe there's a part of you that like you're, you're like holding back that you're like not facing. No. No?

I trust me, I go deep in my brain. I do therapy. I do all these things. Oh, so you like try. tried to get there. You're like, you've looked at your sister. You're like, you're trying to like be attracted to it, but you can't get there. No.

Oh, then you don't even know if you're attracted to her then. If you haven't tried. No. It's like I see a picture. It's like watching gay porn. You don't know until you at least watch it once if you're not into it, right? You have to at least stare at your sister's tits for like 20 minutes and like

rub it for a second. No, way different. Because I've watched gay porn. You have? And I just start giggling. And I go, this is the funniest thing I was seeing my life. Like it's like your dad in a thong. Gay porn does not make me uncomfortable.

Right. It makes me laugh. Right. Because I'm like, what are you guys doing? But my thing is, why does your sister make you uncomfortable? Because you think she's hot? No. Oh.

Because, because. You know what I mean? Because it's like seeing, okay, if you said, let's just do this real quick. Thought experiment. Okay. It's like, like, all right, what if your sister was fat and disgusting? right? Like Morgan,

but like fat. I love Morgan. She's cute. She's cute. She's cute. You were just... I know, I know. I'm just making a joke.

I'm making a joke. I'm making a joke. She's the best. So a fat, your sister's fucking fat and she's wearing a bikini. It makes me uncomfortable with it. Because it's like...

Because she's... Okay. It's a different type of uncomfortable. You'd be like, ugh. Okay. If you saw... Because I see my sister as like a baby. because I grew up with her as a baby.

So it's like if somebody brought a baby out and put a baby in a thong, you would be like, this is really uncomfortable. It's not because you're like, oh, I'm attracted to babies. But she's 25.

It's not like, I could see like you'd be uncomfortable if she was like 14. You know what I mean? And like she just, it's like her first bikini. You're like, oh, this is weird.

But she's 25. Like 25 is a normal age to wear a bikini. When is it going to be okay for you for her to wear a bikini? At what age? No, no, it's always okay. Right. Because I do this podcast and I talk about getting pissed on. So, like, my thing is this.

It's the fact that this person is a very unsexual person to me. Can I see her right now? My phone's charging. Oh, fuck. But is the thing where you go. I thought this would be important. it's important for the research of the bit but there's a thing where you're like this is like literally like uh it's like if somebody was like hey here's a baby in bdsm outfit you would go that disturbs me

because you're like this is not something that i want to see it's not a thing of like now is that is that more of a commentary on the revealing nature of bikinis in general like our bikinis Oh, by the way, I'll explain this. I've got a pool party so I say, sure, I don't give a shit. Like, I'm like, whatever. But a picture where somebody's trying to be sexual. Oh, she's like trying to be sexy.

She's like doing a thing. Right. Even like a look on the face where they're like, and you're like, that's uncomfortable. Does that make any more sense? Because you're like, you're like, because it's directed towards people that are. No, I know.

It's just fun of, um. Does that make, does it make any sense? Um, By the way, I'm scratching my balls. I'm not touching my penis. Oh. You're like literally rubbing your dick while you're talking about. I was scratching my balls.

My sister makes me really uncomfortable. No, no, no. Yeah, you guys should leave. Does any of this make sense? Dude, I don't know, man. Like, fucking, if you fucking think your sister's hot. I'm not, dude. Look, we're in the middle of nowhere, bro.

It took me this long to realize you're fucking with me. I don't know if I am anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. You're drunk. No. Yeah, we don't have to stay on this topic, but it's fascinating. It is fascinating. And I think I don't know if anyone else thinks so, but no.

That's okay. I don't care. I think this is the most honest conversation I've had. It makes me very uncomfortable to see my sister posing on Instagram. But I really want to, I like, I want to see her right now just to make it real for me. I'm not even like fucking around. Well, well. Okay.

whatever. In post. In post. Okay. Whatever. So your system makes you unclass. Right. And by the way, same with if my mom... But your mom, your mom's hot though. It's crazy. That's great. Yeah, I just didn't know it until... But what's her best feature? You never told me that. I think her kindness.

No, come on. Like her physical... Hip or hips? I think she takes very good health. care of herself. Oh, so she's like fit? Yes, I think I was very fit. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. And I think my dad's sexiest feature is his charisma. Oh. No, his charisma. I think my dad, you could drop him off anywhere, and he's like chatting it up, doing his whole thing. Nice.

That's probably where the connection kind of went in there. They actually met on a blind date. My mom was told that my dad was, um, blonde and he's a redhead. So they lied to get my mom on a date with my dad. Oh shit. She doesn't like redheads? I mean, nobody does.

Right. But besides men. We're such sweeties. We like everyone. Yeah. I love that joke. Remember they're so mean. I love that joke you have.

You're talking about how like, oh, women are so racist. Yeah, because they're like, they're like, oh, picky. You go ahead. Yeah, I don't 100%. And the guys are like, well, I don't know. Is she fucking hot or she not? Yeah. I have talked to so many women and then this is literally what they say.

I go, this is all white women. Always. I'm like, what race do you attract you? They're like, white Hispanic men tied. Right. Black men. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

No, that's a big no. Indian men. It's a big no. Really? We're from Long Island. Maybe it's a little different. Oh, yeah. The white girls from Long Island.

We never date a black guy? Never. Really? the ones that I knew. Interesting. Fucking never. Indian guys probably never. Asian guys definitely never.

It's like if you're not white or, I think even Hispanic guys like they got a pass because they stay like are like white. They're like tan white guys. Yeah. You know what I mean? But if they like computed them. They really are the updated model. Yeah.

No, they're no. They crush it. Latinos crush it. Yeah. But like I think I think if they like put Spanish guys in their brain as like a separate race, they wouldn't like them either. But if they like pass as like white. white. Anyway, it's just white and Spanish guys.

Interesting. That's all they liked. Because like all the women I've talked to, they kind of say the same thing where they're like, I'm, uh, if like white women specifically, I would say I mostly see white women. Like I've had sex with black women,

Asian women, but like just in general, like it just kind of works out that way. And I think that it's like, because he has a small nose. Is that a thing? That's my theory. Oh, what is his theory?

I got a big, I got a nice honker here. Uh-huh. So I look a little more, I don't know, like, you got like more of an Anglo-Saxon thing. So I think white chicks, they want a guy with a small nose because they, it's like a superiority thing. It's like, even though like we're the master race, the big nose people, you guys look like fucking. You guys look like Voldemort here. Yeah.

Small nose. No, but like we look more, I look more like Mediterranean, like Arabi. Yeah. And I don't think they fucking like that. So like I get more like, I get like Latinas. and shit like that i'm cool with that though i fucking love that i'll take all the latinas and the you know and indian chicks too i'm i'm i'm weird like that i don't i'm i'm not anti latina but it doesn't do that same thing to me that it does for most white men because a lot of white men

are like oh my god the latina i think black guys and i think a lot of men are just like latina's a thing and i think for me i'm like it it's i i don't have a specific like type i mean i really do like dark hair and light eyes. But I don't think that I'm like, like, if I already get married or anything like that, it's like I could marry a blonde woman in Asia. Like it doesn't really do anything for me as far as like, I'm not like this is like,

but we're still dudes. If the girl's hot, she's hot. Yeah. We don't give a fuck her race. Yeah, but I've heard of it doesn't not matter. Like rate, um, like rate the races of like what you're trash. Yeah, sure.

You can make like general like, you see patterns where you're like, oh yeah, like I think, but I think it's really more about who likes you. Like I think Latte. is just like me and then I but they are I do like them too it's like a simpatico there yeah

Indian girls seem to like me I'm cool with that rich girls seem to like me rich rich that's great good for you yeah rich fucking cunty girls well I think they just have a thing where they they date a lot of like they go on these boring dates and then I immediately am just like yeah I fucked it transom and what's up

yeah this guy doesn't give a fuck I think they're really attracted to that that's awesome um but I think I'm that's fucking my air mattress yeah yeah no

the most pussy I got was when I literally did not have a place to stay but I think yeah I've heard women like literally rate the races

in a way that you're like yeah yeah it's wild Asian guys get the short end oh my god they do they get crushed if you're an Asian guy

I don't even know like you're probably not even on the dating apps there's no point right anyway I'm just taking a sip. I was taking an awkward pause. Yeah, it was a rough time to

pour one out for the No, it's all good though. I'll pour it for the... Pouring out for the Asian omies. I'm pouring out in this other thing. I'm going to drink the rest of it. But yeah, I think, what is it?

Like, fucking, um... Yeah, that's a tough, that's a tough situation. Because, like, you know, it's really interesting to me. So, uh, black women, this is not this is just a stereotype

a lot of black women do not like when black guys date white girls I've heard this I don't know if it's true right because they're like steal they're taking the one group that likes them like I like them the one the one only

I mean that's their main demographic let's keep it real yeah I also I have another theory in this remind me to bring you up the hipster and black women white guy theory. So I think this, black women

do not, this is just a jet. I've just heard this from black men and from black women. They don't love seeing a black guy with a white girl. Yeah, I've heard this. A black friend of mine told me this. And then he goes,

but black guys actually think it's very cool when a white guy dates a black girl. They, they're like, yo, fuck, yeah, they like,

they see. Right, because we're chill, bro. And this is going from one, this is, we're talking about one conversation I've had, a couple. Nah, it's a, it's a rule. It's a law. Yeah. It's new and fourth law of gravity.

It's, it's real. Yeah, it's pretty efficient. It's in the textbooks. Honestly, McGraw-Hill, I think, wrote it down three years ago and they're like, this is what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. But part of this is, I think this is intimidation. So, like, a lot of times when I've met,

match the black one on dating app. I get insecure and I go, am I going to be a man enough to fuck a black woman? Wow. I feel the same way about hipsters. Like your dick is big enough or just like in general like your bravado or masculine? Okay, I think. Your swag.

Yeah. Okay. Like I think like You Riz. Okay. I got good Riz, but I got a very specific kind of Riz. I got like a white guy Riz. Yeah, I got like that's a fun guy. It's like you. That's where he's. It is different with black and

even Latinas maybe you need like you need like flavor maybe we'd call it it's like a different flavor of Riz maybe yeah and and a kind of thing where it's like it's yeah it's different I'm gonna hold the fort down it's like you know it's like gonna be like a smooth yeah and smooth operator yeah and I think there's a thing with like uh I'm intimidated by black women and hipsters like I wanted a hipster girl and I literally turned into like a fucking uh sorry not hipster girls They, them. And, but like, you know, vagina, like, very much like most people would just say that's a woman. Right.

But I was, like, talking to her and I was like, oh, gosh, you know, can I call something retarded? Can I call something gay? Oh, I can. I'm a tap out. Oh, and by the way, this girl was just like, she's like, oh, a huge fucking cumptown fan. That's just fucking gnarly as shit. Those fucking retires know how to do a podcast. Oh.

Yeah. And she lived in Bushwick. Very cool. Or they lived in Bushwick. and but I think there's an intimidation there like if you see a certain hipster girl sometimes your brain goes

like not the girl at the bar there like a lot of tattoos and a lot of like shit like that yeah you're like I'm so broie that I don't think you'll be attracted to me and because I'm so like not I'm so typical white guy I think black women won't be attracted to me

so that leads more guys to not go for black women because there's actually a scarcity like black women on dating apps actually apparently have like the lowest approval yeah I've heard that too yeah yeah so like a lot of black guys are like dude they should get with Asian guys

yeah it's like no way it is that is so funny it's just make the next Wu Tang that just doesn't seem to be a match it's so funny because we're just basing it off of small penises and I guess I don't know it's like a personality thing

yeah who knows who knows yeah yeah I know and none of these are set rules I mean just kidding McGraw-Hill writing it down. We're making this a figure. This is a law. But,

but, but, but, but yeah, I was, I've talked to a couple black girls and I'm like,

oh, no, no, I think a lot of white guys, like, are insanely attracted to you and would want to date you, but we're just scared of,

like, we're scared that like, we're going to like, you know, I'm not, yeah, black women are intimidating. I,

they can be sassy, but, uh, I'm not, I don't know if I'm intimidated by them. You know, you know, just got to go for it.

I get heckled by a black woman a comedy show and I'm like, all right, let's figure out how to get. Like every time, dude, I'm like, I'm like, all right, let's figure out how I win this over. Because like next thing you know, it's me yelling at a black lady. Yeah. It's like, how do we,

how do I not look like, you know what I mean? Right. So that's a different thing, but. Yeah. We're at over an hour. I have actually loved this podcast. I have fun. I think this was, look, we'll listen to it tomorrow and we'll be like, is this any

I mean don't maybe I'm just drunk but I was like I actually loved this I think Hey we talked about your sister being high the whole

most of the time so it's up to you if you want I liked it I liked it I had a great time I had a great time none of this offends me

I'm also like no I know you're the best it's fucking this is fun yeah I uh not like legit though it was fun

yeah yeah I love black women I love them I'm not I'll talk to them all time yeah

I really will yeah I just also think, too, it's like a lot of podcasting, you're like, if you were like, I'm talking about my lunch today. And I'm like, no, I'd rather talk about like, no, I like, let's get into it. Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, we're coming up with theories, bro. What the fuck?

Let's watch our parents fuck. That was such an original thought. Just caveman, just, you're watching your mom get railed out by your dad. He's been one case. No, because you said like, oh, like, I can't watch my parents walk. And I was like, wait a second. I was like, why not? Like, why not?

Like, why not? Why can't they watch you fuck? I don't know, like, let's really dive in. Yeah, because it's dive into that. It is, you know what the thing is, everything is based around head of failure of fear. Right. So everybody is kind of like. It's just awkward.

It's like incesty or whatever. Like, oh, my family. It is weird, but like, you know, but why? It's always about the why guys. You know, that's the thesis of, I don't know what I mean? Yeah. What's what it's all about. And everybody, just watch your parents.

Fuck. You watch your parents. jerk off to your hot sister, whatever. I will say out of all podcasting, you put me in such a hole there where I'm like, I've never, I've never put so much effort into being like, I don't want to fuck my mom or sister. You're like defending it so hard. This is so funny. You really got me good.

You got me so good. Thank you so much for listening. And, you know, sorry this wasn't like the most organized listening, but I really wanted to get an Both our bellies are out. It's all good. Yeah. I hope Morgan's watching. I love you.

You're fucking beautiful. You're the hottest girl in Carthage, New York, by far. That was a fucking... Besides the guy with the calves. Those are hot cats. Where could they find you online? Joe Mahoney comedy on Instagram and TikTok. Fucking hilarious.

Literally fucking you just... You had it every time I walk the room, you're fucking just true. Oh, yeah, the show was great. You're fucking hilarious. That was great. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks, good.

Bye. Wait, do you talk, okay, make sure it recorded and say something? We're recording? Oh, yeah,

we're good. Oh, thank God.