Morning Good - Stud Team Six - Episode 306

Episode Date: March 8, 2026

Jake Ricca, Christophe Jean, and Jimmy Moynihan They talk about Michael's time in Austin drinking with a Venezuelan family, stealing from Best Buy and keistering zyns.Thanks to Jake, Christophe, and Jimmy for all returning to the show and especially to Jake for lending his studio. Check all these guys out live in Austin, Texas and click their links for more.Jimmy is on Instagram @jimmy.moynihan and has a podcast with David Jolly and Ike Rafferty called I Know You Fuckin Lying. Christophe Jean is on Instagram @chrisjeanofficial and hosts the Rough Week Show podcast. Jake Ricca is on Instagram @jakericca and has a podcast with fellow Florida comic and former guest, Joe Censabella, called Cup of Jokes.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to the morning. We're getting a start. I'm just getting a headphones for the first, like, 10 seconds to make sure we're clear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. We're here with Jake Rika, Christoph Jean,

and Nailed it. And Jimmy Moynihan. And this is, uh, I like you smiled to say you're on. Oh, hi. Here you go. I smiled to him just like you do. Yeah. I'm, uh, I'm,

I got like insanely drunk with Tony last night unintentionally. And, uh, I think I said you some videos. We were hanging out with this. Yeah, with the Beniswil family. Yeah. We had like a really long weekend and we're kind of all, both kind of like in a bad mood. And this guy's like, come, come sit down. Sit down.

They're like, okay. And this guy with just his whole family, which keeps feeding us smearing off ice is. Nice. he was so funny. He's like, I like listening to Rock and Roll. And then it's like, Shoo Bop, ba-do-bo-bo-do-do-bo-do-bo-do. It's like, do-wop.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's just listening to that. Just like, rocking around. He's like, rock and roll. We're like, rock and roll! My parents are so pissed right now. How'd you meet this guy? I guess he lives in Tony's building.

Okay. And then, I mean, the humor was hilarious. We were dying laughing at just like the most bit. Just like, you know, like L means he and A-I-I-me-she. so, like, you just make a little mistake and call Tony a girl. He's like, oh, he's a girl, he's a girl. He's just dying. And then, what were you saying?

I was saying, Tony probably tried to pull out some Spanish. I actually did. Yeah. And Tony thinks I speak great Spanish because I was just... Tony's like, you gotta listen to my friend. He's a genius. He's like fluent or something. He knows every word there is, bainee.

And it was, like, I was doing a lot of, like, listening and nodding. So Tony, like, thought I was understanding. But I understood, like, one word this guy said for, for, like, two hours. how you say, don't speak Spanish. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, speak. I don't get it.

I mean. The pressure's not that high, Jake. It's going to be okay. I'm, I'm, I, God. Well, you got your socks on. You're going to be all right. I'm going to be okay. You're going to be just fine.

But I didn't fucking think about this. Dude, if you're like, if you watch, because like Shrek is our favorite movies, we're like, Shrek is the best. He's like, Shrek is supreme. Yeah, I love Shrek. And we realize, I'm like, Mike Myers is just not Shrek for them.

It's like just a random Mexican guy. There's a guy who's like, I forget his name, but there's a guy who does all those Pixar things in Spanish and he's like a huge star. That's like a genius movie. You become like the best voice actor. Yeah. So he's like, you know, he's like Shrek in Spanish.

He's fucking Marlin from finding Nemo in Spanish. He's like all the, he's like Pixar's lead. It's kind of how it was back like when Mel Blank did like every voice of lunatians. Yeah, he's like that. but for Spanish Pixar movies or something. Yeah. Lightning McQueen. He's Shrag.

He's just, and apparently he's a Mexican guy. So I thought that was like the Scottish equivalent. Is that, would that make sense? I guess Italians would be like the Mexicans for whites? It's like that in Japan too for Mr. Beast videos.

He hired like some really famous anime guy to do all of his videos in like Japanese. That's nuts. So Mr. Bees is just like, oh, need all haunt on. But it's that one guy. French.

Is that what that was? You and Gene. He was a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Wait, let me check this real quick. I'm just getting... What's wrong? I did a bad accent. This is two-for-two bombs. No, you're good, dude. I haven't slept in a day. Really?

Yeah, I was up all night editing that video. You didn't sleep last night? No, man. Every time I stay up all night, it's never because I was doing something productive. It's always like I stayed up all night because... Yeah, thinking about terrible shit. Yeah, or like, yeah, or something... Yeah, something nuts.

But, oh, wait, I almost got Tony in trouble because we're joking. talking around, we're talking about all this stuff, and then Tony jumps in a pool, and the guy was joking, he's like, La Hintepts, and Tony, like, basically saying, like, Tony's swimming in piss water. And I was like, yeah, yeah, he's kind of a pervert, and he's like, what? I'm like, a pervert, and I didn't think

about this, like, this guy's at, like, the pool with his daughters and bikinis. Oh, really? That his family, his whole family was there? His children were there? And I didn't realize, I was like, pervert, because that's, you never used pervert to talk about an actual sex offender. You bet that guy's, like, a pedophile or like a rapist. So this guy's like,

it's perfect He's like, worried? Get this guy out of here. Yeah, Tony's just doing backstroke in the pool while this guy's like

daughters or like walking around a bikini. He's like, no, no, no, no. He's like, and then I was like I can't make it look

like I was joking that this guy's a pedophile because like his daughters are walking around. So he'd be like, I don't know. He's horny. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. It's not helping. Yeah, there's no fucking way. It was just like, dude, it was just like, we got there and I didn't notice

until we started saying down that this guy has like 24 smearing off ice is on the table. Fuck yeah. And then he's just going to wake up in the morning and just do what Tony does. And then additionally work at like a nightclub all weekend. Is that what he does? He works at a nightclub too?

Yeah, and this guy's putting in 70 hours. Yeah, it's insane. Is this that like Tony's community pool or you together drove to this dude's place? No, no, no. We rolled up with like one white claw just to drink by the pool. And then this guy's energy was just so enthusiastic. He had a magnetism.

You couldn't. And his laugh was great. He was like, You got a witch's cackle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was just that for an hour, and then I went and had sex with a woman. Whoa. What did she look like?

Beautiful. Hotest woman you've ever seen in your life. That's awesome. I love that. That sounds sick. It was, yeah, it was a fun night. Like, every time I get in Austin, something goes up my butt. I don't know why.

Did something like your butt last night? Yeah, every time I'm here, first time I got my ass eating on a Murphy. bed. I don't know what happened the second time. Like a drawstring, but like when they pull out of the wall? What's a Murphy bed? Oh yeah, yeah. It's the thing that goes into the wall, right? Yes. So she pulled out the she pulled it down out of the wall and went, all right, bend over. I'm eating your bottle, yeah. Every last time we were

on this pod. That's my asshole eating bed. Oh, something when I feel like you insist upon it, do you? I don't insist. You like I'm a principal. I'm like, you must eat my ass. Do you understand? Yeah, you probably stick that little thing up. What's up? What went up your ass this time. This time it was funny. She had all right. It was funny. It was a rubber chain.

It was really funny. It was really funny. It was flowers and water squirred out. It was the end of anal beads. Okay. Just the thing. And I think I found the perfect because I don't like fingers in my ass. The end of anal beats. I don't like. It's a sad poem. The end of the anal beats.

Yeah. It was like I don't like a finger in there. I like a tongue. And I guess that one was, that's not the first thing that was in my asses trip. I'm going to get to that in a second. Dude, there's a second thing in your ass. Yeah. It was like a vibrating anal bead. Okay.

Did it feel awesome? Dude, it was amazing. It's got to be fantastic. Well, if it felt awesome, good for you, dude. Yeah, no, I was like, this is the... If you weren't like, no! Stop! Get it out of me!

That's for the best. Yeah, no, I was like, and it was basically, I was like, titty fucking her, but really just humping her chest cavity because I was just there. And then I was like, I just came so hard and I was like, I needed to have something in my ass and come on a random woman's tits. I was like, this is good times. I'm feeling good. Sometimes you need that.

A couple smearing off ices later. Yeah. Yeah, it was phenomenal. The other. What else is up here? That's a pretty gay night. Smearing off ice is? Yeah.

It was the ice, dude. You drink these fruity dregs next thing you know you're doing gay shit. Everything was pretty normal. Pretty straight. And then the smirranoff ice got brought up. Yeah, it's a wine coolers and anal beads kind of night. Yeah. I do love a dominatric.

I told you about my... You got dominatrix? I got dominatrix. I had assigned an agreement and everything. Oh, you must be going to class here at once in May. I went to one once and zero agreement. Just to... I had assigned it.

Yeah, she was so official. But yeah, it was fun. And yeah, it was like a dilt. It was a small little dill, like anal-b... A baby dildo. Like thing, yeah. Maybe not that, but... Do you guys not have, like, gross hairy asses?

Yeah, my ass sucks, man. Same, but my ass sucks. There's some people that like... Not a single. single hair on mine. Really? Yeah, well, yeah. Well, you got a fine blonde hair.

Just a bare bottom, ready to be licked. No, you're like a polar bear. You just can't see the hair. They're blonde, yeah. Yeah, he looks a little closer. You're like, this is the hair. They're translucent. They actually reflect light.

It's beautiful. Yeah. It's the aurorius boolealus. Do you, wait, so you don't shave or nothing? Oh, no, it's, I, I shave. Whoa, it's way gay. I shave. That's not gay, dude.

Leave me on so you shay. If I know something's going to happen to my ass or if there's a... Yeah, that's considerate of you. Yeah. Wait, so... Do you ever have a hunch and just wax your asshole in your life? Yeah. I've never waxed my ass.

Is it like, it's a kind of like manifesting? I'm, 100%. I'm taking your vision board. Wait. I'm shaving my ass today. Does this happen? Does that happen to you? Because...

Yeah. Not with my ass, but I, like, I'll manscape my balls and my pubs. And I swear to God, it tells my brain, like, hey, Like in the back of my dick is in good shape right now. Oh yeah, it's probably a confidence booster. It really is. Yeah. I'm just picturing the assing.

I'm picturing you showing up to a girl's place after shaving your ass and just kind of like showing around a little more. You move. You shave with a razor or you do it to like a one with like a trimmer? Depends on how much I like the gal. Which one is the more like? The easier. I think it's actually easier with just a razor because you go real slow. Oh my God.

It scares the shit out of it. Yeah, I shave my balls. You guys... Getting a fucking razor cut on your hole? It's scary, yeah. Goodness gracious me. You gotta be delicate and slow. You can't see, how do you see it?

Are you, like, throwing your legs up in the... Filling it out. Furnhouse. I know my ass old. Well, I live with my parents. They help out. Yeah, my mom holds the mirror. I need you to hold the mirror.

Hey, ma, pick up some smearing off ice while you're out. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I ever have to shave, like, bear ever. anyone that's going to like hook up with me they I feel like if I showed up with no hair they'll be like what the fuck are you doing? That'd be awesome if you just had a fucking bald penis

and asshole What are you doing? A fully bald penis and ass Yeah That'd be incredible It's weirdish I have this compulsion to shave my chest last night Around 2 a.m. Did you do it?

I didn't It's mental illness But yeah I just I was I was hot in my room I took my shirt off and I was like I want to shave my chest Do you have a lot of chest hair? I was like that I was looking at you nodding when you said mental illness after I just had a vibrating anal beat of my ass after getting hammered.

It's not normal, but... That's not normal, but... No. But do you think you'll see this girl again? Maybe next time I'm in Austin, yeah. Yeah. But I... You meet her on Field?

Yeah. So Field is where you go if you want a vibrating anal in your ass. Yes, yeah. Certainly, but you pay for it, right? For Field. Yeah, but you have to pay for Field? You have to pay for Field? You have to.

You kind of have to... There's probably too few people on it. They got to, like, have a thing. You can't find anyone. It's like the Patreon of the... Yeah, they do the opposite of, like, other dating apps. If you likes somebody... Or somebody likes you, they actually go to the back.

I've seen them hide people that liked me because I didn't have premium, and it was like, their names are crazy. It's like, Pixie Girl 78. So, like, you'll go through your whole entire feed and there's no Pixie Girl 78. So you're like, oh, they're actually hiding my likes. You don't have premium.

They do your names? It's like anonymous that way? A lot of people do that, yeah. Wow. Yeah. What's the best... West. What's the best?

I'm literally making a dating profile after this. What's the best one to do? I've seen some crazy ones. I've seen some guy like, some guy named like, some girls like glory hole girl.

Which app is that on? Field. Field. Yeah. The best app for what you want, you want a relationship. Yeah. You want a girlfriend?

Hinge is the one. Yeah. Bumble is good in specifically in Austin because Bumble started in Austin. Hypothetically, I don't want an anal beat in my ass or anything. Like, where would I not download that?

You can't go through life just being like, this is not going to happen. I want to know so I don't download it. What would it? Which one is that? Field, yeah. Don't download Field. Not downloading it. Is it F? Is it feel like you're feeling something?

Yeah, yeah. At all of that. I didn't even put that together. Yeah, it's like that. You're about to feel this. You're about to feel this. I thought I was playing the field. You feel that.

I think it might be that too. It's both. It's ball, yeah. Feel. Okay, so you, so. Does she bring it up or do you go, you got anything you could shove up there? No, I asked me I had any toys because I thought she had like a vibrator I was going to put on her vagina. Put on her and she thought they were for you.

Yeah, well she brought out a butt plug. All right. That like, has a vibrating dick thing on. I'm like, I'm not going to shove that thing on my butt. I bet. Yeah, yeah. Please. Yeah.

I took a look at it. I took a look at it. Like, that's not. Yeah. It looked like Shaq's thumb. Just like a giant fucking weirdly shaped thing. Go put this up your ass, Michael, Michael. I'm gonna get up your ass

Don't make you calm hard This will only hurt a little bit Dudeo went to town We're gonna make this quick I gotta go advertise the general Michael, do you think you're a sex addict? No Because my thing is I went like

I went a while without it I was kind of just like Like I had sex probably like a month before this Oh And then yeah I was also like I've never cheated in a relationship. I don't fuck other people's wives

if they're not watching. Cool. That's the only time. Have you cucked a guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was that like? I feel like I'm in the chair. Go ahead.

They're way cooler than you think. Like, you think they're gonna be like, human beings are meant to be a polyamorous. But they're just like, hey, it's fucking weird, but it's a good time. It's just what I like. It's what they're into and it's not weird. No, I don't think of like cucks as like polycule people.

I think them as like the probably relatively normal guys just with some weird submissive streak and like they like to just be embarrassed that's like their thing yeah well i guess i've never done like a cuck i've done more like a hot wife kind of thing where it's like oh yeah he's pimping kind of like he feels like he's pimping he's like he's like he's like he's like he's like like i'm a watch yeah but it's still talking is it will you only cook someone if their wife's like super odd or is it just like yeah whatever i just want to have sex yeah yeah yeah i've like changed like now i probably wouldn't do it again just because i'm like ben there done then um i i i i i'm like

it's like she'd have to be so hot for me to be like that's gonna be a great time because like it's just like I was just like I like I like adventures and I'm like let me try something fun but I'm like yeah and I've like changed a lot like I didn't um I deleted field for like three months and I realized I paid for like a year uh you gotta use it there yeah and I was like oh okay well I'm in Austin might as well hop on here and have some fun yeah um is your name just your name on there yeah and my face and like everything besides my address basically yeah um because I'm like I got you got links to your Instagram and Not that.

They find me, though. This woman found me online. They'll look you up. Yeah, she did like a, what's it called? Like a full criminal background check. Oh, interesting. Because she was. Who?

Her professional. I don't want to say her profession. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. So, like, she, like, could do all this stuff. She's like, there's actually a Michael Good that owns property in, like, Kentucky. I was like, is that my real father or something?

I don't know. I got, like, weird. And I was like, I always want to find something. Like, I love my family, but I always want to find out that I'm, like, related to like royalty or something? Yeah. Like we... You're not adopted.

No, but when I was a kid, me and brother didn't think we were related to our dad. We just had the hunch because he's like a redhead looked way different. Now that we're older, like I look way more like my dad. But also redhead is recessive, so if your mom's not a redhead, you're not going to be... It's very unlikely. Yeah. It's like a 25% chance per kid that you'll be... Have red hair.

Yeah, it's not a dominant gene. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make you feel. Because my mom's got red hair. My jeans are dominant as fuck this. No, dude. Yeah, brown hair, brown eyes. Yeah, yeah.

I haven't seen that before. Yeah, yeah. You have blue eyes, don't you? You have striking blue eyes. Have you looked at Jimmy in the eye? Does your whole family look like you? Your brother looks a lot like you. Yeah, I met two of your brothers and they look like.

Yeah, they all look like my dad. My dad's... Yeah, I've seen your dad once. He does look like all you guys. Oh, I've never seen your dad. I think I have, like, my mom's nose, but 90% of, like, how we look in our size is all my dad's jeans. Yeah. But we got, I think we got my mom's brain.

Okay. Yeah. Because your mom's smart. Yeah. She's real smart. My dad. Because I know all your brothers and they're all smart and you're smart. And then your dad's like the biggest lug.

He's such like a Jersey Italian moot. And then Jake's taking apart computers and putting them back together. He's like, hey, what you want? He doesn't know how to pronounce words and he's like 60. He's been doing his whole life. But my little brother got his doctorate in chemistry. He's like real fucking smart. Just chemistry or something.

Yeah. But my dad's dad was a rocket scientist. Damn. Somehow my dad in between... It skips a generation. It skipped them. And then the apple just... Did he get hit in the head by like a horse when he was young or something?

I don't know, but he was mixing cement for 30 years. Not wearing... Breathing in the fumes. He called my brother a pussy when he asked to put a mask off. That kind of like stupid... It's not stupid. It's good for you. He's a daily almost good for you.

It makes you strong. Pretty much. It's the stupidest shit ever. Asbestos is delicious I love it Esbestos is the bestis Yeah It goes really good

On the ravioli Yeah You gotta do the cabagool With the asbestos It's really nice It's a spicy meatball I just picture Like I can't picture

Just versions of Jake Like a picture Like his dad's being just like Yeah His dad is just big gray Jake Yeah Oh shit That's got to be like

Kind of a comforting It's got to be like A Jack Santa Claus look Yeah I will not I feel like it's weird My dad's like an attractive dude. He's not, you don't look at him.

You're like, oh, that. I would hate to fucking be that my 60s. He's like, he's keeping it together. He's got a good hairline. Yeah. You know, he's still like in shape. He's got a physical job. Yeah, he's still got like big arms chest.

He's got gut, but whatever. Tony's Loki jacked. Yeah, Tony's Loki huge for no reason. But before he took a shirt off, we were joking with the Spanish guy, he's like, Thor, Thor, he's like, yeah, Thor. He goes, Thor solo end game when he gets fat. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he's like, no, I'm not Thor end game.

Like, you're Thor end game. Well, Tony's not fat, is he? No, no, but he, like, I think for some... He's bulky. He used to be fat. He used to be fat. He was jet, dude. He took his shirt off and I was like, fuck, dude.

I don't know what he... I've never seen him work out. I think he just has that job. I think he's had physical jobs. Dude, my roommate's a mover and he's fucking jacked and shit. Yeah, movers get shredded. He's got, like, it's not farm strength, but it's like job site. Yeah, like his arms are big.

Big shoulders, big forearms. Like, Cap said, it would be like four in the morning. And Tony's just, like, doing, like, martial arts workouts. What? Like, Tai Chi kind of shit. He's doing, like, stepbrothers, let's do karate. Like, one of those things where you're, like, turning the rope and, like, a weights lifting. Yeah, yeah, I've seen that.

And then he just rides a bike everywhere. He does bike a lot. Yeah. He's moving. I've always wanted to hire a Chinese, like, that guy is my plus one at the gym. Just, like, an old sense. And just do, like, weird workouts. Like, hire a guy and, like, an old Chinese man in, like, a ghee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just, like, I have, like, a broomstick with, like, too water. He's punching me in the stomach. He's walking you with a stick in the stomach. So he's got to leave. Because he's Chinese. Why? Because you're racist?

Yeah. I used to, there's, I used to train. Sage my sense's face. When I went to UCF, there's this old Chinese guy that work out of the gym. And every single time he was there, everyone would just be doing normal workouts, there'd be a bench with a bar. He would just be smacking his arm on the bar. Not kidding, like three minutes, like going

And everyone's like, what the fuck is this guy doing? Yeah, he looks maxed. He's ahead of the curve. He was ahead of the curve. And he got full naked in the sauna. Oh, fuck yeah. Was he on crazy? No.

I think that was his name, though. I was a man crazy. It's nice to be too. I'm on crazy. What if he took off his dick and he had like a nine-inch Chinese penis? What if he took off his dick? What if he took off his dick? Yeah.

Yeah, you heard him right, it was compressed. He started begging it on the bar. It's like a pill compression. You know how you have like those little things? You drop the pill in the water and it turns into something. His dick's just been like crinkled in like a fucking camping bag. Just exposed to normal pressure.

It's like an air mattress. Expanding culk. Calk. Expanding cock. Expanding cock. Yeah. That's my native American. That would be so cool.

Tony also, Tony saved the day So we had to do this fucking, this road gig And this one was like, bring your own shit Because it's like a winery Like bring your own like mic and shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's insane. Yeah, it's just how they get runs.

YOM. Yeah, and it was, we're driving We're going down the road and Tony's like, Hey, he's like looking at the back He goes, I don't have the thing that plugs the amp in the speakers And we're like running late And I'm like, fuck.

And it's a charger, it's this thing you can't get anywhere It's a three prong charger. You can only get it like with a monitor. So we're trying to figure out all this stuff And we go into Best Buy And I'm like freaking out on the road I'm like fuck I'm like I'm so fucking fucked

I'm gonna fucking Do Acapella Do Acapella stand up in Dallas Yeah Oh dude nightmare And I've already done that before With one of this guy's gigs And he's like never do this again

You're out on this So I was like fuck I'm like scrow I'm like I'm not mad at you And I'm like fucking it God damn it And then he goes pull over to this Best Buy I go they don't have it

We walk in he goes to a display Mac Just grabs it He looks at me He goes, and we just walk out the door. Wow! Yeah. Hell yeah.

That's such a Tony move. Oh, it was incredible. He'll get it done. He's like resourceful. Insanely, I was like, and we were running late. It took us maybe eight minutes. Just walk in, just steal it. And yeah.

And I was like, dude, you saved me a lot of, uh, thank you. And then, uh, he'll survive in apocalypse, I think. Oh, he's so, yeah. He'll rip shit out of a wall in, like, fashion, like, armor and stuff. Yeah. He never seen. He's always doing, like, makeshift weird shit. He's like, oh, I made that to get the.

my shirts were high, so I made a hole... You know, it's like... Have you seen no country for old men? No, I haven't. Oh, you gotta watch it. I watched it on the plane yesterday. Incredible film. You haven't seen it.

I feel like if he picked up a martial arts weapon, he would be really good at it, and you'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, like, how did you learn this? Nunchucks, and he would just like... He just like... He plays that, I mean, he knows instruments. He plays that accordion.

He plays that accordion. Yeah, he plays the little accordion, plus the harmonica. Somebody said they just saw him on the street doing it. They just drove by and he was like... I don't doubt it. Yeah. It's a very, yeah, he's a, he's corked up.

He's something else. He's incredible. He's a corked up white boy with a little swag. That's exactly how. Bussing it down sexual style. Mm-hmm. For sure. Oh, I think he's down sexual.

I'm a down sexual. You ever saw that tweet? Yeah. Can a corked up white boy bust it down sexual style? You got that? No. Sexual style. But me and Tony have done a couple of these games.

It's funny that they're always in the middle of nowhere, and it's the same people in every town. Like, it's just the same. People besides the one that was interesting here was a lesbian cop who she's wearing denim and like a Winnie the Pooh. It's a denim Winnie the Pooh shirt. Yeah. And then she's just racist, homophobic. Oh, she's probably hammered.

Yeah, she's just like, we're talking to her. Tony's like, yeah, he's like, you ever try, how about you try dating an American girl for once? Oh, God. And then she's like, yeah, we're in the Mexicans out of here. I'm like, you're gay. Yeah, yeah. Lady. She can't grasp, but she's like talking about like transgender people.

She's like, yeah, and she's not, you know. And you're like, what do you, what in your world do you think God is cool with this? this, but not that. This is where you draw the line. Yeah. I mean, there's probably a decent amount of Republican lesbians. Oh, yeah. It's too much plaid.

You wear that plaid long enough. Oh, yeah. I feel it. Fucking wall. Yeah. Yeah. And then the best is the lady that checked us in the hotel because she was talking about, we're talking about stand-up.

She's like, oh, I love stand-up comedy. She's like, Kat Williams, my favorite. And Bill Burr, I watched them on TikTok. Oh, good for her. And I was like, great. And then she's like, you know what I did see the other day. She was, you can't believe everything you read on the internet. But I did see that apparently,

Alan DeGeneres, eats human flesh. And that's where I draw the line, you know. She's like, she's like eating people and pedophilia. I'm sorry, but that's where I draw the line. I'm like,

that's a reasonable line. Why are you apologizing? Wait, like she believes that she eats flesh? Well, I don't know, because you... Well, that was like an Epstein Files thing.

What? Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of weird stuff in the Epstein files where... Yeah, all that kind of stuff. I think there was one that was, like, a guy who said something to the effect of, like,

I'm trying to remember who it was. I think it was Donald Trump and, like, Prince Andrew and other people, whatever, that they were, like, eating babies on a boat. There was, like, a story, like, oh, you know. But the thing is, like, there was some sort of hotline that essentially anyone could call into and, like, report their Epstein, whatever. Dude, if I wouldn't know that I'd have called in years ago.

How much of this is, like, just someone being crazy and calling in. But it's-rolling. But that's what happens, though, is it gets included in the Epstein files, like, on purpose. And so it's impossible to delineate what's real and what's fake. It's, like, a misinformation campaign. Yeah, it's, like, misinformation. and just like fold it into the official thing.

Yeah, and that's like I don't believe that Epstein ate babies, but I believe he's eating one guy one time. Yeah, I think he's one of those guys. I don't doubt he's eating a fucking anything, but I don't know. There's some weird stuff

about a meat grinder and jerky and sausage, that whole thing. Yeah, that was weird, yeah. I'm gonna say that's no good. That's where I draw the line. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, Mr. Jeffrey. I'm sorry.

You can be Jewish. That's okay. You can keep being Jewish. But I draw the line. I bet a baby meat grinder. Jerky Factory. I'm Christian. I like two real good...

I didn't want to catch up. The thing I thought it was so funny and she goes, now you can't believe everything you see on the internet. But she, like, saw that as if it was just like a Snopes article kind of.

Like, it was just like, you can't believe everything. It's like, that's like the one thing you probably shouldn't believe is the Lendezerous eating flesh. She's just like, man,

I get all my shit from the onion. They on point. Yeah. She doesn't realize it's fake. Yeah, I mean, she probably could, Everyone gets that stuff, like weird-ass shit

that just gets folded into like your TikTok feed as a news. What was the thing? I didn't mean to catch you off. Oh, no, you're, I started coughing. Do you think there's, because Epstein, is that a popular last name? There's, like, there has to be multiple, right?

Yeah, there's multiple. I know Mark Epstein who's not related to, there's, Jeff Epstein's other brother's name's Mark Epstein. Oh, yeah. He's a brother. He's a brother who just goes on interviews and is like, yeah, I don't want to talk a lot about this, but like, yeah, obviously he's friends of Trump.

He's like promoting like a sci-fi book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, well, you want to see my new film? It's out in theater. Yeah, yeah. He does something where he's off. I'm a screenwriter by trade. Yeah.

Yeah, just Mark Epstein. And like, my roommate was talking about, he's like, why is that guy not like being like waterboarded in his cells? Not that we should do that, but he's like, it's crazy that Mark. I'm sure something like that is happening to him. I don't, I don't know. They probably know everything. Yeah.

They probably know exactly how involved Mark is or wasn't, you know, someone, someone does. Someone knows everything about Mark's everything. Do you think that the Epstein name is going to get a name like, like you can't name someone Hitler? Yeah. The second you hear Epstein. It was the last name, I mean. You immediately, wait.

Yeah, but Hitler's first. Yeah, he was Hitler Johnson. Picture Don Don'tson blur. Hitler Johnson. Like, is that going to become a name that's just gone? Like, oh, where, there's no more of them? I don't think so. I mean, maybe like some families would purposely change their name, you know,

or some guy, like, takes his wife's name because he's, you know, a different Jeff Epstein. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's gotta suck. That's gotta be rough for someone who's like, I love you, Jeffrey. Ah, fuck. Yeah, yeah, we can do this, yeah.

Jeffrey Thomas Epstein, come over here. When I'm doing vows. Yeah. Jeffrey Thomas Epstein, I met you on Hinge in 2016. We were riffing a sketch about the Jeffrey Epstein's funeral,

but it's just another guy named Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bunch of protesters were there. He was a fucking, he was pinnacle to the community. Yeah, love the children. Also, that is funny to think about Jeffrey Epstein Because he had to have had some funeral Like, what was Jeff Epstein's funeral after he was

That's a good question Murdered, yeah Yeah, I wonder who came Nobody wants to shut because like, we can't Just be seen all together Like, I don't know if you had it You might not have had a funeral Yeah

That feels like a private service somewhere You know, in a big house somewhere With a bunch of freaky guys You don't think they did a peaceful island thing Where they spread his ashes Yeah Yeah, they did like a luau Lula would stitch

Lacka Laca Come, you're like. Yeah, those little floating For Jeff Epstein's funeral. Maybe some bagpipes. Like a Viking, like... Yeah, that would be sick. My buddy had...

Lowlyde Express with the flaming arrow. Are those little sailboats when they have the candles on them? Yeah, my buddy had bagpice and funeral. You just get an invitation to it. What the fuck? Whoa! Remembering Jeffrey Epstein. It's like a sad picture of...

What the fucking hell? Yeah, yeah. Files. It's that same mugshot of them. That's that every scene. That same mugshot that they always use. I think if you go to prison, you get buried in like a separate cemetery, right?

I think they have a mass grave. I think they do... I'm sure they treat them well. Toss them in there. I think they have like a... What's it called? Will you burn it? Creamate.

Oh, cremate. I think they cremate them and just throw that shit in the garbage. I'm sure if it's tossing. I'm sure if the family's like, I want to deal with it. If you have no family and you die and prison. Yeah. It's like,

they just burn that shit and throw it in the toilet. Yeah. Incinerate it. Yeah. But they probably preserved his body for like weird evidence shit. If he's dead.

You don't think he's alive? I'm 50-50 on him being allowed. I used to be totally, I'm like, there's no fucking way. And that weird guy, Thomas Massey, who like,

he seems kind of fun. He's like a libertarian guy who like really is like the only anti- Epstein Republican guy. What's his name? The guy from California, Roe something.

Versus Wade. Yeah, Roe versus Wade. fame. Yeah. You know she had to have that baby? Yeah, that's why they did the case. The court case took too long. She had it?

She had that baby. Somebody had a great bit about how much I would suck if you're the kid of that. She tried so hard to get rid of me. I forgot who's bit that is. Yeah, yeah. She made a really big deal about it. I'm like, changing laws. Just go to the Supreme Court.

I was that bad. What year was that? That's like 70s, 60s? 60s, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, the bagpipe.

Yeah, one of my buddies said bagpipes is his funeral. I was like, this feels a little out of place because he was just like a guy. I mean, he's a great guy, but you're like, bagpipes seems like it's for, like, firefighters or, like, I don't know where the line gets drawn on that. Tommy.

No, 73. Why do they usually play just that one song? Like the one during Tommy Boy? Yeah, it's that one song. It's probably just a traditional Irish song. You know, that's the song you play at. You ever see Spock? They did that to Spock.

Mix it up a little. They did that for Spock. I guess Spock is Irish. Mix it up. Spock is Irish. Well, he dies in, I think, Rath of Khan. Any nerds? They launch him in the space.

They launch him in the space. They launch them in the space. They have space bag pipes. Yeah. Oh, that's sick. Yeah, it goes hard. It goes kind of dummy hard. Spock's last name is Mick Murphy.

That's why I love fighting. Live long and prosper, you dumb con. You stupid bitch. He's just a violent drunk. Dude, we also went to Johnny Cat, or not Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson's hometown. It's fucking insane, dude.

It's pretty close to here, ain't it? Yeah, it's an habit. We pull over the side of the road. This is the smallest time I've ever been in my fucking life. They don't even have a grocery store. He opened up a grocery store, and they were like, we're just losing money. There's not enough people. Yeah, we went to his house.

Then we met the guy at the church who was kind of funny because he's like, come on in, and we're talking about it. And like, I think Willie Nelson's cool. And I think he's cool, how authentic he is. if he really grew up in this town where there was like fucking nothing. Yeah, wow. But I was also like, the guy was just like, yep,

no, he was standing right there. And then Bobby, his sister sat right there. And then, like, one time he was like standing over here. The whole point of the story was one time Willie was over here. He done took a piss and that there was trained. He done taking a shit down there. Scratch the balls right there.

He jerked off in the confessional booth right there. Yeah, yeah. We're there for like an hour talking to this guy about, like, he's just showing us videos he could have just sent us us but Tony's like really into it yeah he loves Willie Nelson yeah and I'm not a big Willie Nelson

guy couldn't really get into it yeah it's fine but I like that old country but I just don't love Willie Nelson yeah I I'm not highway man I like on the road again but I mean that's like

I mean no there's a handful of tracks I like but I'm not some super fan but I do love like Towns Zanzan and like John Prine and like older country but Johnny Paycheck Johnny Paycheck Johnny paycheck's great

he's really funny he'd like him yeah I gotta just learn a couple of his names so I can throw him out there and look like I know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Paycheck. But he was getting, Tony's like getting showing to it.

Yeah, he's like a country nerd. Really? Oh, yeah. I would have never guessed it. It was kind of started here. It wasn't that way in Florida. Oh, so he's not authentic like Willie Nelson? No, he's a fucking fraud.

I mean, he's from, he's from Winter Park. He's, his parents were millionaires. Oh, yeah. Tony comes from millions of dollars. Yeah. Yeah, he's really rich and won't let anyone know.

Yeah, it just hides it. He doesn't work at the blind store. He just drives around. He throws us pain at homeless people like an A mile where they're just fucking with people. That's what he just was for fun. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the thing the guy, because you don't have any pictures of Willey Nelson in the, like, it's

like, because he bought the church. Yeah, yeah. Because like where he learned guitar. But I remember the guy was like, one thing, because Tony's going to have him on his podcast, he's like, one thing I will say is, uh, we're here to worship God, not Willie. Willie's a good man. Yeah. And then he told us this, like, story.

that was like, I thought it was gonna be sick as hell. He's like, this is a story of the disguised angels, right? I call him. And this guy just came in one time and, like, looked like shit. And then, like, painted the church for free. And he's like, and that's, I don't know, he was an angel. I was like, any disappearing. He just sounds like a generous hobo.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he probably wanted money. He probably also was like, I'll do it for free, but, you know, I am a hobo. Yeah, we gave him a little bit eventually. We'd love a can of beans or something. And then they're like, thanks. And they just leaves. And you're, fuck, didn't pay me shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's no way he was happy with that. He's pissed off angel. Yeah. But I don't really, uh, that is like the, always the move, though. Yeah, see, I got to lose for free. Yeah, that, but I mean, just like, like, you know, people, they always think hobos are angels. Yeah, yeah, because they're like, you know, a guy that works in accounting at, you know, whatever.

Yeah. Guy works at a Hertz renter car as a secret angel. It's like the homeless guy that you neglected and then later in the movie, you were like, who's an angel? It was Jesus Christ the whole time. It's what if God was one of us. Yeah, it's a whole song.

He hit you with a what if God was one of us, move. When I was an Uber driver, I picked up this one trans prostitute from a, this will relate. You were an Uber driver and you picked up a trans prostitute? Yes. To like, you just picked her up. You just need a ride.

You holler down the window. You said, do you try to party? That's a time in your life when you were an Uber driver and then separately picked up a trans prostitute. Yeah, yeah, just different time. I just need to give a timeline. So people knew what I was doing when I was picking up this trans prostitute. So you were a driver and you picked up a trans prostitute.

And she was just like, she's like, she started reading all these Bible verses me. She's like, I think... She's really religious? Yes. She's like, when I blow these married men, they're going to not want to go home and beat their wives. So actually, she's black. I don't know why I was doing that. But yeah, yeah.

She's like, basically said she's like, yeah, I'm doing God's work because I blow these men. And then they go home and they don't want to beat their wives anymore. So I think what I'm doing really is Jesus' work. I'm like, I get it. It's just a weird book to use your... reference. It's an interesting line of logic. You go, I'm releasing stress in

a marital home. I'm an integral part of the domestic tranquility. Yeah. That's crazy. Married accountants who I'm below. Yeah. To be like trans and then super religious. Like when I found out Caitlin Jenner. Oh, she's just like, I only believe in like

straight marriage. And you're like, what the fuck are you I think she dates women though. She does? I think she does. I marry him, though. Oh, I love pushy. Yeah. But I thought she was under the... I just love pushy. She was like, I only want...

I thought she was like, she only wants, like, marriage to be between a man and a woman. I don't doubt that. She's just, like, full train. She's like, can't walk me down. Yeah. What are you doing?

I'll run over you with my car. Keep talking shit. Oh, I'm not a woman. Look how bad this is. Whopty. Well, I think she's just such an attention to her. That it's like... Yeah, she's just probably doing contrarian thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, look at me, I'm a Republican. Well, maybe not. I mean, maybe she was before and after. You can never really, you know, whatever. She stinks. There's always exceptions to every rule. She stinks, but I kind of want more of her.

She's coming down the spotlight a little bit. Yeah, she's going to laying low. I wonder how she's doing. Probably not good. Probably not, but I bet you clap could give, like, a good review on her. I don't know. I don't know. I don't see those worlds kind of come together.

Yeah. Yeah, that would be cool. That's nice. What are you looking at? What? Are we on time? No, there is no time. Okay.

Time is a concept. Yeah, time is a concept. That's not real. 40. 40, okay, sweet. I was just making sure the levels were good. Yeah, I just don't want to be late for Family Guy Live. Yeah, yeah, this is a big.

This is a big deal for me. This thing randomly turns off every five. It is kind of a big deal. I was thinking about being Lois. You got the red hair way out. I thought of a funny bit. I know they're like doing kind of like a documentary thing. I did think of a, I was talking to Scott about it,

and he thought of a funny bit of me. I dress up like low. I have like a perfect like blue same color blue button down in khakis and I was just going to show up and he's like oh reading for Lois and I was like no what oh fuck no no no I'm holding ice tea I'm holding ice tea I'm gonna I don't know if I'm ready to leave it wish I stayed an extra but I am move here dude that's nobody understand it's very funny when people are like just move here every single person says that they're like why the fuck you're like do you hate us? I'm like, sometimes I just can't get all my shit move. You're like, I don't care. I mean, I would love to live here. I'd love to see you more, but it's okay. If you want to live in

New York, I don't judge you. Yeah, everybody takes it as to New York versus Austin Comedy War, and they're like, so when are you moving here? I was like, I think I'm staying New York. They're like, why? You think it's like better there? They're offended by it? Yeah, they're like, you think it's better there than here? But they also don't know. Maybe they don't know you as well, but I'm like, he's been, you've been working your dick off in New York for like six years.

Yeah, exactly. It's not like you're leaving, it's not like you're leaving nothing. Like I left after like 18 months and I was like this is really hard. I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like, so and I didn't really build up enough like whatever clout in the scene for me to be like, oh, I'm abandoning X, Y, and Z. It was like it's a lateral move as far as

stand-up scene, you know, the clout goes. I battled homeless guys in the street to sell tickets. Dude, one of I mean, I love this, I tell the story all the time of you barking in front of the pair. So a guy comes up, he's barking in front of the pair. This was like five years ago or something. And a guy comes up, he's fully,

homeless guy, he's fully just pissed his pants. Like, he just freshly pissed his pants. And it's like down to his fucking knees covered in piss. And he looks at me and Mike and he goes, boys night. Boys night. Boys night. Boys night. And then me and you start going,

boys night. He's like, ha, yeah! And then he leaves. And I go, that guy's awesome. And you go, man, fuck that guy. And I go, why fuck that guy? You go, that guy pulled a knife on me yesterday. Oh, yeah. I go, boys night did?

Yeah, yeah. No, there's no way. He's the man. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. It must have been a different guy. It wasn't boys night that night. Yeah, that was girls night.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm gonna... It's ladies' day. Do they poop in the street in New York? Yeah, yeah. And you can tell when it's homeless guys poop because it's very unhealthy. It's very softs. It just tastes like shit.

Hey, man. He tries best to poop. I mean, I've had like two homeless guy poop's stories in New York. And my short stint there was, one was, I didn't, I didn't realize what, you know, sometimes it'll close and exit to the subway. It's like, there's only one, you know, the south exit is closed, so you only got to go to the north. And I didn't realize that. So I'm, like, going down into this closed exit.

I'm like, that's weird. I was just on a crowded train. There's no one here because I wasn't really paying attention. And I just turn a corner and, like, a guy's just fully, like, fucking goat-seeing me and just shit it. I just see it coming out, you know, like a train out of a tunnel. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, no. Oh, sweet merciful, Christ. I guess that way's closed.

And then the other time was, another classic mistake is, why is there no one on this end of the car? Oh, yeah. Oh, it's all crowded over here and this bench is wide open

and then I sit on the end and then on, you know, like, you know, six feet over here is a homeless guy who for sure just shit his pants.

I mean, it was like, oh my God. It's like Spongebb. It's like, oh, my God. Same thing happened on a bus with me

where, this was a long time ago. But, It was in the back. We were all, like, in the front. Yeah, no, they... The bus here is a little while to say that, because the trains you kind of move cars.

I was in the bus the other day with a pimp and his hose, and it was some intense... There was pimps and hose here? Yeah, dude. Austin pips and hose is a very interesting... Yeah, he's like, have his paycheck for you, baby girl. And then she's like, oh, really?

But, like, they're arguing with some other bitch before. He's like, get the fuck off this buzz. And I'm just like, between all this. And then she's... She's like, she's like, you... I know you want to hit me. I know you want to hit me. I know you want to hit me.

He's like, we ain't doing this in front of the people. Not denying the hits, or you're just kind of like, yeah. Not here. I will later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's funny when people kick out like a group of like,

they're like, oh my gosh, no, you can't be hitting your girlfriend. It's like, let's break up the fight. It's like, then I do kind of feel that mentally, though. I'm like, hit or not in public? It's like a little bit like, don't do it, but like definitely don't do it. Like, you know what I mean? It's like. It was the heat of the moment.

I guess that's that's something. If you want to hit a woman in the face, you're not like, yeah, I guess I have the energy to put this off later. Yeah, you're not smart enough to control yourself. Yeah, you're not thumbnail. They're just full, like, seeing red, just not even thinking at all. He's like, we're into handle this later. Just not like he gets back in.

And if you get in between it, they're going to both try to fight you together. Of course. Really? Yeah, I used to break up like. Break up DVs at the club and they would fucking both fight you. We're like, a guy is like shaking his girl. And I'm like, like, full on, like. shaking her, like about a hit her, and I get him between

and I just grab the guy, and then I'm getting hit, like, in the back. And it's her going, put him down! Oh, my God. Who's about a fucking clock, you idiot? I love him. Daddy, I love him. I can fix him. My favorite... This is my favorite Leo C...

Put him down, Daddy. I wish Jake was my father. I deserve it. That'd be nice. Actually, I think your dad's cool. No, he is. But you can legally adopt people as adults. What?

Yeah. I could adopt... Yes. Is that hilarious? Is that like, what's it called, like, the Britney Spears thing? I don't know, but I just like... Seinfant chip or whatever it was called. I was just hammered at a wedding and I was trying to get my friend's dad to adopt me. Because that would be funny. I was like, Tommy's dad's the funny.

I was like, I should be in your family. And he's like, could we do that? We're like, I guess you can. You get adopted adult. Yeah, yeah. I'd like to be adopted. That'd be cool. Oh, we were talking about the DV thing. This is one of my favorite things I've seen.

So you remember Leo C, the comic, who shot a guy? Yes. So is New York comic shot a guy on the train. Oh, allegedly. Lee. I mean, he went on the run, but it's alleged that he did this. They got him, right? No, no. They never got him? Still on the run. Wow. Holy shit. I assumed by now. That was like right before I was leaving, I heard about it. Yeah, he only has a giant tattoo on his face. Hard to find.

He's fast, I guess. Yeah, yeah. He got out of town, quick. Somebody told me he did a spot that night. I'm not sure. That'd be so fucking funny. Let me shoot a guy on the train. What is the deal? It's shooting people on the train. All these people on trains. It's like motherfucker. Don't just see I got a glock. on me? He's bleeding out.

Oh! They're getting lippy. But that he... You're gonna step to me, motherfucker? Sorry. No, no, no. But he did something where

this girl fought as, like, was messing with his friend. She, like, you know, knocked his food out, and then it was talking about a much of shit. And then he called up another girl to fight the girl. He just had, like, a hood girl

that just goes and beats up white chicks for him. Yeah. Which is kind of awesome just to have that kind of power. you're like, I would never hit a one. Stud team six. Yeah. It was like, mission is a go.

Just four sick-ass black lesbians come up. I'll dress the same. Do studs have to be lesbian? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What happened? Studs, like it's like black girls. Maybe someone could be a stud and be a bisexual woman.

I don't doubt that that exists somewhere. But their heart's not in the dick. There's stud who have sex with men. Yeah. But I think stud is generally. Yeah. Stud is like a typically a jack dude or like a lesbian. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that guy's a stud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's, I don't fully understand the gay. I was trying to talk to a gay guy about what I would be. What kind of gay you'd be? Yeah, because I'm not like a... You're not a bottom?

Well, I didn't realize he was explaining with the bottom. Yeah. A bottom doesn't necessarily mean a position. It just means you take it in the booty, right? I think so, but there's like power bottoms or something. So power bottoms is... Yeah? Wait, what's the difference between power?

Is it like, you're just shoving your ass? What is it bottom? You can see, it's always sunny. You're generating. Yeah, bottom means you're the one taking it. That's what I bought. Well, no, but it's different than bottom bottom. But this is what I understand about gave sex.

Oh, all right. Difference between. What I understand, though, it's less common to really get, you know, they don't really be, you know, because that takes some. Yeah, because it takes some prep. Yeah. That makes sense. It's like, you know, he's got a shave.

You know. I mean. I had a buddy. You got a shit. A bottom is a person prefers the receptive role during sex. Okay,

Power Bottom is still the receptive partner but with more controlled dominance or active participation. Okay, so he's dominant while he's getting fucking.

Yes, that makes sense. There's a guy, Derek, what's his name? Shoban. Yes, Derek Shobin. Derek Chauvin,

yeah, yeah. He was a power bottom. That's how that happened. He's like, you're not going to fuck my ass me. He was on top, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was. But Derek was his name, comic, I don't want him, drum black on his name. But he's a power bottom? No, no,

no, no, he's fucking hated by him. He's in top. No, he went to prison. He said there was a guy named Baby Deer, who was like a power bottom like that and, like raped dudes with his ass and be like, Oh, you're raped me? You can't put me an ass, motherfucker? It's powerful. Well, he'd be like, I'll fucking kill you if you don't have sex money. Yeah, yeah, which is going to be so much pressure

to get your dick, like, okay. Yeah, it's like a harder way to rape, yeah. Yeah. All you gotta be looking behind you. What an asshole. Yeah. I'm gonna fuck you up. Yeah.

Just having a knife pointed this way. Yeah, yeah. Where to go? Don't you move, bitch? Just having a shank pointed backwards. Dude, imagine you're just going soft in that situation. You're like, fuck, please. Are you doing missionary?

He's like, I'll fucking kill your ass. Oh, you motherfucker. I'll fuck your ass up No no no fuck my ass I'm gonna get cut I see how this may be confusing No I get it's complicated I don't get it myself

If I'm being honest It's just what I like I've been in here a while It all started when I was a little kid And you do a therapy Making a motherfucker emotional and shit I guess I didn't mention that the other thing I put in my ass this trip A guy's dick

No No He did not He was just a guess Yeah I was good guess I was out in my buddy and we were pretty drunk and he goes Dude uh you uh

We're doing zins he's like you got to keep everybody in Austin Kister Zins No Dude did you put a Zinn in your ass Yes let me get there It's not gonna make it any better I just want to tell them feel golf? Didn't do anything.

It just tickled like peppermint in my boo. Oh. Jesus, dude. But the guy was just like, the guy's like, dude, everybody, he actually gets me on like a first grade level. He convinced you? He convinced me that everybody in Austin doesn't. You're very gullible.

I am, dude, it's like 1.30 a.m. We're like, pretty drunk. He goes, dude, everybody in Austin, keister's zins. He's like, you just waste your money. Heasters. Yeah, yeah. They took us. They took us in.

Yeah. At the bar, he bends over shows me as his in between his butt cheeks. No, he doesn't. I'm like, did nobody see that? Like, that's fucking crazy. And I was like... Who said this? My buddy.

A comedian? No, not comedian. He's just... Oh, just a friend of yours who lives in Austin? Yeah, he's just good, but he's like, dude, you gotta try it. I was like... I was like, I feel like this is a joke, but, you know... Yeah.

We might hit dead air at 45 minutes on the pod, so I'm gonna go ahead and try this. You mentioned this. Yeah, yeah. And didn't do anything, just tickled like peppermint, but I was like... Man, I can't believe you listen to him. Yeah, it was really like a way that I was like... Yeah. Instead of not...

I was like, I was like, I can't be wrong about it. this because that would just be embarrassing if I just didn't put a Zinn in my ass and didn't fit in Austin. It would not be embarrassing if you didn't put his in. No, I know. I'm going to say, it's a little embarrassing. You did. No, it's incredibly. Yeah, yeah. Just Billy Madison to you. Yeah, yeah, everybody. Piss your pants. Zip and Zins is the coolest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody Kester Zins. Yeah. Damn, dude. Kester's is funny. Yeah, Kester Zin. Kirsters in. Kirst in. Kirsters in. Boof and thins is the coolest. Consider me. Miles Davis. Yeah.

Sorry. Why are you apologizing for chriving in? Because I was talking over there. Oh, man. I was getting pissed off. I thought that was actually a pretty fun rip. I was getting fucking livid over here. No, the Billy Mason reference.

No, that was good reference, dude. Not bad. The key strings ins is cool. Call me Miles Davis. Consider me. Yeah. You got to correct him on that. Walking off the last four seconds of a podcast.

Had enough. Fifty-nine minutes of three. 30 seconds. Fuck you. Fuck everybody in here. I couldn't last enough. Just fuming. I don't know. We got like,

five minutes plus. He's like off camera. Where can they find you at? And my dick! Fuck you! What do we got like five minutes left? Yeah, actually. No, 53, 22, 24.

78. Oh, yeah, that's how tight. I thought it's a construct. I got anything. Shialabuff has been having fun. I love Shia. My God, he's great. I feel terrible.

him. I think he's having a, what the doctors would call a manic break. Yes. But he is incredibly funny. It's so funny. That clip about God or Jesus? What would you say to Jesus? I'll kiss her. I won't change. He's actually being earnest, though. He's crying. Yeah, I'll just kiss him. I'll kiss

his feet. Yeah, I love his voice. He's like, dude, look at me thinking, bro, I'm thinking so fucking hard. I'm not fucking hard like this. Look at me. I'm fucking thinking so horrid. He thinks so horrid and this is the most retarded there. Let me see the right words for this. I'm scared of, I'm scared of

gay. What he goes, let's change the subject. What do you think about fondue? I don't fuck with it at all. What killed? What killed me is like, like, a lot of people looked up to me for like their sobriety. Who fuck was looking up to him for sobriety? No, well, he was kind of known as a guy who was like,

you know, class, you know, kind of tiger bloody. You know, he's like crazy guy, getting drunk doing, you know, fighting, whatever. Kind of being a little crazy. And then he supposedly got sober for this extended period of time. But, yeah, but he was only sober. He said he was only really sober for two years. And then he started doing like Kratum or Kava or something like that.

And then it kind of fell to drinking, you know, after that or whatever. But like he was kind of in the spot. I don't think he ever self-reported that way. But he had this image of this like, oh, I'm reformed. I'm religious now. And, you know, through AA, I found God and this kind of thing. And he was like, I'm sure. everybody, you know, looked up to me and shit.

Because now I'm fucked up. I'm really just a wild boy. Yeah, it was so funny. Dude, he's in the streets. He's like, people on the streets, man. They don't even fucking know about Epstein. They don't even know what happened. He don't care about this stupid ass shit.

Yeah. Yeah, it was so funny to ask Shia LeBuff during a manate break. What do you think about the Epstein files? Yeah, yeah. I mean, just hilarious. It's incredible, yeah. Just like asking like Tiger Blood, Charlie Sheen, like, what, you know, interest rates on mortgages are really.

Yeah, yeah. It's like asking about the two, thousand eight financial crisis. One speed, fucking go. Fuck all that shit. I got to watch that dog. Oh, God, there's drugs in the house.

Oh, God, no way. That's my favorite. That's like, oh, God, everybody's so scared. Everybody's so scared. Everybody's going to die. Oh, my God, drugs in hell. Oh, no. What was that one with like the girl? He's like, people could have overdosed.

He's like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, no way. They didn't why we were talking about it. It's so flipping. He just like, go fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. That was sick, dude. He beat Michael Jordan at basketball. Charlie Sheen did? Well, his... Him and his dad 2 v. won Michael Jordan, and they beat him. Was this when Michael Jordan's dad was dead?

No, it was like, though, it was like for some charity event. It was like Charlie Sheen and his dad are going to play Michael Jordan for charity or whatever. Oh, yeah. It's like, can Jordan beat two guys who are copy as a basketball? And I think he might have been blindfolded. There was some other thing. They had to be... I suppose when he shot his 3-4-0-0.

Yeah, yeah, there's some rule he had to, like, close his eye, you know, some whatever. But they did beat him in, like, this. stupid exhibition. I bet you they just ruined Michael Jordan. He's most competitive guy on earth. He was probably pissed. He's probably so mad. And there was like crazy moments where like Charlie Sheen's like Michael Jordan hits like a half, like half court shot.

And then Charlie Sheen's dad just nails it and hits that too. And then they're just like draining threes. Yeah, they're kind of good at basketball. It was like, what the fuck is going on? They clearly like played like high school basketball. Yeah, they're like kind of good. That's insane. Yeah, it was cool.

RIPP. Machine. RP to who? Charlie Sheen. Still alive. Oh, what? This is great news. You're getting the AIDS diagnosis

confused with us. Yeah, he assumed. They did have AIDS. He came up. You know you got a serious problem. You're a heterosexual man just getting it. He's gay. He's gay.

You're gay. Boom. Yeah, he talks about it. What? He talks about getting fucked by guys. They all are. Is he bisexual or is he gay? Oh, man, bisexual.

They all are. I don't believe a single straight guy has gotten AIDS, besides if they were sharing it. I think E, he 100% fuck the chick. Yeah. Or, uh, I know. Probably, dude. A guy. Yeah, yeah.

And a 900 does. What about Magic Johnson? I think he's fucked to do before. It's so much harder to get AIDS. Yeah, 100%. It's really unlikely. I thought about drugs, though. I just assumed those guys were drugs.

Nah. Um, wait, if a girl has AIDS and my fucker, I'm not getting age? It's so low, dude. We're so chilling. Yeah. Oh. Take bigger risks, bro. Venus, it's like micro fraction, what's it called?

Maybe yours is. That's where we had them. Go ahead. And fuck you, Jimmy. No, it's like tiny tears in the skin, right? Like tiny amounts of blood or like whatever. So like anal sex is like there's a ton of friction and it's in your ass. It's not lubricated naturally or whatever the hell.

So there's a lot of like little tears going on in your ass. and on your pee but if you're having sex with the vagina then like it's you know it's more lubricated and stuff like that less blood

if you butt fuck a girl with AIDS then you're yeah then you're more likely but the receiver the receiver is way more likely than the giver yeah because like

if you have like your cum can give someone AIDS right doesn't it isn't there is in the cum yeah I purposely stop drinking it terrified of age

I go Jake you have to stop there's AIDS in there doesn't say it on the back Let me live my life. Come, guzzler. Let me be who I want to be. Yeah. Always trying to tear me down.

Let me be me. I'm trying to micro-taire my ass. Yeah, right? Isn't that what it is? Yeah, yeah. So you'd have to have AIDS come shoot into your ass while you're bleeding in your asshole. It's a lot of microaggression. Yeah, it's microaggressions.

They cause AIDS. Yeah, macroaggressions. You get it. You're fine, I think. Yeah. Just stay macro. It's like AIDS. Inside your butt. It's a macro tape.

Everyone has eight. Eighth, I think we're probably at, right? Oh my God. Why? You want to get rid of it? No, I have to pee and he's got to get to. What's your problem, man?

Look at your body language. I have to pee. Look at your body language. Look at him. He's already out the door. Yeah. Look at him. He's like on the edge of his seat.

I'm sitting like John Burr ball in a podcast. 58, 59, 69, 60. Are you happy? That's an hour. I didn't want to Dan this way. I mean, Berthal and Shai is like one of the greatest

podcast ever man. Dude, I love Berthal just has his hat. It's always like... Oh, yeah, it's all the way down. Yeah, because that's how you know, he's like a serious guy

because he's just like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I was fucking little boys or whatever. What the fuck? Well, what he says is I was like, I was acting like a little boy.

I was fucking around with a little boy. Yeah. And then you're like, what? It's a weird way to say that. He's saying he was behaving immaturally and, and the people around him were immature,

but he said it was like, I was fucking around with little boys. And he's just saying, the show, I was like, yeah, yeah, for real, I get it. Berthal's like, mm-hmm, yeah, understood, understood. He was so serious.

They're so intense. And Berthal, somebody, I don't think I'm the first one break his episode, but somebody brought it up one time, they're talking about, like, every time Berthal tells a story, it's always like him at his lowest point. Oh, yeah.

But it's him like, he's got 90 lowest points. Yeah, yeah. And it's him like, I beat the fuck out of 10 dudes. I never want to be that angry again. I was in prison and they all escaped and I started, I beat them all one by one.

You're like, that's just the punisher, John. Yeah. That was real. I was on a movie set and someone punched me in the face. And I found out he was real. It wasn't even an actor. And I was just let him go. I was like, respect.

What are you fucking saying, right? All right, let's wrap things back guys. Yeah, yeah. They organized you guys online. Jimmy, anything to promote? Nothing to promote, but you can follow me on TikTok and Instagram. Jimmy.commonahan. And listen to my podcast.

The Rough Week podcast as well as the Gene Jacks podcast. Oh, yeah, hold on. And that's too late, Jimmy. That's a great. I love that that's back. Oh, thanks, dude. Definitely check that out. Both are great.

And I have a podcast, too, Silly Goose Radio. Check it out. Yeah, I just wanted to end it by playing a quick game of movie buffs. Oh, God. It's a time about an hour. This was given to me by my blind roommate during Skank Fest. You had a blind roommate? Yeah, I didn't know he was blind until after.

And he wore a kilt. He thought it was, like, chocolates. I'm not going to watch a show, but. He's like, I got you a VHS tape. He's just crammy. Will you marry me? Thank you, Mrs. Riggas. I love your titties.

No, Jake, Ricka, on YouTube, IG, and I'll be torn with David Jolly. So any dates on the road, you'll usually see me featuring for him. Fuck yeah. Both fucking hilarious. David Jolly's hilarious and you're fucking great, too. So fuck yeah. Yeah.

All right, sweet. Thank you. And listen to the Good Morning Wood podcast. Yes, yes. With Matthew Good. with Matthew Brassard. We get the thumbnail for you. Bye.