Morning Good - Step-Science - Episode 43

Episode Date: September 19, 2021

Thanks to Joey and Eli for coming back on the show and being such great guests, we love to have them on. Give them a follow to stay updated with any shows they might have coming up. You can find Joey on Instagram @thejoeyrinaldi or follow his podcast @trailertrashpod. Eli Haba is on Instagram as well @eli_haba.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. That's check, check. We are starting out. We're here with Joey Rinaldi and Eli Haba. Let's fucking hear it for the boys. For the boys. What's up, boys?

I think it's only dudes listening to this podcast. If you're a woman, you listen to the podcast, I'm proud of you for being so goddamn cool. I got to know more about the women that listen to this podcast. Yeah, I'm very curious. And DM me, just so I know you're real, you know? Or Michael, one of us. It's probably all the girls that, like, follow you with the name, like, Territia 9-2817, and they have, like, no followers, and they follow up 700 of your friends.

Those girls aren't listening to podcast. The Bitcoin ones. Yeah, those girls. I get lots of Bitcoin people to try to find. follow me on Instagram. Oh, they reach out to me. Yeah. Like binary trading options, people.

Yeah. Well, for me, it's non-binary. What is all the- dude, I had a binary banking guy. He was like, I worked for binary bank, whatever. It was a bot, obviously.

Yeah. And he messaged me. He was like, hey, do you want to learn about like binary, blah? And I was like, fucking finally, you guys have been listening.

Yeah. It was like for too long, I've been saying that I need my banking institution to take a hard line on binary, non-binary. Yeah. You're either a man or a woman. That's what you believe with this bank.

Yeah, I finally got like an actual response from the guy. Like it was like, it was like fucking like 40 messages and he was like, dude, I was like, he was like, so do you want this thing or not? And I was like, what about the gays? And he was like, dude, I don't know. That's what he said? Yeah, I swear to God. I love that like you catfishing a robot.

This is great. Yeah. And then like a week later, he sent me the same like opening message. And I was like, I see you guys don't even learn. Yeah. just keep going. Well, it's like, I used to work in a call center, and you have to ask like four times or whatever.

And it's easier just to ignore the crazy shit people say instead of trying to, like, get into a conversation about it. Oh, yeah, for sure. You just try it. It's like when you're like, when you're on stage and somebody's like kind of talking over there, but you think you're the only one who can hear them. So you're just like kind of power through.

Yeah, and then you realize it's like, oh, this person's responding to every single thing I say. Right, yeah. So you know, it's messed up. I get so many of like those fake hot girls DMing me on Instagram. Oh, yeah. That I actually had like a real hot girl DM me on Instagram. And you're like, you dumb bitch.

And I totally disregarded. And like, six months later, a friend of mine was like, hey, a friend of mine, like, reached out to him. He totally, like, dubbed her. I'm like, no. Tell me hardcore is that message to me, you're fucking robots. They're all Russian spam bots. Yeah.

So I totally treat this, like, real life woman as like, I just disregard it. I was like, you are a Russian whore. Get out of here. Yeah. Yeah. My favorite is not my favorite, but so my buddy passed away and I was looking at his Instagram. I'm sorry about that. My favorite is my friend died.

That's not my favorite. Can we rephrase that? My favorite thing in the world was when, no. So his Instagram liked one of my things. And I was about to unleash on him. I was like, oh, you fucking hacked a dead guy's Instagram, you piece of shit. What the fuck is wrong? You should be dead.

But I realized it was just his mom going through his Instagram. But we were saying, well, how funny it would be if his mom just start taking political stances, like, from his point of view? She's like, life starts at conception. Like, this is like just. Is she like pretending to like doing it from his point of view, being like, as Derek would want. I have a question. Let's just say you have a friend

who has like, I don't know, like a lot of followers on Instagram. Let's say make up like 30K follows. It's more than I have. And he dies. That's a lot. Can I just like take over his Instagram, change his Instagram handle like my handle

and just delete all of his pictures and just start treating his Instagram like it's mine? You could just hack a celebrity's Instagram and do that. Really? Yeah. And just put your stuff out there? Why don't we do that? Let's start hacking.

Why are we doing stand up? We can just be hacking this whole time. It's true. That's true. It could be a great move. I agree with that. You can, why are you wearing a bathing suit, Michael?

I don't know. I like wearing bathing suits. They're comfortable. I'm sorry. I wouldn't even have noticed, actually. Yeah, yeah. The pocket here is the problem. No, it's the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah, there's a mesh. That's the most baiting suit. Like, if you went to a friend's house, like, oh, I don't have a bathing suit. Yeah, it's exactly what you got. This is the one. It's a blue bathing suit. Yeah, yeah.

No, I like it. There's a weird brown stain on the, it's not shit. There's just, like, permanent. You're a bouncing right where my asshole is, but it's totally not shit, dude. So your favorite thing is dead people. You love shit stains. Like, I'm worried about you, Michael.

Is everything good? No. No, it's pretty bad, actually. What's going on in your life? I don't know. It's like that podcast where I just stop and then we just don't have, and I just wander off. There was something I was going to say about the dead guy's Instagram and somebody hacking it for His mom pretends it's her.

She, like, talks about, like, I love God, right? Then you say that earlier? Yeah, she doesn't actually do that, but I don't know. Sometimes you just lose the thought, which is good podcasting. That's great podcasting. What's going on in my life? I don't know. I watched a pretty sick documentary recently.

It was fun. Nice. It was about how, like, apparently the government. I watched a sick documentary. Full stop. Sick, dude. Fucked around to me. I didn't watch any documentaries.

While I watch this fucking snuffball. Why, you guys always got to quiz me. Okay. If you didn't fuck your roommate's pillow, you would have gotten to sleep at a normal time and passed your quiz. This is true. This is true.

This was before we started recording. And I went to sleep pretty late. What did you do last night? I watched Exodus Gods and Kings. This is that Ridley Scott movie where Christian Bale plays Moses. Weren't people super pissed about that? It was terrible, dude.

They weren't pissed about the movie being bad. They were pissed about how Moses would be Middle Eastern. Christian Bail's not. Well, I think that movie, it came out in like 2014. So I think that was like one of the last time. That's like cancel culture, whatever, people being upset about things like that. Like you get a real Middle Eastern guy to play somebody. Yeah.

The best thing about that is we're never going to have to watch shitty movies like that again. They're never going to make a movie like that again. I don't know. That movie where the ginger from Superbad was Asian. That came out like three years ago, right? Wait, what movie? What's your name? Ginger from La La Land, Superbad.

Oh, she's famous. You know she's famous. Emma Stone. Wasn't she Asian recently? Wasn't she Asian recently? And people freaked the fuck out. They're like, what? A redhead Asian?

Not in my household. I don't remember that movie. No. Yeah, I didn't even hear about that. And wasn't Matt Damon also Asian recently and Great Wall of China or something? No, he was an Asian.

He wasn't. Thank God. No, he was white. And he was like, was that Marco Polo or something? I thought it was called Great Wall of my mother. I know what you're talking about. Yeah.

It was kind of like a last samurai kind of thing where he was in the Asian world and he was like fighting alongside Asians, but he was white. Tom Cruise, this summer has an Asian fetish. Yeah. Well, it's like, uh, speaking to that, you know it's so funny, we can cut this out if it's too much, but. Imagine that movie. It's just a guy with an Asian fetish.

This summer, Tom Cruise has an Asian fetish. I can't stop. fucking them. They're so hot. I don't know what it is. Yo, can I be honest with you? There's a lot of Tom Cruise movies I thought were great movies growing up, but when I rewatch them, I realize they're not good movies. It's just that Tom Cruise is so electric.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it makes me actually appreciate Tom Cruise as an actor so much more because the dude is fully electric, you know? He hasn't made a flop in like 20 years. He has the energy of Scientology just coursing to his body. Oh, yeah, he's insane. But he also, he's not like,

he's not like a good actor, because he has plays the exact same character in every single movie. Yeah, that's like I love Will Smith. I love watching him, but he doesn't have a lot of range. Right. It's the same thing every time. I don't let that he used to be a rapper. I just can't support that, you know?

Who's a rap? His rap. He's so bad. He was a rapper a minute ago. No, I'm just kidding. I like this, I like absurd stuff to Michael. He normally like, likes that stuff. I do know.

I feel like absurd stuff to Michael is like normal talking from. Like, if I try to like say some like average to him like, oh yeah, I look at a croissant this morning. he'd freak out. Well, yeah, yeah, that's like, that's like, when it, I feel like it's just because working in an office, especially, I'm like, I hate it. Like, the conversations you have with people. And you're like, this is. Yeah, I can't small talk.

I don't know how to small talk with Michael. Like, you like, with you like, Elon and I, we could just go back and forth for hours. But you. If you don't call me game five minutes, I think there's something wrong with you. Yeah. That's how, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, because I watched Jerry McGuire recently.

And I thought that movie was like about like a good guy because Tom Cruise just seems a good guy in that movie. He's not a good guy in that movie. He's not a good guy in that movie. Exactly a bad guy because fucking what's her name? René Zalregor is a single mom who quits her job, a really good job with benefits, quits her job to be Tom who's assistant who has no

company. He doesn't even have a job. Doesn't really have nothing. Can't even pay her and every time she'd be like, she'd be like compress and be like, hey, I need like money to pay for my son's medical bills and shit. He'd be like, I don't know if I'm going to do that, but what I can do is I can make out with you. She'd be like, oh, Tom, get over here. I think I've seen Jerry

McGuire. And making out always one. It's fucked up. Something I found interesting, I thought Arnold Schwarzenegger was black for like five years. What? Just because I saw him in Batman as Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze was just like too cool to be a white guy. I just assumed when I was a kid that...

Mr. Freeze seems black. Yeah, right? I had my first direction to that movie. What's up? My first direction ever was to that movie. With poison ivy, I assume. Yeah. Put no, um,

Mr. Freeze. Not the bane they had that literally was like mentally disabled. Like the bane they had, people forget that they did bane in the 90s. and he was just like, ah, yeah, yeah,

but Hornerch also was, yeah, yeah, there was a lot of, yeah, yeah, he,

yeah, he, um, yeah, he, um, yeah, I was three years, no, I remember,

my first reaction was at camp. I don't even remember my first one. I want to say it was, like, probably like, I was so scared. I remember, it was around then,

too, I was at camp, and I thought, like, I got bitten by something because my dick was, like, swollen it.

And I was like, fuck, what am I going to do? I was like, my dick is swollen. Like, I was freaking out. Dude, I would love to be your camp counselor. Maybe not. I wouldn't love to be your camp counselor.

But you just like come up to some like 14 year old girl. I show him my penis. He's like, I got bit by something. He just happens to be a pedophile. He's like, this is, thank you guys. We have to get it out now. My counselor knew how to take care of it.

He just really rubbed it and stayed with me for the rest of the thing. He got unswollen. Yeah. Yeah. And then he said that he had a problem where he got bit too. What a crazy coincidence. Yeah, yeah. This could be a great little thing here.

We should film this. I think it would go viral on pedophiles.org. It's called TikTok. It already is. There already are a petfile. Did you almost insigate or Icigate or something like that? No. So I guess like there was a bunch of like weird pedophile YouTubers

who like found out a way to like get like interact with like little kids through YouTube by making all these like Spider-Man and all these, what's that frozen? Making all these frozen movies, uh, uh, YouTube videos. And like, they'd be like in the middle of these like little kid videos in the middle of it. It would just be like Spider-Man sucking like Batman's dick. Oh, no, no, no, I think there's a misunderstanding with this. I know what you're talking about. And actually what happened, it was a troll thing.

So they purposely made these like really long child videos. And then in the middle, it would be like two Power Ranger kind of things. And then the Power Rangers and stuff, or like stuff like that. They'd start hooking up, but it really was to, like, troll the parents that weren't watching what their kids were watching. Like, I was- Why? But these are little kids. What's the point of trolling little kids? That is kind of funny to be like, oh, man, you're not watching your kids.

You're letting me show them a child point of that. Exactly. You're letting me show them me and my roommate fucking. Yeah, yeah. You're a horrible parent. Yeah. It's a weird way to do. Eli and Jake Timothy having a little sexy sex could be fun.

But we do it just to make fun of the parents in the neighborhood. Like, I let Jake fuck me in front of the window just so I could be like, yeah, you like, you like, your fucking kid look up here, dude. Yeah, what a fucking bad parent you are. Exposing your kids to gay sex. Which, I wish I was supposed to gay sex a little sooner. When were you exposed to gay sex? Just so I know, just so I can confirm at a young age, like, I'm definitely like not gay because I saw it out of you.

Instead of like being in college, being like, I don't know if I'm gay or not I make out my roommate for a little bit like what you and Jake did. And then I'm like, I'm not like this, you know? Yeah. I would have had confirmation sooner. I think it's so funny that none of the listeners know anything about you too, so they really think that you're fucking Jake and that. All this is like a thing.

I'm going to stand up though. Did you follow that or that not make sense? It made sense. Wait, are you saying that you used to make out with your roommate in college? Just to confirm I'm not gay or not? Okay. Are you?

I did have a moment where I thought I was gay. I think everybody had. Isn't this coach so uncomfortable? Yeah. Now that we're talking about gay stuff, that's why I'm standing. No, no, no. I genuinely felt like my brain was not functioning yet because early in the morning, so that's why I'm standing.

I'm on full blast. What about you? How do you feel, Eli? About what? Your brain. Operating speed? Yeah. I'm like just getting started.

Oh. But I went to bed at like 4.30. I got up at 10. I went to about three, got up at 9. Yeah. Oh, that's. Same thing. Yeah.

Wow. We're like one of the same. Twensies. Oh my God. Can we ever sleep over some time? We're so close. You can sleep on the couch. Oh, no.

I mean like slum of party. On nights that Arden is in here. Arden usually sleeps on the couch. Really? Uh-huh. Is that why he has back problems? Probably. This couch is not very comfortable.

But he's like a tall guy. Arden has back problems. No, but I'm assuming I made Like I jumped to conclusion Like I bet it point A to point C you know Arden's tall That's a couch He sleeps on it

Does your mug have your face? Sorry I didn't mean Oh nice This is my merch I have one item of merch Is you sell it at shows Just toss it at the audience Just break somebody's face

I remember when your beard was like that I think you look much more handsome I had a COVID thing going on yeah But I had like a neck beard going down to here But you look very handsome With that length What is that? Is that a one in a hand?

Is that a two? What is that? I don't know. I mean, my razor calls it a seven, but that's not true. That's their scale. You're not a seven in my book. You're a 10. I was going to say that.

Come on. Thanks, guys. Oh, let me get, what was I talking about? So the UFO documentary I was watching was crazy because what a lot? Nobody cares. Nobody gives to fuck. I'm still going. This is more interesting than Jerry McGuire.

Lay it on me, sister. So the whole theory is that the U.S. government purposely, there's two theories. There's one theory that they purposely, obviously everybody knows this kind of idea that they purposely spread the UFO narrative so that it can cover up the fact that they do have these crazy like spacecrafts that they don't want people knowing about. Recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this document. That's like when all the UFO shit was, this is a documentary about all the UFO shit that was coming out like in the past five years or whatever.

No, no. This came out in 2015. Okay. Sounds like 2000 late. Yeah. Yeah, they were late. This guy. There was like a UFO setting like 2021.

I want to know about that stuff. I know, I know. It was kind of old. But then the other... But give me some old news. I want to hear it. The other theory is that they... It is aliens. And they're slowly, like, leaking it into the public to see how we will react to each bit of information. I remember I heard that theory before.

Yeah. Which makes little more sense that they would slowly be like, are you guys cool with this? Okay, you're freaking out about this. Yeah, it's like... But then what are they going to do, like, when they go like a bridge too far and they give like a little more information, everyone's like, oh, fuck. Like, aliens. Like, no, no, no, no, no. It was...

Yeah, we're just good. Government plane. Yeah. Well, the theory is crazy because, like, the theory is that they literally, like, banged. Not necessarily banged, but, like... I would love to bang an alien. Like, uh, because there is a giant evolutionary gap. So, like, between the weird hominids and humans, it's like a ginormous, like...

What do you mean the hominids and the humans? Like, not... Like, other homo species, not homo sapiens? Yeah, yeah. It's like, they say there's a giant gap, like, between humanity and that. and they like, it's called the evolutionary link. Isn't it called like the missing link in evolution? Yeah.

So like the theory is that the aliens, like, not necessarily bred, but like put their DNA into one of those. And that's what created humans. That's like what the movie Prometheus is about. Yeah, yeah. But that's like a very common theory in the UFO community. And it's interesting because somebody was talking about it's like, oh, it's weird because Greek mythology, all of that is like the gods coming down and like fucking.

Well, it's like when you watch fucking ancient aliens. That's what they keep screaming over and over again. Yeah, yeah. Do you watch ancient aliens? A little. Yeah, yeah. It's fun. I fucking love that show.

It's a blast, yeah. That's what their whole thing is. They posit that, like, everything from ancient religions is actually just, like, more primitive civilizations trying to wrestle with what they were seeing, like, this technology. So, like, like, Vishnu and Zeus and, like, all those people. They were, like, aliens. And, like, the people on Earth at the time were just trying to describe what they saw. So, like, they're gods, you know. Isn't it?

Is it pretty much a comedian? I like that guy. Vishnu, probably. It was a Vishnu comedian. Yeah, there's Vishnu. He's like a big, fun, jolly, like Indian guy. Very funny. I love that guy.

That guy, like, whenever I see him, I'm always like, I'm going to say place now. Vishnu's here. Yeah, yeah. Maybe if I ever got close with actual Vishnu God, I'd feel that way too. Yeah, he has multiple arms. Doug Stanump has this joke about how he has so many arms. Have you heard that joke? No, I don't think so.

So that he can rape. Because there's like a big, the whole joke starts with like a big rape problem in India. And he's like, that's why their god, Vishnu has like six arms. So he can like... That's funny. Yeah, it's dark. But anyways. There is a big,

great problem in India. And I'm trying to stop it, actually. Yeah, that's this podcast about, it's about raising awareness. Venmo me on Venmo and to help stop Indian rape. That would be a funny t-shirt job. Just to stop Indian rape. Just not explained up.

I love people have fake statements like that. Like, there's this gay guy the other day. He was a gay white guy. I think I was talking about this. And he had a button that said about this? A button. He had a button that says protect black men. And I was like,

It's a little different if you're having sex with that group of people. Like if I had a shirt that said like save Asian chicks or something, I'm not doing that. But you don't know what I mean? Like the incentive looks a little different. No, if I had a clip that said save Asian chicks, I would look at the person that people would need to save Asian chicks from. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't think this gay guy was doing anything wrong

to black guys, but it was just, it would just... I would hope he wasn't. Yeah. But like also... But also, it does seem cocky, because when you say it doesn't sound like he's saying like, guys, it would be good. But he sounds like he's saying, like, protect them. I protect them, too.

You know what I mean? Because that's what... But, like, I think a black guy would punch me in the face and I went up to be like, hey, man, do you need protection? Yeah, yeah. Make sure that you're safe. That's how I play it with Kenny all the time. Like, when somebody, like, somebody, like, comes up behind him.

I'm like, yo, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is an ace right here, dude. I got his back. He's got a protection. That's good. Yeah, it is a condescending logo, it seems like, protect black. Like, okay, if there was a black guy wearing it, context totally changes.

Right. than if like a white person's wearing it. If there's a black guy wearing it, it's just like, it's like a sex thing to me. We're just like everyone's got to like fuck black guys. I'm like, hell yeah, dude. I like,

I like that. What about like a, like would it be too wordy to have like a button that says something along the lines of like, can we fix the wealth inequality and like black neighborhoods? If it starts with can we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a blanket statement.

Fix black inequality. No question marks on your like. But like I think, I think that's what he means when he says protect black people. Because I think that's the... I think it means that like, like, don't let the,

like take out your phone when you see the cops talking to a black guy. Don't let the cops go black people. Because that always stops the problem. Right. That's why we have that nine minute video of George Floyd being murdered. Yeah, exactly. I think we stopped gerrymandering in black neighbors.

I think that would also lead to a lot of more better. Right? Is that the thing? Jerrymandering? It's like such a onion of a problem. Jerry, why are the black people living in different neighborhoods? Black people vote

And the same neighbors as white people This is crazy I live next to these guys Would you? I would Why this is the bus In their neighborhood Go to the polls

It's election Good Jerry Yeah Yeah That's a good Jerry Impression That people have made Right

You know what I mean No it's not Yeah but that's more important Yeah You don't actually want to do Accurate to the character You want to do The impression

That people do Interesting Yeah I'm doing fake Halliando That's what I'm doing I'm not doing Jerry I'm doing Frank Caliando's Jerry. That's how you do it.

You got to do an impression of somebody doing an impression. Did you remember us Frank Caliando? It was telling me that she is like her family. It was a big like Frank Caliando people. Yes. Like her parents and like them like the kid, like her and her brother and her parents. Like they watch Frank Calliando on Comedy Central. TBS.

Well, didn't he have a Comedy Central half hour? Oh, Comedy Central half hour. But yeah, TBS show. He had the show. Exactly. Yeah. But they used to just watch it stand up, blah, blah, whatever. And then they went and saw him like five years ago.

Oh, when he did the, I'm just Frank Tor? I don't know. But they were like, yeah, it wasn't that great. He didn't do it. Yeah, it's just so. He had his moment before. And what he's doing isn't even really stand up. Yeah.

But I'm pretty sure. That's my Frank Callahan. But I'm pretty sure five years ago he didn't do the impression. I'm pretty sure like five or six years ago he started doing this thing called I'm just Frank. tour. It was just him doing stand-up. That's what he's talking about, I think.

Right? That's what I think he's talking about. It probably must have been the same thing. Yeah. No, and it's apparently not funny because everybody's like, do John Man and do Seinfeld. And he's like, shut the fuck up. I'm doing Frank. I'm doing Frank.

He's the Just Frank. Read the Marquis, motherfucker. I'm just Frank. No, John Man. I'd hate to see that. That'd be fucking awesome. Let me talk to me. Look at you, you dumb slut.

Get out of my fucking venue. Get your whore family. Leave. You want to know who was like 11. Yeah. That'd be crazy to be like incredibly famous for doing a thing. Like he got incredibly famous because he was like the best at impressions. Yeah.

And had like however many in his repertoire that he would do. It got him a fucking show. That's how good he was at that. You know what's so fucked up. And then you want to like artistically break from that and be like, I'm going to do something else. And everyone's like, it's kind of like, dude George Bush. Yeah. Well, this was going on like Kyle Dunn.

But it's actually the opposite. So he was a stand-up. And then he just started doing impressions like four years again. Well, yeah. And then over like COVID, it became even more popular with his Instagram shit. You don't know to take out very funny. Kyle Donegan. Yeah, he has like a big thing.

If you follow him on Instagram, he has a big thing where he does like the face swap feature. Oh, nice. And he does like Kim Kardashian and Trump. I don't know if he's still doing Trump. It's great though. Yeah. It's funny. He is a very good Biden too.

Yeah. I know, on a different note, does anybody know where I can stream the Frank Caliando show? Because I've been looking for, like, years. It's not on YouTube. We'll have them right. It's not on, like, HBO or anything. And I don't want to watch the show. I just want to find this one clip.

There's one clip where he does, what was that Penguin movie from back in the day? Like March of the Penguins or something? Yeah, yeah. March of the Penguins is the documentary, right? And you know how Morgan Freeman, no, what? March of the Penguins was the documentary and then Happy Feet was the cartoon. narrative. So, so, so, so, one of those two, Morgan Freeman narrated, apparently. March of the Penguins. March of the Penguins, yes. And so Frank Lendo was like, I didn't like Morgan Freeman and per, uh,

voiceover, so I did it, but as Vince Vaughn. And it was the funniest thing I've ever heard and I can't find it anywhere. That's frustrating. I hate shows like that you can't find anywhere. Like, I wanted to watch this episode of, do you remember that K-HBO series Cat House? Dude, was that That was my teacher. The ranch in Vegas? Your teacher was a horror at the Cat House. No, my documentary professor at NYU was a customer there.

He's like, yo. Fun fact, I actually fucked one of the chicks in this horse. Was the director, creator, an executive producer of Cat House and Real Sex on HBO? Really? Wow. How do you have those credits and then you become a teacher?

Yeah, he's not a pervert or anything. She's like 75 years old. Interesting. Oh, and it was a she. Yeah. And it's not... Isn't that funny how that switches? Yeah, my God, that's cool.

Yeah, exactly. And it's not what you expect. She's like a five-foot, nothing. Jewish lady who doesn't care about sex whatsoever. She literally was like... No, she sees all those whores as dogs. She's like a pimp. She doesn't see them as people.

This is basically what she said to us, ah, that's why I was in the film industry and I just wanted so badly to be famous and have a career. and all these people made shit shit guys they just made shit and I was like what do people care about and I realize that men are horny all the time so if I just made a show that came to sex

I'd be famous and she got me season two episode five I've been looking for it for nine years what happened on that episode it was funny there was one episode that's not on HBO and I remember it was so funny because I was like I forgot what the description was of it there was like one thing in it I was like

when I was a kid I jerked off to it and sometimes you want to do you want to jerk off to something that you jerked off as a kid for nostalgic purposes. Yeah. Yeah. I have videos that I used to have them saved on my computer. Yeah, and I was like, I forgot what it was. Me, I'm born-hub at like 4 a.m.

That's what I'm doing. Yeah. Is searching for that one video in 2012 that changed my life. Exactly. You get it. So yeah, there was one episode of Cat House I couldn't find. It's also like grainy as shit. The guy comes in.

She's like, so what do you want me to do? And then it cuts to her in blackface and he's like a Ku Klux Klan member. Is that one? Yeah, that's your favorite one, right? Yeah, yeah. But that's just what I do with my girlfriend. There's nothing to do with what I wanted to show. That's also what I do with your girlfriend.

So I'm all in the same page. He's the black guy and I'm the racist one. I'm in the clan outfit watching. Hell yeah. That's the interesting thing. I saw something on Facebook. There's a comedian that got in trouble for wearing a clan costume during a roast and he was white, but he was Jewish.

So that's hard because the clan has bombed churches. Exactly. Yeah. So it's like they actually hate Jews more than they hate black people. Yeah. So that's tough. Can a Jewish guy ironically dressed the country? If he was black, could he do it?

Well, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, everybody would immediately be like, yeah. If he was black, I think people would have a problem with it, but they would be like, we don't approve, but it's your decision. I'm pretty sure there was people that were also mad at Chappelle who is a black guy who wore a clans outfit too. The Clayton Bidsby. Yeah, yeah. I think people got mad at him. Oh, 100% people got mad about that.

So I think you can't win. You can't please all the people all the time is what people say. People are so up tight. I can't even wear a fucking clan outfit without being. Who was the guy? I guess don't say his name. Yeah, he was some comic, but it was like some roast battle, and he was like a Jewish guy who wore like a clan.

You know what he should have said? It was a sexual kink because we're at a time in our lives where if you say it's a sexual kink, no one can get mad at you. Well, I think your kink just can't be oppressing other people. No, it can. Yeah, I can. Yeah, I can.

Race play. Oh, race play is real. Yes, there are like videos because I'm into videos where girls say really mean stuff. And I've clicked on one and the girls like, you're an N-word. And I'm like, this isn't for me, I feel like. I'm watching it.

And you're watching like the ASMR version. So she's just talking to the camera. Yeah. And I'm like, ooh, yeah. It's just whispering. But it's so funny because like, this isn't for me. This is either for black guys or white guys that want to feel black. So they have a woman call them the N word. And they're like, yeah, I am black.

I was watching a porn one time. And it was like this Asian girl. And I'm pretty sure a white guy, maybe an Asian guy. You couldn't really tell. But they're like, it's like a five minute video. They're having sex, whatever. And it's in like a college dorm. and it was from probably like 10 years ago,

maybe a little more. And across the window, it's, you know when people, when you have like a party and somebody will get like words on a string and they kind of like arc them from one side to the other, it said happy birthday and word.

And it's like neither of them were black. It was fucking awesome. Have you guys been seeing any of this like meta porn that's been coming out recently? No. Meta? What do you mean? Like it's like meta.

Like you're watching the porn and the girl's like, wow. My teacher step outside for one second. Should I unbutted my shirt? No, this is interesting, though. Oh, it's like an RL Steinbook? I say you get your life together. Where it's like asks you to choose your own adventure?

No, no, it's like self-o, no, it's meta. It's like self-she's like self-wear. She's like self-wear I'm in a porn. Like, you know what I mean? Oh, but you don't get to choose it. I have seen the ones where you get to choose. Have you seen that? No.

That is a thing. There's porn videos and it goes anal, doggy, bloated. Like, you can literally click on the thing. And I saw the porn of, no, no, no. I'm talking about the thumbnails. That's like the thumbnail that's like the doggy. No, no, no, no, no, no. It was like the black mirror.

It was like, what do you want to see? What was that black mirror episode? I want to see that. That sounds fun. Where it is? I'll leave this podcast right now. I want to do this. It's better than this podcast.

I want to do this one that's like two, three days. That's my, my favorite new porn category is stuck under stuff. Have you seen those? Stuck? Yeah, it's always step porn, but it's like step mom is stuck under the table. Oh, yeah. Actually, I don't like it sexually. It's just fucking hilarious.

Well, they took out. Okay, I hate, I've been ranting on this. I was Jamie of Kink and I apologize. That's fine. I only jerk off to one kind of porn. What is that? I just jerk off to amateur porn. But all of the produced porn is hilarious.

I need to, I need to jerk off to like highly produced like brazes, that type of stuff. But it can't be step. It needs to just be like a normal like, I'm a pizza delivery boy. You're a porn guy of your generation. I agree. Thank you. Yeah. You're the porn.

You need the porn. of 2003, 2004. I love that shit, dude. That shit. I still, like, we'll go back to, like, Alexic Tessus, Rachel Star,

like, old school, and just, like, just for nostalgia, yeah. My favorite still, OG mud bones. Sasha Gray? I can never get into her because she,

some girls, when they look too innocent and porn, it kind of, like, takes me out of it. She doesn't look innocent to me. She looks like she's sick. Like, she looks like she has, like a virus of some kind.

Yeah, that you get that from her? Her skin's, like, kind of gray. Sorry, not innocent. I'm sorry. And isn't the wrong run. It's something that like

her soul's being taken with each video Oh yeah That's probably just that she's doing pornography That's not acting That's why I like Let's excesses like she seems like she loves Point and wants to be there

That was a thing in more 2000s porn It was just like a girl with giant tits Like some blonde chick that's like That's fucking narrow things It's always just like a hairdresser looking chick She's railed out I need a dumb hairdresser

And who wants to be there Thank you That's I just I need consent is what I want Consent's what I want Let's go on Consent is my kink. Yeah, amateur porn is my favorite.

I do love, like, looking at all of, I'll watch, I watch a lot of porn, and most of the time I'm not even jerking off. Yeah. I just like to watch it. I have it on. That's crazy. What are you, American Psycho? You just have it on while you're reading novels?

No, I'm not even watching it for, like, just, it's fucking hilarious. So much of the shit they put on there. It always starts hilarious, and then I jerk off to it. I'm always like, ah, that's so funny. Who's watching? I'm like, oh, I guess I'm into this now, too. Yeah, yeah. No, I like, I like you being like, they're not going to get me.

They're trying to get me. They're not going to get me. They got me. That is great. Yeah. I want more nudity in movies. Yes. It's happening less recently.

Dude, I watched Exodus Gods and Kings last night. No nudity in the movie. And I'm like, do you know how much fucking rape would be going? First off, because most of the people, like there wasn't enough rape in this movie.

No, I get what you see. There, most people wouldn't even have clothes. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's funny.

He's like, if I'm there watching all the time. Egypt, let me see a move. If I'm watching old-timey movies, you have to throw a nudity in there. Yeah. That's why people watch, like, game of throw out.

You have to keep it exciting. Right. Because I'm like, I don't care. It's from a bygone error. Yeah, exactly. If there's no technology, I need boobies, you know? Exactly, yes. I get that.

I know, I told us. Yes. Yes. This podcast is about fucking teach. Yeah. What is this? Episode 35, you finally figured it out. Where did you talk about boobs for.

When Eli goes zero to 100, I just lose it. It's the coffee is starting to do. There we go. There he is. He's awake. Michael, you're a sick puppy. Especially,

thank you. Especially fucking like colonial stuff because I hate the way they talk. It's like, I want to see boobs pop out of a corset. There is something hot about. Not colonial, but what's it called?

Elizabethan or whatever. Yeah. No, go back to, I can never say that one, colonial. I love those girls when they get naked

because they're all proper and covered up and love God so much. It takes some fucking hour and a half to get naked, too. Oh, and it. That's what it is. That's also going back to my porn thing.

I need a full-on story. Any porn movie that starts with the sex immediately, I'm turned off, I'm soft, I'm flasted. I agree with that. Really? You guys need the narrative? Yeah. But I also, I will say this. I've complained about this on nine episodes.

It's going to sound like I want to fuck a family member, but I don't. I think it's so dumb that porn have to put step and everything now. Like, that wasn't a rule before. They could just be like, oh, mom fuck. Brother, yeah. Yeah, because now it's like so like, they're like, I don't know. They got really strict to. Apparently, they like...

What do you think this is going to do to, like, our generation when we have kids? Let's say, like, you have kids with your girlfriend, and then your favorite thing happens, and your girlfriend does. She's going to be my wife because we don't have sex right now. Right, your wife. Christian couple. But let's say you have a daughter and then you marry somebody that has a son, right? So you have stepchildren. Do you think that there's going to be, like, a party...

Just from your exposure to step porn at this age, do you think you're going to be like, well, they're not sharing a room. That's just not half. Yeah, part of me. just going to take it. No, yeah, yeah. I know somebody that, I know a couple of people like this where they started hooking up and then their parents met. And their parents were like, oh, no, we're going to start fucking. And we're getting get married. And so then they're like, what do you want us to do? We started hooking up before you guys. I met somebody like that too. That is very Florida of you to say. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know, I know two people who hooked up

with somebody that they're related to. It's so funny. One of my friends, I think both of them knew and then they, not close friends, but somebody they, they fuck somebody that was like second cousin or something like that. And then they're like, and they found out and they're like, well, I can't unfuck my cousin at this point. Hold on though. And this is going to sound however it sounds. I don't really care. But this is, I'm serious, a second cousin, you're not really related to. Yeah. I think it more, it depends on the type of family you grew up in. Because, okay, so I have like, I have cousins who are not blood relatives of mine at all. They're just like friends of my family since I was a kid. So for me to hook up, even though

we're not blood relatives, just because of the proximity. that's insane. You know what I mean? Totally. But I'm closer with them because your second cousin is your cousin's cousin, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So not related to you at all. So you could be from like a family where you're like, I met my second cousins one time.

You know, like we're not close enough. Our family is not enough of a unit for me to have a relationship with my second cousins. So it's totally possible that you could meet your second cousins when you're like 21 and you're both all like horned up and you're at like a. a wedding so there's like alcohol and you're out of hotel and no parents and you could totally fuck your second cousin and I don't even really think it would be that weird. I would love to pin it would be weird

but I don't think it I don't care if people fuck people that are related to as long as they're not your dad or do like am I like yeah like don't rape your sister or your kids yeah yeah yeah just don't rape anybody don't read anybody yeah yeah yeah yeah I just have a joke about that

because it's like the only thing that people say is wrong with it is it's gross or makes mentally challenged kids and why is the second one a bad thing if they're good people Why don't we make more of them? Wait, I have a bit about that. That never works.

Oh, shit. We have the same bit. No, no. I'm working a bit about how I hooked up with this girl who's my cousin's cousin. So, like, there's no blood. It's the second cousin thing. Yeah, yeah. I like how we just talked about for five minutes.

It was not weird. I said it's weird. And then you're like, I've done it. Yeah, wait, wait, is that? That's what we were just talking about. Wait, wait, is that what's second cousin mean there's no blood? Yes. I didn't know that.

I don't know nothing. I'm not small. You have to explain to me like I'm a five-year-old, okay? Joey. We literally just had a whole conversation. He never said the word blood. He never said the word blood. I didn't say blood.

You know what? I zoned out. You're just staring at us talk about it. I'm like, I'm just thinking about his second cousin's tits. She is? It's funny. The reason why I hooked up with her is because when I was 11 years old,

I didn't know anyone with tits. And she was the first girl who I knew with 11 years old. Did your mom have a... All right, my age. I didn't know anyone my age with tits. So she was the first girl my age with tits. And so my sister had this communion port. It was a communion party.

And I was like... This is like the exact scenario. I said wedding. And I was like, hey lady, I want to get out of here. And we got out of here. We hooked up. And that point always works. That point always gets laughs.

But the point that doesn't get laughs is I'm like, but the fucked up thing is like, I'm older now. And I went on Facebook. I saw that she got married. And I kind of got sad because I thought like if things, if we're both single at like 30, we could try it again.

Because like, if we're not having kids, like, who cares? Yeah. So yeah. So yeah, literally, I thought about all of this. Wait, did you have sex with her? No, we were 11. I just sucked on our tities and stuff.

Wait, I hope no one in my family listens. Hopefully not. But we, I think a few years later, when we're like 14 years old, we did some more stuff in my grandma's basement. I also, I love, it's just so funny. We talked about this for five minutes. You were looking at us. Yeah, you're like, you know, you can fuck your second cousin. That'd be kind of weird.

And then I'm like, that's gross. I don't know, but, you know, whatever your thing is. And then you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I fucked my second cousin. And we're like, that's what we literally were just explaining in this scenario. Yeah, but yeah. So, but I never thought of it because there was no blood. I thought like blood is what made things weird.

Again, I think it's like, I like, I like that you like to think you're like fucking your mom and you're like, no, no, no, no, she wasn't on her period. There was no blood. Literally, she already lost your opportunity. It's fine. I understand what you're saying. I think the thing is like if you grew up with somebody. I barely grew up with a. girl.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying about second cousins. I don't think it's weird to fuck your second cousin because you're not really a relative. And also you're not, you didn't grow up with them. So who cares? They're not related to you. Exactly. But the fucked up thing is. If you want to get like biological about it, if you're from like, if you're from the same

country, especially the same area of the same country and you're the same race as somebody, you're probably like four relatives removed. Thank God. You probably have a common ancestor only like. like five people back. Michael's being like, wait, if everyone's my step sibling,

that makes sex with everybody so much hotter. Michael's like, let's all fuck. You know we can be related, bro? Let's do this. Yeah,

we're all like very closely related. So like second cousin really isn't going to be that more related to you than a stranger who's the same ethnicity. I didn't know where you're going with that. I think you're in the same country and you're the same race,

then I don't see the problem. So the country one was just like, I just threw it away. Wait, You're the same race. They're both white. I don't see an issue. Wait, since we're talking about countries.

Let's talk about Israel. All my siblings thought I was just a weirdo, because when I was 11 years old. Maybe because you fucked your step-cousin or whatever. Wait, wait, this was awesome when I was 11. All my siblings thought I was weird because I kept like sucking on titties all the time. Yeah, they were my cousins. No, my siblings thought I was sober because when I was like 12, 11, 13, somewhere around that. We went to Italy.

And I met my Tatli and cousins, which, by the way, He's like my grandpa's brothers, kids, kids, kids. You know what I mean? So it's so far removed. Yeah, you can have sex. But we go to Italy and one of my cousins there is just like hot. Like, it's just hot. I just went up to my brothers like, no, we have a fucking hot cousin over there.

And they were like freaking out. They're like, how can you say it? I'm like, we don't know this bitch. Because I have eyes, dude. That's how I can say it. I have eyes on a mouth. But we don't know the bitch. I'd never have two or three times my whole life.

Oh, I didn't even realize it was that much. I thought maybe. I remember I went to like a, No, that was my first time they'll meet her. I went to a bat mitzvah one time when I was probably like 14 and my parents took me to like this kid's bat mitzvah who was like her dad was a lifelong friend of my dad. Like since they were like three years old. They were friends. But they lived, I was born in L.A.

They lived in L.A. And so they were like L.A. Yeah. In the valley. So they lived over there. And like when we lived there, like we saw them every single day. but then we moved and so I didn't grow up seeing them

and I remember I went to her bat mitzvah I was like 14 she was 12 no how old and you moved? I was two oh I don't have memories good you know what I mean and so we're like I was this bat mitzvah and I was like talking to my brother

and I was like holy she's fucking really hot my brother's older than me anyway so that was weird for him but he was just like that's like your family dude and I was like it's not my fucking family I don't know this person at all this is literally the first time I've met them people get weird about that.

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's also like a thing where like you have people that people call Uncle so-and-so but it's not actually your uncle. Right. Yeah, they're not relative.

I mean, it's still weird if they bang you, but... No, I have everyone call me uncle in the bedroom though just for fun. Uncle. Well, that's what you get when the girls are submitting, right?

Yes. They have to say uncle. That's a double entendre, yeah. Here's a smart guy. I'm like just explaining the joke. That's a double adjadja. Right there you had a double meaning word also known as a pun.

Wait, I thought they were different. Are they not different? A double entendre and a pun? Some like English literacy asshole douche cunt was like They're different A double entendre's used for this And a pun is used for this you pussy

And I was like whoa Well double entendre I don't know what a double entendre means Because I don't know what entendre is And I would never want to be in the tantra either A tondra is two meanings Well that was a I think that was a double entendre would be like

I think that was like a race thing Yeah Like that family guy episode We're like you. There's a girl who's boxing and then Quagmire's like, I like watching

her box or something like that. It's like a double, like it's two meanings. It's not a pun because a pun is like... It could be an innuendo. And innuendo is not a pun. Yeah. So that's not a pun. That was an innuendo. Yes. Because a pun is like... So a pun is a word.

Pun is a play on words. Plan word. Yeah. Well, then would that be an umbrella term and a double enchantre would be part of the pun? I think a pun could be part of a double entendre. Okay. It's like every square is a record. You know what?

You should change the name of this podcast to teaching Michael where he just let people come on to teach you things. I thought about doing that. Really? Yeah, yeah. I feel like Corey Tyndallson, kind of an expert. Oh, really? But I feel like I wasn't teaching him when I went on that show. I feel like we were having that conversation.

I feel like I could come on Michael's show and just be like, let me teach you about astronomy today. Oh, I'll be interested. Yeah. Yeah. That's the podcast. Is you come on to teach him. him about like stem sciences, but you just talk about your cousins. Step science?

Ooh, there we go. That's pretty good. Step sides. That's the name of the podcast. That's good stuff right there. Stepsides. Yeah. But you should have Ben Miller on then because that guy knows a lot about science.

He's like a chemist or something. He was a physics major or something. He's really smart. I tried having him talking about that stuff and he lost me immediately. He's like, we got to stop. I've talked to him about the. I actually read a book that was like similar to his field. He did like a material science.

in physics. And I read a book that was about that. He's a very interesting guy. I would say, what we do is material science. Oh, there you go.

Because we're comedians. He'd say we're idiots. Yeah, that's true. That's why I don't talk to him anymore. That's got to be so annoying being that smart. You've got to think everybody

is just a fucking dumb ass, especially when you meet somebody like us and you're like, these people are fucking, well, it's like, it would be frustrated. I don't even know because, I mean, we're all like, most comics are like relatively clever. You know what I mean?

In terms of, socially. Yeah, witty. And not even. socially, just in conversation. Yes. They can be clever. So they have, like, they're adept in navigating that in some way, but they're morons in every way that he's a genius.

Like, every, he knows so much just about the natural world and how, like, math works. I know a lot about, and nobody could even really talk about that. I know a lot about NBA cap and, like, trade you can and cannot make. Right. Does anybody, is that useful to anybody? UFO conspiracies and superheroes. That's all I know. Yeah.

It's not helpful. I just know a lot about. Ben Miller. Area of expedges. That's the best thing I've heard all day. Did you have a bar mitzvah? Yeah. And I wasn't invited you, Dick?

I had a bar mitzvah in like, I didn't, my family didn't, I didn't grow up with a lot of money, but I grew up in like a pretty affluent area. And so bar mitzvahs are fucking crazy expensive. Yeah, especially like where I grew up.

Like, there were people that would spend like, salary. More. No, I'm just kidding. There are people that would fucking

spend like three, four hundred thousand dollars on a bar mitzvah. Because you rent out like a hotel. You have to do. Is that why you guys don't want to spend money

on anything else after that? Exactly. That's a good bit right there. And that's why we're running the banks to steal money from the working class people so we pay for our bar mitzvahs so we can cut the tips of our kids

dicks off. Well, I feel like everyone, like all the parents give such big money donations to the bar mitzvizs. It's very appropriate to give. And you have to

given denominations of 18. Because if all these Jewish people all throw like big bat mitzvahs, it's like they're all paying each other back. Like, I spent so much money on this bar mitzvah, give me money so, and then like, I'll give it back. Yeah, it's kind of a take move. But the money is also like supposed to go to the kid. Fuck the kid. Bar mitzvah money goes to the kid.

I didn't get shit. Good. I didn't get a dollar for my more, not a single dollar. Because they spent money on you throwing a party. No. Okay. So usually they spend a lot of money. I'm a bad person. Like, no, no, usually they spend a lot of money on a bar mitzvahs or whatever. We didn't have a lot of money. And I also, I didn't want a party because I'm not, I don't fucking,

only birthday parties to begin with. And I definitely don't. I wasn't like friends with Jewish kids in my high school. So I don't want like all my fucking Italian friends to come. You know what I'm I wasn't going to do that. Hey, what are these fucking hats going on here? Yeah, exactly. Oh, I just get mercilessly roasted. I wouldn't have. Eli spoke another language that made it sounds like he was sucking a cock. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, put the chair down. What are you doing? For the bar mitzville, you have like two parts, right? You have like the temple. part, which is you do the reading of the Torah and then you have the party part,

which is why they're so expensive. Because you have to rent time at the synagogue, and then you have to rent time at like a Renaissance hotel or something, you know? So whatever. I would do a lot of Bob Mitzvichs growing up. I grew up in a Jewish area. You grew up in Connecticut, right? Yeah, so there's a lot of Jews up there. All of my

first sexual experiences were at, like, Bob Mitzvitzv, basically. I thought it was your cousin. Yeah. No, no. It was his cousin's my cousin's one. I was 11 for the community party. 12 is when all the My Mitzvah started. Yeah. That's when those girls reach maturity.

Yeah, yeah. Those boobies there. Oh, yeah. To be fair, Jeffrey Epstein is Jewish. So in his faith, he did nothing wrong. He's going by biblical law. Then he's fine. Yeah.

That's the thing is like, obviously pedophilia is wrong and it's disgusting, whatever. But thousands of years, it was appropriate. Oh, yeah. But the thing is... So these people are just lost in time. But they've only been wrong for like 150 years. You know what? He's behind on the time.

Edgar Allan Poe married his 14-year-old cousin. But how old was he? 40. Yeah, that's fucked up. But it's only fucked up now. It was not fucked up at all back then. I agree. What about Dr.

Larry and Assar is just old-fashioned. But what about age inflation? What do you mean? So like... Yeah, I agree with that. So when people mature later on in life, it changes, right? Because then... Yeah.

I feel like I'm just hitting my stride now. Yeah. You're finally getting tits. I'm finally starting to mature. I'm 29. Nice, congrats. Happy birthday. It was a few months ago, but thank you.

No, but I go what you're saying. So, like, that's the argument. Agent Plage is a real thing. Yeah. So, like, Cleopatra, when she was, like, 13, she was, like, a woman. Like, she was basically, like, 30 years old. The name, I was real quick.

She grew up a queen, and she was in a place where she was going to live to 35. Exactly. That's what Chloe isn't short for Cleopatra, right? No. But that would be sexy. I was wondering what Chloe was short for the other day. It is a white girl.

It is a white girl. It would be weird. I think Chloe is the name. I think Chloe's the name. I think Chloe's the name. Just Chloe? It sounds French. Okay, anyways.

Just Chloe sounds like a bakery. Is that a bakery? Just Chloe? No, that's just... Melissa? It's not a white name. It's baked by Melissa. Baked by Melissa.

Cupcakes by Chloe. And just salad. There we go. We're all together now, boys. Cuck capes? I would love a cuck cake. Cuck cake. Chloe.

No, no, a cuck cape. Like a cuck wing of cape? I would like that. Yeah. That's how I do it when I cook. I hope so. I'm here to watch you fuck my wife. It's weird super here.

I also have to dress like Zorro. Yeah. Dude, Zorro is by far one of the, the weirdest, like, like, like, uh,

superhero. I want to say superhero. Like, he's in that same, like, like James Bond's in, like, all those,

like, yeah, like, adventure character. Adventure character, like, like, like,

James Bond lives on forever, Zorro, like, like, like, you can always remake a Zorro. You can always remake a James Bond. You can always remake. Yeah,

I'd love to watch them, try and remake Zorro. They did like a few years ago. Like, they made another Zoro? But they always flop apparently. Yeah, of course. Doing the first one was made.

The first one was made like in 1920s. Oh, no. I thought Antonio Banderas was the first one. No, no, no. He was like the fifth. Hold on. Was Antonio Banderas or Andy Garcia? Both.

They both played Zorro? Yes. Wow. I don't know about Andy Garcia. Andy Garcia sounds like a guy I never heard it before. No, he's an actor. And I get him in Antonio Banderas confused all the time. Also, what if, can you picture Breton and Frazier

like trying his best to? like do a Hispanic accent and be Zorro. I feel like that'd be so funny. Yeah, because I watched the movie bedazzled and he played like a Colombian drug later. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he did actually a pretty solid Spanish accent. Is it like dazzled the most wildest, weirdest movie? Yo, everything Brendan Fraser ever did is awesome.

Brennan, he's a fucking awesome actor. You know, I was talking about the, I was watching Exodus Gods and Kings last night. He was seen it? He was sitting right there? No. And he's like, is this any good? Like, it's so hard to do a movie like this. blah blah and I was like yeah but have you ever seen the money

well that movie's fucking awesome they're all good I remember I saw the first one in theaters and I was fucking terrified I wouldn't be terrified I was probably seven years old I think we're gonna find out that Brennan Fraser was the one that wasn't he was gonna come out about the Hollywood sex cults and they were like no you're not we're gonna ruin your career we're gonna find out he's like a hero and that's why he had that dip in his

wait wait oh yeah and that's why he gained all that weight there were 10 years where he was literally in like nothing Wait, can I? He's also barely on anything. Went to the last time he did anything. So he's in Doom Patrol, which is like nothing really. But it's starting to pick up steam. Can I shed light on that? I actually kind of like the show.

Yeah, what's up? So I'm from Connecticut. That's where Renner Frazier lives. Really? He had a dip in his career because he had a son who was born with like severe like cerebral palsy or I don't know what it was. It was something bad, like autism or something. And he was like, you know what?

I have millions of dollars. I want to spend the next like 10, 11 years just being a close father to this kid. Really? I was going to spend the nice 10 11 years just banging horrors. Not going to be around my kid at all. Just going to travel. No, no. I would see him around town.

He was always with his kid. I would see him at the local diner. Like, I would never talk to him because I was his brand and Frasian. By the way, he's like 6'5 and scary. Like, not scary, but like he's like bigger than life in person. He's like six, five. His hands are the size of your body.

And so like I was like bedazzled. He's like, why couldn't have I just had another life? No. He's like every time I ask for one thing is wrong. It's like I have a great life. It's like you did have another life. You were like a. massive star.

I would just see him around town and he seemed like the happiest dad. And I was like, that's why he's not in film. He's being like the world's greatest person. That is kind of awesome, yeah. He also like got out.

You know what I'm a good day. He got out. Like that's such a fucking terrible world to exist in of Hollywood star. And he's just like, fuck this dude. I'm gonna go live in Connecticut with my kid. That's great.

Yeah, that's awesome. And like the few times, I saw like three or four times probably in my life. To the three of four times I'd see him, it was, he was always with his. kid being so supportive and like the biggest

like Brendan Fraser's smile like you know just like it's giant that's like what Josh Hartnett did who's that Josh Hartnett was uh he was he was in Black Hawk Down he played the lead in Black Hawk Down The Mel Gibson direct that one? I don't think so he was in 30 days of night which is like

a vampire movie it's actually a sick vampire movie takes place in Alaska I've heard about it He was in Lucky Number Sleven Which is a pretty sick movie With Bruce Willis He's great Josh right But he was in fucking everything for like five years in the very early 2000s. And he was like just like a teen heartthrob guy where like all of these girls wanted to have sex with him.

I call him a dick throb if you know what I mean. A honey dick. You know what I mean? But he was like, I'd have sex with a man if you know what I'm saying. I want to fuck anyone. If you catch my drift. You see what I'm saying? But he was at like a bar or a restaurant in Manhattan at like the peak of his career. he's incredibly famous anything he wants to do

he's this barman happen and uh like word gets out like oh my god Josh Hartnett's in there and so all these like 16 year old girls just like came and there was like a pat like 40 girls deep outside just like waiting for him to come out and so he's like fuck this

and they like took him out through the kitchen and he had to get into like the trunk of a cab and they like drove away of you yeah to get in the trunk so they wouldn't see him and then they drove him away and then he was like more obvious when somebody's like climbing there why the fuck is that guy over there climbing into the trunk of the cab? This is insane.

Is he being kidnapped? But anyway, he did that and then he just quit acting. He's like, fuck this, I'm not doing it anymore. So then he moved back home, started dating his high school sweetheart again. And then he just started acting again like five years ago. That's such an upper hand on the high school sweetheart. Like, what have you been up to? Oh, you've been working at the Denny's?

I was a fucking movie star. So you think you want to get back together? I think you do. If you complain about me about leaving my socks around the apartment, I will fucking leave you. Yeah. What is up with the high school sweetheart thing? Bon Jovi did the same thing. Well, he didn't like say goodbye to show business, but like he had a similar moment.

Fuck Bon Jovi, dude. Thank you. Sucks, man. I hate Bon Jovi with a passion. I don't hate him. I don't love him. He does some stuff I hate. He does some stuff I love.

But I will say, shot in the heart is like the most fun song to sing a karaoke. Which one? Shot in the heart. Shot in the heart. But you're too late. That's like my least favorite thing people could do when they find out from. New Jersey. Everyone's a while, somebody will be like, do you like John Bon Jovi?

Or who's the other one? I hate the other one too. Springsteen? I like Springsteen. I like Springsteen. I like Springsteen. I like him. Did Jake ever tell you the story about John Bon Jovi?

No, late on me. We were like, we were in Ohio, we're doing the show at this like fucking country club or something. And it's terrible, right? It was like 13 people. Nine of them were over 75. And nobody was younger than like 40. And the youngest couple by far was this guy.

girl who like the dude was like it was just fucking like it was like 45 minutes outside acron or outside north canton it's a middle of nowhere in ohio and like the guy has like a horrifically lazy eye and like long hair and he just like just smells like cigarettes he's chain smoking all the time and he was like yeah thought you guys this after the show thought you guys were gonna fuck with me about my lazy eye and we're like why you're terrifying why would we do that uh anyway so whatever we're talking to them and um They're like, oh, it was so much fun, blah, blah, blah. And this girl is talking to Jake, right? I'm, like, standing around. And she's like, that was so much fun, blah, blah, whatever. And she's like, you know, like a couple years ago, I got invited to a party at a comedy club, but I couldn't go because it work.

And Jake's like, oh, word? And he's like, and guess who ended up going? And Jake's like, I don't know. And she, like, looks at her fella and he's like, I've never heard this story before. And then she goes, John. And we're like, is that your name? To the guy?

And she goes, no. Bon Jovi. So how would you know who that is in Ohio? She's like, yeah, John. You're like, oh, she's like, John, Bon Jovi. It was so fucking. You could just say Bon Jovi. I wonder all the Johns I would guess before Bon Jovi.

She was like, famous guy named John, go. Travolta. Voight. Mayor. John, I love that. He said, boy, that's great. Can I have a take about John Void actually? My take is he's an amazing actor.

Yeah. I used to not care about it. I used to not think about him. What was his scandal recently? Is he like a big Trump guy? Yeah. Somebody got mad at him for something. He's a guy.

I like that being a Trump's portrait is like a like a scandal. In Hollywood? Yeah. In Hollywood, that's a scandal. They're all fucking liberals. I am anti. I want to go on right. I am anti-Trump, but I don't think it's a scandal.

Yeah. Yeah. You didn't do anything criminally wrong. That it is. But it is. If you live, because it's so divided. If you're like, if you're a Republican in New York City, it's almost scandalous. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I know, like, somebody asked me the other day, they're like, do you know any Republican comedians? I know, like a couple. Yeah. And then I was like, they're not openly saying it though because it's like that way. They can't. Dude, their career would just be like. Yeah. I think they wouldn't get both.

Also, who the fuck cares. Some do. It's so. I don't care. I don't care. I don't really a good person, which I guess Trump makes you not more. I only care if you won't shut the fuck up about it. Yeah.

I don't care what you believe as long as long as. you will not talk about it. Well, John Void's an A plus in my book, even if he voted for Trump, because I saw, have you ever seen Anaconda? Yeah.

Who was he in that? So, in Anaconda. He was a snake. That's a great movie. That's Ice Cube is in that, right? Let me just give you the three main characters. The four main characters is J-Lo, Ice Cube,

Owen Wilson. Yeah. And John Voigt. I'm watching this like tonight. Yeah, dude. I feel bad. We got to end on this. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I got to end on this. And it wasn't, I realized her John Boyt in a movie with three bad actors where I realized, oh. These guys are good. You need a side-by-side comparison. He is so good because J-Lo, like when Owen Wilson is the second best guy acting, like, because Well, he's the only other actor in the movie. Basically, yeah.

Yeah. She's a Puerto Rican pop star and Ice Cube's a fucking NWA. You could have just said she was a pop star. He's an NWA. No, but that's like her calling him an NW. He's NW. You better say he's in NW. But yeah, yeah.

We're going to emphasize that. Eli, I meant to say he's in NW. It was like when an open mic has like an actual headline of comedian. Oh man, that's funny. But it felt like an open mic that had like a real like working headlined comedian closed at the open mic.

That's what I felt like, yeah. Yeah, because even Owen Wilson is like. Yeah. He's not John Boyle. John Boyd, like. Owen Wilson's a lot of fun. Oh, I love his movies.

He's my favorite actor. I wouldn't say he's a good actor. He's your favorite. actor? He's my favorite actor because Well, some of people are just so likable that you're like, I want to see this person. But I wouldn't say he's my favorite actor. Like John Cena, I want to see in everything. Right, fine, fine. He's not like

my favorite actor for like good acting. He's my favorite person to see on screen. Oh yeah, you like love his movies. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I watch Loki. I hate Loki. I only watch Loki because I love Owen Wilson. You Loki like Loki? No, I hate Loki. But I love Owen Wilson.

So I watch Loki for what Loki is, yeah? But like the brother of Thor? It's a pretty famous show. Yeah. It's a show going on right now. Anyways, we got a wrap up. Sorry.

Eli Haba. Eli underscore Haba on Instagram. Perfect. I'm the Joey Rinaldi. Look me up. Message me if you're a girl. Just kidding. Or anybody.

And once again, Eli was trying to say that he was in the band to NWA. Correct.