Morning Good - That's EDM, Baby! - Episode 73

Episode Date: April 20, 2022

Thanks to Jake Timothy for coming back on the show solo, and check him out on IG and give him a follow to see more of him @jake_timothy. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. And we are on. Here we are. We are with Jake Timothy. Hey. I, uh, it's weird to not start that way. I always fucking start that way.

but it feels weird just going into conversation. You know we've been sitting on the couch at the second we start recording my brain's just like, fuck! Yeah, well, like 90% of the time I do this podcast,

I go to your house and you're like, let's get started. I have to get out of here in like 30 minutes soon. Yeah, it's a huge rush. And it is like the only time I'm like, I literally have nowhere to fucking be right now.

Yeah. It's nice. Yeah, it is nice. How many one-on-ones have you done? Probably like six. I did some of my buddy Paxson who helps produce this. Those were great episodes

because we grew up together. We had constant banter. But he lives in California now, so we couldn't really do that. The hard one I always worry when I do one-on-ones and Adam Christopher because he's so fucking ridiculous that I'm like, dude, he'll have some riff and I'm going to have to try to like stay on board with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's going to be challenging because he's going to be like, my shoes are grapes. And I'm going to be like, fuck, how am I going to fucking not? I got to keep it. I got to go with the bit. But I've, no, I'm so bad at improv and stuff like that. Yeah. When I'm talking to him, I feel like,

When someone, you know that when someone comes up to you after a show and you're like, and they're trying to be funny with you and you're there like, oh, this person just isn't funny? I feel like, yeah. Yeah. When I'm talking to Adam, I feel like just a fan of comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so chow. Have you done improv? No, I want to.

I want to take improv classes. I think it's helpful, but it's just the people that do it are like just the worst. It's amazing because I'm like, this is in my head that it's going to be like the worst people imaginable. And then you go and you're like, man, these people suck. My favorite was I had this one-inch improv coach, and he's like, man, all these old comics, they're talking about PC. He's like, bro, those guys know nothing about comedy. They are out. And this guy's like 50 years old teaching in improv class. It's just so funny to be like, those guys are out of style. I'm like, dude, you have no career. I hate like, that's pretty, most of like the improv only people I've encountered are like very quick to tell you what is and isn't comedy. And I'm like, you fucking took a class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck would you know? Like, yeah. Well, I also, hey, yeah, I hate, yeah, I hate rule.

The second anybody puts rules to anything, it's so frustrating when they're like, comedy is taking the serious and making it silly, or like anything, it's like, you're like, listen, it's so many different. You can't fucking explain what comedy. That's the least funny thing is to, like, put a parameter around, be like, comedy,

that's not comedy, this is comedy. Yeah, and if you need to, like, follow all these guidelines to figure out what comedy is, it's just, you're not funny. Yeah, and there are old school people that have those issues, too, like, Jeff Garland had some dumb thing on Rogan. He's like, listen, if you ever have to act out having sex, you're not funny. And I'm like, what a bizarre thing to like just give me a break too.

Yeah, you're like anybody, he goes, he goes, I sit in the green room, I watch the camera. If anybody's hump in the air, I go, that guy's not funny. It's like, you have no idea what he's saying. And then it's also like nobody's like Jeff Garland, the best stand-up comedian. Like he's a funny guy. Clearly, he's very talented. But nobody's like king of stand-up, Jeff Garland. So it's like.

Yeah. No one knows the rules of funny. It's just like when you see something funny happening, you're like, all right, I get it. Yeah, yeah. But even that there are comics that are like people. love that I watch and I'm, I just don't get it, but I'm not going to be like, that's not what comedy is. Yeah, you know, it is working. I just, just because I don't get it. I mean, it's not valid. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's the same thing with music. People like, that's not. It's like

such an old person mentality. Be like, this isn't music. It's like, no, it is technically like, it is like, it is music. With David Shapiro, I have some stuff like that where he's like, my problem with rap music is not that it's black people, but that they are, he has like some like, I hate, he's such a fucking pussy. He's annoys me so much, but. I know. But, How can, like, I love people trying to do the mental gymnastics to have a critique on just what rap music is without being racist. Yeah, that is so true. It's, uh, yeah, it's technically not music because of the, yeah. He, the one thing I got such a boner for, though, is when he broke down Batman and why he didn't like the new Batman, I was just like, you know what?

Yes. This guy has good takes on. This is what you should have been doing all along. Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah. But, uh, yeah, I just got back from. I remember wedding in Jasper, Alabama, which not a lot going on there. Yeah, did you figure out some shit to do?

Yeah, there were kayaks. So we got there the first day, and it was us and, like, it was us and, like, the family of, like, the mother and father of the bride. And me and my girlfriend, and then some other couples. And the first day, me and all the dudes just got left at the house. And it was me and this one guy, and we're kind of looking around. Like, what is there to do right here? I guess it's just us. And we didn't have a car.

We didn't have food either. Like, they didn't realize they just left us in a house without food. So, like, for lunch, we just had, like, crackers. It was just funny to be, like, a grown man. And I'm like, they didn't leave me with food, but I can't, like, call my girlfriend. Because she was out with, like, the wedding party, like, doing stuff in town because we're out in the middle of the woods. And, yeah, we didn't have a car or anything. And then we saw these kayaks, but the dock was broken.

So there's two kayaks at the dock. And we're like, all right, we'll try to figure out how to get over there. The first two days, we're just trying to, like, we're scoping it out. Like, all day, we're just kind of looking. We're like, I guess I could, nah, we can't get to those kayaks. And finally, last day, one of us just swam over. We're like, we could have been kayaking for four days. Yeah, yeah.

We just were too much of pussies to swim over there in the water. Was the wedding itself a good time? Yeah, yeah. I also, I love being the wedding guy. Wedding talk is so funny. You're always like, hey, wait till the booze comes out. I was just saying, like, the most dad stuff ever. You're like, wait.

Oh, does anybody know where the beer is? That's what I'm looking for. because everybody's just on the same board. They're like, yeah, alcohol's fun. And then, like, the food comes out. You're like, hey, keep me away from the cake. Trust me, I will eat all of it. That was just me all week because, like, I don't know how to talk to, like,

some parents, I don't know. I just, I don't know where they come from. So you're not just going to, like, have, like, a real conversation. So the whole conversation is just like, I talked about the weather for, like, four straight days. Just like talking to this girl's dad, like, you know, it's colder today than it was yesterday. And he's like, yep, you know, get the weather. some sunlight while you can. I'm like, absolutely. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's a weird. I've never been to a wedding that's like multiple days. So I've never had four days. That's crazy. Yeah. But that's a lot of

weddings are like that. Where you have to like live in that weird reality with people you don't even really know for a couple days. Yeah, yeah. Or when you like, you're at, you go to a wedding and you like meet someone that you're supposedly related to and you're like, I've never fucking met this person ever. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Oh, it's wild. And that was the thing too is like, yeah, it. It's, it's we're just like looking at these baby pictures of this now by the way I wanted to preface saying I had a great fucking time I amazing wedding beautiful great service I loved all the people there but it is that weird gap

where you don't really like I'm looking at somebody's baby pictures and I'm just like I don't I met this girl like three times she's cool and stuff but like I'm not like man the memory yeah how do I fucking chime in to looking at this person's baby pictures that I don't know at all um my girlfriend's just making this slideshow and then um yeah and then her dad, I don't know what he's about.

I mean, it seems cool, but I'm like, I don't want to say the wrong thing and just... Yeah. That's like a weird tradition. Like, I've only... Probably when I was a baby, I went to a wedding where I actually knew the people getting married. But every wedding I've been to pretty much has been, like, either a very distant relative or, like, the relation was explained to me, and I still didn't understand it. Like, it's just people I, like, don't know at all.

And, but, like, I'd love the idea of, like, having a wedding and just inviting all these kind of random people that you don't know. Oh, yeah. Even, like, I'd love for my wedding to be like, it's like my fiance's dad arranged it for like business purposes. Yeah. Like, has a bunch of weird old men in suits and they're all like shaking hands. I'm like, neither me or my bride know these people.

Yeah, just strange. That's part too. So funny because the groom came up and I'm like, what's up? I'm going to say, what's up to this dude? And I'm like, wait, this guy doesn't even know me. And I walked up with the courage like, yo, we're getting fucked up this weekend, bro. And I'm like, this guy has no idea who I am.

And I'm like, I didn't realize until I was like, how if I did it? I was like, oh, yeah, I don't know this guy at all. I mean, he's cool and stuff. But yeah, and then the wedding itself was nice. I mean, I was battling with this fucking cough I have. So I was kind of like I wasn't trying to go too crazy. We watched Anaconda, which is fun. Not at the service, but like, we're just sitting.

All right. After the, like, the church, they're like, all right, if you follow us down the street to this banquet hall, we're going to screen Anaconda. And after that, we're going to get fucked up. That movie is fucking awesome. I love the first, like, fucking two minutes is like Danny Trejo. Yeah. You've seen it, right?

Yeah, it's great. Danny Trejo, there's like a snake. The Anaconda's breaking into his ship. And then he just climbs the tower and just shoots himself in the head because he doesn't want to deal with like the Anaconda. And then ice cubes in it. A lot of people, it was fun. And then we started watching the sequel at some point. Anacond does hunt for the blood orchard, I think is what's called.

But just fucking awesomeness. I'm picturing it's like you're in this house and there's one guy that you don't know and he's like you want to watch Anaconda and you're like yeah that's the sick idea and then you watch it and then he's like Duke let's watch Anaconda too and you're like I don't know if you're that cool

It was almost the opposite to like we're in somebody else's house and we saw there's like a TV it was me and this other guy and it's one of those things where you don't want to like you don't want to put something that sucks on a TV you know what I mean you don't want to people like oh you guys are watching this and so it's so funny that we landed on fucking Anaconda

because I'm like, if anybody watches this, everybody can be like, what the fuck are you watching? But I was like nervous the whole time that their parents were going to come home and see we were watching Anaconda. Just have like a weird conversation about it. But then we got along great and then at some point we're like Anacondas too. It was on a different streaming platform. But yeah, I had a good time.

We got really fucked up. The dudes were cool. We went kayaking. But that's better than, I've been to a funeral where I don't know the person. That was strange. Yeah, that's very weird. it was a baby. So it was even weirder.

Because I was a kid. I had a bit about it because I was like, you're like, man, I don't know the person that died. You're like, wait, this is a baby funeral.

Nobody knows the person. Everybody's just pretending. That was really... Pretty much. You know, like sometimes when people die, like, people will try to like,

they'll like attach themselves to the tragedy. Every time. Yeah. I'm guilty of this too. That would be funny if you saw, you just saw like people fighting over who knew the baby the best. Yeah. they're like not even the parents.

Dylan would have hated this. Just like at the service. He loved blue. This is not what he stood for. Also, it's so funny because my head, I expected there to be other babies there, which is not going to happen. Just like the baby's crying.

They're like, I know this is hard for you. But it's like clearly they're just crying because they're fucking babies. He's crying because the organ is too loud. Yeah, yeah. I know it's an emotional time for you. Do you want to say any words to the other baby?

Yeah. You just see like a line of babies going up to the casket to like... Yeah, it's just their hand on it. Yeah. I like the idea of the baby wearing one of those like the black veils. You put on your face. The baby's wife. Yeah.

Somebody walks right after the baby, it looks at the eyes and go, yell on a nerve showing your face. face here. There's a group of like Italian babies in the corner and no one's making eye eye contact with them. But my favorite is my grandma's funeral. There was some dude with an eye patch in the back. I never found out who he was

but I'm like, that's awesome. That's the coolest shit. Oh, it's fucking sick. He's probably one of those guys that like right before you die, you pay him to show up. Oh, yeah. Not tell anyone who he is at all. Yeah. That's a fucking move. But yeah, and there's also always like, it's, I don't know, hot chicks

love attaching themselves at funeral. Like every funeral I bet too, there's some hot girl that was like, I was so fucking close with him. And you're like, no, you weren't. For all of this, you know what I mean? Well, I mean, you, like, you went to a lot of, like, Florida funerals, I would imagine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which are, like, younger people. Yes.

Yeah. It's not like an 89-year-old dude and all these, like, hot babes are like, he was so hot. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it is, it is funny because, like, everybody's somewhat guilty. It's so, I have a friend that died, and, uh, it's so. so annoying because we had a personal relationship. Yeah.

Like, it was like, uh, he sat at our lunch table and then he got put in a mental institute. And then I would hang out with him whenever he was back in, like, whenever I was back and down. And like, I built like, just a one-on-one, like, because I didn't really drink to do drugs after he, like, developed schizophrenia. So, like, I would hang out with him and like, you know, have long talks, drink coffee. Because I hung out with him when he first got out of the psych ward, which is like a really, like,

I think emotional connection because you're like, apparently a lot of people, like, weren't hanging out with him much. I was like, oh, I got to really like hang out with person one-on-one, like talk about some deep stuff. We have the deepest conversations. But nobody knows that we were tight. And there's a part of me that wants to be like, no, we were actually really fucking cool. Because it's like, it's annoying when you talk about, you're like this really effective. He was very sad loss.

And then you feel like people are like, you didn't fucking know the guy. I'm like, I did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, you've had like for a person that's your age, you've had an exceptional experience with like friends dying, people your age. Yeah. You've had more than a lot of folks that I know. you've had a lot of like people in your life die.

Yeah. No, no, it is very strange. And it's so funny because like I didn't know how weird. Like it's, you don't notice things are weird until like you're like, you take a step back.

Because my girlfriend's like, you've been to all fucking shit over the last three years. I'm like, oh yeah. It's like I know. It's like as far as friends, I've had three dies since COVID. And then as far as people I know it's been like fucking six since COVID,

which is crazy. Yeah. But yeah, no, it's very odd. It's very strange. How often do you do that? Do you like kind of take a minute to be like,

Wow, I have been through a lot, or I've just known a lot of people who've, like, I've lost. Up and down. So, like, the most recent one was the closest, and that's been, like, a fucking, like, a fucking, dude, I cry, like, four times a week about it. I would imagine it. I mean, even just as your friend do, I only see you probably, like, twice a week. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, I've, like, noticed you've been going through it a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, like, emotionally, you're always kind of in a different place when I see you. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes I walk up and I'm like, who's some motherfuckersersers just having a great. time and the next day. I'm just like, because that's kind of the best way to expand it. It's up and down because randomly I'll just be showering

and I'll just start crying. And then sometimes I'll be like, I'm great. You know what I mean? It's just a emotional role. And you can't control it because it's not like you can be like, all right, I'm going to have my emotions now and then be good later. Yeah. I mean, it's like I've, you know, I haven't really had much experience with

like people my age dying, but I do understand like grief. Right. It's weird when you like are grieving. It's not just like crying and you're like planning revenge. It's just like, you're kind of just like, I'm just still around. And so I'm just going to feel a lot of weird shit,

but at the end of the day, I'm just still around. Right. Yeah, yeah. It's weird. It's hard to understand, like, what to do with it. No, 100%. And like when my grandma died, it's so funny. Like, if I'm being totally honest,

the meaninglessness of those emotions to me now are like, that was fucking nothing. Because my grandma died and I was like, it was sad. Like, I knew my grandma decently well. And I was like, wow, my grandma died. But it's such a different experience. than having like a friend die your age and you're like just a way you know what I mean just a way

different but um I really think old people and babies dying are the best case scenario because old people they got to live a full life and there's nothing my grandma died of Alzheimer's at like 80 something and I'm like whatever like it sucks dick but you're like that's not and the baby's dying you're like all right nobody knew the baby I know we want to pretend we're like he was gonna it's like you didn't, I'm sure for the parents, it's fucking horrible. But that's really kind of like two people that it's going to like deeply affect. But like 20s, it seems like it's so hard because everybody knew the person well and they didn't get to like live longer. That's like, I mean, there is like the energy of when you're especially in comedy now with us, we're hanging out with a lot of people who are like excited about the future.

Yeah, yeah. And all young people are kind of excited about where their lives are going to go. And then when you see one of those people, just like, they're gone. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, it's crazy that, like, most of my life, I'm going to live without that person that I had these crazy connection to. But I think it's also like, it's so funny because with, like, morning, you can't even relate to it with other people because somebody would be like, my dad died.

And I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, that's so sad. But in my head, it's like, I'm like, yeah, whatever. I don't know. But I'm like, that has to be way worse than having your friend. Like, in my opinion, it's like in your head, like, I have a friend who's mom died recently and I'm like I can't even you can't process somebody else

just pain emotionally like in my mind it's meaningless I'm like yeah you're whatever and then you're like oh but really to that person it's like you can't yeah yeah um and I'm sure it yeah I'm sure it's way worse than having like yeah because my friend's dad died like five years ago uh and a similar way that like my friend died

and at the time I was like you never realized that he was going through horrible you know you can't um man this is been hilarious. I don't give a shit because, yeah. But yeah, it is definitely a weird thing. But all my funeral experiences have been the same. Like, I've been to three funerals recently where the after party has been loads of

cocaine, which is so funny. That's how like it's. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know. That's how, I mean, that's how my, I, my funeral, I want to be two ways. I want like a party funeral with whoever does drugs and drinking. but then I'm also a sober person funeral

where it is kind of a good get together and lots of cigarettes, coffee, crate them, whatever you do if you're sober, but everybody's, yeah, that's one of those. Yeah, I'd rather, I prefer the cigarettes and coffee thing. I want to die at an age where it's like only really the people in my life are invited because I've been to funerals for young people

and every single one of them, there's been this thing where they're like, anyone can come and pay their respects. Right. And if it was my funeral and I was watching over it, I'm like, I don't want fucking any of these people. Like, because I know there are like girls I went to high school with. Oh, they're going to make a show about them.

There are two girls I'm thinking of specifically. I'm not making a comment on women. It's just like these two girls I know who like every time someone just in my hometown dies, they like get a tattoo of their name. You fucking didn't know that guy. It's like no one is going to be upset with you if you don't attach yourself to this. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let a person die for fuck's sake.

Yeah, yeah. I know a girl like that. She posted something. And she's like, I'll never forget sitting next to him in English class. And I so badly want to comment, sounds like you guys were really close. I told you about that girl.

We're like, dude, so funny. This girl, that's the fucking craziest thing. Oh, yeah, when people,

when they take to the internet and say something like that, I sat next to him in English class. It's like, all right, well, he probably didn't even fucking notice you. Oh,

yeah, yeah. We're not talking about like, she had huge tits. So she definitely noticed her. Okay, never mind. Yeah.

But that's the funny part too is like, I was kind of like that until it started happening more because, like, I had, like, my friend's dad die, like, five years ago. And that I felt so emotional about it. And I wrote, like, a story about it, one of my classes because I was like, this is something serious. And I think it is serious if it is a big thing. But it's so funny looking back at that now.

And I'm like, I was so detached from that compared to where I am now. So, like, if you haven't dealt with a lot of loss, I think, like, like, I heard some comic on a podcast talking about their dog dying. And they were like, the pain in the struggle every day. And you're like, all right. You know what I mean? It's like it's so... Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's not... I had that with... My best friend lives around the corner for me in my hometown. And early on in COVID, like, with the first month or two of the lockdown, one day, like, my dog died. Just died in my house. We were all, like, kind of surprised by it. Dude, that's crazy. My dog died, like, the second day of lockdown also.

Yeah. It's fucking, it's like kind of out of the blue. It was like, oh, shit. Dog died. And then... my friend, one of his friends from our high school, who I kind of knew, I didn't really know him that well, he overdosed and he died.

Yeah. And so me and my friend went on a walk, and we were talking about, like, our grief. And I was talking about my dog and how much I missed my dog. And he was talking about, like, this human being. And I was trying to, like, bridge the gap. I was like, yeah, but I don't care about that.

Yeah, yeah, right. That's the thing. And your brain, you're like, whatever you're going through, there's no way it's compared to what I'm going. Yeah, because if you feel like grief is such a, deep feeling. It's like if you feel that, you're like, I just, I really don't want to take the energy to like meet you halfway. I want to feel what I'm feeling right now. I'm sad about my dog.

Yeah, yeah. If it was my, if it was a fucking like aunt that lived in my basement that I loved, I would feel the same way. A what? Like an ant or like a bug I kept in a cage. Oh yeah. Be like, yeah, I care about that thing more than your, your friend. 100%. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And yeah. And that is the thing where like, you do want to be like, that's nothing. But at the end of the day, it's like everybody just pro, you know what I mean? it's like people process things differently. My dog dying was like, dude, I don't think about my dog at all. I loved my dog.

Not a day has gone by in the last three months. Did I even remember that I had a dog? I grew up with the dog. Dude, there's hundreds of pictures of me like snuggling with the puppy. Just constantly, sweetest dog in the world loved my dog. But I just don't think about my dog at all. Yeah. But like as I said, everybody has different things with it.

But my favorite thing with that girl with a huge tits, though, was she like, she posted like an RIP to the guy. And the next post was just her tits. And it was twice the amount of likes on the boob picture, then the guy. And they're in the same frame. So like if you scroll through her Facebook, it's like RIP so-and-so. I remember sitting next to an English class, like 10 likes. And then just her boobs out.

And it was like, can't wait for coronavirus to be over. And it was like 400 likes. And it was awesome that at the same page, you could just see everybody's reaction. And I think there was one guy who liked the RUBS. RIP post, but then loved the boo post, which is so funny. He was like, I guess, like, I died. It's sad. He's like, oh, yes, there we go.

These are the posts I'm about. That would be funny if someone, like, faked their own death to see how many of those posts they would get. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then they'll, like, reveal that they faked it and be like, I got you. And then everyone's like, that. It wasn't cool at all. Oh, yeah. Dude, I had a friend, uh, fake die for like a full show.

How is that, like, just like, via the. internet or something? Dude, it was crazy. His girlfriend, um, and I love both of them. This is a really fucked up thing. But his girlfriend was texting, like one of my buddies, well, my friend who died recently was texting my other friend's girlfriend and was like, hey, where's so and so? And she goes, because he hasn't answered my text in two days. She goes, oh, he died. And then she was at the beach. She was just joking around and then just like turned off her phone and went swimming for an hour. And then everybody's like, he died. And they're like, what? And it was one of those where like, it was like five hours where everybody's like,

because if you text so-and-so died and don't immediately follow up, everybody's gonna think they actually died if you're not gonna answer for five straight hours. So for five hours, I'm like crying. We went to his house. Jesus. And we're knocking on the door.

And then we get a text, we're like, no, he's fucking fine. We were just, it was so funny because it was like, you don't realize how much you love somebody until they fake. Everybody should fake die once just so everybody's like,

because that's actually in my mind a good prank. Because it's like, although it puts you through emotional stress, there's a positive ending. Like, out of my friends that died, I would fucking love if somebody was like,

nah, they didn't die. That'd be the best feeling in the world. It's almost like, you ever wake up early and you go back to sleep? It's like that. So it's like, people should fake die more because you realize how much you appreciate them.

Yeah. It shouldn't be so frowned upon. I kind of don't think so. It's kind of like a good scenario, but I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I'd love to fake my own death. It would be so much fun to just fuck it.

I don't know. No, never mind. Would you even want to like know how you die? If you met like an Oracle today It was like I can just You can't You really have no control over it But I can tell you exactly how you're going to die

No unless they are like Okay I'll give you four options They were like it's either In your sleep Old age Cancer Or Alzheimer's

Then I'll be like Yeah tell me which one of those it is But if they were like I wouldn't want to know if I was going to die of cancer. I'd just be like, oh. Really? Because then I'm just like, actually, you know what? I would because then I would just start smoking again.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Things like that. It's like, but I would hate to be like, yeah, you fucking get hit by a bus. Because then your whole fucking life, you're just going to spend trying to avoid getting hit by buses. Yeah. But then you'll be hit by a bus in like the most interesting way. If you like never crossed the street, like you're all, you're being extra careful.

And then one day it's just like a bus. like somehow flies into your bedroom window. Yeah, I used to have nightmares about that. Yeah, yeah, that's, that would be fucking crazy. I, um, yeah, I guess, yeah, I'd probably want to know. I don't know why. I always think it's going to be something crazy because I have such anxiety. So I'm like, it's going to be a drug overdose or this or that.

But I'm like, I probably, I'll probably die of like, I don't know, like prostate cancer or something. I'm just, I'm guessing. I don't know. Yeah. I don't think I'm going to die in a crazy way. Because I don't know. It's like, it's so crazy because I don't even really do drugs anymore. My brain is still like, you're going to fucking.

because I have OCD and my brain will start doing these weird things where like I'll have a couple like beers at a bar and my brain will be like this is this is going to be it you're going to die puking on your own vomit because my brain just goes to these weird like thought processes and I'm like this is crazy I've had two beers why is my brain thinking that I'm going to like die this way. Same like mixing medications bro. I'm like I'm so aggressive with it. If I'm taking like mucinex and Advil PM, I'll like look for hours. I'm like can I combine these? I always freak out about that. There should be like a website where you can just type in two drugs and it'll tell you what it'll happen. There's a basic one, but the problem is it's vague.

And the problem is you go through Reddit and then all the comments would be like, yeah, bro, this doesn't even get you that high. And you're like, well, that's not, I'm trying to see what the dangers are. And the dangers are tough because like, I don't know, because there are, it is hard because like Xanax and alcohol, you really can mix together. I mean, it's bad, but it's like, you really can do it. Adderall and alcohol, you can 100% mix together. and you will be fine 90% of the time. But then it's some weird shit. You know what I mean?

Then it'll be like, oh, no, you can't take fucking Advil PM with a fucking M-A-O-I inhibitor. You're like, how was I supposed to fucking know that? Yeah, that's true. I guess like every time they've told you, like, you definitely can't mix these two drugs. It's because you'll either get addicted to how awesome it is. Yeah, yeah. Or you'll way overdo it. Yeah, yeah.

Fuck yourself up too much. But then there was a weird level. Like, I have a family member who literally took an oxy-cotton. I had like two glasses of wine and got rushed to the hospital. Damn. So it's like, you know what I mean? It's like, it's very like,

but then I also know some dude who took a morphine pill and had like, we were in fucking Mexico and this dude's like, yeah, bro, fucking pharmacy hit that shit up. Two fucking five Viagra, six morphine. I've been drinking booze all day. And you're like, all right, so is it bad?

I mean, I think opiates and alcohol is pretty dangerous. I think. Yes. But I think Adderall and alcohol really isn't that dangerous. Like, I mean, it's, shouldn't do it, but I don't think it's like...

Yeah, but I mean, you also shouldn't just... You shouldn't do cocaine at all. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can mix alcohol and cocaine very safely. Yeah, I don't know about very safe. Do you? It's... You'll be fine. Yeah, yeah.

Most likely, but, like, it's, you know, it's ill-advised. Right. But then mixing cocaine and, like, Xanax, I think is pretty dangerous. Like, there are certain things that are like... And obviously mixing opiates and cocaine is, like, wildly dangerous. Yeah. I don't think... There's no way. I'll die of a drug problem.

I can't, because I just, like, don't like drugs. Yeah. I could only die of, like, I'm taking mushrooms and I walk in front of, like, a bus or something. Yeah, but that's going to be the funny part is even if that happens, people are going to make up some narrative where they're like, it was the, you know what I mean? It's like, no matter how you die, everybody starts rapping in other shit and they're going to be like, yeah, man, this is why you don't do mushrooms.

And you're like, well, this is a complicated scenario. You're like, he walked, you know what I mean? He was walking down the street. Could have happened not on mushrooms. that's the weird thing about the psychedelic drug stuff because, like, I really think they're pretty harmless. But then you get the occasional story that's like nuts and then everybody's like, this is dangerous because of this.

And you're like, I don't know. Yeah. I think mushrooms generally are like perfectly safe. Yeah. But I'm like, you know, like acid, it's just because like you don't know who's making it. Right. That's like the one like drawback of that is like this is a chemical that someone synthesized and that kind of freaks me out a little bit.

That's why I'm like, I'm not interested in ever doing Molly. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's why I think it's most overrated drug in the world. And it's just like the most cut drug out of like basically anything. Yeah. It's like the most commonly not Molly. But yeah, I don't know.

I get scared about it. I would love to do mushrooms again because like that would be something I think I could see myself getting back into. I mean, I've always had horrible experiences on it. But I think if I could like find a way to like get through that fear of being on mushrooms. I mean, it seems like it's the perfect drug for comedy because you kind of do it during the day. and kind of still have a night. Yeah. Most drugs aren't like,

like if you drink during the day, it fucks up your sets or you're hungover, it fucks up your full diet's day. If you're doing, you can't do coke, you can't do Molly, really.

That's why I don't understand these like older comedians, not older, but just like people that do it for a while. And you hear these stories about them, like, like Jim Jeffries you get drunk and do coke all the time. Like,

how did you manage a career? It's crazy to him. Like, that's fucking wild. I mean, I guess you have to get to the point where you're so good at comedy that you could do it in any mindset. Like, I've sort of gotten that way where if I'm hung over, I can kind of do better than I used to be able to do.

But I'm like, I do not understand how you could drink and do coke all the time and be successful. And there are loads of people that did that. And I'm like, that idea is mind-boggling to me. I think, I mean, I think cocaine generally will make you unfunny. Yeah, yeah. It's not, like, good drug for comedy. No, you're like serious as shit, yeah. But if you're like, Jim Jeffries, say, like, most of the rooms he's playing are like either there for him, which is,

very forgiving. Or it's like he's playing just a better audience than what we usually do. So it's not like that hard. That's a good point. I'm like, you know, it's not, I'm not saying like he isn't good or anything. No, he's great. He's fantastic. And he's very talented. But he has that level of talent. And then he's playing to like full rooms of people who are like there to see comedy. And if they're his fans, they're there to party. So like they like that he's drunk and he smells like booze. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like, yeah. I think about that. Yeah, it's so funny because you don't realize that we are doing some of the hardest comedy. Like, I talked to other people that I'm like, dude, do you go to like these better comedy clubs?

Like, that audience is having a great, like, they're there for comedy compared to like most of the shows we're doing. People got dragged in off the street. Yeah, and they're like, they're skeptical of the whole show. They're like, they're not sure that it's comedy yet. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, you're like, oh, I forgot how hard. You're like, I'm so used to performing for smaller crowds. Now, I used to be terrified, bro.

Because like in Florida, a lot of the shows would be more people. Like, I used to be like, dude, I want to perform for five people. How am I going to do that? now I don't even think twice about it. I'm like, okay, there's five people. Yeah. And it's not like all the shows are five people, but like, for me, it's like I have no fear now performing for four people at all. I'm like, whatever.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But you didn't realize you're like, oh, yeah. A lot of people are used to performing for fucking hundreds of people every night. Yeah. And obviously, like, there's different skills with it. But it's so funny to think about like, dude, you could, I don't know, every, I've never bombed. I'm not saying it's never going to happen, but I've never bombed in a room of fucking more than,

40 people, really. Yeah, same. It's just like, it's so hard when it's like six people or eight people and they're like uncomfortable. Yeah. The audience is uncomfortable that like they aren't surrounded by more people

like and you can see all of them individually. Yeah, they're like, they don't know if they should even laugh or they're just paying attention because they feel awkward. Oh, especially if you do a fucked up joke. It's like you think, I mean, I don't have any fucking AIDS material. But if you didn't age, you think of grew and people, they're more likely to laugh than some guy like, with his fucking work friends, just him and people and go,

ha ha ha, ha, yeah, yeah, you know what this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not going to get somebody to, like, jump on board with shit. It's like, they're way more uncomfortable, yeah. Yeah, if it's a full room, you don't even really see their faces. You just see, like, you know, moving bodies. Yeah, yeah, and if one of five people would laugh,

and there's fucking 50 people in there, that's already 10 people laughing compared to one. Yeah, and they feel more comfortable doing it because they're hidden to a degree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if it's, you know, fucking four people, five people. And it's even with non-appropriate material,

people just don't want to laugh loud if they're in a smaller environment. That's why it's rewarding a shit when you fucking crush for like 10 people. You're like, fuck yeah, that's like. It's like crying on the train. You feel like everyone is staring at you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. Compared to crying at My Chemical Romance concert where everybody's crying. That's just what the environment is. You concert guy at all? I hate concerts. Really?

I hate them. You're the only person I know who hates concerts. Eli hates them too. Really? Maybe he's a little different. But yeah, live music, I think, it's never been worth it. Dude, I'm the, I've never been to a concert. I've been like, that's the greatest experience of my life.

Really? Yeah, I love. The only one I saw this band called Slightly Stupid, and I was bummed out by them because, you know, slightly stupid? Yeah. You were bummed out for them because, what, they fucking suck? You'd fucking take that shit back. I love Slightly Stupid.

But they didn't play any of their music. They played, like, just weird. just like they're like this third reggae album that you're like come on we just want the hits that was a bummer I mean I'm going to do I mean I have trash taste of music bro I'm going to see Sum 41 and Simple Plan next month

and I'm so excited to fun It'll be fun yeah But the price doubled in two days What are you going to the Vegas What thing? No no no no they're playing on a rooftop And they're both doing their like most popular albums Like they're doing some 41's doing

All Are they doing all killer no filler and then simple plans doing that one where they're like after prom. They're playing the Scooby-Doo theme song. Yes, yes, and I'm just a kid. So that'll be fun. Yeah.

So I'm excited for that because I don't know. I don't know if I could crowd surf anything. Sum 41 was the last time I tried crowd surfing. And that was the saddest feeling to find out you can't do it anymore. Because like I went to succeed some 41 like five years ago. And I crowd surfed and got dropped on my head like directly. Yeah. I don't like that shit at all.

No, no. That's something I really, it really freaks me the fuck out. It makes me so nervous when I'm in a big public space like that, like a music festival or just like, there's a crowd and someone gets like seriously hurt. Yeah. But I just see someone bleeding and I'm like, I know that you're like so fucked up. But if it's the summer where we're outside, I'm like, and you're dehydrated and it's just that you hurt yourself and no one knows what to do. Yeah, it's a mess.

That's the funniest thing with the Travis Scott concert. Because I've been to so many concerts. So it's, a lot of people were like, dude, the second somebody needed medical attention, they should stop the concert. I'm like, dude, I have been to very few concerts or somebody doesn't need medical attention. Like, dude, we used to go to this concert called Excision. I got kicked out my first year. My first year, I got kicked out because I got too fucked up. And my parents had to come pick me up.

Second year we went, we show up. And there's a girl in a fucking wheelchair just on Molly. Just like getting rushed out. There's another girl fucking security like on her shoulder. They're just kids doing drugs getting so fucked up. We went there with a limousine full of people. 20 kids went. Five came back.

Hospital. Arrested. Hospital. Arrested. Like, five kids got alcohol poisoning. One of my friends, this dude did Molly in the shards. He snorted them. Cut his lungs up.

Yeah. That's EDM, baby. That's why we do. But, yeah, there's that shit. And then it's like, dude, I've been to concerts where, like, I see, like, One dude was shake grabbing my leg one time, and I told him, like, fuck off. And then I realized he was having a seizure from drugs. Yeah, yeah.

Then he got taken out there. I, um, another one of my, dude, I have so, so many friends about hospitalized for drugs. Like, one of my other friends went to a music festival, took, like, five tabs of research chemicals that he thought was acid. And then a bunch of molly. He had a seizure. Um, yeah, it's constant. Especially those, like, EDM concerts, like, you're going to have overdoses, like, left and right. I don't, I don't, I just, I hate you like that.

I hate, like, like. like the mob mentality. Yeah. Like one, I love like comedy, even live comedy because it's like, this is a very like human thing.

It's someone talking and you have to, the audience has to process what they're saying. Oh yeah. It's so different than a arena full of people who are so fucked up. And they're hypnotized by some person on stage. And someone's doing something that's so loud that it's making. all of them go insane. Yeah, and when, like, fights break out and shit.

Yeah. I don't understand that. Like, you're both at the concert of a band you like. Yeah. And a guy rubs against you, so you beat him unconscious. Yeah, it is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

I just, the only, actually, you know what, the one, I've had the opportunity to go to, like, a lot of really cool concerts and stuff, and I've only enjoyed this one because it wasn't in, like, a venue. Was it Chad Hanks? No. It was, I was in Denmark, my friend lives in Denmark, and they have this festival in Copenhagen called Distortion, which is every street in the city has a different stage with a different music act. And it was fucking great. So we went, we went to the city and we were drinking for like 12 hours. I blacked out for most of it. But we just, we were walking to every different stage and dancing. And then we just walked out of the city when we were done. Yeah. I don't like when it's like

in an arena and you can't get out. You have to talk to the security and shit. They're just like... They should do more limited concerts where like they have to limit the number of people. That seems like a reasonable solution. Like it sucks because they make like half the amount of money. But like for safety reasons,

I think there should be a capacity for concerts. Yeah. It's like lower than it is because it is kind of like fucking wild because you're like this is nuts that like this many people can be in this fucking. Like this is always a fire hazard. Like every concert, there's no way. Oh yeah. I also, I just,

I hate every one. else that's there. I don't like, I'm just the lamest guy when it comes to shit like this, but I hate that everyone like I went to this concert. I brought my girlfriend for her birthday. We went to see this band called Dr. Dogg, which I'm, I don't know. I've heard of Dr. Dogg. I don't know anything about them.

They were at Bonner. I didn't see them, but I just remember seeing them in the lineup like five years. Whatever. Everything was five years ago. These are all different. You know what I'm saying. They were, and they were fine. Whatever.

Yeah. I don't know their music very well. But we go and we're like. I don't know why. Picture just some like, Dr. Dog. I don't know, I picture like 70s funk, and then just like black guy comes on stage, just Dr. Dog with all my friends, we're going to have a good time now.

It's the Sugar Hill gang. Yeah, so I had a doctor dog. That would be way, I would have loved that. That would be way, way cooler. It was like some, you know, dorky, like, alt rock band. So the exact opposite of cool 70s black guys. The lamest thing. It's guys that have tattoo, so many tattoos and you're still like you're a pussy.

Yeah. But, so like, I was, we got to the concert and we're inside. it was in Terminal 5, and I'm waiting on the line to buy drinks. I was buying drinks for me and my girlfriend. And then there was this guy with his girlfriend, and his girlfriend went up to the bar. And my girlfriend went up to the bar. And then the guy turned, looked at me and it just goes, Dr. Dogg. It was like, we're not going to hang out, man.

That's so funny. You'd just be like, hey, man, guess it were seen. Yeah, I wanted to fucking punch him in the throat. It was like, you're the dumbest idiot I've ever. that. Dr. Doc. Dr.

Doug. Pretty sick, right? Yeah, dude, we both spent a lot of money. Yeah. I think it's interesting

that you go to different places. It's not even necessarily about the artist. It could be about the venue you see them at. Because I saw Blink 182 at a fucking, the worst time I saw them was, okay,

so I saw him at a college in college and, or no, it was, well, I saw him twice in college, but one time I saw him in college,

and it was in a college town. And that was cool because it was $40. You could be front row. But it sucks. because all the kids that went there were seen kids. And I was like, oh, that's not, these kids kind of suck. They're just like very goth kids.

They were like there for like the later Blink 18 music. But then the first Blinkwainty two concerts saw was all dudes in their 40s, just getting fucked up. And that was the best, most fun thing. Just dudes with the Mohawks that are like fucking 50 years old. They're like, dude, I fucking love Blink 182. But it's a mix of that and dudes with like a basketball jersey who are like, I also love Blink 182.

Because like, if you were a Blikwight 2 fan in like height or the two things, That was like a normal thing Because it was like It was popular music So it would be like going to see You know you could see maybe Blink 182 Or like a smash mouth Like I know there's a little different errors

But like that same kind of like It's just general everybody music But then the later concert was like The people that are like Into like the more emo Blink 1802 music that came later And they fucking Dude they were just on their phone like this

The whole time like just Crying basically Um No there's nothing compared to like When I saw him in Tampa It was just fucking sick dude It was just Yeah.

Yeah. That is like cool. I'm, I think I am like immune to the hype of things. Like if I was at, if I was at like a baseball game and there's like someone hits a home run and everyone's fucking going crazy and then there's a fan of the same team as me next to me and he's like hitting me on the back,

I would be like, just fucking stop touch. Yeah. I just, I don't, I really don't get into the energy of it. Oh, see,

I'm the opposite. Like I saw a dude. I saw Blakely too. They just came out to the words, fucking flaming letter. I'm like, these guys are so cool. And I'm like, these guys are the coolest, right? Just so excited.

I did that. I went to, I saw when Roger Waters did the wall. Are you a Pink Floyd fan? He did the wall when I was like 13. And I went with my dad. It was a Nassau Coliseum. We went and saw him do it. And it was like very cool because I liked that music, but I was still like, you know, whatever.

But then there's a point, they build the wall behind him throughout the concert. that's like what that... It is interesting. And then there's a line they keep like projecting shit onto it. It's like the production of it is cool. There's a line in one of the songs in Mother, that song Mother where he's like,

should I trust the government? And then on the wall they project the word, it's like no fucking way. And the whole audience was like... And I'm 13 and I was like, you guys are fucking so lame. It's so stupid. Yeah, it is funny, but you don't realize

yeah, something's like so fucking. fucking dumb. And you're like, yeah, you're a fucking billionaire is playing the bass on stage and you're like, yeah,

you rock, dude. Yeah, stick it to the man. Yeah. Well, that's a funny. He's like, I always think about,

I love system of a down, but that concert has to be so funny because they're like, we're here to talk about the Armenian genocide. And like the whole audience is like, yeah, we don't care. We fucking.

You don't give a fuck. There's no way a system of a down fan is like into their politics, but they're so overtly political. But they're always political about messages that I don't understand. They're like, wasn't one of,

them like a politician or something? They have like an interesting makeup of that band. Maybe. Yeah. I don't know what they all have like different like weird backgrounds. I think one of them was like he was like in some intelligence agency and he quit or some crazy shit. That's cool.

They have like an interesting thing going. It's like raging against the machine is like I don't really even know what the messages, but I'm with you guys. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are just cool. System of down is always so specific like Armenian genocide or something I know zero about. Yeah.

Yeah. They're like the new law, 42. blah. I'm like, what? But my favorite, they have this one song called Prison, or it's called the prison song.

And it's like, it's got this one line, but it's, they'll sing the music. And then randomly the guy will come in and be like, over 42% too of the American population is in prison. Well, it's like,

de no, no, no, no, no. He's like, it's like, it's like, since 1982, the prison system has doubled inside.

And then like, and there's this like sick bass line where the, or the bass, maybe it's bass or guitar comes in. And then, search tank and the singing's like, something, something, something to fund secret wars around the world. And you're like, hell yeah, bro.

I love system of doubt. They're awesome. Yeah. I have a friend who I'm sure he's a listener. I love the guy. He listens to this. He loves System Down. He's going to fucking hate that I just, like, butcher that whole song.

Yeah, they're cool, though. Yeah, yeah. But it's just funny that they have that message that I guarantee you have to people listening are like, nah, look at that guy on the guitar. It's fun. Yeah. That's like, there are a few bands I would love to see live, even though I'm not. I don't love live music, whatever, but I would still definitely go.

Like, I would a thousand percent go and see rage against the machine. Right. Yeah, yeah. I would see. Like, well, there's bands like that. And I think system of a down, like, although they're not as high as far as like, no, right? Like, that's another band that I'm like, oh, these people have enough. Because some people don't have enough music to actually go see them in concert.

But like rage against machine system of down, like, these rock bands, a lot of them have so much more hits that you're like, oh, I would so much rather see them. Definitely. Then like a rapper who's going to play like, they're like, all right. So here's from my fucking. fifth mixtape and you're like, I don't... Like, rap concerts, my experience has been fucking awful. Besides... Ben Shapiro.

Interesting. Well, because it's like, I don't know, there's so much like... I think they just do it incorrectly. So many rap concerts will they play the song in the background? Because it's hard to do live. I get it. It's hard to rap fast live. So like a lot of them, they'll just play their song in the back. And then they'll hit like half the verse and they'll get winded.

And then they'll let it run a little bit. And then they'll jump back in. But sometimes I've seen it where they're not matching the verse. They're like a second late on it. Like this sounds, you're just singing along to your song. That's very lame. Yeah. I went and saw Graham had like an extra ticket to see Tyler the Creator when he was doing Igor.

Yeah. He came to MSG like three years ago. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I'll come. And I hated. I hated every second of it. Really? But his opening act was Jaden Smith.

Oh, interesting. And he was dog shit, like so bad. And then he does like. 45 minutes, and then he gets off stage, and then half of the arena clears out. And then other people come in who were like, like, Jaden Smith fans left en masse, and then the arena filled back up with Tyler fans. And Tyler, like, I don't particularly love his music, but it was like pretty rough. Really?

The whole concert was like, whatever. I can see him just doing weird stuff. He's just having sex with the pillow on stage while, like, saying, just some weird. It's also like his, the production on his songs is so, like, different and, like, interesting. And then when you play that over the speakers at an arena. Yeah, it's like TV stands. I saw Kendrick Lamar was fucking awesome. I saw him at Bonner one time, totally sober. It was like, we, it was before we like, because you don't want to do drugs too early on the day.

And it was like, it was like 6 p.m. or just getting, or maybe it's like, it's probably eight, but it's just getting dark. And it was fucking awesome because he was like just amazing performance. And that's back when like, it's funny. back in the day, an artist would have a bad concert and then everybody would make that guy sucks live. And it's like, it's pretty hard to rap so fast. It's like, I think rapping's a very hard thing to do in concert.

People don't realize it because it's like the speed you're doing so many words per minute compared to like rock where you're kind of singing slower and you know, I think it's an EDM we're not talking at all. Yeah. It's a different like physical. But I saw him and it was everybody talked shit about him. He was like, oh, he fuck it sucked because he came to Orlando. Apparently was bad.

But then I saw him at Bonner. I was like, this is an amazing concert. Yeah, but he's a different. seems like the kind of guy who's like, like sometimes a musician or a musical act, their whole thing will just be like, you know, their brand and building it up. And they don't really like take the time to figure out how to be a performer. Yeah. But he seems like the kind of guy who has like that crazy drive to be the best at everything. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So it's also like I think Kanye could probably suck live. I've heard mixed things about him because I could see him also like just doing a bad performance. You know what I mean? Or like it's annoying that he doesn't curse anymore, which has nothing do with Christianity. but he's like great at like two things and then in every other aspect of his life he's kind of just like a fat lunatic yeah yeah yeah that's true yeah but he's like somebody you would think has good

I don't know maybe I just haven't seen cool videos I saw one of him doing runaway and he just has like a knight's mascot you know like the knights in and he's just playing runaway on like a thing I'm like this guy's bizarre that's kind of hilarious I was like I wish he had you know like the small smallest music player, like that little, like,

just one of those just doing, boop, but just like fucking knights, like, metal masks. You like, you're so good at, like, producing music and, like, rapping that you get, he gets to that level. He's, like, the biggest, most famous person in the world, right? And then he just does, like, autistic, silly

nonsense, like, wearing, like, chain mail. Dude, him wearing the fucking blanket on his head and running around stage is the funniest. It's so funny. You see that video, right? Yeah, yeah, it's great. Fucking wild. What is this, dude? This is the most, like, this is crazier than you attack. If you were out now and stabbed Pete Davidson, I'll be like, that is more level-headed than you're just throwing a blanket on your head

and running around. Like, there's no logic to what he was doing. No, yeah. And people, I think it was the first Donda one, the Las Vegas one that you're like, what is this? And people are so, like, invested in the cult of his genius that they're like, this is for sure going to get picked up on the mic. Oh, shit, yeah.

Sorry. The heat is so loud in this place. Oh, there we go. Turn off. It'll turn back on. Yeah. It'll just keep going. But, like, he can do it.

anything and they'll be like, don't worry, it means something. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Even if it just definitely doesn't. Oh, no, not at all, yeah. I was like I said, though, I fucking, but also, like I said, I saw a million times riffraff, amazing stage presence, but that's because he's not putting effort into like, you know what mean? It's like, he's not creating like great music.

No, no, he's just like, you don't dance and have a good ass time. It's like a hype man. Yeah, yeah. Jaden Smith, though, I hate that guy was such a burning passion. I think it's just because I had his water and it was fucking terrible. Jaden Smith has water company It's like in it's like in a carton It's fucking disgusting like how do you make water taste bad

You're a fucking idiot If you fucked up water It's something obviously where he's like yeah There's water you know like funds People that stop genocide in like nine cars Or something like that and I'm like well I'm now on the side of that genocide Because this is the worst fucking water overhead

Also I don't know there's something I saw There's something he's just we I don't know I just I don't like he just was born like super famous already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's got to make you the craziest kind of person. But it's not even likable though. Like, I love Chad Hanks.

I'm like, this guy's awesome. Yeah. But you know what I mean? And he was bored so where it's like you can go two ways with, I don't know, it's like. But that's like Tom Hanks has like a bunch of kids. Right. Two of them have careers in the public eye. One of them, Chad Hanks is actually famous.

The other one, I forget what his other like Connor Hank? No. What's his name? It's something. Yeah, but he's like, he's just some door. work. No one cares about him. But Jet Hanks is like hilarious. Oh, he's odd. Like, I love, I don't know,

I love, like, but it is the same thing as Jaden Smith. He's like that for the same reason. That's a good point. He's just a little bit easier to like digest. Yeah, yeah. I just, I hate when people try to be something they're not. Like, I was watching fucking Jersey Shore. That show is amazing. Okay, so I

hated it. I watched it when I was like in middle school and high school, like just on TV. I'm like, this is garbage TV. And I watched it last night. I'm like, I would so much rather watch these Guidos beat the shit out of each other, then hear anybody I know talk about politics. You know what I mean? I'm like, these are like, and it's one of those things where I'm like, dude, I'm guilty of it too.

Like I'll constantly be like, why do you always have to talk about politics? And then I'll get into it. And it's annoying that it's that's that cycle. And I'll say that I'll catch myself being like, I hate talk about politics. And I'm, that's just, I think that's the coolest stance to have. Yes. Because people like, I want to be that guy who talk about Biden and people talk about Trump. And I'm like, fuck, that's just.

fucking chill. And I'm like, I'm also fucking annoying right now. Oh, 100%. Yeah. But those Jersey short people, they're not even trying to not talk about politics. They're like Yeah, they don't know what's going on. And they're so far from caring. They're not even like, they're like, dude, there are way more important things here. I have to

fuck this chick tonight. You know what I mean? They're like, like in their mind, it genuinely is not, it's the most meaningless thing. And it's the most liberating thing. Watching these guidos just get fucked up, talk about pussy. And I'm like, I miss when my life was that simple because there was a time bear in my life where I was like,

dude, if I could get you get drunk and bang a girl, everything's going to be okay. And I'm so far from that now because I'm in a relationship and not that I don't like sex, but you're like, the value of it's not like, you're like it's awesome. But in your mind, you realize you're like, oh, there are more important things in the world than sex and getting drunk. You know what I mean? Absolutely. But when it's just on that, like, specific point, when you're not getting laid, though,

it like their whole context for that is different. Oh, 100%. You think like if I could just have sex right now. That would be happy. Change everything. Yeah, yeah. And it totally does not. But those guys, I think they fuck.

And then they're like, I think even at age 50, they're like, though fucking pussy, bro. It's amazing. You know what I're not. Because like, I think when I come, like, I love sex. But then like, I'll come and then five minutes later, I would be like, like, that was amazing. Like, I love. But I'm like, I'm like, I don't know if I'm going to have a career.

You know what I mean? There's just a thought that coming in your head. You're like, I'm going to die. Are people going to remember me when I die? You're just thinking about the dumbest shit where those guys are just like, dude, I was hard the whole time.

They'll think about that for like fucking days. But that must come from just being like smarter. Yes. I'm not saying we're geniuses or anything, but like the only reason we're anxious about anything is because we're smart enough to think about it. 100%, yeah. So I wish, you know, I was just a fucking moron.

Dude, it looks awesome. Yeah, it looks way better. Dude, just hearing them and the, chicks too they're just like they're like they'll just say stuff just so funny they'll bake listen I'm a sweetheart but if you fucking kiss my man I'll beat you with a fucking hammer and you're like this is amazing

these are like the best fucking people in the world you're like this is as far as like entertainment value I'm like this is amazing because I don't know I wish I could get my Twitter like my Instagram I have it down it's Batman stuff it's monkeys it's a lot of animal videos like that algorithm is perfect for

but my Twitter is still all politics and I blocked politics completely. But like I went in and I was like, Biden, Trump, Democrat, Republican, all that stuff. I was like, you can block it from your Twitter feed, but it still fucking pops up. But the problem is I click on shit too much. And then also like every comic just posts so much about politics. It's like it's just going to come up in the...

Yeah, it's so hard, I think, now to be funny. Like, as a comedian, to have like a funny web presence because I follow it, you know, so many comedians on so many platforms. And like, the perfect example of it is like the incident at the Oscars where Chris Rock got slapped by Will Smith, everyone had a take on it and none of them were funny. Besides that one I saw made me laugh so hard where the guy goes, you think Will Smith slapping Chris Rock is funny? Replace the word Will with airplanes in the word Chris with twin towers. Not laughing now, are you? That was kind of funny.

Yeah, because I was like, that was funny because it was like, it's, taking what other people do because people comment on it constantly. And a lot of people are like, well, what if you replaced Chris Bragg? What if he hit a woman? What if he, and everybody has these hypothetical scenarios that you're like, I don't give me shit.

Yeah. I saw so many takes, it's like people trying to be funny that were like, that one guy that had posted the picture of, uh, the slap and his caption was, get vaccinated. It's like,

what is that even? Yeah. You didn't think for one second. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything. I also love the alopecia posts that are like, listen, alopecia, ever since I found out about it yesterday, is a big deal. Okay, now that I know about it, I have a very strong, you know what I mean?

It's like, but then there's that other take. Now it's arguments about whether alopecia is a big deal. You know, it's... The arguments of like, you know, that's just what the internet is. You're going to argue for bullshit. But then, like, mostly just the comedians trying to be funny. And then the joke becomes people trying to make jokes out of it. Yeah, yeah.

The formatting of the memes is the joke. Oh, 100%. Yeah. It's just like, and it happens within 12 hours and it's just like, you were so saturated with this bullshit. Like, how do you really think you're going to make someone laugh? Oh, it's so hard. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, just watching, that was just it. That was like, I was like, that's all I needed. This was a. Yeah. Yeah. The video is fun and, yeah, wherever. But, yeah, it is funny because, like, that's why I try out to post-topical things because, like, the second you fucking do it, somebody else is going to, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Unless the only thing I've noticed is just posting something that's so out there that other people would not post. Like, I posted such a dumb meme. I don't even think it's that funny. But when that Dr. Larry Nasser thing was happening, I posted like a Marvel what if, like the multiverse thing. And it was like him winning a trophy as Dr. Larry NASCAR is like a NASCAR driver. And I'm like, this is so dumb. Nobody's going to post it and I'm going to post it.

or I post like a Kyle Rittenhouse one where it's like Kyle Rittenhouse music. It's like, this is like so. But I made me giggle. I'm like, nobody's gonna post this number one because they don't want to, like some things are show. The Will Smith Oscar thing was show, uh,

not inappropriate. Yeah. Everybody's gonna post you about it. But some things will be so out there that are like, nobody's gonna post a meme about this. Yeah. Um, that's like the funniest shit in the world to me is like,

like memes that are like, ironic. Like, they just get it wrong or, like, the joke is that whoever made it is an idiot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the funny thing. And then it's weird to me how many comedians I know that just don't understand stuff like that. Oh, yeah, because that's the next level, right? Because the first level is let's make fun of

this. And the next level is, let's make this so weird that you're like, who the fuck posted you? You know what I mean? You're because it catches you off guard. Because the second you see something like that happen on the Oscars, you're like, all right, I'm going to see 10,000 like clever jokes. I'm going to to see people post the fucking Fresh Prince theme song

and shit like that. You know, it would be original? Somebody just had a take where they fucking did like a face video and they're like, listen, man, we need to divide the peepies and the poohs. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah, because you're scrolling through all that bullshit and then you just see something that it's the joke is like whoever posted this just doesn't know what's going on. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny.

Somebody just being like, listen, Chris Rock, man, should have jarred his piss, man. I'm telling. Just like something just totally out of left feeling. Like, what the fuck is this guy talking about? You know who does that great?

Brandon Puff. That guy will post the funniest shit in that vein. And you're like, what is he even saying? It's so hilarious. But what you say, like Larry NASCAR, posting when like a horrible thing is going.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like reading like, what's trending right now, Larry Nassar and then making Larry NASCAR. Yeah, just him with like a fucking trophy. Well, everyone's tweeting like, this is horrible. The Olympics should fucking be held accountable for this horrible, like, whatever. And you're Larry NASCAR. Yeah, it's just silly.

Yeah. Then there was, dude, like, I think the funniest fucking thing I've seen him forever was that Steve Harvey flashlight. It's like... Yeah, dude, you send that all the time. You send that to like me and people. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's great. It's so, because I'm like, just, my favorite is sent the, there's like a picture of like the Steve Harvey. And it's like, so basically for the people that are listening, it's like one of the mouth fleshlights. it's just like clearly like a black face like clearly Steve Harvey's mustache and the bottle has like a picture of Steve Harvey so you'd be fucking Steve Harvey in the mouth

and just the fucking my favorite is there's one of those and then the next picture is like you've been blocked by Steve Harvey that's so funny to me that's great though when you see some shit like that and you're like some fucking weirdo put so much effort

into making this. Oh yeah it's so funny it's great. Yeah that that is like weird the, yeah, that's the meme sphere you want to fucking be in. But it's hard to like get your things aligned to that. Because it's so funny how many comedians postings just aren't fun. This is just so not funny. Yeah.

This take on this, but like just having like a way out of fucking left field is. But that's like, that's like what the best part about the internet is. It's like comedy used to just be whoever you saw on like late night telling just over the plate jokes. And the weirdest it would get would be like Steve Martin or Andy Kaufman. And those were like weird people. And now with the internet, it's like, all right, most people just like the weirdest shit. They think that's funny. Yeah, yeah.

And then the people who still do like over the plate jokes, it's like, you're just trying to like have a career, which is fine. Oh, yeah. But this isn't like funny. But they're also, sometimes there could be a total lack of structure that can be not. Like I think, okay, for what's it called? For memes, a lack of structure can be hilarious. Yeah, but sometimes people don't get the joke. And they just think it's, they just do a lack of structure kind of thing.

that doesn't really make sense. Yes. So, like, the, the perfect example are those motivational ones. Because those are funny where it'll be like, because the motivational ones where it'll be a picture of, like, Lita Caprio and it's like, get yourself in line, stuff like that. But then somebody will post a funny one where it's like, you know, divide your pee-pees and pooh-poos.

Always stick a goose in your ass. Just like something like, wake up, take a shit, get out of bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny because you are mocking. You know, it's not like it's just, that's not like, like Leonardo DiCaprio's face just on like a jar of pickle. Like there's actual some of the, like adult swim stuff.

Some of it's funny, but some of it's so out there that I'm like, I don't see the funny aspect of it. Yeah. You know what I mean? The joke is like, look at how weird we can be. Right. But then I think you can leave is the hilarious because it's like almost got like the tiniest bit of structure, but it's, you know what I mean? It's like that. Yeah. But so but what's funny about those like those memes like the Leonardo DiCaprio stuff is like, it seems like just out of left field and weird,

but there's so much context to it. That's a great point. If you're an internet person, you implicitly understand. There's so much that that's built on and you immediately understand all of it when you're looking at it. You're like, I know what this image of an actor

next to shit he didn't say. Yeah. I've seen them done like where it's not a joke. I've seen them done by people who can't even speak English who write them incorrectly. And that's funny. My favorite was somebody to, Leonardo Capra in motivational quotes, and they

had the picture of Calvin Candy. They had him as a slave master, and it's like, get your business and work, and people were like, I'm pretty sure the guy that shared, it wasn't a black guy, he was like a Hispanic guy. I'm sure it's not racist, but it's just the fact that he like didn't realize that they're using the worst picture of him.

And it lined up perfectly. He was like, make sure nobody talks back to you. It's like, all this stuff that I'm like, but he didn't know. I'm like, this is a very bad picture of Leonardo Rappar to use for this. Yeah, or it's character. There's so many of those things that are like unironically, or like ironically funny,

but the person who made him was being serious. Yeah. So many of it. Like, it'll be a picture of it like Tom Hardy, like straightening his tie. And then it'll just say something horrible about women.

Yeah. You know my favorite sect of the internet? There's a huge sect of guys who were very mad about child custody. You know what I mean? It's like a huge sect of guys. And I'm like, dude, I totally agree.

Like, I'm sure there's, like, a lot of issues where, like, the women would immediately get the kids and the guy will get totally fucked. It's a serious thing. But it's just funny that, like, that'll be so far, so much of the internet. It's just like, you know, that would picture of like, there's like the mom and she's got like the kid on the puppets. And the dad is like terrifyingly reaching for it. And it's like, be careful who you get married to. They might take your kids from you. And I saw that shared, like, so much across the internet.

It's just funny that that's like, people were like, man. They're like, they're serious memes. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy when you think about like the first memes you ever saw, which is just like a cat. It's like, can I have cheeseburger or something? Or it's like the original motivational poster,

which is like a black frame around a picture and then like a thing under it. Yeah, yeah. Those are the first things. And then you still see memes that are like based on that format. Right. But there's been gone through. so many levels of like different people making different things out of them

and like playing off of what you understand about that formatting. Yeah, yeah. And now it's something that's like if you started using the internet today, it would be like unrecognizable. Oh yeah, you didn't know why it's funny. But it's funny because it's like referencing everything that you already know. 100%. Yeah.

I like the level of it. Like do my, I saw somebody post a meme. It's like a prison bathroom covered in blood and it goes you probably don't recognize this picture. you and I are not the same. And I'm like, who? Who is this for?

These are people that were murdered in a prison bathroom. What the fuck is this? I saw it. All right. Yesterday I saw this one that it like, it's not funny if you don't like just look at memes all the time. But it's like it's fucking a picture of a guy that works at Chick-fil-A. And the caption is,

what can I, what would you like to drink? And then it just, cuts to that video of Jesse from Breaking Bad like holding a gun in your face and there's like scary music playing under

it's just like yeah like the joke here is just like he's going to kill the he's robbing chick flag yeah that's the whole thing but it's like a picture of the motivational format thing around the guy and you want you're like you're expecting something and then the next

thing is another meme you've seen and it all matches together to just tell the story of like Chick-fil-A got robbed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just all over the place. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, those are funny. Yeah, it's so interesting, just like that.

I like that everybody has a meme. I got to unfollow this guy. There's a guy that has Muay Thai memes, and I don't know how I followed him because everything's like when your girlfriend is mad at you for going to Muay Thai practice for too long. And I'm like, what? Like, I'm sure that's relatable for you guys.

Like, I also, like, I have friends that work in construction and they'll post construction memes. And I'm sure they love. but I'm like, I'm so out of that meme sphere that I just don't. Yeah. But the best one is the one where I'm in, I've talked about this before, but it's amazing. It's the point of view of a monkey meme. It's like when that $10 banana hit or the, it's like a monkey going nuts or it's like,

yeah, dude. They're amazing. You know, um, you know, Tony Woods? Yeah, yeah. Like Dave Chappelle's mentor. He's like a comedy legend. Yeah. I followed him on Instagram and every story he posts is reposting like just a monkey page.

Yeah. It's like how monkeys peel bananas or like a monkey wearing a tie. Yeah, yeah, it's amazing, dude. This guy's the best. It's the best meme sphere. And it's like my favorite or when it's like, like there'll be ones about like,

it's gotten to the point where these are like literally, like the point of views are like, it'll be like monkeys arguing for how human beings need to go back to being. Like it's like so far out there that it's like, reject human return to monk. It's like the whole thing is like, we need to go back to win. We were monkeys and it's like, what the fuck?

We turn to monkey. Yeah, yeah. You see, yeah, those are great. Yeah, yeah. I think, I always, like, get a little annoyed when I see people sharing or making memes that are just about, like, the community they're in. It's like, we're all, like, we're all production assistants. This is like a production assistant meme. Right.

And it'll be something that's, like, just relatable. But also, that's not for me. So it's, it's, it's, but it's like, it's kind of hard for you be like, what the fuck does this mean? But I get what it is. Or it'll be like a restaurant workers. Oh, but you can still tell you like this still isn't funny. It's like restaurant workers meme page. Yeah.

It's like, this is how I feel when I don't get a good tip or something. And I'm like, this is annoying. But then I'm thinking like, oh, but the community that I relate to is just just memes. Yeah, yeah. I don't have a job that like where people make memes about it. So it's just what I get is just all the shit that everyone posts. Yeah. It would be fun to just go, I thought it would just go fully off the rails.

just posting memes of like somebody giggling and be like when uncle when your uncle Carl rapes you. It's just something. It's like, you're like, what is this meme? That's shit, but that makes me laugh all the other time. You're like, what is this? Yeah, like someone sat down and made that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. But like, just like, but like play along with like, we all know when you rob a bank and you have to kill your brother because you stole too much of the money and then you got to get bad. You know what I mean? You've seen the ones of that's like John Travolta's face. just his face like just neutral expression

and the caption is like when the squirrel outside your window blinks like I'm going to kill you in Morse code that's great just so far out there yeah yeah that's that's the way to be I'm ready to wrap it up you want to promote something

yeah come to my show 6 p.m. Sunday at the Grizzly Pear out cold comedy buy tickets on event right are you changed the name yeah I changed name nice okay That's what's up, dude. Well, thank you guys for listening.