Morning Good - That's The Rule - Episode 313

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

Zach Braviette and Brandon Trusso join the show for today's episode. They talk about post-hospital visit happy endings, heroin addiction, and never settling.Thanks to Brandon and Zach for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes and click their links down below for more.Brandon is on Instagram and Twitter @brandontrusso. Zach is on Instagram as well @zachunlimitedAs always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? What's this? What's this? Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the air. This is Zach's blowjobs. We're here in Zach Breviot and Brandon Truceau. Hey. And do you care if we talk about that? No, go for it. I literally the bit that I've been working on on stage for like the last month.

month and a half is about getting a hand job while my mom was in the hospital with brain cancer. Oh my God. Yo, the audience is going to need contacts for that because getting a hand job at the hospital while my mom had. Well, I didn't get the hand job at the hospital. That would be a fantastic hospital though. Yeah. You see it just your doctor's Asian.

You're like, come on. I know what kind of office is really is. They're like, what? Instead of like a grief therapist, they just have an Asian woman that cart around to relieve you. That would be nice. I would rather get a hand job than talk to a grief therapist. Yeah, oh, that has to be way better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think, I don't know, dude, I did see, I think there is a psychologist that does weird sex stuff, but it's somehow allowed. There's this woman named like Susan Block. I've heard of this. What's her name? Yeah, yeah. What's her name? What's her name? It's Dr. Susan Block.

I'm like, what's her name, dude? No, I've got a sex therapy. I had trouble getting a erection. I legitimately was like, yeah, I'm going to pay for therapy to figure this out. No, the one that I... Oh, you did? You went?

Yeah, yeah, they were terrible. They didn't work. No, no. The dog, she was fucking smoking, though. I thought that's what they thought would work. And, uh... What did you just went in? And you're like, hey, dude, I'm having a problem getting an erection?

Yeah, basically, yeah, and it was all mental. And... Oh, it was mental? They didn't say, take these pills? No, they were, they were so anti-pill, which was the wrong way. It's, it's all mental shit. But they're like, but taking the pills can help you with the mental. It's like you can wean off the blue chews.

You don't need them all the time. It's like I like a first date blue chew and I take it and then you go, this is my potential. That's dangerous, bro. That's dangerous. First date, blue chew is a lot to live up to. Maybe that's where your mental problems coming into. I mean, if you come out of the gate like Superman and then 90% of the time you're Clark Kent, you're going to have a fucking problem. That is true, but I think this is what happens to me.

I go, this is, they at least know I could fuck good because I took a blue shoe. So they're like, okay, the next couple times I'm like, I don't have to, if I don't get hard the next time, I don't care as much. That's toxic. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like, they know what I got, but they're never going to get it. That's like, that's like being so nice to him the first day. That's like never having a scale in your bathroom and then putting one in there when the girl comes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so crazy. Every single time she comes over is, is this the time he fucks me good again? Yeah, and it's never the time. It's never the time. Yeah, it's like, you know, at first date, you blow like a million dollars and you go, We're going to Arby's after this forever. You just want to come hang out in my apartment?

My roommates are going to be there, but it's true. I love how we all got 90 different parallels to what he's doing that are the same reaction to get out of somebody. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, sex therapy, man, I never. Yeah, it didn't help. The problem with the lot of therapy is they go too far in the beginning. They're like, what was the first naked woman you saw? Was it your mom?

And now you're like, now I'm definitely not going to get hard. You're like, this is that. No, it was your mom. Or it really helps. And now you have a new thing that you have to figure out. Yeah, I don't want to have to worry about that. Yeah, the whole last episode was Joe Mahoney. Joe Mahoney is just asking about if my mom's hot.

I found out recently my mom's hot just because people told me. Yeah. All right. We're not doing two episodes of this. We're not doing it. No, all you have to show me. No, that's why my phone records. That's the only reason I don't have a camera.

So I can't show pictures of my mom. The guests on the podcast. All right. I'm just going to believe that she's hot and look it up later. Yeah. Yeah, but I just, I didn't know my mom was. attractive person until...

How old is she? Like 65? My dad is going to shoot me. There's been two episodes. I mean... He goes on a scale for your sister and your cousin. I'd rather have an attractive mother than a warlock mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you think it's true? There's a theory that if you look at a woman's mom, that's how she's going to end up? Do you think that's... No. I think there's a lot of... Okay, I'll say this. I think if you look at a woman's mom,

there's more of a chance that that's how she's going to end up, but there's a like, say her, she's very good looking and her mother's like overweight, not a, you know. Agree with that. Then you're like, that's potential. Yeah. Right. She's got the potential to be a blimp. If she's

skinny and mom is packing it in, then there's definitely a good chance. If the mom's hot and you're dating somebody, if the mom's very attractive and you're dating somebody, then you're probably good. Yeah, yeah. If the girls you're dating is attractive, And the mom's like overweight.

You can still be good, but you have to watch the habits of the... Yeah, you start... You started to go ice cream? If they have kids... You want to end up like your mother? Yeah. If they have kids or if they didn't have kids, don't have kids and they want kids, and you see the mom, you're like, that glimpse in the future.

Right. You know? Or I've had it where the mom is hotter than the girl I'm dating. And you're like, what did... Like, damn, dude, how do I skip to the mom now? Yeah. Well, I also got a hot brother. So I wonder if that ever happens to win when they go.

go. They're like, oh, damn. I got it wrong, brother. Yeah. I could have cut the brother with a real job. Yeah. You know what I've experienced before? You date a girl and then you meet her dad and you're like, this chick looks like her dad.

Oh my God. And that's the worst. And then you're just like seeing that. And I'm like, ah, yeah, dude. This is brutal. This is great, Michael. Yeah. So glad you took a blue chew again.

Not even a girl that you're dating, but a girl that, like, you maybe like come across like on the internet. You're like, wow, this girl is really attractive. and then you see them in a picture together. Yeah. And you're like, never mind. Yep. Yeah.

Like, never mind. She looks just like she got her dad's gum line. Yeah. Yeah, that'll be one thing that you're like, that that is the kind of thing with that a gum line would be a perfect thing that like you just didn't notice it first. And then you're like, oh, yeah. If your dad's got a nasty gum line, I'm out. Like, because I know.

And if you, because you start to put it together. And girls can do things to like hide that, like get injections and you know what I mean. But if you wake up to a deflated injection. and you're like, there's the gum line. I'm fucking a year-in. You're fucked. Yeah, yeah. Now you're just thinking of Steve every time.

Yeah. I've never had to deal with a hard dad. I've never had to deal with a dad who's like, you better not mistreat. Oh, dude, I did once, but the craziest thing, it was not even his real daughter. I was dating a foreign exchange student. It was like the host dad.

What? That's because he's trying to fuck the. And he was like, that's an esteem dad right there. It was crazy. He's like, do you want to ask me permission to ask her out? I'm like, no. That's insane.

No, I don't give a fuck about you. We're going to Applebeast. I'm going to fuck her in my car in the parking lot. And in three months, she'll go back to Brazil and I'll never see her again. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about what you think. Yeah, that's so funny. I think the only time that's appropriate is when you're like in high school. And that's when it was.

Okay. But still, though, host. I mean, I get it. I get it. Look at me trying to be all fucking, like, understanding about the dating. Like when you're younger, like your daughter's finally going on a date with somebody and you're the dad and you're, I mean, I've had that. Yeah, like I've had my high school girlfriend being like, my dad wants to meet you. But he wasn't a prick.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. You got fucking mosquitoes in here, bro. Or like intense. Yeah, I never had that intense one ever. I have. Yes.

Did you hear about that guy? This is one of the greatest stories I heard. I don't know if this was legitimate. I got to look into it. But this guy said when he was younger, he went to meet a girl. and I think he was like 15 and she was like 14 and he starts texting her online

What's up? Yeah, he's talking, dude, Zachary He's doing the math Dude, this guy does a thing where he's like He's getting these messages from this girl And she's like, oh, I'm actually only into older guys And he goes, oh, I'm actually 18 or whatever They start sexting back and forth

He goes to meet her And Chris Hansen's there And so basically this guy was messaging a girl. He was 15, she was 14. She's like, I like older guys. He says, I'm actually 18. He's trying to impress her.

Goes to her house. Chris Hansen's there. He's so sure. This guy thinks Chris Hansen's the girl's dad. And so he's reading the internet transcripts. And this guy's like, this girl's dad is out of control. He's reading internet. He printed everything out.

And then he ran and they got tackled. I don't know if the episode aired, but the guy has this story online about it. It's like one of the funniest things I've ever. That's so funny to set up a sting and it ends up being a 15 year old and you're like, oh, actually I think we're the pedophiles now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they were trying to sex and trap

15 year old. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't know when that, uh, that show is wild to catch a predator. It is insane, yeah. I miss that they took it. I used to watch that all the time. I'm like, these guys, it's like,

there's guys doing it on like TikTok now and Instagram. Didn't they stop it because too many of them were killing themselves after they got caught? Yeah, but isn't that the whole point? Well, that's the, point is called kill yourself pedophila there's the initial name chris anson wanted to name at that no i have i have i have weird pins in that because it is sad like you do watch sometimes you're like damn this guy's brain is just

fucked up and like i do feel bad yeah because half the time it's like a down syndrome guy or something or somebody most of them are yeah they're special needs yeah but but you still need to catch him but it is a thing where chris just gets so he's like i'm chris anson you know what i don't do i don't fuck kids like he almost does it in a way where he didn't he get caught with child porn too no no No, no, no, no, no. He got caught in a scandal. I swear to God. Yeah, they'd cheat on his wife or something. Yeah, I think he was... With a 10-year-old.

Yeah. But a lot of it is him just... He's like getting off on the like holier than now. Yeah, the power of it. I mean, he was good at that, though, man. He'd be those dude... I would watch that show, and as soon as they come in, he'd come out of the corner. He'd like, what are you doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sneaking up. The guy's like, what? I'm not doing this for a reason. I'm not doing this for a reason. I'm not pandering to the football. I saw you just. casually kick them off. That's not what I'm doing. No socks in the shoes, too. Yeah, that's wild. That's wild work. Well, that's just because whatever. That was not an intentional.

Michael Goods got people that watch the podcast. Yeah, there's gay foot fans, but you got gay foot fans. Yeah. And so he just casually kicked his tozy wozy. That's not what it was. A thousand seven hundred. And half of them are gay? I don't know. The comments get gay, but the comments get gay. The comments get gay. but yeah back to the pedophile stuff back to the petal stuff. He's like off the gay stuff back to the muddust.

Let's keep it on topic. We're scholars. All right. They just hear enough about it. They know they know who they are. They don't need to be reminded of what they're doing. But,

no, you did you. You thumbnail that. This will be the most viewed episode. Dude, don't do that. Fucking. It's never intentional. Anyways,

yeah, the way he sneaks up is very fun. Like, he'll be kind of snye with it. He'll be like, like, uh, like, he'll maybe say something from the transcript.

He's like, so, do you like Pokemon? And there's something like that and then kind of have the thing. Says here you want to stick it in her anus with jelly? Yeah, those are so funny where he's keeping a straight face, saying the most insane thing. And he's like, and it's like, I don't know. It's like, I get that this is disgusting. Some special needs guys like, yeah, can she come out now, please?

Yeah, yeah. Can you leave? Did you ever see the Mad TV one? Uh-uh. They did to catch a predator. It was one of Jordan Peel's characters. And he's like, I don't think I remember that one.

he shows up and he's like oh shit you're here to bang her too and he's like no how do you not get what's going on he's like you're telling me there's a hot 16 year old and you're not going to fuck and he's just like not getting what's going on at all. Have you seen the boondocks with Chris Hansen?

No. The booty warrior? Oh my god, all right well are you guys going to look it up. It's this gay, he's a real guy. Oh you're talking about Felice Johnson? Yes. And so they haven't been this episode of the boondocks He was the booty warriors, what they called him in prison. He was famous for getting guys' booties.

And he goes on to catch a predator and Chris Hansen pops out and he goes, Chris Hanson, I'm going to call you Chris Hanson's butt. And then he takes Chris Hanson's butt. That show was done. I still want to know how we got here based off of your hand job story. Yeah, we never even really got into the handsom. Yeah, yeah. So you went to the hand job place and you just as a, because that is a hand job place.

Or you went to a different one. I looked it up on rep maps first. Is that really what it's called rub maps? Rob maps? Yeah, I knew. Kinback told me about that website. Shout out Chris Kinback. Yeah.

Why did I do, dude? What the hell? How did you not get jerked off there? That's all they do. So, yeah, I mean, I was just, I have like a 10-minute bit about it, but yeah, yeah. It's a highlight. It's a story. Yeah.

It's not a bit. It's a full-on story. It's a full story where the crowd is. extremely engaged. And they knew what the ending was going to be. Yeah. It's the best story I've ever told on stage. And it's like my whole set.

Can you kind of review it here just because I haven't heard of it? Yeah. Summary. So your mom's in the hospital. Mom's in the hospital. Brain cancer. I'm pent up. Because the whole time she was there,

I wasn't jerking off. Yeah, of course. Because I'm staying in the hospital with my mom. Yeah. Yeah. But I started like getting hard ons all the time. Like anytime I take a nap or something or randomly, it was just getting fucking bricked up all the time.

And I was like, well, I can't walk around my mom's hospital and break up. And I hit up a couple girls back home that I was smashing before I moved. But that was five years ago. Three of them were married. One of them who was a stripper, I was like, she's got to still be available. She's a boyfriend now, too. Still strips, but the bouncer at the strip club is her boyfriend. Yeah, the tail's always time.

Apparently. Stretch marks on days. Yeah. The classic love story. I just had no other choice. I had to go get jerse. off by an old Asian lady. I just want to say really,

that is really funny, the stretch guys will make, if I fuck somebody one time, I'll randomly just like six years later, be like, what's up? This work before. You want to run it back?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's work before. Yeah, she's like, you don't have two kids now, right? Yeah, like, yeah, but I, come out. My mom's got cancer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have two kids now. That means you had sex two more times since we did. Yeah, so you still like it. Yeah, yeah. But, so I go to this place and hot lady brings me back

takes my money. And then you know how they go, like, oh, I'll leave while you change or get changed, whatever. Yeah. Hot lady is not the one who came back in. Oh, that seems like a classic, like, bait and switch. Yeah, they bait and switch. You got bait and switch. Damn, dude, did you ask her age?

No, but you could tell you. Oh, I think you're like, how old are you? She might have even been older. And you're like, no, I already paid. Yeah. This is going to cost me extra. but she might have been older you know Asians age well

yeah yeah she looks 65 she was 109 yeah yeah but long white beard at the end of any I did it I was like I'm here I paid I need to get rid of this bone yeah what are you do to walk out yeah yeah so

the funniest part is that so I've only paid to come three times and every single time it's the fastest nut I've ever had in my entire life I don't know why I'm not even kidding

less than a minute I'm like popping immediately it's crazy I guess for you it's just exciting to know that I think it's like the thrill of like this is illegal this is dangerous this is risky interesting that's better than you be like

all just a bit and I've never actually done this is illegal this is interesting there's also been five cops in here before I got here Yeah. With this a 65-year-old lady. Yeah, seriously. But I nutted like immediately.

And while I was coming, she went, yay. Yeah. Like she was cheering me on. Like I was a kid taking my first steps. You know what I mean? It was so fucking funny. Yeah, I started like laughing while I was, I nutted. She said that and I'm still like nutting and I'm laughing.

good for you. And the story in the bit, I changed the ending and shit, but you know, yeah, yeah, you got a jazzed up for the stage. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so funny. That's great, she still has fun at work. Yeah. Because in my mind, I'm like,

Madame magic coming here. Don't she have fun at work? It sounds like, you know what? Maybe, I mean, there's times we've gone on stage and been like,

you know, we got life stuff going on, a lot on our minds, and you're like, all right, I'm just going to sell this. That's what she's doing. She's thinking about how she's got to do laundry afterwards.

She's like, fuck, I got to pick up stuff from the grocery store. Yeah. And then I nut it immediately. She's like, oh, shit. Awesome. I'm done. Thank God. Yeah.

It's also so funny too because, like, you'd assume if you moved here from somewhere in Asia, that by 65, you wouldn't still have to tug people off for months. You assume the immigrant dream. Bro, what a life. I know. You seem the American dream would have progressed a little further since then. Is living in China that bad that you'd rather go jerk off like weird sweaty things? Yeah.

Maybe they just told them when they were coming over. Like, it's called bartending. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm sure that's a part of it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. But also, I mentioned this in the bit, too. Her being older actually kind of made me feel a little bit better about it, like,

morally. Yeah, yeah. She's going to die soon. Yeah, well, it's like, I'm not the first, clearly. Yeah. You know what I mean? New. So, like.

Not even the first of the day, probably. Yeah, this is like a life that she's in now. I'm not the one that pushed her into this, you know? Right. And it's definitely too. for her to get out. The fact that you thought that far about it is pretty funny. I think that's where the joke is.

Yeah, I had some moral qualms at first, but afterwards, it's like, whatever, dude. Yeah, it's a weird thing. I feel the same way. I actually don't like, I've said this before. I don't like foreign strippers because I don't know what they're, you know what they're, you know what I mean versus like. If they're like sex slaves. Yeah, it's a weird thing to kind of understand.

But then when it's. Much harder. I know, I've never, I, I've never been into strip clubs. No, me either. No, like, I don't. like a I don't know. I'm gonna pay to get teased. Even my bratt, my friend's like,

dude, I'm gonna strip club. I'm just like, I don't give a fuck. I love money. They're so fun. But it's fun if it's a big group of people. It's not fun to go with like one other guys.

And it's sad. It's sad. Yeah, yeah. It's fun for like the shits and grins of it for like an hour or two. And if you have like 20 bucks that you're thrown out. You know what I mean? It's like,

whatever. It's just fun. Who cares? It's always that one dude that falls in love with the stripper or two. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, my favorite was it's fun when you take people, we did one at a comedy festival. I was my favorite because one really shy guy.

And then the stripper just, we're like, this is his first time. He's imagine kind of like Michael Serri kind of comic. And I'll tell you later it was. And then the strippers just bouncing her ass cheeks against his face. You're like, that's hilarious. Then seeing Ben Frank at a strip club was my favorite thing. I would love to see Ben Franklin. Dude, he was about it.

I've never seen that side of him. He was getting money. He was throwing ones. I was like, this is fucking awesome. Oh, my God. Was he picking him up after? The old Jewish strip club move. Sorry, I dropped this.

Oh, I actually only meant to throw $2. I'm going to take this one back. He's like, do you have three quarters you can? Can you break this actually? Dude, the strip club, yeah, man, just the people, there's always that one dude that like falls in love with a stripper. It's like, oh, I think she likes me, dude. Hey, he talks to her.

Yeah, it's like, bro, you just got played, dude. It's just people that idolized politicians. That is very true But I have had sex With the stripper At the strip club No I met her there Got her a number

And then This was in D.C. She moved here And then we hooked up Nice Yeah You gotta make that clear though Because at first I was like

Is this a date Is this a date? Is this a date? Is this a date? Because you're like It's just not clear But I mean it was insane sex It was like

Holy shit Yeah It was fucking nuts Very ungodly because she had a picture of Anton LeVay who's the founder of the

satanic church. She had like a sticker of that guy. It's playing nine inch nails. And then it's in a blue lit room and it was just, I was like,

God. If you're watching, please forgive me. If you're the God, did people say, you're hating this right now. But yeah, it was crazy good sex.

I mean, yeah, I don't know. I think it was a, I don't know. She was nuts. But also, we were talking about

bullet jumps earlier. I, I don't, no perception of blowjubs because every blowjob is the best blowjob every time I get blown I'm like you're insane really no no dude I will say this and maybe it's because I gotten older but I've learned to appreciate them more because when I was younger

I had a hard time coming from blow jobs and when you're growing through like your teens and 20s you're like god maybe I just don't like them and then you meet girls that are good at them and then you're like yo okay I like these but it's like see, like, I remember, for a long time, I was like, eh, I don't even, like, I like, but then you start

to appreciate, like, I like him as four play, or I like him, like, I don't even want to have sex. I'd rather just do this. And then you can kind of turn it more, just getting more intimate with that instead of like, you know, getting blown in the back of a champagne room and I got to get out of here in five minutes. It is the best way to wake up. Have you ever been woken up? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. It's like, oh, I'm going to marry you now. Sorry, I got to put the sunglasses on if we're talking below. Is that the rule? That's the rule.

I read that blowjubs are The blowjob glasses. Okay. This is Zach's blowjobs. What can we get for you? That's the name of this podcast. You thought you were listening to morning good. You listen to Zach's blowjones.

Yeah. Because every time I keep, I feel like I keep getting my dick sucked, I keep being like, this is the best blow job ever had. And I'm like, there's no way everyone, because you forget about the last time you got your dick sucked and how awesome it was. I don't. Yeah, but I think that's the. thing for me is like I think you

get spoiled with the good ones and then like when it's not as good as those good ones you're like yeah yeah that's a good point you get like soap you get picky blowjob picky oh my god imagine you're gonna blowjum she's got a zin in that's gotta be a crazy feeling

I never got into the zins do you you know nicotine at all um no not really there's there are times like I've smoked cigarettes like sometimes over the summer I get the urge to smoke a cigarette Yeah. And like I'll do it.

And then like maybe I'll have like two or three. And I'm like, I fucking hate this. Yeah. Well, because I imagine when you first got sober, it was like that was like the go to, right? Cigarettes?

Like nicotine or did you? Because a lot of people do that. No, everything went hand in hand. There were cigarettes with drinking, cigarettes with drugs, cigarettes with opiates because they make you want to smoke. And then it got to when I quit everything.

I quit everything at once. But there was like little reminders of things were like, oh, I kind of miss. It's not like I missed the nicotine. I miss the socialization of it. Like when I would go. When I would go.

Yeah, that standing outside the club having a cigarette. Like I still do that every bloom. Like last year I did it a couple times. But there was also the time where like I was at the beach and someone would light up on the beach. And I'm like, yo, just sitting in the hot sun. Oh, yeah. Just having a cigarette, you know. And then like when I started like, you know, like Corona came out with NA beers because, you know, I don't drink.

So I'm like, oh, like an NA beer. or a corona N.A and a cigarette would be awesome right now. Yeah, yeah. And then it's like I got myself to like, I don't ever would, I would never start smoking regularly ever again.

But I'm like, that's okay. Like if I have one here and there, I can do that. Because I don't, because I realize like after I have one, I can't even get through a full one. I'm like,

well, I can't do this anymore. Yeah. You know, but it's like that, that like initial like thing, you know? Yeah. I was going to say,

I want to ask you this. If you could dabble one time, no consequences. Like you know you're not going to get hooked again. You wouldn't relapse again. It's just a one dip. It's like a wizard scenario. Yes. You know what I mean?

Wave of the wand, you get one time. No consequences. Heroin. Yeah, yeah. That's the easiest question. Everybody could be asked. What are you doing? Also, that's interesting, the opiates of the cigarettes,

because I know opiates make you constipated. Cigrates make you shit. Is there any... No. No, no. Because if you're doing enough opiates, you could take fucking Xlax and it won't make you shit. Really?

Really? Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, it dries you up so much, dude. Like, you're like, it just constricts all your muscles and just slows down your, that's how people overdose and die. Their respiratory system slows down, but does it just slow down your respiratory system. It slows down your digestive tract. Isn't that part of Elvis's thing? It's like he died on the toilet, but he died, like, trying to shit, like fucked up on it. Yeah, it's like you get so backed up and you're just like, yeah, I don't miss those days.

Yeah. Yeah, I, uh, yeah, that's crazy. I never, my thing is I did opiates as a teenager a couple times. And I'm glad because when you're a kid, you don't have real pain or in your life. So, bank killers, it was very hard to get hooked on it when you're 14 because you're just doing drugs because you're bored. Like it was like I took a couple oxies that were like in like the cabinet somewhere at like my grandma's friend's house and fell asleep watching workaholics. And I was like, I don't, grandma's like in dire pain. Yeah.

Where's my last oxy cotton? And Michael's on the couch, like, Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Damn, dude, smoke a cigarette. Adam's the funniest. What a goofball. What is Ders getting into this week?

Look at Blake with his crazy hair. I'm dying, Michael. But I think as an adult, oh, my God, if after my breakup, I was like, yeah, let me try at opia. It would have been terrible. Yeah. I think, well, for me, what happened was it was for it was almost exactly what you're explaining like you were 14 I was in

my 20s and I learned like I took it I had I was having wisdom teeth pain like one would hurt one week and another one would hurt another week they were coming in and I my dentist told me oh you don't have to get them removed they're coming in straight like it's fine and it was driving me nuts dude like I remember like Advil wouldn't even help so like one night like I came home from bartending and like I was like too much fucking it's aggravating me. So I was like, oh, I got those pain meds from my back surgery. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Like minor back procedure when I was younger. So I just, like, grabbed, I grabbed one and took a half before I went to bed. It's the first time you're taking anything, you know what I mean? And it was, I think it was like a 750 or something like that or whatever. Yeah. It was like a Vicodin. And I woke up feeling amazing. Because it was like three in the morning when I went to bed and I woke up probably around like six.

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, dude. Yeah. Like, I feel great. You know, this is like, like, three in the morning. awesome. And then I was like, okay, that worked. Yeah. So I was like, that helps. So then I would like go to those every time my wisdom to with her. Then one time I was out and I forgot that I took one. And I had a beer. I had some,

I had a shot and drinks. And I was like, yo, this is what people have been missing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like that's the fucking. And like then. So, but then what ended up happened. I think it was in a relationship at that time. And like, you know, you're in your 20s. You argue. You fight. You go through a breakup. It hurts. It sucks. Those things that make me feel sad. Yeah.

And then my parents got divorced and I'm like, I'll get more of those things. And it just became a coping thing. And then you're coping. And then you're like, wow, this is really expensive. And I like, I did that for years, bro, like years. I think like when it finally gets its grit, like, it's hooks in you where like you're just like basically every day. How do I manage this? How am I got to get what I got to get so I can function?

You know, people. No one knew, but then it was like, man, it's really expensive. Then I was just like with one dude, he's like, come on. We would go at a party at his house, do Coke. And I'd be like, yo, can I get those oxies? And he's like, yeah, I don't have any oxies now. He's like, I got heroin, though. Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, what? Oh, no, I can't do that. And he's like, dude, it's the same thing. Which it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't let anyone ever tell you any different. I mean, heroin's terrible, right? Like, we're all, especially not with the fentanyl and shit.

Yeah. But like, it's not different. It's the same fucking thing. And people will make the argument, Adderall and meth is the same. I will argue that's different, but oxies and heroin is similar. Because one genetic molecule off. Right, right. But the Adderall, meth things different because meth crosses the blood brain barrier fast.

I've accidentally taken meth in pill for him. Somebody had an Adderall, and it was just a meth pill. And I could tell the difference between those two. So I'm like, Adderall, it is, they're both anphetamines. You're like, I read all of Wikipedia. Yeah, yeah. but a a smoke first of smoking crystal meth and taking adderall very I never smoked crystal metal but I assume that's very different but even taking a pill of meth and a pill of adderol

there is a difference oh for sure yeah but um continue uh well yeah you just got it so I just got into the habit of that and I remember the guy was like telling me like yo it's the same like whatever he's like they come in bundles like three bundles is only 20 bucks as opposed to 80 dollars for one pill like you know what I mean so you're getting into this like you know, negotiation with your addict mind. Like, I'm gonna save so much money. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, dude, this is great. This is, you know, this is a good deal.

You know what I mean? So I remember I got it and then like, I never, like, everyone's like, oh my God, that's so crazy. You went to heroin. And I was like, it is crazy. But like the other stuff would have killed me, this is pre-fentanol. The other stuff would have killed me just as quick anyways.

Yeah, yeah. And like I, I wasn't shooting it. I was snorting it just like I was snorting pills. But like, did you smoke it? I tried one time. And that's the thing. You get so used to a routine and a romanticizing your routine about it. You're just like, I'm just going to do this all the time.

But I remember like going, I think this is where I got really scared. It was like maybe like a pre-wake-up call. I went to his house one time and they just finished shooting up. Yeah, yeah. And I saw it. And he was like, I remember him saying like, this is, this is the way you got to do it. Yeah, you're not getting your money's worth. There's something along those lines.

And I remember being like, I can't fuck it. I remember like going home and like doing the line of it and like looking and being like, what the fuck? Yeah, what am I doing? Yeah. Like that was like that initial like kickstart tie. I gotta get off this shit, you know? Yeah. Well, and I think it's it's interesting too.

I had friends that, uh, I had a couple friends who smoked heroin like one time in high school never got addicted. And not not saying I would never touch opiates, especially as an adult now, but, which is a funny thing to say. But I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. There's... I draw the line there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beth pills only. Yeah, yeah.

There's more... There's more... I think I have more of a chance of getting addicted to something now with the complications of life than as, like, a teenager. But I think that, like, the really fascinating thing was... You know, Hamilton Morris is? He did all his vice documentaries about weird drugs.

He was talking about this. He had... There was a bunch of oxies at his house or something like that. His roommate was going through a very hard time. they both had the same access to the drug. They both used the drug the same way, but one of them got insanely addicted, the other one didn't.

And a lot of it is that combination of stuff going on in your life. And that was kind of the catalyst for that guy, but it's interesting how it's like, they both had the same access, they both had the same dosage, but one of them got this way with it because of the things that's like,

and that's why I am with nicotine. I smoke cigarettes as a teenager, just casually. I think I had my first cigarette, I was like 13, I smoked a casually, never got addicted. And then I think I went through some period in my life

where I started using nicotine, and that was like the brain was like, all right, this is, you're using something now in a way that's addictive. Yes. Yeah. That's why they say, dude, like, it's like everybody has something. Yeah. Every, like, I never thought this, but like every, the part of your brain that

controls addiction, everybody has that part of their brain. Mine's gambling. Yeah. So you know, you, you, you, you, the sunglasses on that. That's pretty cool. No, but if you're like, you're like, So, like, everybody has that, like, you know, as much, I, I noticed, like, when that part of my brain is activated. And, you know, when I, I've learned coping strategies and therapy and, like, you know, almost 11 years sober.

So I know kind of, like, when. And, like, if I'm going through a tough time, I have to make sure I'm very regimented in my schedule and how am I, you know what I mean? Like, I know those things. But, like, as far as, like, substances, it doesn't have to be nicotine, you know, it could be shopping. Yeah, yeah. You know, gambling is one of the biggest ones, but it could be shopping, it'd be sex. It could be toxic relationships. Yeah, yeah.

Arguing. Yeah. It could be all these things that, like, people don't realize, like, that's the addict part of your mind that goes to that every time because that's how your mind knows how to cope or that's, if you're feeling a type of way, I need this. If you're doing this a certain way, I need to do that. Like, that's that part of the mind. I'm laughing because now that you're listening, I'm like, oh, shit, my thing I was

addicted to is dating whores. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that is a... Ever since I was a teenager, I'm like, if a girl will let me sleep with her quickly, I'm like, you're going to be my girlfriend now and we're going to fuck all the time. Yeah.

And even if they're bat... If they're bat shit, it's almost makes it better. Of course, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. What's the fucking... The women who drive like lunatics are better in bed? That makes sense.

Yeah, yeah. I think I've only ever dated one normal girl. Well, you've heard crazy eyes, right? Yeah. That's not a fucking, like, myth. Like, the girls got... that, like, everything is told through your eyes, right? Like, if you have soft eyes or if you're, like, caring eyes, like, if you have crazy eyes,

like girls, you look at them, you're like, oh, God, that girl has, like, a cunning look to her. She's probably really good in bed. Yep. It's just the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the way it is. I mean, that's the soul speaking to you, essentially. Like, get the fuck out of here.

Well, and I realized, I had, I had some introspection. It's been, like, the most introspective week of my life. I just, with alcohol, drug use. and dating and I just kind of figured. I just took it, dude. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I just took it, dude. Fuck. Yeah, we just, we just, we just, we just been sitting on the couch smoking DMT. Yeah, yeah, just, yeah, you guys, you guys are actually here.

I know myself so well. Well, it was just one thing I was like, I was like, okay, there's nothing wrong with having sex. I don't think there was anything wrong particularly about having sex for fun and being single and enjoying yourself. But I did really look at it and I'm like, no, I, what, there is a sense of validation that I do get from it. And I want to learn how to separate. those two things where it's like I could, because I like the fun of like picking up a girl at a bar or like, you know, meeting a girl on the train and then I eventually have a second.

So I want that. But I want it not to be. I'm like, there is a sense of validation that I'm craving from that. I want to learn how to like manage that because that is, I try to a lot of myself. That's not it. I'm like, it's part of it. It's like it's still an enjoyable thing. You still want to have sex with like a girl you think is pretty.

But it's like there, I was like there is some aspect where like if I get rejected by by brands like, oh, versus, you know, I'm pretty good. of taking rejection, but I was like, okay, I was looking for something clearly. But the win of a girl being like, yeah, you're good enough to be inside me. You're like, fuck, yeah, score. Well, I mean, it's not to get all fucking philosophical or therapeutic, I should say, but that's rooted in security. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know what I mean?

Like, which is fine because we all have insecurities. But like when you're acting on like, okay, I need, like, there's different levels of validation, right? But like, if you're like, okay, like, I need this to happen at this level for me to feel like this accomplishment. Right. That's just, that's just insecurity and you're acting out on that

insecurity as opposed to like, I know that that's what I want, but I'd like to get it, get to it in this healthy type of way this time. That's how you kind of like, work around those things. Yeah, but it's a thing that comes in waves because like some weeks it's like,

yeah, oh, it's probably, it's never going to go away. Like that's, I remember, that's probably the advice. One thing advice I got from my grandfather when I was a kid, just remember,

We're walking down, you know, in the mall together. And this, like, hot lady walks by. I'm probably, like, 10 years old or something. And I see my grandfather just, you know, the whole way. And he goes, never goes away, kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never, never, you know? But, like, I, we know that now, right?

Like, in our middle-aged or whatever, however old we are now. Like, we know that now, but it's like, you do learn, like, I don't have to act on it. Right. Right. I feel myself craving it way less now. Yeah, as I got older, same. I'm like, I'm almost 46 and you get to a point where you're like, I just want to be with someone steady.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Just a nice, smart, calm, quiet Asian girl. You get waves, not 65. Go back to the tug off place. Dude, if I had a good job, I would just put all my energy into comedy whenever I felt lonely or horny, go get a tug. That's addiction.

Yeah. Well, no, it just cuts off a bullshit out of relationship. You know what I mean? Well, I think it's the thing, too, where it's like the Instagram thing goes so up and down. Because some weeks you're like, I am like insanely confident some weeks. But I noticed when I was like, I kind of looked at this way. I was like in the period when I was having the most sex was me getting booked a little less. And I kind of put those two together.

I go, I was kind of like, oh, I'm not feeling great about comedy right now. Let me go get some pussy. Versus me being like, oh, I had a great set. I'm like, oh, that girl's cute, the bar, I'm going to go talk to her. Those are two different scenarios versus, you kind of get what I'm saying.

It's like, yeah, it's like, that's a, I was like, also to the, the way society is right now is change the game for everybody. I mean, I think even we've been in 15, 20 years almost,

plus of dating apps. Yeah, yeah. So now you have two, three generations of people, if you're going back that far, dating. But if you're dating within like, you know, maybe for me,

like I'm in my mid-40s. So like if I would still come across people that remember it the old way, like if I'm dating in like the 30s pool or the early 40s pool, like I'll see that that relation to like, oh, hey, we know how it used to be. Yeah, yeah. You remember how it used to be. But then you're getting a generation before that that became super comfortable with like, it's only this way.

And if you come talk to me in public, that is a no-no. Right. So like that affects confidence. So you see, I think that's an issue you're seeing in society with a lot of less confident people coming up through the bar scene, the going out scene. And it's just they live their confidence online. They live their confidence, you know, on Instagram, Facebook. It's, it sucks, to be honest with you, because it's almost like they're just robotic creatures

that are just like, yeah. When I'm out, I'm just with my boys, but I'm not going to go talk to her. Like, I'll just. Yeah. Hopefully I match with her when I leave here and put my settings at a mile. Yeah, but it makes it easier for people that do will. But like, for me, I'm like, oh, it's so easy because none of the other guys are going to do. Like now it's, it's never been easier to go up and talk to a girl because a lot of guys.

Oh, yeah, dude, especially if there's a girl at a show and you have a good set, fucking shooting a fish and barrel. A lot of times. I stopped doing that, though. I don't know why. I mean, I've been in a relationship for almost a year, but like, I never like doing that. I never liked talking to girls at shows. When I first started getting booked on, like, prime time shows, I'm mid-20s, and I just moved to New York City.

It was like, it was probably the happiest time of my life. I'm doing sold-out Saturday shows. Yeah. And then getting pussy afterwards. Yeah, it's pretty nice. New York is amazing. You know what it is? I'll tell you what it is.

There's a couple of reasons why I, when I first started, I was so concentrated on. on like getting my foot in the door, moving up the ranks. We all know how it used to be there at the comedy club. And I was also like, I saw how people operated in that club. And I was like, dude, that's such a,

that's so cringe to me. I don't ever want to look like that guy, you know? I'm with you now. Yeah, but then what ended up happening is as I got older, you know, over the last seven years, I was like, man, I can't do this like, me to grow in a bar and go home with her. I'm like, I got to get up early.

I got a dog. You know what I mean? Like it starts, dude, I got to go home. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like,

it's like, if I go out with this girl after this show, the show ended at midnight, right? 11.30. And she's at the 10 o'clock show. Okay, because that's the only time. If we're doing the eight and the 10,

if a girl comes to your show, you've got to go out afterwards. You're not going anywhere till 12. It's got to be in the village, right? And you're having sex at like 4am. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

and that's why the craziest conversation you ever had with the comic. I'll tell you it was afterwards. He just killed me. This comic was absolutely lying. We told him to his face. We're at a... It's 815. Okay, we'll wrap up in 15 minutes.

That work? Oh, cool, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just telling, hey, it's 8 minutes. I thought there was a joke there. Oh, no. Go ahead, sorry. But we're like, we're all hanging out of this party.

And this comic's like, yeah, I don't even jerk off anymore. I should have sex with the women. We go, that's not true. We're like, there's no way that's true. He goes, he goes, no, it's just, you know, it's one of those things we're like, if you were to base your life, that way, you would have that would be the biggest waste of your time

because the amount of time takes, I don't care who you are, it takes time. Even if a girl's just coming over to fuck, this whole thing takes time. And then he's like, I can only come if, you know, a woman is happening and we're like, we're like, it's great when it's in a party and five people are going, no, what you're saying is not true.

Well, and that's the thing too when you don't, when you when you're having like connection sex and you're single and you're like going through, you're not ready to date, you're just dating casually the connectionless sex is you try I remember being this way I tried to minimize that connection as much as possible because I didn't want to waste my time and I don't waste that it's like yo this is this is what it is transaction it's a trade yeah and that sucks dude transactional things

are like really like voidless yeah you know what I am different that way like I am kind of like now I'm a little that's gross but now I'm a little different um I am like I am like I only want to hook up people that I don't want to hang out outside of that. But I'm straight up like, hey, I'm not looking for a relationship. What I'm looking for is like somebody who's cool and I would want to hang. So it's like I'm a little bit less. Yeah, but then you get, yes. That's the right way to do it.

But then what ends up happening every single time I've done that is in their mind, they're like, oh, he'll come around. Yeah, I'll change him. Or I'll change him or he'll see because I remember I had that with a girl, you know, a couple years ago. And it was this like, I went on a date with her. and we I think we went on two dates

and then like you know she came and met me to watch a game somewhere and then like it was like well hey like come back to my place like she lived in Fidei and I was like okay I'll come back to your place and like you know we ended up fucking and it was like you know whatever it was cool

and then like I remember being like hey let's let's go let's go grab dinner you know I was like she was cool you know I enjoyed her company I didn't know what I wanted at the time but I was like she's going out with her again and she was like hey I'm not really looking for anything like that.

I'm looking for something just a little bit more casual. I think we have two different lifestyles. And I was like, hey, no problem. Completely understand. Like, whatever you want to do, you want to just be casual friends. Just hit me up whenever you want. Bro, that spun her that that's

what I said, because she was trying to pull my card. Yeah, she was like, yeah, yeah. And I was like, yeah, but then that's what it was for maybe like, that maybe for a year until I got in the relationship. I was just in and like you know she kind of kept trying to like pull me i'm like yo i'm you pulled you put that out there yeah i'm never going i'm not turning it around because i felt the same way you just

said it first you know what i mean it's just it's it's that game playing like gets people into trouble like if you're honestly like i feel like guys most of the time are honest about that stuff like hey listen like i'm not looking for a relationship i'm just casually dating right now if it ever turned into anything cool but This is where I'm at. But if it ever is going to turn into anything, you'll tell them and they'll see if they're getting those signals

that it's not turning into something and they're like, what the fuck? It's like, yo, you're living in a lie right now. Yeah, yeah. The one thing I was going to say is the last time I was randomly like hooking up with a girl. I remember while we were like in the middle of stuff, I was like, man, I just want to go home and watch anime

and eat a chop cheese. Yeah. I'm really so uninterested in this. It's when you're not vibing with someone. It's really hard to find that. I think about the point now where it's like, meaningless sex is kind of just like whatever for me. Because I started looking at it in the way of like,

it's just busting it at the end of the day. You know what I mean? And you're spending so much time. When I was in Brazil, actually, my buddy down there, he was the one that helped me shift my perspective on this. Because we were talking about like going out and like trying to pick up girls and whatnot.

And he was like, I was just thinking about all of the fun times with my friends. I was missing out on because I was chasing some girl I really didn't give a fuck about it. Well, that's why the best night ever is when you hang out with your friends you have a great out with your friends.

And then at the very end, you meet a girl and you have the great out with a girl. That's ideal situation. I mean, my most fun nights out have always been me and my guy friends just fucking around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's way more fun than any night

I've spent like courting a girl for two hours, even when it ends successfully. It's like, all right, well, cool. It's a mix for me on that, but I think, my thing is I'm in a great rotation of this. besides there's somebody I'm seeing for and we got kind of a we got the whole thing that's different than everything else but I'm in a nice rotation of like over the last couple years there'll be a girl that's fun to hang out with we have a good time and then right before it would be like shit or get out the pot she gets another boyfriend and then it is like it is like the perfect like this was nice and it just keeps working out that way in a way that does not bother me because I'm not currently really looking for a girlfriend so I'm like if it happens this person that you have this deep connection with it would be you know tough but this it's like the rotation is just kind of like like you're like, I've seen it enough so many times that I go, okay, we're having fun. We're getting, and then the longest, it's like, normally it's like, okay, now it's been

six months and then you get a boyfriend and then we're, and then things end on good terms because it's not like a thing of like, it's like, I'm like a vacation and then you meet the, yeah. It's harder when you get older, though, man, I'm telling you guys. How old are you, Zach? 30. 30? Just 29. You guys are fucking, yeah, I'm 16 old.

Well, I'll tell you, it's harder when you get older because. there are the age group of people that you're dating. Like, could you go date 25, 26 year olds? Sure. They don't care. But if you're like looking to like be steady and like being something meaningful, the questions you're going to get are, why are you single when you're 45?

Why have you never been married? Why don't you have kids? Why are you this long? Why, why, why, why, why? And it's simply like for me, I remember getting those questions a lot. I'm like, because I didn't settle for something,

you know, that I knew wasn't right for me. Yeah. And I've been in a lot of things that weren't right for me, circumstantial, you know? Like, and plus I'm like,

fucking, I've been sober for almost 11 years. Like, that's infancy of dating. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I was dating a lot through my life in my 20s and early 30s,

like just, so I have, I've had to like learn a lot. And unfortunately, learning over that 10 years as, you know, you're kind of delayed. Like, I'm kind of like an autistic dater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I'm on the spectrum of dating. I'm like, okay, like, I've seen, you know, going through the first breakup sober dude, like was wild. Yeah, yeah. Like, dude, I cannot turn to anything right now other than this feeling. Yeah.

And like, then when you start to like get that feeling over and over and over again, like throughout the years, like, you know, you're like, all right, well, here I am again, know how I handled this last time. You know what I'm saying? So it's like you just the older you get, the harder it gets because you want to avoid those like patterns. And like the question, like you're getting real life questions. You're not getting like, what do you do for a living?

Oh, I'm a stand up comedian. Oh, that's so cool. You're not getting that. You're getting what do you do for a living? Like, oh, I'm a standup comedy. And they're like, oh, okay, do you make money from that? Yeah. I'm already getting that now at 30.

Yeah. I'm getting it right now. It's so nice. they're just like, that's awesome, and you're like, it is awesome. No, I'm getting what Brandon's talking about right now. I was like, okay, well, how much money do you make, though? Because I want to get married and buy a place and have, yeah, yeah. I have potential, though.

Yeah, but I want to hang around. It's a different kind of day. It's like, for me, I'm still, you know, two years out of break up. I'm still enjoying my, I'm taking everything day by day. I'm like, I'm not trying to think too far into the future. Because for me right now, it's not something that I'm like. Well, you always got to stay true to yourself. And I think that that's, obviously, I think that gets lost in translation a lot,

especially in our career. because our career doesn't really have a definitive path. Yeah, yeah. I'm learning that right now. Like, you know, I've developed this almost million person following in a way that I didn't really see coming. And now I'm trying to nurture it. I'm trying to maximize the monetization of it and also do comedy and, you know, flourish

on stage and then like go back and do this. And it's like, I'm not complaining, but I'm just saying, like, it's a newer path that I didn't really like anticipate. So when you meet someone and they're like, what do you do for a living? And you're like, well, I'm a stand of a comedian, but I do this. But it's connected to this,

but I'm growing over here more. So I'm trying, you know what I mean? Like the person's like, uh, okay. So if my mom asks you, what are you going to say? You know what I mean? Like it's, well, they see you online and they see that you were just making fun of,

fat people and trans people and like is that how you get paid and you're like yeah that is the clip that's so funny and then you're like so can I marry your dog yeah you guys are cool yeah it's so fucking funny that's real life right now yeah and it's it's I know it doesn't seem secure. It seems like it's crazy. But what I will say this, not to get sentimental, but like if you believe in it, like I know each and every single one of us in this room, all three of us

do believe in that career path and that. I thought you're saying, do believe in fat people. No. Truly believe that I'm not. No, no. If you believe in your, if you believe in why we moved here and like left our lives and our other cities and came here

to grow and look at how far we've come since we've known each other. Yeah, yeah. you standing on a corner selling tickets, me coming down to be like, how many do you sell? You know what I mean? Like all these, and now we're like, you know, still at a home club and we've seen that evolve. Like that's progress. It's not the progress that a girl or woman is looking for, you know, how, okay, where college did you go to?

Okay, you got a law degree and wow, how long have you been with your firm? Like, yeah, it's just, it's a different world. Girls want stable guys and we're risk takers. Yeah, but that's why I'm just the vacation. You can have stability within risk, though. I think that that's a lot. You can, but that's when the risk pays off. That's when you get the stability and the risk.

Sure. We're still in the fucking, not you so much, you're kind of more stable now, but we're more like in the fucking. Dude, I, yeah, I appreciate you saying that, but I'm still figuring it out. You know what I mean? Like, it's, you could have all the people in the world following you and you're like, okay, like, this could all be gone tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

So that's not stability to me. People like that, too. You know what I mean? Like, that's not stability to me. Like how do I, I want to brand myself to be like, yo, I got money coming from there. Could Zuckerberg in theory be like, I'm shutting down Facebook and Instagram? Yeah. That's so wild.

That's so wild. He could just be like, done. Dude, I'm going to tell you, I'll tell you exactly what happened to me. I hope people watch this and support. So I've been monetizing my social media for probably almost two years. Okay. I remember, I kind of stupidly fell into this. I was posting my Instagram.

My Instagram was blown up. Then I was just natively posting to Facebook instead of sharing from Instagram and ended up starting to like blow up over there too. And I got an email from meta. It said, hey, we owe you $500, set up your payout account. So I was like, oh shit. So I went and did that. I was like, okay, cool.

And then the next month I got paid $750. And then the month after that, I got paid $1,800. And then the month after that, I got paid $4,400, $5.500. The biggest month I had was $12,000. And that was in November of last year. then in December I was at maybe like 6,000, 6,500. And then on December 22nd, I wake up and I have a little notification that says we flagged one of your posts for violating community standards. And I was like, what did I post?

And I went in and it was a post from 2016. And the post said, okay, Coca-Cola, just put the cocaine back in the formula instead of these shitty vanilla flavors nobody wants. And I was like, oh, that's out of context. Let me appeal this. And I appealed it within three seconds, the appealed was denounced. and my account has been under restriction. And I've seen my money go from 6,500 to 2,500 to 1,800 to 1,700, 700, and last month I made $400. So for six months where I've given up my ticket sales at the club that supported my rent,

because I thought, hey, when you see a year of progress, you're like, this is real. I can take on more overhead. I'm traveling to see my girlfriend in another country. I'm doing all these things that are real. I got a car. I got a motorcycle now. I'm really like taking it to the next level. And then meta was like,

uh, fuck you. It's not even a person that says fuck you. It's an AI bot that scans a code. Yeah, yeah. Scans a word and you can't even talk to any. And I reached out to meta and they're like giving me copy paste answer. Just follow our rules.

Just follow our rules. And I'm like, all right. What do I do now? So I had to. Several people that have been put in. Yeah. I pictured a way different post.

When you said I had a post and, and everything was done. I pictured, because you do a lot of reaction, I just pictured the most Jewish man in your face. I just pictured like, that was the one, that was the one. Yeah. Though I was so surprising me too, because like, you know, I've lived, lived, lived in chat, GPT

and AI and like talking to it because they know that's the fast, I mean, they can scan. And it's been very, very helpful and it's been spot on with the recovery process, but, you know, it's been 132 days since that violation. Damn. So,

they say it's between 60 and 150. And I've seen my engagement and my followers and my views go up. Percentage-wise up, I was making at one point between $60 and $220 a day if I was posting two to three reels a week. Last night I made $2.92. Yeah, that's insane. So the monetization lags because it's a trust score, but it's all when they decide. side. Yeah. Yeah. And that's fucked up because that's why I'm saying, like, it could all be gone tomorrow.

And it's like, it's kind of been gone for me. And I, and like, when you have to like power through like life in uncertainty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a scary drop off. Very, very scary. Yeah. And you're like, yo, thank God I have money saved. But then when you see your savings drop off and you're like, wow, this is like, you know, I know, I know, I'm trying to find other avenues.

I've learned like, you know, I built a Patreon. I built a merch. I built, you know, I'm trying to, like, get to these things that I control the money. But those things take time to build. These, these fucking pages have taken me years to get to where I'm at. At one moment, just be like, no, nothing. Yeah, yeah, you're, fuck you. Yeah, you're, fuck you.

I do say this. We do have to wrap it up. Dude, there's one story that I wanted to fucking bring up. What happens is it? 829. All right. All right. You get done in three minutes?

Yeah, I can get it done three minutes. I met. It's just, just, yeah. No, fucking so. I guess I just got to power through. There's no buildup here. But fucking Thursday night, I did a show at New York with Cam Patterson, who I was like, oh, I know some Florida comics.

I know Michael good and Jared Waters. And I know Michael. And fucking coolest dude, one of the coolest season. Yeah, he rolls. Yeah, yeah. But the story is funny why I think he's so cool. So we did the show together. I did pretty well.

I got off stage like, dude, that was fucking hilarious. That was so great. Let me add you on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, fuck, yeah, dude. He goes up. with new stuff and just obliterates. Yeah, yeah.

He just has like that funny energy. But afterwards, we're hanging out at the bar, drinking together, shooting the shit. Nice guy. And this couple walks up and they did the classic. They're like, oh my gosh, you were so funny. You too. Yeah, yeah. But one step further, they're like, hey, can you take a picture of us?

Oh, yeah. You got to be the phone to take a picture of them with Cam. And this is why he's the fucking coolest dude because he spotted that. and as a fellow comic, he, like, recognized. And he's like, oh, no, here, give it to the bartender. Let's all take one together. Yeah. I was like, that's a fucking cool dude.

Yeah, that's a solid move. Yeah, that's a... Some people don't have that, you know... They're like, you should be taking a picture of me versus... Yeah, it's... I mean, that's where I say, like, we all know each other. We've all come up together. We've all grown together and suffered together.

And I think it's like, I always say to myself, like, I'll never lose that. Yeah, yeah. I know I won't. I know myself. Like, I'll never... never lose that. I'll never forget where I came from. Because I use that in sobriety too. Yeah, yeah. Never forget where you came from because you will

fall back so fucking fast if you do. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it definitely happens with people. You know a lot of people and their friend wills up there. You still friends and so-and-so, they're like, nope. And you're like, yeah. Thank you. Thank you guys for coming on. Thank you. Listen, sorry to wrap it up so fast. No, it's all right. Thanks. Bye.