Morning Good - Stag Party - Episode 142

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

Joe Jacques joins the show for the first time alongside Jake Ricca for today's episode. They talk about  pranking your friends, late night HBO softcore, and doing Ecstasy while being on Chemotherapy.Thanks to Jake for coming back on the show and to Joe as well for making his first appearance. Catch Jake on earlier episodes and for more from both of these guys, check the links below.You can follow Jake Ricca on Instagram @jakericca and check out his podcast with fellow Florida comic and former guest, Joe Censabella, called Cup of Jokes. Joe Jacques is on Instagram as well @joe___jacques and look out for "Get Good" coming out soon.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. About pooping. We're here with Jake Ricka. What's up? And Joe Jacks. Hello, friends. Yeah, and because we mentioned on your pod, we can just mention on here.

Yeah, we were talking about doo-doo because. In my eighth grade football team, or we did middle school football. It's like six through eighth grade. I just remembered. Yeah, we did this thing called poop stacking. Like we walked in, there was this dude named Jake, who's like the older cool guy. And they were playing, what's it called, down with his sickness. And we just walk in and he goes, oh, ah, ha, ha.

He goes, what's up, fuckers? We're doing poop stacking. You don't know what that is. Get the fuck out. And then basically like a bunch of kids, they just shit on top of shit. Dude, that's so, oh, man. I wish I had that when I was going up. Straight stacking poo, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. We got motherfuckin' fat stacks of thudy. What was the highest you ever got it? Did it ever peek out of the bowl? And when you had the shit, you couldn't sit on it? You had to, like, air shit it? Wait, you pooped in a toilet?

Yeah, where'd you think we were... I don't know on the ground. For some reason, I pictured the pile of shit being, like, behind the gym or like the fucking bleachers or something. Yeah, we put it in the loser kid's helmet. Yeah, put it on a half a nerd. And then you were like, hey, you're a helmet. Can you want to try that on?

Dude, Brexit times were disgusting. Like, I remember we went to a, I went to like a religious camp growing up, Christian science, which is a wild form of Christianity where they're like against medicine. Well. And you're confused by that. Well, I'm a Catholic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, wait, they're against medicine? They're not, okay, so it's like the extreme. Like holistic shit? So their mind over matter, but they're like, the extreme ones are like, we don't even believe in medicine. So, like, my dad, like, is somewhat, like,

He believes in mind over matter, but he doesn't believe in all the like, don't use medicine stuff. But the extremes of the church don't use medicine. So I went to a camp, and then they were like anti-medicine. So crazy, some kid is like deathly sick. Oh, wait.

This is what Jesus wants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're putting a pillow over and saying, you're going to heaven. You're so lucky. That's how Jesus I said hello. Yeah, can you pass along a couple notes to Jesus? Anybody else have anything they want Jesus to know?

All right, sweet, get him. Yeah, tell him we want the bills to win. I don't know why he's from Buffalo. So this is where you would poo-poo is at the church camp? No, no, this was middle school. We do the poo-poo stacks. The church camp, though, I was just talking about how, like, gross pranks, like, dude, this is probably like assault.

I mean, I'm just, I'm not... It is the church, so, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of stuff growing up where you look back and you're like, I think that was rape. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just like fingerprints of people. He's a prank. You're like, Gaddafi?

You used to do that. Kadafi, yeah, yeah. Take like a water bottle and go behind your buddy and be like, yeah, you never go like all the way in, but yeah.

I would yawn and get like a whole hand to my mouth. Pansing was huge in middle school. I remember you get like a good pants. That was like you talk about it for like the whole week. Like you pants Johnny at the fucking. In front of all those girls.

Yeah, everybody saw his dick. He was crying, he's 13, his balls haven't dropped. No one's gonna fuck him. But if you got pants that we're just like rock arm. I hope no one pantses me Oh Unexpected

This is me all day There's one little jizz For it out Tabletop somebody into sucking your cock Yeah What a prank What a prank, dude You're gay now

All right We're gonna pants Johnny And tabletop Brad Go Oh yeah So you're making them Get their digsuck Yeah

But what was the gross story So there's this dude Who like There was a cool, there was the coolest guy, like, I remember because I was doing a bunch of drugs as a kid because I was badass. That's pretty cool. Yeah, dude, legend. What kind of drugs? Dude, we?

I was just like shrooms, cough medicine. That's great. Yeah, dumb stuff like that. But I was like, there was this cool counselor there who would like talk about doing drugs with us and be like, dude, what's acid like? He's like, bro, you don't even want to know. You want to know? You want to know? Okay.

bunch of fucking retards. Okay, fuck them. And then this kid like overheard it and like told the directors. What a fucking bitch, yeah,

so my buddy farted on his pillow and then jizzed on his toothbrush. That's so sick. Yeah. So he's not ready for the pink eye and he's gay. That's the ultimate fucking pink eye and you're not going to heaven,

Johnny. One two punch. Yeah. I think he threw out his toothbrush because somebody told him. So he didn't get any cum in his mouth. But that is, that's vile,

dog. What if he comes? He's on a toothbrush? When he just came out, it's on his forehead. He's like, hey, somebody put comb on my toothbrush? Oh, thank God I fucking threw away that shit. He's like, he's drooling. I tossed it out.

I didn't use it once. Did you ever taste your own cumm when you were a kid? By accident, I hit myself with a face. It really makes your eyes. You shoot that, huh? So, like, when I was a kid, I would, I would, like, jerk off on Adderall a bunch, and it takes forever to come. So if you, like, what's it called?

Because your dick barely gets hard. So if you jerk off for hours and really build it up, that's when you shoot hard. I see. Yeah. Well, I know certain people are different. I was always a dripper. I'm mostly,

I just kind of, I just drip, drip it out. But, yeah, no, I, yeah. I rarely shoot that hard. Honestly, a lot of that has to do with the speed with which you, you're masturbating. If you imagine faster, it would kind of like,

yeah, yeah. Mine's just depending on how frequent. Yeah. If I wait a week, I'll fucking shoot across the room. Let the floodgates. Yeah, this shit will fucking hit the roof. I'll paint the ceiling. For me, the longer I wait to come,

it's just thicker. Like, it's not, I don't get more gizze. It's syrup just dripping out of your coffee. Yeah, yeah, it's just, like, denser. I don't know what it is. Oh. I mean, when I was a kid, I was curious one day, and I, like, came, I had come on my hand, and I, like, I didn't lick it, lick it, but I kind of tasted it a little bit.

And it, it, it tasted what I imagine jizz would taste like, you know, the saltiness. Saltyness. Yeah, you know. But I think, looking back now on those type of memories, I go, that's a little gay. Oh, yeah, of course, yeah. That's a little wild that I did that show. just a little. I mean, nothing tops

of whack-off parties, too. My buddy, I remember we were watching like wedding crashes. She's like, yo, this movie's sick. We should watch wedding crashes. And then it comes with like your girl's titsy. He goes, all right, you want to go into the other room?

I just sat there. But we had like full on like, dude, where somebody would have like HBO or something like that. And then there was like one TV. And they'd be like, everybody go to a corner of the room and like don't make eye contact. No, I mean, I remember. Are you serious?

You all jerk off? 13, yeah, yeah. Well, me and my brother and his buddy, that was the first time I ever watched porn. and it was where it was in the same room but one of us would go on the top bunk. Yeah, that's not gay. Bro,

different bunk. You know, tell me the military's gay? Okay. Yeah, there's some kind of right of passage. Well, also,

I have a joke now where it's like, really from going that point forward, I thought for a while that porn was a group activity. So I always asked my brother if he wanted to watch porn. He was just like, you can do this by yourself. I'm like catching him jerking off.

I'm like, where the fuck was my invitation, dog? What the hell? Yeah, it's like, It's like, it's like drinking. It's like doing it by yourself. That's sad.

Yeah. You're a fucking bitch. I'm more of a social jerker. But it definitely, it definitely was like a social thing before it was so easy to get porn. I remember specifically like I grew up watching a family guy. There's an episode where it's literally every male character. It's like an early season and they all buy like porn.

And they're not jerking off. They're just like, oh yeah, give it or. Like they're just like cheering it on. I think it's called a stag party where like a bunch of dudes watch porn. might be it. That's weird to me. I know what we're doing after this. I can get, yeah, on Twitch we're going to be doing it.

I got no idea what kind of. Twitch.tvies slash stag party. I have no idea what's going on with kids jerking off to what these days. I can't imagine it's that much different than I was growing up. Because it's more, I think, like, before you would show, you was one person with a magazine, but I do think there still is that someone needs to show it to you. Like, I don't think, I think a lot of the time it's not that you. He discovers it themselves.

Yeah, or you go on like boobs.com or whatever, but a lot of the time it's this thing of somebody else is like cracked the code or like went that far. You don't think about it. Yeah. It's so weird that your brain, I agree. Yeah, it doesn't process it. Like, you're like, here's a computer full of everything. There's boobs over there.

I wish I could see that girl's boobs. But you never picture that you could look at boobs on the internet. Well, I guarantee the majority of kids nowadays are finding porn from TikTok or Instagram. I guarantee. Basically porn already, yeah. Bro, it just, think about like back in the day, you see a hawker. You're like, damn, I wish I can see her having sex. Oh, wait, here's a link.

Oh, she's letting me watch this. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's very right there. I had direct access to porn, too, when I was growing up. So it's like, I don't know if my experience is that much different than kids. I think maybe the kids now are more constantly stimulated with it. Like, if they go, like, they're probably spending like nine hours down on TikTok and getting fucking hard from that. Whereas I was, I had my porn time.

But, uh, we had net nanny, though, which sucked. Huh? Was it like, I got caught watching porn and they put net nanny. Oh. So I try to go through YouTube, but it's just breastfeeding videos. You can't jerk off to that. You can't. You gotta blur out the baby. You can. We just blur out the breast. You just see the baby.

Did they catch you mid-stroke? What's up? No. So what happened was, so the original thing was like my brother looked up like porn with all my friends there. He looked up like boobs duck. Like one of those things. And we were like, fuck yeah. And then for years later, I just forgot porn existed. Like, you know, I don't know why I just like, I was like, I'm moving on to different things in my life. No, I think I'm really going to become a flag football player. And I did that for like years. And then I came back.

act of porn and they yeah it was something like I got caught like something dumb like it was like the porkies which is like an 80s like shower scene and my dad caught me and then I like I like cry and I was like oh man this is so bad which made you harder the head of carry he was like he's like oh well we're putting

that name you're not going to let me back to church science camp oh damn I was really looking forward to that cum toothbrush yeah whose toothbrush are supposed to come on now But yeah, and then they put on NetNanny. And then YouTube, it was so funny because YouTube,

I would not watch Press for any videos. I'm like, it's just weird. YouTube was like Girls Kissing, which was sick. Yeah, you'd add that. I would jerk off to girls kissing. And then the other one was, there was one video of this, this man in a Hasidic Jewish outfit banging a dwarf and smoking a cigar.

That's so sick, dude. It was like, yeah, it was like, they had no porn on there besides this one video. And I was like, how the fuck is this on here? And then one time my parents caught me looking at a pointy, I was like, what a pointy, poops look like. They're a little point here. And that was on my PS3, our PSP.

And then, and then I got the HBO. That one, parents got HBO. That was great. Wait, someone knocked. Oh, it's your chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's banging on my door. Nah, you're fine. Sorry to disrupt. Go back to the jerk off. I'm sorry. Yeah, I know it's fine. Um, you know what? Let's start over. No.

Oh, fuck. No. Yeah, I remember finding out, though. The best is like finding out that HBO has, uh, what's it called, though, porn? Like, you're like, this is amazing. Yeah, well, I don't know why, but there was sometimes me and brother would catch my mom watching the softcore porn on HBO. What? Well, I don't even know, like, I'm assuming she was watching something else and then fell asleep because she'd be asleep on the couch.

And then we just see, like, softcore porn. Me and I were like, what the fuck? Yeah. We were hiding, like, in the other hall, like, getting, we're like, dude, this is so fucking sick, dude. It was lit. You'll see vagina, not penis in vagina. Nope.

Because, like, the girl will, like, do a sex scene and then walk up and you can see the vagina on the camera. There's one called Katie sex tips where this chick would just talk about fucking. And then she, I, I feel like this was just created for kids to church. I don't know what the point of it is. Because who's, like, genuinely watching, like, a late night HBO sex thing? You know what I mean? Well, I don't know.

I mean, there was maybe a certain, like, classiness to porn that is no longer, there's, like, no veil of, we need to make this, like, palatable for anybody. Or, like, you know, hide anything. Like, you're just seeing fucking anything now. I didn't see a cock until the internet. Yeah, on all porn on HBO, it was, like, if someone was going to blow job, you just see the girl's head. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you'd the guy be like, yeah.

And then that's it. and they would go to another position. You never saw it getting inserted. You just knew you see her boobs bouncing, all that shit. But they would angle it so you wouldn't see like that part. But you see a lot of like girl on top like boobs shaking. Yeah. Boob shaking is all I need.

I mean, there's even a type of porn that I watch now sometimes where it's just a close up of a girl's face as she's like fingering yourself. Oh, nice. And it's just her reacting to it. It's nothing else leaves a lot up to the imagination. That's part of it. Yeah, and there's something that feels good about jerking off to gentle porn.

Like, I'll occasionally jerk off to, like, two lesbians eat each other out. I'm like, I feel Christian today. These two are in love, dude. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, dude, you know what? I'm going to go ahead and look my dad in the face without feeling shame today. Well, my porn habits when I was a younger man, like in middle school, we're way weirder than they are now.

I jerk off to pretty average normal vanilla stuff now. It does even out a little bit, yeah. Sometimes I'll explore, like, some more graphic stuff. for a little bit nothing compared to when I was in seventh grade. I was, I can't even admit, dude. I was looking at the wildest shit. And it was, I mean... Tentical porn.

I drew out to, when I was a kid, I tried to get into... No way. Every type of hentai. Every single time there was a character in a Bio game or a show, I would look up that character and then hentai on Google. No way. You did that? Oh, every character.

Even like minor, like, fall... I'm playing fallout and there's like a character with like one line and there's porn of them. It's for every... Can you imagine the convert having to... catch your kid watching hentai you're like look one day you're gonna have sex to a woman okay but you do not want that woman fucking an octopus okay like you have to have like a stern like that's just got to be so awkward but hentai nowadays that's gonna be real for people because there's going to be vr porn yeah and kids are going to be put into a VR situation and they're going to

have like a fuck machine and they're going to be on a bed with a headset on they're literally going to be having sex well i don't know how kids would get access to that i don't know if they're like writing a letter to santa being I want the sex machine Well, but think about it By the time you're like 15 You'd be able to find porn If it's if VR becomes that normal for kids

Yeah, but I didn't have like a pocket pussy When I was 15 Oh, that's very good point The parents have to buy that part Yeah, but you're right If they have a VR headset, they can Because I've used VR porn before That's a hilarious idea

It's some guy who hangs around high schools And sells pocket pussies to teenagers That's the new cigarettes Yeah It's a great business model Pulls out the trench coat You don't want to fuck girls you This is Lisa

the and's vagina. Instead of smoking, he's like, his knee cigarettes, he's like, you guys want one of these? He's just using it in a pickup truck. Is that guy jerking off to us? Now, he's got a headset on.

Yeah, it's fine. He's watching it. That is such a weird fetish, though. There are people that like to, because I thought that was just like a dude wanting to watch a woman get fucked by a squid,

but it's actually, there are women that want to be fucked by aliens. There's a thing called the impregnant. I've heard that. They want to have eggs shot inside their vagina. So they have these weird sex toys

Where it's like a weird alien Take a tentacle Yeah yeah And then it shoots weird eggs in your pussy And then I guess you Everybody's in a different shit I'm sure some people Want to get fucked by a werewolf or whatever

Yeah I've seen like I want to get fucked by my dad Sorry to almost interrupt I've seen videos And it's not me looking it up Like someone usually sends it to And you're like

Oh fuck yeah Yeah And it's a girl And it's not her vagina It's her asshole And she's taking something I'm not kidding As big as my like

Yeah Arm and it's like this thick. It's nowhere near the size of like a dick. Like it's literally like my leg and it's going in her asshole. Yeah, I don't know how that works. I don't get it.

I don't understand why you would make a toy like that. Yeah, yeah, I also, I was my mind. Yeah, I wonder how you shit after that. It has to just fall out all the time. Yeah. Yeah, no, there's, it's, I everybody just into different shit, I guess, is like, I think a lot of the weird fetish stuff has more to do with, like, power dynamics,

and it even does with, like, reaching orgasm, you know? It's like a lot of the, I went to a sex dungeon once and just to kind of like go as a goof with my boys. A great goof. Yeah. It goes a goof like seven times. Well, we heard it was a game. It's really goofing, nutting hard. It was called the woodshed.

And we had to sign shit. I had to become a member of the woodshed. It was like 35 bucks to get in. That's pretty good deal. But we drove out there. So we got to do it. And it was like more of a hangout lounge thing. But there were different areas where people would be getting like spanked and like tortured and shit.

And, uh, but they're all into it. And I, somebody, it was like half attractive people and half like, furry type kind of like, you know, like nerd. Yeah, you know, it's like some fat chick with a tail. And then the other half is like a hot girl who's, you know, trying to get her nut or whatever. But. So wait, there would be actually hot women dominate or getting dominated. Well, there was one like little bench area where it was this pretty hot girl.

And she was on like this like preacher curl type thing. And she was getting like whipped with one of those like little, uh, fly swatter whip things. Was it like a guy? Was the guy cool? It was good looking. Well, I met both of them after because they were, he was whipping her and she was like moaning and shit and I was like, this is bizarre.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is crazy that they come here and do this in front of people. And then we were chilling by the couches because there's a whole, it's more of like a hangar. It's more of a hang. It's not like, where you go to fuck. But you can just watch in the corner and your eyes. Yeah, yeah. You're not.

It wasn't like there was like an audience. See, I would do that. I don't know if my girlfriend would call that cheating. Right. With that, if I'm doing it as a goof, like, is this what we're doing after? Yeah. I mean, I maybe still have my membership, but they talked with after, and they met like a week before there. Oh.

So it's like, they met each other through there and somebody else was explaining to us that there's like, it's all to do with power. It's like certain people are really into like being a butler and like the other person is giving them orders and that's really sexy. It's like way more about dominance and submission than it is actually like coming. So I don't know whether the thing that spreads your assholes to the point where you can like eat cereal out of it, I'm sure there's something. There's just a bowl. There's something in there probably about like humiliation or dominance. I don't know. And it's normally the reverse.

So normally if you like being dominated in the bedroom, you don't like being dominated in real life. They'd say CEOs like getting like fucked by strapons a lot and stuff like that. Yeah, I bet. No way. Or just some guy who got fired from like a financial company said that. He's like, yeah, over at Goldman Sachs. They like getting fucking banged in the ass. Yeah, that guy who fired me

loves big dildos in the box Trust me, he told me Yeah, he told the janitor He's the real fat line And they get railed hard Yeah But no, sex challenge was cool I don't know, I can only go so far

I think if I were to ever get into the BDSM stuff To that degree it would be In the comfort of my own home I also, there's something about furries That I kind of respect Because you see something you want And you're like, fuck everyone I'm gonna fucking do it, dude, bro.

I'm gonna dress up like a fucking rabbit forever. Would you fuck a furry? Yeah, for sure. In a furry costume? I wanted. Do you know how, dude, how do they fuck? Do you know? Dude, I bet you the communities, I bet they're such fucking dicks about, I bet you's so tight-knit that they're like, dude, have you even fucking...

You think it's real tight? Yeah, dude. I bet you they're like, I want to fuck one. They're like, this guy's a fucking poser, bro. Like, they're like... Because there's like, because I always, like, I mean like a real furry. Not like a girl that wears like a fucking tail, you know? That's not, that's like a half furry.

you're like leaning in a little. It's just an autistic girl at your high school. Yeah, basically. I mean like a full suit dog. What if you have to fuck a real animal to get into the furry community? What if there's like weird things like that? Oh, I already did that.

Which is a dude? Dude, I was doing a show last night. I have a bit about fucking animals. And this dude, he interrupted it. And I was like, what did you? He was talking to his friend. I was like, what were you talking about? He goes, oh yeah, I applied for the police force.

And you know how they give you a lie detector? When you get into, they ask you all these crimes. You've done they ask me if I've had sex with animals. That would be the funniest, like, make or break. That's what gets you? Your mom's like, so did you get the, no. Why? Just like, I don't really like them.

The dog is carrying in fear in the corner. The dog's just shaking. You fucking say anything. I used the guinea pig as a pocket pussy. Dude, if you walked in on somebody, just throw fucking giddy pig, that would be the most, that's the most atrocious. That is the worst crime.

That is horrible. Yeah, it's like the family guy, family guy bit pure. It's so bad, but just like a fucking... Peter Griffin's stuck on an island with like a monkey and then he gets rescued and they're like, oh great, we can bring your monkey. We can teach some sign language

and they can tell us all about what you do in the island. He's like, no, we can't. I do think if my dog could talk, he's definitely seen you jerk off quite a lot. Oh, for sure. Yeah, I always wonder about those islands scenarios, like how many people actually do get stranded on an island? Like, does that...

Yeah, I'm sure it's happened. I mean, I've seen lost. That seemed pretty... Well, how many islands? We know every island now, right? No, no, no. There are uncharted islands that we have no idea about. Are you serious? Yeah, actually, I would have guessed with satellites we could have seen all of them, but I think maybe... I think maybe there are some we still haven't...

No, I would assume we've scanned them always... Either way, I think if someone's stuck on, like, a random one. I don't know if it'd be super easy to be like, you know, like that one. Unless you were actively searching, there was like, oh, he could potentially be there. You know, you would have to, like, fund that expedition. Or I wonder if there's ever one of those where somebody's there,

but then there's also, like, a wild tribe there that eats people, and they're just like, yeah, we're just like going to look for them. Like, we're just going to pretend we don't know about that island because we do not want to go there. That is crazy. Those islands that, like, uh, like that, what's that story about that guy that got shot on one? He got shot by like a bone arrow, right? Yeah, didn't he go? He's trying to teach him about Jesus and they fucked them up.

Yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Yeah, I know, yeah, there's like certain. around like certain tribes, if they haven't been contacted yet, you're not allowed to fuck with them. Yeah. Yeah. I heard that. You could really, you could really make them think you're like, God. Yeah. You just give them, I know, I know that show them to Bobbi-Shall. Show them hentai. They're like, what the fuck? Dude, some guy had a heart attack watching the new avatar, which is so funny.

He's so blown away by James Cameron's vision. Yeah. That is kind of, that's, I'm like, at least it's not boring. Like, that is a good gauge for if the movie's good as me, had a heart attack. Did you see the first avatar, too? Yeah, yeah. My family wants to go see the new Avatar with me on Christmas, but I told my buddy we take edibles and go see it. And I'm like, he's one of my good friends. And I'm like, I don't know how to tell my family.

Like, I'm going to see my buddy, Jake. Like, I don't know how to tell you. Yeah, you're not going to, you guys aren't going to get crazy high with me and watch this. I need to do it with Jake. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the first one I saw. I saw in 3D high out of my mind.

Yeah, that's the only way to do it. How old were you when Avatar came out? When I was in, I must have been like a sophomore in high school, maybe junior. so I was like, maybe 16, 17. It kind of looks like shit now. You look back at it. Oh,

it is. I've seen memes about that where it's like, look at Avatar. You're like, this is disgusting. It's like the best movie. You're like, it's like the Smurfs.

It was like, I was just being become, I was up already smoking, but I was like just turning into like, kind of like a pothead in high school where I was like, I'm smoking a lot. Yeah.

Where we pull up to like the movie co and Boca, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, that was in Pompano, I think, wasn't it? No, it was like on Glades Road. Oh, that became, yeah, yeah, that became like a regal or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But we pulled up in the pardon garage and my friend, I'm blown away. We didn't all get arrested multiple times. We just, he just had a bong, like, in the cup holder. Dude, yeah, there's always that kid that had, like, a ginormous bong that he spent, like, $400 on. Yeah. And you're like, it's going to break. Yeah. And he's like, how do you have this?

You don't even sell. Like, how do you have this money? Yeah, yeah. And you have to hide it, bro? Just like, like, hiding a little bit of weeds easy. but there's always a friend who had like a guitar case with like a giant bong in it. Well, yeah, guitar case is my go too

when I was like hiding my weed stuff. Yeah, it was in like a little pocket. All I could afford was like a little bowl, you know. Spending more than $100 on a piece, that was a big deal in high school. Yeah, you know what I mean? It was like you smoke out of a little shitty bowl or like papers, but the one kid that had a volcano.

Oh, yeah, well, then I found out of way later that tin foil like tinfoil is supposed to like be really bad for your lungs as far as like getting Alzheimer's and shit. Yeah, you get Alzheimer's. Yeah, no, I smoked out of a lot of, lot of tinfoil. There was like, even like at the dollar store, there was like a little plastic pipe to blow bubbles out of

and we were like, perfect. Filled it with tin foil. That was my idea too. I'd be like, I'll make it safe by putting tinfoil on it, which is crazy. Like I'd take the cap of a smart water bottle, I'd flip it and then I'd put so like the cap would hold like the weed and I put that on a pen and then put

tin foil over the pen and just fucking smoke. See, I would just empty a water bottle to unscrew the cap, put tinfoil on the cap and like poke holes in it with like a pick and then kind of but it was mostly just I would burn two holes in it and then use it basically

just like a big bong I smoke I used to smoke hookah like every other day yeah that was so many as a cage you know tinfoil on the top smoking hookah you think it's like better

for some reason I did with the water yeah it was like a million times the amount of smoke well boca that was like one of the only things you could do before you were 21 was good to a hookah bar

hook is also such a weird culture because like I feel like people think it's classy but it might be one of the trashiest things I mean it is pretty tight If somebody's got some hookah dude, you're all ripping that. I'll rip it, but I think people think it looks fancier than it is. I gave mine away.

I had a hookah that was like this big. I used to every, we'd get home from the bar or club and college. I think we smoked hookah at your old place. Oh, we did, yeah. That was fun. It is nice. Like, it is a great buzz. Dude, we did it.

We went to hookah bar for Christmas a couple years ago. It was during COVID. And it was one of those where New York City was very aggressive with COVID. So they had these tents. Like basically the tent was supposed to keep you from getting COVID. Like your party was separate from other parties. But we're just hooking in a tent, just brown boxing it. And just,

getting like so lightheaded because like a tent full of hook is like disgusting like it just yeah it sticks all together yeah are you a big weed smoker now yeah yeah i'm uh that is something i did pay for though i got a dry herb pen so you put wheat in it's supposed to like the best way to smoke weed oh that's where you actually put like the flour in the it's like vaporizes it yeah yeah it's supposed to be like the healthiest way to smoke weed so i do that um but i mostly just smoke before going to bed because like you pot and stand up like it makes for me i do horrible am I? Yeah, in life, mostly I, I perform much better, either sober or drunk, than... Yeah, yeah.

Hyde doesn't help me with anything. No, sex, you're weird, like... Oh, I've had sex once while I was stone, and I hated it. I was, like, out of body. I was, like, so in my head, which is not a pleasurable... You know, it's like, when you're having sex, you're supposed to be in the moment, you know? Dude, yeah. As opposed to, like, watching yourself, you know, it was bizarre. Dude, yeah, I remember that. I was really a high one time this girl's blowing me, and I was like...

Like, I was just so scared. That was the only time of my life I've ever. What if she sneezes and bites my dick? Yeah, I was thinking stuff like that. I was like, there's just this person's like... God, what if I'm gay? I was like, my dick's inside somebody's head right now. Like, you never think about that, you know what I mean?

You're like, my penis is in your head. That's very weird to be. But I'd never think about that unless I was high. Well, that, yeah, it was the one time I've ever struggled to get my pee-p-hard. Only once to you? I struggle constantly to get my dick hard. No, I used to, like, be hard too much. Really?

Like, my girlfriend would get in the car and just immediately I was hard. This was, like, high school. I mean, it was like, I was getting hard. Like, holding a girl's hand used to make me stiff. Oh, no. It was like, but less so later on. Oh, there we go. But no, when was that?

You can't get your pee-up? No, dude, even like, it's one of those things, too, where, like, now it's better, but, like, I'll have performance anxiety. So I'll be like, okay, I'm going to fuck, and I better get hard. And you don't get hard because of that. Damn, dude. Is it you think it was from all the Adderall? Well, that's how it started.

and then you stop taking out of it. But in your head, once you, it's a snowball effect. It's like next time you have sex. I'm out of it now. Now I don't have an issue with it at all, really. But like it'll occasionally, like, once it happens once, your brain starts to think, oh, God, I can't get hard, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, I could see that. You're talking about it with me, right? Yeah, I could see you with a... No, I'm saying, like, I could follow the psychology of, like, you know, like you're worried about being worried about, like... Yeah, yeah. Not getting hard. Because the true answer is,

there's always a possibility that your dick won't get hurt. hard. It's always possible. Yeah, I'm gonna put that in your heads now. No, no, it's, it's happened to me before, but fortunately, I've known, I know why. Because you're fat. Yeah, no. She's not laughing because that's me. It's because she wasn't white, right?

No. No, it's the only time, like now, it's just because if I have to, I literally, I have to be attracted to him. Because, like, I used to like, because I would be on Tinder swiping. And you just like, you're not that. want to fuck me? Okay, yeah, come over. Yeah, yeah.

And then I literally, like, there's been girls where, what's it called? I try to fuck them. And I'm just like, I can't, yeah, you got to go. Yeah, yeah, it's not going to work. And that was like, I need to talk to someone. And then the scram. And then I hook up with someone I'm attracted to. And I'm like, oh, fuck, yeah, perfect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what it was. Yeah. But now, that was just me having dog shit standards before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just fuck some dogs? Pretty much, yeah. But now it's like Besides that

The only other time it was an issue Is when I was like really heavy on pre-workout And it was like every single day And I would just be like It was just working Like what the fuck is going on Yeah You and I were talking about how insane

That pre-workout shit was It's nuts dude Dude I remember one time It was like I was at a bar And we did these things called Y-bombs You know Y-Bomb is

Oh yeah You're from Talley Yeah Yeah yeah You pour vodka into a red bull Oh I've done that And we did a bunch of those And I started doing

in the back of his bar with some guy and he's like, yeah, it's cut with pre-workout, so whoa. And then that was like, my heart was just like, holy fuck. That is terrifying. Don't watch Avatar, dude. Yeah, we're probably like I was also like on meth. Yeah, oh, dude. That seems like, I don't know, it's weird. It's so

funny because apparently like, Coke is so hard to overdose on. Like, you really have to be mixing it with something else. For real. I've done a fuck ton of Coke and been fine. I know people have done insane amounts of Coke. Like, over the years, it's horrible. Like, once you get older, you start doing coke, it's bad. Well, that's one of those when I was younger.

I thought was way, like, crazier than it actually is. Like, I thought Coke was just crazy drug that's, like, more insane than, like, alcohol. Yeah. And then I did it, and I was like, oh, it's kind of, I barely feel it right now. It's like, you know, it's not this, like, wild, you know. Yeah. I think the only problem is when you have the people that start to do, like, like, I have some friends to do it, like, all the time. And then when it's one of those things where you, if you have the money, like, really, if you don't have a lot of money.

You can't afford it. Yeah. Yeah, really. Like, it doesn't end up happening. But, uh, yeah, it's also, I mean, I don't know. know how meth, I don't know, I think also, like, a lot of these drug addicts, they have such a high tolerance. Like, I think opiates is the one thing that, like, seems very easy to die on. You know what I mean? It seems like that's one of those things that's like, you just fucking,

yeah. I mean, also, I could easily see how everything becomes addictive. It doesn't like Coke, I thought, like, I was always afraid of it because I've always been, like, fat. I was under the impression of, like, if you do Coke, you're going to have a heart attack. Well, it's like, John, I was like, Chris Farley, everybody's like, oh, he died from Coke. He died from Coke and heroin at the same time, and drinking and, fuck. fucking a hooker. It's like, you know what I mean? It was a lot going on. I need that much more. I don't know how it affects your heart compared to even something like caffeine. Yeah, that's all, because what makes me like, I still never done coke, but now I'm like not again.

I would never buy it, but it's to the point where like I think if, like, if I'm in the right setting and someone offers it, I'd be like, yeah, fucking why not? Because I was always terrified of it, but I'm just like, yeah, I'd take pre-work out. Like, right? I used to take pre-work. I don't take it anymore is it's fucking awful for you. but if a fat dude can handle pre-workout, how much more of a strain on your heart is that? Right. Vers Coke. Yeah, you could do Coke.

I mean, like, yeah, I'd easily think you would be able to handle cocaine. The rule I established is I don't do cocaine anymore. The only time I'll do it is with a very high A-level celebrity or a very low B-level celebrity. Or one of my buddies from high school? Yeah. Or someone who offers it to date the bar? Dude, I did Coke with like beans from like even... I'm not going to knock.

It's fucking sick. Yeah, that'd be little. Well, nowadays, you can't even just. Like, right now, like, this point in time, you could just try Coke once and get killed. Because of, like, imagine, imagine beans. Just like, just like blood running down his nose.

You're like, bro, did I kill beans? Right. Dude, my favorite thing is, so Drake Bell just got in trouble because there's a video of him doing Whippets in the front of his car while his kids in the back. What the fuck? But to be fair, whippets only last one minute. So I get the best drug to do if you have kids.

No, it's like one minute. Yeah, I mean, it's just a bad look more than anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like in Mexico because he got in trouble for being like a pedophile or something? Drick Campagna. Wait, what's this?

He changed his name, right? Yeah, well, I think Drake Campana means just, it's bail in Spanish, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he changed his name. He moved to Mexico

because he got copying a pedophile, which is a great move because I feel like he goes up there like, yeah, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do Whippets change your voice when you do them? Yeah, he's just entertaining his kids, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, you want to see, daddy. Do your home. We'd have, we'd always have an high school, our designated driver would do Whippets because it only lasts a minute. So it's like you can get super fucked up. Yeah, Whippets were lit.

Same with like poppers are pretty fun because it opens my ass when guys fuck me. But no, anything, yeah, you get like a head rush for like a minute and it's like, yeah, it's fucking lit. Whippets were the one drug that like we had that day in middle. I went to Eagles. Did you go there from middle school? No, but I knew some kids that went to Eagles. So I went to Eagles and they brought in this lady and she gave us like this drug seminar and they're like, my Billy did Whippets one time and he's brain dead.

That's just not true. I've done so many with this. Yeah. And I am retarded. I used to hello whip it. Well, that's like, yeah, even with like certain things, like when I did, you know, all the fucking chemo shit, they talk about chemo brain. I'm like, I don't know if I'm stupid because of like the drugs or because I was already stupid. Like I can't remember.

I don't know if there's a difference. Like, oh, I forgot something. I'm like, yeah, but I think I was like retarded before. Yeah, that's the thing. With losing brain cells is you never know, uh, you don't ever know how smart you were. for. You know what I mean? Also have no gauge as to how well other people remember their lives compared to me.

Right. I only have my experience and my memories and my sort of personal conscious experience. As a, you know, so I forget so much my life. Like, so much it's just gone. So I don't, but I don't know if that's like that for everybody or if there's other people that remember their childhood super vividly

or like, am I more retarded than anybody else? Is, like, I have no idea how much better everybody's memories is. Once I started smoking weed, I definitely slowed down my memories for sure. That's what Ross said too. Dude, I don't remember shit from college.

Yeah. I was in college I smoked literally every day. I don't remember anything. There's certain years I don't remember. So I don't remember junior year of high school for some reason I just don't remember that year. I remember freshman year. I remember sophomore year.

I remember senior year. I'm like, I can't I don't know. I just don't remember that year. But I don't know what that was. I mean, you know what it's... Well, it's not even like there's years that I remember. Maybe it was molested that whole entire year. every day after summer came. What happens if you get, like, molested,

but you also, like, while you're studying? Do you not, does the information not get? Because we're a friend of memory. It's got to be the worst getting molested by a fucking tutor. And you're like, God, damn it. I can't. You finally go to therapy and uncover these. And you're like, fuck, I know equals Lempc Square.

Oh, my God. All the memories came flooding back. Your tutor's like, I have to molest you during the test to get the information out. They tell you to chew gum. while you're studying because you can't remember during. You're just like, oh,

I can't remember. Oh, yeah, that's it. Oh, my God. Over Cleveland. That's the formula. Well, because, yeah, it's not even like years I remember.

It's more just, it's this, even if I'm trying to remember my, like the story of my life right now, it is mostly just like this random collection of like moments and like feelings kind of.

Like, I remember the feeling of junior year. the feeling of senior year or whatever, but it's built on these little, like, flashes, flashes of images, like people I used to know or like, and even you remember a person you used to know, you remember like a couple interactions and then kind of like a vague picture of what that person was like.

But, I mean, I'm sure, I mean, it's even trippy for me to think about, let's say, 20 years from now, it'll be gone. I mean, high school will be gone from my mind. You know, all those random faces will just boil down to this. Well, think of how well you knew the school where you would, every day you'd walk to class, the bathroom, the lunch, cafeteria, all that shit.

I don't remember any of that either. But there's very specific moments that, like, pissed me off, I remember. Of, like, where I had to shit in school. And I had to, like, and I played football. So, like, I have, like, weird memories from every single year where I'm, like, shitting as fast as possible. Yeah. Just like, come on, go!

Dude, that's the worst. Yeah, I still have this as an adult where you shit and then you just wipe, and it takes so long. And you're like, you know, I just... Oh, that's been my life for so long. She's just fucking in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, can I just fucking leave?

I have things to fucking do right now. Yeah. And then it comes back later. I always have to rewipe. Yeah, yeah. I get streaks. Mostly if my diet's particularly bad, it's like, yeah, I'll get streaks, dude. Yeah, yeah.

Once's the last time he had a no wiper? Never. Like when I was like 10. Really? By no wiper, I give it one wipe because you wipe to like go for a wipe and you're like, nothing, beautiful. Actually, occasionally. Yeah.

And you go one wipe and you're like, there's nothing in there. No, that's a beautiful moment. And I could just like, God, the rest of my day isn't just focused on my ass. I don't know why. I just, they remind me of, this is, I'm going to do memes on here. I don't care. There was one, you know that Drake be the type of N-word meme? Yeah.

It was one that's like, he's the type of guy who to fart on a toilet and flush it. Type of guy to see a plate of donuts and go, somebody get these away from it. Poop stacking, ew. Yeah. Yeah, that was, yeah, he would, you would get his ass. kicked in my high school. That is one of my early memories of shitting my diaper. I have a memory of shitting my diaper.

Okay, that is insane. And you have amazing memory. Well, maybe it's something where... Well, he wore a diaper in middle school. Maybe it's somehow altered in my brain, but I remember shitting my diaper. I remember how that looked. I remember when I was a kid.

That is insane that you remember shooting your diaper. So you were like... I don't know if I'm making it up. No, I don't know. I could walk around. I have no idea. Actually, maybe I shit my pants. maybe it was underwear

but either way I remember I remember sitting in my little hallway but the or standing I remember I used to take really big poopies when I was a kid like huge shits to my dad would be like

he'd be like Joe this is insane he's bigger than mine and there was one time I took such a big shit and I told my dad because he was fascinated he used to love I would tell him because he loved seeing them like he was like these are incredible show.

And there was one time it was, it wasn't like necessarily like long, but it was just so thick and round that my dad got like a tongs from the kitchen and, and pulled it out of the toilet so we can measure it. Oh my God. And then showed it to like my mom.

I don't know if I'm making this up, honestly, but I'm pretty sure that fucking happened. That's crazy, dude. He was just so impressed. He's like, how the fuck did you do this? It's bigger than his whole body. Like, Angie, look at this.

She's like, please put that away. Oh, man. I have a memory of shitting my pants for the first time. It was at a Christmas party at my aunt's house. And I threw away my underwear. And that was the only thing in the garbage cat, which is that? They're like, which kid shit their pants?

You hang it on the Christmas tree? You're like, that's a weird decoration on Susie. That's kind of disgusting. Get your shitty underwear out of you. I just remember, like, being called out in front of my whole family. Oh, for shitting my bits. Like, not like, oh, casually. Hey, retard.

what it is? Like, you know, Kevin and home alone? Look what you did, you little jerk. Look at you did, you fucking gross shit. Dude, yeah, I had one that, like, I remember I just felt something warm on my leg, and then I just looked down. It was just diarrhea. Oh, no.

Yeah, that was, I think the last, one of the last times I had diarrhea was, uh, was, yeah, surf camp. The water would always splash in my face when I was surfing, and I would just drink it. I'm like, this is kind of tight. Oh, and that just, yeah, that makes you shit. Yeah, I diarrhea it's so good. Well, I also died. I diaried so much when I had this big surgery.

And it was basically I had to do what they do for colonoscopies. You know what that process is? Where you empty out your whole colon. And I drank two liters of this like... They give you like a mix. Yeah, you mix it together. You fill it with a water or lemonade. That would you give you like Taco Bell and stuff like that?

Well, dude, it was like, I think the first like eight times I went to the bathroom was like there was poop in there. You know, that was like liquid shit and it was crazy. And then after that, it was, I think. think at least like 20 to 30 just liquid, just clear, like that substance coming out. And it was, I was watching the movie Turning Red and we kept having to pause it

because I had to keep pulling in the fucking bathroom. I had to keep literally just dumping water out of your ass. Yeah, and I was like, the surgery cannot be any worse than this. Yeah. Dude, I remember when I was a kid, one time I peed in the pool. I would pee in the pool and... What is wrong with you? I was in the pool. That's so disgusting.

All right. No, I'd pee the pool. Yeah. I was like, Jake's getting really weird right now. I pissed in every single pool of ever been in it. One, I was really dehydrated, so this cloud followed me, and I got out of the pool because I thought there's a monster in there. I was like, there's something in the pool, there's something chasing me.

And then everybody literally goes, that is your piss. I didn't even realize it because I was like... It was like one of those pools that, like, makes it... No, it was our regular pool, but it was just so, like, I guess I pissed so much. So yellow. That I just, I thought there was like, it looked like an underwater teradactyl. Yeah. I was like, what?

the fuck. Yeah, it's so embarrassing, dude. I would hate that. I was like, yeah, I was like, do you guys fucking see that in the pool? Like, that's urine. That was the only one in the pool. Yeah. That was you being in the pool.

I wish there was some retardant kid in there to blame me. Dude, doppy, what the fuck, man? Wait, you saw your action. I've never seen my own piss on a pool. Yeah, right? Yeah, it was that thick. I was that dehydrated. You do talk about being in the pool is, because my parents have a pool in the backyard.

And as, like, part, maybe partially some subconscious power move, I would stand outside of the pool and pissing it. Like when my dad when people would be inside and I had to piss, I just go out there. That is awesome. Yeah, that was a little dude. I'd be like, fuck you, dad.

Somehow way more insulting that. I would do kind of crazy. Like, I remember one time my first beer. Like, I really started drinking when I was 14. But I remember one time just going up to my dad with a full beer while he's talking to his friends. I thought it'd be funny to just be drinking a beer while talking to him. That was funny.

And I was like, what's up fellas? And my dad, like, it's like, an off duty police officer. And he just drank a beer in front of him. pretty fucking cool. No, I didn't start drinking until I was I mean, like I would drink sometimes in high school, but that really started drinking, drinking, like the lifestyle of,

like, you know, like, making it a regular thing when I was, like, 21. But before that, it was like, I'm 23. Okay, shit. So once it became- A lot of life, bro. When you, when you were

21? 22, when I turned 22, and then when I turn 23 is when it stopped. So this is all my new hair. Yeah, yeah. grown out from when I was fucking bald, bald bitch, dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, what happens to, wait, that's a question. Because you lose all your hair when you go through chemo, right?

Yeah, I should suck that ass, dude. I hated being bald. But does that hair go to somebody else who's bald? Like, they should use that hair for somebody else's head. Or could they put your own hair back on your own head? Well, it's like the doctors don't shave it. It's not like they collect it, you know? It's like you decide when you want to do that at home or whatever.

Well, because that's one of my crazier stories was that was the first time I did ecstasy. Was it was after. Well, it was after round one. Damn. And a lot of people don't really know how it works. A round of chemo for me was it was these three different drugs, cisplatin, etopacide and some other bullshit. And cisplatin was the main one.

And they were like, you're going to lose your hair. But it didn't happen immediately. So for a second, I was like, maybe I'm the percentage of people that keeps their hair. And it was like a week after. And the week was they stick you, you know, add a little port, little metal thing. and it's six hours a day for like five days is like one round and you just sit there

and they give you like drugs like fall asleep and shit but then he basically told me like don't be in large groups of people like don't be in big crowds because your immune system is so lowered and so I had a ticket to EDC like the festival

and I was gonna sell it because my doctor told me that that would be the worst idea don't go to easy with chemotherapy he was like don't go to crowded bars about a giant festival at Tinkerbe. Yeah. Yeah, they're all smart there.

It's fine. And so I had somebody who was like trying to buy my ticket and I go to the pregame to like sell it to him. And it's just like a house of like 30 kids. And like there's hot, you know, there's rest in the fucking gear and they're toasting. Like we're alive, you know. Thank God we don't have cancer.

Yeah, yeah. That shit would be so gay. Yeah. And I'm, and this is like right after round one. So I'm just kind of there like, you know. Round one. chemo. And I was like,

I was like, fuck it. I'm gonna go, dude. I was like, I was like looking up shit. I was like looking at Reddit to like be like, can you still go to concerts if you're doing chemo?

And I was trying to find the ones that told me like, yeah, do you do whatever you want? Look at your life. Just swiping through article after article, don't go, don't go. Don't go.

We're good. Yeah. I'm chilling. Dude, I'm chilling. Dude, like this guy is like one doctor profile where it's like an anime profile picture,

but you're like, I'm sure I guess legit. Well, and then I, uh, So I go and I took ecstasy and it was the greatest fucking night of my entire life. Yeah. And it was, at first it wasn't hitting.

And I was like, this kind of sucks. Because like, it's, I was there and I'm trying to feel it. And my friend's like tripping face. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like staring at the lights to like. Yeah, yeah. And then I take the other half. And then, uh, and then I was like, you know, for six hours of just fucking, you know, like,

were you going to go crazy. No, I had all my hair. And I was like, maybe I'm going to be fine. And, uh, and then as we're like in a hospital. black gallon, but you also got glow. Yeah, I got my ass out of the flap. Well, we're all walking back, and I have my little Pikachu hat on, and I go like this, like under the hat, and I just pull out like a huge chunk of hair. Oh, that was the first time that it ever happened. I was still fully on drugs, so I was like, it's like, yeah, this, I don't even know how to feel. I still feel

great. Like, it feels so good at my hands. I'm like, show my friends. I'm like, dude, check this out. What? That is wild. That is insane. That's insane. I don't want to want to want to acid. It would be on acid and just. That would be scary. Yeah, you're just. There was, there was There's one guy there who was on ass and he did not look like he was having fun. That's like, that's literally like people have like nightmares about that about like they'll pull their teeth out or they'll go like this and pull out their hair. I took a shower the next morning because it really was like it started where I would pull out like maybe like 20 strands. It was like very light. Like I could it was just starting to fall out.

And then within a couple days I was pulling out heat like everything. Damn. I got a long black hair and I was pull out like all. It's never like fulfilling because like I pull the hair out of my asshole and it feels amazing. Well, here's what happened when I shaved it was it was a great night. I was the EDC is so late. I wish I went this year, but I was in New York. And then, you know, after party was late.

It was mostly just people hanging out and kind of like decompressing and stuff. And then I drove my buddy home, Weinstein and forever. We just talked shit for like until the sun came up. And I was like, this was beautiful. And you're just missing half a chug of paragon. And then I got sicker than I ever have been in my life up in the last point. Like for months. It was like within a couple days, I was.

so sick, like huge fever, and it was because I went to EDC. Were you ever, like, kind of worth it, though? Oh, it's looking back now. Yeah, it was totally worth it. Did you ever feel like, well, how did I have to do that? I think I had the perspective of it was worth it, but it was harder when I was so sick. And then went bald and, like, when I called my friends over to shave my head and, like, I was just so sick being like, get this fucking over with.

And they were like, you know, like, just shaved it all off. And then I had pierced ears and I took the piercings out after because I looked way more like a lesbian with earrings and baldhead for some reason. The good part about you is you don't look I feel like you wouldn't look like racist bald.

No, I look sick. You would look so clandy bald dude It'd be nuts. I mean, I could show you after it's like I looked terrible. And it's not just the bald as my face was puffy half the time

because of all the liquid they were giving me and shit. It was like, dude, there was a funny ass picture of me. It's like, yeah, it's,

it was, I just looked like shit. I just fucking look terrible. And my pubes, also went. It's like I could pull off all my pubs and eventually that was all gone and my ass hair too. Your arm hair? Is that eventually? Because you clearly

haven't out. Yeah, that's the thing I was talking to you about this. It's so annoying that Breaking Bad his beard doesn't fall out when he goes through chemo. Yeah, well, I think it was implied like he finished chemo and then kept shaving his head because he liked the way it looked. Or something. I don't know. I don't know. Because I guess, you know, because one, it takes about like

a couple months for it to start growing back after you finish. Right. Because yeah, you just feel like fucking... Did you? Did you? you lose you because I was around you pretty soon after. Did you, I can't remember. Did you lose your eyebrows and shit? I had my eyebrows gone for a little bit. Did you paint them like

a Hispanic woman? That'd be so, you're just bald, but then you have like the little like drawn on like Mexican eye. Well, I wish I could have gone for like the wig. You know, it's like I feel like girls do have that ability. You could have a fun wig. Yeah. I remember I almost bought you a wig for fucking get good. We almost switched to the wig. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I would have loved if I could just pretend to have hair. Just every day have a different hair. be like, you can't comment on it. Christopher was the only guy telling me like, yeah, you look bad. Everybody else would be like, you have like a good shaped head. And Chris, I was like, no, you should wear a hat? I remember, like, we wanted to the podcast once. And I, like, didn't wear a hat for.

And he's like, you sure? Yeah. You don't want to wear the hat. You can put a hat that has, like, eyebrows hanging down. Yeah. And so it, like, looks. I'm wearing the nose with the glasses and the mustache. What, me?

No, I don't have cancer. But there was, when I was, that was one of my crazier things, too, is, the, the, when I did mushrooms once when I was bald, that was weird because I was watching this one movie that we thought was very funny. It's Tommy. It's like the Who movie. Like the pinball wizard was hilarious. And I was still really sick for me to see kind of,

but I was mostly just like blowing my nose and coughing all the time. And we're laughing so hard at the movie that my buddy is like, dude, your nose is bleeding. Oh shit. And I go to the bathroom and I'm just bald as hell, nose bleeding, like cleaning it up. And I'm tripping fucking dick. And I'm like looking at the mirror like how did I end up here? And we did mushrooms.

Yeah. I don't know how I missed that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We were tripping. We were tripped at sack, which made it great. But then it was also like seeing yourself in the mirror normally when you're tripping is crazy. Oh, but seeing it.

But seeing it. I'm like, dude, how the fuck did I end up here? This is insane, dude. Yeah. What was that thought process? Because I can't imagine being on mushrooms and having cancer and like thinking about. Well, it was very chill because the person I was doing with it, I'm very, I'm super close with. Like, we talk about a lot of really personal stuff.

And so we basically just went on a walk and I just, it was. It was, you know, it's not like it was this crazy, like I was getting a loss in the trip or anything. We were still just talking about it and sort of being, you know, emotionally vulnerable, like boys is supposed to do, you know? Always. Yeah.

By the way, now that we're here, I feel like I feel like I've been cutting you out, Jake. Well, we start talking about cancer. I'm not going to be like, Punch up this hilarious story as you're dying. Well, yeah, I don't mean to derail in that too far in that direction, but these are my best, best cancer stories, and I have never told them on the podcast.

No, I haven't heard these. Yeah, I would even know about it. I want to hear the cancer stuff. Don't feel like I'm getting cut out. I'm learning about my buddy. Yeah. You yawned at one point when you were talking about having cancer. Yeah.

We're going to talk about shitting on shit again. Go back to poop stagging, bro. It was testicular, right? So you got the ball cut out? Yeah, I got one nut. And they didn't give you option to keep it and put it in like a cool glass jar or something. I think I could have looked at your eye. Your eyeball is just a testicle.

I would have loved one that you flicking it like lights up or something. Yeah. Play music with it. Yeah, well, I think I could have looked into that and then got that. But I think it's cooler to have one nut. Yeah. Because that was how I had that threesome. Yeah, you were telling me about this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was just because I had one nut. Yeah, can you say that one again, sort of? That was where I was at a party. And long story short, my buddy was like, please show us your nut. Please, please, please. Oh, I want to see it so bad. You never show it to me.

You know what boys are with their friends. Yeah, yeah. Please, please. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Put in my mouth. What, what, what? But then these two girls were like, we'll show you our tits if you show us your nut.

And I was like, okay. And I showed it to like a few different people. I mean, that was. And then they showed us their tits and that got the ball. No pun on that. I got the ball rolling. And then one thing led to another and it was the greatest night. I love it.

It was crazy. It was crazy. That should be the real make a wish. Just get these kids pussy. Dude, I swear to God at that same party. I don't know what was going on that night because it's, this has never been this vibe sense, but it's this crazy thing where those girls did it. And there was another

girl who I guess felt left out. And so she kept like wanting to show me her tits. And so at one point outside, she's like, I'll do it, sure. And as in nobody really asked. Yeah. And so I showed my... You've already came once, like, I only have one testicle. So all the comes out. And then I showed my

nut, but the first time was like a couple people. It was those girls like my buddy who I've showed to a couple times since then. But then with, it was outside with her. I just show my nut to the whole fucking party. And then she shows her tits. And I'm like,

where am I, bro? What is this superpower that I've discovered? See, but even if I didn't get late, like being at that party would be awesome. You're like, dude, this dude showed us his one testicle. You know what I mean? Well, it's funny because that made me more comfortable doing it.

Because I think I've showed my nut at like three or four different parties since then. Yeah, hell yeah. Because if you have one ball or three balls. I think. I have seen your nut. I didn't even ask. I've heard a couple three ball guys. Yeah.

If you have a one ball or a three ball or a three ball, you can get people to pull their tits out. If you're just like, you want to see my balls, they're going to be like, no, who the fuck? Get out of it. You want to see my ball? You want to see my weird situation? Everybody has their special little thing, you know?

I knew a couple of guys who have extra nipples. I knew a lot of people. That's probably incest. I know a lot of people in Florida have extra nipples. Like, I know probably like three dudes. I don't know. Is it for sure a nipple? That's the thing is.

I don't know if it's for sure a nipple or birth. There's people that swear by it. Like, bro, yeah, this is my third nipple. And some of them looked really realistic. like it looked like a nipple. Yeah, yeah. Shit, yeah. I only have five, so.

Yeah, I got fucking udders over here. Only two of them lacked it. Yeah. It's very weird. The people would just have one pierced. Like a lower one pierced. See it's on my apt of it. Titty pierce.

I feel like that's a crazy thing because, like, it has to get gross when you take it out, right? And then you just have a whole- Well, one of my ears pierce, they would stink. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, so I imagine nipples would be the same thing. Yeah, well, nipples get more, like, like, play.

Nipple piercing's death because, like, you don't suck on someone's earring. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, if you're a girl with titty's pierced, like... People are gonna suck on them, yeah.

Like, wait, have some nipples piercings in your mouth? Yeah, they're great. Yeah, it's lit. Yeah. Well, the way I look a good amount of girls that decide to hook up

with a big do with a beard, a lot of them have... A lot of them have... A lot of them have piercings, tattoos, everything, you know? Yeah, yeah. There's a certain type of girl that goes for a guy that looks like me.

You're usually tatted up with nipple piercings. And girls who get nipple piercing, stop wearing a bra up forever. it's great yeah yeah because they want to show they want to show the world yeah yeah and the world wants to see it yeah but I'm saying when they get it out I've never seen it

I've seen obviously pierced tits but I've never seen a pierced with it out like is it all can you no I've only seen them with it in what type what happens like breastfeed does it like come out of the side now I would imagine if you want to get that shit out of you because your tits are growing and milk starts coming out of it yeah that's got to be brutal right or maybe you need the piercing in there

to stop the milk from squirting out and then when it's time to give the baby milk, then you take the titty-piercing out. But it's not like your squirt, like, come here, a baby and you're squirting it out. The baby latches on and sucks. Yeah,

but when it comes off, it still keeps going. Because, like, women will lactate, and then the baby will suck on it and then take it off, and then they're still. It's still coming out?

Yeah, yeah. I've never seen it. Yeah, that baby's fucking, like, funneling milk. Yeah, it's like, it's getting like a beer bono. Dude,

I'm sucking on tits, bro. It's great. It's a good feeling. Yeah. I think we're almost at an hour, though. What do you guys want to promote? Titty's sucking. Titty's sucking.

Yeah, that's my main philosophy in life is sucking on tits. Yeah. What did you want to promote them? No, I ain't got shit, dog. It's getting good. It's so weird. Get good coming out soon. Yeah, dude, your pilot is fucking hilarious. I loved it.

Let's do it. Check it on YouTube. Yeah, good. Great. Like, genuinely hilarious stuff. Four more episodes, baby. Yeah, yeah. I'm about to show you some more stuff I edit it right after this pod.

Hell yeah. Instagrams. Joe underscore underscore Jacks. I have way less followers to both you guys. You guys want to boost your platform? Jake Ricka. J-A-K-E-R-C-C-A.

Perfect. Awesome. Thank you for listening.