Morning Good - Special Delivery - Episode 197

Episode Date: November 26, 2023

Jake Ricca and Christophe Jean join the show for today's episode. They talk about having a bad time in Texas, OG Mudbone, and the Jaws-themed open mic in Orlando.Thanks to Christophe and Jake for coming back on the show and again to Jake for the studio. Catch both of these guys on previous episodes from both Orlando and NYC, and make sure click their links for more.Christophe is on Instagram @chrisjeanofficial and hosts the Rough Week Show podcast. Jake Ricca is on Instagram @jakericca and has a podcast with fellow Florida comic and former guest, Joe Censabella, called Cup of Jokes. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, really? I love that.

Yeah, by way, shout out to Tim's Bray. Welcome to Morning. All right. All right. And we're here with Christopheye. What's up? And Jake Ricka, bro. As it going.

We're getting after it today. Yeah, we're getting after it today. Yeah, we're all. Yeah. You know, man. I'm just happy. You got me doing my car. comedy shit.

My comedy shit. I'm doing my comedy shit. She, bro. Yeah, just doing my comedy shit. I do stand up every night. I go out there. I speak the truth. Why are you doing like a Cajun thing?

I don't know. I'm just, I go out now. I said, I said. I go. I do it. Staying up comedy every day of my life. After a shrimp ball, I'll go through the comedy. Have you done lean?

Nope. I want to do it so bad. Not to, I don't know. What's up? That does look like lean I've never done it Nah, it's too thin These are electrolytes

Oh yeah yeah It's really It's kind of a gross thing The consistency-wise It's disgusting to just be drinking Like a soda I mean it sounds gross Is it literally like

Coff syrup and soda? Yeah yeah yeah yeah Coatine syrup But it's coating and prometheus There's like a Codid synergistic Yeah yeah Promethazine makes the

I believe it makes the codeine more effective I was gonna do it when I had cornrows I'm like I want to drink lean With cream Oh yeah But I was like What if I just like fucked my life up and became like an opiate addict lean is so expensive and it wasn't yeah

expensive lean is no i know but i think i would transfer like that is like 80 bucks 50 bucks it's like crazy do you drink the whole thing though yeah or you like sip it and you can last you a couple days no i don't i it depends i guess it depends on how much you're pouring in there yeah because like if you get a bottle of it it it's like 200 some dollars and they're like fucking not that big they're like you know eight or 10 ounces and then you pour you can pour two or pull a foe If you pull a foe, that means you pull a faux ounces in there. Which is like a lot.

For sure. But I think I wouldn't become a lean out of it. I think I would drink lean. And then go get heroin. Yeah, yeah. I might, I'll be like, this was so not worth the bit of me drinking weed. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, heroin would be way cheaper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not you. It's the cornrows that made you do it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, you're sucking cock because you have cornrows. Yeah. Dude, that is kind of a perfect little grip.

Like if you were a man having another man suck your dick for drugs, I feel like just having corners. Oh, cornrows would be fun. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that'd be fun. It's like football laces, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The people talk about the beard would be good for it.

You can get to grab the beard. Ah, that would hurt my face. It would. Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to enjoy this sweet cock in my mouth. Pulling that my beard hair, I'd be a little frustrated. Yeah, but if it's like a long beard, like. Like a biker. Like this, like pulling on, like, not like really yanking, I would assume.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, assume. I've heard. I've heard tell of these beard-pulling face fuckers. I think I drank too much coffee before this. I have this. Every time I do this podcast, I'm like, I listen to the last episode.

I'm like, it was good, but it could be better. I'm always like, if I drink an absurd amount of caffeine. That'll make it better. Now my heart's just exploding. And in my head, I'm like, okay, are we going to stay on the cornrow mouth rape? Yeah, I don't know. Slow down. Yeah, you're good, dude.

Don't worry. Can I get one of them? Well, you want the Celsius? Do you want a fantasy vibe? tropical vibe. What's the difference? Fantasy vibe is kind of like it tastes like an orange

queensicle, I really like it. A queencicle. And then tropical vibe's kind of pineappley food punch. Oh, do they have zero calories? Yeah, does zero calories. Dude, also sells these. 10 calories, but...

Fuck. That's no... I'm fasting. Yeah, Jake hasn't eaten in two and a half days. Yeah, that's absurd. That's crazy. Oh, my God. I can tell the dude, you got abs now.

Yeah, dude. That's how worse. That's crazy. Dude, I've been getting... I love the amount of compliments. I've been getting on a couple of minutes. What? Being thinner?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're good. Yeah, they got that. The compliments I've been getting on weight loss has been incredible, but I think SELSI says it has fat burner in it. Does it actually have something? Caffeine is a fat burner because it makes you, like, more active is like the argument. So then like every, that's a horrible argument.

Any stimulus. No, well, caffeine is stimulant is a fat burner. Yeah. It promotes activity. And it decreases appetite. Yeah. Decreases appetite. Is it, it might have a thermogenic in it.

I don't know if it does. What's a thermogenic? It's a thermogenic retention, flabin. Like heart rate and shit. It says... Makes your body produce. It's not so much that... Do you green tea extract do that?

Yeah. It's not so much like you take it and you're, you just immediately lose weight. But what it does is where if your body was to, if you were to lose a pound that day, you might lose 1.1 or 1.2 pounds because you took that. Maybe your body was working that much quicker. It helps that they're like any kind of stimulant's going to

like make you burn fat just because you're not going to be laying around. Yeah. I used to be crazy. I used to work reception. And I would wake up in the morning. I drink Celsius. Then I would take an Adderall. Then at lunch I'd have a second Celsius.

And I would, this is back when you wear masks for COVID. So I'd have like two Zen pouches in. It would be full stimulation. And then I would work to like six. I would bark for like six hours and go to bed at 2 a.m. That was my life for like three straight months. Ugh.

That's brutal. Yeah. And then one guy, scammed me out of money and I almost like murdered a man. Like this homeless guy one time he's like, hey man, my car just got towed. I don't know if he's homeless, but like my car got towed With my wallet and my phone in it. Yeah, I like borrow like $20 and I was like here's $20. And I was like here's $20. I was like here's $20. I was like Here's $20 if you fucking if you do anything with this besides what you're telling me. I'm like I'm gonna fucking find this guy. Yeah, dude. I'm just know that you're a piece of shit. Yeah, and then I turn around the corner and I see him asking something for $20. He sees me and I like wearing like a tie like just sweating on Celsius and Adderall just like I'm gonna fucking find this guy and it. It just shame him for not having a home problem,

which is fucking insane. No, I mean, dude, yeah, that's the oldest scam of the book. No, it says, I'm stupid for falling for. Yeah, one time I got kind of got by that because there was this, like, crazy drug lady who was, like, begging for money on the side of the road, and then she was like, ah! Like, she was, like, crying hysterically

and, like, tapping my windshield, like, crying. And I was, like, she was, like, weeping. And I was like, hey, what the fuck, you know? And she goes, oh, can you give me a, ride. I forgot my kids or something like that. I forgot the exist. And then she's like, yeah, I just need a ride. And I was like, uh, what?

And then I pulled over and I was like, what do you need? And she's like, I need a ride for my kids. I was like, I'm not letting you on my car. Do you want an Uber or something? I'll like, where, where are you going? She goes, oh, no, an Uber won't work. You know, she's making all these lies. She's like, can you just give me money?

And then this guy, this trucker pulled out, like was in a gas station, in the gas station we were at. And he goes, She's a whore. That dirty bitch got me. That I just drove away. Oh, that's fucking, yeah. Some homeless people.

We had a, I had a fun homeless experience on Sunday. Well, you sucked him off? Nah, I wish. I wish it was a girl. I mean, a guy. We were just driving by and we were like, oh, it's such a nice day out, windows down. There's this, like, pretty large, like, black lady.

And she has a shopping cart just full of what I assume is just her life. I don't know. Yeah. And she's just. going, she's going, she's like yelling at no one. There's no one there. And she's like having a full-blown argument. And she's just like, I swear to God, I'm going to fuck you

up. My fucking granddaddy got hit by her ice cream truck. It rhymed. What the fuck? And she kept like going. She's like, you didn't get your ass back in the estate asylum. And she's yelling. There's no one there. Nice. They love doing that.

Dude. Beautiful. Good for, you fucking committed to that voice in the accent. I've never seen Jake that like, like, Well, yeah, I thought she was right here. Oh, it's a fasting. Yeah. That's what it is, do, mental clarity. I go full black.

When I'm mentally clear, I'm a homeless black lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was I going to say? Hold on, hold on. Oh, I think I saw the same lady because she was like, I had a shopping cart. She was kind of a bigger black lady. But she was like really like, she talked to me like this. And like, she was like, it was by the library downtown.

And she goes, I need to get to the police station. And I was like, what? She goes, I lost my kids. And I was, like, walking away. And she goes, please. Police! Please, please, police. And so then I was coincidentally parked right by the police station.

And I did not. You're like, really, you're like, really tired of the police truck. Just give her fucking kids. Yeah. Hand him out. I knocked on the police door thing. And they were like, what? And I was like, they were like, they were like a, what the fuck?

And I was like, there's a lady, you know. Screaming about her. agreement about her kids and how she needs the police she's like she's a crazy homeless lady if you didn't go I wouldn't be mad I was like I would get it dude I bet you get this every day and she goes oh this guy goes oh I'll go yeah and then they left but I was I felt a little like guilty like like I you don't need a fucking you told her oh you felt guilty with them or with the cops I was just like as soon as I started talking about I was like she's just a psycho I don't know why I even told you anything and you said thank you for your service I appreciate that I got down on

my hands and knees and sucked them The cop or the The homeless woman. Hell yeah. She had a huge cock. Fuck yeah. Yeah. They usually do.

That's been a common discussion. Yeah, I've noticed that. Homeless people, huge fucking we're. Huge weeners. That's probably why they became homeless. Probably. They just had it so good. They just didn't care about anything else.

It's got even things out. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes you ever see. It's so great place you have, by the way. Jake. Thank you. You're a really nice house.

A great house. Everyone with a mansion has like a micro. no it's like a yeah that's what you want it to be but then i guarantee you jeff bezos just has like a fine ass weiner but that means he probably has like a science weiner dude he's had like doctors he probably get out of that shit somehow have you seen his dog wife she freaks me out dude he's like a ghoul his ex no no no his ex wife was hot isn't it his ex wife i definitely fuck who's like a cute kind of skinny woman but uh his current wife is a ghoul current wife i would describe Jeff Bezos' wife with are ghoul.

Some women do have a ghoulish look, dude. I don't know what ghouls you're talking about. She's like... Okay, she's scary, but I would fuck her. She's dating a billionaire and she has had plastic surgery. Wow. What are they? No, but she looks awful. Usually pure, dude. She's cross-eyed. That's hot for some reason.

Let me see. She's crazy. Dude, I don't know. That's kind of hot. Let me see. She looks kind of like a hot sort of big kitty retard. I don't know why that's hot for me. picture of her. She looks like a like a has been porn star. She for sure has a lazy eye. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Her eyes are lazy because her body's doing all of a fucking work. See, I like porny looking. I'm gonna deliver this right now. I really don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really don't care for that kind of thing. Like there's a certain look that like a porn star look. I'm not into like the very volumptuous, like

obvious like, woppa. Fake BBO. The BBL is now. BBLs are gnarly. It's becoming a discussion in my household. Obviously fake cans I'm not into. I look a good set of fake tities. I don't, if it, I'm not even, I'm not even like a big boob guy. A girl who has nice boobs, it's

cool. Yeah. But it's like, if she wants to get fake tits, it's not going to make me go one way or the other. You know what I haven't seen? I've seen porn tits in real life. My voice cry, I've seen porn. I've seen porn tis. I've stumbled upon porn tities. You just come in your pants. I've seen tits. Sorry, right.

remembered. I've seen porn tits. I've seen like just floppy kind of like big old naturals. Yeah. But what I haven't seen are the best are the R-rated horror movie they're perfect.

Well, those are fake. Those are good fake ones. I know, but I'm like, I've seen it just good fake tits. They're amazing. There's a lot of porn sizes with good fake tits that you don't realize. That might be true too. Maybe it's just the fact that like it's, you aren't expecting to see the boobs, but like an R-rated movie parrot tits.

These are the best boobs I've seen in my life. Well, I think it's also a set and setting thing. And the lighting is perfect for that. Yeah, they're filmed beautifully. I think contextually too. And maybe it calls back to being a child and like, you know, Friday, the 13th reboot is on. Dude, that is the one. And then you're just jacking off to that.

Or like, you know, it's just some scene in like a fucking final destination movie and you're like, holy guacamole. Those are like some of the first tittyes you get to see ever. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I always said it's so funny because it's such a brief time period between right before they're getting murdered and right when they take their tits out. You have like a 30 second time frame

to be sure me. Yeah. And then I keep going. And then if you keep going, you become like a serial killer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what happens. That's what happened to Jeffrey Dahmer

is he watched like, you know, Nightmare on Elm Street and he came and then... His mom's like, what do you do up there? He's like nothing. And the next thing you know, he's like, fuck. Yeah, now he's coming to some lady being beheaded. I need to go to a gay boy. Yeah, yeah.

Wait, which one? No, that's Jeffrey Dahmer. He's gay. Yeah, yeah. That's probably one of the worst things. It's interesting that with the homophobia in the 80s, that was never a scene in any of the slasher movies. It was a gay guy getting murdered.

There was always straight people. Well, did you see the second Nightmare on Elm Street movie? Or not Nightmare on Armstrong Street. Yeah, Nightmare on Elm Street. I only saw the first one recently. The old first one? Yeah. I've seen the old first one.

The acting is horrendous. Which one has the party at the end? Oh, no, no, no. There is a... Wait, I think I know what you're talking about. The second one is clearly just about gay sex. It's awesome. Yeah, yeah.

It's my favorite one. What happens? He like gets like possessed by Freddie Kruger and he can't control his actions and then he ends up at like a leather bar. And then there's another part where he can't control his actions and he ends up back at his. I like that that's a nightmare. Like could you imagine if Freddie took over your body? Yeah. He's like like like a bar with a bunch of leather daddies and then he like goes back.

A leather daddy. A bunch of leather daddies and he kills one. And then there's one where he goes to his like high school gym locker room like during the middle of the night. and the coach is there for some reason. I think this is a dream that the guy's having. And then he like taught, like he uses his magical powers or whatever to like pull out the shower, you know, pipes or whatever

and like the slinky kind and like tie him up. You know, it's very like, dude, I remember. Does he make that? Very like BDSM, very, and he like can't control his urges. It's very like a very thin veiled gay sex metaphor. Yeah, yeah. Do they have relaxed playing the whole time?

Yeah, relax. When you suck a penis and then I blew it. It's always fun telling people that that's a song's about gay sex. Oh, yeah, when you're going to come. Yeah, dude. When you're going to come? When you're going to fucking come? When are you going to fucking come?

When are you going to come? And Jake is just giving me the most serious face right now. I know his fake cum noises so well. He's done him so much around me. No, I never do that kind of stuff. When you did the first one in the pot, I was like, I know this. I feel like, have I made him come? I just heard me.

No, I think what I really sound like when I come is more like, it's like very like, like, that's a little Cosby. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, humma, how on, how on, how on. No, it's like, uh. Yeah. My favorite is there's one of the, you know what OG Mudbone is? Hell yeah, dude.

I think so. Is that real or fake? It's fake. Well, is that the giant porn? Yeah, yeah. Like my arm for a day. Yeah, I've seen that. Forearm.

Yeah, no, they're like sucking it like this. Like it's a big hoagy. Yeah, there's one. It's called O.G. Mudbone. Big old subs. There's one called O.G. Budbone fucks postal slut. And my favorite... Mostal slut is so funny.

He's just like, obviously, cool-house black guy in his car. And there's a paper, like, lady. She's like, hey, I have a child support checks for Ogie Mudbone. which is hilarious. I love the idea of the child support. They also have giant fake dance. That baby ain't mine.

It's like a baby with a huge dog. I ain't never seen that baby one time. Not me. He's got your penis, OG. He got a dick just like he's dead. And she goes, nope, they ain't name me. And then he fucks her. so funny because he goes, he goes, oh, I'm a come.

He goes, hit him with a cum, hit him with the come. And the nerdy camera guy goes, special delivery. And he goes, special delivery from OG Mudbound, bitch. It was such a classic that I was at my friend's wedding, and they had a phone where you leave, like, nice things on it. And I feel like such a piece of shit instead of wishing it. He said OG Budbo? No, I just played that part of the video on his wedding thing.

And I felt, dude, the amount of like, host like like drunk regret oh my god the next morning i was like that's like the most special day of his life oh yeah and i could have i've been friends of them since i was like and he knows it's me there's no that's why i'm saying to the podcast he knows it's no way he's like ah uncle ricky must have done the ogy mudboat yeah and i was like but the fucking regret the next day i was like fuck dude and it was one of those things i was like i can't confess it to him i mean i'm sure he's gonna hear this in the podcast but i was like he's a fun it was a fun wedding so i'm like you know i'm trying to justify my behavior but i'm like that was that's pretty bad but i'm

Like, you expect to leave a phone, you expect a, you leave a voicemail and nobody's going to say something insane on it. Like, yes, it's a wedding. Yeah, that's fair. I'd go, I'm very happy. I've never watched those to the end. I've just seen, like, a little of them like, what the fuck? Do they, like, do they just blast them? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they have literally a gallon coming out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit him with a cun. Hit it with a gun. Hit it with a cunt. I like that he's speaking to his penis in that. Like, he's in third person with penis. Well, it's a different entity. It's separate from himself.

Yeah, well, you never really see it in the same shot. It's almost like a deep metaphor for all of our own penises, you know? Maybe this is how we wish the world could see ours, and we could control it, like, hit him with the cum. Yeah. Don't you wish you could just hit him with the come? Sometimes you can't come, you want to hit him with the come. Sometimes you come too fast.

You're like, shit, I hit him with to come. Yeah, you got to be perfect. If you can completely control it, I own this penis. Yeah. Hit him with the come. I think, man. Chah! Dude, the idea of...

This is a man's world! Yeah. The idea of being on your first date with a woman and you fuck her and then you pull out and then you're like, hit him with the come! What did you say nothing? Hit him with the cum. And then you go back to like,

so did you see her from Idaho originally? So you have like any brothers or sister? That is, I will say, the fun part. The one part I do like about being single is like, I think I was talking too much the last episode. I'm trying not to just be a pussy podcast guy now where I'm like... Oh, you're trying not to?

Yeah, I think I... Well, you're a huge pussy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got them. Got them. Oh, all right, well... That was a high five, yeah. Yeah, thanks.

Appreciate it. We'll CGI that. Yeah, we'll CGI that in post. Check it out. Make it look good. But I think... One of those? We'll CGI that in post.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell my producer today. Yeah. But it's like, though, the last episode I was like, for a while, I wasn't talking about, you know, being single too much because I was like, it feels disrespect with my ex.

And then I was like, this is so my life, I talked about it. And I listened to the episode, I'm like, oh, this is just a guy talking about getting pussy and I don't know if you're getting it. That's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do, one thing I do like about it, it's like I am obviously go through

like the horrible breakup stuff, which listeners I get it, you hear it every week. But the, you know, they're sick of it. Yeah, yeah, they're so bored by the fact they're probably are broken. I mean, if I was a listener, I'd be like, I don't want to hear about this. People have it worse.

I met a girl, her granddad got hit by an ice cream truck. Think about that. Dude, I met a lady, she lost her kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the truth is, I don't know how much you can really empathize with somebody else. Like, you can, there's that level of like, oh, that sucks. Because when I, before this breakup, I was such a fucking dig.

People would break up with people, I'd be like, that sucks, man. In my head, I'd be like, what a fucking pussy. He's going to be over in like a week. Yeah. And then it happens to you and you're like, oh, this is actually not fun. No. No. Yeah, no shit.

I just, I didn't, I had no empathy with it. I was like so... Yeah, well, I know the lore behind your relationship. Can I just... I mean, you were together for like, what, nine years? Seven years, yeah, yeah, yeah. Seven years, dude. I mean, you're not, you're really not used to not having a girlfriend.

No, in the hard part, we took our last little trip to St. Pete together. That was like our little vacation. And then I went to St. Pete this week, and it was the saddest thing ever. Oh, it's like, we were here. Yeah, yeah, dude. We had beers in. Yeah. And then I got fucking checked off in that bathroom.

Yeah That's not far off at all I didn't jerk you off in the bathroom No, she jacked off in the bathroom Just by himself Well, it was a breakup trip So we weren't, you know It was post breakup?

No, no, it was like planned It was like we planned the trip Yeah, everybody's blown away by that What? You planned a trip to break up With your girlfriend? No, no, no, no We were planning on breaking up I know

And we're like, all right, well She had to be in Florida I had to be in Florida We wanted to spend like a little bit of time together before we split up. Closure. Yeah, closure. Yeah.

And so I went this week to St. Pete, and I was like, I was like, oh, let me just take a walk of the beach. That's not going to be, like, incredibly depressing. Right by the last restaurant we had, it was one of the, you know those spinning restaurants? Yeah. Just we had, like, the most amazing last dinner there. And then I'm just on the beach at night, and there's an outdoor band playing the

saddest blues song ever. It's like, hey, my baby left me! Yeah, I'm just, cry. Just bawling my eyes out of the fucking beach. We were in, like, a white button down that was like, partially open. Yeah, walking down the beach. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, the funny part too is the next song was a Spanish song. It was like, it was per- Living La Vita loco! It was very get-back on your horse. It was like, bada-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I'm like, all right,

let me go ahead and do Sunshine City Comedy Club. Crying to get pussy. Well, that's what it's like having a girlfriend. Please, please, please. Not really. We have a fairly healthy sex life. But it, Sad songs are good.

Where, where can my baby be? If that came on? That is the saddest song. What song? It's a, the Lord to go away from me. You know what I'm talking about? It's a good one, dude. It's a Pearl Jam does a cover of the song.

It's literally about, like, a car accident where this guy's driving with his girlfriend, and she's, like, dying, and he's, like, holding her up. Oh, geez. Jesus. It's a bit melodramatic. Yeah, yeah. And then Post Malone did a remix of it.

He's like, With my baby. He didn't do all that. He was like, with my baby at. Yeah. She's dying. She's dying. She's dying.

I'm swagger. I'm swagger. She's sad. I'm so swagger. Deleting. Deleut. Yeah. Really.

Post Malon. Yeah. What a fucking. What a real piece of crap for that remix he did. No, no, he did like a beautiful cover. I can't believe he did that. That's so fucked up. That's so fucked up that he did that. I'm a big post fan.

I'm a big posty boy. You're a poster. Yeah, dude. I'm a big post. Because Post is just like, I feel like this is a take. It's been done. He's like a guy's Taylor Swift. Is he?

You just making the, like, songs about like, fucking hose and getting broken up with. That's what Taylor Shripped up. And she's the other way around. I don't know. I've never said fucking hose ever. I was just talking about rap I'm talking to jargon

I picked up a couple Since being single I talk different now Yeah Because like for the longest time So first of I've been going on dates And women have called me Kind of faggy

Like a couple Like word for word yes Like verbatim That's what they said to you So the way I'm like For years of a relationship I had to treat other women Like I'm not sexually attractive at all

Yeah yeah Yeah So now I go on dates And I'm like The most unthreatening guys Oh yeah yeah yeah And I've had One girl say I was acting faggy.

One girl said I was acting gay. Yeah. Where are you meeting these women? Give me their number. Both bisexual. So they don't actually meet it, but they're just kind of like saying they're like... Every girl's bisexual. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's no excuse to use that kind of language. Fucked up. That's effed up and screwed up. And wrong. And wrong? Did them out. Jake, don't. Jake, you're fast.

Nope. Immediately go eat. I was triggered by by Michael's language I need a snickersball. The reason I'm fat Michael. Justin. That's disgusting.

But they're mostly joking, but I was like, I was like, I was like, oh, this is like literally, my friend explains me. Because you spent, you spent so, like, in the way I would talk before, it's like, when I was single, I was just like, ah, duggin bitches, ah. Yeah. And I don't think there's anything wrong with talking that way, because I don't, there's, this, this is, this. There's busting balls of friends. But, like, I used to talk about I was in relation. You'd be like, yeah, I'd fucking bang the shit out of her. But I love my girl.

Like, I would reference everything with, like, not as much as my people. You'd always qualify it. Yeah, people are like, you don't have to say that. Yeah, you don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's purely lust. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We understand that it's not the same as love.

Yeah, I remember explaining it to my ex. I was like, when a hot girl walks by, it's impossible for a group of guys not the same. Like, it's like, it's like, it's like, Jesus Christ. I mean, we're all, either, we're all thinking it if we're not saying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She walked by. It's at least an eye contact of like, Hey, look at those.

I mean, that's nothing's better than bonding with a random black guy over a white woman's ass. Well, you're like, we're like, she. I didn't know who she had all that. Yeah. You fall, because you're following the ass and you look up and meet. And then what if you just go in and just kiss? I want to feel thumping. Do you want to be friends?

Yeah, one of those moments. Yeah, what, chicks going on dates and they ask if you want to be friends? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, oh. You're talking about we were still on the black guy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. But I don't think I've ever had a girl be like, let's be friends. I don't think they like me.

Wait, I don't think they like me enough to be like, I'll be your buddy. Like, I don't want any communication with you. No, it's usually just like, nah, I'm out. I can't think of any woman I've ever dated or been around that has wanted to be my friend. Really? Yeah, yeah. I have like a lot of women. And I like having women friends.

Like I, I, this is not a sexual fantasy, but I just want to, like, cuddle with women. Oh, God, what a gay guy. No wonder, they called you fucking gay. Yeah, yeah, dude. Like, I want to cuddle with my friends. I cuddle with my friends. I cuddle with my friends. Yeah, I fuck men and I cuddle with men.

Dude, we used to do that. There was a group of alpha male football players in my high school. And they would get there go, dude, it's called a Bear Cave brother. We got to sleep over, just a bunch of dudes huddling together. Like, not gay brother, dude, just, just, just warm. That's body heat, bro. That's sweet. That's sweet.

Yeah, yeah. One of my friends is this giant. And I'm not going to lie, like, he's just a good guy. Like, you know what I mean? Nice. A big guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Snuggle bunny. Snuggle puddle.

What's it called? Cuddle puddle. Cuddle puddle, guys. We got the big game tomorrow. Cuddle puddle. We got to get ready. You got to get ready for the game. Oh, my God.

We are going to fuck up for something. Liberty High is not going to know it. Hit him. No. You're going to be vicious. You're going to have no idea what happened to them. Cuddle puddle. Cuddle on three.

One, two, three, cuttle puddle. Get your knee pads ready. Oh, my God. Mike came. I'm sorry. You're off the team, Trevor. What was I say? I don't have a lot of girlfriends.

I have almost none. Really? My girlfriend said it was a red flag. My girlfriends, like friends that are girls, are all my friends' girlfriends. I couldn't think of any. Yeah, yeah.

All the girls that I get along with that I'm not dating are my friend's girlfriends. Yeah, that's normal. You know what I mean? Like, I get along with, like, women I do. Like, I'll see, like, have shows and stuff. Yeah. And, like, comedians. But, like, it's usually all the ones that I, like, I could text or, like, send a meme to or some shit.

Yeah. It's always my friend's girlfriend. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. You know, and it's every time. And that's where I'm the most gay. Like, I'm like, hello. Johnny's girlfriend's so nice to meet you.

I'm totally not going to try to fuck you. No, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. I like, but it's like, I don't know, I like, there's something about, like, just empathy from a nice, who just, like, gives you a hug and it's just like, we're a friend. And you're like, oh, this is, you don't feel that at all? It's different. I guess it is different, but I'm literally, I don't, I'm not sure I've experienced that.

I also like having hot female friends that I'm not, like, trying to fuck. Like, I remember when I was in a relationship, I'd go out to a bar and I'm with female. I feel good. It's a good, it is a swag. It's way better having, like, girls in your group. If you're trying, if you're trying to, like, meet women. Oh, yeah, for sure. But this is when I was in a relationship.

It just felt cool, like, it just felt nice. Yeah. It's also they're all, like, vouching for you by their, by their presence. Yeah, like, he's not a total creep. Yeah, because if you were, like, six dudes, it's like, you know, one of them's going to rape me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Statistically. Statistically, one of you is a rapist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy the thing about it. Yeah. I never looked at that, that way. Yeah. So now it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the funny, yeah, that's the, uh, the weird thing. thing about like, it's like I've never had to prove so much that I'm not a creep. Because before you say I have a girlfriend, they're like, oh, okay, you're not a creep.

But now you're like, I swear, I swear to God, I'm not a creep, but you want to have like set. And it's like this weird dynamic. You ask them if they want to have sex? No, but I am pretty transparent now because I'm like, I don't want to like, I'm literally like, tell me what this is. Oh. Most people are forward now. When you get older, yeah, 100%. Yeah, especially like, you know, I mean.

College, you're kind of just, you just kind of go with it and you're just like, nope, not feeling it? Yeah. Bye. and then now it's just like I'm sorry I was just like do you want to fuck or not Are we hooking up? I'm a celebrity I can't be risking my career

Yeah you're a huge podcaster and comedians Yeah yeah yeah I can't be risking these allegations I'm like no I need a signed con I'm making them I'm making them sign of NDAs every single time Yeah yeah that's a good that's a good move Yeah and it's a rider I'm like you need to put three jelly beans in your pussy Yeah

Only green ones Only green ones I'm gonna wear a fruit plate I'm gonna wear beats headphones and I'm going to listen to Timberlin and put on a mask and fucking babe.

Apparently, someone's the way that is a trend with dudes wearing scream masks while fucking chicks now. That apparently

that is a thing. They say, what? They were screen masks while fucking chicks. Girls, some girls like it. It's insane.

They're like, ooh, I'm in your pussy, woo, and the ghost of dick passed. I was as this being single,

how, out of their mind, I'm realizing women, it's terrifying. Like, dudes are obviously pieces of shit. Like, I stand by, dudes are creeped. And you find out more of that end of it. But then you're also just like, what is this, the whole dynamic is crazy where it's like, I have been on dates. I want to say with this

42 year old woman. And she got like, we show up and then she starts like grabbing hands with this like middle age black guy by us. And she goes, if you're not like cool with that, you know, you can like leave. I was like, he can come fuck you with me. I don't care right now. It doesn't matter. We're watching like a football game. And then she

pull some shit where she's like, I was ball busting because I don't know sports at all. So, like, I have to force it. So the middle-aged black guys talking to me is like, yeah, man, the Ravens this year. And I'm like, totally. And I had to be like, hey, I'm pretending like I know sports. Like, I was explaining to her, I was like,

oh, when I talked to guys about sports, it's like me talking to women that I'm trying to hook up with. I will just make it look like I'm into the conversation. And she goes, then leave. And I was like, okay. And she's like, no, it's fine. You can stay. And then, where were you?

I was in New York. like four. And she brought the dude? No, no, no, this guy was just at a ball. We're watching sports part and then she starts holding this random guy's hand. She's like, can I hold your hand? And then... What the hell? No, it gets crazy. And then she goes, I want you to come up. And she's like grabbing

her arms and putting them around me. She's like holding my hand, doing all this weird stuff. And then she goes, I gotta tell you something. She's like, I'm seeing somebody right now and I don't respect them. Oh, yeah. What the fuck? But I like them. I was like, I don't care. Yeah, yeah. I don't give a fuck about anything. I just want to have sex with you. that's all.

And she's like, okay. And then she goes, we're gonna walk in this bar. You're gonna walk in behind me. I'm gonna walk in front of you. And I was like, this is weird. And she goes,

this bartender loves me. I walk in the bar, the bartender me that goes, Hey. This bitch. And I was crazy. And I was talking to her. I was like, look,

you sit in the bar. I was like, look, this is, you've been drinking. I'm like, if it's not a yes now and it's a yes later than I'm not interested,

like I'm just not trying to drink more than figure out what this is. And she goes, you can literally go suck a dick and then she just smiles and looks at me and she goes let's just chill and I was like I'm gonna leave yeah yeah yeah yeah

and that's after I already took a blue choose so I'm leaving a date with a blue chew with a boner which is like the most I've ever respected myself in my life and leave this day just are like I can say no I could say no

did you go home and just beat off your blue chew dick no I did a set and then just rock hard at the pair yeah I got Tim in his spot, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys won't believe this.

That is something that's been crazy. I, I, my blue choose in the mail. I'm starting to, I'm about to quit Blue Chews because I ordered them in the mail. Yeah. And then the package did not come. And it is really hard to make a scene at USPS when your Blue Chew package is missing. Yeah. Because you're like, look, I needed this package a couple days ago.

And can I just get it? They're like, what's in the package? I'm like, that's not important. I need my medicine. I feel like it's so common to get Blue Chew now. It doesn't even mean your dick doesn't work. A lot of time people are just like, oh, it's like a performance enhancing drug. It's like pre-workout.

Yeah. There's people that are like sick. Are you ever used one? I only, I, no, actually. I've never used one. I took one on my way to a girl's place. I was like, yeah, let's try it. And I ended up fucking.

No. But I just never had sex on a drug like that. Did it just give you a boner? No, not even. I mean, if you get like a touch from somebody. Like if you went up to him and just gave him a rub on the shoulder and he was slightly gay, he would get hard. Well. So I think if you'd, I think if you'd,

you were like, if you took a blue chew and hugged and attractive woman, you'd probably get hard. You think so? Yeah, I do that now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially your relationship and like one woman is like, like, oh. Thank you, Aunt Carolyn. Uh. Usually, it's not really, actually.

I kind of have a semi-defect of penis. So it's like, so it's easier to get harder and it lasts longer. It stays harder when you're hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the crazy ones, because that's the Viagra version. The Seales version is like 36 hours, which, which is. just crazy to me because, like, I don't know who's taking it. It makes more sense taking an hour before than being, like,

in the next 36 hours I'm going to get, like, it's... Dude, my buddies would take, um, what's called, Cialis and go work out. Yeah, I heard it's actually a vaso guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's so many ridiculously hot girls that wear, like, yoga pants in there. Oh, I'd be hard as a rock. I'm, you're gonna get hard.

I'm baffled by your self-control if that's what... You and your friends are gonna come. You gotta take it. We were doing just an hour of gay Batman stuff. We were doing the guy, the guy from, uh, who's getting this bank rob, the dark night. Yeah.

He goes, do you have any idea who you're fucking? You and your friends are gonna come. Yeah. It's so fucking good. Yeah.

My favorite what we were doing was what's it called like, you know that scene in Batman begins where he has to break up the party?

So Raz Al Ghoul's coming to his place. Yeah. And it's like, you have to get all these people out of here because we're going to murder you

and burn your house down. Oh, okay. You don't remember this? Uh-uh. I haven't seen Batman begins of forever. Bits irrelevant. We're throwing it out.

No, I haven't seen Batman. I'm just the guy sucking cock. I never know if I make one come. Yeah. But are you guys, so you guys are both not from Orlando. So you guys aren't going out with the high school. You're not doing the high school friends thing tonight at all.

No. No. That's, oh, that makes sense. Oh, yeah. I'm doing the high school friends thing Friday. Oh, okay. In Tampa. Yeah. We're having a poker night.

Oh, nice. I just got up my phone with a high school friend. And he was like, you're not coming up. You're not coming up. What about? What about? Thanksgiving. Well, you're just doing it in a different place.

Yeah, we got my aunts at a different place. Are you going to hang with your aunts high school friends? Yes. We're in a blackout. The fucking hotties from the Bengalini. No, but I'm going to eat a lot. Like a lot. I'm not going to want to move.

Yeah, no, I'm going to pig the fuck out. I've gained so much weight in New York. It's ridiculous. Yep. Yeah, very obvious. We all see it. All right. Well, it's because you...

I didn't eat. I don't eat. particularly well and I drink a lot more. I was assuming I would lose weight in New York because you're walking more. Dude, you walk like a mile, two miles every day. It's really not that much walking.

I used to walk a lot. Back when I do, open mics. It's like 15, 20 minutes of walking. Oh, I do that here almost. That's what I mean. It's like not a crazy amount. You think like, okay, you walk five,

10 minutes to the train, whatever you go. Like, how many places are you really going? Like, it's good point. Yeah. And you never walk. When I would do, what's it called? When I remember I first moved to New York and,

or when I was visiting, my phone broke, I already had printed out Google maps, stapled, and I'd go around New York, and days like that, I would walk,

probably like seven miles. Yeah, if you're, like, really bustling, hustling, wrestling around Manhattan, but it's like, whatever, I'm in my house,

editing on my computer, and then I go take the train to a show. It's like not a crazy, you know what I mean? Yeah, if you're like hoop hop, hollering and,

if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're skips, scaps, galliwagon around town, like, that's one thing. Yeah. But yeah,

because you never really drank here. You're, like, almost never. Yeah, are you drinking? How often are you drinking up there? Probably heavily once a week. Oh, Christoph got cool.

And then, you know, sometimes three days. Probably three, four days a week. Was it just any time you're hanging out with Luke? Luke is a big drinker. We drink a lot. He's a good time. Yeah, we drink a lot. He gave me so much shit the one time I didn't want to drink.

He's like, come up. Were we not friends anymore? You're not like it He's like come Is this something I did? Yeah Yeah Well the night I just began

And it was like midnight And I'm like well I didn't really want to hang out At the show I just kind of ended up at it And Luke was there And like all of his old boss

And friends were there And they were all like About to get shit faced Like it was like midnight And they're like Okay the show's over We hang out there Now we're going to the bar

Next door We're going to get shit face now And I was like I'm going to leave Yeah, because I'm not drinking. I just, I had gotten, I went to Austin, I got drunk every day. Really? Basically every day for a week.

I did the same thing. And then, like, the following weekend, I hadn't drank in several days. And I was just like, I can't even look at alcohol right now. Like, I just don't want to do this. My favorite thing about, I just want to say this real good about Austin, I complained for, that I complained for the whole time I was there that there was no water there. Because I was like, I was like, it's just Florida, but there's no rivers or lakes or anything besides Barton Springs. Yeah.

I had no idea there's a giant river going through the middle of the city. I didn't see it. And people would just look at me out, like, yeah, it's just like Florida, but there's no fucking water anywhere. People are like, yeah. All right, man. Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, a river's not really the same as the beach.

No, but there's a whole riverside, like, part of the city. I just didn't even see. Yeah, I will say that I thought the city was fucking ugly as shit. I thought it was hide. I had tonsillitis. It was like on an air mattress, like, crying and, like, having, like, a horrible emotional time. And I was like, yeah, man, Austin fucking so.

Yeah, what a job. Joe Rogan's full of shit. He's a liar. Meanwhile you're ill and hungover and a fresh breakup and you're like, I had a pretty good time. Yeah, I had a pretty good time. He had a great time. He's moving there.

But I just like, I happened to just have a terrible trip there. No, I had a good time in Austin. Yeah, for me, I was like, Austin sucks. I just got booked a lot, did shows, and got shit-faced. I mean, there's really not too much to, you know what I mean? No. You know, that's all I did was comedy and drink.

Yeah, I got tons of lightest and I couldn't drink as much as I wanted to. Which for me, I'm like, I loved it. For me, I started getting really mad about that. I'm like, why does God hate me? Does he not want me to get blackouts? I started making it really personal. Yeah, Jesus has shunned me because I can't get shit-faced in Texas. I start feeling like my life is terrible,

just for like the most little inconvenienced. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, because I'm like in like, I'm like, Austin sucks, dude, you got to sit in like urgent care for like five years. All these things have nothing to do with Austin's the worst. You got to get antibiotics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you eat tacos, you cry, it's so weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But tacos and barbecue were really good. It was good, but I think it contributed to me feeling like complete garbage. Oh, yeah. The whole time. Eating healthy there is like impossible. It's insane because you just lie to yourself.

You're like, oh, you gotta go to the grocery store. You just have to go to the grocery store. Yeah, yeah. And I was in Tony's house. That was my favorite shit is Tony going like, we show up to, uh, were you there with us? Yeah, yeah, we show up. And Tony goes, yeah, by the way, my roommate doesn't know that you're staying here.

So if you just be kind of quiet. I'm here for 12 days. How the fuck am I not going to be? Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah. It's insane. That's psychotic. Why you brought this up?

Twelve days? Yeah, yeah. He goes, yeah, because I got, you know, Billy Swift is coming to stay with me next week, so I'm like, you know. But he's like, you know, he's like, you know, to be fair, fuck that guy. His family came and stayed with us. I was like, just fucking tell him I'm there. Yeah. And then what ended up happening?

One day, my favorite, he told me, he's like, yeah, my roommate has no idea. Or he's like, my roommate knows you're here, but he's working every day, so he's not going to be a problem. And I was in my, I'm just rapping hard as fuck. I'm just like, you were rapping? Just like, you know when you play music by yourself and you rap? No. Wait, like freestyle or to the words? To the words.

Oh, you're singing along? I thought you were just in your room. Like the SoundCloud. Yeah, I thought you were just recording an album. No, singing along the words. Every word. The words. And then I just started thinking about my breakup.

I start crying. I'm listening to the script like, you know, hop bricks. And I'm just, and I hear the guy go out and do laundry. I'm like, dude, this guy just heard me rap so hard. This guy has like the worst peer into my life. Just his roommate. Just like some sweet Asian guy.

Who's just like, this guy's a fucking wrecked. It's like, Tony. He's like, check out. your fucking friend. Not a comic, just some guy? No, just some guy who now has like the worst impression. And then Tony, I love Tony just being like,

ah, fuck that guy, he sucks, dick. Like, that doesn't affect me, though. It's like, you being like, my roommate sucks dick has nothing to do with like, he owes me one. It's like, that makes it an uncomfortable situation for me. Yeah. But I am doing this thing with staying with people where it's like, you got to figure out when you start getting on somebody's nerves,

and that's when you switch to the next person's place. Oh, yeah. Because I'm doing this for another month. I didn't find a place for December in New York, so I'm like, oh, I'm couch serving for another month. And so I've timed in person. In New York? Yeah.

Okay. So I'm like six days is the perfect amount of time. And then... Sorry. You get too long for having a present? You got two with me, maybe. My favorite, my friend Jason David,

goes, you can stay with me. He's like, I'm really sorry you're going through this. You did the... It was like... It was like... That's two days. No, it's one... Oh, that's one day.

I was like, what was the point of Eve? Tell me this. Come crash my place tomorrow. That's all you just tell. You got to bring all your shit? Yeah, yeah. That is the fun. part. The dad end up being single. It's like there is

like masking depression with like all this sucks but it is nice to like, I think when you have sex of the stranger and then you see them naked afterwards, you have great intimate conversations where people are like, I always wanted to be like a ballerina. And I'm like, this is beautiful. Or like vulnerable. Yeah, you've like opened up enough like physically that you can do it

emotionally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what does suck though when the texting comes to place. Like I licked your butthole and now you're like Hey, what's up? Yeah, yeah, you're like I don't know. You could be uninterested, but like the, like, texting five hours, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

When I first met my GF, after we made love to each other, I remember being, like, so much less nervous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something dies where you're like, okay, well, she let me hit, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just, like, wharting on her. Yeah. Well, there's also a guy, I think, too, that is apparently completely untrue. Like, a guy, a guy that we're, like, I used to think this was true. Yeah.

If, like, a woman had sex with me in, like, well, that's always there. But it's a fucking dumb. That's a fucking dumb, dumb. It's insane. I'm not, I'm not saying they're my sex life, but I'm like, oh, they're probably still gonna have sex to me. And it's like, it's completely like, no.

Not the case. Not at all. But with guys that usually works that way, you're like, oh, if you fuck a guy once, you can fuck him again. That's true, it's works for me that way. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, if you had sex with a woman, you're like, you're like, oh, she's still attractive.

You're both single. You're like, oh, yeah, I'd still. Yeah, you still, there is still like glimmer of hope of like, well, she'll let me fuck before. Yeah. Like if you hit her up, she's like, I put it out there. It's like, hey, what do you do it? It's like not crazy to like think that it could have.

I guess that's reasonable, but it's not a fucking slam dunk. No, totally, totally. But apparently it's like not even they're like, yeah, that was. And I am realizing that high school was 10 years ago also. Yeah. You graduated. I've said that sentence way too much. I'm like, yeah, I mean, now the college is over.

I'm like, I'm 27. I've been out of college for five years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep out. Oh, that's nuts to think about. Yeah, you've been out of college for, uh, you know, eight years. Well, yeah, I graduated like 22, 23.

Yeah, me too. 2015. 20, I'm 2014. So that's five plus three. You go, you got it. Eight. You nailed it, dude. I'm good.

Do that in your head? Yep. Fucking Christ. Yep. Genius. But I graduated 2014. What? Yeah, you're a year older than me.

You graduated before? Oh, high school I graduated 2014. I'm mixing things up. 2018 was college. Yes. Yeah. Wait, you graduated 2014. Oh, because I was already, I was, I was,

I was doing stand-up when I met you. That was it. In my mind, I was like, oh, we went in college because what we talked about it? I remember me and both you guys. I remember you, you, it was at an open mic, and you had those, the beer. You used to drink more, right? I used to drink all the time. Yeah, I used to get high every day.

I don't smoke at all now. Yeah, yeah. Well, he had the beer flights. It was at some open mic downtown, and you just took, like, and you're so big that the beer flights looked hilarious. Like, that's how big a beer is compared to your body. that probably at the what's it was called the west of downtown the brewery

oh dead not I almost said deadly sins Dead strings what is it broken string Yeah that's where it was yeah Nothing tops the fucking chef Eddie's open Mike Oh my god I love chefette The boom boom room dude yeah The boom boom boom roosters It was an all black room and they had an inflatable shark

On a zip line and if you bombed They had the shark come in And the audience would go save yourself They encourage the audience if they don't like you to go Duhna Duna Do the Jaws theme and rip you off stage. I did that mic three times. I got it twice.

Yeah. I did twice and I got it one out of two times. One time I didn't get out, I was like, and that's why I met David Jod. I was like, funny shit, man. I'm like, yes. You motherfucker kid, that.

I did it once. I mean, I know I did it a few times, but I only got the shark once. And I like, as it was coming down, I started getting pissed. Yeah. And then they liked it. I got very lucky.

Yeah. I got mad. And G&G was like, Jake, don't take no shit. That was what Gina G said to me Because I got it instantly once Because I said the word pussy They were like

It was like a middle-aged black crowd So they're like That's vulgar And then they ripped me off the stage Because I literally had a joke It was a stupid wet floor sign joke From forever ago Where I said wet floor pussy or whatever

And they were like Oh no get him off the stage Duna done it done it And then they put the thing around me I started screaming out of it I was like fuck, cut shit piss Ball's ass Oh, you don't like it?

Fart! And then she was like, Gina, or Gina was like, he stands up for himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's funny, she was funny. I like Gina G. She's fucking great. Yeah.

No, there was a similar thing in New York. There was a red lobster in Harlem. I did that show. Yeah, yeah, but they would... Awful. They would scratch, if you curse, they'd scratch the mic, go, hey. Yeah.

Scratch a little sound bird. Can't say that in the red lobster. My two-for-one cheesy bread. Mitchell, Cheddar Bay Biscuit. Biscuits, biscuits, biscuits, ched-a-baby biscuits, y'all. But my worst one I still remember was... The Falcon was still my worst ever of Mike Bal. I remember for the rest of my life, I remember this.

This is the Falcon. Oh, that doesn't even count. Yeah, but it was like, it was so bad. I had some stupid joke. where I used to be like, I bet Anne Frank's clitoris was hard to find, just like terrible doesn't even make sense. I was like, because she was hard to find.

It was so fucking stupid. It doesn't make sense. Logically, it just does not out of it. Hey, I'm aware. It's a really awful joke. Does you ever say that? Did you bomb with that joke? Yeah, what a surprise.

You guys get a kid. That's weird that joke that sucks. That's so weird. Dude, if you do that, good place, would have bomb there, too. Yeah, you could do that a sold-out improv, full of your fans. I really hope you guys die tonight,

both of you. Thanks, man. Dude, don't stress Falcon. There's usually, no, I'm not stressed about it. I'm not stressed about it. Calm down. So it's just funny. You're screaming.

It's just funny the way I remember it because I remember that I said that and then nobody laughs. Just one person goes, Jesus Christ. And then I reached for the mic stand and it fell over. That's awesome. It fell over five times in like 10 minutes. Yeah. And it kept like falling over and flying back up.

People were just like, Jesus. And I left early. And then Billy, what's his name? Myers. Myers just got so mad at me for leaving the stage empty. He's like, you never leave a stage empty. It's like a cardinal sin of stand-up comedy. I'm like, I just want to go home.

I don't want to do it. Yeah, I don't know. He's the person you want to take advice from him, though. Yeah, he's a good, yeah. But the, yeah, the, on Falcon, dude, it was such a dump. But Jared, Jared Moore, when he lived in Orlando, he loved it because you could do 15 minutes at an open mic. Yeah, yeah, which is like unheard of. It's the dumbest thing.

Yeah, yeah. I've ever heard of. I met Jared there. Yeah. He was, for some reason, him and David Jolly's switch sets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was beautiful. That was so funny.

Wait, what happened? One time, it was like a showcase, I think, and then Jolly didn't show or it was, like, late, and it was Jolly's turn, and Jared had already gone up, so Jared just did David Jolly set. And he was like, man, I need me and 14 Puerto Riggins from Boisiana. You got you Just Jared going The grand wisdom

In my pocket One time I did an open mic With Jared at UCF They used to have this monthly Open mic at UCF At this burger place At UCF And it was like all sponsored by

The school It was like very official And like whatever And you know The student boards for The student board for activity council Or whatever put it on and it was so bad because it was just

in a corner of the burger bar that was just crowded with people just trying to eat cheeseburgers and they're like, what the fuck is this? And they wouldn't pay attention to anyone so we're just screaming into the void and Jared goes up

and he says for every joke that bombs I will take a article of clothing off and then by the end he's just in his underwear standing on a table that's incredible. That's such a good commitment level to have that early. I mean, I assume he was like, we were like a year in, maybe six months in. Because I had this for such a long time where you feel so. Whoa! Sorry, he's going to knock over

the gong. Oh, you're good. That'd be a hilarious thing. Sorry to adjust. Yeah, go ahead. There's that time period of stand-up, I mean, I still am in it a little bit, where you feel like guilty for doing bad. And like, you feel like you're putting something on it. You're like, oh, I'm sorry I have to do this for you guys. And so, to be like, how many take my clothes off? It's so complex. Well, it's such a bad show. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's one thing to feel guilty for doing bad on, like, a decent show. Like, you should feel bad if you do bad on a good show. But if you're like, unless you're trying, like, if you're doing your best, they just don't like, like, there's some level of like, I can go home right more, but this is the best comedian I am right at this

moment. Yeah, but even, but a good show. You should do well on a good show. You should do well if it's a good show, it's like, all right. Oh, they didn't like that. Fuck, I'm just going to do some good stuff. Yeah, yeah, or whatever. I mean, I don't know. Everybody's done bad on a good show, though. Yeah, that's fair. You guys make me feel real alone. Unless I'm like really like, yeah, if I'm like mentally out of it or something or... Yeah, or like I got where you're trying a much.

Yeah. Oh shit, I'm kind of like rehearsing this too much. Yeah, but if you're not, yeah, but you're probably passable, you're probably, you're not doing bad, you're not bombing. You're not getting silenced. You're not killing. You're not killing like you should because you could kill harder. I guess. I've had some bombs on good stuff. That's the worst. The guy before me goes, they're fucking great.

You'd have to be a fucking idiot at the bomb. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. just, they just eat a cock. Because, like, that could you be a group of people who liked everybody else and they just really,

for some whatever reason. Don't like you. Yeah, yeah. And it's my fault, because I'm not good enough. Sometimes it's just not your crowd, too. Yeah, yeah. I've, like, used to be like,

oh, never blame the crowd. I'm like, you can blame the crowd sometimes. Occasionally, yeah. Sometimes you can just definitely. When you're new, you should never blame the crowd. Right, just take it on the chin.

It's nine times out of ten. I would say 9.9 times out of ten, if you're fucking up in your new. If you're just new and shitty. Well, and that's the funniest part. I remember when I first started to stand-up, like my first year, you're like, you know, my audience is really, you know,

like 22-year-old drunk white guys. A room full of 80 people. Yeah, yeah. You're like... Yeah, you know. Yeah, but if you're like... And then now I'm like, oh, there's three people. I will fucking...

Let's do it. Yeah. But there's definitely some crowd, like, there's some, like, bonker shows around here where it's like... They just suck. A room where it's like the building is like five stories high.

Yeah. And they'll fill the room and like all the tables are separated by like this much space. You talk about Deltona? Awful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really brutal. There's like. Brutely hard.

And then you go back and try to light the building on fire. Oh, Jesus. That's crazy lore. I can't talk about that. No, probably not. I don't know. I mean, maybe what's the, what's the word? I don't talk to them anymore.

If I don't say a name, could I, yeah, you could say that happen to a random person. It is someone we know, and it's fucking crazy. I told Mike, because I bumped into him recently, and my fucking, my girlfriend was in, she's like, I was like, yeah, I knew that guy. She's like, he's like, he's like, do you go say hi? I was like, no, no. He talked about it on stage, right? He did, he talked about, I don't know if he's.

In a different state, I bet I, I was doing shows. That's so funny. I bumped in him when he talked about it on, like, on an open mic. Yeah. And it was fucking, it was very funny. That's what kind of open mics are great. But in real life. kind of amazing about them where

like you can't, you'll just hear people divulging crimes they've committed. Dude, there's a guy who murdered a guy who'd go to one in New York. Yeah. And literally he'd be like, everybody knew it, right? That guy killed somebody, went to jail for it and he's out and now he's doing over. He paid his penance. Yeah, yeah, but you're just to like, you're just to the look at his eyes.

You're fucking terrified. They guys killed a man. Yeah, that's... Or lady, I don't know who he killed. Maybe a child, I don't know. Yeah, you can tell the story. A dog. Yeah. Still say his name. Just some comic try... I'm, listen, not.

The list is, what did it happen? As I, I'm not going to do it. Statute of limitations. It's less than that, I have a terrifying fear. I don't know why. I'll, like, shit on, like, gangs on here. I'll be like, fuck this group, the bloods are pussies. And I'm, immediately afterwards, I'm like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Immediately, I'm like, I don't want to get murdered. If there's any blood listeners out there, I love you. I know, we're fans. I apologize to the bloods. Hamas, everybody. I'm fans of everybody. The IDF, Hamas.

I'm on both sides. My favorite take I heard, which is I don't think it's actually retarded. I don't think this take is retarded. I think it's actually really interesting. Somebody brought up that, you know how everybody thinks that Jeffrey Epstein was like a Mossad agent? Yeah. I mean, yeah, he probably was, yeah. Yeah, definitely an intelligence gathering.

Yeah, so people were saying he worked for intelligence gathering. He blackmailed politicians, basically, and worked for Israel, like the Israel intelligence agency. So now people are like, oh, yeah, we are a lot of us helping them out. it isn't taking a side on it, but a lot of us helping them out is blackmailed politicians that are like, I have a Jeffrey Epstein blackmailed me, and now I like will vote for us to fund money there.

Probably. I mean, it's not unbelievable to think that. Yeah, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was her name, Jis Lane or whatever? Yeah, her dad was sexy. Yeah, but her dad is straight up like openly in an intelligence, it's like they're an intelligence family. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What they do.

Yeah. And then she married, yeah. It's a fairly open secret. this point. It's also like the blind eye of the meme of he didn't kill himself. It's like, of course he didn't. Like obviously. That's why I was so annoying when Trevor, or Hillary went on Trevor Noah and she's like, ah, I killed Epstein, oops. And then it's like, it's like, this is such a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was such a weird thing. He's like, oh, ha, you're so funny. And I'm like, what? Yeah. This is so creepy. Yeah, that was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was unnerving. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't see that. She went on, she jokingly said I, yeah, she

sarcastically said, I have, I've had so many people killed. Oh my God. That's like, he's like, Because if everybody thinks you're a monster. Yeah. And then she's like, yeah, I bet I killed Epstein too. Do we do. It's literally like if you caught your girlfriend, she's like, yeah, I'm out here blowing all your friends. Yeah, that's a old guy joke. Yeah, sure, I suck so on off.

What is it? It's like, he's like, I figured out of way. So not have to lie when you really should lie. You say the truth sarcastically. They'd be like, uh, yeah, no, honey, I don't want to fuck your sister. I've never found her more attractive and nice than you. My friend would do it with drugs all the time. Have you been doing drugs?

He's like, yep, me and my friend were out smoking at 4 p.m. We smoked out of an apple watch. And he really got away with flying because he would say it in such detail. He's like, and then Michael came over. He freaked out, took his shirt off, took a shower, and so he didn't smell bad. He bought a cologne. Yeah.

That's the move. Yeah. I had friends used to, I had one friend, he used to vomit every time he would smoke weed. And he'd still get blazed with us. Shout out to Eric. He's a real trooper, dude. He's out to Eric.

Yeah. What song is this? Yeah, he'd be like, You guys want McDonald's or like, what's that? Little Wayne's the shit. Fire man. I threw up once from smoking in college, and it was from a gas mask.

Oh, yikes. Oh, my. That's psychotic. Well, I used to smoke a lot. It was like literally every day. And then I would, I, the only day I'd never smoked dabs, because after I hit the gas, after I hit the gas mass,

I was like, I don't want anything more than that and dabs are supposed to be more. But I remember putting it on, I was just got so disoriented. I went outside and just fucking threw up. You get dizzy. Yeah. Were you drinking too high? Yeah.

I think it's a lot of times it's a mixture. Everyone mixes the weed in the booths. No, that day I wasn't drunk. Oh, really? Maybe a drink, if that, but I did not get drunk. It was just, oh, I smoke a lot, it'll be fine. Right. Put the mask on.

And I'm looking at my first. friends, they do it, they take a, they would clear the entire mask. And like, they would just sit with it on. Like, oh, I can easily do it then. Like, you're asphyxating, yeah. Yeah, it's fucking terrible. Well, it's also, it's a weird thing where if you smoke pot and then

drink, you don't get sick, but for some reason, if you drink and then smoke pot. It makes zero sense to me, but it's just how, you have to weave it in. You have to be like, I smoked a little bit, then I drank a little bit, I smoked a little bit. I would always, like, just sober up for a while before I smoked. Yeah. I would do strikeouts. Yeah, that's, which is dumb.

Strikeouts are, you take it, well, that's what you call them. You take a big bong hit, and then you would hold it. And while you have that in you, you take a shot. You take a shot and chuck a beer. Oh, that's fine. And then exhale, and then go out and try to interact with women. That's why it's called a strikeout. It's because you're about to strike out with these bruns.

Yeah, it was horrible. You'd be like, and then while you're at the bars and clubs, like, we, like, worked out of them, people would just, like, show up with a blunt, and you'd just be fucking stupidly, like, impaired. And I'm just like, hey, you want a blunt? You sure, this will look cool. Yeah. I'm a big bouncer man with a big blunt.

And he's like, dude, yeah, that was the worst. I would like, I would visit my brother in college. Yeah. Like, you're in high school. So like, there's people like drinking and they're like, hey, bro, do you want to like you drip a bong? And I was like, the last thing I'm going to do is look like a pussy. Yeah, not ripped a bong.

And then you just, I remember like, I'd be visiting with like my family. And then I'd hit a bong. And I remember just like just holding my stomach, just terrified, just so drunk. just like begging God. Just like, can this please end? Why did I have to try to impress that guy wearing the new balance? Listening to back miller.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember one time we were, because we would always pregame and like do like the strikeout like get drunk and fucking high. We were doing it. We have music playing. And we literally have,

as soon as you walk in, it's like the counter's there. There's a bunch of drinks all around, a huge bong, fucking weed on the table. And the door is like slightly open because we were about to leave. Yeah. And a cop just walked in.

It sucks. And it was a cop that lived there. And he was like... In the apartment complex. He looked around and it got dead cell. We were like, and we all looked at them. And the silence gets broken by,

we're all the women. What do you got a sword fighting in here? Made fun of us. And then goes, I just got a call from them. They told me to come up in here. Turn the music off. I don't want to have to come back up here.

Nice. And then just left. You didn't give a fuck. I was like, dude, you were the man. Yeah. I've had one... interaction with a cop like that and it was just like turning the music down i was like okay and that was

the entire interaction he goes you got any idea why i'm here i said the music he goes yeah turn it down i said yes sir that was all that's all that's all that happened yeah i was so nice a little white boys like me i've had i was the opposite dude i'd always pretty mixed i'd always i'd always have cops be dicks to me and i'll be like i know my rights so i was such a little fucking bitch dude i remember like that's so good i'm being oh yeah i missed your officer yeah he raped me yeah See, my favorite is what my friend said me was the worst one I ever told My friend just like, I'm actually in law school

And it's like, oh, you're such a fucking annoying bitch What a dumb ass Yeah, but they would like, I mean, because the cops in Winter Park Like, it's such a nice area that like The cops, like, their favorite thing to do Is just fuck with kids drinking. Yeah, they were such dicks

Because they had no real crime. It's like, their actual cops That have deal with like real shit These cops have no real crimes So they're like, oh, okay, We're gonna like go ahead and fuck with these high school Yeah, like really aggressive on them Like some shit

Exactly how it was my Because I'm from Boca. Yeah, yeah. Same thing. There's not much going on. No crime. Yeah. So it's just like college.

I'm sorry, just high school kids. Yeah. Just fucking around. Yeah, they take it pride in like, oh, we got one smoking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like them posing with a pipe. Yeah. We got a, yeah, I remember the biggest one was my friend, we were, we were fucking

dumb asses. We were all underage and we were drinking and we drove somebody's car. Like, my friend drove our friend's car who just left it there because he was like an older We're all 15, and we're like blaring, rap, just drinking in this car. And I remember, my friend was wearing an NWA shirt. Paxton, actually, the guy who produced in my podcast. He was in the porta potty when the cops all showed up.

So he had, like, a decision. He's like, I could either walk out. And he sees the cops coming up to us. And he's like, are we with you guys? He's like, yeah. It was funny, because I don't know if it was just an NWA where it was like literally a fuck the police shirt. And I remember the cop is like,

is either cheap cologne or alcohol. And I don't know which one it is. I can either smell cheap cologne on you guys. Or like, it's fucking the cheapest collo. You've ever seen bad. But, yeah, it's so funny when your parents get maddy and just that feeling that you're like... Yeah.

In high school, everything seems like such a big deal. I was like, I got to change my life forever. I was like, I have to be on a better... You think that it's like, if I keep... It really, like... I've seen such different paths. I've seen friends that were total fuck-ups in high school really get their shit together.

Yeah. And then people like... Totally had their shit together total fuck-ups. Yeah, it's like not this weird thing where you're like, oh, if I got that one thing, it's like, you know, I mean, a DUI is a different thing. But, like, if you're just like... drinking it. Like, none of that's going to ruin anybody's life.

Yeah, they'll expunge it or you're a minor. I got in trouble, what's called? There was weed that was with an arm's reach of me in a car. Yeah, yeah. And they gave me, it was called constructive possession. What's constructive? How old are you? I was 17.

And the person driving said, sir, everything's mine. And they still gave me a charge. Oh, that's so wet. And in my mind, I was like, yo, I'm on the run from the law. Like in Eminem's music, I was like, I'm not afraid. I was fucking working out. I had to miss practice to go to court. Oh, my God.

Also, arms reach is hilarious. Because, like, everybody has different length arms. That's true. Well, he had really small arms. We're doing that thing where you're just like, I can't reach you. No, yeah, I never really got anything like that. But, I mean, I got close with cops just finding us with weed and be like, get rid of it, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Nothing crazy. I had it off. And I got kicked out of concerts for being drunk. Like, my parents had to deal with so much shit. And it's so funny, too, because. For being a drunk child? Like, yeah. Or just for being a menace or both.

Mostly just being a, because, like, it was, I was really good at school in high school because I was like, like, middle school, I was terrible at school because I went to a private school. Yeah. And I was the dumbest guy there. And I felt it. I was like, oh, well, I'm not going to be as smart as these, like Indian kids.

I was like, I will be the funny guy. I was like, that's what I'm going to do. Yeah. So I, like, purposely didn't put the same effort into school. And then high school, I was like, okay, I got to get into college. Yeah. So I did, like, a bunch of Adderal worked really hard. But then on weekends, I would just get, like,

just do weird drugs, drink, just a complete menace, like, just that high school drug, especially like, because I was taking Adderall and drinking, so, like, you can drink so much more. And then the Adderall wears off, and then you're just like,

blacked, yeah. Black, yeah. And, like, that high school drug is, like, something that, thank God I have an experience sense where it's like, you're just like, it was a mess, dude, we went to Monster Jam one time. I got kicked out.

I love Monster Jam. Dude, kicked out for, like, throwing up all over the place. Like, my parents, like, splash water in my face, like, couldn't wake me up. And then I would, like, still be an asshole enough to

argue with my parents. I'm like, I'm a mature I was like, I'm 18, I can be fighting for this country. You're such a little dickhead. Yeah, and they're like, we're going to pay for your college, but we're not going to be happy about it because you're so sure. It was, yeah, I was doing crowd work the other day and this guy said he went to therapy because he smoked too much weed when he was 14. And then I was like, I think any amount of weed

is too much weed when you're 14. Oh, yeah. And then there was just like this weird silence in the room where he was like, yeah, I guess so. He was just like really genuine. I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, that's where we did. Such a judgmental prick. When did you smoke for the first time?

15, 16. Where you? 14. But then I was doing mushrooms. I was 14. I had a diaper in a blunt, motherfucker. Dude, I made a Sippy cup of fucking jeeb.

I just remember the first time I got, the first time I didn't feel it. And the second time was great. And then it was like third or fourth time. So I was like, I'm never going to be sober again. This is the greatest. This is what they warned me about. I was like terrified. Oh, you were scared.

I was like, I'm never going to not be high. And I went home and I had to see my mom and my grandma. I was just like, do you guys know? I didn't ask them that, but I'm thinking like, fuck. Yeah. See, that's way better than I used to smoke pot. For all of high school, I enjoyed pot maybe four times. I smoked it maybe like 400 times.

I literally would smoke pot and then I'd be like, you could have just not done this and had fun with all your friends. Yeah, yeah. And I would just like be terrified. spiral. Yeah, you had to freak out. I remember one time we were, like, smoking parsley. And then the cooler, because we're like, this could get you high.

And the cooler could show up, they're like, what are you smoking? We're like, how would you come hit, like, a real bomb? And then I remember I stood up, everything went black, and I could see out of one whole. Oh, yeah, you get like tunnel vision. Yeah, it was like a telescope. So that's like, look at everybody's face when talking about. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. Did you ever smoke K2 and that was the thing?

Oh, my God, no. I did never do that. I did it once, and it just gave me it. It was the only time I didn't have fun at Cici's pizza. Because of that bullshit. That sucks. Dude, I was going to be... Such a good day.

Because you weren't even saying, like, the best meal life had you. You're absolutely blazed and go to C.C. Incredible. Oh, my God. It was me in like four or five. You get a cookie pizza. You get the mushy ass brownies.

Yeah, you get the cinnamon bowl. You get a big soda cup. It was like our friend, like, we were just old enough to get our own car. We don't have a, have to have a... Oh, my God. A parent's drive. Awesome.

We get the car. We're like, oh, we're gonna go Cecees. We get smoke. I was like, I don't know. Dude, they have this stuff. It's legal. You can just buy it.

You smoke it? No. Headache. Just, like, what, where, who am I? Yeah. This is awful.

And I'm just not enjoying Cece's pizza. Yeah. God. Dude, yeah, my buddy's fucking Jared, dude, Jared's such a fucking raccoon.

He's talking to me about, he's talking to me about CCs the other day. And he's like, you know, they charge you for a soda cup. I'd just been taking a salad bowl filling it up with salad.

They have fucking salads there? Yeah, salad bowls or pasta probably. Pasta bowl, he just fills it up with fucking coconut. Is that dry or just drink it? No, he just laps it up like a dog. Oh my God. It's like a dog.

It's like a dog. a 699 instead of 499 or something ridiculous. Just using a spoon to drink like cherry Coke. Yeah, exactly, dude. Oh, I used to love fucking... You know what? I think the old logo cherry Coke tastes better. Think about it.

I don't know the difference. You ever see the old-ass logo for Cherry Coke? No. That shit hit different. A wild cherry Pepsi. I like cheer wine. You're a cheer wine? I love cheer wine.

Yeah, I remember like my brother went to camp and he came back with these like, do cheer wine. It's like cool. They do it in North Carolina or something. I used to have cherry coke like every day. So good. Whenever,

because they worked at, what's it called Jimmy Johns. And they had cherry coke there. So I just walk up and get a little swiggy. She's busting, dude. Yeah, dude, getting high school high, though, that was different. Oh, yeah.

I remember the K2 is so funny because there'd be people who'd get in trouble for smoking pots. They'd just smoke K2. Oh, dude, that happened all the time at my school. Yeah, yeah. And then they became, like, fucking mentally handicapped. Yeah, it was insane.

You were just like a pothead. Now you have, like, true, like, fucking retardation. I don't actually like something really... I'm glad I was like, I don't know if smart enough or lucky enough to be like this isn't right. Oh, yeah. Because like when I smoke weed, if I felt bad,

people were like, oh, it'll be okay. Yeah. You know, but like, even if I did it back then, we didn't know it was bad, they're like, oh, you're just too high. You know, glad I was like, no, I'm not doing that again. No, that was fucking out of that. Yeah.

I remember it was like this one kid who would, he was kind of like weird stoner kid, and he's really quiet. Yeah. And all the girls are like, he's so cool because he's like doesn't talk. He's just scared of everybody. And he was like getting drug tests or something like that.

And he's like, I had K2. And I was like trying to be cool with him. Like, yeah, yeah. And he's like, oh, I know your brother, dude, a cool guy. I'm like, yeah, yeah. And we smoke a bunch of K2. And he looks over me. He goes, I want to fuck your brother's girlfriend.

Whoa. And I was just like, and I was high. I'm like, yeah, bro, totally cool. In my head, I was like, fuck. What the fuck? Dude, I was psycho. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we're just like riding around on like long boards.

Just having like the scariest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's so many, too, because the guy was just trying to act cool. He's like, brother, such a cool guy, man, love the guy. And then he's like, he's like going to fuck his guy. I'm like, you're fucking...

No, you're not. Yeah, I'm just like to argue with the guy. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I'm trying to remember of, uh, one time I took edibles for the first time and they were really, really strong. And I didn't, and I was so fucked up. And then another one of my friends just got sick.

And he was like, oh, like his stomach was churning. He had, like, a huge headache. He couldn't do anything. And I was just extremely high. And I was at his friend's house and his mom was there. there. And she was like, do you want me to call your mom? It was when we were like, I didn't drive there. I got like a ride there. And she's like, do you want me to call your mom to come pick you up? So, you know, my buddy's real sick. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, whatever.

Yeah. And then I walked through her screen door. Just threw it and just like broke it on the way to the car. I was like, oh, sorry. You know? And then I just, uh, my mom did not notice at all. And it was like Friday at like 7 p.m. 8 p.m. and I just fell asleep. we were watching a movie. We were trying to watch drive. Oh, the Ryan Gosling movie. And I just fell asleep at 8 p.m. on the couch. See, that's nice.

My mom would accuse me every single time walking the house. I was like, how did she not know? I woke up the next morning. I was like, I'm going to be in horrible trouble. Yeah. My mom, every time walking out, she'd be like, you're high. I couldn't win because no matter what, it was basically, this is what you do.

Every time I walk in the house, she'd say, you're drunk or high. Yeah. So you might as well get drunk or high. Yeah, but it's also like she's just, she's really only catching me lying. lying because she knows how to lie. So every time she goes,

okay, well, he's not drunk and high because I can tell he's not lying. Yeah. But then when I am, she could tell that I was lying every single guy. Oh, that's smart. Yeah.

We had one friend, my favorite. He'd get you to smoke K2 at his house, and then he would not, he'd be like, well, let's pregame in my house and we'll go hang out. And then you get to his house, smoke K2, he turned on his laser lights and be like, why don't we just fucking hang out?

Every time we're like, we could not get this guy out of his house. But I think we're about to, we've been going for a while now. Yeah, we're at 90 or something. Yeah, yeah. What do you guys want to promote? Just listen to Rough Week, please.

Check out Jake Rick on YouTube. Got a bunch of new gaming content and a sketch dropping, I think Friday. Hell yeah. Okay, well, let's come out Sunday. So go back in time. Go back in time. The sketch just dropped. It will still be on YouTube.

Chris. Yep. All right.