Morning Good - Stepping to the Plate - Episode 140

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Paddy Defino and James Donlon return to the show for today's episode. They talk about Everclear slurpees, giving people pink eye, and when high school basketball turns deadly.Thanks to Paddy and James for coming back on the show. Check these guys out on previous episodes together, and for even more hit their links below.James is on Instagram @jamesdonlon_, and hosts a call-in show Sundays at 8 on Radio Free Brooklyn. Paddy is on Instagram as well @paddy_is_funky and reads the news from bed every day from TikTok.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love Dirty Mike and the Boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are. What's this? Do you call it the podcast? Morning good? I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. You are here with James Donalind. Yeah, that's fine. Okay, just making sure. Just making sure. And Patty Defino. Well, that wouldn't get wrong.

Oh, yeah. And Patty's got, he's avoiding the fact he has pink eye. Well, yeah. Listen. He doesn't want anyone to find out. Dude, that's like me when I get sick with something that's contagious. I'm like, dude, there's no way I have that. You don't have all the symptoms. Right.

It would be so funny if you're like, like, Patty, you have pink eyes. Like, no, I just went and saw Lisa and do stand up. There's no. Front row. There's no way I have pink guy. Yeah. She just does a lot of crowd work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, Pornshar has probably get a crazy amount of pink eye. Oh, dude. Their faces are just getting sat on all the time. And I'm sure they clean, but it's like, there's no way they get all of it. Dude, Christiana Jackson, Christiana Jackson tried to tell me that black guys have cleaner assholes and white guys. I think I brought this up on your podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Based on what? Based on her statistical experiences, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I could buy that. I could definitely buy that. I could buy that. You know what, probably, I think white asses are just so. pale that it looks scratch.

You need to like bleach. Yeah. If you bleach a black asshole, you're like, what is this? Is this a target? Yeah, that's going on. That would be very confusing. I wonder how it looks. Because if you bleach a black ass, does it turn whiter?

I think so. But like, does it match? What does it do to your skin? I'm going to put that in my wedding vows. If you bleach a black ass. Because I don't know, because like if you, if you bleach you, if you bleach you What happens to you bleach your asshole? It just becomes whiter

Or does it match the rest of your skin? I don't know. I don't know. I've never done it. But even if I did it, it wouldn't be a good answer. Yeah. But bleach would,

I assume it would make it white, it wouldn't make it wider than the rest of your skin, right? It's a different kind of bleach. I don't know. I picture just like laundry bleach. Like there's just, they just pour it in there.

Like they did half a cup. They're like, all right. Imagine. Put it to three, please. Oh, okay. Imagine that's what happened to Sammy Sosa. You just started bleaching his asshole.

It just kept. It just kept going further and further. Now I got to do the whole thing. You made your asshole very pale. Okay, well, can you match my body with the rest of my ass? Now it looks weird. Yeah. Let's see.

Do we show James? Show him the video. Make sure you can play it loud enough in the microphones that they can hear. Yeah. So for the listeners, you'll get a good enough idea. Okay. Learn the recipe. Hypocrite I could be.

More confused a way I want to be. Living live. luxury get the devil off of me sacrifice myself for your success set myself free nevertheless when I was eight I was molested my brother caught me in bed with a man disrespected for many years I felt rejected early in my childhood my sexuality was tested left me confused why god I was sexually abused I'm sharing it what people was forbidden they wouldn't understand my first The co-experious is what a man I'd say

Wasn't by choice Took 26 years to find a voice I'm stepping to the plane Swinging through This is for the- Because it's The contrast is what's funny Look, it's not funny

That he got molested But it's funny That it goes from him Dancing in the club With like girls grind I think there's two girls grinding on each other And then the next scene is him

Just staring off in the distance And it does one of those Slow kind of like Like, what's it called when you're, what's the word when you're reflecting on something in your own life? And you just see that lost look at his eyes for a thing. Yeah, he's like ruminating. Yeah. But I love too.

It's like it cuts to a bunch of clips like with him with like a Yankee's hat like playing baseball. And it's the idea that like when he says knock it out the park, it randomly just cuts to him playing baseball just to match it up perfectly. I love that in real life if you molest someone, they like always hold on to the dream that they'll go to the major league. Like, kids always, like, when you're like a normal unmolested person, you turn like 18, you're like, oh, I'm not 6.5 and 250 pounds. But he's like, he's the only do they got him through. And then one day.

First I'll make music, then I'll join the major. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just hanging out. And I love how he wraps. Disrespecting. With disrespect. It's like the ultimate disrespect. And he's just like in the park, like,

lip syncing when they're filming the music video. I got sexually abused. Yeah, there's a lot of it's in public, which is not a choice. I think that's the Marvin's room beat from Drake. Oh, really? That's like a Drake beat from like Take Care, which is like such a weird thing to do. Well, because I had a bit about this because like rap music, it's like you have to be respected in the community. You have to have had a hard life, right?

Yeah. But it's only a specific hard life. It's only if you grew up poor. Like I used to joke about this. Like you can't get on there. Like my whole life's been a struggle because I was fucked by my own. Like you can't. Because it's just because the way the community doesn't view that as hard.

But like Kevin, like I'm not saying you're not hard for being molested, by the way. If you've been molested listeners, I respect you. You're hard. Like Kevin Gates was molested, but it's just the contrast of him in the nightclub and then him just like reflecting slowly. And also he's weirdly implying that he's not gay like aggressively in it too. He's like, uh, he goes, my sexuality was tested. he said by like it was a big wrench in his plan

I wasn't sure for a long time but because he goes God why I was molest well because also he phrases it weirdly just a little rhyme yeah my sexuality was tested God why I was molested

but did you find that I can't say where okay well it's from somebody who knows the guy in the video. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you could technically have this guy on the podcast. Yeah, yeah.

And I followed the guy's Instagram, right, and I saw it. And I was like, I was kind of happy because he looks like he's living a great life. He's like, he's no longer getting molested. It's just so funny, too, because rap has such a bravado to it. And, like, most of rap is bragging. So, like, opening up about a series. Yeah, I healed my trauma. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's a weird. Contrast. Being well adjusted. I got two sedans and a beautiful wife. I like the emphasis, too. He goes, because,

what does he say? My first sexual experience was with a man. Every... Yeah. It'd be funny. The air horns, but I'm like, Neur-N-N-N-R-N-R.

Teach it. This is a certified hood classic. Where'd you find this? I stay motivated because my inus was invaded. I love if there was, like, women twerking, and it's just him, like, wagging a finger. Yeah, because he could have cut out that whole part. Like, if it would have just been him reflecting,

it would have been one thing, but it was, like, the fact that it was a scene before that where he was smoking cigars with, like, a cool guy. Yeah. And then it just cuts to him, and there's a frame where he's just staring at the bed, dude, that, like, I guess was the bed where it happened. Yeah, 26 years.

Was it 26 years ago? I was trying to think that. At the beginning of the video, there's a birthday kick that has the number 8 on it. Because he says when I was 8, I was supposed to. Yeah, because I was going to say,

I don't think he's 26. No, no, no, no. He's probably in his 30s. Yeah, it's 26 plus 8. So whatever that is, yeah, 45. But he also doesn't specify who the man was.

He goes, my brother caught me in bed with a man. He says a man. Sounds like a pedophile that just, like, jumped out the window. He never found him. Yeah, like, under his bed. Just dressed up like Ebeneez or Scrooge.

like almost like oh gosh like he runs out the window they're like I guess we're never going to catch you'll never catch me just skates away throws like a fairy dust in your face I think

I'm gonna make so many rappers I think that's what happens to I think that's why people go gay there's like this secret guy who goes around and molest kids yeah it's like Santa But we're been turning kids' cake. I think it's usually the opposite.

The Easter, honey. It seems like a lot of people to get molested, like, maybe, I don't know. I'm just going based off statistical. Just based off people I know. Everybody I know has been molested. Yeah, that's true.

I really don't know too many people. I know people who were definitely molested, but they're like, no, I wasn't molested. Yeah, you're like, dude, I've seen you walk. Like you don't want that's not a that's not a I had a great childhood Yeah I had a rape free childhood Jesus right

We started by the way we're in nine minutes in Yeah It was like an hour and I thought we were at least 20 Well it's good to see you boys Yeah good to see you too Yeah yeah yeah yeah I um yeah you How was the party last night by the way Oh dude

It was really fun there was something crazy that happened. Can you say it? Yes. I can because so. I want to say before you got here, I was here for 20 minutes of James going, I got to show you something, but I can't show it to you yet because I think it's so. Wait, what was it? That video, that video. I'm giggling by myself with James. I can't wait until you see it. That's awesome. Yeah, I don't know if this is better than that, but it's pretty good. So, yeah, so Malia had a party for comics and stuff. But like, so she lives with non-comics as well. So it's like a split.

It's like a half like 23, 24 year old, like just out of college kids and then like comedians. So like, five-year-old. So naturally there's like two sides of the party, you know?

Yeah, the comedians are all hanging out, whatever. So at one point, probably around like 1.30 in the morning. Like people are just waiting to get in line to the bathroom, like downstairs because there's two bathrooms,

one upstairs, one downstairs. And everyone's like kind of like look at it like everyone like tries the door it doesn't work, walks away. All of a sudden, someone looks down underneath the door and there's just like brown liquid oozing out from underneath the door. So like

he's like, yeah, I wonder how I got pink eye. I was in a party where there's literally diarrhea on the floor. Yeah, well the funny thing is I went to this party with pink eye and I told ever, I don't think I, first of all, I don't know that it's pink eye. I would literally bet everything I own in his pink eyes.

embarrassing. Dude, everybody gets pink eyes sometimes. But anyway, like, there's just brown in it, by the way. Yeah. That makes it worse. That explains why it's been getting worse. Why it's been getting worse. You have to have prescription.

You have a bleach in it. Yeah, because I had a pink guy when time in college, and I was putting like, what's it called, like, like the ones that you're supposed to put in when your parents, you don't to find your parents, you don't want your parents to find out of your smoke. Yeah, yeah. And those ones actually irritate your eyes more. Yeah, that explains why my eyes were itchy all night. Yeah.

Well, that's disgusting. Yeah. But anyways, the diarrhea party. So anyway, there's like, yeah, brown liquid, like, oozing out from underneath the door. And, like, we're trying the door and no one's answering. So we're, like, banging on it. And at this point, it's kind of scary because it's like, did someone just, like, fucking shit themselves and then die? Yeah, yeah. Which, let me tell you, really stuns the excitement of a party.

Oh, there's diarrhea flood. Yeah, yeah. So, anyway. How did you guys stop it? Did you put, like, like, a doorstopper to keep the diarrhea? No, like, it, like, barely was, like, coming out. But I like, the way you describe it sounds like a horror movie. I know.

Like, the way you see blood roll from under a door and you're like, oh, yeah. And, like, we couldn't smell it, so we couldn't. I'm just thinking, I don't know, have you seen a, uh, uh, nope? Yeah. Just like, it's just diarrhea. It's coming down the sides of the house. Yeah. So, like, we couldn't, like, we couldn't smell it, so we couldn't identify it, really.

But eventually finally, there's somebody just going down. But I stuck some in my eye. You know, eventually, look at it. Eventually the door finally opens and just a waft of like shit smell. Like floods the party. So everyone's like, oh, and like goes upstairs. And this guy steps out and he's got like a Christmas sweater on. It's just covered in whatever this shit is.

I think it was vomit. But he must have just eaten like tons of brownies or something. He was so fucked up. It wasn't diarrhea. It wasn't diarrhea. I love the idea of, you guys. I love the idea of you guys are watching this shit come out of the door. And then there's a guy who's just white shoes are covered in tire.

He's like, yeah, man, this could be anybody. It's just clearly like footmarks going for the bathroom. Who did this? Yeah. Yeah. So he walks out into the thing and he's like falling over, tracking it everywhere. And everyone's like, is it a comic? No, it was a non-comic. If it was a comic, I would name them on the podcast.

Yeah. But his friend or whatever cleaned it up and sent him, he's like just wait outside for me. So he goes outside. The friend goes out 20 seconds later. The guy is nowhere to be found. And he has not answered a text or a call since. So I have no idea where this guy went.

Hopefully he fucking died. I don't hope that on anyone. But it was, the party just was like over at that point. Because everyone's like, well, we can't go downstairs. So it's just like people were just kind of sitting in bedrooms, just like talking. Yeah. I've never seen that where there's just literally bodily fluids coming out of the door. Spewing.

Disgusting. I wonder, so weird, because I haven't gotten that fucked up in front of that many people in so long. Like, I feel like I, even in college, like, I drank more in college, but I feel like your alcohol tolerance is higher. Right. Like high school, you would have those occasional blackouts where you're like, you embarrassed. yourself in front of everybody in high school. Right. But I feel like even in college, I think I never had that where like I can remember being that or like found out I did something like atrociously embarrassing.

Right. I feel like I never blacked out to a point where I was like too out of control. Like I feel like I have. I have, but it was not like, oh, you know what? College one time I went into the completely wrong dorm and just laid down on a bed. It was just not mine. And I found out like a year later. Because what happened was like, dude, I live. Literally, I woke up in my bed and my shoes were missing. And then I saw in like a Facebook page, it said to the guy who drunkenly barged into my room last night, your shoes are right outside. And that's her dorm number.

And I go to the dorm and it's one floor above mine in the same. Like what you did with my apartment where you're just one floor up. And then. Yeah, when I was coming in. Yeah, I went just below and I did a whole other podcast. But I bet the girl. And she's like, yeah, you don't remember that at all. She goes, you went into the room and you just went and passed out on the bed for a second.

And then you woke up. And then you started talking about your girl problems for like an hour. And then you left and you left your shoes. And I was like, why did you not pepper spray me? I'm like, that is like horrible. That is white privileged. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%.

Yeah. But I had no recollection of that. But that's like, that's like about as bad as I can like remember. I got drugged at a party once in college. What? Yeah. Someone like had some shit. It was like a party and then a crew showed up and ever like no one was like oh who are these

people like no one really knew who these guys were. Like a cruise or a crew of guys just showed up to the party that no one really knew. Real quick, that is crazy to show up to a party you're not invited to and then be like I'm gonna day rapes like we to keep a low profile. It seems like the appropriate time. It's like insane. Yeah, it's like I look never day rape people but also like in a bar you're like okay it's there's strangers there, but the second you show up to a party

that nobody knows you, like, who the fuck are these people? We should keep an eye on them. I love the idea. Like, I always kind of giggle at the idea of someone date raping someone in the city. Because, like, in, like, somewhere else, like... I guess it's so public. It's so public. It's like, when you're just dragging a body down the street.

Like, down the stairs of the subway. No, it's fine. She's friends with me. She's a lightweight. You're like, that looks pretty bad. Because, like, other places you, like, put her in a car and, like, drive off or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

I think you do. I don't know. It is semi funny. The picture, like, just, like, a creepy guy. I don't know why I picture just like a Guido wearing, like, a tapout shirt. Yeah. He's just holding a woman. You're like, this doesn't seem right.

Yeah, just dragging, like, the legs of someone, the subway doors are closing out. She's fine. She's my friend. It's on her head. Yeah, I don't understand how people do that. You know what I mean? Like, it's so public. You know, I mean, there's, like, cameras everywhere.

Yeah. It's also, like, their drink just looks like it. a concoction in like a Harry Potter movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it looks like the skull cloud comes out of it. Yeah. It looks like the drink that like turns you into mad eye moody. Yeah. Like it looks totally different and people just ignore it.

Well, I think it depends on where you're drinking. Like I always told like my sister, I was like, you should drink vodka sodas if you're out because it's like very clear. And you're like a vodka sprite because like you could see if there's something in it. But like if you get like some crazy fruit punch pole, I think it's kind of hard to tell it like that. What happened with you by the way? Right. It was like a jungle juice thing. Like it was like they put a bunch of bottles of something and then these guys showed up and then put like more bottles of whatever the fuck they brought and then like everyone just woke up at home. But are you sure?

So they didn't. It was like, and it was like such a, it wasn't like a bad hangover because I'd had like really horrible hangovers. It was like I like went to the campus doctor because I was so ill because I like. Yeah, they fuck with it. Are you sure it wasn't just heavy jungle juice though? Because sometimes that habits where it's like they put ever clear in it. And then everybody's like, dude, I was drug because I blacked out immediately. But it's like, if it was like 90% alcohol.

You could be. That could be it, but it was like an, like, I've never, I never felt that way before. I never felt that way after. It was like, in the, it was like very, like medical. It was a weird feeling. It was like a weird, like, numbing. James also farted out a condom. It turned to do a balloon.

So I think that's, you know, and Kluheather's like, that's the murder weapon. Yeah, I mean, I, I, I know, I, I feel like in my life sometimes I've been like, yeah, you know, I was feeling sick. That's why I was throwing up at the party. Like, I definitely had an illness. beforehand, but I totally just drank too much and, like, tried to throw it on something else. But that was the one time where I was like,

I didn't really drink that much, you know? Like, I didn't, like, I was like trying to get home early. Yeah, yeah. But that junk would you still? I mean, it could be pretty crazy. It's like there, it's like, uh, because like, if you have ever cleared, it's 90% out. Well, there's a 75% alcohol one, but then there's a 90% alcohol one. That's so insane.

Yeah, Florida doesn't sell this 90% one, but you could go to Georgia. Because I really went to school in Georgia and he'd bring it back. And there's literally 90, I think it was 90. might even be like 97%. It's something like literally insane. Yeah. And it's fun though because you could put it in like a slurpy and it not taste it.

And then you just black out. But I kind of like that having no idea how fucked up I was going to be. And then randomly I'm just like, what is going on? It all hits you at one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I used to do that when I was under 21.

I would like get a guy to buy me ever clear because I would use one. I would like take a bottle of Gatorade, put one shot and shake it up. Like dilute it. like make one shot of Everclear, make me last. Like as if it was, but I was fucked up all the time. Oh, yeah, yeah. It'll fucking ruin you. I did it one time. I was working at a sandwich shop. This place called Witch,

Witch. And I... Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Superior sandwiches. I didn't know you served. Hey, my pleasure. But, no, I don't do it for you guys. I serve three tours and prosciutto. I don't do it for you guys. I do it for the women and children of this country.

You'd be funny if a soldier said that, he's like, no, I, look, I don't do it for the praise. I do it for the pussy. I do it strictly to bang. I do it for the Afghan gash. You're like, what? You're like, that's a strain of weed. No thanks necessary. I get a lot of pussy.

But, yeah, I worked at which which, which. By the way, it's funny, it's called which which superior sandwiches. I don't know why that sounds white supremacy. The word, yeah, well, the word superior needs to be. It needs to be retired. Totally. Yeah, you can't say superior in any sentence without it sound.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember I worked there, and it was like, I was leaving a shift to go to a party, and I was like two hours late to the party. So I was like, let me just pour ever clear on this. And I'll drink it, like, when I'll start drinking it when I'm like two stoplights away from the party. So it was like the perfect, you know what I mean?

I was like, I was like, I'm not drunk so I get pulled over. I'll be fine. But by the time, 20 minutes from now, I will be drunk. You know what I mean? It was like the perfect level. And then I showed up and then I realized that this was not a good story. Dude, my friends.

And I was my last. I'm so confused. I got sexually abused. My friends used to get like bombed up before the high school basketball games. Like I was on the basketball team so I didn't get to like enjoy that part of it. But they would get like so fucked up. And then like one time they like blacked out. Like we lost a game and like it was like we should have won.

Like we really didn't play well, but they were like so pissed that we lost. They like went out and like slashed the tires on the bum. Oh my God. That's insane. It's such a terrible thing to do. Yeah. And like the school is like I don't know like what what do we do? Like I don't remember who it was.

So I can't even. I wouldn't like out them obviously. Yeah. Yeah. But it was like one kid. You know what? In some ways it's a horrible thing to do. But it's.

I don't know, slashing tires is crazy, but it's not as bad as like cutting breaks. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, slashing tires is kind of like, they're kind of just stuck. Yeah.

Where they are. So it's like, it is, it's kind of, cutting breaks is like, we lost the game, but we won the war. Because their team doesn't exist.

Dude, I knew a girl who cut the brakes of an ex-boyfriend with her, like, current boyfriend. Jesus. That is like next level. That is insane.

You're like, it's really like murder. Right. Yeah. That's crazy. You'd be funny if she was crossing the street the next day. And he, Yeah, you don't even have to finish that one.

She's like, this did not. The second she sees his face, she's like, turn on your breath. Oh, fuck. Oh, no, oh, no. I don't know how we found out. I think it was one of those. I think he found out really fast probably.

Probably just, like, drove, like, two feet and it was like, well, these aren't working. You know what I mean? It's like, you would probably have a stop sign, like, leaving your cul-de-sac. So you're like... Because, like, you accelerate pretty quickly as soon as you, like, even letting go to the gas, you're, like, moving.

So, like, you've got to use the break a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the move would be cutting somebody's brakes. You'd have to do it right as the light was turning green. You know what I mean? Like, in one other way are they going to like, nobody loat? Like, you know what I mean? It's not like you leave a place and then immediately are on your gas.

You know what I mean? Like I feel like you'd find out pretty fast that it's. Yeah. Yeah. So you got to be like hanging under the car. Like Kate Fear. Yeah. Yeah.

Someone shot out our school buses windows one time after a game. But we had the gun? With a gun, yeah. So the rival team? The rival team, yeah, we had won. I think you're like, yeah, I feel so bad we slashed their tiles. Meanwhile they're shooting it. Yeah.

Yeah, this was a different team. But, like, yeah, there was a lot of, like, nonsense. A lot of Tom Foolery going on. Yeah, yeah. It was kind of fun, though. I made it feel like there was like some stakes, you know? Yeah. It's just high school basketball.

Yeah, it is. I had little blood in the, yeah. Yeah. Like they don't even sell alcohol at the games. I think somebody did like a penis on our field one time with salt. You know, when you salt somebody in the leaves the thing. So we had that happen to us. And I think we won the game.

We're like, yeah, we fucking sure. Yeah, nice penis, asshole. We won. We still had a better team. Yeah. That's like, who fucking cares? Yeah, who cares? That's a fucking...

Even in the high squad did not give a shit about how our team was doing. Like, I had friends of the football team and I was like, hey, man, I do not care at all how this goes at all for you know. We had a bad one. Our team was just always. losing. They would like, they, like, one of the guys

on the team, like, was into, like, filmmaking. So he'd always make, like, little documentaries, but it would be about,

like, we're going to come back. This season's going to be different. They'd just lose the whole season. It's so embarrassing to, like, make a hype video when you sign football. That is embarrassing. We used to have every kid would separate their shoulder. Like,

there was like nine kids with separated shoulders and we're like, to the coaches. We're like, what are you doing to these kids? Right. Because, like, it would happen like in practice. I'm like,

what, like, what drills are you doing? like where he just like lay down and someone we're waterboarding them bro we the funny thing is I my brother was just like three years older than me and in his grade the football coach literally

during practice would be like let's see how long we can go without water guys like to like show tough as well that's in Florida covered in pads in August that's he dump you're gonna kill it right yeah yeah I had to stop doing like like kid football whatever they call it like I was yeah whatever it is like I was playing that in New York

and we moved to Florida and I was like oh I just can't do this. Like, it's so hot. Even in the winter, it was like, fucking a pain in the ass. Oh, it's insane, yeah. Do you get, how quick do you get used to it in Florida? Um, so I was used to it, but it was like, it was more like, uh, something about it was awesome because the second you're in, like, air conditioner,

it felt like you were just jizzing immediately. Because you're like, oh my God. Like, there's AC everywhere, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the one thing I'm not used to in the north is the fact that, like, New York City has like no AC. Yeah. Like, you go to most places and there's not, like, my apartment obviously doesn't have central AC. It's like, I had to do

window unit. Yeah. Wherever you go, you're kind of the same temperature inside and out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of just everything is outside. Very European in that way. Yeah. No, Florida, yeah, it's like steamy too, like because of the humidity. Like, you kind of walk in someplace, you're covered in like vapor. It's just cooler, like. But I like it, though, because everybody's like, people like the dry heat. I like the wet heat. I like a nice wet heat. Yeah. I'm from the tropical south. I fucking love that shit. Like it, like a nice... Did you see the South West or whatever? It's supposed to get like five feet of snow?

That's a... God, it's just going nuts, right? Buffalo had six feet of snow earlier this year. Yeah, but that's Buffalo, New York, not the South Wet. That's so fucking... Dude, snowed in Texas like two years ago. Yeah, it's crazy. That bad snowstorm, right?

Ted Cruz was, like, fleeing the state. Yeah, yeah. The best of that video of Alex Jones in, like, a military Humvee, while that's going on, just reading documents with a megaphone, it's the funniest thing in the world. He's like, power first. And then you're like, dude, this is like,

literally like the Dark Night Rises. He's going like through the streets. Like, New York, like, Bain, just like yelling shit. I'm like, this is amazing. Dude, what was the clip where, like, there was someone who's like a child molester and he, like, stopped his car or something? Do you remember that? He, like, the guy was, like, driving around. Or he was, like, a child trafficker. And he, like, stopped the guy's car and was, like, screaming at him with a phone. Alex Jones was. He is literally Batman. Yeah. He is, like, a vigilante.

It's so funny. Yeah. I like, he was on some guys podcast recently, and he's like, look, I think I should give

the Sandy Hook parents more money. I think I should change my name to S.H. I think our only language should be the names of the kids who died in San Diego. He's just doubling down so much. He's like,

I think all the money in the world should go to them. Trillion dollars. Let's just keep it going. He just only knows how to do 100%. Like he can only go all in. And then there's another where he goes, yeah,

I did Sandy Hook. I shot the kid. It's in the face. Because he's going, basically, he's like, I mean, I get the irony he's doing because he's like, I'm paying this much money, so I must have been the one who did it. But it's just, the interviewer's like,

sure, you can't say that you did Sandy Hook. Right. But that was funny to you because the guys, the interview ago, and then he's like, my wife come out here. He's like, Tulsa Gabbard, my wife wants to have a threesome with you or something like that. He goes, this top of hers,

it's coming off of the interview. This is getting X-rated. Just so off the rails. Who's his wife? Candice Owens? Just a supportive... Just a very supportive... Imagine married to Alex Jones.

And Candace Owen. Just two of the people are like... He goes to the grocery store and like... That has to be like... He says it's a mix. Like, occasionally people will be like... A lot of people like, we love what you're doing, Mr. Jones. And then occasionally somebody would be like...

You're a piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, imagine a parent teacher conference at Alex Jones. There's no questions, Mr. Jones. He's just trying to raise his hand. So you teach critical race theory? single class. No, like,

I thought that to be much to the institution. Yeah. Just like, because of course he doesn't listen to anything. Right.

I love his lack of neck. He looks like the shark guy from fucking suicide squad movie. He does. He's just like like the fucking, it's amazing.

Yeah. Like the juggernaut from the X-Men. It's just like just all head and shoulders. Yeah, definitely looks like the juggernaut. He's running through walls with

fistful. He's built like Wario. He's like, why? Yeah, yeah. Like, he's got to pivot. Yeah. He's like, like one of the funniest looking people.

Like, you know what he's just so much like... He was to call me young Alex Jones, too, which is such a deep insult. Oh, yeah, definitely not a good looking guy. Did you, uh, what is your, like, thought on all this Britney Griner stuff? The, uh, the, uh, the big trade, dude. Yeah, we were talking about this in the last episode. I'm really curious as to what's going to have because there's, I don't think she was

treated well there probably. Like, I'm sure her stories are going to be like, pretty wild. Yeah. Because she's a tough fucking bitch, too. Oh, yeah, yeah. Didn't she, like, beat her wife or something? I think so.

Yeah, people forgot about that whole angle. But it's funny, because I think I'm definitely sexist, because I hear about lesbians fighting each other, and part of me just, I'm like, I know they both women. Yeah, that's just... But like a man-hitting woman. Watch as the lesbian

tries to lure in the other lesbian for sexual activity. Because I'm like, okay, two gay guys beating each other up in a relationship. I know it's wrong, and they should obviously get in trouble for assaulting each other. But in my head, it's just not as bad as a man hitting a woman. No, it's not. But it's funny because, like, a lesbian could beat up a significantly weaker lesbian or a weak guy could punch his muscular girlfriend.

And for some reason, I think the weak guy hitting his muscular girlfriend's worse, even though she's stronger than the lesbian who's getting beat up by her wife. Yeah, for sure. It's just sexist. Like, the only way I could describe it is I'm sexist. I really tried to find a way to defend myself. And I'm like, no, I think I'm just sexist in that way. There's just something about...

You can only fix so much about. Yeah. Hold on to something. There's just something about a woman getting hit that doesn't sit right with me. I know I'm weird. I'm not like other folks. I thought it was, uh, the trade was really interesting because it's funny. Like some people were like...

The merchant of death, right? Is his name? The merchant of death. Yeah. It's such a badass name. Dude, he looks... He looks like a character from me. smoking aces.

Like there could be like a movie about this. This guy is a stone cold like fucking demon guy. Like like so the trade. You grew up picture of the merchant. Yeah. I think his name is like Victor Bout or something. He's Dr.

Doom. Yeah. He, uh, I thought it would be funny because like everyone's like complaining. Oh, first of all dude, I was like when the,

when the story dropped, I, uh, I was like looking on Google news and, uh, like Fox News posted. Oh, I don't think he looks that scary.

Fox News posted this article, and they're like, Britney Griner gets traded back for a Russian arms dealer to the United States. Maybe now she'll stand for the national anthem. I'm like, are we still on that? It was it on Fox or something? It was on Fox. It's a little soon for that.

It's so fucking lame to care about the national anthem. It's so lame. There's nothing lamber than being like, you know, you're a spin for the country. It's like, dude, it's so. fucking dirty. It's like, who cares what somebody else is doing? I think it would be funny if... By the way, I don't think he looks scary. His mustache

looks hilarious. His mustache does look hilarious. But I think it would be funny if like, because he's like murdered people and like sold guns to like people for war. He's just like a supplies, militaries with guns. And I thought it'd be funny if like people are like, well, this is an uneven trade. So they bring

Britney Griner back to the United States and just have her like murder a bunch of like we have to make this sequel just so Putin's like oh I didn't know oh I didn't know oh she was even worse

yeah oh my god for them what he what he did to us is as bad as being gay as to Russian people they're like oh we don't care about the arms dealing

yeah yeah they're like oh my God they're like yeah they think they won the trade because right or no they probably think they, or I guess they would think they lost it if they're that homophobic where they're like, yeah. I heard somewhere though that like he's not like chill now though.

Like there's so many other countries that have things that they want to get. Like they, they got the Russian guy. Oh, I think about Putin. You're like, he's not chill now. Oh, no, no, no. It's like, Putin's always been chill. Yeah, he's always been. No, the arms dealer, like there's other countries that Russia has like deals with that like,

are like, no, like we want to arrest him too. So like he's just going to get traded around. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like Britney grind. He's like a Thai. Rob rookie card.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's just a commodity gaining interest. Yeah, that's crazy. That's like, I wonder how prison works at like the Russian mob because it's like,

he probably would have to join the neo-Nazis, right? But he's probably in a weird government prison, which I feel like those are weirdly like, better. You know what I mean?

Like it's one of those where it's like, if you're like a foreign asset, it's like, look, you're either getting waterboarded or you're in like one of these magneto things

where it's just like a glass box. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's like it's not, there's nowhere in between. Like in my mind, he's not in a jail cell with like, I don't know,

a child molester. You know what I mean? It's like he's in some, either they have him like just Hannibal Lecter mask. He's in like a cargo ship in the middle of like the Euphrates or something. Yeah. Yeah.

He's somewhere so secure. But I don't know. Like realistically, he might go back to Russia and they're just like, yeah, you know what? Imagine he runs like an ice cream shop. Yeah.

That's why he has a must have. That'd be a funny sitcom of him trying to get his life back together. They're like, you have to sell arms. You cannot put bullets in mint chocolate chip. Oh. Victor! Razor blades are not meant for the chocolate peanut butter. For years, I was Russian arms dealer.

Now I own ice cream shop, my daughter. Now I sell for all you. It says, scooping it up with Victor. He does have that, like, just a dingling. Do you want to try some of the military grade Victor? He's nine. Well, I was nine. In mother Russia, we used to all that carry weapon.

Have you seen a video of that Russian guy just on a bear drinking vodka? It's insane, dude. It's the guy in the woods, he's like hammered. He's like, ah-ha! And his friend's like, oh, ho-ho-ho. He's literally just chugging a bottle of vodka sitting on a live christie bear. Grisly bear is probably not happy about it.

No, but I'm like, I think there's so many of them there that maybe some of them are like more used to people or something. They probably feed them, so like they're like, all right, whatever. I'm not going to eat this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've done the numbers in their head. Well, it's kind of like, you know, the funny thing is like,

people get blown away by alligator stuff in Florida. But it's like, alligator, look, they'll eat a baby at Disney World. Okay, that'll happen. But who doesn't? Yeah. But for the most part, like, they're not, like, just out attacking people. Like, I see, I know multiple people I've seen, like, hold an alligator. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's like, they're not as, you can swim in the same water. They're not going to eat you alive. Yeah. They'll eat, like, pieces of human being that somebody probably threw in the lake, but, like, they're not going to, like, just jump out of the blue and, like. Yeah, I feel like, a shark will bite you, but, like, that's different. Yeah.

I feel like, also if an alligator is to, like, you'd have to be. be like in the swamp. Like up to like your neck and it would like grab your legs and pull you under or whatever. If you're like on land, I feel like you can always get away. Yeah, yeah. And I don't know about crocodiles. Like I'm, that might be different because you always see the movies where somebody's like

walking across like a raggedy bridge and then there's just like a sea of crocodiles like waiting to eat him. Yeah, I fed alligators a week ago with the Congo River Golf Adventure. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. Yeah, it was fun. What were they eat?

Dr. Pepper. Yeah. It was just like a weird, it was actually a baby from Disney World. No. It was like... Just see like the mouse here's floating in the line. I'm sorry, that's their diet, okay?

It's not my fault. Just small dogs. You know, throwing chihuahuas in there and stuff. No, it was like, I didn't even know what the food was, but you put it on like a little stick and then you, like, it's like you walk in and they have all the alligators in like a little pit and then you like, uh, they give you a stick with a string and then you put the food. on the string and they jump up and grab in stuff.

And then you hold one whose mouth is like so to stuff. I don't know they purr. Like they purr like cats. Oh, really? If you pet them. Apparently they love being pet. Like they like when you rub their skin. Wow. And play with their weeners. That was an episode of what's it called? I was watching Crockout Hunter one time. Oh, okay.

What were you? Trailer Park Boys? I was thinking maybe. I don't know. I see so many clips for Trailer Park Boys. It's such a fucking funny show. Oh, it's hilarious. Yeah. It's very slice of life in like a good way. And you watch it, you're like, hey maybe it wouldn't be that bad. It makes you comfortable the idea of living in a trailer park, which is great because that's the worst case scenario. And that we'll be fun.

It also makes you kind of have an appreciation for like the, I'll just say intellectually challenged people of the world. Are you talking about butters or bubbles? Bubbles, even like Ricky. Like they're just so fucking dumb. Yeah, yeah. It kind of makes you like it's a sweet. You dumb people really make me happy.

For sure. They like sweeten me up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have some dumb ass friends. Yeah, they're always the ones you want to see. Thank you guys for having me today. Yeah, James, thanks for being here. Smart people just like kind of just live in misery most of their life.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the reality of life crushes them. And they love trying to say that, like, other people, like, I'm not super smart, but I'll be like, yeah, that guy's probably not happy. And I'm sure a lot of these people, it's just like a thing you do. You go, oh, yeah, well, because I'm living this life. I bet you that guy's working an office shop when really he could be very happy. Yeah, but meanwhile, they're not. thinking about that at all. They're thinking about if they, like, left something under the couch.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The crocodile hunter thing I was going to say there is, there's one crocodile thing where you, crocodiles, they have a vagina. Maybe it was alligator. I don't know who he was fingering. This happens. So you finger inside the vagina to find if they have a penis or like another vagina. Wow. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, oh, I know he's he's normal. That was a weird accent. I don't know how do Steve Ewin. There you go. Yeah. That's not bad. He's like, there he's Shailers. You know, you go a finger around a little bit. And that's more cockney. I don't know where I'm going to this. But, yeah, it was a weird thing they have with their penises inside their vaginas.

You got to smell your finger. It's the room. At that point, like, people are going to be asking, like, what part of crocodile hunting is this? You already found the crocodile. Like, what else do you need to know? Just take it if it's a mile or a female. Yeah. So I can have sex with it.

I want my son to watch while I have sex with this out of the day. My wife's not cutting it. He's just sticking his fingers in the genitals of every animal. Steve, you have bad intention.

That's why the stingray stabbed him. He's like, I don't know what his story we're just fingering the butt of the stingray? Do you know how they have little eyes? He's like shuffing his cock

in its mouth. I like that you. They look at you while you just stick your penis in him. Eye contact. important. It's important in the oil. You know, get that

without a guy. I saw him in the Thanksgiving Day parade when I was a kid. Really? That's like the first time I went. So. there's some video on EFucked. I assume they took it off because it's definitely horrificly cruel. But it's this woman like funneling eels into her ass. And I've seen that part. But the camera then pans to a guy just fucking a blowfish in the mouth.

heard it described on other podcasts, but like that is wild. That's night at the aquarium. It's supposed to end to be seen. Just everyone fucking this. Guys got starfish on his nipples. He's like, oh. That is funny that Benziller is

kind of like, doesn't he get romantically involved in some of the wax figure, Emilie Earhart and like the second one? It's basically the story of a necrophilia. Everything comes to life and night. That's not fun for me. they go back to sleep. And then like Teddy Roosevelt.

Yeah. Teddy Roosevelt's like egging it on too. Like Robert. He's like, oh, she's a peachy one huh? Teddy, Jesus Christ.

She's plastic. Yeah. Oh, I saw the way she looked at you. Easy. Woo. Ah. I like that you gave Rob Williams

in Irish. He said is Teddy Roosevelt. But they're really, Teddy Roosevelt wants to bang socket away. That's like the whole thing, right? Oh,

yeah, he did. He would like put down his binoculars. and be like, whoa. Yeah, because I wonder if there's like a connection between those two because of like, wasn't Teddy Roosevelt like big into like national parks and stuff? Yeah, right, right. So see, they really love exploring the land that they stole from her.

Yeah. I also love that like Mickey Rooney and Dick Van Dyke were just like evil old like criminals. That movie by the way is hilarious. It holds up. They're making another one. Oh, really? A new one. Yeah.

Nice. Really? I thought they already did a new one. Well, they've done like three. Oh, this is going to be the trilogy. Yeah, yeah. I heard they kill Han Solo in this one. I wonder, like, I bet you they brought so much business to those museums, like all the ones they go to.

For sure, yeah. Because I'm like, I was, I didn't care by the museum of, as many says you want to go to the museum of natural history, I'll be like, no. Yeah. Like, do you want to see the one where Ben Stiller gets chased by a giant dinosaur? And I'm like, yes, now it's something that's interesting. And then that's the trick where your mom's like, well, it's the same one. Yeah. No, no.

I didn't know that when I agreed to go. I didn't know. I was going to learn things. Every museum needs a movie to help it advertise. Yeah. Like Ocean's six, the chick one that they made more recently. That's like the Met. It's a night at the museum.

We're going to steal the portrait that's painted completely black, but everyone agrees that it's art for some... Yeah. I fell asleep in that one. I want my girlfriend. She's like, let's watch this one. And I'm like, can't wait. And I literally would...

I was probably snobes. snoring in him. Imagine that look as a guy just snoring in oceans 13. There was the 13 or? Oceans. I think it was Oceans 9. They go back. For some reason, they go back to earlier. It's 75% of what the men. Yeah. Yeah. It's the wage gap. But I was I talking about. Nighting the Museum. Yeah, I went to this, or Wood, the Museum of Natural History. I don't like it. It's just a lot of stuffed animals. Yeah. And a lot of them aren't real. Yeah. It's not like actual skin on a lot of them. It's not like, just a recreation. It's like, what? I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not like a carnival barker in the 40s. I don't got to go see like, oh, the mystics of the world. I've never seen goats on the internet, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like me and my girlfriend, we took edibles

and it was cool because like, it kicked in, we were at the planetarium and Liam Neeson's like narrative. I hate black people. Yeah. This is a planet full of space. Mostly black. I hate space.

What's like the subway? What do he say? Which is why I never took. His friend got like raped by a black guy and he's like, he just went around town beating up. black guy he saw, which is like not how that works. To be fair, he probably thought he was in a movie. That's the plot of every single movie. You distort that guy's brain so much.

He thinks he's a hero all the time. Now I need vengeance. Yeah. I'm Quigonjin. Come here, Mace Windo. But I need to break it to every Popeye's on this side. Yeah, I think he, but did he actually hit somebody? He was just running around town looking for a black guy to hit with like a baseball bed or something.

Yeah, he had, well, he, I think he had like a crowsy. cricket bat. It was like one of those goofy like European sports. I had a crochet. And he pisses his pants all the time too. There's like all these photos of him just pissing his pants. This guy's not well. There's all these pictures of him, right? And like his pants are just covered in your end.

He's also got a massive hog for what I understand. That's why why he's piss it. Because like if you have a dick that big, you shake it. And you're like, I assume there's nothing in left in there. And you put in your pants and then it just pours down. For sure. You got a whole other leader just in the barrel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you've got to, like, thread it up. The worst is the sweatpants. Because if you have your dick, because it's pointed at an angle when you pee out of the top, and then you shake it like this. You shake the head, and that just goes out, but then you don't realize it. Just sprinkles. Yeah, all this stuff here, and you drop it, and it all falls in your pants. Especially in the winter, it's cold, and you get a little breeze through your pants.

Oh, you just feel your urine on your leg. It's horrible, yeah. I'm surprised. Yeah, but women that don't know, those guys are peeing on themselves all the time. All the time. Dude, you shake. And then they just stick. that in their mouth.

Kind of on you at that point. It is kind of like, it's a little ridiculous that the human body hasn't come up with a better system to like pinch off a pee. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the prostate, that's all we got. Because like, I get like, I don't know why.

You really should wipe your dick hole after peeing, but I would just never respect a man that wipes his dick hole after being. No, it's also like there's no toilet paper at a urinal, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know, there's something so feminine about wiping. the top of your penis hole.

There's something of masculine about pissing on your own thigh. Yeah. I'm a man. Now I got a wet lap. Yeah. Yeah. Pee in your own mouth is kind of manly. It's a disgusting way.

It's a ball or move. Especially in like a survival situation. Yeah. You don't want to drop of that to land on your chin. Yeah. You need every single. Bear Grills is into that, right? He would like, I think he just had a peatishish.

I love the idea that he doesn't use a, he's like, all right, I got to hydrate myself. And he doesn't use like a coconut or a bottle or anything. He's like, I don't think he angles it. I think he pees into a cup and then drinks it. That would be way funny if he's putting his legs over his head.

It's like that one video of like that arrainket or a bit of a fan. Just the sound of a soda fountain. Just farting his own face. You're like, what does that help with? Now you got a pink guy? He's like, you're a fucking dirty bitch. You're just peeing on his own face.

You lost again. You lost it. The best part about Bear Grills, too, is like right after that, they're like, all right, cut, and then they just go to a hotel. You didn't have to piss in your mouth. That was the thing when they brought, he would go to, like, actual nice hotels afterwards or something. Just, like, wander on the side of a highway for like 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's funny with those guys are frauds.

And some people get, like, genuinely, like, Bob, like the Liver King guy, everybody's, like so buttered about that he's doing steroids. You're like, obviously. Yeah, yeah. He looks like a statue. like, of course. Yeah, he looks fucking wild. Yeah.

He looks like I don't even eat liver. He looks like the guy from, he looks like the guy from Rudolph who like, Cornelius?

Cornelius, yeah. See, I think Alan Alan looks more like Cornelius. Yeah, yeah. Does look like Cornelius. Yeah, yeah. What's his last name?

Vander or something. Can you look out real quick? Yeah. He's so, yeah. Like the stop motion one? Yeah, those movies shot.

They creep me out. I don't know when they're weird. Weird vibe. Yeah. The abominel Cornelius Vanderbilt is a American business magnate. I was thinking to somebody else then, my bed.

My dad had a pet monkey. No, it's Yukon, Cornelius. It's Yukon Cornelius. Yeah, but it had a woolly monkey named Cornelius. That's cool. Yeah. It's a cool name.

That is a good name. I guess in one of the Plains of the Apes movies, one of the apes is named Cornelius. That's where you got it from. That is totally Alan. Dude, it looks so much like Alan. Yeah, so I think there's gold in these hills.

Yeah, I heard if you dig deep enough, you get to a grilled cheese sandwich. Dude, I had an interesting now, by the way. I went to a, my buddy was in town. So first of all, I didn't think I was going on stage. I missed the first show. I was so bummed. I didn't have a show last night. And then I just got a tech punch thing, where the fuck are you?

I just missed a show, which is a bummer. That is a bummer. And I was like, oh, fuck. And then I went to the new pair, and I smoked a bunch of pot because I didn't think I was going on stage. And last minute, they were like, hey, you want to do a spot? And I was like, I hate that. I hate when that happened. Yeah, you're like, I'm definitely not going to say no, but this will definitely be weird.

Yeah. So you're just like, like a Times Square crowd where it's just like kind of like middle-aged people. You're like, I'm so high right now. Did you bomb? No, I didn't find. I mean, certain parts bombed because like you don't have the confidence to deliver certain jokes. So like the raunch of your stuff, you're like, I don't feel comfortable with either guys. Yeah.

But then I met up with my buddy who I guess did Santa Con all day. So he's just been drinking since 9 a.m. And he's like, obliterated dressed as Santa Claus. And he's like, dude, we're going to have a fucking great night. And I was like, yeah, sure, like, let's see what happens. He brings you this Latin nightclub because he's Mexican. And I go in and at the door, there's like a, there's like a, I don't know how to do like a gay Latin man's voice. Hello, how are you doing?

Yeah, that's what sounds like he's like, you're going to have to take your sweater off and you're going to have to, you know hooties inside. And I was like, okay. By the way, they make me take my hoodie off and he's just dressed up at Santa Claus. They're like, they're like, yeah, the hoodie is not for the, it's in the, for this bar, you can't wear it. Mr. Claus, come right through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, all right.

It's a little... Sainta. Yeah. I was like, all right, whatever. And I go in and I... And then I realize that they have a coat check do you have to pay $6 for it. They're just basically making me do that

just so have to pay money. But then my buddy fucking tore it up on the dance floor. He's like, dance with old ladies and stuff. Like, actually knows how to dance really well of Latin music. And it was mean, there was one other white guy there in a Christmas sweater. And he was so bad at day. I was like, thank God.

This guy also, like, fucking. blows of dancing. Yeah. Dude, it is tough going out dancing with like Latino people. Dude, there's a certain thing with it where like they, I take my feet off the ground a lot when I dance and they're just like so like gentle. They're like gently dancing and like moving their hips

in a way that I'm like, I'll never be. I went out with Alex Carbano. Oh my guy. That guy probably. Dude, he cuts a rug, dude. He cuts absolutely cut. And he's just like, he kind of like dances and moves his way like into groups and then like goes up to girls and just fucking like, he's so

smooth. Oh, yeah. Like, I'm not a bad dancer either, but like, when you're around like a really good dancer, you're like, oh, I look so bad. Yeah, yeah. Also, especially, I was sober, so, like, it was such an uncut. Like, I was like two beers in. I was high, too. So it was like, the worst thinking about. The worst possible.

Like, do I do I dougie or do I nay, nay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only know two dances. But this guy, he was drunk for like an hour, and I didn't realize how he was when you were dancing. Because when you're dancing, you can't tell that somebody's hammered. Because he was actually pulling all together. And then afterwards, for an hour straight, he just goes, chop cheese bro and then he goes he goes chop cheese we outside and uh i'm hamstered man and like really just said that for an hour straight and it was like circulating through those things

um you reach like the end of the night with someone who's been drinking all day and it just kind of loses loses touch yeah well i i still had fun but i'm like since night it was one of those where he got back to the apartment i was almost trying to like sedate him in a way i was like maybe drink some water and i'd like give him pot to try to like get to like try to get him to like fall asleep it's a fucking bed yeah yeah but uh You were done like a brunch, like a bottomless brunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it one time in New York.

I've done it other places, but I did it here. And we were like, let's drink as much as we can. And it was like noon by the time we got out of there and we were just like had to go home. Go back to sleep. That's why Santa Con, I just don't think I could ever do. No, I can't do the daytime drink. Because like that hangover is just, I can't day drink anymore because the hangover, because you can't day drink and then just stop because then you feel like shit for like 10 hours.

Yeah. Or versus if you night drink, you're feeling like shit while you're asleep. So it doesn't really mad. If you drink till midnight and then go to sleep, you wake up the next morning hungover. But if you drink all day and then stop, you're going to be hung over all that day. Have trouble falling asleep. And then if you like shit. Yeah.

But by the way, we're running out of time. What do you guys want to promote? Oh. I just do check out news from bed on TikTok. That's just about it. By the way, this will be a backlogged episode. So this is coming out like a month from now. Oh, okay.

Well, in that case, I'm doing the Riemann Theater. I'll be there by a mic. I'll be talking about how my uncle molested me when I was eight at the Ryman Theater. Oh, a couple weeks from now, I'm opening for Seinfeld at the Beacon. Yeah, yeah. I like to project. Yeah, yeah. Look, the way I've been writing, there's no way I'm not going to be there.

There's a pink eye joke. You got to hear it. Sunday nights at 8 on Radio Free Brooklyn. I run a call-in show. So Colin. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Thanks for having us.

Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Michael.