Morning Good - Sorry, I Have A Condition - Episode 260

Episode Date: March 9, 2025

Santiago Angel and Joe Gorman join the show for today's episode. They talk about potential new assassinations, the concept of punching down, and finding out you're really not into a kink you thought you were into. Thanks to Joe for coming back on the show and to Santiago for joining for the first time. Check Joe out on previous episodes and hit the links down below for even more. Santiago is on Instagram @santiagoisdead and has a new special coming soon, so follow him for updates on that. Joe is on Instagram @joewgorman and hosts the Super Selli Joe's podcast.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here with... When does this start? Oh, it starts now. It's Santiago Angel and Joe Gorman.

Yeah, nice, dude. Also, how well do you guys know each other? Not at all. Intimately. Yeah. Interesting. One guest always lies. The other always tells the truth.

And by the end of this pod, maybe you'll know who. Do you know the answer to that riddle? You have to ask, is the other one lying? Is the other one gay? He goes, the other guy gay? And he goes, no. And you turn around.

He's like, he's like, yeah. And you go, god damn, now I'm really confused. It's like, there's like, two clones.

You got to figure out which one's weird. I don't know who to shoot. Yeah. Yeah. just you both of them dude I actually I do think they're I remember I had a fucking tutor in college who's like I don't know if he was just a crazy guy but he was like a

he was just like a biology guy and he was telling me he's like dude we've cloned human beings it's been done before and he's like maybe like an offshore lab he's like the technology is there it's just we would never green light it well like uh when we clone that sheep like what 20 years ago

yeah we've got 30 years ago there's no way we haven't made any kind of technological break we're probably like cloning all kinds of crazy shit. There's like some like, you know, human scorpion hybrid. But here's the thing. Cloning is expensive. So what would it? They're not like cloning homeless people.

They're not going to clone like top shelf. They probably have like, you know, like a clone of a body clone of Elon Musk in a tube. Would that be amazing? Somebody actually fucking kills him and then there's just another one. Jesus Christ. That guy, I'm not saying anybody should do anything, but that guy is fucking asking for it.

Yeah, he needs to be killed. Trump needs to be killed because I just saw this fucking thing about tariffs. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Joe Gorman's opinions and two unrelated guys who just happened to be in the room. Hey, what do you do for a living? I think this is who means to die. We need to kill Donald Trump, dude.

That would be, remember with that little? This is going to get flagged so much. No, it's not. Absolutely. I don't care. For what? Saying you want to kill the president. He was quoting this guy he saw outside the apartment.

Yes. My buddy usually did that with phone calls. every time he'd be like yeah when every phone call he ended he goes I'm gonna kill president Barack Obama bye yeah but I didn't mean to cut you up there's a show there's a show I do mean to cut you off so there's this show on HBO about a girl with Tourette's have you heard about this show I want to watch it so bad it's called girls she she lives in Washington DC and one of her takes is she's like Joe Biden is dead his body's in my backyard she can't and then people just look at her and her mom's like sorry she's got to

condition. She has like one of those cards. Like, please forgive me. I have an unyielding desire to kill the president. It's covered in blood. Yeah. Is that the Joker? Doesn't he have like a car? Yeah. Sorry, I have a condition. Yeah, I'm a fucking retard. Sorry. Damn, dude. That would be fucking time. Remember when that little non-binary

took a shot at old Donnie Trump? That happened? Yeah. Remember, he was like on the campaign trail. Like that guy was an NB? It was like a non-binary fucking genzy. It was just a weak guy. Yeah. It was a little soy boy. Yeah, yeah. But when he was, he was shot...

You're talking about the guy with the glasses who was on the... Yeah, that guy was... Or that day. Yeah. That thing. That thing.

Well, you know what? You're not supposed to calm things. What about fang? It's a little sexy to be calm a thing. Or like A with a little accent over it. Yeah. That thing.

That thang. I'm actually a non-binary. Not a baner. But, uh, yeah, wait, wait. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, continue. I'm just saying it was, fucking cool.

It was cool. It was cool. I was like getting excited. I was like, damn, I've never seen like a fucking assassination happen in real time. Yeah.

I walked by the, the CEO one. You've probably seen so many. I wish, I mean, I go online and I look up the footage later. We have seen a set with it. They fucking killed like,

uh, Koshogi and, in Turkey or whatever. Like the, but I mean like American. People are taken out all the time. Yeah, but I mean like one person that matters,

a white man. Sure. you were, you saw the CEO get shot? No, no, went there, like, the next day to sort of, like, walk. And, like, it's really funny because, like, I think it was two days later I went, because

it's right by the Parr Midtown. Everybody's like, oh, that's the hotel he got shot at. So you're kind of just walking around, like, with my phone, kind of looking for the shot. Yeah. There's still people, like, staying in the hotel, which is kind of wild. Why wouldn't they? Yeah, dude, who gives a shit? It's probably a discount. Do you think he saw your incredible performance at the Grizzly Pear Midtown before he was

the last thing he saw? At least he died with a smile on the States. He was going to go to United Healthcare. Yeah. He was like, we're going to be to a big pivot. Yeah. He was like, actually Michael Good has inspired me to help other people. So we're going to approve all fucking outstanding request.

Is he went to the parent. He was like, I've seen these uninsured people and they're pathetic. This is like you don't understand what people are doing with their lives and they don't have health insurance. We've got to help them. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. That one of his last thought was like, you know, I'm going to change things.

He's going to be so fucking shot. How powerful, dude. It would be like an ironic sopranos-esque ending. Yeah, yeah. I know that's how I'm going to I'm going to die in some way where I'm like right when I'm about to change, do a good thing. I was getting excited because I thought like it was going to usher in like this

era of CEOs getting killed, but only one CEO died. It turns out everyone's a pussy. Everyone's a fucking pussy except Luigi Maggione. Yeah. Mama Mia. Who, uh, if you could, uh, if you were writing a screenplay and you're like something to beep, this plays my catch on fire.

It's whatever. Nice, dude. It's just a carbon monoxide alarm. We all just pass out. Yeah. It's a four hour podcast of us just like, Dude, it's just an hour of that. After I ironically said, like, I've never seen a white man die, then I myself die on film.

No, you said that mattered. That's true. You're also, you're a Japanese guy. I love how you were like president, CEOs, George Gorman. Everyone knows. There's one category. I'm going to register as a CEO. Maybe that's my death wish.

You literally could start a company and be CEO tomorrow. It's easy, dude. Yeah, it's easy to start a company. No, it costs like 10 bucks. Yeah, maybe even that much. Yeah. You can usually do it for, you can like, register. for free and shit.

Yeah, that's right. Well, I, I don't know. I just, I keep, he keeps saying racist in the podcast and then I say, well, you're Japanese, Joe. So I think, you got to lean to the Japanese thing. That's disrespect of food. Okay. He does a reverse bow. People always say, backwards.

This is fuck you in Japan. People always think because I'm like cleaner or smarter than I really am. So I try to have to bring that up a whole lot. That you're Japanese. I'm Japanese because I'm like, oh, like that clean, fucking gentle race. I thought you were talking about your. comedy. They're like, I'm so clean and smart on stage that people are like, sorry, are you a

robot? There's no, there's a nation of Japan. So you'd rather be a, you'd rather be a smart white guy than a dumb Japanese guy. Oh, one billion fucking percent, dude. A billion. Yeah, like America's a nightmare, but it is pretty amazing

to be American, you know? Oh, damn, absolutely. We get the, the, I don't know, our food is all like candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get endless entertainment. There's no real expectations of us whatsoever.

And there's nowhere you would move to. Anywhere you moved to would be a downgrade in lifestyle. Totally. Yeah. Well, and it's like we're literally the hottest nightclub that we're like kicking people out of right now. Yeah. It's because we hoard all the resources. Yeah.

Everybody's fucking lithium comes here. Yeah. And now we're getting more fucking resources from fucking that, that shithole. Haiti? Ukraine. Oh, okay. The Ukraine's giving a shit now. They're giving us stuff?

No, the whole fight was because. they don't want to give out minerals. They're giving it now, dude. There's our minerals now, baby. Thank you, Donald Trump. You know what, folks? Spare one bullet when you're unloaded an old DT's chest.

Save one for old Joey G. See, dude, I wanted to get killed too, so it all works out. Yeah, you can say I want to kill the president. You say, I also want to get killed. I want to kill the president and also be killed in the ensuing chaos. Yeah, yeah.

That's fine. Yeah. I think it's fine. Don't get me in trouble. Don't fucking find. out where I work and get me in trouble. Just let me threaten the president, dude. Like, come on. That's like literally punching up.

Because like, I'm not in a position of power, right? You're just funny. So you're not, you're using comedy rules for political assistance. You're like, your honor. There's two rules. Yes, and you don't punch up. You don't punch down. I got like the comedy Bible here.

I'm like, fucking page 26 clearly says. Rules of three. I kill three of them. How does the punching down like whole timeline work? timeline, but like, you know, pyramid pyramid work. So like if you're like, it's incredibly condescending anyway you cut it. No, of course, but we're an

improv troupe. It's like stop making fun of these dumb black people that are too stupid to defend themselves. How dare you? That's punching down. Yeah. Well, we're making, let's say we are an improv troupe. And we have who's, who's the, so I'm at the top. Yeah. So I can't go anywhere down because I'm a straight white guy.

You have to be like the punching. Power, you know. Okay, so that's where I can go. But who's, who's next below me? Who is the White women. Okay, so white women are next. And then below that is... I would say black men? No, not.

Maybe like Indian men. Indian men? Like, I don't know, dude, because Indian men are just like goofy. Black guys can at least be like a little cool. Right, but it's like the... Who's allowed to... The bottom is the rules. Oh, who can make fun of anyone?

Well, I know. We obviously... Triple black women. Right, so they're at the... They can go... A black woman in a wheelchair can say whatever the fuck she wants to say. Right. Yeah.

Next up. If she can say it. If she can say it. She can Stephen Hawking's anything. Be like, damn, bitch. I've never seen a cyborg black person. You've never seen one?

No. They're afraid of the technology. Didn't you play Mortal Kombat? Wasn't one of those guys? Jacks! Jacks with the metal arms. So were you not allowed to play video games or what? Yeah.

Because you see a lot of fucking high tag wheelchair white people. Oh, yeah. They got like their electric wheelchairs. and they have like a boot, like a Bluetooth speaker hooked up to it. They got like a fucking vape pen. That's how they power instead of blowing the straw. They suck the vape and it moves forward.

They're sucking themselves through. Just wind propulsion. You know how like black people, if their dog gets six, they put them down. Yes. But white people, they spend a bunch of money to save the dog.

It's the same with like handicapped people in the black community. They're like, they're like, damn, 20 grand for a wheel to. I think I'm straight, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just gonna crawl. Yeah. Yeah, whites will keep, uh, I mean, my grandma was like fucking bear. I remember the last time I saw my grandma, I was like, yeah. It was like, what are we still doing here? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, yeah. That always sucks. Like when they- I love how we're like, kill the president in black wheelchair. And then you're like, oh. Yeah, well, that's like somebody I care about. It cares about like some fucking black bitch in a wheelchair. Is Alzheimer's?

A fucking retard president, dude. Is Alzheimer's the same as dementia where you just forget everyone? It's a little different. I think dementia is more the Indica, Alzheimer's more the Sativa. I think that's actually reversed. You think dementia is more freaking out? Yeah, I think dementia's more freaking out. I think Alzheimer's is just like, what?

But people say Biden has dementia. He's pretty chill. Nah, dude, he's fucking riled up. You saw him during the debate. I don't think these are like psychologists. Biden definitely has. I think he's just like a fucking retard, dude. I also read he's a cuck.

so you know maybe that yeah Joe Biden's getting like fucked in by two black guys by Obama Obama's fucking in the fucking Lincoln bedroom or some shit like that you will say this I like cuck holding porn but I don't wow that's I know a reveal yeah yeah this is a pro

this is an anti-god pro cuck I take all the wrongs dances on everything and you zoom out and your girlfriend's right there yeah this is the plug talk no but every cuck porn I hate it's so hard to find cuck porn because it's always a black guy fucking like a rednecks wife that's the fantasy right but for me

it's not the fan what is what is your fantasy i just like so for me it's it's it's less about that i like seeing a woman be a total bitch like that's what's hot is one being like it's it's less of like oh that's because the black guy things always like look how black he is and then i'm like that's not why i'm watching it to see a woman to me do you like it when the guy's like don't do it's sweetie, no, don't. Yes. And he's like, blal-l-l-l-l-la-h.

And he's like, no. Yeah, crying. That's incredible. He's in the wedding dress for some reason. Yeah. Yeah.

How serious are you being right now? I like, I like Cuckball. I like Cuckball. He is one million percent fucking serious. You like the humiliation. Yeah, it's hot.

Yeah. He gets into all. Like, you are a porn connoisseur, dude. I love it. I don't want to say I love it all. There's, you know. You love it all, dude.

You ever watch scat porn? Yes. You like that? band I tried out for a little bit, you know, and it's not really for me. It's like scaw. Occasion, I'll like watch a video. Every guy denies his scat porn face. They're like, really? We found some pictures of you in high school. He's just covered his shit.

It's like a black face photo. It was a Halloween party, okay? Yeah, Scott, I was in a scat band. That's how you get out of like the blackface accusations. I love people shitting on me. No, a girl's shit in my mouth. Yeah, I'm just getting shit on. You think I'm a racist? Get out of grow up. Yeah.

It's shit. Get out of here. Everyone does it. I'm not a disgusting human being. Yeah. Oh yeah. It was a black woman with a

black woman. That's fucking cool, dude. Yeah. So I've no bathroom, so I volunteered. Yeah. I was like anything for you,

my queen. My new being queen. And she missed. That is very funny. It's like a white liberal guy who's really just into getting shed on. He's like, we should be toilets for black women.

I think that's his kink. Yeah. Like barely hiding. It's like, look, I think they shouldn't have to sit on white toilets. They should shit on white men the way we shed on their ancestors.

It's reparations for these beautiful black queens. Beautiful black queens. Preparations. Yeah, no, I'll go, like, I'll be honest. Like, once a year I'll throw on the scat porn to see if it'll do anything. Yeah, well, I mean, I don't like, it's more like just like a hot chick taking a shit because I'm like, oh, you're not supposed to be doing that. That's what's like. Yeah, really.

But it usually, it's like, sorry. Oh, I was just going to say like, yeah, it's like, I don't know. Sometimes I'll watch like gilf porn just to remind myself that. you know, oh, there's, it's okay to get older. Yeah, there's some hot 60 year olds out there. Yeah, now, like, we're living in, like, the first generation where there's, like, hot old people. Well, dude, well, Milford isn't, sorry, sorry, what he said?

You look at, like, sitcoms from the 80s. People, like, everybody in Cheers was our age. Yeah. They looked fucking dead. Yeah. They look like my mom now. Yeah, Norm was, like, 35. Right, right, right, right.

And it's like, what the, what was? They were all chain smoking and fucking drinking constantly. And I heard water was a huge thing, too. People weren't drinking water back then. Isn't that what? What were they doing? it just was not like a thing to be like constantly hydrant now every bitch has like a giant

yeah like they weren't drink like let's go over they weren't drinking they were smoking they were uh they were they weren't wearing sunscreen yeah you know they probably weren't taking vitamins yeah there's everything everything was against nuclear reactor plants yeah they all right everybody works that was the one job

yeah yeah dude I bet that I bet like honestly though like a morning a commute shit like that you know they didn't know how fucking dirty the fucking air was yeah oh everything there was no what's it catalytic converters and cars so there's just a bunch of smog in the air. Yeah. Damn, actually, it fucking sucked to be in the...

Aside from the Coke, I bet it was fucking cool to do a bunch of Coke. Yeah, and then you do Coke and fuck some grandma that's 35. Yeah, some old-looking 30. That's how Coke did it got invented. They're like, why can't you get it up? It's like, it's the Coke. It must be some hideous 26-year-old.

It just looks beat to shit. That's why pedophilia was rampant. They're like, it's the only people we can find that even look remotely attractive. That is really funny because we are always like, oh, it's just disgusting that people were pedophiles until recently, but then everybody aged so fast visually back then. The Greeks, they were the only clean people was children. The olive oil.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, because like a 15-year-old back then probably looked like a 28-year-old now. Honestly, yeah. Sure. Because they were smoking cigarettes. Yeah, I mean, I'll say this. You get a time machine. This is what we should do for pedophiles.

Because people used to mature back in the day faster because of life and because of- Because you died at 30. so you have to be having children at 15. So what we do with pedophiles is we get a time machine and we have them fuck 15 year olds from 50 years ago because those were more mature 15 year olds. Yeah.

But that will create like a time space. What about like all the little like rape babies that are Yeah, that's your mom. Yeah. You're right. With like fucked up chromosomes now because like half from the future, half from the past. That's a good point.

It can create a time space continuum. Well, you know what? Well, what if? Okay. The fucking, the fucking, the person goes back in time, fucks the 15 year old, they give birth, and that person becomes the very same pedophile that was sent back in time.

Whoa. Fucking powerful, huh? That is very powerful. Isn't that cool, dude? I can think about that. Harlan Ellison, write that great novel. Or Christopher Nolan, make that movie. Make that movie.

Yeah, it's like, you know what this time travel? Some incest rape baby that travels through time. That's tight, dude. but I was saying the gilf, it's so funny too because I'm sure I'm actually thinking about it right now. Guilforn or the time?

No, how are that, you know, it's a loop. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the perfect loop. It's like the opposite of

Back to the Future or he might fuck his mom. Yeah. Like he has to fuck his mom or else he doesn't exist. Yeah. How could he not? Like Taya Leone back in the day?

Sure. He's like, oh, Doc Brown, forgive me. I have to have a taste. Shame my mama yet. Yeah. I'm also, the retro thing's so hot.

Like, you see like an old playboy where there's like a big bush and the hair is all poofy. Yeah, I like that. But like those 80s tits are all fucked up looking. Yes, I agree. Why, why? They were just different. Balloons. Yeah.

Yeah, they were just- You mean implants, 80s implants. Yes. Implants. But then like also like some of the natural ones were just like little. It was funny because in the 80s it was like either little ass bug bites or these big bazumbas. There was no comfortable, beautiful B cup. I assure you there was. Really?

There's no way. I don't know, dude. You think it was just like there was big dogs and little dogs and eventually they made medium dogs. They had fucking ant bite tits and then monster like back problem like slumped over. You know, like a landlord's wife tits. Eventually they just bred enough and now we have B cups. That's tight, dude.

That's potential. I think B cup is probably the best brawisos. Yeah. After C&D. yeah it's like reverse grades I like it's so funny because I love big tits but I think also it's like it's like anything else where it's like I don't really have like a tight

it's like you're like oh that's really hot but then sometimes you fuck girl small tits and you're like oh but you got a big ass and you're hot you know what I mean it's like it's all good it's all good I agree I like it it's the coolest thing is that they're having sex with you yes that's the coolest part it's like damn this is that's your type yeah yeah well it's like I was thinking about this is the gilf porn thing.

It's like I, it sucks that the age keeps raising because I used to watch milf porn. And now I watch milk porn and they look so young. Well, there are age. They are right. Dude, that's like the most disturbing thing is like sometimes I'll like be like, oh, look at this fucking hot ass milf, dude. And then you click on like their bio on like X videos or something. And it's like birthday 1990.

And it's like, wait a fucking minute, dude. Yeah. What is that? 34, 35. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, damn. Yeah, it's like, how about you either be 20 or 50 or.

be my mom's age. Yeah. Or in certain milf porn, they should make you type in the year you were born so that it's age appropriate milk porn. Yeah, it just my little sister. And then like the fucking guy is fucking hers like your age like, Mrs. Jones, what's going on? Like a fucking 30 year old man like, what?

But that's also been the Hollywood thing. We're like women turn 35 and now their moms. And then the lead actor, their son is, you know, 34. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's like, and I have a huge issue with that in porn where it's like the guy has like a spinny hat, but he's like jacked. It's like, it's like a guy. I'm like, like, at least like, look, look.

Look, look like, look like, look. If you want to, what about that? He's banging a mom. What about that Jordan El Nino? With a giant cock. That guy's kind of fun of those. He's funny. He's a goofball, too.

He doesn't even speak English. Yeah, he's like, I don't know what that's like, what's going on. And then he's just getting his dicks on like, oh, my goodness. It's like awesome. I'm not saying make it look like a little boy. But I'm saying like, don't make it look, don't make him look the same age as the woman he's fun. I've seen that a lot

where he's like... Remember like when Kieran Lee first broke into the browser scene? How could I forget? He was like this British guy and he... Do you actually know all this guy?

No, I have no idea. You know this guy. You know Karen Lee. No, I don't know. He's a fucking... He's like the British porn star. But when he started...

The British porn star? When he started, he was like, he was playing like, you know, the best friend's son who fucks the mom. Yeah. And now he's like a dad. He plays like dad roles. So you see his career develop in Florida.

See, that's just appropriate. I like that. He was getting a leading role. Yeah, well, he got like, he had like pepper gray hair and now he's like, it's like pure white. Yeah. It's like fucking good. Danny D. Who's this?

Another British guy with a big, damn, you don't know like the male porn star's names? I know the Jordie guy because he, yeah, Jordan only, but like sometimes like I'll look up like the male porn stars because it's like, damn, if this guy's in the porn, I know he like only works like top shelf fucking actresses. Why? Yeah. Huh? Why? Because he's like, some guys just have good dick game. Yeah.

You know, like, you don't want amateur hour. And honestly, like sometimes. the guys are fucking funny. Danny D very fucking funny. Kieran Lee, hilarious dude. You ever watch some O.G. Mudbone? No. That was a guy. That sounds like butt fuck stuff.

No, it's not, but there's this black guy, and there's one of my favorite videos we used to watch in high school was O.G. Mudbone fucks postal slot. Wait, wait, who's O. Who's O.G. Mudbone? He's a guy, well, you find out eventually when you grow up that it's like Santa Claus. You find out his dick was fake the whole time. Oh. I hate

those fucking fake dick things. Where it's like, Like monsters of jizz? Have you ever watched that shit? Of course. Where it's like an inordinate amount of jizz. That doesn't even look like a pump. Yeah, it's like a pump. And then it's like not even, it's like, it's like, it's like just like a fucking liquid.

It's not even, it doesn't even look sperm base. It's like, she's getting like a squirt gun. Like which. How hard is it to make sperm really? No. How hard is it? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I make it four times a day. But, uh, but, uh, two drops. Yeah. Just a little, yeah. But it's, the video is so great because it's like, uh, one of those where it's like, uh, OG mudbone. we have child support checks for OG Mudbone and he's like, nah, that ain't me.

As if the child support is like to say that. And then he fucks the woman. And he's about to come and he goes, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come and goes, special delivery from OG Mudbone, bitch. And it's like the perfect sample for like an EDM song or something like that. And in my buddy's wedding,

they had a phone where you could leave like nice things for the bride. And I just played that and left it. And he knows it's me because I didn't do it there. Like, so, yeah. But, um, But then it's so funny. Like somebody posted like a Twitter.

I don't know those Twitter's like that. But it's one of those like circled, zoomed in images where it's like a fake dick and then the circle of where O.G. Mudbone's real penis is. Oh. I hate that. That's such a bummer, dude. Those should be banned from adult films. It's dangerous. Fake ficts?

Yeah. Yeah. That's an unrealistic precedent. Do they have porn in North Korea? No, not anymore. Okay. They don't have porn in some places in the United States now. They have it.

It's illegal, but they have it. Yeah. You gotta get like a VPN and shit. Okay, so I went to Nola and I couldn't watch porn there. New Orleans. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I would kill myself.

What's the point? Well, the point is to go out there and meet some local horse. I don't want to. Do you think that's why? Do you think the fucking the bars? We're slow. We're like, all right, we gotta ban porn. Yeah.

People back in bars. Get these fucking dudes out of here. It's a good plan. But I didn't know if that's, that means porn is banned or just porn hubs band or like it's like, well, I think it also has to do with like, it has some shit to do with like, states that were you know restricting women's reproductive rights okay but places that

oh stopped but I don't think the yeah I can still go probably it's like they're gonna check your IP address and if you're in one of the states where you just use a VPN yeah you have to use a VPN okay

verified pornography network network that's all it is for it's like I really just use a VPN to download movies yeah and watch like you know international Netflix what's on international Netflix it's not just like the office

the office like a handful of fucking movie like all these streaming services they kind of like rotate what's available in regions yeah they have different uh different contracts per region right so like if you got like Netflix like you're limited to their full library only like the like the you know the American Netflix but if you go to like London they have a bunch of like London based shows and London movies available in Netflix that aren't available in America do you I've never open Netflix and been like I wish

it was more. Yeah. I would open Netflix and I'd be like, I wish there was something good. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's, I'm just like, there's so much and I want to watch none of this. That's the thing. It's like you almost have decision paralysis because you can't decide what you want to just like. I think the mistake is, is not knowing before you open it.

What I started doing is just keep a list of something you actually want to watch and then find where it is. And if it's $3, just pay the $3. But just watch it. Yeah, I wish it was like cable with radio. You ever like, once was the last time I was, whenever I go back home, I listen the radio. and I love it because there are my, I don't know what I want. I hate it. Really? The fucking ads drive me insane.

There's an ad every 40 seconds. That's why I feel like. But I like hearing songs I didn't know I wanted to hear. And I'm like, well, I actually did want to hear Acon. You literally, oh, just put on fucking nostalgia hits on Spotify. Yeah. Yeah. Or like, I mean, like, what is going on out there?

You hear that? It's just like, it's a storm, but there's also a train. Oh, it's the train's like right. Broadway. Yeah. Don't fucking docks them. could come and rape poor Michael now. Broadway Manhattan.

Like the fucking, like the fucking trolls, like, to figure out, like, the train routes in the area. Yeah. Like, the clues and based on the sound of the train and they cross reference to time. They found that shy of the buff flag. They're going to rate me now. Reddit rocks, dude.

And that's why I will never go against Reddit because I don't want them to docks me. I think what they're doing is cool. Keep posting only fans videos. Yeah. I love that shit, dude. I feel like, you know, unless you're asking for it,

you won't get bullied by the internet. I don't know about it. Oprah Winfrey is getting, I'm sure. Wishful thinking, they're not going to bully me. I'm a cool, nice guy. Yeah, but if I do get raped, I will sue. No, you won't. Santiago.

You'll love it, dude. Oh, what are the funniest? Sorry, I hate to totally detract. This is just one of the things that made me laugh so hard. Sure. So the Oscars, you know, Conan host, I didn't watch any of it. Love the Cone Bone. He's very fun.

He's very fun. Did you ever see my late night with Conan O'Brien's set? No. I dropped the end bomb. Dude, it was different time. Max Weinberg had to play me off. Yeah. It was a different time.

I mean, it was accepted. It was, again, what is it? 2015, so I was like, yeah, 2015, 2014. Yeah, yeah. That was also the sponsor at the time. It was. Just saying the N-word. Brought to you, buy.

But, dude, this is so funny. So Conan, because he, like, called Drake a pedophile or whatever in, like, some monologue joke. The internet, some guy post on Twitter, he's like, white guy calling an innocent black man, sex criminal he goes, yeah, he goes, this is the same as Emmett Till. I love that.

And I'm like, how funny would it be if just as a society, we just charged Conan O'Brien with the murder of Emmett Till? Well, look, man, what they don't, what they failed to point out was both Drake and Emmett Till did something wrong. Drake, objectified Millie Bobby Brown before the rest of us got a taste.

And Emmett Till disgustingly whistled at a white woman. Maybe. Is that cool? Like the woman eventually was like, I don't know if he did it or not. Yeah, you're like, he's a fucking black guy, who cares?

So you just saw a black guy basically. But that's like how like, well, that's how, you know, the, the Me Too movement got pushed back because they were like,

well, Emmett Till was a Me Too. Yeah, yeah. The Boo Radley and to kill a mockingbird was a me too. Boot Radley got accused of rape. Didn't he?

Yeah, he got accused of rape and murder. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're thinking of, guy that Atticus Finch was defending was a different guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who Radley was the guy that killed, oh, fuck. Damn, I got a re-read. I never read, I never read that book. It's got your favorite word in it, dude. Multiple times. I would just,

I go through it and that's the only word that's highlighted. It's like, so what did everyone learn? I never actually, I never, in high school, I never actually did the reading assignments. I would just like, same.

I would, I would, uh, I read like a Cliff Notes version online. Yeah. And then during the discussion, I would like just listen to what other people, had to say. And it's like,

and then on page like this and like, oh yeah, they're fucking fucking there. I'm not going to fucking, I have time to fucking read this shit, dude. I read like,

what were you doing instead? I was going on rotten. Dot com and looking at people like, this guy's head got run over by a car. I think I went on rotten. dot com one time and it was a guy who had committed suicide with a shotgun. Yeah.

This head's all blown off. Everything. It's just like, it's like a cartoon. Yeah. Rotten fucking rules. Dude, I used to,

we used to go on the school's computer labs, constantly going on rotten. dot com eventually they had to like block that fucking website right because like i was like i can't wait to fucking go on right it's lunchtime i'm gonna have my ham sandwich i'm gonna drink a fucking diet coke and then i'm gonna watch like this guy get his fucking intestines ripped out by like a chainsaw it is funny how it's like crazy you never saw the guy you put like a glass bottle one guy one jar yes yeah yeah it's it's not called one guy one it is it is it is really yeah i i'm sure he no that was after two girls one cup but there's no way that it's that it's that

It was called that in history. So there's three kids, one sandbox, which isn't kids. It's like this guy, this chick putting a screwdriver in a guy's cock, grown adults. Then there's three guys, one hammer where two guys murder a guy with a hammer in the woods and like somewhere in Eastern Europe. Did you see that? Yes, when we were like an eighth grade, then we all went to school next day. Like, I don't know. There's a video of like.

Why am I doing fractions right now? My life could be taken at any moment by these guys in fucking Eastern Europe. And now we're funding them, Ukraine. Did you see this video of like, it was like a Russian soldier had captured. someone, I don't know if it was a Ukrainian soldier or what, but they'd just kill him with a sledgehammer. It's like, his head against a brick wall.

Damn, that would suck to get killed. I really hope I don't get killed. I really hope I don't get killed. Unlike Donald Trump, who should. Thought I forgot about that from 30 minutes ago. This is a comedy podcast. It's a comedy podcast. This is a radicalized podcast.

Wouldn't that be cool if one of your listeners is like, I must kill the president? And then I get like Alex Jones where like I get charged like billions of dollars. And what did he, what was his, his defense was like, oh, I'm just an entertainer.

I don't know what I'm just goofing. Honestly, I think he was just goofing. But when he said that all the Sandy Hook victims were actors. It's funny. I don't know what you want us to do. You think it was, it's very funny. Also he owes a billion dollars.

Like, come on. That's what the settlement was. Something like that. It's like, that's such a cartoonish amount of money. Oh, so, oh, surprise. So, so these crisis actors get a nice little paycheck now. Yeah, they're sad.

Typical Hollywood. Oh, I was in an acting thing. It went viral. I need money. Who has to pay the fucking, a mere gesture. AJ. Well, I don't think, I don't think it was like, well, Joe Rogan shouldn't have propped him up as much.

And then, like, fucking discarded him as soon as, like, trouble came back. But then he had back on afterwards. Yeah, after, like, the dust had settled. Joe Rogan, dude, he should, he should fucking exonerate everyone. How funny is that guy was at the fucking. fucking presidential inaugurate like all these fucking retard podcasters.

Theo Vaughn was there. Theo Vaughn and then like he started like some shit with um Jake Paul probably to have like some Russellmania appearance or some shit like that. It's all it's all very fucking gay. It's all very fucking Hollywood. What is straight dead? Ron.com is that the only straight thing is to watch guys.

Watching people get killed. Well, I'll tell you what. It was free. They were not going after your money. You know, there was something honest about it. It's just a guy who loved Gore. I just putting it up for children to watch at lunch. I was in like, I was like middle school, high school

when I found it. So you actually enjoyed it because me. Oh, I loved it. Because I had so much sexual frustration. We didn't have streaming porn. That's, that's, there definitely was streaming,

or maybe not video, but you could get images. I could get images, but it wasn't the same. So you jerk off to a guy getting murdered. And like, my parents were tech savvy enough to look at my fucking internet history.

But they didn't think rotten dot murder.org. Well, that's, they didn't. This is the Japanese in him. Yeah, they're like, I'd rather,

I'd rather you fucking fantasize about murdering someone than, fantasize about having sex to somebody. That's very, yeah, all American movies are hyper violent, but then if they show a tit, they're like,

all right, rated R. Like half a tit, yeah. But PG-13 is like 3,000 guys get shot in the head. Oh, it's like you can like any kind of,

you just can't say fuck. Yeah, right, you know. Notty. It's very puritanical. Yeah, it sucks, dude.

Well, I mean, we're like a fucking nation that's like, started by a bunch of like fucking religious zealots got kicked out of Europe for being retards.

Yeah. That's all fucking Protestants and fucking Pilgrims' words, a bunch of fucking retards, dude. And that is the ones, I will say this. Like, imagine, like, Jehovah's Witnesses. We're like, get the fuck out of America. Jehovah's Witness retards.

Yeah. And, like, they go to, like, some fucking, like, island in the middle of nowhere. And they're like, now there's fucking rules. And, like, that's, and then it just mutates into this a weird, fucking morally corrupt society, which is what America is. Right. Morally corrupt. Yeah. Like, let us see tities.

And let us fucking have murder. My ideal porn is, like, unprotected sex. Your ideal country is jail. You just jail with women tied up in the corner. That'd be tight. I'd be okay with that. Damn, if there were some women in the prisons, I'd think we'd see a lot less riots.

That is important. Prison would be fine. Prison would be chill, dude. Prison would just be college. They should have co-ed prison. Oh, my God. De-segregate the prison. You cannot.

Dude, that would be fucking, oh. No, but the women have guns in prison. I think of like a woman. Wait, that's like the guard thing. Dude, that is hot. The fucking, when you find out like a female prison guard, like, fucked a bunch of inmates. Oh, yeah.

How sick is that? They're always so unattractive. And it's like, boy, prison was a godsend for you, huh? This correction is off. Well, it's like, what else you're going to do? Like, for the guy, like, it's like the only pussy they could ever get. Of course. Of course.

Imagine you've been ass fucked for years. And then also you just get the fuck your fucking. The grossest woman alive. Yeah, but in your mind. To taste a pussy. It's got to be so good to fucking just get in there. No, they're black eyes. So they're like, I don't eat pussy.

Yeah. They're in the box for, for 20 years. Oh, hell now, bitch. They also probably fuck her and her pussy. they're like, this is way looser than a man's asshole. Fuck this. This sucks. Ew. This is a hallway. Yeah. Why aren't you crying?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking I would love to be a male guard in a women's correctional facility. I'd love to be... I'd just picture you're swinging the keys. I'd be the warden, dude. You're like, maybe you want to maybe you want to escape from prison tonight in exchange for a little favor, and she's like, I've got a headache.

I'll let you out of here. If you just touch my penis, I'll let you out of here. Please, please. My keys are right here. She's like, as if. Telling her friends. She's like, Stacy, wake up.

This guy's gross. He thinks he's going to fuck me. Can you believe he thought I'd fuck him to get out of here? Damn, come on, baby. Come on, I'm a good guy. It actually should be illegal for there to be male prison guards. I mean, yeah, it's a women's prison. Unless like your gay.

as fuck. Yeah, that's how they decide. It's bathroom rules. Yeah, you gotta be gay as hell. You gotta, like, not be attracted to pussy to be in this correctional facility. But what kind of, what human being would,

would qualify as that? Nobody. Nobody, nobody can turn down a sweet, juicy pussy, dude, it's impossible. Absolutely. Yeah, even gay guys. Even gay guys are like, I guess if no one's lucky.

They're like, they're being gay about getting pussy. They're like, oops, did I? Fuck you? Yeah. Well, at least it's touched a cock. Yeah, dude. That's funny. No, I was licking the cock out of the pussy.

You don't understand. He's trying to, like, be cool in front of his gay boys. You know, Oscar's fucked like 40 chicks. Who? Oscar Aiden. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

That's tight. Did he... How did that come up? I was talking about, he was like, sometimes I get drunk. I think you say, I got to remember. I'm paraphrasing. But I think you say, like, sometimes you're just, like, kind of in a funny way. Do his voice, though.

Yeah, sometimes I, like, would get drunk and be like, wait, wait, let me do Oscar. Oscar, for some reason, he's, what is he Egyptian or something? But he sounds like an old Jew. Yeah, he's, actually, that's not quite. Give me a second. Very New Yorker Jew. Yeah, get into the zone.

Take your time. Yeah, take your time. This is Oscar. He's an old Jew. No, no, that's not Oscar. Oh, my goodness. You start doing your landlord. Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me. I'm not facing the shit out. Can I please get some black cock? So is he, is he qualify as gay? He, oh, yeah,

he's very gay. You know, that's funny, like a gay guy can have sex with women and it's like, ah, you're still gay,

you know? Yeah, but like, a guy can't, like, if a guy was like, I fucked 40 guys. Yeah,

it's like, you're a fucking fagioto, man, like, there's no coming back from that. I got to respect your culture. Oh, you're fagadood.

Get my katana. Yeah, it is, it is crazy because it's like, uh, I have like a friend who made out with the duties. I just wanted to be like, see if, like,

and I know I don't like it. I'm like, that is more than I can say. I fucked a man, but that was just to establish dominance. Yeah, of course. Like, what else are you? It was just in the line at Subway. Yeah.

I was like, I get the turkey. I'm leading this improv troop one way or the other. He's like, please stop and you're like, it's yes and. Ah, we have fun, dude. Yeah. Did you guys ever done improv? All the time.

Let's go back to talking about being gay. I did it in college. Yeah, same. It's just like, you do improv until like, it's like, oh, I can do stand-up comedy,

which is essentially improv and just cuts out all these fucking losers. Well, I heard that improv is people who need a community and stand-up is people who feel like they need to be heard somehow. You see what I'm saying?

It's like a different type of social disorder. Yeah. That is a really good point. That's kind of what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely. If you're a stand-up, it's so fucking stupid to be a stand-up. But you sit at home and you're like, people have to hear my ideas. And then it's like, this is the least efficient way of getting your ideas out into the world to go sign up into an open mic and tell it to 30 other fucking losers.

Just like the idea of like now in this day and age, like the idea of like getting discovered out of a mic or, you know, doing anything aside from like, I need to get my. Posting on your fucking phone. Yeah. Look at your camera and post. Yeah. It's like I need to just like hear how these words sound in front of other people.

Yeah. But like nobody's like it's like, nobody's like, nobody's like like like, I really like that set. You don't even get bar shows off mics. You can't even get any. It's a waste of time. Yeah. Well, when I moved here, it's so funny how much has changed because I moved here 2019. That was the only guy posting standup on who was like Schultz.

That was like the only guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You watch the whole thing shift. People thought it was crazy even to put a special on YouTube in like 15 minute chunks. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're like, oh, you have to retire all that material.

Yeah. You know? They're like, it's burned. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, that was the whole thing. Like, I started standing up and they were like, whenever you do not put your material online.

And when I moved here, every fucking open micer had a cool bar show. They weren't all great. Yeah. Yeah. Now, none of them do. None of them do. It was,

that was the last, like, great hurrah. Like, because I could get like weekly shows all the time. And now it's just like, it's like all. I feel like there's no independent shows unless they're hyper, Brooklyn-y, themed, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Two lesbians and a piano. Well, now everyone's like starting their own comedy club now. That's like the new thing. I think that's fine. Because at least it's like a bunch of spots. Maybe. You know?

Unless like they gate keep you out. Sure, which they tend to do. Yeah. It's spots if you're one of their top five friends. And then like it's like, yeah, it's like, let me, let me open my own. Maybe I'm going to open my own little comedy club. Yeah.

Why? I'd call it Gorman's rape dungeon. That's a great idea. Isn't that girl? You think that's going to do well? Yeah. It's just ironic. You guys don't even.

It's a big! One star I went there, didn't get raped. They just told jokes the whole fucking time. They should change the name. What is this? You ever see those flyers, though? You click on the profile, it's like, it's like rape Mike. Yeah. He's in a gimp suit.

Oh, no. He's furious. It is funny, too, because, like, I do, like, I'm, like, you know, I feel like I'm a happiness since I feel like I'm decently busy with stand. I'd like to be more busy. I like to make more money and stuff. But I am so jealous of, you see, like, the, Indie flyers where it's like

Giggle Time in the Grift Room and it's all the comics like Ooh and I'm like well I wish I was friends with those guys I wish I don't but you don't I don't I don't It's almost like this independent scene Apart from the clubs

I feel like yeah It's also like a very like Manufactured Fabricated Right yeah like they're very Any show hiring a photographer Bullshit why are you hiring a photographer For a bar show You paid a guy a hundred bucks

To make it look like I mean I get it's marketing I used to do it for my show Yeah But it's like You could download your phone Well now Yeah yeah

But also, no, you can't. This is the thing. Cameras look better. They look much better. They've got a bigger sensor. By the way, more than a good list is. We're going back to camera shoot. I'm going to fix it.

No, it's not happening. It's not happening. I might sell my camera and buy ketamine. I honestly think that how much are you selling your camera for? I'm not. I'm actually. I want ketamine. Where do you buy ketamine?

What's the name and number? If you are going to do it, let me, let me Venmo you some money. So you can pick up a little. little for popper corn. You're going to buy if you want to buy ketamine message Michael good good comedy and he will get you ketamine

free of charge just tell him Joe Gorman's saying he'll know what it means that'd be cool to be a fucking drug dealer man I wish I had that courage It is funny horrifying I have so much anxiety leaving the door

not being a drug dealer Oh yeah I'm saying I saw Molly for like a month in college It was terrifying How much pussy did you get? Why I had a girlfriend times. So she had a headache. Yeah.

Molly's awesome though. No, but it was like, you sell it to fucking retards and like... It's fun, but if you do it too much, it cooks your brain. You just can't do it too much. You got to be a Friday afternoon treat. You can do ketamine all the time. You can do blow all the time. Yeah.

You can drink on that stuff. It's kind of like you can do it as much as you want. But like Molly, it's like you're fucked up for days afterwards and you're depleted. If you do it like within two weeks, your brain starts to get... It's so bad for you. I don't know. I used to do ketamine like all the time with Catherine Henson.

Ketamine is fine. Kame's different. I don't know, man. It was like, it was getting me. And now what happened to her. She moved to London. Yeah.

She went to get better K. Yeah. Well, like, it's like I used to, I would get like ketamine and coke and I'd like chop them up together. It's called Calvin Klein.

There we go. I liked it. I liked it. I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I'm like, I'm like, associated, but I'm also very aware right now. I would be at like work. You know? What? And then like, I mean like, what's your job? I was working remote at the time.

And they were like, all right. All right. So you're not at work. No, no. I'm not like, at home. Every once in a while. There were a couple times where I was like alone in the office. I'm like, I would like very quickly do a key bump. Yeah. I was like alone. And like what else? And like, doing Coke sober at work makes you feel like you're in fucking madman or something.

Yeah. What was the job? Don't worry about it. Oh, no. We could. We could docks me and tell everybody to rate me to my apartment. Say we're going to kill the president. That's different. That's you.

Yeah. This is him. You can't even just tell us where you work. Never, dude. I admitted I watched scat porn on here. You can't tell us where you. I worked in downtown. I worked in downtown Manhattan by Union Square.

Okay. Yeah. Doing what? I like to watch women take it downtown Manhattan. Yeah. That's where they, that way they drop trow. I was going to say this about scat porn.

You just, I had forgotten, but you reminded me. We jogged your memory. Yeah. I remember you smelled a fart earlier. There was a Reddit post. There was a Reddit post about a guy who was like, yeah, I used to watch a ton of scat porn,

and I got really obsessed with it, and I loved it so much. And then I found the scat porn actress who did, like, escorting. So I hired her. And she goes, what do you want? And he goes, I want you to poop on me. And she goes, where? She goes, I can just poop on your chest. She goes, do it in my mouth.

So she started pooping in his mouth. And he goes, immediately I knew I hated this. Yeah. But I was too polite. light to ask her to stop. I was like embarrassed. So I just let her finish pooping in my mouth. And then after that I realized I do not like sky porn and I never watch it again.

That's funny, dude. It's like the opposite of like trying a new food that you end up liking. Well, it's like watching fucking looking at pictures of guys making drunken noodles every day for three years. And then you find out your, you know, you can't eat spicy food. Just because it's got a little corn in it. Yeah, but also he probably spent so, probably does so much because like she got to like that. It's probably like a grand. Yeah.

No, probably more than that even because like If you're paying a grand, you get shit in your mouth. You don't like the taste. You don't have the feeling. It's like, can we cuddle afterwards at least? Yeah. Oh, he was like, yeah, the smell was so overpowering. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you know, it also depends on what you eat. Yeah. It's like another thing too. She's like, all right, I just had a rotissory chicken. I think that's pretty clean. Yeah. I hope so, dude.

It's like a bag of bad, I had a case of Pringles, three Diet Coke. What's food do you don't want? fucking hot dog, like ultra-processed. Yeah, ultra-price. Like a chopped cheese. You have McDonald's, it just comes out the same. You know, they leave the Big Mac under a soft serve thing for 20 years?

A little boy rolls out. A little happy meal. That was two rolls one cup with soft serve, right? Yeah, they put like ice cream in their asshole and juished it out. That's actually like so much cooler. Yeah, it's more impressive. Being a woman, human soft served machine? That is my king. I remember being like, I don't think this is real shit.

Like the whole time I was thinking like this I've never seen. I'm like, I know shit. Yeah, I've shit every day of my life. And every day you can't smell it. I look,

I look, I take a little taste for consent. You rub it on your face. You say, I'm Justin Trudeau. Yeah, I write it in my journal. I write it in a tasting journal.

With a thin shit pen. And then I have like a little smear by it so I can keep record of everything. We can't smell the video so you don't know if it's real. That's the biggest thing. Yeah. We need smell of vision now more than ever. Yeah.

that would be cool. If they could do, I mean, with a 3D printing, you would imagine that they could conceivably have, like, you know,

an Injet printer has three colors and they can make all the colors out of that. Yeah. Like CMYK. Yeah. They could have that for all the smells

and you plug it into your nose and you can smell everything. Yeah. Well, it's like, have you been on like those rides? I've definitely been on like 40X rides where they,

where they're like, you know, they're like, oh, now we're in this room and it smells all bad. There's like stipugs. Well,

they got a guy in the back, fucking ripping ass they got a guy in the back with a woman shitting on his face you're at Universal Studios they're like and now we're in the toilet the planet fitness toilet there's just some roted up guy

you know roared it up just one fat guy with the tube yeah he's like just drinking creatine and fucking injecting himself I like that he's like really working in your scenario too he's like shit fuck

ugh ah welcome to you the authentic experience at Universal Studios. All the kids get pink eye. So you know it's real. That's how they know you have money at school. You're like, yeah, I have pink eye.

Some kids. Oh, your parents must really love you. Colors is fucking I pink. And they're like, it's fake, man. You're a poser. Yeah. I love, I miss the theme bark so much. You could go.

You could still go, dude. Why don't have any money right now? I donate plasma this morning. Really? I do it a lot. But you have a job? Yeah. What's going on, Michael?

What's it? Do you have to be sober for that? No. Yo, where I live, there is a plasma organization center right next to a school. And I think they're like targeting high school kids. Oh, yeah. The pictures out of front are like people holding hundreds of dollars. Like just like, yeah, this is how much.

Holding a PS5, their dad comes back. Yeah. It's wild. The things they have outside of these plasma clinics. And they're gross every time, bro. I went, I went, I went last week. And some guy, some old guy just started, like, his thing popped down. He's just bleeding all over the place.

He's just like, ah! And I'm like, oh, fuck my life, dude. What do you get paid? Like, 50 bucks? Oh, fuck that. How long does it take? It's been an hour, but I've gotten better at it. So if you can be squeezed, no, no, literally, they give you a stress ball.

I did in like 30 minutes today. That's my, my record. Dude, do you feel depleted afterwards? A little bit, but I mean, yeah, I did go on the exercise bike today, and I was, I did, like, a lighter workout because I was like. I'll tell you what. It's not good for you. You should donate plasma and then take care of me and you'd save some money. that is true

yeah double lambie you get drunk faster I've heard yeah yeah I noticed I I did it like a month ago and I had some drinks

and I was like nice yeah yeah but I don't like like everybody's like oh if you do this you get drunk if you get drunk with a full stomach

that's how adults yeah it's a teenage thing to get drunk who needs to get drunk like yeah you're just trying to get drunk in the most cost effective way

I love progressive blow so you can stay drunk the whole fucking night that's the way drinkers drink drinkers are not trying to pass out

and ruin the fun no no yeah I'm sober yeah good for you man Rinaldi was the one by the way I told you you were recommended for this podcast

by Joey yeah Joey's like because like I was talking about my sex capades and he says you have some adventures oh yeah I guess I don't know been with a black woman

um sure but who somebody had a edgy a fucking bit somebody had a bit somebody had a bit

about that. We still have like four minutes. Perfect. Oh, sex. Sex capades. Yeah, nothing comes to mind right now. Okay. Yeah.

Nice, dude. I've had sex with a trans. Is that why I was invited on? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's why. I just like, I don't know. Tell us about it. No, no, no.

I just want to have you on because you're a funny guy. And I also like, I was going to have you and Zach on. And this initially I had up. We podcasted a couple times. But yeah, go ahead. Yeah, Zach couldn't do it. Yeah. Which Zach Russell.

Ooh, he's cute. Yeah. Can we just spend the next four minutes to talk about how cute Zach? He's such a fucking little dream boat. You know what? So I feel like it's like, so I'm good friends with him. I don't see it to me as like a troll. Okay.

Interesting. Really hideous looking. But I think it's like a conservative part of the country that would think that Zach is attractive. Yes, but I also have similar. It's like Middle America. It's called Midwest Pretty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do have a similar look to him. think. There's a very standard guy. No, you guys, he's much better looking than you. That's not, that's not what we're saying. Yeah.

It's me and Brad Pitt. I think people think we have kind of a similar vibe. They were like, are you the guy from Inglorious bastards and fight club? What I'm saying is we're big chin,

brown hair, brown out eyes guys. That's like saying, yeah, me and Joe are the same. We both have two arms and two legs. You guys look, that's why I had you guys. Mustache long hair.

So we're going to go around right now, cute as boys in comedy. Ooh. That's the last three minutes. I don't even know. fuck i think eric myers i guess dead

i don't know it's a guy that died who's eric mary scott's the cutest boy he's very cute he is very cute he's a little kiddie pie yeah he's got like that boy next door type good looks eric mires was a comedy store guy who died uh but this is really funny so he died oh wait wait this was the florida guy that you told me in in florida he would like he buried other comics yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and now they're peering him yeah when did he die uh

He died like two years ago, but what happened was like... COVID. Yeah, no, I think he got hit by a car. Oh, shit. Yeah. Was he vaccinated? There's like a drug addict, right? Yeah, yeah.

But I think the thing was this, he, uh, the funny thing is he passed away and the comedy store posted, like, a picture of him signing his name because when you get past the comedy store, you write your name and paint on the wall. Yeah. How gay is that? Pretty gay. Guess fuck. And they post a picture of him, and they said, RIP, Eric Myers, and Louis Anderson, who was still

live at the time. comments. Congratulations and welcome because he didn't read the caption. So he just saw it and thought he's getting past. Nice, dude. And now he's dead ironic. So now he's like, congratulations. Well, they killed him. Yeah, damn. The CIA killed Louis Anderson. Yeah. Yeah, good riddance, dude. Yeah. More like death with Louis.

You're watched life with Louie? No. It was like a cartoon. You're probably swimming around your dad's ball sack when that show is airing on Fox Kids. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Louis Anderson, right? Yeah, yeah. and then like Louis would come on before the episode and be like you ever know he was like doing like his standup act for kids like

you ever talk to your dad about this and he wants to do that man anyway this is an episode about me going camping with my dad they also did that fucking uh what about Chris or whatever yeah everybody they all have this where they're it's a very stand up thing to be like man my life is everyone's got to hear my childhood stories yeah yeah with F is for family life life with Joe and it's just me getting constantly molested as a 12-year-old. Right.

Every episode is just you getting molested. What is this Red Shoe Diaries Jr? or something? Yeah. I don't know. I don't think I had a rough enough childhood to be interesting. Oh, shit, we're at a fucking...

We are at time. Where do you have to be at 6.30? I got to show run at 7.30. At the pair? Yeah, but I got to eat and then it takes 30 minutes to get there. Ooh. Off the J?

Off the J. Off the J.M. It should be a straight shot. Take the M. Think. Yeah. But. Essex to Lancel.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop giving more information. You're going to get me raped. Essex de Lancy, where you live. Yeah. If I'm getting raped, I'm suing you. Are you charged in Conan O'Brien? How worried about that, are you?

I'm not, I'm not. He's not worried. He didn't dice it. He's like, oh, no. Do you fans? He has die artists. I got a lot of gay fans. A lot of fans that like the feet.

Oh, fuck. I didn't, I wouldn't, he set me up. You're like, hey, lean back on this nice couch. And then your fucking feeder. Is that why you have your socks? No, no, I don't pander to them. No, your socks are off. You do, you have your dirty little feet on camera.

I took a shower. Was your dirty feet? I took a shower. They're clean. Are they really? Are they really? They're really. They're really.

They're dirty ass feet. You got dirty. That's a freckle, you cock suckers. That's a freckle. That's just freckle. You show up to work with shit all around your mouth. You go, I have freckles. I can't help it.

I'm Annie. Those are dirty fucking feet. That's filthy. Those are. Dirty fucking feet. Because I had to go outside. Okay. Because I had to go outside to get you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, what happened to freckles? They're not freckles anymore. That's because I had to go outside and get you. Yeah. All right. Well, don't rate me, please. Thank you.

Where can they find you guys online? Oh, Joe W. Gorman on all major platforms. Subscribe to my YouTube. Massadine. Yeah. Subscribe to my YouTube. I'm going to be posting more stand-up clips because that's how you get fucking big

in this country. Yes. And subscribe to my podcast, Super Selly Joes. It's on YouTube. You can find the links on all my social media. Please support.

Nice. I'm Santiago Angel. Find me on at Santiago is dead on Instagram and YouTube. And I've got an hour special coming out. I think probably in March or April. It's called These Jokes Ruin My Life.

Go check it out. Thank you. Perfect. Thank you. Bye.